EPISODE 10 | TRUTH HURTS | COUPLES PODCAST | MARRIAGE STRUGGLES | RESETTING OUR RELATIONSHIP
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- Опубліковано 21 лют 2024
- Couple podcast having an open conversation on the tolls and struggles we face in marriage. After almost ten years married we find ourself looping back to familiar issues almost every quarter of each decade. Maybe adding in an unbiased silent watcher (ie you guys) may help us communicate differently or even hear more effectively? Look I don't know, at this point we'll try anything but remember, we're human just like you guys and I'm starting to believe this is marriage, can you relate? How do you "reset" with your partner?
He’s a very good listener, your feelings/emotions are valid but as he said respect each other
Coming from one wife with a strong personality to another, I wish you’d let him talk and when he does, respect his perspective and experience. It comes across as low-key disrespectful, dismissive and defensive. Love and respect same way sis
She's too heavy on him, she need to let him speak for real.
Your husband is a gem it seems.
Wow....its hard to watch, I feel for him. She has helped me really reflect on my own behavior
Same here hey,
Your husband loves you and this Love stop trying to fuck it up trust God! His showing you grace and peace you have desired and never had as a child! Enjoy being loved 🥰
That brother has so much patience for her. His dream is having a good family while she wants to find herself.
I can tell you guys love each other very deeply and that the relationship will work as long as you keep having these honest relationships. I would respectfully suggest maybe couple counseling because there is a lot of room for growth to have more space for love and peace. I pray you guys continue to love each other everyday and invest in each other and the marriage i.e. pouring into each other, individual and couple counseling, self care, mindfulness and building a stronger support system. I truly come from a place of love and I look forward to more content from you guys 🙏🏽
Well your sometimes includes him which means more work for him… but content is work again you don’t work at his work!! Find patience and you talk over him and you assume his he feels a lot listen to hear not to respond! You are upsetting yourself hun you like information but you are not actually listening/ hearing as you are listening to respond whilst talking over your husband! I love your honesty and your relationship. Stop overthinking
He seems to come from a more emotional and grounded centre, whereas she seems to lead with logic and impulse. Although she says she would be happy with him working at subway, it appears she would be more at ease if they were on the same 'big boy energy'. Which, by default suggests that on some level she thinks she is the 'man' in the relationship, or at the very least, he is operating from the opposite of 'big boy energy'. Ultimately, I'd love to know what her own upbringing was like, as well as where she learned about marriage, relationships, and money. There is something driving her (it seems) that is bleeding through from childhood or another pivotal life stage, playing out now in this relationship.
just my opinion
This is very brave , it sounds like you really want to find yourself but I believe you can do this with your husband. May God give both the strength to continue your marriage journey.
Really transparent
Thanks for being real on both sides as it’s encouraged me to have same convo 👏🏿👌🏿
I think as women we need to realize that our husbands are not perfect and they cannot be everything for us. We can’t get all of our needs from one person. I hope Aaliyah can accept that. Because it looks like she has a good man and instead of focusing on the 90% of him that’s good, she’s focusing on the 10% that annoys her. Every marriage has annoyances, but don’t sabotage your marriage by having tunnel vision of who your husband is not. Focus on who he is and why you love him. And then try to get your other needs met elsewhere (through friends, family, personal projects, volunteering, therapy etc.)
It’s also our responsibility to heal our trauma. Once in the beginning of my marriage, my husband and I got into a fight and he said, “heal your demons!“ and that woke me up. We can’t punish our husbands because they trigger us. We need to focus on healing our triggers and working on ourselves. No one can do the work for you but you. I sincerely hope Aaliyah invests in therapy. It seems like she is blaming her husband for her unhappiness. But it seems like an issue within herself.
Love this! Xxx
Aaliyah you are so brave. What I heard was that you wanted your pursuit to dominate social media to be held in high regard. You want him to see the value in it and support you more. Your husband speaks to you with such care and respect (it should be mutual). His laid back personality is what is needed for your outgoing personality. It is not easy to remain calm under pressure and strife it seems he does that well. You guys are such a beautiful family. 🙏🏽
I hope this doesn’t come across rude but I honestly think Aaliyah has ADHD, it would not be possible to match your energy you need to have more grace towards your husband. Everyone’s personality is different he’s just more laid back than you and that’s fine. I don’t think this video was proactive it seems like you’re being very rude, frank and disrespectful towards him. I do think this conversation is way too raw to be on the internet. The grass is not greener on the other side, appreciate what you have.
I think you need to channel your feminine energy more, I think that’s we’re most of the frustration is coming from because it seems like your the more dominant/masculine one in the relationship which is causing a lot of resentment. I think you need to take a step back and stop doing so much while he does the bare minimum.
Lastly for the love of god stop talking over him it’s hard to watch
Yeah. I have ADHD. It’s like she can’t wait for him to finish what he is saying.
Exactly what I felt about this video even from the first 5 min … this was very hard to watch… even from his whole demeanour and hers you can see who came to dump feelings and who came to nurture !
I get where ur coming from, but I feel that ur coming across a lil strong just as u say Aliyah was.
Defo agree with the adhd. Thats why i would say ur coming hard because if u recognise u know shes on a motor. Not her choice. Therapy could defo help her to learn to manage her impulse more.
She needs childhood trauma therapy to work on her childhood wounds. It’s nothing to be ashamed of to work on your inner child. I pray that you find the peace that you deserve.
Sometimes, I think having gone through something can encourage u to think u do things because of trauma. But sometimes there's undiagnosed adhd. In the uk, it's so hard to get mental health treatment/assessment/ therapy. Aliyah runs on a motor... I recognise the motor and it sounds like adhd.
This man loves you
I’m not gonna lie half the time I didn’t even know the root of what she was actually upset about and she contradicted herself loads ??????
May Allah Guide her ❤
My take aways from this video was;
You want him to be more supportive of your content creating and do things without asking him. You feel as tho he isn’t in complete support of you (in awe of you )due to him not wanting you to do better than him in the career aspect. Which leads you to then say you want him to lust or awe over you and you lust for him. This brings me to what i see as some of the issues. Lust USUALLY occurs in the first stages of meeting/living/marrying someone it’s not an ever lasting feeling it DOES fade. What remains and what keeps a marriage going is Definitely mutual RESPECT, LOVE, etc. Lust isn’t a strong enough reason to stay with someone not only that it doesn’t last, especially after seeing someone in majority of their stages throughout life, ups downs, wins, losses, it basically fades away ,so you can put down as the LACK of knowing someone really. Cause once you get to really know a person your perception of them is altered as no one is perfect obviously. What seems to be the issue here is although you both work, his work appears to finish at a set time and he gets to leave work while yours is continuous.
He seems to be very respectful despite being spoken over and I agree with A lot of people this is very Raw and should be as personal conversation between the two of you to work out your problems. From an outside perspective he just looks like he wants some more respect from you. Men also like to feel like the providers of the household (natural innate feeling) and although he may be over the moon about your content creating and how much you may be earning from that he may just feel emasculated by your lack of respect when asking him to do things when it comes to your content creating. Throughout this video he tried to explain things from his POV but you call him out and tell him you don’t agree but i think your forgetting that that’s HIS experience and POV & invalidating it isn’t going to help solve anything. I hope you can find a balance, your characters seem quite opposite, but opposite do attract so I hope you can work through it.
Just want to say I’m incredibly proud of you Aliyah you are a amazing person, amazing mum and such a strong person I’m always here if you need to talk ❤ keep being you your amazing 🫶🏻 you should be proud of yourself xx
Incredibly brave. More love and respect to you both!!!! 💛💛💛💛
Wow, incredibly brave and honest in your sharing!!! I hope you can get the additional support to help in your communication styles. I really respect this 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Watching you guys together is like watching me and my boyfriend (not ex) for similar type arguments because we are just not accepting each other as we are and trying to make each other into the perfect partner.
Anticipating each other, mind reading, and projecting will broke our relationship.
*now ex
Such a good conversation. I appreciate you both being vulnerable. This is marriage ❤
Wow, it is incredible how you were able to be so raw in front of the camera and to share such deep things with us. My first impression was that one, there is great love between them and both of their thoughts, feelings and emotions are super valid, however, the she communicates hers, tend to seem a bit disrespectful (something that him doesn't seem to mind 👐), I hope they can reach a consensus; but sometimes, if the problem is not really an impactful problem, sometimes it's just better to let it go and agree to disagree
Respectfully, please tone your voice it sounds like you're shouting, and please stop talking over your husband.
Everytime he starts to speak she is constantly interupting him and talks over him eventually when someone cant talk they will shut down and stop communicating altogether she does shout when she talks but i think thats comes from truama she needs to be heard.
How you make so much sense you make me realise alot in my own life
Loved this
Omg pliz let him speak
Keep listening and talking honestly and openly. Keep growing and loving. Respect him and allow him to love you while leading the family and trust him while doing so. Hit hard this one! Marriage is a long road of sacrifice completing union. During a storm one always have to be patient or one take a step back and men and woman are different in so many ways. Always be aware and take everything into account your spouse holistically. True love always finds it's way back and trumps everything when you realise nothing is more important than your other half especially when you have kids ❤
Thank you for both being transparent and vulnerable in front of the camera. It is a breath of fresh air to see. What I've gathered from this video is that both of you need to listen to each other like really. Salah says he closes himself off because he feels like he's not being heard. Do not interrupt each other you both want to be heard so give each other a chance to speak. 10 years of marriage is a long-time and growth natural. Marriages go through ups and downs it's perfectly normal. Salah please be more present as Aliyah wants. Listen to each other and romanticise your lives. Do kind gestures for each other and don't keep count of anything. Do things for each other without expecting anything back. Compromise is doing what the other person loves. E.g. Aliyah walking around those buildings with you. Salah also do things that Aliyah loves. Coming from a religious background, I believe having God at the centre of your relationship will save it and make you guys both happy. There's plenty of evil eye out there there are people who want what you guys have so stay prayed up and I'd recommend marriage counselling and therapy for Aliyah's trauma, and also journaling.
I love you two. You don't have to agree on everything but you do have to compromise. And part of that is choosing your battles. Ultimately if you both see good in one another its always worth working on. And maybe keep both your careers separate from your marriage. Atleast until you can get back on one accord. Love you guys. Im rooting for you ❤❤❤❤❤
SubhanAllah Aaliyah! (Sorry if I spelt your name wrong) I totally get you! I think we love very deeply! But sometimes because we don’t feel at peace we don’t portray it properly! It’s as though when speak to our spouse they either don’t get us, or we don’t explain it properly.
In my opinion, from what I've seen anyway.. Wanting to be heard goes hand in hand with listening.
As someone who is extremely emotional and have a hard time waiting for my partner to finish speaking before responding, I completely get where she's coming from but if this marriage is going to last for years to come she definitely needs to work on not cutting him off and not speaking over him. Now admittedly they both have things they need to work on, they have a beautiful marriage and with a lot of love and understanding they can get through this
Im so glad you mentioned adhd. Because in my opinion the whole explanation of ur character is classic adhd. I think its worth looking into getting assessed. But further than that. I hope u guys stay together. If u just acept the here and now. Accept each other as u are. Because u are togwther and have chosen to be together. You will be ok if when hes peaceful and quiet u accept him in that state the same way he accepts u for ur high energy and excitable self.
He HAS to be laid back. Hes yin. You HAVE to be a million miles a minute ur yang.
I understand both sides and they both make sense. But like she said it’s two different experiences, two different wounds trying to heal in different ways. if he likes to watch from far & appreciate what he has (family, kids, lifestyle) thats healing HIS wounds. And vice versa on her always doing new things as she missed out in her teens. it’s maybe just trying to find a balance & understanding the other person. giving 50/50 to each of those wounds in a way the other person understands. because he can’t give you 100 to Heal your wounds because he doesn’t know the formula and vice versa. I say culture aswell most East African/ Muslim we’re content with a simple lifestyle & she’s finding herself & wants him to be on that journey but she’s still finding herself so she feels he’s not there or disengaged it’s like a burst to her bubble and it’s okay 🥺🥺
Yo idk you guys. This is the first time I come across your videos but I think she is being so defensive and disrespectful man.
May Allah guide you both
She's alike a child..comes across masculine and constantly steps over her husband. Feel sorry for him..he on other hand needs to man up.....she clearly wears the trousers nothing feminine about her whatsoever. She definitely has gone through some childhood trauma that looks like she's blaming him for it.
This was hard to watch ❤
Noo hate I think he says things to keep you happy thou. I do believe he's in more need of you than vice versa. Honestly thou saying what I see no hate at all. Your a beautiful family and both should be proud ❤
May Allah make it easy for us guys, been married for over 10 years, and my parent were married for 50 years until 2 years ago when my Dad passed away, but all I know both my marriages experienced bumps through the years. Love and appreciation will make it work. Besides eveything in life will see changes in dynamics perhaps why we're no longer young, having kids, and physical and mental energy all decrease with time. This has nothing to do with how we show up to our loved ones but it's nature taking its cause. All I have for her is she comes a bit aggressive and doesn't have good listening skills. Imagine without a camera, as a woman finds her voice loud, My apologies if I'm wrong.
I feel sorry for him he’s not even allowed to finish his sentence how would you expect him to say what’s in his mind
Bro run 🏃🏼
She is way too much to be honest...
This was difficult to watch because she kept asking questions but hated the reality of his answers. You have to be fair and respectful, if you want to be heard you also have to be an active listener. Interrupting and overtalking someone is so rude. “Nah I don’t agree”. Why can’t you let him finish and then respond. She seems very reactionary and impulsive and expects him to just ride the wave with her. It might have worked with the two of you but when you have kids unfortunately this shifts. I wish you guys the best. Do couples counselling because you really need it.