Making the Choice of Living Childfree After Infertility
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- Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
- www.fertilitypl... | Creating the Family You Want
Join Speakers: Tracey Cleantis, Speaker, Writer and a Practicing Psychotherapist, LMFT; Lynn Newman Zavaro, Teacher, Author, Creator of The Game of You™ (Book and Card Deck Set) and The Game of Insight™ (A Board Game); Lisa Manterfield, Founder, LifeWithoutBaby.com.
To not have a child after trying to have a child can be painful and difficult. In this session the panelists will discuss their own process in making this choice and offer compassionate support and guidance for those who may have questions around their own decisions.
This conversation is part of the Fertility Planit LA 2014 discussion series.
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This literally saved my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
There needs to be more groups of childless and Childfree women to meet up and make friendships.
The hard part is getting family and friends to understand your decision to stop trying. Sometimes that is viewed as you not wanting a child bad enough
I decided to look this up today bcus here I am almost at 4 years trying to conceive, another negative test and lately I’ve been thinking that this might not happen for me ever!! I’m sad, I’m heartbroken and I feel like this topic brings my whole soul to complete sadness. I want a child but I know that mentally this by far has been the hardest thing I go through in my life. Here I am forcing myself to say I don’t want kids bcus I don’t know how much heartache I can take.
It's okay to say you wanted kids.
Smart, wise and kind woman to become childfree.
Childfree is a way to freedom.
Less from suffering.
Did I REALLY just read a comment that said it's "rare to regret having kids?!?!" OMG!!!!! WRONG! It's just RARE that people VERBALIZE their regret over having children. It's way too taboo. People who have children are pressured by society's unspoken expectations that you embrace, love and "enjoy" having kids. And, too, parents pressure themselves to "love" the experience and love the kids...when often times, they simply don't. You simply are NOT allowed to say, express or even imply that you regret them. Society will chew you up and spit you out if you dare exhibit the slightest sign of regret and/or demonstrate the perfect bond and affection for the child(ren) you've produced. But don't get it twisted...the regret over having them is NOT rare at all. It's quite common. Look around. The juvenile justice system and the foster care systems are running over in every state in the union, populated heavily -- I believe -- with children who are products of people's parental regrets and lack of planning. I mean, let's just be real: The vast majority of children ARE NOT PLANNED. They are no more than 2 people's roll in the hay! (Go look up comedian Bill Burr's advice concerning population control. He tells us what we need to stop doing, and think he's absolutely right!) If you REALLY believe this regret is rare, do some online research sometime, and you will find that the stories are endless, and they are heart-wrenching! When mothers and daddies can hide behind the cloak of anonymity like we do on the Internet, the truth is much more likely to come out. And it does! Because nobody knows them, and they can find the catharsis they need by being brutally honest. Just go Google, "I hate being a mom" or "I hate being a dad" or I regret having kids!" You may not get the truth on the street or in your face-to-face conversations about parents' regrets, but it's out there...both in online forums and in real-life scenarios.
Do you have kids Jazz? Im guessing no. Sure people who want to party and live for themselves regret having them.. basically selfish, Godless people.
I think it’s rare to regret having your kids. It isn’t rare to regret “having kids”. If that makes sense.. I can’t imagine many people wish their children weren’t born. There probably are a decent percentage who wouldn’t have kids if they could do it all over...
BS..people who have children are NOT all pressured to have kids from society.
Beautiful sharing from all of you wise, kind, brave woman. You are all carrying the spirit of feminine nurture and wisdom in a beautiful way.
I wish people who comment that the term should be childless instead of child-free, being so proud of their decision to not have children, would stop being so damn selfish and stop thinking about their wants and personsl needs and go adopt one of those kids they so much urge all the people who deal with infertility to do. And if you have children and feel people with infertility should just adopt, then why instead of having had your own, didnt YOU go and adopt instead? Have some damn compassion for the people who are dealing with not being able to give birth and let them call it what they want. What the hell difference does it make to you if it brings them some kind of peace and lets them put their head on a pillow and sleep at night. For real...this world is filled with so many unsympathetic jerks who dont see deeper than whats in front of their nose. People nowadays are either heart-free or heartless. Pick whichever fits you.
Thank you for this video- the first step for me to begin accepting i have reached my limit and i will need to start working on me.
Thank you ❤
This was awesome, so glad I found it
tbh if I could trade my perfectly good working reproductive system with an infertile women, I would. I do not want kids, and it sucks that so many women who do can't have children.
How do you know it works, if you never had children?
I dd not choice to be childless but l have had 11 miscarriage but l think its God's will sometimes not to hv children
It doesn't have to do with God. Something bad will happen to everyone at some point in life.
I need this ❤❤
Thank you for all of your comments and feedback. Childfree is a term that can have various meanings depending on what context it is used in. The term 'Living Childfree' is commonly used when discussing infertility and the choice that some couples or individuals make to no longer persue other options after perhaps years of trying.
No. No it isn't. You're grossly misusing a term designated to a community of individuals that CHOSE NOT to have children, ever. The correct term you should be using is "Living happily Childless" because you are CHILDLESS not Childfree. Please, learn the correct terminology instead of tarnishing our community. Thank you.
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For some ‘ Childless’ dosent sufficiently capture the decision to not have a child after having tried. Both terms may not feel quite ‘right’ or specific enough.
Thank you ladies above for a great video. I must admit that the comments below made my blood run cold -- how vicious and unsympathetic, and all these petty arguments about semantics, oh please!!! Does there have to be a monopoly on words by groups? Can people not call themselves what they see fit --- especially if it helps to deal a bit with a very difficult situation? It's pathetic to see that such a stimulating and intelligent discussion was followed up by such crass and downright evil comments from some of those who watched. The presenters deserve better.
Wrong use of the word child-free. Child-free is a term someone who doesn't want children not someone who can't have children. You are childless not CF.
question....so if a person was once childless (ie..wanted a child and was trying for it and was not successful)...cant they eventually become childfree as they accept they cant have it and stop wanting it and embrace the pros of not having children and continue onwards to happy life?
+Crystal Dipsingh no they are still childless. Happily childless at that point but never childfree. CF are people who never wanted or had any.
+Laura Anne according to WHOM!!!!! ppl can call the situation wherever they want or need to.
+Dolly H. Not sure what WHOM is other than the English word referring to humans. The rest of the real world refers to childfree as someone who is never having children. Childless are women who wanted kids but could not for whatever reason. It's really not a difficult concept to grasp. It's also offensive to childfree people when you call yourself the same thing but really are not.
If you google "childfree" it will help clear up your questions and refusals to understand the term.
no...you are very mistaken. Childfree and Childless are not interchangeable. Those of us we who are truly child free have never tried to get pregnant or wanted to be. If you tried and failed then you are childless.
Susan McKinney I completely agree. Child- less represents the lack of. In the sense of something you want to have but cannot have.
Child free is the freedom of choice. You chose not to have them.
That’s how I see it.
Life isn't always that simple. I consider myself to be both.
@@elleattson8784 ...then you are not truly child free. Child free people have never wanted children.
@@sburris65 I've been ambivalent/not wanting them for all of my life. But when I also found out my husband could not have them, of course I felt some sadness.
@@sburris65 Oh damn, sorry, I didn't realize you're the governing body and authority on the terms... My mistake.
I would like to form a group of friends to meet up from time to time and be each other's support. Anyone interested? It can be online, but it better to be on the same timezone. I'm on est timezone
I could really care less what you call it to try and make yourself feel like you're better than me for having children, as if you feel the need to do that your sense of self-worth is already flawed. In that case if I'm really lacking something, which it seems the only thing I'm lacking is a welfare check and school payments that aren't my own, then parents are timeLESS, MoneyLESS, sleepLESS. Hmm, seems like you're lacking alot more than I.
what is wrong with you? the whole video is how these people spent $100,000 and a decade or more trying to have a child and they had to accept life as is. why do you think making fun of others' suffering is good for you and makes you a better person? it doesnt.
iarcheese
you need to take to a mother who put her child up for adoption. your ignorance is too much for words, shame your parents wanted their own dna, because would dont need that. good day!
iarcheese
it is impossible to have an adult conversation with someone who makes childish, uniformed statements like "just adopt" because everyone has $50,000 lying around for adoption and because birth parents dont deserve to raise their own children. when you walk into a conversation that ignorant you can NOT turn around and say "hey lets be adults". How about you be an adult and know what you are talking about before you open your mouth!
GOOD DAY! do not reply until you have done some reading and learning.
iarcheese
and by the way one of my friends has being trying to adopt for YEARS. that you think it is so easy is part of problem. that you think adoption is cure for infertility (something the would would be better if your parents suffered from) , is the problem. adoption is not something that someone should EVER do because they cant have children. adoption is something you should do if you want to adopt. fertility treatments are the treatment for infertility, which again the world is worse off for your parents not having.
You sound like idiots who say "not having legs is cool because then you dont get any ankle sprains! yay!"
And no adoption is not easier than fertility treatments even if it were it is moot point because despite you thinking that children up for adoption dont deserve to be a parents FIRST CHOICE (not something they are made to do if other options fail). I disagree, I think these children deserve to be a first choice not a consolation prize.
Secondly, you still havent explained why it is that you feel your inept parents had any right to have their clearly flawed genetic material out here for all of civilized society to have cope with but decent people (unlike your parents) aren't allowed to want their own children? (I know you are stupid so let me break it down: your parents are stupid and failed to raise a semi civilized person)
Lastly, again you are wrong and childish if you think you can just insult the lovely women on this tape for NO REASON and expect never to be called on your lack of human empathy, your disgraceful view of adopted children as a consolation prize and your needless attack on people who have never done you wrong, you are mistaken. You attacked first, as a result you deserve to put your place (in your case thats at a library in front of a book for the first time in your life). #clapback