I love to see the personal growth from the female panelists! I would see it little by little from the beginning to end of each episode. But now I’m starting to see the difference from episode to episode. They’re really listening to understand. You can see that they genuinely want the best and are learning. I’m wondering if they’ll be able to reach the younger generation of women. I know most of the panelists are older. I’m wondering if they would have been able to be as open minded if they were in their 20’s? Keep up the great work bro. 💯🙌🏾👏🏾
In the end when things work the way they're supposed to the Men will dictate how a woman chooses to live her life just based on how a man move and operates!
It baffles me that the most intelligent men we have don't focus on the fact that we are 100% responsible for 1. being the type of men we want to protect our daughters from, 2. planting our seed inside of women who we have no intention to commit to, 3. selecting women who are unfit wives/ mothers, 4. blaming the mothers for interfering with our relationships with our children when we made them our child's mother 5. blaming women for choosing no good men without blaming her Father for failing to guide and protect her from such men and 6. blaming women for being too masculine without blaming men for creating a vacuum due to the lack of masculinity in our homes.
Althought i agree with you, when do we start to place some of the blame on women?....it takes 2 to tango!....at what point do we start to point out have women are never blamed or held accountable for not maturing ?
To that woman in the center: you are loved, you are seen, you are celebrated! You’re a microcosm of the change we want to see. Doesn’t mean we have to always be right and you have to always be wrong, but knowing that you’re listening in good faith, giving our perception due weight, and taking steps towards becoming a more suitable partner for whatever (lucky) man you’ll find is truly AMAZING 🎉🎉 Keep going! This is the work that your grandchildren’s children will benefit from
I forget the lady in the center’s name, but unbelievable growth since the beginning of the series. 👍🏽 But all 3 ladies I commend. A vastly different energy than the 1st Table episode.
I agree, first couple of episodes she was triggered by everything. It made me question her comment that she had more male friends. Usually women that can relate to men so well aren’t easily triggered by their words.
From the perspective of someone getting divorced and 41 years old substance is when the other person is living in reality, understands the hardships of life and is your "battle buddy" not a princess
Let me leave a positive comment as well...Overall a good conversation. Good to see both delegations speaking with each other respectfully. All the gender war shouting and performative theatre online is growing old fast. Props to you all. Thank you for allowing us to listen in.
Great talk... just got one correction for the ladies. There is a HUGE difference in the thought process of "letting him lead" vs "being a good follower". To many women think they can let a man lead, implying they have given him control. This is the exact opposite of understanding you are stepping into his frame and being open to feedback, correction, guidance, and instruction. I truly believe this simple change in mindset will have a major positive impact on womens outcomes. Just as leadership has certain skillsets and requirements, so does followership. Without trying to throw any shade... our sister Crimson Cure, has gotten married to an AWESOME man, while being in her late 40's/early 50's. There are good men out here, if these ladies can't find one, it's because they have red flags, danger signs, and police crime tape warding these brothas away. Ill finish by saying this: PROVERBS 18:12 - He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor with the LORD ...YOU GOTTA BE A WIFE IN ORDER TO BE FOUND, you dont go the the grocery store trying to find fresh produce in the dairy isle. Once women start acting like wives, men who are looking for wives will find them.
39:35 it's not a man's job to "work through your trauma with you." That's what a therapist is for. Your man can support you and encourage you while you get the help you need, but fixing it is NOT his job. So many women are telling men these days "you need to come to me healed", but we're supposed to be master mechanics for your emotions? FOH.
As an amateur when it comes to therapy, no we can't solve your trauma issues. But we have to be able to assist as we are assisted. We cannot checkout of that part of our mates development. That goes for both people in the relationship. Yet we can't, as you said, be expected to do all the work for you.
For instance, I'm not doing all of my child's homework, but I am there to help. They may even need my help answering at question times. But it is his/her homework.
There is such a difference in energy in this episode compared to the first one. Everyone is at ease and building off each others thoughts. A balanced and productive conversation. Much love to you all.
CHAPTERS: 0:00 - Introduction to Gender Dynamics 1:05 - Viral Trends in Gender Relations 3:23 - Expectations for Women in Relationships 5:51 - Men's Expectations from Women 12:24 - Understanding Women's Needs 14:56 - Taking the Easy Route in Dating 20:16 - Why Quality Men Are Exiting Dating 24:02 - Successful Women & Intimidation Factor 27:24 - Desires: What Men Seek in Women 30:55 - Leadership: Not a Top Trait for Men? 35:44 - Heartbreak in Modern Relationships 39:15 - Defining a Real Man 40:50 - Gender Differences in Relationships 43:50 - Women's Influence on Men 46:40 - Chaos: Women's Allegorical Role 49:29 - Receptivity's Role in Relationships 51:14 - Missing Elements in Modern Love 52:31 - Grieving Process for Men 53:45 - Concluding Insights on Gender Dynamics
Broooo Alan you dropped Diamonds this episode....Women are water and men are the river bed 🤯🤯🤯🤯. The whole panel was on fire applause to the ladies the Brother that's there this was the best episode to me
I’m really genuinely and thoroughly enjoying watching this channel grow… I will go so far as to say that this channel carries the legacy that Kevin Samuels left the in most honestly and healthy manner Since his passing
Healing can only come from walking with Christ. Some things we will be healed from at the beginning of our journey and somethings will take time. Christ is faithful. When you trust him and Marriage is what he wants from you, he’ll send you someone that will be able to walk with you through your trauma and healing.
Brother, you continue to do the good work I've grown accustomed to. You have separated yourself and your product from a lot of the noise in this space. Continued growth in understanding, wisdom and the compassionate patience you consistently deliver 🙏🏾💪🏾👍🏾✊🏾👏🏾
Alan please get another gentlemen to help represent the male delagation. All the hotep talk is exhausting to listen to. Very few of his statements are grounded. Everything with him is ethereal and meta. Sounds like nonsense half the time.
you can't lead that which refuses to follow.imagine a general giving the order to charge and the soldiers all say I'm a strong black woman and you dont tell me what to do.the govt has made it impossible for black men to hold bw accountable for their behavior and that is why the men that are able to are leaving the country.unfortunately by the time women are actually looking for a good man they are older,like the women on the panel and the good men dont want the bad boys throw aways.
Omg... I watched episode 1, and then the next video in the cue was this episode, and to see the growth of the woman from the first episode between now almost made my eyes sweat a lil bit. That was beautiful, and it's so rare that I get to see that. Now I'm convinced there's hope and we're not just screaming into the void.
I truly and honestly just love seeing beautiful, black women and men having a respectful conversation on our differences and how we can better our relationships. The best thing is you're all listening to understand and be better. You are all changing some people's lives. i don't know if you you'll get rich and famous but these conversations matter because it's black men and women insight to each other. that in most cases they wouldn't receive. Thank you to all the panelist for your time, insight, vulnerbility and overall honesty. You guys are awesome!
Yoo it took courage to jump back in the comments and say I was not receptive my bad. She gained 200% respect from me and lots of other dudes like me that day👏🏿👏🏿
What I would have given to have these conversations with older women in my circle when I was a younger woman… growing up in Africa all I ever heard was “get married in your 20s”. And I always wondered why? I had so much life to live and achieve but I was being shamed for not being married. Well, it took one awful relationship to rewire my brain and then I stopped aspiring for marriage and started doing the mental work-it’s hard! I have become hyper focused on me and what I want. I’m in my 30s and I’m trying to date but I’m going into it with my whole heart like I would have in a past- I am in my selfish season and I’m concerned with how it’ll affect my future.
I have to say im very impressed and enthusiastic about the mature and respectful commentary of this channel. I see alot of comments that ask for better this and better that...which will come in time and hopefully generate other channels and commentary. Shot out to all the guests and host for truth and honest which is needed in this sphere and required in these "relationships". Now, on the metaphor of water, relative to substance.If water is the goal, water does not only hydrate and feed the wrong seeds, MOST times...no matter what seed is fed, would it matter if the water itself is unpure...lacking mineral and benefits? Toxic? Again, thats why i am drawn to this platform...it allows room for growth and scrutiny. Peace brothers and sisters.
If you don't want them for their money, then say you don't want them for their money but for who they are. Don't say you don't need them to take care of you or you will take care of them in that sassy tone. It is very similar to the "men ain't shit" crew.
Alignment with self and center! For both parties! Don’t matter how much substance a woman has don’t matter how much the man has! If both man and woman are not in a place with them selves to receive it! Or give it! Love ya self like you want to be treated! And love others like you want to be treated! When doing one and the other don’t interfere with the other with the person your with, then thata substance!
Men understand substance very well in part due to sports. We have all seen that basketball player that has all the skills and talent that just cannot be relied on in the clutch moments. And weve all seen that football player that by all observable metrics, isnt the best, but at the end of the game, when you only have one shot to win, you know that that guy is gonna make it happen somehow. Analysts call it the intangibles. When they talk about hustle or 'getting after it' or being an 'enforcer' those qualities dont show up in the stat line, but they are essential to the teams success. Those qualities and actions are what a man is looking for in a woman. Someone thats reliable in hard times. That we know is going to ride it out and go the extra mile to do what needs doing in a dire situation. To show up in unexpected ways in unexpected situations. Like Draymond Green choking that guy out when dude started attacking his teammate. Lol
To the "I can take care of you and me", you are exactly what you said you are....even when the other ladies voiced how they heard your perspective, you were defensive and not genuinely hearing....you come in giving so you will be taken from....learn to receive
To add on his leadership quote what does a good leader usually need? answer: a good subordinate. Now ask yourself if you seek a good leader are you a good subordinate?
Substance cannot be identified by feeling. Feelings can be manipulated. Substance cannot! Substance is wisdom, patient, kindness, long suffering, gentleness, honesty, conservative, quiet spirit etc… substance is tangible, it’s a value system, it’s a way of thinking and this way of thinking is reinforced by the positive interactions with other. People see this and call it substance not feel it.
Definitely want another brotha on there ss well hes cool just from a different perspective. What doesn't get mentioned in these conversations sometimes is the impact of decent men on women in a relationship. Men definitely help women level up more than spoken about. Love these convos!🔥💯🙏🏿✅
4:38 I think the selfishness comment is on point. My grandmother passed in August and I’d only see her when I was home for the holidays. One of my last memories was her telling her great granddaughter (one of my cousins) about preparing a plate or meal for a man and this college aged girl hit her with, “I’m not going be making no plate for no man.” I think that trickle down is that the next generations won’t have the skills to coexist and get best out of the other side. I think boys are inheriting this too in a reactionary sense. Patrice O’Neal has a theory about how most women don’t have game and he essentially mentioned how men are reactionary. He said we don’t instinctively hold your hand and rub our thumb on top, we do it because we think this is something you might like. Men went to war knowing we could die and many who play football know about CTE but are sacrificing it to take care of family, as well as respect is important to men so those who went to war and great athletes are well respected. So if men don’t feel they’re going to be respected for the hard work, they in part become more selfish as a defense mechanism. I feel like I do though as well. I’m married but my wife is very modern, non traditional in her actions and thoughts. So she will get an effort from me that shows that at times. A very good Ted Talk is called “The Beautiful Truth About Online Dating”. The two Asian ladies run a dating site and they mention the consistencies we hear about are accurate that men tend to go young (early 20’s women get the most hits for men of all ages) and women go for men in certain career fields, much of it is about status and finances. The part they call The Beautiful Truth is centered around how most people have a dating profile that says what they want (selfish) but the ones with the most success for long term tend to be when two people are putting out what they have to offer.
5:13 This woman proved your point exactly. She at the end of her statement directed it back to her happiness and what she wants. She even went as far as to say that she'd be happy regardless of the relationship ending which is almost like saying it never mattered in the first place. These women truly fear giving their all in a relationship so they don't so instead they focus all their energy on self pleasure. With this mentality they'll never put in the work to sustain a relationship. She's only proven that she her happiness is her main priority because this will be the only way she can be happy in or out of a relationship point blank period.
The idea of to crave is more of a gesture that makes one feel irreplaceable the correct thing to be is irreplaceable ie be the place of rest and peace and he will visit you frequently so that he can be strong enough to bring you tribute for said respite that is substance and tribute is usually something you wanted a date night or help you with something you having with you need etc. Also to be a woman of discernment means you are one he can trust in counsel because you have disciplined yourself to choose well these among other pieces are the pieces of substance for a woman
The "i dont need you for your money, i make enough money for both of us" isnt somthing that comes up in conversation organically. She make it a point and/find a way too bring it up. Thats the energy shes on and she has to be aware of it.
“I don’t want you for your money” is a much different and more palatable way to express that sentiment rather than “i don’t need you to take care of me” … And it instead makes the man the subject of the formula rather than the money… Layered on top of that, there are men that have had the experience of “ i don’t want you for your money” but some of those women scale their lived to what that man can afford and not what she can afford…or even, what she arbitrarily ascribes as his capacity to provide and pay for. “You have a good job so why am I driving this beat up car?” Food for thought…
The most substantial thing a woman can quote on quote bring to the table is femininity its a top tier intagible quality thats becoming a lost art in a era of feminized masculine women called alpha women.
Men and women are designed to build each other up. We just do it in different ways. But everything starts with acknowledging what respect looks like to the other person.
Of hear we go.... Dude a "real man" ain't here to help a woman thru her trauma. Fellas you are not here to be anyone's therapist. Stop it. We are not therapist and you don't show manhood by putting up with a woman's traumas. She needs to go do that work on herself and be whole before she gets with you.
I find it fascinating how the ladies need a disclaimer before that make a statement about women. "Ok, sisters don't jump on me." is an example of how difficult they believe it is to share a thought, opinion or observation without retribution.
Simply put, the problem we face is that WE are not each others purpose for a greater good (family) it is no longer in American Culture and especially our subculture.....Love of self and kind are at an all time low. Listen to the music, that is one of the main indicators.
When I call my Wife a Strong Black Woman she calms down....My wife knows if I say that, she is out of pocket and needs to get back to her feminine role.... We both pull in about 6 figures, but she knows we have roles....
That part around 40:30 about the woman ascending with help from a man, but she's not recognizing it and think she did it herself, this is what women like Tayana Taylor are like. I'm sure Iman's access and money and relationships helped get what she has now. A lot of these women like Gabby Union, Jada Pinkett, etc. yes they had careers before their men, but their men's value helped them. Look at other women like Essence Atkins or even Erika Alexander who is extremely talented but aint platformed right now, they in the game and didn't marry a man like theirs, and their careers keep struggling.
Part of the substance is not weighing as much as I do as a man. That's character. If a woman believes weighing 175 or more is ok, that's a bad character treat. It lacks substance...
the substance segment kinda had me like mmmm...idk. if i had to check for substance its more in terms of...where are you intellecutally, how is your critical thinking, what values and morals do you stand on, how is your decision making from situation to sitauation, how is your advice, how are you with words in the way you address people and problems and are you emotionally intelligent, what do you find entertaining, what hobbies do you have (if any) and do they add to your overall growth and pursuit of goals or are they just hobbies, how do you use your free time, can i learn from you and if so how well do you teach, how is your commuication...how is your communication when youre angry confused or frustrated as opposed to 'happy' or in a good mood, are you open minded, how do you adapt to changes in situations/life, can you effectively help me figure out a problem if neccessary, do you operate based off ego and self interest more times than you do for your partner and or family ..i could keep going. idk guess substance just hits a little different for me. i think if most of that is a positive the rest can be worked on if need be and with that the overall essence and character is most likely solid. my mans in the coat sounded like he was headed in that direction but didnt really go in depth
I think substance is non physical like the lady said... I don't believe most men would say anything about a frequency, but I understand what he was saying ...😅
28:00 that’s because the Colombian people still live under a matriarchal system. It’s got nothing to do with a good man or woman. Latino women understand the concept of men and women and who can protect the women and children
3:36 She must be protected. Also I don't think selfish is a bad word necessarily. If it's a person blocking everything so they can pay attention to themselves. It might not be "bad"
I think that this sounds good, but it simply isn't a reflection of culture and reality. What I see here is that the women still want to have their cake and eat it too. The men here are soft-shoeing around the core issue.
I hate when a direct question is asked and the answer is some cute poetic shit that didn't really answer the question. What is a fruit? "The earth receives seed, and in the end a human enjoys the result of the end product."..........I know that, but I asked what is a damn fruit 😂😂
29:09 "A lot of dudes incarcerated, alot dudes (something else minority negative)" sounds like a bit from Derrick Jaxn. Aka the Kung Fu Pander himself, less than 20% of black men are in prison out of those 20%, 70% of them are wrongfully convicted. So to tell women most guys are out here in prison is paint a blanketed victim hood that women can claim. ASHAMED OF THOSE WORDS Alan !
26:43 This lightskinned woman with the raspy Remy MA voice, literally described a combative disagreeable woman in herself, but then puzzled by why men avoid her...you can't make this ish up
With all due respect, substance is none of that stuff. Substance starts with good home training, and the woman’s ability to operate outside of, or contrary to her emotions …as is appropriate for the situation. This includes, among other things, being able to hold her tongue, and not ‘misbehave’, while respecting & submitting to her husband’s authority & leadership …when she doesn’t ‘feel’ like it. It also includes being able to put the needs of the family above her own individual needs and wants …for as long as is required. Such qualities ‘only’ come from good, sound, healthy, patriarchal two parent household home training …& a sociocultural environment that reflects & reinforces those ideals. This is precisely one of the reasons why people from non-western cultures, tend to have more successful marriages and families, than their Western counterparts.
What’s shocking is when he talks about leadership skills and how women look past certain trains in men and only look at the swag and only look at the physical. That’s false, men fall in love with what they see women fall in love with what we hear. So men look past good women all day based on the physical .
![Why are women like this [The Table Episode 4]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/uVhYsiOJi8w/mqdefault.jpg)
![what do you bring to...[The Table Episode 1]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EWaQISmpLCU/mqdefault.jpg)
I love to see the personal growth from the female panelists! I would see it little by little from the beginning to end of each episode. But now I’m starting to see the difference from episode to episode. They’re really listening to understand. You can see that they genuinely want the best and are learning. I’m wondering if they’ll be able to reach the younger generation of women. I know most of the panelists are older. I’m wondering if they would have been able to be as open minded if they were in their 20’s? Keep up the great work bro. 💯🙌🏾👏🏾
THIS ! Seeing women evolving in their listening abilities concerning what men share with them is really SOOTHING lol
True Story, Amazing job all around
👏👏👏
Women respond to Male leadership. In the absence of male leadership you have what we are experiencing in the US between BM and BW
In the end when things work the way they're supposed to the Men will dictate how a woman chooses to live her life just based on how a man move and operates!
I’m 20 years old old and I’m really grateful for these episodes. They have been very informative to me. My perception has completely changed 🤗
I commend all of you for this HEALTHY dialogue. This was pure art 🔥🙏🏿
It baffles me that the most intelligent men we have don't focus on the fact that we are 100% responsible for 1. being the type of men we want to protect our daughters from, 2. planting our seed inside of women who we have no intention to commit to, 3. selecting women who are unfit wives/ mothers, 4. blaming the mothers for interfering with our relationships with our children when we made them our child's mother 5. blaming women for choosing no good men without blaming her Father for failing to guide and protect her from such men and 6. blaming women for being too masculine without blaming men for creating a vacuum due to the lack of masculinity in our homes.
Althought i agree with you, when do we start to place some of the blame on women?....it takes 2 to tango!....at what point do we start to point out have women are never blamed or held accountable for not maturing ?
True to an extent. Some of us just didn't follow our fathers instructions.
To that woman in the center: you are loved, you are seen, you are celebrated! You’re a microcosm of the change we want to see. Doesn’t mean we have to always be right and you have to always be wrong, but knowing that you’re listening in good faith, giving our perception due weight, and taking steps towards becoming a more suitable partner for whatever (lucky) man you’ll find is truly AMAZING 🎉🎉 Keep going! This is the work that your grandchildren’s children will benefit from
I forget the lady in the center’s name, but unbelievable growth since the beginning of the series. 👍🏽 But all 3 ladies I commend. A vastly different energy than the 1st Table episode.
I really like her. She really is a fantastic proof of concept that having and growing that humility is possible AND it benefits women to cultivate it
I agree, first couple of episodes she was triggered by everything. It made me question her comment that she had more male friends. Usually women that can relate to men so well aren’t easily triggered by their words.
From the perspective of someone getting divorced and 41 years old substance is when the other person is living in reality, understands the hardships of life and is your "battle buddy" not a princess
Sounds like you were defiantly married to the typical female
“43, divorced and thriving in my new life” checking in.
See you in the other side brother, good luck and Godspeed.
Some princesses are/ have been excellent battle buddies
Let me leave a positive comment as well...Overall a good conversation. Good to see both delegations speaking with each other respectfully. All the gender war shouting and performative theatre online is growing old fast. Props to you all. Thank you for allowing us to listen in.
We devalue each other in competition. We complete each other in harmony
Thanks for giving feed back from multiple perspectives & honest critique as well. Need more of this in these comment streetz!
@@thorsonel facts I agree
Great talk... just got one correction for the ladies.
There is a HUGE difference in the thought process of "letting him lead" vs "being a good follower". To many women think they can let a man lead, implying they have given him control. This is the exact opposite of understanding you are stepping into his frame and being open to feedback, correction, guidance, and instruction. I truly believe this simple change in mindset will have a major positive impact on womens outcomes. Just as leadership has certain skillsets and requirements, so does followership.
Without trying to throw any shade... our sister Crimson Cure, has gotten married to an AWESOME man, while being in her late 40's/early 50's. There are good men out here, if these ladies can't find one, it's because they have red flags, danger signs, and police crime tape warding these brothas away. Ill finish by saying this:
PROVERBS 18:12
- He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor with the LORD
...YOU GOTTA BE A WIFE IN ORDER TO BE FOUND, you dont go the the grocery store trying to find fresh produce in the dairy isle. Once women start acting like wives, men who are looking for wives will find them.
The conversation yall are having is excellent! Thank you for leading thr charge.
39:35 it's not a man's job to "work through your trauma with you." That's what a therapist is for.
Your man can support you and encourage you while you get the help you need, but fixing it is NOT his job.
So many women are telling men these days "you need to come to me healed", but we're supposed to be master mechanics for your emotions?
FOH.
Exactly. For the relationship to work, the woman also needs to be responsible for all avenues of her health. She can't pin that on the man.
As an amateur when it comes to therapy, no we can't solve your trauma issues. But we have to be able to assist as we are assisted. We cannot checkout of that part of our mates development. That goes for both people in the relationship. Yet we can't, as you said, be expected to do all the work for you.
For instance, I'm not doing all of my child's homework, but I am there to help. They may even need my help answering at question times. But it is his/her homework.
Like DJ Khaled said another one. To the entire crew 🎤 drop. I love a healthy.
Thoughtful conversation and this was another one.
Y’all notice that all these women seem to be on a “healing journey” nowadays.
Don’t fall for it fellas
Excuse for toxic behavior? Or, body count too high and they are giving the cat a rest?
The Perfect Episode!! This was a real conversation! Well done! 🫶🏽
Fit, feminine, friendly,single and childless is what BM want in BW. Rip Kevin Samuels.
There is such a difference in energy in this episode compared to the first one. Everyone is at ease and building off each others thoughts. A balanced and productive conversation. Much love to you all.
CHAPTERS:
0:00 - Introduction to Gender Dynamics
1:05 - Viral Trends in Gender Relations
3:23 - Expectations for Women in Relationships
5:51 - Men's Expectations from Women
12:24 - Understanding Women's Needs
14:56 - Taking the Easy Route in Dating
20:16 - Why Quality Men Are Exiting Dating
24:02 - Successful Women & Intimidation Factor
27:24 - Desires: What Men Seek in Women
30:55 - Leadership: Not a Top Trait for Men?
35:44 - Heartbreak in Modern Relationships
39:15 - Defining a Real Man
40:50 - Gender Differences in Relationships
43:50 - Women's Influence on Men
46:40 - Chaos: Women's Allegorical Role
49:29 - Receptivity's Role in Relationships
51:14 - Missing Elements in Modern Love
52:31 - Grieving Process for Men
53:45 - Concluding Insights on Gender Dynamics
Thank you Time Chad
The good brother Allen Obi with the potent, stoic sting of truth
Man i love this podcast❤, I've been involved in alot of different podcasts but none like this one. It's calm ,dignified & intuitive.
Broooo Alan you dropped Diamonds this episode....Women are water and men are the river bed 🤯🤯🤯🤯. The whole panel was on fire applause to the ladies the Brother that's there this was the best episode to me
It seems a supportive talking style gets the grace and good faith men are looking for. I’ve learned a lot. Thank you Allen.
I’m really genuinely and thoroughly enjoying watching this channel grow… I will go so far as to say that this channel carries the legacy that Kevin Samuels left the in most honestly and healthy manner Since his passing
Healing can only come from walking with Christ. Some things we will be healed from at the beginning of our journey and somethings will take time. Christ is faithful. When you trust him and Marriage is what he wants from you, he’ll send you someone that will be able to walk with you through your trauma and healing.
Brother, you continue to do the good work I've grown accustomed to. You have separated yourself and your product from a lot of the noise in this space. Continued growth in understanding, wisdom and the compassionate patience you consistently deliver 🙏🏾💪🏾👍🏾✊🏾👏🏾
Alan please get another gentlemen to help represent the male delagation. All the hotep talk is exhausting to listen to. Very few of his statements are grounded. Everything with him is ethereal and meta. Sounds like nonsense half the time.
Exactly
With due respect to the brother on the panel. I agree.
My guy said he wants substance and said nothing of substance.
And Alan I mean that with all due respect. Not to insult the brother.
100%
Much respect let’s have a great live stream my guy all ya streams are much needed
you can't lead that which refuses to follow.imagine a general giving the order to charge and the soldiers all say I'm a strong black woman and you dont tell me what to do.the govt has made it impossible for black men to hold bw accountable for their behavior and that is why the men that are able to are leaving the country.unfortunately by the time women are actually looking for a good man they are older,like the women on the panel and the good men dont want the bad boys throw aways.
Allen don’t wanna address the real bullshit with these females lowkey pandering to they ass
Best yet and greater is to come!
This series definitely needs to be expanded asap 🔥 🔥 🔥
I might have spoke too soon Sir! 👀👂 It sounds as though your Work is Indeed Working!!🙌
Even if that is just Gaining an Understanding!
Keep this conversation going. It's a much more soothing conversation than all the yelling.
This podcast was needed and very informational 🔥🔥🔥
The first thing a man needs and want from a woman is respect
Omg... I watched episode 1, and then the next video in the cue was this episode, and to see the growth of the woman from the first episode between now almost made my eyes sweat a lil bit. That was beautiful, and it's so rare that I get to see that. Now I'm convinced there's hope and we're not just screaming into the void.
I truly and honestly just love seeing beautiful, black women and men having a respectful conversation on our differences and how we can better our relationships. The best thing is you're all listening to understand and be better. You are all changing some people's lives. i don't know if you you'll get rich and famous but these conversations matter because it's black men and women insight to each other. that in most cases they wouldn't receive. Thank you to all the panelist for your time, insight, vulnerbility and overall honesty. You guys are awesome!
W chat. No longer on the defensive and becoming/demonstrating active listening. The accountability at The Table is the standard.
Yoo it took courage to jump back in the comments and say I was not receptive my bad. She gained 200% respect from me and lots of other dudes like me that day👏🏿👏🏿
SUBSTANCE IS THE STANCE YOU'RE SUBMITTED TO
RESPECT PEACE DISCERNMENT TO UNDERSTAND WHO I AM AND WHO SHE IS AND MY ROLE IN HER LIFE
One word: HUMILITY
What I would have given to have these conversations with older women in my circle when I was a younger woman… growing up in Africa all I ever heard was “get married in your 20s”. And I always wondered why? I had so much life to live and achieve but I was being shamed for not being married. Well, it took one awful relationship to rewire my brain and then I stopped aspiring for marriage and started doing the mental work-it’s hard! I have become hyper focused on me and what I want. I’m in my 30s and I’m trying to date but I’m going into it with my whole heart like I would have in a past- I am in my selfish season and I’m concerned with how it’ll affect my future.
I have to say im very impressed and enthusiastic about the mature and respectful commentary of this channel. I see alot of comments that ask for better this and better that...which will come in time and hopefully generate other channels and commentary. Shot out to all the guests and host for truth and honest which is needed in this sphere and required in these "relationships". Now, on the metaphor of water, relative to substance.If water is the goal, water does not only hydrate and feed the wrong seeds, MOST times...no matter what seed is fed, would it matter if the water itself is unpure...lacking mineral and benefits? Toxic? Again, thats why i am drawn to this platform...it allows room for growth and scrutiny. Peace brothers and sisters.
Great talk
If you don't want them for their money, then say you don't want them for their money but for who they are. Don't say you don't need them to take care of you or you will take care of them in that sassy tone. It is very similar to the "men ain't shit" crew.
The young lady in the beige pants explain substance very well!
Alignment with self and center! For both parties! Don’t matter how much substance a woman has don’t matter how much the man has! If both man and woman are not in a place with them selves to receive it! Or give it! Love ya self like you want to be treated! And love others like you want to be treated! When doing one and the other don’t interfere with the other with the person your with, then thata substance!
Men understand substance very well in part due to sports. We have all seen that basketball player that has all the skills and talent that just cannot be relied on in the clutch moments. And weve all seen that football player that by all observable metrics, isnt the best, but at the end of the game, when you only have one shot to win, you know that that guy is gonna make it happen somehow.
Analysts call it the intangibles. When they talk about hustle or 'getting after it' or being an 'enforcer' those qualities dont show up in the stat line, but they are essential to the teams success.
Those qualities and actions are what a man is looking for in a woman. Someone thats reliable in hard times. That we know is going to ride it out and go the extra mile to do what needs doing in a dire situation. To show up in unexpected ways in unexpected situations. Like Draymond Green choking that guy out when dude started attacking his teammate. Lol
This is a really good analogy
To the "I can take care of you and me", you are exactly what you said you are....even when the other ladies voiced how they heard your perspective, you were defensive and not genuinely hearing....you come in giving so you will be taken from....learn to receive
Substance has at its back a clue in on what he needs. Focusing on him as much as herself and THEIR/HER children.
To add on his leadership quote what does a good leader usually need? answer: a good subordinate. Now ask yourself if you seek a good leader are you a good subordinate?
Great convo
Are we holding a conversation to figure some stuff out or a poetry slam?
Substance cannot be identified by feeling. Feelings can be manipulated. Substance cannot! Substance is wisdom, patient, kindness, long suffering, gentleness, honesty, conservative, quiet spirit etc… substance is tangible, it’s a value system, it’s a way of thinking and this way of thinking is reinforced by the positive interactions with other. People see this and call it substance not feel it.
53:20 - it got needlessly loud when appropriate coping came up for men.
Its telling when they quiet. Its telling when they loud. Its just telling.
Definitely want another brotha on there ss well hes cool just from a different perspective.
What doesn't get mentioned in these conversations sometimes is the impact of decent men on women in a relationship.
Men definitely help women level up more than spoken about.
Love these convos!🔥💯🙏🏿✅
I'm gonna comment just cuz. Fire episode!
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4:38 I think the selfishness comment is on point. My grandmother passed in August and I’d only see her when I was home for the holidays. One of my last memories was her telling her great granddaughter (one of my cousins) about preparing a plate or meal for a man and this college aged girl hit her with, “I’m not going be making no plate for no man.” I think that trickle down is that the next generations won’t have the skills to coexist and get best out of the other side.
I think boys are inheriting this too in a reactionary sense. Patrice O’Neal has a theory about how most women don’t have game and he essentially mentioned how men are reactionary. He said we don’t instinctively hold your hand and rub our thumb on top, we do it because we think this is something you might like. Men went to war knowing we could die and many who play football know about CTE but are sacrificing it to take care of family, as well as respect is important to men so those who went to war and great athletes are well respected. So if men don’t feel they’re going to be respected for the hard work, they in part become more selfish as a defense mechanism. I feel like I do though as well. I’m married but my wife is very modern, non traditional in her actions and thoughts. So she will get an effort from me that shows that at times.
A very good Ted Talk is called “The Beautiful Truth About Online Dating”. The two Asian ladies run a dating site and they mention the consistencies we hear about are accurate that men tend to go young (early 20’s women get the most hits for men of all ages) and women go for men in certain career fields, much of it is about status and finances. The part they call The Beautiful Truth is centered around how most people have a dating profile that says what they want (selfish) but the ones with the most success for long term tend to be when two people are putting out what they have to offer.
PLEASE MORE EPISODES
More episodes on Patreon
I just realized something. I've been watching these videos for probably a year and I just subscribed. lol! Sorry about that.
Better now than never 🙌🏿
5:13 This woman proved your point exactly. She at the end of her statement directed it back to her happiness and what she wants. She even went as far as to say that she'd be happy regardless of the relationship ending which is almost like saying it never mattered in the first place. These women truly fear giving their all in a relationship so they don't so instead they focus all their energy on self pleasure. With this mentality they'll never put in the work to sustain a relationship. She's only proven that she her happiness is her main priority because this will be the only way she can be happy in or out of a relationship point blank period.
The idea of to crave is more of a gesture that makes one feel irreplaceable the correct thing to be is irreplaceable ie be the place of rest and peace and he will visit you frequently so that he can be strong enough to bring you tribute for said respite that is substance and tribute is usually something you wanted a date night or help you with something you having with you need etc. Also to be a woman of discernment means you are one he can trust in counsel because you have disciplined yourself to choose well these among other pieces are the pieces of substance for a woman
26:28 it went over her head. They don’t think about how a men feel or see things
The "i dont need you for your money, i make enough money for both of us" isnt somthing that comes up in conversation organically. She make it a point and/find a way too bring it up. Thats the energy shes on and she has to be aware of it.
“I don’t want you for your money” is a much different and more palatable way to express that sentiment rather than “i don’t need you to take care of me” …
And it instead makes the man the subject of the formula rather than the money…
Layered on top of that, there are men that have had the experience of “ i don’t want you for your money” but some of those women scale their lived to what that man can afford and not what she can afford…or even, what she arbitrarily ascribes as his capacity to provide and pay for.
“You have a good job so why am I driving this beat up car?”
Food for thought…
The most substantial thing a woman can quote on quote bring to the table is femininity its a top tier intagible quality thats becoming a lost art in a era of feminized masculine women called alpha women.
Men and women are designed to build each other up. We just do it in different ways. But everything starts with acknowledging what respect looks like to the other person.
54:41 a bar 😂😂🔥🔥
Of hear we go.... Dude a "real man" ain't here to help a woman thru her trauma. Fellas you are not here to be anyone's therapist. Stop it. We are not therapist and you don't show manhood by putting up with a woman's traumas. She needs to go do that work on herself and be whole before she gets with you.
Exactly. If I had a dollar for every time a woman said I wasn’t “emotionally intelligent” for not wanting to be her therapist I’d be Warren buffet.
Big facts. Your trauma is YOUR responsibility.
I find it fascinating how the ladies need a disclaimer before that make a statement about women. "Ok, sisters don't jump on me." is an example of how difficult they believe it is to share a thought, opinion or observation without retribution.
Simply put, the problem we face is that WE are not each others purpose for a greater good (family) it is no longer in American Culture and especially our subculture.....Love of self and kind are at an all time low. Listen to the music, that is one of the main indicators.
In my opinion, Substance means depth, levels, intellect, emotional intelligence, having a soul etc.
When I call my Wife a Strong Black Woman she calms down....My wife knows if I say that, she is out of pocket and needs to get back to her feminine role....
We both pull in about 6 figures, but she knows we have roles....
That part around 40:30 about the woman ascending with help from a man, but she's not recognizing it and think she did it herself, this is what women like Tayana Taylor are like. I'm sure Iman's access and money and relationships helped get what she has now. A lot of these women like Gabby Union, Jada Pinkett, etc. yes they had careers before their men, but their men's value helped them. Look at other women like Essence Atkins or even Erika Alexander who is extremely talented but aint platformed right now, they in the game and didn't marry a man like theirs, and their careers keep struggling.
🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥
Greatness!!!!!!!!🫡🫡🫡
Part of the substance is not weighing as much as I do as a man. That's character. If a woman believes weighing 175 or more is ok, that's a bad character treat. It lacks substance...
Conversation was pretty solid. I still prefer a woman of color outside Americanism. I'll take the chance of black, brown, or tan overseas.
the substance segment kinda had me like mmmm...idk. if i had to check for substance its more in terms of...where are you intellecutally, how is your critical thinking, what values and morals do you stand on, how is your decision making from situation to sitauation, how is your advice, how are you with words in the way you address people and problems and are you emotionally intelligent, what do you find entertaining, what hobbies do you have (if any) and do they add to your overall growth and pursuit of goals or are they just hobbies, how do you use your free time, can i learn from you and if so how well do you teach, how is your commuication...how is your communication when youre angry confused or frustrated as opposed to 'happy' or in a good mood, are you open minded, how do you adapt to changes in situations/life, can you effectively help me figure out a problem if neccessary, do you operate based off ego and self interest more times than you do for your partner and or family ..i could keep going. idk guess substance just hits a little different for me. i think if most of that is a positive the rest can be worked on if need be and with that the overall essence and character is most likely solid. my mans in the coat sounded like he was headed in that direction but didnt really go in depth
Yeeeaaaassssshhh
I wish y’all were in Dallas
I think substance is non physical like the lady said... I don't believe most men would say anything about a frequency, but I understand what he was saying ...😅
28:00 that’s because the Colombian people still live under a matriarchal system. It’s got nothing to do with a good man or woman. Latino women understand the concept of men and women and who can protect the women and children
3:36 She must be protected. Also I don't think selfish is a bad word necessarily. If it's a person blocking everything so they can pay attention to themselves. It might not be "bad"
I think that this sounds good, but it simply isn't a reflection of culture and reality. What I see here is that the women still want to have their cake and eat it too. The men here are soft-shoeing around the core issue.
Exactly
What is up the seating arrangements with this set?
I hate when a direct question is asked and the answer is some cute poetic shit that didn't really answer the question. What is a fruit? "The earth receives seed, and in the end a human enjoys the result of the end product."..........I know that, but I asked what is a damn fruit 😂😂
29:09 "A lot of dudes incarcerated, alot dudes (something else minority negative)" sounds like a bit from Derrick Jaxn. Aka the Kung Fu Pander himself, less than 20% of black men are in prison out of those 20%, 70% of them are wrongfully convicted. So to tell women most guys are out here in prison is paint a blanketed victim hood that women can claim. ASHAMED OF THOSE WORDS Alan !
How do you get on the panel I lead a black singles group and would love to get your indight
Shoot me a DM on IG
9:32 talk to shit👏🏾🫡
26:43 This lightskinned woman with the raspy Remy MA voice, literally described a combative disagreeable woman in herself, but then puzzled by why men avoid her...you can't make this ish up
When you reference a viral clip, would you highlight it in the video?
Its pinned on IG
I would like to be a guest on the show...
Why are the seats not on an even level
to establish the hierarchy
Can someone share the viral clip/video they are talking about at the beginning?
Its pinned on IG
Good show but ahh I check out when I hear anyone keep saying “I feel like” tell me what you think.. 🧐
With all due respect, substance is none of that stuff. Substance starts with good home training, and the woman’s ability to operate outside of, or contrary to her emotions …as is appropriate for the situation. This includes, among other things, being able to hold her tongue, and not ‘misbehave’, while respecting & submitting to her husband’s authority & leadership …when she doesn’t ‘feel’ like it.
It also includes being able to put the needs of the family above her own individual needs and wants …for as long as is required.
Such qualities ‘only’ come from good, sound, healthy, patriarchal two parent household home training …& a sociocultural environment that reflects & reinforces those ideals.
This is precisely one of the reasons why people from non-western cultures, tend to have more successful marriages and families, than their Western counterparts.
Ms. you do not command the room lol
How you going to take care of both of yall and want him to lead?
We’ve got to ask them to provide examples of “leadership.” Because, I swear, the words sound the same but their vocabulary is entirely different.
Where do you get these wmn from? You need some better wmn.
When I build my channel up we gotta collab my boy 💯💪🏾
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What’s shocking is when he talks about leadership skills and how women look past certain trains in men and only look at the swag and only look at the physical. That’s false, men fall in love with what they see women fall in love with what we hear. So men look past good women all day based on the physical .
Where are the men at allen? One guest