This is such a raw and beautiful video.. Your experience is almost identical to what I'm going through right now, it's strange hearing someone describing my life. I just want to say thanks for posting this video I can only imagine how scary it is to put such a personal story online, but thank you for this
I love your hair it's so beautiful. Bulimia is the lonliess thing to hide and go through on a daily basis. I'm finally realising how to get out of this purgatory type hell. Or should I say "purge" atory hell.
12:35 darkest REALEST part of purging. 19:30 too real. So sad. And you have such a positive message through out the video. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Xox Canada
thank you for this video, you write and speak so well. what makes me the saddest is that i know that most of my food was grown from the earth, so when i read the packaging on the labels that says "delicious almonds grown just for you" it makes me cry on the spot. Its like beautiful mother earth wanting to help me and all I can do is shun her away.
This was so good, I wish more people could see this. So many people have this, it’s much more prevalent than people know. It deserves so many more views. ❤️
you’ve basically just explained my life right now, it’s actually made me cry 😢 I hate having this illness I’m awaiting treatment from mental health but I don’t feel hopeful that anyone can change me I feel trapped, i’m currently very underweight but in my head I think i’m fat still :(
it's been so extremely hard for me to admit to myself that my eating disorder has shifted from anorexia to bulimia. back when I was "just restricting" i would get this fasting high and feel successful and proud and in control even though deep inside i was still miserable. now i'm just disgusted by myself, by the amounts of food i eat, by the constant smell of vomit, by the wreck my mind and my body have become. in a way, being bulimic feels like failing at both being anorexic and being healthy. it's this awful middle ground and it sucks and yet I'm too scared to give it up.
i exactly feel the same and i know it’s horrible to say but i wish i could be anorexic again, even just anorexic, bulimia is hell of an addiction and it’s embarrassing to even admit i have an addiction related to the thing i supposedly hate (food)
I throw up in a plastic bag in the privacy of my room. I do it for 2 years now. No one knows. I wolds die of embarrassment if someone knew. The every thought of my family finding out scares me. But I can't give up my binging-purging.
Hey I did it the same way like you. Please find help, I got into treatment 8 months ago and now I am starting to have control over my food again - it really helps!! ♥️
You can recover fully. I was bulimic over 20 years. Fully recovered from all disordered thinking with food. You need to address the root issue with a good therapist. There is something going on mental/emotional/heart health that needs healing. It’s not about the food it’s about control. Call out to Jesus, ask Him for help. It’s no way to live. You can do this with help. Jesus loves you
I have bulimia and today I binged so much but I waited too long to purge and I couldn't get a lot of it out and now I'm freaking out and I don't know what to do, and I've already binged and purged 2 more times today :(
purplewalrus34 see help ❤ I done know what I'm going to do I haven't told anyone but maybe you could tell a friend or a teacher instead of a parent Xxx
Oh my god, I've made up extreme lies as well to cover up my eating disorder and I felt so disgusted with myself. It's so horrible that you have to lie but you feel like you have no other choice. 😣
I can relate to some degree. I fast constantly then when I do eat, it’s only small portions of vegetarian keto food. Yet I still purge because I’m constantly wanting to lose more weight. The guilt is always there no matter what or how little I eat
Omfg! “The only thing in my life I could reverse” omg just made me realise that’s why I have it.. cause there’s so many things I regret. Especially basically causing my fiancé to die. I want to reverse that every single day of my life. Fml.
You said a lot of true things "I Love it and I hate it" "You think you are thinking about everyone else first but it's all about yourself" I hope that one day I'll make the the ED Voice don't shout louder than These thruths
you have such awesome hair , i hope you dont mind me asking but did your hair get brittle/fall out when you were unwell ? did you do anything to care for it ? its amazing how long it is mine is pretty short now i have a condition that affcts my joints i cant care for long hair anymore but i do miss it x
Have you thought about just saying, "OK I'm going to relapse, just don't have time or desire to do it today< I'll lapse tomorrow" You will always lapse tomorrow> And then tomorrow tell yourself "tomorrow" again You will occasionally slip up, but it will be less and less often
You are very courageous. Did you hear about people who go « All in » like Stephanie Buttermore and other people ? I believe this is the only way to get out of bulimia or anorexia.
i also first made myself throw up when i was at her age around 16/17. However i had heard of throwing up or puking or whatever your thing is to get rid of unwanted foods stuff in your gut; at the tender age of 13 right after coming out of an anorexia treatment hospital stay!
Eating disorders aren't about looks. They stem from feeling overwhelmed with life etc & finding one thing to focus on (ie food) kind of numbs the pain or gives a sense of control when everything else in life seems chaotic & overwhelming. Many ppl with bulimia nervosa in particular have unhealed serious trauma (eg child abuse).
@@kailjoyce87 my comment was in response to the person above saying that being anorexic isn't sexy or attractive. This is why I explained how eating disorders are not about the body - that just becomes the focus. If anorexic ppl were just trying to 'look good' they wouldn't keep starving themselves to the point of hair loss, grey skin & death.
Thank you so much. You described it perfectly. I am stunned to have found this video so many years later. This is what I am experiencing right now.
Same, I'm going through this right now.....
“i loved it even though i hated it” this is what it exactly feels like
Exactly. It's disgusting and exciting at the same time.
You're a very brave person for sharing your story. I appreciate your honesty, and I'm really glad you made it out. All the best.
This is such a raw and beautiful video.. Your experience is almost identical to what I'm going through right now, it's strange hearing someone describing my life. I just want to say thanks for posting this video I can only imagine how scary it is to put such a personal story online, but thank you for this
I love your hair it's so beautiful.
Bulimia is the lonliess thing to hide and go through on a daily basis.
I'm finally realising how to get out of this purgatory type hell. Or should I say "purge" atory hell.
12:35 darkest REALEST part of purging.
19:30 too real. So sad.
And you have such a positive message through out the video. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Xox Canada
This story was the only one I’ve ever watched that was helpful and relatable instead of triggering triggering. Well done
You're more awesome for posting Erikay! I'm optimistic that these videos will get out there and change lives !!!
+d9d original Thanks Dom, I hope so!! =)
d9d original Erika your the best
thank you for this video, you write and speak so well. what makes me the saddest is that i know that most of my food was grown from the earth, so when i read the packaging on the labels that says "delicious almonds grown just for you" it makes me cry on the spot. Its like beautiful mother earth wanting to help me and all I can do is shun her away.
I respect your honesty and allowing others to see your vulnerability.thank you.
Ole Video I’m sure you’ve helped some people with this brave and transparent video!
I hope you doing well in 2024
Such a brave and strong girl! So glad you’re doing better :) You have such a relaxing voice by the way!
Thank you for making this, you’ve helped me so much and I’m sure many others, you’re amazing xxx
Thank you for being brave and courageous for sharing your story❤
This was so good, I wish more people could see this. So many people have this, it’s much more prevalent than people know. It deserves so many more views. ❤️
you’ve basically just explained my life right now, it’s actually made me cry 😢 I hate having this illness I’m awaiting treatment from mental health but I don’t feel hopeful that anyone can change me I feel trapped, i’m currently very underweight but in my head I think i’m fat still :(
it's been so extremely hard for me to admit to myself that my eating disorder has shifted from anorexia to bulimia. back when I was "just restricting" i would get this fasting high and feel successful and proud and in control even though deep inside i was still miserable. now i'm just disgusted by myself, by the amounts of food i eat, by the constant smell of vomit, by the wreck my mind and my body have become. in a way, being bulimic feels like failing at both being anorexic and being healthy. it's this awful middle ground and it sucks and yet I'm too scared to give it up.
i exactly feel the same and i know it’s horrible to say but i wish i could be anorexic again, even just anorexic, bulimia is hell of an addiction and it’s embarrassing to even admit i have an addiction related to the thing i supposedly hate (food)
I throw up in a plastic bag in the privacy of my room. I do it for 2 years now. No one knows. I wolds die of embarrassment if someone knew. The every thought of my family finding out scares me. But I can't give up my binging-purging.
Hey I did it the same way like you. Please find help, I got into treatment 8 months ago and now I am starting to have control over my food again - it really helps!! ♥️
@@waldelfe2084 Thank you And good luck on your recovery journey
You can recover fully. I was bulimic over 20 years. Fully recovered from all disordered thinking with food. You need to address the root issue with a good therapist. There is something going on mental/emotional/heart health that needs healing. It’s not about the food it’s about control. Call out to Jesus, ask Him for help. It’s no way to live. You can do this with help. Jesus loves you
thank you. you saved me from an eating disorder. like honestly. thank you.
very inspiring and so true! thank goodness for recovery!🙌🏽👏🏽
I really relate so much omg 😭💔 Thank you for this video!!
God, this hit home hard, this is all what I'm feeling right now. I just dont feel valid bc I'm healthy a weight .
I have bulimia and today I binged so much but I waited too long to purge and I couldn't get a lot of it out and now I'm freaking out and I don't know what to do, and I've already binged and purged 2 more times today :(
purplewalrus34 see help ❤ I done know what I'm going to do I haven't told anyone but maybe you could
tell a friend or a teacher instead of a parent Xxx
Drink more water when you are binging it will help you throw up much more easily^^ xoxo, Frans
that just happened to me...
@@zoella15 stop giveing ideas
purplewalrus34 I try purging but it won’t work out for me idk y
Oh my god, I've made up extreme lies as well to cover up my eating disorder and I felt so disgusted with myself. It's so horrible that you have to lie but you feel like you have no other choice. 😣
I can relate to some degree. I fast constantly then when I do eat, it’s only small portions of vegetarian keto food. Yet I still purge because I’m constantly wanting to lose more weight. The guilt is always there no matter what or how little I eat
Omfg! “The only thing in my life I could reverse” omg just made me realise that’s why I have it.. cause there’s so many things I regret. Especially basically causing my fiancé to die. I want to reverse that every single day of my life. Fml.
You said a lot of true things "I Love it and I hate it" "You think you are thinking about everyone else first but it's all about yourself" I hope that one day I'll make the the ED Voice don't shout louder than These thruths
you have such awesome hair , i hope you dont mind me asking but did your hair get brittle/fall out when you were unwell ? did you do anything to care for it ? its amazing how long it is mine is pretty short now i have a condition that affcts my joints i cant care for long hair anymore but i do miss it x
Also your journal entry perfectly describes how I feel
This is so deep and emotional.😢
Thank you so much for sharing your story💗
I'm only 13 and I'm throwing up right now and I feel like I'm about to fall over.
Im 13 qnd im anorexic cus i have emetophobia so i cant throw up
@@adelafajardo4807 same situation for me. I want to binge but I have emetophobia so I can't get rid of the food :/
it’s been 4 years. are you alive and okay?
You need to make more videos, you are amazing
you described me spot on. We legit have an identical story. wow
My jaw clicks all the time from sticking my right fingers down my throat, I had to make up a lie to tell osteopath so they can try help me ehh
Have you thought about just saying, "OK I'm going to relapse, just don't have time or desire to do it today< I'll lapse tomorrow"
You will always lapse tomorrow> And then tomorrow tell yourself "tomorrow" again You will occasionally slip up, but it will be less and less often
Binging while I watch unfortunately!!
you're gonna be Ok...I had thoughts of it, but I didn't do it.
I didn’t have internet back in the day when I was doing this,I made a video on how I recovered from this nightmare
Your hair is beautiful
You are very courageous.
Did you hear about people who go « All in » like Stephanie Buttermore and other people ?
I believe this is the only way to get out of bulimia or anorexia.
ive tried?? but i cant do it so i just fast. but its probably good i cant purge
omg u described purging perfectly it sucks so bad
i also first made myself throw up when i was at her age around 16/17. However i had heard of throwing up or puking or whatever your thing is to get rid of unwanted foods stuff in your gut; at the tender age of 13 right after coming out of an anorexia treatment hospital stay!
Thank you beautiful girl for sharing love from Australia xx God bless ❤❤
This is me.i don't know how to recover
Do you have any tips if your neck starts hurting after purging for some days?
Stop purging
Works everytime 😬👍
You remind me so much of my cousin Rosey
am i the only one who feel even worse after purging bcus you basically jus wasted money
When you are in the hospital with a heart attack you call me
The first time I threw up wa when I was 12
that is soooooo f***in' me !!
Ur eyebrows are so bushy ❤️❤️
Don't do that. It's bad for your system.
Carter McClendon no shit
Carter McClendon fuck no Sherlock
Gjina Shala lmao
@@gjinashala3627 Never knew that. 💀
dumbass 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
U r very beautiful being anorexic aint sexy or attractive... Its better to have a gud healthy diet and muscles..
Eating disorders aren't about looks. They stem from feeling overwhelmed with life etc & finding one thing to focus on (ie food) kind of numbs the pain or gives a sense of control when everything else in life seems chaotic & overwhelming. Many ppl with bulimia nervosa in particular have unhealed serious trauma (eg child abuse).
@@lifesong8484 there is different causes but yes a lot are body related
@@kailjoyce87 my comment was in response to the person above saying that being anorexic isn't sexy or attractive. This is why I explained how eating disorders are not about the body - that just becomes the focus. If anorexic ppl were just trying to 'look good' they wouldn't keep starving themselves to the point of hair loss, grey skin & death.