@@derp195 OMG, so do i... I even wanted to be a psychopath, on my angrier state of frustration. I thought that'd be easier to live without any emotion, mostly because all you feel is shame, loneliness, fear, inadequacy, angry etc. When all you are is constantly repressed and criticized, being unable to empathize with others and do what you want instead of at best being tolerated if you tried to act "normal" seemed a better idea at that time.
I was diagnosed at almost 30 this year. I genuinely thought I was not human, the feeling of loneliness kept growing, the mask kept thiccening to the point that I couldn't tell the difference with who I am and eventually forgot. I reached a point where I questionned what the point was to keep going on, and me seeking answers and finding professional help was nothing more than a survival response to my distress. Thanks to all the content I found on YT, thanks to creators like Thomas Henley and Mom on the Spectrum, and the good psychiatrist I had the chance to find and the amazing support I have from my close family, I made it. I am still here, walking the path of self discovery and understanding alongside all the other autistic people and people with autism. I can start to live my life 30 years after my birth. That's how it feels like.
So I think that autistics with low communication abilities are the "stereotype" and are therefore more visible. Those of us who were late diagnosed were, and still are, mostly invisible and are often told we're not autistic by others. We basically mask well enough to get by, but my entire life has been a struggle. I'm still struggling, but knowing that I'm autistic and understanding why I'm struggling really helps me have empathy for myself rather than hating myself for failing at being a "normal" adult.
Right, that’s why it’s a spectrum. For example, I’m the kind of autistic who taught myself to read when I was two years old, and I’ve since learned five languages at least semi-fluently, plus a little bit of several others too. I just self-diagnosed as autistic last year, at the age of 51.
That's exactly the tragedy. The more we get by with just masking the more burnt out we get, and the greater our support needs become. But because we "don't look autistic" the help just isn't there and being a late diagnosed adult makes it orders of magnitude harder. We made it this far, so others assume that there must be something that triggers this. I've been accused of "wanting to be disabled" or just being "unwilling to work" or "too stuck up or proud to change". DAFUQ?!
I am a 56 year-old woman And I just found out About 3 1⁄2-4 weeks ago That I was autistic level 2. I was diagnosed with ADD Back in the 70's when they still call it Back then the doctors didn't even think ADHD An autism Could be morbidity And back then they couldn't decide whether I had autism or ADD So they gave me medicine for ADD Which make me like a walking zombie Did not work the medication I don't like autism speaks As I am not something to be cured I am not defective And I like who I am Although some other people may Disagree That disagree is their problem Please stop trying to cure us we don't need cured The things were able to do far outweigh the difficulties in the long run once we accept who we are Because of most people I went through my entire life thinking I was broken And now I know I'm not I'm so happy that I got my diagnosis I just wished I would have known earlier At least now I know I can be kinder to myself Love your channel
It's worth having friends, even if only a few. I only have 2 (real) friends and I wouldn't know what I'd be (or even if I'd still be) without them. Loneliness is a b*$ch. At least, if you cannot make a human connection, have a pet for emotional support... we're all human and we all have situations where that's incredibly needed.
@@jakke1975 Sad but true... Same here. I didn't know yet how to openly show to this friends as an autistic person, mostly because the fear of the possibility of rejection and lose that friendship...
If you notice every autistic trait out of bug long lists applies to you,all the bullying the conflicts the misunderstandings and difficulties applies to you Do what im doing and schedule an appointment for a diagnosis
My parents accused me of "wanting to be disabled". I made it through multiple higher degrees and only hit burn out at 35. Explain to me how someone with a BS in biology an MS in chemistry and my LVT "wants to be disabled". It's not a wont, it's a can't, function.
Before I lost my job I was working full time during chemotherapy and 5 day a week radiation treatments to my brain I'm disabled, mostly because I'm only gonna make it maybe at most a few more years probably closer to 1-3 and I'll be gone. Being disabled doesn't mean someone's lazy and doesn't wanna work! I might even apply at places like FedEx just to get back to working for my mental and physical health. But it's been over 6 months finding a new job is hard I thought people were supposed to be admired for things like working during extremely aggressive cancer during chemo and brain radiation They fired me for having cancer,but I think looking back they fired me because I'm autistic
About the age thing, nobody would say "pshh - you're 35. Whats the point of getting a bipolar/Crohn's/anxiety diagnosis at this point?" Like at a certain point apparently I'm your 30s, you're supposed to sit quietly and wait to die.
I was diagnosed in April, both of my kids are autistic and I saw similarities, the main thing that really started making myself question was, I am not like other parents. I know parents experience "touched out" but mine was way different than being touched out. Well i was diagnosed, and I was told by a family that i was not allowed to started "identifying" as autistic and my husband had told me, "you went a long time without the label, you don't need it, you got by without it". Wanted to be understood better, nope still in the same place. Can't show myself overwhelmed because, "you're letting your diagnosis hinder you". I just feel bad for my kids, hearing those comments from my family members, they are going to invalidate my children's needs. People just suck.
I'm so sorry you were told that. Just because something was common in the past doesn't mean it was right or appropriate. It's a very slow grind. An analogy is like break wear on a car. You can't see how the break pads wear down on a daily basis. The people around you only noticed that you function properly. Eventually you get to a point where you *cannot* function anymore, and since there is nothing visible on the outside, they assume that nothing has changed on the inside. Instead of acknowledging that just because you can't see the stress and wear doesn't mean it's not happening, the response from others is more like, "Your breaks worked fine for years, there's no reason for them to fail now">
@@ExhibitionofExhaustion felt this. I’m self diagnosed and my family acts and says same things. My daughter was professionaly diagnosed. Honestly, it’s like my parents just ignored all my symptoms. as an adult, I talked to my mom about my sensitivities to certain types of fabrics like extreme sensitivity, as if someone else had the fabric on or touched it. It made me feel squeamish.. my mom said she remembered everything that she thought I was just making it all up. Recently had discussion with her about preschool for my daughter her and my mom told me that I went to preschool for an extra year because I “ didn’t quite socialize with others well” lil
No one would say “why get a diagnosis” for any other condition. Life doesn’t stop at any age as long as you’re breathing. All people deserve medical and mental health care for their concerns if they want it.
Its really hard. Ive been very very lucky in that my previous job let me mould it to my own capability... to a point, then i just needed to grit teeth and power through. Im in mid 40s and thats going to be an ongoing battle to make work work for me
The duck thing is so flicking right! And my own expectation of myself is the hardest hurdle to meet. Taylor is right about the difficulties.. things I get catastrophic about, others go 'oh well' . I'm definite I think different to some aound me, ie coroporate ladder stupidness, but I think similar to mates who are diagnosed. I'm very tired alot of the time.. I need to go about things differently
I asked a friend to watch this even though there are many other things that make me "different" which i have also started understanding. My temper has been over the top in line with borderline which g am diagnosed with also if there is Comorbility, Which i can see some triggers in line with things like overstimulation, routine, plans and communication. One of the hardest things I've ever been told when worried about a social meeting has been "just be yourself". I have also always wondered how most seem have so much more energy and stress tolerance than me... Seems there are some things in this I've said along the way. I researched for a couple months because i saw a couple guys say they had hfa and they didn't fit the stereotype i had in my mind, self diagnosed then received a formal but without the full assessment. Hope things get better and we start talking again. Not drinking makes for a better person too. So much i never fully grasped
Should mention i can identify some narcissistic behaviors that g have also. I'm struggling to understand the difference between being proud of an achievement and and full of yourself. Easy to laugh at something you don't understand I still have a lot of improvement to make and have lost my sense of self
I have noticed for a long time that I tend to be a different person around others than I am when in my comfortable solitude. That other guy makes decisions I tend to regret when alone with my thoughts.
I've been around here in California 42 years, & was once very popular for a while of my years 18-25. But because of the tendency of my peers to get married and become parents around age 30, and to ostracize the childless, I have only a few friends remaining who I can meet once a year. I do have a 12 year old son, but he was stolen from me by a criminal racket, & sold to religious extremists living 4000 mikes away, with our communication limited to a 20 minute phonecall on his birthday each year, to continue years of sabotage of any possibikity of maintaining parental attachment by coordinared violations of criminal thugs to violare my civil & human rights because they have enough wealth to pay for mercenaries to take anything someone else may have that they covet, because their only ethical principle is "might makes right"!
Before I was diagnosed Autistic at 27 I genuinely believed I was insane.
I thought I was some kind of otherworldly during secondary school, it was a crazy time!
"Before I was (...) I was insane."
Same here. I, too, genuinely believed that you were insane.
I was afraid I was a psychopath or something because of masking.
Yup, that's what it feels like. Diagnosed at 38.
@@derp195
OMG, so do i...
I even wanted to be a psychopath, on my angrier state of frustration. I thought that'd be easier to live without any emotion, mostly because all you feel is shame, loneliness, fear, inadequacy, angry etc. When all you are is constantly repressed and criticized, being unable to empathize with others and do what you want instead of at best being tolerated if you tried to act "normal" seemed a better idea at that time.
I was diagnosed at almost 30 this year. I genuinely thought I was not human, the feeling of loneliness kept growing, the mask kept thiccening to the point that I couldn't tell the difference with who I am and eventually forgot. I reached a point where I questionned what the point was to keep going on, and me seeking answers and finding professional help was nothing more than a survival response to my distress. Thanks to all the content I found on YT, thanks to creators like Thomas Henley and Mom on the Spectrum, and the good psychiatrist I had the chance to find and the amazing support I have from my close family, I made it. I am still here, walking the path of self discovery and understanding alongside all the other autistic people and people with autism.
I can start to live my life 30 years after my birth. That's how it feels like.
So I think that autistics with low communication abilities are the "stereotype" and are therefore more visible. Those of us who were late diagnosed were, and still are, mostly invisible and are often told we're not autistic by others. We basically mask well enough to get by, but my entire life has been a struggle. I'm still struggling, but knowing that I'm autistic and understanding why I'm struggling really helps me have empathy for myself rather than hating myself for failing at being a "normal" adult.
Right, that’s why it’s a spectrum. For example, I’m the kind of autistic who taught myself to read when I was two years old, and I’ve since learned five languages at least semi-fluently, plus a little bit of several others too. I just self-diagnosed as autistic last year, at the age of 51.
That's exactly the tragedy. The more we get by with just masking the more burnt out we get, and the greater our support needs become. But because we "don't look autistic" the help just isn't there and being a late diagnosed adult makes it orders of magnitude harder. We made it this far, so others assume that there must be something that triggers this. I've been accused of "wanting to be disabled" or just being "unwilling to work" or "too stuck up or proud to change". DAFUQ?!
What caused you to get there, where you were self - diagnosed@@studiotom
@@chesneymigl4538Who said it to you? How did you get diagnosed?❤
I am a 56 year-old woman And I just found out About 3 1⁄2-4 weeks ago That I was autistic level 2. I was diagnosed with ADD Back in the 70's when they still call it Back then the doctors didn't even think ADHD An autism Could be morbidity And back then they couldn't decide whether I had autism or ADD So they gave me medicine for ADD Which make me like a walking zombie Did not work the medication I don't like autism speaks As I am not something to be cured I am not defective And I like who I am Although some other people may Disagree That disagree is their problem Please stop trying to cure us we don't need cured The things were able to do far outweigh the difficulties in the long run once we accept who we are Because of most people I went through my entire life thinking I was broken And now I know I'm not I'm so happy that I got my diagnosis I just wished I would have known earlier At least now I know I can be kinder to myself Love your channel
I self dx-ed as autistic in May of '23. I also struggle with trusting people, so I don't try to make friends anymore. It's lonely, but safer, imo.
I also have a formal autism assessment scheduled in spring.
Relate. Was thinking similarly about “friends”.
It's worth having friends, even if only a few. I only have 2 (real) friends and I wouldn't know what I'd be (or even if I'd still be) without them. Loneliness is a b*$ch.
At least, if you cannot make a human connection, have a pet for emotional support... we're all human and we all have situations where that's incredibly needed.
@@jakke1975
Sad but true...
Same here. I didn't know yet how to openly show to this friends as an autistic person, mostly because the fear of the possibility of rejection and lose that friendship...
If you notice every autistic trait out of bug long lists applies to you,all the bullying the conflicts the misunderstandings and difficulties applies to you
Do what im doing and schedule an appointment for a diagnosis
My parents accused me of "wanting to be disabled". I made it through multiple higher degrees and only hit burn out at 35. Explain to me how someone with a BS in biology an MS in chemistry and my LVT "wants to be disabled". It's not a wont, it's a can't, function.
Before I lost my job I was working full time during chemotherapy and 5 day a week radiation treatments to my brain
I'm disabled, mostly because I'm only gonna make it maybe at most a few more years probably closer to 1-3 and I'll be gone. Being disabled doesn't mean someone's lazy and doesn't wanna work! I might even apply at places like FedEx just to get back to working for my mental and physical health. But it's been over 6 months finding a new job is hard
I thought people were supposed to be admired for things like working during extremely aggressive cancer during chemo and brain radiation
They fired me for having cancer,but I think looking back they fired me because I'm autistic
About the age thing, nobody would say "pshh - you're 35. Whats the point of getting a bipolar/Crohn's/anxiety diagnosis at this point?" Like at a certain point apparently I'm your 30s, you're supposed to sit quietly and wait to die.
I was diagnosed in April, both of my kids are autistic and I saw similarities, the main thing that really started making myself question was, I am not like other parents. I know parents experience "touched out" but mine was way different than being touched out. Well i was diagnosed, and I was told by a family that i was not allowed to started "identifying" as autistic and my husband had told me, "you went a long time without the label, you don't need it, you got by without it".
Wanted to be understood better, nope still in the same place. Can't show myself overwhelmed because, "you're letting your diagnosis hinder you".
I just feel bad for my kids, hearing those comments from my family members, they are going to invalidate my children's needs.
People just suck.
I'm so sorry you were told that. Just because something was common in the past doesn't mean it was right or appropriate. It's a very slow grind. An analogy is like break wear on a car. You can't see how the break pads wear down on a daily basis. The people around you only noticed that you function properly. Eventually you get to a point where you *cannot* function anymore, and since there is nothing visible on the outside, they assume that nothing has changed on the inside. Instead of acknowledging that just because you can't see the stress and wear doesn't mean it's not happening, the response from others is more like, "Your breaks worked fine for years, there's no reason for them to fail now">
@@ExhibitionofExhaustion felt this. I’m self diagnosed and my family acts and says same things. My daughter was professionaly diagnosed. Honestly, it’s like my parents just ignored all my symptoms. as an adult, I talked to my mom about my sensitivities to certain types of fabrics like extreme sensitivity, as if someone else had the fabric on or touched it. It made me feel squeamish.. my mom said she remembered everything that she thought I was just making it all up. Recently had discussion with her about preschool for my daughter her and my mom told me that I went to preschool for an extra year because I “ didn’t quite socialize with others well” lil
I’m hoping your husband has pulled his head out of his rear by the time I post this
No one would say “why get a diagnosis” for any other condition. Life doesn’t stop at any age as long as you’re breathing. All people deserve medical and mental health care for their concerns if they want it.
Love the matching outfits
Same! Looks so comfy too.
Epic mate. Thank you for making the video. Loving the content.
Its really hard. Ive been very very lucky in that my previous job let me mould it to my own capability... to a point, then i just needed to grit teeth and power through. Im in mid 40s and thats going to be an ongoing battle to make work work for me
The duck thing is so flicking right! And my own expectation of myself is the hardest hurdle to meet. Taylor is right about the difficulties.. things I get catastrophic about, others go 'oh well' . I'm definite I think different to some aound me, ie coroporate ladder stupidness, but I think similar to mates who are diagnosed. I'm very tired alot of the time.. I need to go about things differently
@@cmdrpanditt"The duck thing is so flicking right!"
Probably more like flying, if it's a bird.
@12:00 Yes! That's the new autism symbol: a duck!🦆🦆🦆
I asked a friend to watch this even though there are many other things that make me "different" which i have also started understanding. My temper has been over the top in line with borderline which g am diagnosed with also if there is Comorbility, Which i can see some triggers in line with things like overstimulation, routine, plans and communication. One of the hardest things I've ever been told when worried about a social meeting has been "just be yourself". I have also always wondered how most seem have so much more energy and stress tolerance than me... Seems there are some things in this I've said along the way. I researched for a couple months because i saw a couple guys say they had hfa and they didn't fit the stereotype i had in my mind, self diagnosed then received a formal but without the full assessment. Hope things get better and we start talking again. Not drinking makes for a better person too. So much i never fully grasped
Should mention i can identify some narcissistic behaviors that g have also. I'm struggling to understand the difference between being proud of an achievement and and full of yourself. Easy to laugh at something you don't understand
I still have a lot of improvement to make and have lost my sense of self
Sure of something and grandiose too?
❤❤❤❤❤
Overstimulation, routine, plans and communication. Or, as I like to call them, "The Four Horsemen".
Missed another one! 😮💨 Getn' old...
Mom On the Spectrum is another UA-camr I follow. 👍🏽
I have noticed for a long time that I tend to be a different person around others than I am when in my comfortable solitude. That other guy makes decisions I tend to regret when alone with my thoughts.
I've been around here in California 42 years, & was once very popular for a while of my years 18-25. But because of the tendency of my peers to get married and become parents around age 30, and to ostracize the childless, I have only a few friends remaining who I can meet once a year. I do have a 12 year old son, but he was stolen from me by a criminal racket, & sold to religious extremists living 4000 mikes away, with our communication limited to a 20 minute phonecall on his birthday each year, to continue years of sabotage of any possibikity of maintaining parental attachment by coordinared violations of criminal thugs to violare my civil & human rights because they have enough wealth to pay for mercenaries to take anything someone else may have that they covet, because their only ethical principle is "might makes right"!
15:59 naughty or auti-boy?!
Sounds like an auti sleep cycle to me! 😉
😊😊😊