Start listening with a 30-day Audible trial. Choose 1 audiobook and 2 Audible Originals absolutely free. Visit www.audible.com/thetake or text thetake to 500 500. Support The Take on Patreon: www.patreon.com/thetake Subscribe to keep up with our latest videos, and let us know what you want to see next!
Colossal was one of the most chilling movies I’d seen in a while because of it's subversion of this trope, and it made me look inside and question my own morality.
I love u guys let me say that first I’ve been with u since u were screen prism... however I sense some gender bias in this video ... so the nice guy is a fake phony predator but the nice girl is a victim of circumstance? Now while I really don’t connect with this stuff because all these tropes are woefully culturally bias and I’m black (Ducky wouldn’t have survived in my high school) and I’ve never met anyone in my life obsessed over a person that they haven’t bedded yet ... now I know if it doesn’t apply let it fly ... but U guys should really call this the “nice white guy” trope and further more with this whole thing with me too and times up People probably need to start examining how the patriarchy works culturally and Black society because I’m tired of feeling like I have to feel bad that I man but I’ve never shared in any of the privileges a white male hasBlack women run the black community so things are a little different
“Thinking that if a girl doesn’t like him, she just doesn’t like being treated well...” OMG THANK YOU for putting this into words!!!! I’m so sick of this bullshit, just because your nice to a girl, it doesn’t mean she owes you anything but to be nice back!!!!!!
This is the exact reason why I am afraid to accept any kind of help from anyone. If possible I would like to have zero reliance on people. I havent had a single date where I let a guy pay me anything. Sometimes my friends even told me that I should start relying on people and I know sometimes it hurts people when you dont trust them, but there are just way too many shitty people out there.
These jerks like to perpetuate that girls prefer to be abused because they don't want to admit the girl rejected him for his faults. They are sick in the head and think girls owe them
"If I've learned anything this summer, it's that you can't force someone to love you. The best you can do is *strive* to be someone worthy of loving." - Dipper Pines, _Gravity Falls_ (2015)
Isnt there a real science experiment though where if you look a person in the eyes for 4 minutes striaght and reveal some deep parts about yourself you are likely to form a loving connection with the stranger. Also if you used MDMA and stared into someones soul it could make them love you.
I once heard a dating coach say something to the effect of "Nice guys think that they're better than alpha males, but actually, their view of women is just as unhealthy. They're not nice to women because it's the right thing to do, but because they view their niceness as a way of manipulating women to give them what they want. You're still viewing her as an object and not a person." Edit: 3000 likes! Thank you!
I'd prefer to hang out with the Alpha male jerk at least he's being honest about who is. Momma always said its the "nice" ones you have to look out for.
@Reviews Er, not saying there is any truth to that quote. But the problem is that the dating coach entire occupation rest on the idea that certain behavior will lead to getting a relationship with a woman. So how is that not seeing her as an object to be obtain, I don't mean to be cynical but dating coach seem to defeat their entire point they're trying to make.
@@m_milos I did, but every single time I get interested in someone, it's either: A gentle turn down. (The only result I get by making my intentions clear from the start.) A unwanted friendship. (The result of taking a more passive-aggressive approach since the direct never works out.) Or simply getting passed over in favor of a better looking guy. (Three years doing humiliating, exhausting and costly things for her, only for her to go for a tall and handsome guy instead.)
@@mrtyrant1680 But what makes you think you're deserving of a relationship just because you want it? If you like someone and they don't like you back, that's not their fault. You don't deserve anything just because you want it, that's just being entitled. If it has happened so many times, maybe instead of thinking every girl is the same (which is very dehumanizing and misogynistic) try thinking of WHY they rejected you. If so many different people have rejected you, the problem is most likely you. You're probably not as great of a person as you think you are. I mean, how can you expect women to like you if you go around preaching how they're all the same, which, again, is dehumanizing. Women are people. They're just as complex as men. They're not animals or robots or machines. So to repeat myself once more: Just because you want something doesn't mean you deserve it.
There's a big difference between "niceness" and genuine kindness. That goes for both sexes. Niceness is something that is more of a societal pressure or expectation. Kindness comes from the heart, no strings attached.
Jessjess23 Brooks - thank you for saying this. I always thought of myself as being nice because I’m simply not a jerk, it’s in my nature. Now people cant even be nice without it having some creepy ulterior motive. No wonder incels exist. You’re either an asshole that gets what you want or you’re a nice guy that’s even worse than the asshole because no one knows what you want. Sometimes people just want love and to be loved. Good luck to all the single people searching for love out there because you need it.
@@HypocritesExposd being nice is the baseline for being a functional human being, it should go without saying, no one deseves a medal just for being nice.
Jessjess23 Brooks I was a bad bully when I was in High School, I had a friend that was a geeky little blond guy that loved cars as much as I did, we were kind of secret friends, he was bullied by the “Nice Guys” that swore I was satan in the flesh because I was a total dick to them, they were “sweet” with girls but I could see them for who they were, my friend, who we’ll call Ben tried to kill himself one summer break and this dudes told him shit like he should do it again and no one would miss him, That same day Ben and me started hanging out every day and we became super close, we ended up becoming a couple and marrying, he always tells me he knew I was kind but I was acting like a dick to fit in and be cool but I was the only person that cared about people who were bullied by “nice people”, I actually targeted the nice guys because they were the biggest dicks of them all and they made everyone think I was the bully for trying to stop them.
Exactly. Like those guys who moan about hot girls not dating them but also spend their time grading women looks on a scale and calling those who don’t make their cut all types of names. All the while, demanding women take them as they are ie without money, looks, charm or even manners.
@Daniela Rejas García what do you mean who cares? If a guy is only nice to you and not your friends and family he isn't actually nice is he? Only nice for the end goal which is you, doesn't sound very nice does it
@Daniela Rejas García okay I was just speaking generally but its seem you dont get the original comment if somebody is only nice to you and treats everyone else like trash. Then they're not a nice person and somebody i definitely wouldn't want to be my bf. You know common respect for the people around you
@Daniela Rejas García If someone that is mean to everyone else, and if he is trying to date you and he is only nice to you. That mean he is only being nice for the reason of having sex with you. And he will stop using the fake "nice" persona, and he will revealed his true self
I'm still laughing about the fact that my ex send me "500 Days of Summer" to show me how much he loved me and how much I had hurt him by rejecting him when I had no capacity for a relationship. Like, bro, this movie is literally about how the guy really couldn't take a "no" for an answer.
Charles Boyle (Brooklyn Nine Nine) deserves a mention too. In the first season of the show he has a crush on Rosa, but after being told "no" he simply gets over it and continues to be friends with her, no anger, no resentment. Actually, in general (Boyle respectfully getting over Rosa, Amy never being jealous of Jake's friendship with other women, Jake's honest friendships with women, Jake's reaction to Amy telling him about having been sexually harassed in the workplace, etc. etc.) Brooklyn Nine has some of the best examples of positive masculinity in television, in my opinion.
The truth have been spoken. The think is you would just be good to everyone and will not obsess nobody. No is No and that's it you will understand that and back off.
Also people are weird a some people take specific actions as nice or say that those are nice things to do and some people take them as offensive or cruel. If I told the truth to some deluded person they’d say I’m being mean or I’m not supporting them even though to me that’s me being nice.
1. Men not respecting women's boundaries is so prevalent in our society that some of us will suddenly feel an uptick in interest when a man actually DOES respect us saying no. Let that sink in. (And no, that's not a sign for people to start pretending to respect us saying "no" in order to get us to say yes to you) 2) Guys who suddenly start calling a girl ugly and whatnot when rejected think they're saving face (somehow), but all you've done is tell us you're a crybaby who can't take rejection like an adult, and you've revealed you were never worthy of our attention in the first place. Thanks for validating my decision to reject you!
Out of curiosity: Would men who call a girl ugly when rejected have had unreasonable expectations ), or taken it all too seriously? If I were to say "at least I asked", when rejected, what would it show the woman I asked out?
the problematic thing is, these “nice guys” are nice to you only because they expect something from you in return just because they are being ‘nice’, like romantic reciprocation from a girl.
Finn MacCool thats not what i meant. what i mean is, they are nice to you *only* because they want the reciprocation. once you reject them or they start to doubt you, they show their true colours. so truly, were they ever ‘nice’ to begin with?
Finn MacCool did you watch the video... the nice guy is always the guy who’s interested in you. thats in the definition. a ‘nice guy’ is not a male that is nice in general.
Exactly, "The Dogged Nice Guy" trope has been done to death. They seem to think that by being the patient loyal best friend to the Heroine, they will eventually realise that "The One" has been there all along. But once the girl shows ANY kind of sign that she's not interested in him romantically, he usually gets clingy and nasty. So, maybe they were never REALLY nice to begin with? 🤷♀️
I think what a lot of "nice guys" miss is that no one is everyone's type. You can do everything right, and just not be her type. There's nothing wrong with her for not being attracted to you. She just isn't feeling it. No one owes you a relationship.
And they act like you can control who you are in love with, and what would be worse? being rejected or being in a relationship where the other person doesn't love you but can't reject you since you are "nice"
I love ‘YOU’cause it shows the real side to all the things on screen that were played as romantic. As someone who was in highschool during the Twilight era, all these ‘watch you while you sleep’ things were framed as romantic or even desirable. I’m glad theyre showing the true scarier side of these actions
One of my friends told me to watch "You" and said it was so romantic how the guy will go to any length for someone. I couldn't get past the first episode lol that's not romantic and I don't want to see how it ends... I KNOW how it ends to a well enough degree and that's not entertainment imo.
That's not really fair considering all the people that joe killed prior to actually even killing beck were very toxic to her life he felt he was doing her a service, beck was being manipulated and stalked way before joe even came into the picture was his brand of "love" extreme yes but did she in fact inadvertently need saving yes.
Hmm not a fair comparison in my opinion since sure, edward watching bella sleep is creepy but that doesn’t mean he himself is creepy, also the fact he hasnt been human for 100 years kinda pushes him form a normal person’s perspective. I think Stephanie wrote that to remind the reader that despite all his human qualities, he’s still a predator
I think How I Met Your Mother sums it up perfectly. Ted is the 'nice guy' who always pursues wrong women, doesn't take their feelings into consideration and is self-obsessed. Barney is the guy who isn't the nicest but doesn't pretend to be one either. And Marshall is the actual nice guy. He is kind, polite, caring. He doesn't point out 'he is a nice guy' every second and doesn't expect to be rewarded for it.
I agree with everything you said, except for the part where you said that Barney does not pretend to be nice, Barney absolutely pretends to be nice. He manipulates women into believing that he wants commitment when really he does not.
AND Ted brags about all his exploits to his kids and in the end, proves he STILL hasn’t learned his lesson. “Hey Robin! Now that my wife is dead, wanna hook up?”
They missed a big one in Will Smith's Megamind. When the "nice guy" suddenly gets superpowers he starts using them to force himself on a coworker and after she turns him down, he immediately becomes an even worse villain than the title character.
"but I'm a nice guy!" *follows you around* *won't take "no" for an answer* *dictates what you do* *gets physically abusive* Yeah... real sweet of you 🙄
Every single woman ever has heard the sentence "I'm/he's such a *NICE GUY*, give me/him a chance!!!". This way of eroding women's boundaries and guilt tripping her into dating guys she doesn't find attractive is sickening to me. If we refuse to date these men, people will go ballistic on us and claim we'll never find a guy with our "high standards". Excuse me, I'd rather be single than settle for a guy who feels entitled to me.
nervengewitter Yes because women tend to have unrealistic standards regarding a guy when they are very young and if and when they do obtain what they want the guy usually is not the kind of prince charming they were expecting or realize they can’t change him...in my experience most of the really hot guys were one of the rudest people I’ve ever known/arrogant so that’s why I feel like the ones that don’t have the best looks sometimes usually do have a better hearts Because they don’t have the luxe to make up for it so they have to try they have to put more effort to get attention from a girl they find pretty or cute but then again the cycle can go back to that guy and only be attractive women that are genetically attractive but there’s a lot of guys that still go after average type of women and those average type women are trying to get at the really attractive guy that they’re not gonna give her the hour of the day and then the average girl will miss out on a really great guy... So yes basically if you’re not generally attractive you’re going to have do you use your personality more to win somebody over.
Amen. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for these, "nice guys" who use sympathy to trap you. They also use smiles to disarm you, so you are more comfortable around them, and easier to manipulate. I'd also rather be single for the rest of my life than date someone who is a pretends to like me, and obviously reveals no authenticity, genuineness, or interest in me as a person.
@@sofiabravo1994 good looks only make it easier in the very first stages of dating, your personality shows very quickly. This goes for both men and women. Conventionally hot women also have an easier time finding a date, but again: if you're not compatible character-wise, it doesn't help. And better looking people can be conceited and shallow, but often they're also sick of people only looking at the outside. Plain looking people on the other hand don't have "hearts of gold" just because they're not pretty. Maybe sometimes. I've also known very rude ugly people.
It’s always interesting that the “nice guys” tend to be upset about how girls don’t like them, but it’s like they go after girls who are clearly not interested in them. Like my bf made a good point, while the “nice” guy is upset over his crush not liking him, there’s another girl looking at him who is interested in him who’s upset that he doesn’t like her
I was that girl who liked the nice guy. He was mad that I relentlessly pursued him even though he wanted a woman to chase him. He wanted a nice woman who took his feelings into account but when he met me, someone who does this, he ignored me and got mad at me for liking him. And I’m too attractive for him anyways. His loss. He’ll remain single forever the way he goes about liking women. He’s 28 and never had a gf because he has some fantasy of the “perfect woman”. When an attractive, kind, attentive girl like me showed interest in dating him he panicked. He doesn’t want a gf, he wants to complain about women not liking him so people can feel sorry for him. Women like him, but he doesn’t give them a chance because they’re not “perfect” when he’s nowhere near perfect either.
@Dr Frankenthot Honestly, I have more sympathy for "not like other girls" and "nice guys" than for the people who complain about them The animosity against "not like other girls" has gotten very sexist at this point, to the point where girls and women are vilified for simply wanting to be different. And the "nice guy" backlash has chauvinistic undertones in which "nice guys" is used as catch all term for men who are not stereotypically masculine. So yeah, there is a lot of toxicity surrounding these terms, but that toxicity doesn't just go one way.
@@neosoontoretro that's actually a very good point. Like what if you have a bunch of girls who are all very horrible people and there is one nice girl, in that particular social sense "not like other girls" makes sense. And yes, not all sensitive guys are also entitled narcissists either. of course, in a wider social sense none of these two "tropes" make sense so it's ridiculous to identify by them, but that's another thing
@@neosoontoretro thank you. people are more focused on how "not like other girls" is misogynist than on the misogyny that might lead girls to want to be different.
@@neosoontoretro Totally get you, I admit, when I was like 13 I had that 'nice guy' mentality. But I matured. And while I'd say its still my personality, not to sound "I'm such a great person' but I am genuinely pretty reserved, I like to help people, and I'm kinda cheesy. But I do think what you said rings really true. Ironically, when guys aren't super buffed out or over the top 'alpha' they're just called "oh they're 'nice guys''. When that's not really the case. And same with girls who are 'quirky', its very possibly that they don't hate other women, they just don't like traditionally activities oftentimes associated with girls, so what. I do think some of course could kinda ride that trope into the sunset but plenty of girls just like not traditionally feminine things. It seems though, one one defense of "nice guys" is that I feel its overused and thrown around as a catch all term for guys who are genuinely nice but don't 'have six pack abs', and if guys have general wondering of "why can't I get a girl", they're just shit on and said that they're toxic.
I was just having a convo about how the "bad boys" girls go for actually have more positive qualities than the "nice guy" They could be more confident, handsome, ambitious, funny, exciting to be around vs. the nice guy who has none of that and really isn't even just nice but performs niceness just to have a single positive quality. Good ppl don't think constantly about how good they are, they just are.
Also they are more honest I think, the "nice guy" wanna be always good in front of the girl but the "bad boy" just says what he thinks and doesn't give a sh!t his opinion is unpopular or whatever.
@@andreasmeelie1889 I believe we should not believe that the guys in movies are real, because they are not. You can't see movies and expect real life people to be like them, bad guys in real life, and nice guys in real life are totally different, they share some stuff, but not all. Like bad guys, you can't make them change, you just find their soft spot. And nice guys, they look nice and everything, and sometimes they are, but sometimes they are just creeps.
It’s simple: he’s nice not because it’s who he is but because it’s the most he can be to attract a woman since he doesn’t have the looks or the money or the suave that all the guys he envies does. Nice is just a cloak, like money. He’s actually just like every other guy- and that’s why he acts just like them. Because if he had what they had he would be just like them.
Being nice is one thing, I'm all for a decent chill kind guy...if he's genuine some guys take this and pervert it. They basically groom the girl to try to match his fantasy to reality and if that fails then it's the girls fault and he's the victim.
@Obama Doesn't Love Me No More how...... can...... someone...... turn...... into...... an...... asshole..... if they're really a nice person in the first place ? good people don't just *TURN* into bad just because people *REJECT* them
And “he”- those guys- usually was never nice in the first place. He was just a selfish dick who _thought_ he was being oh-so-nice to the girl he wanted to impose his fantasy on. But it was all about him, and his fantasy, not her. Not her as a person, just his projection. (Before you try to flood my comment with replies, I won’t respond to you. My comment is for anyone else who might read it, not you, hopeless case.)
in defense of my boi Heracles he was legitimately nice and always respected her boundaries, the scene where she tried to seduce him is the prime example since he was more interested in actually getting to know her than in "getting to *know* her", at the end of the day Heracles WASN'T just a shallow man who just wanted her body, but a trust worthy friend who saw the good in her and was literally willing to give up everything he had built up for her safety, that's a good boi right there.
Andrelize Van Der Walt to be fair, though, Meg had had her heart broken one too many times and was convinced that all men are like this. We created a nice guy Trope as a way of illustrating how not every man in the world is driven by his passions, and can show kindness. Unfortunately, overtime, people began to be inspired by these romantic leads to put on a false halo of kindness around themselves to make themselves look more romantic and thus, more appealing to Women. In turn this causes the nice guy to commit a greater act of perversity than even the overtly hormonal alpha male.
"he's not exactly looking for an awkward girl of the same social hierarchy" THIS THANK YOU. Nice dudes swear that girls, for example, don't like nerds. Yes they do! But you want a Victoria Secret model who isn't into nerdy shit.
@@leis7454 That's not what I said. When I was 16 some people tried to put me together with a girl in my class just because we kinda fitted together. (Appearance wise.) But I was interested in another who was more attractive then myself but we had a lot of things in common and enjoyed the same type of stuff. (She was a hard core gamer just like me. )
Sharing my personal experience. I was during many years a typical nice guy. It was genuine, but as years passed, and I was getting no girls, I started to get resentful "to the womanhood" because they liked the "bad boys". It took time until I realized that it was not about being nice or bad, but about having and showing personality. I'm still "a nice guy" but now in a healthy way, it doesn't mean I'm entitled to any girl. And in the last year's I was very successful with the girls, until I found the one Im going to marry. What I want is to try to explain to any potential young me out there is that being nice is not an entitlement to get a girl. Show confidence, have a personality, take care of yourself, be brave and tell what you feel if you really like a girl, and move on if she is not in the same page. Do not pretend to be friend of a girl with a hidden agenda. THAT IS NOT NICE.
I agree but don't feel these guys look at it as pretending. They really do want to be close with who they like. They settle for whatever title puts them closer to the person they desire. A girl can say friend but he won't think of himself that way. That is part of the problem for sure. Glad you grew up but don't get married. It's a trap... You can spend the rest of your life with someone without gov't approval lol
"I said I'm a nice guy bit**" a huge proportion of the men who say they're nice I've seen are actually incredibly rude and misogynistic. A lot of the guys who get described as mean are actually incredibly genuine. The thing that bothers me is, why do you expect a relationship out of someone just because you help them? Shouldn't you help people just because you're nice? But nooo if he does something for you he expects more than friendship. Thank you for perfectly describing it. I've improved so much from the person I was as a teenager, most of the issues I had came from the fact I lived in a society that expected a certain ancient image of women that I wanted to go against. But I've grown a lot when I got to college. Your videos have been a huge comfort in the past few weeks. THANK YOU
It warms my heart that we are all collectively becoming more aware and not letting screen narratives twist our perception of what true values should be. :) Proud of us!
I think society is finally recognizing that sometimes the most abusive people are the ones that were "so nice" in the beginning. This is how so many people get trapped in abusive / toxic relationships with the "nice guy". It's all roses, and sweetness, until jealousy, projecting etc kick in.
Do people really get trapped with "nice guys"? Most NIce guys are pretty harmless. I have never met a woman who actually feared her Nice guy. Women leave nice guys all of the time. Women get trapped by sexy men, who are bad. Why? Because these men magnetize these women toward them, and these women can't break free from their magnetic pull. Nice Guys are characterized by having virtually no magnetic pull whatsoever. All they have is validation and service, and women can leave that pretty easily when they find a sexier option.
@@LifeLikeSage This video here can only give you a 'Start'. The Nice-Guy-Pandemic is BIG and COMPLEX (and yet all so simple...) so i recommend watching more Content-about-this-Topic.
If you understand nothing else about the "nice guy", understand this: It is NEVER about the girl. It's about him and what he WANTS from the girl. So everything he does is for his own personal gain. His motives are entirely selfish.
I remember when i was in high school i had to avoid my "nice guy" who kept on aggressively pursuing me. And worst, how everyone kept telling me to go for him. Am not very physically attractive (no low self-esteem btw) so i knew that what people were telling me was that he was the best i could hope for. It was so upsetting that people dismissed my concerns for his disgusting behavior even though they always talked about how creepy he always acted around me.
I feel ya, My mother once told me to take what I could get (when talking about a guy I knew who didn't treat me very good) because someone like me couldn't hope for much. Thanks, mum!
Care to elaborate? I'm not understanding the connection between kindness and an aversion to rejection or perhaps I'm misunderstanding, so please elaborate.
AFRO_NiNjA25 it sucks to be rejected, don’t get me wrong, but a mature adult will understand that nobody is obligated to reciprocate their feelings. you may be down in the dumps about it, sure, but any reasonable person won’t throw a hissy fit when they don’t get their way.
I think this, this trope in movies has hands down done more damage to my relationships. In the movies the “nice” guy gets the girl but really he’s a borderline stalker who can’t take a hint. I thought I was a “nice guy” but really I was just a coward. It took a long time to realize and plenty of therapy to fix that.
Understanding yourself is the best thing in the world. I'm glad that you were able to achieve that. It took me years to understand why I deliberately tried to scare guys away by acting odd or rude when they showed interest in me. I, too, finally figured out who I was and I like myself much better for it. I also make for a much better friend. :) Movies TV shows can really mess people up by creating a "normal" that isn't healthy.
Saaaaaaaame dude. I didn't go to therapy but now I see I should have. There's also so much in the media about how "respect women" is portrayed. It's sold as if you respect them they'll give you what you want and when it doesn't work that you become super frustrated and that's where the outbursts come from. For me I was afraid to ask for what I wanted because I used to internalize rejection. I was lucky enough to have a very patient friend walk me through my own bullshit (as well as he could, he's not a therapist). It also gets reinforced a lot when people say "you're such a nice guy" as compliment which leads to even more frustration when you don't get your needs met. Although this is going to be unpopular it's true. Women tend to play a huge role in it as well. They'll keep nice guys in their orbit to get validation and give them crumbs to keep them around and then play victim when the guy finally blows up. At the end of the day it's insecure people manipulating other insecure people to feel better about themselves.
@@nmarrs8539 It takes a lot of courage to be this self aware and honest about how your behavior affected others. Congratulations on your sobriety! I'm 2 years clean myself.
"He even expects a prize for acting like a decent human being" - looking at you, LEONARD. I still hate that Penny ended up with him on Big Bang Theory. And after it's revealed he cheated on her!
The whole show was just made to be fantasy fulfillment for bitter "nice guys." Hence why Penny, the hot, popular girl from high school, is working a shitty job and completely fails at her dreams, while dating a cycle of exaggerated idiots and jerks. It's only after she chooses to date/marry Leonard that she gets a good job -- in fact, one that makes even more money than his! Wow, didn't that work out so well for poor little Leonard, waiting in the wings? And of course, he is even rewarded with her abandoning her childfree status and getting pregnant in the finale! And let's not even talk about Bernadette, who is more accomplished, higher paid, and out of the league of her creepy husband, Howard, yet still takes the place of his mother by doing ALL the cleaning and cooking while he plays video games. Oh, and of course, she also abandons her desire to remain childfree for his sake. Yeah, Chuck Lorre shows are literal cancer.
I had a "Nice guy" phase in high school/college i was completely spiteful towards girls who didn't give me a chance and thought they just wanted the "jocks" or "thugs" im not proud of who i was then but i grown up and learn how toxic i was and now focusing on gaining confidence and losing weight
I just watched this yesterday and YES. I felt so bad for Jamey the whole time. ... I kinda feel weird about it but I couldn't help shipping Sierra and Veronica. Sure they were partners in crime (catfishing) but once they have learned their lesson, I kinda feel like there's some potential for an interesting romantic dynamic there. But maybe that's just me! 😂
R Parker fair point! Think it’s more that if they’re a genuinely nice person, they will do nice things without even thinking, rather than faking nice things for an ulterior motive
Anytime someone offers up random, unsolicited information like “I’m a nice person” or “I’m very honest” I automatically suspect them of being the opposite. I have no idea why else they would feel the need to point those things out unless they were trying to cover something up that is a big enough problem to be on their mind frequently enough that they just random ass start talking about it.
@Riki Kage If your response to someone saying that nice people don't have to go around saying they're nice because if they are truly nice it will show in their actions is to pull a half-assed whatabouttism then it just sort of marks you as a "nice guy" even if you're not one. No one is saying that women can't be scum but read the room dude, if the topic of the video is the "Nice Guy" trope in the media of course people will talk about "Nice Guys" and not focus on the topic of gold diggers which is something that has nothing to do with the video.
@Riki Kage While some incels are nice guys not all nice guys are incels so while that equivalency is not wrong it's also not a concrete fact. Also what does that even has to do with either of ours previous comments? Because it does not add anything to the conversation besides a vague confusion over your definition of context and maybe a bit of misdirection
Repeat after me: "It doesn't matter how helpful and kind I am, no one ows me anything and vice versa" If you give gifts and expect something in return it's not a gift, it's manipulation!
Tell that to every guy who ever pursuit a girl and had to waste their time, energy and money only to get turned down afterwords instead of before it. Seriously, if someone gives you a gift without it being a special occasion. There's usually some reason behind it and you shouldn't accept if you're not interested on the person.
@@mrtyrant1680 The thing is that every time you try to get to know someone you have to risk getting turned down. That’s normal and that’s life. Therefore „wasting“ time and energy, potentially even money (even though I don’t think that’s necessary while dating) is a part of the risk. Also, the person you’re pursuing doesn’t owe you anything. Imagine a girl that you’re perhaps not really sure about yet would „waste“ their time with you and then expect you to propose to them. Wouldn’t that be strange? Wouldn’t it be unnatural or even scary? I would argue by saying you „wasted time and energy“ that you’re expecting the same from a girl/woman. It’s your responsibility to not be hurt and your responsibility to set boundaries. There are always people that’ll try to take advantage, unfortunately, but most people are just looking exactly like you and more often than not in dating - it’s simply not a match. So in the end dating is risking being hurt or turned down and there’s nothing that can change that.
@Someone 333 I repeat, if someone gives you a gift without it being a special occasion, there's usually something behind it. Especially if it's a expensive or extravagant gift. (Birthday, Christmas or other holiday gifts don't count, because I highly doubt that you get gifts otherwise unless you're a girl.)
@@mrtyrant1680 Had the gift giving situation happen to me once, I could sense the guy's ulterior motives. Thankfully it was nothing too expensive, I gave him a gift in return.
@@Aurelia2147 What I am about to say is a little offensive, but switching the roles around. When a women freely gives sex to a top tier man who has many options in girls, that man doesn't owe that girl a committed relationship either. A lot of girls pursuing these "friends with benefits" where the parameters of the relationship was already established from the beginning to then later demand the guy to be in a committed relationship, because the girl developed feelings later on, doesn't work that way either. Men cannot put commitment coins (time, effort, money, resources, loyalty, etc) into a girl and expect sex in return. A women cannot put sex coins into an attractive guy and expect a committed relationship in return.
It's so funny when the "nice guy" complains hot girls won't date him, and someone suggests they go for a girl who's average. "Why should I?" Dude, you're not entitled to date any woman you want. If you can have high standards, why can't she?
Exactly, it reaks of the misogyny and male entitlement of our society. "Women should stop being so superficial and want me for meee" (I heard this is from a "nice guy" in his late 30s, still living with parents, overweight with drinking issues and ONLY interested in 10 years' younger classically attractive, slim women with their shit together)
I was dating a "nice guy" a few years ago after he wore me down enough to finally say yes. 500 days of summer was one of the movies we watched together, it was so ironic and he felt so uncomfortable straight after because the similarities were so glaring lol. That's all behind me now thankfully, and I've happily found my Ben Wyatt. ❤
You sound like me, i have a guy who has the typical nice guy behaviour and i was sort of dating him, i left.... and now he's bulliyng me into submission to go out with him again... 😑
"You will never find a guy like me. Loyal, serious and is willing to do anything for you" "If I ever see you, I will really hit you with my *vehicle*" -this was said by a "nice guy" when I rejected bec I was getting choked up with him controlling me even when we didnt even had any relationship (we were not even that close)
Pyx Hey. as a single guy who was the never-went-for-a-girl-because-he-will-get-into-an-arranged-marriage-later guy, I resent that statement. It sounds too dark and gives no hope to the actual ‘nice guys’. The empathetic and can take no for answer type. (Not that I’d know.)
A big turn off about the “nice guy” is his entitlement. He thinks people owe him something just because he’s nice. Real nice people don’t expect something just for being a decent person.
Don’t skimp on Ron and Andy (and even Larry/Garry/Terry/Jerry) there! Those guys were the best. I always loved how Ron was a stereotypical ‘man’s man’ who never let that cause any fear or hatred in him. He still admired strong women and wanted to boost Leslie, April and, later, Diane up at every opportunity.
As humans, we don't realize how easy a scale we grade ourselves on. As a general rule, we all perceive ourselves as nobler, more intelligent, and more competent than we necessarily appear to other people. Some people say that "nice" isn't a noteworthy thing to be. That it's the bare minimum of what should be expected... I agree with this to an extent, but only so far. Kind people make our lives better, and there's no shame in appreciating people who make our lives better. Rather, I feel that "nice" is praise that *is* noteworthy... but ONLY if it's being used by someone else to describe you, rather than a self-appraisal. Since, as mentioned, humans aren't the best judges of their own virtues.
I used to be a niceguy. I would pine women from a far, not express my feelings, and do things for women and expect something back in return. It took me awhile to learn that when I was young that this was not an authentic way to be. So, I learned that listening, respecting boundaries, and giving full support WAS what I wanted to be all along. I have a happy relationship now and it was all worth it to learn that being authentic and up front about how I feel while respecting the person across from me is the way to be.
In that show it was on both sides. Rachel "broke up" his relationships with Juli and Mona and also she kind of did a "nice guy" or "nice girl" thing with Joshua.
Didn't he wind up getting the girl, though? In fact, when he and Rachel had outs, he wound up banging others, throughout the series. So, his being toxic kind of backs up the bad boy vs. nice guy argument somewhat.
Chivalry is the art of fighting on horseback. If a Nice Guy™ wants me to like him for his Chivalry, I first want to see him defeat his opponent in a jousting duel.
Wow, I'm astonished by how much contempt there is for nice guys in the comments, as a nice guy myself I can tell you that a lot of the motives girls (and this video made by women) attribute to us is wrong....yes there are sleaseballs out there who try to worm their way into a girls pants by acting nice but mostly it is for other motives, for example the emotional manipulation nice guys do is not because we want to imprison women( that would defeat the purpose of being nice) but because we see you looking at the bad boys and feel insecure. I will stay on here if anyone has any questions, but please be respectful.
Andreas Lind i agree that there are some actually nice ‘nice guys’ out there like it was mentioned in the video. please don’t take these comments personally. :D
@@lsdieleknfkk It's the same principle as someone saying they have a superior intellect or other self-described positive attributes. Without showing the trait, describing yourself in this way just makes you seem like a grandiose narcissist. The manipulative and controlling behaviour attributed to narcissism also seems to be correlated to the "nice guy" persona.
@@andreaslind6338 well maybe there's contempt because many women actually experienced the "nice guy" at least once? I certainly did and it was traumatic. And you are repeating what every thing that a nice guy says as a lazy excuse of their insecure behavior. If you are nice to people, then is okay. If you are a nice guy to women.... then you are not trustworthy.
Yes! I can't stand this type of characters, they think that everything creepy that they do, makes them special and unique... Like standing outside of any place waiting to the girl that they have a Crush on
I’m not off the hook either, I had this phase in middle school. As I got into feminism I realized how my behavior poorly reflected the society I want AND the ideals I claimed to represent. So I put the breaks on my misandry and sexism, and began to try be the image of a feminist I want to see more in the world. My opinion of course.
Jayquill Berry I also went through a brief “I’m not like other girls” phase in school... it wasn’t pretty. I was all “Yeah, I play video games and my favourite colour is black. I don’t like pink or wearing makeup or skirts like those other girls do! You can have an ‘intelligent’ conversation with me.” I cringe so hard whenever I remember. When most of us try to ‘be like the boys’ we stupidly think it means we have to belittle other women, as if those other women were lesser than us or competition for guys attention. Luckily, I woke up from that pretty quickly and realised that yes I like both skirts and video games... almost as if human beings are multifaceted and can enjoy a variety of different things. And that’s what makes us unique.
(500) days of summer ist such a great example! I watched it the first time, when it came out. I was a lonely, sexually frustrated teenager - and probably would have also considered myself a 'nice guy' as well. Then I watched it again a few years back, and it was astounding how wrong my view of the relationship was. I mean both characters are flawed, which made them feel so human. But really, I was surprised how Tom seemed like a total jerk. Actually made me reflect some of my behaviour as well. Amazing film!
I think the reason the 'bad boy' usually attracts the girl is how genuine they are Because they have a strong sense of self they are able to show more aspects of their personality naturally. A 'nice' person has a weak sense of self and is at the mercy of approval. They are not able to truly be themselves: they can't help but wear a mask based on how they think they should appear. It's a tiring charade and when it fails they snap. They went through all the trouble of acting in a way that pleases others, and yet it still failed to work. The bad boy does not try to play the charade. He lives freely and still reaps the approval the nice guy so desperately desires, so the nice guy becomes resentful. The nice guy does not realize that they do not need to play this charade. It does not protect them, and it cannot please others the way genuinely being themselves ever could. Once they develop a sense of self via non-contingent self esteem, they will realize the charade was never necessary and they will finally be able to exude that authenticity that currently eludes them.
I agree. The reason women might find bad boys attractive is not inherently because they are bad, it's just that they are often confident and assertive. Sure they are not always ideal partners but they still show some authenticity instead of putting on this fake persona. Confidence is an attractive trait, and many women are also attracted to healthy, funny, confident individuals who are not "bad boys". It's not about the bad part like some of these incels claim.
or you could just „authentically“ not be an asshole and accept a woman rejecting you even though you‘re „nice“. The conclusion from this video isn‘t „stop acting like you respect women and just be your authentic misogynistic self“ but „maybe consider seeing women as individuals with a free will and taking ‚no‘ for an answer.“
@Glenna Smith Well a lot of men also pursues women who are assertive and "aggressive". There's a reason why characters like Azula from Avatar and Mean Girls are popular among male viewers, hence the term "bad bitch" you would occasionally see from them. So as said before, confidence and assertiveness are one of the major traits that people look for. If you don't have any self-esteem or confident to show a thing about yourself like a hobby or personality, then what would any men or women like from you.
In my opiniom THE REAL nice guy of Friends was Chandler. The way he treated Monica was awesome. He became really mature and supportive partner, he always respected her and they went together through thick and thin.
I was friends with a ‘nice guy’ once. I just failed to see it till I started dating my husband. Then he professed his love for me, attempted to kiss me and then proceeded to sleep with one of my friends so I could ‘feel the pain of watching him with someone else.’ When that didn’t work, he proclaimed that he couldn’t take the pain of seeing me anymore and walked away from our 10 year friendship.Havent spoken to him for 15 years. Super nice guy, right there.
magsguerra thats one of the things i really hate about “nice guys”. They waste years of our lives in fake friendships with us, deceiving us, then if/when they FINALLY accept theyll never have a chance with us they leave or rape us. Because the whole time they just wanted sex. Way to waste years of our lives in this “friendship” just for proximity to us while they test out new ways to try to manipulate us into sex. It sounds like in your case your marriage made himrealize he’d never get a chance. I had a “niceguy” friend for like 6 years and then when i came out to him as a lesbian he raped me and we never spoke again. It wasn’t totally out of left field. He knew since day one that i was probably a lesbian, i was never fully in the closet. but i wasn’t sure if there was ever going to be some random exception where i might meet one guy i liked at some point in my life, so i was not confident yet with the label. So ever since he met me he knew i was at least 90% gay. He really spent 6 whole years in a friendship deceiving me into thinking he was a genuine friend when really he was latching onto the 10% chance that i might one day like a male even though that male was litrtally never going to be him...
This video literally saved my life! I’ve had a “good guy” friend for 8 years and Bc of this video I realized that all he was was a stalker and abuser. Thank you for making this!
@@stevemyopinion423 solid point. to say he was stalking means she had to have had some feeling about it being creepy before yes? i'm not trying to be mean or anyrhing i'm genuinely curious. I've dealt with a nice guy before and I immediately saw red flags. even though I stayed friends with him I was very aware of his toxic behaviors and it started with me thinking "hey this guy isn't being very nice like he said he was!"
Did he physically hurt u? or try to emotionally guilt u into dating him?(not asked u out) Because if he did how are u still friends with sick person like that?
I'm so tired of men constantly describing themselves as "nice". What does that MEAN?? "Nice" isn't a personality, it's just being a decent human being. Stop acting like women are obligated to be interested in you because you are polite or a good friend. Women aren't machines you put niceness coins in and get sex in return. Don't act passively and never express your feeling to someone, then complain about being "friendzoned".
It's sad that men are notoriously so awful at treating women like human beings that we have a subset who feel the need to call themselves "nice". "Nice" is a vague descriptor, should be the bare minimum for how to treat all other human beings, and doesn't entitle you to anyone's attention, affection, or other access to their bodies.
I'm so tired of men and women constantly complaining about a complete strawman that doesn't exist. Yeah, when women or LGBT person asks for sex, it's because they're horny, but when a straight male asks for sex, it's some kind of weird Vulcan logic about transactions. Can I just state how I feel, without people trying to question internal thought logic?
@@aaendi6661 no one said men cant want or like sex. the problem is when they feel entitled to it, refuse to take no for an answer, or feel women owe them sex for being "nice." or if they dont make their intentions clear from the beginning and pretend to be friends with someone when in reality they're just waiting for the person to give them sex.
@@rebekahmikaelson1198 Women and gay men act the same way. People just don't notice it because they never question it. When you're a straight man everybody puts you through shit-tests.
You know, I've heard the term so much.... like where did it come from. Has anyone ever like legit 'played hard to get'. Like how does that even work? String a guy or girl along for your own amusement until you finally decide to say yes, for shits and giggles? I've heard the phrase countless times but ever met anyone actually playing hard to get.
@@clintirwin3468 Uhh, I’m really hoping you do understand no still means no. Men and women both need to understand that no means you stop completely and move on.
@@Megan-jx3dy No means no in college classroom theories about sex. You should read some of the vast majority of the erotica WOMEN write that make billions a year. In real life, there's no that means no, and no that means "convince me." College classroom sex theories seem to have been put together by virgins. In real life there is something called seduction. College professors think seduction is rape. The vast populace OF WOMEN do not.
“I’m just a boy in loooove I can’t be held responsible for my actiooons I have no underlying issues to address, I’m certifiably cute and adorably obsessed They say love makes you crazy therefore you can’t call him crazy So when you call him crazy, you’re just calling him in love” -Trent, crazy ex girlfriend
'if someone has to constantly repeat they're a nice person, they are NOT a nice person' I don't remember who said that but I feel like that applies here.
I am so glad my brother introduced me to The Take videos. I'll change though me changing won't fix the girl I broke. I always thought i am a nice guy and why I am single turns out I am actually one of those knock off nice guys which actually affected my real nice guy trope. But I'll change for better. Be a nice guy, not the nice guy knock off.
My guard is automatically up when a guy tells me that he’s a nice guy. He’s either not self aware or he’s trying to sell something to me. I don’t ever tell people that I am nice because nice isn’t 100% who I am. I am capable of being evil, jealous, narrow minded, and unkind.
Micaella 03 He probably has low self esteem, and telling him that he doesn’t deserve love because of it is kinda shit tbh. So many people let themselves get walked over regardless of gender, do they deserve to get left behind?
@@crushedankles3994 I think your definition is a little screwed. If anything, that person's friend might be a victim of abuse/in an abusive relationship. Even if that (hopefully 🤞🏾) is not the case, genuinely nice people of all genders can have low self-esteem, and be emotionally hurt. Being a nice person or people pleaser does not equal high self-esteem, nor does it automatically mean someone is manipulative. The manipulation comes in when they are nice only in order to get things in return, not for the sake of being a decent human being. You might need to rethink a few definitions.
A few years ago a nice guy fell in love with me. He was a good friend and we shared hobbies and good times. When we met I was dating a kind of popular guy. When we broke up a lot of friends thought that the nice guy and I should be together, but I couldn't develop romantic feelings for him and I got to the point of feeling guilty about it. He never spoke to me directly about his feelings, even though his family and some mutual friends did. I was grateful that he didn't. The very idea of rejecting him made me feel like a bad person. He don't overwhelmed me with romantic gestures but when he made a few movements and I didn't respond in the same way, he understood my posture and act as if nothing happend. That make me respect him so much. We're still friends. A few years later he started dating another girl and I felt truly relieved. He turned out to be a real nice guy. However, I learned from this experience that many times women are pressured to accept the feelings of nice guys for the simple fact of being good friends or good people. This makes us doubt our own feelings and feel unjustifiable guilt. I want to find love but I don't want to feel pressured to be with someone no matter how nice the guy is.
This video here can only give you a 'Start'. The Nice-Guy-Pandemic is BIG and COMPLEX (and yet all so simple...) so i recommend watching more Content-about-this-Topic.
Nice guys are boring. The discussion is filled with all these words, but nice guys are boring. Show a woman a gentleman and a pig, and she will have sex with the pig every time. Because the pig is exciting. That's just biology.
Justin Die I agree, it’s harder to spot a covert rather than a grandiose narcissist until you’re involved with them for the most part, but there’s behavioral patterns that are there if you look. Sometimes they slip up and you can see it more clearly. I feel like people like this (nice guys) even if not covert narcissists, tend to have similar mindsets. Which is, sad. It’s all stemming from deep insecurity and a lot of the time a deep sense of entitlement.
They forgot the other half of the nice guy trope, especially when it comes to sitcoms. That is growth. In the case of Friends, Ross, as the nice guy, fail his relationship with Rachel, their couple crash and burns. But the interesting part is what comes after. Ross accepts the idea that Rachel doesn't love him and, more importantly, doesn't cut her from his life because in the end, they're still friends. And that's when Ross starts performing acts of kindness without ulterior motives, which genuinely touches Rachel. This evolution from motivated, interested to simply kind is what makes the trope whole and actually present something the audience can get behind.
I blame a lot of these movies for misleading a lot of young impressionable guys to thinking that that's what women wanted. I know for myself that was definitely the case. I'd go see rom-coms with my mom from like 2005-2007 when I was a preteen/teen, and I really believed what I saw because they always showed it worked in the end. I can only say that I'm just glad that I didn't continue to be the "creepy nice guy" for very long. From 16-18 years old until I grew out of it.
Happy for you man. Normally movies do that because not even long ago movies and TV shows where manly created, directed and written by old white men who grew up watching movies and TV shows made by old white men with even more old-fashioned and prejudiced thoughts. So the movies used to treat female characters always as a love interest, sexual villan or family member. You can see that by the Bechdel test. In old movies women rarely had friends, goals, full names or anything that wasn't related to males in the movies. And they only exist to make the main male character evolve in some way. That is a quite common trope mix that show that quite well. The badass girl+The chosen one, you have a female character who is super badass, trainned all her life, study about the subject in the movie/book/series better than anyone... and a clumsy guy that didn't even knew he had powers or something like that... and somehow he is going to save the world while she sits back playing a support role so he can be the hero. '-' There is SO MANY stories like that, that is manly because is made by "nice guys".
@@beamarie8041 I think Adam Sandler in movies is not that bad. He insists, but not to a point that annoys or scare the woman. Also, he is full of confidence, quite funny and actually seems to real care. Like in the movie 50 First Dates, he goes after her a lot, but he actually take his time to know her, they actually had chemistry in the first day, he was direct with her from the start, he was worry about not telling her the truth everyday, he wanted he to evolve and be abble to live beyond the bubble her family created. And it wasn't "just because she was hot", he dated a bunch of hot girls before her. Was because he actually learned and liked who she was. Same goes for all of his movies that came to my mind right now.
I feel like "nice guys" typically have an anxious preoccupied attachment style, whereas true nice guys have a secure attachment style. Anxious preoccupied attachment involves putting someone on a pedestal, being needy, feeling insecure and invading other people's space out out of desperation for love. I've read some comments calling "nice guys" narcissists, but they are actually the opposite of typical narcissists in a way. Typical narcissists mostly have an avoidant dismissive attachment style and think they themselves are on a pedestal. Two different extremes of toxicity in love.
Hey thanks for giving me something to google. I wasn't aware of attachment styles. I don't date anymore because I was as you describe it "anxious preoccupied style". Don't get me wrong I did have genuine real feelings for those few I did date...but my insecurity and anxiety about every damn relationship eventually ruined it. I've since learned that it just isn't healthy for me to date...so I'm unfortunately perpetually single.
@@NerdSnipingBatman You're welcome! Actually I'm also anxious preoccupied, so I know exactly what kind of insecurity and anxiety comes with it. However, don't lose hope, we can actually change our insecure attachment style to a secure one with some help and practice. Getting a therapist is the easiest way, but if you're like me and don't have that luxury, the internet (and especially youtube) also has tons of helpful information. Some helpful youtube channels are Coach Craig Kenneth, Nu Mindframe, Briana MacWilliam, Thais Gibson, and Anna Akana. Hope that helps.
@@BluemoonSpaceRock It's actually not set in gender. Anxious pre-occupied people can be both men and women, same for avoidant dismissive (or what people call "emotionally unavailable"). And these two types basically attract each other like magnets (and eventually turn into a toxic relationship). So anyone who is anxious preoccupied will likely subconsciously want an avoidant dismissive partner (and vice versa!). I don't know if you could say women are more often anxious preoccupied and men more often avoidant dismissive. However, it is true that this is the combination that fits the common gender stereotypes. Like when people joke about men getting imprisoned in marriage by their wife. But then again, we also have the nice guy stereotype as seen here and the stereotype that women are ice queens. So it still goes both ways.
@@BluemoonSpaceRock I think people are just unaware about attachment styles, and thus make false assumptions (e.g. that their behavior comes from being a certain gender rather than childhood trauma). And as you mentioned, it's easy to retweet if it resonates. Anxious-preoccupied (and maybe fearful avoidant ?) women probably see it and think "wow that is so me", whereas secure and avoidant dismissive women would probably ignore it. I guess that the whole concept of attachment theory is something that isn't as well known as it should be. I also only discovered about it a few months ago. It's something that should be common knowledge (and a must know for parents). There is actually a lot of information about it online (and in books) that could be helpful for a lot of people.
I'd like to see a movie about a "nice" guy who's in love with a girl, but throughout the story he realises his toxic traits, works to get rid of them, and ends up befriending the girl, instead of becoming her boyfriend, in the end.
..what would the point in that be.he gets nothing in the end. He actually gets less than nothing in the end. He gets punished in the end. For what being in love?
Ironically, one of the characters shown in this video starts off as a nice guy but develops and eventually supports the main character's pursuit of her main love interest. It's Duckie from Pretty in Pink. And the fact that he didn't get her in the end caused a lot of uproar with audiences in the 80s! Lol!!
This makes me think of that scene in Joker with the three teenage assholes on the train bullying this girl on the train. One of them literally said, "Come on, he's being _nice_ to you," when she was sarcastically offered a french fry. When she politely declined, clearly uncomfortable, they started _throwing_ fries at her and when she got up and moved to another section of the bus, she was quickly called "BITCH".
I dated a guy yeeears ago, who was known as "the nice guy" in the group. I wasn't that attracted to him, but I was younger and naive ..and not only him, but also our common friends talked be into giving him a chance because "you will never meet a nice guy like him again". And , that I didn't want him was "due to my fear of "being truly loved"". The first weeks he refered to me as an angel and SO perfect. After my unsurenesss didn't fade and me questioning his behavior a couple of times, he snapped, yelled at me, told me I was satan myself and didn't deserve love and should go to hell. None of my "friends" back then believed this. Because "he was too nice". I was the bad one. It took me FOREVER to realize what the fuck was going on. I wish back then people were more aware of this toxic traits.
@@randombrokeperson sorry, I only saw this now: Yes he was definitely love bombing me. At that time I was fresh out of a relationship and had a LOW self-esteem. I was perfectly vulnerable to this tactic. And speaking about being easily manipulated: I even believed him all the trash he talked ... about ME being the crazy one. So like a week after, I went to a therapist to find out if I was "crazy" and "incapable of loving". Her reaction was pretty brilliant: "So you actually think the person who first "loved" you and then yelled at you and insulted you, is the normal one? Good that you came here. Our goal should be to find out why the hell you'd let such a person make you questioning your own sanity." So I continued the lessons to learn how to trust myself / my intuition strong enough, to run for the hills if something feels off. She was the best therapist ever and It helped me SO much in the long run. I used to date the "complicated" guys before.. and now I am in a VERY happy and healthy relationship since years. So...in a weird way; I am "thankful" for this experience. And that guy...He actually wrote me years later apologizing for everything. He was then seeing a therapist and apparently realized some things.
I don’t tell my nephew he’s “soo nice omg” I tell him he’s considerate, kind, and selfless. That he deserves to stand up to himself, too. Seeing the ending gave me hope. I’ve always thought he was one in a million, and I’m glad to see it’s likely. Wish he weren’t and more guys were just kind/authentically nice.
@@zaza-ik5ws it's the same thing as having friends. "nice guys" only see them as gullible pawns instead of people. Also tbh having friends and romantic relationships are privileges, the only problem is that some people can't seem to know how to earn it
I feel like most “nice guys” are mama’s boys who use the same techniques to be their mother’s golden child in the dating world. The equation is, “I find out what you like to please you into giving me what I want.” Every “nice guy”/mama boy that I’ve known has had intense narcissistic tendencies. They feel entitled to attention because they are “perfect” and giving you what you “want.” These guys have never really developed their own sense of self and are deeply insecure in their relationship to masculinity. In my experience, they have a ton of anger, resentment, and entitlement towards women. These guys can be scary.
Yes! Exactly... Are plenty of them in any place waiting to have a Crush on someone, and start to behave in a creepy way... It happened to me like three years ago, a friend had a Crush on me and started to push away the guy that I liked at the time, (the guy wasn't the best also) I got wasted at a party and he taked advantage of the situation... and there was the "nice guy" with dark intentions
I think alot of guys introspected that idea as it became soo common in media, specially those who have little to no confidense or sense of self worth. I can definetly see myself falling into some of this behaviours when i fall in love because of that, and is something Im becoming more aware with time (even tho I always knew that that was not fair with them...)
Actually, I read of that a lot. Complete strangers would start to randomly talk to a woman, try to complement her and stuff, and the moment she says she doesn't want that, that she's not interested, she a "b*tch" or even worse things. Some even get attacked for not being interested in a random dude in the streets or on the bus. It happens.
“Nice guys” see women as vending machines that they put niceness tokens into and sex falls out of. Which isn’t very nice at all. I remember HATING Xander during the first three seasons of Buffy (especially the end of season 2, not sure I’ve ever forgiven him for that). He got better with Anya, but then got trapped inside his own head again and lost her. But even after that he was still better than he was in high school, acting as a mentor for Dawn. So he did improve. But his high school years were basically everything I hated in “nice guys”.
I actually think Xander improves/matures a lot throughout the series. He does overcome that rejection and come to be a stalwart and true friend to Buffy and Willow. He has difficulty in finding a path forward in his life due to his lack of confidence, but he eventually overcomes that, too. He has so much potential to end up as the abusive drunk, which the series heavily implies was his home life as a child. It's even his greatest fear when marrying Anya (and exploited against him) - not that they'll be unhappy because she's a demon, but that they'll be unhappy because -he's- not good enough. But through it all, even though he's one of the only people in his peer group who has no super powers and just an average intellect, Xander becomes not a nice guy, but a good one. He -is- a mentor to Dawn, as you said. He lays it all on the line for his friends and for his community on a regular basis. He saves Willow from herself with love. It's not a possessive, creepy love. It's the real deal. With the help of Giles as his mentor and Buffy and Willow as his friends (and maybe Angel and Spike as examples of how NOT to behave), he becomes a good man. He doesn't have all of the answers and he often struggles, but I think this character development is important. Most of the "nice guys" examined in film and TV don't have time to grow up and grow out of the destructive side of the trope. Xander, thankfully, did.
@@sircharlesmormont9300 Also he was better than the stereotypical guy in TV shows at the time. Some of his perceived flaws are due to the fact that we have better standards for masculinity now. But I think he paved part of the way. Just think of when he selflessly jeeps Cordelia's secret and buys her her dress anonymously.
I mean it’s no different from generically attractive men they don’t have to try very hard they can be the worst of the worst but will still get laid so whether they are nice or not men in general just want to have sex and will use anything to get to it and I know it sounds harsh but it’s true on the biological standpoint hormones testosterone they will use gimmicks tactics to get laid...
To be fair highschool is peek nice guy era for a lot of guys. Before they have learned what actual healthy relationship are, but after the hormones really kick in. To give Xander a main character through that kind of an arc ir really belivable, and kinda shows an example of healthy maturing.
They are both really genuine. John Ambrose realized right away when they kissed that LJ didn’t have the same feeling for him and he accepted it. He’s an icon.
Peter and John Ambrose were BOTH sweet guys, Lara Jean definitely had a tough choice to make, either way. But ultimately, John Ambrose accepts that Lara Jean stills loves Peter, and doesn't push her into having feelings for him, and lets her be happy.💖
I really like "You" because we can see in a deeper and creepier way what goes on in the minds of this type of people, the scariest thing for me was that I even found myself agreeing with him, it was a constant struggle to remind myself what he is and what he does. If that happens with an audience just watching, it's not hard to understand why these guys are so convinced they are in the right.
I just realized I dated a nice girl for a few years. She pursued me until I finally gave in despite not really liking her but figured I would fall for her eventually. She lied to me over and over and let me down constantly, even outing me when I wasn't ready to come out when she didn't want to wait to tell people. She even ruined one of my friend's relationship but gaslighted me into believing she was in the right. Its not until after cutting her off I found out she ruined that relationship because my friend danced with me at a dance and made nice girl jealous. Don't settle for people who you don't like just because they keep trying. You don't owe anyone for an explanation for prioritizing your own feelings. Edit: grammar
@@amazingbro6723 she spent a few months in a mental health facility, tried to reconnect with me and our friends before she got out but no one accepted her apologies. She was around for a little after that before disappearing. Not too long ago she reached out to one of my friends but he didn't respond to her so we don't know where she is now
Honestly a lot of people put Ross as obsessed with Rachel. But like he tried to quit her so many times. Rachel left a voice message to ruin his relationship with Julie, Rachel went to another country to his wedding to confess, shaved his girlfriend’s head. A standard nice guy would stay obsessed. But like she kept sabotaging so many of his relationships. They were both weirdly toxic. But Ross seems to get the majority of the blame when they were both terrible for each other.
@@mananexus Rachel was more. Even more obvius. Ross dont sabotage her relationships so much. I dont remember he doing it. He was chill. He was wrong in other things. As a human being.
Ana Y. Giroud Mendoza I kinda think it’s the opposite. Ross was a great person and a good friend. The bike thing for Phoebe... several other examples. And he was a good friend to Rachel too. It’s just that he was severely insecure and jealous. Probably cuz of his relationship with Carol. That made him kind of a sucky boyfriend.
They do go after douches, confident douches. Being a shy guy that's also toxic is basically all of the toxic parts of masculinity with none of the good parts.
@@danbrown1344 lmao believe me from experience they may not have the confidence but they sure have the audacity. There's nothing at all toxic about being shy; what's toxic is trying to manipulate people into filling roles they don't want for themselves and getting upset whenever it doesn't work, whether your chosen methods are physical aggression or mind games
Funny thing is, when I was in college focusing on myself and working on me as a person. This super beautiful and upbeat lady walked up to me and asked me to get dinner with her. Two years later, I now call her my fiance. Moral of the story: focus on improving yourself and everything else will fall into place.
Hard to argue with that assessment, had they just been honest with her from the get go, then PERHAPS they could have spared themselves the heartache earlier! 💔
But really, the friendzone doesn't exist, people are allowed not to be attracted to someone, this is normal and can, sometimes, change over time, there is no "zone" you will fall into if you don't act fast
This video here can only give you a 'Start'. The Nice-Guy-Pandemic is BIG and COMPLEX (and yet all so simple...) so i recommend watching more Content-about-this-Topic.
Everyone does everything with ulterior motives. Nobody see a soul across a crowded room, they see someone they either want to screw or don't love comes later.
Unfortunately, the nice guy trope still lives on in the Netflix show, Wednesday. Wednesday is pursued by two guys, both whom she never shows any interest in and simply uses to help further her investigation of the mystery surrounding her school town. Yet they (especially Tyler) act like she keeps giving them “mixed signals” when it’s really just their own perception. (SPOILERS) It also doesn’t help that it’s revealed Tyler is the monster that’s been behind the deaths in town and hides an evil personality.
"the friend zone" is what happens when a guy likes a girl, but is too scared to ask her out. So instead he just befriends her in hopes one day she'll wake up and fall in love with him. And it never happens.
Joshua Belmont Reese “win her over” rather than asking her out. this is what “nice guys” do. misleading someone thinking that showcasing what potentials they have under the shell and guise of a friendship will persuade the person to feel otherwise and hopefully blossom into the relationship they originally wanted, instead of being honest from the start. *really, even if you may be turned down, a great quality to have is courage.*
@@Charlene_____ Dude I'm below average looking so I can understand why being honest from the start is not exactly a option to some. I know it sounds shallow but honestly. being honest from the start is just a sure way to get turned down for me.
@@mrtyrant1680 There's nothing wrong with taking it slow. But you also have to be honest. Let her know you like her. Otherwise she'll just look at you as a friend and then eventually if/when you get the courage to ask her out she'll be taken back and kind of put off. You have to set the expectation.
@@BlazerManiacNumber96 Honestly I started to take a passive agressive approach because most of time that made my intentions clear, I got gently turned down. This why I don't exactly judge the whole frienzone thing.
@Manophere. com In early days, women are powerful. There are more sun goddesses than sun gods. And more moon gods than moon goddesses. Then comes Abrahamic religion (Jew, Christianity, Islam) with male dominance. And then there were Mother Earth. Earth is not nice from the beginning. It's cause and effect. Catastrophe is from the perspective of humankind. It's only natural that Earth heals itself with catastrophe. You got problem with women recently, mate? Generalizing women is actually a sign that there's a problem with yourself.
@Manophere. com Men and women are the same. Human. Not perfect. I didn't say 'all women are nice' or 'all men are nice'. That's stupid. Each person are basically the same, yet different. Everyone, man or woman, has potential to do good or bad. The problem is power imbalance. One tries to overpower others. It's not about backward or forward. It's more like something needs to be done. Necessity. In relationship, do women have to always obey men in patriarchy, or men have to obey women in matriarchy? Please learn to respect others regardless of gender. See them as person. Treat others as your equal. When you try to simplify problems by generalizing and blaming a group of gender, the real problem is not men, it's yourself and your inability to adapt. Btw, I'm a Christian man. I follow Jesus because he teach love, kindness, and respect.
The nice guy is in love w a phantom and when a woman displays her individuality and shatters that persona there is no more mr nice guy..great observation
Our friend in high school Eric was an actual nice guy. He was so secure with himself even though he was short and nerdy - totally adorkable... girls LOVED him! He was awesome
ᎷᎾᎾNᏔᎾᏞF ᎠᎡᎪᏔᏚ They're the same, if you think about it~ Both incels and "Nice Guys" blame women for their lack of relationships, societal problems, poor self-worth, and lack of compensation for their "great personalities"--when the reality is that they are walking, talking garbage; and that the women are better off without 'em.
FiresideBoomer You have a point, actually~ For most of his life, he wanted to kidnap Roxanne just to bait Metroman into more battles. It could have been a sick take on the "get the girl" trope, but it didn't go that far. It wasn't romantic at that point, but he was still actively pursuing her for his own personal gain. After the Bernard incident, he began to get to know her as a person--and started to think less of her as a tool. The drawback is that he lied to her for gosh knows how long. Worse, Hal was brainwashed into the whole "get the girl" trope as well, except he became violent when this was not successful. Roxanne was justifiably angry with both men, of course. Thankfully, Megamind didn't blame Roxanne for the relationship flop, nor lash out at her like some "Nice Guys" do--namely, Hal. Eventually, he took her "You judge them based on their actions" advice to heart, saving the city. By the end, Megamind did it as himself--without neither false pretenses, nor ulterior motives.
@@KindredKeepsake calling them "walking, talking garbage" doesn't make you much better as a person... remember incels are are just people facing huge personal issues and they need help, not to get told "women are better off without you" which in this context sounds the same as "kill yourself, your existence is worthless".
This could also be a product of "Guys like a challenge". Guys think a girl is "playing hard to get" and is "higher value" when she acts like she isn't interested, when in fact she actually isn't interested. Then when a woman is interested and actually meets him half way, she ceases to be a dream girl because she becomes "too easy". This is hardly nice.
@Nicholas Hansen ehhm no, ever heard of resources, social status, confidence etc? The best looking bird is worthless if he cant build a nest, and the bestlooking lion is also worthless if he is a bad hunter and cant feed his family.
@Nicholas Hansen I'd say if they're both fit and built, it's likely that they share an interest in fitness, exercise, food and habits. they are more likely to want to get up at the same time, do similar things and eat similar foods leading to a good, harmonious relationship. if one person is into all of those things, but the other couldn't give a toss and they don't have much in common - there's going to be issues. Conversely, 'attractive' varies from person to person. I don't consider myself attractive, esp after 3 children (!) my modelling days are looong gone, but my husband thinks I'm beautiful - and it goes both ways. He's not model material, but I think he's gorgeous. What really seals it, though, is that we're both hardcore gamers who love motorbikes and rockclimbing, have wicked senses of humour and adore good food and wine. You can't fake that.
This kinda hit home pretty hard for me. The "nice guy" has lot of the character traits that I spent along time trying to get over in myself. For most of my romantic relationships I was with people who were from broken homes or deeply self conscious and depressed because I would tell myself that I could help fix them and grow as a person with them. When in reality I was with them because I could see myself as the one who didn't need to change or grow, I wasn't the one who needed to look inward. When it came down to it I probably hurt these people alot more than I help
I found myself slipping down that Nice Guy slope for a bit in my early 20's. The whole situation was a bit complicated though, but eventually I needed to look at actions (both mine and hers) instead of just relying words, especially hearsay from other people. In the end, I took a step back and am trying to work on improving myself. And, I'm not mad at the girl for not wanting to be with me at the time. In fact, I'm actually fairly glad, because I don't think I would've been a good boyfriend (unresolved issues effecting mental health, lack of knowledge about how to live, lack of skills, etc.), and I've grown as a person and am continuing on with more growth.
Start listening with a 30-day Audible trial. Choose 1 audiobook and 2 Audible Originals absolutely free. Visit www.audible.com/thetake or text thetake to 500 500.
Support The Take on Patreon: www.patreon.com/thetake
Subscribe to keep up with our latest videos, and let us know what you want to see next!
Please tackle "The Bad Boy", and why "Good Girls" are almost always irresistibly attracted to them!
Please cover Anne With An E!
Colossal was one of the most chilling movies I’d seen in a while because of it's subversion of this trope, and it made me look inside and question my own morality.
I love u guys let me say that first I’ve been with u since u were screen prism... however I sense some gender bias in this video ... so the nice guy is a fake phony predator but the nice girl is a victim of circumstance? Now while I really don’t connect with this stuff because all these tropes are woefully culturally bias and I’m black (Ducky wouldn’t have survived in my high school) and I’ve never met anyone in my life obsessed over a person that they haven’t bedded yet ... now I know if it doesn’t apply let it fly ... but U guys should really call this the “nice white guy” trope and further more with this whole thing with me too and times up People probably need to start examining how the patriarchy works culturally and Black society because I’m tired of feeling like I have to feel bad that I man but I’ve never shared in any of the privileges a white male hasBlack women run the black community so things are a little different
Can you please make a video about Male Video Game Characters Like Geralt Of Rivia, Arthur Morgan & John Marston?
“Thinking that if a girl doesn’t like him, she just doesn’t like being treated well...” OMG THANK YOU for putting this into words!!!! I’m so sick of this bullshit, just because your nice to a girl, it doesn’t mean she owes you anything but to be nice back!!!!!!
This is the exact reason why I am afraid to accept any kind of help from anyone. If possible I would like to have zero reliance on people. I havent had a single date where I let a guy pay me anything. Sometimes my friends even told me that I should start relying on people and I know sometimes it hurts people when you dont trust them, but there are just way too many shitty people out there.
These jerks like to perpetuate that girls prefer to be abused because they don't want to admit the girl rejected him for his faults. They are sick in the head and think girls owe them
I agree! I've heard that so much, I hate that shit
And they get upset by the girl being nice back being then she "led him on" or whatever
Tbh if i am nice to someone i expect the same, but ffs dont expect them to then 'like' you.
"If I've learned anything this summer, it's that you can't force someone to love you. The best you can do is *strive* to be someone worthy of loving." - Dipper Pines, _Gravity Falls_ (2015)
I love that show
A real man
Brittany Bennett he was like 12 tho and at least he learned
I love dipper pines
Isnt there a real science experiment though where if you look a person in the eyes for 4 minutes striaght and reveal some deep parts about yourself you are likely to form a loving connection with the stranger. Also if you used MDMA and stared into someones soul it could make them love you.
I once heard a dating coach say something to the effect of "Nice guys think that they're better than alpha males, but actually, their view of women is just as unhealthy. They're not nice to women because it's the right thing to do, but because they view their niceness as a way of manipulating women to give them what they want. You're still viewing her as an object and not a person."
Edit: 3000 likes! Thank you!
Woah soo true
@@cellardoor199991 Natural Lifestyles actually
It's not just guys. There are people, men and women, who do nice things hoping others will reciprocate/reward them.
I'd prefer to hang out with the Alpha male jerk at least he's being honest about who is. Momma always said its the "nice" ones you have to look out for.
@Reviews Er, not saying there is any truth to that quote. But the problem is that the dating coach entire occupation rest on the idea that certain behavior will lead to getting a relationship with a woman. So how is that not seeing her as an object to be obtain, I don't mean to be cynical but dating coach seem to defeat their entire point they're trying to make.
Sylvia Plath puts it elegantly: "Girls are not machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out"
No, you just have to be phisically attractive and the sex often falls out for free.
@@mrtyrant1680 you sound bitter
@@mrtyrant1680 Have you ever met a woman? It sounds like your view of women is based on what other men say.
@@m_milos
I did, but every single time I get interested in someone, it's either:
A gentle turn down. (The only result I get by making my intentions clear from the start.)
A unwanted friendship. (The result of taking a more passive-aggressive approach since the direct never works out.)
Or simply getting passed over in favor of a better looking guy. (Three years doing humiliating, exhausting and costly things for her, only for her to go for a tall and handsome guy instead.)
@@mrtyrant1680 But what makes you think you're deserving of a relationship just because you want it? If you like someone and they don't like you back, that's not their fault. You don't deserve anything just because you want it, that's just being entitled.
If it has happened so many times, maybe instead of thinking every girl is the same (which is very dehumanizing and misogynistic) try thinking of WHY they rejected you.
If so many different people have rejected you, the problem is most likely you. You're probably not as great of a person as you think you are. I mean, how can you expect women to like you if you go around preaching how they're all the same, which, again, is dehumanizing. Women are people. They're just as complex as men. They're not animals or robots or machines.
So to repeat myself once more: Just because you want something doesn't mean you deserve it.
There's a big difference between "niceness" and genuine kindness. That goes for both sexes. Niceness is something that is more of a societal pressure or expectation. Kindness comes from the heart, no strings attached.
Jessjess23 Brooks - thank you for saying this. I always thought of myself as being nice because I’m simply not a jerk, it’s in my nature. Now people cant even be nice without it having some creepy ulterior motive.
No wonder incels exist. You’re either an asshole that gets what you want or you’re a nice guy that’s even worse than the asshole because no one knows what you want. Sometimes people just want love and to be loved. Good luck to all the single people searching for love out there because you need it.
@@HypocritesExposd being nice is the baseline for being a functional human being, it should go without saying, no one deseves a medal just for being nice.
Jessjess23 Brooks I was a bad bully when I was in High School, I had a friend that was a geeky little blond guy that loved cars as much as I did, we were kind of secret friends, he was bullied by the “Nice Guys” that swore I was satan in the flesh because I was a total dick to them, they were “sweet” with girls but I could see them for who they were, my friend, who we’ll call Ben tried to kill himself one summer break and this dudes told him shit like he should do it again and no one would miss him, That same day Ben and me started hanging out every day and we became super close, we ended up becoming a couple and marrying, he always tells me he knew I was kind but I was acting like a dick to fit in and be cool but I was the only person that cared about people who were bullied by “nice people”, I actually targeted the nice guys because they were the biggest dicks of them all and they made everyone think I was the bully for trying to stop them.
MLBlue30 - agreed, but vilifying all nice people because a very small few may have ill intentions is not a good approach for humankind.
Jessjess23 Brooks Thank you perfectly said
He complains that women always choose the popular guys while he himself pursues only the popular girls 🤦🏻♀️
Yep!!
Exactly. Like those guys who moan about hot girls not dating them but also spend their time grading women looks on a scale and calling those who don’t make their cut all types of names. All the while, demanding women take them as they are ie without money, looks, charm or even manners.
@@Lafemmefutile A lot of times, those guys get rejected by the nerdy girls too, because those nerdy girls ALSO want the popular guy.
THANK YOU!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Women tend to be atrracted to men that other women want.
Golden rule, if a person is only nice to you and not to everyone else (especially to service crew, and the likes), they're not genuinely nice.
Of course you gonna be nice to someone you're interested in it. So what's really your point?
@Daniela Rejas García what do you mean who cares? If a guy is only nice to you and not your friends and family he isn't actually nice is he? Only nice for the end goal which is you, doesn't sound very nice does it
@Daniela Rejas García okay I was just speaking generally but its seem you dont get the original comment if somebody is only nice to you and treats everyone else like trash. Then they're not a nice person and somebody i definitely wouldn't want to be my bf. You know common respect for the people around you
@Daniela Rejas García im sorry what... you dont want someone who is a decent person and respects others?? I seriously don't get it
@Daniela Rejas García If someone that is mean to everyone else, and if he is trying to date you and he is only nice to you. That mean he is only being nice for the reason of having sex with you. And he will stop using the fake "nice" persona, and he will revealed his true self
I'm still laughing about the fact that my ex send me "500 Days of Summer" to show me how much he loved me and how much I had hurt him by rejecting him when I had no capacity for a relationship. Like, bro, this movie is literally about how the guy really couldn't take a "no" for an answer.
Dodged a bullet there ....
Stop that is so cringe wtf so happy hes an ex
One of the finest movies of all time. Should be made the part of school syllabus to cure the simp epidemic.
@@secretscipio XD
Um summer pursued him twice. She was the one who couldn’t take no for an answer.
Charles Boyle (Brooklyn Nine Nine) deserves a mention too. In the first season of the show he has a crush on Rosa, but after being told "no" he simply gets over it and continues to be friends with her, no anger, no resentment.
Actually, in general (Boyle respectfully getting over Rosa, Amy never being jealous of Jake's friendship with other women, Jake's honest friendships with women, Jake's reaction to Amy telling him about having been sexually harassed in the workplace, etc. etc.) Brooklyn Nine has some of the best examples of positive masculinity in television, in my opinion.
He only got over Rosa because he ended up having a love interest in Chloe from 24
When I think "true nice guy" and "Brooklyn 99", I think Terry.
Mia Ferrari Yes we need more positive masculine characters in shows so young boys will learn how to act
Agnieszka Kanska YES HE IS SO SWEET
Let's not forget Terry , who is so gentle and nurturing !
My parents would tell me don't be a "nice guy" be a "good man."
That's a golden nugget right there
Dakota Hale you’re parents are wise!
Yeah but was is a good man.?
word
@LEO2001 ehhh... is not.
But if it is to you, is fine.
A real nice guy would never say he's nice. He'd just, *be* nice, without drawing attention to it.
OMG WORDS
Exactly.
The truth have been spoken.
The think is you would just be good to everyone and will not obsess nobody. No is No and that's it you will understand that and back off.
What if someone’s asked a “true nice guy” if he was nice. What should he say?
Also people are weird a some people take specific actions as nice or say that those are nice things to do and some people take them as offensive or cruel. If I told the truth to some deluded person they’d say I’m being mean or I’m not supporting them even though to me that’s me being nice.
1. Men not respecting women's boundaries is so prevalent in our society that some of us will suddenly feel an uptick in interest when a man actually DOES respect us saying no. Let that sink in. (And no, that's not a sign for people to start pretending to respect us saying "no" in order to get us to say yes to you)
2) Guys who suddenly start calling a girl ugly and whatnot when rejected think they're saving face (somehow), but all you've done is tell us you're a crybaby who can't take rejection like an adult, and you've revealed you were never worthy of our attention in the first place. Thanks for validating my decision to reject you!
FACTS 😂😂😂
Out of curiosity:
Would men who call a girl ugly when rejected have had unreasonable expectations ), or taken it all too seriously?
If I were to say "at least I asked", when rejected, what would it show the woman I asked out?
@@countjakku5544 what r u on about im confused
@countjakku5544 you'd need to ask that woman, after you say that
the problematic thing is, these “nice guys” are nice to you only because they expect something from you in return just because they are being ‘nice’, like romantic reciprocation from a girl.
Finn MacCool thats not what i meant. what i mean is, they are nice to you *only* because they want the reciprocation. once you reject them or they start to doubt you, they show their true colours. so truly, were they ever ‘nice’ to begin with?
Finn MacCool did you watch the video... the nice guy is always the guy who’s interested in you. thats in the definition. a ‘nice guy’ is not a male that is nice in general.
Exactly, "The Dogged Nice Guy" trope has been done to death. They seem to think that by being the patient loyal best friend to the Heroine, they will eventually realise that "The One" has been there all along. But once the girl shows ANY kind of sign that she's not interested in him romantically, he usually gets clingy and nasty. So, maybe they were never REALLY nice to begin with? 🤷♀️
EXACTLY
Finn MacCool you suck dude
I think what a lot of "nice guys" miss is that no one is everyone's type. You can do everything right, and just not be her type. There's nothing wrong with her for not being attracted to you. She just isn't feeling it. No one owes you a relationship.
Exactly!!!! Omg, while I was watching this video I was thinking about all this fake nice guys that were just obsessed.
And they act like you can control who you are in love with, and what would be worse? being rejected or being in a relationship where the other person doesn't love you but can't reject you since you are "nice"
I always feel guilty and leave thinking something is wrong with me that I can accept love...but ur comment really made me feel better bout myself...
Yeah this applys to both man and women. I only wish more people would understand this in the world.
Also don't be nice just to expect something in return. Be nice just because that's basic decency.
I love ‘YOU’cause it shows the real side to all the things on screen that were played as romantic.
As someone who was in highschool during the Twilight era, all these ‘watch you while you sleep’ things were framed as romantic or even desirable. I’m glad theyre showing the true scarier side of these actions
One of my friends told me to watch "You" and said it was so romantic how the guy will go to any length for someone. I couldn't get past the first episode lol that's not romantic and I don't want to see how it ends... I KNOW how it ends to a well enough degree and that's not entertainment imo.
That's not really fair considering all the people that joe killed prior to actually even killing beck were very toxic to her life he felt he was doing her a service, beck was being manipulated and stalked way before joe even came into the picture was his brand of "love" extreme yes but did she in fact inadvertently need saving yes.
Hmm not a fair comparison in my opinion since sure, edward watching bella sleep is creepy but that doesn’t mean he himself is creepy, also the fact he hasnt been human for 100 years kinda pushes him form a normal person’s perspective.
I think Stephanie wrote that to remind the reader that despite all his human qualities, he’s still a predator
@@Mini-Toast_ the main character of You isn't a 'nice guy'. he's just a psychopath.
Narutotrickzxtv 3D are you insane?
I think How I Met Your Mother sums it up perfectly. Ted is the 'nice guy' who always pursues wrong women, doesn't take their feelings into consideration and is self-obsessed. Barney is the guy who isn't the nicest but doesn't pretend to be one either. And Marshall is the actual nice guy. He is kind, polite, caring. He doesn't point out 'he is a nice guy' every second and doesn't expect to be rewarded for it.
yesss! Man I love Marshall Eriksen..
I agree with everything you said, except for the part where you said that Barney does not pretend to be nice, Barney absolutely pretends to be nice. He manipulates women into believing that he wants commitment when really he does not.
AND Ted brags about all his exploits to his kids and in the end, proves he STILL hasn’t learned his lesson. “Hey Robin! Now that my wife is dead, wanna hook up?”
Marshall has always been my favourite
As much as reward would be welcome, I do my best not to expect it so obviously.
It's hard, but it's worth it.
They missed a big one in Will Smith's Megamind. When the "nice guy" suddenly gets superpowers he starts using them to force himself on a coworker and after she turns him down, he immediately becomes an even worse villain than the title character.
What do you mean will smith?
@@luisdaniel9542 I think they meant Will Ferrell
James Exum 😂😂😂
Oh yeah I remember him. Megamind is kind of a masterpiece, love that movie.
Also, The Purge season 2.
"but I'm a nice guy!"
*follows you around*
*won't take "no" for an answer*
*dictates what you do*
*gets physically abusive*
Yeah... real sweet of you 🙄
Perfectly sums up Twilight's Edward Cullen
@@golden_boundaries She was super into him tho... or is it r*p* because he's an immortal vampire and the power dynamic is too much in his favor xD
Oh sweet irony
pIayingwithmahwii OP never brought up rape, so idk why you brought it up
He said nice not considerate
Every single woman ever has heard the sentence "I'm/he's such a *NICE GUY*, give me/him a chance!!!". This way of eroding women's boundaries and guilt tripping her into dating guys she doesn't find attractive is sickening to me. If we refuse to date these men, people will go ballistic on us and claim we'll never find a guy with our "high standards". Excuse me, I'd rather be single than settle for a guy who feels entitled to me.
nervengewitter Yes because women tend to have unrealistic standards regarding a guy when they are very young and if and when they do obtain what they want the guy usually is not the kind of prince charming they were expecting or realize they can’t change him...in my experience most of the really hot guys were one of the rudest people I’ve ever known/arrogant so that’s why I feel like the ones that don’t have the best looks sometimes usually do have a better hearts Because they don’t have the luxe to make up for it so they have to try they have to put more effort to get attention from a girl they find pretty or cute but then again the cycle can go back to that guy and only be attractive women that are genetically attractive but there’s a lot of guys that still go after average type of women and those average type women are trying to get at the really attractive guy that they’re not gonna give her the hour of the day and then the average girl will miss out on a really great guy...
So yes basically if you’re not generally attractive you’re going to have do you use your personality more to win somebody over.
Amen. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for these, "nice guys" who use sympathy to trap you. They also use smiles to disarm you, so you are more comfortable around them, and easier to manipulate. I'd also rather be single for the rest of my life than date someone who is a pretends to like me, and obviously reveals no authenticity, genuineness, or interest in me as a person.
@@sofiabravo1994 good looks only make it easier in the very first stages of dating, your personality shows very quickly. This goes for both men and women. Conventionally hot women also have an easier time finding a date, but again: if you're not compatible character-wise, it doesn't help. And better looking people can be conceited and shallow, but often they're also sick of people only looking at the outside. Plain looking people on the other hand don't have "hearts of gold" just because they're not pretty. Maybe sometimes. I've also known very rude ugly people.
Exactly! I've been there...
Ok
It’s always interesting that the “nice guys” tend to be upset about how girls don’t like them, but it’s like they go after girls who are clearly not interested in them. Like my bf made a good point, while the “nice” guy is upset over his crush not liking him, there’s another girl looking at him who is interested in him who’s upset that he doesn’t like her
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That is so fucking not true.
@Delina Kebede
Were you one those girls? If not, you're just making assumptions.
Are that girls who like "nice guys" also "nice girls"?
@@mrtyrant1680 seen you commenting a few times to this effect. doing alright, buddy?
I was that girl who liked the nice guy. He was mad that I relentlessly pursued him even though he wanted a woman to chase him. He wanted a nice woman who took his feelings into account but when he met me, someone who does this, he ignored me and got mad at me for liking him. And I’m too attractive for him anyways. His loss. He’ll remain single forever the way he goes about liking women. He’s 28 and never had a gf because he has some fantasy of the “perfect woman”. When an attractive, kind, attentive girl like me showed interest in dating him he panicked. He doesn’t want a gf, he wants to complain about women not liking him so people can feel sorry for him. Women like him, but he doesn’t give them a chance because they’re not “perfect” when he’s nowhere near perfect either.
So "I'm a nice guy" and "I'm not like the other girls" are basically two sides of the same toxic coin? Makes sense.
Certainly
@Dr Frankenthot Honestly, I have more sympathy for "not like other girls" and "nice guys" than for the people who complain about them
The animosity against "not like other girls" has gotten very sexist at this point, to the point where girls and women are vilified for simply wanting to be different.
And the "nice guy" backlash has chauvinistic undertones in which "nice guys" is used as catch all term for men who are not stereotypically masculine.
So yeah, there is a lot of toxicity surrounding these terms, but that toxicity doesn't just go one way.
@@neosoontoretro that's actually a very good point. Like what if you have a bunch of girls who are all very horrible people and there is one nice girl, in that particular social sense "not like other girls" makes sense. And yes, not all sensitive guys are also entitled narcissists either. of course, in a wider social sense none of these two "tropes" make sense so it's ridiculous to identify by them, but that's another thing
@@neosoontoretro thank you. people are more focused on how "not like other girls" is misogynist than on the misogyny that might lead girls to want to be different.
@@neosoontoretro Totally get you, I admit, when I was like 13 I had that 'nice guy' mentality. But I matured. And while I'd say its still my personality, not to sound "I'm such a great person' but I am genuinely pretty reserved, I like to help people, and I'm kinda cheesy. But I do think what you said rings really true. Ironically, when guys aren't super buffed out or over the top 'alpha' they're just called "oh they're 'nice guys''. When that's not really the case. And same with girls who are 'quirky', its very possibly that they don't hate other women, they just don't like traditionally activities oftentimes associated with girls, so what. I do think some of course could kinda ride that trope into the sunset but plenty of girls just like not traditionally feminine things. It seems though, one one defense of "nice guys" is that I feel its overused and thrown around as a catch all term for guys who are genuinely nice but don't 'have six pack abs', and if guys have general wondering of "why can't I get a girl", they're just shit on and said that they're toxic.
I was just having a convo about how the "bad boys" girls go for actually have more positive qualities than the "nice guy" They could be more confident, handsome, ambitious, funny, exciting to be around vs. the nice guy who has none of that and really isn't even just nice but performs niceness just to have a single positive quality. Good ppl don't think constantly about how good they are, they just are.
"Bad guys" know what they want, and wont take bullshit, thats why they r better
I agree but can you give off some movie examples? Does 10 Things I Hate About You count?
Also they are more honest I think, the "nice guy" wanna be always good in front of the girl but the "bad boy" just says what he thinks and doesn't give a sh!t his opinion is unpopular or whatever.
@@andreasmeelie1889 I believe we should not believe that the guys in movies are real, because they are not. You can't see movies and expect real life people to be like them, bad guys in real life, and nice guys in real life are totally different, they share some stuff, but not all.
Like bad guys, you can't make them change, you just find their soft spot.
And nice guys, they look nice and everything, and sometimes they are, but sometimes they are just creeps.
bad boys are bad boys because they are rebels
nice guys are nice guys because they represent the status quo
It’s simple: he’s nice not because it’s who he is but because it’s the most he can be to attract a woman since he doesn’t have the looks or the money or the suave that all the guys he envies does. Nice is just a cloak, like money. He’s actually just like every other guy- and that’s why he acts just like them. Because if he had what they had he would be just like them.
Being nice is one thing, I'm all for a decent chill kind guy...if he's genuine some guys take this and pervert it. They basically groom the girl to try to match his fantasy to reality and if that fails then it's the girls fault and he's the victim.
Obama Doesn't Love Me No More
Or the guy was an asshole to begin with.
It can go both ways.
@Obama Doesn't Love Me No More how...... can...... someone...... turn...... into...... an...... asshole..... if they're really a nice person in the first place ? good people don't just *TURN* into bad just because people *REJECT* them
And “he”- those guys- usually was never nice in the first place. He was just a selfish dick who _thought_ he was being oh-so-nice to the girl he wanted to impose his fantasy on. But it was all about him, and his fantasy, not her. Not her as a person, just his projection.
(Before you try to flood my comment with replies, I won’t respond to you. My comment is for anyone else who might read it, not you, hopeless case.)
its the same game. its just a different strategy with the same goal in mind. its just a somewhat sleazier way of going about the gameplay.
Meg from Hercules:
"Well you know how men are. They think that "no" means "yes" and "get lost!" means "Take me! I'm yours."
Glenna Smith I mean it’s quarantine so you have time to rewatch it now :)
I kinda think of meg as the female badboy character
in defense of my boi Heracles he was legitimately nice and always respected her boundaries, the scene where she tried to seduce him is the prime example since he was more interested in actually getting to know her than in "getting to *know* her", at the end of the day Heracles WASN'T just a shallow man who just wanted her body, but a trust worthy friend who saw the good in her and was literally willing to give up everything he had built up for her safety, that's a good boi right there.
Andrelize Van Der Walt to be fair, though, Meg had had her heart broken one too many times and was convinced that all men are like this. We created a nice guy Trope as a way of illustrating how not every man in the world is driven by his passions, and can show kindness. Unfortunately, overtime, people began to be inspired by these romantic leads to put on a false halo of kindness around themselves to make themselves look more romantic and thus, more appealing to Women. In turn this causes the nice guy to commit a greater act of perversity than even the overtly hormonal alpha male.
Well, to be fair, women are responsible for that one
"he's not exactly looking for an awkward girl of the same social hierarchy" THIS THANK YOU. Nice dudes swear that girls, for example, don't like nerds. Yes they do! But you want a Victoria Secret model who isn't into nerdy shit.
'Nice guys' don't pursue their female equivalents because they see all the negative qualities in them that they can't see in themselves.
Should a guy date a girl that he doesn't like just because she's in the "same social hierarchy"?
@@mrtyrant1680 should a girl date a "nice guy" who might be even BELOW her league just because he fakes kindness
Leilane Herondale hmm hmm 😂😂 yooo
@@leis7454
That's not what I said.
When I was 16 some people tried to put me together with a girl in my class just because we kinda fitted together. (Appearance wise.)
But I was interested in another who was more attractive then myself but we had a lot of things in common and enjoyed the same type of stuff. (She was a hard core gamer just like me. )
Sharing my personal experience. I was during many years a typical nice guy. It was genuine, but as years passed, and I was getting no girls, I started to get resentful "to the womanhood" because they liked the "bad boys".
It took time until I realized that it was not about being nice or bad, but about having and showing personality. I'm still "a nice guy" but now in a healthy way, it doesn't mean I'm entitled to any girl. And in the last year's I was very successful with the girls, until I found the one Im going to marry.
What I want is to try to explain to any potential young me out there is that being nice is not an entitlement to get a girl. Show confidence, have a personality, take care of yourself, be brave and tell what you feel if you really like a girl, and move on if she is not in the same page. Do not pretend to be friend of a girl with a hidden agenda. THAT IS NOT NICE.
Let a random stranger like me say to you: thank you for your words. May you live a happy life 🌟
Feel you; I used to be a "pick me"; had to go through some growth to realize that other women weren't the enemy.
@Nicholas Hansen I was more in shape in my teenage years than nowadays. That was not the issue
We love self improvement
I agree but don't feel these guys look at it as pretending. They really do want to be close with who they like. They settle for whatever title puts them closer to the person they desire. A girl can say friend but he won't think of himself that way. That is part of the problem for sure. Glad you grew up but don't get married. It's a trap... You can spend the rest of your life with someone without gov't approval lol
"I said I'm a nice guy bit**" a huge proportion of the men who say they're nice I've seen are actually incredibly rude and misogynistic.
A lot of the guys who get described as mean are actually incredibly genuine.
The thing that bothers me is, why do you expect a relationship out of someone just because you help them? Shouldn't you help people just because you're nice? But nooo if he does something for you he expects more than friendship.
Thank you for perfectly describing it.
I've improved so much from the person I was as a teenager, most of the issues I had came from the fact I lived in a society that expected a certain ancient image of women that I wanted to go against. But I've grown a lot when I got to college. Your videos have been a huge comfort in the past few weeks. THANK YOU
It warms my heart that we are all collectively becoming more aware and not letting screen narratives twist our perception of what true values should be. :) Proud of us!
I think society is finally recognizing that sometimes the most abusive people are the ones that were "so nice" in the beginning. This is how so many people get trapped in abusive / toxic relationships with the "nice guy". It's all roses, and sweetness, until jealousy, projecting etc kick in.
That's not a "nice guy" ffs. That's a regular abuser during the honeymoon phase.
@_jeff _ nah, nice guys are shit (this is the topic we're talking about here) and girls/women have nothing to do with this.
Do people really get trapped with "nice guys"? Most NIce guys are pretty harmless. I have never met a woman who actually feared her Nice guy. Women leave nice guys all of the time. Women get trapped by sexy men, who are bad. Why? Because these men magnetize these women toward them, and these women can't break free from their magnetic pull. Nice Guys are characterized by having virtually no magnetic pull whatsoever. All they have is validation and service, and women can leave that pretty easily when they find a sexier option.
In nature this behavior in males is called "mate guarding". It's thought to have arisen from the biological fact that male paternity is not assured.
@@LifeLikeSage This video here can only give you a 'Start'.
The Nice-Guy-Pandemic is BIG and COMPLEX (and yet all so simple...) so i recommend
watching more Content-about-this-Topic.
If you understand nothing else about the "nice guy", understand this: It is NEVER about the girl. It's about him and what he WANTS from the girl. So everything he does is for his own personal gain. His motives are entirely selfish.
And he seems to kill cause he likes it...or at least doesn't mind doing it!
@Manophere. com JAMES BOND EXPOSED
@Manophere. com I like James Bond.
All human motives are selfish in the end...
@@silverhetch3383 And it doesn't matter if you are male or female either.
I remember when i was in high school i had to avoid my "nice guy" who kept on aggressively pursuing me. And worst, how everyone kept telling me to go for him. Am not very physically attractive (no low self-esteem btw) so i knew that what people were telling me was that he was the best i could hope for. It was so upsetting that people dismissed my concerns for his disgusting behavior even though they always talked about how creepy he always acted around me.
They probably watched too much Hollywood movies portraying this "nice guy" trope.
I feel ya, My mother once told me to take what I could get (when talking about a guy I knew who didn't treat me very good) because someone like me couldn't hope for much. Thanks, mum!
@@kbhprinsesse You yourself, you know when you're in love or not!
if "nice guys" were genuinely nice, they would respect when a woman doesn't reciprocate his feelings
Adeline Collins
They are called kind guys
Adeline Collins PREACH
Care to elaborate? I'm not understanding the connection between kindness and an aversion to rejection or perhaps I'm misunderstanding, so please elaborate.
AFRO_NiNjA25 it sucks to be rejected, don’t get me wrong, but a mature adult will understand that nobody is obligated to reciprocate their feelings. you may be down in the dumps about it, sure, but any reasonable person won’t throw a hissy fit when they don’t get their way.
@@adeline.is.sleepy ok thank you! Apreciate the constructive conversation!
I think this, this trope in movies has hands down done more damage to my relationships. In the movies the “nice” guy gets the girl but really he’s a borderline stalker who can’t take a hint. I thought I was a “nice guy” but really I was just a coward. It took a long time to realize and plenty of therapy to fix that.
Understanding yourself is the best thing in the world. I'm glad that you were able to achieve that. It took me years to understand why I deliberately tried to scare guys away by acting odd or rude when they showed interest in me. I, too, finally figured out who I was and I like myself much better for it. I also make for a much better friend. :)
Movies TV shows can really mess people up by creating a "normal" that isn't healthy.
Good for you!
Saaaaaaaame dude. I didn't go to therapy but now I see I should have. There's also so much in the media about how "respect women" is portrayed. It's sold as if you respect them they'll give you what you want and when it doesn't work that you become super frustrated and that's where the outbursts come from. For me I was afraid to ask for what I wanted because I used to internalize rejection. I was lucky enough to have a very patient friend walk me through my own bullshit (as well as he could, he's not a therapist). It also gets reinforced a lot when people say "you're such a nice guy" as compliment which leads to even more frustration when you don't get your needs met.
Although this is going to be unpopular it's true. Women tend to play a huge role in it as well. They'll keep nice guys in their orbit to get validation and give them crumbs to keep them around and then play victim when the guy finally blows up. At the end of the day it's insecure people manipulating other insecure people to feel better about themselves.
@@nmarrs8539 It takes a lot of courage to be this self aware and honest about how your behavior affected others. Congratulations on your sobriety! I'm 2 years clean myself.
It takes a lot to examine yourself. You are on the right path. Carry on!
"He even expects a prize for acting like a decent human being" - looking at you, LEONARD. I still hate that Penny ended up with him on Big Bang Theory. And after it's revealed he cheated on her!
Penny and Sheldon had more chemistry than them tbh
@@raspberrycrowns9494 Way more!
Yeah I hate Leonard! Penny deserved someone better.
The whole show was just made to be fantasy fulfillment for bitter "nice guys." Hence why Penny, the hot, popular girl from high school, is working a shitty job and completely fails at her dreams, while dating a cycle of exaggerated idiots and jerks. It's only after she chooses to date/marry Leonard that she gets a good job -- in fact, one that makes even more money than his! Wow, didn't that work out so well for poor little Leonard, waiting in the wings? And of course, he is even rewarded with her abandoning her childfree status and getting pregnant in the finale!
And let's not even talk about Bernadette, who is more accomplished, higher paid, and out of the league of her creepy husband, Howard, yet still takes the place of his mother by doing ALL the cleaning and cooking while he plays video games. Oh, and of course, she also abandons her desire to remain childfree for his sake.
Yeah, Chuck Lorre shows are literal cancer.
I agree. A woman like her shouldn't ever have even dated him. The fact they were together in real life, bothers me a bit lol
I had a "Nice guy" phase in high school/college i was completely spiteful towards girls who didn't give me a chance and thought they just wanted the "jocks" or "thugs" im not proud of who i was then but i grown up and learn how toxic i was and now focusing on gaining confidence and losing weight
proud of u bro
@@duygukaya8819 Thank you
You are so honest. You'll find your soul mate!
@@proudcynophile1901 it's really nice to see so much positivity in the comments on this video.
I Hope that you’re doing better these days it takes a lot to realize when we are doing something wrong or when we are being toxic
Sierra Burgess is the "nice guy" of female characters
I just watched this yesterday and YES. I felt so bad for Jamey the whole time. ... I kinda feel weird about it but I couldn't help shipping Sierra and Veronica. Sure they were partners in crime (catfishing) but once they have learned their lesson, I kinda feel like there's some potential for an interesting romantic dynamic there. But maybe that's just me! 😂
crapshots SAME, I was shipping Sierra w Veronica too
@@sonalsanjanwala7211 They at least seemed equally toxic.
The "good woman " 😂
No she is a "nice girl" there is already a name for this type of women 👍
A nice guy shouldn’t have to tell girls that they’re “nice”, just prove it by your actions.
Charley Griffiths as my dad always said “if you have to say it, it’s probably not true”
R Parker fair point! Think it’s more that if they’re a genuinely nice person, they will do nice things without even thinking, rather than faking nice things for an ulterior motive
Anytime someone offers up random, unsolicited information like “I’m a nice person” or “I’m very honest” I automatically suspect them of being the opposite. I have no idea why else they would feel the need to point those things out unless they were trying to cover something up that is a big enough problem to be on their mind frequently enough that they just random ass start talking about it.
@Riki Kage If your response to someone saying that nice people don't have to go around saying they're nice because if they are truly nice it will show in their actions is to pull a half-assed whatabouttism then it just sort of marks you as a "nice guy" even if you're not one. No one is saying that women can't be scum but read the room dude, if the topic of the video is the "Nice Guy" trope in the media of course people will talk about "Nice Guys" and not focus on the topic of gold diggers which is something that has nothing to do with the video.
@Riki Kage While some incels are nice guys not all nice guys are incels so while that equivalency is not wrong it's also not a concrete fact. Also what does that even has to do with either of ours previous comments? Because it does not add anything to the conversation besides a vague confusion over your definition of context and maybe a bit of misdirection
"It's easy to ditch someone who's mean to you, but someone who's actually not a bad person will slowly ruin your life forever."
Truth
"it's easy to ditch someone who's mean to you."
Is it? Tell that to the relationships where one is clearly a physically abusive dirtbag
Repeat after me:
"It doesn't matter how helpful and kind I am, no one ows me anything and vice versa"
If you give gifts and expect something in return it's not a gift, it's manipulation!
Tell that to every guy who ever pursuit a girl and had to waste their time, energy and money only to get turned down afterwords instead of before it.
Seriously, if someone gives you a gift without it being a special occasion. There's usually some reason behind it and you shouldn't accept if you're not interested on the person.
@@mrtyrant1680
The thing is that every time you try to get to know someone you have to risk getting turned down. That’s normal and that’s life.
Therefore „wasting“ time and energy, potentially even money (even though I don’t think that’s necessary while dating) is a part of the risk.
Also, the person you’re pursuing doesn’t owe you anything.
Imagine a girl that you’re perhaps not really sure about yet would „waste“ their time with you and then expect you to propose to them. Wouldn’t that be strange?
Wouldn’t it be unnatural or even scary?
I would argue by saying you „wasted time and energy“ that you’re expecting the same from a girl/woman.
It’s your responsibility to not be hurt and your responsibility to set boundaries.
There are always people that’ll try to take advantage, unfortunately, but most people are just looking exactly like you and more often than not in dating - it’s simply not a match.
So in the end dating is risking being hurt or turned down and there’s nothing that can change that.
@Someone 333
I repeat, if someone gives you a gift without it being a special occasion, there's usually something behind it. Especially if it's a expensive or extravagant gift. (Birthday, Christmas or other holiday gifts don't count, because I highly doubt that you get gifts otherwise unless you're a girl.)
@@mrtyrant1680 Had the gift giving situation happen to me once, I could sense the guy's ulterior motives. Thankfully it was nothing too expensive, I gave him a gift in return.
@@Aurelia2147 What I am about to say is a little offensive, but switching the roles around. When a women freely gives sex to a top tier man who has many options in girls, that man doesn't owe that girl a committed relationship either. A lot of girls pursuing these "friends with benefits" where the parameters of the relationship was already established from the beginning to then later demand the guy to be in a committed relationship, because the girl developed feelings later on, doesn't work that way either. Men cannot put commitment coins (time, effort, money, resources, loyalty, etc) into a girl and expect sex in return. A women cannot put sex coins into an attractive guy and expect a committed relationship in return.
It's so funny when the "nice guy" complains hot girls won't date him, and someone suggests they go for a girl who's average. "Why should I?" Dude, you're not entitled to date any woman you want. If you can have high standards, why can't she?
Exactly, it reaks of the misogyny and male entitlement of our society. "Women should stop being so superficial and want me for meee" (I heard this is from a "nice guy" in his late 30s, still living with parents, overweight with drinking issues and ONLY interested in 10 years' younger classically attractive, slim women with their shit together)
Ouch. Why you gotta fucking kill em?
Manophere. com loooll, it’s ‘your brain’... ‘you’re the one with privilege’... you’re still not helping your case
Really good point
@Manophere. com The Handmaid's Tale was also based on real things. Look it up. The author Margaret Atwood has said such.
I was dating a "nice guy" a few years ago after he wore me down enough to finally say yes. 500 days of summer was one of the movies we watched together, it was so ironic and he felt so uncomfortable straight after because the similarities were so glaring lol.
That's all behind me now thankfully, and I've happily found my Ben Wyatt. ❤
Parks and rec damn
Right? How awesome is it to find a genuinely good, kind man who wants to be in a relationship with another real person? Found mine too! (at last)
Best final of a story 😭😭😭♥️♥️♥️
I love me some BEN❤️❤️
You sound like me, i have a guy who has the typical nice guy behaviour and i was sort of dating him, i left.... and now he's bulliyng me into submission to go out with him again... 😑
"You will never find a guy like me. Loyal, serious and is willing to do anything for you" "If I ever see you, I will really hit you with my *vehicle*" -this was said by a "nice guy" when I rejected bec I was getting choked up with him controlling me even when we didnt even had any relationship (we were not even that close)
Holy shit 😟 I'm so glad you got rid of his toxic insecure ass... Hope you're okay now! Hugs!
Media that says this kind of insecure bulshit is fine is a BIG PROBLEM.
Jesus Christ that went dark..............
I hope you are okay. Dang he is creepy.
Pyx Hey. as a single guy who was the never-went-for-a-girl-because-he-will-get-into-an-arranged-marriage-later guy, I resent that statement. It sounds too dark and gives no hope to the actual ‘nice guys’. The empathetic and can take no for answer type. (Not that I’d know.)
A big turn off about the “nice guy” is his entitlement. He thinks people owe him something just because he’s nice. Real nice people don’t expect something just for being a decent person.
Entitlement can be unintended. And it's just as obnoxious when it is!!!
let's give some love to ben , chidi , boyle , terry and jake . THE MICHAEL SCHUR'S ACTUAL NICE GUY SQUAD
That's how you write a genuine nice guy! Yay Michael Schur!!
I only know Chidi, but yeah, he's so amazing!!!! Michael Schur is an amazing human being for creating such wholesome characters!!
Don’t skimp on Ron and Andy (and even Larry/Garry/Terry/Jerry) there! Those guys were the best. I always loved how Ron was a stereotypical ‘man’s man’ who never let that cause any fear or hatred in him. He still admired strong women and wanted to boost Leslie, April and, later, Diane up at every opportunity.
As humans, we don't realize how easy a scale we grade ourselves on. As a general rule, we all perceive ourselves as nobler, more intelligent, and more competent than we necessarily appear to other people.
Some people say that "nice" isn't a noteworthy thing to be. That it's the bare minimum of what should be expected... I agree with this to an extent, but only so far. Kind people make our lives better, and there's no shame in appreciating people who make our lives better.
Rather, I feel that "nice" is praise that *is* noteworthy... but ONLY if it's being used by someone else to describe you, rather than a self-appraisal. Since, as mentioned, humans aren't the best judges of their own virtues.
"we are the heroes of our own history"
Lmao...
All of this. Attributed by others not by own estimation.
Well said.
You are assuming most poeple have high self steem.
I used to be a niceguy. I would pine women from a far, not express my feelings, and do things for women and expect something back in return. It took me awhile to learn that when I was young that this was not an authentic way to be. So, I learned that listening, respecting boundaries, and giving full support WAS what I wanted to be all along. I have a happy relationship now and it was all worth it to learn that being authentic and up front about how I feel while respecting the person across from me is the way to be.
Character development!
Nice man, how are you doing now😀
That's some fantastic personal growth, and you found someone who liked you for you! Awsome!
Glad you’ve gotten better now
@_jeff _ “bro” he never said that women didn’t like the way he acted and he said that when he changed he realized that’s how he wanted to be.
THANK YOU FOR PUTTING ROSS IN. i’ve always said he was toxic and people never see it
In that show it was on both sides. Rachel "broke up" his relationships with Juli and Mona and also she kind of did a "nice guy" or "nice girl" thing with Joshua.
Let's be honest. Both Ross n Rachel are control freaks. They deserve each other.
Didn't he wind up getting the girl, though? In fact, when he and Rachel had outs, he wound up banging others, throughout the series. So, his being toxic kind of backs up the bad boy vs. nice guy argument somewhat.
Yes, I thought Ross was a whiny a*hole from the beginning. He didn’t do anything for any girl that didn’t somehow benefit him.
@@whyohwhy9679 exactly!!!
“chivalry is dead”
chivalry and my patience for guys like these have that in common
I will never be dead because I am immortal because of my videos I make the videos that will last forever
@@AxxLAfriku sir this is a wendy's drive thru
Chivalry is the art of fighting on horseback. If a Nice Guy™ wants me to like him for his Chivalry, I first want to see him defeat his opponent in a jousting duel.
It is dead though.
@@qmulus1 they never said it wasn't
irl i’ve had worst experiences with the “nice” guys and they always end up being so emotional manipulative
? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? yeah, me too.
Wow, I'm astonished by how much contempt there is for nice guys in the comments, as a nice guy myself I can tell you that a lot of the motives girls (and this video made by women) attribute to us is wrong....yes there are sleaseballs out there who try to worm their way into a girls pants by acting nice but mostly it is for other motives, for example the emotional manipulation nice guys do is not because we want to imprison women( that would defeat the purpose of being nice) but because we see you looking at the bad boys and feel insecure. I will stay on here if anyone has any questions, but please be respectful.
Andreas Lind i agree that there are some actually nice ‘nice guys’ out there like it was mentioned in the video. please don’t take these comments personally. :D
@@lsdieleknfkk It's the same principle as someone saying they have a superior intellect or other self-described positive attributes. Without showing the trait, describing yourself in this way just makes you seem like a grandiose narcissist. The manipulative and controlling behaviour attributed to narcissism also seems to be correlated to the "nice guy" persona.
@@andreaslind6338 well maybe there's contempt because many women actually experienced the "nice guy" at least once? I certainly did and it was traumatic.
And you are repeating what every thing that a nice guy says as a lazy excuse of their insecure behavior. If you are nice to people, then is okay. If you are a nice guy to women.... then you are not trustworthy.
So it's the "I'm not like other guys" trope. Just as annoying as the "I'm not like other girls".
Yes! I can't stand this type of characters, they think that everything creepy that they do, makes them special and unique... Like standing outside of any place waiting to the girl that they have a Crush on
Or the self-confessed guy’s girl. She loves to drink beer, hang out with the guys and doesn’t get women!
i would say the nice guy is even more harmful given how far they can take their acts. but yeah, both annoying
I’m not off the hook either, I had this phase in middle school. As I got into feminism I realized how my behavior poorly reflected the society I want AND the ideals I claimed to represent. So I put the breaks on my misandry and sexism, and began to try be the image of a feminist I want to see more in the world. My opinion of course.
Jayquill Berry
I also went through a brief “I’m not like other girls” phase in school... it wasn’t pretty.
I was all “Yeah, I play video games and my favourite colour is black. I don’t like pink or wearing makeup or skirts like those other girls do! You can have an ‘intelligent’ conversation with me.”
I cringe so hard whenever I remember.
When most of us try to ‘be like the boys’ we stupidly think it means we have to belittle other women, as if those other women were lesser than us or competition for guys attention. Luckily, I woke up from that pretty quickly and realised that yes I like both skirts and video games... almost as if human beings are multifaceted and can enjoy a variety of different things. And that’s what makes us unique.
(500) days of summer ist such a great example! I watched it the first time, when it came out. I was a lonely, sexually frustrated teenager - and probably would have also considered myself a 'nice guy' as well. Then I watched it again a few years back, and it was astounding how wrong my view of the relationship was. I mean both characters are flawed, which made them feel so human. But really, I was surprised how Tom seemed like a total jerk. Actually made me reflect some of my behaviour as well. Amazing film!
I think the reason the 'bad boy' usually attracts the girl is how genuine they are
Because they have a strong sense of self they are able to show more aspects of their personality naturally.
A 'nice' person has a weak sense of self and is at the mercy of approval. They are not able to truly be themselves: they can't help but wear a mask based on how they think they should appear. It's a tiring charade and when it fails they snap. They went through all the trouble of acting in a way that pleases others, and yet it still failed to work. The bad boy does not try to play the charade. He lives freely and still reaps the approval the nice guy so desperately desires, so the nice guy becomes resentful.
The nice guy does not realize that they do not need to play this charade. It does not protect them, and it cannot please others the way genuinely being themselves ever could. Once they develop a sense of self via non-contingent self esteem, they will realize the charade was never necessary and they will finally be able to exude that authenticity that currently eludes them.
I agree. The reason women might find bad boys attractive is not inherently because they are bad, it's just that they are often confident and assertive. Sure they are not always ideal partners but they still show some authenticity instead of putting on this fake persona. Confidence is an attractive trait, and many women are also attracted to healthy, funny, confident individuals who are not "bad boys". It's not about the bad part like some of these incels claim.
@Glenna Smith I'm not a man so I don't really know but confidence is an attractive trait regardless of gender in my opinion.
or you could just „authentically“ not be an asshole and accept a woman rejecting you even though you‘re „nice“. The conclusion from this video isn‘t „stop acting like you respect women and just be your authentic misogynistic self“ but „maybe consider seeing women as individuals with a free will and taking ‚no‘ for an answer.“
@Glenna Smith Well a lot of men also pursues women who are assertive and "aggressive". There's a reason why characters like Azula from Avatar and Mean Girls are popular among male viewers, hence the term "bad bitch" you would occasionally see from them. So as said before, confidence and assertiveness are one of the major traits that people look for. If you don't have any self-esteem or confident to show a thing about yourself like a hobby or personality, then what would any men or women like from you.
That's a very eloquent and insightful explanation.
In my opiniom THE REAL nice guy of Friends was Chandler. The way he treated Monica was awesome. He became really mature and supportive partner, he always respected her and they went together through thick and thin.
Heck, even Joey was very nice. Stupid, but nice.
Visplight yeah and at least joey didn’t pretend to be nice to sleep with women. When he wanted to sleep with someone he let them know up front.
i wouldn't know about "thick and thin" tho...pun intended
@@blehll5250 There was an episode when Monica was still obese and Chandler loved her anyway, if that's what you meant.
@@emiprzyczyna5222 oh really didn't know about that. thanks for letting me know
I was friends with a ‘nice guy’ once. I just failed to see it till I started dating my husband. Then he professed his love for me, attempted to kiss me and then proceeded to sleep with one of my friends so I could ‘feel the pain of watching him with someone else.’ When that didn’t work, he proclaimed that he couldn’t take the pain of seeing me anymore and walked away from our 10 year friendship.Havent spoken to him for 15 years. Super nice guy, right there.
magsguerra thats one of the things i really hate about “nice guys”. They waste years of our lives in fake friendships with us, deceiving us, then if/when they FINALLY accept theyll never have a chance with us they leave or rape us. Because the whole time they just wanted sex. Way to waste years of our lives in this “friendship” just for proximity to us while they test out new ways to try to manipulate us into sex. It sounds like in your case your marriage made himrealize he’d never get a chance. I had a “niceguy” friend for like 6 years and then when i came out to him as a lesbian he raped me and we never spoke again. It wasn’t totally out of left field. He knew since day one that i was probably a lesbian, i was never fully in the closet. but i wasn’t sure if there was ever going to be some random exception where i might meet one guy i liked at some point in my life, so i was not confident yet with the label. So ever since he met me he knew i was at least 90% gay. He really spent 6 whole years in a friendship deceiving me into thinking he was a genuine friend when really he was latching onto the 10% chance that i might one day like a male even though that male was litrtally never going to be him...
@@corinneobrien7133dear god, im so sorry that happenned to you! I hope you got the help you need for that, and also that he rotted in jail!
Well, atleast he walked away if he couldn't see you. That's way simple. Less complex.
@@corinneobrien7133 I'm so sorry that happened to you and I hope you are doing better now
10 years to make a move.. you dodged a bullet there!
In other words let’s not confuse low self esteem, lack of confidence, judgment and decision making with niceness.
This video literally saved my life! I’ve had a “good guy” friend for 8 years and Bc of this video I realized that all he was was a stalker and abuser. Thank you for making this!
I hope he doesn't keep stalking you!
if he your friend how is he stalking you, friend call or show up.
@@stevemyopinion423 solid point. to say he was stalking means she had to have had some feeling about it being creepy before yes? i'm not trying to be mean or anyrhing i'm genuinely curious. I've dealt with a nice guy before and I immediately saw red flags. even though I stayed friends with him I was very aware of his toxic behaviors and it started with me thinking "hey this guy isn't being very nice like he said he was!"
Did he physically hurt u? or try to emotionally guilt u into dating him?(not asked u out)
Because if he did how are u still friends with sick person like that?
What happened to you after you watched this video and your "good guy"
I'm so tired of men constantly describing themselves as "nice". What does that MEAN?? "Nice" isn't a personality, it's just being a decent human being. Stop acting like women are obligated to be interested in you because you are polite or a good friend. Women aren't machines you put niceness coins in and get sex in return. Don't act passively and never express your feeling to someone, then complain about being "friendzoned".
It's sad that men are notoriously so awful at treating women like human beings that we have a subset who feel the need to call themselves "nice". "Nice" is a vague descriptor, should be the bare minimum for how to treat all other human beings, and doesn't entitle you to anyone's attention, affection, or other access to their bodies.
I'm so tired of men and women constantly complaining about a complete strawman that doesn't exist. Yeah, when women or LGBT person asks for sex, it's because they're horny, but when a straight male asks for sex, it's some kind of weird Vulcan logic about transactions. Can I just state how I feel, without people trying to question internal thought logic?
@@aaendi6661 no one said men cant want or like sex. the problem is when they feel entitled to it, refuse to take no for an answer, or feel women owe them sex for being "nice." or if they dont make their intentions clear from the beginning and pretend to be friends with someone when in reality they're just waiting for the person to give them sex.
@@rebekahmikaelson1198 Women and gay men act the same way. People just don't notice it because they never question it. When you're a straight man everybody puts you through shit-tests.
@Cocoa Lee it does exist even when you're clear up front
"Are you playing hard to get?"
Oh I hate that.
Same. It's like it's so impossible to believe that I genuinely meant no
You know, I've heard the term so much.... like where did it come from. Has anyone ever like legit 'played hard to get'. Like how does that even work? String a guy or girl along for your own amusement until you finally decide to say yes, for shits and giggles? I've heard the phrase countless times but ever met anyone actually playing hard to get.
Some do play hard to get.
It happens a lot
The Notebook is another example of a guy who “won’t take no for an answer”. But she falls for him so it’s “okay” and a True Love story.
Half the human race would not exist if guys immediately took no for an answer.
@@clintirwin3468 clearly he did too much and was a stalker
@@nicoleonlysometimes824 And 99% the the audience of The Notebook is women.
@@clintirwin3468 Uhh, I’m really hoping you do understand no still means no. Men and women both need to understand that no means you stop completely and move on.
@@Megan-jx3dy No means no in college classroom theories about sex. You should read some of the vast majority of the erotica WOMEN write that make billions a year. In real life, there's no that means no, and no that means "convince me." College classroom sex theories seem to have been put together by virgins. In real life there is something called seduction. College professors think seduction is rape. The vast populace OF WOMEN do not.
“I’m just a boy in loooove
I can’t be held responsible for my actiooons
I have no underlying issues to address,
I’m certifiably cute and adorably obsessed
They say love makes you crazy therefore you can’t call him crazy
So when you call him crazy, you’re just calling him in love”
-Trent, crazy ex girlfriend
Omg, Trent was an excellent example of a Nice Guy 😅
@@shoujokadyan5502 Trent was the best character on that whole show.
@@MrIansmitchell I still don't know if he actually ran with coyotes or not 😂
Oh boy! Trent is on a whole other level of crazy! 🤣
I WAS HUMMING THAT SONG ALL THROUGHOUT THE VIDEO
'if someone has to constantly repeat they're a nice person, they are NOT a nice person'
I don't remember who said that but I feel like that applies here.
or "People say I'm chArismATiC!" same logic.
The fact that you used Chidi Anagonye’s image but didn’t talk about how he’s a genuinely nice guy is very upsetting to me.
Nice is an understatement for Chidi, he's a solid good man with the right values.
Facts
EXACTLY
@@RK-ep8qy best value being wanting to improve as a person
TEAM CHIDI
I am so glad my brother introduced me to The Take videos. I'll change though me changing won't fix the girl I broke. I always thought i am a nice guy and why I am single turns out I am actually one of those knock off nice guys which actually affected my real nice guy trope. But I'll change for better. Be a nice guy, not the nice guy knock off.
My guard is automatically up when a guy tells me that he’s a nice guy. He’s either not self aware or he’s trying to sell something to me. I don’t ever tell people that I am nice because nice isn’t 100% who I am. I am capable of being evil, jealous, narrow minded, and unkind.
I have a friend who is genuinely a nice guy and I feel bad for him because his girlfriend treats him like shit.
Micaella 03 He probably has low self esteem, and telling him that he doesn’t deserve love because of it is kinda shit tbh. So many people let themselves get walked over regardless of gender, do they deserve to get left behind?
@@crushedankles3994 I think your definition is a little screwed. If anything, that person's friend might be a victim of abuse/in an abusive relationship. Even if that (hopefully 🤞🏾) is not the case, genuinely nice people of all genders can have low self-esteem, and be emotionally hurt. Being a nice person or people pleaser does not equal high self-esteem, nor does it automatically mean someone is manipulative. The manipulation comes in when they are nice only in order to get things in return, not for the sake of being a decent human being.
You might need to rethink a few definitions.
since y'all are misunderstanding my comment i'll just delete it
our hearts can be tainted by the world experiences or ourselves doing.
A few years ago a nice guy fell in love with me. He was a good friend and we shared hobbies and good times. When we met I was dating a kind of popular guy. When we broke up a lot of friends thought that the nice guy and I should be together, but I couldn't develop romantic feelings for him and I got to the point of feeling guilty about it.
He never spoke to me directly about his feelings, even though his family and some mutual friends did. I was grateful that he didn't. The very idea of rejecting him made me feel like a bad person.
He don't overwhelmed me with romantic gestures but when he made a few movements and I didn't respond in the same way, he understood my posture and act as if nothing happend. That make me respect him so much. We're still friends. A few years later he started dating another girl and I felt truly relieved. He turned out to be a real nice guy.
However, I learned from this experience that many times women are pressured to accept the feelings of nice guys for the simple fact of being good friends or good people. This makes us doubt our own feelings and feel unjustifiable guilt.
I want to find love but I don't want to feel pressured to be with someone no matter how nice the guy is.
This video here can only give you a 'Start'.
The Nice-Guy-Pandemic is BIG and COMPLEX (and yet all so simple...) so i recommend
watching more Content-about-this-Topic.
Nice guys are boring. The discussion is filled with all these words, but nice guys are boring. Show a woman a gentleman and a pig, and she will have sex with the pig every time. Because the pig is exciting. That's just biology.
Bruh you just described what im experiencing right now
I give a round of applause to that guy.
This sounds EXACTLY like an experience I had with someone once.
A lot of “nice guys”, tend to be covert narcissists.
I tend to think that an uncovert narcissist is a little bit more moral over a covert narcissist as they tend to hide their motives
Justin Die I agree, it’s harder to spot a covert rather than a grandiose narcissist until you’re involved with them for the most part, but there’s behavioral patterns that are there if you look. Sometimes they slip up and you can see it more clearly. I feel like people like this (nice guys) even if not covert narcissists, tend to have similar mindsets. Which is, sad. It’s all stemming from deep insecurity and a lot of the time a deep sense of entitlement.
Touche!
As a nice guy, BIG YUP. I'm learning to be self-aware of that, its a hard thing to learn. Trying to unlearn that in my marriage.
bryan diaz varela
Fun fact: Narcissistic personality disorder is way more common in men than it is in women.
They forgot the other half of the nice guy trope, especially when it comes to sitcoms. That is growth. In the case of Friends, Ross, as the nice guy, fail his relationship with Rachel, their couple crash and burns. But the interesting part is what comes after. Ross accepts the idea that Rachel doesn't love him and, more importantly, doesn't cut her from his life because in the end, they're still friends. And that's when Ross starts performing acts of kindness without ulterior motives, which genuinely touches Rachel.
This evolution from motivated, interested to simply kind is what makes the trope whole and actually present something the audience can get behind.
ross was never a nice guy he was good man from day one of the show.
I blame a lot of these movies for misleading a lot of young impressionable guys to thinking that that's what women wanted. I know for myself that was definitely the case. I'd go see rom-coms with my mom from like 2005-2007 when I was a preteen/teen, and I really believed what I saw because they always showed it worked in the end.
I can only say that I'm just glad that I didn't continue to be the "creepy nice guy" for very long. From 16-18 years old until I grew out of it.
Check out comedian Patrice O’Neal on UA-cam. Thank me latter.
I’m guessing it was Adam Sandler movies. That guy is the realistic living embodiment of what women do not want.
Happy for you man. Normally movies do that because not even long ago movies and TV shows where manly created, directed and written by old white men who grew up watching movies and TV shows made by old white men with even more old-fashioned and prejudiced thoughts. So the movies used to treat female characters always as a love interest, sexual villan or family member. You can see that by the Bechdel test. In old movies women rarely had friends, goals, full names or anything that wasn't related to males in the movies. And they only exist to make the main male character evolve in some way. That is a quite common trope mix that show that quite well. The badass girl+The chosen one, you have a female character who is super badass, trainned all her life, study about the subject in the movie/book/series better than anyone... and a clumsy guy that didn't even knew he had powers or something like that... and somehow he is going to save the world while she sits back playing a support role so he can be the hero. '-' There is SO MANY stories like that, that is manly because is made by "nice guys".
@@beamarie8041 I think Adam Sandler in movies is not that bad. He insists, but not to a point that annoys or scare the woman. Also, he is full of confidence, quite funny and actually seems to real care. Like in the movie
50 First Dates, he goes after her a lot, but he actually take his time to know her, they actually had chemistry in the first day, he was direct with her from the start, he was worry about not telling her the truth everyday, he wanted he to evolve and be abble to live beyond the bubble her family created. And it wasn't "just because she was hot", he dated a bunch of hot girls before her. Was because he actually learned and liked who she was. Same goes for all of his movies that came to my mind right now.
I feel like "nice guys" typically have an anxious preoccupied attachment style, whereas true nice guys have a secure attachment style. Anxious preoccupied attachment involves putting someone on a pedestal, being needy, feeling insecure and invading other people's space out out of desperation for love. I've read some comments calling "nice guys" narcissists, but they are actually the opposite of typical narcissists in a way. Typical narcissists mostly have an avoidant dismissive attachment style and think they themselves are on a pedestal. Two different extremes of toxicity in love.
Hey thanks for giving me something to google. I wasn't aware of attachment styles. I don't date anymore because I was as you describe it "anxious preoccupied style". Don't get me wrong I did have genuine real feelings for those few I did date...but my insecurity and anxiety about every damn relationship eventually ruined it. I've since learned that it just isn't healthy for me to date...so I'm unfortunately perpetually single.
@@NerdSnipingBatman You're welcome! Actually I'm also anxious preoccupied, so I know exactly what kind of insecurity and anxiety comes with it. However, don't lose hope, we can actually change our insecure attachment style to a secure one with some help and practice. Getting a therapist is the easiest way, but if you're like me and don't have that luxury, the internet (and especially youtube) also has tons of helpful information. Some helpful youtube channels are Coach Craig Kenneth, Nu Mindframe, Briana MacWilliam, Thais Gibson, and Anna Akana. Hope that helps.
@@BluemoonSpaceRock It's actually not set in gender. Anxious pre-occupied people can be both men and women, same for avoidant dismissive (or what people call "emotionally unavailable"). And these two types basically attract each other like magnets (and eventually turn into a toxic relationship).
So anyone who is anxious preoccupied will likely subconsciously want an avoidant dismissive partner (and vice versa!). I don't know if you could say women are more often anxious preoccupied and men more often avoidant dismissive. However, it is true that this is the combination that fits the common gender stereotypes. Like when people joke about men getting imprisoned in marriage by their wife. But then again, we also have the nice guy stereotype as seen here and the stereotype that women are ice queens. So it still goes both ways.
@@BluemoonSpaceRock I think people are just unaware about attachment styles, and thus make false assumptions (e.g. that their behavior comes from being a certain gender rather than childhood trauma). And as you mentioned, it's easy to retweet if it resonates. Anxious-preoccupied (and maybe fearful avoidant ?) women probably see it and think "wow that is so me", whereas secure and avoidant dismissive women would probably ignore it.
I guess that the whole concept of attachment theory is something that isn't as well known as it should be. I also only discovered about it a few months ago. It's something that should be common knowledge (and a must know for parents). There is actually a lot of information about it online (and in books) that could be helpful for a lot of people.
There are different types of narcissism. I highly recommend you the videos in the channels of Inner Integration and Dr. Ramani on that subject 😉
Ok so as it turns out, I am in fact a “nice guy”. Today with this video, I begin my journey away from my past tendencies.
Nathaniel Banton YES thanks for recognizing it and changing🥺 you're already better off than most guys
You got this
HELL YEAH I'M SO PROUD OF YOU
This is one of the best comment, no anger or frustration, no defense or blame, just recognition and going for growth. You go! 👏🏻
Glad you recognised it. Kudos! :)
I'd like to see a movie about a "nice" guy who's in love with a girl, but throughout the story he realises his toxic traits, works to get rid of them, and ends up befriending the girl, instead of becoming her boyfriend, in the end.
..what would the point in that be.he gets nothing in the end. He actually gets less than nothing in the end. He gets punished in the end. For what being in love?
@@wcthesecret he gets a friend. I'd say that's something.
Ironically, one of the characters shown in this video starts off as a nice guy but develops and eventually supports the main character's pursuit of her main love interest. It's Duckie from Pretty in Pink. And the fact that he didn't get her in the end caused a lot of uproar with audiences in the 80s! Lol!!
@@realsanmer no one wants more friends lolz
@@realsanmer you can be friends with anybody you want. Why would you want to be friends with a woman that you’re trying to get with?
*Fun Fact:* Titan from _Megamind_ is basically a personified version of the R/niceguy.
F A C T S
My go to reference when talking about this trope.
Yeah now I'm really glad that he was the villian
He's a grade A incel, too.
Megamind was so ahead of its time. Truly a marvel.
This makes me think of that scene in Joker with the three teenage assholes on the train bullying this girl on the train. One of them literally said, "Come on, he's being _nice_ to you," when she was sarcastically offered a french fry. When she politely declined, clearly uncomfortable, they started _throwing_ fries at her and when she got up and moved to another section of the bus, she was quickly called "BITCH".
lol those are the guys woman sleep with.
@@benjaminr8961 Obviously some poor souls did if they thought that would work
Those were grown as men. Not teenagers lol
That said that same girl does nothing when Arthur starts getting beaten by said same guys
That scene was very realistic - sadly.
I dated a guy yeeears ago, who was known as "the nice guy" in the group. I wasn't that attracted to him, but I was younger and naive ..and not only him, but also our common friends talked be into giving him a chance because "you will never meet a nice guy like him again". And , that I didn't want him was "due to my fear of "being truly loved"". The first weeks he refered to me as an angel and SO perfect. After my unsurenesss didn't fade and me questioning his behavior a couple of times, he snapped, yelled at me, told me I was satan myself and didn't deserve love and should go to hell. None of my "friends" back then believed this. Because "he was too nice". I was the bad one. It took me FOREVER to realize what the fuck was going on. I wish back then people were more aware of this toxic traits.
What happened after that
Was he love bombing you? That kind of sounds like that's what that was. And it's something narcissists are said to do a quite a lot.
@@randombrokeperson sorry, I only saw this now: Yes he was definitely love bombing me. At that time I was fresh out of a relationship and had a LOW self-esteem. I was perfectly vulnerable to this tactic. And speaking about being easily manipulated: I even believed him all the trash he talked ... about ME being the crazy one. So like a week after, I went to a therapist to find out if I was "crazy" and "incapable of loving". Her reaction was pretty brilliant:
"So you actually think the person who first "loved" you and then yelled at you and insulted you, is the normal one? Good that you came here. Our goal should be to find out why the hell you'd let such a person make you questioning your own sanity."
So I continued the lessons to learn how to trust myself / my intuition strong enough, to run for the hills if something feels off. She was the best therapist ever and It helped me SO much in the long run.
I used to date the "complicated" guys before.. and now I am in a VERY happy and healthy relationship since years. So...in a weird way; I am "thankful" for this experience.
And that guy...He actually wrote me years later apologizing for everything.
He was then seeing a therapist and apparently realized some things.
@@l.h.7855 Wow! I'm so glad your story turned out for the best! Many blessings to you!
@@l.h.7855 wow, in a way you also answered my question🙂
I don’t tell my nephew he’s “soo nice omg” I tell him he’s considerate, kind, and selfless. That he deserves to stand up to himself, too. Seeing the ending gave me hope. I’ve always thought he was one in a million, and I’m glad to see it’s likely. Wish he weren’t and more guys were just kind/authentically nice.
It’s not “nice guys that finish last”
It’s “real nice guys finish first”
I couldn’t agree more with that line!
Exactly, "nice guys" can only "finish last" if they see women as a finish line.
or an uninterested woman, really.
Genuinely nice guys finish first. But unfortunately most people cannot be genuinely nice
@@zaza-ik5ws it's the same thing as having friends. "nice guys" only see them as gullible pawns instead of people. Also tbh having friends and romantic relationships are privileges, the only problem is that some people can't seem to know how to earn it
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
I feel like most “nice guys” are mama’s boys who use the same techniques to be their mother’s golden child in the dating world. The equation is, “I find out what you like to please you into giving me what I want.”
Every “nice guy”/mama boy that I’ve known has had intense narcissistic tendencies. They feel entitled to attention because they are “perfect” and giving you what you “want.” These guys have never really developed their own sense of self and are deeply insecure in their relationship to masculinity. In my experience, they have a ton of anger, resentment, and entitlement towards women.
These guys can be scary.
Rose Star I have experienced this
I don't know.."mama’s boy" sounds *sexist* 🤔
@@paradoxacres1063 Really? Why?
fancy seeing you here, Dr. Freud
This is soooooo true. You put my exact thoughts into words.
Feels weird when those nice guys actually exist in reality
Yes! Exactly... Are plenty of them in any place waiting to have a Crush on someone, and start to behave in a creepy way...
It happened to me like three years ago, a friend had a Crush on me and started to push away the guy that I liked at the time, (the guy wasn't the best also) I got wasted at a party and he taked advantage of the situation...
and there was the "nice guy" with dark intentions
Art reflects life most if not all the time
@@RomanZolanski123 i think so, maybe the writer of the character was one of them or lived a story like that
I think alot of guys introspected that idea as it became soo common in media, specially those who have little to no confidense or sense of self worth. I can definetly see myself falling into some of this behaviours when i fall in love because of that, and is something Im becoming more aware with time (even tho I always knew that that was not fair with them...)
Actually, I read of that a lot. Complete strangers would start to randomly talk to a woman, try to complement her and stuff, and the moment she says she doesn't want that, that she's not interested, she a "b*tch" or even worse things. Some even get attacked for not being interested in a random dude in the streets or on the bus. It happens.
This is actually incredibly informative.
we need more people like chidi in the world. ♥️
yessss
Do I agree or disagree with magma? Oh boy this is so hard. Just weighing the pros and cons of Chidi. It is too much. Ugh. This is agony.
I’ll even take a few Jason Mendoza’s too...dumb as a box of rocks but sweet, pure and accepting.
But then nothing would get done. 😆
Bobby Ranger are you ok? Do you have a stomachache? I heard that peeps chili is good for that!
“Nice guys” see women as vending machines that they put niceness tokens into and sex falls out of.
Which isn’t very nice at all. I remember HATING Xander during the first three seasons of Buffy (especially the end of season 2, not sure I’ve ever forgiven him for that). He got better with Anya, but then got trapped inside his own head again and lost her. But even after that he was still better than he was in high school, acting as a mentor for Dawn. So he did improve. But his high school years were basically everything I hated in “nice guys”.
I didn't realise how bad he was at the time. I had a big crush on him.🙄
I actually think Xander improves/matures a lot throughout the series. He does overcome that rejection and come to be a stalwart and true friend to Buffy and Willow. He has difficulty in finding a path forward in his life due to his lack of confidence, but he eventually overcomes that, too. He has so much potential to end up as the abusive drunk, which the series heavily implies was his home life as a child. It's even his greatest fear when marrying Anya (and exploited against him) - not that they'll be unhappy because she's a demon, but that they'll be unhappy because -he's- not good enough. But through it all, even though he's one of the only people in his peer group who has no super powers and just an average intellect, Xander becomes not a nice guy, but a good one. He -is- a mentor to Dawn, as you said. He lays it all on the line for his friends and for his community on a regular basis. He saves Willow from herself with love. It's not a possessive, creepy love. It's the real deal. With the help of Giles as his mentor and Buffy and Willow as his friends (and maybe Angel and Spike as examples of how NOT to behave), he becomes a good man. He doesn't have all of the answers and he often struggles, but I think this character development is important. Most of the "nice guys" examined in film and TV don't have time to grow up and grow out of the destructive side of the trope. Xander, thankfully, did.
@@sircharlesmormont9300 Also he was better than the stereotypical guy in TV shows at the time. Some of his perceived flaws are due to the fact that we have better standards for masculinity now. But I think he paved part of the way.
Just think of when he selflessly jeeps Cordelia's secret and buys her her dress anonymously.
I mean it’s no different from generically attractive men they don’t have to try very hard they can be the worst of the worst but will still get laid so whether they are nice or not men in general just want to have sex and will use anything to get to it and I know it sounds harsh but it’s true on the biological standpoint hormones testosterone they will use gimmicks tactics to get laid...
To be fair highschool is peek nice guy era for a lot of guys. Before they have learned what actual healthy relationship are, but after the hormones really kick in. To give Xander a main character through that kind of an arc ir really belivable, and kinda shows an example of healthy maturing.
“Peter Kavinski is a nice guy”
John Ambrose: am I a joke?
John Ambrose is a true sweetheart, pure hearted
They are both really genuine. John Ambrose realized right away when they kissed that LJ didn’t have the same feeling for him and he accepted it. He’s an icon.
Peter and John Ambrose were BOTH sweet guys, Lara Jean definitely had a tough choice to make, either way. But ultimately, John Ambrose accepts that Lara Jean stills loves Peter, and doesn't push her into having feelings for him, and lets her be happy.💖
Peter always respect LJ boundary. Both can be Nice people
Peter was the real nice guy for the first movie and John Ambrose is the real nice guy of the second one
I really like "You" because we can see in a deeper and creepier way what goes on in the minds of this type of people, the scariest thing for me was that I even found myself agreeing with him, it was a constant struggle to remind myself what he is and what he does.
If that happens with an audience just watching, it's not hard to understand why these guys are so convinced they are in the right.
I just realized I dated a nice girl for a few years. She pursued me until I finally gave in despite not really liking her but figured I would fall for her eventually. She lied to me over and over and let me down constantly, even outing me when I wasn't ready to come out when she didn't want to wait to tell people. She even ruined one of my friend's relationship but gaslighted me into believing she was in the right. Its not until after cutting her off I found out she ruined that relationship because my friend danced with me at a dance and made nice girl jealous. Don't settle for people who you don't like just because they keep trying. You don't owe anyone for an explanation for prioritizing your own feelings.
Edit: grammar
What happened to her after that
there's no such a thing as "nice girl" actually. your ex is basically just your crazy ex.
@@amazingbro6723 she spent a few months in a mental health facility, tried to reconnect with me and our friends before she got out but no one accepted her apologies. She was around for a little after that before disappearing. Not too long ago she reached out to one of my friends but he didn't respond to her so we don't know where she is now
what do you mean by "outing me when I wasn't ready to come out?"
@@hangukhiphop I'm gay
Honestly a lot of people put Ross as obsessed with Rachel. But like he tried to quit her so many times. Rachel left a voice message to ruin his relationship with Julie, Rachel went to another country to his wedding to confess, shaved his girlfriend’s head. A standard nice guy would stay obsessed. But like she kept sabotaging so many of his relationships. They were both weirdly toxic. But Ross seems to get the majority of the blame when they were both terrible for each other.
Ross and Rachel were both toxic people, whenever one was dating someone else the other would be insanely jealous.
True. Their relationship in its entirety was toxic. Which is why people favour Chandler and Monica
And he doesnt fit for me in the nice guy trope
@@mananexus Rachel was more. Even more obvius. Ross dont sabotage her relationships so much. I dont remember he doing it. He was chill. He was wrong in other things. As a human being.
Ana Y. Giroud Mendoza I kinda think it’s the opposite. Ross was a great person and a good friend. The bike thing for Phoebe... several other examples. And he was a good friend to Rachel too. It’s just that he was severely insecure and jealous. Probably cuz of his relationship with Carol. That made him kind of a sucky boyfriend.
"nice guys" always say girls only go after douches... honey if that was true then she'd go after you...
They do go after douches, confident douches. Being a shy guy that's also toxic is basically all of the toxic parts of masculinity with none of the good parts.
@@danbrown1344 lmao believe me from experience they may not have the confidence but they sure have the audacity. There's nothing at all toxic about being shy; what's toxic is trying to manipulate people into filling roles they don't want for themselves and getting upset whenever it doesn't work, whether your chosen methods are physical aggression or mind games
Ouch. Someone call the fire department cause that burn was hot.
That's right. Women don't do much of the "going after" in either case, at least not in American culture with its polarized gender roles.
@@hangukhiphop most girls get humiliated by the guys they go after
Funny thing is, when I was in college focusing on myself and working on me as a person. This super beautiful and upbeat lady walked up to me and asked me to get dinner with her. Two years later, I now call her my fiance. Moral of the story: focus on improving yourself and everything else will fall into place.
Does she also call you her fiancee or is this like a one-sided thing?
was she a random girl, because most girls wouldn't appreciate it if a random guy just asked to get dinner out of the blue
i’m loving the trope, explained series.
nice guys may be friendzoned, but they girlfriendzoned the girl first.
Hard to argue with that assessment, had they just been honest with her from the get go, then PERHAPS they could have spared themselves the heartache earlier! 💔
But really, the friendzone doesn't exist, people are allowed not to be attracted to someone, this is normal and can, sometimes, change over time, there is no "zone" you will fall into if you don't act fast
Facts
JUST A FAN Did you watch the video dude?
Couldn't have said it better.
"Performs niceness with ulterior motives." Exactly!
This video here can only give you a 'Start'.
The Nice-Guy-Pandemic is BIG and COMPLEX (and yet all so simple...) so i recommend
watching more Content-about-this-Topic.
Everyone does everything with ulterior motives. Nobody see a soul across a crowded room, they see someone they either want to screw or don't love comes later.
Unfortunately, the nice guy trope still lives on in the Netflix show, Wednesday. Wednesday is pursued by two guys, both whom she never shows any interest in and simply uses to help further her investigation of the mystery surrounding her school town. Yet they (especially Tyler) act like she keeps giving them “mixed signals” when it’s really just their own perception.
(SPOILERS)
It also doesn’t help that it’s revealed Tyler is the monster that’s been behind the deaths in town and hides an evil personality.
98% of girls give MIXED signals and not straightforward emotions.
But Tyler was the villain.
she was kissing tyler so yea i take that a MIX signal.
"the friend zone" is what happens when a guy likes a girl, but is too scared to ask her out. So instead he just befriends her in hopes one day she'll wake up and fall in love with him. And it never happens.
Some guys do that in order to try to win her over with other qualities like personality and stuff.
Joshua Belmont Reese “win her over” rather than asking her out. this is what “nice guys” do. misleading someone thinking that showcasing what potentials they have under the shell and guise of a friendship will persuade the person to feel otherwise and hopefully blossom into the relationship they originally wanted, instead of being honest from the start. *really, even if you may be turned down, a great quality to have is courage.*
@@Charlene_____
Dude I'm below average looking so I can understand why being honest from the start is not exactly a option to some.
I know it sounds shallow but honestly. being honest from the start is just a sure way to get turned down for me.
@@mrtyrant1680 There's nothing wrong with taking it slow. But you also have to be honest. Let her know you like her. Otherwise she'll just look at you as a friend and then eventually if/when you get the courage to ask her out she'll be taken back and kind of put off. You have to set the expectation.
@@BlazerManiacNumber96
Honestly
I started to take a passive agressive approach because most of time that made my intentions clear, I got gently turned down.
This why I don't exactly judge the whole frienzone thing.
'Being nice' and 'being kind' can be two different things.
And 'being kind' usually comes with empathy.
@Manophere. com In early days, women are powerful. There are more sun goddesses than sun gods. And more moon gods than moon goddesses. Then comes Abrahamic religion (Jew, Christianity, Islam) with male dominance.
And then there were Mother Earth. Earth is not nice from the beginning. It's cause and effect. Catastrophe is from the perspective of humankind. It's only natural that Earth heals itself with catastrophe.
You got problem with women recently, mate? Generalizing women is actually a sign that there's a problem with yourself.
@Manophere. comcan't we just say NOBODY:(males or females) is perfect simple as that
@Manophere. com Men and women are the same. Human. Not perfect. I didn't say 'all women are nice' or 'all men are nice'. That's stupid. Each person are basically the same, yet different. Everyone, man or woman, has potential to do good or bad.
The problem is power imbalance. One tries to overpower others. It's not about backward or forward. It's more like something needs to be done. Necessity.
In relationship, do women have to always obey men in patriarchy, or men have to obey women in matriarchy?
Please learn to respect others regardless of gender. See them as person. Treat others as your equal.
When you try to simplify problems by generalizing and blaming a group of gender, the real problem is not men, it's yourself and your inability to adapt.
Btw, I'm a Christian man. I follow Jesus because he teach love, kindness, and respect.
The nice guy is in love w a phantom and when a woman displays her individuality and shatters that persona there is no more mr nice guy..great observation
Not only that he becomes dangerous to be around .Trust me ive seen and experienced it.
Our friend in high school Eric was an actual nice guy. He was so secure with himself even though he was short and nerdy - totally adorkable... girls LOVED him! He was awesome
Hal from Megamind is another infamous "Nice Guy"--gone horribly, horribly wrong~!
Similarly, Megamind himself is it done correctly
KindredKeepsake Hal. Is. An. INCEL.
ᎷᎾᎾNᏔᎾᏞF ᎠᎡᎪᏔᏚ They're the same, if you think about it~ Both incels and "Nice Guys" blame women for their lack of relationships, societal problems, poor self-worth, and lack of compensation for their "great personalities"--when the reality is that they are walking, talking garbage; and that the women are better off without 'em.
FiresideBoomer You have a point, actually~ For most of his life, he wanted to kidnap Roxanne just to bait Metroman into more battles. It could have been a sick take on the "get the girl" trope, but it didn't go that far. It wasn't romantic at that point, but he was still actively pursuing her for his own personal gain.
After the Bernard incident, he began to get to know her as a person--and started to think less of her as a tool. The drawback is that he lied to her for gosh knows how long. Worse, Hal was brainwashed into the whole "get the girl" trope as well, except he became violent when this was not successful. Roxanne was justifiably angry with both men, of course.
Thankfully, Megamind didn't blame Roxanne for the relationship flop, nor lash out at her like some "Nice Guys" do--namely, Hal. Eventually, he took her "You judge them based on their actions" advice to heart, saving the city. By the end, Megamind did it as himself--without neither false pretenses, nor ulterior motives.
@@KindredKeepsake calling them "walking, talking garbage" doesn't make you much better as a person... remember incels are are just people facing huge personal issues and they need help, not to get told "women are better off without you" which in this context sounds the same as "kill yourself, your existence is worthless".
This could also be a product of "Guys like a challenge". Guys think a girl is "playing hard to get" and is "higher value" when she acts like she isn't interested, when in fact she actually isn't interested. Then when a woman is interested and actually meets him half way, she ceases to be a dream girl because she becomes "too easy". This is hardly nice.
@Nicholas Hansen If she's fit, she'd want him to be fit, too. And vice versa.
@Nicholas Hansen okay? Because physical attraction is everything one can bring to the table? Maybe you are superficial!
@Nicholas Hansen ehhm no, ever heard of resources, social status, confidence etc? The best looking bird is worthless if he cant build a nest, and the bestlooking lion is also worthless if he is a bad hunter and cant feed his family.
@Nicholas Hansen Are you a bird, then? Consider dating fellow avians.
@Nicholas Hansen I'd say if they're both fit and built, it's likely that they share an interest in fitness, exercise, food and habits. they are more likely to want to get up at the same time, do similar things and eat similar foods leading to a good, harmonious relationship. if one person is into all of those things, but the other couldn't give a toss and they don't have much in common - there's going to be issues. Conversely, 'attractive' varies from person to person. I don't consider myself attractive, esp after 3 children (!) my modelling days are looong gone, but my husband thinks I'm beautiful - and it goes both ways. He's not model material, but I think he's gorgeous. What really seals it, though, is that we're both hardcore gamers who love motorbikes and rockclimbing, have wicked senses of humour and adore good food and wine. You can't fake that.
This kinda hit home pretty hard for me. The "nice guy" has lot of the character traits that I spent along time trying to get over in myself. For most of my romantic relationships I was with people who were from broken homes or deeply self conscious and depressed because I would tell myself that I could help fix them and grow as a person with them. When in reality I was with them because I could see myself as the one who didn't need to change or grow, I wasn't the one who needed to look inward. When it came down to it I probably hurt these people alot more than I help
Jean-Luc M Thank you for sharing your story man
Jean-Luc M What a mature realization! I have a lot to learn from you 🙂
Oooh I’m a girl and I’ve seen that with myself in toxic friendships
Good luck man!
Good for you for realizing and being honest with yourself. It's never too late to change and grow.
I found myself slipping down that Nice Guy slope for a bit in my early 20's. The whole situation was a bit complicated though, but eventually I needed to look at actions (both mine and hers) instead of just relying words, especially hearsay from other people.
In the end, I took a step back and am trying to work on improving myself.
And, I'm not mad at the girl for not wanting to be with me at the time. In fact, I'm actually fairly glad, because I don't think I would've been a good boyfriend (unresolved issues effecting mental health, lack of knowledge about how to live, lack of skills, etc.), and I've grown as a person and am continuing on with more growth.
Interesting to hear a personal experience and glad to hear a positive example!