Me too. Looking back I carried the relationship and he put in min effort. Now, It's hard to think why I allowed this behaviour. Why was his breadcrumbs ok? Why did I try and fix him when it wasn't my responsibility? I know it springs from childhood neglect and abuse. I was conditioned not to see toxic behaviour as it had been normalised. Giving myself plenty of self love and forgiveness now. Focusing on becoming healthy and standing up for myself. Took going through chemo unfortunately but I realise I am important and my needs matter.
Wow! We are mourning what was supposed to be, not the person. Incredibly on point. Truly thankful for this video. I’m going to save it to watch over and over.
My narcissistic ex had to go on vacation because HE needed a break from my breast cancer. The divorce of 28 years was final on my 2 yr survivor date God taught my how strong I am
When I read the title of this video my immediate thought was that we hang on to an impossible dream. I think the covert narcissist may be the hardest type to leave because they have a natural ability of controlling people's mind's. They have been practising their brainwashing skills for a long time and they enjoy the endless mind-games they play on other's. Narcissists have hardened their heart towards love and only God can change their dysfunctional way of thinking and behaving. That takes commitment and narcissists are afraid of commitment, they don't like it.
I have been divorced almost 5 years. My ex husband is not involved with our children and he has moved on and has other children. I really just want to let go and move on but sometimes I feel him in my spirit. Sometimes I miss him.. I am trying to give myself grace but its been a long time to be holding on.. 😢
I am about to divorce and I have 4 children. I should explain to you something: it's my future ex-wife decision and I tried mu best to save my mariage. I did get into mariage to please her, i did have four children to please her, and I am all about when you get into mariage, it's for lifetime. But she has decided to put herself first over the whole family although i explained to her i won't be a better father with a divorce trauma, and I won't stand for someone who had rejected me and children interest. She took her decision. Now she has to eat her own s... I will find someone else who truly understand what marriage is all about. I am focusing my energy on my own future and I won't be easing her life any way. She fought i would be around her and the kids even if she disrepects me. I WON'T. She thoughts that she would get my attention, my energy and my money and i would still be pleasing her after divorce by taking care of children even if i pay child support. NOT ANYMORE. I am all about me and my future special someone now one.
Hes not involved w/his offspring from his previous marriage (the most important part of a mans life to be Investing in is his kids) & moves onto another woman & has other children. A painful reminder of my biolological father Abandoning me! :( Being denied a father is a Huge life-ruining wound/Scar. Thats not something I can let go of. I hope you can somehow.
I was involved with a high functioning, high profile Borderline. He couldn't commit to a partnership as he had 2 failed marriages already. After months of up/down abuse, I left. 1 week later he was on dating sites. 8 months later he was married. His "partner" is 35 years younger than him. My ex is wealthy. It was a massive blow to my confidence. Worst experience of my life.
Your timing is impeccable... so accurate on all points... I keep believing that she'll have a miraculous change of heart and see how far we've fallen and actually want to be better... but alas that hasn't happened yet... I find myself keeping holding out hope in spite of the downward spiral she keeps herself in... out of spite for the most part... My heart breaks for my wife and how much unnecessary damage that's been caused...
Thank you for painting the picture. As sad as it was, your story gave me comfort that you truly understand the depth of the grief that were all feeling too. Thank you so much for giving back to us broken ones so we can heal ❤
Wow, Stephanie! How heartbreaking to go through all of that just a month after a c-section! And I just want to ask what kind of woman is ok with being with a man who would walk out on his wife a month after she brings his child into this world? I would think that is the biggest red flag ever! Thank you for sharing some of your story!
Thank you! I absolutely needed this today. 3 years ago I left an 18 year marriage that was really toxic and yes it’s more like mourning of what you thought you had. I still have a lot of anger 😡 of him dumping a life of almost 20 years for another woman. It’s very heartbreaking 💔 and it can really mess up your mental health. Keep up the good work you do here on UA-cam ❤️
Totally agree @lynnann3078 - 23 years married for me and all of a sudden she said she didn't love me anymore - She left and moved out to rent her own place and left me and my adult sons at home - haven't seen her and neither have the sons since and its been 16 months - heartbreaking and yes ripped me to pieces, emotionally, physically and mentally. Hope you and everyone else who has been through this is doing ok and the best they can and if you struggle always reach out to those around you and talk because that helps.
My ex and the mother of my child monkey branched to a long term “friend” six months ago. They have been living together for two months and take my two year old daughter out like they are a family. I keep thinking it will fizzle out but it doesn’t appear to be after six months officially together. It’s still so raw and hard. I long for the day it doesn’t hurt anymore.
Super helpful video, thanks Stephanie! at about 20 minutes in you talk about was this relationship good in this way? no. this way? no... and the point you bring out is that we're stuck in the illusion of what we hoped it would be rather than what it really was... Right On! So a quick saying I got from a friend who's an online relationship coach is... "we don't grieve the relationship; we grieve the illusion" keep up the amazing great work! : )))))))
It's been 3 months since an unexpected breakup. We almost made 4 years together. I can say it gets easier every day. Listening to your advice sure is helping. Thanks.
This message was really on time! I was thinking earlier today, what’s going on, why am I still grieving a relationship with someone who was horrible to, who lied, cheated and disrespect me. This message helped me feel better in knowing that healing isn’t a race, it takes time and it’s okay to mourn a loss, regardless of why it happened. Anyway, blessings to you..
Thanks for this Stephanie, a lot of your content is really useful for me. One thing that i found getting over someone was that i was projecting my ideal picture on them. And that it was not them, but what was coming from me, my personality, my heart, was what made it feel so special. The world does not stop spinning with this person, it’s their loss more than yours and the best of you will simply go to someone else in the future who is more deserving and more on the same page. Just let go, the longer you hang on, the longer you keep hurting for no reason and before something better comes along. Warm greetings from The Netherlands and keep up the good work!
Every thing you said rang true. Even though we know its toxic or not good for us we hold on. I miss seeing my girls everyday and the betrayal of believing we would stay together no matter what. Thank you for this podcast. It truly touched home.
I am so sorry that situation happened to you. This happened to someone else I know. How horrible someone could do that when you're pregnant with their child or just had the child. This situation didnt happen to me exactly, he left when we moved across the country and our son is 5 years old. I am mourning what could have been. I have anxiety with that and my job to the point I am sick in the morning everyday now. I definitely feel unattractive after all of this. I try to remind myself its not just me and its not all my fault. I appreciate these videos. I will get through this even though it feels like I won't. Thank you.
40 years and 61 years old………me too but we must have had our reasons for staying so long so I push the regrets away and make the best of it now. Very sad moments though.
I'm sorry to hear that David. Focus on you and your children. Mine left after 40 years. I think its demonic. The enemy seeks to destroy families. You deserve better 😊
Wow my story is the exact same, except my husband. He literally woke up on a random Sunday morning and left. No fight, nothing. 15 years, 3 children. This was in 2022. Now, I have found out the details and I'm glad he's gone. I'm praying for a healthy relationship in the future. You are not alone and will find true happiness one day.
The only times I think about my ex is because I have constant dreams of them. It makes it difficult that they are always good dreams of them. Literally its not in my control. This is whats frustrating. I have zero desire to be with them in real life. Im not trying to think about them and Im truly happy each day he doesnt come to mind. But these dreams are killing me.
This was so helpful, I’ve been stuck in the blame stage, blaming myself and all the psychoanalysis. Thank you for reminding me that figuring out what exactly happened in the past is not actually what’s going to help me heal. It’s all about building that self trust and beautiful life again. And, I realized I don’t mourn him, I mourn the fantasy of him.
Thanks for this. 1.5 years out of her abuse and violence. She’s not a good person. I’m still struggling how it could happen. Got lovely exes I wasn’t bothered about after splitting. This one was hard.
Preach sister preach! Someone recently asked whether I’d get therapy for my future divorce. I honestly told them “no” as this channel was in my mind. Although I’m a guy and an African American at that, I resonate with so much of what’s being said. Please keep these videos coming! I’m in the healing process and this helps a lot.
Wow,, Steph I have been listening to you for literally years now and you have helped me through so much. Almost to the point where I am not sure I would be here right now if you had not been there for me. Of all of the videos over the years I believe this one is one of the 5 most powerful videos you have done. This is exactly what happened to me nearly word for word. Thank you so much for what you do for all of us.
Awesome points. I did the breaking up and immediately started missing the chemistry, the fun we had & what it 'should have been' vs the issues I had problems with. Re- visiting the reasons I ended it was a big help. 👍
This particular topic I have on repeat - for the simple message "Letting go of the dream" and "We're mourning for what was supposed to be". This goes to everyone who believed in the better tomorrow.......that never came - may our souls find rest from the torment we are experiencing from our heartbreak.
Great video Stephanie! I focused on all of our good times together. I always tried to look at the positive in people. Especially my spouse. After 40 years she just walked out on me. I am glad my children were adults then. Cannot imaging having young kids and going through this. I don't know who she is anymore. Thank you Stephanie for all that you do to get us through ❤
This video really helped. I’m still going through this situation and although it’s been a year 18 months that my husband left for another woman I can’t help but catch myself wishing he wanted me back and made the needed changes. This is a fantasy and he is no good for me. He didn’t c my worth. He sees the grass isn’t greener on the other side but yet he still can’t undo the damage and pain. I know what I deserve and my daughter too. He lost his family via his choices of continuous infidelity. But why do I still want him to look for me and beg? Why can’t I just focus on me. He’s what I think about always but I’m so angry. Therapy is helping but co parenting is hard. I’m just a mess 😞
That’s your wounded self that wants to feel good enough for someone to change and do better. It’s about healing her not the adult in you that knows better. Change is hard and painful regardless if it’s the adult in you or child but the wounded child is the part of you that feel bad inside.
I've just found your channel and I am so so sad for what you went thru, you're so beautiful, I'm sure his loss was bigger. I'm in a painful place trying to coparent and wish I could fast forward this part to the healed, better version of me.
Damn! Getting dumped a month after giving birth for another woman is wild. Good for you on getting passed that. Makes my situation seem really small by comparison.
I've been married for 43 years, I should have left about 12 years ago! When a lot of stuff came out, went to therapy and all that but he didn't do the work! He's been a sex addict from the beginning of our marriage, I didn't know it at the time until I was about fifty, he started gaslighting me to try to make me crazy! I divorced him about 4 months ago! I'm 62.
Thank you so much for this video! Was very proud when you asked if we checked their social media, I said no. I deleted his profile and it seems to be working. This video is a gem!
His loss! For sure.. my situation is really similar to your story. Can’t believe a man could do that to his child and his wife. How do you explain that to the child later on in life?
I was able to recover faster after the end of my 25 year marriage than I am the loss of my best friend/life partner after 3 years. Its been 3 months and I'm devastated. I can't lose this one forever. I'm holding out hope we can reconcile.
Hey Stephanie, my name is Michael. I’m from Oregon. Hey for one, not only is that guy the biggest piece of trash that divorced you a month after you were having your child you know you’re a beautiful lady you have a successful mindset. It looks like a great personality, and then he’s got a child. That is the most wonderful gift in human existence. So he’s got you and then he’s got a son. I’m sure you guys had a place together. Nice house nice rig what have you? I just cannot believe that he would leave you in your most vulnerable time when actually, that would be a time that I would shine. I loved to do things for my wife I’d love to be a part of the baby and a part of her and the cuddling I don’t know I guess guys are different, but that was one of the greatest times in the face this earth I can’t believe that he did you like that. I’m so sorry and I mean that!
Me too Stephanie he left the day I had my c section after hitting me. The strength it took to survive that with no family around was huge. It has changed me forever and u have spent the last 6 years working on myself. Thank you, you have helped me more than you will ever know. ❤
I had watched so many videos I thought there’s nothing more to learn. I was wrong the way you explained was very valuable to a new learning thank you so much for this video.
I work with my ex too and it’s incredibly hard to see her all the time. She’s already moved on and in another relationship and the mental gymnastics I have to do when I’m around her is crazy.
This is exactly what I needed today, thank you! My situation is very similar to you, although my baby was 9 months old when my partner left me for his physiotherapist. It’s only been just over a month since he dropped this bomb on me and its been an emotional rollercoaster but am taking one day at a time. If I could cut him out of my life 100% it would be easier, but since we have a baby girl together, I can’t do that. So it is difficult for my mental health to see him regularly. I am mourning the life we had and the future one we were going to have. He is showing he has moved on and totally over me and our relationship, which really hurts. After listing to this it is clear that I am truly mourning the life that was supposed to be. It’s still difficult to deal with but listing to your videos have been very helpful. I listen to the one about not being bitter every time I’m feeling angry towards him. Thank you 🤍
What a horrible piece of dirt, to have a child with your wife then leave her just after giving birth when she is most vulnerable. He will get him karma for sure. Bless you ❤
Its been 2 1/2 yrs since my ex left me. My ex is not on social media so I don't have to struggle with not looking ar his social media. I am far from over my ex. One thing I never hear about no matter which videos or podcasts I listen to /watch, I never hear anything about remaining in love with your ex. Isn't it just possible that a person can or will always love their ex?? No one ever mentions this ( that I have seen) situation. Why can't it just be that I have loved this person for a long time and will always love this person? I have great respect for this person.
I have found that the one that wanted me didn’t want a heart to heart talk and address the problems or whatever it was underneath the surface so I just started backing away since I saw it going no where. It was and is super hard since she won’t open up since she is scared and then throws the “I don’t trust you card” in my face when I was trying but she seemed to want it all her way. I know she has problems(she has to fix them herself but if she will put the work in I would be there for her as support) but it still hurts when you love someone and they throw the I don’t trust you card in your face. That just pushes me away faster not address what’s really going on. I don’t ever get fully attached even when am in love with someone as am use to do everything on my own. I am all in though and completely committed but it’s like why bother if they are so hurtful. Struggling is real
I thought something was wrong and I was crazy because at times I felt like could I go back to him. In all reality yes I will be a fool. You have no idea I needed this Stephanie ❤
Takes a lot to be vulnerable. I think people also, although heartbroken, try to give defense to what the other person did. How you go from one-day you're the best thing they ever had to brush you off like you're nothing. Takes time and growth, they did wrong , you didnt.
Unfortunately, I am not able to say that I was not complicit in the break up, which makes it so hard for me to feel justified at feeling hurt, he did hurt me physically and mentally. We were toxic to each other. He does not feel bad at all
Your content is Amazing and you helped me so much!! thats me, Not over my ex although I thought I already was… ps: No need for inserting generic scenes in your videos, love watching you Talking as always ❤
I was in a 12 year marriage up till seven months ago when I was discarded after she walked down the road to cool off after an argument. Bottom line I did not see it coming. I mean there was a few rough patches in our marriage. She like to argue and fight more than any girl I’ve ever been with turns out she’s a covert narcissist I didn’t find that out till two months after she discarded me I didn’t even know there was narcissist existed. It’s been seven months since she discarded me. I should hate her guts which part of me does, but I still love her even after all the stuff that she did to me and the stuff that I’m just finding out that absolutely blows my mind that she would do and be able to play it off normally like she did she’s got to be absolutely mentally sick in the head I mean, she told me I was her soulmate, her life partner, her twin flame best friend told everybody all the time with what I do for her and how much I do for her that I was her rock, and this was all the night before she discarded me, but she told me that the entire marriage she made love to me all night long, and then discarded me the next day
My husband of 12 years did something very similar, there was no argument, he gave me the silent treatment, slept with me 2 days prior to leaving and immediately moved in with a bimbo from his work, changed his number. I only see him at divorce court
One thing I saw on youtube was a guy talking about how the narcissist will get you pregnant so even if you two are no longer together they can keep a hold of you have to deal with the kids. Interesting concept but one my ex is going to have to deal with no matter what happens to the two of them.
I am a big middle schooler...so I am dealing with this towards someone whom i was never even with but just rejected me. I feel a weird, toxic pull between us in person. I think it's very likely she just likes my attention but not me. I am struggling to deal with no contact since our friend group is like 80 percent overlapping.
I was lucky when I was dating we did not have myspace or facebook. Now of course we do and now I hear from her once in a blue moon which I am fine with as she moved on. Not with a very good guy so I do not like that as I was one if not me I hope she finds someone to be happy with. Oh well but glad for the advice.
My heart got so caught up in trying to fix everything and make it work I lost sense of myself and what I was really trying to hold together
Me too. Looking back I carried the relationship and he put in min effort. Now, It's hard to think why I allowed this behaviour. Why was his breadcrumbs ok? Why did I try and fix him when it wasn't my responsibility? I know it springs from childhood neglect and abuse. I was conditioned not to see toxic behaviour as it had been normalised. Giving myself plenty of self love and forgiveness now. Focusing on becoming healthy and standing up for myself. Took going through chemo unfortunately but I realise I am important and my needs matter.
Me too
Same, gave up me to try to appease her. Never again 😎😎😎🙏🏾
We are mourning “what was supposed to be”. That’s the message. Wow ❤
After 39 years of loving someone, it's gonna take a minute......no matter what he did/didn't do.
43 for me 😳
True.😪
It took me 2 years after 34 years of marriage. Take the time to heal and look after yourself❤
31 for me
This is brilliant 😢❤
Wow! We are mourning what was supposed to be, not the person. Incredibly on point. Truly thankful for this video. I’m going to save it to watch over and over.
I'm so sorry he did that to you after just having a baby. Shameful. As a man I apologise.
My narcissistic ex had to go on vacation because HE needed a break from my breast cancer. The divorce of 28 years was final on my 2 yr survivor date
God taught my how strong I am
When I read the title of this video my immediate thought was that we hang on to an impossible dream. I think the covert narcissist may be the hardest type to leave because they have a natural ability of controlling people's mind's. They have been practising their brainwashing skills for a long time and they enjoy the endless mind-games they play on other's. Narcissists have hardened their heart towards love and only God can change their dysfunctional way of thinking and behaving. That takes commitment and narcissists are afraid of commitment, they don't like it.
I have been divorced almost 5 years.
My ex husband is not involved with our children and he has moved on and has other children. I really just want to let go and move on but sometimes I feel him in my spirit. Sometimes I miss him.. I am trying to give myself grace but its been a long time to be holding on..
😢
"Has moved on and has other children". What. A. Monster.
I am about to divorce and I have 4 children. I should explain to you something: it's my future ex-wife decision and I tried mu best to save my mariage. I did get into mariage to please her, i did have four children to please her, and I am all about when you get into mariage, it's for lifetime. But she has decided to put herself first over the whole family although i explained to her i won't be a better father with a divorce trauma, and I won't stand for someone who had rejected me and children interest. She took her decision. Now she has to eat her own s... I will find someone else who truly understand what marriage is all about. I am focusing my energy on my own future and I won't be easing her life any way. She fought i would be around her and the kids even if she disrepects me. I WON'T. She thoughts that she would get my attention, my energy and my money and i would still be pleasing her after divorce by taking care of children even if i pay child support. NOT ANYMORE. I am all about me and my future special someone now one.
Hes not involved w/his offspring from his previous marriage (the most important part of a mans life to be Investing in is his kids) & moves onto another woman & has other children. A painful reminder of my biolological father Abandoning me! :( Being denied a father is a Huge life-ruining wound/Scar. Thats not something I can let go of. I hope you can somehow.
praying for his new partner 🙏🏼 what she must be enduring knowing her husband is capable of doing that to her and theirs HOW SAD
I gave up on humans temporary conditional and transactional LOVE 😢
I was involved with a high functioning, high profile Borderline. He couldn't commit to a partnership as he had 2 failed marriages already. After months of up/down abuse, I left. 1 week later he was on dating sites. 8 months later he was married. His "partner" is 35 years younger than him. My ex is wealthy. It was a massive blow to my confidence. Worst experience of my life.
Your timing is impeccable... so accurate on all points...
I keep believing that she'll have a miraculous change of heart and see how far we've fallen and actually want to be better... but alas that hasn't happened yet...
I find myself keeping holding out hope in spite of the downward spiral she keeps herself in... out of spite for the most part...
My heart breaks for my wife and how much unnecessary damage that's been caused...
Same here. It’s so heartbreaking when they’re so self-sabotaging!
Thank you for painting the picture. As sad as it was, your story gave me comfort that you truly understand the depth of the grief that were all feeling too. Thank you so much for giving back to us broken ones so we can heal ❤
Wow, Stephanie! How heartbreaking to go through all of that just a month after a c-section! And I just want to ask what kind of woman is ok with being with a man who would walk out on his wife a month after she brings his child into this world? I would think that is the biggest red flag ever!
Thank you for sharing some of your story!
Thank you! I absolutely needed this today. 3 years ago I left an 18 year marriage that was really toxic and yes it’s more like mourning of what you thought you had. I still have a lot of anger 😡 of him dumping a life of almost 20 years for another woman. It’s very heartbreaking 💔 and it can really mess up your mental health. Keep up the good work you do here on UA-cam ❤️
Totally agree @lynnann3078 - 23 years married for me and all of a sudden she said she didn't love me anymore - She left and moved out to rent her own place and left me and my adult sons at home - haven't seen her and neither have the sons since and its been 16 months - heartbreaking and yes ripped me to pieces, emotionally, physically and mentally. Hope you and everyone else who has been through this is doing ok and the best they can and if you struggle always reach out to those around you and talk because that helps.
My ex and the mother of my child monkey branched to a long term “friend” six months ago. They have been living together for two months and take my two year old daughter out like they are a family. I keep thinking it will fizzle out but it doesn’t appear to be after six months officially together. It’s still so raw and hard. I long for the day it doesn’t hurt anymore.
Super helpful video, thanks Stephanie! at about 20 minutes in you talk about was this relationship good in this way? no. this way? no... and the point you bring out is that we're stuck in the illusion of what we hoped it would be rather than what it really was... Right On! So a quick saying I got from a friend who's an online relationship coach is... "we don't grieve the relationship; we grieve the illusion" keep up the amazing great work! : )))))))
It's been 3 months since an unexpected breakup. We almost made 4 years together. I can say it gets easier every day. Listening to your advice sure is helping. Thanks.
This message was really on time! I was thinking earlier today, what’s going on, why am I still grieving a relationship with someone who was horrible to, who lied, cheated and disrespect me. This message helped me feel better in knowing that healing isn’t a race, it takes time and it’s okay to mourn a loss, regardless of why it happened. Anyway, blessings to you..
Thanks for this Stephanie, a lot of your content is really useful for me. One thing that i found getting over someone was that i was projecting my ideal picture on them. And that it was not them, but what was coming from me, my personality, my heart, was what made it feel so special. The world does not stop spinning with this person, it’s their loss more than yours and the best of you will simply go to someone else in the future who is more deserving and more on the same page. Just let go, the longer you hang on, the longer you keep hurting for no reason and before something better comes along. Warm greetings from The Netherlands and keep up the good work!
Every thing you said rang true. Even though we know its toxic or not good for us we hold on. I miss seeing my girls everyday and the betrayal of believing we would stay together no matter what.
Thank you for this podcast.
It truly touched home.
I am so sorry that situation happened to you. This happened to someone else I know. How horrible someone could do that when you're pregnant with their child or just had the child. This situation didnt happen to me exactly, he left when we moved across the country and our son is 5 years old. I am mourning what could have been. I have anxiety with that and my job to the point I am sick in the morning everyday now. I definitely feel unattractive after all of this. I try to remind myself its not just me and its not all my fault. I appreciate these videos. I will get through this even though it feels like I won't. Thank you.
Stay strong 💪
❤🙏
50 yrs and 70 yrs old...having a very hard time...thinking about 10 years from now. Wish I would have let them really go 20 years ago
48 years and 74 yrs old here. I hear you! Foolishly held out hope for way too long.
That is huge age gap... you'll be newly retired ready to enjoy your life and you'll be changing adult diapers
40 years and 61 years old………me too but we must have had our reasons for staying so long so I push the regrets away and make the best of it now. Very sad moments though.
Wow I'm sorry that happened to you
My ex just said I dont love you anymore after 15 years 3 children and moved right on to the next
I'm sorry to hear that David. Focus on you and your children. Mine left after 40 years. I think its demonic. The enemy seeks to destroy families. You deserve better 😊
Wow my story is the exact same, except my husband. He literally woke up on a random Sunday morning and left. No fight, nothing. 15 years, 3 children. This was in 2022. Now, I have found out the details and I'm glad he's gone. I'm praying for a healthy relationship in the future. You are not alone and will find true happiness one day.
Sooo true, this is the time to work on myself 💪🏾 Moved from lonely to alone and enjoying life more than ever 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Thanks Steph 🤙🏽🤙🏽
I had a horrible breakup years ago and my family and friends kept telling me everything he did. That hurt me more.
Gosh Steph no wonder your videos are so good I cannot believe you went through that a month after giving birth.
I don't understand why and how you can stop loving someone. That must be very painful.
The only times I think about my ex is because I have constant dreams of them. It makes it difficult that they are always good dreams of them.
Literally its not in my control. This is whats frustrating. I have zero desire to be with them in real life. Im not trying to think about them and Im truly happy each day he doesnt come to mind.
But these dreams are killing me.
Relatable
This was so helpful, I’ve been stuck in the blame stage, blaming myself and all the psychoanalysis. Thank you for reminding me that figuring out what exactly happened in the past is not actually what’s going to help me heal. It’s all about building that self trust and beautiful life again. And, I realized I don’t mourn him, I mourn the fantasy of him.
Been feeling really bummed out and crying. It’s been almost 2 years.
Thanks for this. 1.5 years out of her abuse and violence. She’s not a good person. I’m still struggling how it could happen. Got lovely exes I wasn’t bothered about after splitting. This one was hard.
So helpful and so very accurate. Thank you. And so sorry for how his discard went down. Truly unbelievable.
Preach sister preach! Someone recently asked whether I’d get therapy for my future divorce. I honestly told them “no” as this channel was in my mind. Although I’m a guy and an African American at that, I resonate with so much of what’s being said. Please keep these videos coming! I’m in the healing process and this helps a lot.
Wow,, Steph I have been listening to you for literally years now and you have helped me through so much. Almost to the point where I am not sure I would be here right now if you had not been there for me. Of all of the videos over the years I believe this one is one of the 5 most powerful videos you have done. This is exactly what happened to me nearly word for word. Thank you so much for what you do for all of us.
Awesome points. I did the breaking up and immediately started missing the chemistry, the fun we had & what it 'should have been' vs the issues I had problems with. Re- visiting the reasons I ended it was a big help. 👍
This particular topic I have on repeat - for the simple message "Letting go of the dream" and "We're mourning for what was supposed to be". This goes to everyone who believed in the better tomorrow.......that never came
- may our souls find rest from the torment we are experiencing from our heartbreak.
Great video Stephanie! I focused on all of our good times together. I always tried to look at the positive in people. Especially my spouse. After 40 years she just walked out on me. I am glad my children were adults then. Cannot imaging having young kids and going through this. I don't know who she is anymore. Thank you Stephanie for all that you do to get us through ❤
Jeez, Stepahnie you help us all here❤, but let’s show empathy for you and what you went through - one month after the birth😮😮
This video really helped. I’m still going through this situation and although it’s been a year 18 months that my husband left for another woman I can’t help but catch myself wishing he wanted me back and made the needed changes. This is a fantasy and he is no good for me. He didn’t c my worth. He sees the grass isn’t greener on the other side but yet he still can’t undo the damage and pain. I know what I deserve and my daughter too. He lost his family via his choices of continuous infidelity. But why do I still want him to look for me and beg? Why can’t I just focus on me. He’s what I think about always but I’m so angry. Therapy is helping but co parenting is hard. I’m just a mess 😞
That’s your wounded self that wants to feel good enough for someone to change and do better. It’s about healing her not the adult in you that knows better. Change is hard and painful regardless if it’s the adult in you or child but the wounded child is the part of you that feel bad inside.
I've just found your channel and I am so so sad for what you went thru, you're so beautiful, I'm sure his loss was bigger. I'm in a painful place trying to coparent and wish I could fast forward this part to the healed, better version of me.
Damn! Getting dumped a month after giving birth for another woman is wild. Good for you on getting passed that. Makes my situation seem really small by comparison.
I've been married for 43 years, I should have left about 12 years ago! When a lot of stuff came out, went to therapy and all that but he didn't do the work! He's been a sex addict from the beginning of our marriage, I didn't know it at the time until I was about fifty, he started gaslighting me to try to make me crazy! I divorced him about 4 months ago! I'm 62.
Good for you ❤
Thank you so much for this video! Was very proud when you asked if we checked their social media, I said no. I deleted his profile and it seems to be working. This video is a gem!
His loss! For sure.. my situation is really similar to your story. Can’t believe a man could do that to his child and his wife. How do you explain that to the child later on in life?
I was able to recover faster after the end of my 25 year marriage than I am the loss of my best friend/life partner after 3 years. Its been 3 months and I'm devastated. I can't lose this one forever. I'm holding out hope we can reconcile.
Hey Stephanie, my name is Michael. I’m from Oregon. Hey for one, not only is that guy the biggest piece of trash that divorced you a month after you were having your child you know you’re a beautiful lady you have a successful mindset. It looks like a great personality, and then he’s got a child. That is the most wonderful gift in human existence. So he’s got you and then he’s got a son. I’m sure you guys had a place together. Nice house nice rig what have you? I just cannot believe that he would leave you in your most vulnerable time when actually, that would be a time that I would shine. I loved to do things for my wife I’d love to be a part of the baby and a part of her and the cuddling I don’t know I guess guys are different, but that was one of the greatest times in the face this earth I can’t believe that he did you like that. I’m so sorry and I mean that!
I think age groups makes a difference in coping, how to handle and expectations.
20s , 30s, 40s, 50s,
Me too Stephanie he left the day I had my c section after hitting me. The strength it took to survive that with no family around was huge. It has changed me forever and u have spent the last 6 years working on myself. Thank you, you have helped me more than you will ever know. ❤
I had watched so many videos I thought there’s nothing more to learn. I was wrong the way you explained was very valuable to a new learning thank you so much for this video.
You're very welcome!
I’m struggling now. I know it’s time to release the pain. I literally had a moment last night 😮 I go through moments of blocking and unblocking.
It’s like that part of you is over it but then still mad. It’s a mind flip constantly
5 years. I just can’t move on. I’m still so deeply in love with her. I have to see her everyday at work and act like I don’t care. It’s destroying me.
I work with my ex too and it’s incredibly hard to see her all the time. She’s already moved on and in another relationship and the mental gymnastics I have to do when I’m around her is crazy.
This is exactly what I needed today, thank you!
My situation is very similar to you, although my baby was 9 months old when my partner left me for his physiotherapist. It’s only been just over a month since he dropped this bomb on me and its been an emotional rollercoaster but am taking one day at a time. If I could cut him out of my life 100% it would be easier, but since we have a baby girl together, I can’t do that. So it is difficult for my mental health to see him regularly. I am mourning the life we had and the future one we were going to have. He is showing he has moved on and totally over me and our relationship, which really hurts. After listing to this it is clear that I am truly mourning the life that was supposed to be. It’s still difficult to deal with but listing to your videos have been very helpful. I listen to the one about not being bitter every time I’m feeling angry towards him. Thank you 🤍
What a horrible piece of dirt, to have a child with your wife then leave her just after giving birth when she is most vulnerable. He will get him karma for sure. Bless you ❤
Its been 2 1/2 yrs since my ex left me. My ex is not on social media so I don't have to struggle with not looking ar his social media.
I am far from over my ex. One thing I never hear about no matter which videos or podcasts I listen to /watch, I never hear anything about remaining in love with your ex. Isn't it just possible that a person can or will always love their ex?? No one ever mentions this ( that I have seen) situation. Why can't it just be that I have loved this person for a long time and will always love this person?
I have great respect for this person.
I miss the dream and story I created in my head. I don’t really miss him, I guess. 😔
I have found that the one that wanted me didn’t want a heart to heart talk and address the problems or whatever it was underneath the surface so I just started backing away since I saw it going no where. It was and is super hard since she won’t open up since she is scared and then throws the “I don’t trust you card” in my face when I was trying but she seemed to want it all her way. I know she has problems(she has to fix them herself but if she will put the work in I would be there for her as support) but it still hurts when you love someone and they throw the I don’t trust you card in your face. That just pushes me away faster not address what’s really going on. I don’t ever get fully attached even when am in love with someone as am use to do everything on my own. I am all in though and completely committed but it’s like why bother if they are so hurtful. Struggling is real
oh god that was me for 10 years. Get away get free ❤
I wish I had your strength to speak out. Much love💕🙏💜
I had to replay the video at the point where you said, " He asked for a divorce after one month after your baby was born. WTF? Wow. 😢
:(
I thought something was wrong and I was crazy because at times I felt like could I go back to him. In all reality yes I will be a fool. You have no idea I needed this Stephanie ❤
Thanks Stephanie, been a year and it's still a struggle....
It takes a long time! No judgement on the amount of time it takes 🩵
How long does the beginning stages last? It's been 6 months since it's been over. I'm still crying and I'm still blaming myself.
This is dead on correct it's exactly what I've been trying to figure out I'm mad because it was supposed to be beautiful and it was horrible
Thank you, timely.
i needed this went through the same thing ❤
Thank you sister! I hear my story in yours and I am finding healing on this journey.
I'm so happy I got UA-cam on my computer, I can watch your videos .
I swear, your the best! Cheers!
I think social media magnifys our hurt. I havehad to learn to stay off.
It can also help you heal the hurt which we all feel
This was the Best video you are so right this hit the nail on the head thank you thank you I’ve Learned so much from this ❤
So glad!
Thanks Stephanie I listen to you all the time
Takes a lot to be vulnerable. I think people also, although heartbroken, try to give defense to what the other person did. How you go from one-day you're the best thing they ever had to brush you off like you're nothing. Takes time and growth, they did wrong , you didnt.
Thank you so much for sharing
Thank you 😊
Unfortunately, I am not able to say that I was not complicit in the break up, which makes it so hard for me to feel justified at feeling hurt, he did hurt me physically and mentally. We were toxic to each other. He does not feel bad at all
Thank you, very helpful,thank u for sharing ur journey too, so many of us can relate to u, ❤
❤❤Stephanie,Thank you the best ❤❤
Thank you Stephanie as someone else just said your timing is perfect your videos are so helpful ty ❤
Your content is Amazing and you helped me so much!! thats me, Not over my ex although I thought I already was… ps: No need for inserting generic scenes in your videos, love watching you Talking as always ❤
Always painting a picture of false reality. That’s how we get so stuck and depressed. Not seeing the bad side of it.
Your Great!!!❤️❤️
Thank you for helping me so much after almost 3 years. I am almost there but can slip back from time to time and that’s when I go to you once again ❤
It’s a process with no judgement because this isn’t easiest to work through.
Nice landscape ❤❤
Ugh I needed this video today. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
I was in a 12 year marriage up till seven months ago when I was discarded after she walked down the road to cool off after an argument. Bottom line I did not see it coming. I mean there was a few rough patches in our marriage. She like to argue and fight more than any girl I’ve ever been with turns out she’s a covert narcissist I didn’t find that out till two months after she discarded me I didn’t even know there was narcissist existed. It’s been seven months since she discarded me. I should hate her guts which part of me does, but I still love her even after all the stuff that she did to me and the stuff that I’m just finding out that absolutely blows my mind that she would do and be able to play it off normally like she did she’s got to be absolutely mentally sick in the head I mean, she told me I was her soulmate, her life partner, her twin flame best friend told everybody all the time with what I do for her and how much I do for her that I was her rock, and this was all the night before she discarded me, but she told me that the entire marriage she made love to me all night long, and then discarded me the next day
My husband of 12 years did something very similar, there was no argument, he gave me the silent treatment, slept with me 2 days prior to leaving and immediately moved in with a bimbo from his work, changed his number. I only see him at divorce court
5 mo. Out still struggling
Happy Sunday Stephanie👍, God Bless You🙏
One thing I saw on youtube was a guy talking about how the narcissist will get you pregnant so even if you two are no longer together they can keep a hold of you have to deal with the kids. Interesting concept but one my ex is going to have to deal with no matter what happens to the two of them.
Beautiful, great info.
Oh I needed this Thank you 💯
After 9 years together The way he ended us he ghosted me what about closure
Psalms 140:4
Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from the violent man; who have purposed to overthrow my goings.
Thank -you 🙏
I am a big middle schooler...so I am dealing with this towards someone whom i was never even with but just rejected me. I feel a weird, toxic pull between us in person. I think it's very likely she just likes my attention but not me. I am struggling to deal with no contact since our friend group is like 80 percent overlapping.
This video was much needed I appreciate you for this!
It’s been a year and I still text my ex how hurt and angry I am. She ignores me and just moved on like a marriage and two kids was nothing.
I like your hair like this...beach waves
Thank you too
I love you❤ thanks for all your videos💜im listening to you since 2020☺️
Wow, thank you!
I was lucky when I was dating we did not have myspace or facebook. Now of course we do and now I hear from her once in a blue moon which I am fine with as she moved on. Not with a very good guy so I do not like that as I was one if not me I hope she finds someone to be happy with. Oh well but glad for the advice.
Always great content. Thank you ❤
You are so welcome!
Hi Annette, how's your day going with you?
Another crazy thing is I met her when she had a 4 month child I became dad to and built a family of 5 but everything happened for a reason