American Dad Takes Sweden's 3-Month Parental Leave! (What I Expected vs. Reality)
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- Опубліковано 7 тра 2024
- #SwedenLife #ExploringSweden #AmericanInSweden #AmericanlivinginSweden #AmericaninEurope
Dads, this one's for you! Join Lexx, an American dad experiencing Sweden's incredible 3-month parental leave for the first time with his kids. 🇸🇪
Wondering what parental leave is all about? Lexx will break it down for you in three easy-to-follow parts:
Part 1: Unveiling Sweden's Parental Leave Policy: Lexx explains the ins and outs of this unique Swedish benefit.
Part 2: Dad Expectations Exposed: What did Lexx think parental leave would be like? Get ready for some laughs!
Part 3: Reality Check! Lexx shares his honest experience of taking a 3-month parental leave with his children.
Is extended parental leave right for you? Watch this video and find out! This is a must-watch for any American dad curious about Sweden's parental leave system.
#Sweden #ParentalLeave #DadLife #FamilyTravel #ExpatLife
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40 + Swedish woman here. When my father was home on parental leave with me all those years ago he was punished at work. When my son was born my husband had no problem with parental leave and work. Our work-culture has adapted to it. If our son takes parental leave he would be 3:rd generation dad to go on leave.
Yes, my ex's company even had a bonus that they got when they took parental leave. He took 7 months if I remember correctly. At the time we even got one of those equality bonuses once he got passed the days that were only for him. I think they removed that though.
My wife was home a year, then I was home a year with our son. Amazing times. :)
3? I took 9 with zero shame. Best time of my life!
Chill out man. I'm just trying my best to be like you guys lol
9? I took 12...
What you learn on parental leave: if your kid goes to sleep early, they wake up early. If the kid goes to sleep late, they still wake up early.
This comment is 🪙
🤣😅
Haha!!! This is so true!
Still wake up early AND cranky
Not me reading Ölxäv and wondering where it is in Sweden before realizing the video is mirrored. 😂
Hahahha samma här 😂
I get that for a lot of the swedish parents in the comments, being on parental leave is the norm. So I appreciate how humble you are in this experience and realize that you are still learning to think like this as a father. There is nothing wrong with growing and admitting that you are growing.
😂❤I wonder how many patio building projects and home renovations, new kitchen, wallpaper or painting new fathers have planned for parental leaves, that did not get started, just a heap of materials somewhere until much later ...
Good question!
i wonder how many of those projects go to nothing when they realize kids is kids. It is hard work
@@lenasoderberg2583 I had tons of plans for my paternity leave - none completed, besides spending all time awake with my son :)
Or hunting trips for elg. 🙂
all that went out the window once they got married mate
As a Swede watching this, I’m definitely glad both parents here get parental leave but mostly I’m a little chocked that parents in the US don’t always get parental leave at all. I also don’t really understand why the citizens don’t demand it when almost every other western country has it to varying degrees
Canadian here. Agreed I don't understand how my neighbours to the south have no parental leave. When my daughter was little I had 6 months (over 25 yrs ago), now it is 12 months or extended 18 months but the pay is not as good as Sweden unless your employer has a bump up benefit (adds 25% to the government 55%).
I have been a single dad with full custody since the kids were 1 and 5. During this time i have studied to be an engineer and had 10 years of working experience in that field. Now they are 19 and 15.
The 19 year old just got their first full time job and graduates in a couple of months. It has been hard but you will get into it after a while. Free time is a luxury commodity.
Yeps. That's because our Scandinavian systems are tailored for women to work, but had you not had free/cheap day care, safety for kids to be able to walk or take public transport on their own etc. etc., it would have been a very different story.
@@samhartford8677 Maybe, i would still have managed in some way.
Single Dads are all heroes.
Where as single Mums are seen as trash trash: I got a comment telling me that "children of single Mums are not normal" 🙄
"You should be greatful"
Mate, we fought for our rights.
Employers didn't just give us parental leave or 5 week vacation out of the kindness of their heart.
We fought for it, we are still fighting.
Once we get 6 hour work days that will be because we made that happen too, not some divine gift we should just sit down and be greatful for.
Depends on the direction of the gratitude. We should be grateful to previous generations of workers rights-activists, not to the employers. It's easy to just take everything we have now for granted, and forget that it could get worse, but also that it could get better. As you say, the fight goes on and on.
25% moms, 20% arbetsgivaravgift. 30-35% gross tax on income. Thats 70% of our labor gone to the state. They owe us more than this.
Chilli man. Very angry!!!
Was going to comment the same. It was earned by political movement and not given by a far removed group of politicians, we are “proud of” not “grateful” because we stand together and not individually. 😂 We have all the right to get heated. Imagine if you told a French person they should be thankful that the royals allowed them to hold protests, gave them freedom and let them call it a revolution.
Bitch we can still be grateful! And the fighting wasn't that bad compared to some countries! (not that it wasn't bad at times but at least the USA didn't invade us and install a puppet government)
I took 9 months paternity leave with each of my 2 daughters about 14 and 12 years ago. Best time ever!
stop saying we should be grateful, we are the state. we vote for these policies and pay taxes for them, we do this on purpose. I'll give you that we should be grateful to previous generations who started building the welfare state we have. but all of this is continued by the citizens of Sweden. compare it to a resturant, if you pay for food and get food, you are not grateful you are content. If you dont get food, you are pissed of. Taxes is payment for the services the state provide, the state need to provide these services or face the consequences.
At the same time, i do feel fortunate to be born in Sweden.
Edit: Sorry for the tone, keep up the good work. its just a pet peeve of mine with how we view the state.
Understandable.
I am sympathetic to both of your takes on this topic. In many countries powerful (monied) lobbyists push their industry's agenda which shapes government policy to a greater extent then the needs of the people. Unfortunately this true in the U.S. and as a Canadian, I see how the policies are shaped down south have some influence on our country as well. While it is all good to say that one can fight as a group for rights, when government is swayed by the influences of large corporations and industries it makes it very difficult.
BTW parental leave isnt something that somehow magically just manifested itself. It has taken a lot of hard work for many years by the labor unions and by pressure from ordinary people, politicians etc. You can achieve that as well in the US :)
What you forgot to say is that you have to take minimum 3 months as those can’t be past to the other parent. So it isn’t your wife ”tricking” you, it’s a question about either you take the months or your kid get less time home with a parent (unless you pay for it your self).
Det är väl 60 dagar som är öronmärkta för pappan. Eller har de höjt till 90? Min son är 14 så det kan ju ha ändrats.
@@frankastisk Ja, det ändrades rätt nyligen till 90.
@@felucca Vad bra! 👍🏻
My wife took 9 month perantal leave, then I took 4. Then we splited the rest 4 months. work 2 days/p.leave 3, work 3/p.leave 2 and so on. That was perfect for our family and job-wise. (I´m a swede I will say so we got 80% of the income)
Your wife isnt gonna TRICK you?? You mean you would just leave her with EVERYTHING?? parents help each other equally! You are equally skilled to do it.
You should have taken half of the days.
🥳 welcome to Sweden!! 😂😂
Its still new to me and it was a learning process
@@Lexxinswedenvelkommen til verden og år 2024. Du har valgt å få barn, involver deg når du har mulighet. Ta deg sammen!
Yeah, huge jikes.
@carolinebergh4126 Normally, I would agree with you, but this was just a very nasty and uncalled personal attack. *_You_* get a grip.
Hey! Happy to hear you are managing your föräldraledighet like a champ
I'm so happy you're taking in the Swedish culture and trying to adapt. I know full time parenting must be really rough on some people, especially coming from a culture where that isn't the norm for the dad. Keep it up!
We just got the dad-leave in Denmark about a year ago. Before it was 6-12 months for the mother only, and the dad just got 14 days right after birth.
My husband really wanted to stay home with our babies, but it wasn't possible back then.
I love your video, very sharing 🤩 both generous in a humorous way, and strategic advice.
My best parental leave hack (I have 4 kids) is to take care of yourself first, then your kids - I agree with what you said about sleep. I napped in the middle of the day together with my kids in order to thrive. Some days, several hours. I still love to nap. Nowadays alone 😅 my youngest is 10 years old.
Good luck with parenting 🍀
I remember when I had my first kid the first 2 weeks I did not get dressed until the afternoon (need to say that I had severe complications and was very sick..)remember that the bvc came every day to check and I was not dressed.
But after a few weeks I decided to organise my self and started to clock everything, that made my day. On the exact minute he got his meals and activities and I can say that was a hit, no hungercries, no extra trouble, i could go shopping with no cries. I did not force anything on him, just followed his own schedule and on top of that was no more crying in bed and he (and later his brother also) he or his brother later on never woke up during the night unless they where sick.
I did not have the ”normal” parenral leave (was not getting payed) so I was workin 8 pm to 2 am every weekday…It was 34 years ago.
Yup, it's exhausting and also it made me realize that I have no social network outside work. I was ALONE. And I took three months when my daughter was 6 months old. I was supposed to take 6 months but after 3 I went back to work because I was going insane. Not because of my daughter, but because I had no adults to talk to during the days. Everyone was either at work or busy with their own families. So while pappaledighet in general is a great thing, it really depends on lots of different factors.
very nice tips here for a day with small children. Prepare for the next day. Totally agree, it's a god damn vacation to go back to work after pappaledig 🙂
I was home with my youngest son for 12 month and kept my job then 🇸🇪👍
1995-96👌🇸🇪
Interesting to hear about your experience!
It sure can be exhausting being home on parental leave. As you said, you really need to plan the next day for it to run smooth. You need to have routines figured out and have a plan for lunch and snack. Otherwise the day just come crashing down.
I was also on leave during Covid and it was so lonely. I really missed meeting other adults. I mean its hard to find time to hang with friends or have meaningful interactions with other parents anyway. But it was just really hard. My first time home it was still hard because you have different routines than your friends because the kids have different needs. And even if you meet up in a park, you cant really finish a whole conversation. You almost only have time for small talk between tending to kids or feeding their play with fantasy or interaction.
One awesome hack i came up with was to get a hammock. During summer i could put the smallest kid to sleep for 1-1,5 hours without the need to bring a trolley, so i could bike with the kids wherever. It made us more mobile and let us stay out in the park or on the beach the whole day while at the same time giving the kid some quality sleeptime. I basically just needed a plan for lunch.
Even if it was a lot of work, it gave us a lot of good times!
Pappaledig means dadvacation. I jokingly call it dadwork. Taking care of kids is hard work. Both the mom and dad experiencing this is in itself worth a lot!
My husband and our son (our son is 24 now) has a fantastic relationship since my husband was out of work for two years. His "pappaledighet" wasn't volontary in that sense and he was quite conservative, so I think it had been natural for him to keep working while I was on parental leave and took care of our son (and I know he thought that he'd be terribly bored when the child was so young.) This was in 2001 so it hadn't become so common for fathers to take pappaledigt, even though it was possible for them.The company he worked for went bankrupt when our son was 12 months old. Volontary or not, they became a team. I don't think they would be so tight if my husband hadn't stayed home. The fact that my husband is a great man and a great dad didn't hurt either. My husband's father was a great role model, so my husband knew how to be a good dad. I wasn't so lucky so I had to invent myself as a mother, so I'm so thankful that my husband compensated for that.
Took my full 240 days paternity leave with my son. Great days bonding and nessesery to be able to learn all the things all mothers learn while nursing. And by the way - A real man can do all things men do…and the things women do too.
Äntligen en vettigt kommentar
Exactly 👍
Great content. I've been here for 39 years and still trying to get used to it
I was a little kid in the 1970s, growing up in daycare because both my parents worked at the time and I still remember this "pappaledig" advertising poster featuring famous weightlifter Lennart "Hoa-Hoa" Dahlgren.
Being pappaledig was a new concept, and even though Sweden's a progressive country compared to many others, a lot of people still were very sceptical. So seeing this big burly dude (with a giant mane of red hair!) holding a chubby little baby, well, hopefully it helped break the ice a bit. Anyway, the image itself is considered very iconic for Swedish people who were around at the time. :)
You sound like a great dad - and I bet your wife is pleased too
This Comet is gold. Thank you for that
Great to hear your experience of your parental leave. So good that you also got more understanding of the non paid job a lot of women all over the world have been and still are doing taking care of the kids and homes. And that you put your light on that here on UA-cam. Respect! 👍
Well, Lexx, welcome to the club.... I think the main trick is not having to darn detailed plans, being able to improvise.... And keep tracks of toilets and your kids behavior like if they need extra energy or a moment of calmness, etc. to get along in good spirit. BUT I am a bit older and things have changed in Sweden. I was pappaledig in the early 90's, and - working in a Swedish large bank, I lost my manager position, and had to start over in a sense when coming back. This is different today, both for women and men.
lol, with my first it was like a vacation for 7month P-leave, and with the second (6month P-leave), the first was like 2.5y and it was a whole other playground with both , but so worth it :)
and still now at 4 and 6y olds i often go to sleap at 21:30 jsut to get good sleep :)
and as you say , prepping for next day is good
A month is not enough time to heal after birth. If you are lucky it's 6 months to a year but most times it takes roughly 2 years. But there can also be permanent damage. Thus the Swedish pappaledighet is both to make sure you have a real connection to your kids and the skills to do at least 50 percent of the work as you are equally responsible for the care of the kids and if necessary a 100 but also the explicit goal is to make sure that the mom has help that critical first ten days and afterwards ( in order to take care of the baby and her) where it's very easy to crack open again and have permanent damage and where lifting stuff can be really bad as well as take a or more longer spells to trade off the responsability. Be aware that if the mom has medical problems after the birth it can be good thing for her to take sickdays whilst the partner takes parental leave doing the household and baby work as much as possible ensuring that she heals better. Sidenote as there is a cultural difference here most employers expect you to be responsible as a parent and take your full parental leave if you do not that is seen as negative and can harm your career in the long run and future as you make clear that you cannot handle work and children as a dad. In Sweden the culture is more your primary responsibility is your family and that means being there for them in the flesh, that includes taking days off for vård av barn ie because they are sick and not letting them go to daycare or school whilst being sick staying at home with them. It's also very badly viewed going to work sick especially with infectious disease both by employers and co- workers as that means you are not in solidarity with the company or your co- workers, being irresponsible (this was actually already the case before covid) ps. A trick for extra sanity points during this period for both of you can be getting a service that does housecleaning- part of that can be deducted from both of your's taxes - start with the person who makes the most money . Talk to the firm about you wanting to use RUT - avdrag.
I hope you have a new aopreciation for your partner and that the time off have you an understanding of the importance of support and shared labour at home
Mamas should wear a Go Pro for a week from wake-up to bedtime. Show that to the Dadas on the weekend.
yup, a bit of planning and routines can make life alot easier...
That is why our taxes are higher here. We prioritize parenting the kiddos. It also helps to blow the myth of “vacation with kids” right out of the water😅😂😂
Föräldraledighet is tough!
Welcome to parental leave, it can take a toll on any parent 😁 Especially the lack of conversations with other adults. Personally I learned it helped me a lot to always have more than one plan for the day. I had plan A, B, and C. So if A didn’t go as planned, I went to B etc. Guess I am a bit of controlfreak…
Agree with you on every point. I actually don't remember much of my parental leave at all... It's all a blur but well worth it. 😅
Jobbit! Lets hope this reaches some American and you see some change for the better over there.
I've been pappa ledig twice, for 6-8 months each time, interesting times. Its funny, i didn't sleep much during this time, maybe 4.5 hours per night. Kids are more grown now but i sleep maybe 5 hours now, just find that i don't need that much sleep, even while working as an engineer
That's life with Children.. wait for the teenager age..Living in Sweden❤😊..We are Lucky..Thank's for Your point of wiev ❤😊
Me and my sambo split the time straight down, so I was home with our kid the whole 240 days. It was awesome, tiring of course, but awesome. Btw; if you have another kid, you’re legally required to be pappaledig for three months, that’s the minimum and can’t be given to the other parent.
Wow didn't know that
@@Lexxinsweden You are not legally required, but that money is earmarked for each parent. If you don´t take those three months you don´t get that money.
In the US some tech companies have pretty good parental benefits. Have friends at google where both got 6 months paid leave each with their child. Think Spotify have fairly decent benefits as well.
Spotify is swedish
oh my goodness we live in the same town!!!
My grandma and grandpa had 14 kids!!!!! Of course, no parental leave then. But imagine!
I took 12months leave with my little girl, and a bit less with my son, if it feels like a chore you are doing it wrong, it is easy
Its true, planing is the key to a niece day whit the kids😂
Happy you are here and got the chance you wouldn't have in some other countries.
Only managed 20 of projects I planned in PL . Full respect single parents
Hi. You are not asking your wife what she is doing all day. Have you picked up on helping her? If so, what things are you doing for her now that you would never have thought of doing before?
And you can use your parent leave in rwo ways. 7 days pay a week or 5 days a week. So 48 weeks per parent or 34.
Enjoy!
The first year of the child's life you don't actually have to take out any days at all. That would give you 0 money, of course, but if you could afford it you could save every single day of parental leave until the child is 1+ year old.
Hi. We dont get those days for free, we pay them with our taxes. 🙂
I'll ve home a little over a year with my first child when he arrives later this year.
I went on daddy leave for about 5 months with my now 4 year old.
I. Was. Miserable.
And I felt so guilty for not loving it. Now I’ve got a new born, and I’m absolutely terrified for when I’m going on leave again.
I feel a lot of men don't make the connections with other parents on leave. I would have been so misserable if not for the other parents I hung out with during the days.
Um, Sweden is far from alone as regards providing "ample" parental leave -- all the Nordic countries do. As do other European countries. The USA is the only so-called industrial country that, practically speaking, offers nothing (well, maybe a few weeks here or there, well, that's nothing). There is nothing for Swedes, or any other European, to be grateful about, the people have spoken and the governments have listen. Uncle Sam is totally deaf.
However, you are not allowed to have föräldraledigt when your kids are at school or pre-school. Than Försäkringskassan will force you to pay everything back.
I am well aware of that
I am so greatful and proud of our system. AND I work for the government and I get 20 % extra on the salarybased days.
How do americans deal with toddlers after that first month of "vacation" if they even get that. They can't leave them home alone at that age, so they all hire nannys?? this seems so strange to me
As as of lately there's been a lot of cases where some people just leave their kids at home and some of their kids end up dead or get reported to the police while these kids are left at home
@@Lexxinsweden Insane
how young is the baby when the parents drop it off at daycare in the US? or do most have a babysitter?
We have baby sitters in the states
Most daycares won't take a child under 1 month old. So family or a nanny has to help the first month if the mom has to return to work. Daycares typically have rules like only 2 babies per care center and a only a certain number of toddlers. So it can be very challenging getting Daycare services for a young baby. Not to mention the cost...
Some European companies operating in the US will give proper parental leave and other benefits similar to those given in Europe
If you choose to have the video mirrored, maybe you shouldn't have text in the background… 🤣
If you’re someone who learn from your mistakes, the second time around is alot easier.
Yep
Now you know what your wife did all day when you were at work 😂
Did you ever see the series "Welcome to Sweden” and the Jack Black episode? “Jag är pappaledig!"
ONE month? But what do you all do with your infants after that single month???
Worth every cent of taxes you pay . Parents should enjoy their time together with the child and with each other
3 months is nothing, I had my parental leave (Pappaledigt) for 9 months, while my wife was working 😎
I'm a rookie learning from you vets so please give me a break on the comments with lol
The same for us mums eller hur?😊
Being a parent is not an easy job.
Women really should be appreciated more.
It's not an easy job being there for the kids.
Our own aspirations in life will have to come second to the kids needs.
My employer gives me an additional 10% which means 90%
same, a lot of employers in Sweden actually does this.
@Lexxinsweden Here is a PRO tip from me when the kid just need to go right away (pee)... Just go to a bush or a tree and let it "rain" =) It's perfectly normal, and everyone has done it at least a few times in their life.. It's not forbidden or anything like that.. So just water the plants, and move on 😄
With both kids. How is this possible?
@@Lexxinsweden You can ask someone there that looks nice to hold an eye on the other kid. Or just put one kid on your shoulders. 😃
@@Perisa79 would be nice but I think that's very hard as an American to do that.
Hehe, I was taught to take a piss in whatever shrubbery was available at a very young age😂😊
@@Lexxinsweden Just bring both kids with you, the one that does not pee can just wait next to you for a quick tinkle of their sibling. If the kids are younger than maybe seven, no one would care a flippety flopp about it.
First rule using a camera: No frog perspective
Love it
How did 240 days become 3 months? 🤔
You don't need to take all 240 days at once. I think you can use them until the child turn 12 years old.
Only took 3 months out of 240 days
@@Lexxinsweden Dude what is your problem? Parental leave can be used up to the child is 12 years old. You can even split the days. Each family decide what works for them and how they will do it, not some random guy on the internet.
@@uniquename111 rude
@@reallivebluescat Are you suggesting that a random guy on the internet have a say in your person choice of family life?
We pay for it in taxes. You don't do that in the states
I really don't get it? It is not THAT hard, I got 4 kids and my experience was that it is mostly boring due to lack of grown up conversations during daytime 😂. Otherwise it is like every other work, some days are easier than others. You can make your own schedule over the day and I think you gain much if you are able to lower your expectations and don't put so much pressure of being a perfect parent. Just be a normal, half lazy mom or dad and it will be awesome ❤
Er ikke poenget med pappaledig å tilbringe tid med barna dine? Og fortsatt er fokuset ditt på karriere…. Du er mye av grunnen til at likestilling står på stedet hvil når det gjelder menn og samvær med barn
Yes my focus is to spend time with the kids. That's why I took the 3 months in the first place because I wanted to know what it feels like to take care of the kids and actually fully spend time with them
If you left kids in school/kindergarden then its not as hard as if they are home and restless all the time 😂
I agree but the days they were off from school
Exactly, if you dont have any kid at home with you, then it is not really parental leave at all. It's just you dropping them of at school and picking them up later. One of You would still have to do that even if You are both working.
You can't send your Children to school when you're on pappa ledig b'cos it's not allowed.
I was studying in school online and that's why I could have
Eh you can’t? Never heard of that, I think it is a stupid rule if that is the case. They have to get to school somehow… Like what if the wife doesn’t have driving license?
What if you live in basically the forest so there is basically no public transport? Yeah you must have the ability to drive your children somewhere…
So you will leave the same amount of effort to your wife? Shouldn't you do more prep for her so the burden isn't that much on either one of you?
We pay for it with our tax - so it is not for free ! A good model though for everybody !
Pappaledig but sending the kids to school? I'm lost...........
I am studying as well
The older kids are probably old enough that they have to be in school maybe?
USA has this aura of being a "family value"-driven country, but is it not?
That's because they brainwashed us to believe that we can have all of these things if we work hard, but if we continue to work too hard. We won't have time to spend with our families and I think that this is a distorted image upon all of us
And America is the greatest nation on Earth? Might have to re-think that🤔
Today's Mums are comparing them selves to their home going Mums of the good old days.
Today's Dads are comparing themselves to their Dads, who were ever so busy making money.
Greatful? We pay tax for it!
yes, and we should be grateful for it!
@@lennartandersson75 well its a right, we still pat for it
Yes I understand. But in the United States we pay taxes and don't get half of the things we pay for. So that's why I said many people should be grateful
Yes, very grateful we can offer this to all parents and children. Makes the society much better.
Parent leave....only if you "in the system"
Thus full time job....
If NOT ....your TOAST!
😂😂 so you lived in Lala-land and woke up in reality. Funny
Yes I needed that
Not so impressive when you realize those 80% are'nt 80% unless you earn practically nothing. With my salary I get around 35%.