What can we do about an anxious attachment style in dating? | The Dr. Cloud Show - Episode 160
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- Опубліковано 30 чер 2024
- In this highlight from The Dr. Cloud Show, Maria has recognized that she has an anxious attachment style in dating. She wants to feel secure in her attachments when dating, but her fear of being alone and leading a life with another person makes her cling and act unlike herself. What parts of her life can she address to start mending the cause of these fears?
Got questions about attachment and bonding? Want to learn how to make dating actually enjoyable? We've got courses on that! Try Boundaries.Me free for 14 days. Go to www.boundaries.me to learn more and sign up. - Розваги
The feeling of not being good enough is also the basis for an anxious attachment style
Attachment issues set me up for a lifetime of narcissistic abuse. When we are broken, we attract broken people.
I agree
Then the broken person needs to be a broken person like you.
Not the opposite of you.
I would say both attracted: broken and evil as well because narc/abusers are predators. I was broken but not evil. There’s a huge difference: wolves vs sheep. Sheep needs another sheep not a wolf in their live.
I believe he could've been more empathetic on how he approached this. He basically invalidated her emotions and feelings. It's important as a therapist to understand why she feels the way she does, instead of providing other outlets to make up for it.
He made it sounded like he was interrogating her and in a way makes her feel bad for how she’s feeling.
I don’t feel understood by him.
But I felt humiliated by him in a way.
I so much wish it went in the direction of "abandonment" not "being alone"! There is nothing wrong with being alone when you have not just been rejected/abandoned by the person you are in love with as opposed to having been rejected by someone you value. Is there a video for abandonment too?
You can date and practice your skills while dating. It’s the perfect way to practice. You can practice regulation of your emotions and practice what you say to your partner. Example
Say your feelings then say your need - next ask your dating partner would you be willing to. Don’t give up dating! There’s no better way to learn and heal than with a romantic partner.
Why does he keep interrupting her?
How does this not have more views?! Fricken amazing. This was therapeutic just listening/watching. Thankyou
as someone who became distant from friends and family while in a toxic / emotionally abusive relationship , this is so sooooo helpful.
Omg I felt every word she was saying 😢😢 this really attracts narcissistic people who takes advantage of such vulnerability I have been in this situation recently
He interrupts her a lot and speaks for her… ???
Dr Henry, I wish I had of come across you before now. The young woman you spoke to described what I went through. I didn't know Anxious Attachment was a thing until my ex dumped me 2 and a half years ago. He is a great guy,but through my issue I repelled him by my behaviour. We don't talk anymore. I wish he knew how much I regretted my beviours,and how ashamed I wa
Just found your channel. Thank you for not pulling any punches. Really opened my eyes. Acting like an infant will never get me anywhere.
Thank you for adding the details about the episode/clip in the title!
I think the point is she knows she's not literally alone she knows she has family her co-workers her community all this other stuff but that relationship that you desire you can't sit there and have your mom hold you in bed you can't sit there and ask your boss to go out to dinner with you you know what I'm saying she wants something that's unique to that relationship and it can be so overwhelming when it's not met.
I completely agree with you! I believe he could've been more empathetic on how he approached this. He basically invalidated her emotions and feelings. It's important as a therapist to understand why she feels the way she does, instead of providing other outlets to make up for it.
💯
I have mixed feelings about thia, I have family and friends who I hang out with , call alot etc but wanting a romantic connection is normal. Your friends and family cannot fill that....Yes the girl in the video needs therapy like all of us but if she wants to find a partner....she should do that and continue doing that. Thats my two scents cause obviously we dont kiss our friends and fam if you know what I mean lol
We can want a relationship but not be ready for it. I am her and I can see how I’m definitely not ready for a committed relationship. No one should make their partner responsible for making them feel secure. This is the whole problem for us anxious attachers. We NEED ppl vs wanting them. Those who want you can leave you and be ok. Those who need you cannot because our life is dependent on you. That’s the issue. Healing this warped perception is the key, to finding a good partner or even letting a bad one go without letting it “take us back to square one.” It’s about Learning to be alone without needing a partner bc we really don’t need anyone. It’s our internal instincts that tell us we do. It’s even more strong if we never received it from our family or parents. Hence the attachment disorder.
It can all make sense intellectually too but emotionally it’s hard to implement. It takes yearssss of deep inner work to change this.
This video is amazing, i completely identify myself in this situation👍
His way of constantly interfering when the lady is expressing herself is too annoying! He has issues to deal with emotionally as well. Any honest psychologist can see that clearly. He's got anger issues.
A good therapist redirects the clients thinking both as a means of gathering information, and challenging the client's beliefs and assumptions about their situation. A good part of why a person continues (despite their best efforts) to have the problem has to do with how they are thinking about it. Inside of therapy and out, stories that people tell are generally ego-driven and are designed to cast them selves in a certain light. You cannot solve a problem with the thinking that created it. You may not like this man's style, but he is doing good work, and yes he is a bit abrupt at times. Believe me, he's not looking for your approval. He's also not someone a client will be able to B.S. Some people like to go to therapy in order to have a captive audience or are simply too mistrusting to really be able to put themselves in the hands of another and so want to talk all around the problem without solving it. Personally I have never been satisfied with superficial change. Perhaps you believe that telling someone your life story will help change things. It doesn't. The clinicians job to create a establish rapport, instill hope, and institute a treatment plan and to shine a light to get to the heart of matters. When found, the emotional truth is generally quite clear. The more a client goes on with their story in therapy, the less healing work gets done. Been there. A therapist doesn't have to be perfect to get good results. They just have to know what they're doing. A person has either chosen a therapist or who can really help them or they haven't. Regardless, a clinicians personal issues are none of your business unless they are unethical or they interfere with your progress. What is the real threat here? The world isn't going to be a better place just because people are always "nice".
@@lenjoplus you definitely and clearly needed to unload your emotions and I'm glad you saw me as someone to unburden yourself with. Hopefully you feel more relaxed and relieved 😊😉
My therapist was like this and it saved my life, because he pulled me out of my spirals to show me how illogical I was thinking. If he let her keep talking she would have just gone on and on with details and they would've never gotten to the bottom of the issue so quickly.
Wow!! Never heard it explained this way! Finally clicked…
10:54 - ty Dr. So good. Every word so good for me.
3 of my immediate family members died in a trucking accident. Lost the 1 remaining close relationship i had left with my baby sister after that bc she was a minor and got placed with an estranged elder sibling. Regular access was cut off after tht. Its now 2 to 4 times a year i get to spend time with her.
Due to distance/toxicity i dont have healthy relationships with my extended family.
& the "friendships" available tend to be rather fragile and aren't typically a priority for anyone other than myself who desires them...
TLDR
My support system is in shambles
I'm so sorry to hear that. Have you sought help for the upset this has caused you?
Geez, let her talk for a minute, lol.
She sounds exactly like me… what an insightful video
great topic!!
Powerful Call
I relate fully
Love it 💎🙏
Being abandoned is it for me. Since both parents abandoned me in my childhood.
definitely abandonment, not being alone
I wish there was one on abandonment too!
This man knows what he’s talking about.
Let her talk!!
Not relevant - but I love the style of your home.
I understand what doctor is speaking of as I am kind of in the same boat however I don’t feel lonely I have great friends and family but that is different from a romantic relationship. Seems healing should occur then date. I’m dating with a purpose not to have fun but to gain a husband. I can date easily for fun I get plenty offers
I’m afraid of being alone too 😢 I don’t want to build a life on my own and want to have many children. I’m also having trouble to find a good guy/husband 😢 it hurts so much! I view everything the exact same way as the caller!
Thank you.... me too
It’s really hard when you are older like over 40 and truly your close friends are all mostly married and your family live somewhere else and are not Christian’s as you are.
Fabulous I fear abandonment suppper question++++
I wonder why people cling to romantic relationships and not just relationships in general like friendships etc.
This is my story too
I have a family and friends , I am always looking for a partner to be everything in my life . because I never felt I am surrounded enough by my people.
Which book of yours do you recommend regarding the healing of anxious attachment?
My identity from my family
He’s very clever but I don’t like that he keeps interrupting her
This is making me sob
Same. I had trouble breathing.
Which book addresses attachment styles?
The book is called... Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love
This caller sounds exactly like me
I don’t like the way he keeps cutting her off.
Oh instead of dating looking for the blanky/teddy bear. Brilliant
I hate the word single 😬.
Dr, you keep interrupting the girl’s every sentence.
Dr Cloud I suffer from this but I think it will be better if you counsel me cause I’m not getting the help I need in South Africa, and I understand you better,how does one get a session with you? Either than on the show?
Please let me know if you managed to get someone in South Africa.
woah?!?!?! me ap having zero relationships other than my sp. 😳🏃♀️
The church took me to male pastor who performed an excorsium on me
He annoys me…