Well said gentlemen, someone with problems they can't handle, or won't choose to handle, can't be trusted so easily. Having a large sum of dept, is a deal breaker and should be a deal breaker.
Nice to hear this from a Woman’s point of view. Men are typically demonized for having this kind of attitude. Sorry, but I am not willing to commit to a long term relationship with someone who has created a mess that I am now going to have to help clean up and even have to continue to live with post relationship.
Abdullah Faisal The reason for the debt matters. Sometimes people are hit with huge medical bills or have student loans but are working in a lucrative field and took on the student loans as a managed risk. But those people usually feel less shame about their debt, are more likely to be forthcoming about it and have a plan to pay it off. The real red flag here is her secretiveness about the debt.
Absolutely right! And marriage is a crucial element to raising kids so don't be married without signing the papers either. Dump her! Wait for the next gem-woman that will come in the next 3 years on average.
Drogo Baggins, stds, drug problems, boyfriends who she can duck behind your back, a planned ahead divorce plan, shopping sprees and other money wasting habits and any other problems the normal minded individual wouldn't want to cope with or handle. People with such problems do exist, and for them to hide it is simply to trap some normal person into their unavoidable mess. Better to find out such problems and hightail outer there, than to ruin your life with a person who has already went ahead and done it.
Cherish Adventure Some counties have heavy discounts on marriage licenses if you’ve completed pre-marital counseling. I think that it’s a great thing and more should do so!
Cherish Adventure I agree and if the man or woman lies during that counseling than there should be penalties if there is a divorce. For example if the male or female lied about debt, that debt should remain their sole responsibility.
Of course she is. She ashamed and horrified. She doesn't want him to know until he is "in" and "responsible" for her. She is afraid that if she is honest, he's gone.
Is this girl serious? What does she mean wait until after were engaged to discuss debt? Before marriage everything needs to be discuss, when choosing someone you are considering spending your entire life with? She can't be serious.
ConcertJunkie27, that type of person should be avoided. She has no interest in solving her problems. She wants to dump it all onto you. That type of person is lazy, irresponsible, terrible planner, bad at handling money and dept, has an illusion of being carefree, is most likely someone who is destined to ruin their lives and the lives of others. This said person is a good pump and dump. That type of individual should never be in your priority list, and isn't worth changing for the better.
@@abdFai826 I agree up to you tell "pump and dump." She'd end up pregnant and he'd still end up supporting her AND a child. Plus, it's fornication, dude. 🤷🏾♀️
Completely agree. If she's not willing to be open an honest, there's something sketchy going on. Even considering the unlikely possibility of her not having any secret, the simple fact that she's not willing to be open shows she's not ready to get married. When people get married they become one.
@@macforme yep. He should have just next'd her instead of calling Dave Ramsey, but at least by calling in he contributed to the talk radio portion of our economy.
No, it's here debt; real masculine alpha males don't need counsel on moral matters. Real men don't hesitate to be judgemental about women who have high debts. If she were worth marriage she wouldn't have these debts in the first place.
The debt is not the deal breaker, it's the lack of honesty. Also there obviously appears to be some ulterior intentions based on JD's description. You know, we know, she knows. Save the heartache. I hope he doesn't get blinded by his emotion from making the right decision.
dead pool - You may be on to something, but isn't always the case. Dave Ramsey said he made awful decisions, but he is still Dave Ramsey. If your poor decisions define who you are as a person, then "fook it". Keep your head on a swivel, but not to the extent where you overlook stuff. Use common sense. Also, a gem woman comes along every 3 years in my experience, you just have to wait for the right one. If number 1 has debt(100k) then pass, and if 2 has 50k saved and so do you then say "I do". I personally would consider 100k a deal breaker, unless she makes at least 50k/year. Then live off of beans and cheap Mexican tacos.
@@billbob8517 $100k a deal breaker. That response is the reason women like her aren't anxious to reveal debt to someone who hasn't committed. So I take it you wouldn't marry a doctor or lawyer.
If it's debt from lack of self control and irresponsibility, it is a deal breaker. You need to find out why the person is in debt. It will say something about their character.
Run don't walk out of this situation. She hides her bad debt. What else does she hide? She is trying to manipulate you into getting her a home. Dump her. You are best waiting for the right one. I was put into a financial crisis by a partner that promised to help pay for our Home and everything but never did. Get out now
She looking for a sucker. She don’t love him. Just what he can do for her. He will pay off all her debt and she’ll be looking for a reason to hit the door.
Right? Knew a guy who married, the woman stayed long enough to finish school, then she immediately high tailed it and took their dogs. She just wanted a free ride during school.
Think of marriage like a business merger. Before you merge two business entities, both parties need to fully disclose their finances. They need to put on the table all liabilities and assets. If one or both parties withhold financial information, then the merger shouldn't go forward. Same with marriage. Just because someone withholds financial information and debt doesn't mean it goes away once the marriage license is legally granted. Nobody wants to be surprised to find out that more money is owed than expected.
David Reynolds, well said bro. Don't know if you know but marriage is in fact a business deal. If the deal she is offering has a whole bunch of negatives, best to hightail and run.
Question guys: is a spouse responsible for his/spouse debts contracted before marriage? I thought only debt after marriage is the one owed by both spouses
@@CBRRR-eh3ky I agree in CA and most states debt incurred prior to the marriage remains the sole responsibility of the borrower. The new spuse doesn't magically become a guarantor.
@@tilagica - This is why BOTH parties need to see each others credit report before tying the knot. If he or she doesn't consent to the other person seeing their credit report, then don't go through with the marriage. That is because they clearly have something to hide.
4 роки тому+66
Many years ago I had a girlfriend who bought a new Corvette . She wanted me to use my life savings toward a house for us while she used hers for that car. I told her that was unfair and it was not good Christian stewardship. She wanted to marry me and was very pushy about it even though I had never proposed. I cancelled her wedding plans and moved on with my life I felt like I had dodged a bullet. That Corvette was a horrible investment , but it had saved me from being unequally yoked to a spendthrift woman. Now I use the story of that Corvette in the Financial Peace classes that I teach at my church.
I ve been researching and listening about how to be a good steward of money. I'm 23 yrs old. I grew up and saw how my parents separated because of money problems and having a huge debt.I also have a debt of $800. i am in a stage deciding what kind of life i want to have after 10 years and what legacy should i leave to my siblings who are looking up to me.my parents failed and saw how my little brother's were affected, I don't want this to happen again in us.listening to Dave and other videos in this channel empowers me to make an action and I really Learn a lot.its possible,practical and applicable. I am just starting to learn how to be financially responsible. :)
It seems like after being together for two years he would know more about her. Like how much money she makes, whether she has a car payment, wears expensive clothes and jewelry, takes expensive vacations. If she went to college and has student loans. A lot of things you can figure out with common sense thinking.
+Vydio This man is a source of revenue. I would not even want him to marry her. Even if she eventually gets to tell him about the debt. He is going to be paying it off. Listen again to the house situation. He is going to pay for it. Not they are going to pay for it. The dynamics of their relationship are already established.
@@jamesedwards3923 IF anything, I would not assume any payments on her debt that she wasn't actively dealing with. She pays 75%, I would pay 25%. She pays 0, I pay zero but she would assume the burden of the debt, not me.
@@texan903 Marrying a woman. Who is in debt. Then you will be paying for the house after they get married? She is setting him up for a sucker punch. Ahh the rope a dope! Classic boxing move that everybody knows. Why, because it works.
Harvey Cedar Usually because the parties that signed it didn’t have separate legal rep/it wasn’t approved by an actual attorney so something in it isn’t possible.
This is exactly why I left my fiance a few years back. She was too stubborn to work out her financial debt. Some you just can't work with because they don't want to work together. Leave the situation and hope to find a person you can work together with.
I know this is old but I just can't see how the rule of thumb applies to this. Maybe you don't fully understand the rule of thumb. The rule of thumb is a legal term. A man could not be charged with the abuse of his wife if he hit her with an object no thicker than his thumb.
Just Landor hes just saying if either party of a relationship is hiding something - it’s usually because the other isn’t going to be happy about it. Rule of thumb applies here.
She doesn't want to discuss the matter because she either has something to hide or she is afraid her finances will result in a breakup. This is a major red flag. You don't want to marry someone who could financially destroy you. There is no way I would ever agree to marry anyone without discussing finances.
I came into my engagement with consumer debt, my future husband only had his mortgage. How to handle my debt was a big topic of conversation; a hard one topic, but we had it none the less. She might be scared to acknowledge what her reality is because he might cut-and-run, or because she's just in denial. Honesty is the key, if he approaches the topic without judgment he might get a lot of information out of her, so they can move forward. However, if she's unwilling and unreasonable in this area I'd say it's a deal breaker. It's a conversation that HAS to take place. My consumer debt got resolved two years ago and it's the best feeling to have that kind of freedom. It's been great working as a team with my husband in the area of finances. Teamwork makes the dream work!
Just knowing he’s considering this after she said don’t need to know about her debt, let’s her know he’s an easy mark to take advantage of financially.
I find it sad how often I have read a book or seen a movie and the version of events surrounding marriage goes something like "all we need is love" or "things will take care of them selves". We need to work harder at teaching younger generations the value and need for work and developing clear lines of communication early in a relationship. This world is wonderful but it is also hard, anything meant to last takes time to build and it never builds its self.
this pattern started long ago in the relationship..they need counseling desperately..Dave great him great advice..hopefully things work out for them.these types of situations can be foundation builders for relationships if they are addressed properly..if not addressed, they usually mean divorce or a very unhappy life
I married a woman that couldn’t stop spending money. Unfortunately I was too stupid to realize what I was getting into. Was a horrible marriage and a huge mistake.
DON'T DO IT....I made this mistake on my first marriage and it was a disaster......I was young, in love, but learned the hard way - she has to come clean before you put that ring on that finger.
I can't imagine what is going through this girl's head. My boyfriend and I are discussing getting married in the next year or so, and we already are each other's accountability partners when it comes to spending and budgeting. Before either of us make a big purchase we discuss it to see what the other has to say because we trust one another and value one another's opinion. There are no secrets in a healthy relationship.
+Sabotage Engineering Sure thing! First off I commend you for staying away from debt, wise decision! Dave's book 'Total Money Makeover' really changed my life and I live by the principles outlined in the book. I create a written budget before each pay period and tell my money where to go so I don't wonder where it went! I save for larger purchases. If I don't have the cash to buy it, I don't. Check out the book when you get an opportunity.
Jello K. Dumping people in dept is a wise decision and a good business choice as well. Sorry if that hurts you but dealing with others dept is not your problem. They created it for themselves and they need to handle it themselves. Nuff said.
I I understand your decision. I have chosen to be single until I get myself out of debt. However I would consider, what are they doing about it? Like me. I am was $40k in debt. I have been working to pay it off for the last 2 yrs and now I am $28k in debt. It has been hard but I know I will be debt free and I know that I will someday look back and be an inspiration to other single women.
Dumping someone because they are in debt is ludicrous imo. You're at the dating phase at that point and even if they are in debt that still doesn't mean you are responsible for it. You can take that opportunity and maybe help coach them on how to get out of that debt or even assist through other means outside of straight up using your own cash to bail them out. At this phase that have a chance to improve and I feel that it's pretty horrible to not be willing to give them that chance. If they were already ready to marry you and somehow kept it secret then it might be a different situation as once you're married that debt becomes your problem too, but when dating it isn't and it doesn't have to be. There are various ways you can enable those you care about to pay off their debts without having to pay it for them even though it might not be the easiest path.
D P That would have helped in the short term but not long term. This guy still benefits from learning the importance of being on the same page and having financial discussions before marriage. This tip will help him should he wisely dump his dishonest girlfriend and find someone better.
If a woman is hiding hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt from me, then I reserve the right to hide from her hundreds of thousands of dollars of my assets. I would take a solo trip to the Cayman Islands with a suitcase of cash!
I can say from experience...finances cause a ton of tension in a marriage. Every person, Male or female should have this discussion prior to getting engaged. Fortunately my wife and I are able to work through it but this is definitely something I wish we had discussed before. It is majorly important to see eye to eye on finances.
So let me get this right, did this dude just say "we're" going to dig out of her debt together 😳 How bout she deals with her own debt then I'll think about dating you.
Man I tell you what... I'm about to turn 31, got divorced when I was 29... It was both the worst and best experience of my life. It was painful in the moment, but my God, these kind of red flags are just SO easy to spot now. Hindsight 20/20 is a thing, but what matters is if you manage to take that hindsight and turn it into foresight.
Agreed. He absolutely should tell her, be honest or it's over. Also, if she is in deep debt, he doesn't need to marry her. When you marry someone with a lot of debt, you are financially ruining your life. Anybody can promise you in the moment that they are going to change or that they are no longer going to spend like that, but once you marry, it's too late.
Red Alert! Red Alert! Red Alert! Why would someone marry a person swimming in debt? This guy should be asking himself "Is she with me because of me? or she needs a sucker to pay off her debt?" Walk away!
I hope he listens. All 4 areas were the downfall of my marriage. Complete division of finances. She refused to go to church even when we met there and no longer important. Inlaws overruled our decisions of our daughter and exwife insisted they had to live with us.
I told my husband a couple MONTHS into dating that if he ever planned on marrying me, he was marrying into 40k of student loans. I'm really glad we talked about it beforehand
At least you were honest about it. But in no way should he be responsible for debt you had prior to meeting him, and that should be in writing prior to finalizing the marriage.
haha . Where is Tom Leykis when you need him!! If you're together and incur debt together, when you get married, I'm pretty sure her debt is your debt in the eye of the law. If she got this debt prior to them living/ being together, then it won't be a burden if the marriage goes south! Just some words of advice. Good day
So you want to debate her debt situation AFTER the marriage? What if you find out she has hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt? Then what? Do you divorce? Bro, take care of this situation NOW while you still have the chance to break things off without the complications that a marriage would otherwise bring
I agree with Dave, its not having a debt that is a problem, but attempting to trick someone into committing to you before telling them about the debt is a problem
There is something deceitful. I wouldn't buy a house with anyone, much less marry anyone, unless they were open about money. When my Husband and I were talking about marriage, he was extremely open about his debt from College. He had already paid down about 50 percent of debt before we were married. I had no problem marrying him with his debt since he was honest. He told me before we were engaged.
In what universe do you advise a young man to marry a woman who is deep in debt AFTER she has demonstrated a shifty attitude that anyone listening can only reasonably conclude is a ploy to dump her debt on him then run?
+welshhibby - Most people have way more debt than 15k. Mortgage = 25 year debt to the bank that's eventually paid off. Of course, you can sell the house and you'll likely have some equity in it but this takes time so whatever equity you have is far from liquid. Plus, that situation is only really viable if you go back to renting. It's practically impossible to live without some form of debt unless you're wealthy or live like a monk and can squirrel away everything you earn for 20+ years.
I have over $23000 in student loans but my salary is about 4 times that so.... I told my bf that we shouldn't get married prior to me paying that off and that should be done in about 14 months. As long as your earning power aligns with your debt, and you live frugally it shouldn't be an issue.
7k though? What if you just got done with school? Bit of an extreme limit there. 100k is another thing if they're not a doctor or lawyer because of it.
Some money guru even suggest to declare credit scores to each other before you get serious (committed relationship or engagement). *Financial infidelity* is the real disaster. My family was already torn apart by my mom's hiding debts.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
She's being deceitful and selfish. Big red flag and someone to seriously reconsider marrying....
If she can't be honest about money mistakes.... just imagine what else she's hiding, run for your life!
Well said gentlemen, someone with problems they can't handle, or won't choose to handle, can't be trusted so easily. Having a large sum of dept, is a deal breaker and should be a deal breaker.
Nice to hear this from a Woman’s point of view. Men are typically demonized for having this kind of attitude. Sorry, but I am not willing to commit to a long term relationship with someone who has created a mess that I am now going to have to help clean up and even have to continue to live with post relationship.
If you have debt, wouldn't you feel shameful? Does that mean that they should reconsider.
Abdullah Faisal The reason for the debt matters. Sometimes people are hit with huge medical bills or have student loans but are working in a lucrative field and took on the student loans as a managed risk. But those people usually feel less shame about their debt, are more likely to be forthcoming about it and have a plan to pay it off. The real red flag here is her secretiveness about the debt.
Love doesn't pay the bills
Absolutely right! And marriage is a crucial element to raising kids so don't be married without signing the papers either. Dump her! Wait for the next gem-woman that will come in the next 3 years on average.
Yep that’s the cold reality of love.
it doesnt pay at all
Love does pay the bills, it's called prostitution
Or eliminate debt.
She wants to get the house before marriage and then divorce him after marriage and take half his stuff. WALK AWAY MAN! WALK AWAY!
GamerNRetro You are completely right do you listen to Tom Lykis
I use to. His message kind of became the same and I got the point of it. If I were to mention any MRA content creator I listen to is Terrance Popp.
GamerNRetro I would say RUNNNNN
Don't walk, RUN
Wrong she taking it all
She's hiding a lot more than debt I think.
Drogo Baggins, stds, drug problems, boyfriends who she can duck behind your back, a planned ahead divorce plan, shopping sprees and other money wasting habits and any other problems the normal minded individual wouldn't want to cope with or handle.
People with such problems do exist, and for them to hide it is simply to trap some normal person into their unavoidable mess. Better to find out such problems and hightail outer there, than to ruin your life with a person who has already went ahead and done it.
Pre-marriage counseling should be mandatory for a marriage license. It would maybe cut down on a lot of fraud.
Cherish Adventure Some counties have heavy discounts on marriage licenses if you’ve completed pre-marital counseling. I think that it’s a great thing and more should do so!
Cherish Adventure I agree and if the man or woman lies during that counseling than there should be penalties if there is a divorce. For example if the male or female lied about debt, that debt should remain their sole responsibility.
Of course she is. She ashamed and horrified. She doesn't want him to know until he is "in" and "responsible" for her. She is afraid that if she is honest, he's gone.
Is this girl serious? What does she mean wait until after were engaged to discuss debt? Before marriage everything needs to be discuss, when choosing someone you are considering spending your entire life with? She can't be serious.
ConcertJunkie27, that type of person should be avoided. She has no interest in solving her problems. She wants to dump it all onto you.
That type of person is lazy, irresponsible, terrible planner, bad at handling money and dept, has an illusion of being carefree, is most likely someone who is destined to ruin their lives and the lives of others.
This said person is a good pump and dump. That type of individual should never be in your priority list, and isn't worth changing for the better.
DEFINITELY SOUNDS LIKE A "GOLDDIGGER"
@@abdFai826 I agree up to you tell "pump and dump." She'd end up pregnant and he'd still end up supporting her AND a child. Plus, it's fornication, dude. 🤷🏾♀️
She wants to make it harder for him to walk away by getting engaged. It will cause embarrassment for him.
Completely agree. If she's not willing to be open an honest, there's something sketchy going on. Even considering the unlikely possibility of her not having any secret, the simple fact that she's not willing to be open shows she's not ready to get married. When people get married they become one.
Money, kids, in-laws, religion. I'm gonna remember that.
Joey Danahy Mr. Ramsey did forget one main and extremely important one here. Politics.
i don't think politics is a problem as long as you don't think the other side is evil.
Engagement should be M.I.R.K.-y?
rthelionheart someones personal political views will change over time, so that will always be a gamble.
add politics to that
Being a spouse is a job. Don't hire someone who isn't qualified or isn't willing to do the work.
Great analogy! Even applies to day to day tasks!
Well said.
I wouldn't call it job I would call it a merging of two people into one. Do you want the other half of you to be that person.
Being a spouse is a JOB? So, a wife is the hired help?
Being a husband is also job. There is no negative connotation implied. My statement wasn't sexist. I don't know why you chose to infer that.
If she refuses to talk about her debt FUHGEDABOUDIT!
Anyone not starting out the relationship openly and honestly - I'd be afraid...very AFRAID. RUN while you can buddy.
LOL 😂
Hahaha
@@macforme yep. He should have just next'd her instead of calling Dave Ramsey, but at least by calling in he contributed to the talk radio portion of our economy.
No, it's here debt; real masculine alpha males don't need counsel on moral matters. Real men don't hesitate to be judgemental about women who have high debts. If she were worth marriage she wouldn't have these debts in the first place.
Don't walk away because she might have debts, walk away because she's trying to hide things from you.
Amen. And don't give her another chance. Run! I don't agree with Dave's advice here.
He is not a strong enough person to deal with her deceptiveness. SShe has no respect for him. She will destroy him, then leave him.
Eric B it is odd how easy it is to read someone else's future. And maybe it doesn't go that way but it certainly sounds like it will.
Eric B facts!!
Definitely can't disagree with that assessment
Real talk
BINGO
Cake: Hi I’m a cake - look good don’t I ?
Person on diet : how many calories are you ?
Cake: I’ll tell you after you eat me ...
Keith Thompson wow, I love the creativity 😂😂🤣🤣🤣😅
Keith Thompson this is why I hate cake but eat it anyway! Ugh!
Lol ! So fitting.
😂 😂 😂 😂
Perfect analogy
"Do you have any children?"
Uh, let's talk about that after we get married
"have you done time?" Same answer.
what’s your name: “I’ll tell you after the engagement?” 🤣🤣🤣
Yes my ex was so secretive then pulled each rug out....one by one
If she won't trust him with her debt numbers then why marry her and trust her with his finances?
Sam bingo
The debt is not the deal breaker, it's the lack of honesty. Also there obviously appears to be some ulterior intentions based on JD's description. You know, we know, she knows. Save the heartache. I hope he doesn't get blinded by his emotion from making the right decision.
A man should LOVE but never be blinded "in love" // I wish we could get an update!
lol fook that debt... people who have huge debt shows the lack of discipline, responsibility, etc
dead pool - You may be on to something, but isn't always the case. Dave Ramsey said he made awful decisions, but he is still Dave Ramsey. If your poor decisions define who you are as a person, then "fook it". Keep your head on a swivel, but not to the extent where you overlook stuff. Use common sense. Also, a gem woman comes along every 3 years in my experience, you just have to wait for the right one. If number 1 has debt(100k) then pass, and if 2 has 50k saved and so do you then say "I do". I personally would consider 100k a deal breaker, unless she makes at least 50k/year. Then live off of beans and cheap Mexican tacos.
@@billbob8517 $100k a deal breaker. That response is the reason women like her aren't anxious to reveal debt to someone who hasn't committed. So I take it you wouldn't marry a doctor or lawyer.
If it's debt from lack of self control and irresponsibility, it is a deal breaker. You need to find out why the person is in debt. It will say something about their character.
she wants him to pay her debt
He will. He's soft.
Run don't walk out of this situation. She hides her bad debt. What else does she hide? She is trying to manipulate you into getting her a home. Dump her. You are best waiting for the right one. I was put into a financial crisis by a partner that promised to help pay for our Home and everything but never did. Get out now
Love without wisdom is short lived.
berbandis, true. Those who blindly follow the path of love, are destined to ruin their life. One way or another.
She looking for a sucker. She don’t love him. Just what he can do for her. He will pay off all her debt and she’ll be looking for a reason to hit the door.
Right? Knew a guy who married, the woman stayed long enough to finish school, then she immediately high tailed it and took their dogs. She just wanted a free ride during school.
I won't fault her for having debt, but the fact that she wont even reveal the debt until AFTER marriage - red flag. Run buddy.
Who knows what else she's hiding
Run, Run, Run Far far away. Major Red flags here. She’s dangerous territory big time
He's better off going to the shop buying sigarettes. A shop somewhere in another part of the country. With all of his money,
Think of marriage like a business merger. Before you merge two business entities, both parties need to fully disclose their finances. They need to put on the table all liabilities and assets. If one or both parties withhold financial information, then the merger shouldn't go forward.
Same with marriage. Just because someone withholds financial information and debt doesn't mean it goes away once the marriage license is legally granted. Nobody wants to be surprised to find out that more money is owed than expected.
David Reynolds, well said bro.
Don't know if you know but marriage is in fact a business deal. If the deal she is offering has a whole bunch of negatives, best to hightail and run.
Question guys: is a spouse responsible for his/spouse debts contracted before marriage?
I thought only debt after marriage is the one owed by both spouses
David Reynolds Thats exactly what my fiancé thinks!! Luckily I have been blessed and money is not an issue for me.
@@CBRRR-eh3ky I agree in CA and most states debt incurred prior to the marriage remains the sole responsibility of the borrower. The new spuse doesn't magically become a guarantor.
@@tilagica - This is why BOTH parties need to see each others credit report before tying the knot. If he or she doesn't consent to the other person seeing their credit report, then don't go through with the marriage. That is because they clearly have something to hide.
Many years ago I had a girlfriend who bought a new Corvette . She wanted me to use my life savings toward a house for us while she used hers for that car. I told her that was unfair and it was not good Christian stewardship. She wanted to marry me and was very pushy about it even though I had never proposed. I cancelled her wedding plans and moved on with my life I felt like I had dodged a bullet. That Corvette was a horrible investment , but it had saved me from being unequally yoked to a spendthrift woman.
Now I use the story of that Corvette in the Financial Peace classes that I teach at my church.
I ve been researching and listening about how to be a good steward of money. I'm 23 yrs old. I grew up and saw how my parents separated because of money problems and having a huge debt.I also have a debt of $800. i am in a stage deciding what kind of life i want to have after 10 years and what legacy should i leave to my siblings who are looking up to me.my parents failed and saw how my little brother's were affected, I don't want this to happen again in us.listening to Dave and other videos in this channel empowers me to make an action and I really Learn a lot.its possible,practical and applicable. I am just starting to learn how to be financially responsible. :)
That's good
Sarahj Apostol Late reply, but good luck! With enough dedication, you CAN succeed. Especially starting that early.
Sarahj Apostol hey sweety how are you doing. I would love to get an update
How did things turn out? I am rooting for you
Update?
This boy needs to RUN.
If he can’t handle her debt then yes, he should run.
@NikNik0123 Why would he want to?!?
It seems like after being together for two years he would know more about her. Like how much money she makes, whether she has a car payment, wears expensive clothes and jewelry, takes expensive vacations. If she went to college and has student loans. A lot of things you can figure out with common sense thinking.
If this was my son, I'd be saying just what is she trying to hide?
Same goes if it was my daughter and her husband to be didn't want to fess up.
+Vydio
This man is a source of revenue. I would not even want him to marry her.
Even if she eventually gets to tell him about the debt. He is going to be paying it off.
Listen again to the house situation. He is going to pay for it. Not they are going to pay for it.
The dynamics of their relationship are already established.
@@jamesedwards3923 IF anything, I would not assume any payments on her debt that she wasn't actively dealing with. She pays 75%, I would pay 25%. She pays 0, I pay zero but she would assume the burden of the debt, not me.
@@texan903 Marrying a woman. Who is in debt. Then you will be paying for the house after they get married?
She is setting him up for a sucker punch.
Ahh the rope a dope! Classic boxing move that everybody knows. Why, because it works.
I really hope he never married her. Red flags everywhere. I feel bad for him if he did marry her.
If he married her after reading our comments, he can’t be helped.
I love that Dave Ramsey's response is to reassure her that you don't judge her. Making her feel like part of a team with you is definitely key!
She's going to 'accidentally' get pregnant
@james heyer that would ruin the point
@She-Ra Princess of Power Too many guys fall for the physical contact aspect. He needs to run, NOT WALK, away!
agreed, this is the game
They "always" accidentally get pregnant lol.
Tyrone strikes again.
RED FLAG!!
Antoine Mena A big one
Every time I think about dating again, I run across something like this that makes me want to reconsider.
Dating is fine, just don’t get married
@@David-fw4ly lol nah, dating is bs. You clearly just hate your wife or are a single sad old man
She wants a wedding not a marriage. Look before you leap young man!
Run boy run and don't look back!!
As a woman I would NEVER take a man seriously until we have the financial talk. And I wouldn't marry without a Pre-Nuptial Agreement. End Of Story!
Pre-nups are broken b the courts all the time.
Hello Erika are you single?
keeper
Harvey Cedar Usually because the parties that signed it didn’t have separate legal rep/it wasn’t approved by an actual attorney so something in it isn’t possible.
I agree! I wish more women had that mindset
It's a warning sign that she's already hiding her debt.
This is exactly why I left my fiance a few years back. She was too stubborn to work out her financial debt. Some you just can't work with because they don't want to work together. Leave the situation and hope to find a person you can work together with.
Been there. You dodged a bullet there. Marrying someone who refuses to be honest with you is a recipe for disaster.
Good for you, right decision
All I gotta say is if she is hiding something it is for HER benefit, not YOUR benefit. The rule of thumb can be applied to all relationships.
I know this is old but I just can't see how the rule of thumb applies to this. Maybe you don't fully understand the rule of thumb. The rule of thumb is a legal term. A man could not be charged with the abuse of his wife if he hit her with an object no thicker than his thumb.
Just Landor hes just saying if either party of a relationship is hiding something - it’s usually because the other isn’t going to be happy about it. Rule of thumb applies here.
She doesn't want to discuss the matter because she either has something to hide or she is afraid her finances will result in a breakup. This is a major red flag. You don't want to marry someone who could financially destroy you. There is no way I would ever agree to marry anyone without discussing finances.
I wish Dave would say what he really thinks - like, "Run for the hills my friend."
Dave: "...number one cause of divorce is money problems..."
Payton: "...is it okay if we talk about money after we get married..."
The #1 cause of divorce is marriage
M. Y. 😁😁
I came into my engagement with consumer debt, my future husband only had his mortgage. How to handle my debt was a big topic of conversation; a hard one topic, but we had it none the less. She might be scared to acknowledge what her reality is because he might cut-and-run, or because she's just in denial. Honesty is the key, if he approaches the topic without judgment he might get a lot of information out of her, so they can move forward. However, if she's unwilling and unreasonable in this area I'd say it's a deal breaker. It's a conversation that HAS to take place. My consumer debt got resolved two years ago and it's the best feeling to have that kind of freedom. It's been great working as a team with my husband in the area of finances. Teamwork makes the dream work!
Dave's wrong "I'm gonna breakup with you if you don't come clean" is the best action for this situation
Just knowing he’s considering this after she said don’t need to know about her debt, let’s her know he’s an easy mark to take advantage of financially.
I find it sad how often I have read a book or seen a movie and the version of events surrounding marriage goes something like "all we need is love" or "things will take care of them selves". We need to work harder at teaching younger generations the value and need for work and developing clear lines of communication early in a relationship. This world is wonderful but it is also hard, anything meant to last takes time to build and it never builds its self.
Looks like the girlfriend disliked this video. Lol!
4So1Fly5 the seven dislikes are from her and her family lol
:)))))
113 dislikes from her now!!! Lol
4So1Fly5 , 133 gold diggers don’t like this video. 😂😂
Hahahahhaha
this pattern started long ago in the relationship..they need counseling desperately..Dave great him great advice..hopefully things work out for them.these types of situations can be foundation builders for relationships if they are addressed properly..if not addressed, they usually mean divorce or a very unhappy life
"IT'S A TRAP!!!"
-Admiral Ackbar
Leia said "it's a trap" first.
Ackbar said it best though.
This video needs to be shared everywhere!!!!
RUN!
Talk about it after?? LOL
RUN RUN RUN my man!!!
She’ll divorce him and split the house... she gets the house, he gets the debt that came with the house.
My ex wife was a great house keeper. She got to keep the one in Miami, the one Orlando, the one in LA” -Shaquille O’Neill
I married a woman that couldn’t stop spending money. Unfortunately I was too stupid to realize what I was getting into. Was a horrible marriage and a huge mistake.
Did you not see some bank statements or some financially irregularities during your relationship with her ?
What kind of partner hides that sort of thing?
Plot twist , she's a billionaire
that what I was thinking. Then I woke up and thought NOT!
Turbo Lab America then she wouldn't have debt then
She's a billionaire if she just divorced a multi-billionaire maybe.
Being a billionaire and having dept don't go hand in hand.
Abdullah Faisal unless you're Donald Trump
DON'T DO IT....I made this mistake on my first marriage and it was a disaster......I was young, in love, but learned the hard way - she has to come clean before you put that ring on that finger.
I can't imagine what is going through this girl's head. My boyfriend and I are discussing getting married in the next year or so, and we already are each other's accountability partners when it comes to spending and budgeting. Before either of us make a big purchase we discuss it to see what the other has to say because we trust one another and value one another's opinion. There are no secrets in a healthy relationship.
Maryy Ellen, your comment was from 2yo, how did that go? Did you guys get married? I’m doing the same with my bf right now.
Was dating a chick I really like. She then one night told me she was 70K in debt. The next day i dumped her! Do not need your debt!
+Sabotage Engineering Sure thing! First off I commend you for staying away from debt, wise decision! Dave's book 'Total Money Makeover' really changed my life and I live by the principles outlined in the book. I create a written budget before each pay period and tell my money where to go so I don't wonder where it went! I save for larger purchases. If I don't have the cash to buy it, I don't. Check out the book when you get an opportunity.
+Samuel “Ciryl” O'Banner youre a good man unlike these other clowns dumping someome over debt
Jello K. Dumping people in dept is a wise decision and a good business choice as well. Sorry if that hurts you but dealing with others dept is not your problem. They created it for themselves and they need to handle it themselves. Nuff said.
I I understand your decision. I have chosen to be single until I get myself out of debt. However I would consider, what are they doing about it? Like me. I am was $40k in debt. I have been working to pay it off for the last 2 yrs and now I am $28k in debt. It has been hard but I know I will be debt free and I know that I will someday look back and be an inspiration to other single women.
Dumping someone because they are in debt is ludicrous imo. You're at the dating phase at that point and even if they are in debt that still doesn't mean you are responsible for it. You can take that opportunity and maybe help coach them on how to get out of that debt or even assist through other means outside of straight up using your own cash to bail them out. At this phase that have a chance to improve and I feel that it's pretty horrible to not be willing to give them that chance. If they were already ready to marry you and somehow kept it secret then it might be a different situation as once you're married that debt becomes your problem too, but when dating it isn't and it doesn't have to be. There are various ways you can enable those you care about to pay off their debts without having to pay it for them even though it might not be the easiest path.
As a parent with children in their 20s, this is EXCELLENT advice! I appreciate the example of how to approach talking with young adults.
Buy a house before you get married? No No No No! Wait a few years after the wedding, assuming you are still married.
Dave is way to nice in some situations. He should have said, "sorry young man, this is over".
D P That would have helped in the short term but not long term. This guy still benefits from learning the importance of being on the same page and having financial discussions before marriage. This tip will help him should he wisely dump his dishonest girlfriend and find someone better.
Thank you Mr. Ramsey. This reminds of why I decided to get out of my recent past relationship.
If a woman is hiding hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt from me, then I reserve the right to hide from her hundreds of thousands of dollars of my assets. I would take a solo trip to the Cayman Islands with a suitcase of cash!
LOL- make sure you take a couple of smoking hot college chicks with you!
I would get rid of her because I would never be able to look at her straight
Nah, travel to the phillipines. you could live like a king there.
If she will not tell you how much and what KIND of debt she has then DUMP her and RUN.
Imagine thinking about marrying someone that doesn't tell you the truth...
A person who hides their financial problems probably has a lot of them.
She wants the house, and knows if she reveals her debts, the house purchase gets put on ice till debts and emergency funds are completed.
I believe she’s hiding more than just her debt.
Listened to the intro only. That's all I needed. RUN!!! As fast as you can.
I can say from experience...finances cause a ton of tension in a marriage. Every person, Male or female should have this discussion prior to getting engaged. Fortunately my wife and I are able to work through it but this is definitely something I wish we had discussed before. It is majorly important to see eye to eye on finances.
So let me get this right, did this dude just say "we're" going to dig out of her debt together 😳
How bout she deals with her own debt then I'll think about dating you.
Man I tell you what... I'm about to turn 31, got divorced when I was 29... It was both the worst and best experience of my life. It was painful in the moment, but my God, these kind of red flags are just SO easy to spot now. Hindsight 20/20 is a thing, but what matters is if you manage to take that hindsight and turn it into foresight.
Only 20 seconds in and my response is: “RUN”!!!!
Dave, my dad would not pay for the wedding.
DO NOT START YOUR MARRIAGE IN DEBT OR DISAGREEMENT. That s not love.
Dave Ramsey relationship advice is gonna lead to so many broke men.
This video wasn’t that bad
Agreed. He absolutely should tell her, be honest or it's over. Also, if she is in deep debt, he doesn't need to marry her. When you marry someone with a lot of debt, you are financially ruining your life. Anybody can promise you in the moment that they are going to change or that they are no longer going to spend like that, but once you marry, it's too late.
or keep repeat customers to his show .
@@chessmaster1115 wow pure genius!
@@misspriss2482 It should have been over as soon as she said that she didn't want to discuss her debt until after the wedding!
She doesn’t want money to be an issue until she divorces you, at which point your finances will be important to her and her attorney.
Dave is low-key telling this dude to RUNNNNNN!!
@Bulls Nation I see the " " Lol!
If she's refusing to talk about the big issues is a big red flag. Because those problems are not just going away. They tend to compound.
if she hided financial stuff now before marrige she will hide something worst after the marige
Hid* & marriage*
Wisdom has been bestowed upon me....thx Dave, from New Zealand.
Too many chicks running up debt and then wanting to split the bill when they meet you. Lol
3:35 what a good piece of advice!
Red Alert! Red Alert! Red Alert! Why would someone marry a person swimming in debt? This guy should be asking himself "Is she with me because of me? or she needs a sucker to pay off her debt?" Walk away!
I hope he listens. All 4 areas were the downfall of my marriage. Complete division of finances. She refused to go to church even when we met there and no longer important. Inlaws overruled our decisions of our daughter and exwife insisted they had to live with us.
I told my husband a couple MONTHS into dating that if he ever planned on marrying me, he was marrying into 40k of student loans. I'm really glad we talked about it beforehand
At least you were honest about it. But in no way should he be responsible for debt you had prior to meeting him, and that should be in writing prior to finalizing the marriage.
Good to be honest. Does your degree field pay a living wage?
carultch true
@@jonyoung6405 Nice rhetorical question, lol.
@@emeltea33 🤣🤣🤣🤣
How to handle the issues? - too easy... RUN!
haha . Where is Tom Leykis when you need him!! If you're together and incur debt together, when you get married, I'm pretty sure her debt is your debt in the eye of the law. If she got this debt prior to them living/ being together, then it won't be a burden if the marriage goes south! Just some words of advice. Good day
So you want to debate her debt situation AFTER the marriage? What if you find out she has hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt? Then what? Do you divorce? Bro, take care of this situation NOW while you still have the chance to break things off without the complications that a marriage would otherwise bring
You are walking into a trap buddy. I wish my nephew listened! Now he’s dealing with the devil instead of that nice genuine girl!
One of the best calls I've heard.
Run Forest....RUN!
Why borrow money when you haven't paid back the money you borrowed before? That comes very close to stealing money
She’s golddigging him I bet she wants joint finances as well
I agree with Dave, its not having a debt that is a problem, but attempting to trick someone into committing to you before telling them about the debt is a problem
So basically she wants to marry herself?? LoL If she don't sit down somewhere!
Lol.
There is something deceitful. I wouldn't buy a house with anyone, much less marry anyone, unless they were open about money. When my Husband and I were talking about marriage, he was extremely open about his debt from College. He had already paid down about 50 percent of debt before we were married. I had no problem marrying him with his debt since he was honest. He told me before we were engaged.
In what universe do you advise a young man to marry a woman who is deep in debt AFTER she has demonstrated a shifty attitude that anyone listening can only reasonably conclude is a ploy to dump her debt on him then run?
The car ride example was so clear. 😄👍
He smart to have called in. She's ashamed of something. Girl grown up! Take care of yo-****😄
$2000 to $3000 in debt I can live with that... But. 7K... 15K... 100K+ in debt
F that. I'd dump that broad.
+Asaad Dennis the average person has more than 15k in debt just off car loans and student loans.
+welshhibby - Most people have way more debt than 15k. Mortgage = 25 year debt to the bank that's eventually paid off. Of course, you can sell the house and you'll likely have some equity in it but this takes time so whatever equity you have is far from liquid. Plus, that situation is only really viable if you go back to renting.
It's practically impossible to live without some form of debt unless you're wealthy or live like a monk and can squirrel away everything you earn for 20+ years.
I have over $23000 in student loans but my salary is about 4 times that so.... I told my bf that we shouldn't get married prior to me paying that off and that should be done in about 14 months. As long as your earning power aligns with your debt, and you live frugally it shouldn't be an issue.
Ok pal must be nice to born into royalty
7k though? What if you just got done with school? Bit of an extreme limit there. 100k is another thing if they're not a doctor or lawyer because of it.
Some money guru even suggest to declare credit scores to each other before you get serious (committed relationship or engagement). *Financial infidelity* is the real disaster. My family was already torn apart by my mom's hiding debts.
Dave is right, wish I heard this 5 years ago.
Anson Chow how’s it going man