Creating Boundaries In A Brown Household? MAMA JEE GETS PISSED! (Chai Talk Ep 14)
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- Опубліковано 6 жов 2024
- In today's episode, THINGS GOT VERY HEATED. An emotional and passionate Mama Jee shared her thoughts on what it actually means to "create boundaries" with parents...
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your mum represents the culture of not understanding that children have their own autonomy. so frustrating to watch but this is how it is. creating boundaries doesnt mean hating your parents, it means to put yourself first without feeling guilty and living under the control of your parents.
Agreed
I have respect for her she seems like a loving and hardworking mum but i have to agree aswell. May Allah guide her
*Mama Jee refuses to even try and understand what her children are attempting to convey. She is extremely entitled and set in her ways.*
I like Mama Jee but I agree
There is a problem with the definition of boundaries. I insist, we need boundaries in EVERY relationship not only with parents.
This episode really hit home for me. My mom is just like mama jee and I am going through the same situation of trying to create "boundaries" with my parents while living at home and supporting them. I understand everything that mama jee shared and do respect my parents and appreciate everything they have given me but there needs to be some boundaries to create a healthy relationship so that we can make that relationship grow even better. It is important to teach discipline to children however as an adult who is successful in her career, there needs to be a point where the parents are ok not having such strict influence and trying to pressurize certain decisions. For me, that strictness just pushes me more away. I try telling my mom this but she, like mama jee feels like I am disrespectful when really my goal in life is to make them happy but also keep my mental sanity.
My mother is also like this to an extent where it’s emotionally abusive. She had developed narcissistic personality disorder from the way she’s been brought up. A lot of desi parents go through this and it’s important to create distance from them
Mamma ji it's every parent's duty to care, love and nurture your kids...you're complaining like it's a burden and you expect too much from your children and pressurise them which is so toxic. Disciplining children and controlling is too different things which desi parents don't know. Children always want to stay away from these type of parents. Even I want to stay away and live the way I want...I myself is a Mom but when parents are too involved it becomes hard to breathe and be happy. So, eventually we move away to have a happy and healthier life and also to maintain the relationship.
EMPHASIS button for "GUILT TRIPPING"
This is so triggering 😭 comforting to know we’re not going through it alone but I also feel for all the 1st gen kids. Boundaries let you fill your cup so you can fill others’ in your community in a sustainable HEALTHY way
Parents really act like we asked to be here and like we owe them a payback. We don't. Respect works both ways. You don't get to abuse anybody just because you birthed them.
PLEASE!! If you can bring a mediator/ therapist on the show that would be amazing. I would be so interested to see if that person would be able to translate parental feelings so us adult kids (in their eyes) could understand. Parents also sometimes don't hear their own "selfish" agendas of me me me either.
I am a desi parent with teenagers immigrated to the US when I was 20 and this is where I am coming from. I haven't watched the full video yet just commenting after the rant Mamaji went on. OTHER Desi parents who are watching - repeat after me - BOUNDARIES ARE(and CAN be) HEALTHY. I am not really sure why Mamaji is failing to understand this. Our job as parents is to raise functioning adults who have a good head over their shoulders, and are doing good for themselves and to the society. Being involved in every single thing your ADULT children are doing is not healthy for no one - parents and children. Parents need to find other hobbies as they age and start focusing on THEMSELVES and not live their lives through the lens of their children. Just because we gave our "hearts souls, health & jawani" to our children, they are NOT obligated in some way form or fashion to somehow "owe" it to us when they become adults. PLEASE get out of this mindset. They didn't ask to be born or raised. Even spiritually you are supposed to focus on your OWN journey, live your lives.
I personally know MANY so called "Western" children who are respectful, take care of their parents. This is not limited just to Desi folks like most desi folks think.
I hate to say this - but if Mamaji wanted this type of children, she shouldn't have raised them in the US. That said even the modern generation in SE Asia is not like this these days. We can't apply the same things OUR parents in SE Asia applied to us DECADES ago here in the US to children born and raised here. Please talk to "hum umar" children in India/Pakistan and they will tell you parents EXPECTATION have changed even in these countries in the last few decades.
Absolutely spot on!!
Calling your own child selfish repeatedly is a bit harsh. Lack of emotional intelligence, empathy and respect for kids is so common in desi culture. When parents never accept their own lack of understanding certain things, they start quoting from the Quran. With every great honor their comes a lot of responsibility. Kid’s jannat is under the feet of his mother and it is a mother’s job to help him earn this jannat by respecting him and nurturing him as an individual. A lot of people want their kids to become their part 2 or season 2 and keep comparing and judging their abilities to themselves, which is tragic. Our time and energy should be invested in learning solid knowledge and not living in our imaginary world where our kids are supposed to be our super heroes and they rescue us from every difficult situation, bring us honor, bring us fame, be a good Muslim and just be the best at everything.
💯
💯!!!
@@rehmanfamily9928 post this as a main comment this needs to be said and heard!
The sad part is the son clearly cares about the mom and WANTS TO MAKE IT WORK. Most kids move out, don’t give a shit and keep it moving. No matter what the son says and is trying to make it work out, the mom is stuck in her fixed ways. My mom’s like that too. It’s ridiculous.
He cares but needs some space.
As a 37 year old mum to 3 children, 2 of them being teenagers - I get Mama jees points of views and I can also understand Wajeehs too. Its a tough one. Its finding a balance where parents need to let go a little and let the children take responsibility for themselves.
As a desi parent we gave our 110% to our kids. We should set boundaries with our young kids too and have a time for our enjoyment , travel and exploring too so when we will get old then we will understand what our kids are expecting from us in terms of boundaries 😅
I don’t know if you are being sarcastic, but you really should enjoy life too as parents as the kids grow up, if that is what you consider boundaries, then set boundaries ♥️
You completely should. You having boundaries with your children teaches them that they’re necessary and doesn’t leave them to come to that conclusion on their own. Your 110% will be overbearing and you will expect that back but your children do not owe you 110%. That’s the truth.
Part of me wants to say move out to keep a healthy relationship with mama jee and the other part tells me if you move out mama jee is going to break down big time because how deeply she's attached to you because she's so obsessed with you. It scares me so much because seeing you reminds me of my mother In law and my husband's situation, how she was so attached to her son, and started crossing lines with EVERTHING, and things started to go nasty real quick. It didn't go too well. Wajhee makes a wise decision, buddy. I have high hopes with you ❤
I think this is the issue. When you still live with your parents I believe it's good to have a close relationship, but after marriage it becomes an issue when they want to involve in decisions and lifestyle choices that is not theirs to make.
You should have the same kind of session with Papa jee. I want to hear his prospect
This mama gives Alot of Guilt tripping, entitlement issues, narcissist tendencies. That's why the word respecting boundries is so triggering for her. Narcissistic parents takes their children as an extension of themselves. Sad but true. Mostly the family is so scared of the drama they just enable them more and the cycle carries on.
The mom is thinking in a literal sense. Creating boundaries can just be not having heavy strict influence on a child’s career, letting the child choose their partner not the parent pick the person, etc. She say the parents want the kids to be happy but i don’t think a lot of parents really take into account the children’s feelings into the children’s happiness. Like wajeeh said, we don’t want to disappoint the parents and i can imagine in these households it’s very hard to express that you dislike something. So many kids may do things that they really don’t want to do just to keep the parents happy.
If your kid wants to do something that makes them happy but the parent is over their shoulder telling them how stupid it is or how it’s going to fail or what they should do, a boundary needs to be set there. Even if the idea is let’s say “stupid”, there’s so many more positive ways to come about it. Parents want support, so does kids. Because I promise you, any relationship between a parent and child like this is not a true one. Either the kid is faking their happiness or they’ve been manipulated into thinking that’s okay when it’s not. It is 100% fine to have boundaries.
Thank you for this talk! It is next to impossible to let our parents know that boundaries are necessary, and no they are not a form of disrespect!
You’re right! You need a therapist to be on an episode, and preferably a south Asian therapist
I have 4 kids, born and raised in CANADA. I am on Wahjeeh’s side. As a mom that’s my job to understand the way my kids think. Respect them. It’s time for us to change as a mom, our old school mentality.
You have a classic mother, whatever the distress or discussion, at least she lets you discuss, share her POV and you can conversate. Some parents don't even listen, they just impose thats it, which is a real pain. She is cool.
As a psychologist,I can say mama ji needs help. This is totally unhealthy.
for entertainment puposes some ppl be overdramatic. i think she does a great job doing what she does. she is so smart for a woman in her generation, she is perfect!!!
These psychologist and fazool rules in here messd up the kids no respect no manners , so much undisciplined kids around them ,,too much to handle
Thanks for this episode. Bring a desi mom it’s hard to raise our kids the way we were raised!
I learned from you both!
@@hibahsikander1052Shes a toxic lady
She isnt marrying him off Because she wants to be the wifey
@@aroojshah12 psychologist's didn't come to your house to raise your children, you did and when you mess up , some seek help and others turn anti social.
the first 10 mins of the episode with mama jee's monologue was very very fair actually! But Wajeeh the boundaries youre looking for only comes from moving out, its hard to expect brown parents to step back in terms of "western boundaries" while youre at home in their eyes still a young child.
I agree!
Wajeeh needs to move out asap to keep a healthy relationship with his mom...
Wahjee, your patience and your compassion for your mother is so sweet to see and watching your empathy in real time was amazing to witness. When you understand that the only thing you have power over is yourself then the entire world opens up with possibilities. You are so right, you cannot and must not expect or wait for your mother to change the way she thinks, the only thing you have control over is your own actions and your own peace of mind, acceptance is a super power.
At this point he should move out or stop complaining about it because she isn’t going to change. Your mama didn’t have to experience this because like my mother she moved out the country young
Wow the raw emotion in this episode ! I agree with Wajeeh but I am very intrigued to hear the perception of mama jee , that’s probably how my parents feel . Loving this episode so far . Keep it up Wajeeh
I feel sad that you have to deal with things like that with your mama jee. You definitely need to set boundaries with her for the better of your mental health ❤
Mama Jew isn’t asking for much she just wants attention and be involved. Wakjeeh you have to understand that when you get married and your wife isn’t happy about you doing something or going somewhere or like a friend group of yours she doesn’t feel comfortable you hanging around with them you have to understand that if this is your mentality you won’t have a happy marriage. Only because you will feel restricted and then you will feel resentment towards her. Your mum is someone that’s caring and loving. She just wants to be involved and given attention. I’m 23 years old from Australia and to be honest I understand mama Jee. I have been raised in a western society since I was 3 years old and yet I still understand mama Jee. In life we will always have to compromise. If this is your mentality then you should just be single until you are ready to share your life with someone. At the moment I feel like you just wanna be alone and to do your own thing. You wanna “live your life” . Ugh I have so much things to say. To be honest it’s affected you and your mentality is not very healthy for when you get married. I’m just thinking long term affects in one’s life. We should always look at the positive things in life and all the good. If we look at the negative and things that we don’t like then we will never be happy and content. Alhamdulilah for everything . We are on the earth for a short period of time
Im also a desi who grew up in Australia. I think the culture in America of having to go away for college creates an unhealthy distance between kids and parents. I butted heads with my parents in my late teens. If I had moved out at 18, I wouldn’t have been as close to my mum as I grew to be in my 20s. She is now my best friend. We are lucky in Australia that we have great universities in our city and we don’t have to live on campus or move cities and states etc. White Aussies also had the culture of moving out at 15,16,17,18. But the cost of living is so high that even they don’t move out of home early and I’ve noticed that they are much closer to their parents than previous generations of white Australians. I mean my goodness there’s a whole level of drama when you live at home. But the good outweighs the bad. Had I moved out at 18 I would not be as close to my mum that’s for sure.
@@shaaz54in America we have plenty of options to go to college close to home, and even live at home while going to university. A lot of us choose to go away for college to develop and experience life for ourselves as a growing adult. Only we can do that for ourselves. I go to school 150 miles away from my mom, but because of having a healthy relationship growing up, we have an amazing and healthy relationship now. My mom respects me and I respect her. She doesn’t not try to control me. She cannot live my life for me, and it’s not right of parents thinking that their child’s life is their life to make decisions in. Some decisions we make on our own, and some we can make with parents.
Wow, as a Jamaican American with immigrant parents.. they know no such thing called boundaries. We all go through this. They believe their kids are born to serve them. In their eyes, our lives belong to them. This is not healthy, and a lot of them unfortunately will never change. Especially coming from their generation, they want full control. Their way or the highway. It’s sad. We didn’t ask to be here. They chose to have kids.. we don’t owe them our lives.
Try to avoid living too close to relatives. Perhaps living too close is what causes people to sever ties, either because of the children or the wives or some other reason.
It was narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) wrote to his governors saying: “Tell relatives to visit one another and not to live next to one another.”
Al-Ghazaali said, commenting on ‘Umar’s words:
He said that because living next to one another may lead to conflicts and may lead to alienation and severing of ties.”
I agree
The problem is Mama Jii she doesn't realise that her kids now are grown up, their are not kids anymore.
Children did not choose to be born, that was the parents decision. It should not be the children’s responsibility to do anything for the parents, the parents should not feel entitled. Parents should have unconditional love for the child they brought into the world. 25 years of your youth? So what? That was YOUR decision as an adult 😂😂😂 Now you own your child? Surely that’s selfish, a child isn’t your backup plan, your pension or anything. If out of love a child chooses to love (financial, emotional, physical) their parent that’s up to them, it should not be expected just because you did your job as parents.
You are absolutely right. I have kids and I don’t expect anything from them. It was our selfishness that we brought them in this world. I don’t like desi parents do this to kids. This is toxic.
I believe she should have thrown them into daycare, because that was her decision to bring kids to this world. One of the reasons they are old age or senior living facilities in USA is because kids don’t want to take responsibility of their parents, now that is called selfish. Drawing boundaries is being call self-centered to only care for oneself
@@viralkhakher8447 That’s why every parent & their kids should be independent with their own assets and house etc so they’re not dependent on kids in their old age Or sent to old age home. Start planning for your old age when you’re still young. Even Ants save for their rainy days.
Anyways day care is not bad either, you learn alot of social skills similar to schools.
Black mailing & manipulating your kids for doing things for you is toxic & ruins the relationship. It can push them away further!
I’m a mother and saying all this.
@@viralkhakher8447 typical limited mindset
Yes i agree its a parents responsibility they had the kids etc but its also the childrens responsibility to take care of their parent’s when the parents r in old age or sick and their health is deteriorating and they can no longer work and earn for themselves like how they did when they were young. In wajeehs case, he IS doing that, i have a hard time understanding what mama jees complaint is. Wajeeh is financially emotionally taking care of his mom and he is such a respectful son. I honestly dont know what mama jee has an issue with
MaMaji should be very proud for raising a very wise and loving son! 😊
I am 28 and I love my parents and respect them so much. I was like that thinking I need privacy creat some boundaries with them, now I’m in America independent and can have all the privacy in the whole world but I miss them and don’t want to live like this alone 😢 feel like my life has no light and love because my parents aren’t sitting in front of me.
Now I want them to leave Pakistan and come here and live with me because I realized, that I never had any boundaries with them I was free in their presence…❤
Mamajee should not have put the immense pressure she did on Ahmed to become a doctor. It is not easy to be a doctor. She did that to him. Wanting to live her dream through him.
Agreed
The mentality of immigrant parents is stuck in a time somewhere back when they left their original homeland l0, 20, 30, 40 years ago and for them time has not moved on. Even if they go back to their cultural homeland they usually find that people there have moved on but the immigrant parents have not, they are caught in an old fashioned time which no longer exists in reality but only in their memories. It is this idilic memory that they stick to and expect their children to live up to, they themselves never move on and never develop. It’s like time has stood still in their world and the more difficult the new culture in their new country, the harder they hold in to the memories, the traditions, the cultural expectations, but their children are growing up in an entirely different world and torn between the one outside their home and the one inside. These kids grow up not belonging anywhere, trapped between their parents expectations and those of the modern world they live in.
I feel like this is more therapy for Wajeeh than anyone else 😂
I want mama Jee and papa jee for next podcast 😂 would be interesting!!
I agree with mama jee, I’m an adult and I support my parents whenever or wherever I can. It’s got nothing to do with boundaries, if your parents struggled to help you then you can struggle to help them. If you cannot help your parents, then no one will be there for you and that’s facts.
Your parents voluntarily mashed genitals with another person and had you. You didn't volunteer to be here. Their struggle isn't a ticket to be controlling and rude
I have always supported healthy boundaries but I must say that Mama Jee is a VERY GOOD MOTHER .
I see it from your Mum's point of you, not because I'm a parent but because I understand in Islamic culture the term 'boundary' is fencing off parents, or instilling some sort of distance and this is disrespectful in Islam, especially if it offends them. I think the problem is you are more influenced by the U.S./western culture. Whenever there is any dispute or difference in opinion among believers, the solution is to always refer back to Quran and sunnah.
For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully. -Quran 17:23
broooo wajeeh thanks a lot for this content this gives me therapy every week I feel like omggg it's not just me
Also boundries is English and sounds more negative to us desis but I think what they mean is to keep a balance... It's just the choice of words that sounds a bit offensive to mama jee... Your sons are good mama jee and they love you so much and we all love you so much too... May Allah keep yours and ours families safe Ameen
Mama Jee is right 99.9% of the time and she has been right. I blve mama her is cool and has given u a lot of boundaries. She is also reflective and constantly learning. I understand wajeeh's summary, parents providing their input but being less reactive in a negative way.
shoutout to u dude for keeping ur cool. u carry urself in a way that’d set most of us (kids) off. i think so many parents have separation anxiety. my dad has it. he will literally lose his shit and cannot function if i disappear for a few hours which causes me anxiety to even go out or do anything
This desi culture has become very toxic unfortunately it’s touching on narcissist behaviour … the only way to get some parents to understand is in Urdu mama jee geeyo aur jeenah duo
Guys best way is to have a balance in life.. Adults have more responsibilities than children ofcorse but we need to teach them to be responsible too as they get older... It's like both parties have different responsibilities and they need to practice to live in sync... Give each other space to grow too and encourage family love respect and unity aswell 👍
Bro ur podcast is turning toxic. Mama gee deserves all credit for transforming good and relaxing podcast into source of anxiety.
Mamaji is very similar to my mom however we’re Arab. I don’t think mamaji is understanding wajeeh’s POV. Obviously as part of our cultures we’re told to never forget our parents and take care of them like they did when we were young because we needed them. But why is it that our parents sacrificed their life and their happiness to put it as a burden on us when we grow up? Like when we say boundaries what we mean by that is that we want them to leave us make our own decisions. I feel like my whole life I was constantly told to do as they say otherwise I’ll fail in life, now as an adult I find it very hard to make decisions and there are so many things that I wished I had tried had it not been because of the fear of my parents for disobedience. Until this day my parents interfere with my choices and plans in life I’m constantly doubting myself and I’m stuck. Two years and nothing productive
As a mom to another mom: Mama Jee, relax! You are a beautiful person, and you raised great young gentlemen. Please don't worry too much and keep faith that they will continue to grow and be their best potential ❤
Wajeeh is a very good son. A very good person. He loves his mom, he respects her a lot masha allah.
Another "firecracker" episode lol, Praying for you guys to work it all out, love peace and dua's ✌️
As someone who is exactly in your place as a second daughter of a desi family Wajeeh, i recommend you to let mama Ji take a personality test and read explanation of the result with her … this will explain her the point you are trying to put in. She is not wrong she just is a fire like you said and she does not realize that.
As the youngest sibling, I can attest we are scared shitless😂
Boundaries are definitely needed in every household, especially if several people want to coexist peacefully. One of the biggest problems I have with my mom, is that she barges into my room without even knocking, I could be naked and getting dressed. It’s extremely uncomfortable. I’ve told her that many times, it doesn’t work, but super relatable tho 😂😂😂
I would suggest a therapist that has a Pakistani cultural background and is between the two generations (born in the 80's).
If you're looking for a middle-ground perspective from someone who is not a therapist, I suggest a collab with Junaid Akram aka Ganjiswag (popular Pakistani UA-camr).
I think you should talk about 'trust' in the next episode. Just like a kid goes through school and teachers adapt their teaching style the older the kid gets. It should also be the same between a parent and child. I think Mama jee has raised her kids well, and now she should be able to trust her kid and know they will make the right decision. Give the kid the freedom to make their own path in life, because that opens room for them to make a better life than the parent ever thought possible. The more a kid feels that their parents trust them, the more the kid will feel accomplished, confident and secure in themselves. Your kid will show more love and support to you emotionally than you can ever imagine once the parents learn to trust more.
Is it better that your kid feels obliged to love and support you or is it better than your kid wants to love and support you?
This woman is so incredibly toxic and lost it’s actually sad
And fyi I’m Pakistani and my parents watched this and were utterly shocked that parents still think as backwards as this.
I love wajeeh but sadly he can't make his points stand out and debate with mamajee. He should have defended Ahmed when mamajee was calling him selfish because he knows why Ahmad does what he does the most. Still no signs of rebuttal. Goes to show how strong voiced mamajee is.
There should definitely be boundaries with your parents as an adult yourself. It’s what Islam teaches you also, while taking care of them and fulfilling your responsibilities and duties towards your parents. That’s why is Islam teaches you to respect your parents and be kind to them , it doesn’t tell you to follow them especially after the age of maturity.
Friends are all in their own places you will only have a very few true ones. Your parents are your everything. Learn to make memories with your family and take your parents on trips that feeling is incredible. Way more rewarding than wasting your time on friends.
I really do love chai talk, but the fact that you just completely overlooked and didn’t even bother to address the sexist comments made throughout the episode with Adam was extremely disappointing and honestly appalling.
I’m going through the same thing with my mom. It’s so hard to set those boundaries especially when living in the same house. And when you try, you get attacked 😩😩😩
Bro bring up some new topics, you are beating a dead horse at thia point...agree to disagree with Mama Jee because at the end of the day you both have differenr philosophies and ways of thinking which are perfectly ok...you are a grown man and you dont need to live for her approval, do what you feel is right
Wajeeh, I hope your mom start reading these comments here. There are awesome comments from parents here.
I find that She argues & argues exactly the same way when we started watching your channel. No improvement!! She raised her children now it’s time she finds her own hobbies so kids can start their own lives & families.
It’s so disappointing to watch that she is literally not even trying to understand your frustration.
Seriously, there is a Pakistani drama Mannat Murad based on similar type of moms. It’s unbearable to watch.
I agree with Mama Jee to a certain extent. Parents and children should never have boundaries.
Nothing we can do as kids will ever be able to payback what our parents have done for us. BUT when a parent has put so much into their parenting , and made so many sacrifices, their children see that and they will automatically want to reciprocate that love, emotionally, physically mentally financially. Any kid naturally would want to give their parents as much as they could. BUT having it nagged in your face all the time of how much you did for your kids is not right. Kids realise it themselves. Constantly throwing your favours in their faces and constantly expecting them to give u their everything is a lot of pressure for the child.
Kids should do that on their own doing.
I find it hard to believe that desi parents will 'completely back off' as they claim once their kids get married... WHY is marriage a requirement for a parent to finally respect their adult child's wishes? Why can't I have space and respect when im single? Because that is Allah's planning of when I get married, so why can't I feel happy as an adult in my parents home?
It's not an automatic on/off switch, we are just asking for boundaries when it comes to ME and what I like as an individual. We aren't saying we won't be close to you anymore or stop loving you, etc. desi parents take everything so dang personally! lol
The mom is so exhausting gosh. She needs therapy.
This woman is not healthy psychologically. She is demanding respect at the same time she is disrespecting her son by constantly interrupting him. She takes no responsibility for her actions and is acting incredibly entitled. She is projecting hard. A child should never be responsible for his/her parents feelings and actions. No. Just no. Kudos to this guy for staying sane during this conversation.
I agree. Also guilt tripping him.
@@Ruffles729Yes! Exhausting behaviour
YOOO your martin Luthur king for us kids wajeeh LOL
How did we all get yelled at by mama g
This was tough to watch, and Wajeeh, I dont know how u meant this when you said it. But when you said but Mama you are my life. Literally that was the sweetest thing ever mA! Best part of the video. Mama Jee, i dont think you noticed Wajeeh said that. He really loves and values you and wants you to be happy. He just doesnt want to be accountable for where he goes n does, thats what he meant by boundaries.
He is using the word boundaries but I think he means restrictions, he doesnt want u to put restrictions on him.
How the heck does Wajeeh draw out this one topic for 10 episodes
Because this is a real problem in desi communities . There is no space or privacy a.k.a boundaries lol
It has been going on for so long. It feels like I’m stuck in the wajeeh mamaji boundaries matrix
Ngl i agree with mamma g. You guys have it easier than most desi kids tbh. As for ahamd, him putting himself first is great but as a son he has to fulfill his son duties and cannot be so selfish and not be there for his parents. Because of ahmed not being in his parents lives and helping out, is probably why wajah struggles to create a healthy balance with mama g because he feels that guilt on behalf od ahmed. I get wanting to life on your on terms but bro come on you cant completely cut your parents off and nor contribute towards their expenses etc.
this might be out of Aimen's comfort zone but i'd love a video on how daughters are treated differently to sons in Desi households - particularly when daughters sacrifice THE MOST for their parents.
The main issue here understanding between parents and kids. Firstly, i believe your mom was not comfortable of a sleepover because of safety reasons which is a valid reason that other race parents also now taking seriously after rise of pedophile, rapist etc! So you need to be also understanding kids are vulnerable and can’t look out for themselves. Secondly, your mom from a generation who hardly get to stick with hobbies. So you can find what really interests her and start getting those things as a gift. Sometimes, its not really productive to tell somebody u need to do this or that. Just try to observe the problem and silently deal with the solution. She definitely will be at ease once she find her own purpose in life but u gotta help her since u r now grown up and so wise.
Mama jee is so stubborn 😣 she's just stuck with her mindset
bro this is some real shit. keeo it up bro. we appreciate you!
Definitely bring a therapist to the chi talk they may be able to explain both sides....
Wajeeh needs to move into his own place ASAP
I agree with you that the doctors here don’t give us medicine . They didn’t give my father remdesivir when he was dying on the ventilator in the Covid pandemic too. My father was a doctor who got Covid from his patient when the first few cases of Covid came in in USA . I begged the doctors so much to give him remdesivir but they refused. My father ended up dying in 2020. So yes here doctors don’t give medicine even if we are dying . 😢
We love you mama jee ❤❤❤❤
Mama ji spoke this episode! Such a loving and caring mom, take care of her!
Gooo mama jeeeee!! She is on fire! Omg I love her
We also got very sick but what helped so much is chicken bone soup. We drank it everyday and recovered in a week! Take care mama jee
Why do I feel like this was a therapy session for all the brown kids? 😂But no real talk, I think both mamajee and Wajeeh made some valid points and are both right in their own ways. While I do think that it's OKAY to have boundaries with your parents and it does not necessarily mean you're disrespecting them, I can see how that could be so triggering to brown parents. I don't have any kids yet, so I can't speak from a mother's perspective, but I see why the boundary word alone is so triggering for mamajee. Of course, I would want to know everything about my kid, such as where they are, what they're doing, if they're okay, or if they've eaten, but I know that's impossible. Also, by doing all those things, I wouldn't want my child to resent me in the future. In my opinion, which may or may not be right, a healthy relationship is when a parent gives their child a safe space to learn and grow and respects their decision when choosing to travel, selecting a career, choosing a life partner, etc. Instead of telling the child what career they should pick or which life partner they should choose, have the child make that own decision, or better yet, guide them through the process. I can't speak for anyone else, but I will say if my parents did that from the beginning, I would be very open to sharing everything with them. They wouldn't even have to ask me where I'm going or who I'm going with; I would openly tell them without any fear or hesitation and talk to them as I'm talking to my best friend, of course in a respectful manner. This is just my opinion!
Another great episode in the books! Also, mamajee you didn't have to apologize at the end 🥺
Your english is impressive 🎉
Therapy session I need the most❤keepup your good work ❤
Well, she mentioned the Quran.. so I shall say this. In the Quran it is stated that the children are not theirs, they a granted to them by Allah to raise as good Muslims and to be obedient to Allah. It also states, we as children don’t owe anything to our parents but, we do have to be kind and respectful to them, and when they are wrong we have the right to correct them in a kindly manner and that’s ordained by Allah. I feel this mentally is implemented by old traditional culture not by religion. It’s human made of the mindset of the children owe the parents for them raising them. Which is a sinful thing to say as this is not what Allah has said to the parents. I think parents should be mindful of what they are wanting from their children, for example it is rude to not allow their children to speak or respond to their questions or even just make a statement. Boundaries are important for our self peace which Allah says that is one of the most important things in one’s life, along with having patiences. I am sorry but the truth of the matter is the parents of this mentally are very stubborn and don’t want to hear anything that doesn’t go with what their thoughts are. It’s sad to see how she reacts to the word of boundaries without allowing you to even explain in depth what it means. may Allah guide her into being open into acknowledging the truth of raising children in Islam is not for the children to pay or owe them anything but kindness and respect. Nowhere does the Quran state that we owe them anything else. And, obviously if at any point if our parents needed us for something we will be there however we are able to be, not because they demand it but because we care. 🤍
I think a major part that none of you two are talking about is that it’s not cultural it’s religious. The religion we follow has parents on a higher status. There is expectations from children towards parents but they are directed not to get back on them if the parents are not fulfilling the child’s right according to the religion. If you bring religion in between you might be able to come to a conclusion quick 😂
No where in the Quran Allah (s.w.t) has said to “obey” your parents BUT He has said be “kind” to your parents.
The place that He has said “don’t obey” your parents is in the story of our prophet Ibrahim where his father was a polytheist and an idol worshiper.
Alhamdulilah the deen js so beautiful but we human try to mix Deen and culture together
1. The budding heads in our community is bc as you become an adult, you become set in your ways and have your own views. Back in the day our parents got married younger and were out of the house before 23. Nowadays 25-30 yrs olds are still home bc times have changed and life is expensive. Space creates love and respect.
2. Our parents were raised, like their parents, to mske their kids their whole world. I agree parenting is one of the most impy jobs, however some boundaries should be communicated so the parents who gave up their prime years can live a little and the kids can also grow and live. Family first, but a healthy family is better than a family forcing it.
3. Imam Ali- do not raise your kids the way you were raised as they come from a generation than you.
4. Parents should 1000% be respected, they sacrifice a lot, however this does not mean in order to prove their respect the child(ren) should sacrifice themselves, esp when communication can calmly fix many issues.
5. Some kids abuse "boundaries", boundaries do not cover your disrespect.
6. Everything takes time.
The issue with us is that we don't want to leave our kids to pursue our hobbies, and then we blame our children when they are adults for not letting us live our lives.
My parents are like your mum and today I'm a parent i understand her totally.
Wajeeh and Auntie Jee I'm so proud of you both trying to work through such difficult conversations. I'm a first generation adult and I wish I could've understood why my parents get so upset and I also relate as someone born in America. I know this got heated but I also saw a lot of love between you both. We do need to work through and create a balance and the first part is talking about it. Much love to you both! I'd love to join your conversation one time! signed: disrespectful pain in the butt ABCD 50 year old woman who is still treated like a kid by my parents (but I love them).
I see both views. Many people are saying Mama needs therapist, she went through a lot. She said she was the oldest and acted as second mom. She grew up through a stricter household. I guess she also wants to be heard.
felt like mama jee was telling me off too 😂
Wajeeh I’m a parent of an 11 year old and a 9 year old and I’m in my late 30s. I agree with your mom, some boundaries are needed but these days the younger generation is using this as a means to disregard their responsibility, care, and inclusion of parents in their lives.
your mom is almost right,if your parents set the boundaries around you for your safety it's not bad thing.understand it!
I had viral last week too. Still have this cough though. Doctors didn’t give me anything either.