Sister Wives #4 - (Jealousy Issues) - Therapist Reacts
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
- Dr. Kirk Honda reacts to Sister Wives. Includes clips from Sister Wives.
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Dr Honda, the accuracy of your predictions/wonderings about what is going on under the surface of this family is eerie! Speaks volumes to your experience and ability to empathize with folks, even across a screen ❤
YES! I've been thinking this exactly through this series so far. Eerie is the perfect word 🤌
He uses his professional experience, but ALSO a lot of common sense. Not eerie at all. 😊
Meri is a walking contradiction. She’s very polarizing among viewers and I think it’s because we never really know what’s going on with her. Maybe she doesn’t know herself.
Meri is pulled in so many directions she should have whiplash. Over all her confusion, IMO she still loves Kody or is in love with the idea that Kody will care about her again despite him saying "why is she still in Flagstaff". Surely, Meri has seen past episode. I do not believe that the Browns were not viewing episodes of their TV show. Just out of curiosity anyway.
I have a pet theory that she feels distant and so in order to make up for that, she tries to be the “good polygamist wife“ by welcoming more women into the fold. Perhaps she feels, even subconsciously that that is a way to earn her way into Cody‘s favor
@@SoobySaysI thought the same thing she only felt connected to Kody and like his partner when she’s involved in picking the new wives
Meri did orchestrate Robin and Kody's courtship, which she did because she saw it in the beginning as just something she and Kody were involved in together, without Janelle and Christine, using it to get closer to Kody. That backfired.
Spoiler
I'm happy Meri moved on.
We do not know for sure Meri orchestrated R &K getting together. There is a theory that K&R already had something of attraction for each other & pretended Meri brought them together. They are all liars. So who knows the truth
@@g.flesch9731 No, we do. They have all discussed it and have said exactly how Meri orchestrated it. Meri became friends with Robyn first, then she went to Kody, suggesting he court Robyn, introducing them for the first time. All have confirmed and agree. Complete strangers to them who babble online making up theories with no personal information is asinine.
Meri didn’t get along with the other wives but she wanted that close sister wife relationship. I think that is why she kept trying to get new ones in hopes that she will bond with the new one
They also believe that they need more wives to have a better after life and be blessed as gods.
@@r2488 that’s true. To get to the highest level of heaven. It’s usually believed that you only need 3 for that that though
I love how he refers to them as a cult; because that’s exactly what it is.
Can’t wait to see what he thinks of “sacred loneliness”.
Will Dr Honda even read that book?
@@AuroraP4t3L she’s not talking about the book. She’s talking about Cody’s assertion that polygamous women have to deal with sacred loneliness
Robyn for sure got her needs met but i don't think anyone else got that. Watching this back makes me really sad when you know the outcome....
I remember an episode where they talked about which of the children would be interested in plural marriage for themselves, and only Mariah, now Leon, could see themselves in a plural marriage. Knowing what we know now, that they first came out as gay and then as trans, that makes sense now. Dr Honda hit the nail on the head with that observation, too - if you can't be gay, then plural marriage at least means you don't need to spend that much time with your spouse.
He asks for people not to give him information about what happens in the future 😐
Some men think that the answer to their marriage problems is adding other wives, so that the women take care of each other's emotional needs. Then the guy just has to do the sex part. (Watch Seeking Sister Wife.)
Yikes!
no robyn did say "kody is my soulmate, i love him" not meri. i thought? hard to tell on the edit
Yea that was Robyn.
Yup , Robins voice.
Yep. He just hasn't learned to recognize the voices yet. He'll probably correct it in the next episode.
It was absolutely Robyn saying it, he’ll figure it out.
dr honda already got merri
Another issue with this system is the very limited gene pool. A small, insular community where a minority of men breed all the kids. Many of them most be closely related and many health issues propagated to many children.
You’re right. Fumarase deficiency is one of the genetic diseases that is common in polygamist communities. Very sad, incurable disease.
It was definitely Robyn who said, "Kody is my soulmate. I love him."
Fans have always questioned the veracity of Meri's statements that she orchestrated Robin & Kody's meeting and relationship, largely because, as you picked up on, Meri seems so unhappy and even reticent about Robin joining the family.
I wonder if she hoped Kody would be more grateful for her "gifting" him another woman? That it would prove her generosity and devotion.
Loving this series dr Kirk! And loved hearing my name in the member list 😊 my best friend Rachel just sent me a cameo from you as a surprise, and it was so wonderful and surreal. What a joy.
Thank you for making my day ❤ looking forward to being a member of your channel for many years to come
The Brown family definitely
opened the show far more positively-facing about polygamy -- Christine had already been in a BBC doc (or something like that) about their lifestyle and the adults were on panels promoting / defending polygamy, etc. -- so there is definitely a lot of positive propoganda about their plural lifestyle.
As the seasons go on, quite frankly, it feels like you begin to see the truth of the dynamics happening within the family. In the end, actions speak louder than words, and we have 18 seasons of actions to consider.
18 seasons!!!???
You will be amazed at how on target some of your speculating is. I hope I won't spoil much by saying they are lying & not sharing a lot of relevant information.
They wrote a book around the 2nd or 3rd season that gives a lot of info the show avoids, and a buch of the lies come out out in the last few seasons.
They’re called “lost boys.” The young men who are pushed out of fundamentalist Mormon groups to reduce competition are usually dumped in the nearby city and forced to fend for themselves. They’re often illiterate and have few marketable skills other than construction or farming. And of course they’ve been isolated and taught to distrust people outside their community so it’s challenging for them to integrate into society. Not to mention the abandonment trauma they bring with them.
Must be sad when you're not your soulmate's soulmate. I have a feeling these ladies would have never picked this life for themselves if they hadn't been indoctrinated their whole lives and/or felt they had no other choice.
According to their book Kody pursued Janelle. Meri didn’t encourage that relationship. Janelle was recently divorced from Meri’s brother.
As a poly person, I really appreciate the distinctions between jealousy and envy. Jealousy being that you want what someone else is having and you want them to not have it, envy being that you want to have it too. I think envy is normal and natural to experience in general, I think jealousy is (most often) unhealthy. There’s also something to be said for partners who emotionally neglect or who agree to take on a relationship that they are simply not prepared for or interested in while having other thriving relationships, I think envy in those cases is gonna happen and while it’s on everyone to work together and communicate, I also think that emotion is probably not going to go away until the neglectful partner rectifies the situation either by improving their treatment, or ending/changing the relationship
I've never really thought about the distinction much. Now that I am, I think we as a society overuse the word jealous when we really mean envy.
That’s interesting - I’ve generally heard it the other way around, with jealousy being considered normal and envy being unhealthy
Dr Honda is a master. Wow, picking up all those things about Meri.
I think, at the time, Meri was just trying to say that many things can be true at the same time. Meri believes in and supports the pleural lifestyle and Kody getting another wife, but also experiences jealousy and loneliness.
interesting to consider some of these women may be gay
I've thought so for years and I really think Kody leans that way too.
@@LisaHouserman def kody.
@@jjmsf I'm glad others are seeing this! I've thought so from Ep 1!! Thanks !
In Mormon polygamy there's the "law of Sarah" which basically gives men the final authority to take additional wives, even if their current wives are opposed.
Very few polygamist men actually give a shit about The Law of Sarah though.
yeah, you’re misinterpreting the law of Sarah The law of Sarah is basically to force the wife into giving her husband a new wife so that when there’s conflict, the husband can turn around and say well you gave her to me.
@@paulan7218from my perspective that is essentially what they said without the blame part at the end. The men get the final say, which forces the wives to agree which then leads to what you said. They didn’t necessarily misunderstand, you just expanded to make the statement more correct.
If you’re open to advice, I’d say maybe It’s best to not tell people they are misunderstanding without asking questions to ensure they are. Inquisitiveness is typically welcome by people, but accusing someone of something can make people more apprehensive because it’s more abrasive. Your verbiage kind of accused them of not understanding, which they may not have, but they could be less likely to admit or listen to what you said because your approach asserted yourself at more knowing than them without actually knowing anything about them. They could’ve known what you said and just not typed it out, people aren’t black and white and perspective is very nuanced.
"Okay, so I just went down a rabbit hole". I've watched ALLL the polygamy content so I know exactly what that rabbit hole must've been like! You're the best, Dr. Honda!
It would be so interesting to hear your reaction to the documentary Keep Sweet Pray and Obey because it describes some of these social systems where older men are allowed multiple wives and the younger men are essentially used for free or low wage labor to benefit the companies owned by influential men in the cult.
thanks for this series
It's so interesting to hear your take and keeping in mind we the audience already knows.
I'm living for this thank you Dr. I never understood what I was seeing thank you for your insights!
I know it's tempting to draw parallels between polyamory and polygamy bur the biggest difference is the inherent power imbalance of the latter. Polyamory *can* be patriarchal/ religiously informed but this is specifically one man to wife up with many with the goal of procreating many times over, sort of a proto-fundamentalist "quiverful" relationship (19 kids and counting). Idk about specific agreements but polyamory is talking about everything to death when i was involved.
Being selected for pliability explains a lot about Cody
All I can hear is kody saying "bye bye"
It was Robyn saying he is her soulmate not Meri.
Watching this knowing what happens is fascinating.
12:57 I see this as actually not all that contradictory. I think she may have thought of the other wives as taking on more of the domestic duties and child rearing, leaving more 'quality time' for her and the husband. So in other words 'these other women do more of the 'work' of marriage, so I get to have more of the 'fun'!'. I think Dr. Honda is analyzing the dynamics a bit more from the perspective of a child free marriage like he has.
We don't know that Dr. Honda doesn't have children. He doesn't disclose that.
I thought I was an open minded person, but every minute or two of this video I find myself shaking my head emphatically and saying aloud "Absolutely not!" I think I'm reacting so strongly because my ex-husband adopted a lifestyle that embraced polygamy after we'd been married for years. I'm a monogamist who married a mmonogamist, and I was not open to his newfound ideology that would not benefit me at all. No, thank you.
I dont like sister wives, but im tuning in bc ive missed your videos!
What! WAIT??? That’s Robyn voice saying “Kody is my soulmate”, NOT MERI’s voice. ✅✅✅✅✅✅. Rewatch that part
Dr Honda. Meris storyline and character development is interesting. But you should reflect a bit more about what Christine says. I'm afraid you'll miss some very important things if you focus on the other wives. I've watched all of the episodes and I don't think I've heard you comment on one of her statements, even though she's firmly stating them.
He definitely caught some of Christine's statements like her wanting to be the third, but I agree, I hope he's catching everything going on with her knowing the status of things now. It's easy to miss Christine.
Your speculations are impressive.
Dr. Honda, as someone who has watched the majority of this show, I guarantee you will get the majority of your questions answered - just be patient and keep watching! 😂 You are in for a wild ride!
You are incorrect… you see *so much underbelly* in this show. It evolves drastically
It's not that Meri isn't on board just because she's jealous. You can have conflicting emotions at the same time.
thats me! my name is in korean… foiled again!! haha 😂
Please watch Teen Mom. It would be so interesting to hear your perspective on Janelle, Farrah, Amber, and Maci.
It’s so Dr Honda to go down the rabbit hole of the math of how polygamy works 😂
Do not give spoilers!!! STOP! It will affect his analysis!
I will be curious on Dr. Honda's thoughts of fairness when he gets more information on how the jobs/income are coming in and the workload is split for each of the "family units" within this family.
And I should have unpaused to listen a few more minutes. To the question of needing a storyline for season 1 - my understanding is the original pitch was not picked up but when Kody said he was courting a 4th wife the production was greenlit.
They wrote a book about their life before the show. Definitely would give good background!
Interesting thoughts. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts as you watch more.
Kody and Meri’s child is trans/non-binary and now goes by the name Leon, for the record.
Well back then it was Moriah. So now we have to use the new pronouns for a person when they were a different gender in the past? That’s insane.
@@Antibeautygurunot insane at all. We do it all the time when women get married and change their surname. They used to be known as “x” and NOW they are known as “y” per their identity. That’s EXACTLY how that works. Your problem with it…is your own bias
@@Antibeautyguru wow, I usually expect better from dr. Honda fans.
@@angelabarton5146 This person is correcting how Dr. Honda refers to someone when they identified as a woman. That is exactly how you should refer to them at that point in time and it isn’t a bad thing that Dr. Honda called Leon Moriah.
@@Kwd123 Better than what? Changing genders later in life doesn’t erase your past. Dr. Honda is watching the show and not reading up on it so it is fair for him to call Leon by Moriah as that was their name at the time. It is not offensive to call someone the name they are going by when they are were one gender, even if now they are another.
Meri’s kid is transgender and go by the name Leon. They go by the pronouns “they/them”
🙄
Christine was already extremely jealous of the other two wives and living in a closet in the basement in Utah. Why would she agree to bring in a younger woman for her shared husband?
Christine and Jennell didn't know at the time that Robin was going to be Kodys 4th wive. When they were told, Christine voiced that she didn't know anything about Robin, and she was told by Kody that it was happening, so she didn't have a choice.
I like finally getting a more objective take on this series. People immediately attack Kody and Robyn and have labelled them as the "bad" people - so a lot we can learn from this dynamic is obscured by human biases.
Although I think the strong reaction viewers have can be yet another dynamic to learn from as well.
I think Meri is all for extra wives but just acknowledges there is jealously as it’s a natural human instinct. Probably makes things easier in her view to just express how she feels instead of bottling up.
I think marrying at different ages helps their gender marriage math. If they have big families, so the next generation is always significantly larger than the previous, and men mostly marry younger women, it allows there not being a 50/50 guy/gal balance.
I wonder if three is a good number of wives so the wife that isn't with Cody has another adult to hang out with in the home. Not to say that four is bad, but I can see how three might be preferred over two.
👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
Mary just looks so sad in the first paused shot. Of course that doesn’t necessarily represent her average feelings in the situation. But I imagine that there’s a fair amount of covert and overt pressure for the women to conform to this highly patriarchal system. I think women are typically viewed as below men in Christian derived hierarchies. Or at least they have to remain in a certain social zone where their role and voice is limited.
I can say why Muslims practiced polygamy in a historical context (though it's probably not the reason why Mormons do it.) It does not matter if you have one wife or four wives from an Islamic perspective. It does matter that you support a treat all wives equally. A Muslim man has to be able to meet the needs of all 4 women and all the children (even step children if there is any)- and on his one income. If he can't it's actually against in the law to marry another wife. And yes he can be prosecuted in Sharia courts for neglect and such things. In Pre-Islam Arabia, men had already been polygamous, except there was not a limit on how many wives. The main reason why Islam continued the practice is because in those times there were a lot more women than men. Men were constantly being killed in raids and battles. Leaving behind widows and orphans. It was a very effective way to care for widows and orphans during a time in history when most women relied on their fathers, brothers, and husbands to support them. In a lot of Muslim countries this is still an expectation that men are the sole providers for their wife (or wives) and children. Most women still do the running of the household, child rearing, and see that most household chores are done. However, it is no longer the case that men are dying all the time in battles and raids. So the population of men and women is very balanced now. Of course there are some dangerous regions engaged in wars and such, but the odds of soldiers dying are still less than in antiquity, especially due to military technology and medical science advances. So this is most likely why most Muslim men no longer practice polygamy even though they still legally can. It's just not a necessity anymore. It no longer makes sense. But the practice is still open to those who want to have that kind of large family system. Some people do still find it useful and less stressful. Especially women who do not want to have all the babies, do all the chores, and be the only one available for intimacy. Not all women want that. Especially as they age. (Also, there are men who want different things that other men want too.) But I would say, Muslim polygamist families are very rare today. And I have been all over several Muslim countries (as an Anthropologist). It's not as common as it was before the Industrial Revolution.
Polygamous relationships do make sense in a hunter/gather societies where the ratio between men and women are disproportionate. And there are instances of wives with multiple husbands
Doc!!! Please read!!!
Meri’s kid is actually non-binary/trans. They use they/them pronouns and their name is Leon.
I know you care about respecting these things, but you don’t know unless you know!
At the same time, he does not want spoilers. He said he will have to stop reading the comments if there are spoilers. I truly do not believe it would be disrespectful if he continued thru the series and referred to them as Mariah/ she/ her up until the point Leon made that adjustment. I understand that is just my viewpoint tho.
@@BekaB85 I disagree, it must be very painful for Leon to be constantly called by their deadname because of this show. It’s not a bad spoiler to refer to someone properly.
@Kwd123 Yeah, I agree ppl should definitely be calling them by the correct name when talking to them or referring to them. It just seems ok to me in this situation to go through talking about is as how it was in the time he is talking about. I could be way wrong tho. Everyone is different.
STOP spoiling the show... this may mess up how he perceives what he is watching and analyzing. Just STOP
@@AuroraP4t3L some things are beyond spoilers though, this isn’t a spoiler that has anything to do with the adults. This is a secondary person in the show who is mostly just being referred to, and it’s hurting them and other trans people to be referred to by the wrong name and pronouns. Would it be a spoiler if Dr. Kirk was looking back on the Kardashians and referred to Caitlin as her dead name?
Dr. Honda, this isn’t a spoiler because it is not discussed in the 18 seasons that have aired, but “Mariah” (Meri’s child) is trans and queer. They/them are the pronouns and preferred name is now Leo/Leon. I am making an assumption that with you being a Psychologist, you’d want to be respectful of their identity.
So far, you’re on track with so much.
I am rolling my eyeballs so hard that I'm actually afraid that they might get stuck in the back of my head...
@@sunnyscott4876 that’s awesome. I hope they don’t roll too far 🙄 Your beliefs are yours, you could have kept scrolling
He just posted another video again today stating he does not want any spoilers or any information past the episode he is currently reviewing posted. It has been clearly stated many times, which is why people are eye-rolling your comment disrespecting those clear requests, which he is now stating are ruining the experience for him and for all new viewers.
@@betsybabf748 it’s not a spoiler. It isn’t discussed in any of the seasons that have aired…ever
@@michellestreeter2398 It is as it changes who the character Mariah is, telling her future. He wants to learn about them and know them as they are in each point of time. It's not complicated for the moderately to highly intelligent. Rather than being an annoying troll online in your spare time, how about being a grown adult who respects the creator's page and all his viewers as he has repeatedly stated he wants on his page? You are clearly part of the 1% he said are rude with no respect for him or others.
❤❤❤💯🇨🇦👏🏽👵🏼🙏🏼I used to think I wanted a plural marriage...
Only to realize, I wanted the woman🙉🌷
I'm always so grateful for your wisdom and accuracy in human nature❤❤❤❤
Thank you Dr. Honda
Yea I always wanted to marry a secretly gay man. Turns out I'm a demi sexual that just couldn't imagine wanting intimacy, until I loved someone
I love starting my day listening to Dr Honda yap 🩵
I love this series so much! I’ve recently just gotten into the show and saw that one of the children from the family makes videos reacting to the show!! @gwendlyn
Would be interesting to see you react to her reaction vids sometime