6 Secrets Bisexual Men Don’t Want You to Know (But Should)!
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2025
- This video explains 6 things that bisexual men often don't want people to know. There are some uncomfortable truths that we hide and we get worried people will find out.
As a specialist coach, I work with hundreds of bisexual men and they confess to me their inner most secrets all day long. I am also a bisexual man myself. There really is no reason for bisexual men to worry about these because they're not bad things.
So I wanted to reveal the 6 things bisexual men most often don't want people to know about, and provide a bit of context to explain why actually we shouldn't be so afraid of these things in reality.
Here are my 6 things bisexual men don't want you to know about. I hope you enjoy...
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I hope you recognize all the goodness within you. You spread light and happiness wherever you go, touching the lives of everyone around you. ❣️
I bet a lot of the confusion would go away if we stopped labelling people's sexuality, and just accepted that we are attracted to who we're attacted to, and leave it at that.
@dmnemaine This is a BS cop out response to 1) being a coward as to who you are in groups, and 2) you want unlimited public approval while privately enjoying anti-social behaviors. The test is : when there is a referendum or new law, will you go into the voting booth and support pro-gay legislation, anti-gender bias or making sexual orientation a non-issue for job dismissal?? When everyone has equality under the law THEN you can be unlabelled. Until then, vote with your feelings and allegiances and not with the herd of sheep you live with.
Amen
Yes
You are absolutely correct. I love you for saying it.❤
@@markbeausejour7551Is that a prayer?
To many people think that BI is 50/50, but it is not, like other things it is on a spectrum. You can be a Gay-Leaning BI, or you can be a Straight-Leaning BI. It is not a Line, it is a spectrum. Also, who you Do is not necessarily who you Are.
It can also be very hard to know what the percentage is. How can you estimate how gay or straight you are?
@@jeremywvarietyofviewpoints3104 - I agree it is not an easy thing to know, so it is left to the individual to define him/her-self depending on their own feelings. And even if it is 30/70 or 60/40 or 80/20, it is still not a hard line in the sand. I think it wavers with circumstances.
@@blueboyblue it's annoying. I answered this question in the part of UA-cam where you click on the bell icon but it didn't let me post it. I have to come back here and write to be able to post it. But basically, I said I just know I'm attracted to both, even if some people think you can only be gay or straight. But for 26 years I didn't feel much attraction at all. I wondered if I was asexual. It turned out to be a side effect of psychiatric medication. They reduce testosterone a lot. Now I'm off them I'm suddenly attracted to people again to a significant degree. The medications made me fat too. Now that's reversing. Even weirder I suddenly look way younger- people keep saying I look at least ten years younger than I am. It's as if I'm reverting to who I was before I got put on the medications.
I think people need to be honest about their intentions in relationships. If your nature is to not be monogamous, don't make a monogamous commitment. If it's your nature to mess around with other people, be up front about it. Then you can set realistic boundaries. My partner of nine years told me on our first date that has no intention of being monogamous. I found the honesty refreshing. I had previously been in a monogamous relationship with someone who slept around a lot, and lied about it. The lying was the most hurtful part to me.
Yes absolutely. This is a very valid point for people of all sexualities. You can also talk about the knowledge that you may be open to change as well. You may be happy being monogamous for now but be a person who accepts the potential for change, and check with your new partner if they also share that view or not. That can be helpful too.
@notdefining We are in our sixties. The on the side action has been manageable and there has been no sneaking around. The situation works for us. Neither one of us has a jealous nature.
As a bisexual woman, this is fascinating. I feel such compassion for my beautiful bi boys who are confused and feel like they need to keep these anxieties inside. You're seen, I will listen.
For my bisexual story today, I'm just going to give you a little kiss right on the top of your head, and now we've made a little bisexual story to share. It's not about me today, I think we should all show bi men lots of love.
Of all the thousands of comments I read this is one of my favourite ever. Wow thank you. This touched my heart.
@@notdefiningI hope you and all bi men feel a little more loved today
Aww. You're so sweet. Thank you. ❤️🥰
I laughed to myself at the end when he said, "Bye for now" - I thought it sounds like "BI FOR NOW!!" ☺
Haha. I love to make that little nod! Glad you spotted it.
Thank you very much for your clip posted here. I have a son who is bisexual and am a minister who has bisexuals in my parish and appreciate the insight. I work to provide an inclusive and environment for ALL my parish to grow and believe in supporting the person God has made.
Thank you! There are many in the religious community ---
and many parents --- who could learn a thing or two from you!
Hey thank you so much for tuning in and for being a strong example for your son and your community. 🩷💜💙
I was waiting for the masculine one because that is definitely my biggest worry as a bi man. I love my sexually but I do fear that people put it in front of my masculinity. They may assume that I am not manly enough because of my being bi. I also like to embrace my feminine side and when I do I worry about being or appearing masculine enough. I fear that this will limit my dating options in the future with women if I were to ever find myself single again. Great video!
Hey thank you so much for sharing. I hear you my friend. Massive respect for moving through this fear in your own way.
There are no other bisexuals who u can connect with & yall will fully understand each othet !?
@@bigthangz5489Sadly, no. Different for everyone
But why you assume being gay must have a feminine side...
Jamie, don't worry about not being man enough. You are. It's pervasive in Western society to emphasize a small set of unfortunate attributes as being truly manly. Strong, unfazed, stoic, emotionally unavailable, possessive, jealous, violent. It is a poisonous cocktail of mostly unwanted things that is thrust upon us. Being a man is so much more than being an uncaring brute. It's absolutely toxic that men are chastised for having a soft, caring and nurturing side. Just embrace your whole being. If some people then proceed to label you less than a man, that is their problem and you are better off without them. It's up to us to reject the man box. It only has power as long as we all accept it as the inevitable truth, which this horrible thing absolutely is not.
On point one - I'm a gay man, and I probably fully came out around age 19 or so. (It's been a LONG time(!), hence my uncertainty about the exact date.) In my late teens, I identified as bi for exactly the reason you describe - I was far more comfortable identifying in that way. I can totally understand how people who are genuinely bi could be hurt and/or offended by that, but really I think the blame lies with the heterosexism (blythe unjustified assumption that everyone is straight until evidence is provided to the contrary), which leaves gay men like myself (and I would presume lesbians also) feeling in some sense morally obliged to keep some kind of contact with a straight identity due to social pressure. In my case, it didn't last very long, and once I properly came out I never looked back. I have always been immensely supportive of my bi brothers and sisters, against both homo/biphobia in wider society and against the biphobia internal to the gay/lesbian section of society, and will always do so. I'm sorry if our 'passing through' your community causes you any problems, both regarding external perceptions and psychologically, but I hope you can understand that this isn't, in most cases, meant to be disrespectful or exploitative, but is just a coping strategy for gay men and lesbians in difficulty either with accepting themselves or with being able to state that identity in the wider word. Much love and peace to my bi brothers and sisters.
I've also noticed bisexual men identifying as straight
Statistically most bisexual men identify as straight. It’s actually known.
@@notdefining But of course Its an oxymoron...Its impossible.
@@notdefiningCulturally and from a psychological perspective I don’t think the statistics have shifted over the decades, but the studies into this particular area do carry high levels of risk for accuracy.
From a personal perspective I totally agree and identified as straight myself despite being bisexual all my life.
Being an older Gay Man I have one opinion I feel I must be stated here If someone identifies as Bi-sexual as a gay man it is my RESPONSABILITY to allow them to think or feel that way. Their motivations, fears, and desires are frankly none of My business. It is impossible to fix someone and to do so without being asked is an invasion of someone's personal space and is quite frankly a manipulation on our part please let other people be who they are or prefer to identify as.
That is an excellent point. I typically don’t label myself as bi especially within the gay community because in my experience there are a large number of people who don’t believe in male bisexuality and if I’m trying to get laid I’m not interested in getting into an argument. Im 50 and hope the joke bi now gay later will go away forever. I don’t have any idea what some people think is proof of being bi for a man since having sex with men or women doesn’t seem to matter and some other people seem to want a perfect partner ratio of 50/50 and then there are those people who think that if a man has had 1 sexual encounter with a man they must be gay 😂
Thank you. Well said. I appreciate that.
Great comment ❤
@@ryanlewandowsky2077 I find it very easy to convince gay men I'm bisexual. I just talk about how sex with women feels to me. They're usually screaming uncle within a few sentences. 🤣
I’ve got a bisexual friend who said it’s easier to get with guys, he loves women but occasionally likes a guy for a naughty easy time, I’ve been with him a few times in the past like a bro helping another one out, I’m not in love with him.
He’s got a gf now so we don’t do anything but still friends
of course it is easier, we are men. What a bullshit cop out supplied by the snakes we call bi men
Hey thanks for sharing. That sounds like a nice chilled connection.
You are awesome for saying this. I think most people live in fear of being rejected if they express who they really are. It is confusing and it takes a huge toll on your well-being. We can't blame ourselves for it either, but we can learn to accept our many differences and maybe we can then accept everyone else. If you think about it, love always wins. Start with yourself.
Well said! Thank you so much.
Food for thought:
-Masculinity: I have met gay, flamboyant, bubbly men who have more charisma, confidence and aura than straight men. Sexuality does not define personality. *Be yourself*
-Sexuality: The most constructive way to view sexuality, between straight, bi and gay, is as a spectrum from 0-100 with bi as 50 - rather than trying to sort it into rigid and separate compartments.
-Cheating: Cheating always has, is and, will be due largely in part to a lack of transparency and *communication*. Sure, it could stem from insecurity or a whole array of secondary reasons, but it always stems from lack of communication (of needs, wants, identity, etc,)
Social sexuality: It is NONE of anyone’s business but your own how you sexually identify. Personally I prefer to not go out of my way to tell others my identity (gay man) at least until we are close friends. I have a deep voice and present my self with a heteronormative style so it is often a pleasant surprise when people find out that I like men. *Keep sexual identity/conversations out of the workplace*
This is a fantastic video-I’ve watched it twice! Your delivery is clear, thoughtful, and engaging.
I’ve always been mystified by society’s preoccupation with sexuality. It’s not just about saying it’s nobody’s business; it’s the sheer weight people place on it that puzzles me. Human sexuality, like eye color, skin tone, or hair type, is part of the natural diversity of humanity. Yet, society continues to fixate, judge, and harbor negativity and bigotry around it.
Your video sheds light on this issue with such clarity, helping me better understand the experiences of bisexual people. It’s given me valuable insight, making me more aware, sensitive, and supportive.
Thank you so much-I’m excited to explore more of your work. Best wishes, Lyndon Smith
Hey Lyndon thank you so much. I’m so glad you enjoyed this video. Thanks for being here. ❤️🌈
I've known a lot of many kinds of people and have never had prejudices regarding bi men because I've always had to take it on faith that bisexual men exist.
Hey thanks for not being prejudice. We appreciate it. You don’t have to take it on faith, as there is endless unquestionably comprehensive scientific research which proves beyond any doubt whatsoever that bisexuality exists and is highly common in humans and all other species. So yay! 🙌
I am glad you are taking on this topic as it is really needed. I think what I have the biggest fear about is I really feel like whatever you are trying to figure out about yourself that integrity & consideration for the feelings of others is a value that quite honestly is not a common value in our societies no matter what sexuality we are talking about. Children can often mask or smooth over these problems but it really doesn't ever get dealt with and addressed in all our identifies overall. It is in many ways the kernel of the problem upon which so many other elements of sexuality & identity rest upon. The biggest problem I have with relationships in general and you brought this up at about 9 mins or so is the cheating issue. But the whole cheating thing was kind of glossed over in that it isn't "good" but we never really talk about why this is so. It is really difficult to talk about male dynamics and sexuality without talking about patriarchal beliefs, values and the emotional numbing that often accompanies this dynamic. Patriarchy is a part of everyone to some degree as it is very much still a central theme in the development of the identity. What is problematic about patriarchy and people is people will seldom do the needed work to understand how much of their sexual identity or not is rooted in patriarchy. And this does not just affect men but this is also an internalized patriarchal problem with women as well. Having said all of this I think in terms of who I get with it is less about their sexuality and more about how much they have explored, done the work & understand the affects of patriarchy in their own lives and thus how this plays out in their values around how they operate, how they connect or not with others and how this impacts how their values and how they move through their worlds with others. Personally I do not believe I would feel comfortable dating a bisexual individual because there is a concern for me about my own emotional safety. Let me explain. Bisexual men often can put up a straight, believable front of that is derived from patriarchal beliefs about the self and others that does not require any need to present their authentic self, whatever that may be, and instead hide behind the patriarchal shield of straight acting. That's not to say that this is true with all sexual relationships & you are quite right to point out that cheating happens regardless of sexual identity. But the risk to my own emotional well-being is greater because many bisexual men, and straight acting men in general as well as straight men value how a situation appears to others more than who they truly are. There is no other better example of this at a microcosm than in manly sports, fraternities and other traditionally male identified areas. I know many men who will be married to a woman and if given the chance will have sex with another man so long as know one finds out about it. The truth is not valued as much as the appearance of that person to others in their society. And the gift of someone else's body is rarely valued outside of the orgasm and/or brief intimacy that it provides. Many gay men who cannot pass as straight acting do not have this buffer and so they are often forced into hard truths about how they treat others because they don't have the patriarchal, straight appearing circles, often including their families, their religion and their own "identities" to shield them from their choices. There identities are for all intents and purpose are more exposed and thus they do not have the patriarchal shield as readily available to them to buffer their authentic selves from themselves and from others So the reason I am much more hesitant to be involved with a bisexual man is that it is almost never clear even to the individual how much of their authentic self actually translates into their behaviors, values, relationships, etc.... Patriarchy serves as a shield that a given percentage of straight acting, straight or bisexual mean have that allows them to hide from or not deal with their sexuality, even from themselves, as they can be accepted and covert in one group and then walk into another group like Grindr, adult bookstores, etc.. and get their sexual needs met when it suits them. I have experienced ALOT of men who have sex with me (often times very selfishly and self-centered aka patriarchy) then as soon as they get their needs met they not only don't care about my needs in any way, shape or form, but emotionally wall themselves off again by acting like what just happened didn't just happen and walk back into their "normal" heterosexual lives with absolutely no remorse or care about what they are doing to the person they just had sex with and also to the wife or girlfriend they go home to that almost NEVER knows about this other life. This is a real and robust pattern that continues to play out even today and adds yet another layer of potential complication that makes me feel incredibly insecure. Patriarchy is the main fuel that keeps this cycle of deception and self delusion that many men can spend their whole lives cycling through AND it only serves to maintain the "confusion" aka I don't have to really deal with myself or how I view others as objects only present as it relates to getting my needs met. This has basically resulted in my refusing to be involved with men period. And it is sad to say but true that MANY gay men will allow themselves to be treated poorly as in their hearts they do not believe they are worth more than that (internalized homophobia). And many gay men will condone these facades so long as they get their sexual needs met. So in short this is not just a sexuality problem, but it also a patriarchal problem and so long as that shield continues to exist as an easy out for men, well, then I imagine there is absolutely no real benefit to being honest with yourself about who you are or honest with others. My motto is, you are never going to have a ghost of a chance at knowing who you authentically are until you are 100% okay with whatever that happens to turn out to be." And the benefits of patriarchy often times outweigh the benefits of being your authentic self & treating others with the dignity and respect that we all deserve to have no matter what our sexuality. All the rest is smoke and mirrors fueled by the miasma and endless well that allegiance to patriarchy affords the user.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm straight, but you've answered my questions, which someone I know, who is bi-sexual.
Hey thanks for tuning in. I’m so glad this was helpful.
I'm gay and I had a friend in Auckland, NZ. He identified as bi. He had a female partner and they had children. His partner got very sick and decided to attend to her bucket list before she died. Being bi, he thought that he had a choice about which sex he went with. So he told me that it was going to be men all the way from now on, because "men age better than women." A month later he came to see me to tell me his good news. He had a new partner, and it was a woman. We were both surprised by this.
Another great example of an individuals unique, personal experience. 👏 Yet I'm sorry for the loss of his first partner that he has children with. A tuff thing to go through.
@@Tonytherf It is also part of the universal experience that none of us know, who we will fall in love with next. We have no choice about this. It affects gay, straight and bi people. Even the 17th century French playwright Molière commented about this.
Yeah you don't choose who you fall in love with. I had a huge crush on a straight guy when I was younger.
Wow! Thank you for sharing! I’m 65 years old and have struggled all my life with this…you touched on all my concerns (Spot On). So good to hear I’m not totally crazy. Thank you so much.
As a bi male myself I feel this video does more to just continue the stereotypes around bisexuals then it does try and help remove that. Like I wouldn’t have started out calling most of us confused, when that is the traditional bi erasure statement. Like I’d be curious on the statistics for this video for when the average person is leaving the video, if that was the only point they saw then it was a failure. Sexuality is a journey and the only thing that makes it ‘confusing’ is trying to apply others standards or expectations to yourself when they don’t apply. Which is why I liked your way of saying, “it’s your own unique version of masculinity”. The rest really just wasn’t specific to being bi… Just because someone is straight, doesn’t me they want to have sex with everyone of the opposite sex. So when your potential pool of options isn’t being filtered by plumbing doesn’t mean you’re going to be equally attracted to all genders. Cheaters are cheaters and orientation has nothing to do with it. Either someone honors the commitments they make or they don’t.
In my personal view, having some curiosity and interacting with the same sex doesn’t make you bi or gay. It’s just you trying to figure out what you like, and you shouldn’t feel shame for trying to understand yourself better. We’re all confused, not just the bisexuals. I would say that the only thing bisexuals don’t want you to know is that they’re bisexual. Not for the shame of it, but for the latent homophobia that exists in others that they don’t always notice. The number of stores I’ve heard from my brothers that girls broke up with them because they think they’re really just closeted gays and in reverse plenty of gay males have broken up with bi men because they don’t think they’re really gay. Thank you for reading my ted talk :P and keep doing the good work, just work on that phrasing.
Hello from Australia. I'm a straight heterosexual woman , also a Psychotherapist and Relationship Counsellor. I wanted to hear your presentation. I married a man ( now my ex spouse) who after some
years came out as a transgender
woman who is also bisexuality, with
preferences for women but will also go with men. In the 6 years between then and now, I was confronted with so much , both personally and professionally. The things you point out here about bisexuality. And Gender, in general.
Cheating? It can be very subjective as to what constitutes real
" cheating", and what doesn't! How it can be spun around, very intellectual, very tricky, and very disguised. You say around 35% of people. I'll say around 50%, and most of the other 50% seriously consider it, but don't do it because of the consequences, to themselves. Men who cover it up in themselves? Definitely. Why? Because it takes enormous courage to come out, and human beings are so harshly judgemental . No one in my ex's family tribe wants anything to do with her now. For over 3 years. No contact of any kind , from any of them, with her. To them, she no longer exists.
Hey thank you so much for sharing your experience. It sounds like you both went through a lot. Sending warm wishes and gratitude for sharing your perspectives with us.
As a bi man I've always been nervous to flirt with guys mainly because I don't know if the guy is straight or not.
Me too. It can be scary because of the consequences of violence if you get it wrong.
As a gay man, I have questions. I have listened to various podcasts, watched a few interviews with bisexual people, and personally had discussions with the few bisexual people that I know. From that data, I am left with the feeling that most bisexual people view same sex encounters as fun and stimulating, however when it comes to settling into a long term relationship, they overwhelmingly prefer to be with the opposite sex. Is it perhaps because the heteronormative society makes it easier, or is it a more innate characteristic?
I believe the bi people are terrified to let others, family and friends, know that they are gay and go with opposite sex for relationships that are long term and married. I have a married man who loves mutual oral and jacking off men. So what the hell is that?
My best guess is that it is both easier from heteronormative society for acceptance of the relationship itself, and also because if the person sees themselves becoming a parent, it's a lot easier for that as well.
@@boc120 Those were my conclusions as well. I am disheartened by this. It could make those of us who identify as homosexual feel that we could never be anything more than just a fling.
@@randyc77 I'm 100% committed to my boyfriend and plan to marry him. I had already been planning to not have children so it wasn't a factor and when I originally came out as Bi to friends and family, I didn't get any pushback. And I live in a "big" city so I've never had any problems being out and about with my boyfriend. Which is all to say that it's totally valid to ask the real questions of a Bi partner before getting too attached, but that it's also entirely possible for a Bi guy to commit to a "gay" relationship.
Most bi people are in different gender relationships because society overwhelmingly enforces that. We are victims of heteronormativity that gay people are and cannot express our homo oriented sides easily. We are often trapped in the hetero norm. This has nothing to do with the way we see gay people or same gender connections. We do not see gay people as a fling or as any less valuable or serious. It is really important to make that distinction. Bi people are often viewed as selfish, privileged or unworthy partners to our gay and lesbian family and that is not true. We hate that some people would use gay or lesbian people as flings or as less worthy than their hetero partners. This is wrong and not what we stand for. 🩷💜💙
You mentioned that studies show cheating is in fact *less* prevalent among bisexuals in monogamous relationships. Do you have any references to recommend? As a non-cheating bisexual man, it would be nice to see some empirical evidence that disproves the popular narrative.
Diamond, L. M. (2008). Female bisexuality from adolescence to adulthood: Results from a 10-year longitudinal study. Developmental Psychology, 44, 5-14.
Spalding, L. R., & Peplau, L. A. (1997). The unfaithful lover: heterosexuals’ perceptions of bisexuals and their relationships. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 21, 611-625.
McLean, K. (2004). Negotiating (non) monogamy: Bisexuality and intimate relationships. Journal of Bisexuality, 4, 83-97.
I used to all what people call cheating to make me feel badly. Once I realized why it happens; I'm not concerned about it anymore. I've been single now for several years. I'm even less concerned about it now. I hope I've been helpful in some way. I know there are still a lot bi guys who struggle with their feelings about this.
I am going to go out on a limb and expand your comment that 'some bisexual people are confused.' I agree, but I think you could make a similar assertion about straight people and gay people. I say that because human sexual attraction is at times confusing and does not proceed in a predetermined direction or orderly fashion for everyone. For example, I was married after high school to my HS girlfriend. We were together a total 9 years, most of them happy. After divorce, I had my first gay male encounter with a male friend, which led to us living together for a decade. I consider myself gay, so I was greatly shocked when I later fell hard for a female. Or when I have sex dreams about women. It is very confusing at times, although I consider myself gay.
I have never been promiscuous, possibly due to my conservative upbringing and religious indoctrination (e.g., I never cheated on my wife or my male partner, nor did I ever really want to). I've only ever had sex with 1 woman, and fewer than 10 men. But easily half of those men would call themselves straight (possibly WAY too scared to say they were bi?). One of those straight men and I were more akin to 'acquaintances with benefits,' so when he told me he had fallen in love with me, I was flabbergasted (and ended it because I was not remotely feeling the same toward him).
i am straight and in love with a bisexual man. I dunno what to do. but I do like him a lot and want to understand and love him.
Thank you for your explanation, it is really helpful. I also love your no-judgemental perspective.
Thanks for watching!
I love your first inconvenient truth! This needed to be said. These labels are not great except to help us understand our preferences and relate to others. As it is all about sexual preferences I think people are making more of us confused. For instance a gay man is not a man that can’t have sex with women and enjoy it.
As a bisexaul male in my 40s I've painted my nails all the time and showed my colors but people just ignore it or just talk to me like I'm average guy I like showing my female side sometimes with lips gloss but no one is attractive to me that I know
Hey thanks so much for sharing.
Honestly, even if I rarely find a woman im attracted to, it took forever to even talk to a woman because, and maybe its just me, but its like they have a sixth sense I like guys too. I see it in their face where they initially light up and think im attractive then have this 'oh, youre gay' moment and they shut down the vibe. So indirectly Ive allowed myself to be conditioned to think maybe im just ment for men.
Fortunately I was finally able to experience a woman romanticly and I was able to confirm my sexuality for myself.
I can’t reveal my true identity online but I am a straight woman and exclusively watch male adult content and have the majority of my life. 🎉
Hey thank you so much for sharing this. I appreciate it.
Thank you for your empowerment ❤️ blessed be you for your insights on the topic
You are so welcome
As a Bi wom myself, I absolutely relate to the confusion that comes with being bi, however I feel less confused once I understood I was bi and not straight with unexplicable feelings for other women sometimes. And Yes ! It's easier to get with guys, than it is to be with women ... And I've mostly dated women, even with that experience I understand that.
Thank you for your vid !
I love my Bi Men so much 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍.
We are lucky to have media nowdays, i feel sad about people in the past that felt confused and had no way to find out, or share experience!
Yes I think for LGBT people it can be revolutionary.
Just be happy and be grateful you are loved and love back ❤️
A solid point
First time viewer here. I enjoyed listening to you. Although, I was a little surprised to hear you say you were confused. It sounded to me that you have really got your stuff together. A very knowledgeable young man regarding the ways of life. I Look forward to another video in the near future. I agree with one of the comments below regarding labeling. I think people do way to much of it. We are all individual and should feel free to be who we are. When it comes to sexuality I believe we are all on a spectrum. As indicated in the Kinsey Scale. Some people are all the way over on one end or the other. While many fall somewhere in between. I liken being bi as somewhat like enjoying different types of food in a category. I.E. Ice cream. One may like both vanilla AND chocolate but not necessarily at the same time. Just saying. Thanks for listening.
Hey thanks so much for your lovely comment and for tuning in. I like to mention that I get confused because of course many people look to me as someone who is very well informed and confident in my sexuality. I am all of those things but I still get confused because attraction love and relationships are confusing for everyone sometimes. When I was younger I felt that there were these bisexual people who had it all figured out. I felt confused but I felt I was the only one. I since learned that we all feel confused sometimes and that’s okay. So I like to share that. I hope that makes sense. I love the ice cream analogy. I also love ice cream so that’s a bonus. Haha. Thanks so much for watching and be sure to subscribe as I have loads more content coming out. 🩷💜💙
@@notdefining Hey! Thank you for the response. You are correct about love and relationships being confusing. They most certainly are. That does not seem to change as one gets older either. For that matter life itself can be very confusing. Anyway, keep up the good work. I did subscribe and look forward to more content. Happy 2025.
Cheating is always a choice.
Agreed. Anyone who says otherwise... Well, they're a cheater. 🥴
Actually not always. 6 months after the death of a parent can be a shaky emotional time and if not prepared dumb irrational things will occur. Cheating can be one of them. Serial cheating is a horse of an entirely different nature and would seem to have its origin in repressed aversion to monogamy or some other issue.
@@PhilipWeisman-dl4ik going through a shaky emotional time doesnt erase that you made a choice in that moment. That is often the context that cheating happens in: someone is going through a hard time, is unhappy, vulnerable, wants attention, support etc. making a choice you regret doesnt mean you didnt make that choice.
And where does FORGIVENESS come into play, since people are fallible? Or, how about the relationship is over but 6-9 months later you are friends the rest of your lives? Happened to me, until their death from blood cancer
I see everyone as a soul. If you love that soul, it doesn't matter what container it comes in.
Absolutely love this
Happy New Year! 🎉
Continue to be awesome and kind (and a champion for Miley Cyrus haha)!
Haha heeeey happy new year to you too my friend. Another year over, another year of pining after Miley Cyrus about to begin. 😂
Thank you, these were exactly what I needed to hear
Ah thanks I’m so glad it was helpful.
Love ur nail polish :)
Ah thanks so much. Some wild people wrote comments slagging it off. Haha. lol.
@@notdefininga guy wearing nail polish always looks to me like an old woman's hands. Old women's nails are too brittle to grow long nails or get nail extensions, so it's short nails with nail polish.
@@notdefining I think it looks great. More guys should be brave enough to wear it. Keep rocking it!!!!
I love you brother. You are the voice of bi people. Stay safe
Ah thank you so much. Sending big love to you too 🩷💜💙
Thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊 thanks for tuning in.
Omg it’s so confusing, I’m gay and I’m sorry to say but I had some of the prejudices mentioned here about bisexuality… I am sorry and thank you for opening my eyes to how confusing it can be for you
Wishing you all the best ❤
@martywolf2011 l relate to exactly what say. Been there, and done that and thought l was an open accepting person and there was no forums or manifestos for bisexuals who were making things up as they went along. Or not. This site has opened up my eyes so much to narrow common prejudice traps of thinking. But life is a long journey of discoveries and reexaminations.
Hey thank you so much for tuning in and learning. I really appreciate it. Thanks for understanding. ❤️
GLAD your videos are getting more views !
Hey thanks so much.
Very interesting video. I have always been bi and been married to women twice, the second one being a lesbian. I ultimately chose to identify as gay and have been with my partner in an open relationship for 34 years (topic for another time). I recognized many of the issues you have brought up but mostly objectively. My up-bringing was very different as I was a stage performer from the age of 15 and my sexuality was already in full bloom. If it was fuckable, I was interested! This provide myriad experiences from ALL parts of the spectrum and were all instrumental in coming to my ulitmate preference. I have had the argument with other gay men about whether or not, being gay is only about sexual attraction. I say it is... just like being straight is about sexual attraction! It is the defining factor. You are correct about the various reasons many "bi-identified" men are confused or in denial. I come across this a lot in the gay community. I have also discovered that one reason some men "cheat" on their wives by getting blowjobs from men, is because wives generally don't like to swallow! I apologise for being crass but I have had many married men tell me this. You are also correct about cheating. The reason my partner and I are still together is because we never promised fidelity to one another. Monogamy is not in our repertoire but that is not to say I don't believe it is achievable. I just think monogamy isk something that simply happens when both partners have no desire for any other. I don't think it is a healthy thing to commit to, if that is not the case. I also definitely don't subscribe to the notion of "jealousy". It is pointless and self-destructive. I am grateful that I never had to go through many of the Bi-sexual issues you outlined here but I can empathize with those who do and will always encourage them to speak more about their situations with a friend or counsellor. My ear is always available too. Thanks again for addressing this.
love this info. embracing yourself is freedom.
I cannot imagine what would possess any guy to imagine that identifying as bisexual instead of gay would protect him from homophobia. I mean sure you're welcome in I guess, but... Homophobes don't care? 🤔
I don't find it easier to get with men than women. I'm also demisexual. It's easier to talk to mlm guys and far fewer of them hold not being masculine enough against you, but a whole lot more of them just want sex and getting them to open up to you emotionally or be vulnerable is like pulling teeth. Women are much more closed and hostile to non-masculine men or anything "non-traditional", but when you do find the weird one who is interested in you, it's waaaay easier to build a meaningful emotional connection very quickly without having everything revolve around sex.
On balance I still have ended up dating a lot of women, despite statistics, because the ability to be emotionally present is super important to me. A lot of my connections with men just don't progress to a point of meaningful emotional bonding. They don't share anything.
Hey thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. It is so appreciated.
I respect your honesty. The thing about Fidelity in a relationship: it seems artificial and often goes against nature....and social conditioning has conditioned people to feel that its against the rule...to the extent that if it happens MURDERING love is the answer....IT IS NOT!! killing love for another human being just because of that is incredibly cruel and stupid.
It’s true, romantic fidelity is not necessarily a very authentic natural state of relationship for humans.
I have always had to walk a certain way just because I am trying to be masculine .
My sister once told me that the reason woman don't want to be in relationship with bi men is because they will either have to force them to be monogamous with them or accept that they are going cheat with other guys. I found this a complete betrayal of my own flesh and blood and complete nonsense. Monogamy and bisexuality are not diametrically apposed. So it's interesting that you say statistically bi man more likely to be monogamous. It follows me as I am in a monogamous relationship.
Hey thanks for sharing and yes I agree. This statement from your sister was not rooted in reality.
My husband is bisexual, and I found this channel as a way of understanding him deeper. I don't want to discount your experience, but when you say, "Don't worry, it doesn't mean you're gay," that kind of sounds like you're saying being gay is a bad thing. Can you describe what you mean?
Hey thanks so much. I’m so glad you have been able to find us and are seeking ways to understand your husband better. This is really beautiful. Thank you for asking this important question. Absolutely never seek to imply that being gay is a bad thing - our gay family are our closest siblings, utterly adored and honoured in every way here. Bisexual men however routinely get told that bisexuality doesn’t exist and that they are “just gay and in denial”. This message gets internalised can really traumatise bi men because it erases and undermines their real internal experience (which is being bi). So we often get to thinking that “maybe I am gay and in denial” then we start to overthink it and get anxious about every attraction that we have, trying to prove or convince ourselves either way. It can get really dark and difficult for many of us and we often have no one to talk to (because many people in society just assume we are in fact gay when we’re not). This can even lead to self destructive thoughts and extreme alienation and isolation. We get to thinking that no one understands us and that we’re crazy. That’s why I say “don’t worry”. It’s for the bi guys in our society who constantly fret that they are gay and in denial because that’s what people tell them all the time. So of course, absolutely no negativity towards our amazing beautiful gay brothers, it’s just something to try to help us bi men who are struggling with that internal invalidation of ourselves. I hope that goes some way to answering your question. Thanks so much and wishing you and your husband all the happiness that you so thoroughly deserve together. 🩷💜💙
@notdefining Thank you for the thoughtful response! Very helpful to hear those insights. ♥️
Thx for this video now i understand y it's so good to be around people like us helps understanding ourselves
If it's hard for bisexual men to get girls, when the vast majority of girls are interested in guys, think how hard it is for bisexual women who have to find someone who is both interested in women and aloso not alrteady in a relationship.....
So please think about that before you judge Bi ladies for having had so much more success with guys.
Thank you!!
I hear you. Ive been curious about women at times (only physically,) but I havent acted on it because, I realuzed later, that might hurt my gay identity and make me feel less gay, which, frankly, low key terrifies me. Because we live in a normed world ? Not only heteromormative. I just realized i felt like adding "only physically" which is true, but i could have left it out. So there you go. I dont want people to tell me, or think that, Im not gay. I wouldnt be offended to be called bi, or even straight, most people i admire are bi or straight... it's more in the negative: I don't want to *not* be gay.
That is really interesting. I've spent many many years on gay/bi forums/media and I've noticed a kind of antagonistic aspect in some of the men's orientation toward women. It can be puzzling since women haven't subjected them to the rampant disrespect lesbians suffer from men. Namely of the "Can I get up in that sandwich?!" type. Erasing their sexuality, trying to own it. Filmmakers writing fake lesbians who ultimately just need some 'vitamin D.' ... I assume partly it's gay men's complicated relationship with femininity. Having the sexuality generally associated with women, and sometimes other traits associated with women, in a society that kind of despises women. Dare I suggest an element of self-hatred?
But I get that you're not avoiding attraction to women out of your own negative ideas of them, but rather the negative ideas others might have about you? That you're 'turning in your card.' Or caving to heteonormative pressure. It shows how 'gayness' as a concept is invested in defining itself by what it's not. "I'm 100%!" I'm not sure I buy that anyone is 100% anything, since life is a spectrum and we're all made of the same stuff. There aren't hard fast rules, even if the religious think so. Good scientists accept uncertainty and the existence of that which can't be seen or measured.
I think we easily forget that creating a category "homosexual" was done with the express purpose of stigmatizing a 'devilish disorder.' Criminalizing 'sodomitical' practices. Creating another scapegoat for the public to vent their angst upon and forget their real problems caused by the powerful. "Witches" and homosexuals were burned or hanged together in the hundreds of thousands in Europe.
You are right, I loved this video ,I’m not bi but I think that bi men have hard life because of those stereotypes.
Hey thanks for your encouragement. It is appreciated.
@@notdefining i loved your video and i would like that people stop seeing bisexuals like weirdos or astonishing. Bisexuals are normal people and the whole cheating thing is just very very bizarre.
great content!
I tend to watch male on male adult content, but I do like the hetero content as well. Besides, I'm attracted to both, so why not?😂
spot on man. When I'm with women, I hunger for another male. When I'm with men, I think about sex with women.
Most straight women I dated weren't accepting so in the end I stopped telling and in fact stopped dating women alltogether. Men in general don't care that much. So much for acceptance from the tolerant sex..
Who ever said women are the "tolerant sex"? Straight women are hands down the most toxic dating pool for me too. If straight men are anything like them, it's little wonder they hate each other so much. 😅
It's their . It's their choice. If they are gay and want to identify as bi; so be it. It's none of my business. I meet men who I see as truly bi and, I meet those who I see as obviously gay. It's still not my place to tell them how to feel, or how to live.
I absolutely love women, but when it comes to hooking up, its just easier with guys. They are almost always down, and they make it very well know if they like me which makes trying to read people easier. No, oh, does she like me or not. Its, hey you wanna meet up?
Etwas schönes wenn man es genießen kann und ehrlich ist
I disagree about the adult content. I think it revels your unconscious desires, its a moment you are alone without other judgments.
After reading a lot the bi sub on reddit, I found a pattern. Bi men in relationship with women like to watch mlm contet because it not what he have in the moment, while when they are dating othe men they watch more content with women.
Straight women watching lesbian content in other hand, probably just mean she want to be in focus of pleasure.
You have kind of made my point in a way though. Adult content a lot of the time is about what you aren’t able to get in the real world. So watching mlm doesn’t mean you are more attracted to men in reality, it may just mean it’s a fantasy of what you don’t have access to in that moment of your life. Do you see? There is a lot with this type of thing and it’s more complex than we think but yeah. Women watching women is often yes about the centring of the woman’s pleasure but it’s also because a huge number of women are bisexual. But it starts to get complex when we break things down further.
Nails, lit.
Omg thank you so much.
Awww, you’re welcome. Do you ever do black polish?
About cheating; if statistically cheating is as common among straight/straight and straight/bisexual relationships, can you find a statistic about the bi part of the relatioship, when they cheat, who are they cheating with? I have a hunch that in those situations cheating happens mostly with a partner who represents other what the companion/spouse is. Not blaming or being judgemental, just a thought.
Obviously, this wouldn't be a problem if there was an open discussion in the relatioship and guys wouldn't need to hide their true interests. Open relationships can work.
I don’t think there’s research on that but in my extensive experience working with and speaking to thousands of bi people it’s sooo not as simple as that. Really you would be surprised.
Why have i never come across 2 bisexuals dating each other ???
Does it matter?
@@crazylizze98 yes it does matter. Wouldnt ppl of the same hopes, wants, issues etc be better off together as they know more about themselves than others who don't know. Why you think so many people still date their own race/culture more than mix
Can't speak for other bi folks, but most cannot be upfront about it. Bisexuality is an affront to monogamy. How can anyone trust a partner to remain faithful if there's a chance they'll be drawn to the other gender. A while back, I read about a hetero couple who unknowingly were each bi.
@@carlorizzo827 why would that make a difference? a man can still cheat on his wife and a woman can cheat on her husband. May it be with the same or opposite sex.
I've come across plenty of bisexual men hooking up with each other. What offends me is the gay community never really coping with bi men. It's as if they're always asserting bi men are really gay but not having the guts to admit it.
How do you 'get over'/ not feel a sense of rejection when a clearly straight man you have feelings for isn't attracted to you. I know it's cliche but it hurts every time. You could have all the attention in the world from other people but fixate on this ONE person and not let it go. Frustrating.
I hear you. It can be so hard for guys who are attracted to guys because most of them will never be attracted to you. Unrequited affection is something we have to carry every day, and so heavily. Try to connect with other LGBT men if you can more. You will find someone you really love and go mad for and he will feel the same back. You’re worth it and can find it. I know you can.
I've been there. Mercifully I've only had one straight guy crush.
It's difficult finding a male partner
I title what you are saying here as THE ALGORITHM OF LUST. Would you agree that's that is a possibility?
I think you should study the Kingsley report and Shere Hite's research. You might think it's outdated but does explain diversity.
The Kinsey Report. Yes I reference it in other videos I have done.
How do I come out to my family and friends? I’m worried.
I find women more attractive (perhaps upbringing) but I fin much easier to have sex with men. Also I don't like to commit to a relationship as it implies monogamy and if I settle with one gender I may feel that I'm missing out. Sometimes trans women are the best of both worlds, but It's hard to get into an open relationship.
Oh and why is it possible that i like or attracted to bi guys??? Thanks again ❤
I mean, just look at us! We’re gorgeous! 😉
@notdefining 😊♥️
This is all about you and your journey, yes?
Are your nails pink or orange?
They’re pink. I know in the light they look a wee bit orangey or red. My nails are always pink, blue, yellow or turquoise.
I am bi
why do you paint your nails?
I like to title what you are saying in this video THE ALGORITHM OF LUST. Would you agree?
Hey thanks for sharing this.
has gender fluid replaced bi
those are completely different things
6 for 6
Why is there such an emphasis on labels? There is no need to conform to a definition. In my many years as a therapist I've seen too many guys who are too focused on meeting some sort of definition in order to feel comfortable with themselves. Many men who are not gay have sex with other men. I think there are two reasons for this. One is the sheer ease with which man are aroused and have sex instantly. Women take time and have more preconditions for having sex. Men can become aroused and have sex very easily. Men know what feels good to another man and can rely on this for quick pleasure. Many straight men who are in sexless marriages consciously turn to gay men for sexual relief. The other reason for so many men having sex with other men, is our shared love of the penis. Every man loves his penis, its a great source of pleasure from age 10 to 80. Men are also interested in other men's penises, they want to see them, compare them and it is very arousing. I've worked with many straight men who love their wives, are attracted to women, but have sex with men because its easy and uncomplicated. Often they don't consider it cheating to have sex with a man. Mt two cents.
Not all men are aroused by a penis. You can't project you own sexual orientation and experience onto all men. The men you are describing who sleep with other men are probably bisexual, unless they are doing it for reasons other than an innate sexual attraction and desire for men. Straight men do not get aroused by a penis and are more likely to be a bit grossed out at the thought of doing anything with one, the same way a gay man is likely to be grossed out by the though of a woman's vagina(which straight men are extremely aroused by). Straight women have a vagina but are turned off by another woman's vagina. This is how sexual orientation works for monosexual people. Homosexuals are only attracted to same sex and heterosexual are only attracted to the opposite sex, either Androphilic or gynephilic.
If you are sexually attracted to some degree to both sexes then it doesn't matter what you self identify as you are bisexual. Sexual orientation is about attraction because identity and behaviour can be context dependant. Like the guy in the video pointed out in the video some gay men self identify as bisexual when in practice they are actually homosexual. It's the same with bisexual men who self identify as straight because for whatever reason they are no6t comfortable labeling themselves bisexual, but in practice that's what they actually are.
When something is not in you orientation to the world it can be hard to imagine having that experience because you literally don't have that experience. A straight man has no experience being sexually attracted to men and a gay man has no experience being sexually attracted to women. It's not in their orientation to the world. They may be able to understand intellectually, but from a deep inner psychological and emotional experience they have no understanding. A straight person can't imagine what it would be like to be attracted to the same sex and a gay person can't imagine being attracted to the opposite sex.. both can't imagine what it would be like to be attracted to both sexes, and bisexuals can't imagine being only attracted to one sex.
That's why you get so many gay and straight monosexual people being unable to believe a person when they say they are bisexual because they can't imagine it and usually we try to draw upon out own experiences to try to imagine another persons experience. Other than being able to understand it intellectually it's a mystery and many people end up projecting their own personal experience onto the other people and being totally off base and wrong.
I think one of the biggest differences between being straight and being gay in terms of how you experience your sexual orientation is that a straight person is turned off by the similarities and same genitalia and can't wrap their heads around how a gay person could be attracted to what they have themselves. If you think about it other than that when it comes to how we experience our sexuality there is no difference between how a straight person experiences sexual attraction and all the feelings and desires attached to that and how gay people do. I'm sure for a gay person it can be hard for them to imagine being only into opposite sex and finding the same sex a total turn off because they're the same because for a gay person that's not how their sexual orientation works.
It's the same with paraphilias(which are akin to a sexual orientation) People who don't have one can't imagine what it would be like to have one, whatever it may be.
Sexual orientation It's due to the wiring of the brain and it's biological and there's tons of studies showing differences in brain function and structure between heterosexual and homosexual people of the same sex. It's not with just sexual orientation either. Some people are unable to understand, experience and feel empathy for others because either that part of the brain is missing or dysfunctional. As a person who has empathy in my orientation to the world and it's just automatic and second nature it's hard for me to imagine not having it and seeing other people as objects. A person who lacks empathy has no understanding what it's like to have empathy. Many psychopaths who lack it will mimic and imitate people who do have it(for survival to not be rejected by the herd and to get what they want) but it's only a surface level act and they actually have no real deep inner understanding of what it's like to experience and have empathy.
Muito lindo
I think this means I’m handsome which is very kind thank you.
The red nails do not suit you
I have question shoud i do about my worry
Their is girl call Nicola i know used to go to high school with her brother will my worry that She date girl and she was in relationship with girl and i have
always wonder if she fancy me and and if Nicola would try kiss me only will problem is i am questioning myself sill knowing i like and attached to both boys and girls.
One big worry i had deal with something in my old work place for people special needs and autism and learning disabilities i fancy staff member who is lesbian call Rachel my mum was questioning me about ask if was lesbian i stay no i am not and i did fancy women i stay no mum it turn to augment over it so i dont it happen a again with Nicola
i really dont know if she lesbian or bisexual or just interested in just boys and way nicola was being with me but she whats to see me but i know she got some some crush on me and i could total wrong but that how i feel.problem is Nicola date girl in past i always feel that she got crush on me for she whating to see me i dont if she lesbian or bisexual or not and my mum would question me if i would kiss girl .
i never see kiss girl before only boy wasn't snogging it one kiss on lips that all
What should i do
I do have crush on nicola too i don't what come out as bisexual with my reasons for it
That’s okay. It’s alright to feel confused or have mixed feelings. I would recommend talking openly with Nicola. Nothing that is truthful and kind is ever wrong.
@notdefining what do i do about it
@notdefining i have austim i believe she has it too
@@notdefiningshe was in relationship with girl call Ellie it was on facebook she break up with her. What should think nicola single ever since
IL date one
New subscriber here! I would love a video about bisexual trans men 🙏
Why the nails
Looking at the nice colour makes me happy.
So what are you trying to communicate by flashing the pink fingernails?
That I like pink fingernails! 😂
All nonsense.. stupid claims
The red nail polish is over the top. It’s very distracting. I can’t imagine why a guy would want to wear red nail polish. Of course to me any nail polish is not necessary. It’s too weird.
It’s funny how something as simple as nail varnish can bring up such strong feelings isn’t it? I wear it because I love bright colours and it makes me feel really happy when I look at it. I’m also autistic and we are often known for enjoying bright colours and not necessarily understanding societal constructs around gender and sexuality. Why wouldn’t a guy like to have nice colourful nails? Did you think of it this way round? Why wouldn’t it be a nice, joyous thing? Why all the rules? Hopefully that helps. Thanks for watching and being here. Sending best wishes. Mark ❤️
He looks great in it. Your gender roles are over the top. I can't imagine why nail polish would be enough to distract anyone from a video.
Whats with the painted nails! THere goes your credibility.
Yes good idea, base people’s credibility off whether they have colour on their nails. Solid policy. 🤣
I think when you paint your nails pink you have long since crossed the bisexual/gay spectrum into something beyond. Most bisexual and gay men do not paint their nails and certainly not in pink. LOL
My (frankly sensational) nail colour has nothing to do with my sexuality. It’s just something that makes me happy. Have a great day! 💕
this is sexism, oppositional sexism (men only do this and women only do that). if someones sexuality or gender completely changes to you if they paint their nails, the problem lies in you.
@@notdefining I think you have lovely hands and the polish just amplifies them! Draws attention to them. 😇
Lose the orange nail polish. Yech!
It’s funny how something as simple as nail polish can bring up such a strong emotional reaction, isn’t it? 😘
Red nails...really😂
It’s funny how something as simple as nail varnish can stir up a reaction in us isn’t it? They’re pink actually, shock horror! Even worse! 😂
The pink nails were distracting. No need.
I feel the same way about your comment 🙃
Ha! Omg. This comment. 😂
Bi now, gay later. Twas ever thus.
It wasn’t actually ever thus if you look at the research on bisexuality and homosexuality in men. It was ever thus that society placed that stereotype on us.
Meh, I'm on the bi cycle again right now, because as a cis bi woman and feeling more attracted to the male form right now (no matter if said male presenting person is cis or trans) I feel like a failure to bisexuality... Am I really bisexual if I feel more or only attracted to male presenting people? No matter their gender? Being bi is sometimes really shitty...
Feels kind of being straight with extra steps...
Nice nails!
Thanks! 😊