Thankfully, home was the only safe place for me as a teen, not entirely perfect but for the most part safe. It was everyone else who would abuse me incessantly throughout my preadolescent and adolescent years (namely peers and teachers at school where, other than for the abuse, I was otherwise treated as a nonexistent entity...unless, of course, somebody needed something). Then, as a young adult, you soon realize that the only persons whom are ever attracted to you will always inevitably abuse you so, after awhile, you forever swear off all relationships to escape the abuse and violence (and, sadly, any new close friendships since they can no longer be formed without trust) once the last of your trust has been lost, which makes for an extremely lonely life as an adult (that was more than 25 years ago)! I think some of us were placed upon this world to love all, just not to be loved ourselves as we have been left too broken to be loved by others.
I want other empaths to know that as you find your inner peace and learn to better love and understand yourself, you will regain your intuition and become stronger and more impervious to the narcissist's manipulation.
100% true! And we also can’t believe someone could be such a f’n Liar! I was under the impression he wanted to protect me all the while I was sleeping with the enemy.
Narcissists and psychopaths detect empaths like sharks detect blood in the water. You are prey to them and you need to learn to defend yourself , this video is giving some excellent advice .
and you know why? Because empaths are literally bleeding, they have opened wounds from being victimized in their childhood. A childhood trauma ripped their hearts open and created a wound from which a blood is still dripping... When a predator is sensing the blood, it will go for it, because a wounded person is a very easy target, weak and unconscious from blood still dripping, thus so easy to be manipulated. The solution is to seal the heart (bleeding heart flower essence can help with that) to stop the blood from dripping, then working on strengthening itself, loving yourself. A predator will never attack a strong target. A predator aims for an easy, wounded target... For me empaths are like dogs and narcissists are like cats. Cats will usually "love" you if you give them something (like food), dogs give you love unconditionally and will love you no matter what, till death do you part.
It's like one person is awake, though only through themselves. The other is awake only through others. Inside/outside, the NPD individual seeks revenge and backstabbing. The other seeks love and truth. Its really sad and disturbing.
anybody who is an aware human being could spot someone like this. You don't need special psychopath skills for that. Some people just look like a chump. Sad but true.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you stood up for yourself and the other person reacted as if you betrayed them, that was a narc who thought you would be an easy target and you betrayed their assessment.
...the lovebombing makes us totally confused, and that is what screws our gut instinct, until you feel what is happening and withdraw some into ones own feeling to find out whats what. This is also patterns put upon us all, male-female in our childhoods, which we have to get out of. Great video again!
I am a complete empath and I almost fell for the narcissist that I dated. I was never quite convinced by his love bombing although it did exactly what you said in this video. I broke up with him about a month ago and am experiencing the next phase you mentioned ie my attachment system has gone into overdrive and my internal critic too. By watching these videos I’m understanding what has happened more and more and slowly realising the split was for the best.
It’s true. Empaths love being adored. I fell victim to this recently to watch my ex move onto another person within days. They were flaunted in front of me and I continued to stay. Sadly it’s not the first time I’ve been used by a narc or psycho. Both times I’ve gotten out, once on my own and once by being dumped. I have to remember these instances were circumstantial and that I truly was not loving myself first. Now I will.
Add another reason. The need/desire to feel special. I'm an empath who grew up in a narcissistic home with neglect as well. Invisibility has characterized my life. In addition, I have surmised that I act as a mirror to people and when they don't like what they see, they quickly disengage. So I've realized that my deepest longing is to be special, to have someone who, as you say, makes me feel like I'm special to someone. It fulfills the complete lack of that from my both of my parents. And the narcissist does the love bombing in a way that breaks down my defenses which include being suspicious of compliments and flattery. They really have an uncanny ability to know me, sometimes I think narcissists are empaths themselves, but with an evil heart.
And it’s not even about feeling special, but about finally being seen. In a neglectful household no one takes the time to get to know the child and see him/her for who or what they are. That kind of discovery is nonexistent; you’re lucky if you are fed, and should be grateful and shut up 😀
when I was still with my narcissist the love bombing was like a fix. I'd be love bombed and would have an emotional high and feeling of connection. That became a way of controlling me. When I'd start questioning I'd be love bombed and have the high. The relationship became supplier and user. I'm grateful no longer in relationship and can now learn about me.
How long did it take you to be in a grateful state. Im sure you know what i mean. Because i want to get out, i know this abuse is going to destroy me. But i also completely know what you mean with that fix. When hes executing the cruel silent treatment, i would be waiting for my fix. Getting out is not as easy as i want it to be
Liz Liz the out for me came when he left for another women. I was no longer falling for the love bombing. He was also a sober alcoholic, my gratefulness came from working a codependent twelve step program.
@@lisarugenstein3705 Love bombing that does not go beyond flattery and drooling (that is, the narcissistic version) is a mere child's play compared to victimist and savior-seeking love bombing (the borderline / covert narcissist version), which is the really destabilizing and dangerous one.
Even narcissists fall for the love bombing from other narcissists. Stop making empaths sound like they're weak and naive. They're not. There's nothing wrong with having a good heart and wanting a successful relationship. At the end of the day , it takes 2 unhealthy people to keep an unhealthy relationship going. And FYI, the narcissist IS a co-dependent. Narcissists are always feeling sorry for themselves and they'll easily tell you they're a co-dependent/victim. We behave like the narcissist when we put all the blame on them but we have to realize that WE are a common denominator in this equation. They moment we change, our lives change.
Thank you for all you are doing. Have you thought about writing a book? Your information is highly credible, in my opinion, and sorely needed, as there is so much false information online about these topics.
When you’ve been scapegoated and ignored by your family of origin, being payed attention to, acknowledged, affirmed and validated is a powerful cocktail, the first time at least ...
I love your videos. I wish you'd been around in 2009-10 when I was going through all of this. Although I've done my work (and continue to as new things come up) to heal around those experiences, I'm still fascinated with what they are, how they function, etc, and I find your videos both validating and enlightening. You continue to bring insights to this dynamic (and so many others!) that help tie up loose ends and make me feel understood. I had approached my own situation as narcissist/codependent rather than as narcissist/empath, so I worked on healing the codependent patterns and behaviors and forgiving myself while learning new skills to replace the old behaviors. In the time since, I've realized that being an empath is actually a "thing" (and not just woo), and that I am one. Accepting that it's not a weakness or a problem to be fixed to be an empath has been a relief (i.e.,"you're SO over-sensitive, Nat"), and seeing your videos about the issues unique to empaths was extremely validating as well -- those are the things I've worked on the most! LOL! And it's true -- healing them is completely life changing in a wonderful way. But before your videos I had never seen anyone put it the same way. Beautiful, beautiful healing work, Sir. Thank you for what you do and contribute.
Someone I dated did this to me, I've never really been lucky in love and so after 7 years of being single I had a crush on someone for about 5 months at my university who had no idea, 1 day I dared to say hi to them, we talked, bonded (so I thought) and after 1 hangout this person asked me out. Right from the start they said things like "you're so amazing and lovely" and "It would take me a lot to leave you" and what not. It felt like heaven to be "seen" I thought "wow I've waited 7 years for this, it was worth it" let me tell you although the person dropped me like yesterdays garbage 2 and half weeks later out of the blue without any real explanation, I do believe it was blessing in disguise. If a narcissist drops you all of a sudden, it means you're free from their abuse. They will never love you, they don't know how, you are just a bucket on their list and then if you don't live up to their expectations of you they'll drop you like a used toy! I'm glad it was only 2 and a half weeks, because this happened 7 months ago but this lesson will stick with me forever.
Dr Abdul, as usual you deliver the subject very well. It would be helpful if you could talk about how empaths can develop their inner warrior and build psychological distance from their inner critic.
I keep falling for these too good to be true, cinematic, fun but short lived connections. At this point I can’t blame anybody but myself. I just want to be loved and seen and validated, but only I can trust myself to do that nobody else will do it for you.
You have just described me as an empath. I no longer try to date because dating sets off my Sympathetic Nervous System. And I’m not going to be with the wrong person.
Watch out for a energetic like transfer (like electricity which feels calming) if you meet someone in the open. You two may be on the same wavelength and awake. Also take your time if you meet someone it takes time for true love to build and grow.
I would love to hear how to determine the difference between love bombing and normal meeting of needs. The world feels pretty terrifying when it seems you have to constantly watch your back for vampires.
I am so grateful to have found your videos, sir. I just learned about NPD 8 months ago and it has really helped me incredibly. Now that I know I am an empath ( i just found that out last week) and have found your videos, my failed relationships and life in general due to my wiring makes sense. I have work to do, but now I know what work needs to be done and my purpose. This has changed my life! Thank you for your work and videos! Many blessing to you!
This video was so enlightening to me and especially around the empath going into that "infantile state" with the narcissist. My mother was a narcissist and I have never gotten those connection needs met. And along comes this man who seemingly is meeting allllll those needs. My nervous system had never been so relaxed in all my life. And it was 2 months in that the devaluation began. I am grateful for the journals that I kept that helped me piece things together. 9 years later I am finally emerging burned out and fried and we have an almost 5 year old. I didn't know until right before I left in November 2018 that my mother was a narc and then "saw" him shortly after. Thank you for shedding light on exactly what happened there with him in those early stages. I got all the way to burned out raging empath before leaving. I felt like I had no idea who I was any longer. I am grateful beyond belief that this happened, however, as he was not my first narc relationship and he will be my last. I have seen the light and am doing my inner work and shadow work to see clearly all the ways I was a part of allowing this ongoing abuse in my life. It's interesting now that I am repulsed by love bombing when I see it happening to others or if someone does that to me now. Thanks again! I am loving that I found your page!
Yup, the one who will know you the most; really see you for who you are...It’s an illusion, or a temporary state that vanished and was replaced by toxicity
Dr. Saad, you are so good on what things in childhood produce a narcissist and also in this video on what characteristics in an empath make her (or him) vulnerable to love bombing by a narcissist!I thought I was vulnerable to love bombing only because I think I'm lovable! I see now there was probably more. I do have a need to please and am very sensitive to the feelings of others. When my (now obvious) narcissist wrote that he loved my soul, I deemed it excessive and even wrote a friend that I thought he had idealized me into a person I really was not. His gaslighting and messages that conflicted with one another didn't make me think I was going crazy. I was afraid he was. I finally decided to run a test, which he didn't pass. I had known him for many years--but not closely. Thank God my closer relationship with him, much of which was via correspondence, lasted for only about a year and certainly did not destroy my life. What clued me into the idea that this man might be a narcissist was that he once wrote of himself as a "starving genius." It was that word "genius." Your videos have been helpful to me, and I thank you.
You make reasonable sense both in terms of the increase in clinginess and relaxation of one’s defense mechanisms. It makes for the narcissist to cage you when this happens.
Thoughts for discussion: The essence of self or archetype is what a person is when born and personality is that that is that which is acquired over time by influences and experience. The personality is necessary to function in the world. But must not be used to dominate the essence or it will produce an artificial persona that cuts off a person from such true essence of who they truly are. This is termed as living life in a state of sleep thus effected by external over dependency or self protection of this false persona with mechanical stimulus response. Each archetype has gifted functions that produce unique properties that contribute to our society. When people are conformed to a false personality then such are easy to manipulate by persuasion or propaganda and thus controlled. When a person is ready to leave the nest one is fully developed and independent and free of continuous emotional neediness (or one should be).
When a quick and early personality grows from excessive external influences that occur over our essence, that as is our true self, thus it can be virtually overshadowed and stop developing at a very early age and as a result we see men or women externally quite grown up but whose essence remains at 10 or 12. From a practice known as ‘self-remembering’ we can separate ourselves from processes and limitations that have enslaved us since childhood and return us to the true essence of who we truly and actually are and this process begins with that that is that of self observation. Who am I: HSP INTJ 5W4 EMPATH (4/7 Schizoid). There is nothing more liberating than to ‘know thy self’ and the essence of who I am, my quirks and all the inner parts, those small ‘I’s’, that make up me. For I am not my thoughts, nor my feelings or nor my emotions but my true self is that that is that as the observer of these things. Therefore I am truly awake to some degree and see myself as others see me. -oOo- Empathy becomes unbearable feeling another's pain thus one is committed to easing it for self as much as for the other. But solutions are very difficult should the other be asleep or in self denial of such pain so the only option is to let the other go or find some way of coping with this tragedy within oneself. So when we witness someone behaving badly we are in fact observing their false persona that is covering an immature essence of who they are. They might be better than that behaviour but so might we. Therefore when compassion is applied with firmness towards the other it is in fact acknowledging the other at a level of maturity we see within ourselves.
the answer to your question is because empaths are suckers we have healers disease we are forever hopeful that love will prevail yet the truth of life is that the Joker rules the world cuz there are way too many indifferent narcs in the world ( covertly hostile wounded victim babies seeking revenge ) i could go on yet i cant cuz it is all way too repulsive
FACTS! FACTS! FACTS! I recognize that I'm a giver and typically look after others. I was under the impression that I was getting reciprocity in the relationship. There were moments where i actually thought to myself "wow, I feel like such a baby, cared for and innocent"
Thank you so much for these videos. As an Empath who has slept through nearly 35 years of marriage with a covert narcissist, and who is now going through a sudden divorce, I am finding these so very helpful to heal and move forward in a healthy way.
Lack of experience also def comes up..once you been deeply impacted by a someone with narc tendencies.. one goes through another stage of becoming overly protective and hyper reactive with anyone solely showing the traits.. imbalance the warrior inside to be hyper vigilant.. can't wait until I feel some what normal again with my emotions...
Abdul, can you say more about a hyper-activated attachment system? (i.e., cause, what to be aware of, managing) This is the first time I’ve heard this and it’s another case of finally having a name for something I’ve been experiencing all my life.
For The Love of Music he did a video on the empath and the narcissist a while back that discusses the mirroring effect. It has to do with when we are born and stare into our mother’s eyes. As she mirrors us the attachment is formed etc. it’s a great video.
I think lack of self love is like a bad perfume. People can smell it and specially the manipulators. It took me long time to get over that kind of love bombing.
You have such a great way of explaining that is detailed, straightforward, not overwhelming and easy to grasp. Your videos have really helped me to start to create a better life. Thank-you Abdul for helping me & others empower ourselves.
There’s no way I should date anyone until I can get my inner warrior on super hero strength and quiet that inner critic all the way. Better to be lonely than go out bad with a narcissist zapping my life energy.
R C Major realization that I need to strengthen my INNER WARRIOR in order to defeat the inner critic. In turn, defeating/silencing our loud bossy Inner Critic will allow our Inner Intuition to be heard more clearly. As a child I was so used to ignoring or discounting my Intuition because I had such a loud External critic (my mom) which over time developed into my loud Internal Critic.
Excellent information! The focus on the DYNAMICS of the relationship with a narcissist is especially valuable to me, because that focus is not about assigning blame to one party or the other, but more about knowing oneself better so that one's relationships get better. And your series of videos about narcissistic personalities are among the best I have ever seen (I would even say they are on a par with Otto Kernberg's extensive lectures on narcissism.) First Class!
Thank you Sir, I've learnt so much from your videos that I feel as a different person 😊 Still empath but aware, stronger and free. Thanks and God bless you.
Im really enjoying your teaching videos. Im an Empath and just left an extremely abusive narcicistic person who had mpd. Wish i had found you sooner. Blessed
Thank you for giving me more insight on what I can do to sharpen my deficits and grow as a warrior Empath. Please do more videos to help us out here. Thanks
Interesting, my ex husband is a narcissist who I had no clue about before now but all the classical signs showed up. He loved bomb me, mirrored me, silent treatments for weeks at a time, devalued me, and discarded me for good after leaving me 5-6 different times. However, being an empath my ability to please went into overdrive. I was shocked by it at first. Yet, my awareness & ability to understand mistreatment saved me emotionally from being emotionally battered for very long. Having childhood trauma forced me to not dive to deeply into my past without triggering too many ill-feelings for some odd reason & meeting him served a purpose. He unlocked the door to my childhood trauma & freed that part of myself up to experience things differently. I was no longer that shy innocent girl who was locked away frightened & fearful of intimacy. I felt loved I assumed, but felt more aligned to my authentic self. My playful energetic self emerged ready for the most dangerous encounters & I never experienced that before ever. To make a long story short, I'm still dealing with some of the residual things related to meeting him & not having closure allowed me to dig deeper to understand my own needs. Why, why, why? So the why showed up & I'm still recovering & loving all parts of myself. I don't want him back even after he tried. I'm still working on myself & I'm a different person because of it all. Don't get me wrong I've experienced several emotions related to what I assumed was a situationship & four years marriage. I survived & a need was met for me. Is that weird or what?
What about the situation where an empath is falling for another empath? Wouldn't this also look like 'love bombing'? What is the best way to distinguish between an empath who is genuinely falling in love and the manipulative 'love bombing' of the narcissist?
i got love bombed in a krishna temple, had a psychotic crisis and was quickly discarded.... it made such a mess in my life. those kind of places can be very dangerous to empaths
Thank you so much for such a brilliant comprehensive explanation of the empaths dynamics and our connectedness to all and the need to develop our inner warrior. ☮️
You know exactly what you're talking about, as if it has been your personal experience which you have overcame and hence as a result of recovering and breaking free from it, you have documented your analysis. Although i realise it instead is a discipline you read. It is painful that its true there are evil human who pretends to be our spouse and build a home and family with us just to break us for their hidden agenda
Thank you for this amazing work you do. Could you please explain more about how the Empath develops the Internal Warrior ? I'm finding myself running away from confrontation when I feel in my gut that the other person (usually narcs) has attacking attitude towards me. I mean that when my gut / head tells me it's not safe to try to discuss anything I say thank you for experience and walk away.
Your videos have been extremely educational, and I really appreciate your sharing with us your take on these subjects - narcissism, empaths and codependency - based on your keen observations, analysis and wisdom. I agree with what you said in this video - I can totally relate. Recently, I started to realize that the core issues of narcs and (wounded) empaths are exactly the same - they are both very insecure people and although many people seem to think and say that narcs and empaths are like magnets (two opposite types of people possessing opposite traits), I believe that deep inside, their core wounds are the same - lack of self-respect, self-worth, and self love. I also believe that Narcissism is contagious, and if you stay in a relationship with NPD too long, you can possibly start to act narcissistic without having the awareness of doing it. I don’t have BPD or NPD (I asked my therapists if I have them and they said I don’t), but I did engage in narcissistic behavior in the past and I can clearly recognize that I have some narcissistic traits which I have been working on diligently to overcome. I am aware of the fact that having narcissistic tendencies (emotionally immature traits) and having NPD are different things, but Narcissism is a spectrum as we all know, and it is my personal opinion based on my own experiences and observations, that the core wounds of narcissists and empaths are really the same. (I know I am repeating myself here!) I was in relationships with people pleasers who were empaths (or highly sensitive individuals) who were also covert (or vulnerable) Narcissists. So I think you can be an empath and Narc both at the same time, and it’s not as simple as narcs versus empaths as a lot of people think. I know my worth and I respect and value myself very much now, so I don’t need to be validated for my gifts, talents, and all my wonderful traits. Now if someone praises me, I just stay neutral. I learned my lesson, the hard way, and it was a very expensive lesson.
Just to piggyback off what you said + offer some additional insight I've learned through my own experience with a highly functioning covert narcissist/this channel: I also agree that narcissists and empaths** [**to be most accurate in the comparison, codependents] share the same core wound (which is why they are so magnetized to one another, both seemingly satisfying what the other lacks, with only one aware of the true nature of exchange from the onset--the narcissist). However, their methods of seeking to satisfy their healing needs are different. The empath is "pre-set" to give and the narcissist is "pre-set" to take. A narcissist is ready to take by any means necessary (including harming others). An empath is ready to give by any means necessary (including putting themselves in harm's way). Covert narcissists in particular may be highly sensitive and able to reveal vulnerability but like all narcissists, they are not capable of feeling actual empathy--only mirroring/performing empathy which is often done to satisfy an agenda (and this also depends on where they fall on the spectrum/whether they are higher functioning). An empath/codependent is hypersensitive to and overwhelmed by their capacity for empathy which shuts down their ability to recognize or create healthy and rational boundaries, leaving them highly susceptible to a narcissist's agenda. I think it's important to distinguish between narcissistic personality disorder (what's being discussed in these videos) and narcissistic personality traits. A personality trait can be gained and lost through life experience; a personality disorder in this case is rarely to be cured outside of consistent and intensive therapy (and some don't believe NPD can truly be cured, perhaps only managed to self express to a less harmful degree). A narcissist cannot be an empath because a lack of empathy is key to their personality disorder. Being an empath (and even codependent) does not constitute as a personality disorder--it's a set of learned behaviors which may or may not be linked to an actual personality disorder (like BPD). Of course empaths and non-empaths alike can absolutely be damaged psychologically due to narcissistic abuse and employ narcissistic traits as a defense mechanism but that's not the same as having NPD/being a Narcissist. In fact we are all capable of exhibiting narcissistic traits (it's part of self preservation of the human species) but pathological narcissism is an extreme, disordered and dysfunctional expression of what would otherwise be a normal human process. Anyway sorry for the novel but I'm happy to hear you're healing from your experience (I am too!)
I have been recovering from a narcissistic female. She was worse than my ex husband. I even actually feared her when I broke it off. What I feared was her being able to carry a gun. Thank for this video. I'm more enlightened now.
Yep, I was like a drug addict too. Fortunately I started taking legally prescribed amphetamines and that helps with the longing. And, yes, I used to reframe her inconsistencies too.
Jeez, this is very interesting. Your note about the "second childhood" phase is exactly how I call it for myself. However, something even more interesting happened to me. When I met that person (who, in my view, is a cheerful covert narcissist), I was in my roundup phase of PTSD (following losing 3 people in my family in a short period of time). That is to say, I mostly overcame it already but I was still burned out by panic attacks and so on, low energy. My family was not supportive at all (they were grieving too, and they are generally not reliable for help). So when I met that person, they actually gave me the space where I could rest, feel accepted, feel appreciated, and they provided me with relief from guilt (of a survivor). For about 2 years, this "container" was healing me. And only later on did it become detrimental - after I recovered, and became more active, and started progressing in my career, I started to be viewed as a threat and that person turned into a critic and gaslighter. I don't justify narcissism, to make that clear. I just want you to know of this particular effect in my situation. It may sound a bit crazy, but can some forms of narcissism cure some effects of PTSD in empaths who lost their balance because of something big? Was it only possible for me (I am very skilled in internal work, know lots of tools and I was obviously doing everything I could for my recovery and used every piece of the beneficial conditions)? Was it a mild form of narcissism that made that possible? I don't know. In any case, thanks a lot for your work, your videos give me a lot of food for thought. :)
I identify as an empath, but as much as i attach my self to some people , i can also stay stone cold towards others i do not " feel" , meaning, there has to be a mutuality otherwise i close-up in my oyster shell, and just pretend to like them, and keep wondering what is so unappealing with them..
Mr. Saad... .. your insights and adroit professionalism are most extraordinary. I recognize the ground or "field" breaking advances you are making in establishing well defined patterns in behavior characteristics. And as much...your grace and presentability is among the best I've ever seen...and I'm from Hollywood !!! Been learning much from you... ..and finding a goodness at heart because of it. May God bless you Abdul...your skills are astounding.
Thank you. It doesn’t make me feel any hope but at least it explains why I am attached to a narcissist. I don’t know which curse is worse, being an empath or being a narcissist. Two ends of a swinging pendulum.
You ALWAYS have hope. The hardest part is realizing that everything you "believe' to be facts or truths has been twisted and hijacked. Once you realize that, you can begin to heal and move on. It's painful and it sucks while you're going through it, but in the end, the peace and eventual strength you will feel is immeasurable. You are the most important person to you, become a master of putting yourself first.
narcs have it worse, empaths tend to be self reflective,spurred on by the inner critic, where narcs do not. the more you become familiar with the patterns between empath and narc, the less you will be able to play it. it just becomes embarrassing.
Thank you so much for all your work on this channel! It's really helped me understand myself as an Empath. And your video on the need for magnesium changed my life in a dramatic way! I can actually sleep now and have much less anxiety.
This is very helpful. I recently wrote about this topic from a personal perspective, having discovered these traits in myself in the journey to heal from painful choices and relationships. Thank you!!!🙂
Completely describing my experiences and going back several times only to have them revert back. Love did not conquer all. But I am learning to understand which will help me to get stronger and get over the guilt of not making it work. Was hard to believe for me that being so forgiving would not bring resolution. Very damaging to sincere hearts as I have found in volunteering that I was definitely not alone.
I really appreciate you putting these videos out! I am an empath and have been fascinated by psychology my whole life. I knew there were things I was unconsciously doing in relationships in order to continuously be bombarded by narcissism. I also recognize some of the traits you peg as narcissistic in me, which is slightly disturbing. Thank you!
Best explanation I’ve heard yet , as you were speaking , I was seeing myself doing all the things you mentioned, it helps me know why i fell for it , thank you so much
🎶💜🎶 { WOW !!! ... I can finally have an answer to the question my therapist asked 30 yrs ago "why do you keep choosing the wrong people ??? " I can finally have some understanding as to why I've made so many wrong decisions ! I was simply & sadly starving for love that my mother didn't give me as a child , I dont know what happened to her but she was overwhelmingly negative , emotionally absent when it came to being a loving parent , constant criticism, bitterness religious , controlling & fearful .I now know that my childhood & my siblings was a set up for failure . The big picture has many revelations & answers to questions I've had for yrs .I've prayed for answers & finally have them now . Thank you for your enlightening teachings ! I have hope that I can make things better .🕊
This is so true. I have just realised this and it's so comforting knowing that I'm on the right track to recovery. Thank you for your insightful videos. They have really helped to put things into perspective.
Well, tell me about it after a 42 year marriage to a toxic malignant real Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde sociopathic NARC! A great actor, deserved a few Oscars for his great performance before he dropped dead of a heart attack four years ago! The same ending as that recent great movie, "The Wife" who was also a co-dependent creative empath! Art reflects life, life reflects art! Late father was the same way! Repeat compulsion! Have had CPTSD but Alanon and therapy have helped! Husband loved bombed me to death literally, right up to the end! Great Valentine's Day weekend at a old romantic inn and spa and then a road trip with the usual dinners out , bouquets of flowers, used to sing all the romantic songs in the world to me and took me dancing all the time! Then turned around and was this real cruel, vindictive, hateful, angry Mr Hyde! Cognitive dissonance , anyone? Ironically met him in a psychology class at New School University in NYC, little did I know what I had brought home! Thanks for sharing, spot on!
Work on your self esteem issues and love your self for what you are. Hit the gym and build some muscles or buy some weights for home use. Cut toxic people out of your live who feast of your energy and try to find loving and caring humans who care about you it'll boost your self esteem and self worth
Brilliant idea that the narc is working with a group called and have experienced this explotaion and the group narc is working with a same approach to explotaion.
Hello, and thank you for this highly valuable information, and for making it so easy to understand. Take care, and keep up the good work. Kind regards.
Dr. Saad, I'm finding your videos on narcissism a breath of fresh air, as I've (I'm just now realizing) worked with covert narcissists before in the teaching profession. I'm intrigued by something you said toward the end of your video on understanding covert narcissism, about the abundance of what you called "social justice warriors" being a manifestation of narcissism on a societal scale. Could you possibly do a whole video on why you think this is, and what are some of the other "wider" implications of narcissism?
Wow, yet another excellent video explaining my inner workings as well as explaining how it was that I allowed myself to become attached to a narcissist. Thank you for your continued excellent, and much needed work in this area.
Interesting insight. I can see trap in love bomb and how important is to have critical thinking skills we all, not only empaths lack when in seduction stage
Thank you for your spot-on description of what happened to me! I couldn’t find the words for it but you said it exactly how it happened. Thank you for your insight!
I worked with a ‘BPD’ dianostic framework for my recovery for 2 years and I was able to get into remission. That didn’t stop me from attracting 2 more narcissists, (3 in 3 years, yay!...) who within weeks triggered me and caused me to spiral into depression and self harming behaviours (depression, smoking, self harm). Interesting how whenever I am not attached to such a personality that I’m back in remission, (by remission I don’t mean days - I mean months and years, I’m not even in therapy atm having become self aware and familiar with DBT). My psychologist also told me within weeks of the breakup that I’m not presenting as BPD and that’s after observing verbal and non verbal cues in session. So, I’m now going to work with this framework as it just resonates so much more with what the underlying issues are - namely how unaware I am of how I can give and give and receive so little back, and often end up worse than before. The energy exchange etc. I always thought there was an energetic component behind me always seeming to fall for the same scenario with a different person. Thank you for the insight!
Good video, but I think empaths very often do possess critical self-awareness and insight into their own dynamics and those of others. It's not a lack of knowledge or critical thinking that is at issue; it's their emotional - not intellectual - vulnerability and an inability to know how to deal with narcissistic and other pathological personalities without being abused further that is the main problem. A less empathetic personality might also have difficulty dealing with a narcissist if s/he got entangled with one; the difference is that such a person is less likely to be a target for narcissists in the first place.
Be careful when someone new feels like home, if home wasn’t a safe place for you
Thankfully, home was the only safe place for me as a teen, not entirely perfect but for the most part safe. It was everyone else who would abuse me incessantly throughout my preadolescent and adolescent years (namely peers and teachers at school where, other than for the abuse, I was otherwise treated as a nonexistent entity...unless, of course, somebody needed something). Then, as a young adult, you soon realize that the only persons whom are ever attracted to you will always inevitably abuse you so, after awhile, you forever swear off all relationships to escape the abuse and violence (and, sadly, any new close friendships since they can no longer be formed without trust) once the last of your trust has been lost, which makes for an extremely lonely life as an adult (that was more than 25 years ago)! I think some of us were placed upon this world to love all, just not to be loved ourselves as we have been left too broken to be loved by others.
Barry, That’s a great comment!
you hit the nail!
Wise words!!
Wonderful way to put it
I want other empaths to know that as you find your inner peace and learn to better love and understand yourself, you will regain your intuition and become stronger and more impervious to the narcissist's manipulation.
"More" mpervious is not IMPERVIOUS. What's the next step to being fully healed?
@@bellakrinkle9381 compassion. for self. start there.
100% true! And we also can’t believe someone could be such a f’n Liar!
I was under the impression he wanted to protect me all the while I was sleeping with the enemy.
exactly. it's like...so unreal that a whole person could be a facade.
That movie 🎥 is So Truuuuu 🚨
Narcissists and psychopaths detect empaths like sharks detect blood in the water.
You are prey to them and you need to learn to defend yourself , this video is giving some excellent advice .
and you know why? Because empaths are literally bleeding, they have opened wounds from being victimized in their childhood. A childhood trauma ripped their hearts open and created a wound from which a blood is still dripping... When a predator is sensing the blood, it will go for it, because a wounded person is a very easy target, weak and unconscious from blood still dripping, thus so easy to be manipulated. The solution is to seal the heart (bleeding heart flower essence can help with that) to stop the blood from dripping, then working on strengthening itself, loving yourself. A predator will never attack a strong target. A predator aims for an easy, wounded target... For me empaths are like dogs and narcissists are like cats. Cats will usually "love" you if you give them something (like food), dogs give you love unconditionally and will love you no matter what, till death do you part.
It's like one person is awake, though only through themselves. The other is awake only through others. Inside/outside, the NPD individual seeks revenge and backstabbing. The other seeks love and truth. Its really sad and disturbing.
@@orbitalpl1 your right
anybody who is an aware human being could spot someone like this. You don't need special psychopath skills for that. Some people just look like a chump. Sad but true.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you stood up for yourself and the other person reacted as if you betrayed them, that was a narc who thought you would be an easy target and you betrayed their assessment.
"... often falling asleep to their intuition or gut-knowing."
(Ouch/Yeah, we sure do. ) TY!
Can you say zombification, boys and girls?
Well fml, just explained my last relationship. :(
and "seduced into the idea of symbiotic relationship with the narcissist"...
...the lovebombing makes us totally confused, and that is what screws our gut instinct, until you feel what is happening and withdraw some into ones own feeling to find out whats what.
This is also patterns put upon us all, male-female in our childhoods, which we have to get out of.
Great video again!
We gaslight ourselves.
We're good at it.
We had to do it to survive our childhood with the N-parent.
Developing an "inner warrior" is a great idea and it could defend against being duped by these sinister predators.
That sudden withdrawal without explanation really tears an empath up inside.
"empaths need to develop their inner warrior" to protect themselves against predators...
Yes!
Thank you for your insights and practical advice.
agree
I am a complete empath and I almost fell for the narcissist that I dated. I was never quite convinced by his love bombing although it did exactly what you said in this video. I broke up with him about a month ago and am experiencing the next phase you mentioned ie my attachment system has gone into overdrive and my internal critic too. By watching these videos I’m understanding what has happened more and more and slowly realising the split was for the best.
I need more education on the internal critic.
It’s true. Empaths love being adored. I fell victim to this recently to watch my ex move onto another person within days. They were flaunted in front of me and I continued to stay. Sadly it’s not the first time I’ve been used by a narc or psycho. Both times I’ve gotten out, once on my own and once by being dumped. I have to remember these instances were circumstantial and that I truly was not loving myself first. Now I will.
Add another reason. The need/desire to feel special. I'm an empath who grew up in a narcissistic home with neglect as well. Invisibility has characterized my life. In addition, I have surmised that I act as a mirror to people and when they don't like what they see, they quickly disengage. So I've realized that my deepest longing is to be special, to have someone who, as you say, makes me feel like I'm special to someone. It fulfills the complete lack of that from my both of my parents. And the narcissist does the love bombing in a way that breaks down my defenses which include being suspicious of compliments and flattery. They really have an uncanny ability to know me, sometimes I think narcissists are empaths themselves, but with an evil heart.
lipegr They are. And we are them. It’s a spectrum. Mirroring is everything.
My god, I feel u describe me too.
Narcs are very good at “reading” others. They “study” you very well in order to be able to dominate and control you. You are like a lab rat to them
And it’s not even about feeling special, but about finally being seen. In a neglectful household no one takes the time to get to know the child and see him/her for who or what they are. That kind of discovery is nonexistent; you’re lucky if you are fed, and should be grateful and shut up 😀
Narcissists are dark empaths. Doctor Ramani talks about this on her channel.
when I was still with my narcissist the love bombing was like a fix. I'd be love bombed and would have an emotional high and feeling of connection. That became a way of controlling me. When I'd start questioning I'd be love bombed and have the high. The relationship became supplier and user. I'm grateful no longer in relationship and can now learn about me.
Lisa Rugenstein yes, I am experiencing this now. Glad you are on the other side of it.
How long did it take you to be in a grateful state. Im sure you know what i mean. Because i want to get out, i know this abuse is going to destroy me. But i also completely know what you mean with that fix. When hes executing the cruel silent treatment, i would be waiting for my fix. Getting out is not as easy as i want it to be
Liz Liz the out for me came when he left for another women. I was no longer falling for the love bombing. He was also a sober alcoholic, my gratefulness came from working a codependent twelve step program.
@@lisarugenstein3705 Love bombing that does not go beyond flattery and drooling (that is, the narcissistic version) is a mere child's play compared to victimist and savior-seeking love bombing (the borderline / covert narcissist version), which is the really destabilizing and dangerous one.
@@manuelmanzanero5057 r u sure?
Even narcissists fall for the love bombing from other narcissists.
Stop making empaths sound like they're weak and naive.
They're not.
There's nothing wrong with having a good heart and wanting a successful relationship.
At the end of the day , it takes 2 unhealthy people to keep an unhealthy relationship going.
And FYI, the narcissist IS a co-dependent.
Narcissists are always feeling sorry for themselves and they'll easily tell you they're a co-dependent/victim.
We behave like the narcissist when we put all the blame on them but we have to realize that WE are a common denominator in this equation.
They moment we change, our lives change.
Thanks for that. have been going through A lot thanks to an ark, was beginning to think it was my fault again 😢
The Netflix series Dirty John gives an excellent example of love bombing. It's also a podcast I believe, for anyone who wants to check it out.
Love your videos. Have helped me grow much stronger emotionally over the last 2 years.
Thank you for all you are doing. Have you thought about writing a book? Your information is highly credible, in my opinion, and sorely needed, as there is so much false information online about these topics.
When you’ve been scapegoated and ignored by your family of origin, being payed attention to, acknowledged, affirmed and validated is a powerful cocktail, the first time at least ...
Sooo spot on.
I love your videos. I wish you'd been around in 2009-10 when I was going through all of this. Although I've done my work (and continue to as new things come up) to heal around those experiences, I'm still fascinated with what they are, how they function, etc, and I find your videos both validating and enlightening. You continue to bring insights to this dynamic (and so many others!) that help tie up loose ends and make me feel understood. I had approached my own situation as narcissist/codependent rather than as narcissist/empath, so I worked on healing the codependent patterns and behaviors and forgiving myself while learning new skills to replace the old behaviors. In the time since, I've realized that being an empath is actually a "thing" (and not just woo), and that I am one. Accepting that it's not a weakness or a problem to be fixed to be an empath has been a relief (i.e.,"you're SO over-sensitive, Nat"), and seeing your videos about the issues unique to empaths was extremely validating as well -- those are the things I've worked on the most! LOL! And it's true -- healing them is completely life changing in a wonderful way. But before your videos I had never seen anyone put it the same way. Beautiful, beautiful healing work, Sir. Thank you for what you do and contribute.
NatT-J Me too!!!!!!!
Someone I dated did this to me, I've never really been lucky in love and so after 7 years of being single I had a crush on someone for about 5 months at my university who had no idea, 1 day I dared to say hi to them, we talked, bonded (so I thought) and after 1 hangout this person asked me out. Right from the start they said things like "you're so amazing and lovely" and "It would take me a lot to leave you" and what not. It felt like heaven to be "seen" I thought "wow I've waited 7 years for this, it was worth it" let me tell you although the person dropped me like yesterdays garbage 2 and half weeks later out of the blue without any real explanation, I do believe it was blessing in disguise. If a narcissist drops you all of a sudden, it means you're free from their abuse. They will never love you, they don't know how, you are just a bucket on their list and then if you don't live up to their expectations of you they'll drop you like a used toy! I'm glad it was only 2 and a half weeks, because this happened 7 months ago but this lesson will stick with me forever.
Dr Abdul, as usual you deliver the subject very well. It would be helpful if you could talk about how empaths can develop their inner warrior and build psychological distance from their inner critic.
I keep falling for these too good to be true, cinematic, fun but short lived connections. At this point I can’t blame anybody but myself. I just want to be loved and seen and validated, but only I can trust myself to do that nobody else will do it for you.
You have just described me as an empath. I no longer try to date because dating sets off my Sympathetic Nervous System. And I’m not going to be with the wrong person.
Watch out for a energetic like transfer (like electricity which feels calming) if you meet someone in the open. You two may be on the same wavelength and awake. Also take your time if you meet someone it takes time for true love to build and grow.
I would love to hear how to determine the difference between love bombing and normal meeting of needs. The world feels pretty terrifying when it seems you have to constantly watch your back for vampires.
I am so grateful to have found your videos, sir. I just learned about NPD 8 months ago and it has really helped me incredibly. Now that I know I am an empath ( i just found that out last week) and have found your videos, my failed relationships and life in general due to my wiring makes sense. I have work to do, but now I know what work needs to be done and my purpose. This has changed my life! Thank you for your work and videos! Many blessing to you!
This video was so enlightening to me and especially around the empath going into that "infantile state" with the narcissist. My mother was a narcissist and I have never gotten those connection needs met. And along comes this man who seemingly is meeting allllll those needs. My nervous system had never been so relaxed in all my life. And it was 2 months in that the devaluation began. I am grateful for the journals that I kept that helped me piece things together. 9 years later I am finally emerging burned out and fried and we have an almost 5 year old. I didn't know until right before I left in November 2018 that my mother was a narc and then "saw" him shortly after. Thank you for shedding light on exactly what happened there with him in those early stages. I got all the way to burned out raging empath before leaving. I felt like I had no idea who I was any longer. I am grateful beyond belief that this happened, however, as he was not my first narc relationship and he will be my last. I have seen the light and am doing my inner work and shadow work to see clearly all the ways I was a part of allowing this ongoing abuse in my life. It's interesting now that I am repulsed by love bombing when I see it happening to others or if someone does that to me now. Thanks again! I am loving that I found your page!
This is so true. Great information. You did an amazing job explaing this and it is so very helpful. Thank you.
Yes, the only person who seemed to really like and care about me. That was totally disarming.
Yup, the one who will know you the most; really see you for who you are...It’s an illusion, or a temporary state that vanished and was replaced by toxicity
Dr. Saad, you are so good on what things in childhood produce a narcissist and also in this video on what characteristics in an empath make her (or him) vulnerable to love bombing by a narcissist!I thought I was vulnerable to love bombing only because I think I'm lovable! I see now there was probably more. I do have a need to please and am very sensitive to the feelings of others. When my (now obvious) narcissist wrote that he loved my soul, I deemed it excessive and even wrote a friend that I thought he had idealized me into a person I really was not. His gaslighting and messages that conflicted with one another didn't make me think I was going crazy. I was afraid he was. I finally decided to run a test, which he didn't pass. I had known him for many years--but not closely. Thank God my closer relationship with him, much of which was via correspondence, lasted for only about a year and certainly did not destroy my life. What clued me into the idea that this man might be a narcissist was that he once wrote of himself as a "starving genius." It was that word "genius." Your videos have been helpful to me, and I thank you.
What a difference when a educated person as yourself speaks.. thank you!
Well, my part was playing the darned designated Rescuer between the 'NPD' and their 'Victim'. Not my dance anymore. Deep stuff, doc. Thank you.
You make reasonable sense both in terms of the increase in clinginess and relaxation of one’s defense mechanisms. It makes for the narcissist to cage you when this happens.
Thoughts for discussion:
The essence of self or archetype is what a person is when born and personality is that that is that which is acquired over time by influences and experience. The personality is necessary to function in the world. But must not be used to dominate the essence or it will produce an artificial persona that cuts off a person from such true essence of who they truly are. This is termed as living life in a state of sleep thus effected by external over dependency or self protection of this false persona with mechanical stimulus response.
Each archetype has gifted functions that produce unique properties that contribute to our society. When people are conformed to a false personality then such are easy to manipulate by persuasion or propaganda and thus controlled.
When a person is ready to leave the nest one is fully developed and independent and free of continuous emotional neediness (or one should be).
When a quick and early personality grows from excessive external influences that occur over our essence, that as is our true self, thus it can be virtually overshadowed and stop developing at a very early age and as a result we see men or women externally quite grown up but whose essence remains at 10 or 12.
From a practice known as ‘self-remembering’ we can separate ourselves from processes and limitations that have enslaved us since childhood and return us to the true essence of who we truly and actually are and this process begins with that that is that of self observation.
Who am I: HSP INTJ 5W4 EMPATH (4/7 Schizoid). There is nothing more liberating than to ‘know thy self’ and the essence of who I am, my quirks and all the inner parts, those small ‘I’s’, that make up me. For I am not my thoughts, nor my feelings or nor my emotions but my true self is that that is that as the observer of these things. Therefore I am truly awake to some degree and see myself as others see me.
-oOo-
Empathy becomes unbearable feeling another's pain thus one is committed to easing it for self as much as for the other. But solutions are very difficult should the other be asleep or in self denial of such pain so the only option is to let the other go or find some way of coping with this tragedy within oneself.
So when we witness someone behaving badly we are in fact observing their false persona that is covering an immature essence of who they are. They might be better than that behaviour but so might we. Therefore when compassion is applied with firmness towards the other it is in fact acknowledging the other at a level of maturity we see within ourselves.
the answer to your question is
because empaths are suckers
we have healers disease
we are forever hopeful that love will prevail
yet the truth of life is that the Joker rules the world cuz there are way too many indifferent narcs in the world ( covertly hostile wounded victim babies seeking revenge )
i could go on yet i cant cuz it is all way too repulsive
Yep. Healers disease right here. Like that, thx.
You described me perfectly as an empath. I didn't see it so clearly before. You've given me some clear cut warnings to watch for within my behavior.
FACTS! FACTS! FACTS! I recognize that I'm a giver and typically look after others. I was under the impression that I was getting reciprocity in the relationship.
There were moments where i actually thought to myself "wow, I feel like such a baby, cared for and innocent"
Thank you so much for these videos. As an Empath who has slept through nearly 35 years of marriage with a covert narcissist, and who is now going through a sudden divorce, I am finding these so very helpful to heal and move forward in a healthy way.
Excellent excellent insight! Thank you for bringing clarity into my reality.
Happened only once, took 7 years of my life. I'm through it now... Nevet again... Ever!!!
Lack of experience also def comes up..once you been deeply impacted by a someone with narc tendencies.. one goes through another stage of becoming overly protective and hyper reactive with anyone solely showing the traits.. imbalance the warrior inside to be hyper vigilant.. can't wait until I feel some what normal again with my emotions...
Abdul, can you say more about a hyper-activated attachment system? (i.e., cause, what to be aware of, managing) This is the first time I’ve heard this and it’s another case of finally having a name for something I’ve been experiencing all my life.
For The Love of Music he did a video on the empath and the narcissist a while back that discusses the mirroring effect. It has to do with when we are born and stare into our mother’s eyes. As she mirrors us the attachment is formed etc. it’s a great video.
Needy crap.....I detached from the love thing ....watch Paul Joseph Watson on love us a mental illness
This is what I need to learn about. I'm definitely an empath... And I definitely have a weakness for the validation of love bombing.
I think lack of self love is like a bad perfume. People can smell it and specially the manipulators. It took me long time to get over that kind of love bombing.
Thank you for your time and willingness to share your knowledge with us. May God keep and bless your life as you shine it on others!
You have such a great way of explaining that is detailed, straightforward, not overwhelming and easy to grasp. Your videos have really helped me to start to create a better life. Thank-you Abdul for helping me & others empower ourselves.
There’s no way I should date anyone until I can get my inner warrior on super hero strength and quiet that inner critic all the way. Better to be lonely than go out bad with a narcissist zapping my life energy.
R C Major realization that I need to strengthen my INNER WARRIOR in order to defeat the inner critic. In turn, defeating/silencing our loud bossy Inner Critic will allow our Inner Intuition to be heard more clearly. As a child I was so used to ignoring or discounting my Intuition because I had such a loud External critic (my mom) which over time developed into my loud Internal Critic.
I have never heard an explanation quite like this one before, I think you have nailed it. Thank you 🙏
Excellent information! The focus on the DYNAMICS of the relationship with a narcissist is especially valuable to me, because that focus is not about assigning blame to one party or the other, but more about knowing oneself better so that one's relationships get better. And your series of videos about narcissistic personalities are among the best I have ever seen (I would even say they are on a par with Otto Kernberg's extensive lectures on narcissism.) First Class!
Thank you Sir, I've learnt so much from your videos that I feel as a different person 😊 Still empath but aware, stronger and free. Thanks and God bless you.
Im really enjoying your teaching videos. Im an Empath and just left an extremely abusive narcicistic person who had mpd. Wish i had found you sooner. Blessed
Thank you for giving me more insight on what I can do to sharpen my deficits and grow as a warrior Empath. Please do more videos to help us out here. Thanks
Interesting, my ex husband is a narcissist who I had no clue about before now but all the classical signs showed up. He loved bomb me, mirrored me, silent treatments for weeks at a time, devalued me, and discarded me for good after leaving me 5-6 different times. However, being an empath my ability to please went into overdrive. I was shocked by it at first. Yet, my awareness & ability to understand mistreatment saved me emotionally from being emotionally battered for very long. Having childhood trauma forced me to not dive to deeply into my past without triggering too many ill-feelings for some odd reason & meeting him served a purpose. He unlocked the door to my childhood trauma & freed that part of myself up to experience things differently. I was no longer that shy innocent girl who was locked away frightened & fearful of intimacy. I felt loved I assumed, but felt more aligned to my authentic self. My playful energetic self emerged ready for the most dangerous encounters & I never experienced that before ever. To make a long story short, I'm still dealing with some of the residual things related to meeting him & not having closure allowed me to dig deeper to understand my own needs. Why, why, why? So the why showed up & I'm still recovering & loving all parts of myself. I don't want him back even after he tried. I'm still working on myself & I'm a different person because of it all. Don't get me wrong I've experienced several emotions related to what I assumed was a situationship & four years marriage. I survived & a need was met for me. Is that weird or what?
What about the situation where an empath is falling for another empath? Wouldn't this also look like 'love bombing'? What is the best way to distinguish between an empath who is genuinely falling in love and the manipulative 'love bombing' of the narcissist?
Great work! Thinking of Aussies and New Zealanders today in prayers.
i got love bombed in a krishna temple, had a psychotic crisis and was quickly discarded.... it made such a mess in my life. those kind of places can be very dangerous to empaths
Thank you so much for such a brilliant comprehensive explanation of the empaths dynamics and our connectedness to all and the need to develop our inner warrior. ☮️
Thank you sir, always very helpful. I become less of a doormat every day.
You are enough and your needs are valid! Got to remember this guys!
You know exactly what you're talking about, as if it has been your personal experience which you have overcame and hence as a result of recovering and breaking free from it, you have documented your analysis. Although i realise it instead is a discipline you read. It is painful that its true there are evil human who pretends to be our spouse and build a home and family with us just to break us for their hidden agenda
Your videos are excellent. I wish I’d been aware of all of this twenty years ago. Thank you.
I am an empath & you are so right in everything u said in this video!
Can you devote a video into exactly how empaths can begin the work on their/our personality structure? How do we do what needs to be done?
This has been one of the clearest explanations I’ve heard of what I’ve been going through. Thank you!
Thank you for this amazing work you do.
Could you please explain more about how the Empath develops the Internal Warrior ?
I'm finding myself running away from confrontation when I feel in my gut that the other person (usually narcs) has attacking attitude towards me.
I mean that when my gut / head tells me it's not safe to try to discuss anything I say thank you for experience and walk away.
Sounds like you already have an internal warrior :-) That's exactly what you should do in those situations.
I suppose you have resolved the problem...☺️☺️
Your videos have been extremely educational, and I really appreciate your sharing with us your take on these subjects - narcissism, empaths and codependency - based on your keen observations, analysis and wisdom.
I agree with what you said in this video - I can totally relate.
Recently, I started to realize that the core issues of narcs and (wounded) empaths are exactly the same - they are both very insecure people and although many people seem to think and say that narcs and empaths are like magnets (two opposite types of people possessing opposite traits), I believe that deep inside, their core wounds are the same - lack of self-respect, self-worth, and self love.
I also believe that Narcissism is contagious, and if you stay in a relationship with NPD too long, you can possibly start to act narcissistic without having the awareness of doing it.
I don’t have BPD or NPD (I asked my therapists if I have them and they said I don’t), but I did engage in narcissistic behavior in the past and I can clearly recognize that I have some narcissistic traits which I have been working on diligently to overcome.
I am aware of the fact that having narcissistic tendencies (emotionally immature traits) and having NPD are different things, but Narcissism is a spectrum as we all know, and it is my personal opinion based on my own experiences and observations, that the core wounds of narcissists and empaths are really the same. (I know I am repeating myself here!)
I was in relationships with people pleasers who were empaths (or highly sensitive individuals) who were also covert (or vulnerable) Narcissists.
So I think you can be an empath and Narc both at the same time, and it’s not as simple as narcs versus empaths as a lot of people think.
I know my worth and I respect and value myself very much now, so I don’t need to be validated for my gifts, talents, and all my wonderful traits.
Now if someone praises me, I just stay neutral. I learned my lesson, the hard way, and it was a very expensive lesson.
Just to piggyback off what you said + offer some additional insight I've learned through my own experience with a highly functioning covert narcissist/this channel: I also agree that narcissists and empaths** [**to be most accurate in the comparison, codependents] share the same core wound (which is why they are so magnetized to one another, both seemingly satisfying what the other lacks, with only one aware of the true nature of exchange from the onset--the narcissist). However, their methods of seeking to satisfy their healing needs are different. The empath is "pre-set" to give and the narcissist is "pre-set" to take.
A narcissist is ready to take by any means necessary (including harming others). An empath is ready to give by any means necessary (including putting themselves in harm's way). Covert narcissists in particular may be highly sensitive and able to reveal vulnerability but like all narcissists, they are not capable of feeling actual empathy--only mirroring/performing empathy which is often done to satisfy an agenda (and this also depends on where they fall on the spectrum/whether they are higher functioning). An empath/codependent is hypersensitive to and overwhelmed by their capacity for empathy which shuts down their ability to recognize or create healthy and rational boundaries, leaving them highly susceptible to a narcissist's agenda.
I think it's important to distinguish between narcissistic personality disorder (what's being discussed in these videos) and narcissistic personality traits. A personality trait can be gained and lost through life experience; a personality disorder in this case is rarely to be cured outside of consistent and intensive therapy (and some don't believe NPD can truly be cured, perhaps only managed to self express to a less harmful degree). A narcissist cannot be an empath because a lack of empathy is key to their personality disorder. Being an empath (and even codependent) does not constitute as a personality disorder--it's a set of learned behaviors which may or may not be linked to an actual personality disorder (like BPD).
Of course empaths and non-empaths alike can absolutely be damaged psychologically due to narcissistic abuse and employ narcissistic traits as a defense mechanism but that's not the same as having NPD/being a Narcissist. In fact we are all capable of exhibiting narcissistic traits (it's part of self preservation of the human species) but pathological narcissism is an extreme, disordered and dysfunctional expression of what would otherwise be a normal human process. Anyway sorry for the novel but I'm happy to hear you're healing from your experience (I am too!)
I have been recovering from a narcissistic female. She was worse than my ex husband. I even actually feared her when I broke it off. What I feared was her being able to carry a gun.
Thank for this video. I'm more enlightened now.
Yep, I was like a drug addict too. Fortunately I started taking legally prescribed amphetamines and that helps with the longing. And, yes, I used to reframe her inconsistencies too.
Jeez, this is very interesting. Your note about the "second childhood" phase is exactly how I call it for myself. However, something even more interesting happened to me. When I met that person (who, in my view, is a cheerful covert narcissist), I was in my roundup phase of PTSD (following losing 3 people in my family in a short period of time). That is to say, I mostly overcame it already but I was still burned out by panic attacks and so on, low energy. My family was not supportive at all (they were grieving too, and they are generally not reliable for help). So when I met that person, they actually gave me the space where I could rest, feel accepted, feel appreciated, and they provided me with relief from guilt (of a survivor). For about 2 years, this "container" was healing me. And only later on did it become detrimental - after I recovered, and became more active, and started progressing in my career, I started to be viewed as a threat and that person turned into a critic and gaslighter. I don't justify narcissism, to make that clear. I just want you to know of this particular effect in my situation. It may sound a bit crazy, but can some forms of narcissism cure some effects of PTSD in empaths who lost their balance because of something big? Was it only possible for me (I am very skilled in internal work, know lots of tools and I was obviously doing everything I could for my recovery and used every piece of the beneficial conditions)? Was it a mild form of narcissism that made that possible? I don't know. In any case, thanks a lot for your work, your videos give me a lot of food for thought. :)
My entire life 🙄
thank you..love your videos 😊
Paula Dsilva same
I identify as an empath, but as much as i attach my self to some people , i can also stay stone cold towards others i do not " feel" , meaning, there has to be a mutuality otherwise i close-up in my oyster shell, and just pretend to like them, and keep wondering what is so unappealing with them..
Mr. Saad...
.. your insights and adroit professionalism are most extraordinary. I recognize the ground or "field" breaking advances you are making in establishing well defined patterns
in behavior characteristics. And as much...your grace and presentability is among the best I've ever seen...and I'm from Hollywood !!!
Been learning much from you...
..and finding a goodness at heart because of it. May God bless you Abdul...your skills are astounding.
Thank you. It doesn’t make me feel any hope but at least it explains why I am attached to a narcissist. I don’t know which curse is worse, being an empath or being a narcissist. Two ends of a swinging pendulum.
You ALWAYS have hope. The hardest part is realizing that everything you "believe' to be facts or truths has been twisted and hijacked. Once you realize that, you can begin to heal and move on. It's painful and it sucks while you're going through it, but in the end, the peace and eventual strength you will feel is immeasurable. You are the most important person to you, become a master of putting yourself first.
narcs have it worse, empaths tend to be self reflective,spurred on by the inner critic, where narcs do not. the more you become familiar with the patterns between empath and narc, the less you will be able to play it. it just becomes embarrassing.
matt donlan thank you for this comment. I’m taking it to heart.
Excellent insight, makes perfect sense
Thanks for sharing, if only I'd had this knowledge twenty plus years ago!
This has given me huge insights! Can't wait for part 3. Thank you Abdul.
Thank you so much for all your work on this channel! It's really helped me understand myself as an Empath. And your video on the need for magnesium changed my life in a dramatic way! I can actually sleep now and have much less anxiety.
This is very helpful. I recently wrote about this topic from a personal perspective, having discovered these traits in myself in the journey to heal from painful choices and relationships.
Thank you!!!🙂
Perfect timing! I just realized yesterday that I was getting bombed. Sucks!
Completely describing my experiences and going back several times only to have them revert back. Love did not conquer all. But I am learning to understand which will help me to get stronger and get over the guilt of not making it work. Was hard to believe for me that being so forgiving would not bring resolution. Very damaging to sincere hearts as I have found in volunteering that I was definitely not alone.
I really appreciate you putting these videos out! I am an empath and have been fascinated by psychology my whole life. I knew there were things I was unconsciously doing in relationships in order to continuously be bombarded by narcissism. I also recognize some of the traits you peg as narcissistic in me, which is slightly disturbing. Thank you!
Best explanation I’ve heard yet , as you were speaking , I was seeing myself doing all the things you mentioned, it helps me know why i fell for it , thank you so much
🎶💜🎶 { WOW !!! ... I can finally have an answer to the question my therapist asked 30 yrs ago "why do you keep choosing the wrong people ??? " I can finally have some understanding as to why I've made so many wrong decisions ! I was simply & sadly starving for love that my mother didn't give me as a child , I dont know what happened to her but she was overwhelmingly negative , emotionally absent
when it came to being a loving parent , constant
criticism, bitterness religious , controlling & fearful .I now know that my childhood & my siblings was a set up for failure . The big picture has many revelations & answers to questions I've had for yrs .I've prayed for answers & finally have them now . Thank you for your enlightening teachings ! I have hope that I can make things better .🕊
No other way to say this..You are a Badass Shrink!!! And that's not a love bomb ha!
Wow. Very interesting perspective.
This is so true. I have just realised this and it's so comforting knowing that I'm on the right track to recovery. Thank you for your insightful videos. They have really helped to put things into perspective.
Well, tell me about it after a 42 year marriage to a toxic malignant real Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde sociopathic NARC! A great actor, deserved a few Oscars for his great performance before he dropped dead of a heart attack four years ago! The same ending as that recent great movie, "The Wife" who was also a co-dependent creative empath! Art reflects life, life reflects art! Late father was the same way! Repeat compulsion! Have had CPTSD but Alanon and therapy have helped! Husband loved bombed me to death literally, right up to the end! Great Valentine's Day weekend at a old romantic inn and spa and then a road trip with the usual dinners out , bouquets of flowers, used to sing all the romantic songs in the world to me and took me dancing all the time! Then turned around and was this real cruel, vindictive, hateful, angry Mr Hyde! Cognitive dissonance , anyone? Ironically met him in a psychology class at New School University in NYC, little did I know what I had brought home! Thanks for sharing, spot on!
I would love a video on the internal warrior. How do we build this up as an adult when we didn’t get it as children?
Taking up self defense or martial arts could help.
Work on your self esteem issues and love your self for what you are. Hit the gym and build some muscles or buy some weights for home use. Cut toxic people out of your live who feast of your energy and try to find loving and caring humans who care about you it'll boost your self esteem and self worth
Brilliant idea that the narc is working with a group called and have experienced this explotaion and the group narc is working with a same approach to explotaion.
Sir, you are brilliant in your clarity. Thank you.
Hello, and thank you for this highly valuable information, and for making it so easy to understand. Take care, and keep up the good work. Kind regards.
Dr. Saad, I'm finding your videos on narcissism a breath of fresh air, as I've (I'm just now realizing) worked with covert narcissists before in the teaching profession. I'm intrigued by something you said toward the end of your video on understanding covert narcissism, about the abundance of what you called "social justice warriors" being a manifestation of narcissism on a societal scale. Could you possibly do a whole video on why you think this is, and what are some of the other "wider" implications of narcissism?
Wow, yet another excellent video explaining my inner workings as well as explaining how it was that I allowed myself to become attached to a narcissist. Thank you for your continued excellent, and much needed work in this area.
Interesting insight. I can see trap in love bomb and how important is to have critical thinking skills we all, not only empaths lack when in seduction stage
These are great insights that have made me understand this topic and myself better. Thank you! (I like your videos even more after I've met you!)
Thank you for your spot-on description of what happened to me! I couldn’t find the words for it but you said it exactly how it happened. Thank you for your insight!
I worked with a ‘BPD’ dianostic framework for my recovery for 2 years and I was able to get into remission. That didn’t stop me from attracting 2 more narcissists, (3 in 3 years, yay!...) who within weeks triggered me and caused me to spiral into depression and self harming behaviours (depression, smoking, self harm). Interesting how whenever I am not attached to such a personality that I’m back in remission, (by remission I don’t mean days - I mean months and years, I’m not even in therapy atm having become self aware and familiar with DBT). My psychologist also told me within weeks of the breakup that I’m not presenting as BPD and that’s after observing verbal and non verbal cues in session. So, I’m now going to work with this framework as it just resonates so much more with what the underlying issues are - namely how unaware I am of how I can give and give and receive so little back, and often end up worse than before. The energy exchange etc. I always thought there was an energetic component behind me always seeming to fall for the same scenario with a different person. Thank you for the insight!
Good video, but I think empaths very often do possess critical self-awareness and insight into their own dynamics and those of others. It's not a lack of knowledge or critical thinking that is at issue; it's their emotional - not intellectual - vulnerability and an inability to know how to deal with narcissistic and other pathological personalities without being abused further that is the main problem. A less empathetic personality might also have difficulty dealing with a narcissist if s/he got entangled with one; the difference is that such a person is less likely to be a target for narcissists in the first place.
Are empaths also known to love bomb? Like maybe with the non malicious intent?
thank you so much for this episode it really cleared up a lot of things that happened to me in the relationship to a narcissist over three years.
Great series!!
I would like to add to everyone else's comments, thank you so much for all you do.
I'm glad I'm watching this at 23