Thank you for this! I’ve just discovered nvc and am hungry for everything I can learn. I would LOVE it if you did a series or at least a few more videos on this subject. I have watched the original videos by the doctor but your video is a nice small “piece” of learning!
This is the most cogent, clear, approachable presentation of NVC I have experienced and I've been Marshall when he has presented NVC. I really appreciate the examples; simple and illustrative. This is very comprehensive.
My mind is blown. The way you presented the concepts clearly and succinctly made me so appreciative. I am incorporating this way of thinking and conversing slowly and with much initial success. I am really grateful I found your video and hopeful that this way of relating is going to help all of us. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Michelle! I’m so glad to hear it was useful. This meets my need for contribution😉 All the best on your NVC journey, I too am hopeful for it’s positive impact on humanity🙏🏼💗
I listened to Marshall's wonderful book. What I realized is that he is an incredible researcher but lacks the polish of some other presenters. As the listener that brought me deep in the weeds to wrestle with each topic with him rather than having this clear set of bullets you might find elsewhere. It was a great experience for me to dive into the heart of NVC. After completing the book I felt though that I needed to do a book report to put those concepts into manageable pieces as I reflect on them in my life. Fortunately for me I found your astute video. I am thankful for your apt way for deducing the whole of NVC into your presentation. This is precisely what I needed. And although it has been decades since I've been in school I completed my book report upon Marshall's writing and your synopsis. You have my gratitude.
Nonviolent communcation is so powerful and it really helped me to navigate the ending of a long term relationship with love and respect. We are both so grateful for it. I know teach it as well and have seen the huge impact it has on others. Love your thumbnail btw!
Great summary of NVC! I'm rewatching the Dog Whisperer TV series and I can't help to notice how much of the NVC is used by Cesar to get the K9s into a submissive calm state. What I found interesting was that when dogs are excited, it can very easily turn into aggression. I never noticed that about people before but now it's so clear. A friend trying to explain something to you that may be exciting for them but not necessary for you, and if you as the listener don't show signs of excitement that matches the speaker, the speaker can start feeling more and more excited and lash out at us for not being on the same page. There are all kings of fun correlations between Cezar's approach to teaching K9s with what can be applied to humans via NVC. Thanks for sharing Kat :)
I love how you break this down! It really helps with making something complicated, easier to see, and clearer. It also contrutes to my need for inspiration.
Wow.. This NVC is well done explained and very close to the truth, am super happy to know about it honestly I suffered a lot growing up without any right way of understanding how to communicate with people I failed in every possible way and made me super anxious and stressed about people in general until I secluded myself for such a long time and focused on my own inward journey until then and along my path I picked up some useful key tools like empathy understanding and non judgmental but to have it very well explained and layed out is a gift thank you so much truly am surely can practice this and find more and more about it and spread it around, much appreciation and love your way kat ❤️
Thank you for sharing Saud. I think many can relate to the confusion/frustration you have faced on this journey of learning how to communicate. It sounds like you’ve come a long way🙏🏼😌 I definitely recommend Marshall’s book Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Life, if you want to dive deeper on the topic
@@katgreenvideo a longer still to go, I will check it out, BTW thank you for showing up in your vidoes I saw a vidoe of you talking in the background of a nice place but which is cool but talking while showing in person is different their is alot of body language which makes connection easier ❤️
I really enjoyed your presentation. It really helped me better understand NVC and simplify it in my mind. I look forward to seeing more of your videos. Thank you!
I’m so glad it was helpful! Yes, I think demonstration with tone and example circumstances is so important. It gives NVC more depth than one would get reading words on a page. I just finished a three part communication series on my channel. If you are new to NVC I’d recommend those vids as well as I incorporate nonviolent communication principles👍🏼
This is so lovely! I have a community called Heartland Collective where we practice NVC in our leadership and for our wwoof WorkTrade program just like how you were introduced to this. We don't dive into it deeply with short term supporters unless people stay for longer than 1 month, but I've been wanting to offer an intro that's not Marshall's 3 hr intro...so here you've provided the PERFECT tool for us. So...now people will have what you wish you had many years ago! Thank you!
It was super helpful to have you reinforce the concept of taking responsibility for one’s own feelings. I gained some insight on how to walk the line between informing and lashing out when communicating my inner reality to other people.
That’s a powerful insight LS! It sounds simple as a concept, but because it’s so culturally ingrained in how we interact, it can be difficult for many to pick up on. “He made me feel unwanted”... when it’s really “I have a need to be seen and that wasn’t met. Or, “I felt taken advantage of”... when it’s really “I feel disappointed because my need for reciprocity wasn’t met.” It’s these small shifts that can be life changing! I recently made another NVC vid you might enjoy. It’s good for practicing what you’ve learned☺️ ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
Thank you. You explained so beautifully in such short time with example. Very inspiring n achievable, to avoid conflicts. Absolutely essential to learn these skills. With deep gratitude, God bless you.
Comments like yours is exactly why I do UA-cam, thank you! Have a look at this video too, I think you will find part 2 even more helpful 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
It is an absolutely great video! I just wanted to get more info about NVC when I came across your channel, Kat. And you give so much love, empathy and understanding that now I can feel it. I hope you enjoy your life 💚 Your love and joy makes me feel love around too💚
Your video left me feeling satisfied and grateful; you broke down NVC in such an approachable way! I am just getting started, and this is really helping me internalize these ideas.
@@katgreenvideo It's a little cheeky but this was also me practicing an NVC style thank you -- a couple nights ago I watched Marshall's 3 hour San Francisco lecture on UA-cam and broke the whole thing down in notes
Thank you for this very illustrative primer on NVC. I am going to be passing this along to folks who could really use an introduction to this method. It can be a little overwhelming at first....
From a green girl to a red girl😉 I’m so glad you found it helpful! And please do share, it would be amazing if there was more NVC being practiced in the world!🙌🏼
I’ve noticed the biggest issue is we don’t really know the true meaning or understanding of words and their origins. How can one be nonviolent when that thought originates from violence? The simple statement of I must not be violent creates a division within oneself as one who is violent and one who mustn’t be. Division is a factor of violence. So non-violence can never dispel violence. It’s a verbal and ideological trap our mind creates, or someone else’s mind creates and we think what a lovely idea, let’s add it to our belief and morale systems. I have seen people are looking for truth but because of the lack of order we all tend to step out of one illusion just to enter another illusion. It took me many years to realize this and it sure was a blow to my ego but allowed me to see with more clarity. I think it’s important for people not to look for the answers outwardly but inwards. Of course that is a tremendous journey that requires immense energy of which we expend outwardly so we have none to take the full journey.
Certainly, words can never be 100% accurate. At best they are pointers but still do have tremendous value. If you’re referring to the “violent” in “nonviolent communication” maybe you’d prefer the term “compassionate communication.” They are used interchangeably.
I loved this video - thank you for creating it! The example you carry throughout the video really drives home NVC principles and how to apply them to real world situations. Im already seeing the good results after practicing the ideas in your video.
This is one of the best breakdowns of NVC I've come across, very helpful to someone who is new to it! Would definitely appreciate a video going deeper into feelings.
Great video - so grateful for the specific examples - helped to make the concepts concrete. If you can keep the words on the screen for a bit longer, that would be so helpful!
Infinite thanks Kat for this life-changing video, it was exactly what I wanted to learn! After watching your video, I feel like I have a solid base, I just need to practice now!! Thank you so much for all your efforts and work, it really impacts me ♥
Doesn't NVC require a mutual empathy - a desire to hear each others' need and feelings? Unfortunately, no matter how willing one party is to achieve this, there is no guarantee that the other will follow suit.
That’s the fantastic thing about NVC actually, there doesn’t NEED to be mutual empathy. Of course that’s great if it happens, but you’re right, it’s not always present. If we notice in ourselves that we desire an empathetic listener because we have a need to be heard, understood, supported etc. then we can seek that out elsewhere. We don’t tie our needs to a specific person. In this there is freedom. Sometimes I even work through an issue in my own head without the other person present. For this method I administer self-empathy if I need it. I also I empathize with the other person (thinking about where they are coming from). NVC often talks about “keeping your side of the street clean,” because that’s ultimately all we can do. You can’t clean up someone else’s property and you can’t expect them to yours. Imagine if more people came into awareness and skill and cleaned up their own mess - we’d have such beautiful neighborhoods!😉
@@katgreenvideo Hi. Thanks for that. I love using NVC, but I continue to observe people ‘cling’ to judgements. I think the biggest philosophical issue facing NVC, is the ultimate impossibility of separating descriptions and judgements. That doesn’t stop us from using NVC though - especially as a structured form of ‘gestalt self-therapy’. I love your videos and what you’re doing with them.
@@stephenhogg6154 I wouldn’t frame it as “impossible”. At 15:16 I talk about the observation step. We want lay the groundwork for discussion by describing what happened in the least bias way we can. What would a video camera have picked up? We can maintain objectivity but restraining our opinions that are often itching to sneak out in order to condemn the other person’s actions. For instance, we wouldn’t say, “Uuuuggh! You left your filthy socks and shoes in the hallway, right for me to step on!” YOU LEFT - we don’t know in fact that they did because we weren’t home when it happened FILTHY SOCKS & SHOES - filthy is subjective FOR ME TO STEP ON - this implies it was purposeful, whereas really it was likely the other person’s obliviousness Instead we might say something like “When I got home there were crumpled up socks and shoes with dirt on them in the hallway....” and continue from there. No accusations have been stated, so the other person has no reason to be defensive. The observation lines should be inarguable.
@@katgreenvideo Hey, thanks. I try to practice NVC while interacting with others in YT comments. Recently I’ve been pitching into the Sharon Osborne on ‘The Talk’ controversy. I’d say it’s become very difficult to describe what happened in any way that can be mutually observed. How is, ‘she was aggressive and defensive and disrespectful’, not a description? I don’t think it is, but try telling that to someone who does. A precondition for NVC is not blaming. How to communicate with the incorrigible blamers?
Please, please please do more videos on NVC if you can. I love learning about NVC and combining it with dialectical behavior therapy techniques. I often find that implementing it is difficult for me, though I believe it could completely change the way I communicate with myself and others.
Thanks for the request Toni, I do plan on it! I don’t know much about the DBT but do believe NVC can be integrated into almost anything really. Like most new skills I find it does take a little bit of repeated exposure/practice but once you’re over that hump, it‘s second nature.
Thank you, Kat, for your clear explanation and overview. So useful. Well done. Do you have a similar video that would be appropriate in a very traditional group setting?
@@susanmcdaniel6310 NVC can work in just about any situation! The conflict mediation method begins with an unbiased assessment of an issue followed by the sharing of feelings, needs and requests. I don’t see how this wouldn’t fit into a religious setting. Generally NVC principles speak to basic human needs and can therefore be universally exercised. I did a video with a variety of example relationships, that one might help you see it in action👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
kat green It can be particularly challenging for us men to get beyond thoughts to feelings and then separate feelings from judgments. I would love to see more on this topic. You are able to simplify complex topics so we can get practical insights and approaches. Greatly appreciated.
You’re not alone Bill, I think this is universally challenging! No one is ever taught communication growing up and it takes a lot of trial and error to figure it out. Interesting angle to introduce gender. I can certainly see that, unfortunately, men are not as encouraged to feel in the same way women are. This would be hard for me to speak to as I’m not a guy. I’m curious, what has helped you? To address your comment about differentiating thoughts from feelings, and then from judgements. There really are only two categories > THOUGHTS & FEELINGS. Judgements are a kind of thought. I will think more on this subject, but hopefully that helps simplify things a little bit. I’m not sure if you caught my three part communication series. That might provide some insights on the matter. Here’s the first vid ua-cam.com/video/cvnZUE-PDmY/v-deo.html
I so want this to work for me. My home isn’t a happy place right now. I am always grumping and yelling at my kids and that causes my husband and I to argue as well. Suggestions on what to do when 6 different people are leaving dirty dishes at the same time?
Oh Tammy that sounds like a challenging space to be in - physically, but also mentally, seeing oneself act in ways you’d rather not. I don’t have children so I can only give an outside perspective on your question. The first thing that comes to mind is trying to have a one on one conversation with each individual in your house about the issue at hand. When rules or criticisms are placed in blanket statements, to no one in particular, it doesn’t have the same impact. Also, there isn’t as much opportunity for dialogue - It’s important to get the other person’s feedback of why they are behaving the way they are and then affirmation that they heard you. I’d also say, following up is useful with children. If they can get away with something once then they see it as not a firm rule, it becomes a boundary they will push. On the note of boundaries, is there ANY way at all you can make more boundaries for yourself and prioritize periods of self care in the day? I know if I’m not getting good rest, food, touch, time for art etc. that I will be operating with a lower energy tank and that comes out in a grumpy mood which is less patient and understanding, and will only make things worse. I’d also suggest a shift in reward strategy - acknowledging when things are done as asked rather than scolding when they haven’t. Notice when the dishes are cleaned or there is an effort to tidy up and express your gratitude. If your kids and partner are feeling seen for their contributions they will want to do more. Lastly, I’d be curious for you to reconnect with your kids and partner on a heart to heart level. Look into what each person’s LOVE LANGUAGE might be and put energy into that which is specific to the person. We can get so caught up in the demands of life and of each other, you’d be surprised what returning to simple love can do💗
Hi Noa, glad to hear it was helpful! As I mentioned at the start of the video, these types of lists can be found by Googling “NVC Needs List” or “NVC Feelings List”. If you like the format of this one I’d recommend just taking a screenshot and printing that👍🏼
Fantastic short summary. Wish I had watched this before watching the Rosenberg 3 hr intro. I am working on tying this together with Jesus' communication style and Christian ethics.
Oh cool, I don’t know much about those methods but it’s always interesting to collaborate! Hopefully we can all find ways to optimize a message of compassion.
Thanks much for your sharing your experience with NVC and of sharing Marshal Rosenberg's book "Nonviolent Communication". A friend of mine invited me to start the book, and review it with her. The ideas in the book and the experience behind them are a treasure... to spend ! Your UA-cam is a wonderful snapshot of your experience and ideas, as well. Is this an invitation to grow ?
you said that you went through a lot of literature and materials on the topic. How is it then that you're suggesting "pausing" NVC right when there's imminent danger and "resorting to more protective use of force" (whatever that means)? "We then return to compassionate dialogue, once safety IS reestablished" you say. Reestablished by whom? By the aggressor? That sounds like US foreign policy. Are you an American? The main author himself (M. Rosenberg) is sharing some examples of people dealing with imminent danger and being spontaneous enough to attempt using NVC and managing to defuse some extreme situations. How or why did you miss that? I believe that there is a huge value for humanity and any individual within these principles for existence and we're all responsible of protecting and promoting them in an honest and ...compassionate manner. I am grateful that I came across your material and had the opportunity to express my thoughts. Thank you for your effort!
Hi Stefan, this is a great question. I’m not promoting just turning NVC on and off willy-nilly. I bring up the exception to put on record that though NVC is wonderful and recommend 99.9% of the time, there is that 0.01% where it is not usable. For instance, one rule of NVC is NOT TO USE DEMANDS (instead we make requests). However, if there is a situation where, out of your periphery you notice someone wandering into traffic, and they don’t see the truck speeding their way…You wouldn’t say, “Hello, excuse me sir. There is a cargo vehicle accelerating your way, probably 100mph if I had to guess. This brings up uneasiness in me because I quite value safety. Would you be willing to hold your stride and wait for this automotive to pass?” No, you wouldn’t say that. You’d say “STOOOOOPPP!!!!”😧 Technically, on it’s own “stop” is a demand but NVC is granting permission for situations such as this. In another example, if your small child was running toward a feral dog - you wouldn’t attempt a conversation because you simply don’t have the time or their attention. Instead you’d swoop in and pick them up! Marshall has talked about using NVC in some pretty extreme circumstances, so I’m not saying it can’t be effective. The point is that, if there was ever a time to pause NVC it would be because of clear potential danger, especially where time is of the essence. As this was simply an introduction video I wasn’t able to get into the details. But, to give an honest guide of NVC, the viewers should know that there is an exception to the practice.
@@katgreenvideo NVC accepts the use of (violent) force for the purpose of protection. Your examples are just stating the obvious. Of course you snatch the kid or the person away from the imminent danger, instead of starting a long monologue. In my opinion, NVC is the "martial arts" of human relations, as it also requires focus, awareness, presence within oneself, discipline, practice, strength, compassion, determination, assertiveness (affirmation, with respect to other beings boundaries) and so on. To me, this means there are no exceptions where we should abandon our investment in being in touch with our nature.
Those may be “obvious” examples but it is my understanding that this is what Marshall is referring too. He wants his guidance to be clear and that sometimes means stating the expected. In writing a book, like any author he has to be thorough because he doesn’t know the background, perspective and intellectual capacity of the reader. I love your comparison to marshal arts! As you pointed out there are many parallels👍🏼
I'm sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if you had a link to the charts from the video. For example The Natural Hygiene Fundamental Elements of Health (from the 9:30 mark) and the Needs List (from the 16:38 mark). I'd just like to have a nice LOOOOOONG gander at them. Thanks in advance!
Hi Manic Surry, yes at the beginning of the vid I mentioned Googling for them but here is a link to the exact NEEDS one images.app.goo.gl/BUnnP8JZ6tExEbWC8 The ELEMENTS OF HEALTH one, I can’t remember where I got it. I would recommend taking a screenshot.
Surely. It was an attempt at a metaphor that most people might be able to relate to. In my experience analogies can help me to see concepts in new ways. However, as you pointed out, they aren’t always universally relatable!
I find that hard to imagine, so long as there is a balance between empathy for oneself and empathy for others. One has to also leave time for other modes of being - feeling whatever is coming up in the moment (sadness, fear, joy, excitement etc.), but I think that goes without saying.
Remember, you can always pause the video after each chapter in order to digest the segments. I recommend also watching this one to see examples and to practice 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
The content is good but your delivery frustrates me. In educational videos, I prefer to see less of the person talking and more of the written content left on the screen so I can pause, process and take notes if desired.
Sure thing Bob, the delivery is not for everyone so I totally get if it doesn’t match your learning style. It can be frustrating when you’re interested in learning something but it isn’t communicated in a way that suits you. I really recommend Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication. That format will give you lots of time to digest the info👍🏼
🤗𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴! 𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗡𝗩𝗖, 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 > ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
Kat, Thank you. This was very clear and inspiring. You are a wonderful teacher. Please do a video on psuedo feelings.
@@targeted4truthjahsun Hi Jahsun, thanks for your interest! I cover psuedo feelings in this video > ua-cam.com/video/cvnZUE-PDmY/v-deo.html
Love your presentation, thank you!
Just lovely how your entire being radiates empathy and love. One of the most engaging NVC presentations I have ever seen.!❤
Thank You. Marshall Rosenberg would be VERY proud of you!
Awe thanks Michael, that’s such a compliment!
Thank you for this! I’ve just discovered nvc and am hungry for everything I can learn. I would LOVE it if you did a series or at least a few more videos on this subject.
I have watched the original videos by the doctor but your video is a nice small “piece” of learning!
Thanks Angela, I will definitely consider doing more videos on be topic! In the meantime I do suggest Marshall’s books👍🏼
This is the most cogent, clear, approachable presentation of NVC I have experienced and I've been Marshall when he has presented NVC. I really appreciate the examples; simple and illustrative. This is very comprehensive.
That means so much, thank you Mark😊
My mind is blown. The way you presented the concepts clearly and succinctly made me so appreciative. I am incorporating this way of thinking and conversing slowly and with much initial success. I am really grateful I found your video and hopeful that this way of relating is going to help all of us. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Michelle! I’m so glad to hear it was useful. This meets my need for contribution😉 All the best on your NVC journey, I too am hopeful for it’s positive impact on humanity🙏🏼💗
I listened to Marshall's wonderful book. What I realized is that he is an incredible researcher but lacks the polish of some other presenters. As the listener that brought me deep in the weeds to wrestle with each topic with him rather than having this clear set of bullets you might find elsewhere. It was a great experience for me to dive into the heart of NVC.
After completing the book I felt though that I needed to do a book report to put those concepts into manageable pieces as I reflect on them in my life. Fortunately for me I found your astute video.
I am thankful for your apt way for deducing the whole of NVC into your presentation. This is precisely what I needed. And although it has been decades since I've been in school I completed my book report upon Marshall's writing and your synopsis. You have my gratitude.
Oh that’s wonderful Tim!👏🏼💛
Nonviolent communcation is so powerful and it really helped me to navigate the ending of a long term relationship with love and respect. We are both so grateful for it. I know teach it as well and have seen the huge impact it has on others. Love your thumbnail btw!
Wow that’s amazing to hear! So happy for you👏🏼
Great summary of NVC! I'm rewatching the Dog Whisperer TV series and I can't help to notice how much of the NVC is used by Cesar to get the K9s into a submissive calm state. What I found interesting was that when dogs are excited, it can very easily turn into aggression. I never noticed that about people before but now it's so clear. A friend trying to explain something to you that may be exciting for them but not necessary for you, and if you as the listener don't show signs of excitement that matches the speaker, the speaker can start feeling more and more excited and lash out at us for not being on the same page. There are all kings of fun correlations between Cezar's approach to teaching K9s with what can be applied to humans via NVC. Thanks for sharing Kat :)
Oh my gosh Oliver, that is such an interesting parallel! I’ll have to catch the show to see what you’re talking about in action. Thanks for sharing😊
Love this! Thanks, Kat! I would love if you did a video on pseudo-feelings.
𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘕𝘒𝘚 𝘍𝘖𝘙 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘐𝘕𝘛𝘌𝘙𝘌𝘚𝘛! 𝙋𝙎𝙐𝙀𝘿𝙊- 𝙁𝙀𝙀𝙇𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝘼𝙍𝙀 𝘾𝙊𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝙑𝙄𝘿𝙀𝙊 (𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘜𝘕𝘐𝘊𝘈𝘛𝘐𝘖𝘕 𝘚𝘌𝘙𝘐𝘌𝘚 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛 3) 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/cvnZUE-PDmY/v-deo.html
I searched alot of intros- i appreciate your simple clarity, a d relaxed knowledge of the subject! Thank you!
Thanks so much Joan! You might also like the practice vid I made☺️
ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
I found this a wonderful introduction to NVC and I am recommending it to many of my therapy patients!
I’m so happy to hear that George! If you’re up for practicing you might like part 2 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
Outstanding, Kat! You are making a difference in the world. Thank you for sharing NVC.
Such encouraging feedback, thank you Mary!💕
I love how you break this down! It really helps with making something complicated, easier to see, and clearer. It also contrutes to my need for inspiration.
I’m so glad to hear it simplified things for you. It can be challenging to grasp/practice the concepts so I’m happy to help any way I can!
Wow.. This NVC is well done explained and very close to the truth, am super happy to know about it honestly I suffered a lot growing up without any right way of understanding how to communicate with people I failed in every possible way and made me super anxious and stressed about people in general until I secluded myself for such a long time and focused on my own inward journey until then and along my path I picked up some useful key tools like empathy understanding and non judgmental but to have it very well explained and layed out is a gift thank you so much truly am surely can practice this and find more and more about it and spread it around, much appreciation and love your way kat ❤️
Thank you for sharing Saud. I think many can relate to the confusion/frustration you have faced on this journey of learning how to communicate. It sounds like you’ve come a long way🙏🏼😌 I definitely recommend Marshall’s book Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Life, if you want to dive deeper on the topic
@@katgreenvideo a longer still to go, I will check it out, BTW thank you for showing up in your vidoes I saw a vidoe of you talking in the background of a nice place but which is cool but talking while showing in person is different their is alot of body language which makes connection easier ❤️
Thank you, your video serves the need for clear, concise, and specific information on why and how to practice NVC!
Thank you Caroline! That was my aim 100% so I appreciate that you received it in this way🙏🏼
One of the best consise explanations that I have come across...thank you!
My pleasure Cindy! I love sharing NVC☺️
Thanks, Kat! Really enjoyed learning NVC in a simplified way!
Yay, happy to hear it Sagar! Try the practice video too, that’s a perfect next step 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
I really enjoyed your presentation. It really helped me better understand NVC and simplify it in my mind. I look forward to seeing more of your videos. Thank you!
Right on Ben, I’m so glad to hear it was digestible for you!
A very clear and helpful explanation of NVC.
I look forward to sharing this with my community.
I’m so glad it was helpful Vicki! Please do share, I believe the more we practice NVC the better opportunity we have to thrive as a community💖
I'm just hearing, for the first time today, about NVC! Your video also adds pace and tone of voice's role of NVC, in a practical way!
I’m so glad it was helpful! Yes, I think demonstration with tone and example circumstances is so important. It gives NVC more depth than one would get reading words on a page. I just finished a three part communication series on my channel. If you are new to NVC I’d recommend those vids as well as I incorporate nonviolent communication principles👍🏼
This is so lovely! I have a community called Heartland Collective where we practice NVC in our leadership and for our wwoof WorkTrade program just like how you were introduced to this. We don't dive into it deeply with short term supporters unless people stay for longer than 1 month, but I've been wanting to offer an intro that's not Marshall's 3 hr intro...so here you've provided the PERFECT tool for us. So...now people will have what you wish you had many years ago! Thank you!
That’s sounds like a sweet collective Anders! I’m honored to, in a way be a part of your program! So synchronistic, as you mentioned☺️✨
It was super helpful to have you reinforce the concept of taking responsibility for one’s own feelings. I gained some insight on how to walk the line between informing and lashing out when communicating my inner reality to other people.
That’s a powerful insight LS! It sounds simple as a concept, but because it’s so culturally ingrained in how we interact, it can be difficult for many to pick up on.
“He made me feel unwanted”... when it’s really “I have a need to be seen and that wasn’t met. Or, “I felt taken advantage of”... when it’s really “I feel disappointed because my need for reciprocity wasn’t met.” It’s these small shifts that can be life changing! I recently made another NVC vid you might enjoy. It’s good for practicing what you’ve learned☺️ ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
Thank you. You explained so beautifully in such short time with example. Very inspiring n achievable, to avoid conflicts. Absolutely essential to learn these skills. With deep gratitude, God bless you.
Comments like yours is exactly why I do UA-cam, thank you! Have a look at this video too, I think you will find part 2 even more helpful 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
It is an absolutely great video! I just wanted to get more info about NVC when I came across your channel, Kat. And you give so much love, empathy and understanding that now I can feel it. I hope you enjoy your life 💚 Your love and joy makes me feel love around too💚
Oh my goodness, what a wonderful comment to receive! Thank you for your words and know that I feel your love too🙏🏼😘
Your video left me feeling satisfied and grateful; you broke down NVC in such an approachable way! I am just getting started, and this is really helping me internalize these ideas.
That’s so wonderful Joshua! Thank you for taking the time to let me know🙏🏼
@@katgreenvideo It's a little cheeky but this was also me practicing an NVC style thank you -- a couple nights ago I watched Marshall's 3 hour San Francisco lecture on UA-cam and broke the whole thing down in notes
Thank you for this very illustrative primer on NVC. I am going to be passing this along to folks who could really use an introduction to this method. It can be a little overwhelming at first....
From a green girl to a red girl😉 I’m so glad you found it helpful! And please do share, it would be amazing if there was more NVC being practiced in the world!🙌🏼
I’ve noticed the biggest issue is we don’t really know the true meaning or understanding of words and their origins.
How can one be nonviolent when that thought originates from violence?
The simple statement of I must not be violent creates a division within oneself as one who is violent and one who mustn’t be.
Division is a factor of violence.
So non-violence can never dispel violence. It’s a verbal and ideological trap our mind creates, or someone else’s mind creates and we think what a lovely idea, let’s add it to our belief and morale systems.
I have seen people are looking for truth but because of the lack of order we all tend to step out of one illusion just to enter another illusion.
It took me many years to realize this and it sure was a blow to my ego but allowed me to see with more clarity.
I think it’s important for people not to look for the answers outwardly but inwards. Of course that is a tremendous journey that requires immense energy of which we expend outwardly so we have none to take the full journey.
Certainly, words can never be 100% accurate. At best they are pointers but still do have tremendous value. If you’re referring to the “violent” in “nonviolent communication” maybe you’d prefer the term “compassionate communication.” They are used interchangeably.
I loved this video - thank you for creating it! The example you carry throughout the video really drives home NVC principles and how to apply them to real world situations. Im already seeing the good results after practicing the ideas in your video.
Such a wonderful comment to read Linda. Thank you for taking the time to let me know💗
This is one of the best breakdowns of NVC I've come across, very helpful to someone who is new to it! Would definitely appreciate a video going deeper into feelings.
Thank you for taking the time to let me know Richard💗 I hear you on the video suggestion too👍🏼
Thank you, this video has helped me so much. I love you and what you've done to help
I’m so thrilled to hear that!💜
If you liked this video you might enjoy practicing along with me here👉🏼
ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
This was incredibly helpful. Thank you!
So glad to hear that Nikki!💛
This was such an excellent introduction to such an important topic. Thank you for starting me on my practice. ☺️
I’m so glad you found it helpful Harish! All the best to you💕
Nice job and thank you
What an incredibly wonderful video! So glad I found it. ♥
Yay☺️✨ I’m happy to hear it resonated🙏🏼
Golden key concepts! Thank you - awesome work!
I appreciate the feedback, thanks Triston!
Great video - so grateful for the specific examples - helped to make the concepts concrete. If you can keep the words on the screen for a bit longer, that would be so helpful!
Thanks for the feedback Nancy!
Click the pause button or hit space bar on your computer and you can keep the words up for as long as you need👍🏼
Very good quality content! Thank you!
Thanks Jim! Once you’ve digested this video, I suggest watching this one 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.htmlsi=XSovbxZs4rsIK6qm
Infinite thanks Kat for this life-changing video, it was exactly what I wanted to learn! After watching your video, I feel like I have a solid base, I just need to practice now!! Thank you so much for all your efforts and work, it really impacts me ♥
So wonderful to hear Mihoki! Stay tuned as I do plan to make more NVC related videos. Lots of love 💕
🤣 😂 🤣
Your really gifted in teaching and you seem genuine, thank you for the love that you exude to others
Thank you Lisa, I’m glad the format and information was digestible for you! I so enjoy sharing this gift of NVC💕
Doesn't NVC require a mutual empathy - a desire to hear each others' need and feelings? Unfortunately, no matter how willing one party is to achieve this, there is no guarantee that the other will follow suit.
That’s the fantastic thing about NVC actually, there doesn’t NEED to be mutual empathy. Of course that’s great if it happens, but you’re right, it’s not always present. If we notice in ourselves that we desire an empathetic listener because we have a need to be heard, understood, supported etc. then we can seek that out elsewhere. We don’t tie our needs to a specific person. In this there is freedom.
Sometimes I even work through an issue in my own head without the other person present. For this method I administer self-empathy if I need it. I also I empathize with the other person (thinking about where they are coming from).
NVC often talks about “keeping your side of the street clean,” because that’s ultimately all we can do. You can’t clean up someone else’s property and you can’t expect them to yours. Imagine if more people came into awareness and skill and cleaned up their own mess - we’d have such beautiful neighborhoods!😉
@@katgreenvideo Walking away always seems to be an ultimate option in NVC.
@@katgreenvideo Hi. Thanks for that. I love using NVC, but I continue to observe people ‘cling’ to judgements. I think the biggest philosophical issue facing NVC, is the ultimate impossibility of separating descriptions and judgements.
That doesn’t stop us from using NVC though - especially as a structured form of ‘gestalt self-therapy’.
I love your videos and what you’re doing with them.
@@stephenhogg6154 I wouldn’t frame it as “impossible”. At 15:16 I talk about the observation step. We want lay the groundwork for discussion by describing what happened in the least bias way we can. What would a video camera have picked up? We can maintain objectivity but restraining our opinions that are often itching to sneak out in order to condemn the other person’s actions. For instance, we wouldn’t say, “Uuuuggh! You left your filthy socks and shoes in the hallway, right for me to step on!”
YOU LEFT - we don’t know in fact that they did because we weren’t home when it happened
FILTHY SOCKS & SHOES - filthy is subjective
FOR ME TO STEP ON - this implies it was purposeful, whereas really it was likely the other person’s obliviousness
Instead we might say something like “When I got home there were crumpled up socks and shoes with dirt on them in the hallway....” and continue from there. No accusations have been stated, so the other person has no reason to be defensive. The observation lines should be inarguable.
@@katgreenvideo Hey, thanks. I try to practice NVC while interacting with others in YT comments. Recently I’ve been pitching into the Sharon Osborne on ‘The Talk’ controversy. I’d say it’s become very difficult to describe what happened in any way that can be mutually observed. How is, ‘she was aggressive and defensive and disrespectful’, not a description? I don’t think it is, but try telling that to someone who does.
A precondition for NVC is not blaming. How to communicate with the incorrigible blamers?
Your editing was great!
Thank you Sue!🙏🏼
Please, please please do more videos on NVC if you can. I love learning about NVC and combining it with dialectical behavior therapy techniques. I often find that implementing it is difficult for me, though I believe it could completely change the way I communicate with myself and others.
Thanks for the request Toni, I do plan on it! I don’t know much about the DBT but do believe NVC can be integrated into almost anything really. Like most new skills I find it does take a little bit of repeated exposure/practice but once you’re over that hump, it‘s second nature.
Wow. Needed to know
Love it. Thanks for sharing
My pleasure! Thanks for the feedback Olito💜
Thank you for the tip!!
Thanks for sharing :) great video!
😊
Your video is very helpful, I enjoyed it and I love you
Awe great to hear Eric! Much love🙏🏼
thnk u
Very good for me to listen to this. I feel happy and my. We’d for clarity was achieved.
Wonderful to hear
Thank you, Kat, for your clear explanation and overview. So useful. Well done. Do you have a similar video that would be appropriate in a very traditional group setting?
What do you mean by a “traditional group setting”?
@@katgreenvideo marriage group in a conservative religious community
@@susanmcdaniel6310 NVC can work in just about any situation! The conflict mediation method begins with an unbiased assessment of an issue followed by the sharing of feelings, needs and requests. I don’t see how this wouldn’t fit into a religious setting. Generally NVC principles speak to basic human needs and can therefore be universally exercised. I did a video with a variety of example relationships, that one might help you see it in action👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
This is absolutely amazing. Thank you for sharing!
You’re welcome Bill! So glad you liked it. I’ll be posting a follow-up video shortly so stay tuned☝🏼
kat green It can be particularly challenging for us men to get beyond thoughts to feelings and then separate feelings from judgments. I would love to see more on this topic. You are able to simplify complex topics so we can get practical insights and approaches. Greatly appreciated.
You’re not alone Bill, I think this is universally challenging! No one is ever taught communication growing up and it takes a lot of trial and error to figure it out. Interesting angle to introduce gender. I can certainly see that, unfortunately, men are not as encouraged to feel in the same way women are. This would be hard for me to speak to as I’m not a guy. I’m curious, what has helped you?
To address your comment about differentiating thoughts from feelings, and then from judgements. There really are only two categories > THOUGHTS & FEELINGS. Judgements are a kind of thought. I will think more on this subject, but hopefully that helps simplify things a little bit. I’m not sure if you caught my three part communication series. That might provide some insights on the matter. Here’s the first vid
ua-cam.com/video/cvnZUE-PDmY/v-deo.html
I so want this to work for me. My home isn’t a happy place right now. I am always grumping and yelling at my kids and that causes my husband and I to argue as well. Suggestions on what to do when 6 different people are leaving dirty dishes at the same time?
Oh Tammy that sounds like a challenging space to be in - physically, but also mentally, seeing oneself act in ways you’d rather not. I don’t have children so I can only give an outside perspective on your question. The first thing that comes to mind is trying to have a one on one conversation with each individual in your house about the issue at hand. When rules or criticisms are placed in blanket statements, to no one in particular, it doesn’t have the same impact. Also, there isn’t as much opportunity for dialogue - It’s important to get the other person’s feedback of why they are behaving the way they are and then affirmation that they heard you. I’d also say, following up is useful with children. If they can get away with something once then they see it as not a firm rule, it becomes a boundary they will push. On the note of boundaries, is there ANY way at all you can make more boundaries for yourself and prioritize periods of self care in the day? I know if I’m not getting good rest, food, touch, time for art etc. that I will be operating with a lower energy tank and that comes out in a grumpy mood which is less patient and understanding, and will only make things worse. I’d also suggest a shift in reward strategy - acknowledging when things are done as asked rather than scolding when they haven’t. Notice when the dishes are cleaned or there is an effort to tidy up and express your gratitude. If your kids and partner are feeling seen for their contributions they will want to do more. Lastly, I’d be curious for you to reconnect with your kids and partner on a heart to heart level. Look into what each person’s LOVE LANGUAGE might be and put energy into that which is specific to the person. We can get so caught up in the demands of life and of each other, you’d be surprised what returning to simple love can do💗
This is super helpful! I want to print your needs list and some of the other lists, do you happen to have them anywhere where we could print them?
Hi Noa, glad to hear it was helpful! As I mentioned at the start of the video, these types of lists can be found by Googling “NVC Needs List” or “NVC Feelings List”. If you like the format of this one I’d recommend just taking a screenshot and printing that👍🏼
Thank you for sharing
Nvc for beginners? Wow! Do I need this! Thx. Maybe there is hope for me after all:}
There’s always hope Albert!😉
I made this one too, you might find it helpful👇🏼
ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
Fantastic short summary. Wish I had watched this before watching the Rosenberg 3 hr intro. I am working on tying this together with Jesus' communication style and Christian ethics.
Oh cool, I don’t know much about those methods but it’s always interesting to collaborate! Hopefully we can all find ways to optimize a message of compassion.
Very nicely done! Thank you
Thanks for taking the moment so share your feedback💕
No subtitles
12:12 key concepts summary
17:00 needs chart
Thanks much for your sharing your experience with NVC and of sharing Marshal Rosenberg's book "Nonviolent Communication". A friend of mine invited me to start the book, and review it with her. The ideas in the book and the experience behind them are a treasure... to spend ! Your UA-cam is a wonderful snapshot of
your experience and ideas, as well. Is this an invitation to grow ?
I’m so happy to hear you enjoyed the video. Sounds like you’ve been getting a few opportunities to grow!
This is super helpful, thanks. *hits subscribe
Thank you Eris💗
Pay attention folks
you said that you went through a lot of literature and materials on the topic. How is it then that you're suggesting "pausing" NVC right when there's imminent danger and "resorting to more protective use of force" (whatever that means)? "We then return to compassionate dialogue, once safety IS reestablished" you say. Reestablished by whom? By the aggressor? That sounds like US foreign policy. Are you an American?
The main author himself (M. Rosenberg) is sharing some examples of people dealing with imminent danger and being spontaneous enough to attempt using NVC and managing to defuse some extreme situations. How or why did you miss that?
I believe that there is a huge value for humanity and any individual within these principles for existence and we're all responsible of protecting and promoting them in an honest and ...compassionate manner. I am grateful that I came across your material and had the opportunity to express my thoughts. Thank you for your effort!
Hi Stefan, this is a great question. I’m not promoting just turning NVC on and off willy-nilly. I bring up the exception to put on record that though NVC is wonderful and recommend 99.9% of the time, there is that 0.01% where it is not usable.
For instance, one rule of NVC is NOT TO USE DEMANDS (instead we make requests). However, if there is a situation where, out of your periphery you notice someone wandering into traffic, and they don’t see the truck speeding their way…You wouldn’t say, “Hello, excuse me sir. There is a cargo vehicle accelerating your way, probably 100mph if I had to guess. This brings up uneasiness in me because I quite value safety. Would you be willing to hold your stride and wait for this automotive to pass?”
No, you wouldn’t say that. You’d say “STOOOOOPPP!!!!”😧
Technically, on it’s own “stop” is a demand but NVC is granting permission for situations such as this.
In another example, if your small child was running toward a feral dog - you wouldn’t attempt a conversation because you simply don’t have the time or their attention. Instead you’d swoop in and pick them up!
Marshall has talked about using NVC in some pretty extreme circumstances, so I’m not saying it can’t be effective. The point is that, if there was ever a time to pause NVC it would be because of clear potential danger, especially where time is of the essence.
As this was simply an introduction video I wasn’t able to get into the details. But, to give an honest guide of NVC, the viewers should know that there is an exception to the practice.
@@katgreenvideo NVC accepts the use of (violent) force for the purpose of protection. Your examples are just stating the obvious. Of course you snatch the kid or the person away from the imminent danger, instead of starting a long monologue.
In my opinion, NVC is the "martial arts" of human relations, as it also requires focus, awareness, presence within oneself, discipline, practice, strength, compassion, determination, assertiveness (affirmation, with respect to other beings boundaries) and so on.
To me, this means there are no exceptions where we should abandon our investment in being in touch with our nature.
Those may be “obvious” examples but it is my understanding that this is what Marshall is referring too. He wants his guidance to be clear and that sometimes means stating the expected. In writing a book, like any author he has to be thorough because he doesn’t know the background, perspective and intellectual capacity of the reader.
I love your comparison to marshal arts! As you pointed out there are many parallels👍🏼
This is a wonderful video for me. Structured and simple information step by step which fulfill my need for understanding/learning!
Awe thank you Adam, I really appreciate your thoughtful reflection and am so glad it was worth your watch! Lots of love🙏🏼💕
great
I'm sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if you had a link to the charts from the video. For example The Natural Hygiene Fundamental Elements of Health (from the 9:30 mark) and the Needs List (from the 16:38 mark). I'd just like to have a nice LOOOOOONG gander at them.
Thanks in advance!
Hi Manic Surry, yes at the beginning of the vid I mentioned Googling for them but here is a link to the exact NEEDS one images.app.goo.gl/BUnnP8JZ6tExEbWC8
The ELEMENTS OF HEALTH one, I can’t remember where I got it. I would recommend taking a screenshot.
@@katgreenvideo thanks mate!
thanks
I like your video I would like to know more about it
Try out this NVC vid, the examples bring it more to life 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
thank you. unfortunately, some people WILL react angrily to the dog who bites them.
Surely. It was an attempt at a metaphor that most people might be able to relate to. In my experience analogies can help me to see concepts in new ways. However, as you pointed out, they aren’t always universally relatable!
How do you keep your teeth so white?
Bro that's pathetic
❤
So much love✨
I like you!
🥰
Is there such a thing as too much empathy
I find that hard to imagine, so long as there is a balance between empathy for oneself and empathy for others.
One has to also leave time for other modes of being - feeling whatever is coming up in the moment (sadness, fear, joy, excitement etc.), but I think that goes without saying.
its too fast for me.....I can see your enthusiasm though 🙃
Remember, you can always pause the video after each chapter in order to digest the segments. I recommend also watching this one to see examples and to practice 👉🏼 ua-cam.com/video/NjWKNioNmbY/v-deo.html
Wilson Anthony Williams Jessica Young Scott
#nerdingis health
It can be 🤓💚
The content is good but your delivery frustrates me. In educational videos, I prefer to see less of the person talking and more of the written content left on the screen so I can pause, process and take notes if desired.
Sure thing Bob, the delivery is not for everyone so I totally get if it doesn’t match your learning style. It can be frustrating when you’re interested in learning something but it isn’t communicated in a way that suits you. I really recommend Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication. That format will give you lots of time to digest the info👍🏼
Damn you're extremely beautiful. I'm struggling to focus.