You won't if you set the proper boundaries. Friendship rules 101: no you can't borrow money, no you can't stay at my house and no I won't watch your kids. I have many loving meaningful relationships, but understand this is not Nam, there are rules.
@@merbeanjean I love the movie reference, but a friend can sleep on my couch if he was in a fight with the spouse, and I'll watch their kids for date night, if they watch mine on the flippity flip.
You are a sweet person but please don’t tell them anymore how much you have in your bank account. It’s like waving drugs in front of an addict. Best wishes to you
To be fair, if you are telling your family about the DR plan, and you are on baby step 2, and they ask what baby step 1 is (or even look it up themselves), they will know...
I don’t discuss my finances with my family or friends. That being said, here in my position with regards to my finances -- unless you are my spouse, when your name appears on my paycheck, you get a voice in how I spend MY income. Otherwise, you are entitled to NONE of it. Helping someone in a jam when you are able is a great thing to do. However when it starts to become an expectation from the other party, that falls into the category of enabling.
I've had my sister constantly ask to borrow money, and it was the last straw for me when she blew through her giant tax refund of over $7000 and had the audacity to ask me for rent money over a week later. Then she tried to take me on a giant guilt trip and made excuses over all of her "necessities" like brand new kitchen appliances, two brand new HDTVs, etc. At that point, I said enough is enough. I no longer loan money to ANYBODY. All it does is create stress for everyone involved, and it just enables financial stupidity.
"brand new kitchen appliances, two brand new HDTVs" ... all of that in a week ? Wow ... is that even possible ? Or was it just expanses made before that were brought up ?
Amy is obviously a true FEEB. She needs to grow a spine and not care about anyone's problems.She needs to SHUT THE HELL Up and stop babbling 24/7 like a child. When these sleazeballs come around with THIER hands out SHE needs to slam the door in their faces. Forget all this fruity swishy crap about love,loving them better etc.
Cut the crap and just scream HELL NO,sound off like you got a pair. Never give a damn about lazy irresponsible stupid people and most of all MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
Amy needs TO STFU AND STOP BEING A WEAK WIMP, as Dave is telling her.....stop enabling the sister by making her act responsible. WTF is up with talk of "love" and giving her $50? How about NOT CARING ABOUT THIS SISTER and AMY learning to keep her mouth SHUT? Since the sister is being disrespectful, Amy needs SHOULD NEVER EVER HELP FAMILY MEMBERS. Amy also could benefit from learning to MIND HER BUSINESS AND KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT. Now That's where boundaries come from.
Yep, that's how any conversation begining with panhandling should end...... No,No,No are the only words needed when the losers in your life come begging like you owe them. Just say NO,NOT EVER to everyone as if it's a bodily function and people will get the idea you're not an ATM or government give a way.
Yep. To a certain friend of mine, I’m always short. I have savings but they don’t know that. I am short every once in a while but I have savings of 6 months expenses. Thankfully
My family is the same way. Which is why NO ONE knows how much I make. They all think I’m broke but in reality I make more than them. Only way to get peace of mind
Rachel Remy same think here I make more than my family and the think I’m broke too but it’s my money, I spent how I like and if my family needs me to pay a bill for the house that we need then I’ll do it but I’m not going to give them money if the need it for other things. So my family is broke to spend on what we like but we do manage it well enough that we don’t go negative on our bank accounts but keep living.
@@Chromewarrior They're not living the lie. They're just telling one. Just because they say they live broke doesn't mean they're living broke. Nobody is playing poor; that's such a waste. But if a lie is what it takes to get greedy family off your back, then a lie it is! Oh well.
You're letting your family destroy your future. Stop enabling. Your emergency fund isn't for other people's emergencies. The giving starts at Step 7. And even still, that doesn't mean you enable people who are abusive and irresponsible. And that's what your sister is, she's abusing you.
Well, there's a small possibility that sis is in a much higher cost-of-living area. I'm in the Bay Area--if I'm making 90K and the caller is making, say 70K in Chattanooga, then for all practical purposes she's making more money. So there's maybe a 5% chance it's not ridiculous.
My sis in law was constantly asking my husband for money "for the kids". So i told him dont give her money just when she say i need diapers get diapers, if she needs gas take her car and put a few bucks in, if she needs groceries go get a few groceries. Once we did it twice and her husband asked why we were buying the baby diapers and it stopped
I wish I saw this video sooner. Luckily I have stopped enabling my family member who had been draining me since I was 17 years old (now nearing 25). She knew I had money on my credit limit and she had me either write a check or Venmo her. It hurt so much and there was such a guilt trip, because I had money and she didn’t so if she lost her car it would be my fault. It took me TOO LONG to realize that was nonsense. She’s a grown adult, why can’t she pay for her life just like I do for myself? It took a few difficult conversations, and therapy, but now finally I’m at a point where I’m going to be able to pay off my credit card debt after refusing to give her handouts anymore.
I am good at fixing things. My family is always wanting me to look at their vehicle, leaking faucet, etc. I was unable to say no. Before I knew it. I am working 5 days a week and spending weekends doing their stuff. It even got to the point of doing it after work. I finally just stopped for everyone.
Have to have this conversation with my mother in the next 24 to 48 hrs. She's been a habitual borrower (from various family members) since I was a child amd now I'm a 39. Tired
It's not your problem if someone else can't handle money. And if you give them money they will never learn or take responsibility. They will come back asking for more and more. And they will never pay you pack. And yes, never disclose your personal finacial situation to anyone ever !
Get away from the people who do not want you to succeed financially. Switch clubs, stop answering calls, change jobs or even neighborhoods if you must, but make sure that the only people in your inner circle care about you at least enough to let you succeed - and, hopefully, to help you succeed.
I told my Sister 2 years ago to write a book report on the Total money makeover and I would give her $500.00. She never did and got offended and now she wont speak with me.
NO MEANS NO. Case closed. Wish I’d taken my own advice 5 years ago. Family members own me $6400. I get $50 here and $20 there. Meanwhile they just bought a motor home so they can take a month off from work and go see America. 🤬
Please don't be offended. Your comment made me laugh.😆😆. Please don't loan your hard earned money to anyone or cosign for a loan. If people want money tell them go to the bank it's full of the stuff.😆 Kate. Ireland.
I am in the fortunate position to have been able to help family and have them pay back every penny. My heart goes out to people who have to deal with this bs from their family
If you smoke, drink, have tattoos, then you can afford to feed your children. Feed them beans and rice. I had to do this when my wife died and the money was just not there.
My sister used to ask me for money to pay her mortgage. The last time she did that, I said I would help her only if I could send her to FPU, my treat. She said that she was too busy for that. Oh well.
I told my family members that I will not lend anyone money ever. Every person I have told had a very shocked, somewhat disappointed reaction. It was like they were expecting me to be available to lend them money when I am older(I’m 21). I’ve already had an uncle ask to borrow over $1,000 to help him buy a car 🙄. I immediately said no.
My niece, whom I love dearly, asked me to cosign a student loan. I said sorry, but no. I don't cosign for relatives. I did cosign on an inexpensive car loan for my son. He made payments for a while, through automatic withdrawal, and then paid it off early. I had the money to pay it off if I had to, but he works hard, and I knew I wouldn't have to worry. Otherwise, no - I do not cosign.
I have a boyfriend that I have a child with . He works 12 hour shifts and his mom is fully retired from the military she makes more than anyone but still asks for $100/$200 a day from him and he is too scared to tell her no but I tell him to be careful and if he says no she guilt trips him......
I love the way Dave says "I love you too much to give you money". He is so right. The relationship between money and emotions is so important to recognise and loving somebody is a more effective method than criticising them.
I could see it being appropriate if you're helping them with advice. If they're coming to you like how did you do this. And you might walk them step-by-step how you did it. But if they're asking for money just say no, you don't justify your answer either it's just no period. Offer them free advice if they want it on how to get on track but not cash. Even then there's some exceptions likely. Like when my grandfather passed away, and grandma didn't have the money for the funeral, all the grown children gathered together and everybody pitched in. But those cases should be rare.
I've been own my own since I was 19. I always make sure that my home, car, utilities, and all necessities are allocated money BEFORE I buy anything else. If I had kids I would make sure that their needs are taken care of BEFORE my own. Say NO!
If you did it because you could live and give like no one else, fine. If it was to help her out her own stupidity, you should feel bad. I hope it was the former.
@@robedmund9948 It was the latter. I didn't want to be mean. But it wasn't responsible for me to give that away. She wanted to borrow money because she couldn't come home to deposit some cash and needed money to pay her CC bill. And....she did have time to do all of that the previous weekend when she did come home. This doesn't happen anymore since she has graduated.
If someone comes to me saying they don't have food to feed their kids. I can help you with bread, peanut butter, a cannister of oatmeal, some canned vegetables. This will feed your kids for a week. It's amazing how often they won't be interested. Funny, that's what i fed my kids when we were short on finances.
“You make too much money to be broke!” Spot on! At my office, there is someone in high management who constantly gets calls from collectors, and creditors, asking about payments... and then there are those on the bottom of the totem who has no debt, bills paid on time, and a nice little “nest egg”.
Bought my sister a car, let her stay with me, paid for her licenses (that she never got) only to find out she lied about receiving her degree, she has been doing drugs on the side, and she never planned on getting a job. Smh... I cried but I had to let it go.
No isn't working because YOU don't even stand behind your NO. Once you believe your NO, everyone else will too. I make a lot of money and I have a lot of savings AND I talk about it all openly on my UA-cam channel yet no one comes and tries to shame me into giving it to them. My No is absolute and I don't even give reasons why.
“I am not loaning you money anymore. Do not ask me again. Ask again and you and I are finished. Period. Ask again and the words ‘restraining order’ enter the conversation. Now get out of my house and stay out until you stop ask me for money.” Worked for my family. And the knew I was serious.
When I got divorced I called my rich brother and asked him for $2K. So I could move into an aprt. He said no. The best thing that ever happened to me. When I hanged up the phone I realized either I sink or swim.
$1000.00 in baby step one is good, but I wouldn’t say it is “success” status yet. One trip to the emergency room and it would be long gone. I agree with other comments that your account balance is nobody’s business but yours. How do they know you have $1K? You told them? Why? They aren’t taking “no” for an answer? Are you really saying no?! I’m trying to imagine what they would say beyond your no...and why are you still listening? I get that they are family, but shouldn’t your family be the MOST respectful to one another? I’m not sure why this situation in particular bothered me so much...people’s entitlement and lack of responsibility in adulthood is so baffling. And I bet the guilt trip of the kids aren’t going to be able to eat is coming from a too big home with a full pantry of things they don’t want to cook. America, you really need to visit countries in true poverty and see how much is taken for granted by most of the citizenry.
It's because people make the mistake of falling up there no with a justification. I've had to learn this one the hard way but you just leave your no at no with no room for them to wheedle. You hang up or you walk away if they won't change the subject. "I said no, you can Call back if you have something else to talk about" *click*." As far as the food, she can go to a pantry. Likely if she gets no money she will find a way to buy food. If you feel guilty keep it secret, donate to a local food bank.
When I once told a family member that I didn’t have the money at the time when she asked. She got mad and called me evil. This is called guilt tripping by way of manipulation.
I made a mistake telling my mom and sister exactly how much I make and now all the bills on me and I’m the youngest . Literally been taking care of myself since 16 🤦♀️
It’s not hard to say no! Someone asked me for money the other day. I told her that I’m not giving anyone a penny for anything. I’m on a financial journey. They will never ever learn unless you cut them completely off. You may want to block them from calling you. Anyone who capes for them, block them too & go to sleep in peace.
My personal passed experiences. I was taught give & give, but when I was down and those I gave too didn't give a flying flip! Many years passed, I realized they were living out of my pocket, due to their fake dying needs. Hard lessons learned, if you allow it they will come to use you all up, brush they're hand clean & walk away.
If someone asks for money, tell them to go to the bank. If they say they can’t because their credit score is trashed. Ask them why that is. Answer, because they don’t pay their bills on time or at all. So if they don’t their pay bills to a lender that has the capacity to ruin their cs--they would never ever pay you back. Never loan $ to anyone, period!
One of the most important words that you can learn to say is "no". A lot of people seem to have a lot of trouble saying it. The word no will save you a lot of grief and prevent you from being taken advantage of left and right.
Something similar so what they're talking about happens to me also I thought I was being nice but after 15 years of loans to a family member I realize now I've just been weak and whenever I don't cough up the money that family member always makes me feel guilty about it I guess I'm going to have to put my foot down cuz I've just had enough
Oh man...seems like there are people like this in every family. I think those that "borrow" have no shame or guilt. I'm no longer loaning money,if I give them anything it's a small amount and I say I'm gifting it(which is rare now,I think they are getting the hint). I also no longer talk money with them at all. Like just mentioning you're saving for something or doing a money saving challenge opens the door for them to know you've got some money. My mother and brother used me to use my good credit to buy a washer and I ended up having to buy it. It took a while but I was able to get the washer and sell it.
My mother and sister were doing the same thing. They were constantly ask or demanding money from me. I had to cut both of them off from any contact. They did everything that they could think of to do so anyway. They actually believed that I owed them a living. My mother passed away and then my sister. It may be awful, but it is a relief now that I don't have to deal with that.
This is such a mirror of how family’s been..they have some horrific story then I Become rescue ranger..hard to say no, then I feel guilty and selfish but I’m not 😞 ...maybe I’m the whimp
Yeah, I've been weak since I and My wife started working. To be honest with you, I still struggle with this and idk why it's such a problem. I don't want to be a weak little wimp anymore just because I can't form the word NO
Went broke helping someone else and that was the wake up call for us. It's sad that everyone who ask us is older than us and should be helping us learn to manage money not the other way around
Open a second savings account, put your money in it and show your sister account number 1 with $10 and ask her for money. I helped you now I need help!!! See what happens. She says no then you say last time you said no to me, why should I say yes to you. Mind games but......
No one's asked us for money yet, but we do keep extra copies of The Total Money Makeover to gift to friends and family who show interest in what we've done or who are complaining about being broke all the time.
I loan money to friends and family all the time but I always make them sign a note and trade me an item of equal or more in value. If you cant pay it becomes mine.
This topic always fascinates me. For two reasons; one, how do people so EASILY think nothing of asking another adult, a family member, for money, and two, what's SO hard about saying no? I don't get it. The former is something I'd NEVER do and the latter is something I'd have no problem doing. Also, not to sound judgmental, but a thousand dollars in a savings account and family members think that's a sum that would justify BORROWING money?????????? I consider that being perilously close to being BROKE.
If the family is toxic, don’t tell anyone you are doing Dave Ramsey. Maybe she should say to her sister, “OMG, I was gonna ask you for money since you are making so much more than me”.
"No" is an answer. It gets easier the more you do it. You'd be amazed how quickly people learn to solve their own problems when you stop paying their way.
I told all my family members and friends I no longer lend out money. It’s not worth the head ache having to chase money and be on bad terms with someone because of money they owe you. Just be straight up and tell them no explain why !
You really are a sweet heart and I really don’t like how they’re taking advantage of you. The main thing I can tell you is for one stop telling them about your success. They don’t need to know that you’re getting better with your finances. If you want to tell them how well you’re doing you can say that without giving them the details. I know how you feel about your nieces and nephews because that was the same thing with me for once but after I realized how family doesn’t care about your financial situation I realized that as much as I love my nephews they’re not my kids and it’s my siblings responsibility to take care of their child not mine and if they can’t get their act together that’s on them 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Sounds like what I went through with my sisters. They would always use their kids to get me to give them money. When that stopped working, they would get money from our elderly mom because they knew that I would always help our mother out if she needed money. 🤦🏻♀️ Those were rough years! Once their kids were no longer kids, and after my mom died, then the hemorrhaging stopped. They now know better than to ask for money!
You are proud of what you are doing so you want to tell people. I hope you have learned your lesson to keep your finances to yourself. People who have money don’t usually talk about how much they have.
I imagine it was her role in the family, when she was a child, to take care of everyone and to pick up the slack after the passing of her father. Learning to say no or what you want to the people you love is hard with those entrenched family roles. But it's possible and she can do it and she will feel a lot more freedom in those relationships.
This is the first comment I have ever posted on UA-cam. There is also a need to set emotional and support boundaries with some relatives, also echoing what Dave Ramsey has advised. I was never taught to set boundaries and this has caused me to really suffer. I was devoted to my mother, who suffered from an incurable disease for maybe eight years and gave up my desired career for her. When she died, I spent many years supporting my father and sister emotionally and practically. This was never appreciated and they both treated me dreadfully in return. Along with financial management skills, it's essential to learn early on how to set boundaries and your own priorities in life. Dave Ramsey is a wonderful resource and I wish he was better known in the UK where I come from.
Loaned money one time and told family member if you don’t pay it back don’t ever ask again. Never repaid me. Next time she ask I said no and stuck with it. But remain family and talk like it never happened. Stand firm but remain family.
I’m currently going through a borrower situation right now. I see the light at the end of the tunnel with my student loan debt and I’ve been side tracked. Now I tell the person I can work what i can give them into my budget.
I understand it’s really hard to say no, to family. Really hard, you don’t want to be mean. But that’s totally truth, if you keep providing you’ll make them more comfortable.
Never tell anyone how much money you have. Don't tell them what you earn, or what you've saved. Anyone asks you for money, you draw up a loan agreement, and make them sign it. If they don't pay it back, they never see another dime. Don't expect them to pay it back. It's a matter of respect.
My old Irish grandma used to say always have two purses 👛 one with most your money in and one with very little in...when people ask ....should them the small one ....
Never tell people you have money. Lie if you have to. You'll be used as an atm.
@Josh S ... If you are around broke folks and you want to spend the money you've earned and saved, just tell the broke folks you charged it.
You won't if you set the proper boundaries. Friendship rules 101: no you can't borrow money, no you can't stay at my house and no I won't watch your kids.
I have many loving meaningful relationships, but understand this is not Nam, there are rules.
You don't have to lie. If they ever ask say none of your business and that's the truth.
@@merbeanjean I love the movie reference, but a friend can sleep on my couch if he was in a fight with the spouse, and I'll watch their kids for date night, if they watch mine on the flippity flip.
dont lie. God doesn't want us to lie. do it the dave Ramsey way...GROW SOME BALLS
You are a sweet person but please don’t tell them anymore how much you have in your bank account. It’s like waving drugs in front of an addict. Best wishes to you
I agree. I don't discuss finances with my family. They don't know anything about my monthly income or my bank balance other than that it's enough.
Yes so true, I keep my acct balance to myself and just encourage my family to do budgets and save
To be fair, if you are telling your family about the DR plan, and you are on baby step 2, and they ask what baby step 1 is (or even look it up themselves), they will know...
People like us our just Nice!!! I do not mind helping I love to help but I do not like being taking advantage of.
I don’t discuss my finances with my family or friends. That being said, here in my position with regards to my finances -- unless you are my spouse, when your name appears on my paycheck, you get a voice in how I spend MY income. Otherwise, you are entitled to NONE of it. Helping someone in a jam when you are able is a great thing to do. However when it starts to become an expectation from the other party, that falls into the category of enabling.
I've had my sister constantly ask to borrow money, and it was the last straw for me when she blew through her giant tax refund of over $7000 and had the audacity to ask me for rent money over a week later. Then she tried to take me on a giant guilt trip and made excuses over all of her "necessities" like brand new kitchen appliances, two brand new HDTVs, etc. At that point, I said enough is enough. I no longer loan money to ANYBODY. All it does is create stress for everyone involved, and it just enables financial stupidity.
Smart, very smart.
I will loan on very rare cases, I am more likely to give and never if people ask (had a few bad experiences with leeches).
"brand new kitchen appliances, two brand new HDTVs" ... all of that in a week ? Wow ... is that even possible ? Or was it just expanses made before that were brought up ?
@@dorixcraft walk into best buy you can buy all that stuff in 1 day
The 7000 tax refund tells me she likely didnt pay more than that in taxes. She got some of my money!
People can ask all they want……… doesn’t mean you have to give it to them. Learn to say no
I agree. I learned that if you keep helping them they keep coming back. Saying no is the best way to help them. My story is in comments above.
Amy is obviously a true FEEB. She needs to grow a spine and not care about anyone's problems.She needs to SHUT THE HELL Up and stop babbling 24/7 like a child. When these sleazeballs come around with THIER hands out SHE needs to slam the door in their faces. Forget all this fruity swishy crap about love,loving them better etc.
Cut the crap and just scream HELL NO,sound off like you got a pair. Never give a damn about lazy irresponsible stupid people and most of all MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
Amy needs TO STFU AND STOP BEING A WEAK WIMP, as Dave is telling her.....stop enabling the sister by making her act responsible. WTF is up with talk of "love" and giving her $50? How about NOT CARING ABOUT THIS SISTER and AMY learning to keep her mouth SHUT? Since the sister is being disrespectful, Amy needs SHOULD NEVER EVER HELP FAMILY MEMBERS. Amy also could benefit from learning to MIND HER BUSINESS AND KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT. Now That's where boundaries come from.
Yep, that's how any conversation begining with panhandling should end...... No,No,No are the only words needed when the losers in your life come begging like you owe them. Just say NO,NOT EVER to everyone as if it's a bodily function and people will get the idea you're not an ATM or government give a way.
I'm broke.....that's what everyone knows about me. It's all part of my early retirement savings plan. 🤫
U r the smartest person in the world. Lol.
Yep. To a certain friend of mine, I’m always short. I have savings but they don’t know that. I am short every once in a while but I have savings of 6 months expenses. Thankfully
i wish i read this comment years ago
Please pardon me for saying this...but I love you because we think alike!
@JoetheGoldenHoe SAME UGH
My family is the same way. Which is why NO ONE knows how much I make. They all think I’m broke but in reality I make more than them. Only way to get peace of mind
Rachel Remy same think here I make more than my family and the think I’m broke too but it’s my money, I spent how I like and if my family needs me to pay a bill for the house that we need then I’ll do it but I’m not going to give them money if the need it for other things. So my family is broke to spend on what we like but we do manage it well enough that we don’t go negative on our bank accounts but keep living.
VERY wise.
I agree!
That’s sad, shouldn’t have to live a lie. Don’t brag but don’t play poor. Pathetic.
@@Chromewarrior They're not living the lie. They're just telling one. Just because they say they live broke doesn't mean they're living broke. Nobody is playing poor; that's such a waste. But if a lie is what it takes to get greedy family off your back, then a lie it is! Oh well.
The emergency fund is for you not your family.
Exactly. Why would you think $1000 is for the whole family??
Don't tell family about your savings because they will come for those savings 🤦♀️
Yes. My Mom did.
Not my family they are the opposit i have to force giving then things
@@Mr.Mrs.Smith. me too
Yeah income is one thing, savings are an entire other ball game! Never tell family about savings! That's the worst!
Say it louder!
“She’s a travel agent for guilt trips” lolllll
🤣🤣🤭
Dave: “no you’re their mother, stupid.” 😂
Classic Dave..love it!
I can't believe people think they have the right to leach off their family members.
Oh yes, and it all starts with my mother in law. She's first in line for any benefit program at the same time. The whole world owes her something.
Exactly.
True
You're letting your family destroy your future. Stop enabling. Your emergency fund isn't for other people's emergencies. The giving starts at Step 7.
And even still, that doesn't mean you enable people who are abusive and irresponsible. And that's what your sister is, she's abusing you.
Poor planning on her sister's part does NOT constitute an emergency on Amy's part.
Well said! Love it!
one of the best lesson i learned was it's okay to treat people differently if they're behaving differently
They're asking her for money and they make MORE??! That's ridiculous!
DJ239 riiiigggghhhhtttt?! that was it for me!
DJ239 my family does the same.
I absolutely believe it. I mean....we've all heard the stories of people who win millions in the lottery only to be bankrupt one year later....
My neighbor used to do that until I stopped loaning the money. It slipped out of him in a bragging situation that he earned more than I did.
Well, there's a small possibility that sis is in a much higher cost-of-living area. I'm in the Bay Area--if I'm making 90K and the caller is making, say 70K in Chattanooga, then for all practical purposes she's making more money. So there's maybe a 5% chance it's not ridiculous.
My sis in law was constantly asking my husband for money "for the kids". So i told him dont give her money just when she say i need diapers get diapers, if she needs gas take her car and put a few bucks in, if she needs groceries go get a few groceries. Once we did it twice and her husband asked why we were buying the baby diapers and it stopped
A truly brilliant and relatively simple solution. If the sister-in-law truly needed those items, her husband might have never questioned it.
Wow 😳
That was very smart move
This is one of the reasons food stamps (SNAP) can only be spent on FOOD.
Even then no
I wish I saw this video sooner. Luckily I have stopped enabling my family member who had been draining me since I was 17 years old (now nearing 25). She knew I had money on my credit limit and she had me either write a check or Venmo her. It hurt so much and there was such a guilt trip, because I had money and she didn’t so if she lost her car it would be my fault.
It took me TOO LONG to realize that was nonsense. She’s a grown adult, why can’t she pay for her life just like I do for myself? It took a few difficult conversations, and therapy, but now finally I’m at a point where I’m going to be able to pay off my credit card debt after refusing to give her handouts anymore.
I am good at fixing things. My family is always wanting me to look at their vehicle, leaking faucet, etc.
I was unable to say no. Before I knew it. I am working 5 days a week and spending weekends doing their stuff. It even got to the point of doing it after work.
I finally just stopped for everyone.
Are you saying she had you borrow money to the limit of your credit?
Good for you!!
Have to have this conversation with my mother in the next 24 to 48 hrs. She's been a habitual borrower (from various family members)
since I was a child amd now I'm a 39. Tired
There's recently been a big wave of media about being open about salaries. This is why I don't think that's a good idea.
Keep your finances private.
That one dislike is from the sister 😂😂
It's not your problem if someone else can't handle money.
And if you give them money they will never learn or take responsibility.
They will come back asking for more and more.
And they will never pay you pack.
And yes, never disclose your personal finacial situation to anyone ever !
the moment I tell anybody I'm saving money they start to ask for it
why are you telling people about your money?
@@nickc3856 agreed. And jo jo, get new friends.
Can I have some money Gohan?
Get away from the people who do not want you to succeed financially. Switch clubs, stop answering calls, change jobs or even neighborhoods if you must, but make sure that the only people in your inner circle care about you at least enough to let you succeed - and, hopefully, to help you succeed.
I have a couple of friends who know we paid off our mortgage, but yeah no one knows how much money we have.
I told my Sister 2 years ago to write a book report on the Total money makeover and I would give her $500.00. She never did and got offended and now she wont speak with me.
NO MEANS NO. Case closed. Wish I’d taken my own advice 5 years ago. Family members own me $6400. I get $50 here and $20 there. Meanwhile they just bought a motor home so they can take a month off from work and go see America. 🤬
Please don't be offended.
Your comment made me laugh.😆😆.
Please don't loan your hard earned money to anyone or cosign for a loan.
If people want money tell them go to the bank it's full of the stuff.😆
Kate. Ireland.
Kate O' Loughlin Lesson learned.
Arthur Wellesley Yay. I got $1000 paid back to me. Hopefully this continues.
Hi to court. If they can afford to pay for that they can pay you
Just don't expect it back anymore. Forget about it and move on
"Sorry, I can't pay my bills and yours too. I found a plan that is getting me out of debt. Maybe you should try it too."
.
Stand firm.
Omg she’s describing my life! I’m a stay at home mom, both of my siblings work, and they come to me to borrow money... it’s insane
I am in the fortunate position to have been able to help family and have them pay back every penny. My heart goes out to people who have to deal with this bs from their family
That's awesome. Your family was raised right.
Why are you making your finances someone else's business? Someone asks what I have financially, I tell them "not enough!"
If you smoke, drink, have tattoos, then you can afford to feed your children. Feed them beans and rice. I had to do this when my wife died and the money was just not there.
I think that lack of discipline and inability to prioritize are at the root of their financial woes.
Or don't have kids and life will be easier
So sorry for your loss Jim
I hope your doing well.
Hope you are doing great man♥️
I can see helping relatives in an emergency, but not as an ongoing supplement to their income.
My sister used to ask me for money to pay her mortgage. The last time she did that, I said I would help her only if I could send her to FPU, my treat. She said that she was too busy for that.
Oh well.
What's FPU?
Financial peace university
That’s an Awesome response!!
Good one
Jvolstad I hope you 🛑 stopped giving her money
I told my family members that I will not lend anyone money ever. Every person I have told had a very shocked, somewhat disappointed reaction. It was like they were expecting me to be available to lend them money when I am older(I’m 21). I’ve already had an uncle ask to borrow over $1,000 to help him buy a car 🙄. I immediately said no.
Wow!!!
I have NEVER lent money to anyone, not even family.
Please keep that mentality all through life. You're on the right path. I wish I started with that mentality
My niece, whom I love dearly, asked me to cosign a student loan. I said sorry, but no. I don't cosign for relatives. I did cosign on an inexpensive car loan for my son. He made payments for a while, through automatic withdrawal, and then paid it off early. I had the money to pay it off if I had to, but he works hard, and I knew I wouldn't have to worry. Otherwise, no - I do not cosign.
I have a boyfriend that I have a child with . He works 12 hour shifts and his mom is fully retired from the military she makes more than anyone but still asks for $100/$200 a day from him and he is too scared to tell her no but I tell him to be careful and if he says no she guilt trips him......
Love how blunt Dave always is. He straight up called this lady a wimp... the truth hurts sometimes.
That's what I am. No boundaries wimp...
@@sinjinmonsoon9055 Oh yeah? Was that you on the phone?
Enablers
My co worker tells me daily how poor she is.
My co worker literally eats out 3x a day.
Just blows my mind
I love the way Dave says "I love you too much to give you money". He is so right. The relationship between money and emotions is so important to recognise and loving somebody is a more effective method than criticising them.
Why would you tell anyone how much money you have in savings?😑
when you brag about DR's plan and say you are on baby step 2. Just wait until they say they are on baby step 4.
@@michaelcookielover6091 lol
Exactly!!!
Michael Cookielover Family can't wait until she's on step 7. So that she can be "giving and generous" 😁
I could see it being appropriate if you're helping them with advice. If they're coming to you like how did you do this. And you might walk them step-by-step how you did it. But if they're asking for money just say no, you don't justify your answer either it's just no period. Offer them free advice if they want it on how to get on track but not cash.
Even then there's some exceptions likely. Like when my grandfather passed away, and grandma didn't have the money for the funeral, all the grown children gathered together and everybody pitched in. But those cases should be rare.
I've been own my own since I was 19. I always make sure that my home, car, utilities, and all necessities are allocated money BEFORE I buy anything else. If I had kids I would make sure that their needs are taken care of BEFORE my own.
Say NO!
I literally just sent my sister 300 dollars and then I found this. Ughhhh
rip why
Tell her it's A Gift and to Never ask for money Again
if you want to give money as a gift thats fine just dont do loans with family or friends
If you did it because you could live and give like no one else, fine. If it was to help her out her own stupidity, you should feel bad. I hope it was the former.
@@robedmund9948 It was the latter. I didn't want to be mean. But it wasn't responsible for me to give that away. She wanted to borrow money because she couldn't come home to deposit some cash and needed money to pay her CC bill. And....she did have time to do all of that the previous weekend when she did come home. This doesn't happen anymore since she has graduated.
Her sister is manipulating her and don't think much of her, trust me I've been there...
If someone comes to me saying they don't have food to feed their kids.
I can help you with bread, peanut butter, a cannister of oatmeal, some canned vegetables. This will feed your kids for a week.
It's amazing how often they won't be interested.
Funny, that's what i fed my kids when we were short on finances.
I send a list of local food banks to the sister!
@@terrid1030 that was a really good response.
“You make too much money to be broke!” Spot on!
At my office, there is someone in high management who constantly gets calls from collectors, and creditors, asking about payments... and then there are those on the bottom of the totem who has no debt, bills paid on time, and a nice little “nest egg”.
'Travel agents for guilt trips' LOVE that one 🤣
Bought my sister a car, let her stay with me, paid for her licenses (that she never got) only to find out she lied about receiving her degree, she has been doing drugs on the side, and she never planned on getting a job. Smh... I cried but I had to let it go.
No isn't working because YOU don't even stand behind your NO. Once you believe your NO, everyone else will too. I make a lot of money and I have a lot of savings AND I talk about it all openly on my UA-cam channel yet no one comes and tries to shame me into giving it to them. My No is absolute and I don't even give reasons why.
Hello, Somebody!
Yes
“I am not loaning you money anymore. Do not ask me again. Ask again and you and I are finished. Period. Ask again and the words ‘restraining order’ enter the conversation. Now get out of my house and stay out until you stop ask me for money.” Worked for my family. And the knew I was serious.
Dave Ramsey's method was kinder and more compassionate.
This is cold I’m saving this one for future use.
"I am my own charity"
- The Millionaire Next Door
I like this one too, "I am my own first responder." (When talking about self defense)
I live by this.
When I got divorced I called my rich brother and asked him for $2K.
So I could move into an aprt. He said no. The best thing that ever happened to me.
When I hanged up the phone I realized either I sink or swim.
hung up*
Derek Gardin 🤣🤣
Take responsibility for yourself! Don’t ever tell anyone about your finances!
stop telling your sister about your finances, that should stay in your household in the first place. tell her you don't have any money for her.
Don't be afraid to say NO, because saying NO is actually one of the most loving things you can do.
$1000.00 in baby step one is good, but I wouldn’t say it is “success” status yet. One trip to the emergency room and it would be long gone. I agree with other comments that your account balance is nobody’s business but yours. How do they know you have $1K? You told them? Why?
They aren’t taking “no” for an answer? Are you really saying no?! I’m trying to imagine what they would say beyond your no...and why are you still listening?
I get that they are family, but shouldn’t your family be the MOST respectful to one another?
I’m not sure why this situation in particular bothered me so much...people’s entitlement and lack of responsibility in adulthood is so baffling.
And I bet the guilt trip of the kids aren’t going to be able to eat is coming from a too big home with a full pantry of things they don’t want to cook.
America, you really need to visit countries in true poverty and see how much is taken for granted by most of the citizenry.
It's because people make the mistake of falling up there no with a justification. I've had to learn this one the hard way but you just leave your no at no with no room for them to wheedle. You hang up or you walk away if they won't change the subject. "I said no, you can Call back if you have something else to talk about" *click*."
As far as the food, she can go to a pantry. Likely if she gets no money she will find a way to buy food. If you feel guilty keep it secret, donate to a local food bank.
Set up a emergency fund
Truth.
It's telling that in their family having 1k is viewed as "success" to the point people think that's a sign to ask for money lol.
What I learned is "sweet people" don't survive in this wicked world.
Innocent and naive do not survive. They get exploited and abused by ruthless and wicked.
Made think of Game of Thrones. You win or you die. There is no middleground.
Very true
When I once told a family member that I didn’t have the money at the time when she asked. She got mad and called me evil. This is called guilt tripping by way of manipulation.
They don’t
I made a mistake telling my mom and sister exactly how much I make and now all the bills on me and I’m the youngest . Literally been taking care of myself since 16 🤦♀️
It’s not hard to say no! Someone asked me for money the other day. I told her that I’m not giving anyone a penny for anything. I’m on a financial journey.
They will never ever learn unless you cut them completely off. You may want to block them from calling you. Anyone who capes for them, block them too & go to sleep in peace.
Love this!😍
That part
My personal passed experiences. I was taught give & give, but when I was down and those I gave too didn't give a flying flip! Many years passed, I realized they were living out of my pocket, due to their fake dying needs. Hard lessons learned, if you allow it they will come to use you all up, brush they're hand clean & walk away.
Sad, but true. Good news, there are plenty of folks who don't do that. 😊
@@rosc2022 Yes there is many good ppl, so you keep them and move on.
If someone close to you asks you for money to buy groceries, and you really want to help them, buy and give them a bag of groceries instead.
"Ask for money, get advice. Ask for advice, make money twice."
If someone asks for money, tell them to go to the bank. If they say they can’t because their credit score is trashed. Ask them why that is. Answer, because they don’t pay their bills on time or at all. So if they don’t their pay bills to a lender that has the capacity to ruin their cs--they would never ever pay you back.
Never loan $ to anyone, period!
Bring children over, I’ll feed them. Keeping my money.
Tell them, “No, and don’t ask me again.”
This is the best Ramsey video ever. I have never learned more about love, family and money.
Wow, I wish I heard this 10 years ago. Good message Dave.
One of the most important words that you can learn to say is "no". A lot of people seem to have a lot of trouble saying it. The word no will save you a lot of grief and prevent you from being taken advantage of left and right.
I can TOTALLY relate to this woman!! If I didn't know any better I would say my family duplicated themselves in this woman's life.
I am SLLLLOOOOWWWLY learning the value of saying NO!
Watching Dave Ramsey has made me really appreciate my parents advice of don’t discuss your money with people
I wouldn’t mind helping family once, maybe even twice. But after that we have a problem.
Something similar so what they're talking about happens to me also I thought I was being nice but after 15 years of loans to a family member I realize now I've just been weak and whenever I don't cough up the money that family member always makes me feel guilty about it I guess I'm going to have to put my foot down cuz I've just had enough
Oh man...seems like there are people like this in every family. I think those that "borrow" have no shame or guilt. I'm no longer loaning money,if I give them anything it's a small amount and I say I'm gifting it(which is rare now,I think they are getting the hint). I also no longer talk money with them at all. Like just mentioning you're saving for something or doing a money saving challenge opens the door for them to know you've got some money. My mother and brother used me to use my good credit to buy a washer and I ended up having to buy it. It took a while but I was able to get the washer and sell it.
My mother and sister were doing the same thing. They were constantly ask or demanding money from me. I had to cut both of them off from any contact. They did everything that they could think of to do so anyway. They actually believed that I owed them a living. My mother passed away and then my sister. It may be awful, but it is a relief now that I don't have to deal with that.
Another good book is When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Great read.
This woman is weak. She has no boundaries. I’m sure others in her life are/have taken advantage of her all her life.
preach
This is such a mirror of how family’s been..they have some horrific story then I Become rescue ranger..hard to say no, then I feel guilty and selfish but I’m not 😞 ...maybe I’m the whimp
I recognize me .
Yeah, I've been weak since I and My wife started working. To be honest with you, I still struggle with this and idk why it's such a problem. I don't want to be a weak little wimp anymore just because I can't form the word NO
Went broke helping someone else and that was the wake up call for us. It's sad that everyone who ask us is older than us and should be helping us learn to manage money not the other way around
Wow Dave Ramsey sounds a lot like Jordan Peterson. Love them both!
Open a second savings account, put your money in it and show your sister account number 1 with $10 and ask her for money. I helped you now I need help!!! See what happens. She says no then you say last time you said no to me, why should I say yes to you. Mind games but......
GOOD MOVE. They suddenly "are doing it harder than you are". As they drive off in a top of the line 6 month old SUV.....
No one's asked us for money yet, but we do keep extra copies of The Total Money Makeover to gift to friends and family who show interest in what we've done or who are complaining about being broke all the time.
I needed to watch this, so badly. Thank you.
I loan money to friends and family all the time but I always make them sign a note and trade me an item of equal or more in value. If you cant pay it becomes mine.
Moses Yang That’s one way to do it. Make it a business transaction. That way you don’t lose. They do if they don’t pay.
Still never loan money. That’s the bank job
This topic always fascinates me. For two reasons; one, how do people so EASILY think nothing of asking another adult, a family member, for money, and two, what's SO hard about saying no? I don't get it. The former is something I'd NEVER do and the latter is something I'd have no problem doing. Also, not to sound judgmental, but a thousand dollars in a savings account and family members think that's a sum that would justify BORROWING money?????????? I consider that being perilously close to being BROKE.
If the family is toxic, don’t tell anyone you are doing Dave Ramsey. Maybe she should say to her sister, “OMG, I was gonna ask you for money since you are making so much more than me”.
"No" is an answer. It gets easier the more you do it. You'd be amazed how quickly people learn to solve their own problems when you stop paying their way.
Love the viewpoint on this. Tough love all the way! Have fought this battle for too many years.
I told all my family members and friends I no longer lend out money. It’s not worth the head ache having to chase money and be on bad terms with someone because of money they owe you. Just be straight up and tell them no explain why !
Investing Hustler and sometimes it's better to not even explain at all, just no
You really are a sweet heart and I really don’t like how they’re taking advantage of you. The main thing I can tell you is for one stop telling them about your success. They don’t need to know that you’re getting better with your finances. If you want to tell them how well you’re doing you can say that without giving them the details. I know how you feel about your nieces and nephews because that was the same thing with me for once but after I realized how family doesn’t care about your financial situation I realized that as much as I love my nephews they’re not my kids and it’s my siblings responsibility to take care of their child not mine and if they can’t get their act together that’s on them 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Talk about 'Say it as it is!' Even I'm a bit afraid of Dave at times.
Dave you are amazing!
? "hard to say no"? I've not had that problem... lucky for me, as I've heard a few people call up Dave with this problem. God bless you all.
I would tell the sister that if she isn’t going to feed her kids, I would be happy to call
Child’s protective services for her
Good one 😂
Dave’s “no BS” way of talking to people is great, sugar coating this stuff does more harm than good,
Sounds like what I went through with my sisters. They would always use their kids to get me to give them money. When that stopped working, they would get money from our elderly mom because they knew that I would always help our mother out if she needed money. 🤦🏻♀️ Those were rough years! Once their kids were no longer kids, and after my mom died, then the hemorrhaging stopped. They now know better than to ask for money!
Um, don’t talk to people about your money. I thought this was common sense.
I'd say ' send the kids over to our house for dinner..... you stay in the car '
I hate it when people make you feel bad about yourself for not borrowing them money. I would never dream of guilt tripping someone for money.
I needed this, my 21 year old daughter is killing me financially
You are proud of what you are doing so you want to tell people. I hope you have learned your lesson to keep your finances to yourself. People who have money don’t usually talk about how much they have.
Okay, I really needed this one.
I imagine it was her role in the family, when she was a child, to take care of everyone and to pick up the slack after the passing of her father. Learning to say no or what you want to the people you love is hard with those entrenched family roles. But it's possible and she can do it and she will feel a lot more freedom in those relationships.
This is the first comment I have ever posted on UA-cam. There is also a need to set emotional and support boundaries with some relatives, also echoing what Dave Ramsey has advised. I was never taught to set boundaries and this has caused me to really suffer. I was devoted to my mother, who suffered from an incurable disease for maybe eight years and gave up my desired career for her. When she died, I spent many years supporting my father and sister emotionally and practically. This was never appreciated and they both treated me dreadfully in return. Along with financial management skills, it's essential to learn early on how to set boundaries and your own priorities in life. Dave Ramsey is a wonderful resource and I wish he was better known in the UK where I come from.
Loaned money one time and told family member if you don’t pay it back don’t ever ask again. Never repaid me. Next time she ask I said no and stuck with it. But remain family and talk like it never happened. Stand firm but remain family.
I’m currently going through a borrower situation right now. I see the light at the end of the tunnel with my student loan debt and I’ve been side tracked. Now I tell the person I can work what i can give them into my budget.
This show really opened my eyes to my own behaviour.
I understand it’s really hard to say no, to family. Really hard, you don’t want to be mean. But that’s totally truth, if you keep providing you’ll make them more comfortable.
Tell her to go to a food bank. And if her kids are in school, then they are getting free meals at school.
Never tell anyone how much money you have. Don't tell them what you earn, or what you've saved. Anyone asks you for money, you draw up a loan agreement, and make them sign it. If they don't pay it back, they never see another dime. Don't expect them to pay it back. It's a matter of respect.
Sis, I don’t want anyone to go hungry. I don’t loan money to anyone. I would happily drive you to the food bank.
When someone ask me for money. I block there number,. And ignore them .
Dave is absolutely right!👏
My old Irish grandma used to say always have two purses 👛 one with most your money in and one with very little in...when people ask ....should them the small one ....