Robert Webb on How Not To Be A Boy
Вставка
- Опубліковано 3 сер 2024
- 'I had an imaginary gang of friends called the 'Guy Buys' and we used to go around fighting crime. I didn't want to play with the real boys because they scared me arse-less.'
Robert Webb's memoir, How Not To Be A Boy, is a brilliant and hilarious explosion of the myths surrounding masculinity and gender, based on his own childhood. In this exclusive video he takes us through act one of the story.
Find out more here: bit.ly/2vEk7Zl - Розваги
looks like jez is cashing in on his lifecoaching degree
This is the mature, eloquent way to talk about the very real issues surrounding masculinity, without undermining women or anybody else.
Catherine O Well it does completely shit on the face of anyone who even remotely believes in masculinity, I would argue that it does "undermine" the majority of males
Joseph Dugdale
;
It actually doesn't undermine masculinity. The only thing it undermines is *Toxic Masculinity.* It's different from healthy masculinity, and I urge you to look it up.
Catherine would you describe yourself as an attractive woman with enough male attention to make your female friends envious ?
Or are you a "cuddly bubbly" BBW ? :)
Joseph, I note that the acronym for "Catherine O Well" is COW :)
@@JanetStarChild toxic masculinity is an ill-defined phrase that came out of a 1989 paper. The way it is used now is so sexist and prejudiced that nobody with half a brain or any moral decency would use it or advocate its use.
He is the sweetest of men.
"Sweet" = does not care about men's lack of legal rights relative to women, or men's lower standards of living relative to women.... and instead prioritises women over men, and aligns his masculine identity according to how he thinks women want men to be (he for she)..... so basically "sweet" = male feminist.
+theawecabinet Sounds like you didn't read the book.
Robert Webb is not a real man ... he's barely a manlette ;)
there are however, some real issues with male feminists inability to attract women and becoming sexually frustrated enough to indulge in a bit of rape ...
@@freezatron everything okay at home bud? You seem to be projecting some serious hate there mate
@@lilstarfish ... "You seem to be projecting some serious hate there mate" .. haha ... lame ! :D
My oh my, you do seem to have a gift for the absurdly hyperbolic and an incredibly low bar on you hyper sensitivity meter ;)
There happens to be some truth to what I said but then stating facts these days is regarded as hate speech, at least to the ideologically entrenched anyway.
Seems more likely it is you doing the projection, perhaps to cover up for short comings of your own maybe ? ..
Are you a male feminist who gets rapey thoughts you don't want to admit to ?
Just finished reading, loved it. As a woman I don't know firsthand what it is like being in a man's shoes but understand that they have to endure the Trick's influence in society as much as women are and feminists have been campaigning against. Thank you Robert Webb for this book
By accident,I caught this on radio 4 extra.......it was riveting.......even the dog had to wait to go out ! This is now on my Christmas list for my 3 teenage grandsons.Funny,poignant and enlightening.....if you can get boys to read a book these days.......it really does hit feelings/thoughts/emotions......that we all felt at some time as we grew up. Congratulations Robert, it’s excellent.
This sort of reminds me of "Lord Of The Flies" which is all about boys and their behavior, and I guess most do fit the stereotype of "the real boy", but some just don't. I guess that's maybe what Webb is trying to convey.
For instance:
My younger brother is a huge guy, looks quite intimidating and he comes across as a "real man". But he is a real sweetheart, gentle and shy... if you don't agitate him to bits that is.
As a child he loved playing with cars, climbing trees and pretend shooting things. But he was also quiet (maybe because our sister is the loudest human you'll ever meet) and he played just as well with dolls and "girly" things. Just as much as I (being a girl) loved to climb trees, play with cars and helping my father stack woodpiles. My brother often went to our mum just because he needed a hug. He could sit in a corner reading books for hours, sucking his thumb, only coming out for some food or another hug.
; )
HolandaChiquita
;
Your brother sounds like a very sweet and decent human being. It's comforting to know that men like your brother and Robert Webb exist.
No, he literally says that gender is made-up. I think you're projecting here, but I agree with your attitude. Masculinity does exist, but is on a spectrum and doesn't apply to all men. Boys in general will like rough play and grow up to be less risk averse than women, but you shouldn't inflict the general trend on the individual. It's like the Galton board. You can't predict where each ball will end up, but you can predict the general distribution of the balls as a group.
I love you Jezz.
Sounds great, just ordered it on audible :)
I've wanted this book ever since I first heard about it on a podcast with Robert as a guest, way before quarantine, but then I tried to just let it go 'cause it'll be expensive to get it shipped to Brazil especially now... Anyway, needless to say here I am almost an year later still thinking of it. Guess I'll get the damn thing.
I knew I loved him!
Wow, lots of haters in this comment section. Super important stuff you're talking about here Rob. I'd be very interested to read this book. -a long time fan.
yeah ..... anyone with an opposing opinion is a "hater" .....
I'm glad I haven't succumbed to such simplistic thinking ;)
Does that make me a hater too ?
I'm loving this already and I've only just started
What an absolute legend. I can identify with a lot of what he says, although I suspect I suffered less, since for whatever reason I was perfectly happy from a very early age to not give a shit about any supposed gender norms.
Reading this at the moment and enjoying it.
I think the issue is not that gender doesn’t exist, but that not everyone fits the rigid definition of the supposition of each gender (based on stereotypes (which have their basis in facts))
Alex Gadd pretty damn accurate I say
I think he does indeed mean that, but he should be a little more precise on that, because there are actual people that believe you can be whatever you want and actual gender doesn't mean anything/doesn't actually exist...
HolandaChiquita it’s hard to know really, I’m just taking him at face value though
Yes indeed. One would have to read the book before actually making a opinion... But then, that's just my opinion.
My take on his comment in the video is "Gender as it is traditionally described to us is made up. Whether or not it does in fact exist is a complex and personal issue, one which would probably mirror the complexity and personal nature of say a search for religion. Also sharing that complexity is, if you do think gender exists in it's entirety, where you fit within it. Are you strictly bound to those original two boxes? Do you float? How much do you relate to the traditional ideals of such concepts?
Basically, and much to many people's distaste (especially those who are far, faaaar more conservative than I, some of whom you can find on this particular website), this is a far more complex issue and where you sit on it can't be found in a video or in the pages of a PUA dating book, but through a tough and long journey. You can only do that when you decide to break the boundaries of your comfort zone"
Excellent! So glad to see a man saying it...finally!
mysticpluck8 You ignorant fuck! Haven't you listened? "man" infers gender and as we just witnessed gender is completely fake. Don't preach equality if you don't follow your own rules.
Yes. Consume each other you leftist fucks. All the way down the spiraling staircase. Beta, subs and cucks. Its glorious.
chaosincarna joseph is pretty clearly joking m8?
Refreshing stuff
600th like
Robert is a brilliant person.
I think some of those things are just a natural part of masculinity, and I don't think it's all bad or all good, but you just gotta find a balance with it.. which would be determined by who you are - genetic blueprint etc.
Yeah I agree it's not the situations that make you who you are it's the way you react to them
Just bring children up to be good people, stop trying to engineer them, full stop.
this book is such an inspiration
So excited to read this!
brilliant.
Just purchased this :) Its about time male stereotypes are crushed!!
Thank you
I liked it when he showed his willy on the telly.
Well, this book has piqued my interest. In fact, I've already managed to find something to get bothered about!
The chapter titled "Men Understand Women" bothers me, because I've always been under the impression that popular culture operates on an underlying assumption that men DON'T understand women. Like, men not understanding women is 69% of every romantic comedy ever. Comedic misunderstandings about women's needs, or men rambling on about the mysteries of women, are much more memorable.
Hollywood has a lot to answer with regard to the idea of masculinity.
No it doesn't it will shit on it as long as it sells
What a king
its not to say that the traditional type of masculinity doesnt have value though. I recently read the book Iron John by Robert Bly absolutely fascinating book i highly recommend it. It covers many different things and really looks deep into the male mind. It's the sort of book which would have been helpful to Webbs father and Webb himself. It doesnt try and deconstruct and criticise trad masculinity (not crying, being brave, ) but trys to acknowledge its value and how both positive effects and negative effects may come out of it. If Webb feels like the these "stereotypes" (archetypes) are damaging and should be done away with and forgotten then hes naive to what it is to be human let alone a man. gender stereotypes exist for an evolutionary reproductive strategic reason. Its not to say we dont need to examine masculinity, things which we need to understand and tame and even discourage, but we shouldn't just blow every shred of meaning humans use to define their world out the water and say its generally bad because I had a bad experience in my young life .
I should not have watched this video in public.
Lad
Well I guess he knows something about that by the looks of him
I've never known a man who thought you shouldn't cry. There's a list somewhere of "things it's okay for men to cry about". you can agree with it or not but most men would agree crying is emotionally healthy. the idea that men in general want to suppress each others emotions is feminist propaganda. in fact I've come across more women who discourage men from expressing emotion (when it's inconvenient to them at least)
Yes because they see man that cry as weak which is kind of ironic and moronic
Thanks for saying this. I've been given crap before by former girlfriends, etc. for not crying very much. I swear it's not because I have the idea in my head that men don't cry-- I don't. But this idea has made me feel like I'm less of a person over the years, like I'm some heartless monster. But the fact is, I'm just not prone to crying. I certainly feel the emotions, but I just don't cry. I wonder how many men have developed complexes over feminists telling them they need to cry more like I did?
@@Ryan-is-me Being emotional in life is strictly optional
Masculinity is something you should feel free to participate in, but you should also feel free not to participate in
Hahahah
"These generalizations didn't apply to me therefore they aren't real"
Nice logic Rob, that's called an anecdotal observation.
Can you elaborate on that
This is exactly what they want you to say. You are not challenging anything and your victimhood is standardized.
You lost me at "I think gender is made up". In what way is gender made up?
He's talking about gender norms and expectations
It is now
It's a social construct. It's something we made up.
@@itcouldbelupus2842 That's what I'm asking about. You can't just say it again and expect me to know what you mean
@@Ryan-is-me Sorry, I misunderstood your comment as a refutation rather than a question.
A social construct is something like money for example, money is just something we made up because it serves a use to us, gender is similar. It's a way to define and organize ourselves, it's a tool to help us understand and communicate with each other. But they aren't fixed characteristics, our concept of gender and gender roles changes depending on the time period and culture we exist in.
That probably doesn't fully explain it but it's quite a complicated and nuanced topic, I would recommend this video discussing it if you have 25 min to spare at some point.
It's very interesting and quite entertaining,
ua-cam.com/video/koud7hgGyQ8/v-deo.html
Cashing in on toxic identity politics.
*Made up toxic identity politics
no not really if you look into him as a person or read the he's not a fan of them.
How to be soy
Haha I love the irony of this comment.
Gender is made up? Yeah, lost me there.
He meant gender conventions, not gender you dummy
yeah your right
"Gender, which I think is made up..."
AND YA LOST ME.
agreed. gonna read it though and probably write him a letter or an E-mail to him about why I disagree with him just because I really liked peep show so I'll at least try to change his mind. also if your the type of guy I think you are based on this, admittedly brief, humorous comment then you may want to check out a channel run by a Canadian psychologist called Jordan .B Peterson if you haven't already. he recently did a podcast with Joe Rogan partially discussing the topic of Gender.
That's what annoyed me. But I did listen on to the rest, and I'm not sure he actually means that it the way of "there is no difference between man and women and you can decide whatever you want to be" nonsense... But I haven't read the book so I don't know. I just hope...
+HolandaChiquita I don't know if he thinks that or not. But in his book he talks a lot about how he felt like there were so many things boys were 'supposed to be' like, and like if he just happened not to have those personality traits or like those things, it meant he wasn't 'a real boy' (like it was really terrible that he didn't like sports much and liked to read). And also about how some of the things he was 'supposed to' be like weren't even healthy anyway. Like he couldn't just be himself and be whatever kind of boy he happened to be, and like later he couldn't just concentrate on trying to be a decent adult and a mature human being. Like, not every single boy is going to fit every single male stereotype (even if some do) and not every single girl is going to fit every single female stereotype and we should just let them be and try to make sure they're good people and have lots of skills.
+HolandaChiquita I think it's more like, there are no character traits that only women can ever have or that only men can ever have, or that are really good qualities to be proud of if a man has them but shameful if a women has them, or good if a women has them but shameful if a man has them. And you don't need to worry about what 'all men' or 'all women' (or even most) are like, just what you yourself are like.
Yes indeed... Simply about stereotypes. that's what I thought he'd meant. It's just that these days you can hardly be vague about that because some people actually believe you can change gender on a whim and it doesn't matter what your sex/gender is...
did you ever talk to another man ever? because it doesnt seem like you ever interacted with other man
Yeah because he didn't have the best experience with his father he was more with his mother.
So he was scared of "real boys" (whatever that means) and now he is writing a book about his misconstrued phobias and people gonna take this nonsense as a real world manual instead of fiction where it belongs.....
It makes perfect sense if you read it.
Clearly, the titles of the chapters are about his learned misconceptions that he is now addressing as mistakes. You don't even need to read it to get that he is talking about how faulty the notion of a "real boy" is.
So you're saying you don't understand stereotypes... not even when he just explained one called "a real boy"...
I don't think he's telling people what to do, but I suppose he's saying what not to do, or even saying what you don't have to do if you don't conform to the prevailing stereotype. And I think all he meant was that he was shy
I think because his experience of working class masculinity was so rigid he struggled, his list is too simplistic, you cannot narrow masculinity down to a few bullet points, it is much deeper than that
Men's problems don't matter it's more of what you shouldn't do/say rather than how to help your self and it's sad but can you expect more