Hi Stephan, I’m in a situation where my boyfriend told me that he gets bored in relationships easily and then he told me that he wouldn’t cheat on me but he would let me know when he wants out to see other people. He doesn’t understand how this is crazy. Can you make a video on this? I’ve never been in this situation before.
Greetings, please I have a worry. My boyfriend responds to anything I suggest as disrespect or "do you want to compare yourself to me"?, Do you dare disobey me? Do you want to cry? You deserve some good ass whooping. I'm scared but I don't know if I provoke this. I'm thinking of leaving and I'm scared he will come with the tears and say I used him . What do you suggest I do? I feel trapped
Once I stopped being the nice girl, I now get what I want or show them the door! Especially low-balling, low-effort men. I choose me first and now they do what I want
YUP! Ignore men complaining about being used. They don’t care, as long as they get sex and are attracted to the girl. He will accept being used. If he’s complaining about it, it’s cause he mad she didn’t pick him. Being nice does not make men respect you, or treat you better. They will treat you worse, because they can, and they are always looking to low ball. Don’t apologize for not texting back quick enough or breaking plans. Men don’t deserve empathy. Men pick mean, horrible women all the time just because they are cute. Get yours!
You're not done till the spirit is done with you... If you want to change your experience, there are 2 principles you must understand first. Principle 1: "One can never accept more love than the amount of love they give themselves." (Law of attraction) Principle 2: "The only relationship we can have is the relationship with the self. All other relationships are REFLECTIONS of that relationship." - Iyanla Vanzant The issue isn't WHO you attract but WHY you attract them... Relationships are spiritual mirrors meant to teach you about you. They are a spiritual tool, NOT a safe haven from your past traumas/loniless, NOT a goal, nor are they an indefinite vacation or distraction from the internal work most run from doing... The partners you pick and are magnetised to are reflections of your INTERNAL relationship with yourself. So changing partners doesn't change your experience; just like changing a mirror doesn't change you or your reflection. You say you are "naturally a nice person," but the real question is, are you being nice to YOURSELF by choosing "undeserving" partners? No, you're not & that behaviour ties into Principle 1; You pick and are attracted to undeserving partners because subconsciously, you likely feel undeserving of love greater than the amount you received in your childhood and the amount you give yourself today because of said childhood... Thus, your pathology becomes; subconsciously(internally) being drawn to partners that give you the same FAMILIAR low level of love you've received & given yourself since childhood, whilst you consciously(externally) you desperately try fight to make your "undeserving" partners (through niceness) love you more than you were loved &/or love yourself. No condemnation, but that behaviour Is a coping mechanism at best. The problem here is that you're trying to fix an internal issue externally. Unfortunately, that's not how relationships and attraction work. You always spiritually attract who you are (your lesson)... thus you can't attract better till you BECOME better. The parts of your spirit that feel undeserving need to be addressed and unpacked. Until then, your relationship choices will just reflect your growth or lack thereof. Final Principle: "You make your decisions, and then your decisions make you."
@@MylezNevisonThank you for your comment/opinion, I respect that.... I say that I'm done, as far as, when I recognize that I'm being used or taken for granted for my kindness by a guy or anyone. I respectfully call the guy or person out, for whatever negativity that has transpired from them towards me, at that very moment and I move on, no hate, I just move on. I am naturally nice, kind, caring, loving and a giving lady, but, I do know when I'm being taken for granted and used. But, that doesn't stop me from being who I am by pouring into those that are deserving. God blessed me with a loving and kind heart, I love Him, I love myself and people... But, I'm not a fool nor am I perfect and never will be✨
@@winning3329Relationships are difficult, but it's good to experience at least once to get an understanding of it. Of course educate yourself first. It's okay to focus your life on your career and family if you don't desire kids in your future.
I don't ever see men desiring drama in relationships besides toxic men who simp or play nice to get sex from her. Men are simple, and women can spot it a mile away. If you're a good woman, then your choices reflect the quality of the relationships. Why do women feel the need to chase Chad and Tyrone? Why do men feel the need to chase women who are easier to get attention over? It goes both ways. A wise woman will distinguish between "playing nice" versus a genuinely good gentleman. A wise man will distinguish a snake versus a woman with a loyal heart.
It's an illusion. Those baddies are lesbians who will give sloppy to a pit bull for $30 and a IG shout out. If he is into those whack ass Lil girls let the streets have him. He may have rabies and malaria from raw dogging those serpents.
“You’re not too nice you’re just too afraid to say no” thank you so much for this. I know I’m too afraid to say no because of my anxious attachment style and fear of abandonment. (Both my parents are in my life but growing up my friends always left me for others). I say yes because I want others to be happy so they don’t leave me. I need to learn how to start putting myself first! All your points btw… This entire video is for me 😭 thank you 😭😭
Basically, don't have sex to keep a man, don't settle for struggle love, know your worth and do not accept less than what you deserve. All things I already agree with and live by.😌
GRAVITY I LOVE IT HERE THESE SCUMS CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND WHY I'M NOT HARD UP FOR NO MAN LET ALONE TO EVEN LET A SCUM STAY WITH ME NOPE NOT THIS WOMAN🤢🤢🤢🤢
Can not stress that "struggle love" part enough! Speaking out of my own experience on that part; that was how I ended up wasting almost 10 years of my life with someone who was essentially abusing me financially, emotionally and mentally. The idea that we can "fix someone" if we only love them enough has to be one of the most self sabotaging lies we can tell our self.
I have learned from my experiences of being too nice to the wrong men. I am no longer giving my all and receiving anything in return. I am now sticking to my standards, no longer listening to sob stories and being told to lower my standards by the wrong men, who do not meet them. At a certain age you should be mature, know what you want, stop playing games and not wanting people to accept struggle love. At this point in my life, it is better to be single and content than to settle for less than I deserve and feel like I am in a hellish relationship.
I’ve been guilty of staying around too long. As of lately when dating I show my authentic self and if the person I am isn’t treated properly I’m quicker than the road runner at getting away. With that being said I take it one day at a time.
Ive been dating a man for month's that ive known for years. We've done the bedroom action and when i asked for a serious relationship within 6 months to a year of getting to know eachother, he told me he doesnt know how he feels in a year. To me I took that as rejection, that he didnt want ME, he just wanted the action from me. I learned to slowly let him go until i was finally ready to simply walk away for good. It wasnt worth the depression id get when id gain feelings knowing i would never get anywhere with him. It truely was a struggle love for me. I went to church and the pastor talked about letting go of people who arent good for you. People who will sink your boat. I took that as God's sign.
GOOD JOB BOO DON'T LET NOBODY STEAL YOUR JOY THESE SCUMS ARE SO PATHETIC I PROMISE YOU AND IT FEELS GOOD NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING THEM OR THEIR FOOLISHNESS😂😂😂😂
I use to be the too nice girl I had to stop doing that to protect my heart and my peace! I almost lost myself, never ever again! Thank you for sharing this!
This is some of the stuff I wish my dad told me. He’d rather me not date at all and I’m 25. So instead of guiding me through what healthy relationships look like. I’m just out here figuring stuff out on my own. Thanks for your videos and God bless!
I’m way over it. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to get anyone to like me. I’ve never cared. I’m usually pursued , but I seem to attract men who see a good woman and want to use me when they see that I truly am a person who treats others like I want to be treated. They get comfortable like a frog in hot water. I express myself but they don’t tend to take me seriously. I suppose because I speak softly, and don’t cuss and scream. When I turn off the stove and dump ice in the water, they get surprised and are shocked because they think that I would never do that. I give as many chances as I can, but enough is enough. Men tend to take my kindness as a weakness. At this point, I’ll either have the man that I have prayed for and am willing to wait for or have NO ONE. GOD created the universe and everything in it, surely HE can provide the kind of man I have asked for, as well as make sure he is the man I need. HE knows me better than I know myself. I can and will be patient.
I feel you girl. You mentioned giving as many chances as you can. That might be the problem. I just saw a reel where the guy said they are “bad boys” and treat women however because women don’t leave. It was terrible, but true. One strike and you’re out their behind! But also waiting on God because the dating world sucks.
@@fluorescentjas You’re probably right., but I would want to be given more than one chance. I will let go immediately when there is a deal breaker the first time, i.e. doing the things that I don’t do like getting in my face and screaming. I don’t get down with that. That person has anger issues, and I’m not going to give a chance to do that again or hit me. It’s not so much what you say, but how you react and say what you want to say. I won’t even say that’s treating me like a child. I would never treat a child like that. One time and a man is comfortable thinking that’s how you will let him treat you or go further if he wants. In addition, I usually give the chances because when I walk away it’s over. There’s nothing left to say nor look back for. I have never traveled a road once traveled with a man, because I have done my best and I have no regrets.
I used to be such a pick me woman because I didn't know the games men played. When i saw men saying that they saw s3x as a hand shake i knew i had to take myself out of the dating market. I didn't know male nature like i learned now. I am happily single and celibate. ❤❤❤
You just have to weed out all of the low value men that desire casual sex and hookup culture. As a guy, I prefer a woman who respects her body and has desirable feminine traits. Sex isn't a priority, but I expect it to be considered (not forced) to maintain a healthy LTR. If she doesn't want sex before marriage, then it's okay. Sex should be a special time between partners, and strong intimacy makes it far more desirable. I really don't get how men can only satisfy themselves. Women don't care about the physical part, they want the emotion.
I am a guy, and the biggest mistake women make is being too easy. Meaning to sleep with the guy on the first date. As a guy's perspective, you are not relationship material in that case. Postpone it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying. "I am not that kind of woman." "I 1st would like to get to know you better." You avoid the players, and you become instantly more attractive. Trust me. This is actually top secret for women. Guys categorize women, too. Good luck.
@@yvesgysel9834i'm virgin my whole life 😢 do explain why i still attract MEN who view me as side sex Chick if i have Legs closed??? Why MEN are attracted to virgins and if they cant keep dik in pants?
Saying No is so liberating. It’s so sad how women are conditioned to be ppl pleasers and set up to be exploited. Saying no gets easier when you stop worrying about ppl “not liking you, being upset w u and overall not being pleased w u. Women have to get comfortable w that! We are taught “ if im not always pleasing to ppl they won’t like me & I will be alone.” Think about all the ppl in your life who don’t focus on pleasing you 24/7 yet you STILL like them, you still want to be around, you still RESPECT them. That happens both ways. You don’t have to work hard to please ppl 24/7 to be liked. Be a human being. Ppl respect authenticity. Being nice ALL the time is fake. Nobody is truly nice all the time.
I WISH THAT I CAN LIKE THIS STATUS A MILLION TIMES HUNNY BECAUSE THIS COMMENT IS EVERYTHING... IT FEELS GOOD LEARNING TO SAY NO AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER AND WONDERING OF THEY'LL LIKE YOU HELL MAJORITY OF THESE INDIVIDUALS DON'T EVEN LIKE THEMSELVES
Im that too nice girl, and I hate it. Lately I been educating my mind on how to not make things so easy for these men. Im so tired of putting myself in temporary situations 💯
This is what I was needing to hear right now. I broke off a 2 1/2 year relationship a few months ago and I’m working on myself so I don’t get in that same situation again. I am that “nice” girl. It’s time that I realize I deserve to be treated with love and respect.
I'm finally starting to speak up for myself. I'm not your doormat. I will not accept just enough anymore. You not gonna continue to hurt and disrespect me. I'm over it.
You can be nice, just don’t let him take advantage of. Don’t always agree whim or say yes all the time. Don’t feel guilty when you can’t do ever for him all the time.
Thank you Stephan!! I just broke it off after 2 1/2 years of every point you hit on today!!! I am taking my identity back and gonna be happy for the Rest of my Life!! I am 70 yrs. old and I plan on enjoying my Golden Years!! Thank you!! ❤❤❤❤❤
If in 6 months or so men are playing games and the relationship is not going anywhere you break it off. At a certain age people should know what they want from a relationship. Sometimes it is better to be alone and content than be in one sided relationship and dealing with unnecessary stress. I am not putting up with any crap from men now and hope I will never have to put up with crap from some old man that should know better.
I have said 'NO' many times, even on first dates! These guys were never to be seen or heard from again..BYE!! Ladies you don't need these selfish players in your lives! The moment when you can honestly say, "I would like a man in my life, but I don't need one to be happy", is the moment you free yourself to take the time and really find the right one. Thank you, Stephan for all of the wisdom you share.
Invest and test. Coming from someone who has rescuers syndrome and a motherly figure to all her friends. I have been used for resources and sex. No more. Im over coming childhood trauma. What i will and wont put up with. I will never beg anyone to sit at my table and let me tell you. Neither do you. Invest a little, see if its reciprocated (test), if it is, invest more and keep the cycle going. Love your message Stephan. Big hugs everyone have a blessed day. ❤
Thank you for this! Today, I finally ended a 7yr relationship that was going nowhere. I was accepting struggle love, always trying to save him, completely in love with is potential and not his reality. Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me open my eyes and accept how I was sabotaging myself with this relationship. Thanks for helping me save myself. It was long over due.
This was me for so long, but the real problem was just choosing the wrong men. We need to heal ourselves fully, and respect and value ourselves, and then we will naturally start to make better choices in our lives, including choosing better quality, higher value men.
In my case, good men dont even want me. All i attract are felons and narcissists so i give up at this point. I cant choose someone who dont want me anyways.
Being nice had me in a struggle love marriage that resulted in divorce after 7 years because of infidelity. We were only married 2-3 years the first time I found out about the first offense. After that timeframe, the narcissism kept exposing itself and I ended up going through so much, looking stupid. Now, post divorce, I’m mean as a bull to him. I don’t place 100% blame on him though. Had I left the first time or even left him alone after some flags during dating, I wouldn’t have to tell this story. Don’t force nothing and cut a mf off when necessary.
I put 22 years of marriage into struggle love before leaving...yet in the 1st month (marriage) we argued so much and it got so ugly that we agreed that we weren't even each other's FRIEND MATERIAL 🤯😳 but we had a mortgage, a new marriage, a baby on the way and we both LOVED the LORD. We considered those components to be a springboard. 22 years later, he never grew and continously put down my aspirations while dismissing my concerns until I said that I was leaving. I said it 5x before I actually left. You mentioned: (1) struggle love (2) walking away from a person that is not a good fit (3) marrying potential (4) afraid to push him away...more concerned about him BEING OK than my own well-being. Huh😮💨 This WAS my life...but I have meditated, prayed, restructured my purpose, and dove headfirst into scripture for a whole year (and ongoing) and I love the new me.
@jeennys8256 Amen. I'm doing everything I can DAILY to focus on the FRUIT TREE right now and nor much else which is the way it should have always been. Pray for me.
Every time I watch your videos, it makes me more grateful that I’m single! I’m 44 and I plan on staying single until the Most High Calls my name! I give I’m no longer interested in dating. I’m really sick of the men out here! They are not emotionally available, or they are not mentally stable or they can’t match me. All I ask is for you to have a car your own place and a job! I Can take care of me. I want a man that can take care of himself! No I’m not coming to pick you up! No we not just chilling at my house! And I ABSOLUTELY am not giving you a dime. So I’m comfortable being alone! Im happy here.Been celibate two years and counting. I definitely was the nice girl. But I literally would get ran over and not taken seriously. I’m good!
Thank you. I been told I am too nice. Since I am getting older , 28 currently I am learning to set boundaries for myself and others. Loving and Healing myself with therapy and God. Also taking accountability. Just letting everything flow with time. Focused on my career and goals with God 1st
Yesssss.. you just summarized my life right now. I had to learn the hard way to set boundaries. I teach my kids they have the right to have boundaries now.
I am a survivor of struggle love and finally went to therapy and realized why I would even consider “helping” a man or “cultivating his Potential” when they were not on my level in any way! Most times they didn’t even see the potential in themselves and they certainly didn’t have any inner motivation to truly evolve once they had me or if they did evolve (thanks to me ) then they became more attractive to other women and cheated! No thank you! I am DELIVERED from Struggle Love!! 💯
Sometimes it's walking away from a good person who is NOT good for you , very well said !! No need to waste my precious time and my time and soul is precious, ✌🏽 💙
Never been the “Nice Girl”! I’m naturally kind of mean until you get to know me & I don’t allow most men or people in general to get to know me. I’m a straight shooter, I speak my mind & my attitude at times is terrible. With age I’m getting better 😂. I’ve always been more comfortable in my “dark feminine” energy & most men are attracted to it., Weird! I’m affectionate, passionate & loving when I want to be. The energy I bring is No Nonsense/Zero Tolerance & I’m never afraid to Walk Away 😉
My current partner told me this the other day and I was just laughing, I really can’t help it. Had to stand up for myself for so long and it’s hard to let any man get away with treating me like crap even as I’m growing older
I am also I nice person who let 30+ years go by. I was busy raising my children working going to school. When I slowed down is when my eyes opened up!!! Life is not always fair
Thanks for this video Man of God.Just decided to delete numbers of every man that was taking me for granted coz of being too nice. I know I'll meet with someone who will love me for who I am. Be yourselves ladies and have peace with yourselves.
I was the "struggle love" girl. 5 1/2 years! He always would say he was working on him but there was never any change. Never open to suggestions after numerous conversations. And everything was always my fault.
Actually loads of them do; the personal development movement is very big business and has been for decades.... raise your vibration and you'll find them.
Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere, as the classic says. So I especially support this idea, to stop being a good girl. Being good and being happy are two different things. Women and girls need to develop themselves, take courses, have interesting hobbies, and not think that their happiness depends on a partner or a man. Being happy is a conscious choice of every woman. We can be happy regardless of who is around us, because it is our inner state.
Queens ALWAYS ask questions...A LOT of questions. Every woman should. If a man runs from a woman who asks questions, then he is NOT a man but a wimp. She obviously deserves better....Thank you, awesome job as always...Gb
My first response was “here’s another man trying to tell a woman how to woman”.But good job there were definitely some gems to be had here. It breaks my heart that women suffer in this way. In our society we have been fed fallacies of what a woman is and what her role is. this has led women down a path of struggle. Good job! With this video!
I dated down essentially and poured into a guy for years until I got tired. I walked away and he immediately got into another relationship and when that ended, he claimed he learned his lesson and I should give him another chance. Gave him another chance and he was even worse than before. After only a few months, I cut him off, changed my number and blocked him on all social media platforms. My peace and sanity was more important so that’s what I chose. Ladies beware of broken men or men that is intimidated by your success. Some refuse to work on themselves and will depend on u just as Stephan said. I learned a valuable lesson just wish it hadn’t took so long 😢
I really enjoyed this content, I've experienced how difficult it is to let go. Not just in one relationship. I encourage ladies to listen to this video more than once and understand that men are not stupid, they KNOW also. Protect yourself.
Omg he is telling the truth about struggle love ! He is on it ! Everything he is saying I went through! Don’t do the struggle love it leads to no where. Choose you!
💯true about the struggle love, sometimes it’s not worth it holding on to someone like that, it will only hurt you and grow resentment for that person in the long run. “If he cant get himself together.. if him knowing that all he has to do is put in the work and now he can be with you.. if he really is into you, if that’s not enough to motivate him.. then you actually being in a relationship with him isn’t going to make anything better”
Stephan, there was so much valuable information here that you broke down very eloquently the way you always do. A woman should never have to help a man grow up--that is his responsibility and work to do. Not that she can't love and support him, but there's a big difference. I also don't think God intended bedroom intimacy to be a performance that women (or men) need to "try out for," instead of sincerely expressing your love to your beloved in the sacred space of your home. Our culture has twisted this over the years and people just accept it. Thank you for continuing to share your wisdom and insights with us. Love and blessings. 😇❤🙏
Yessssssss! Him cheating,was God rescuing me! The I’m sorry means nothing,If his actions don’t match what he’s is saying!!!! I Love your podcast!You speak so much real talk, You are certainly walking in your calling! Bless God! (And Continued Blessings to You)
I dealt with and lost myself in a so called man for 17yrs. It was miserable and the marriage was hell. Its true I felt trapped. Come to find out later he was a narcissist. I fear men, I tried women after I left him but once I realized that I was the woman who needed me I let that lifestyle go. That boy had me lookin for love in all the wrong places cause I was scared to be hurt & alone. I have men on a daily trying to talk to me. Recently I gave my number to one guy and he won't leave me alone I guess this is where being nice comes into play. I dont kno his intentions and he doesn't ask questions to get to kno me better. He says let's jus see where it goes but where can it go if he doesn't kno me. I think I'm gonna cut it off today this video was very helpful.....this is why I've been celibate & single for 7yrs I dont have time to waste on temporary things that don't benefit me. Im just not ready...
I am a caring individual, been told that it is considered a gift in my character, told this by my pastor. I make sure everyone in my circle is good from my coworkers, clients, family, friends and especially my man. What is so strange when I want something ( esp from my man) and it’s not often trust me I get pushback of some sort. So when I tell him “hey, we don’t have to give each other anything let’s just hang out and be friends.” Well that is unacceptable but yet he wants me to give the most important part of me up for nothing because I’m getting the same from him. I don’t want that.
My parents always told me that "love gives", meaning that if someone loves you, they'll want to give to you. If they don't freely give to you, they either don't love you or don't know how to love people. You can decide if you want to be with someone who doesn't know and/or doesn't want to learn how to love you. Your choice
This session absolutely resonates with my current relationship. I’m an independent successful woman and I’m in love with a man who has a lot of potential but it’s been 3 years now and I’m going to sit him down for a real talk and awakening…
Wow I never understood why when I get around men I become serious and non flirtatious. My mind goes into autopilot and this wall goes up however, I never viewed it as I’ve been hurt 💪🏾🙌🏽
You’re exactly right. I was with my youngest father for over 13yrs and our relationship really wasn’t going nowhere. I didn’t realize it til my oldest son was in hospice care and he didn’t want to and even argued with me about coming there and having gas to come get his son. He finally came after a few days kissed me on my forehead saying he was sorry about my son but he didn’t even come to his memorial. That’s when it was completely clear to me that he was not for me anymore and never was, even though everyone was telling me to leave him. Years later, he’s 53 and still living with his mother even though he have a nice paying job but don’t want to have his own place is what I’m getting
Thanks y’all! It was a hard lesson to learn, but I’m glad I learned it cause now I don’t deal with guys like that anymore. I’ve made my mistakes but now that I’m older, I do things differently because I put God first over everything and he’s the reason why I’m still alive and surviving and give all my thanks and praise to him for everything ❤️
I continued with ‘struggle love’, he had a second emotional affair 22 years into our marriage, then left for his vile affair partner. I gave up way too much of myself for an ungrateful man who I enabled to become even less of a man over the years. It wasn’t even 50/50, more like 70/30, he had a very easy life. He left for a woman who is a worse Narcissist than himself and was already on her 4th husband during their emotional affair 🤦🏻♀️ Thinking I was sacrificing myself to save us both has left me devastated, at 45 I’m exhausted because of his disgusting ‘take take take’ mentality. He almost caused me a psychological breakdown and unable to be a functioning mother to our children, children he has also abandoned. Please don’t be an ‘enabler’ like me, it will ruin your existence on this earth and it will be for nothing, because some are just unworthy of our empathy and love.
I have to work on stop being a nice girl. Especially dealing struggle love. I am with someone who doesn’t want to do anything towards progression. I need to jump into that life boat. Because he is so content with me working building myself and all he knows is that he benefits from what I do. Omg I have to stop, I have all these internal conversations with myself about what he doesn’t want to do… and I am wasting away mentally and physically.
I find myself always trying to be fixer, I’m always trying to fix a broken man, I’m always choosing these wounded men. Maybe on a subconscious level fixing them makes me feel like I am fixing myself
Stephan! I been watching you for 2 years now and you just spoke to my whole spirit on the struggle love topic! You hit the nail on the head. Just wow. I thought I was going through something uncommon and you just sat there and literally told my story word for word without the finer details. I’m not alone! I found you really have To choose yourself and love yourself first and know that God had no intention of this man being in your life. And he’ll keep showing you until you understand! God is good and he knows what is best for you.
Thank you so much Stephan, this video came handy, just got out of a terrible 5 years marriage, which wasn't supposed to be in the first place. I actually did most of the things you mentioned in this video and I am now seeing how much mistakes I have made right from the onset.
I was always too nice but I was forced out of it because men don’t like it. Now I feel like I don’t give a damn about anything and don’t have the energy to even give anybody a chance because of it😂😂I love how Stephan can tap into the minds of men and women and understand the mentality of them both. I binge watch your advice 😊thank you for giving us a male perspective to gain a better understanding.
Wow. It seems as if u are talking directly to me. I was feeling this way when I first met him. I do feel that way after the first encounter. I have feelings for him now. But I was confused at first. I have to trust in God to lead me in the right direction now. 🙏
I been afraid to say no because I finally realized that I love my husband with pity. He treated me for granted for 5 years. It’s been 10 months I chose me and bought myself a new ring. Now he’s asking me to forgive him. I sat down and pray and listened to my heart I feel no connection or chemistry nothing I just feel he’s a guy who want me but we are not connecting. Now I’m ready to tell him I can’t I need to say goodbye in peace👏🏾
Wow this hit me hard😢 i definitely was the "nice girl" love to put smiles on people's face and make people laugh. Im plus size. And i been told i should do plus size modeling. The narcissists played the role. I found myself trying to lose weight just to please him. It was very tough. Now i date a compassionate man ❤who loves me for me and encourages my plus size modeling ❤
All of your videos hit home for me and I am so thankful I came across your platform. I am in tears writing this. I have been going through a hard patch in life. Never realized how hard it is to truly learn to face all your past trauma, accept them and grow. The healing process is REAL & HARD!! Looking yourself in the mirror and saying I've had ENOUGH!!! & actually putting the work in to become a better you. Cutting people you LOVE wholeheartedly off because you realize the love and energy isn't reciprocated and probably never will be. Accepting things for exactly what it is and not what you picture it could be. But this journey is so worth the rewards that come after. Fully being healed and loving yourself is the ultimate reward in life. I am on this journey walking alone, just God and I; and now I have your words to also help me through. THANK YOU!! I have never commented on youtube videos before but I had to show my gratitude to you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!
I know there are many relationship coaches but you have always found the way to organize your videos in a way that is simple but yet deep and effective for me to understand and can connect with. I mean you break it down and stay focused all at the same time. I CANNOT Thank You Enough!!! I take your advise to heart and really feel so much gratitude I came Accross your page. 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽
Yep, not good for me...thankful for those lessons learned. It hurt but the freedom from anxiety , worry, and turmoil is everything. Protect your peace.
I’m currently in the dating stage with a really good guy. This really came at a good time. There are some things I need to scale back from because I’m definitely that “nice girl.” Thank you so much for this! It’s like a literal light turned on In my brain after watching this.
I have to change something in my life because i feel like I'm going to grow old and die alone life my mother did. She craved affection from a man who never really loved her enough to not hurt her. I want companionship and I'm waiting for my person. I was married for 9 years to a man that tore me down in every way possible. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Everytime a relationship goes bad for me since this relationship, i reflect back on the horrible things he said to me during our marriage such as nobody will ever want you. Something has to change with me. I'm 41 years old and I'm single. Right now I'm taking time to fully heal from the past trama I've experienced in my past relationships. I hope that once I'm healed my forever love will find me.
From my observations, the "nice men" are being told that nice guys finish last & that girls don't like nice guys, so they should become bad boys... Here, the "nice women" are being told to stop being nice & that nice women are treated like doormats. Does no one see how a trauma loop is being created & perpetuated here? The first issue l see is people conflating and confusing niceness with kindness... The word 'nice' is from the Latin 'nescius', which means "naive, ignorant, to not know." So people on both sides labelling themselves as nice is an ironic demonstration of the naivety that's literally in the definition of the word nice but l digress... What both sides are ignorant of is that relationships are spiritual mirrors meant to teach you about you. They are a spiritual tool, NOT a safe haven from your past traumas/loniless, NOT a goal, nor are they an indefinite vacation or distraction from the internal work most run from doing... The partners you pick and are magnetised to are reflections of your INTERNAL relationship with yourself. So changing partners doesn't change your experience; just like changing a mirror doesn't change you or your reflection. So becoming a bad boy only makes you attract women who fan the flames of badness in you till they consume both of you. If you truly are a kind person person no one should be able to change you or make you to be less of who you are (kind). Actions are louder than words, so the "nice guys" that become bad boys to attract women are showing (with their actions) that they aren't really kind because they are willing to sacrifice character to get sex & relationships from women who don't even like good guys. Inversely, the "nice women" who are now changing themselves into bad girls and selfish women because their relationship expectations weren't met by the bad boys they picked; they too are willing to sacrifice character to get what they want so they are the perfect mirror of the bad boys... They are spiritual mirrors of each other in that they aren't yet truly kind people at their core because when being kind doesn't get them what they want, they stop being kind. In short, they are using kindness and niceness as transactional tools & a means to an end (not wanting to be lonely, wanting someone to love them more than they love themselves, wanting someone to take care of them etc). It's all EGO, trauma coping mechanisms (of people not willing to face or work on themselves) and looking for quick external fixes to internal deep seeded issues. When will people learn?😔 *"The only relationship we can have is the relationship with the self. All other relationships are REFLECTIONS of that relationship." - Iyanla Vanzant* People lie to themselves and think of themselves as better than they actually are, and then they get confused by the relationships they attract. The relationship is a mirror reflection of what's happening WITHIN yourself. You are attracting who you are. You pick men who don't care about you because you don't care about you, which is likely because you weren't truly cared for from childhood. Then, as men, you pick women who don't care about you because you don't feel you will ever be cared for by women & you're too scared to be alone. Otherwise, you wouldn't entertain shallow women nor change into a bad boy (abandon core your character values) to be with them. Like the women, you don't care about yourself too, making them your perfect spiritual lesson/partner/mirror. So ultimately, you will perpetually attract each other because you are both similarly compromised from WITHIN. You can't attract and keep someone better than you are spiritually because *"One can never accept more love than the amount of love they give themselves." (Law of attraction)*
Unfortunately for “nice girls” and “nice guys,” human nature is such that humans see nice people as weak and easy to take advantage of. It benefits the nice girls/guys to understand and set boundaries (so they understand when other humans are trying to take advantage of them and use them as a doormat).
Whew chile this is the truth! After seeing a few friends find real love and witnessed it! From then on I was firm believer of love should NOT be struggle!! The nice girl I am not, bc I will cut him right on off.
Listening from Australia, had not heard the term 'struggle love' before but as soon as you started explaining it, I went 'uh-oh' and recognized myself in ALL of my past relationships. Am currently single and not willing to do that again. Thanks Stephan, I love your no B-S, practical, straight down the line advice. Wish you and your good advice were around 44 years ago when I was 20 :)
Stephan I'd love to hear about WHY men let themselves go once they get into a serious relationship? Is it just me? I feel like I've been plagued with this situation in every adult relationship I've been in. Sure I understand getting more comfortable, like not wearing makeup everytime I see them. But for them to lose what seems like basic things like hygeine, cutting their hair, and keeping up their style. It really feels like they're all just saying that I don't deserve to be with someone I'm actually attracted to. My recent ex let himself go (said too bad "this is me now") then went right back to his old "look" once we broke up.
OK, here we go. A guy with self-respect will definitely take care of himself. Personal hygiene, dresses appropriately, and his style, looking after his health... Being authentic. Regardless of women!!! The guys you describe within your previous relationships were basically pretenders, being on the hunt.😂 You ex is now back on the market, so now he's back taking care of himself, that's definitely not an authentic guy. Women in general see the potential and then expect they can change the guy. That's not going to happen. Trust me, I am a guy. Good luck 👍
You Always Break It Down Best!🖤 I Just realized I’ve been soo use to telling myself others deserve it more than me as a child because my thoughts and feelings were always debunked and how i was treated caused me to live in my head growing up and now at 25 listening to you break it down I’m realizing that that’s one of the reasons why I’ll give my all for to the wrong people instantly who probably will never reciprocate it back and forget about me😮 after a while, you start to realize that you break your neck giving to others that could give to F’s about you and start to put you first💯 Thank You! I’ll never be upset for having a genuine approach, but I am upset at myself for thinking for so long that my needs and wants were was the last on every list!🤦🏽♀️
You are young and beautiful! Don’t waste your younger years on not loving yourself or thinking you are not good enough. You are!! It took me a long time because like a lot of us, we don’t feel very loved as a child. I’m 65 now and I actually love myself - I don’t put up with anybody’s crap. Learn it now and you’ll get what you want and deserve in life. And respect is key. If there is respect everything else follows.
@@jeanne5371 Thank You Soo Much For the past 5 years I’ve been separating myself from what’s not loving me unconditionally and Strengthening My Relationship With God Spiritually 🙏🏾 It Took Me Awhile But I Love Me More Than Anything Now & Whats Not For Me Is None Of My Concern ✔️ God Bless You!🖤
You nailed this girl. I re read your post few times. It resonates with me. I think as you well said it is down to our upbringing. If our wants and feelings were ignored we subconciously , untill we wake up, think we do not deserve much and we give and give. Time to take that power back , honor what our bodies are telling us and set standards high so only valuable people come in ❤
@@orianam9835 Absolutely ✔️💯 Thats Why it’s important To Have A Healthy Foundation When Taking On Bringing life into this world Lets Take Back What Rightfully Ours✨🙏🏾🖤
This has been one of the most eye opening videos on this "nice girl", troubled love thing. I recently learned I'm trauma bonded with a man, but didn't realize how I was setting it up to continue. I had no idea I was participating in this and I see now what I've been doing wrong. You make something that's been so confusing to me so clear. Thank you 🙏
This has been an eye opener. I can honestly say I never looked at emotional support as " struggle love" until now here the reason why i did it. (And im not nessarily saying its a good thing) Because I understand how much emotional intelligence and emotional transformation is truly an asset. Not just to me and my needs but its asset to relationships in general it allows an unwavering to communicate better and be soild on your communication skills not just with your partner but for yourself as well. It help with having great conflict resoultion and not take everything so personal. Emotional transformation i believe is the core to all human beings and their evolving as a person and personal development. I never looked at it as for my own needs to feel sercue in the relationship but to just have a soild communication because that what a relationship is built on. And rather we want to admit it or not, communication is based on emotions. So as im typing i realizing that i did it because i simply value having a healthy relationship not to secure my spot with you or that I built you and you'll never leave me. I didnt even realized this was consider a "nice girl trait" Also, i remeber their was a time i needed the emotional support through my transformational jounery hell I still do. I also know that when a person is under development in emotional intelligence it can cause alot of conflict. I was also that person who took everything personal and it was all emotional based. It wasnt until i got to the root and was like ahhhhh haaa. Everybody is struggling with this in some shape form or fashion. Its the reason family fuels. People are divorcing, money issue, it all boiled down to an emotion rather good or bad. This is great insight.
Sometimes it's called baggage. When you enter into a potentially relationship, it should not feel like you have to carry all of his and he shouldn't have to carry yours, not right out the gate! Things should be light, carefree and free from burdens financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually. Both parties should be allowed to move freely in every area of their lives, and honestly and respectfully. Cheers!
When I watch your other videos I think I’ve got a great guy. We’ve worked through conflict, he’s listened to me, I see him make changes, etc and then it flips I feel like I’m being stonewalled. How can I feel like everything is on point when I listen to your videos about what he will do if he truly cares and then listen to this video and feel like I’m giving too many chances on a repeated cycle of emotional shutdown.
By asking or telling straight you just save so much of your valuable time. In most cases man are simple and you have to communicate with them directly for the better outcome. And if they refuse or won’t answer your question - let them go right away. You and your time is a number one priority, point.
You are such a great relationship coach. You never say anything offensive just true opinion of what women should do and what will bring progress in someone personal life and relationship
The topic of struggle love hit hard. You pretty much described my last relationship that was 3 yrs long .. long years. Dating potential and he walk away from.
All of this? Literally me 😭 I have both of my parents but most of my friends have a S/O or spouse. I have been in only two relationships so far and I’ve said “yes” to pretty much everything they asked of me because I thought they truly loved me and that would grow and progress like I had…nope 😂 so thank you Stephan for your advice seriously 🙏🏾
It’s not being nice it’s being amicable, I’m like this with an ex we had broken up for almost a year. I’m not even making it work we are only in this situation as we own a home together so we have to keep communication open but my own life I’m no longer in alignment with him anymore. We just wanted different things but then I’ve done my elevating and being a better then he came back I’ve told him my feelings and I’ve left it there so there is no mixed messages as I’m done with sending my mixed signals. I feel so much calmer I’m working on my next things I want to achieve.
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Hi remember me? We still just close close friends. Not kissed even. Great base for potential marriage :)
Hi Stephan, I’m in a situation where my boyfriend told me that he gets bored in relationships easily and then he told me that he wouldn’t cheat on me but he would let me know when he wants out to see other people. He doesn’t understand how this is crazy. Can you make a video on this? I’ve never been in this situation before.
Greetings, please I have a worry. My boyfriend responds to anything I suggest as disrespect or "do you want to compare yourself to me"?, Do you dare disobey me? Do you want to cry? You deserve some good ass whooping. I'm scared but I don't know if I provoke this. I'm thinking of leaving and I'm scared he will come with the tears and say I used him . What do you suggest I do? I feel trapped
Once I stopped being the nice girl, I now get what I want or show them the door! Especially low-balling, low-effort men. I choose me first and now they do what I want
Lie! you can't keep a real man without being nice and submissive.
@@pathip_ so you haven’t even listened to the video to the end. Not sure what men you know, but nice girls are seen as doormats…
Good on you. It's called girl power
YUP! Ignore men complaining about being used. They don’t care, as long as they get sex and are attracted to the girl. He will accept being used. If he’s complaining about it, it’s cause he mad she didn’t pick him.
Being nice does not make men respect you, or treat you better. They will treat you worse, because they can, and they are always looking to low ball.
Don’t apologize for not texting back quick enough or breaking plans. Men don’t deserve empathy. Men pick mean, horrible women all the time just because they are cute. Get yours!
@@pathip_The etymology of “nice” is stupid, foolish & clumsy. Men don’t respect women who are “nice” & “submissive”, they dog walk them.
My first boss taught me how to say no. "I wish I could be more helpful but I can't". Works like a charm.
OMG, just what I needed. Thank you
I LOVE that ! I usually say, " I can't commit to that right now". But yours sound so much better 😅😅
I'm using this
me alsoo!!
YES BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE VERY DECEITFUL AND WILL USE YOU AS IT BENEFITS THEM UNTIL YOU SAY NO THAT'S WHY I BLOCKED AND DELETED THE USERS
I'm naturally a nice person and yes, I'm so tired of being nice to the WRONG and UNDESERVING guy and I'm so done🙄
Yea I understand I'm sick of being nice too lol
I took myself off the dating market and I am happy.
Not everyone is meant to be in a relationship.
You're not done till the spirit is done with you... If you want to change your experience, there are 2 principles you must understand first.
Principle 1:
"One can never accept more love than the amount of love they give themselves." (Law of attraction)
Principle 2:
"The only relationship we can have is the relationship with the self. All other relationships are REFLECTIONS of that relationship." - Iyanla Vanzant
The issue isn't WHO you attract but WHY you attract them... Relationships are spiritual mirrors meant to teach you about you. They are a spiritual tool, NOT a safe haven from your past traumas/loniless, NOT a goal, nor are they an indefinite vacation or distraction from the internal work most run from doing... The partners you pick and are magnetised to are reflections of your INTERNAL relationship with yourself. So changing partners doesn't change your experience; just like changing a mirror doesn't change you or your reflection.
You say you are "naturally a nice person," but the real question is, are you being nice to YOURSELF by choosing "undeserving" partners? No, you're not & that behaviour ties into Principle 1; You pick and are attracted to undeserving partners because subconsciously, you likely feel undeserving of love greater than the amount you received in your childhood and the amount you give yourself today because of said childhood... Thus, your pathology becomes; subconsciously(internally) being drawn to partners that give you the same FAMILIAR low level of love you've received & given yourself since childhood, whilst you consciously(externally) you desperately try fight to make your "undeserving" partners (through niceness) love you more than you were loved &/or love yourself. No condemnation, but that behaviour
Is a coping mechanism at best.
The problem here is that you're trying to fix an internal issue externally. Unfortunately, that's not how relationships and attraction work. You always spiritually attract who you are (your lesson)... thus you can't attract better till you BECOME better. The parts of your spirit that feel undeserving need to be addressed and unpacked. Until then, your relationship choices will just reflect your growth or lack thereof.
Final Principle:
"You make your decisions, and then your decisions make you."
@@MylezNevisonThank you for your comment/opinion, I respect that....
I say that I'm done, as far as, when I recognize that I'm being used or taken for granted for my kindness by a guy or anyone.
I respectfully call the guy or person out, for whatever negativity that has transpired from them towards me, at that very moment and I move on, no hate, I just move on.
I am naturally nice, kind, caring, loving and a giving lady, but, I do know when I'm being taken for granted and used.
But, that doesn't stop me from being who I am by pouring into those that are deserving.
God blessed me with a loving and kind heart, I love Him, I love myself and people...
But, I'm not a fool nor am I perfect and never will be✨
@@winning3329Relationships are difficult, but it's good to experience at least once to get an understanding of it. Of course educate yourself first. It's okay to focus your life on your career and family if you don't desire kids in your future.
For the first time, I told a man he isn’t enough for me, I stopped being nice to men and started being nice to myself 🧡
Started this in 2017. Best decision I ever made..
How did you get rid of him? Did he live with you?
GIRL IT'S THE BEST DECISION EVER THESE SCUMS AREN'T LOOKING FOR LOVE THEY'RE LOOKING FOR HELP 🤢🤢🤢AND THAT'S FACTS
Amen. I started doing the same. And much happier
Congratulations to self ❤😅
Mfs be treating " bad bitches " way better than nice girls smh😂
They want / *value what they can't have, not what seems "available"
They like a challenge and get turned on by being treated horribly.
men will have sex with ANY woman, ones they hate, find disgusting/fat/skinny/ugly etc...for their sexual pleasure. STOP GIVING IT TO THEM.
I don't ever see men desiring drama in relationships besides toxic men who simp or play nice to get sex from her. Men are simple, and women can spot it a mile away. If you're a good woman, then your choices reflect the quality of the relationships. Why do women feel the need to chase Chad and Tyrone? Why do men feel the need to chase women who are easier to get attention over? It goes both ways. A wise woman will distinguish between "playing nice" versus a genuinely good gentleman. A wise man will distinguish a snake versus a woman with a loyal heart.
It's an illusion. Those baddies are lesbians who will give sloppy to a pit bull for $30 and a IG shout out. If he is into those whack ass Lil girls let the streets have him. He may have rabies and malaria from raw dogging those serpents.
“You’re not too nice you’re just too afraid to say no” thank you so much for this. I know I’m too afraid to say no because of my anxious attachment style and fear of abandonment. (Both my parents are in my life but growing up my friends always left me for others). I say yes because I want others to be happy so they don’t leave me. I need to learn how to start putting myself first!
All your points btw… This entire video is for me 😭 thank you 😭😭
Women are taught to be nice but men are not.
And pull yourself up by your boot strap You are worthy of an attachment a free attachment without Fear.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
Me to
Thank you everyone 🙏🏾🩷
Basically, don't have sex to keep a man, don't settle for struggle love, know your worth and do not accept less than what you deserve. All things I already agree with and live by.😌
Right 🎉😊
That’s right
GRAVITY I LOVE IT HERE THESE SCUMS CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND WHY I'M NOT HARD UP FOR NO MAN LET ALONE TO EVEN LET A SCUM STAY WITH ME NOPE NOT THIS WOMAN🤢🤢🤢🤢
True hey 😢
Can not stress that "struggle love" part enough! Speaking out of my own experience on that part; that was how I ended up wasting almost 10 years of my life with someone who was essentially abusing me financially, emotionally and mentally. The idea that we can "fix someone" if we only love them enough has to be one of the most self sabotaging lies we can tell our self.
Ik R!!
I thought I read, SNUGGLE love
Sounds like a hobosexual?
I have learned from my experiences of being too nice to the wrong men. I am no longer giving my all and receiving anything in return. I am now sticking to my standards, no longer listening to sob stories and being told to lower my standards by the wrong men, who do not meet them. At a certain age you should be mature, know what you want, stop playing games and not wanting people to accept struggle love.
At this point in my life, it is better to be single and content than to settle for less than I deserve and feel like I am in a hellish relationship.
Absolutely
You’d never be right for the wrong man.
All of this.
I totally agree
yup me to that’s what i’m doing.
I'm a nice girl, but if a man is wasting my time I'm moving on.
@karenstephenson facts cuz we not playing with em
like don't get it twisted lol
Me too I don’t wait around I be gone with the wind 🌬️
I’ve been guilty of staying around too long. As of lately when dating I show my authentic self and if the person I am isn’t treated properly I’m quicker than the road runner at getting away. With that being said I take it one day at a time.
@@MelliMel_ Period. Men KNOW who they can play around with!!
Ive been dating a man for month's that ive known for years. We've done the bedroom action and when i asked for a serious relationship within 6 months to a year of getting to know eachother, he told me he doesnt know how he feels in a year. To me I took that as rejection, that he didnt want ME, he just wanted the action from me. I learned to slowly let him go until i was finally ready to simply walk away for good. It wasnt worth the depression id get when id gain feelings knowing i would never get anywhere with him. It truely was a struggle love for me. I went to church and the pastor talked about letting go of people who arent good for you. People who will sink your boat. I took that as God's sign.
Good for you! You are worth loving!
💯
GOOD JOB BOO DON'T LET NOBODY STEAL YOUR JOY THESE SCUMS ARE SO PATHETIC I PROMISE YOU AND IT FEELS GOOD NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING THEM OR THEIR FOOLISHNESS😂😂😂😂
I use to be the too nice girl I had to stop doing that to protect my heart and my peace! I almost lost myself, never ever again! Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that 🙏
I learned if a man is into me he will show me. Talking means absolutely nothing. I’m by myself but I am happy!❤😂
This is some of the stuff I wish my dad told me. He’d rather me not date at all and I’m 25. So instead of guiding me through what healthy relationships look like. I’m just out here figuring stuff out on my own. Thanks for your videos and God bless!
I'm the same and same age
Stop blaming your parents for what they don’t know or understand.
Father's need to stop this. Talk to their daughters.
I’m way over it. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to get anyone to like me. I’ve never cared. I’m usually pursued , but I seem to attract men who see a good woman and want to use me when they see that I truly am a person who treats others like I want to be treated. They get comfortable like a frog in hot water. I express myself but they don’t tend to take me seriously. I suppose because I speak softly, and don’t cuss and scream. When I turn off the stove and dump ice in the water, they get surprised and are shocked because they think that I would never do that. I give as many chances as I can, but enough is enough. Men tend to take my kindness as a weakness.
At this point, I’ll either have the man that I have prayed for and am willing to wait for or have NO ONE. GOD created the universe and everything in it, surely HE can provide the kind of man I have asked for, as well as make sure he is the man I need. HE knows me better than I know myself. I can and will be patient.
Well spoken 😊🙏
I feel you girl. You mentioned giving as many chances as you can. That might be the problem. I just saw a reel where the guy said they are “bad boys” and treat women however because women don’t leave. It was terrible, but true. One strike and you’re out their behind! But also waiting on God because the dating world sucks.
@@fluorescentjas You’re probably right., but I would want to be given more than one chance. I will let go immediately when there is a deal breaker the first time, i.e. doing the things that I don’t do like getting in my face and screaming. I don’t get down with that. That person has anger issues, and I’m not going to give a chance to do that again or hit me. It’s not so much what you say, but how you react and say what you want to say. I won’t even say that’s treating me like a child. I would never treat a child like that. One time and a man is comfortable thinking that’s how you will let him treat you or go further if he wants.
In addition, I usually give the chances because when I walk away it’s over. There’s nothing left to say nor look back for. I have never traveled a road once traveled with a man, because I have done my best and I have no regrets.
Work on yourself. Your first line is where your problem is
I wish you all the best🙏🏽❤
I used to be such a pick me woman because I didn't know the games men played.
When i saw men saying that they saw s3x as a hand shake i knew i had to take myself out of the dating market.
I didn't know male nature like i learned now.
I am happily single and celibate. ❤❤❤
You just have to weed out all of the low value men that desire casual sex and hookup culture. As a guy, I prefer a woman who respects her body and has desirable feminine traits. Sex isn't a priority, but I expect it to be considered (not forced) to maintain a healthy LTR. If she doesn't want sex before marriage, then it's okay. Sex should be a special time between partners, and strong intimacy makes it far more desirable. I really don't get how men can only satisfy themselves. Women don't care about the physical part, they want the emotion.
Me also.
I am a guy, and the biggest mistake women make is being too easy. Meaning to sleep with the guy on the first date. As a guy's perspective, you are not relationship material in that case. Postpone it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying. "I am not that kind of woman." "I 1st would like to get to know you better." You avoid the players, and you become instantly more attractive. Trust me. This is actually top secret for women. Guys categorize women, too. Good luck.
@@yvesgysel9834i'm virgin my whole life 😢 do explain why i still attract MEN who view me as side sex Chick if i have Legs closed??? Why MEN are attracted to virgins and if they cant keep dik in pants?
@@Danny328DT thanks for this ...good to hear a guy lend his voice on this
Saying No is so liberating. It’s so sad how women are conditioned to be ppl pleasers and set up to be exploited. Saying no gets easier when you stop worrying about ppl “not liking you, being upset w u and overall not being pleased w u. Women have to get comfortable w that! We are taught “ if im not always pleasing to ppl they won’t like me & I will be alone.” Think about all the ppl in your life who don’t focus on pleasing you 24/7 yet you STILL like them, you still want to be around, you still RESPECT them. That happens both ways. You don’t have to work hard to please ppl 24/7 to be liked. Be a human being. Ppl respect authenticity. Being nice ALL the time is fake. Nobody is truly nice all the time.
Yes
"All the time" 🎯🎯
BIG FACTS😘😘😍😘😘😍😘😍😍😘
I WISH THAT I CAN LIKE THIS STATUS A MILLION TIMES HUNNY BECAUSE THIS COMMENT IS EVERYTHING... IT FEELS GOOD LEARNING TO SAY NO AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER AND WONDERING OF THEY'LL LIKE YOU HELL MAJORITY OF THESE INDIVIDUALS DON'T EVEN LIKE THEMSELVES
Im that too nice girl, and I hate it. Lately I been educating my mind on how to not make things so easy for these men. Im so tired of putting myself in temporary situations 💯
This is what I was needing to hear right now. I broke off a 2 1/2 year relationship a few months ago and I’m working on myself so I don’t get in that same situation again. I am that “nice” girl. It’s time that I realize I deserve to be treated with love and respect.
Hey beautiful
Amen! ❤
I'm finally starting to speak up for myself. I'm not your doormat. I will not accept just enough anymore. You not gonna continue to hurt and disrespect me. I'm over it.
Am actually a nice girl. Now I understand why I feel men take advantage
You can be nice, just don’t let him take advantage of. Don’t always agree whim or say yes all the time. Don’t feel guilty when you can’t do ever for him all the time.
Story of my life
Thank you Stephan!! I just broke it off after 2 1/2 years of every point you hit on today!!! I am taking my identity back and gonna be happy for the Rest of my Life!! I am 70 yrs. old and I plan on enjoying my Golden Years!! Thank you!! ❤❤❤❤❤
Jesus loves you so much 🙌☀️
Wow!! Go You Queen! I wish I had your strength. Peace, Luv & Blessings 💕
Go girl❤
If in 6 months or so men are playing games and the relationship is not going anywhere you break it off. At a certain age people should know what they want from a relationship. Sometimes it is better to be alone and content than be in one sided relationship and dealing with unnecessary stress. I am not putting up with any crap from men now and hope I will never have to put up with crap from some old man that should know better.
72 here. We’re the best!!💃
I have said 'NO' many times, even on first dates! These guys were never to be seen or heard from again..BYE!! Ladies you don't need these selfish players in your lives! The moment when you can honestly say, "I would like a man in my life, but I don't need one to be happy", is the moment you free yourself to take the time and really find the right one. Thank you, Stephan for all of the wisdom you share.
There is nothing wrong being nice, but we nust need to be clear on our intentions and not letting our niceness be seen as weakness. You're right Steph
Invest and test. Coming from someone who has rescuers syndrome and a motherly figure to all her friends. I have been used for resources and sex. No more. Im over coming childhood trauma. What i will and wont put up with. I will never beg anyone to sit at my table and let me tell you. Neither do you.
Invest a little, see if its reciprocated (test), if it is, invest more and keep the cycle going.
Love your message Stephan.
Big hugs everyone have a blessed day. ❤
I like that… invest and test. I will definitely make a mental note of that 📝 My best wishes to you my dear ❤✨
@@rensii-e8b you as well sweetie! Never forget your worth!
A great way to think about second chances is what Jono from Cinema Therapy says. “The best apology is changed behavior”
I love cinema therapy!!!+!
Wow thanks for that, I will remember this quote!
You always post the things I need to hear at the exact time I need to hear it. God's timing is always right!
I appreciate that 🙏
Factz
always !
I agree with you here...
Thank you for this! Today, I finally ended a 7yr relationship that was going nowhere. I was accepting struggle love, always trying to save him, completely in love with is potential and not his reality. Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me open my eyes and accept how I was sabotaging myself with this relationship. Thanks for helping me save myself. It was long over due.
Same sis exactly the same
So glad you opened your eyes and your mind and stopped wasting precious time with a dead end relationship. God Bless You ❤
I dated 7 years, i helped him elevate, once he got rich dumped via a text . I am single 2 years. Jobless but God is faithful.
Proud of you, Internet stranger!
This was me for so long, but the real problem was just choosing the wrong men. We need to heal ourselves fully, and respect and value ourselves, and then we will naturally start to make better choices in our lives, including choosing better quality, higher value men.
Don't blame yourself fully. Men really are the problem.
In my case, good men dont even want me. All i attract are felons and narcissists so i give up at this point. I cant choose someone who dont want me anyways.
Being nice had me in a struggle love marriage that resulted in divorce after 7 years because of infidelity. We were only married 2-3 years the first time I found out about the first offense. After that timeframe, the narcissism kept exposing itself and I ended up going through so much, looking stupid. Now, post divorce, I’m mean as a bull to him. I don’t place 100% blame on him though. Had I left the first time or even left him alone after some flags during dating, I wouldn’t have to tell this story. Don’t force nothing and cut a mf off when necessary.
Amen. This sounds like my story. God bless.❤
my story right now, but taking path to healing
Women better learn how to run while they can still walk..fr
❤
@@godsroseinbloomh3246trouble too will pass
I put 22 years of marriage into struggle love before leaving...yet in the 1st month (marriage) we argued so much and it got so ugly that we agreed that we weren't even each other's FRIEND MATERIAL 🤯😳 but we had a mortgage, a new marriage, a baby on the way and we both LOVED the LORD. We considered those components to be a springboard. 22 years later, he never grew and continously put down my aspirations while dismissing my concerns until I said that I was leaving. I said it 5x before I actually left.
You mentioned: (1) struggle love (2) walking away from a person that is not a good fit (3) marrying potential (4) afraid to push him away...more concerned about him BEING OK than my own well-being. Huh😮💨 This WAS my life...but I have meditated, prayed, restructured my purpose, and dove headfirst into scripture for a whole year (and ongoing) and I love the new me.
Me too religious belief plays a big role
You’re describing so many marriages. I know one of these type too
You gotta look at their fruits sis! Not potential and definitely not their words.
@jeennys8256 Amen. I'm doing everything I can DAILY to focus on the FRUIT TREE right now and nor much else which is the way it should have always been. Pray for me.
“I love the new me” that’s inspiration🥺 thank you
Every time I watch your videos, it makes me more grateful that I’m single! I’m 44 and I plan on staying single until the Most High Calls my name! I give I’m no longer interested in dating. I’m really sick of the men out here! They are not emotionally available, or they are not mentally stable or they can’t match me. All I ask is for you to have a car your own place and a job! I Can take care of me. I want a man that can take care of himself! No I’m not coming to pick you up! No we not just chilling at my house! And I ABSOLUTELY am not giving you a dime. So I’m comfortable being alone! Im happy here.Been celibate two years and counting. I definitely was the nice girl. But I literally would get ran over and not taken seriously. I’m good!
Thank you. I been told I am too nice. Since I am getting older , 28 currently I am learning to set boundaries for myself and others. Loving and Healing myself with therapy and God. Also taking accountability. Just letting everything flow with time. Focused on my career and goals with God 1st
Yesssss.. you just summarized my life right now. I had to learn the hard way to set boundaries. I teach my kids they have the right to have boundaries now.
@@sheberry8597 yes much needed. May God bless you
@@loushaydavis464 May you be blessed as well💞
When I stop being the nice girl I get called CRAZY 🤣🤣🤣 but when I’m my sweet loving self they take it for granted
I am a survivor of struggle love and finally went to therapy and realized why I would even consider “helping” a man or “cultivating his Potential” when they were not on my level in any way! Most times they didn’t even see the potential in themselves and they certainly didn’t have any inner motivation to truly evolve once they had me or if they did evolve (thanks to me ) then they became more attractive to other women and cheated! No thank you! I am DELIVERED from Struggle Love!! 💯
I was in the process of getting to know someone and I wasn't really feeling him, and I kept hearing Stephan saying you can't force it
Why am I trying so hard to make it work with a man that I cant even be myself with ?! 💥 Excellent question
Absolutely!
Sometimes it's walking away from a good person who is NOT good for you , very well said !! No need to waste my precious time and my time and soul is precious, ✌🏽 💙
Never been the “Nice Girl”! I’m naturally kind of mean until you get to know me & I don’t allow most men or people in general to get to know me. I’m a straight shooter, I speak my mind & my attitude at times is terrible. With age I’m getting better 😂. I’ve always been more comfortable in my “dark feminine” energy & most men
are attracted to it., Weird! I’m affectionate, passionate & loving when I want to be. The energy I bring is No Nonsense/Zero Tolerance & I’m never afraid to Walk Away 😉
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
sounds like me lol what’s your sign?
My current partner told me this the other day and I was just laughing, I really can’t help it. Had to stand up for myself for so long and it’s hard to let any man get away with treating me like crap even as I’m growing older
I love that
sound like sag
I am also I nice person who let 30+ years go by. I was busy raising my children working going to school. When I slowed down is when my eyes opened up!!! Life is not always fair
🙏 I hope you reach the point of truly doing what is best.
Thank you 🙏🏼 me as well
Thanks for this video Man of God.Just decided to delete numbers of every man that was taking me for granted coz of being too nice.
I know I'll meet with someone who will love me for who I am.
Be yourselves ladies and have peace with yourselves.
The man God has for us ❤ will love us unconditionally. I love Stefan I will buy this book for all my friends for Christmas.
I was the "struggle love" girl. 5 1/2 years! He always would say he was working on him but there was never any change. Never open to suggestions after numerous conversations. And everything was always my fault.
I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you! I truly appreciate you!
Love the part where you said “we all need to evolve and grow and work on ourselves” not a lot of people think that way. 🎉❤😮😊
I am one of those people who has been in self-development for 22 years and still want to learn more and grow. Most people are not ready for it.
Many people are not _wise,_ dear.
Be well.💖
Actually loads of them do; the personal development movement is very big business and has been for decades.... raise your vibration and you'll find them.
Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere, as the classic says.
So I especially support this idea, to stop being a good girl.
Being good and being happy are two different things.
Women and girls need to develop themselves, take courses, have interesting hobbies, and not think that their happiness depends on a partner or a man. Being happy is a conscious choice of every woman. We can be happy regardless of who is around us, because it is our inner state.
Queens ALWAYS ask questions...A LOT of questions. Every woman should. If a man runs from a woman who asks questions, then he is NOT a man but a wimp. She obviously deserves better....Thank you, awesome job as always...Gb
I lost myself years ago. I have found and healed myself from all the damage. I will never lose myself again.
My first response was “here’s another man trying to tell a woman how to woman”.But good job there were definitely some gems to be had here. It breaks my heart that women suffer in this way. In our society we have been fed fallacies of what a woman is and what her role is. this has led women down a path of struggle. Good job! With this video!
I dated down essentially and poured into a guy for years until I got tired. I walked away and he immediately got into another relationship and when that ended, he claimed he learned his lesson and I should give him another chance. Gave him another chance and he was even worse than before. After only a few months, I cut him off, changed my number and blocked him on all social media platforms. My peace and sanity was more important so that’s what I chose. Ladies beware of broken men or men that is intimidated by your success. Some refuse to work on themselves and will depend on u just as Stephan said. I learned a valuable lesson just wish it hadn’t took so long 😢
I really enjoyed this content, I've experienced how difficult it is to let go. Not just in one relationship. I encourage ladies to listen to this video more than once and understand that men are not stupid, they KNOW also. Protect yourself.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Omg he is telling the truth about struggle love ! He is on it ! Everything he is saying I went through! Don’t do the struggle love it leads to no where. Choose you!
Can you help me give a suggestion
💯true about the struggle love, sometimes it’s not worth it holding on to someone like that, it will only hurt you and grow resentment for that person in the long run.
“If he cant get himself together.. if him knowing that all he has to do is put in the work and now he can be with you.. if he really is into you, if that’s not enough to motivate him.. then you actually being in a relationship with him isn’t going to make anything better”
Stephan, there was so much valuable information here that you broke down very eloquently the way you always do. A woman should never have to help a man grow up--that is his responsibility and work to do. Not that she can't love and support him, but there's a big difference. I also don't think God intended bedroom intimacy to be a performance that women (or men) need to "try out for," instead of sincerely expressing your love to your beloved in the sacred space of your home. Our culture has twisted this over the years and people just accept it. Thank you for continuing to share your wisdom and insights with us. Love and blessings. 😇❤🙏
I'm happy this has been helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
Yessssssss!
Him cheating,was God rescuing me!
The I’m sorry means nothing,If his actions don’t match what he’s is saying!!!!
I Love your podcast!You speak so much real talk,
You are certainly walking in your calling!
Bless God! (And Continued Blessings to You)
Sir, you came in here and broke this down like a fraction!! 💡💡
I dealt with and lost myself in a so called man for 17yrs. It was miserable and the marriage was hell. Its true I felt trapped. Come to find out later he was a narcissist. I fear men, I tried women after I left him but once I realized that I was the woman who needed me I let that lifestyle go. That boy had me lookin for love in all the wrong places cause I was scared to be hurt & alone. I have men on a daily trying to talk to me. Recently I gave my number to one guy and he won't leave me alone I guess this is where being nice comes into play. I dont kno his intentions and he doesn't ask questions to get to kno me better. He says let's jus see where it goes but where can it go if he doesn't kno me. I think I'm gonna cut it off today this video was very helpful.....this is why I've been celibate & single for 7yrs I dont have time to waste on temporary things that don't benefit me. Im just not ready...
I am a caring individual, been told that it is considered a gift in my character, told this by my pastor. I make sure everyone in my circle is good from my coworkers, clients, family, friends and especially my man. What is so strange when I want something ( esp from my man) and it’s not often trust me I get pushback of some sort. So when I tell him “hey, we don’t have to give each other anything let’s just hang out and be friends.” Well that is unacceptable but yet he wants me to give the most important part of me up for nothing because I’m getting the same from him. I don’t want that.
My parents always told me that "love gives", meaning that if someone loves you, they'll want to give to you. If they don't freely give to you, they either don't love you or don't know how to love people. You can decide if you want to be with someone who doesn't know and/or doesn't want to learn how to love you. Your choice
Struggle love...I refuse to settle for it. I will choose me over losing me.
This session absolutely resonates with my current relationship. I’m an independent successful woman and I’m in love with a man who has a lot of potential but it’s been 3 years now and I’m going to sit him down for a real talk and awakening…
The feminine analogy with kids is theeee best one over ever heard.
My daughter made me realize how “feminine” & affectionate I am
Wow I never understood why when I get around men I become serious and non flirtatious. My mind goes into autopilot and this wall goes up however, I never viewed it as I’ve been hurt 💪🏾🙌🏽
Me too girl! My personality just switches up and i become so serious when am around a man 😢
OMG, this is so true. I had so many insecurities that kept me in a bad situationship. 😢 Messed up my life. Now, I am on the road to recovery.
You’re exactly right. I was with my youngest father for over 13yrs and our relationship really wasn’t going nowhere. I didn’t realize it til my oldest son was in hospice care and he didn’t want to and even argued with me about coming there and having gas to come get his son. He finally came after a few days kissed me on my forehead saying he was sorry about my son but he didn’t even come to his memorial. That’s when it was completely clear to me that he was not for me anymore and never was, even though everyone was telling me to leave him. Years later, he’s 53 and still living with his mother even though he have a nice paying job but don’t want to have his own place is what I’m getting
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son
Thanks sweetie I appreciate that
Oml so sorry u went thru that girl😢
Sorry gal for the loss😢,may God heal and comfort you 🙏
Thanks y’all! It was a hard lesson to learn, but I’m glad I learned it cause now I don’t deal with guys like that anymore. I’ve made my mistakes but now that I’m older, I do things differently because I put God first over everything and he’s the reason why I’m still alive and surviving and give all my thanks and praise to him for everything ❤️
Ladies, listen to this man!
I continued with ‘struggle love’, he had a second emotional affair 22 years into our marriage, then left for his vile affair partner.
I gave up way too much of myself for an ungrateful man who I enabled to become even less of a man over the years.
It wasn’t even 50/50, more like 70/30, he had a very easy life.
He left for a woman who is a worse Narcissist than himself and was already on her 4th husband during their emotional affair 🤦🏻♀️
Thinking I was sacrificing myself to save us both has left me devastated, at 45 I’m exhausted because of his disgusting ‘take take take’ mentality. He almost caused me a psychological breakdown and unable to be a functioning mother to our children, children he has also abandoned.
Please don’t be an ‘enabler’ like me, it will ruin your existence on this earth and it will be for nothing, because some are just unworthy of our empathy and love.
I have to work on stop being a nice girl. Especially dealing struggle love. I am with someone who doesn’t want to do anything towards progression. I need to jump into that life boat. Because he is so content with me working building myself and all he knows is that he benefits from what I do. Omg I have to stop, I have all these internal conversations with myself about what he doesn’t want to do… and I am wasting away mentally and physically.
Accepting that struggle love hit me right in the face!!!!
I find myself always trying to be fixer, I’m always trying to fix a broken man, I’m always choosing these wounded men. Maybe on a subconscious level fixing them makes me feel like I am fixing myself
Never do something unless he committs to try and keep him. It’s all about self love thank you for this video❤️❤️
My pleasure ❤️
I always tell my friends don't date a broke men and they say am a gold digger. I can't do struggle love ,i suffered as a child😅😊
Where did Stephen say we should not date broke me
Stephan! I been watching you for 2 years now and you just spoke to my whole spirit on the struggle love topic! You hit the nail on the head. Just wow. I thought I was going through something uncommon and you just sat there and literally told my story word for word without the finer details. I’m not alone! I found you really have
To choose yourself and love yourself first and know that God had no intention of this man being in your life. And he’ll keep showing you until you understand! God is good and he knows what is best for you.
Hi
Thank you so much Stephan, this video came handy, just got out of a terrible 5 years marriage, which wasn't supposed to be in the first place. I actually did most of the things you mentioned in this video and I am now seeing how much mistakes I have made right from the onset.
I was always too nice but I was forced out of it because men don’t like it. Now I feel like I don’t give a damn about anything and don’t have the energy to even give anybody a chance because of it😂😂I love how Stephan can tap into the minds of men and women and understand the mentality of them both. I binge watch your advice 😊thank you for giving us a male perspective to gain a better understanding.
Wow. It seems as if u are talking directly to me. I was feeling this way when I first met him. I do feel that way after the first encounter. I have feelings for him now. But I was confused at first. I have to trust in God to lead me in the right direction now. 🙏
I been afraid to say no because I finally realized that I love my husband with pity. He treated me for granted for 5 years. It’s been 10 months I chose me and bought myself a new ring. Now he’s asking me to forgive him. I sat down and pray and listened to my heart I feel no connection or chemistry nothing I just feel he’s a guy who want me but we are not connecting. Now I’m ready to tell him I can’t I need to say goodbye in peace👏🏾
Wow this hit me hard😢 i definitely was the "nice girl" love to put smiles on people's face and make people laugh. Im plus size. And i been told i should do plus size modeling. The narcissists played the role. I found myself trying to lose weight just to please him. It was very tough. Now i date a compassionate man ❤who loves me for me and encourages my plus size modeling ❤
All of your videos hit home for me and I am so thankful I came across your platform. I am in tears writing this. I have been going through a hard patch in life. Never realized how hard it is to truly learn to face all your past trauma, accept them and grow. The healing process is REAL & HARD!! Looking yourself in the mirror and saying I've had ENOUGH!!! & actually putting the work in to become a better you. Cutting people you LOVE wholeheartedly off because you realize the love and energy isn't reciprocated and probably never will be. Accepting things for exactly what it is and not what you picture it could be. But this journey is so worth the rewards that come after. Fully being healed and loving yourself is the ultimate reward in life. I am on this journey walking alone, just God and I; and now I have your words to also help me through. THANK YOU!! I have never commented on youtube videos before but I had to show my gratitude to you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!
I'm happy this has been helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
I know there are many relationship coaches but you have always found the way to organize your videos in a way that is simple but yet deep and effective for me to understand and can connect with. I mean you break it down and stay focused all at the same time. I CANNOT Thank You Enough!!! I take your advise to heart and really feel so much gratitude I came Accross your page. 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
I’m ashamed to admit I have done all of these things but i am stronger now. Thanks for this video!
Yep, not good for me...thankful for those lessons learned. It hurt but the freedom from anxiety , worry, and turmoil is everything. Protect your peace.
I’m currently in the dating stage with a really good guy. This really came at a good time. There are some things I need to scale back from because I’m definitely that “nice girl.” Thank you so much for this! It’s like a literal light turned on In my brain after watching this.
I have to change something in my life because i feel like I'm going to grow old and die alone life my mother did. She craved affection from a man who never really loved her enough to not hurt her. I want companionship and I'm waiting for my person. I was married for 9 years to a man that tore me down in every way possible. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Everytime a relationship goes bad for me since this relationship, i reflect back on the horrible things he said to me during our marriage such as nobody will ever want you. Something has to change with me. I'm 41 years old and I'm single. Right now I'm taking time to fully heal from the past trama I've experienced in my past relationships. I hope that once I'm healed my forever love will find me.
I think ladies should get the commitment first before sex. And not just him verbalizing...an actual ring.
A ring means nothing. Get MARRIED and it probably me something more
You read me okay. I’m on my journey to evolve and it’s not easy but the journey is needed.
From my observations, the "nice men" are being told that nice guys finish last & that girls don't like nice guys, so they should become bad boys... Here, the "nice women" are being told to stop being nice & that nice women are treated like doormats. Does no one see how a trauma loop is being created & perpetuated here?
The first issue l see is people conflating and confusing niceness with kindness... The word 'nice' is from the Latin 'nescius', which means "naive, ignorant, to not know." So people on both sides labelling themselves as nice is an ironic demonstration of the naivety that's literally in the definition of the word nice but l digress...
What both sides are ignorant of is that relationships are spiritual mirrors meant to teach you about you. They are a spiritual tool, NOT a safe haven from your past traumas/loniless, NOT a goal, nor are they an indefinite vacation or distraction from the internal work most run from doing... The partners you pick and are magnetised to are reflections of your INTERNAL relationship with yourself. So changing partners doesn't change your experience; just like changing a mirror doesn't change you or your reflection. So becoming a bad boy only makes you attract women who fan the flames of badness in you till they consume both of you.
If you truly are a kind person person no one should be able to change you or make you to be less of who you are (kind). Actions are louder than words, so the "nice guys" that become bad boys to attract women are showing (with their actions) that they aren't really kind because they are willing to sacrifice character to get sex & relationships from women who don't even like good guys.
Inversely, the "nice women" who are now changing themselves into bad girls and selfish women because their relationship expectations weren't met by the bad boys they picked; they too are willing to sacrifice character to get what they want so they are the perfect mirror of the bad boys...
They are spiritual mirrors of each other in that they aren't yet truly kind people at their core because when being kind doesn't get them what they want, they stop being kind. In short, they are using kindness and niceness as transactional tools & a means to an end (not wanting to be lonely, wanting someone to love them more than they love themselves, wanting someone to take care of them etc). It's all EGO, trauma coping mechanisms (of people not willing to face or work on themselves) and looking for quick external fixes to internal deep seeded issues. When will people learn?😔 *"The only relationship we can have is the relationship with the self. All other relationships are REFLECTIONS of that relationship." - Iyanla Vanzant*
People lie to themselves and think of themselves as better than they actually are, and then they get confused by the relationships they attract. The relationship is a mirror reflection of what's happening WITHIN yourself. You are attracting who you are. You pick men who don't care about you because you don't care about you, which is likely because you weren't truly cared for from childhood. Then, as men, you pick women who don't care about you because you don't feel you will ever be cared for by women & you're too scared to be alone. Otherwise, you wouldn't entertain shallow women nor change into a bad boy (abandon core your character values) to be with them. Like the women, you don't care about yourself too, making them your perfect spiritual lesson/partner/mirror. So ultimately, you will perpetually attract each other because you are both similarly compromised from WITHIN. You can't attract and keep someone better than you are spiritually because *"One can never accept more love than the amount of love they give themselves." (Law of attraction)*
Nailed it 👌 👏 👍 🎯
Unfortunately for “nice girls” and “nice guys,” human nature is such that humans see nice people as weak and easy to take advantage of. It benefits the nice girls/guys to understand and set boundaries (so they understand when other humans are trying to take advantage of them and use them as a doormat).
Love this!!!
Thank you, I needed this ❤️
Whew chile this is the truth! After seeing a few friends find real love and witnessed it! From then on I was firm believer of love should NOT be struggle!! The nice girl I am not, bc I will cut him right on off.
Listening from Australia, had not heard the term 'struggle love' before but as soon as you started explaining it, I went 'uh-oh' and recognized myself in ALL of my past relationships. Am currently single and not willing to do that again. Thanks Stephan, I love your no B-S, practical, straight down the line advice. Wish you and your good advice were around 44 years ago when I was 20 :)
3 years......... it's 6 years for me and the thing is my eyes just opened......thank you for making these videos.
Stephan I'd love to hear about WHY men let themselves go once they get into a serious relationship? Is it just me? I feel like I've been plagued with this situation in every adult relationship I've been in. Sure I understand getting more comfortable, like not wearing makeup everytime I see them. But for them to lose what seems like basic things like hygeine, cutting their hair, and keeping up their style. It really feels like they're all just saying that I don't deserve to be with someone I'm actually attracted to. My recent ex let himself go (said too bad "this is me now") then went right back to his old "look" once we broke up.
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list to get it done!
OK, here we go. A guy with self-respect will definitely take care of himself. Personal hygiene, dresses appropriately, and his style, looking after his health... Being authentic. Regardless of women!!! The guys you describe within your previous relationships were basically pretenders, being on the hunt.😂 You ex is now back on the market, so now he's back taking care of himself, that's definitely not an authentic guy. Women in general see the potential and then expect they can change the guy. That's not going to happen. Trust me, I am a guy. Good luck 👍
Yes the men expect us to be thin and look young forever. They should do the same unrealistic things they expect of us
I didn’t classify myself as a “Nice Girl” but I was a “Benefit of a Doubt, Girl” 🛑
…..in which, I found is just as Bad as a “ Nice Girl” 🙄
@@FROMC2Cfacts! I'm the exact same way....... it's not beneficial for us to be that way.
You Always Break It Down Best!🖤 I Just realized I’ve been soo use to telling myself others deserve it more than me as a child because my thoughts and feelings were always debunked and how i was treated caused me to live in my head growing up and now at 25 listening to you break it down I’m realizing that that’s one of the reasons why I’ll give my all for to the wrong people instantly who probably will never reciprocate it back and forget about me😮 after a while, you start to realize that you break your neck giving to others that could give to F’s about you and start to put you first💯 Thank You! I’ll never be upset for having a genuine approach, but I am upset at myself for thinking for so long that my needs and wants were was the last on every list!🤦🏽♀️
You are young and beautiful! Don’t waste your younger years on not loving yourself or thinking you are not good enough. You are!! It took me a long time because like a lot of us, we don’t feel very loved as a child. I’m 65 now and I actually love myself - I don’t put up with anybody’s crap. Learn it now and you’ll get what you want and deserve in life. And respect is key. If there is respect everything else follows.
@@jeanne5371 Thank You Soo Much For the past 5 years I’ve been separating myself from what’s not loving me unconditionally and Strengthening My Relationship With God Spiritually 🙏🏾 It Took Me Awhile But I Love Me More Than Anything Now & Whats Not For Me Is None Of My Concern ✔️ God Bless You!🖤
You nailed this girl. I re read your post few times. It resonates with me. I think as you well said it is down to our upbringing. If our wants and feelings were ignored we subconciously , untill we wake up, think we do not deserve much and we give and give.
Time to take that power back , honor what our bodies are telling us and set standards high so only valuable people come in ❤
@@orianam9835 Absolutely ✔️💯 Thats Why it’s important To Have A Healthy Foundation When Taking On Bringing life into this world Lets Take Back What Rightfully Ours✨🙏🏾🖤
@@ZayyBeyy lets take it back 🌟☄🌠
This has been one of the most eye opening videos on this "nice girl", troubled love thing.
I recently learned I'm trauma bonded with a man, but didn't realize how I was setting it up to continue.
I had no idea I was participating in this and I see now what I've been doing wrong. You make something that's been so confusing to me so clear.
Thank you 🙏
This has been an eye opener. I can honestly say I never looked at emotional support as " struggle love" until now here the reason why i did it. (And im not nessarily saying its a good thing)
Because I understand how much emotional intelligence and emotional transformation is truly an asset. Not just to me and my needs but its asset to relationships in general it allows an unwavering to communicate better and be soild on your communication skills not just with your partner but for yourself as well. It help with having great conflict resoultion and not take everything so personal. Emotional transformation i believe is the core to all human beings and their evolving as a person and personal development.
I never looked at it as for my own needs to feel sercue in the relationship but to just have a soild communication because that what a relationship is built on. And rather we want to admit it or not, communication is based on emotions.
So as im typing i realizing that i did it because i simply value having a healthy relationship not to secure my spot with you or that I built you and you'll never leave me.
I didnt even realized this was consider a "nice girl trait"
Also, i remeber their was a time i needed the emotional support through my transformational jounery hell I still do. I also know that when a person is under development in emotional intelligence it can cause alot of conflict.
I was also that person who took everything personal and it was all emotional based. It wasnt until i got to the root and was like ahhhhh haaa. Everybody is struggling with this in some shape form or fashion. Its the reason family fuels. People are divorcing, money issue, it all boiled down to an emotion rather good or bad.
This is great insight.
Sometimes it's called baggage. When you enter into a potentially relationship, it should not feel like you have to carry all of his and he shouldn't have to carry yours, not right out the gate! Things should be light, carefree and free from burdens financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually. Both parties should be allowed to move freely in every area of their lives, and honestly and respectfully. Cheers!
I too take everything personal😢 I’m working on it
When I watch your other videos I think I’ve got a great guy. We’ve worked through conflict, he’s listened to me, I see him make changes, etc and then it flips I feel like I’m being stonewalled. How can I feel like everything is on point when I listen to your videos about what he will do if he truly cares and then listen to this video and feel like I’m giving too many chances on a repeated cycle of emotional shutdown.
By asking or telling straight you just save so much of your valuable time. In most cases man are simple and you have to communicate with them directly for the better outcome. And if they refuse or won’t answer your question - let them go right away. You and your time is a number one priority, point.
Especially if he doesn't consider how she feels.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate hearing from you ❤
You are such a great relationship coach. You never say anything offensive just true opinion of what women should do and what will bring progress in someone personal life and relationship
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response 🙏
The topic of struggle love hit hard. You pretty much described my last relationship that was 3 yrs long .. long years. Dating potential and he walk away from.
All of this? Literally me 😭 I have both of my parents but most of my friends have a S/O or spouse. I have been in only two relationships so far and I’ve said “yes” to pretty much everything they asked of me because I thought they truly loved me and that would grow and progress like I had…nope 😂 so thank you Stephan for your advice seriously 🙏🏾
Yes please do more on this . On the struggle love topic etc ! We need it!
It’s not being nice it’s being amicable, I’m like this with an ex we had broken up for almost a year.
I’m not even making it work we are only in this situation as we own a home together so we have to keep communication open but my own life
I’m no longer in alignment with him anymore. We just wanted different things but then I’ve done my elevating and being a better then he came back I’ve told him my feelings and I’ve left it there so there is no mixed messages as I’m done with sending my mixed signals.
I feel so much calmer I’m working on my next things I want to achieve.
🙏🏽❤️