This is the most moving and indescribably tragic saga I have watched on this channel. The mother is a hero, and her strength in surviving this roller coaster ride is nothing short of a miracle.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. I wish I could say those are the only tragedies but this however is simply the tip of the iceberg. Hugs to you
This poor woman is a mixture of sadness and anger, and I understand why. What a life she has lived - without the emotional support of a husband or parents, she has carried the burden of so many. I'm so sorry you lost your son - there is nothing you didn't do or could have done differently to save him. If nothing else, I wish her peace of mind that she did everything she could. I'm so sorry.
@@gigi9301Continue to try to talk to him, he needs you believe me. I did the same, my mother was the ONLY PERSON THAT WAS GENUINE SUPPORT. I pray he doesn’t fall as hard as I did, 🙏🏽.
@@lisaibrahim6780i. Sorry if that’s what you got from this, you are missing a lot of information and clearly making leaps about the environment I raised him in. However, I do appreciate your perspective and you watching. No one will feel worse about the outcome than me. I hope you have not suffered any of these sorrows and you have been able to live a life free of addiction in all relationships in your life.
That was intense. This lady has been fighting for herself and others all her life and had to survive on her own. That's what a person grown around addiction looks like; though shell, stoic, on constant survival mode.😢 You did the best you could 🌹
❤ thank you both for your kind word and support. Crying was not really tolerated in my home nor was anything that might bring “shame” to the family. So far, they are unwilling to watch this video. 💔
@@LauraMason-u4y - I’m very sorry for YOU! It’s hard to grow up thinking your family situation was “normal” or “good” and then the day comes when the realization of how not normal it was is quite shocking
Since he was a prior herion addict, Ryan was an amazing phlebotomist I have no doubts. It is obvious this Mom did everything right for her sons and her parents as well. I pray she gets justice and closure and will have peace in her soul. Generational addiction is real. This is another sad example of the addict thinking it'll never happen to me. I also pray for a special task force from our new government (whomever that is) to do something about the Fentanyl crisis in America. Thank you Texas Pictures for this and every story to bring awareness and shine the spotlight.
It is absolutely generational and environmental. As a Gen. X woman, I should have been put on medication as a child. I was put on medication for severe anxiety at 28. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. In addition, anxiety is hereditary and I have it on both sides of my family. It has changed my life for the better. Severe anxiety causes depression. I did not find out my family history until I openly discussed my diagnosis. I couldn't believe how many family members suffered in silence. I lost more than most to suicid3s. I had been in long term therapy and was in school to become a psychologist. Mental health is as important as psychical health. Most addicts have some form of a mental health disorder and/or trauma.
@@AnaFernandez-jp5uh❤ I support you in all you are doing. Generational addiction is a silent killer! The stigma needs to go away and maybe more lives would be saved.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Ryan was such a handsome man. Seeing him hold his daughter with love and pride beaming from his face is touching. You were not only Ryan's mother....you were his angel. Your calm demeanor explaining everything had me transfixed to every word you spoke. With your life having addiction all around, and you staying far away from using it, is a testimony of how strong and wise you have been. I hope your granddaughter will grow up knowing how amazing and intelligent her Dad was. May life spare you from further sorry.......
❤ thank you so much, I grew up in a family where crying was not really acceptable….so I have been “holding my breath” my entire life. Therapy is helping me exhale and feel my feelings. I appreciate the support
Please let go of the guilt. You are an amazing mother. You never let him down, you never gave up on him, you loved him all the way. We mothers wish that we could just hold our children's hand through everything all the time - but that's just not possible. You did nothing wrong. I felt your pain viscerally when I listen to the interview. I'm praying for you this very moment.
What a strong woman! You deserve a better life! My God please touch this woman with peace, strength, love, and a forgiving heart! Give this strong woman who endured all this a peaceful life! God I pray! Amen
Same with mine. 😢 My father didn't survive, but my sister & I did make it out of addiction. Thank God above! Sadly, now my daughter is in deep & I'm not so sure I'll ever get her back 💔😔🙏🏻
She reminds me so much of my mom and I was a lot like Ryan, for a while. It broke my heart to hear what she’s experienced. She should really be speaking to groups. She’s fantastic.
I really like his Mom. Just something about her, and she told his story with such grace. And God bless her having alcoholic parents and a child with drug addiction.. I also agree with what she said in closing about the medication given to her son and children way too young causing problems. I was told that medication was an option for my son at age 6 and I did not and never did allow him to medicated and so glad I did not..He is 18 now and doing well. ❤ Thanks so much for this upload was amazing
❤ thank you, I feel like I have been holding my breath my entire life. Filming this documentary was scary as I am “outing” the family which is something I have been forbidden from doing my whole life. I’m glad your son is doing well, hug him every chance you get and make sure he knows you are proud of him
@@KathyWinters-n3p And hey 👋 I just want to say also that the reason I did not allow the medication is because I was medicated as a teenager and all it did was mask my symptoms, it was so difficult getting off the meds, and I ended up struggling with addiction myself and the meds were the start, just like you suspect started things down hill for your son. I'm clean sober and awake today and I've learned that sometimes life just hurts..but we wouldn't know joy without some pain. I hope you have lots of support and a wonderful book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle..may be of help..I don't know but lighting that candle now and wishing you well. 😊💞💨
@@kimberlysmith7311I’m very sorry that happened to you as a child. As parents we do our best to listen to the “professionals “ and as an older, wiser adult have learned that they don’t really know either! I will grab that book and read it. Stay strong my love , I understand the struggle. There is love and happiness in life. ❤
Kathy, I'm so sorry you lost Ryan. You will forever remember him in your heart. Thank you for trying so hard. You're a warrior. Stay strong beloved. You are making a difference. ❤❤❤
Truth: my name is also Michele Marie, and my childhood nickname was Mimi - perhaps you, too, will always be “Meem” to your parents & siblings :) More importantly, I am also a survivor of generational addiction and the trauma that goes with. Had to let you know that I see you and send you love.
@@KathyWinters-n3pI just want to hug you so tight! Sit with you a while and hold your hand so you can just breathe. I hope that’s not weird but you’ve been through so much and didn’t deserve any of this no one does. Sending you lots of love. I’m sorry for your loss.
I grew up in a household just like this courageous woman. I can't comprehend how much she has had to fight for happiness and peace. You sound like an incredible mother who did everything in her power. May light shine upon you. Sending love.
So sorry for your loss of your precious son!! Many understand that your smiles and laughter talking about addiction, death are coping mechanisms, do not be embarrassed. ❤
❤thank you for saying that. I grew up in a home where tears and personal grief was not acceptable. I am in trauma therapy and being given permission to cry….so I do….finally….
This is the most moving story I've ever watched on this channel. This woman is heartbreaking. I could feel every once of her loss! Im so sorry this has happened to her and all the other families our there. Please can we do something!!!
❤ thank you so very much for watching and supporting. I will never be the same and many days I’d prefer to be with him! I’m trying to stay strong for my other son and granddaughter! Love and hugs to you!
Kathy, Thank you for sharing your story and spreading awareness. You are courageous. I pray that your journey of healing continues, and one day, you will feel the weight be lifted from your shoulders and the sun shine upon you. 🧡🕊
This one hit really hard. Ryan’s mom was so loving, caring, present, diligent, generous, hard working, supportive. I am so saddened that after all that work, how much Ryan moved forward in his life, how much his mom invested in him and his baby and wife, that it had to end this way. The ending really got me. The fact that she had to find out her beautiful son died while traveling and alone. The fact that the charges were dropped. Omg. Rest in paradise sweet young man. 🤍🕊 I’m so sorry mama that you lost your precious son. My condolences to you and your family. 😞
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. Your words are so sweet and spot on, there is nothing I wouldn’t have done for him or anyone who suffers as he did. I had to finally quit that job as they did not really care that my son had died, they were and are soulless. I am relieved Ryan isn’t mentally suffering any longer. No matter how or how many times I told him I loved him and was proud of him, he could not get past his own self shame. I pray I did not play a part in him feeling this way.
Very sad story. Sounds like Ryan was a very bright young man with a lot of potential. Addiction is so powerful. It will absolutely take all of you. I'm so sorry you lost your son to this. Thank you for sharing. Enjoy your beautiful grand daughter. Your son lives on thru her. Your family is in my prayers 🙏 R.I.P Ryan 🕊
Your a Good MOM. It's not your Fault. I am sorry for your Son loss. May your Son Ryan Rest Easy. Ryan is at Peace. It's the Ultimate Loss of a child. Keep his Story Alive. Share his Story. Ryan Matters. Sibling loss is Hard . May his Daughter know her Dad's Memory. She is Loved. Heartbroken. Thinking of You , Your Family.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am dealing with the same thing with my 23 yr old son Geno. Any prayers are greatly appreciated. I pray every night for those with Substance abuse disorder and /or mental health problems and their families. God PLEASE help us.
Father God, with the power that only you hold, please help Geno to remove the taste for drugs from his body. Strengthen his mind, body, emotions and spirit in Jesus’ name. Amen.
I grew up with alcoholics so I can relate to this poor mother you grow up with no self esteem, anxiety and depression. To top it off, there was domestic violence too. I see the sadness in this mother’s eyes and it breaks my heart. My prayers to you and your family 🙏
Your son was poisoned. He had his life together and did the best that he could with what he had. He knew you loved him. We all know how much love you had for him. You’re a fighter. Thank you for sharing. I hope you are able to get some therapy to help you handle this loss.
I am so sorry that you have lost your son;especially, in this way. You really did much more than your very best for him. Please continue to tell his story. You have a very beautiful voice and you speak very clearly. Stay strong beautiful soul.
keep saying his name ..... I will never forget your journey ..... RYAN GUNNAR DEEDON you mattered AND your daughter especially matters ..... and to his Mum - you inspire me _ (watching from Melbourne Australia)
Oh man I feel this mom’s pain. She is a true warrior. Ryan was so beautiful and intelligent. What an amazing man. She should always be so proud of him.
The amount of love and sadness in this woman’s eyes is just to intense… I have no other words besides I am so sorry for everything you’ve had to go through your whole life. ❤
My deepest sympathy. Thank you for sharing your story. May your son rest in peace, and I pray those responsible for his death will be charged properly and soon. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I watch all episodes as they are released. The way this mom told his story is one of only a few that has actually brought me tears. Idk why but it hit different for some reason. I think because I know what it's like to have a daughter lose her father to fentanyl poisoning. My daughter was a lot older but it affected her tremendously 😢. God bless her and his family ❤
❤ thank you for watching and supporting! I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. Age is not a factor here , the loss of a child is devastating and the wrong order of things. It’s extremely disorienting! If I can help you in any way, please let me know.
You are an amazing mom. You have nothing to feel guilty about, so sorry for your loss. Addiction is awful for all your family.So Sad for your granddaughter .
My strong, fierce, broken friend. . . I am in awe of you. This was devastating, raw and powerful. I’m not sure how you managed to say the words out loud - but I am so incredibly proud of you. Ryan is now at peace and knows how much you love him. You did everything right, everything you could. Addiction is consuming and wicked. YOUR efforts, love and faith in him helped Ryan find the happiest times of his life. Cherish that knowledge. You are a remarkable mom, woman, advocate and friend. Thank you for telling his story.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences. I pray you are able to find peace and that he is resting in peace as well. You are in my prayers.
This is the most profound and heroic story I have ever heard on this channel. You were put on earth to speak. Your purpose is large and grand and you can change lives, keep going and all my love and peace being sent to you ❤
❤❤ thank you so much. I really want to express addiction through the eyes of a (sober) parent. It is a soul crushing journey when death is the outcome.
The world needs more women of character, strength, resilience and intelligence like you. Incredible human being! Ryan's gifts were likely predominantly a result of your efforts and genetics. We do what we can do, the rest is on the wire. Ryan was a gifted and handsome young man, his next life will be much better after this trying audition. Love and light to your whole family.❤
We also have a series of addiction recovery stories that you might find interesting. Here's a link to the playlist: From Addiction to Recovery - ua-cam.com/play/PLdCPA32W_p39Z8hi7xSIX3Fkqmhd7mRzj.html
@TexasPictures thank you. I'm 4 years clean and sober and have been having some old thoughts creep in. These stories are a form of therapy and reminder to keep fighting for everyone we have lost. Thank you for the work you do.
My sisters birthday is Jan 2nd. My moms is Jan 10th. They are both very gentle souls. It sounds like your precious boy Ryan was also a gentle soul… God bless his sweet daughter and may the Lord protect her heart now and as she grows up.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. Ryan was so gentle and painfully private. I have not had a service for him yet and not sure I will. He would not want to be on “display” or in a situation where anyone would pass additional judgement upon him, including from my own family. It’s lonely to be a sober person in a family of addiction. Again , thank you! My girl is amazing and I will stay close to her!
You should have no guilt momma you did everything you could we can't control what they do. I have 2 in this horrible addiction one meth & the other anything he can't use. You are a great mother who has gone thru way more than most people. I feel like your story is gonna be mine. Praying for you!
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. It’s hard not to feel guilty when he is dead.i will try to keep picking my head up and focusing on my other son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter.
@@lisasikes4801 thank you for sharing that. I totally understand that the circumstances might be different but the loss is insurmountably significant. My sister lost her oldest son when he was 8 to cancer- she’s still not the same and it’s been about 30 years. Hugs to you
One of the hardest parts about people using is they won't be honest about their situation: what kinds of drugs, how they're doing them, the negative effects they have on their life, etc. As an addict myself, I can say that the only reason I am still here today is because I never lied about any of my use, and it was therefore possible to work on the things that mattered. Unfortunately, many people refuse to acknowledge the reality of their situation, and it makes it impossible to help them. This mom did everything she could, but the terrible truth about addiction is that she couldn't ever make him stop. It is a decision only the addict can make.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. I agree with you about the honesty piece, I really tried to make my son feel safe talking about it but his own internal struggles with it didn’t allow it. No matter what, he knew I loved him and was proud of him Please take care of YOU
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. Not as much anger as grief that is behind my held breath. Crying wasn’t encouraged in my home growing up, so I’m learning to do that now.
@KathyWinters-n3p your in my prayers crying wasn't a thing in my home either but I've learned to embrace the tears 😢 through God's love I've learned that tears are a release I need . God bless your heart ❤️
Beyond Amazing talent of verbal fluency. My heart breaks hearing about the multigenerational trauma in this family💔💔💔 Wishing the best to all of you, especially to Ryan’s daughter, May she break the vicious circle of addiction❤️🍀🙏🏻❤️
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. The tragedies endured in my life are too great to count, this particular one has destroyed me. I e got a close eye on my girl and am close to my daughter-in-law and her parents
My father was an alcoholic, not a nice one.When sober he was the most fantastic dad ,drunk not much.I always felt loved.I found myself turning to drink when things got hard.I decided To go to church instead.I was so lucky.Hope you find peace. 😢
Never doubt for one second that you weren't a freak mother. You did everything in your power to guide and raise Ryan. Inside out and upside down. We will never understand the power of addiction unless we are their ourselves. Be good to yourself Kathy.
❤ thank you, I’m really trying, am in trauma therapy to understand how to process the circle of addiction that I grew up surrounded by. Not sure how I escaped, but grateful I did.
I cried so hard. She reminds me of my mom, And Ryan wierdly looks just like me as a child. But I had green eye's and he had blue. It was odd watching this. Cause I felt like I'm watching my mom talking about me. I been sober going on 4 years now. I got clean when everyone I loved started to pass and mortality set in my brain. And my mom begged me crying to stop after I had a super bad OD that wiped my brain for over a month. I have CTE now from that and other brain trauma as a kid. I grew up and still live in Austin. My cousin Danny passed on Dec, 25 2022. I heard this women's pain when talking about the women who was with her son. I feel that every day for the people who where around my cousin and did nothing to save her or call for help. It wasnt till her friend who had been living with her who had been a homeless man. She took him in for the winter cause she didn't want him to freeze. He called my mom. He had stayed the night with his parents and got back in the morning to find her. We seen her the night before on xmas eve and she was fine. They said she got a fake Xan with fetty in it and OD'd. The guy who did I knew who he was from using. And I was going to go and end him. And my mom begged me not to again and I can't say no to her. So.....Here we are in 2024 I just turned 33 on sep 13. and Danny would have been 24. I miss her so much, I raised her with my mom when she had no where to go and was put in foster care by my aunt (her grandma). 2 birthday's without her has been hard.
You are a great mother and human. You did everything possible and more to help your son. It’s rough, but also coming from a family of addicted people, you cannot control the behavior of others. Don’t have regrets although I know that’s easy for me to say. You don’t deserve regret.
I hope Ryan's mom writes a book about Ryan's life as an addict and her part in it. She's such an eloquent speaker and her memories of Ryan are poetic. I'd love to read it.
My name is Mel's and I'm in recovery in I always watch every story on here because these people matter to me and their families I wish a could just hug her my heart is so broken over Ryan's story that I cannot stop my tears from falling down my face my condolences God bless you I'm going to pray for you every night before bed we all have to stick together against these drugs 💔😭😭🙏
This is why it's important to always have a solid long-term recovery program as well as a strong relationship with God... so you can handle whatever insanity the world throws at you! Poor mom... My heart goes out to her. 🙏🏼
❤thank you all for watching and your support. I don’t know if there is any single “right “ answer, I did the best I could with what I knew and what resources were available.
❤❤ thank you for saying that- the negative stigmas must be removed to give those who are suffering the comfort to know there is no judgement but rather loving and helpful support systems.
You can see how much hurt you carry within. Honey its not your responsibility to fix adults there is only so much you can do and you did all of the thing’s! Your an angel. 😇 😊
the younger a person is when they start, the harder it is to quit..if we can keep them clean until they are adults the better chance to stay clean when they stop.
My heart goes out to you. I pray for your son’s Justice. He didn’t deserve to end up the way he did n his family don’t deserve to live without him. His story I am glad you spoke.. the honesty of his life n what he went through what you as a mom did for your children n what it meant to you to prioritize your son and why. I felt the anger n related so much and know what it is to watch your oldest battle to start a family be the happiest doing good n choices of others cause harm n end up destroying everything that was holding your child together. They were living their best life n doing well n in seconds gone. To feel hopeless not wanting to lose your child or watch them go back to where they were n you can’t do anything but accept it’s up to them n hope they want to live the life they deserve.. trusting things are back on track… Not fearing the worse that moment you get to rest n breathe enjoy your child be proud of them. I can understand why denial n not known what to do would be the way you were.. He has an amazing mother your unconditional love n honesty I praise you for. You will get Justice for your son. Sending hugs n prayers to his daughter n wife n to you and his brother . My deepest sympathy may you be given everything you need to prosecute the person or people involved w his death.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. I will never stop fighting for Ryan and I will continue to share his story to try to save the life of another. Hugs to you!
I am so sorry for the loss of this young man. Watching this was so hard and painful. The numbness she exhibits as she tells every detail is the same numbness I can only imagine she displayed her whole life having lived with parents and then a spouse dealing with addiction. I can only speak from my own experience. My youngest was not diagnosed as being on the spectrum until he was 18, however, he was diagnosed with dysthymia since he was very young. The flat effect could have been that as well as a reaction to what he experienced within the home. Children can make the same switch in their young minds as she made in hers from horror and grief to work and a task. I do agree those meds are dangerous, but, any meds are dangerous for someone with a generational heritary like he did. I continue to watch my own son even though he is now 28 and seemingly doing "well." Thank you Mom for sharing, having the courage to do this. You are in my prayers.
❤ thank you for watching and your support! Stoic is how I was raised and stoic provides and artificial safety bubble around me so that when my parents or spouse or son were around I wouldn’t do anything to “trigger” them! My thought process…. Well if I’m just “good” enough maybe they won’t want or need to use. I know better now but it was def a defense mechanism!
This is the most moving and indescribably tragic saga I have watched on this channel. The mother is a hero, and her strength in surviving this roller coaster ride is nothing short of a miracle.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. I wish I could say those are the only tragedies but this however is simply the tip of the iceberg. Hugs to you
This poor woman is a mixture of sadness and anger, and I understand why. What a life she has lived - without the emotional support of a husband or parents, she has carried the burden of so many. I'm so sorry you lost your son - there is nothing you didn't do or could have done differently to save him. If nothing else, I wish her peace of mind that she did everything she could. I'm so sorry.
@@gigi9301Continue to try to talk to him, he needs you believe me. I did the same, my mother was the ONLY PERSON THAT WAS GENUINE SUPPORT. I pray he doesn’t fall as hard as I did, 🙏🏽.
@@gigi9301hug him every day you can and make sure he know you love him no matter what… I’m sure you are! Sending you hugs and strength
@@NonperfectionPerfectionistagree with you 100%
❤thank you for watching and supporting, I tried with all my might. I’m mostly sad,but was never given permission to cry until recently.
@@ellenhaas3769whoa. So cold.
It is beyond comprehension the amount of goodness & how such a good mom she is. People dream to have a mom like her and I’m sure Ryan knew that too.
I agree he was so lucky to have her and she tells his story so gracefully ❤
Wow, really? She raised him in a home with drug addicts and drunks. Not a good mom.
❤thank you for watching and for your support. Ryan was such a good human……there is an unfillable hole in me
@@kimberlysmith7311❤ thank you
@@lisaibrahim6780i. Sorry if that’s what you got from this, you are missing a lot of information and clearly making leaps about the environment I raised him in. However, I do appreciate your perspective and you watching. No one will feel worse about the outcome than me. I hope you have not suffered any of these sorrows and you have been able to live a life free of addiction in all relationships in your life.
That was intense.
This lady has been fighting for herself and others all her life and had to survive on her own.
That's what a person grown around addiction looks like; though shell, stoic, on constant survival mode.😢
You did the best you could 🌹
Perfectly said 💔
❤ thank you both for your kind word and support. Crying was not really tolerated in my home nor was anything that might bring “shame” to the family. So far, they are unwilling to watch this video. 💔
@KathyWinters-n3p i wish I could hug you. The reason I recognize it is because I lived like that growing up too. It changes you. ❤️
@@LauraMason-u4y - I’m very sorry for YOU! It’s hard to grow up thinking your family situation was “normal” or “good” and then the day comes when the realization of how not normal it was is quite shocking
@@LauraMason-u4y❤
Since he was a prior herion addict, Ryan was an amazing phlebotomist I have no doubts. It is obvious this Mom did everything right for her sons and her parents as well. I pray she gets justice and closure and will have peace in her soul. Generational addiction is real. This is another sad example of the addict thinking it'll never happen to me. I also pray for a special task force from our new government (whomever that is) to do something about the Fentanyl crisis in America. Thank you Texas Pictures for this and every story to bring awareness and shine the spotlight.
It is absolutely generational and environmental. As a Gen. X woman, I should have been put on medication as a child. I was put on medication for severe anxiety at 28. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. In addition, anxiety is hereditary and I have it on both sides of my family. It has changed my life for the better. Severe anxiety causes depression. I did not find out my family history until I openly discussed my diagnosis. I couldn't believe how many family members suffered in silence. I lost more than most to suicid3s. I had been in long term therapy and was in school to become a psychologist. Mental health is as important as psychical health. Most addicts have some form of a mental health disorder and/or trauma.
This is so heartbreaking 😢
RYAN IS LUCKY TO HAVE THIS BRAVE WOMAN AS HIS MOM....ID BE PROUD TO HAVE HER AS MY MOTHER TOO...
If ppl just stop taking drugs that aren’t theirs, there would be no crisis
@@AnaFernandez-jp5uh❤ I support you in all you are doing. Generational addiction is a silent killer! The stigma needs to go away and maybe more lives would be saved.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Ryan was such a handsome man. Seeing him hold his daughter with love and pride beaming from his face is touching.
You were not only Ryan's mother....you were his angel.
Your calm demeanor explaining everything had me transfixed to every word you spoke.
With your life having addiction all around, and you staying far away from using it, is a testimony of how strong and wise you have been.
I hope your granddaughter will grow up knowing how amazing and intelligent her Dad was.
May life spare you from further sorry.......
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽😢
❤ thank you so much, I grew up in a family where crying was not really acceptable….so I have been “holding my breath” my entire life. Therapy is helping me exhale and feel my feelings. I appreciate the support
@@KathyWinters-n3p 🙏❤️🙏
She's an amazing woman with a beautiful soul. I pray she gets the peace she deserves.
These stories keep me sober. Thank you all so much for sharing. ❤
Thank you for your comment. We have shared it with all of the storytellers in the series.
Please let go of the guilt. You are an amazing mother. You never let him down, you never gave up on him, you loved him all the way. We mothers wish that we could just hold our children's hand through everything all the time - but that's just not possible. You did nothing wrong. I felt your pain viscerally when I listen to the interview. I'm praying for you this very moment.
What a strong woman! You deserve a better life! My God please touch this woman with peace, strength, love, and a forgiving heart! Give this strong woman who endured all this a peaceful life! God I pray! Amen
A family of addiction. Terrifying.
👍🏼👍🏼
Same with mine. 😢 My father didn't survive, but my sister & I did make it out of addiction. Thank God above! Sadly, now my daughter is in deep & I'm not so sure I'll ever get her back 💔😔🙏🏻
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽😢@@rmarvel169
100% a family of multiple generations, I remain one of the few “non addicts” in the family
She reminds me so much of my mom and I was a lot like Ryan, for a while. It broke my heart to hear what she’s experienced. She should really be speaking to groups. She’s fantastic.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. You hang in there and don’t give up. I’m here if you ever need help
I really like his Mom. Just something about her, and she told his story with such grace. And God bless her having alcoholic parents and a child with drug addiction.. I also agree with what she said in closing about the medication given to her son and children way too young causing problems. I was told that medication was an option for my son at age 6 and I did not and never did allow him to medicated and so glad I did not..He is 18 now and doing well. ❤ Thanks so much for this upload was amazing
❤ thank you, I feel like I have been holding my breath my entire life. Filming this documentary was scary as I am “outing” the family which is something I have been forbidden from doing my whole life.
I’m glad your son is doing well, hug him every chance you get and make sure he knows you are proud of him
@@KathyWinters-n3p And hey 👋 I just want to say also that the reason I did not allow the medication is because I was medicated as a teenager and all it did was mask my symptoms, it was so difficult getting off the meds, and I ended up struggling with addiction myself and the meds were the start, just like you suspect started things down hill for your son. I'm clean sober and awake today and I've learned that sometimes life just hurts..but we wouldn't know joy without some pain. I hope you have lots of support and a wonderful book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle..may be of help..I don't know but lighting that candle now and wishing you well. 😊💞💨
@@kimberlysmith7311I’m very sorry that happened to you as a child. As parents we do our best to listen to the “professionals “ and as an older, wiser adult have learned that they don’t really know either! I will grab that book and read it. Stay strong my love , I understand the struggle. There is love and happiness in life. ❤
Kathy, I'm so sorry you lost Ryan. You will forever remember him in your heart. Thank you for trying so hard. You're a warrior. Stay strong beloved. You are making a difference. ❤❤❤
❤ thank you, many days I feel I have failed, but I try to focus on the future for my other son and granddaughter
The mom did everything she could possibly do. God bless her🙏
This is such an absolutely heartbreaking story. 💔
❤ I will be heartbroken for the rest of my life
@@KathyWinters-n3pI’m so sorry for your loss.🌹 May
Ryan Rest Easy. 💫
Generational Addiction, lived it, still scarred.
I’m so sorry you lost your son😭
Truth: my name is also Michele Marie, and my childhood nickname was Mimi - perhaps you, too, will always be “Meem” to your parents & siblings :)
More importantly, I am also a survivor of generational addiction and the trauma that goes with. Had to let you know that I see you and send you love.
@@emcee797Thank you for watching and support. My grandma name is Kiki, I like your childhood nickname.
❤ it’s horrific and I feel very alone in my family , they won’t even watch this video…..it brings “shame” to the family.
@@KathyWinters-n3pI just want to hug you so tight! Sit with you a while and hold your hand so you can just breathe. I hope that’s not weird but you’ve been through so much and didn’t deserve any of this no one does. Sending you lots of love. I’m sorry for your loss.
@@jessicavalentine4807 not weird at all and thank you! You are a very kind woman
I grew up in a household just like this courageous woman. I can't comprehend how much she has had to fight for happiness and peace. You sound like an incredible mother who did everything in her power. May light shine upon you. Sending love.
Wonderful mom. ❤❤
❤ Thank you , I really tried every single day
I'm so sorry for you loss. You are unbelievably strong. Hold on to that little girl.
❤ thank you and I hold her very close…..
So sorry for your loss of your precious son!! Many understand that your smiles and laughter talking about addiction, death are coping mechanisms, do not be embarrassed. ❤
❤thank you for saying that. I grew up in a home where tears and personal grief was not acceptable. I am in trauma therapy and being given permission to cry….so I do….finally….
Lord, this stories don’t get easier it’s heartbreaking to sense the pain of these families. I am sorry for your lost!
Thank you for watching and you support
This is the most moving story I've ever watched on this channel. This woman is heartbreaking. I could feel every once of her loss! Im so sorry this has happened to her and all the other families our there. Please can we do something!!!
❤ thank you so very much for watching and supporting. I will never be the same and many days I’d prefer to be with him! I’m trying to stay strong for my other son and granddaughter! Love and hugs to you!
Kathy please reach out to me or any close friend if you feel hopeless. I will watch this comment section if you reply. 💔
Kathy,
Thank you for sharing your story and spreading awareness. You are courageous.
I pray that your journey of healing continues, and one day, you will feel the weight be lifted from your shoulders and the sun shine upon you. 🧡🕊
You are so brave, trying everything humanly possible. I pray that you will find some sense of normality and happiness. You deserve this❤
❤ I never gave up and will do work to prevent this tragedy for others
This one hit really hard. Ryan’s mom was so loving, caring, present, diligent, generous, hard working, supportive. I am so saddened that after all that work, how much Ryan moved forward in his life, how much his mom invested in him and his baby and wife, that it had to end this way. The ending really got me. The fact that she had to find out her beautiful son died while traveling and alone. The fact that the charges were dropped. Omg.
Rest in paradise sweet young man. 🤍🕊
I’m so sorry mama that you lost your precious son. My condolences to you and your family. 😞
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. Your words are so sweet and spot on, there is nothing I wouldn’t have done for him or anyone who suffers as he did. I had to finally quit that job as they did not really care that my son had died, they were and are soulless. I am relieved Ryan isn’t mentally suffering any longer. No matter how or how many times I told him I loved him and was proud of him, he could not get past his own self shame. I pray I did not play a part in him feeling this way.
Very sad story. Sounds like Ryan was a very bright young man with a lot of potential. Addiction is so powerful. It will absolutely take all of you. I'm so sorry you lost your son to this. Thank you for sharing. Enjoy your beautiful grand daughter. Your son lives on thru her. Your family is in my prayers 🙏 R.I.P Ryan 🕊
Your all in my prayers too. I lost my niece also and its just pitiful...💔💔
Your a Good MOM. It's not your Fault.
I am sorry for your Son loss. May your Son Ryan Rest Easy. Ryan is at Peace. It's the Ultimate Loss of a child. Keep his Story Alive. Share his Story. Ryan Matters. Sibling loss is Hard . May his Daughter know her Dad's Memory. She is Loved. Heartbroken.
Thinking of You , Your Family.
My heart breaks for you. You are a wonderful and caring woman. I hope that you find a measure of peace that you did everything you could.
I’m convinced that Mom’s have a special place in heaven……GOD BLESS!
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am dealing with the same thing with my 23 yr old son Geno. Any prayers are greatly appreciated. I pray every night for those with Substance abuse disorder and /or mental health problems and their families. God PLEASE help us.
Help is out there. Organizations, churches, other groups eager to help. Reach out to people. You can do this.
Father God, with the power that only you hold, please help Geno to remove the taste for drugs from his body. Strengthen his mind, body, emotions and spirit in Jesus’ name. Amen.
I’m not normally a praying person but I said one for your son Geno and you ❤
@@nicolemitchell446 Thank you so very much!!!! I firmly believe in the power of prayer. May God bless you
Thank you for sharing Ryan's story. I know it must have taken a lot of courage. Thank you.
I grew up with alcoholics so I can relate to this poor mother you grow up with no self esteem, anxiety and depression. To top it off, there was domestic violence too.
I see the sadness in this mother’s eyes and it breaks my heart. My prayers to you and your family 🙏
What a lovely lady ..so strong in telling her story in the way she did , I hope she gets justice for her son and his family 💙
Your son was poisoned. He had his life together and did the best that he could with what he had. He knew you loved him. We all know how much love you had for him. You’re a fighter. Thank you for sharing. I hope you are able to get some therapy to help you handle this loss.
I am so sorry that you have lost your son;especially, in this way. You really did much more than your very best for him. Please continue to tell his story. You have a very beautiful voice and you speak very clearly. Stay strong beautiful soul.
keep saying his name ..... I will never forget your journey ..... RYAN GUNNAR DEEDON you mattered AND your daughter especially matters ..... and to his Mum - you inspire me _ (watching from Melbourne Australia)
I have numerous stories on this channel and this by far the more traumatic and most intense. My heart hurts for this mom. Praying justice prevailed.
@@nehe1023 this one hit me hard too, especially sharing a birthday with Ryan
So sorry for your loss, dear Mama. 💔🙏🏽
❤ thank you very much
Oh man I feel this mom’s pain. She is a true warrior. Ryan was so beautiful and intelligent. What an amazing man. She should always be so proud of him.
The amount of love and sadness in this woman’s eyes is just to intense… I have no other words besides I am so sorry for everything you’ve had to go through your whole life. ❤
My deepest sympathy. Thank you for sharing your story. May your son rest in peace, and I pray those responsible for his death will be charged properly and soon. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I watch all episodes as they are released. The way this mom told his story is one of only a few that has actually brought me tears. Idk why but it hit different for some reason. I think because I know what it's like to have a daughter lose her father to fentanyl poisoning. My daughter was a lot older but it affected her tremendously 😢. God bless her and his family ❤
❤ thank you for watching and supporting! I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. Age is not a factor here , the loss of a child is devastating and the wrong order of things. It’s extremely disorienting! If I can help you in any way, please let me know.
Gosh his daughter looks so much like him! I’m so sorry for your loss. I can hear and feel your pain. Wishing you a very happy future 💕
You are an amazing Woman Mom and Grandmother God Bless you 💞
You are an amazing mom. You have nothing to feel guilty about, so sorry for your loss. Addiction is awful for all your family.So Sad for your granddaughter .
My strong, fierce, broken friend. . . I am in awe of you. This was devastating, raw and powerful. I’m not sure how you managed to say the words out loud - but I am so incredibly proud of you. Ryan is now at peace and knows how much you love him. You did everything right, everything you could. Addiction is consuming and wicked. YOUR efforts, love and faith in him helped Ryan find the happiest times of his life. Cherish that knowledge. You are a remarkable mom, woman, advocate and friend. Thank you for telling his story.
❤❤❤❤ thank you friend- you have been around since the beginning of this saga. I love and appreciate you so much! ❤❤❤
I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son my condolences go out to you and your family I pray you find peace❤
A mother 's love never fails....Its eternal.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences. I pray you are able to find peace and that he is resting in peace as well. You are in my prayers.
I'm shouting AMEN
This woman is a witness and has the gift of transformation
I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son.
❤ thanks for watching and supporting! He’s a huge loss for me, hardest thing ever!
This is the most profound and heroic story I have ever heard on this channel. You were put on earth to speak. Your purpose is large and grand and you can change lives, keep going and all my love and peace being sent to you ❤
❤❤ thank you so much. I really want to express addiction through the eyes of a (sober) parent. It is a soul crushing journey when death is the outcome.
May God bless this sweet soul. She chose a tough journey. She is brave.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting
The world needs more women of character, strength, resilience and intelligence like you. Incredible human being! Ryan's gifts were likely predominantly a result of your efforts and genetics. We do what we can do, the rest is on the wire. Ryan was a gifted and handsome young man, his next life will be much better after this trying audition. Love and light to your whole family.❤
This special story hit me so hard. I'm in recovery and this story slapped me in the face
Thank you for telling Ryan's story
We also have a series of addiction recovery stories that you might find interesting. Here's a link to the playlist: From Addiction to Recovery - ua-cam.com/play/PLdCPA32W_p39Z8hi7xSIX3Fkqmhd7mRzj.html
@TexasPictures thank you. I'm 4 years clean and sober and have been having some old thoughts creep in. These stories are a form of therapy and reminder to keep fighting for everyone we have lost.
Thank you for the work you do.
My son and I went thru similar crap it is so horrific god bless u
❤ thank you for watching and your support
Im so very sorry dear mum 😭🙏...Rip Ryan.
❤ thank you very much
@KathyWinters-n3p you're very welcome dear, God bless fae Scotland xx
❤
RIP Ryan 🙏
❤ thank you for watching and supporting! I do hope he’s finally at peace!
This mom did everything she possibly could 😢❤🙏
If only he knew how lucky and loved he was. Such a waste and loss. 💔
Not a waste at all. What even makes you say that?
What an intense story. I'm so sorry for your loss. May his memory forever be a blessing ❤
Thank you for sharing yours and Ryan's story. I cant imagine how hard it is to talk about, but as a mom of 2 teenagers, thank you!!
My sisters birthday is Jan 2nd. My moms is Jan 10th. They are both very gentle souls. It sounds like your precious boy Ryan was also a gentle soul… God bless his sweet daughter and may the Lord protect her heart now and as she grows up.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. Ryan was so gentle and painfully private. I have not had a service for him yet and not sure I will. He would not want to be on “display” or in a situation where anyone would pass additional judgement upon him, including from my own family. It’s lonely to be a sober person in a family of addiction.
Again , thank you! My girl is amazing and I will stay close to her!
I'm so sorry.😢
You are such a lovely mom. He was lucky to have such a wonderful mom.
❤ thank you so very much for watching and supporting. I was the lucky one that I got to be his mom!
Thanks Ryan’s mom for sharing your story I can’t tell you how sorry I am . I 🙇🏻♂️ that justice will prevail. 💖
Wow m so sorry ;( her entire family had addictions. :(
❤, I am surrounded and am in trauma therapy to try to figure out how to keep living for my other son and granddaughter
What a wonderful mum 😢❤
❤ thank you for watching and supporting
Why did this woman smile throughout describing her family trauma? 😢
@@carriefloss9937 I was wondering the same exact thing.
Coping mechanism
She did not
@@a.garcia8086she did, you need to watch it again I think.
Grief looks different for everyone. Coping mechanism I’m sure
You should have no guilt momma you did everything you could we can't control what they do. I have 2 in this horrible addiction one meth & the other anything he can't use. You are a great mother who has gone thru way more than most people. I feel like your story is gonna be mine. Praying for you!
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. It’s hard not to feel guilty when he is dead.i will try to keep picking my head up and focusing on my other son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter.
@@KathyWinters-n3p I lost a child myself not to this but it was still extremely hard to keep living. You are so strong.
@@lisasikes4801❤
@@lisasikes4801 thank you for sharing that. I totally understand that the circumstances might be different but the loss is insurmountably significant. My sister lost her oldest son when he was 8 to cancer- she’s still not the same and it’s been about 30 years. Hugs to you
Such a loving and caring mom! ❤️❤️🥹
She's so articulate in her grief. Peace be with you ...... ❤
One of the hardest parts about people using is they won't be honest about their situation: what kinds of drugs, how they're doing them, the negative effects they have on their life, etc. As an addict myself, I can say that the only reason I am still here today is because I never lied about any of my use, and it was therefore possible to work on the things that mattered. Unfortunately, many people refuse to acknowledge the reality of their situation, and it makes it impossible to help them.
This mom did everything she could, but the terrible truth about addiction is that she couldn't ever make him stop. It is a decision only the addict can make.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. I agree with you about the honesty piece, I really tried to make my son feel safe talking about it but his own internal struggles with it didn’t allow it. No matter what, he knew I loved him and was proud of him
Please take care of YOU
You can visibly see her anger on this ... God bless her
She's seething.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. Not as much anger as grief that is behind my held breath. Crying wasn’t encouraged in my home growing up, so I’m learning to do that now.
@KathyWinters-n3p your in my prayers crying wasn't a thing in my home either but I've learned to embrace the tears 😢 through God's love I've learned that tears are a release I need .
God bless your heart ❤️
So sad when you look at his baby pictures 😢😢😢 man I hate drugs especially fentanyl… May Ryan rest in peace
A call absolutely no one wants to receive 😢
❤ it was my worst nightmare coming true. I’m paralyzed with grief
Soooo sorrry for your son’s loss . You are a brave mom
❤❤ thank you for watching and supporting.
So heartbreaking. Praying you find healing. ❤
❤ thank you for watching and supporting
Beyond Amazing talent of verbal fluency.
My heart breaks hearing about the multigenerational trauma in this family💔💔💔
Wishing the best to all of you, especially to Ryan’s daughter, May she break the vicious circle of addiction❤️🍀🙏🏻❤️
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. The tragedies endured in my life are too great to count, this particular one has destroyed me. I e got a close eye on my girl and am close to my daughter-in-law and her parents
My father was an alcoholic, not a nice one.When sober he was the most fantastic dad ,drunk not much.I always felt loved.I found myself turning to drink when things got hard.I decided To go to church instead.I was so lucky.Hope you find peace. 😢
Never doubt for one second that you weren't a freak mother. You did everything in your power to guide and raise Ryan. Inside out and upside down. We will never understand the power of addiction unless we are their ourselves. Be good to yourself Kathy.
❤ thank you, I’m really trying, am in trauma therapy to understand how to process the circle of addiction that I grew up surrounded by. Not sure how I escaped, but grateful I did.
So sad 😔 I'm so sorry 😕
❤ thank you very much
I cried so hard. She reminds me of my mom, And Ryan wierdly looks just like me as a child. But I had green eye's and he had blue. It was odd watching this. Cause I felt like I'm watching my mom talking about me. I been sober going on 4 years now. I got clean when everyone I loved started to pass and mortality set in my brain. And my mom begged me crying to stop after I had a super bad OD that wiped my brain for over a month. I have CTE now from that and other brain trauma as a kid. I grew up and still live in Austin. My cousin Danny passed on Dec, 25 2022. I heard this women's pain when talking about the women who was with her son. I feel that every day for the people who where around my cousin and did nothing to save her or call for help. It wasnt till her friend who had been living with her who had been a homeless man. She took him in for the winter cause she didn't want him to freeze. He called my mom. He had stayed the night with his parents and got back in the morning to find her. We seen her the night before on xmas eve and she was fine. They said she got a fake Xan with fetty in it and OD'd. The guy who did I knew who he was from using. And I was going to go and end him. And my mom begged me not to again and I can't say no to her. So.....Here we are in 2024 I just turned 33 on sep 13. and Danny would have been 24. I miss her so much, I raised her with my mom when she had no where to go and was put in foster care by my aunt (her grandma). 2 birthday's without her has been hard.
God bless this mother. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and hugs.
You are a great mother and human. You did everything possible and more to help your son. It’s rough, but also coming from a family of addicted people, you cannot control the behavior of others. Don’t have regrets although I know that’s easy for me to say. You don’t deserve regret.
Damn...so sorry Ma'am.😔🕊⚘🙏
❤thank you for watching and supporting
I hope Ryan's mom writes a book about Ryan's life as an addict and her part in it. She's such an eloquent speaker and her memories of Ryan are poetic. I'd love to read it.
I’m so sorry for your loss,, peace to you & your family.
❤ thank you for watching and your support
My name is Mel's and I'm in recovery in I always watch every story on here because these people matter to me and their families I wish a could just hug her my heart is so broken over Ryan's story that I cannot stop my tears from falling down my face my condolences God bless you I'm going to pray for you every night before bed we all have to stick together against these drugs 💔😭😭🙏
This is why it's important to always have a solid long-term recovery program as well as a strong relationship with God... so you can handle whatever insanity the world throws at you! Poor mom... My heart goes out to her. 🙏🏼
So, if you don't believe in a God or 12 step cultish stuff, there's norhing you can do? I'm sure he got plenty of that on the several rehabs
@@rodriguezthiago318 do you know of any other method that works?
@@rodriguezthiago318 do you know any other method that works?
❤thank you all for watching and your support. I don’t know if there is any single “right “ answer, I did the best I could with what I knew and what resources were available.
@@KathyWinters-n3p you were not responsible for his actions ma'am
This is a hard one 😢 people who use substances need less judgement and more kindness
❤❤ thank you for saying that- the negative stigmas must be removed to give those who are suffering the comfort to know there is no judgement but rather loving and helpful support systems.
You can see how much hurt you carry within. Honey its not your responsibility to fix adults there is only so much you can do and you did all of the thing’s! Your an angel. 😇 😊
Children of alcoholics if they don't follow in their parents' footsteps, seem to have amazing emotional strength.
I watch these to help me.....
❤ thanks for watching and supporting. I hope these videos are a source of help, support or healing for you.
@@KathyWinters-n3pwatched from. England. So sorry for your loss.
I'm so very sorry...i have no words 💔🕊 ☮🌹
the younger a person is when they start, the harder it is to quit..if we can keep them clean until they are adults the better chance to stay clean when they stop.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting
My heart goes out to you. I pray for your son’s Justice. He didn’t deserve to end up the way he did n his family don’t deserve to live without him. His story I am glad you spoke.. the honesty of his life n what he went through what you as a mom did for your children n what it meant to you to prioritize your son and why. I felt the anger n related so much and know what it is to watch your oldest battle to start a family be the happiest doing good n choices of others cause harm n end up destroying everything that was holding your child together. They were living their best life n doing well n in seconds gone. To feel hopeless not wanting to lose your child or watch them go back to where they were n you can’t do anything but accept it’s up to them n hope they want to live the life they deserve.. trusting things are back on track… Not fearing the worse that moment you get to rest n breathe enjoy your child be proud of them. I can understand why denial n not known what to do would be the way you were.. He has an amazing mother your unconditional love n honesty I praise you for. You will get Justice for your son. Sending hugs n prayers to his daughter n wife n to you and his brother . My deepest sympathy may you be given everything you need to prosecute the person or people involved w his death.
❤ thank you for watching and supporting. I will never stop fighting for Ryan and I will continue to share his story to try to save the life of another. Hugs to you!
Man…..she told a story that was so hard to tell. My heart goes out to her.
❤ thank you so much for watching and supporting
I am so sorry for the loss of this young man. Watching this was so hard and painful. The numbness she exhibits as she tells every detail is the same numbness I can only imagine she displayed her whole life having lived with parents and then a spouse dealing with addiction.
I can only speak from my own experience. My youngest was not diagnosed as being on the spectrum until he was 18, however, he was diagnosed with dysthymia since he was very young. The flat effect could have been that as well as a reaction to what he experienced within the home. Children can make the same switch in their young minds as she made in hers from horror and grief to work and a task.
I do agree those meds are dangerous, but, any meds are dangerous for someone with a generational heritary like he did.
I continue to watch my own son even though he is now 28 and seemingly doing "well."
Thank you Mom for sharing, having the courage to do this. You are in my prayers.
❤ thank you for watching and your support! Stoic is how I was raised and stoic provides and artificial safety bubble around me so that when my parents or spouse or son were around I wouldn’t do anything to “trigger” them! My thought process…. Well if I’m just “good” enough maybe they won’t want or need to use. I know better now but it was def a defense mechanism!
What an amazing woman/mother 🙏🙏💋