Don’t blame the bully, blame the system | Alix Lambert | TEDxKC
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- Опубліковано 27 сер 2014
- This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. A string of six teen suicides prompted by bullying in Mentor, Ohio led Alix Lambert to a horrifying discovery -- the system and every single adult associated with it failed to act in the face of a clear and present danger.
* This talk contains profanity and deals with adult issues (like suicide) in a very direct manner.
Alix Lambert's feature length documentary “The Mark of Cain” was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award, received an honorable mention from the French Association of Journalism, and aired on “Nightline.” She went on to produce additional segments of “Nightline” as well as seven segments for the PBS series “LIFE 360.” She has directed and produced two other feature length documentaries, “Bayou Blue” (made in collaboration with David McMahon) and “Mentor.” She has directed numerous shorts and music videos including “You as You Were” for the band Shearwater (Sub Pop) and “Tiffany” (POV).
Lambert has written for a number of magazines including Stop Smiling, ArtForum, The LA Weekly, and Filmmaker Magazine, and is an editor at large for the literary journal Open City. She is also an author and director and is currently producing a segment for “This American Life.”
Website: pinkghettoproductions.com
Twitter: @lixilamb
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
I'm in tears ,like seriously ,a girl's died because of the bullies and they still made fun of the dress that she was wearing when she's buried !...That's just terrible and inhuman ,like really I wanna blame their parents !
I fear it´s not enough to do so. The school and even higher authorities must be blamed as well. Both parents and the school ignore it and don´t even care so even more radical steps must be taken.
Such people do not deserve to live. People who gain pleasure from other people's death have no right for life.
@@gravitydragon1904 It´s because of bullies that the world needs Ninjas and Kung Fu-masters to help the weak to speak up.
sladjana vidovic?
Nearly 20 yrs. ago my nephew was in middle school in Hawaii while I was on the mainland. His mother mentioned he had a bully teacher. Both my nephew's dad and myself had bully issues in HS. I waited til Monday and called the school. A counselor spoked with me and informed me the said teacher was on his way out. I was fully prepared to send in my lawyer had the school draged their feet. Parents need to go to the law and bring in the law... speak the language school bosses understand. My late dad (retired military officer) always said
'first time you are polite with them and if they chose not to get it then polite no more'.
There would be no 3rd time.
High schools are more worried about getting money from their sports programs than making sure their students are safe.
That poor girl. I grew up being bullied for many reasons. I got pummeled and punched over and over at a crosswalk one day by a football player several years older than me in 4th grade. The crossing guard just said give them room, kids will be kids as the bully pummeled me over and over. 25 years ago now. As I got older and bigger, I stood up for others who got bullied. Many run away when they realize you can stand up for yourself, and you have no fear left.
The problem is that bullying works. The bullies get rewarded because the others don't want to risk becoming bullied themselves, so they take the strong side of the bullies. Built into many communities is the mistaken idea that might makes right. The bullies gain in stature as they bully. And, unlike the stereotypes, bullies are often relatively smart, using every societal prejudice to their advantage. The society pretends that children don't know better, and so excuses them. The truth is, they do know it's wrong. How do you know they know it's wrong? Because they hide what they are doing from authorities.
I think we will keep having a problem as long as we don't name names, and hold people, even children, individually responsible for acts of aggression against innocent people.
+Tony Reno I 100% agree, I suffered from this shit too. As she descriped, the behavior of adults and teachers is exaclty what I experienced. They protecting the bullies! You get bullied by everyone, because it is easier to deal with one victim, than a huge problem.
Yep, many bullies are master manipulators and figure out very early how to control the environment
Your comment deserves a parade.
Yeah, if discovered though, I think the parents and teachers should address the bully directly first. Give them a chance to change before they too become the next victim in mob threats, etc.
I still can't understand the $millions$ of dollars put into programs for victims of bullying and not one cent into disciplining the perpetrators. The message is clear - If you're not with them...you're against them. Herein lies the problem - bullying is one of the spurned, silent epidemics.
It's sad to think that some people think bullying is part of human nature. I have lived in countries where it's almost non existent. It's not human nature. It's natural to be nice to others. And this attitude that "everyone is gonna mean at some point" is what is propagating bullying across the globe. More and more people are becoming blind as to what life's meaning is. People are becoming more obsessed with the materialistic world and have lost insight with their true nature. And that's heartbreaking to me.
I would like to know where you have lived that it was almost non existent. There are attempts to change but they fall flat. Change can only take place by eliminating the attitude.
Where in the world is that? Which countries?
Aww! Thanks. Bullying is non existent in Mexico. It is not part of the culture.
It does not exist here in Mexico. People do not lash out at one another. I think the government needs to start charging people.
@@augusthillstrom375 yes I would like to know either
Bullying is a huge problem. My friends that go to Mentor do not care about this documentary. A lot of people who go/went there are rude and mean. I live in a neighboring area. Mentor is a huge commercial zone next to suburban areas and a few less populated suburban areas. The people in the area have a huge financial range, but attitudes stay similar. The school itself is not a good school. I've heard from sources that the students would frequently watch movies, not do work, etc. There are huge amounts of conformity, mixed with poor education, and poor attitudes.There is a joke among neighboring towns that nearly everyone I've met understands, "that is so Mentor."
thanks for posting that information. We need to know why this is happening
Six minutes and I’m in tears for poor young Slovana😢. So sorry for her parents may God bring them comfort. Alas, thank you for your courage and strength to share these stories!
It's so hard to solve. So few people speak against bullies and bullies often operate so that people only see the person's reaction, not the bullying...at my workplace I've seen the bully act like the victim. Its infurriating.
Body cams? ...Idk how to solve this without covert narsissists taking advantage.
How does this only get 43k views? Everyone needs to watch it
Academic institutions specifically condone bullying. I agree that it is not the bully but the system that supports these activities. I was told by a teacher once that "if they're doing bad things then why are they doing it to you?" So, basically she said, I'm supposed to be apologetic for being bullied by the bully. No wonder that parents are worried about their children, they are not in safe hands.
Yes yes yes and yes again. 👎
Blame both the bully and the system.
yes!
Best comment I’ve seen so far on this video but I say blame the bully more.
I went to that school, it's nothing but spoiled brats. People who have been babied their whole life and can't handle anything.
sue the bloody school after all schools are liable for your safety and the conduct of its pupils .....SUE THE BLOODY SCHOOL
You need to go further than that. You need to get it closed down and destroyed in its entirety. You need to go further than that and get the culture of the town shut down so that people realise this is the end for them too. Most people are too weak. The consciensceless weaklings reactions dissing this girl even after her death do not surprise me. These weak children learn it from weak adults . They will not talk because they are weak. They are all weak and total wimps and Nonces. The Monsters Next Door My ass. These Apaths are the monsters.
Watch the movie they tried
Bullying will never stop. And they get away with everything.
You know why that is? Because no one does anything about it, It’s the reason for mass shootings and it’s the reason for the ever growing suicide rates.
Thank you for all this
Of course, bullying does not occur in a vacuum. The system enables it.
How can people be so mean... Looks like something is wrong with the education system.
Mean people have always sucked - life and appendages. It's just that now there are too many as decision makers and they protect one another. There are many signs to identify these types and it's only recently has it become a need to acknowledge them and their ways. Good. How easily forgetful we are. This is how the nazis took over - it's just concentrated Marxisim...a not-too-distant stone's throw away. Really, we should be contemplating protection and then pick up where we left off, otherwise this social erosion will continue.
@@imdjc4 agree except for marxism
Murder is forbidden by law, but bullying and driving someone into death isn´t. Bullying looks to be the future if we allow this.
Discipline and education starts at home. What kind of families these bullies have? Dies their parents know? Shame on all of them. What does the government do about this epidemic? These situation should be taken seriously by the all school , any companies/ workplace, and everywhere to punish the bullies soooooooo hard.
I'm a Mentor graduate. I saw the documentary years ago. Earlier this week we had another suicide. This time at a middle school. The teachers and staff are handling it deplorably. My heart breaks over this. I was really hoping that the documentary would change how MPS handled bullying and suicide. That is just not the case.
Wow, something is rotten in that town.
Thank you Alix for this very sad talk about us missing the point.
How come there are people in that exact same system who don't become bullies? Being a bully is rather inside the people and the system only enables their instincts. Revealing their identities is a must and is not against them in first place but to protect the normal people.
"The system" doesn't just refer to the educational system. From what I've seen personally, people who are bullies or have similar attitudes have familial issues and trauma that cause them to act out. Children mirror their parents. If everyone grew up in a "normal" environment, everyone would also act normal... Bullying is a terrible, terrible thing, but often it's a consequence of something the bully has experienced in the past. I think parents of bullies are also to blame, and maybe even those who failed to educate parents on healthy parenting are to blame as well.
Alix, you are a ray of light , kindness and love shining through this very sad and horrific injustice. The lawsuits are not seeming to bring any justice for these parents. Also shines a very sad light on the Ohio justice system. Thank You.
Children learn how to be bullies from adults, from media, from social constructs. They will continue to bully, unless/until they learn otherwise. BUT...the younger they are when they learn to bully, the harder it is for them to change.
Society aids and abets bullying "to build character", and, because we''ve been brought up to believe war and aggression is OK...so far, war and aggression is lucrative--maybe when it no longer is, we might see less bullying.
The "system" is made up of single individuals = each and every individual is guilty - each and everyone is to blame - anyone who partakes and/or stands by watching remaining silent in the presence of any form of bullying will not go exempt starting from the adults ending with the kids
TOtally
You are a wonderful human being Alix and a great artist.Love you and your work and compassion and caring toward life.U are adorable girl
Amazing fantastic talk. I'm glad to be the 912th like. Thank you for everything. Thank you for cutting to the chase.
You hit the nail on the head
Thanks for sharing this story. I do believe your right about adults/ culture being huge influences on how our children are going back to school with questionable behaviors.
Can you please tell me where I can find this documentary about the bullying at Mentor? Thanks.
Maybe a bit late on this response. The name of the documentary is a one word title - Mentor.
Released in 2014
Starring - Dragan Vidovic
I viewed it on Prime Video.
Blindfinger thank you
Three (3) days of bullying is too many. I'm so sorry for the families of the children who lost lives.
IDK if I completely agree. Yes the system sucks and yes there are people in power who encourage abusive behavior. But outing these people for what they do can start a chain reaction if people from the bottom up start being identified. This is part of what the Me Too movement is all about. I have no sympathy for people who choose to marginalize and mistreat others, no matter how much they think they're entitled to do so.
People who behave like that Have personal Insecurities !
John Riso or they are just psychopaths
Tony Reno is correct...the workplace bullying just gets worse. Best bet is to leave .
Um, no. Definitely blame the bully and deal with the others later. Name and shame and do what you have to in order to keep the good kids safe.
To go to a funeral and bully a dead body is the lowest form of a sociopath
my breathing has been disturbed by the anger i feel because of this.
Putting up with bullies is not worth it!!!!😢😢😢😢😿😿😿😿😠😠😠😠😭😭😭😭😡😢😤
When bullies lose a victim they find another “outsider or different” individual to focus their hatred on or turn on one of their own.
Scary and sad
Blame the bully and the system.
This is not happening in other countries. It would be hard to change culture, but they need to involve the police. These children need to be charged and the teachers need to be prepared to be aware and put a stop to it. I live in Mexico. Everybody is happy and friendly and telling each other how beautiful they are. Why can this not happen in Canada and the U.S. ???? A football player attacked her?? How is violence against a female becoming acceptable?? This needs to stop.
It seems to be disgraceful that society monsters like these people in that school never get punished and later they become bullies in other groups and work spaces without any feelings of guilt. These people should be investigated and penalised as criminals.
So sorry this happened to you. I am dealing with that now. authorities and judges do not take it seriously when it is between women. I have been dealing with an individual since 2012. Cyberbullying among adults is not really looked into
they were making fun of her after her DEATH?!!!!!! OMG!!!!!! those people have a SERIOUS PROBLEM. Was it a town full of psychopaths??
it starts with people such as this being willing to call out this condition in society...then hopefully we can start to address it. If we don't it will just continue as will the suicides etc....
Shame on “unaware” parents, who neglect or abuse their child, who then becomes a bully and hurts others. My childhood bully was from a wealthy family w parents too busy to be a parent.
it's too bad people please understand it's mental harassment and torture you have no idea when you bully other , please spread awareness
This woman is compelling.
humanity is a discrace god bless that little girl
Finally someone who gets it
Unbelievable! Shame on these people!
To be honest, I think the real reason she didn’t announce the bullies’ names is because she was afraid of getting sued. We do a disservice to everyone when we blame the “system” over the perpetrators for every problem. Responsibility if it exists at all must be personal.
I agree to disagree... She could've just as easily been sued by the school for defamation when she made the film non-anonymously. She brought up Columbine as an example of people pointing fingers instead of addressing the system, and I do think people were quick to say the two shooters were mentally ill, satanic, etc. instead of looking at the other possible reasons why the shooting happened.
@@sydneyecha Who would say the Columbine shooters were NOT mentally ill?
Actions should be taken. Now. That's all I know. I was lucky no bullying at my old school... nothing at all, cause all students were nice. About the past, I think the parents should have moved away, I think those students should have been strongly and severely punished. Change starts like this: solving things bit by bit and then take it to the system.
Dam !!! 😔 This is awful !
Amen ish
Wicked ppls....
How about both?
To add to my last comment, I'm not just saying all of that because I'm brainwashed from living in a bubble. I didn't always live in Mentor. I started there halfway through 8th grade. Now, I've lived in a couple of other cities and I'm in my 4th year of college, out of state, so I can say I see the same behavior she's describing as a "horrifying" problem in places besides Mentor.
the story of the girl who committed suicide because the school wouldn't help her with her bully problem is what I kind of went through at Lake Forest yes that is actually a name of the school my dad went to that school as a kid so he thought it would be a great idea to send me there and the first day was pretty nice but in the middle of the year I think I don't remember and I don't want to remember but let me tell you this I am not a racist I think that both white and black people are the same but me and probably one other kid in my class was white and when we went to the playground and play this game called GaGa ball I would hear people say racist things to me now I don't remember the racist things that they said but towards the end of the year this kids that always wore a black and green jacket tripped me and pushed me every time I played Gaga and whenever I told her teacher about it they would do absolutely nothing and there have been other bully incidents with me too at that school and I was being bullied so much that we went to the principal and when my dad talk to the principal saying that I was being bullied this is what the principal said "we know* and I think it was three or four weeks till the end of the year well the school year ended and the kid that wore a black and green jacket push me out the guy kept it and when I got in he pushed me over and over I took the garbage out the bed and ran to the teacher when I told the teacher about what he did the teacher said "why are you beating up my student?!" after that I was done I told my dad what had happened and he took me out of that school I think the principal and two other people got fired this story stands out to me because not only one but many people have gotten bullyed in this one school and the one they talk about in the story
god bless you
roy the wolf Thanks for sharing. It is important to expose this school.
The bully is blame are you born a bully no
that bully sounds fking sick!!
Plymouth indiana is like this perfectly, adults wont stop the rich kids. Nobody stops it in plmouth
So very sad for the parents of the girl. Their lifetime of grief is beyond measure in such barbaric community.
Fight back?
....stresss
Schools and workingplaces...They should be good rolemodels for kids and the rest of the society. But are they? The problem is probably that every rolemodel either is a facade to gain popularity or if honestly and heartly true gets corrupted, like when we hear that the people corrupts the leaders and the leaders corrupt the people.
I don’t care how bad the system is the individual bully is complicit and is totally to blame because they are a compliant endorser of the system. So don’t tell us just to blame the system. However if the system is a family than yes blame the parental system. In other you must define the system u are referring to.
Also ignored,
Normalized and ritualized bullying with no consequences or accountability hurts the victim, their loved ones and our society.
Children are seeing this within their own families..and like attracts like they bundle together and become a mass puss of poision. Then weak sheeple follow the puss of poison ....look at the government example. We need to lead from the heart Speak out and give power to the right people.
.GROW the mass of empathy.
🚻(People) do and can enable bullying behaviors because they always tell the victims to ignore the bullying. Also 🚻 enable and contribute to suicides because they constantly reward bullying behaviors. I WILL NOT IGNORE BULLYING BECAUSE BULLIES ARE EVIL AND DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED. 🚻(Everybody) deserves 2 be blamed include: 1) The bullies themselves; (example: bullies like 2 pressure or force victims to do/say things when the bullies already see the things victims choose not 2 do/say in the 1st place). 2) Bystanders who side with the bullies and advocate bullying behaviors; (example: Bystander silenced only one person by telling that person to ignore the bullying, but makes it okay for the other 🚻 involved in the bullying to continue their bullying behaviors). 3) Adults who wrong some students about unacceptable behaviors but absolve the bullies of any harmful behaviors including verbal/emotional bullying; (example: Adults wronged a victim by telling him/her to keep his/her nasty comments to himself/herself, but the adults give the other kids permission to insult that same person). 4) Victims that provoke bullies into bullying them; (example: victims whispered behind the backs of bullies and spread rumors about the bullies). The bully, victim and bystander roles all go hand in hand. Anybody can be any role.
Number 4 makes zero sense.
You asking them to tell you what’s going on They name call and are aggressive when they have secrets and they all stand to gather silently
We don't allow the innocent to be harmed. We protect them. Right? Humans?
Cameras in Classrooms . Raising the standards of accountability!! Live surveillance to identify abuse and immediate apprehension .
Those ppl never grew up...
Predatorial Bullies considering the probable history it’s worse. We learned from the adults. They still silence us
That's crazy .mentor ?
Guys you might not realise this, but see a lot of the people in the audience listening to this woman and agreeing with her, many of them are probably bullies themselves. They're just not acting like bullies now because it's not the right environment. They've nothing to *gain*
It's all about *gain* and people can change faster than a laser beam from being nice to being an animal if there's a gain. The people who I qualify as the real warriors against bullying are the people who speak up. If you don't speak up, your a bully by association. And believe me, the majority do not speak up.
do blame the bully..not watched yet..probably won't be x
why the hell does an audience always have to laugh even on the
most innapropriate things or anything slightly 'cool'..?? 90% of the people are so barainwashed and mainstrem and conform to social accepted and cool stereotypes society andDmedia tells them to be..
nobody has the courage and guts to step out of the line and be themselves
Very accurate
It’s scary to observe the desensitization.
Peace
Very accurate
It’s scary to observe the desensitization.
Peace
Very accurate
It’s scary to observe the desensitization.
Peace
The world would be a better place if there was mandatory parenting education. Plus return the $9 billion cut from public education and pay teachers a decent salary and benefits.
Bullies bully because they are insecure within themselves
We had 2 kids in high school that were bullies
When I looked into their backgrounds I found out that they were both foster children
I would talk to you.
This title pisses me off. Why shouldn’t you blame the bully. The system and the bully should both be blamed equally. One of the only ways we can stop bullying is to stop saying it’s not his fault. To instill the idea deep in their subconscious that they aren’t in the wrong is a terrible notion. To say they are just a product of a flawed society or a flawed household or a flawed upbringing. This “blame the system” culture needs to stop. If we want to see a stop to bullying, the individuals must be blamed. Everyone struggles in one way or the other. Some more severe than others. But the fact and the matter is that the majority of people that suffer do not have to reciprocate it to someone else. They do not have to make someone else suffer. The individuals will always and should always be to blame because if we keep saying “it’s not his fault” we’ll leave dozens dead everyday because of it.
Switch off comments sections . Bathrooms ...but can leave it also.after :'(
The american youth.....this is how an empire looks in decline...
WOW! thanks for nothing typically i find at least a hint toward a solution
she stole that idea from Jesus ....lol
she has funny bullies
They became funny because they had no life, so they tried hard and hard to be funny to entertain stupid people like you.
Its because you are attacking their hometown and most of the people who went there had no problems. I went there grad of 2010 i didn't conform. I was bullied but i didn't give a fuck what people thought of me. I don't care if people make a video about the school if anything my experience made me a better person.
You have a great point of view, to gain strength from your struggle. Without having seen her movie I'm betting it would have been a lot better with your voice included in it. I think that was a big part of her frustration was her inability to balance out the story. Sounds like Mentor created a self-fulfilling prophecy, people knew they would come out looking bad so they just went into hiding. Thing is, it's people who are ashamed of themselves that go into hiding. Too bad cuz some of us aren't judging and shame is needless, just a matter of being honest and taking responsibility. Like you did. It's your life, not the bullies, and you determined to be stronger and better despite them. You took responsibility for your reaction to the experience. Good for you. If you can forgive them, you will be most of the way towards sainthood frankly.
Yeah but them choosing to make things personal instead of just defending their position tells us all what we need to know about that town.
I really wouldn't have a problem with people saying that Mentor is a terrible place and that the way we are is "fit in or get out" if you actually lived here, experienced our schools and really knew our culture. Once you do that, then you can judge us. Mentor is not a bad place in any sense of the word. Just leave us alone, this was 7 fucking years ago and Mentor is nothing how Alix's documentary is going to show it. She's focusing on the few horrible things of the thousands of amazing things in Mentor. Its literally the definition of propaganda.
AngeloMartin Vlogs, so a thousand 'nice' things are worth the lives of five kids? Thanks, I'd rather not take a walk in your town's shoes. Take some responsibility for your community.
You don't seem to see the bigger picture here. Certain people are being marginalized and excluded from the culture you talk about and abused. This is not okay. Why can't the entirety of the town admit they made a mistake?
when the ego speaks
Okay, she can't use 5 kids over several years to speak for a school that educates nearly 3200 students every year. Everyone gets a little bullied in high school, so it's ridiculous that she's trying to make a town she had previously never even heard of seem like a cult town with a culture of its own. Does anything justify the actions of the kids who came to the funeral? Absolutely not. But Alix didn't go to school in Mentor, she never lived there, she never knew anyone from there, so she has no right to speak on what it's like to live there. Kids have something bad going on in their lives, they take it out on other kids, who take it out on other kids, and it just keeps going. People of all ages mock the behavior they see around them, especially teenagers. It's just what humans do. Not specifically Mentorites, but humans. I went to Mentor. I was bullied. I also bullied. No person on this earth is ever just a victim; we are all mean to people at some point.
I'm glad she's speaking up about bullying. If she mentions your hometown, then oh well. Truth is truth.
No. Just you. Just you and the people you have chosen to be surrounded. Your monologue is proof of a normalized savagery culture, and I have seen savage animals with more morality than this.