Oh yeah funny story about Jacob. So after conning Esau out of his blessing and Rebekah sent him out of town to lay low, he saw this woman named Rachel and instantly fell in love with her. So he asked his father if he could marry her. The father says "that's cool but you gotta work for me for 7 years first." So he worked for him for 7 years, he gets to the end, he's in his room with his pants off, has sex with the woman he THINKS is Rachel only to wake up and find its the older sister Leah. So he goes to the father and basically goes "what the fuck man!" And the father goes "oh it's tradition to marry off the older daughter first. If you want Rachel you gotta work for me for 7 more years." Which he did Con man got conned.
Yeah but even then they got SUPER weird about it. So Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. And God saw that so He made Leah super fertile. And Leah ended up giving birth to 5 children. And Leah's like "yeah Jacob has to love me now because I gave him 5 children." And so Rachel starts having a freak out because she hasn't given birth to any children, so she shoves her servant at Jacob and says "here have sex with my husband so I can claim the child as your own!" So Jacob is basically forced to have sex with the handmaiden by his second wife to produce 2 more children. And Leah refusing to be outdone gets HER servant to have sex with Jacob so that he can produce 2 more children. Hang on though because it doesn't stop. So Leah's first born picks some mandrakes in the field and Rachel decides she wants some. So she asks Leah for some mandrakes and Leah's like "no! You already have my husband's love, you want my flowers too?" So Rachel's like "okay fine you can sleep with Jacob tonight if you give me some flowers." So Leah's like cool and she literally tells Jacob "hey husband, I hired tonight you for some flowers. Give me dick." So Jacob sleeps with her and produces 2 MORE CHILDREN. And then God remembered that Rachel hasn't produced a single child yet and so FINALLY allowed Rachel to produce a child. So basically Jacob's wives spent like 10 years competing over their husband's dick by throwing nonstop sex at him. And if you think I'm bullshitting read Genesis 30.
Rezua Not really, I'm looking foward to it too. More competition is always good, if it'll force Sony and Microsoft to stop being practically identical than even better.
I'd probably be a religious man if Woolie was my pastor.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Hustlers
I loved his sermon on the blazed wise man and Jacob's Blessing「GOUGI」 .
Yamato Hotsuin This is relevant. ua-cam.com/video/xwIfHYm67D8/v-deo.html
We *need* Bible stories with Woolie on his channel.
We need more Woolie reading bible stories because they are always GOLD.
Oh yeah funny story about Jacob. So after conning Esau out of his blessing and Rebekah sent him out of town to lay low, he saw this woman named Rachel and instantly fell in love with her. So he asked his father if he could marry her. The father says "that's cool but you gotta work for me for 7 years first." So he worked for him for 7 years, he gets to the end, he's in his room with his pants off, has sex with the woman he THINKS is Rachel only to wake up and find its the older sister Leah. So he goes to the father and basically goes "what the fuck man!" And the father goes "oh it's tradition to marry off the older daughter first. If you want Rachel you gotta work for me for 7 more years." Which he did
Con man got conned.
The Bible clearly teaches us: You can never trust an employer.
elevate07 he still got her in the end tho
Yeah but even then they got SUPER weird about it. So Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. And God saw that so He made Leah super fertile. And Leah ended up giving birth to 5 children. And Leah's like "yeah Jacob has to love me now because I gave him 5 children." And so Rachel starts having a freak out because she hasn't given birth to any children, so she shoves her servant at Jacob and says "here have sex with my husband so I can claim the child as your own!" So Jacob is basically forced to have sex with the handmaiden by his second wife to produce 2 more children. And Leah refusing to be outdone gets HER servant to have sex with Jacob so that he can produce 2 more children. Hang on though because it doesn't stop. So Leah's first born picks some mandrakes in the field and Rachel decides she wants some. So she asks Leah for some mandrakes and Leah's like "no! You already have my husband's love, you want my flowers too?" So Rachel's like "okay fine you can sleep with Jacob tonight if you give me some flowers." So Leah's like cool and she literally tells Jacob "hey husband, I hired tonight you for some flowers. Give me dick." So Jacob sleeps with her and produces 2 MORE CHILDREN. And then God remembered that Rachel hasn't produced a single child yet and so FINALLY allowed Rachel to produce a child. So basically Jacob's wives spent like 10 years competing over their husband's dick by throwing nonstop sex at him. And if you think I'm bullshitting read Genesis 30.
This was the best podcast segment in a long while. At least on par with baby Shadowman's adventures in bloodvertising.
I agree, but I wasn't sure if anyone else latched onto this segment or found it funny.
Agreed, that was one of these that make you have an awkward smirk while listening on the bus.
E N G E L S Totally. Agree. This had me rolling when I heard it and my first thought was how this was on Bloodvertising levels.
Woolie had me laughing my ass off throughout this segment.
WoolieVS: Woolie's Bible Adventures PLZ
I told him he should play religious games on his channel and call it Woolie VS God.
EE-SOW
_Woolie_
on point with the pronunciation
_as always_
THE BIBLE +ATARI +SNOOP DOOG = THE PINNACLE OF HUMANITY
I just get the feeling they're smoking some good weed and all the extended exhaling
Hope this gets animated somewhere down the line.
With Binding of Isaac Antibirth having Jacob and Esau as characters, I can only imagined those characters doing this
Why hasn't kranky animated this
Can some one please animate Snoop Dogg as one of the wise men puffing smoke into baby Jesus' face?
My Atheist friends ask me about Catholic stuff too and I'm always like "man I don't know I'm not Catholic!"
I actually want to see Atari succeed with this. Is that wrong?
Rezua
Not really, I'm looking foward to it too. More competition is always good, if it'll force Sony and Microsoft to stop being practically identical than even better.
#Jacobed