Dying Fat: Your Funeral Options
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- Опубліковано 9 сер 2018
- We want everyone to have a good experience at funeral homes (even during a terrible time) so we need dialogue about the needs of fat people in death.
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**CREDITS**
Mortician: Caitlin Doughty
Writing & Research: Louise Hung (@LouiseHung1)
Editor & Graphics: Landis Blair (@landisblair)
**SELECTED SOURCES & ADDITIONAL READING**
Marianne Kirby - MarrianneKirby.com
Marianne’s second book (it’s about ZOMBIES!) is coming out in August check it out at
www.amazon.com/default/e/B01L...
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Lesley Kinzel - LesleyKinzel.com
Joy Nash - follow Joy on Instagram @therealJoyNash
Read more about fat bodies and the funeral industry:
“Supersize My Funeral’: How is the Obesity Epidemic in the U.S. impacting on the Funeral
Industry?”
www.us-funerals.com/funeral-ar...
people.html#.W1jne9hKjq0
“Can an Obese Person Be Cremated?”
www.us-funerals.com/funeral-ar...
cremated.html#.W1i8ZdhKjq1
“On the Final Journey, One Size Doesn’t Fit All”
www.nytimes.com/2003/09/28/us...
My great uncle was morbidly obese and ended up taking longer to cremate than the funeral home had initially said he would, so he was not ready in time for the funeral we held. He had always said he was always so late to everything that he'd be late to his own funeral, lol.
How ironic. That's pretty macabre.
Least he was a man of his word, rip
Hehe he got it right! One last chuckle for all 😊
LOLL
This is honestly a nice way to remember someone
I want an oversized casket so I can move around and get comfortable.
Same
🤣🤣
OMFG 𝗶 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲
@@orlaithtraynor3218 s a m e
wait a minute
I ran a cremation office and the largest body I cremated was 610 lbs. We treat fat people the same as everyone else... dignity and respect.
@@nickcarroll5034 Come by I'll show you 😘
@@CM-vl4wi I've seen it.... It's not some mystery of the unexplained. 😁
@@nickcarroll5034 You make no sense 😂
@@CM-vl4wi How?
Oh yes I know what you mean, I work as a crematorium technican, and in the crematorium office.
First time I saw an oversized casket was for a funeral where a mother and her two young children were murdered and they buried them together, it was sad but beautiful at the same time because they got to be together. I like the idea of things like that as well.
How sad.
Mom got to be with her kids. That’s so comforting.
When I die I want my remains scattered around Disney land
Also, I do not want to be cremated
😂🤣
Why can't I stop laughing 🙈
Then it will no longer be the "happiest place on earth".
LOL
Got me the first half not gonna lie
I’m so glad you called “plus size” people fat. I’m fat and it drives me nuts when people tiptoe around it. Like I have a mirror I know.
I agree. I'm fat and it's just weird for people to call us "plus sized".
I hate that too!! I always felt fat is just a descriptive word. Yes, I am fat. Just like you’d describe someone as skinny, blonde, short, tall, etc. it’s not an insult unless you make it one.
My husband is on the bigger side and I hate calling him fat. He doesn't mind. He calls himself fat, but I feel bad calling him fat. I tend to calm him chubby.
TY .... FAT IS NOT A DIRTY WORD! :)
some people cannot handle facing the issue, so they sugarcoat it.
Its not a healthy coping mechanism
My stepfather just died this morning, and he was over 400 pounds at death. Almost 500. So I sent this video to my mother to help her and my step brother make a funeral plan for him. Thank you Caitlyn!
Wow that was a quick send.
@@AndrewBarsky 🤣🤣🤣
That's pretty heartwarming. Sorry for your loss
God bless him
I'm sorry for your loss. How are you doing now?
One of my best friends died in March of 2021 - he was over 600 lbs, the funeral director said he estimated 650. There was a casket, a very large custom built one that was very nice. He wanted a burial, but we were not able to have a graveside ceremony due to safety laws since the body plus casket was so heavy it required a heavy crane to lower in. The director was awesome throughout, and explained it with caring and sincerity, I spoke with him for a while before anyone else arrived and he was a very nice guy.
I am a retired nurse and while this does not involve death, it does speak to the plight that some overweight people face. One night I received a hospital admission of a woman weighing 888 pounds. Before we could really provide care, hygiene had to be addressed. She couldn't recall the last time she'd had anything resembling a bath. It took 6 of us to bath her. It was beyond just turning her. Three of us held the areas of fat up and out of the way so the other three could bathe, examine and treat her skin. We had everything planned before entering the room. We kept her distracted from what could have been a miserable and humiliating experience by talking about her family and ours too. We shampooed and blow dried her hair and even gave her a spritz of perfume. We supplied an oversized gown for a comfortable fit. She told me later that it was the first time she had ever felt pretty. I firmly believe that the same care and loving heart should be afforded to the living and the dead. Every kind gesture counts.
God Bless you Heidi 🙏❤
You are very kind, Heidi.
I remember the 660 pound patient we had in our ICU. Moving her in bed required all the help available. Even the men from Maintenance would come up to help move her in bed. When she died, getting her from ICU out the door to the waiting hearse was an ordeal. Thankfully, it was in the early morning hours, so we were able to move her, without being noticed by visitors.
I am also a retired nurse and grew up with a father who was a funeral director/mortician. My mother was a nurse, my sister is a nurse and my brother is a physician’s assistant. I always tried to treat a patient like I’d want to be treated or like they were my family member.
God bless you Heidi for making her feel pretty. 💜
@@Suzee46 thank you for treating people good I was in a nursing home for a while and was treated good by most but there were a few that shouldn't ever be near the sick they were down right mean to me .I think it will come back on them one day .
Fat person here: I prefer the term fat. People get offended when I call myself fat and it’s so weird.
I'm fat too. I was in the ICU for 2 months so I lost a lot of weight, but I am doing better now so I gained a bit of it back. Still fat though.😄
I think this is so interesting and one more example of an ignorant over correction by PC activists
@@pathologicaldoubt the only thing that upsets me is when people belittle or berate me for being fat, screaming that "fatso should just eat less" without realising I am what I am mostly because of a medical condition and that I probably eat less and more healthy than they do.
And those people include several of my doctors, who never even inquired about my diet, just assume I'm quaffing copious amounts of sodas and eating tons and tons of candy and pasta every day.
CaptainDuckman I’m sorry people assume your behavior is the cause for your fatness. Medical conditions suck. Just don’t let it define you. You’re so much more
It's just kind of objective really. When I go shopping for a pork roast I don't ask for one that is "clinically obese", "big-boned", "very healthy", "curvy", "well insulated", "plumb", "solid", "robust", "stout", "big and strong", "portly", "rotund", "full-bodied", "corpulent", "plus- or extended-size" - I ask for one with a decent fat to meat ratio, which means a nice thick layer of fat under the skin so I can make proper crackling. Nobody ever told me to stop fat-shaming that poor pig either, and of course the pig itself is usually characteristically quiet which I roundly take as a form of implicit consent in the matter. Most people I know, when they talk about losing a few pounds, they don't mean muscle tissue, or water or accumulated mud. They mean fat. That's what they want to lose. Some fat. That they have on them. I have some fat but noones getting that. It's a keeper. It's mine.
My son, who died last week, weighed 419 pounds.
This video helped me be ready to expect extra charges for his size, and what his cremation would entail.
Your other videos validated my ideas and hopes of what a good death and celebration of life could be.
I want to add: grieving sucks.
At least I’m not grieving AND have a huge funeral bill to pay.
It is so devastating to lose a child, no matter how old they are. My heart goes out to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤
oh dear. take care. my condolences
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.
Side note, just to add some levity regarding the bye-byes of our bigger beloveds: Our dear sweet XXL grandma didn't have the privilege of a HS education, so she was very proud of the "big words" she knew. "Sufficient" was a favorite. If she was serving us food or pouring a drink, we HAD to say, "I've had sufficient" or she would not stop. Well... can you guess what she wanted on her headstone? Love her humor. RIP dear sweet grandm-ma. ❤
Reminds me of my mom. She loved to cook, and feed everyone. Wouldn't stop pushing food on you until you were fit to burst. Needless to say, my siblings and I all got extremely fat. I was the biggest, nearly 600 pounds at 18. I've lost a lot of weight since leaving home, but I'm still over 450. I love you, mom, but jesus, you made your poor daughter so fat! Being that big brings a lot of challenges with ordinary, everyday things that most people never think about. At least after seeing this video I can be better prepared and spare my family a lot of the hardship that dealing with my massive body might have brought.
@@DarkElfDiva I'm so sorry that struggle was placed upon you! Not easy!
Blessings to you. Best wishes
This story was so bittersweet... Hope you and your family are well
"too fat to be dead"...is that the key to immortality?
yes, of course!
Let go and be fat!
There wax a ladie that was probly 400 lbs who live around me
And she died of heart failure be a pole be re was a bitch
"Too big to fail"!
That must be the plan in the U.S.A
Dump my bloated ass in the ocean... I've been gorging on seafood since childhood. Letting the ocean critters eat me in return only seems fair. 🐡🦈😵🦐🦀
My partner wants me to dump him in the ocean, get his carbon atoms back into cycle.
Ah burial at sea. Nice. Sounds fair too.
The sea has enough contamination to add rotten bodies
OK but that's illegal so..
haruno21 there are millions of dead sea animals rotting in the ocean as we speak so what point are you trying to make with that argument?
I'm instantly reminded of the end of What's Eating Gilbert Grape. It's a sorely underrated indie film from a bygone era, but the morbidly obese mother's exit from the ridicule and abuse upon her death is pretty iconic. Depp's and DiCaprio's characters were both perfectly, and sensitively, written.
I remember seeing interviews where Depp was distraught over the way their “mother’s” character was treated (though obviously there was a reason to write it that way) and would apologise to her after they had to film scenes where his character was cruel to her. That always stuck with me
As a morbidly obese person, I truly appreciate the knowledge you shared. Thank you very much.
You're so morbid!!! Lol
I take the UA-cam algorithm recommending this to me as a personal attack.
Same 😂
Same
* puts down the chips pack *
@@segolener.3148 wanna share the chips ?I’ll give u my pop for some.
😂😂😂😂😂😂👏
Thank you for saying FAT. Its not a dirty word. Its less awkward then the million other things that could have been said
Jimmi Woltz Yes. Fat needs to be used more as a normal word! It's not an insult, it's a descriptor.
I'm fat. And it actually annoys me when I can see people trying to think of another word other than fat. Just use the word fat! It's a perfectly good word that everybody knows the meaning of. And let's be honest, plump, tubby, big boned, well built, plus size, chunky, thick, curvy, blah blah blah. It all means FAT!
Natasha Kelly I repeatedly ask to just be called fat. Im not fluffy or curvy or a clydesdale. I'm fat. Trying to dance around that just makes me feel like crap. For good or bad it is what i currently am
Fat got outed mostly because politically correct idioms came into existance. I don't know if elsewhere in the world is like the USA but in the Middle East fat is still fat. Although people who are not fat but not thin either would get hurt when called fat, those who are btw 60 to 70 kg.
My thoughts exactly. When I refer to myself as fat--which I am by every definition--people get all, "Nooooo, you're just..." Whatever word they feel comfortable using. Drives me nuts. I'm fat. It's okay! So good to hear her say it so comfortably, so normally.
Lost my middle brother for covid19 last year. He lived in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Because the tropical climate all funerals must be in 24h. We had to buy a special coffin and a larger drawer in the wall because he was morbid obese. (Not in our family's burial spot in the cemetery, away in a corner with strangers). There's nothing funny in these circumstances, it s sad because the loss; it s sad because the special arrangements needed to the burial. Lost my mom last month, I had to pay an enormous amount of money to keep her body in the freezer for 24h. Enough time for me to arrive in Brazil. The mortician did a great job, she looked in peace. 🙏🏻 I watched my brother's funeral by video, there were lots of restrictions because covid19. So painful not to be allowed to be at a loved one funeral. May they be in peace.
To graduate from the Catholic high school my parents sent me to required credits in "religion" class. I chose "Death & Dying" which was much more interesting than other religious classes. I learned about euthanasia, embalming, caskets etc & was given a tour of the whole funeral home.... I ran into your videos & watching this one reminded me of those days in 1977. 😊
My mother was obese when she died 18 years ago. After reading the comments, I can say I was lucky in the way that her death was treated with respect. My mom had an aneurysm, and I found her on the floor of her bedroom. I called 911 and they came. They hooked her up to a heart monitor and then told me she was gone. I was confused when the police showed up at the house. The paramedic explained that when a death is unexpected, the police will come to make sure there was no foul play or suicide involved. The paramedics also called the funeral home. When they got there, the paramedics and the funeral home people were able to get her on a stretcher and get her to the hearse. When I went to the funeral home the next morning, the owner waited on me himself. His mom and I are good friends and she asked him to wait on me personally. The only thing he said to me about my mom's size during the planning was when he took me to look as caskets and he said "Pick out one you think she would have liked, we will just need to get it a little bit bigger."
No one ever made any comments about her size, for which I am grateful.
Thank you for sharing this story. It's wonderful to hear about a funeral director treating you and your mother with dignity and respect.
I'm so sorry 😢
When my mom passed away at home i was made EXTREMLY uncomfortable by the police, all i wanted to do was be alone and they forced me to wait in a room with them for 4 hours while they figured everything out. Turned a horrible experience into a straight up traumatic one.
Im sorry mom died like that but I'm glad you got to do something. We didnt have a viewing for my mom when she past just straight to cremate 😭🖤😐
if I can avoid getting fat, I will not for vanity but for health purposes
Long story short: Being fat is expensive.
That’s in pretty much every way possible, really. Not just in death tax
Just lose weight lol.
@@lastresort554 It's not as simple as that. Many people have diseases that make it very difficult to lose weight, such as hypothyroidism and PCOS.
@@MistyPhantom not the majority tho
@@HattieMcDanielonaMoon Asolutely. I was about to say so. The disease does exist but doesn't mean every person who went from slim to fat after a better income "has hyperthyroidism".
Perhaps a standard question for funeral homes making arrangements over the phone should be "is the decedent over 300 pounds?". Grieving family members with little or no experience in death (who haven't seen this video) likely don't have the presence of mind to offer that information unprompted.
My husband is very tall and heavy. I'd already decided to have a natural burial for him and this just affirmed it. Thank you for taking this subject on.
All bodies should be treated with highest respect
ray i always listen to ur piano covers omg nice to see u here
In the words of Frank Reynolds
"When I die just throw me in the trash!"
What about Hitlers corpse
Agreed and disagree. I'll respect someone as much as they respect themselves. Or Me on that subject
What about a serial killers body
I hope my body is disrespected and there's drama, stress and difficulties with my family. I want to die like I lived.
Megan Gertler oh my god
Heard.
Yikes
Mood
Megan Gertler hahaha
My nephew was 6 ft 6in tall and weighed about 300 lbs but wasn't fat. It cost an additional $1000 for his cremation. All the funeral director kept saying was he had never had someone so big! Yes, he was a big man in so many more ways than just his physical size. Love your approach to death.
Well, I believe that when it comes to tall people, their weight might be heavier to keep in proportion and stable. I believe the now retired BMI chart reflected that. The taller you are, the more weight needed to stay within the "healthy" margins. I don't know what they use in place of the BMI now. I come from my own family of really tall/giant members, so I get it.
I worked near a crematorium. We often joked that we took someone home with us every day.
I'm just not gonna die, I made my mind up the other day.
Since aging to 21 I have decided to no longer have a need of aging and remain as I am
me too
Otherwise you might return a fat, white Republican man
That’s so brave 🙏🏻😩
Good luck.
I couldn't care less about what happens to my body when I die. I just don't want to be a burden on my family financially.
Keep up your life insurance.
Give your body to a med school. It then becomes their concern, and you contribute to the education of next generation of doctors.
I will be giving my body to science
@@mancubwwa This doesn't always work. There are situations where the body becomes unusable for donation. Always have a back-up plan.
That is very sweet of you.❤ I feel the same way, personally.
I have never enjoyed hearing about death till watching this lady . Her animated moves make me smile allot .
I’m am so glad you discussed this. I am a Mortician and I always end up spending extra time discussing the reason why an obese case costs more to families.
Thinking about my body being locked in a box for the rest of eternity gives me serious claustrophobia
Kurious Kiwi your body will be on top of a mountain glacier 🏔
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WOULD BE WORSE: BEING IN A LOCKED BOX, BEING BURNT, BEING LIQUIDIZED, OR BEING PUT IN A HOLE WITH NO BOX WHERE MY BODY WILL BE COLD AND WET FOR ETERNITY. NONE OF THESE OPTIONS SOUND LIKE SOMETHING I WANT FOR MYSELF. I GUESS I AM GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE FOREVER
Well you'll be dead so it wouldn't matter
You can be buried without a casket, or in a biodegradable casket that decomposes (so your body won't be 'locked in', and it's better for the environment, too). Caitlyn has a lot of videos on alternative burials that you might find interesting!
@@supitzsarah1580 WHY WOULD I WANT SOMETHING FOR MYSELF IN DEATH THAT I WOULD NOT BE OKAY WITH IN LIFE. WE DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AFTER DEATH BESIDES THAT OUR BODY DOES NOT WORK. I WOLD HATE TO BE TRAPPED SOMEWHERE MISERABLE
When I die I want to be buried in a hot pink leopard print casket so I can feel trashy in the afterlife.
I think im in love
Hot pink leopard print in glitter sparkles? Would inset rotating disco balls be a step to far? 😀
And purple crushed velvet interior with dangley gold tassels??? 😁👍
lol im sorry for laughing but just because you love hot pink doesn't mean you're trash! As for the leopard print well they're becoming more and more extinct so um please don't use real fur unless you want that leopard with you for a long time in your afterlife.
@@mikitea68 I've never seen leopard print anything that's actually real fur, usually it's not even fake fur, just the pattern on a dress or t-shirt.
I love how much dignity you approach this topic with, Caitlyn. There's no beating around the bush, but you also don't come off as shaming people for whatever choices they did/not make in life, like trying to lose weight or overeating and gaining it.
Hey I know this'll be lost in the shuffle since it's so late but I saw this pop up in my feed and I wanted to say thank you for this video. My father passed two years ago(he was big) and I was able to help my mother with his arrangements thanks to the information in this video. Very good advice.
I love how she is not saying oversized etc. But is just being honest and says fat. As a fat person i appreciate honesty over "wokeness"
Hot
same
Me too. People think it's rude to say fat but when you use other words like plus size, curvy (this one in particular is extra funny) in front of a fat person it feels like you are beating around the bush and it gets awkward
@@DMp-xp6mj as s disabled person i even get a laugh out of myself when someone calls me a cripple while when someone tells me it's "physically challenged" i'd probably tell them a fat guy walking upstairs is physically challenged and he seems mentally challenged hpwever i am crippled and the person that can barely string a sentence together is mentally retarded
A lot of the people who are getting offended over "not saying politically-correct terms", are oftentimes (in my personal experience), not even the ones being referred to. They are just getting offended for those not even offended, bah.
I usually try to know if the person concerned is cool with it or not. Don't just assume how others feel about on based on your personal values.
My Mom just passed away a few weeks ago. She was overweight, and it was made worse by lymphedema. We live in a small town, for context. Everyone was respectful throughout the process- paramedics, hospital, funeral home. The funeral director had three caskets we could choose from without any delay in preparing it. He went over the information about plot size, etc (which we didn’t need to upgrade thankfully). I’m so grateful that everyone treated her with respect, and she truly looked like she was just sleeping.
I do hope your mom rests in peace. I’m sure she was a great woman
@@aprilrain5553 thank you ☺️ that’s very sweet. She was absolutely amazing. 💜
@@sarahewson3607 You’re very welcome!
It's good that funeral professionals make every effort to be respectful.
I hope you are well, and that your mom rests peacefully. I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m sure she was a lovely person 💛
Thank you so much for discussing this particular matter. As a fat person I do have death and burial issues. I like the green burial particularly by trees. I will be taking your candid advice.
As a fat person myself, thanks for this video. I use the terms "fat", "overweight", "plus sized" and "big" pretty interchangeably. The only word I don't like is "obese". I'm not offended by it if someone else calls me that, because I know it's true, I just don't like saying the word. It's on par with word "moist" for me.
The only things that make me really uncomfortable is 1) when someone is overtly mean about it, using whichever words they choose, it doesn't matter - mean is mean, and 2) when it seems like someone is afraid to acknowledge my size when it's relevant. If a funeral director was talking to me about plans for my body and said something like "well, when someone is, um, of a larger than average, uh, size-" just say "fat" or "over x pounds" or another realistic equivalent, otherwise it's a lot more awkward than it needs to be, and that is more difficult for me than an accidental slip of the tongue.
I would wanna be naturally buried. I remember once my friend lost 3 dogs to parvo. We buried them in his backyard which was just dirt and rocks. After some time passed the area where they were buried started growing grass and flowers. I just remember thinking how nice it was that they returned to the earth and came back as new life in a way.
absolutely!!!! buried my cat in my backyard and a beautiful green bush grew over where she was. it was a cool reminder that life comes full circle
Just like Mufasa said
Same. I'd love it if a tree grows over the spot where I was buried and cats hang out in the area.
@@BoneDaddy1997 Awwww :')
How lovely :')
When my (morbidly obese) husband died, I was a mess. I had never made arrangements for a dead family member -- I had no idea what to do. I got myself together enough to call some mortuaries and make arrangements. Later, when we met with the mortician in their office, he said something like "you didn't tell me how much your husband weighed," in an accusatory tone. I was shocked, as that was the last thing on my mind. I wasn't thinking of the mechanics of them taking my husband away -- I was looking to them to help me figure out what I needed to do. And I could barely function. I wished that they had asked me how much he weighed -- that would have been helpful for all of us.
LeAnn Long agreed! It's not like this line of communication is generally talked about around the kitchen table! Sorry but that Mortician was rude! Probably a politician on the side!
Ouch. The funeral home where I’m at are always the most respectful to the families. That guy was just a prick. I’m very sorry about your husband.
not professional at all. with the planner, as i was alone at the time, i was politely asked my wife's size (80 lbs), and we kept going right through the forms without skipping a beat.
I'm a funeral director.
Whenever I speak to a family member whose loved one had recently died, I offer condolences, then get the basic information: Name, Date of Birth, Location, etc. I then say something along the lines of, "I apologize if this sounds inconsiderate, but approximately how much did your loved one weigh so I know how many people to send to bring him/her into our care?"
It saves the family some grief, it saves the backs of those removing the deceased from the place of death, and sets up information for me later to help the family move through their options (our crematory is very, very old and cannot handle anyone above ~300).
I apologize that the funeral director who handled your husband's passing put the blame on you. That was unprofessional and uncalled for. We're not all insensitive, I swear!!!
@@BNails Thanks for your comment. I would have appreciated that question in advance. Luckily, our funeral director was good in other ways, but somehow this one comment is still painful.
I am a fat person and I just want to say thank you. We are so often left out of important conversations that directly impact us and it makes me happy to see someone who cares to include us.
She is giving facts, so you can make an educated decision. She is not making fun of anyone. I weigh 429 lbs., and I appreciated the information! You go Caitlin!!
My fiancé died suddenly at home and was over 600lbs. I let them know she was on the heavier side because we’d already dealt with her having to wait for an ambulance with the correct equipment in the past so I kind of already knew the drill.
The crew that came with the heavier weight gurney was super respectful. When they noticed the nosey neighbors they flipped the mattress we had on the curb for bulk pick up day onto the fence to block the neighbors.
I spoke with the funeral director the same day she died and he delicately explained to me that the cremation cost would be higher due to her weight. No shame just treating a grieving family member with respect and the deceased as well.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am very glad to hear this, that you and she were treated respectfully.
I am glad you did not suffer more than the situation required. Hope you're well, Jeffery.
im sorry for your loss :(
Don't take this the wrong way, but I am very curious to know..... Why did you decide to marry someone who is 600 pounds?
Wait wait wait wait wait wait
I didn't know I could get straight up buried in a hole in the ground without a casket !! That's what I want!!! Become one with the planet c:
You can also opt to not be embalmed.
I was always told you had to own your own land and apply for a family cemetery.
Who knows?
That's what I want, too. Just bury me quietly in the earth that I came from.
I think some people get turned into fertilizer? Considered that
I'm sure the laws vary depending upon location.
In 2009 my grandfather was about 400 pounds. Big as a house. He was proud of it too lol. In 2020 he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He stopped eating (also bc his alzheimers) and he lost A LOT of weight. He was able to fit into a *smaller* metal casket. Love you Pop ❤️
Such an important subject today. As a retired nurse we need to talk about the special needs. No different from other needs. Thank you.
Kaitlyn, I want you to know how much you helped me when my husband died in a car accident 1/10/19.
I'd been watching your videos for a couple of years.
We never got around to make a will. However, we did talk about what we wanted.
So, my husband was cremated. Here's a redacted version of the conversation with the funeral director:
"You just HAVE yo have a good coffin"
Me "no, I don't"
FD well, you need to embalm him"
ME "no I dont"
FH "well, you need a fancy urn"
ME "we're scattering his cremains. No fancy urn needed"
I stuck to my guns. And I wasn't pushed into paying out the a$$.
You helped me tremendously.
Thanks again, Lora Weems
I get that that's how they make money, but a person has to be really heartless to try do this to people who are going through something like that. My condolences for your loss.
So sorry for your loss, Lora. Sending you love & support. Xoxo
Good one you! Im really so please for you. (In my experience) Some funeral directors can make feel abit uncomfortable about your chioce to spend less or refuse certain service, and it can be hard to be clear mind whilist filled grieve. So well done
So sorry for your tragedy but glad these videos had got you and your husband talking about things and even more glad you had the strength to stand up for yourself. No fancy casket, embalming or urn will ease your pain. Trust me. I’m a nurse. Xx
I’m very sorry. Great job for standing up for yourself though👍🏾
I asked my friend, "do you want to be buried or cremated when you die?",. Her reply- "I dunno, surprise me ..." 😂
My wife has made it clear to me that she doesn't want to be cremated. "Only God should decide whether I burn."
Queen Bee That was the last thing Bob Hope ever said to his wife.
I say make her into a firework
Yeet her corpse into alligator swamps in Florida. Got ya
@@DinsdalePiranha67 would be tragic if the cause of death was fire
Caitlin you make listening to anything death so easy on the ears and heart. I would recommend anyone unfortunately dealing with a death to watch your videos to make the process a little easier. You are a gem and I love your videos, keep up the wonderful work.
Thank you for being such a good person. You humanize everyone, fat people, "human oddities," etc. and I really appreciate that. Not only do you allow space for respect in death, but you also make death seem kind of comforting when done correctly.
My dad was actually late to his own funeral because they had to change the casket they put him in because it wouldnt close up
VampiraPericulosa omg
VampiraPericulosa I'm so sorry, but that also made me giggle on a rather shit day I'm having. Tell your dad thank you for me ❤️
@@DarkAngel71180 don't be. My fathers funeral was hilarious. In soo many ways. Nobody paid attention of the religion of the funeral home. I thought you could just ask for the cross to be removes and another religious symbol could be hang up, a star of david for example. So i went and asked for that while waiting for my dad to arrive, they said they don't have any other symbols but we could cover it up.
The whole room was decorated with different figurines that meant something to him or our family, he once made a frog lile figure out of paper and wires, it was called Rosita after my moms mother, she actually asked me why it was there.
My mom, my siblings, his best friends and I where cracking up the whole day. He would have loved it.
Fashionably late to his own party. Nothing wrong with that
My uncle was to; a number of years ago....but it was because he MISSED HIS FLIGHT...(TRUE STORY)...died in TX--family funeral in MS...
All I ask, as a person that works in EMS, is please be honest about your weight when you call 911. Seriously. If we can't lift you, that is extra time waiting for the fire department or police to come help us that you aren't getting essential care only a hospital can render. If you live on the 4th floor of an apartment building with out an elevator and weigh 300lbs LET US KNOW! We aren't mind readers and it isn't like we won't show up because you're heavy. In fact, you will get there faster as we show up with the equipment and manpower that we need.
I think there's a huge denial.
Think alcoholism and drug addicts.
They really need to be asked specific questions so you MIGHT get the truth. All addicts lie. :).
Palmetto NDN man hadn’t considered all of that.
I went through that when I broke my foot. We had to call an ambulance and we were very clear that I was fat. They sent the two skinniest guys they had, who ended up standing around watching me cry in humiliation when they had to call backup.
Winds of March Journey/Perry tribute band thanks Dr House
Ive heard of EMS's getting seriously injured transporting overweight people because of being ill equipped. So people please be forthcoming with this information.
When my husband became ill, he wanted to donate his body to science. He loved and trusted science, and he was fat his whole life. He was 350 pounds when he died. He had diabetes and struggled to maintain a ‘healthy’ weight in spite of being active, eating all of the right things, and keeping his HBA1c at normal levels. He never had high cholesterol. He was, the most compliant patient and his doctors were always amazed that he couldn’t lose the weight. He did everything right.
So, he contacted some researchers studying diabetes and/or obesity. They all told him the same thing. That he weighed too much to be in their cadaveric research programs. Unbelievable. Even in death, the morbidly obese get no respect.
His next choice was to be left in a lake to be fish food, as he called it. That was flat out illegal, for obvious reasons.
So then he chose cremation. Our local crematory in Wisconsin had no issue with his weight. They treated him and the process with respect.
A natural burial would have appealed to him, but I don’t recall even hearing about that at the time.
It’s so important to know all of the options and then discuss it and then, get it in writing.
I’m genuinely curious if it was disrespect that he couldn’t donate his body or if there was an actual reason as to why they don’t accept bodies over 350lbs. Did they elaborate?
I'm really sorry about your husband passing.x
medical colleges that take cadavers have very strict guidelines for who they take. if the person is overweight, underweight, had a long term disease, had trauma, if there’s too much discoloration / bruising, jaundice, edema, or even if a person had a lot of surgeries they won’t be taken. they want the cadavers in almost perfect condition for the medical students to study.
I appreciate this video beyond words. My moms twin was 1000 lbs, including the casket, when she was laid to rest back in 2009. We had an open casket at first but inevitably had to close it for reasons I'm sure you can assume. I had always wondered how morticians care for and handle a person of that size. To know that she received the same compassion really warmed my heart. I have so much respect for your line of work. You truly deserve all the recognition for your passion tin fulfilling this role.
Sending you love and light, friend 🤍
I want my fat rendered and made into decorative soaps, then displayed by my surviving family in a basket made from some of my bones.
if i were your cousin i would display you in the guest bathroom so my visitors could pay their respects
They can tell guests it’s a Halloween decoration that they just never pack up :’)
It's a thought.💜
...okay...
Scented candles would be nice too!
A natural islamic burial is what Im hoping for, no casket, no embalming liquids, just wrapped in cloth and placed in the earth for my body to fertilise the plants and flowers around me. Not costly and good for the environment.
Same here, and I'm a Christian lady! I hate the disrespect to the body...
No. Wrap in cloth and ever so gently put me in the ground. It's just a shell that I will never occupy again. It isn't sacred, it's *dead.* Let it go if you really love me...
And bless you. 💝
“From my rotting body, flowers will grow, and I will be in them, and that is eternity” I don’t want to be embalmed, either. I think the idea of a green burial is gorgeous, but I do want a headstone so my relatives and loved ones can come visit.
@@AreYouSufferingX I would be okay with a tree...🤔🌳
Aisha Al Mahri that’s how my father was buried!
Same, and I'm an Atheist.
This happened years ago, a girl was stabbed, she ended up bleeding out because she couldn’t fit in the ambulance, she weighed over 600 lbs. When they put her in her casket, she fell through, her parents had to buy a steel lined bottom so she wouldn’t fall through again. Thank goodness no one in her family saw her fall
Omg so sad😢, i feel bad for the parents, their kid dies and they had to buy two caskets in order to be able to put her to rest.
The talk of my neighborhood growing up was the windows removal from a bungalow for an obese lawyer. His obesity was never a joke to us. His "backstreet mistress" secret was all over the city and the story followed him in the newspapers to the size of his coffin and the fact it was almost dropped.
When I die I want everyone I have ever done a group project with to carry my coffin. So they can let me down one last time.
little pot of paint Ok, that there’s funny! As someone who always was left doing all the work back in school on those dang group projects, I can relate! 🤣
😂😂 I’d like them to carry it so they can see what it’s like to do all the work
Wow, how original! As if that tweet didn't go viral a long, long time ago.
msleighfawnduh you okay hun? You know it's just a joke x
HAH
My pops had the best burial. His middle finger was up. ( He was very paranoid towards the end) he wanted it up in case his body was dug up later in life, they'd know how he felt about them and what they were doing. Lol
Hahahahaha love it
Anthony ?
Haha that is the best! My dad always said he wanted to be buried on his stomach so everyone can kiss his ass. Before everyone showed up for the visitation we the family of course got there early and the director knowing us had my dad positioned on his stomach to give us a good laugh and then they faced him up before people showed up. It helped lighten the mood a lot
Absolutely brilliant humor! ❤
Later in life?? He's dead he's not gonna have anymore later in life
My uncle passed away in 2004. He was 50 years old, had no documentation of any sort for Final Disposition, and he was 875 lbs. The only option at the time was cremation and the urn had to be custom made by his own father because NO ONE at the time had facilities or options for such.
The entire debacle was a nightmare and Papa sold off all of his woodworking equipment afterwards. He never touched another tool for eight years until his own death. Granny just dissolved into dementia.
I wish we had known about this back then. I wish you could have helped us then.
Thank you Caitlin for talking about this very real issue. I am a pastor at a local church in my community where we are very blessed to have three or four very good family owned funeral homes. They are very good at ministering to the grieving families in our community, having some more knowledge about this issue is very helpful to help families work through what the best option for them. To take care of their past away love one. Thanks again for taking the time to help educate your subs about death and the process that surrounds it.
when I was five I went to a funeral and went back in the room where they had display caskets and I took a nap in one...my mom literally fainted
I thought you said she farted
Haha
Shayla Nicole 😂😂😂😂😂
And we see Dracula's descendant
I can’t blame you, some of them look more comfortable than my own bed!
Since Caitlin is reading comments to make sure they're respectful; Please let me thank you again for the extremely valuable information you impart in these videos. The recent unexpected death of my oldest daughter left me untethered, but I was well prepared for my meeting with the funeral home, thanks to you. This is an invaluable service, provided with a soothing voice, and a great sense of humor. Blessings to you, Caitlin.
Lucy Cannon so sorry for your loss, may she rest peacefully. ♡
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Lucy. I wish I had known Caitlin in 2015 when I lost my dad.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain of burying your child.
I would like to echo those sentiments. Caitlin is a charming gem.
Sending you loving vibrations Lucy.
Just a week after I got my job at my local funeral home, my second removal call was to pick up a 400-lb. man in the floor of his house. That was difficult. We treated him with the utmost respect (within reason, of course - myself and my colleague couldn’t risk severely hurting ourselves trying to get the man out of an atrocious hoarder house), but we managed. It was certainly a challenge, but we did it with dignity.
Man I love this channel. I honestly believe it’s made me more empathetic and thoughtful
Love how caskets have sizes, I'll have a medium with sprinkle
There are companies who will do that.
Make mine a Venti, with extra foam! XD
Oo, and lower me down in using a fork lift too.
@@MarkLoves2Fly you must be rich! 20 caskets! Bro!
I'll have mine with lots of glitter on it thanks.
Hi! This isn't necessarily about the video, but I just need to say it.
My mommy (I'm 14 and still say mommy. childish, I know... But it makes me feel better) died only 16 days ago, and your videos have helped me feel a lot better about the way her body had been taken care of and her passing.
It still hurts, of course, but your videos have helped me so much.
My mindset was terrible when my grandfather died a few years ago. I refused to leave my room, eat, and do normal human things.
Since watching your videos, I have been able to deal with death better for myself.
When my mother died, I went to my grandparents and stayed with them, I stayed with family friends, I left my room, and I actually kept eating meals.
I stayed out of the kitchen for 2 weeks, since that was where I watched her die and was the only one staying with her until the ambulance got there, the kitchen scared me, but 2 days ago I got the courage.
Anyway, I know that this is long and probably annoying, but I just needed to get this out.
To anyone who reads this, have a good day! ✨
Alex Rae Bless you and I am so sorry for your loss at such a young age. My prayers are with you!
I am so sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss and that you had to go through that alone. You can always look into online communities for panic, anxiety, and depression if you’re afraid your going to that dark place again. And you can always call a children’s help line where you are to get directed to programs to help you if you need it.
You’re not alone. I felt this way when my father passed when I was seven. *hugs*
Oh Sweetie. You've lost your mom. It's ok to talk about it. Reach out, if you're comfortable, to people who will listen and love on you.
It's hard, but take care of yourself. If you have close friends (or family, if they're not reeling with their loss as well), they will hopefully be there for you for a shoulder or sounding board.
Most people probably don't know what to say, so they don't say anything at all, but I'm sure that if you reach out and express your needs to your friends, they'll love you so much and help you through your grief.
Much love to you and your family during this time of transition and grief.
I'm so sorry for your loss. ♥️
I've literally been watching your channel for over a week Caitlin . I love the stories you share, and the knowledge you have on the subjects. It inspires me to be a mortician. Thank you!!!!
My aunt was morbidly obese upon death. The funeral director was very gracious when offering options for her casket. We had a sense of humor about it and put her at ease that she could talk to us directly about the challenges that her weight posed. In the end we were able to get her a beautiful casket and she looked very beautiful on the day of her funeral.
It’s interesting that you’ve touched on this subject. I’m a Firefighter and I’ve assisted in extrication of large deceased individuals. Let me start by saying some of the options to remove a person are limiting. One deceased individual live by himself in a camper behind a truck stop where he worked as a mechanic, this individual passed we think on a Friday Night and we alerted to no answer on phone or door Tuesday Morning. I think it was July or August, he was approximately 6’ tall about easily 350-375lbs. This next part is tough to say, if we were to lift he would have come apart on us. It’s at points like this we have to view him briefly as an object into getting creative on extrication. There were about 12 of us there and we decided to cut through the outer wall. We essentially cut an entire wall off this camper at his mattress level then slid mattress to ambulance cot, covered him respectively and moved him to the ambulance. We were there dealing with sights and smells which was tough but we never lost sight that this was a man. Your body no matter how large will still be given the dignity it so rightly deserves.
Thank you for your compassion for this man. I know "it's your job", but you described this experience with respect and grace.
Thank you.
Lorne Holtzclaw my hat is off to you.
Lorne Holtzclaw thank you so much, I know it's your job but others wouldn't be so compassionate
Appreciate you. My boyfriend just recently graduated the fire academy and is currently in EMT school. Not a lot of people seem to realize that firefighters do much, much more than run into burning buildings. Thank you for your service.
My grandma was morbidly obese. She died when I was 15. My mom's side of the family had lots of grandkids...farming family. My mom and her siblings were concerned about how many pallbearers it would take. Since the boys were outnumbered by girls, the boys clearly needed help. Rather than drawing straws or arguing over which of us girls would help out doing something that only boys have done in our family, we all instinctively lined up around the casket and grabbed the handles knowing we had more than enough people to do the job. This became our tradition. We all carried my grandpa's casket and my great uncle's casket, without batting an eye. It turned into a collectively loving gesture that never would have happened if my grandma wasn't overweight. I am honored to have carried her to her final resting place.
This touched my heart
That was really nice.
ErynRenee That is a beautiful new tradition that you all created! Nice! 😁❤
ErynRenee That touched my heart deeply. It sounds like y’all have an amazing family full of strong willed females and that’s beautiful.
ErynRenee I am fighting back tears reading this.
I'm glad that funerary options are being made more accessible to fat or very large people, but one isn't and it's the most mind-numbingly baffling thing: when my parents were planning their deaths about six years back, we found out that most medical schools *have a weight limit* for the body being donated. My dad doesn't even weigh that much (6'4" and 320 pounds) and he was unable to donate his body to the medical college at the university everyone in his family went to because 320 was *too fat.*
It's little wonder the medical field has no idea what to do with fat patients when they're actively prevented from learning from fat bodies!
I so appreciate your direct and respectful discussion of this topic, it's so insightful and refreshing!
I work in a funeral transport service, picking up for different funeral homes in my state, and a few surrounding. I would like to say we treat every body with the upmost respect regardless of weight or any other factors. I feel like the business gets a bad rap of the occasional video you see of two people dropping someone but we really do try our hardest to be very respectful, which can be very hard sometimes because one call is the worst decomp you’ve seen in your entire life, and the next call is this super crabby family it’s hard sometimes. I have no idea where I’m going with this at this point so if your still reading your awesome!!
Transport drivers have some of the hardest jobs in the industry. I so appreciate what you do.
Bob Morris thank you. Good to hear this
Bob Morris. What does that job entail? Do you have to have a special license or a cdl . I am looking for a driving job which am driving a enormous box truck now would be awesome if I could get into a local funeral home
thomas g it’s honestly a pretty private business and I found out about it through word of mouth and it’s honestly only a summer job for me but I know you don’t need a CDL (at least in my state) but your not really going to get in through one funeral home, I’m sure you could try anyway, but at least for me I have an really inconspicuous office building that we go to and drive all over the state ( and sometimes out of state) and some pickups you do are super nice families and super easy and other times you go in at 4am to some seriously scary areas and pick up some of the worst things I have ever seen but honeslty I like the job.
You're doing something that makes a difference. Thanks for talking about it, it's much appreciated!
We had to pay extra for my Grandads casket as he was very tall but not overly fat. He requested we play “another one bites the dust” at his funeral last year which we did! We didn’t warn anybody outside the family so he had one last laugh at the shock on his Army friends’ faces 🤭
Lol I love the humor
That’s just cool.
He technically could have fitted in a regular casket... after the action of a saw.
Your grandad seemed like a pretty fun person, reading about wanting that song to be played. hahaha
@@Poodleinacan yeah haha well my grandma told them to just break his feet but they physically couldn’t if they wanted to bc of rigour mortis apparently 🙈
@@chloejade1642 they weren't creative enough lol
I first watched this video a few years back and this video (and others) helped prepare me and set my expectations for when I was arranging a cremation. This work is so important. These videos are a resource I'm grateful for. Thank you
I think an obese patient was the only time I ever went beyond my scope of practice, and recommended a special treatment. I’d had gastric bypass, and I was looking at a young man, 26, same as me. He far outweighed my highest weight, and I knew the longer he waited, the less likely he’d live to 27!
I looked into his beautiful eyes, and into his momma’s horrified eyes, and told them to look into bariatric surgery. I wish I knew if he did, or if he lived much longer. No 26 year old should have all of his comorbidities. I went home that evening and cried.
My ex husband’s step grandfather had a brother who was literally taken via EMS to the livestock market to check his weight! How humiliating! That was in the 90’s. I’m glad they finally decided to create, and utilize, bariatric scales and bed scales.
I am terrified of death, even though I delivered my son “sleeping”, I still haven’t been able to deal with it, you are very helpful with this fear, you are a wonderful person.
Stephanie Merrow-Steward- If you don't mind my asking, what is it about death in particular that scares you so much? Is it just the fear of the unknown? I know that the fear of our own mortality is probably the most common of all fears/phobias, but I struggle to fully comprehend it nevertheless. You see, I have always been a profoundly unhappy person. I just recently turned 38, and rarely does a day go by that I do not wish that I were dead. I suffer from severe, increasingly debilitating chronic pain. I have also struggled with ongoing depression and anxiety my entire life. Or atleast for as far back as I can remember anyway. So I see death as a beautiful thing. For me, my body and my mind have become a prison from which death is my only escape. The fact is that life is full of uncertainties. Nobody really knows what the future holds for them. And even if life is great for them now, that could change in literally a split second. Therefore it is only in death that we can ever find true peace. So it only stands to reason then, that it is life and NOT death that people should really fear the most. Right? My greatest fear is endlessness. If I allow nature to take its course, then chances are that I will most likely die a slow and agonizing death. Now THAT is what strikes terror in my heart. Not death.
It is always very sad to attend the birth of a sleeping babe, sometimes the parents are prepared , sometimes they are not... as a nurse it was something that I must say you are never really prepared for because even parents who were informed of the impending event are consumed with grief ...and it’s very hard on the staff to carry on the necessary job to be done for the mother...while holding it together... I am so sorry you had to experience this kind of event... there is nothing I can say to you, to make it feel better....my heart and my prayers are with you.
I’m sorry you feel afraid.
Believe and in Jesus and accept him as your lord and savior and youll have everlasting life. John3:16.. 🖤♾
Dr. Büni you have no idea how much I relate you oh my gosh I had no idea I thought I was the only one who when I die wanted to just become a nothing like sleeping and never waking up. But it sucks because sadly I feel like there is something after we die..):
My Papa always worried he would have to be buried in a piano box. Luckily, he found a very nice funeral home with a crematory that could accommodate his size. He’s in an urn that looks like a stack of books now. His wife likes to move it around the library so the grandkids can play “Where’s Papa?” when they come visit.
"where's papa" !!!that's adorable!!
Oh my god goals
That's awesome!
I have my mom in a biodegradable urn (really a cardboard box with pretty handmade paper) and eventually will get her buried. Initial plan was to bury her in Wisconsin with her parents, but it's been 5 1/2 years and I haven't left for Wisconsin yet. So we may have to find a plot here.
Awwwwww. A lil awkward but I like it.
Caitlin your videos are amazing even the ones made years ago are still great quality, witty and packed with helpful information and compassion. Thank you for all you do!
You handled this beautifully. Very upfront and respectful. Thank you for giving us this information in such a thoughtful way
I don’t get why people get angry about the extra cost. It’s requires more materials, and time and that should be reflected in the cost.
Well you have to remember most ppl who are overweight are poor. You don't get fat by making bank. You get fat by working 40 hours just to barely make the due date on your bills; and deciding on your way home that McDonald's is the cheaper, less taxing dinner.
The problem comes when you combine a grieving family who is barely scrapping by with something as unavoidable and expensive as a funeral.
And while wanting to be paid extra for the extra work you put in is totally fair. You're still asking for more money from a family that probably doesn't have it, for a service that they can't really refuse.
And that is the tricky part.
KonMakko wh- not all poor people are fat nd not all fat people are poor? That was the most irrelevant comment I’ve ever seen...
jadecoolness101 ... he said "most" though "many" probably would have been more appropriate. He very clearly did not say "all".
Edit to add that I do not agree with KonMakko's comment..just saying that he obviously did not say "all poor people are fat" which makes your comment hilariously ironic.
I'd like to think that fat people would be angry because they think the increased cost is discrimination, rather than a higher cost needed for resources.
Wow u completely skewed and disregarded my whole comment without putting any effort into actually understanding the conversation.
Not once did I say all fat ppl are poor. Nor did I say that was the only issue. But unless you completely disregard facts and cross referencing information then the fact remains that is the main problem.
Obesity is much more prevalent in the lower class. This is fact.(Therefor it's a fairly safe assumption that, on average, if you have an obese corpse there is a good chance you are working with a lower income family.) Funerals are very expensive, and they charge more for bigger bodies.
So if you are charging more for bigger bodies then a large percentage of the time you will be charging a poorer family more for a funeral. That is based on pure mathematics and there is no getting around it. And it causes grievance for many families who are already struggling.
Yes not every fat person is poor. But in such a broad topic you have the cover the general spectrum. Not a few odd cases. So congrats to those ppl who are overweight but don't have to worry about this because they are financially set. But that still doesn't make this less of an issue for the majority of obese ppl that do have to deal with this problem.
Will you do a video about prison cemetery’s what happens to the bodies in prison cemetery’s that are closed. Also I love your videos. I have listened to both of your books! Fantastic. Please keep writing more books
Whoa, yeah, that's SUPER interesting. There's the documentary about inmates caring for other inmates as they're dying, but what's up with what happens after? Like, I don't even know if your family gets you back or what.
K. Moore Semper Fi Heyyyyy! Great question!!!!
Jenny Trout The movie Life (starring Eddie Murphy) addressed this in a humorous yet understanding way. WATCH IT!!
I can speak to this somewhat. I have been responsible for burying inmates in the prison cemetery for several years. The way it works here is that if the family claims the body, they make private arrangements in any manner they wish. If the family does not claim the body, then we have the body cremated and we bury it on site. We do have a funeral service performed by either one of the prison chaplains or the warden does it himself. Very rarely do family actually attend these, but several have since I've been doing it.
i believe if there is no family to take over arrangements they are buried in the prison cemetery by other inmates...? w a plain marker or cross maybe nothing fancy
When my husband passed away between the funeral home, casket, flowers, minister, and funeral lunch it cost $18,000 and that was not the most expensive funeral by a long shot. So for the last 10years I’ve been telling my children and grandchildren to just cremate me. But rules vary from state to state and in my state in order for my ashes to be placed by my husband there has to be a cement vault put in the ground! This just ridiculous! Time for us all to get back to all “natural burials”.
I'm being recommended all these older videos and I'd forgotten how iconic that intro is! I miss it lol
I had to help my daughter set up the funeral arrangements for my ex wife. She weighed 395 pounds and an extra $100 was added to the cremation cost. After her cremation, her ashes were placed in a beautiful wooden container. My daughter wanted to keep her mother’s ashes in her home with her. A fitting ending to our marriage, I carried her over the threshold when we got married and I carried her back over the threshold into the home she lived in with our daughter. If you’re wondering, I estimate the container weighed between 10 to 15 pounds. Today, 2/26/2021, we would have been married for 55 years had we stayed married.
How old was she when she died?
Just curious. Do you call your wife an ex wife because death separated you? Because I don’t think, ex wife would be the right term for that. Or have you been divorced before?
@@adrianneumann7703 I was already divorced from her and she had remarried but was separated from her abusive new husband. I was still in love with her but kept my distance as long as her new husband was involved. She never divorced him so I became involved again because of our daughter and planned her entire funeral.
@@robertmiller3810 you sound such a gentleman the way you speak of your lady love. Lovely to still see in this day and age.
@@mbutt6138 Thank you, my daddy was killed in a coal mining accident when I was only 7yo. So my mother had to raise 3 young children on her own at just 30yo. She did all she could to bring us up with love, hugs, kisses and the understanding life wasn’t just given to you, you had to earn the respect of others. It’s been a rough life for me including physically, emotionally and mentally but the love my mother instilled in me still exist, the love of nature and of every human on this planet. Sadly, there’s not enough of people like me because we’re destroying this world, one unkind deed at a time.
Does anyone else watch how her bangs move when her eyebrows move
Lol now I can't unsee that
No. ... but now I do.
Well, I do nowA
Yes! It’s so cute!
Jesus Cobain
I noticed that right away
Love this!! Love your thoughtfulness, honesty, and support!! I appreciate you and your team so much!!
This was something that I had to address during my mothers funeral process. The night before I had to make a decison on taking her off life support. The pain medication was wearing off and she started to fight the nurses, and she even hit me. I said mommie and grabbed her hand and said mommie they will take you off the machines tomorrow morning. She immediately calmed down, and that was the sign that I knew I had to make the most difficult decision of my life. Throughout the night it took 6 people to change and turn her over. My mother was a retired RN and died in the hospital system she gave her service to. It was then I realized what my mom meant. There are things worse than death. I knew my mother would not want to live on machines because that is not living. I stood by her side until she passed on.
imagine doing a natural funeral (aka out in the woods) and instead of letting future relatives know where you're buried they get given a map and have to go on a treasure hunt to find you. the prize is my undying love and affection.
Yeah like I don’t need a casket just bury me as I am. It is what it is
Natural burials are still in “cemeteries”. They’re just specifically natural burial grounds. Burying a human body out in the middle of nowhere is illegal because of zoning laws.
I wanna do something like this. 39 clue shit style.
The will is in the grave, and the one who finds it, gets the inheritance.
Here's what we're going to do. My bones shall be scattered all across the globe. You job, friends and family, is to find and reassemble my body to be put on display somewhere i dunno. Whoever finds the most bones wins my car.
I want to be planted under a flower bed. The idea that flowers or plants would grow out of my heart makes me happy. No chemicals or caskets please, just me and the Earth. Thank you.
Look into the regulations where you live, and make preparations now.
My beloved fiancé died suddenly. He was very heavy although he was making excellent progress with Weight Watchers. The family first had trouble obtaining a casket for his viewing. Then he had to be cremated because the casket wouldn’t fit into the sleeve required in New York. I am sad to this day that he could not have the send off he would have wanted.
My mother had an oversized coffin, and at the gravesight the coffin wasn't going to fit, so we had to wait while they dug the hole to make it larger. Her cousin said "the last indignity."
I would hope that any person, large or small would be treated with respect.
Peter Carlson chief, foot
Pete Carlson- Regularly? I think you overestimate the frequency with which this happens. I would venture to say that a vast majority of firefighters have never even once had to remove someone from a building that way.
Peter Carlson I think you're being a bit dramatic and crude. I've got a family full of firefighters and not one of them have been involved in such a thing
Charlotte Whitmarsh sadly not the case. I overheard the mortician mocking my dead grandmother as he and his assistant arranged her body for viewing. I came early and wasn’t supposed to be there yet. It was awful.
Peter Carlson so because someone lived a life you disapprove of you feel entitled to deny them a basic level of respect even after death. One more round of mockery just to make SURE everybody knows how horrible they were for existing. What a lovely person you are.
As a fat person, thank you for this video, and thank you for immediately stating that you're going to moderate the comments as well. It may seems like small (okay, modding UA-cam comments isn't a small feat, but you get what I mean) but it was really assuring to hear that. I'm actually really relieved that the complications and other issues such as cost are a lot less severe than I thought.
And this is not really related to the video, but I have a personal death-positive story that I would like to share with you. About a month ago, one of my uncles past away. He was a big DIY-er and the family joked that, had he been able to, he would have made his own coffin. So, that is exactly what my other uncles did; they built him his coffin. A lot of family members also wrote a final message to him on the coffin itself, before my other uncles brought it to the funeral home. My extended family also doesn't even know about the death positive movement and such, so it really was just them who went up to the funeral home to ask if it was an option. The funeral home was very helpful and accomodating and the funeral director even remarked what a fitting final gift it was during the service.
You are fantastic. I appreciate your humor, candor and education. Thanks so much.
Thank you so much for doing this video. It’s important because of the emotional issues and embarrassment that comes along with this issue, and it’s important to acknowledge it with compassion and care.