While I have yet to have worked with professional therapy, just understanding what is specifically happening to me objectively feels like a form of therapy itself. So thank you. I feel like I can understand what I am facing and know how to tackle my problems.
Oh boy, you cover betrayal trauma & Emotional/mental/spiritual trauma. Cool. Not a lot of people are willing to name emotional abuse, and non-physical abuse as trauma.
Yeah, because it's not terrifying for a child to have absent parents who provide you with food and literally nothing else bla bla bla. Emotional neglect is somewhat traumatic what the hell, world :D
@@AliciaB. Spiritual trauma can be a lot of things, but basically someone uses religious beliefs to elevate themselves and justify abusing you in some way, and the victim can't argue because the abuser has God on their side. This leaves the victim with a deep feeling of self doubt and self loathing, even after the abuser is out of the picture, because they feel that they are fundamentally flawed and "less than" on a soul level. Victims of spiritual abuse feel like they have to stay with their abuser in order to be right with God an to be living a spiritually sound life, because the abuser has used parts of scripture or other religious doctrine or traditions to cast themselves in a position of superiority or power. I was personally a victim of this, and even 20 years later, I still struggle. I am a practicing Christian, but I still have trouble reading the Bible or believing that I am loved by God. I struggle with self worth and feeling like I am a bad person, because for years everything I did or every opinion I had was "wrong" and "inferior" for a spiritual reason, according to my abuser. Everything was a black and white moral issue, from the way I wore my hair to my weight to the value of my career and talents and my intellect, and coincidentally, his opinions and wants were always in line with the superior correct moral way. It is very twisted.
@@MendedLight I would really love this as well! I came here from Cinema Therapy and love your work! I have pretty bad C-PTSD from emotional neglect, could you touch on that too?
I also came here to ask this. I started reading "The Body Keeps the Score" and I couldn't relate as much as I thought I could. I can't pinpoint a single horrible thing, just a string of it, inconsistently but often, for ... most... of my life? lol
I have am in treatment for C-PTSD and it has been diagnosed as delayed onset .. so I have been living with it undiagnosed for around 10 years. I would love to see something around C-PTSD and how it is layered... best strategies etc. I would love to see this topic covered in Cinema therapy too but I have no idea what would be the best movie to help illustrate it.
My trauma response is very high functioning. As an immigrant daughter from a deeply traumatized mother, I learned to hide the pain in order to survive and not bother others. So most of the time the outside world doesn't even know that I am responding to a trauma trigger, which is dangerous and lonely. This is why talking about it helps a lot. Feeling connected gives me a better understanding of my own pain. So do your videos. Thank you from Vienna :-)
I can definately understand your trauma response. It is completely logical as to why you would have hidden your pain, and not bothered others. The more you can talk about it with trusted people/therapist, the more you will learn about yourself and how to move through this position to one where you can share your pain with safe people and be validated, understood, and supported.
do you mean your born from a mother who is an immigrant or that you were brought to whereever you were young as an immigrant with your mother? My dad was an immigrant too and he came from war, so I understand what you mean.
Hi from Linz :) I have the same trauma response and I'm an immigrant myself. When I was experiencing a trauma, I was releasing much more music than I do now, when I'm in a place to heal from it. I hope you're doing well!
One source of trauma I find a lot of people have experienced (including myself) is the struggle of helping a friend who is suicidal. Particularly in highschool, I was not ready/ qualified to help someone in that situation. But, because I was their friend, I felt that it was my duty to be there for them. This lead me down a long stressful path that gave me heart palpitations, prolonged fatigue, and an anxiety disorder. I don't blame my friend for struggling with depression, but it's insane to me how many other people seem to be/ have been in my shoes at such a young age.
That speaks to me! Not only friends, but also family members. I remember very clearly the day my mom (at that time deep in maniac psychosis in the hospital) told me that she tried to kill herself yesterday. You just don't know how to respond to that. Either as a friend or as a daughter, brother, mother, father or whatsoever. Looking back I know that I had PTSD were at some point I was totally disconnected from the world, especially at home, and going overboard with being extrovert around strangers and also friends. No-one should see how I'm really feeling so I was misses everyones sunshine. Just unbelievable what happens to us if we encounter traumatic events, especially in the early age...
@@selipeppita7200 I've been there. I wanted to help this person, but it beat me up very badly. ... My advice, if you are feeling overwhelmed. set boundaries. If they talk about suicide, call the suicide hotline. Stand with them while they talk if they want you to, but lovingly recommend them to professionals. You might even try calling a church. Recommending them to therapy. You don't need to feel the fear of keeping secrets, not knowing what to do, if you should reach out for help or not. Don't ignore your own needs, trying to help everyone else. Hearing people even talk about self harm or suicide is terrifying. It's not their fault. No. But as a friend who cares for them, it naturally hurts to see someone you love in this bad place. Care for them, but don't become traumatized because you spread yourself to thin. ...💕
@@selipeppita7200 Encourage them to talk to their parents, school counselor or therapist. I had friends that would tell me way too much information. And never got the help they needed because they never told others. They need to talk to someone that can help them.
I have difficulty validating my condition in a society that doesn't seem to think I've been through enough "trauma" to warrant how it has affected me. On the one hand I can rationailse that not everyone who goes through the same trauma develops PTSD and that being affected by trauma doesn't make someone weaker or less worthy than someone who doesn't develop it. But in reality I do feel judged, guilty and punished for not being able to cope with things the same way other people.
I've had some trauma experiences that I largely ignored for years. I thought that hypervigilance and anger outbursts and fear was a part of my personality. Only recently have I begun to link those behaviors with those events. I'm so ready to heal.
That is totally reasonable for you to think the hypervigilance, anger outbursts and fear was a part of your personality. It takes time and education for people to be able to link the two. It does give you some freedom and understanding as to why you may be doing that, and that you can heal from your trauma, and write the next chapters of your life, and who you are!
Me too, I really vibe with your comment! I used to get very triggered by David Beckham Instinct, it always brought up memories of an abusive&narcissistic ex, but I didn't think it was a trauma related thing until I watched this video, so yeah totally get what you mean now seeing the links clearer.
It's really nice to hear folks include abuse or betrayal, etc. in their description of trauma. Normally, you hear the list end at experiencing a life-threatening situation or a death. What happened to me was neither but it was terrifying for many reasons and happened extremely suddenly, but I still have PTSD. Thank you for shining a light on this and being more inclusive with your language.
I've had several traumatic things in my past. A huge thing in my past that was traumatic was when I was in youth group, it started out great, it was "safe," but then things changed. We had two sisters come into our group and disrupt everything and then the group no longer was a safe place. They got all the guys in the group to follow them and went out of their way to exclude me from everything. The more I tried to be a part of the group, the more they made sure I knew that I was not wanted. They went as far as to hide at the playground, in the dark, during a youth camping trip and say "maybe if we're quiet, she'll know she's not wanted and go away." Growing up I always thought church was a safe place, but after this experience, I began to doubt that church was safe anymore and that I couldn't trust anyone at the church. Thankfully, my way of healing was by going to a new church, one I grew up in, where people remembered me and cared about me and did everything they could to try and include me. This was healing for me. Though I still struggle at times being at church, I have that support group that allows me to feel safe there.
For myself I think it has to do with family trauma. Everytime there is a scene in a movie about family values, about sticking together I just burst in tears. I cope with it mostly by avoiding family situations. It's as if I do experience trauma, but can't really tell what event or events are related to the trauma.
Same. I can recognize logically when I am doing or feeling something that SEEMS irrational, so I know there must be some trauma behind it but a lot of times I cannot remember where the trigger came from. My childhood is largely a blank to me.
similar to my experience. I can barely talk about my likes/what I want to do in the future (work related) without getting emotional, anxious or crying altogether. It sucks because in my head I want to share what I like but my body decides to open the dams and make it hard to breathe. There is a particular trigger incident that happened recently, but the anxiety about my likes happened before that too, so I think *that* comes from never having my opinion or my interests heard unless they were something that interested my family too.
I'm still working on my betrayal trauma as well as gas lighting, some things that have helped me are slowly trusting people with 'small' items (asking someone to get me something from a store when the friend is already there, me changing meet up locations, asking for help with something that I could do on my own). I am at a point that I'm ok with telling people that I have trust problems, and how it might manifest. I do know I still have work to do, but I already feel better. If anyone that reads this is also experiencing any form of trauma no matter what stage your in try to understand that you are not alone even if it might feel like it right now, and you might feel like you 'hit a wall', that's ok you heal at your pace, one step forward is a victory even if its one step a day. You got this.
It's great you are working through this! And yes, you are right. Everyone has their own timeline for healing. Just keep moving forward. Each step gets you further along in your healing journey.
When my husband and I got custody of my brother in law we put him in therapy pretty soon after. They had me in the room and asked him a list of questions to see if he had PTSD when he first started. He didn't. But I answered the questions in my head and at the end of it, I was thinking maybe I should talk to a therapist as I had answered yes to everything they asked him. I was diagnosed about a year later with PTSD and MDD. It got so bad I ended up having to drop out of college. I can't hold a job and I'm not very useful around the house. I love watching videos like this. it's so validating. I grew up around people who didn't see my situation as abusive or who simply didn't believe me when I told them it was happening. I was very gaslighted about what I was experiencing and how I felt about it. I was told that I was and am just dramatic. But I know I have PTSD, in fact, I believe it is CPTSD but my therapist said she could only diagnose PTSD at the time, something about it not being a real diagnosis yet? (I can't remember) But it's nice hearing you say what I feel just how I feel it and explaining that it is PTSD. I don't think I can hear it enough. I'm not crazy. Something has been wrong with me and I tried very hard to get help for it for years and no one would listen to me. Thank you for making these videos.
I’ve had several traumas throughout my life, WOO! 🙃 Sexual abuse as a kid, later came rape, life stepped it up a bit clearly. Also physical abuse in relationships and cheating as well. How do I handle it? I joke about it. Probably not the best or healthiest way. And I do think I might be trying to drink the pain away …which is also not healthy. I did start seeing a therapist though so, there’s that. Progress 👍🏽
You are a suvivor. Your still here with us and your looking to become better by seeing someone, all of that makes you an incredible person! I've used drinking before to cope and it's not the best way but I firmly believe we do the best with the knowledge we have. I just want you to know, you are important. You are amazing. And you deserve love, respect and understanding. Xx
I hope the therapist helped you progress a little more since you posted this. It’s so frustrating that people have to live with such horrifying memories… I wish for you to get better and for all the people who did these things to you to get… whatever punishment you wish for them. At least there are still good people in the world. Thank you for sharing, Sofia.
I still have a long way to go, but one thing I've noticed helps me a lot is knowing that while I can't stop all bad things from happening, I can know what to do if they happen. I can develop knowledge and skills to employ in order to handle something difficult. So, it's like, "I can't keep traumatic events away, but I CAN handle them, I CAN diffuse them, I CAN reregulate myself afterwards."
Finding out that my cat had suddenly and unexpectedly been put down while I was swimming (as I would do for most of my free time), when I hadn't even realised anything had been wrong with her health, made it really hard to be in contact with bodies of water, because I'd always go back to that moment and all I could feel was that shock and mind-numbing loss. It also compounded with my anxiety about losing people I was close to (many friends moved out of contact growing up) and so, any time I thought "they should be here by now," "He should be awake by now," I'd go into a kind of pseudo-grief until they were where they were "supposed" to be
Thank you for naming betrayal trauma. Nearly two years ago I moved with my husband and our two children to his home village far away from the city where we used to live. Three weeks after we moved in this house that was owned by his family he told me that he had met someone on a dating site and wanted to continue this. At first I tried to understand and said that I would not do that. He repIied full of contempt that I should pull myself together implying that otherwise I would not be a good mother and that showing emotions would be manipulative. I was completely shocked we had been together for 16 years and the person I was suddenly talking to was a completely different person. During the following months he socially isolated me, tried to convince me that I was mentally ill, when I broke my leg he did hardly anything to support me and when I once lost the temper in such a situation while he was thinking aloud that he maybe never loved me and that I would be an unfit mother he informed the youth welfare office and his family and my mother that I was such a horrible person. The reason why I stayed there was that apart from having a broken leg, here in Germany everyone has usually shared custody so that if you want to move you can only move without your children unless you get the consent of the other parent. We are right now in the second custody trial he started, until August last year he refused to give back his keys and invaded on several occasions the home the children and I live in and violated my boundaries many times while claiming successfully to the officials that nothing happened. Long story short I still suffer from intrusive memories so that I for example tear up in the middle of the supermarket. So far psychotherapy was not helpful since the therapist told me that trauma is limited to situations where you have a near death experience or at least a severe physical threat.
Trauma was a constant for the first 20 years of my life. When I was in my mid-20s I faced my first PSTD event. It lasted for about 5 months, with wave after wave of panic attacks and unpredictable mood swings and it tore my life apart. I sought out help from family, friends, pastors, but just like the abuse I had suffered, what I was experiencing was too far out of their experience for them to help me deal with the repercussions of it. Eventually the source of the trigger (a person that reminded me of an abuser) was out of my life and all of the PTSD episodes ceased. I knew I had not successfully coped with it. About a decade later my next trigger happened. A friend gave me a gem of advice: "Hang out with the terror." Hang out...like it's a friend? Advice very similar to a line from the Dune series, "Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me." I had always been running from my events, trying to avoid them, get away from them. This time I sat and listened to what it had to say. I made space for it. I was able to tell that frightened piece of me that I understood their pain and fear, and that I would never, ever, turn away from them again, or let that happen to them again. I would protect them. I would be the defender they didn't have back then. I embraced that injured piece back into myself. And then I called the police on the guy abusing his girlfriend upstairs. I've had events since then, but I face them head-on. It's not easy, and probably never will be, but I'm growing stronger each time.
I just stumbled upon this video and this is the first time I have heard someone talk about betrayal as a form of trauma. People look at me, someone with two diagnosed anxiety disorders, one of which being social anxiety, and say "oh well you're life was great, you're just overreacting". When the hard truth of the matter is: I was raised in a military family and lived in 5 different states between birth and the age of 8, we moved from a small town where my class was one of two for the entirety of my grade level to a town with almost ten times the number of kids my age, was bullied by my peers, singled out by teachers, had false rumors spread about me and watched every single person who I thought was my friend abandon me, and was cheated on by a partner. I hadn't made a true connection with another person outside of my immediate family until college. Thank you. Thank you for acknowledging that this kind of trauma exists and that it's just as real and painful as any physical trauma. Thank you for putting this out there where people who don't have the time or money for therapy can feel validated, heard and seen.
A few years ago I was hospitalized for an extended period of time. It wasn't life-threatening, but I was probably the scariest time in my life. After I got out I was terrified anytime I got any of my old symptoms, and I would've rather died than go back. But I would just tell myself to suck it up, because there were people who were much worse off than me. It took me well over a year to understand that what I had experienced in the hospital was trauma, and I was still dealing with the aftermath. I think a lot of times when we experience the aftereffects of trauma, we think we're not worthy of feeling them, because others have it worse. But trauma is trauma, and deserves to be recognized.
Thank you for saying that last part as it is something I personally struggle with. I know I have enough reasons to go see a therapist. But a little voice in my head keeps saying 'is it really that bad though, are we better already, can we present a topic worth working on, is this trauma valid?' I mean, yes. It is - I like to remind the voice sometimes. But it doesn't shut up. I tell the voice this alone is a reason to seek therapy: believing that my struggles 'aren't bad enough to justify me getting professional help'...
A few years ago I did theatre in high school and I experienced a lot of trauma I'm still working on. I was nearly a victim of horrible things that happened and I've been struggling a lot to get through it, especially as I've been pursuing my dream of being an actor. I had a diagnosis of autism at 15 and I was bullied because of it by friends, family, and I struggled academically. Johnathan and Alicia, and also Alan and everyone here and at Cinema Therapy- you are all truly a blessing to this earth because of you. The way I get through is through art- I'm also a musician along with acting, and while acting is the craft to heal and contextualize, music is how I just let it out. My music teacher encouraged me to sing the angry/sad and emotional songs and I pick out songs to get through specific feelings and I find so much healing catharsis in blasting music, especially heavy metal, and just singing as hard and loud as I can. I often either play an instrument, normally guitar. My trauma has often stopped me from furthering my career, but I take joy and strength in every step I make along the way. Thank you for all the extra help in my healing journey
Recognising that your body as a whole responds to trauma is what opened me up to healing, but it's a long road for people with childhood trauma to come back to self awareness in a way that feels safe - after about 30 years of just not being aware of the fact I had CPTSD, what really gave me the chance to start my inner work was neurofeedback, combined with some IFS/counseling support. All I had to do was sit and watch movies! But then my mind opened up enough to really face the past, and I felt comfortable enough in my body to start expanding that window of tolerance. And afterwards, breathwork and mindfulness actually helped. Ps. Thank you for your fantastic videos! You are so kind and encouraging, Jonathan.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so glad that you are now at a point in your life where you are healing. It's never too late! You get to write the next chapters of your life! I am really happy that the videos are helping you, and that you are loving them!
Hearing people yelling, being yelled at or being blamed for something I didn't do triggers my PTSD, and I can feel my body going into what I perceive as fight or flight. My heart starts pounding really hard, i start breathing faster, I feel myself getting scared like I'm about to be hurt and everything looks like tunnel vision. And even after the moment has passed, it takes me a while to calm back down or shake off that terror feeling.
As a person with ptsd, anxiety and depression, therapy helped a LOT! Also trying to avoid people who are contributing to my trauma, even if they are not aware of it (or don't want to acknowledge it!) And taking the time for yourself until you see them the next time (e.g. family). What's probably is the best, is having people who are around you, who love you and care for you. Also when depression hit hard, I try to pamper myself (I have a List with things I really like doing e.g. taking a bubble bath, paint my nails, go for a walk, pet/play with my pets, talk to a friend, eat and prepare a real meal, etc. I often find myself not wanting to do like ANYTHING, but having a List and gradually seeing myself feeling better and better is great!
I wish I could even find a therapist, everything is so out of my price range that the only thing I can ever afford is one meeting and then I have to give up. Even places that seem to have a sliding scale, when you call them its "oh we don't do that anymore".. So its just forever hearing "you should get therapy" and then never being able to afford it. Having to give therapy to myself via youtube and research only helps so much for c-ptsd, but I am thankful for what scraps I can find
In my early teens, me and my family got into a critical car crash which sent the two passengers of another car to hospital. I'm getting to the age now where all of my friends are learning to drive, and many of them ask me why I haven't started learning yet. I still struggle now as a passenger with any jolts, stalling or sudden movements, and it just takes me back momentarily to reliving that situation. I particularly struggled since the road itself is just known for being unsafe and had nothing to do with my driver's experience, it was literally out of their control. I am always in denial about this experience giving me a traumatic response to driving- I think it's mostly the fear of being out of control- but I'm just not ready to learn yet.
You mentioned that trauma is experienced, maybe we see or hear something and the intense emotions come flooding. The door of an apartment opened, the childrens' eyes were confused, one of them half dressed in dirty clothes and upset in a corner by himself. They seemed neglected. The confusion in their eyes hit me. I walked into my own apartment and broke down. I cried so much I couldn't believe the pain coming out. It took me a week to process lots of feelings, mostly just crying and burying my face into the pillow. I felt more and more vulnerable as I couldn't find an end to it. I stayed in a corner for a long time, felt that I accepted my feelings a little, and then thought to myself that I wanted to receive and understand whatever was there and pouring out, this was my chance to find out, I didn't want to just shut down again. Eyes closed, my hands held each other, I felt I was holding my 8-year-old hand. I held myself as a child, I consoled her, recognized how she felt and asked her to stay with me. I reassured her that I'll take good care of her, that I know better now, I'm more capable now and that she can relax and trust me. I'll take care of us. We'll be fine. That was an important step of the begging of major healing. I'm better now, capable, sort of joyful. I'm happy enough with my efforts and who I am. I'm healing and actively playing a role in extending this healing opportunity to my family where possible and welcomed. Thank you for your insights. I hadn't thought of that time in a long time but it came to mind when I heard you say that about trauma. Did I experience it? Never connected the dots before.
I could only afford a few months of therapy after my assault, and that therapy was helpful which is why I'm trying to save money so I can keep receiving it. When I'm awake, I'm aware that my intrusive memories aren't actually happening, but when I dream, those memories feel very real. When I am awake, I get these vertigo episodes where I can't move because the room is spinning around me. I try to not define myself by what happened, but so much of my life has changed so much since my abuser was someone I loved and trusted, so I'm reminded of them everywhere I go. I am so grateful for these videos. Please keep doing what you're doing!
I would like to thank you so much for producing content like this. As someone who has experienced trauma and its effects for a long time and was able to push past it with a lot of difficulty and not a lot of outside help, I can't imagine the good these videos will be able to do in people's lives, and the solace people will be able to find in demystifying their brain's workings and understanding their own experiences. Thank you!
I went through a pretty traumatic experience as a kid, and I had no idea that it had been traumatic until over a decade later. It was super weird, because I would either feel nothing about it or I would bawl in therapy, it gave me severe trust issues for years, and I still hate the very names of the people who hurt me, even if they aren't connected to the actual people. But because it wasn't domestic or sexual abuse and I hadn't been maimed, my brain didn't make the connection that I'd been through a traumatic incident even though I knew what trauma was. It goes to show that we need more conversations about what trauma looks like when it's not put in the extreme contexts of war, DV, and SA.
I grew up in a house witnessing frequent alcohol abuse & domestic violence between my parents. Myself and my siblings were never physically hurt but we saw a lot we shouldn’t see. I had anxiety since I was very young and now I’m in early 30’s feel like I’m only just beginning to have a somewhat emotionally stable life thanks to 1. My children and 2. Videos like yours. Please keep up the good work 💙
In my past, I experienced emotional trauma. It took me a while to realize that's what it was. I used to remember all of the bad memories, all the way down to the smallest details of the room they happened in. It was like going back in time in my head, and it would happen in certain situations or when I was about to sleep. Then one day, I was in a lecture about a year ago. The professor's words sounded so similar to the people that hurt me, and I went back into the depths of my mind. But, this time, I realized I remembered everything in my "memory's room". And you know what every room has? ... A door. So, instead of continuing to relive those moments, I simply chose to leave through the door in the "room".
I have CPTSD. My most powerful coping tool came from Frank Herbert's Dune saga. It is the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear and I will permit it to pass over me and through me. When the fear is gone I will turn my mind's eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." Even in a full blown panic attack this litany helps me ground.
I experienced a traumatic birth which wasn't dealt with by my psychologist at the time. It's now 3 years later and I found a new psychologist which I have EMDR therapy with. I'm on session three and it costs a ton of energy but I also feel better about the experience already. Some of the memories are already not very emotional to me anymore. However a lot of crap also keeps coming up so I'm definitively not done yet.
Well done on addressing this through therapy! I have seen great changes for people who have experienced traumatic labors, and they have gone on to having peaceful, happy, and enjoyable births in the future! It can be done!
As a survivor of ritual abuse and full-blown DID, I stumbled across something that helped me to integrate enough that now I'm thriving: I developed a good track record with myself. I'll explain: one summer I decided to take one of my most frequently occurring fears and to face it no matter how much anxiety it caused until I could deal with it. It wasn't a particularly big fear, but it was frequent. It had nothing to do with RA so I didn't think it would have much affect the DID. However by the end of the summer the phobia was close to gone and something unexpected had occurred. I trusted myself more. I trusted myself to be strong, to handle life, and to do what it takes to get better. It surprisingly dominoed into some spontaneous integration - all because I proved TO MYSELF that I could be healthier.
As a teen the most retraumatizing thing was that whatever little or common or rare etc. things happened, no one would ever give me validation on any of it. I started to recognize what I needed and began to plead with people around me for it in terms I could come up with, but I never heard or found the word validation until I was 18 or close to it, even with all the searching I did. My own healing I think has come and still comes when I try to validate other people constantly--but maybe that's a sign that I still have not received so much of it myself. I've become self-validating, but it is frustrating when I can't seem to quite get anyone, even after so much progress and changing my environment and those who I know and associate with a few different times, who knows how or who is generous with validation. I've had a rare couple people who do/have, and they are gold to me, and sometimes they realize what an impact their words and response to me and my quirks has and sometimes they would say they think it isn't any big deal. But I suppose I am still in need of some validation. How would you ever get "enough" of that? I just know I had 18 years and more of a lack there.
One of the big things that's helped me is explaining to others what I need from them. For example, I'm very clear with employers that if we need to have a serious conversation I can't be in a room with just me and them with the door closed so either we have an open space, an open door, or a third party whose just there to mediate. If the circumstances are too similar it's triggering for me and the conversion isn't going to be productive. I've found that holding firm to what I need and leaving if people won't respect that has saved me a lot of pain.
Something I've never gotten from a therapist is how to learn better coping mechanisms. I'd LOVE a detailed video or series on that. Coupled with adhd and pmdd, trauma just adds to the fun :-/ I know that eating and distraction aren't healthy and I wish I had grown up that person that could go for a jog or walk and feel better...
Holy crap - I ALSO have PMDD, cPTSD, and ADHD. the first two are an absolutely wicked combination, just a recipe for suicidal thinking. Hugs from Oregon.
I developed OCD from having a traumatic experience. I was bullied in school and all but 1 of those bullies used to be very good friends of mine. And it didn't all happen at once, it was 1 friend after another. It lead me to believe that I was in danger of abandonment/ridicule because I believed that I wasn't good enough for those people. I began to try and be perfect in everything I did to ensure that I would maintain my relationships. I'm now doing CBT to hopefully teach me that I'm not in danger of that happening again.
I've been realizing that I need to sort out the trauma of having an abusive childhood. Not something I accepted and still can't grasp was my life, but I'm coming around to reality more and more. That being said, I didn't realize that the way I write in my journal is one thing that helped me see the light and recognize it for what it was. I would write down whatever my thoughts were and as I was physically writing I would see the falsehood and immediately write the truth after it. A very simple example, "I'm tired of this thing that I do. I fear I won't ever change. That's not true. I know I can change. It will just require lots of work and possibly some therapy to form new habits." My problem today is that it is harder to believe myself when I do this today. As a teenager when I did this daily it was easy to believe. But now, I struggle to trust that voice because I feel that my opinion of what is is not true; that I don't see reality at all and have to be told what it is. I'm assuming this is another outcome of being abused mentally. Hm. More to think about. Thank you for your video and its thought-provoking content.
I don't know if I have 'trauma' after being stalked in high school but today a car parked out my friends house on the road. I instantly sat lower in my seat, so I couldn't see it but more importantly it couldn't see me. I don't feel safe in new places or around new men in particular. It's something that happens less and less with time and I'm getting over it slowly.❤️
I know cognitively that I suffered from PTSD for a good chunk of my life, but I have a hard time really claiming it. I was sexually abused as a young child, and while the experience itself was not "violent" and it feels like a flash in the pan moment that shouldn't have affected me so drastically, it created emotional issues that migrated into other issues until I had to acknowledge I was a mal-adapted adult who had to overhaul my brain paths in order to get to the relatively healthy state I'm in now. My maladaptive brain thoughts: - I was always a child. Everybody was always older, wiser, "knew better" than me. This led me to allow others to tell me what I should do and who I should be. - I couldn't make any "official" decisions. Whether it was applying for a job, filing for my tax returns, or making a doctor's appointment. If I did anything "something would happen", I'd get stuck in a con or I'd end up having to pay more than I had. - I had to be perfect. I wasn't allowed to make mistakes or let people down. If I did, surely everybody would get mad at me and think that I'm a bad person. You can see how these blend in together and created a cognitive mesh that kept me oppressed long after I "got over" the trauma from the abuse itself.
I suffer from PTSD, here's what I can recommend: Therapeutic help. Get help. Gosh darn it, go to therapy. Please! Meditation. I have done it two times(days) in a row, and second time I felt like the world suddenly turned down volume, even though NOTHING has changed, and it was already quiet before. But I really noticed that it was getting more silent, like what the heck xD Consider, whether your mood changes are caused by dissociation or structural dissociation. It has really helped me, learning that I have 5 different "Personas/attitudes/alter egos. We are friends now :D
I grew up with a mom who had BPD. When I finally moved out at 17 years old ( after graduation) I had multiple experiences of men trying to physically take advantage of me, because I couldn't say "no." Do to how I was raised. I made good friends and became healthier, started putting up boundaries. Finally, when I started to get mentally healthier my body failed me and I find out I had an autoimmune disease. I already knew I had CPTSD and ADHD due to my childhood. All of this has been extremely hard. That being said I still find so much joy. And I know that being in nature, doing yoga, meditating, and practicing mindfulness has really helped. Amd of course my friends and dogs. Support systems and furry friends are a huge anchor.
I sometimes feel like I’m experiencing post-traumatic stress triggered from certain sounds (higher heart rate, reeeaally bad mood, not being able to concentrate, feeling nauseous or stomach ache). But I feel “whiny” because of the reason. I have these symptoms when I hear neighbours music, especially typical party-EDM stuff, because I used to have neighbours that were partying pretty often, if we heard them in the afternoon playing music we knew there would be a party, they would not stop when we asked them to at night, and I was in constant fear that this night they would be partying again and I have to put up with their noisy and arrogant behaviour. It made me feel not safe at home, and now we moved, my reactions have become more manageable, but I still have the constant thought/fear of not being able to feel quiet, safe and home. I’m right now watching this with headphones on because lately I find it hard to tolerate hearing the television from downstairs every night. I would love to just feel home and not react to these normal sounds, but I don’t really know how and I find it hard to explain these responses to my friends and to myself…
There are hearing disorders that are noise related, misophonia springs to mind but there are a couple others that are related that I can't recall the names of offhand. If you don't have other trauma that could create PTSD and it's primarily noise induced, it might be worth checking to see if there's an underlying hearing issue making it worse for you. There aren't any easy fixes as of the last time I looked into it, mostly just desensitization techniques, but sometimes having a name and knowing it's a real problem other people have helps with not feeling crazy. Had a hearing impaired upstairs apartment neighbor we had to call the cops on because he couldn't hear us banging on the door and it was so loud you could hear the TV clear as day three houses down the street after the noise curfew. Was not fun; I feel your pain.
When my CPTSD gets triggered, what I try to do (it's hard and I'm not on top of it yet) is get in touch with my inner child who experienced the trauma and tell her she is safe now, that circumstances are different now and that we are the ones in control of our space and who gets to come in there or not and what the rules are, that my adult self won't let harm come to her anymore because I will protect her. Sometimes, I just touch the walls of my home (since I live alone now) to make that reminder feel somewhat more real that this is our space and it is safe. I also tell her it is ok to feel the way she does but that there just are no longer any reasons to today and I try to comfort her like a parent should their child, connect her to our current reality and show her how it is different from what used to be hers and how it is actually safer. Sometimes, it's a struggle, but that's the most efficient way I have found to help myself when triggered. Along with therapy of course!
Thank you so much for this video. I also like the cinema therapy videos! I used to have a traumatic situation. My husband and me almost drowned in the sea on the first week of our Seychelles holiday. I work as business psychologist, not as a clinician, but I remembered from my lectures in clinical psychology what to do after being in a deaththreatening situation like this. We talked about the the situation as often as we wanted and cried when we felt like it. I apologized to my husband, because it was my idea to go swimming at this part of the beach and my husband forgave me. We went swimming right the next day and endured this scary feeling of having no foot on the ground and the need to swim. The picures of the drowning situation returned to me weeks afterwards from time to time, but I just accepted them. The pictures eventually disappeared after a couple of months. We will never forget this situation, but it does not affect us any longer. It is part of our past.
I first sought out therapy after my first intrusive memory experience. I was working on a craft project, that was otherwise therapeutic and bringing a lot of fulfillment, as well as being a source of income, but suddenly a memory of abuse was triggered just from the way I was holding my hands, and I had to step away from the project and cry for about 30 minutes. I sought help after that because I was determined not to let my trauma get in the way of my joy, my creativity, or my productivity.
Ya'll I did not realize how many things I've went through that were actually traumatic. It's been 5 years since one major trauma, and I swear I have ptsd. Learning to cope is gonna be hard. I signed up for therapy on betterhelp, but I so wish Johnathan and mended light were local to me!
My ex decided he didn't want children as soon was I became pregnant after 2 years of trying. He left everything up to me to prove I was incable, I can't tell you how much pain I carried, wallowed in, expressed and tears I cried because he always had an excuse to not be with us. While I did the best I could, I knew I should have been doing more, it wasn't because I was lazy, didn't want to or or has poor skills and bad habits but I was experiencing Betrayal Trust. Raising my children had been traumatic for me not because of anything they did but my expectations of him. I love my children more than anything and I'm ready to let go of him but now he's using what he did to us against me to continue to prove the point of I can't do it. Thank you for giving me the words I need to express myself with my current battle with him ❤
Not gonna lie, even just parts of this non-distinct description were a tad triggering, but I got through it and it was nice to see someone who genuinely wants to connect and mend reach out. Thank you for doing what you do :)
I was diagnosed recently with C-PTSD. The why is complicated, but I experienced several traumatic events from age four to twenty four, and once again at twenty seven. Right now it's still touch and go. I have bad days where I re-experience the traumatic event's emotions, memory, and sensations as if I'm there again. I also become angry and irritable, and spiral (which is to say become extremely fixated to the point that I push myself into a full mental collapse. To manage these things I work with a trained and educated specialist who works with trauma and C-PTSD, grounding techniques for when I start to become hyper-aware/highly-anxious, and a work book I'm building into. It's a process, and I'm still learning, but I'm hopeful that I will have my life back someday. I didn't survive my life before to be miserable now.
I literally just experienced a financial betrayal by my spouse and am experiencing a lot of the things you're talking about...its heightened by the fact that Ive already experienced several traumatic (mental,emotional,sexual) events in my life that have given me life altering issues already, so this is yet again a blow to the reality I thought I knew...its so difficult to know how to deal with. This was so helpful to see and was a sort of validation for my feelings. Thank you
i experienced betrayal trauma. i learned the exact term from you, thank you. This situation you described was the reason my life changed forever. Thank you for your help to the world!
I didn’t realise that I had ptsd until recently even though I had the symptoms from very young age. I lost my older brother to drugs when I was 11 and with that came things that no child should see his loved one in that kind of condition and situations since his death I felt the change in me as a person as I was before and after he died but I always put it to grief even though I had most of the symptoms nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance I can’t see anything in tv or movies related to drugs if I do I get panic attack where I am sobbing uncontrollably. Knowing what is wrong with me makes me feel less crazy that it’s not all in my head. Thank you for explaining it so well.
One reaction to trauma that I had (still comes up in milder forms from time to time) was that whenever I heard my parents speak to each other (they naturally have loud voices and would need to put an effort to sound gentle) my guard would be up and a "red alert" siren would be playing in my head, thinking that my parents were fighting. I would get so scared that my dad was saying something emotionally and verbally abusive to my mom, or worse, that the fight would result in him hitting her (he's never done that, but boy did I get nightmares of it reaching to that point). It took a therapist to point it out to me that I had this reaction of my guard never truly being down and waiting for the worst to happen.
I've had probably more than one traumatic experience in my life (for real, not trying to sound...whatever) , but there was a big one I still wish I had sought help for. I spent a year or so almost unable to leave my house and I've honestly never quite been the same person since. I still might seek therapy even though by now it was years ago, but the biggest thing I would tell people is to please get professional help if you can. And, like, right THEN if you are able. I know sometimes you can't - that was part of my problem, I completely crashed and burned which included leaving my job before they could fire me which meant I didn't have insurance. And I couldn't cope with trying to figure out a low cost option. But *if you are able*. I wish I'd found a way to make something work at the time, I truly needed the help.
I struggled to get professional help especially after my brothers transition in 2019. I’m 21 and I’m still struggling trying to get professional help.. I want to soon hopefully figure out and get the hell I may need to better my health overall. I always love conversations and people talking about this…It’s rare for people to have these kinds of conversations without feeling judged, turned down, or even shut out. I hope to feel better one day and I try everyday to keep going even when it’s hard to….I do
Thank you, Dr. Decker. I have often struggled with labeling some of my experiences as "trauma" because I don't want to trivialize the word. Thank you for your clarification. It really helps me process my pain. Thank you for what you do.
So many things. The first thing that helped was going to therapy. She described trauma as "Big T" trauma and "Little t" trauma. It didn't matter what society deemed as trauma, and that no matter how big or small, trauma is trauma if it was traumatic for you. So I learned that what I had gone through was traumatic. Another thing that I changed is that I began writing in my journal again. I hadn't written in it for over a year, since the traumatic event. I finally wrote down the names of the people, and what they had done, and boy did it feel good. I was no longer pushing down my feelings. It made it much easier to talk rationally with my therapist without feeling emotionally triggered. I began to process the events of what had happened. This might sound weird, but I began remembering my dreams. I hadn't remembered my dreams since the event. I realized that this was a sign that my brain was finally processing what happened. It got me onto a path where the healing could begin. As a result of going to therapy, it not only helped with the trauma, but it opened up new perspectives about my relationship struggles, which I can now apply to new and old relationships. I still screw up in relationships, but it's getting better because I'm learning. I finally forgave the people that hurt me. Not because I was dismissing what they had done, but because I needed peace and honestly felt that I deserved that peace. During therapy, my therapist had me read the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It also allowed me to recognize negative patterns in my relationships. I'm not perfect, and I still fall back into old patterns sometimes, but now instead of feeling shame, I ask myself "What can I learn from this and do better next time?" I have not felt shame since. I still feel guilty and remorseful and seek restitution, but not shame. I know that I am worthy of peace, love, and happiness. If I see shame trying to creep back in, I remind myself that I am worthy of forgiveness. I guess my point is that it's not just one thing that helped, it was many things.
I've found that communication really helps alleviate the symptoms of PTSD. As long as I can shared it while it still feels like mole hill rather than a mountain. When the issue feels like a mountain then those are the days I rely on a more Devine nature. Im starting to lean on a little more each day no matter what the circumstance.
I think I have experienced some traumas and just this year, at age of 21, I'm realizing it and trying to find out how to deal with them. Something that made me see that even more happened this week, my father asked me to park the car and I just couldn't, I started breathing heavily, people were looking at me and I couldn't even start the car, I started sweating and one guy outside asked me if I'd like him to park it for me, I didn't even know him and just let him do it, thank God nothing wrong happened but this just got me thinking some stuff and I started crying my eyes out when I got home because I couldn't do something so simple. It reminded me once that I had to park the car and I tried but accidentally hit a chair, the chair got bent and that scared me, nobody got hurt but my father came to the garage screaming at me, saying "how could I do such a mistake? Didn't you learn how to drive?" and told me to get off the car so he could park it correctly, after that day I just unconsciously try to avoid driving and it just frustrates me so much but I don't know what to do to change that
I have PTSD from the sudden death of our 6-year-old son. My symptoms are insomnia, racing heartbeat that feels like my chest is going to explode, feeling extremely irritable and like I’m always on high alert. It often spirals to stretches of major depression symptoms (we are exploring the possibility of PMDD as well since there seems to be a cyclical pattern for my worst days). I hesitate to list my coping techniques, because I feel like I have made very little, if any, progress in the past two years. But I have medication to help me sleep, attend counsel, I journal, take emotional support supplements, exercise, and I reach out to a small circle of trusted friends about what is weighing on me most.
Although I was lucky to never be severely hurt, I did have an accident that could be very dangerous. I was a new assistant in a horse hospital (with no past experience working with horses) and was walking a painful horse alone outside at night as part of her treatment. She was a very nice horse but I guess because of the pain she suddenly charged forward, bumping into me, knocking me to the ground with great force. I remember seeing her belly as I was laying on the ground and she jumped over me, meaning she could have easily step on my head. I was surprisingly calm while handling the situation (in contrary to my coworkers who were panicked) and continued my shift (although I was injured and couldn’t lift my arm). I thought I was fine but then in the next shift (after I recovered) I had to handle a not so difficult horse, something I was totally used to, but I was trembling. It took me like half a year to completely get over the trauma. My trauma wasn’t a big deal so the method for me was just to keep on working with horses as much as I can and face the fear head on. I’m sure that’s not the right method for most traumas though.
I have a question. Do people tend to view the things that happen in their life as normal? At least until they compare it with somebody else, and find it to be different? I didn't know I had any trauma or ptsd until my therapist told me, and I had never brought up those particular topics before because I didn't know they affected me so much. I only really knew I didn't like recalling the events or talking about them. My fear and reactions have been part of me for over a decade and I thought it was normal.
In my experience this is very common. The human brain is super amazing in how it copes and protects us till we are in a space where we are ready and safe. It's so eye opening when you finally see it (and often such a relief to realise there's a reason for our feelings and reactions). All the best on your journey to wellness and healing!
Oh, I think so! For example, I had no idea every family didn't scream and yell at each other, until I spent more time at other kids homes. I really didn't.
Hi Johnathan. I just got out of a very poisonous abusive relationship. He gaslighted me, cheated on me, cornered me when i try to leace an argument, yelled at me if i didn't talk to him fast enough, talked awful about my parents. During that time, I got the worst panic attacks I ever felt in my life. I avoided libraries for a long time because my worst panic attack was at the library. I broke up with him and took me a while to get rid of my depression and anxiety. Now I feel anxious again. Like I'm there where I was before and it won't go away. And I have no idea why. Like a fear that lingers.
I've been watching more of your videos regarding trauma because of what happened to me back in 6th grade, 3 years ago. I still don't understand if it's really trauma, but back then I didn't knew anything except whoever is friendly and nice is a friend of mine and I trust them. This boy who was 17 years old, a drop out and was still in 6th grade, had started to get close with me and sometimes even visit my classroom to see me. We listen to music, he buys me food for recess, and we even started to call with me not knowing ANYTHING at all, until I turned 14. I later found out what kind of a person he was from other people that had him as a classmate and learned more about "darker" topics such as knowing what a pedophile is, which is what the boy was. After a while I slowly started to realize what could've happened to me if I didn't started avoiding him much earlier, I might've been mislead and that TERRIFIES me to even think about it. Genuinely. I also tend to feel extreme fear whenever I walk through the same lane we used to walk back home together and I get reminded of how we held hands without entirely knowing that it's technically bad to see that in public ;_; And text messages that were just straight up bad and everything else he had told me that I didn't even had a clue on what was going on until I grew up and wanting to avoid this man (he's like about 20 now...) as much as I can. That just lead me wanting to just stay inside because I knw to myself I will not see his face or people that I THOUGHT was him, I tend to get really nervous whenever I get too close to people that almost resembles him like tall, skinny, tanned skin etc But again, I'm not really sure if that counts as "trauma"
Thank you for your wonderful work! I'm a teacher from Germany and your videos here and with Cinema Therapy have helped me a lot, on a personal level and in understanding and supporting our students. I witness more and more teenagers with social anxiety and other mental struggles and was wondering: Could you make a video about teenagers' anxieties and how to support them on an everyday basis in coping with this world that is shaken by many issues they feel overwhelmed with? Most of them cannot get or do not feel the need for therapy while getting worse and worse, for example having lack of sleep and/or anxiety attacks. It would be a great help!
I never feel safe. As a result, I can be very paranoid and quick to judge. I'm lucky enough to have a great support group now that I feel safe enough to share these issues with. When I feel someone or something is untrustworthy, I tend to run it by them so that I know I'm not overreacting. Sometimes I am, and sometimes I'm not. I'm also proud to say I went a whole year without having an emergency bag packed. I've had one almost my whole life, and it was hard not having one, but I needed to be reminded that I don't have to fear for my safety anymore. I may pack one later, but it's because I want to, not because I feel I have to. That's a big difference.
Thank you so much for this. I was wondering for a while if I was traumatized or if I was just overreacting. I was betrayed both in my childhood and recently, and I appreciate this :>
I think it's also really important to note that the label 'PTSD' can be useful (it helps people get the treatment they need) but it can also be destructive - many people may have symptoms of PTSD but don't qualify for PTSD according to the DSM (like me). For example, I have intrusive thoughts, panic symptoms, and a certain disconnection from people, but not any avoidance, so I've had psychologists label this as depression and not treat it as trauma-related. I hope this makes sense!
Betrayal trauma is so real. Last year, my friend gave me a special “Christmas present”. He hacked my phone. He then proceeded to sexually harass me, blackmail me, and forced me to do weird benign things. He did this all while knowing I was suicidal and unstable. I trusted him so much and he went and crushed it. While it was happening, I had nightmares and erratic emotions. It’s been a year and it still haunts me. Finally, getting help additional help from a licensed counselor. It’s so hard for me to do schoolwork and my body aches all over from it. If you ever get the sense you need to leave a relationship, leave before they betray you. Never overlook small betrayals. They’ll culminate into something larger. Not everyone deserves your friendship. Let go. It’s hard, but you have to let go sometimes for your own good.
So I've had multiple traumatic experiences; some of the symptoms decreased over time, then increased when a new trauma occurred. I got more used to it but it still is a constant factor in my life. How do I manage my symptoms? 1. Try to recognize when I'm starting to spiral or I'm in a situation that is or could trigger me. Get out if possible, if I can calm then try to ease back into it. This may take a while. 2. Look at what I'm doing to cope and set a limit to how far I can use it before it becomes unhealthy. EXAMPLE: I was previously homeless and bought a foldable camping saw. It would be crap in an actual fight but it looks really scary and just the thought that I could use it to scare people off if they try to hurt/kill/etc me. Well that helped! I still generally sleep while holding it, folded obviously. I have made myself sleep without it and I can get to sleep without it but it is still comforting. I've set my limit and eased myself into not relying on it, enough that I'm never going to try to bring it on a vacation / flight. But it's still nice to have. 3. Checking in with myself. Remembering that I don't and can't know everything going on but I can do my best to stay safe while living a good life. That I am enough and I'm doing the best that I can with the knowledge that I have. I can't change the past but I'm living in the present and can change the future for the better.
I have had some trauma experience from my mum yelling at me totally unjustifiably nearly 4 years ago because I'm vegan and I wouldn't buy her a loaf of bread that had animal products in it, as that tortures animals. I was traumatised but I'm getting through it and re-realizing that it wasn't my fault.
I'm writing this to warn future mother's and father's - be careful about who you choose to be at your child's birth. I didn't really care with my first child believing that whoever would be helping me that day would be professional at the very least. How wrong I was. The midwife on call was already tired and pissed because I refused medication, she didn't say anything but I could see she thought I was crazy. She talked me into lying on my back for the last part of my labour which is the last thing you want because - gravity.... Instead of relieving my pain with warm towels when I was crowning, she stretched me with her fingers which hurt like hell (up to that point I didn't feel much pain) and then she decided I needed an episiotomy even though I told her I didn't want one. She didn't tell me she was going to do it, she didn't tell me why she came to that conclusion. She just cut into my flesh without warning, without uttering a single word to me. Like I was a piece of meat. It was the worst pain of my life. After my daughter was born I didn't really think about it all . It took for months for that physical wound to heal. But about three month after my daughter was born I started to get flashbacks, I couldn't sleep because I had nightmares. I cried for hors and hours and I couldn't stop. I wasn't depressed I wasn't feeling down I felt shaken, wounded, shocked all the time. I tried to get help but nobody would see me with a baby and I couldn't part with her. It took three months for the insomnia and flashbacks to stop. But only after the beautiful and peaceful birth of my son did I feel whole and healed again. So choose your midwives with care....
Oh boy I don't look forward to sharing this but I know I need to quit hiding from it. I was robbed, held at gunpoint while working a pizza delivery job. I deal with a number of symptoms now that I have ptsd. -flashbacks -nightmares -delusional thinking -hallucinations -panic attacks -unaliving thoughts and feelings -rapid heart rate -lack of motivation -lack of enjoyment in hobbies -triggers surrounding a job -feeling isolated -lack of trust in all of humanity And more if I took the time to fully dive into it. For me the biggest thing I needed cleared out were panic attacks. I spent so much time trying to prevent them that I couldn't acknowledge or address anything else in life. Now on Sertraline I don't have to worry about it near as much. I do feel like I can tell the difference between reality vs hallucinations tho I still have them. Delusions are slowly coming to the surface as just that instead of reality. I'm able to process emotions that I couldn't come close to touching before. Some things have gotten worse since getting on meds. Nightmares are more disturbing and vivid. Flashbacks have increased. Unaliving thoughts haven't gone anywhere. If anyone has recommendations on where to go from here I'd love to have your input. I can't afford therapy as I still can't even hold a job. I'm starting to express myself more through my hobbies and while it does help in the moment, it leaves me very drained and still unable to move on no matter how many feelings I explore and express.
My response has gone away with time, I don't think I've actively done anything about it, but when I was young I followed my friend doing laps in the pool. I don't know how I did it, but I inhaled water and when I got to the end of the pool, I was coughing, but air wasn't coming easily. I thought I was going to die. The lifeguard came along and helped me cough out the water, and luckily I didn't pass out or need CPR, but even after we left the pool, I was coughing. Sometime later I saw a movie, and someone was wheezing or struggling to breathe, and I started feeling like I had difficulty breathing. At present sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't, but I cannot listen to someone struggling to breathe, and I would not wish suffocation on my worst enemy. Even as I write this, my breath is catching a bit. I guess I'm grateful not to be a first responder in this pandemic, and to not have witnessed anyone struggling with COVID. I would go nuts.
I'm working on the things I experienced in my childhood and some afterwards. But I always wonder how it must feel to feel safe. I can't even remember a time when I felt safe and loved not even as a child. Must be nice. But together with my sister, I'm working on it and I'm lucky to have her by my side.
Growing up with my mother who was schizophrenic has apparently left me with emotional trauma. I say apparently because I am 35 and it wasn't until I had a miscarriage 2 years ago and had a breakdown that I sought counseling and discovered that a lot of the things I feel and do are not typical or healthy. My therapist has been trying to help me to identify where some of my behaviors come from and I get the impressions she thinks it stems from my childhood... sometimes I can kind of see it too... but it's hard to accept because I don't remember a lot of my childhood and what I do remember doesn't FEEL connected to who I am now. It's a work in progress. But I have noticed that since starting therapy I have been able to start living my life again... similar to how I was before I had the miscarriage... but not exactly the same.
I have C-PTSD, and I've been in therapy for most of my adult life, and on and off medication as needed. A lot of what I here about trauma is getting back to the person you were before the trauma, and I'm not sure that's possible or desirable (there's no undo button on life, and if you get the right help you learn and grow through your healing journey), and for me at least, I don't have a before. When I stopped trying to be a person who has never experienced trauma, and worked on being a person who survived trauma, and learns and grows and loves in a generally healthy manner, I really started healing. I will probably need medication at times (like, I don't know, pandemics?) throughout my life, and ongoing therapy at least during, again, pandemics, but also when my daughter reaches various ages and stages where things went really wrong for me to make sure I am responding to her, not to my own trauma, and I'm OK with that. I'm OK.
My husband strangled me to the point of almost losing consciousness and losing my bladder today…in front of our son. He’s sitting in Jail and I’m getting a restraining order but I already know this is going to haunt me and my son for awhile. I can’t afford therapy, so your the next best thing Jonathan. Thank you for these videos. I’ve been watching the channel for awhile
wow...I know I´d became "comfortably numb", sometimes forcing myself to triggers so I could verify I can still "feel" something. Did´nt know it was because of emotional trauma. I didn´t think too much about it. Frankly I thought I was just making a big deal out of it. Well, turns out I wasn´t. Thank you.
Music sounds and details have always been a huge part in my life to cope with things. ASMR has been a huge help and so has mindfulness/meditation. If im in public i find something to focus on a image color sound touch. I study that thing until I feel okay again.
Ok, honest question from a 20 year old who is trying to figure out why she’s terrified of vulnerability: Does witnessing shouting matches and a messy divorce at 9 count as betrayal trauma? That explanation resonated with me so much because growing up it was ok if I didn’t look at the tension in the house and then all of a sudden my father moved out. Thank you so much for what you do; I’ve never thought of myself as someone who needed therapy, but I’ve been curious to explore some of my coping mechanisms and you’ve helped me understand myself so much.
I am pretty sure I have C-PTSD. I have experienced the same terrible thing happen over and over since I was a child. I am experiencing it now, and that is why I came looking for this video. I often watch Cinema Therapy, and I remembered Jonathan mentioning his videos. I am currently trying to cope because I can't do anything to fix what is happening. I am also avoiding confronting the situation because I don't want to feel worse now, although I know it'll make me feel worse later.
I hadn't realized that I was living with trauma until about a month ago. I was giving a zoom presentation and someone's microphone was activated, and I began to hear screaming and crying, at that moment I was frozen and could not react, I felt that I was 12 years old again and I heard my parents argue, I felt so powerless and what hurt me the most is that it seemed that no one understood what was happening to the companion with the microphone, what was happening at home. I didn't have the strength to do something about it and I still feel guilty. What can i do to stop having this feelings of remorse?
Hi Gina. It takes strength to speak up and admit that these events have impacted you in this way. It may help to speak in person about these feelings. If you would like to book a free 15 min call with me, you can follow this link: go.oncehub.com/JonathanDecker All the best
I didn’t know spiritual trauma exist. It’s so great to put a name on it! I was in a Christian cult for 6 years. It’s so fucked up no one understands. Thanks for the content. It really helps. (Spanish speaker here. Sorry for the grammar errors)
Spiritual abuse is actually very common. It's an easy way to gain power over people. I'm so sorry you've experienced it. It breaks my heart that people would use Jesus' name to gain power, hurting others in the process.
I don't know of I remember everything because I cannot trust my memory, but at 18 I realised that my sister that raised me since I was 4 was abusing me in every way all my life. We were isolated and I thought what she did was normal until I was writing a book with an abusive owner character and I saw she was exactly like the owner. I had several other traumatic experiences through that time and past it, but my symptoms are Lack of focus and very poor memory that ranges from forgetting to eat to not remembering daily stuff to not knowing where I am or how I got there even though it's places I go to daily (that last one is rare), mistrusting myself even in small decisions, jumping awake in the middle of the night frightened without nightmares to the point I sit up and forget where I am, some touches or sexual acts give me vague memories I can't fully remember, I randomly stop breathing during the day, I get random panic attacks, I hate certain words because they give me memories, I am female but I have an aversion to women, I don't trust people and always expect even my loved ones to betray me, I get sensory hallucinations, I have little emotional stability on my own, I go from happy and excited to suicidal on seconds and back again, I tend to horde food, I panic at the idea of not being able to buy clothes when needed and hate over spending, hate my appearances because I know what people think when they say I'm pretty, heavily addicted to sex and pain, I was unable to feel emotions aside from anger and depression (whenever I was supposed to feel happy, I never felt that elevated feeling, just put on a social que smile) and I disassociate and derealise quite frequently sometimes all day. I have mental age regression and I did not realise it until a few months ago. I still have to see that sister sometimes and I hate it. But to cope, I met my future husband and his mere presence makes everything feel better. I become actually happy and stable when speaking with him, have done so since we were friends. When he is not around, I have two adopted family members in my new family that will listen to my unstable thoughts and support me in going the right way instead of self harm when I usually would burn myself to quench my addiction. They are helping me get off sex addictions by helping me ride out the hard needs until they subside no matter how hard I cry for it. I am a Christian so I am leaning on God for healing because I am a mess by myself. I started getting better last year. My friends keep telling me to go to therapy and get checked for bipolar or something. But just the idea of going to a therapist paralysis me and if my future husband took me, I know I would be screaming and crying while holding onto him. Begging him not to let me go no matter what the therapist says. So it's been tough
I didn't realize I had experienced trauma and yet somehow I have a DID diagnosis. It is still strange to me to look back and realize what my body perceived as terrifying I can understand it but it is hard to shake the guilt of I was separated from my mom for a few months and my brain decided it couldn't handle it compared to the type of abuse it "normally" takes to have a brain cope in such an extreme way. I am UT based if you know anyone in UT that is good with DID I'd love to hear about them.
I'm so sorry for what you went through. How it still affects you today is so understandable. Would you be willing to email me at Jdecker@mendedlight.com? I may have some people I can direct you to :)
I've got a couple of dissociative disorders, and DID elements (though not full-blown) The memory stuff is so tricky - I found it hard to trust in myself because my experiences didn't feel like they happened to me. If it helps I can say first-hand... counseling CAN help. I used to hear another voice, I used to lose chunks of time with dissociative episodes. I've now fully integrated that aspect of myself and those episodes are rare. It takes time and work but it can totally be done.
The majority of traumas I have survived (for me this term is empowering) were medical--multiple surgeries until I turned 14. I am working on coping, but it is a long process! I am currently in grad school and working toward a therapy license of my own, and I would like to specialize in trauma treatment if I can overcome my own stuff. A great resource that has helped is a book by Bessel Van Der Kolk, titled "The Body Keeps the Score!" It really helped me understand how our brain and body interact when processing traumatic experiences. The road to recovery is long, and it is messy. Be kind to yourself!
Thanks for your message! We are hoping that these vids will help people to have a deeper understanding on the movies and how they relate to themselves.
Trauma is hard I’ve had my fair share. It’s hard and there were days I never thought I would make it through. This is the abridged version of my story: I’ve been through two emotionally abusive relationships the second where I was heavily manipulated, lied to and objectified. I was used- and I was betrayed by my closest friend in that relationship and it tore me apart. I had been friends with this boy since I was 11 and gutted when I had to burn that bridge and not look back. Or risk falling back into they cycle of lies and manipulation. Pretty words meant nothing to me and I was skeptical of everyone. Closure for that was hard. I cried many nights and blamed myself for the entire thing until I learned the truth. I was loyal to him to the end and I defended him and us until I saw what was happening for what it was. Leaving him took everything I had. And just as I was beginning to heal from his trauma- I was in a rollover car accident in Oregon visiting my cousin 5 days before I turned 21. January 8th 2021 is a day I will never forget. We had hit some black ice and fishtailed over a 30 ft embankment. It was the scariest and only near death experience I’ve ever had in my short amount of years. I thought I was going to die that day. I remember the pressure and the noises and the slow motion everyone talks about. The airbags being pastel pink and not being able to breathe once we stopped wheels down. I temporarily lost my vision it was blurry and bright then spotty and black and I was in excruciating pain. I had never been so scared. We waited for hours in the cold waiting for first responders and I believe I scared the wits out of my mom when I called. I endured my fear of needles over and over again for the doctors and EMT’s I was mortified in the ER trauma room 1 by all their tests and need for observation of my bad seatbelt bruises. I have a permanent dent in my left hip and I was diagnosed with severe depression soon after. I couldn’t drive for a long time afterwards I was terrified of the roads, and more specifically winter and ice. I had to drive home with my parents since they flew out that night to come and see me. I had missed them terribly and on the ride home found I couldn’t handle fast lane changes or curvy winds in the road because that’s how we went over. I had a full on meltdown in the car about their driving because I couldn’t handle the flashbacks it gave me. It took months and winter still scares me. I’m skeptical about my relationships and I fight my depression every day. But I’m enrolled in college now and I have the best boyfriend in the world. Who I will shout about from the rooftops because he treats me like a queen. I’m happier than I ever have been despite my struggles. There is a light at the end and I can attest to that. No matter how many times I get knocked down I get back up again because I have a life worth living. I can’t take one moment for granted anymore. It does get better and while I still struggle life is good. I got help. I’m healing. I have battle scars of all kinds and I hope others know they can heal too. Life isn’t perfect it’s messy and hard. But I’ve grown to become such an amazing person because of my struggles I would not have it any other way. I may be broken in some ways but I am not beaten. And I will live. ❤️
I had never heard of betrayal PTSD. I have it, and it has caused more problems for me than PTSD from living in a war zone. I just didn’t know it had a name. In my case, the betrayal was not from a romantic parter, it was my dad’s brother having him send his life savings to him over a decade, and once we got here saying “what money?” And then threatening to ruin us if we told people that he did this, and then spreading lies about us, partly to show he could and partly so no one would believe us. In my culture family is emphasized and family helping family is what we are taught as fact and rule. So I had an expectation of safety, that was betrayed in grand fashion. And an expectation of being financially okay, and the rug pulled out from under us. I came to the false conclusion that the rug can be pulled from under me at any time, and I started instantaneously judging some people as untrustworthy and being on guard, and developed a bad relationship with saving or otherwise managing money. It has taken close to 3 decades to become aware that this is what I’m doing and why, and to undo much but not all of it.
My traumatic event was something terrible that happened to people close to me, where I could have been there. Here’s how it affected me: 1. For years I had lifelike nightmares experiencing the event every single night. 2. I would wake up from my nightmares and think I was actually in the place where the event happened experiencing it. 3. I blamed myself for not taking some kind of action to prevent the event. 4. It felt wrong that the event happened to the people close to me and not me (Survivor’s guilt). 5. I was hypervigilent. I slept with a huge knife under my bed because it was the only way I could feel safe at night. I had to check the windows and doors that they were locked at night and that no one was in house. 6. I was very jumpy. 7. I could not connect to other people. 8. It felt like my bubble was burst and I realized how dangerous the world actually was. Before I had a naivety and confidence that nothing that dangerous would happen to me. And that’s something that won’t come back. Now a number of these symptoms have gone away for me. I have naturally healed from it in many ways. But I’ve learned that triggers do bring up some of the symptoms for me again. So, for me I now avoid them, when I used to not avoid them. To each their own. For me massages and yoga (body focused therapy) have helped me to heal more than directly talking about the trauma has. At least so far. If you’re going through any of this you aren’t alone. There is hope ❤️
I have trauma from my home town. I've been tro some thing from that small town. Bullied, isolated, compared and saw some thing. Since it's a small town, where almost everyone knows anyone there, I've been really picky with people who can keep my secret or any secret. Now a I live in a bigger town and far from that one, but my parents and few dear friend I have there sometimes makes me go there which makes it hard to visit it. I usually go there with my bf or my sister. It makes me feel safer and seeing town with someone dear to me makes a little diffrence, or at least berable
When I was a child, my best friend’s father had gone to prison after he was physically abusing his wife and children. She had PTSD and had to see a therapist for a long time.
This is so late but I'm commenting anyway. At 4:15 you basically described my life for 10 years. I was constantly on the look out for something bad to happen, in my case, to someone I loved, not myself. I would wake up so suddenly, going from dead asleep and the slightest sound making me wake with such a start, my heart would feel like it was beating out of my chest and I felt like I could sprint anywhere I needed to immediately. This person was not a child, I was. I truly can not find anywhere where people are addressing what I went through as a child, it's all aimed at older adults because in most cases children aren't put in the position I was. What helped? I moved away and physically was not in a position to be there for my loved one anymore. I felt so guilty but so free. They ended up still getting the help they needed but it was from a professional, not me. My loved one hated it but was also so disconnected from reality they didn't even acknowledge I had been doing what the professionals were doing (and much more) all along. I have not been able to go back there without feeling it all come back and I'm afraid I never will be able to. My loved one is nearing the end of their life now and I feel so selfish and guilty, but I actually feel like there's a part of me that will be relieved when they pass away because I know I will never have to go through that again. I was so strong for so long and stuffed everything down, put on my best smile, and pretended that I was perfectly fine and that everything was normal. I'm glad that I'm allowed to feel emotions (negative ones along with positive) and don't need to hid anymore where I am now. I can be honest and supported and I don't have to take care of anyone but myself. I'm so grateful for my life now, but can't help feeling like I just ran away from it all. I'm torn because I feel like I should go back and be with my loved one before they pass. They miss me terribly and things are more stable now for them but I still feel like I have to put on that mask every time I interact with them. I truly think being honest wouldn't help anything, they aren't capable (or at least willing) to acknowledge any of this in their current mental state and I would love to just make some nice memories without having to try and explain all this to them. I think it would be the kindest thing to do and I love them so much, I want to give that last gift to them at the end of their life, let them just feel loved. I just don't know how long I can keep it up. If it's for another year or two, I can handle it, but if it's more, I don't know how much I can take and I don't want to take steps backwards from how far I've come. I have set boundaries before but it never feels like enough, the only time I feel truly free is when I'm very, very far away and I know they are sleeping and can't contact me. When I visit, things are okay at first, but the longer I stay the deeper I fall into the feelings from before (depression more than anxiety now) and it's still not enough contact for them, they just want so much more than I can give. It's like their minimum amount of contact is so far outside of my maximum ability to give to them and still feel safe. Any advice? How can I keep myself sane without hurting them? I love them so much and just want both of us to be happy.
My trauma accumulated over time and is the result of a school life as a hypersensitive kid in a very cold, but chaotic environment. I was constantly told that I need to be able to bear the kind of noise and company that I was surrounded with because there would always be people I didn't get along with and running away would not make it better. The feeling of being stuck and powerless that I had there for years keeps coming back to me. It sometimes leads me to endure situations that others would have walked out of ages ago. I deal with this by consciously setting boundaries and exploring my limits. I am a university student now, moved out of my parent's home and get to call the shots now. I take calculated risks to see where my comfort zone goes (like wearing extremely outlandish clothing, trying all sorts of new hobbies and relationship styles) and then I reevaluate the picture I have of myself. It gives me a lot of agency and I am much more self-assured and confident. If I need to immediately distract myself from the pain of the memories, I usually continue one of my latest projects. If I can take it on, though, I will talk to myself or write something down to sort my thoughts.
First of all - thank you for the video and sharing your knowledge. Second - I am your viewer from abroad, so, please forgive me for errors in the construction of sentences, if they would be. What bring back the memories of traumatic experience? For me - it is places, where events were present. Year ago my father in law passed away on the street - it was a heart attack. In that day, I was able immediately to run to his wife (they were walking together) on that street. I was comforting her, while looking at the black bag, that covered his body on the ground. While we waiting for arrival of the relevant authorities, some passing people were telling horrible things to us ("Was he drunk?"; "Was he addict?"; "Who he was to you?"). I will never forget this and never forgive. Not all of passing people were talking like this, but some were. Now, when I planning a route for walking in shop, for example, I specially avoid that street. When I can't go anywhere else, but through that place, I experience fear, overflowing grief, trembling and auditory hallucinations of those conversations.
While I have yet to have worked with professional therapy, just understanding what is specifically happening to me objectively feels like a form of therapy itself. So thank you. I feel like I can understand what I am facing and know how to tackle my problems.
You are so welcome!
Oh boy, you cover betrayal trauma & Emotional/mental/spiritual trauma. Cool. Not a lot of people are willing to name emotional abuse, and non-physical abuse as trauma.
Yeah, because it's not terrifying for a child to have absent parents who provide you with food and literally nothing else bla bla bla. Emotional neglect is somewhat traumatic what the hell, world :D
Yes Quinn, there are lot's of causes of trauma, not just physical, and so that really does need to be respected and discussed.
Even fewer actually admit to spiritual trauma, or understand it. Not even trained therapists.
@@noellemyers8821 what's spiritual trauma ?
@@AliciaB. Spiritual trauma can be a lot of things, but basically someone uses religious beliefs to elevate themselves and justify abusing you in some way, and the victim can't argue because the abuser has God on their side. This leaves the victim with a deep feeling of self doubt and self loathing, even after the abuser is out of the picture, because they feel that they are fundamentally flawed and "less than" on a soul level. Victims of spiritual abuse feel like they have to stay with their abuser in order to be right with God an to be living a spiritually sound life, because the abuser has used parts of scripture or other religious doctrine or traditions to cast themselves in a position of superiority or power. I was personally a victim of this, and even 20 years later, I still struggle. I am a practicing Christian, but I still have trouble reading the Bible or believing that I am loved by God. I struggle with self worth and feeling like I am a bad person, because for years everything I did or every opinion I had was "wrong" and "inferior" for a spiritual reason, according to my abuser. Everything was a black and white moral issue, from the way I wore my hair to my weight to the value of my career and talents and my intellect, and coincidentally, his opinions and wants were always in line with the superior correct moral way. It is very twisted.
It would be cool to see an episode on C-PTSD, and how it differs.
Great idea, thanks!
@@MendedLight I would really love this as well! I came here from Cinema Therapy and love your work! I have pretty bad C-PTSD from emotional neglect, could you touch on that too?
I also came here to ask this. I started reading "The Body Keeps the Score" and I couldn't relate as much as I thought I could. I can't pinpoint a single horrible thing, just a string of it, inconsistently but often, for ... most... of my life? lol
I have am in treatment for C-PTSD and it has been diagnosed as delayed onset .. so I have been living with it undiagnosed for around 10 years. I would love to see something around C-PTSD and how it is layered... best strategies etc. I would love to see this topic covered in Cinema therapy too but I have no idea what would be the best movie to help illustrate it.
@@MendedLight does it counts as a near death experience if it was an attempt of suicide? I mean, you inflict it on yourself, right?
My trauma response is very high functioning. As an immigrant daughter from a deeply traumatized mother, I learned to hide the pain in order to survive and not bother others. So most of the time the outside world doesn't even know that I am responding to a trauma trigger, which is dangerous and lonely. This is why talking about it helps a lot. Feeling connected gives me a better understanding of my own pain. So do your videos. Thank you from Vienna :-)
I can definately understand your trauma response. It is completely logical as to why you would have hidden your pain, and not bothered others. The more you can talk about it with trusted people/therapist, the more you will learn about yourself and how to move through this position to one where you can share your pain with safe people and be validated, understood, and supported.
do you mean your born from a mother who is an immigrant or that you were brought to whereever you were young as an immigrant with your mother? My dad was an immigrant too and he came from war, so I understand what you mean.
Hi from Linz :) I have the same trauma response and I'm an immigrant myself. When I was experiencing a trauma, I was releasing much more music than I do now, when I'm in a place to heal from it. I hope you're doing well!
One source of trauma I find a lot of people have experienced (including myself) is the struggle of helping a friend who is suicidal. Particularly in highschool, I was not ready/ qualified to help someone in that situation. But, because I was their friend, I felt that it was my duty to be there for them. This lead me down a long stressful path that gave me heart palpitations, prolonged fatigue, and an anxiety disorder. I don't blame my friend for struggling with depression, but it's insane to me how many other people seem to be/ have been in my shoes at such a young age.
That speaks to me! Not only friends, but also family members. I remember very clearly the day my mom (at that time deep in maniac psychosis in the hospital) told me that she tried to kill herself yesterday. You just don't know how to respond to that. Either as a friend or as a daughter, brother, mother, father or whatsoever. Looking back I know that I had PTSD were at some point I was totally disconnected from the world, especially at home, and going overboard with being extrovert around strangers and also friends. No-one should see how I'm really feeling so I was misses everyones sunshine. Just unbelievable what happens to us if we encounter traumatic events, especially in the early age...
@@selipeppita7200 I've been there. I wanted to help this person, but it beat me up very badly.
... My advice, if you are feeling overwhelmed. set boundaries. If they talk about suicide, call the suicide hotline. Stand with them while they talk if they want you to, but lovingly recommend them to professionals. You might even try calling a church. Recommending them to therapy. You don't need to feel the fear of keeping secrets, not knowing what to do, if you should reach out for help or not. Don't ignore your own needs, trying to help everyone else. Hearing people even talk about self harm or suicide is terrifying. It's not their fault. No. But as a friend who cares for them, it naturally hurts to see someone you love in this bad place. Care for them, but don't become traumatized because you spread yourself to thin. ...💕
@@selipeppita7200 Encourage them to talk to their parents, school counselor or therapist.
I had friends that would tell me way too much information. And never got the help they needed because they never told others. They need to talk to someone that can help them.
I have difficulty validating my condition in a society that doesn't seem to think I've been through enough "trauma" to warrant how it has affected me. On the one hand I can rationailse that not everyone who goes through the same trauma develops PTSD and that being affected by trauma doesn't make someone weaker or less worthy than someone who doesn't develop it. But in reality I do feel judged, guilty and punished for not being able to cope with things the same way other people.
I share the same feeling... thanks for putting it so greatly into words, I feel more understood and I hope you do too, means we are not alone.
Dude, I feel you. Your feelings as so valid, always remember that!
I'm in the exact same boat doesn't help that I can't see my therapist as often as I like to
I feel that. I so feel like. It's awful. Especially when I struggle with my own shame and guilt. I don't need other people adding to it.
same here
I've had some trauma experiences that I largely ignored for years. I thought that hypervigilance and anger outbursts and fear was a part of my personality. Only recently have I begun to link those behaviors with those events.
I'm so ready to heal.
Nice right? The thought that you "don't have to be this way your whole life" Is there anything more liberating? :D
That is totally reasonable for you to think the hypervigilance, anger outbursts and fear was a part of your personality. It takes time and education for people to be able to link the two. It does give you some freedom and understanding as to why you may be doing that, and that you can heal from your trauma, and write the next chapters of your life, and who you are!
Absolutely!
@@cappuchino_creations It's so relieving realize that I'm not just an unpleasant person. And I can forgive my brain for trying to keep me safe.
Me too, I really vibe with your comment! I used to get very triggered by David Beckham Instinct, it always brought up memories of an abusive&narcissistic ex, but I didn't think it was a trauma related thing until I watched this video, so yeah totally get what you mean now seeing the links clearer.
It's really nice to hear folks include abuse or betrayal, etc. in their description of trauma. Normally, you hear the list end at experiencing a life-threatening situation or a death. What happened to me was neither but it was terrifying for many reasons and happened extremely suddenly, but I still have PTSD. Thank you for shining a light on this and being more inclusive with your language.
I've had several traumatic things in my past. A huge thing in my past that was traumatic was when I was in youth group, it started out great, it was "safe," but then things changed. We had two sisters come into our group and disrupt everything and then the group no longer was a safe place. They got all the guys in the group to follow them and went out of their way to exclude me from everything. The more I tried to be a part of the group, the more they made sure I knew that I was not wanted. They went as far as to hide at the playground, in the dark, during a youth camping trip and say "maybe if we're quiet, she'll know she's not wanted and go away." Growing up I always thought church was a safe place, but after this experience, I began to doubt that church was safe anymore and that I couldn't trust anyone at the church. Thankfully, my way of healing was by going to a new church, one I grew up in, where people remembered me and cared about me and did everything they could to try and include me. This was healing for me. Though I still struggle at times being at church, I have that support group that allows me to feel safe there.
For myself I think it has to do with family trauma. Everytime there is a scene in a movie about family values, about sticking together I just burst in tears. I cope with it mostly by avoiding family situations. It's as if I do experience trauma, but can't really tell what event or events are related to the trauma.
Same. I can recognize logically when I am doing or feeling something that SEEMS irrational, so I know there must be some trauma behind it but a lot of times I cannot remember where the trigger came from. My childhood is largely a blank to me.
similar to my experience. I can barely talk about my likes/what I want to do in the future (work related) without getting emotional, anxious or crying altogether. It sucks because in my head I want to share what I like but my body decides to open the dams and make it hard to breathe.
There is a particular trigger incident that happened recently, but the anxiety about my likes happened before that too, so I think *that* comes from never having my opinion or my interests heard unless they were something that interested my family too.
I'm still working on my betrayal trauma as well as gas lighting, some things that have helped me are slowly trusting people with 'small' items (asking someone to get me something from a store when the friend is already there, me changing meet up locations, asking for help with something that I could do on my own). I am at a point that I'm ok with telling people that I have trust problems, and how it might manifest. I do know I still have work to do, but I already feel better.
If anyone that reads this is also experiencing any form of trauma no matter what stage your in try to understand that you are not alone even if it might feel like it right now, and you might feel like you 'hit a wall', that's ok you heal at your pace, one step forward is a victory even if its one step a day. You got this.
It's great you are working through this! And yes, you are right. Everyone has their own timeline for healing. Just keep moving forward. Each step gets you further along in your healing journey.
When my husband and I got custody of my brother in law we put him in therapy pretty soon after. They had me in the room and asked him a list of questions to see if he had PTSD when he first started. He didn't. But I answered the questions in my head and at the end of it, I was thinking maybe I should talk to a therapist as I had answered yes to everything they asked him. I was diagnosed about a year later with PTSD and MDD. It got so bad I ended up having to drop out of college. I can't hold a job and I'm not very useful around the house. I love watching videos like this. it's so validating. I grew up around people who didn't see my situation as abusive or who simply didn't believe me when I told them it was happening. I was very gaslighted about what I was experiencing and how I felt about it. I was told that I was and am just dramatic. But I know I have PTSD, in fact, I believe it is CPTSD but my therapist said she could only diagnose PTSD at the time, something about it not being a real diagnosis yet? (I can't remember) But it's nice hearing you say what I feel just how I feel it and explaining that it is PTSD. I don't think I can hear it enough. I'm not crazy. Something has been wrong with me and I tried very hard to get help for it for years and no one would listen to me. Thank you for making these videos.
I’ve had several traumas throughout my life, WOO! 🙃
Sexual abuse as a kid, later came rape, life stepped it up a bit clearly. Also physical abuse in relationships and cheating as well.
How do I handle it? I joke about it. Probably not the best or healthiest way. And I do think I might be trying to drink the pain away …which is also not healthy. I did start seeing a therapist though so, there’s that. Progress 👍🏽
You are a suvivor. Your still here with us and your looking to become better by seeing someone, all of that makes you an incredible person! I've used drinking before to cope and it's not the best way but I firmly believe we do the best with the knowledge we have. I just want you to know, you are important. You are amazing. And you deserve love, respect and understanding. Xx
I hope the therapist helped you progress a little more since you posted this. It’s so frustrating that people have to live with such horrifying memories… I wish for you to get better and for all the people who did these things to you to get… whatever punishment you wish for them. At least there are still good people in the world. Thank you for sharing, Sofia.
Proud of you! I hope that you’re still in therapy and doing well 💕
I still have a long way to go, but one thing I've noticed helps me a lot is knowing that while I can't stop all bad things from happening, I can know what to do if they happen. I can develop knowledge and skills to employ in order to handle something difficult. So, it's like, "I can't keep traumatic events away, but I CAN handle them, I CAN diffuse them, I CAN reregulate myself afterwards."
So smart! That is an incredible way of thinking!
I'd be interested to hear an episode on spiritual abuse.
As in religious trauma?
Me too!
Finding out that my cat had suddenly and unexpectedly been put down while I was swimming (as I would do for most of my free time), when I hadn't even realised anything had been wrong with her health, made it really hard to be in contact with bodies of water, because I'd always go back to that moment and all I could feel was that shock and mind-numbing loss. It also compounded with my anxiety about losing people I was close to (many friends moved out of contact growing up) and so, any time I thought "they should be here by now," "He should be awake by now," I'd go into a kind of pseudo-grief until they were where they were "supposed" to be
Thank you for naming betrayal trauma. Nearly two years ago I moved with my husband and our two children to his home village far away from the city where we used to live. Three weeks after we moved in this house that was owned by his family he told me that he had met someone on a dating site and wanted to continue this. At first I tried to understand and said that I would not do that. He repIied full of contempt that I should pull myself together implying that otherwise I would not be a good mother and that showing emotions would be manipulative. I was completely shocked we had been together for 16 years and the person I was suddenly talking to was a completely different person.
During the following months he socially isolated me, tried to convince me that I was mentally ill, when I broke my leg he did hardly anything to support me and when I once lost the temper in such a situation while he was thinking aloud that he maybe never loved me and that I would be an unfit mother he informed the youth welfare office and his family and my mother that I was such a horrible person.
The reason why I stayed there was that apart from having a broken leg, here in Germany everyone has usually shared custody so that if you want to move you can only move without your children unless you get the consent of the other parent.
We are right now in the second custody trial he started, until August last year he refused to give back his keys and invaded on several occasions the home the children and I live in and violated my boundaries many times while claiming successfully to the officials that nothing happened.
Long story short I still suffer from intrusive memories so that I for example tear up in the middle of the supermarket. So far psychotherapy was not helpful since the therapist told me that trauma is limited to situations where you have a near death experience or at least a severe physical threat.
Trauma was a constant for the first 20 years of my life. When I was in my mid-20s I faced my first PSTD event. It lasted for about 5 months, with wave after wave of panic attacks and unpredictable mood swings and it tore my life apart. I sought out help from family, friends, pastors, but just like the abuse I had suffered, what I was experiencing was too far out of their experience for them to help me deal with the repercussions of it. Eventually the source of the trigger (a person that reminded me of an abuser) was out of my life and all of the PTSD episodes ceased. I knew I had not successfully coped with it. About a decade later my next trigger happened. A friend gave me a gem of advice: "Hang out with the terror." Hang out...like it's a friend? Advice very similar to a line from the Dune series, "Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me." I had always been running from my events, trying to avoid them, get away from them. This time I sat and listened to what it had to say. I made space for it. I was able to tell that frightened piece of me that I understood their pain and fear, and that I would never, ever, turn away from them again, or let that happen to them again. I would protect them. I would be the defender they didn't have back then. I embraced that injured piece back into myself. And then I called the police on the guy abusing his girlfriend upstairs. I've had events since then, but I face them head-on. It's not easy, and probably never will be, but I'm growing stronger each time.
I just stumbled upon this video and this is the first time I have heard someone talk about betrayal as a form of trauma. People look at me, someone with two diagnosed anxiety disorders, one of which being social anxiety, and say "oh well you're life was great, you're just overreacting". When the hard truth of the matter is: I was raised in a military family and lived in 5 different states between birth and the age of 8, we moved from a small town where my class was one of two for the entirety of my grade level to a town with almost ten times the number of kids my age, was bullied by my peers, singled out by teachers, had false rumors spread about me and watched every single person who I thought was my friend abandon me, and was cheated on by a partner. I hadn't made a true connection with another person outside of my immediate family until college. Thank you. Thank you for acknowledging that this kind of trauma exists and that it's just as real and painful as any physical trauma. Thank you for putting this out there where people who don't have the time or money for therapy can feel validated, heard and seen.
As a fellow military brat this hits hard and is something I hadn't even thought about in my own experiences. You've given me a lot to consider.
A few years ago I was hospitalized for an extended period of time. It wasn't life-threatening, but I was probably the scariest time in my life. After I got out I was terrified anytime I got any of my old symptoms, and I would've rather died than go back. But I would just tell myself to suck it up, because there were people who were much worse off than me. It took me well over a year to understand that what I had experienced in the hospital was trauma, and I was still dealing with the aftermath. I think a lot of times when we experience the aftereffects of trauma, we think we're not worthy of feeling them, because others have it worse. But trauma is trauma, and deserves to be recognized.
Thank you for saying that last part as it is something I personally struggle with. I know I have enough reasons to go see a therapist. But a little voice in my head keeps saying 'is it really that bad though, are we better already, can we present a topic worth working on, is this trauma valid?' I mean, yes. It is - I like to remind the voice sometimes. But it doesn't shut up. I tell the voice this alone is a reason to seek therapy: believing that my struggles 'aren't bad enough to justify me getting professional help'...
A few years ago I did theatre in high school and I experienced a lot of trauma I'm still working on. I was nearly a victim of horrible things that happened and I've been struggling a lot to get through it, especially as I've been pursuing my dream of being an actor. I had a diagnosis of autism at 15 and I was bullied because of it by friends, family, and I struggled academically. Johnathan and Alicia, and also Alan and everyone here and at Cinema Therapy- you are all truly a blessing to this earth because of you.
The way I get through is through art- I'm also a musician along with acting, and while acting is the craft to heal and contextualize, music is how I just let it out. My music teacher encouraged me to sing the angry/sad and emotional songs and I pick out songs to get through specific feelings and I find so much healing catharsis in blasting music, especially heavy metal, and just singing as hard and loud as I can. I often either play an instrument, normally guitar.
My trauma has often stopped me from furthering my career, but I take joy and strength in every step I make along the way. Thank you for all the extra help in my healing journey
Bless you and thank you. I loved reading this. - Jonathan
Recognising that your body as a whole responds to trauma is what opened me up to healing, but it's a long road for people with childhood trauma to come back to self awareness in a way that feels safe - after about 30 years of just not being aware of the fact I had CPTSD, what really gave me the chance to start my inner work was neurofeedback, combined with some IFS/counseling support. All I had to do was sit and watch movies! But then my mind opened up enough to really face the past, and I felt comfortable enough in my body to start expanding that window of tolerance. And afterwards, breathwork and mindfulness actually helped.
Ps. Thank you for your fantastic videos! You are so kind and encouraging, Jonathan.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so glad that you are now at a point in your life where you are healing. It's never too late! You get to write the next chapters of your life! I am really happy that the videos are helping you, and that you are loving them!
Hearing people yelling, being yelled at or being blamed for something I didn't do triggers my PTSD, and I can feel my body going into what I perceive as fight or flight. My heart starts pounding really hard, i start breathing faster, I feel myself getting scared like I'm about to be hurt and everything looks like tunnel vision. And even after the moment has passed, it takes me a while to calm back down or shake off that terror feeling.
PTSD can be so hard, especially when you are triggered by something. Do you feel like you have some techniques to help you cope when you're triggered?
@@MendedLight There's a specific song that I listen to that helps me calm down and let go of that scared feeling
As a person with ptsd, anxiety and depression, therapy helped a LOT! Also trying to avoid people who are contributing to my trauma, even if they are not aware of it (or don't want to acknowledge it!) And taking the time for yourself until you see them the next time (e.g. family). What's probably is the best, is having people who are around you, who love you and care for you. Also when depression hit hard, I try to pamper myself (I have a List with things I really like doing e.g. taking a bubble bath, paint my nails, go for a walk, pet/play with my pets, talk to a friend, eat and prepare a real meal, etc. I often find myself not wanting to do like ANYTHING, but having a List and gradually seeing myself feeling better and better is great!
I wish I could even find a therapist, everything is so out of my price range that the only thing I can ever afford is one meeting and then I have to give up. Even places that seem to have a sliding scale, when you call them its "oh we don't do that anymore".. So its just forever hearing "you should get therapy" and then never being able to afford it. Having to give therapy to myself via youtube and research only helps so much for c-ptsd, but I am thankful for what scraps I can find
In my early teens, me and my family got into a critical car crash which sent the two passengers of another car to hospital. I'm getting to the age now where all of my friends are learning to drive, and many of them ask me why I haven't started learning yet. I still struggle now as a passenger with any jolts, stalling or sudden movements, and it just takes me back momentarily to reliving that situation.
I particularly struggled since the road itself is just known for being unsafe and had nothing to do with my driver's experience, it was literally out of their control.
I am always in denial about this experience giving me a traumatic response to driving- I think it's mostly the fear of being out of control- but I'm just not ready to learn yet.
You mentioned that trauma is experienced, maybe we see or hear something and the intense emotions come flooding.
The door of an apartment opened, the childrens' eyes were confused, one of them half dressed in dirty clothes and upset in a corner by himself. They seemed neglected. The confusion in their eyes hit me. I walked into my own apartment and broke down. I cried so much I couldn't believe the pain coming out. It took me a week to process lots of feelings, mostly just crying and burying my face into the pillow. I felt more and more vulnerable as I couldn't find an end to it. I stayed in a corner for a long time, felt that I accepted my feelings a little, and then thought to myself that I wanted to receive and understand whatever was there and pouring out, this was my chance to find out, I didn't want to just shut down again.
Eyes closed, my hands held each other, I felt I was holding my 8-year-old hand. I held myself as a child, I consoled her, recognized how she felt and asked her to stay with me. I reassured her that I'll take good care of her, that I know better now, I'm more capable now and that she can relax and trust me. I'll take care of us. We'll be fine.
That was an important step of the begging of major healing.
I'm better now, capable, sort of joyful. I'm happy enough with my efforts and who I am. I'm healing and actively playing a role in extending this healing opportunity to my family where possible and welcomed.
Thank you for your insights. I hadn't thought of that time in a long time but it came to mind when I heard you say that about trauma. Did I experience it? Never connected the dots before.
I could only afford a few months of therapy after my assault, and that therapy was helpful which is why I'm trying to save money so I can keep receiving it. When I'm awake, I'm aware that my intrusive memories aren't actually happening, but when I dream, those memories feel very real. When I am awake, I get these vertigo episodes where I can't move because the room is spinning around me. I try to not define myself by what happened, but so much of my life has changed so much since my abuser was someone I loved and trusted, so I'm reminded of them everywhere I go.
I am so grateful for these videos. Please keep doing what you're doing!
I would like to thank you so much for producing content like this. As someone who has experienced trauma and its effects for a long time and was able to push past it with a lot of difficulty and not a lot of outside help, I can't imagine the good these videos will be able to do in people's lives, and the solace people will be able to find in demystifying their brain's workings and understanding their own experiences. Thank you!
Thank you for your kind words - I'm really glad that people may find solace in this channel
I went through a pretty traumatic experience as a kid, and I had no idea that it had been traumatic until over a decade later. It was super weird, because I would either feel nothing about it or I would bawl in therapy, it gave me severe trust issues for years, and I still hate the very names of the people who hurt me, even if they aren't connected to the actual people. But because it wasn't domestic or sexual abuse and I hadn't been maimed, my brain didn't make the connection that I'd been through a traumatic incident even though I knew what trauma was. It goes to show that we need more conversations about what trauma looks like when it's not put in the extreme contexts of war, DV, and SA.
I grew up in a house witnessing frequent alcohol abuse & domestic violence between my parents. Myself and my siblings were never physically hurt but we saw a lot we shouldn’t see. I had anxiety since I was very young and now I’m in early 30’s feel like I’m only just beginning to have a somewhat emotionally stable life thanks to 1. My children and 2. Videos like yours. Please keep up the good work 💙
Thank you so much and I'm so sorry for what you went through!
In my past, I experienced emotional trauma. It took me a while to realize that's what it was. I used to remember all of the bad memories, all the way down to the smallest details of the room they happened in. It was like going back in time in my head, and it would happen in certain situations or when I was about to sleep.
Then one day, I was in a lecture about a year ago. The professor's words sounded so similar to the people that hurt me, and I went back into the depths of my mind. But, this time, I realized I remembered everything in my "memory's room". And you know what every room has? ... A door.
So, instead of continuing to relive those moments, I simply chose to leave through the door in the "room".
thats super helpful, thank you Baylee!
I have CPTSD. My most powerful coping tool came from Frank Herbert's Dune saga. It is the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear and I will permit it to pass over me and through me. When the fear is gone I will turn my mind's eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." Even in a full blown panic attack this litany helps me ground.
I experienced a traumatic birth which wasn't dealt with by my psychologist at the time. It's now 3 years later and I found a new psychologist which I have EMDR therapy with. I'm on session three and it costs a ton of energy but I also feel better about the experience already. Some of the memories are already not very emotional to me anymore. However a lot of crap also keeps coming up so I'm definitively not done yet.
Well done on addressing this through therapy! I have seen great changes for people who have experienced traumatic labors, and they have gone on to having peaceful, happy, and enjoyable births in the future! It can be done!
As a survivor of ritual abuse and full-blown DID, I stumbled across something that helped me to integrate enough that now I'm thriving: I developed a good track record with myself. I'll explain: one summer I decided to take one of my most frequently occurring fears and to face it no matter how much anxiety it caused until I could deal with it. It wasn't a particularly big fear, but it was frequent. It had nothing to do with RA so I didn't think it would have much affect the DID. However by the end of the summer the phobia was close to gone and something unexpected had occurred. I trusted myself more. I trusted myself to be strong, to handle life, and to do what it takes to get better. It surprisingly dominoed into some spontaneous integration - all because I proved TO MYSELF that I could be healthier.
As a teen the most retraumatizing thing was that whatever little or common or rare etc. things happened, no one would ever give me validation on any of it. I started to recognize what I needed and began to plead with people around me for it in terms I could come up with, but I never heard or found the word validation until I was 18 or close to it, even with all the searching I did. My own healing I think has come and still comes when I try to validate other people constantly--but maybe that's a sign that I still have not received so much of it myself. I've become self-validating, but it is frustrating when I can't seem to quite get anyone, even after so much progress and changing my environment and those who I know and associate with a few different times, who knows how or who is generous with validation. I've had a rare couple people who do/have, and they are gold to me, and sometimes they realize what an impact their words and response to me and my quirks has and sometimes they would say they think it isn't any big deal. But I suppose I am still in need of some validation. How would you ever get "enough" of that? I just know I had 18 years and more of a lack there.
One of the big things that's helped me is explaining to others what I need from them. For example, I'm very clear with employers that if we need to have a serious conversation I can't be in a room with just me and them with the door closed so either we have an open space, an open door, or a third party whose just there to mediate. If the circumstances are too similar it's triggering for me and the conversion isn't going to be productive. I've found that holding firm to what I need and leaving if people won't respect that has saved me a lot of pain.
Something I've never gotten from a therapist is how to learn better coping mechanisms. I'd LOVE a detailed video or series on that. Coupled with adhd and pmdd, trauma just adds to the fun :-/ I know that eating and distraction aren't healthy and I wish I had grown up that person that could go for a jog or walk and feel better...
As someone with also ptsd and adhd i can not recommend Meditation enough!
That is a great idea for a video. We have added it to our list of video suggestions!
Holy crap - I ALSO have PMDD, cPTSD, and ADHD. the first two are an absolutely wicked combination, just a recipe for suicidal thinking. Hugs from Oregon.
I developed OCD from having a traumatic experience. I was bullied in school and all but 1 of those bullies used to be very good friends of mine. And it didn't all happen at once, it was 1 friend after another. It lead me to believe that I was in danger of abandonment/ridicule because I believed that I wasn't good enough for those people. I began to try and be perfect in everything I did to ensure that I would maintain my relationships. I'm now doing CBT to hopefully teach me that I'm not in danger of that happening again.
I've been realizing that I need to sort out the trauma of having an abusive childhood. Not something I accepted and still can't grasp was my life, but I'm coming around to reality more and more. That being said, I didn't realize that the way I write in my journal is one thing that helped me see the light and recognize it for what it was. I would write down whatever my thoughts were and as I was physically writing I would see the falsehood and immediately write the truth after it. A very simple example, "I'm tired of this thing that I do. I fear I won't ever change. That's not true. I know I can change. It will just require lots of work and possibly some therapy to form new habits."
My problem today is that it is harder to believe myself when I do this today. As a teenager when I did this daily it was easy to believe. But now, I struggle to trust that voice because I feel that my opinion of what is is not true; that I don't see reality at all and have to be told what it is. I'm assuming this is another outcome of being abused mentally. Hm. More to think about. Thank you for your video and its thought-provoking content.
I don't know if I have 'trauma' after being stalked in high school but today a car parked out my friends house on the road. I instantly sat lower in my seat, so I couldn't see it but more importantly it couldn't see me. I don't feel safe in new places or around new men in particular. It's something that happens less and less with time and I'm getting over it slowly.❤️
I know cognitively that I suffered from PTSD for a good chunk of my life, but I have a hard time really claiming it. I was sexually abused as a young child, and while the experience itself was not "violent" and it feels like a flash in the pan moment that shouldn't have affected me so drastically, it created emotional issues that migrated into other issues until I had to acknowledge I was a mal-adapted adult who had to overhaul my brain paths in order to get to the relatively healthy state I'm in now.
My maladaptive brain thoughts:
- I was always a child. Everybody was always older, wiser, "knew better" than me. This led me to allow others to tell me what I should do and who I should be.
- I couldn't make any "official" decisions. Whether it was applying for a job, filing for my tax returns, or making a doctor's appointment. If I did anything "something would happen", I'd get stuck in a con or I'd end up having to pay more than I had.
- I had to be perfect. I wasn't allowed to make mistakes or let people down. If I did, surely everybody would get mad at me and think that I'm a bad person.
You can see how these blend in together and created a cognitive mesh that kept me oppressed long after I "got over" the trauma from the abuse itself.
I suffer from PTSD, here's what I can recommend:
Therapeutic help. Get help. Gosh darn it, go to therapy. Please!
Meditation. I have done it two times(days) in a row, and second time I felt like the world suddenly turned down volume, even though NOTHING has changed, and it was already quiet before. But I really noticed that it was getting more silent, like what the heck xD
Consider, whether your mood changes are caused by dissociation or structural dissociation. It has really helped me, learning that I have 5 different "Personas/attitudes/alter egos. We are friends now :D
Great Lisa! It sounds like you have found some strategies that are working well for you!
I grew up with a mom who had BPD. When I finally moved out at 17 years old ( after graduation) I had multiple experiences of men trying to physically take advantage of me, because I couldn't say "no." Do to how I was raised. I made good friends and became healthier, started putting up boundaries. Finally, when I started to get mentally healthier my body failed me and I find out I had an autoimmune disease. I already knew I had CPTSD and ADHD due to my childhood. All of this has been extremely hard. That being said I still find so much joy. And I know that being in nature, doing yoga, meditating, and practicing mindfulness has really helped. Amd of course my friends and dogs. Support systems and furry friends are a huge anchor.
I sometimes feel like I’m experiencing post-traumatic stress triggered from certain sounds (higher heart rate, reeeaally bad mood, not being able to concentrate, feeling nauseous or stomach ache). But I feel “whiny” because of the reason. I have these symptoms when I hear neighbours music, especially typical party-EDM stuff, because I used to have neighbours that were partying pretty often, if we heard them in the afternoon playing music we knew there would be a party, they would not stop when we asked them to at night, and I was in constant fear that this night they would be partying again and I have to put up with their noisy and arrogant behaviour. It made me feel not safe at home, and now we moved, my reactions have become more manageable, but I still have the constant thought/fear of not being able to feel quiet, safe and home. I’m right now watching this with headphones on because lately I find it hard to tolerate hearing the television from downstairs every night. I would love to just feel home and not react to these normal sounds, but I don’t really know how and I find it hard to explain these responses to my friends and to myself…
There are hearing disorders that are noise related, misophonia springs to mind but there are a couple others that are related that I can't recall the names of offhand. If you don't have other trauma that could create PTSD and it's primarily noise induced, it might be worth checking to see if there's an underlying hearing issue making it worse for you. There aren't any easy fixes as of the last time I looked into it, mostly just desensitization techniques, but sometimes having a name and knowing it's a real problem other people have helps with not feeling crazy.
Had a hearing impaired upstairs apartment neighbor we had to call the cops on because he couldn't hear us banging on the door and it was so loud you could hear the TV clear as day three houses down the street after the noise curfew. Was not fun; I feel your pain.
When my CPTSD gets triggered, what I try to do (it's hard and I'm not on top of it yet) is get in touch with my inner child who experienced the trauma and tell her she is safe now, that circumstances are different now and that we are the ones in control of our space and who gets to come in there or not and what the rules are, that my adult self won't let harm come to her anymore because I will protect her. Sometimes, I just touch the walls of my home (since I live alone now) to make that reminder feel somewhat more real that this is our space and it is safe. I also tell her it is ok to feel the way she does but that there just are no longer any reasons to today and I try to comfort her like a parent should their child, connect her to our current reality and show her how it is different from what used to be hers and how it is actually safer. Sometimes, it's a struggle, but that's the most efficient way I have found to help myself when triggered. Along with therapy of course!
Thank you so much for this video. I also like the cinema therapy videos!
I used to have a traumatic situation. My husband and me almost drowned in the sea on the first week of our Seychelles holiday.
I work as business psychologist, not as a clinician, but I remembered from my lectures in clinical psychology what to do after being in a deaththreatening situation like this. We talked about the the situation as often as we wanted and cried when we felt like it. I apologized to my husband, because it was my idea to go swimming at this part of the beach and my husband forgave me. We went swimming right the next day and endured this scary feeling of having no foot on the ground and the need to swim.
The picures of the drowning situation returned to me weeks afterwards from time to time, but I just accepted them. The pictures eventually disappeared after a couple of months.
We will never forget this situation, but it does not affect us any longer. It is part of our past.
I first sought out therapy after my first intrusive memory experience. I was working on a craft project, that was otherwise therapeutic and bringing a lot of fulfillment, as well as being a source of income, but suddenly a memory of abuse was triggered just from the way I was holding my hands, and I had to step away from the project and cry for about 30 minutes. I sought help after that because I was determined not to let my trauma get in the way of my joy, my creativity, or my productivity.
Ya'll I did not realize how many things I've went through that were actually traumatic. It's been 5 years since one major trauma, and I swear I have ptsd. Learning to cope is gonna be hard. I signed up for therapy on betterhelp, but I so wish Johnathan and mended light were local to me!
My ex decided he didn't want children as soon was I became pregnant after 2 years of trying. He left everything up to me to prove I was incable, I can't tell you how much pain I carried, wallowed in, expressed and tears I cried because he always had an excuse to not be with us. While I did the best I could, I knew I should have been doing more, it wasn't because I was lazy, didn't want to or or has poor skills and bad habits but I was experiencing Betrayal Trust. Raising my children had been traumatic for me not because of anything they did but my expectations of him. I love my children more than anything and I'm ready to let go of him but now he's using what he did to us against me to continue to prove the point of I can't do it. Thank you for giving me the words I need to express myself with my current battle with him ❤
Not gonna lie, even just parts of this non-distinct description were a tad triggering, but I got through it and it was nice to see someone who genuinely wants to connect and mend reach out. Thank you for doing what you do :)
I hope that it has helped you! Keep connected, keep growing, and keep shining your light! People need it!
Yeah, same, my heart is hammering
I was diagnosed recently with C-PTSD. The why is complicated, but I experienced several traumatic events from age four to twenty four, and once again at twenty seven. Right now it's still touch and go. I have bad days where I re-experience the traumatic event's emotions, memory, and sensations as if I'm there again. I also become angry and irritable, and spiral (which is to say become extremely fixated to the point that I push myself into a full mental collapse. To manage these things I work with a trained and educated specialist who works with trauma and C-PTSD, grounding techniques for when I start to become hyper-aware/highly-anxious, and a work book I'm building into. It's a process, and I'm still learning, but I'm hopeful that I will have my life back someday. I didn't survive my life before to be miserable now.
I literally just experienced a financial betrayal by my spouse and am experiencing a lot of the things you're talking about...its heightened by the fact that Ive already experienced several traumatic (mental,emotional,sexual) events in my life that have given me life altering issues already, so this is yet again a blow to the reality I thought I knew...its so difficult to know how to deal with. This was so helpful to see and was a sort of validation for my feelings. Thank you
i experienced betrayal trauma. i learned the exact term from you, thank you. This situation you described was the reason my life changed forever. Thank you for your help to the world!
I didn’t realise that I had ptsd until recently even though I had the symptoms from very young age.
I lost my older brother to drugs when I was 11 and with that came things that no child should see his loved one in that kind of condition and situations since his death I felt the change in me as a person as I was before and after he died but I always put it to grief even though I had most of the symptoms nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance
I can’t see anything in tv or movies related to drugs if I do I get panic attack where I am sobbing uncontrollably.
Knowing what is wrong with me makes me feel less crazy that it’s not all in my head.
Thank you for explaining it so well.
ASMR and Audiobooks both help. Being in calm and quiet environments has helped me to retrain my mind and body.
One reaction to trauma that I had (still comes up in milder forms from time to time) was that whenever I heard my parents speak to each other (they naturally have loud voices and would need to put an effort to sound gentle) my guard would be up and a "red alert" siren would be playing in my head, thinking that my parents were fighting. I would get so scared that my dad was saying something emotionally and verbally abusive to my mom, or worse, that the fight would result in him hitting her (he's never done that, but boy did I get nightmares of it reaching to that point). It took a therapist to point it out to me that I had this reaction of my guard never truly being down and waiting for the worst to happen.
I've had probably more than one traumatic experience in my life (for real, not trying to sound...whatever) , but there was a big one I still wish I had sought help for. I spent a year or so almost unable to leave my house and I've honestly never quite been the same person since. I still might seek therapy even though by now it was years ago, but the biggest thing I would tell people is to please get professional help if you can. And, like, right THEN if you are able. I know sometimes you can't - that was part of my problem, I completely crashed and burned which included leaving my job before they could fire me which meant I didn't have insurance. And I couldn't cope with trying to figure out a low cost option. But *if you are able*. I wish I'd found a way to make something work at the time, I truly needed the help.
Thank you for sharing. I really hope you may find some help and healing through this channel. All the best on your journey
I struggled to get professional help especially after my brothers transition in 2019. I’m 21 and I’m still struggling trying to get professional help.. I want to soon hopefully figure out and get the hell I may need to better my health overall.
I always love conversations and people talking about this…It’s rare for people to have these kinds of conversations without feeling judged, turned down, or even shut out.
I hope to feel better one day and I try everyday to keep going even when it’s hard to….I do
Thank you, Dr. Decker. I have often struggled with labeling some of my experiences as "trauma" because I don't want to trivialize the word. Thank you for your clarification. It really helps me process my pain. Thank you for what you do.
So many things. The first thing that helped was going to therapy. She described trauma as "Big T" trauma and "Little t" trauma. It didn't matter what society deemed as trauma, and that no matter how big or small, trauma is trauma if it was traumatic for you. So I learned that what I had gone through was traumatic.
Another thing that I changed is that I began writing in my journal again. I hadn't written in it for over a year, since the traumatic event. I finally wrote down the names of the people, and what they had done, and boy did it feel good. I was no longer pushing down my feelings. It made it much easier to talk rationally with my therapist without feeling emotionally triggered. I began to process the events of what had happened. This might sound weird, but I began remembering my dreams. I hadn't remembered my dreams since the event. I realized that this was a sign that my brain was finally processing what happened. It got me onto a path where the healing could begin.
As a result of going to therapy, it not only helped with the trauma, but it opened up new perspectives about my relationship struggles, which I can now apply to new and old relationships. I still screw up in relationships, but it's getting better because I'm learning. I finally forgave the people that hurt me. Not because I was dismissing what they had done, but because I needed peace and honestly felt that I deserved that peace.
During therapy, my therapist had me read the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It also allowed me to recognize negative patterns in my relationships. I'm not perfect, and I still fall back into old patterns sometimes, but now instead of feeling shame, I ask myself "What can I learn from this and do better next time?" I have not felt shame since. I still feel guilty and remorseful and seek restitution, but not shame. I know that I am worthy of peace, love, and happiness. If I see shame trying to creep back in, I remind myself that I am worthy of forgiveness.
I guess my point is that it's not just one thing that helped, it was many things.
I've found that communication really helps alleviate the symptoms of PTSD. As long as I can shared it while it still feels like mole hill rather than a mountain. When the issue feels like a mountain then those are the days I rely on a more Devine nature. Im starting to lean on a little more each day no matter what the circumstance.
I think I have experienced some traumas and just this year, at age of 21, I'm realizing it and trying to find out how to deal with them.
Something that made me see that even more happened this week, my father asked me to park the car and I just couldn't, I started breathing heavily, people were looking at me and I couldn't even start the car, I started sweating and one guy outside asked me if I'd like him to park it for me, I didn't even know him and just let him do it, thank God nothing wrong happened but this just got me thinking some stuff and I started crying my eyes out when I got home because I couldn't do something so simple.
It reminded me once that I had to park the car and I tried but accidentally hit a chair, the chair got bent and that scared me, nobody got hurt but my father came to the garage screaming at me, saying "how could I do such a mistake? Didn't you learn how to drive?" and told me to get off the car so he could park it correctly, after that day I just unconsciously try to avoid driving and it just frustrates me so much but I don't know what to do to change that
I have PTSD from the sudden death of our 6-year-old son. My symptoms are insomnia, racing heartbeat that feels like my chest is going to explode, feeling extremely irritable and like I’m always on high alert. It often spirals to stretches of major depression symptoms (we are exploring the possibility of PMDD as well since there seems to be a cyclical pattern for my worst days).
I hesitate to list my coping techniques, because I feel like I have made very little, if any, progress in the past two years. But I have medication to help me sleep, attend counsel, I journal, take emotional support supplements, exercise, and I reach out to a small circle of trusted friends about what is weighing on me most.
Although I was lucky to never be severely hurt, I did have an accident that could be very dangerous. I was a new assistant in a horse hospital (with no past experience working with horses) and was walking a painful horse alone outside at night as part of her treatment. She was a very nice horse but I guess because of the pain she suddenly charged forward, bumping into me, knocking me to the ground with great force. I remember seeing her belly as I was laying on the ground and she jumped over me, meaning she could have easily step on my head. I was surprisingly calm while handling the situation (in contrary to my coworkers who were panicked) and continued my shift (although I was injured and couldn’t lift my arm). I thought I was fine but then in the next shift (after I recovered) I had to handle a not so difficult horse, something I was totally used to, but I was trembling. It took me like half a year to completely get over the trauma. My trauma wasn’t a big deal so the method for me was just to keep on working with horses as much as I can and face the fear head on. I’m sure that’s not the right method for most traumas though.
I have a question. Do people tend to view the things that happen in their life as normal? At least until they compare it with somebody else, and find it to be different? I didn't know I had any trauma or ptsd until my therapist told me, and I had never brought up those particular topics before because I didn't know they affected me so much. I only really knew I didn't like recalling the events or talking about them. My fear and reactions have been part of me for over a decade and I thought it was normal.
In my experience this is very common. The human brain is super amazing in how it copes and protects us till we are in a space where we are ready and safe. It's so eye opening when you finally see it (and often such a relief to realise there's a reason for our feelings and reactions). All the best on your journey to wellness and healing!
Oh, I think so! For example, I had no idea every family didn't scream and yell at each other, until I spent more time at other kids homes. I really didn't.
Hi Johnathan. I just got out of a very poisonous abusive relationship. He gaslighted me, cheated on me, cornered me when i try to leace an argument, yelled at me if i didn't talk to him fast enough, talked awful about my parents. During that time, I got the worst panic attacks I ever felt in my life. I avoided libraries for a long time because my worst panic attack was at the library. I broke up with him and took me a while to get rid of my depression and anxiety. Now I feel anxious again. Like I'm there where I was before and it won't go away. And I have no idea why. Like a fear that lingers.
I've been watching more of your videos regarding trauma because of what happened to me back in 6th grade, 3 years ago.
I still don't understand if it's really trauma, but back then I didn't knew anything except whoever is friendly and nice is a friend of mine and I trust them. This boy who was 17 years old, a drop out and was still in 6th grade, had started to get close with me and sometimes even visit my classroom to see me. We listen to music, he buys me food for recess, and we even started to call with me not knowing ANYTHING at all, until I turned 14. I later found out what kind of a person he was from other people that had him as a classmate and learned more about "darker" topics such as knowing what a pedophile is, which is what the boy was. After a while I slowly started to realize what could've happened to me if I didn't started avoiding him much earlier, I might've been mislead and that TERRIFIES me to even think about it. Genuinely. I also tend to feel extreme fear whenever I walk through the same lane we used to walk back home together and I get reminded of how we held hands without entirely knowing that it's technically bad to see that in public ;_; And text messages that were just straight up bad and everything else he had told me that I didn't even had a clue on what was going on until I grew up and wanting to avoid this man (he's like about 20 now...) as much as I can. That just lead me wanting to just stay inside because I knw to myself I will not see his face or people that I THOUGHT was him, I tend to get really nervous whenever I get too close to people that almost resembles him like tall, skinny, tanned skin etc
But again, I'm not really sure if that counts as "trauma"
Thank you for your wonderful work! I'm a teacher from Germany and your videos here and with Cinema Therapy have helped me a lot, on a personal level and in understanding and supporting our students. I witness more and more teenagers with social anxiety and other mental struggles and was wondering: Could you make a video about teenagers' anxieties and how to support them on an everyday basis in coping with this world that is shaken by many issues they feel overwhelmed with? Most of them cannot get or do not feel the need for therapy while getting worse and worse, for example having lack of sleep and/or anxiety attacks. It would be a great help!
I never feel safe. As a result, I can be very paranoid and quick to judge. I'm lucky enough to have a great support group now that I feel safe enough to share these issues with. When I feel someone or something is untrustworthy, I tend to run it by them so that I know I'm not overreacting. Sometimes I am, and sometimes I'm not.
I'm also proud to say I went a whole year without having an emergency bag packed. I've had one almost my whole life, and it was hard not having one, but I needed to be reminded that I don't have to fear for my safety anymore. I may pack one later, but it's because I want to, not because I feel I have to. That's a big difference.
Thank you so much for this. I was wondering for a while if I was traumatized or if I was just overreacting. I was betrayed both in my childhood and recently, and I appreciate this :>
I think it's also really important to note that the label 'PTSD' can be useful (it helps people get the treatment they need) but it can also be destructive - many people may have symptoms of PTSD but don't qualify for PTSD according to the DSM (like me). For example, I have intrusive thoughts, panic symptoms, and a certain disconnection from people, but not any avoidance, so I've had psychologists label this as depression and not treat it as trauma-related. I hope this makes sense!
Betrayal trauma is so real. Last year, my friend gave me a special “Christmas present”. He hacked my phone. He then proceeded to sexually harass me, blackmail me, and forced me to do weird benign things. He did this all while knowing I was suicidal and unstable. I trusted him so much and he went and crushed it. While it was happening, I had nightmares and erratic emotions. It’s been a year and it still haunts me. Finally, getting help additional help from a licensed counselor. It’s so hard for me to do schoolwork and my body aches all over from it. If you ever get the sense you need to leave a relationship, leave before they betray you. Never overlook small betrayals. They’ll culminate into something larger.
Not everyone deserves your friendship. Let go. It’s hard, but you have to let go sometimes for your own good.
So I've had multiple traumatic experiences; some of the symptoms decreased over time, then increased when a new trauma occurred. I got more used to it but it still is a constant factor in my life.
How do I manage my symptoms?
1. Try to recognize when I'm starting to spiral or I'm in a situation that is or could trigger me. Get out if possible, if I can calm then try to ease back into it. This may take a while.
2. Look at what I'm doing to cope and set a limit to how far I can use it before it becomes unhealthy. EXAMPLE: I was previously homeless and bought a foldable camping saw. It would be crap in an actual fight but it looks really scary and just the thought that I could use it to scare people off if they try to hurt/kill/etc me. Well that helped!
I still generally sleep while holding it, folded obviously. I have made myself sleep without it and I can get to sleep without it but it is still comforting. I've set my limit and eased myself into not relying on it, enough that I'm never going to try to bring it on a vacation / flight. But it's still nice to have.
3. Checking in with myself. Remembering that I don't and can't know everything going on but I can do my best to stay safe while living a good life. That I am enough and I'm doing the best that I can with the knowledge that I have. I can't change the past but I'm living in the present and can change the future for the better.
I have had some trauma experience from my mum yelling at me totally unjustifiably nearly 4 years ago because I'm vegan and I wouldn't buy her a loaf of bread that had animal products in it, as that tortures animals. I was traumatised but I'm getting through it and re-realizing that it wasn't my fault.
I'm writing this to warn future mother's and father's - be careful about who you choose to be at your child's birth. I didn't really care with my first child believing that whoever would be helping me that day would be professional at the very least. How wrong I was.
The midwife on call was already tired and pissed because I refused medication, she didn't say anything but I could see she thought I was crazy. She talked me into lying on my back for the last part of my labour which is the last thing you want because - gravity.... Instead of relieving my pain with warm towels when I was crowning, she stretched me with her fingers which hurt like hell (up to that point I didn't feel much pain) and then she decided I needed an episiotomy even though I told her I didn't want one. She didn't tell me she was going to do it, she didn't tell me why she came to that conclusion. She just cut into my flesh without warning, without uttering a single word to me. Like I was a piece of meat. It was the worst pain of my life.
After my daughter was born I didn't really think about it all . It took for months for that physical wound to heal. But about three month after my daughter was born I started to get flashbacks, I couldn't sleep because I had nightmares. I cried for hors and hours and I couldn't stop. I wasn't depressed I wasn't feeling down I felt shaken, wounded, shocked all the time. I tried to get help but nobody would see me with a baby and I couldn't part with her. It took three months for the insomnia and flashbacks to stop. But only after the beautiful and peaceful birth of my son did I feel whole and healed again.
So choose your midwives with care....
Oh boy I don't look forward to sharing this but I know I need to quit hiding from it. I was robbed, held at gunpoint while working a pizza delivery job. I deal with a number of symptoms now that I have ptsd.
-flashbacks
-nightmares
-delusional thinking
-hallucinations
-panic attacks
-unaliving thoughts and feelings
-rapid heart rate
-lack of motivation
-lack of enjoyment in hobbies
-triggers surrounding a job
-feeling isolated
-lack of trust in all of humanity
And more if I took the time to fully dive into it.
For me the biggest thing I needed cleared out were panic attacks. I spent so much time trying to prevent them that I couldn't acknowledge or address anything else in life. Now on Sertraline I don't have to worry about it near as much. I do feel like I can tell the difference between reality vs hallucinations tho I still have them. Delusions are slowly coming to the surface as just that instead of reality. I'm able to process emotions that I couldn't come close to touching before.
Some things have gotten worse since getting on meds. Nightmares are more disturbing and vivid. Flashbacks have increased. Unaliving thoughts haven't gone anywhere.
If anyone has recommendations on where to go from here I'd love to have your input. I can't afford therapy as I still can't even hold a job. I'm starting to express myself more through my hobbies and while it does help in the moment, it leaves me very drained and still unable to move on no matter how many feelings I explore and express.
My response has gone away with time, I don't think I've actively done anything about it, but when I was young I followed my friend doing laps in the pool. I don't know how I did it, but I inhaled water and when I got to the end of the pool, I was coughing, but air wasn't coming easily. I thought I was going to die. The lifeguard came along and helped me cough out the water, and luckily I didn't pass out or need CPR, but even after we left the pool, I was coughing. Sometime later I saw a movie, and someone was wheezing or struggling to breathe, and I started feeling like I had difficulty breathing. At present sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't, but I cannot listen to someone struggling to breathe, and I would not wish suffocation on my worst enemy. Even as I write this, my breath is catching a bit. I guess I'm grateful not to be a first responder in this pandemic, and to not have witnessed anyone struggling with COVID. I would go nuts.
I'm working on the things I experienced in my childhood and some afterwards. But I always wonder how it must feel to feel safe. I can't even remember a time when I felt safe and loved not even as a child. Must be nice. But together with my sister, I'm working on it and I'm lucky to have her by my side.
Growing up with my mother who was schizophrenic has apparently left me with emotional trauma. I say apparently because I am 35 and it wasn't until I had a miscarriage 2 years ago and had a breakdown that I sought counseling and discovered that a lot of the things I feel and do are not typical or healthy. My therapist has been trying to help me to identify where some of my behaviors come from and I get the impressions she thinks it stems from my childhood... sometimes I can kind of see it too... but it's hard to accept because I don't remember a lot of my childhood and what I do remember doesn't FEEL connected to who I am now. It's a work in progress. But I have noticed that since starting therapy I have been able to start living my life again... similar to how I was before I had the miscarriage... but not exactly the same.
I have C-PTSD, and I've been in therapy for most of my adult life, and on and off medication as needed. A lot of what I here about trauma is getting back to the person you were before the trauma, and I'm not sure that's possible or desirable (there's no undo button on life, and if you get the right help you learn and grow through your healing journey), and for me at least, I don't have a before. When I stopped trying to be a person who has never experienced trauma, and worked on being a person who survived trauma, and learns and grows and loves in a generally healthy manner, I really started healing. I will probably need medication at times (like, I don't know, pandemics?) throughout my life, and ongoing therapy at least during, again, pandemics, but also when my daughter reaches various ages and stages where things went really wrong for me to make sure I am responding to her, not to my own trauma, and I'm OK with that. I'm OK.
My husband strangled me to the point of almost losing consciousness and losing my bladder today…in front of our son. He’s sitting in Jail and I’m getting a restraining order but I already know this is going to haunt me and my son for awhile. I can’t afford therapy, so your the next best thing Jonathan. Thank you for these videos. I’ve been watching the channel for awhile
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you and your son are safe now.
wow...I know I´d became "comfortably numb", sometimes forcing myself to triggers so I could verify I can still "feel" something. Did´nt know it was because of emotional trauma. I didn´t think too much about it. Frankly I thought I was just making a big deal out of it.
Well, turns out I wasn´t. Thank you.
I can understand how you reached this point. I hope the videos help you to gain some clarity and healing.
Music sounds and details have always been a huge part in my life to cope with things. ASMR has been a huge help and so has mindfulness/meditation. If im in public i find something to focus on a image color sound touch. I study that thing until I feel okay again.
Great you have figured out a strategy that helps you!
Ok, honest question from a 20 year old who is trying to figure out why she’s terrified of vulnerability: Does witnessing shouting matches and a messy divorce at 9 count as betrayal trauma? That explanation resonated with me so much because growing up it was ok if I didn’t look at the tension in the house and then all of a sudden my father moved out.
Thank you so much for what you do; I’ve never thought of myself as someone who needed therapy, but I’ve been curious to explore some of my coping mechanisms and you’ve helped me understand myself so much.
I am pretty sure I have C-PTSD. I have experienced the same terrible thing happen over and over since I was a child. I am experiencing it now, and that is why I came looking for this video. I often watch Cinema Therapy, and I remembered Jonathan mentioning his videos. I am currently trying to cope because I can't do anything to fix what is happening. I am also avoiding confronting the situation because I don't want to feel worse now, although I know it'll make me feel worse later.
I hadn't realized that I was living with trauma until about a month ago. I was giving a zoom presentation and someone's microphone was activated, and I began to hear screaming and crying, at that moment I was frozen and could not react, I felt that I was 12 years old again and I heard my parents argue, I felt so powerless and what hurt me the most is that it seemed that no one understood what was happening to the companion with the microphone, what was happening at home. I didn't have the strength to do something about it and I still feel guilty. What can i do to stop having this feelings of remorse?
Hi Gina. It takes strength to speak up and admit that these events have impacted you in this way. It may help to speak in person about these feelings. If you would like to book a free 15 min call with me, you can follow this link: go.oncehub.com/JonathanDecker All the best
I didn’t know spiritual trauma exist. It’s so great to put a name on it!
I was in a Christian cult for 6 years. It’s so fucked up no one understands.
Thanks for the content. It really helps.
(Spanish speaker here. Sorry for the grammar errors)
Glad this has helped you!
Spiritual abuse is actually very common. It's an easy way to gain power over people. I'm so sorry you've experienced it. It breaks my heart that people would use Jesus' name to gain power, hurting others in the process.
I don't know of I remember everything because I cannot trust my memory, but at 18 I realised that my sister that raised me since I was 4 was abusing me in every way all my life. We were isolated and I thought what she did was normal until I was writing a book with an abusive owner character and I saw she was exactly like the owner. I had several other traumatic experiences through that time and past it, but my symptoms are
Lack of focus and very poor memory that ranges from forgetting to eat to not remembering daily stuff to not knowing where I am or how I got there even though it's places I go to daily (that last one is rare), mistrusting myself even in small decisions, jumping awake in the middle of the night frightened without nightmares to the point I sit up and forget where I am, some touches or sexual acts give me vague memories I can't fully remember, I randomly stop breathing during the day, I get random panic attacks, I hate certain words because they give me memories, I am female but I have an aversion to women, I don't trust people and always expect even my loved ones to betray me, I get sensory hallucinations, I have little emotional stability on my own, I go from happy and excited to suicidal on seconds and back again, I tend to horde food, I panic at the idea of not being able to buy clothes when needed and hate over spending, hate my appearances because I know what people think when they say I'm pretty, heavily addicted to sex and pain, I was unable to feel emotions aside from anger and depression (whenever I was supposed to feel happy, I never felt that elevated feeling, just put on a social que smile) and I disassociate and derealise quite frequently sometimes all day. I have mental age regression and I did not realise it until a few months ago. I still have to see that sister sometimes and I hate it. But to cope, I met my future husband and his mere presence makes everything feel better. I become actually happy and stable when speaking with him, have done so since we were friends. When he is not around, I have two adopted family members in my new family that will listen to my unstable thoughts and support me in going the right way instead of self harm when I usually would burn myself to quench my addiction. They are helping me get off sex addictions by helping me ride out the hard needs until they subside no matter how hard I cry for it. I am a Christian so I am leaning on God for healing because I am a mess by myself. I started getting better last year. My friends keep telling me to go to therapy and get checked for bipolar or something. But just the idea of going to a therapist paralysis me and if my future husband took me, I know I would be screaming and crying while holding onto him. Begging him not to let me go no matter what the therapist says. So it's been tough
I didn't realize I had experienced trauma and yet somehow I have a DID diagnosis. It is still strange to me to look back and realize what my body perceived as terrifying I can understand it but it is hard to shake the guilt of I was separated from my mom for a few months and my brain decided it couldn't handle it compared to the type of abuse it "normally" takes to have a brain cope in such an extreme way. I am UT based if you know anyone in UT that is good with DID I'd love to hear about them.
I'm so sorry for what you went through. How it still affects you today is so understandable. Would you be willing to email me at Jdecker@mendedlight.com? I may have some people I can direct you to :)
I've got a couple of dissociative disorders, and DID elements (though not full-blown) The memory stuff is so tricky - I found it hard to trust in myself because my experiences didn't feel like they happened to me. If it helps I can say first-hand... counseling CAN help. I used to hear another voice, I used to lose chunks of time with dissociative episodes. I've now fully integrated that aspect of myself and those episodes are rare. It takes time and work but it can totally be done.
The majority of traumas I have survived (for me this term is empowering) were medical--multiple surgeries until I turned 14. I am working on coping, but it is a long process! I am currently in grad school and working toward a therapy license of my own, and I would like to specialize in trauma treatment if I can overcome my own stuff. A great resource that has helped is a book by Bessel Van Der Kolk, titled "The Body Keeps the Score!" It really helped me understand how our brain and body interact when processing traumatic experiences. The road to recovery is long, and it is messy. Be kind to yourself!
That scene from Good Will Hunting has a more emotional meaning after watching the movie and your Cinema Therapy episode on that same movie.
Thanks for your message! We are hoping that these vids will help people to have a deeper understanding on the movies and how they relate to themselves.
Trauma is hard I’ve had my fair share. It’s hard and there were days I never thought I would make it through. This is the abridged version of my story: I’ve been through two emotionally abusive relationships the second where I was heavily manipulated, lied to and objectified. I was used- and I was betrayed by my closest friend in that relationship and it tore me apart. I had been friends with this boy since I was 11 and gutted when I had to burn that bridge and not look back. Or risk falling back into they cycle of lies and manipulation. Pretty words meant nothing to me and I was skeptical of everyone. Closure for that was hard. I cried many nights and blamed myself for the entire thing until I learned the truth. I was loyal to him to the end and I defended him and us until I saw what was happening for what it was. Leaving him took everything I had. And just as I was beginning to heal from his trauma- I was in a rollover car accident in Oregon visiting my cousin 5 days before I turned 21. January 8th 2021 is a day I will never forget. We had hit some black ice and fishtailed over a 30 ft embankment. It was the scariest and only near death experience I’ve ever had in my short amount of years. I thought I was going to die that day. I remember the pressure and the noises and the slow motion everyone talks about. The airbags being pastel pink and not being able to breathe once we stopped wheels down. I temporarily lost my vision it was blurry and bright then spotty and black and I was in excruciating pain. I had never been so scared. We waited for hours in the cold waiting for first responders and I believe I scared the wits out of my mom when I called. I endured my fear of needles over and over again for the doctors and EMT’s I was mortified in the ER trauma room 1 by all their tests and need for observation of my bad seatbelt bruises. I have a permanent dent in my left hip and I was diagnosed with severe depression soon after. I couldn’t drive for a long time afterwards I was terrified of the roads, and more specifically winter and ice. I had to drive home with my parents since they flew out that night to come and see me. I had missed them terribly and on the ride home found I couldn’t handle fast lane changes or curvy winds in the road because that’s how we went over. I had a full on meltdown in the car about their driving because I couldn’t handle the flashbacks it gave me.
It took months and winter still scares me. I’m skeptical about my relationships and I fight my depression every day. But I’m enrolled in college now and I have the best boyfriend in the world. Who I will shout about from the rooftops because he treats me like a queen. I’m happier than I ever have been despite my struggles. There is a light at the end and I can attest to that. No matter how many times I get knocked down I get back up again because I have a life worth living. I can’t take one moment for granted anymore. It does get better and while I still struggle life is good. I got help. I’m healing. I have battle scars of all kinds and I hope others know they can heal too. Life isn’t perfect it’s messy and hard. But I’ve grown to become such an amazing person because of my struggles I would not have it any other way. I may be broken in some ways but I am not beaten. And I will live. ❤️
I had never heard of betrayal PTSD. I have it, and it has caused more problems for me than PTSD from living in a war zone. I just didn’t know it had a name. In my case, the betrayal was not from a romantic parter, it was my dad’s brother having him send his life savings to him over a decade, and once we got here saying “what money?” And then threatening to ruin us if we told people that he did this, and then spreading lies about us, partly to show he could and partly so no one would believe us. In my culture family is emphasized and family helping family is what we are taught as fact and rule. So I had an expectation of safety, that was betrayed in grand fashion. And an expectation of being financially okay, and the rug pulled out from under us. I came to the false conclusion that the rug can be pulled from under me at any time, and I started instantaneously judging some people as untrustworthy and being on guard, and developed a bad relationship with saving or otherwise managing money. It has taken close to 3 decades to become aware that this is what I’m doing and why, and to undo much but not all of it.
My traumatic event was something terrible that happened to people close to me, where I could have been there. Here’s how it affected me:
1. For years I had lifelike nightmares experiencing the event every single night.
2. I would wake up from my nightmares and think I was actually in the place where the event happened experiencing it.
3. I blamed myself for not taking some kind of action to prevent the event.
4. It felt wrong that the event happened to the people close to me and not me (Survivor’s guilt).
5. I was hypervigilent. I slept with a huge knife under my bed because it was the only way I could feel safe at night. I had to check the windows and doors that they were locked at night and that no one was in house.
6. I was very jumpy.
7. I could not connect to other people.
8. It felt like my bubble was burst and I realized how dangerous the world actually was. Before I had a naivety and confidence that nothing that dangerous would happen to me. And that’s something that won’t come back.
Now a number of these symptoms have gone away for me. I have naturally healed from it in many ways. But I’ve learned that triggers do bring up some of the symptoms for me again. So, for me I now avoid them, when I used to not avoid them. To each their own. For me massages and yoga (body focused therapy) have helped me to heal more than directly talking about the trauma has. At least so far.
If you’re going through any of this you aren’t alone. There is hope ❤️
If you would ever like to talk with Jono about what happened, you can book here for a free 15 minute discovery call. go.oncehub.com/JonathanDecker
I have trauma from my home town. I've been tro some thing from that small town. Bullied, isolated, compared and saw some thing. Since it's a small town, where almost everyone knows anyone there, I've been really picky with people who can keep my secret or any secret. Now a I live in a bigger town and far from that one, but my parents and few dear friend I have there sometimes makes me go there which makes it hard to visit it. I usually go there with my bf or my sister. It makes me feel safer and seeing town with someone dear to me makes a little diffrence, or at least berable
When I was a child, my best friend’s father had gone to prison after he was physically abusing his wife and children. She had PTSD and had to see a therapist for a long time.
This is so late but I'm commenting anyway. At 4:15 you basically described my life for 10 years. I was constantly on the look out for something bad to happen, in my case, to someone I loved, not myself. I would wake up so suddenly, going from dead asleep and the slightest sound making me wake with such a start, my heart would feel like it was beating out of my chest and I felt like I could sprint anywhere I needed to immediately. This person was not a child, I was. I truly can not find anywhere where people are addressing what I went through as a child, it's all aimed at older adults because in most cases children aren't put in the position I was.
What helped? I moved away and physically was not in a position to be there for my loved one anymore. I felt so guilty but so free. They ended up still getting the help they needed but it was from a professional, not me. My loved one hated it but was also so disconnected from reality they didn't even acknowledge I had been doing what the professionals were doing (and much more) all along. I have not been able to go back there without feeling it all come back and I'm afraid I never will be able to. My loved one is nearing the end of their life now and I feel so selfish and guilty, but I actually feel like there's a part of me that will be relieved when they pass away because I know I will never have to go through that again. I was so strong for so long and stuffed everything down, put on my best smile, and pretended that I was perfectly fine and that everything was normal. I'm glad that I'm allowed to feel emotions (negative ones along with positive) and don't need to hid anymore where I am now. I can be honest and supported and I don't have to take care of anyone but myself. I'm so grateful for my life now, but can't help feeling like I just ran away from it all.
I'm torn because I feel like I should go back and be with my loved one before they pass. They miss me terribly and things are more stable now for them but I still feel like I have to put on that mask every time I interact with them. I truly think being honest wouldn't help anything, they aren't capable (or at least willing) to acknowledge any of this in their current mental state and I would love to just make some nice memories without having to try and explain all this to them. I think it would be the kindest thing to do and I love them so much, I want to give that last gift to them at the end of their life, let them just feel loved. I just don't know how long I can keep it up. If it's for another year or two, I can handle it, but if it's more, I don't know how much I can take and I don't want to take steps backwards from how far I've come. I have set boundaries before but it never feels like enough, the only time I feel truly free is when I'm very, very far away and I know they are sleeping and can't contact me. When I visit, things are okay at first, but the longer I stay the deeper I fall into the feelings from before (depression more than anxiety now) and it's still not enough contact for them, they just want so much more than I can give. It's like their minimum amount of contact is so far outside of my maximum ability to give to them and still feel safe.
Any advice? How can I keep myself sane without hurting them? I love them so much and just want both of us to be happy.
My trauma accumulated over time and is the result of a school life as a hypersensitive kid in a very cold, but chaotic environment. I was constantly told that I need to be able to bear the kind of noise and company that I was surrounded with because there would always be people I didn't get along with and running away would not make it better. The feeling of being stuck and powerless that I had there for years keeps coming back to me. It sometimes leads me to endure situations that others would have walked out of ages ago. I deal with this by consciously setting boundaries and exploring my limits. I am a university student now, moved out of my parent's home and get to call the shots now. I take calculated risks to see where my comfort zone goes (like wearing extremely outlandish clothing, trying all sorts of new hobbies and relationship styles) and then I reevaluate the picture I have of myself. It gives me a lot of agency and I am much more self-assured and confident. If I need to immediately distract myself from the pain of the memories, I usually continue one of my latest projects. If I can take it on, though, I will talk to myself or write something down to sort my thoughts.
First of all - thank you for the video and sharing your knowledge. Second - I am your viewer from abroad, so, please forgive me for errors in the construction of sentences, if they would be.
What bring back the memories of traumatic experience? For me - it is places, where events were present.
Year ago my father in law passed away on the street - it was a heart attack. In that day, I was able immediately to run to his wife (they were walking together) on that street. I was comforting her, while looking at the black bag, that covered his body on the ground. While we waiting for arrival of the relevant authorities, some passing people were telling horrible things to us ("Was he drunk?"; "Was he addict?"; "Who he was to you?"). I will never forget this and never forgive. Not all of passing people were talking like this, but some were.
Now, when I planning a route for walking in shop, for example, I specially avoid that street. When I can't go anywhere else, but through that place, I experience fear, overflowing grief, trembling and auditory hallucinations of those conversations.