pls someone explain to me what Im actually supposed to say here lmao / dana_._andersen / danaoandersen ko-fi.com/danaandersen / dana_._andersen patreon.com/DanaAndersen
Hi Dana - I have "small" meltdowns. I think that helps regulate my emotions. My definition of "small" is that I am able to hide it from everyone else... but I still can't get any work done while that is happening. I am usually able to recover in a few hours.
Totally agree there are different kinds of meltdowns. The meltdowns I had when I was younger I feel like I can't have - the consequences of melting down like that are dire as an adult, so I bottle them up, but it comes at a steep cost. Disassociation, internal, disconnected emotion, going non-verbal, inability to focus or train my eyes onto objects or people, migraine, shutdown, uncontrollable shaking, retreat / running away, sensory sensitivity, everything goes bad. And yes, then there's the ones that combine or turn into panic attacks, hyperventilation, palpitations, everything. And I just get made to feel like a child for it, which just makes it so much worse the next time because of the anxiety over it causing it to cascade faster.
I wish I had strategies that worked to stop meltdowns, or that I could ensure safety during my meltdowns. I do have some strategies if I notice my meltdowns far enough in advance, but often it's too late and then I can't. I suppress things a lot though and then it does all burst out eventually. It's so hard and I can never find any advice to suit my specific type of meltdown. Thanks for this though, I think the more people highlighting autistic adult meltdown experiences the better.
I really appreciated your perspective on this. While listening, I realized that a "panic attack I had at work the other day was more likely an autistic meltdown. It was brought on because I was the only person working the closing shift at a local coffee shop, and there was an event the next day to prepare for. So, since I already have a hard time managing the regular closing parts by myself, having a whole new aspect to think about was just way too much. I was able to recognize that I was suffering from executive dysfunction at that moment, but I didn't know what to do about it. So, after a couple hours of teetering on the brink of meltdown, I eventually reached breaking point (masking anytime customers came in, of course). But I was able to ask my boss what I should focus on. Then took it slow and easy on myself, accepting that I just need to clean one section at a time even if it would take 2 extra hours. After locking the doors to customers, I also sang my heart out to help regulate while cleaning👌
For me, it happens very instantly, one moment I'm doing ok, then something triggers it, whether i encountered a rude person or suddenly someone talked to me when i wasn't expecting them to or i find that there is all of a sudden too many people and noises around. And every time, it's like everything just becomes amplified. Sounds are louder and it becomes difficult to focus on any one sounds, lights get brighter, vision becomes less focusses, i feel like i want to cry. I just want to crawl into a ball and block everything out, and if anyone talks to me i will snap. Is this how it goes for others??
Now I'm recognising these as meltdowns I feel better about going off on my own to calm myself down. I vividly remember having a shutdown aged about 12 while my mother & another adult (forget who) were in the same room & I couldn't get passed them to get away, so I crawled under the dining table, just to put something between my self & the adults. I don't remember how long it lasted, but I do remember my mother saying loudly "just ignore her, she's attention seeking" which I definitely wasn't. I often get the feeling that I want to curl up smaller & smaller until I disappear/ implode - I wonder if that's because I also internalise (so implode instead of explode)...
A lot of this stuff I assumed was something only I did. Such as playing with a string to relax. Most nurseries and schools will take it away to make you more social which it never does and it causes stress. Only one Nursery. Getting diagnosed for help at school is very difficult even though it should be simpler. Mainstream schools suck as a lot of the so-called normal ones are arseholes in general. Those with special needs (even those who cannot control outbursts) tend to be much nicer and helpful. I feel more comfortable with them despite not having the same thing. I get on with older or younger ones more than my own age but that could merely have been the people in my school. College had nicer people and it was mainstream. Mainstream school did feel like it was pushing everyone back as they made us read on the same level or not letting us finish the book. I'd rather read ahead in my own head. It is sad to see people have to deal with abusive or neglectful parents, especially when they have struggles on top of it. It makes one wonder why such people have children.
Great video, the hard thing about meltdowns is not being able to have your own time to deesculate when you have children and a partner that still about. I remember saying, please be quiet I just need sometime with silence to recharge/destress and it’s perceived as being rude. But that’s how you feel you need to be to get back to your normal self. Also I smiled when I remember whacking myself and pulling my hair feeling frustrated.
I’ll give that it may just be I’m not a parent type of person, but I can’t imagine having kids around while trying not to have a meltdown, honestly well done for being able to ask for what you need in a way that’s just considered rude, I think I’d overreact in a way on par with the movie Carrie 😂
@@tomasvoldrichIt is hard for people to understand needs that they don't have. First they need to realize that not everyone is the same. The golden rule is a good starting point but doesn't go far enough.
I got this when I was living with my dad and stepmom. It was mainly m stepmom who would antagonize me by mocking me, laughing at me or bullying me or even slapping me. I have Septo Optic Dysplasia and CPTSD.
i relate to your experience with meltdowns so much!!! especially the bit about having imposter syndrome mid meltdown like am i making this up 😭 it’s nice to know i’m not alone in my experience
Hi Dana - I have "small" meltdowns. I think that helps regulate my emotions. My definition of "small" is that I am able to hide it from everyone else... but I still can't get any work done while that is happening. I am usually able to recover in a few hours.
Totally agree there are different kinds of meltdowns. The meltdowns I had when I was younger I feel like I can't have - the consequences of melting down like that are dire as an adult, so I bottle them up, but it comes at a steep cost. Disassociation, internal, disconnected emotion, going non-verbal, inability to focus or train my eyes onto objects or people, migraine, shutdown, uncontrollable shaking, retreat / running away, sensory sensitivity, everything goes bad. And yes, then there's the ones that combine or turn into panic attacks, hyperventilation, palpitations, everything. And I just get made to feel like a child for it, which just makes it so much worse the next time because of the anxiety over it causing it to cascade faster.
I wish I had strategies that worked to stop meltdowns, or that I could ensure safety during my meltdowns. I do have some strategies if I notice my meltdowns far enough in advance, but often it's too late and then I can't. I suppress things a lot though and then it does all burst out eventually. It's so hard and I can never find any advice to suit my specific type of meltdown. Thanks for this though, I think the more people highlighting autistic adult meltdown experiences the better.
I really appreciated your perspective on this. While listening, I realized that a "panic attack I had at work the other day was more likely an autistic meltdown. It was brought on because I was the only person working the closing shift at a local coffee shop, and there was an event the next day to prepare for. So, since I already have a hard time managing the regular closing parts by myself, having a whole new aspect to think about was just way too much. I was able to recognize that I was suffering from executive dysfunction at that moment, but I didn't know what to do about it. So, after a couple hours of teetering on the brink of meltdown, I eventually reached breaking point (masking anytime customers came in, of course). But I was able to ask my boss what I should focus on. Then took it slow and easy on myself, accepting that I just need to clean one section at a time even if it would take 2 extra hours. After locking the doors to customers, I also sang my heart out to help regulate while cleaning👌
For me, it happens very instantly, one moment I'm doing ok, then something triggers it, whether i encountered a rude person or suddenly someone talked to me when i wasn't expecting them to or i find that there is all of a sudden too many people and noises around. And every time, it's like everything just becomes amplified. Sounds are louder and it becomes difficult to focus on any one sounds, lights get brighter, vision becomes less focusses, i feel like i want to cry. I just want to crawl into a ball and block everything out, and if anyone talks to me i will snap. Is this how it goes for others??
Ooooh, they’re called internal meltdowns. Yeah, I’ve done lots of that.
Now I'm recognising these as meltdowns I feel better about going off on my own to calm myself down. I vividly remember having a shutdown aged about 12 while my mother & another adult (forget who) were in the same room & I couldn't get passed them to get away, so I crawled under the dining table, just to put something between my self & the adults. I don't remember how long it lasted, but I do remember my mother saying loudly "just ignore her, she's attention seeking" which I definitely wasn't.
I often get the feeling that I want to curl up smaller & smaller until I disappear/ implode - I wonder if that's because I also internalise (so implode instead of explode)...
If you were attention seeking you wouldn't try and hide. I hate it when people say I am attention seeking when I am trying to avoid more attention.
@@Catlily5 thank you! 💚
A lot of this stuff I assumed was something only I did. Such as playing with a string to relax. Most nurseries and schools will take it away to make you more social which it never does and it causes stress. Only one Nursery. Getting diagnosed for help at school is very difficult even though it should be simpler. Mainstream schools suck as a lot of the so-called normal ones are arseholes in general. Those with special needs (even those who cannot control outbursts) tend to be much nicer and helpful. I feel more comfortable with them despite not having the same thing. I get on with older or younger ones more than my own age but that could merely have been the people in my school. College had nicer people and it was mainstream. Mainstream school did feel like it was pushing everyone back as they made us read on the same level or not letting us finish the book. I'd rather read ahead in my own head. It is sad to see people have to deal with abusive or neglectful parents, especially when they have struggles on top of it. It makes one wonder why such people have children.
Great video, the hard thing about meltdowns is not being able to have your own time to deesculate when you have children and a partner that still about. I remember saying, please be quiet I just need sometime with silence to recharge/destress and it’s perceived as being rude. But that’s how you feel you need to be to get back to your normal self. Also I smiled when I remember whacking myself and pulling my hair feeling frustrated.
I’ll give that it may just be I’m not a parent type of person, but I can’t imagine having kids around while trying not to have a meltdown, honestly well done for being able to ask for what you need in a way that’s just considered rude, I think I’d overreact in a way on par with the movie Carrie 😂
Nothing rude in my opinion. Just your basic need a partner should understand, 😟
I have a 1 yr old and i can relate, my mother judges me pretty heavily if i have a melt down after ive had particularly tough day
@@tomasvoldrichIt is hard for people to understand needs that they don't have. First they need to realize that not everyone is the same. The golden rule is a good starting point but doesn't go far enough.
Agree, Good point🧐@@Catlily5
I would bottle everything up so much that I would end up in the psychiatric hospital when I couldn't keep it in any longer.
Due to serious self harm.
@@artemisXsidecross Thank you. I am glad you are here, too.
10:30 the best stim for me is "Stim Dancing" with wireless headphones and violin or cello music 🤗
I got this when I was living with my dad and stepmom. It was mainly m stepmom who would antagonize me by mocking me, laughing at me or bullying me or even slapping me. I have Septo Optic Dysplasia and CPTSD.
i relate to your experience with meltdowns so much!!! especially the bit about having imposter syndrome mid meltdown like am i making this up 😭 it’s nice to know i’m not alone in my experience