Millennial parents feel abandoned by Boomer parents when it comes to child care
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- Опубліковано 4 гру 2023
- A report by Business Insider looks at grandparents who don’t want to spend their golden years as caregivers for their grandkids, opting instead to travel and engage in other activities.
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#family #grandparents #millennials ials #boomers #parenting #grandchildren #gma - Розваги
I think a lot of the millennial sadness about this is because our own silent generation grandparents were constantly around, and helping out our Boomer parents..and we wanted that same sort of close relationship with multi generations for our own kids
So just to kind of help you put this in perspective, I'm a boomer grandma and I take care of my grandchildren, but I was 23 when I had my first child and I was 34 when I had my last. And my sisters had babies too. Mom and dad helped us quite a lot, but they also make clear that they had raised their kids. Anything they did for us was considered a favor. They like to travel and they finally got a chance after we grew up. They helped more with the first babies because they felt better. My daughter had a baby at 38 years old. I'm feeling a little tired and achy. Happily she realizes that I'm not a kid anymore. I am a present grandparent and I'm crazy for those babies but my daughter's never take me for granted. Young families have a lot more money now than they did back when I was a kid. My parents scraped to make sure we had decent clothes and shoes. We didn't have bouncy houses and electric cars and all those things that kids have today. They babysat because it was needed not because we wanted to go fly off on a vacation or something like that
I'm a millennial and my grandparents were very involved. I remember Grandma hosting "parties" and "Sleepovers" with us grandkids. When it was my Moms turn to become a grandma, she reminded me "She raised her kids" and made zero effort to be involved.
It seems that the Boomer generation forgets all the support they had from aunties and grandmas.
Amen
There was less money back then. They usually didn't have the money to go on vacations. Also women used to have babies a lot younger. Taking care of a baby when your 50 is a lot different than when you are 65 or 70. And few of us aspire to be old before we have to. Your parents don't owe it to you to babysit. I'm sure if they do it it's out love.
@@debbyhenderson9076 there was less money? so are you saying theres more money now so people now have an excuse to be deadbeats because they have money?! thats a horrible outlook
Everyone living for themselves.
There will be so many regrets. 😢
People should think about the possible consequences of their actions before hand. Now their children have to pay those consequences, because their parents choose to make entire human beings without consulting those they were going to want help from.
Western culture is very individualistic and Grandparents are more hesitant to help out. Meanwhile in many Asian cultures they’re much more hands on.
Boomers who act like this are selfish. That’s your grandchildren. Imagine being so selfish that you don’t even come to your grandkids soccer games or school plays. The silent generation did this for us and so many of us had great memories with them.
Yes I have more memories with my grandparents than with my own boomer parents
Yes I agree with you but as a millennial that’s not the issue. Most of my generation wants the grandparents to literally raise the kids. They want full time nannying from grandma because they aren’t willing to sacrifice material things, vacations, nice cars, remodeled homes, etc. I think what boomers are resisting is the expectation that they now have to parent again, they did their time it’s time to just be grandma.
They aren't dead, and have their own lives to live. No one wants to be built babysitters because they are related to you. You had kids take care of them,no one else is required to, should have thought about that before bringing them into this world
Seriously? We'd have to fly to California from Ohio every weekend to attend sporting events or anything else our grandchildren are involved with. Some grandparents just don't live right around the corner! We take big family trips together so that helps us be able to spend time with everyone.
I think there are two different interpretations happening in these comments:
1) Grandparents who want to be a part of their grandkids' lives, occasionally babysit, and have good relationships with them... but not as full-time childcare.
2) Grandparents who don't want to put in ANY effort to have a real relationship with their grandkids.
#2 is sad and understandably disheartening for parents. However #1 is perfectly acceptable and parents cannot possibly ASSUME the grandparents WANT to provide constant childcare. Absolutely not. If Grandma/Grandpa wants to do that, then awesome! I know some love to do that. But not every grandparent is made to babysit all the time, and it isn't fair for parents to guilt them for that.
We live 10 minutes from my in-laws but we RARELY ask them to babysit. That's what friend's teenagers who want to earn cash are for! ;-) When my in-laws do babysit, they're so excited to get that special time alone with the kids and it's enjoyable all around. I guarantee if we asked them more, they would get burnt out. They have very busy lives and they did their part raising their own kids.
Should grandparents be willing to help? Yes.
Should parents expect full time childcare? No.
As a millennial who had grandma as primary childcare provider, I DEFINITELY expect my parents (who are boomers and retired) to do the same. And they do it now for me and LOVE IT!
One way to avoid resentment and conflict: Don’t have kids if you don’t want to raise them.
I am Gen X 48. With 10 year olds. I knew growing up. My boomer parents would never help me when I had kids. Grew up upper middle class. Private schools. My parents never spent time with us kids. If they were around. They would hire babysitters and go hang out with adults. At 15. Was told to get a job year round in HS. I did. Also my boomer parents sat us kids down. They told us they had to kick in high gear to save up for retirement. They refused to pay for our college. We also had to get out of the house by 18. This traumatized me. I made sure when I met my future wife at 25. We saved up for a house and married by 32. Kids by 38. I was lucky. My wife is Asian Lao. Her parents watch my kids all of the time. I told my parents to pound sand. They maybe see them once in while. I spend all of my time with my kids and have a 23 year relationship with my wife. I can go to games and spend the weekends with them. Screw my parents. They will rot in the nursing home. I am not alone. Most Boomer parents are this way. They threw us in front of the TV in the 80s as the baby sitter.
Late stage Millennial with a Gen x husband. Our boomer parents were the same way. Fk them, I'm caring for my kids. ❤❤❤
Raising kids is so different now. And if we’re talking about the US where 3% of the world’s kids get 40% of the world’s toys, they are so constantly entertained.
“Raising kids” by grandparents wasn’t always hands on. The parents took the kids to their grandma’s house and it wasn’t always all day entertainment and keeping them busy with the grandparents. The kids had a toy or two, read their own books, went outside and played or sat and watched tv and the grandparents cooked, did laundry, did the housekeeping and did what they did at home, as normal, with the kids observing. The kids weren’t the focus of their attention. The grandparents simply looked after the children, made sure they were safe, kept them clean and fed and provided a place to sleep. The kids entered into the grandparents’ world, not vice versa.
Now, the expectation of parents is for grandparents to interact with kids with kids as the focus and to engage in what *they do. The “raising” of them now means doing “kids’” things and being in *their world. (We’re talking about growing up in generations not too long ago where you, as a child, could not even think of changing the channel on the tv from what was on at your grandparents’ house much less think of having an overnight bag filled with your own individual devices, games, toys, smartphone, snacks and drinks to provide you with everything you want, just for you.)
It’s not “lazy grandparenting” not to have this time revolve around the kids, filling the clock, entertaining them. The kids will be just fine simply spending precious moments with Grandma and Granddad. It might seem “boring” to them not to have their way for the weekend but they learn others are just as important as they are.
“Back in the day”was out of necessity. Parents work most their lives to care for their children. It is selfish for those same children to expect them to sacrifice their retirement years, just for free childcare😒. Due to modern tech, retirement ain’t what it used to be. People are living longer, healthier lives that are productive well into their 80s. Think of your parents’ wellbeing. Let them babysit when they want to. It’s their life & adult children should be giving back to parents instead of always taking. Your time will come one day. Think of how you’d want to be treated.
My parents were hands on with 7 of the 9 grandkids. My third child born in Canada after we moved in 2002.
If anything it's my 2 daughters who are selfish who don't want kids.
Hard to be a grandparent when you have no grandkids.
haha - I'm Gen X, but my boomer mom was always "emergency childcare" only. lol Whenever I was stressed, the best she would do is offer to pay for a day camp or a babysitter.But my boys are 18 and 19 now and love their Nema. And I sympathize with boomer grandparents, I also don't plan to be the primary caregiver of my grandkids if I am blessed to have them.
Well said! -from Millennial
From another Gen X: Boomer parents neglected us and shoved us off onto our grandparents, who were happy to help out. Years later, the boomers are more than willing to be absent from their grandchildren's lives. That's fine. I don't want them instilling the same authoritative narcissistic bullshit into the grandkids as they did to us.
Seriously, who wants to raise kids in your 30s, 40s,and early 50s, work 30 plus years,and then retire only to be obligated to taking care of kids once again??? Most people have more than one grown kid,and what you do for one you must do for all! We didn't feel ENTITLED to babysitting service from our parents, and when we did ask we made sure to pay them just as we would a babysitter. Retirees can always use extra money.
As a Millenial Auntie, I fully agree with the grandparents. Your parents are NOT default childcare for your kids. They have lives, too. And the same goes for your other relatives! My late grandma always said "I ain't the built-in childcare" 😂 and she was right!
Correct! I’m an auntie with boomer parents. “Mama’s gotta have a life too.”
Gen X here. When our boomer parents were too busy to raise us, we got pawned off onto our grandparents. The grandparents gladly helped out while our parents neglected us. But now that the boomers are grandparents, their behavior is still the same as when they were parents: absent.
@@jacksquatt6082Yep😂 but it's sad too! My Mom was a "Boss Babe" and absent in the home except to beat my asss if my grades were bad. She's an absent grandma too.
We raised our sons and grandsons. My wife has passed away and I’m still here and trying to help my kids. They are all grown up now. It’s time for them to find their own lives. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s a fact of life. You can’t be a child your whole life. To many young people think like that now. If a parent allows it, they are wrong. The kids will not be prepared for reality. That’s the beginnings of the entitlement of this new generation. Given everything, never held accountable, everybody is a winner, participation trophies. It’s all lies. It’s not real life. Teach your children to be honest, kind, compassionate, respectful and loyal.
First they blame everything on Boomers, now they're whining about Boomers not helping them. The entitlement is laughable. These men and women worked hard, raised their children, and they are under no obligation to help raise their grandchildren unless it's an emergency situation. I'm so glad I'm not in either generation. I'm from a generation where we're left the Hell alone by everyone. #GenX
We all were so nostalgic because our grandparents were around constantly helping out the boomer parents and Many thought the same thing would repeat with their kids and parents
“Raised their children”
My parents raised me in times were child care was really cheap. My mother would pick me up at 5-7pm and afterwards just turned on the TV for me. My father, who owns a business, could work anytime, but decided to work from 11am-8pm for his own convenience. My grandmother on the other side picked me up from Kindergarten and school at least once a week, sometimes even everyday when my parents were busy. My other grandparents watched me for 3 hours every Saturday and Sunday and took me in for at least 7 weeks every year.
So they had a lot of help.
In Austria Childcare got limited and expensive. My parents just told me that we should not expect them to watch our Child/our children once we have them. They even think about moving to Thailand, so forget about seeing them more than once every two years. My Parents in law on the other hand come from a culture where Family is everything. They said that they would take the kids in every day at any giving time.
Yes they worked hard, but what they always forget is that they had help. Held, that they are denying us
Grandparents are not babysitters!! Let them be and find a semi responsible teenager to babysit
I’m a millennial (33) mother of 6 children 7 and under. RAISE YOUR OWN KIDS. My parents already put in their years!! The amount of my peers who expect their parents to be a full time nanny is INSANE. Make some sacrifices to raise your OWN children and let grandma just be grandma. PATHETIC.
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grandma's back then were actually involved and wanted to care for their grandkids (like mine). So boomer changed the job description of "grandma" or the people changed.
Are you kidding?? 😂😂😂 Boomers raised their kids. It their time to do what they want now in their golden years and be grandparents. Being a grandparent is not babysitting everyday. Millenials need to grow up. Geez.
Many boomer grandparents are choosing just not to be around or only at holidays. That's disheartening because our boomers parents, the silent generation helped them immensely with their children.
@r-e_mii I think that is far and few between. Most parents of adults can't wait to have grandchildren. However, most want their parents to be constant babysitters and use their kids as pawns to get what they want. It's very sad. So if they are choosing to move its probably to get away from their selfish adult children.
I think the generation names are mixed up. I'm Gex, my child is a Millennial and my Boomer grandparents are deceased. They were available for summer breaks & deployments (military family) with my child. As Gen X, I'm not built-in child care, but I will help as much as I can if asked.
Welp, they weren't around when we were kids while the gen x were working.... so what did you expect?
Economically speaking a lot of young boomer parents are still working themselves (like my Mom who is 60 years old) and even if they want to they cannot look after our kids.
Their your children! YOU decided to have them. Tgey are nit your parents responsibility, unless you DIE.
then how come a lot of boomer parents dropped their kids off at their parents places on the regular but dont carry on that support for their own kids? (my parents are an example). If you want to stand by your statement then at least boomers are either hypocrites or you're wrong. Pick one.
I’ll make plans with my boomer grandparents and they’ll flake out and say their busy. Though when I go to their house they ask me why I never come over to visit 😂 Though these millennials complaining dont even raise their own kids they just give them an iPad.
Where is Gen x bad parents 😂
We as baby boomers brought up are own children so let these entitled millennials bring up there own . Also we didn’t have the new homes and new cars ,we sacrificed a lot now it’s our turn and time to
The second part of your statement is statically incorrect
Most of my generation (millennial) don’t want to make sacrifices. They want designer homes for Instagram and free childcare. God forbid you suggest anyone RAISE THEIR OWN CHILDREN and sacrifice material things. Pathetic.
Because your parents, the silent generation didn't help? Maybe not you personally but many did.
Sorry, as a babyboomer, I'm not a babysitter nor were my parents and I didnt expect it either.
Your generation went to the bar after work. Hanging out with your kids was never a priority.
We (millennials) felt abandoned growing up as children so it's not surprising boomers don't wanna be there now 😅
Truth
……OR they DONT have full schedules, they are just self centered!! 🙄🙄 as with MY dad….
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Baby sitter