Predatory Narcissists
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- Опубліковано 25 сер 2024
- Narcissists approach relationships as predators. They wonder: "Who out there can I prey upon as I seek to meet my needs?" As a result, they are inclined to manipulate and use people as they pursue their entitled cravings. Dr. Les Carter offers ways to identify this mindset so you can take proper precautions to stay out of their clutches.
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The confidence the narcissist gained is always gained at someone else's expense. They don't seek relationships they seek blind loyalty. They don't want you to have your own opinions. They use words like "you must, you have to, your supposed to"
Blind Loyalty, YES. So many terms to learn.
C McR I've noticed that another extremely popular narcissism therapist, who I really like as well, tends to say "you have to" and "you must" in regard to healing work, which isn't a bad thing, yet it doesn't sound right!
I remember saying to a counsellor many years ago that I had to something, then she replied that I don't HAVE to do anything, so I've remembered that.
I might mention it to the person, in a nice way, if I can get the courage up, or might just leave it. She's probably not aware of how it comes across and really wants her followers to heal. 😊
@@cyndigooch1162 that's an odd thing to cling to. You Don have to do anything you can stay in an abusive relationship. But if you Don't want to live in an abusive relationship actions must be taken. Doing the same thing over and over doesn't give you different results. He's talking to ppl who want to know more to be able to make changes and take action to live a healthier life...He's not talk to ppl who want to stay in an abusive relationship. Ppl who love their abusive relationship or cannot get out aren't watching these videos. They aren't looking for help.
"You should...say..think..feel"
Ugh
@@pamelahaze3211 I'm sorry I don't live my life dedicated to using semantics. I look at results. And you will not see different results unless you choose to do things differently 💯 ✨️
I think this may be the most dangerous. These people are hunting for prey and are silently hiding while observing. I had a therapist tell me that certain people can feel the energy or observe what type of thoughts or esteem a woman has within 60 seconds. I hope this particular video gives ways to counter or subtract those actions. Thank you.
I get what you are saying, but I have noticed that the male narcissism channels are all targeted towards “female narcissists” and the women-run narcissism channels are, for the most part, targeted at “male narcissists.” I’m not saying you are wrong, just saying what I noticed after seeing how these channels feed on whatever is going on in pop culture (latest gossip).
@@Bookthoughts92 There’s definitely more spoken about the male narcissist than female but you’re correct, there’s female narcissists and they are wicked incarnate. I have experienced them myself. And they quietly hide while waiting to pounce at any and all opportunities.
Hey, I have been thinking about this because I have had more than one instance (the pith of two stories) when I'd just had it with a bothersome person, and felt really solid inside, calm, and felt like I would have been amused if they had started in - and they didn't. So, they are reading something! I think they can feel the vibe when you are ready, like if you are safe and know it. Or if you feel preoccupied or sick. But I can't think of how this stance can be maintained for practicality, unless I can think how to switch quick from happy-friendly to "Sheilds up!" in a split second. I also think they look to see if you feel disgusted but will tamp down a "negative" facial expression.
@@sage9836 I think you nailed it with your reply/comment. However, it is difficult to always put on the front of total good self esteem and security. That’s been my downfall. I’ve been approached by some because I just wasn’t having a good day and it showed. It will be interesting to listen to this video. Thanks 😊
Narcissism is becoming mainstream they won't be able to run and hide for much longer
You may not catch them in the act of predatory or exploitative exploits, but you feel it and know it. And they know you know it.
"Predatory" is the exact description for the narcissists💯💯💯They will chase you, idealize you and after getting into they will devalue and throw you into the trash. And then they chase a new victim. Thank you Dr. Carter🌺🙏🏻
They have many victims at the same time
@Kyra Yes, it is, an endless cycle, a loop..
@@AnnieGrace777 Yes, it is.
@Kyra of course they show up in a pack because these cowards don't have the guts to do it 1-on-1.
What does idealized mean
The Predator acted confident but his cowardly side kept getting exposed.
they are so weak irl
"I'm no field mouse. I am a person of dignity and I'm going to protect the dignity by staying away from your claws." Thank you so much Dr. Carter for your words ❣
I have a rifle.
"They don't seek relationships"! Exactly. Thank you for pointing this out. "They must be in the power position. You have to bend in their direction. Their dark side is much stronger than we initially realized. Respect is a one way street only. It's not a relationship it's a transaction."I make the decisions"'. Yes, knowledge is power, thank you!
A good hearted person will recognize how you’re reacting emotionally to a situation and try to ease your discomfort. A narc prods for that same info in order to use it against you. They enjoy the power felt by seeing you do exactly what they expected. A common example is the woman who intentionally makes her man jealous and sees him unravel
Absolutely true. Devils in disguise.
... my whole life I've ALWAYS attracted what I call the weirdo's ... no doubt, many had personality disorders ... I thought I had narcissists all figured out once I realized that my mother was a covert N, and thought I knew how to get into a "normal" relationship ... all I can say is that the majority of people have no comprehension of what it's like to be in a relationship with one ... I've said this before, it's like being like an indentured servant ... they truly believe they own you ...
Servant is right
You are so correct!! I have tried to console myself so many times that it's not as bad as prison camp! But it is..
I Noticed That If You Come From Abuse....You Can Be Attracted To People like That. UNTIL.... Deprogramming Learn The Right Way.
@@valerieriggins3184 … yes, even subtle, covert abuse …
yes. absolutely.
I've experienced narcissists & gave them any power or self-esteem I had. 4 years of therapy & 2 years of your courses have given me the tools to derail 2 narcissist work associates. It was so clear! Within a week of trying to trip me up, they realized I had the power to derail them, that the abusive behavior was lost on me, it escalated quickly. Last year one got violent AT A JOB SITE! The second embarrassed his wife, whom he has successfully isolated, YELLING AT HER IN FRONT OF ME. I had to tell him I need a minute, but kept after me! All I kept saying is"I need a minute." & "Please respect me." I was shaking for a half hour. The first guy was from a year ago. The second was last Monday. It gets easier the more self-esteem I muster & learn that I'm not a punching bag. The looks on their faces when they realized I was in control! Quietly. Gracefully. I think I'm starting to love myself. YEEESSSS!!!! Thank you so much. You're saving lives with your good works.
They choose to prey on you because of your “ kindness” and unwillingness to confront them
This describes my ex. I was only of value to him for what I could provide in the moment. He would often behave contemptuously for no apparent reason. I ended up devoting my time and attention to trying to please him hoping to maintain the "highs", but finally I realized it was impossible to achieve the respect and appreciation I deserved from him. Reciprocity is a dirty word to a narcissist.
I'm not only a person of dignity; I'm armed against Predators. Metaphorically speaking.
And concretely speaking.
I have profound narc-fatigue...I have finally informed my adversary that I can no longer do weekly phone calls (to try to prevent her from taking it out on loved ones living with her); my letter included a book of stamps and a prayer. It makes me sick to my stomach (truly) to even hear her voice...she's killing me by inches. Last Saturday, I left a message on my phone greeting saying I'd be away for the long weekend...it's the first time I've missed a Saturday phone call in years, and I dread the repercussions. If you're a person of faith, please consider keeping me in your prayers...bless you...!
🙏🙏
Bless you! I understand! I flew out to my Narc relatives to help her in a situation, and I felt sick to my stomach the entire 3 days. I promised myself “Never Again.” They are unappreciative and cruel. I pity them, however, I can’t be in the same room with them anymore.
My mother and brother are preditors. As I continue to go through this process, I am starting to realize how small-minded they are.
Gus said "I'm not sleeping, I'm listening! I'm just resting my eyes." 🐶
I love your comment to the narcissist: "You may approach me like a hawk, but I am no field mouse. I'm a person of dignity and I'm going to protect that dignity by staying away from your claws."
Oh yes. Great video Dr C! I was guilt tripped too bc I couldn’t possibly meet all their demands. Life became so chaotic with them and wasn’t that way beforehand. I woke up and started realizing that he was dictating my entire day every day, but the illusion was that everything was my own doing.
Wow , I can totally resonate with that , even though there were 100s of miles between us , he used the phone as his weapon of mass destruction.
They will monopolize your day and every second. And you will not realize it
You are their puppet. Mind and body
Not even a PhD can understand something like this
More or less give advise unless they have personal experience
A good appetite for chaos and confusion
Is their mo
You are the puppet they move the strings. Sick in the head small egos need to stroke their egos by pulling the strings
Yes, the truth DOES hurt a narcissist. They HATE IT!
Another great video,
Thanks Dr C! Hi to Gus!
Yes I noticed that when you're over the target with the truth they will gaslight and attack you more
We're taught to treat others as we would have them treat us. It seems as if narcissists have the opposite rule: Treat others as you would not prefer to be treated. Sad.
“It’s not a relationship, it’s a transaction.” TRUTH. Thank you again, Dr. C for your work and generous, helpful content. You articulating this experience is so helpful and freeing. It also gives me eyes to see and hopefully will not repeat the experience again. ❤️
My sister came after me like a predatory animal after I was unable to do what she wanted me to do in January. I developed PTSD (I was in an abusive marriage) and I'm still not healthy enough to return to work although I've come a long way in the healing process. These videos have truly been a God send.
signs to look for from predators: ¹Creating Emotional Dependency.²Using Manipulative Behavior and Language ³Pushing Physical and Sexual Boundaries ⁴Jealous and Controlling Behavior
(was googling predators)
So true. I've been on point all the time about the narc!!! I've said this to him two years straight that he is a predator. I also told him that is how he snuck up on me. I'm one that always had boundaries with the narc I delt with. Always used to tell me I can't stand you. He catch me on a good party mood then he would attempt to push his physical and sexual predatory ways on me. I've been saying for ever that narcs are predators
An accusation from a narcissist is actually a confession.
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw her in a motel. I didn't believe her and after that I couldn't trust her at all. I started feeling like she has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught her till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know.... I was driven to know. The truth is the truth. Some of us have to know. Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into her phone and I got all her texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that she had 2 month old relationship with the guy she was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from her phone without her knowledge,He got into her phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on Instagram instagram.com/larry_cybersupport01?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
@@aaronkwolfe yes
They wind you up big time then say we have the problem 🤷♀️… if you keep kicking the dog no matter how loyal that dog is , it’s going to bite at some point 🙈
🙋♀️ Kicked dog right here. Maybe I shouldve bitten instead of internalizing because now Im just an old broken kicked dog limping away while being tracked down. This narc came to my home pounding on the door and saying they were going to call the police if I didnt let them in and laying on the horn in the driveway of a condo. The narc never even lived here. If i called the police siblings would think i over reacted. They never give up....even in their 80's still full of piss and vinegar.
Hey narcisist - hawk, I am not a field mouse and I am going to protect my dignity by staying away from your claws! That sentence is spot on dr Carter. Thank you so much.
I delt with this exact same person in a recent 6 month course. He was unbelievable. Really exactly how you describe here. That was a tough time. Thanks to you I saw him for what he really was and didn't take it as a problem with me, although he tried really hard. Avoiding "feeding" the predator (as much as I could) helped a lot and I maintained my dignity.
I discovered during my recovery that focusing on his contradictions, his anti-social behaviors, his addictions, his mental illness was not the point. The point was why did I contradict my principles and my beliefs to suit his wants and needs. Being in a healthy relationship does sometimes mean we compromise, but I wasn't compromising. I was in direct conflict with my true self and allowed him to dominate and control my sense of self and self worth. Many times, the real me was screaming inside my head and I ignored it - much like he ignored me. Finally, I took control of myself and took advantage of his weakness to get out of the situation. The more I stood my ground, stood up for myself and rebuked his behavior, the more he backed off. The healing and recovery for me didn't begin fully until I stopped picking his actions apart instead of my own. Also, it's water under the bridge now and the past tense of an intense situation is behind me - not in front of me. My life before he came into the picture is coming back into focus and I feel much wiser and getting stronger post-entanglement.
Exactly! The same here. It was the most difficult confrontation I had, but a swift one that caused a fundamental change in me. I'm with ya!
I’m very much the same. It was a turning point of healing when I felt safe enough again so I could take his actions out of my focus of fear and put my focus onto me, my poor choices healing into my emotional well being, lessons I am learning about myself and loading up on self love.
The trauma Bond was narcissists can be very strong. Usually if they're like looking for a new supply and then they secure a new supply it allows you to make your exit is peacefully as possible. I've been fortunate enough to have this happen and I actually think the girl later on I was like I'm so grateful that that you were there like to distract him so that I could get away.
Red. Flags.
There are ALWAYS (always) red flags. Predatory or not. We are smart beings. Regardless of IQ or EQ, we ALL have a built in sensor that cautions us. Some people naturally are in tune with this sensor. And some people develop the sensor more as they grow or as they grow up (or as they grow up even after growing up.) Sadly some people are taught (or tricked into) not utilizing this sensor or not letting this sensor develop properly. Once the presence of this sensor is realized… it’s like having a super power! The location of this sensor within us runs directly from somewhere in the mind to the heart and the gut and is in close proximity to where intuition and self control are also located. You do not have to believe in any faith based religion to know this sensor is a spiritual thing. It’s like a spiritual muscle. Use it. Don’t lose it. Watch for and recognize the red flags. Without fail, they are most certainly there.
(edited for typos)
Kelly, you speak on behalf of many. Well stated!!
Exactly this!! 👏👏
Brilliant ..God Bless You.
I never recognized the red flags until much later. 20/20 hindsight? Only now can I see how early on in dating and very early marriage was there the ploy to get me to be the soother/comforter over things I couldn’t really soothe or comfort. I thought I was just being a good, supportive husband. But hearing her side of things at the end, I wasn’t even that. Funny she couldn’t remember any of those times.
@@aaronkwolfe but Aaron, you know now that they NEVER EVER EVER give us credit for ANYTHING we do that is positive or helpful, right? That would then make them feel small, after all. Bless their insecure twisted hearts. 😳😫
A predator is someone who seeks out others in vulnerable positions, and has NO problem furthering the victimization, in order to make the victims life even MORE miserable ! They do NOT have a conscience, and do NOT care about individuals as human beings, only "THINGS" to be manipulated.
Also, I totally agree with this video, and thank you Dr. C for posting this informative video.
1000% agree.
I have been stalked, defamed and harassed by a malignant narcissist for more than 22 years. This video in particular has been more helpful than I can say. Thank you for providing me with information about what I'm dealing with. I can't make her go away, but I am much more empowered to cope when I learn from your videos! I wish I had the words to convey that but I do hope you will sense how much those videos help me. Thank you!
If you have proof of the defamation, take them to court. Covertly get proof of the stalking and get a restraining order. Then get a weapon and use it if those demons attempt to get next to you. Sometimes the only solution is the final solution. Hope you're okay.
I can relate.
I hope everyone is healing and living in peace. Blessings 🙏💜🌞
You just described the narcissist I married perfectly. Now that I know about NPD I can see it clearly, and watch detachedly, him being him. If only I had known all of this 12 years ago. Thank you Dr Carter for teaching us about these people who make our lives a living nightmare and how to deal with them!
Narcissists are excellent at acting. They get people by their charm and performance. It can leave you confused because they are so innocent in playing victim and pointing you as the abuser. Don't fall for it!💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
i feel that all of them are *predators.* the one who later became my spouse was 18 when we met. yrs later i asked why did they pursue me relentlessly and the discomfort and secrecy they showed after being asked that question was telling.
Yes, I agree, vulnerable narc or sociopaths all narcissists are predators. If you were raised by a narcissist parent you most likely will be left with wounds that another narcissist might be able to detect. Therapy can help to heal these wounds.
my ex told me he got married so he would not be lonely in older age. Well, yes it was me who was lonely after all. Exit stage left.
It helps me so much to listen to your videos, to become educated, and to know there are others who understand how the narcissist behaves. And I was thinking, when the narcissist say "We will pray for you." , it would be better interpreted as "We want to make prey out of you." So sad.
Whatever friendliness they started off with immediately falls after they have gotten what they want from you. And if you try to break away you will be punished. The weight becomes most heavy and the risk much higher. And you'll feel there aren't any way out.
Very apt analogy with the hawk's behaviour. The narcissist in my life watches me like a hawk, scrutinising everything I do and say, waiting to pounce on any perceived "weakness". I may seem more like a mouse but armed with the knowledge you've given me, Dr C, I am no longer defenceless prey. Thank you!
Good observation on your part. The way these people operate reminds me of what the Bible says about it. The devil waits like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour..
You Sir are spot on! When I met the loser about 10 years ago, I had never heard of a narcissist. He is just as you are describing.to a "t." So I am appreciating listening to you're description of these evil folks.
@@victorkroud3642 , first of all, good for you for for having such patience! To respond to your comment,yes. The narcissists ( once revealed) certainly fits a specific list of attributes. Once we know,we can spot them immediately. I'm glad that you were able to do your volunteer class today. Let's do the next generation a huge favor and teach them how to identify one of these types and to run the other way! ( As soon as they realize the traits.) Take it easy,🌠
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw her in a motel. I didn't believe her and after that I couldn't trust her at all. I started feeling like she has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught her till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know.... I was driven to know. The truth is the truth. Some of us have to know. Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into her phone and I got all her texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that she had 2 month old relationship with the guy she was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from her phone without her knowledge,He got into her phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on Instagram instagram.com/larry_cybersupport01?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
This is my exact experience with my older brother. “You two always had such a good relationship”. Did we? Did we??? Everything was good as long as I was doing what he wanted anytime I tried to do something different I got the “why are you so difficult?” “You have issues”. If I argued my point it immediately was “You think you’re better than me” “You think you’re always right”. Two and a half years later I’m finding my peace and no contact with pretty much all my siblings and my parents. I’m in my 40’s and finding my peace.
That’s what I want to learn. Protecting my dignity by staying away from the narcissists claws.
I'm confused as to why "predatory narcissist" gets its own category. Aren't all narcissist predatory?
I'm tired of being called useless and lazy. I just fought my anxiety and am making a new job work. I don't cry before anymore. He doesn't appreciate it. I don't care this is my personal win. 💜🐲 He is not going to diminish me. Not today.
I am going to protect my dignity by staying away from the narcisists’ claws. Those narcisistic individuals are predators and they smell weakness of a mouse but we are not mice! Thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you❤
Well said!
I am a narc magnet
No more relationships.
Look for someone who wants to be your friend all the way. First comes friendship, than maybe a relationship.
@@loekiekanters4295 My narky ex and I did start out as friends...but I generally agree with what your saying...
I just don't care to devote any energy to another person.. I'm too lazy..
and I just want to do what I want..when I want.
I guess I'm just selfish.
Oh well
Appreciate your comment
Cheers 🇨🇦
@@pamelahaze3211 I mean a real friend, without narcissistic traits. :) And that's not so easy to find.
Honestly Dr Carter it was like you were describing my whole experience with my narc. She collected people like chess pieces. These other people were people with considerable talent, status or wealth. And when she discovered a new prey she would ‘love bomb’ them, whilst the others were put on the back burner to simmer away and every now and again she would give them a little stir of interest or gather us together like pawns around the queen. I decided I wasn’t a pawn and I didn’t like chess and realised I much preferred the game Buckaroo (remember that game as a kid?) where I could kick her off to the kerb and shed her hold on me. Does this make sense? I hope so. I’ve been nearly six months narc free and I feel incredible and lighter. You’ll never know how much you’ve helped me get thru this awful experience. Endless thank yous.
Thanks for more evidence
Good to hear from you, Honor. And yes, you make lots of sense. I'm so pleased you're figuring it out!! Thanks for staying in touch. Dr. C
Are you Johnny Depp?
Wow,I remember Buckaroo! Great analogy!
I fell prey to a woman who helped me out of an abusive marriage. I believed she was there to help…how wrong I was! I’m straight as they come but she decided I was her property. She effectively “bought” me, isolated me, sold me out, threatened my children and my well-being if I didn’t comply, eventually made me homeless and cut me off 100% whilst sabotaging love I’d found and breaking me to a degree I never knew was possible. I’m amazed I survived it, honestly.
But now…I’m cynical and jaded. She didn’t stop at destroying my life then, but made sure she left an absolute wreck in her wake.
I just don’t know how God can love these types of people at all.
@Kyra she claims to love him! Read her bible, prays for others, declares his love for people…but her children are destroyed, her husband is a shell of a man, one other woman in abuse was also all-but destroyed by her. It boggles my mind. And she seems to be very unaware of how evil it is.
@@Julibee81 I think sometimes that the devil works through them and they are to weak to defend themselves.
Ran into a nest of them at church. Mind bender. Thank God for making you and you for making this video. Getting smarter, in between the waves of shock and hurt. Whew!! You have definitely nailed it.
Happy Fourth of July Doc & Gus❣
Thanks, Melody!
My n-ex from a long distance relationship always ended our chat with the words "Here is your homework for tomorrow, what you have to do..."...I was shocked.
Once you’ve seen it you can’t un see it 😓
So true.
Awesome! Needed this at this juncture. Narc's are very charming when they are out for prey. Your heart can get swooped upon. One set his sight on me, it was painful. He is on to next one, this validation thing is non stop, even when they are married. Go away, fix your marriage etc. I have boundaries, not into the perpetual cycle of pain.
This has just happened to me. He was my teacher at adult ed (one to one). He was married. Just because I didn't atttend for a while (I had COVID), he replaced me with 'another woman' (his words). He even told me that he loved me when I was emotionally vulnerable in front of me (I overshared). I have pulled out of all of it now I know. I am afraid he will do all this again with the next woman. It is sad to say that she is the distraction that helped me to get away. I will now need to pray that she gets away too! And pray for the wife as well!
The light dawned recently. At a church event, several unexpected guests that I have known for many years arrived. I was quite happy to see them, and sat at their table. The woman I usually sit with came over, and demanded to know why I was sitting there. She did not know these three ladies. The words that spontaneously popped out of my mouth were, "Everyone, this is my Godmother, she thinks she owns me."
You’ve taught me SO much, Dr. Carter. Thank you for helping us out🙌
You are so welcome!
“My husband offered me any opportunities” so sick, my wife’s opening statement in our divorce. 🙄
So so true. This is the exact Narc my current Bf is. 🤨 exactly just as you said. I'm trying to get out of this the best I can. Gotta get my peace and freedom back asap
Timely video,🙏! I’ve come so far- ended two long term marriages with narcs, living happily now but always something to learn.
A friend from HS got a tear drop RV and was wanting to stop by for a visit on her travels. I was so excited! Then I had to tell her that it’s against my HOA for her to park an RV in my driveway, I’d get a citation and be fined.
She ghosted me! Haven’t heard a word from her since. I had planned a pizza party to welcome her. Ha!
Thank you so much for sharing this I recently moved and unfortunately I found out one of my neighbors that live underneath me on 55 and older is a narcissist and I thought oh my God here it is again it's amazing they're all around and all kinds of places but thank you so much for sharing this I always learn a lot from watching your videos and I will continue to do so thank you so much Dr Carter and God bless
I've lived in a suite below a wack a doo.. neighbor for 5 years...she has dragged furniture around for hours..drops objects.. such as books or shoes everyday..stomps when I'm talking on my phone...
If you are being harassed by another tenant.. Do Not tolerate it....I put up with it too long... looking for another place now.
Narc predators are like they took the gift of empathy and turned it into Something sick and twisted- to use their sensitivity of others to destroy, instead of helping, encouraging, or being of service to others.
Thank you, dear doctor! I often miss these premieres because I get up at 4 am and by midday I need a nap, but I want you to know that you have made a real positive, noticeable impact on my life, and it has helped move my work with my therapist as well. A big hello and gentle hugs to one and all who find this lovely place of peace. Maybe a hawk to me sounds too graceful in the air, but if you see them up close it make sense. One day this old Harris hawk swooped right down near me and just snapped up one of my favorite chickadees, but didn’t leave the yard, she ate her catch on a low branch while glaring at me! Poor chickadee, with her poor mate right there helpless. Up in the sky they might look regal, almost like pausing in the air, that’s just how they warm up and shake the dew off their feathers on thermal air masses in the morning, that’s all that hovering is. Even if they are beautiful from a distance, their role on earth is a predator and they relish it.
Exactly. Perspective from a safe distance makes them look majestic. Up close, no. They are, indeed predators.
Wow I had no clue
Wow.. my circadian rhythm is just like yours .woke up at 4:39 am this morning.
Only been this way for about a year though.
Odd
Well, I’ve listened and thank you. I have always had predictors in my life and I’m sure I am not alone in my group. My other problem is, they are my adult kids. The only way I can survive them is by little or no contact. Boundaries don’t help because they go right through them. And unfortunately I am afraid of them due to many hurtful and abusive questions or statements. They know what they’re doing because they know me and that’s why they do it. I’m their mom and will always love them. But that certainly doesn’t mean I will allow myself to be their scapegoat. I seldom see my grandkids even though I don’t live far away from them. They never come to my home. When they were very young I was the on call babysitter and I did so happily for 19 years. Now that they don’t need me they don’t contact me. Their father caused lots of turmoil by putting our kids in the middle of an ugly divorce. So there you have it. He was one and now it seems they can be too. I doubt I am alone in this group either. I’m seriously thinking about moving and starting over but I’m not young anymore. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you
Hi Vicki, is there an interest, hobby you had before, that you can pick up again? Joining a new group might be a good idea, preferably not one that talks about grandchildren all the time.
Actually had to do this for my sanity in 2021. my case is siblings scapegoating me 1000% after parents passed on. Moving did not stop the pain, you have to get through it. Went to visit an Aunt and bam same old stuff and pain hit my gut. Good news is now am 200 miles away. PS. two viable strong brothers did not lift a hand in the move or wave a goodbye. However they wanted to know ALL the $$$$ and logistic details, like a hawk.
Me too my friend. My heart 💔 broken into tiny pieces. I too have thought of moving but at 64 who do I move close to now? So sorry for all you are going thru, you are NOT alone, I am here too, same thing. Sending you hugs
Do what is right for you has I once said who protects the parent from the child I also moved on from my dreadful past a and live each day in peace
No, you aren't alone in this. I haven't seen my two daughters or their children in two years. Gratefully, I have one son that I have a relationship with. His sisters avoid him also.
From my experience in Texas law enforcement I would say you're describing every officer I worked with
The “scoreboarders” part resonates with me especially. I have my moms diaries now after she died. Oh yeah, that woman really kept score! Right down to how many seconds I was willing to talk to her on the phone.
My ex husband kept score too. Any time we’d disagree, he’d bring up things that happened a decade before (that he really had no business being mad about in the first place) to use against me. We’ve been divorced for 20 years now (WOW) and I bet at age 52, he’s still sitting around thinking about things I did (just existing) that made him mad when he was 18 years old and I was 17. Just really gross STUCK people.
My narcissist mother paid for my piano lessons when I was a child. I "owed" her for it the rest of my life. How's that for keeping score? :-)
Also, I was a horrible person just for existing. I had ridiculous demands, such as eating and needing school clothes, etc. She was way too entitled to be expected to meet such demands.
The biggest victim who ever lived should be only catered to and never lift a finger for anyone. How dare her children have the nerve to exist?
Yes. I think they can't wait until I am dead. That'll solve all their problems, they think. Narcissist I talk to once a year or every few years just to listen to their crazy making, life denying ideology. It is too much.
So sad u went thru that. 😢
I remember a saying I used to hear from a divorced men's forum.. "If you're keeping score, you're losing!" That was in the early 2000s. In the 2020s, in my humble opinion, I say take the so-called "L" and just get out. At the sign of the first red flag, for me, nowadays, it's SAYANORA TIME! (Call me a "quitter" .. DAMN RIGHT.. give me that Superman shirt with a capital Q on it.. AIN'T playing their STUPID GAME anymore!)
Oh wow, I wish my Mom had kept a diary.
I didn't know realize you lived so close! Wow. You're practically a neighbor. Thank you for this wonderful channel Dr. Carter. It is such a life line and source of peace and comfort as well as invaluable info.
When a narc mother closely micro monitors all your movements, acting overly nice, for no reason other than to know when to throw a wrench in your spokes & distract you, to show control, where do you draw the line around your own personal space when settings boundries or leaving isnt an option. Is this predatory, being stalked by a narc mother, should I be concerned whats next
Hi Begonia. I don't know if this will make any sence to you, but reading what you write makes me think about something I've picked up on from Dr.Carters videos: remember, you have a choice. Siri
You were born into this situation, like so many of us. Try to remember that you are free to think for yourself , take self care very seriously, control your emotions and analyze your position with a cool head. Being micromanaged is very degrading and upsetting, I understand.
Having been raised by a narcissistic mother, I definitely think you should be concerned. Dr Carter’s videos clearly teach us what to look for and how to respond in these “relationships.” Be strong and confident in your worth!
Describing my MIL and her golden son (my NARCband)-my refusal to conform to the CRAZY, and now, I’m absolutely hated by the entire cult of flying monkey marionette puppets, all the while with Twilight Zone-esque smiles literally painted on their faces. Some days afraid to go to sleep, lest I wake clawing my way out of a pod and lose my voice to shrill screams forever more! Punished indeed!! Sounds dramatic, but…..not really 😱
@@warriormom5843 same here, only it was also my family too and all our friends we had together. What a mess. And it happened so long ago. I still don’t have a good support circle. I think partly because we live in a small farming communities and everyone THINKS they know everything and they haven’t a clue. I don’t talk or defend myself anymore because it would just sound like sour grapes even though I made the right decision. Good luck
Dr. C, you're such an educator and life developer. Thank you.
You're welcome, Michael.
Such a well honed deceptive form of mental illnesses mind blowing 🤯 that this exists in people
I thought we were friends LOL.The best line ever ,I asked you to do these task and you have failed .It is a transaction we're they to benefit completely the narc ,you mean nothing to them .
At 60 I finally understand and accept my father is a huge NARC. I walked away 6 months ago after caring for both very ill parents. Best decision I ever made....I am trying to find my peace.
This is a scary and real phenomenon. Your insights are enlightening and freeing Dr. Carter.
Pleased!
An incredible video! Thank you! It lists all of the things you've observed in such a clear way that the reality of it really sinks in.
This is so wildly spot on. It's disheartening hearing this. It is so hard to get out
I just wanted to drop by to love on you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge to help pierce through the darkness. I thank God for leading me to such excellent teachers. 🙏
I lived with someone like this for two years. It nearly broke me! I remember buying a mobile phone and he had a big fit because I didn't tell him or ask him. I'm a 56 yr old woman, I don't need permission to buy a phone!
I got abused for cutting carrots wrong cooking dinner as well as many more examples 🙈
It seems silly now, but at the time it was terribly emotionally abusive. But I survived and alot wiser and lessons learnt!!
I'm not even half way through listening to this and I'm not sure if I can hear anymore. Before I married my husband, 45 years ago, I had never heard of a narcissist.
He is everything that has been mentioned here and previous videos about narcissistic people. It can be frightening because of times I have argued with him he's pushed me and I get back in his face. Now, we're older and health is declining it doesn't happen as often.
I appreciate the information provided here but all I can do now is pass this on to our grandkids which I know will be a tremendous help for them.
Well, I just couldn't listen to anymore. It's really too late for me but it can help my grandkids. It's upsetting that I got myself in this with no way out.
Vanita, I can relate. I met my husband in the mid 70s, when you were encouraged to be helpful and concerned about others . He was from a very dysfunctional family and needed help. Knowledge about narcissism was not available . We have achieved a good retirement and old age poverty has no special attraction for me.
Vanita and Maria - I'm in the same boat. I married my husband 41 years ago and never heard of the term "narcissist". I just kept trying, in the early years, to be a better wife because after all - it was all my fault according to him. I wasn't submissive enough, I wasn't loving enough, and on and on. I wish I would have put boundaries in place back then - maybe things would have been different. But I let him intimidate me and walk all over me so I've had to swallow the bitter pill that I enabled him all these years. I'm finally waking up and taking back some power but leaving him is not an option.
WOW. No way would another person treat me like that. If it were my situation, I would not put up with it.
when the narcissist sees his own eminent death, "older and health is declining" will no longer be a safety net for you. CONSIDER GETTING AWAY FROM HIM, LEGALLY, NOW, at the very least, do not let him, nor any people that are "friends" with him, be your legal guardian and/or medical support go-to emergency LIFE SAVING person. He won't. His life will always be most important. Your's, to him, has no future, no meaning, no rights. To him you will be something that should just go in a corner and die and not waste any financial resources on. Protect yourself, your life, LEGALLY if you cannot get away or can't separate.
I let my guard down and came to my 87 year old father's rescue because his 3rd wife and her daughters had him locked up in a Memory Care Home during the middle of CV-19 and were free to steal most of his fortune. I'm his only child, our 19 year business together made him rich. My wife has NPD in my opinion (overt flavor) but worse is Dad's Covert Narcissist Personality. I'm their "object" my time and attention to one and the other one gets fee-fees hurt. I'm 60 years old and found out that I don't hate my life because I've never had one of my own. Blindness is bliss.
👍Excellent! Thank you for the literal visual using the HAWK and feild mouse!🤠
Happy 4th of July Dr. Carter and Gus.
Thank you, Vanessa.
I’m a teacher and whenever I read The Gindgerbread Man, I think about the narc being the Sly Fox
This man is the Truth!
Gosh Doc. When you (zero in) break down the human details of how serious, sad, stale, a "lacking of empathy* really is. Uggh. These words of yours can be chewed on and chewed on and digested. Thank you Dr. Carter. Wonderful .
Thanks Jason!
Thank you
Dignity Respect & Civility
Dr.C 😃
I like this. Together along with everyone else here I can refuse to feel anxious enough to be isolating myself at home while pining away for a vehicle to be doing the same in there too only out of fear that some narcissist will take advantage of me and/or be gossiping about me if I don't.
I worked with a director many years ago who seemed sensitive and empathic, but when it came time to reciprocate it turned out everything he'd ever told me was just a ploy to coerce my loyalty. He had a very successful career for years after that but I think the endless greed lies and betrayals eventually caught up with him. I'm sure he's happily retired now with his enabler wife, but I don't know anyone who would willingly work with him again. Eventually narcissists wear out their welcome. They will not be missed.
You are a genius. You describe my enemies to a tee. No wonder everyone was willing to put up with their apartments being broken into. They were hawks for sure. Predatory Narcissists is a perfect wording.
This is so spot on!
I wish I could just send this video out to a couple I know.
No words, just send the vid.
I won’t…I know..😬
They’re away from me now.
Thank Goodness for that!
I sure wanna send this though.
Let them know I figured them out awhile ago…Some kind of revenge at least! Lol
I've been told I need to look at my own part in my relationship dysfunction. I accept I have a part to play. A lot of the time I'm not even aware I am doing things that annoy people (like being negative). But a lot of the time I am lashing out. It comes from a sense of hurt and powerlessness.
I do the same. Work on your self worth (self esteem/Confidence) is an absolute necessity. You can do it. Give yourself the time and effort.
Hi Snowbear. It's always a good idea to examine yourself. Keep in mind that with a narcissist, it will not be a two way street.
@@jeremysears4263 , Yes, I think it is important to give ones self credit for what you honestly know are your inner strengths. I believe everyone has inner strengths but may not be aware of them until they take the time to be a bit introspective. In my case, I also had to force a distance between myself and several predatory people. I was the only one who could do it, because they were hell bent on keeping me under their heels. I was too beneficial to let go of. For the first time in my 65 years of life, I had to do the very uncomfortable thing of putting aside the anger towards me I know they'd feel by being "iced" out of my life. I think I'm finally able to breathe free.
Your prob bit fed up with narcs attitude. They love to say your negative. That’s why you lash out. It’s because you prob feel/ know it’s not right in your heart but can’t put your finger on why it is so. Gets frustrating. Don’t forget you shine to a narc … sparkle for yourself first 🤩
I believe this negativity is a reaction to being in the fog of narcissism. I went through this for a minute and realized how negative I had become and stopped it. This was at the end of 28 year relationship. She had me so f’ed up I didn’t know what was going on. Just crazy. I am two years out of it now and so alone, but thankful. I have had to let everyone in my life go. Awakening to narcissism is not easy. The whole world is being run by narcissism. If you can see this, then you truly get narcissism. Love and light to you all.
This is my mother, 💯
Most humans are predators. Some just don't realise it.
Thanks to your help Dr les Carter i now have a huge relief .I know that people with sick mannerisms have sick minds 🤧
I have never known such calculated hatred - Im tired of being hovered over -
My empathy to him is definitely tarnished/its hard to pray for enemies-I married this idiot-the stupidity is astonishing -he cuts me down -then I love you - nobody owns me -Im taking back my power - this ahole is nothing-I might devour this jerk/God cant believe this is marriage-hes out of work this week - hes pathetic--- 🙃
A cat tormenting a mouse or bird demonstrates the narcissist's habit.
They stop long enough for you to recover somewhat and then pounce again. They don't want to be rid of you but, rather, they prolong their torture to draw maximum pain from you.
These descriptions are so spot on its unbelievable!
Another excellent video ☑️ thanks Dr Carter!
Waco, TX?! I am on the opposite side of DFW from you. I just discovered your channel. The way you speak and deliver your messages is very soothing for me. You speak from an understanding perspective as well, which helps me to look at myself when I exhibit narcissistic traits. Knowing how close you are to me, I almost want to drive to you for you to be my therapist! Gas prices are a killer these days, though. 🥵
Thanks for the thought! I am actually retired from my counseling practice. I spent 25+ years practicing in Richardson near Campbell and Central Expwy, then my last 16 years in Southlake. My wife and I moved to Waco b/c we have multiple family members here!
❤️ thank you for continuing the videos. They are helping me in so many ways.
Once again, thank you for a timely piece of great advice. It's amazing how this fits together with my day!
Thanks to you, Dr. Carter, for following the Spirit. Praise the Lord!!
Thank you so much for this DR Les, You're absolutely beautiful, A great bloke, A treasure to humanity, Helping us women not to get involved with these toxic insidious abusive relationships, I'm very grateful for you, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God ☘✌😘👽🦄🍄🍎🍏🎆🚀😊🌈❤💛💚💙🦁🕊🕆😃💗
My narc's favorite bird is the hawk, for real. Too funny, now. Unbelievable. I couldn't even like the Macintosh apple since that was different than the Empire apple that was his favorite. He pointed it out in front of the kids that it was a common apple and why did I pick that one since it was not a different apple, since basically I always needed to be different. I can't believe what I want through. FREE NOW except for all the repeated thoughts that I am working on being rid of regularly. Thank you, Dr. Carter. Thank you Gus!
I had a narcissistic guy at the beach ⛱️ aggressively verbally attack me, my body hurt for a week afterwards. He is 6'4" BIG MUSCLES, maybe 48 to early 50. With a giant 110lbs. Doberman pincher, the dog looks like he works out too.
My 50lb puppy, he's a Catahoula and he is deaf & sweet- he just loves to play.
My dog sees them walking towards us, he's excited he found a dog to play with. He goes down on his front legs, back is up...let's play stance. Then my dog does his deer 🦌 bounce towards them.. This dude kicks my dog in the side of his face, then his dogs starts grawling at him, and then my dog growled back. That was it, no physical contact between the dogs. I have no problem admitting when my dog is in the wrong. For no reason, this guy became emotionally disregalated, yelling at me, he said he was going to call the police, i said "good, do that" he even had a stance like he wanted to fight me. ( I'm 57yrs old) I said yeah, I don't want to fight you, I've seen you and your dog out here for 2 years now, and they've play before. It disarmed him for 3 seconds, I can tell I had him confused or he had me confused with someone else. Then he wanted to fight me again, he kept trying to bait me in, and I stood there looking at him so cool and collective. He goes on and on about how my dog keeps bothering his dog, and I say what are you talking about it just happened right here. Then he started spitting while he's trying to speak, and it look like he was going to start crying as he is speaking. So, while he was trying to speak, he said my dog over by the dead turtle 🐢 that was floating ashore. I know for a fact, my dog did not bother his dig nor him, I had a eagle eye on him.
I can tell in that moment he had childhood trauma, he probably wasn't able to speak as a child. ( or it was a act, because he realized to bystanard behind me had a video on him) I started to walk away and he came up behind me and said in this strong voice.."if your dog comes near my dog I'm going to kill it!" I said " I don't care" I just said that so he thinks my dog not that important to me, but he's my baby. I was dumb founded, yet I can tell this narc dude, wanted me to fight him. He did have a girl friend with him, she looked 20 somthing... she even immediately started the cell video as if she was trained to do so. So, the next day, I'm talking to this other guy, and he tells me yeah that dude is sensitive about his dog, he's seen him go off on another person before. Then added he's a former military dude and has PTSD ( no excuse). but then he added he is a " male Karen ". then another friend said it sounded like he had ROID-RAGE ....this is topic would be good for a video Dr. Carter. This is what it boils down to, I looked happy and self confident that day. This narc wanted to push me down per se. What's happening is your videos are working on me and others, and these narcs are catching on to it. They want to keep us at knee level. We're getting to smart for our own good, your a great teacher 🤣the narcs cannot handle it. The narcissist wants to take me down. Can you please make a video on how, to handle a ROID RAGE ( steroids)narcissist...what you say or don't say. I was kind of in shock sorta frozen. Now, I'm scared to go to the beach which is our enjoyment. It was not like he was protecting my dog, it was very odd, why would he be worried about my 50lb puppy...it was all about wanting some fight for him, to pull me down. It was the most disturbing thing I've experienced this year so far. The narcissist is melting like the wicked witch in the wizard of OZ. They're getting passed off.
Thank you!!
Have a great 4th July.2022
Hi from Sydney Dr C, and Mrs C. Lovely to know you have a beloved!
Hi Alison...glad to be with you in the land Down Under!
Never heard of this kind, my family seems to specialize in the covert, or grandiose varieties...
they are after your money and assets.
@@joannlove3414 OH! Well, since they talk about how they plan to evict/jail/kill me to take over the family estate, I guess they're predators, too.
Thanks!
Varieties? That's really scary. After watching a few videos over the past months and reading the comments, I realize that two family members are extreme narcissists and a super manipulative man.
I am just learning that breaking free is an option, and it's taking all my will because I've been co-dependant. However, I've had enough of manipulative, lying behavior, and I need to learn how to spot them in the first place because I never want to associate with one ever again...not even remotely.
God help us all!🙏
@@ritahiggins9700 Hugs.
This isn’t a “kind” of narc. It’s a trait of all of them.
I was a fool. I had a daughter with one of these Predatory Narcissist. I mean she knew she was ovulating and the seed was planted just as I realised who she was. I don`t regret having our daughter but her mother has cost me in so many ways. Property settlement Child support Smear campaign in the area our daughter goes to school which got back to my employer $$$ jet fuel for her to fly back to her country every year residency visas etc etc I allowed her to play me like a harp even as the strings kept breaking...they are dangerous and will ruin your life If you let them. DON`T LET THEM.