An epidemic of beauty sickness | Renee Engeln | TEDxUConn 2013
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- Опубліковано 20 жов 2013
- Girls grow up hearing both implicit and explicit messages suggesting
that the most important attribute they can strive for is beauty. The
chronic focus on beauty directs cognitive, financial, and emotional
resources away from other more important goals. Dr. Engeln considers whether there is hope for treating the epidemic of beauty sickness and what it might be like to live in a world where women feel free to spend less time in front of the mirror and more time changing the world.
Dr. Engeln is a psychology professor and body image researcher at
Northwestern University. She is the author of "Beauty Sick: How the
Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women" (Harper,
2017). For more information, go to beautysick.com.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
"Your body isn't for looking at, it's for doing things" - truer words were never spoken.
Melissa Mooney...doing things like giving birth...that's what you're designed for.
M.r. Moon We do a lot of fun things and meaningful stuff, too. In case you don't know.
I don't give birth and I am still a woman and proud of being a woman.
I want to know why you have to say that? Thank you for remind me but What is the point?
yes true! your body is your tool for exploring the world!
I meant. " and NOT Shia. " sorry!
@Robert Willis and also, Muslims can also decide to whether wear a hijab or not! It's up to them~ my parents never forced me to~
We do it to our own daughters when we constantly say you are so beautiful, we should praise them for all ability and skills being funny smart brave strong.
Do what? Should we pretend being beautiful doesn't matter in a human being? Or should we just pretend that beauty doesn't matter ever? That its just as good to have an ugly garbage dump to look at as a rose garden? Being beautiful is a great advantage, and people who are beautiful should rejoice. And the rest of us should realize they have something really good, and realize that we have other things. My mom always told me beauty did not matter, and I resent her for it to this day. Of course it does. Its useful, and it should be enjoyed. Being funny, smart, brave are all fine things. But they don't replace loveliness. People literally feel better looking at someone. How can that be meaningless?
I agree completely. Not only adds and social media, but actually are own families cause these problems.
Joy G well said!
Maria Smith It's not meaningless. The problem is when it gets out of hand. People get praised for being beautiful (especially young girls) so much and other factors fall back. For example, I was better at school than my cousins even though they were better looking when we were younger- I was ridiculed and laughed at because of that while they got praise only because they were better looking. This attitude also creates bullying. I was horribly bullied for being ugly and not pretty enough. There were so many awful people who had good social life just because of their looks (I'm not saying good looking people are bad, just those few from my experience) while the compassion, kindness and humour was overlooked at with people who were "ugly". I'm not against calling someone beautiful here and there, but doing it too much, overlooking other qualities and comparing them to others is harmful.
Joy G very true. People wonder why women are more commonly insecure about their looks than men... there are many things that affect this, but a main reason would have to be what you said above. Girls from a young age are being complimented on their looks alone, while young boys are complimented on being brave, tough, funny, sweet, etc. Everything but their looks seems to be praised. I don't mean every child of course, but this is a common occurrence from what I've seen and heard throughout my life. As a young child, I was chubby and not very cute, and I grew up to be a bit overweight and average, to below average in looks. I was depressed and felt ugly my entire life because my looks weren't ideal. Being told I was pretty felt more important to me than being told I was smart, nice, funny, etc... I was told I was pretty/cute at a young age, and that felt like the best compliment to me. Then as the years went on and I got older, classmates and other boys told me that I was not pretty. My parents still said I was to make me feel better, but after hearing other people say otherwise and looking at myself in the mirror, I stopped believing them. It took me years of believing in myself and loving myself for who I am to determine that I am more than the way that I look. Yes, I am not very pretty. Yes, I am overweight. So what? I am so much more than my body. I am a nursing student. I am a sister. I do anything I can for others. I like to listen to music and write in my journal. I volunteer, and work with elderly people on a daily basis. I like to have philosophical conversations with my friends at 2 AM. I love to hear about people's lives all around the world. I enjoy singing and laughing. There is so much about me that is worth complimenting, nothing of which has to do with my body type or the way my face looks.
"invest more into things you do not have to fight to keep"
I love it
Whoooo
Yes but no. Sometimes you just have to pick the hard road instead of the easy one.
Imagine you talk to your son that he is handsome and never more. Try to suppose what kind of person he becomes.
Exactly. Everyone would think that it's crazy. And yet it is normal when rising a girl.
For me is rare to somebody said to me that I'm beatutiful, I always ask why?, I'm 31 and I think that I'm not beautiful, I see imperfections in my face skin, I want to change it, I can, If I do a skin treatment, I know that thing can help me, because I don't want to have a surgery or something diferent in my face.
The moment he becomes unattractive, all his self worth goes down the toilet, this is why I encourage women to delve into careers other than superficial based.
Sadly, had you asked me what I wanted to "be" when I grew up, I'd have said "beautiful." Or "thin." I watched beautiful kids get treated differently and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see it. I equated love with beauty. I don't think I'm alone.
Robert Willis I think you are looking at this very dryly and squarely so you’re not wrong in this simplistic philosophy but you’re not right either it’s all most along “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” but also social and cultural ideologies creating cartoon caricatures of what is considered universally ideal
Robert Willis It’s sad in my case because I wasn’t an attractive child. I was plain and therefore never felt loved. If you’re at all familiar with psychology, many of our experiences as a kid shape who we become. I spent far too many years abusing myself in an attempt to conform to social beauty standards that were around in the 1990’s.
If you asked me when I was a kid what I wanted to be when I grow up I would have said, "A dinosaur"
@@ChosenOne41 I used to say I want to be a millionare ._____.
@@ChosenOne41 I do not know what you look like (and do not care) but you sound like a beautiful mind.
Its all abt consumerism. Making women think they are not good enough constantly is important for the consumption. Yeah, i need to do some crunches now.
fuusha 99 true to some extent..
Exactly
@Sothis exactly
Oh, thanks for reminding me that I totally need this sports Shake Powder and this face Mask and this beauty Tool and...
If it was all about consumerism men would have been market too
It's also about patriarchy and male domination
Its crazy, I have always been baffled by this this. Growing up tall and "skinny" as a young black female, I hated myself for it. I was frequently belittled for my thin frame that I had no control of. I desperately wanted to be bigger, bigger breast and buttocks in particular. I had the opposite of anorexia (not sure if it has a term). I had a very healthy appetite as it was, though it did not show. I had peers, even family telling me I needed to gain weight. So I developed a regiment of weight gain, eating everything full fat, deep fried , high sugar content . I even drank copious amounts of full fat milk evenly mixed with double cream, using this to wash down really high fat/ high sugar cakes and cookies. Then having large meals just before bed as I felt this would allow me to gain weight as I slept. When that wasn't showing me speedy results, I resorted to drinking body building proteins without working out, on top of my high fat, high sugar diet. I finally began to achieve my desires but not in the desired places... I had gained weight mainly on stomach, arms face but not where I wanted it; breast, buttocks , hips and legs. I had failed myself. I did not achieve what people had and "jokingly" ridiculed me for not having. Instead I just looked ill shaped and oddly unhealthy, with a distended abdomen that resembled that of 6 months pregnant lady :). This spiralled me into another realm of self hate... Though I support the awareness of anorexia, I feel like there should also be support for those have other eating disorders. I know it may be surprising but, not every young girl is trying to achieve a thin frame. I guess it also depends on culture and socioeconomic background.
Thank you for sharing this. I could literally feel your pain and frustration as I read your story. I hope you feel better nowadays.
This is so true, thanks for sharing
This is exactly my story😭😭
But that's minority of western world. I cannot hear a thin girl complain anymore about how hard it would be not to gain weight. Common ! I struggle my hole life with overweight. sorry can't relate. You should be so fuckn happy to be skinny!!!!!
@@Gwenny89 you're being insensitive to a real problem that YOU don't suffer from....be a better person and show some empathy please.
"If you do it right the beauty leaves your face, enters your heart and returns again..."
Lynn M. nice
this is so true
She makes a good point. Sometimes I feel my main occupation in life has been "not to look too old" meanwhile...the planet is getting trashed, I have no savings, kids are starving, refugees everywhere.... But yeah, I better get down to the gym and do what's "important" ...maintain a size 8!
But why do you buy into that?
Try watching the video above Sherlock.
Because you should worry about your own life and enjoyment. When people try to help the planet, other people or whatever else, they usually make things worse. You are put on this planet to live YOUR life, not theirs. And beauty does make things better. What if the whole world was ugly? Would living even be worth while?
Sellinga coerwa Saucer of milk for one coming right up madame
Jonny gym is healthy for men, it's not healthy for women. yoga and little bit of cardio is healthy for women.
I grew up hearing that my teeth look like a hamster's and I should be careful when laughing. I had some crowding and my front teeth appeared bigger. Also a gummy smile. So I went from a little girl that laughed from her whole heart to covering my mouth when I felt like laughing. I was also absolutely terrified to speak close to people, knowing my teeth are considered digusting.
Even now, years later, after straightening my teeth and whitening them (the latter was so painful and it ruined my teeth's health), I'm still self conscious about my mouth.
A few words you say to a kid can impact their lives forever. It can take their smile forever, literally. I really wish I could go back to the bubbly girl who just enjoyed life.
Why does our world have to be like this...
Your story has really touched me. I had an ex who had rotten teeth from bad dental hygiene and he did the same thing. How terrible to suppress your laughter and smiles for these petty beauty standards. Have you seen Justine Leconte on UA-cam? You might find it healing to look at her radiant gummy smile. And her videos are brilliant, please check her out. I wish you all the best xxx
Sadly humans have always been like this since the beginning of human existence. They key is always to learn and move past it. We all have trauma, that was not our fault at all. Most people do not care that you have a gummy smile. Many would just appreciate your laugh, laughter is healing.
It's sad story... Take care
Now that I am older, I don't worry so much about all the "shoulds" about so-called beauty. Years and years ago, I tried teeth whitening ONCE and it made my teeth so sore that I quit it immediately. So what if my teeth are a bit yellow? It sure beats being in pain constantly!
I am sorry for your suffering regarding the appearance of your teeth. ((HUGS)) Shame is such a painful emotion.
After everything I have been through ever since childhood, at this point I hate ALL comments on my physical appearance. Even the good comments. I do not want to be defined by my physical appearance.
There are probably 500 things more interesting about you, than the way you look
Good for you :) You are so much more than just your looks ;)
@@potentiallyvalid9906 exactly
The moment you treat yourself as an object, you lose your power. Any "power" you have is bestowed by others, and that's not power at all!!
Lmao and that's what all these celebrity women do these days... expressing "this power"
Its fear. Thats what it all comes down to, the fear of not being loved. Women deep down are terrified that if they dont look beautiful that men wont want them and other women wont admire them for their appearance. That kind of fear is very resistant to logic. The answer is to realise that spending hours every day obsessing about your physical appearance and the appearance of others is a waste of a precious human life. And to know in your heart that it doesnt matter if men love you or women admire you......none of that matters. Forget yourself, that's the only way to escape the trap of beauty sickness.
I think it is more the fear of men.
The fear of independent strong women who know that they dont have to look good and can provide for themselves. This system was designed by men, designed for women to pay more and earn less, to pressure them into thinking less of themselves to purchase more for comfort and to settle with men they do not deserve. We live in a world where women are made to cater to men, but we should only cater to ourselves.
Very well said!
It’s a genetic and social economical vice as Well. Beauty is is sign of health , fertility, and survival ( not so much now because someone could be beautiful and struggle with infertility both men and women). However, generally that is the goal for having children. We want out children to look a certain way and be perceived a certain way. We as humans are extremely sensitive to that. Also, society makes women believe beauty is a way out of low socially economical status which is TRUE in western society.
@@antotheja251 I would challenge those assumptions if I were you. It seems like you're pointing the finger of blame at men. This has nothing to do with men, its entirely a female to female driven issue. Man accept women as they are without makeup and all the rest of the things women do. Its other women who won't accept each other. Shaming and using manipulation tactics to control other women and coerce them to tow the line.
@@eoinbrennan3949 You're absolutely correct!!!
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
Genius outlasts beauty
Always
Great, so when is Richard Dawkins going to model for Gucci??
And being ok with whatever you got since it hardly defines what you ARE
@@niawithredlips3785 Actually he has a nice physic dude. You better find someone else😅
@@niawithredlips3785 Well, the guy could probably afford to buy Gucci, so he wins there.
Those interested in this topic might also be interested in my film series, Killing Us Softly: Advertising's Image of Women (first made in 1979 and remade 3 times since, most recently in 2010).
+Jean Kilbourne thanks Jean, I really admire your work!! :)
+Brianna A Thanks so much, Brianna!
Our teacher at school recommended it to us
Jean, your great talk is how i found this one! Thank you both for educating the masses that we are NOT "things". Im fighting to regain my sense of self these days and appreciate your work!
@@dianedegree3615 Thanks so much, Diane!
This is probably mu favourite Ted Talk. So real and relatable. I'm a college student and I do spend a lot of time worrying about my weight and looks, even when I know nobody looks like ads in real life. (As she says, it doesn't matter)
Thanks for this talk, it really made me open my eyes about the problem.
You tell her she is mistaken when she talks about her own experience? Wow, you must know everything then. So glad you illuminated this topic for us blind dumb humans. I guess eating disorders and depression does not exist either?
Robert Willis
thank you. Of course there are some exceptional beautyful people, but for example photoshop makes your skin look like it has no pores and so on - this weird "perfection" is what they talk about I guess.
Thank you so much Renee for shedding light on this epidemic that is literally killing women. I have spent the majority of my life worried about my appearance and it's exhausting. How refreshing to know that I am not alone in this struggle against objectification. We are human beings who have a lot to offer to the world. I for one wish to stop focusing my attention on image and instead focus my attention on what makes me feel good. If the world treats us like objects, then we deserve to treat ourselves like the amazing human beings that we are! I hope this video reaches women who need to be reminded of that. Thank you again.
In the past people covered up and created their silhouette with structural undergarments, padding out was more common than sinching down
Today we show more skin, the fashionable silhouette has to come from your own body, you can't fake it all, you show yourself to the world the way you are, that's a very vulnerable position to be in
every session my therapist asks me “why do you want to be thin?” and i never have an answer for her
I hope you will not suffer from beauty sickness anymore
I used to work at a temp to hire agency where the most qualified applicants, but more ordinary in physical appearance, received far less offers from the companies we worked with than the strikingly attractive, less qualified applicants. The one thing that overrides all of it, though, was self-confidence.
Thanks for sharing. Building confidence, is so underrated.
I've always had crushes but none ever liked me back.. no guy has ever approached me but would always approach my friends. This made me feel unworthy.. but I'm trying to change it I'm trying to love myself and realise that my worthiness isn't defined by the male attention I get
Yes it absolutely isn't
I’m in the same boat, I have deep brown skin and brown eyes, and I have found that my lighter skinned friends have always gotten more attention and the guys I’ve liked would choose the blonde girls over me. I’m a hopeless romantic so it’s tough not to live life without male validation. I really hope someone could actually love me for me, it seems so difficult in a world that is so focused on looks
I started telling my daughter, when she was about four, that it was nice to be beautiful (because she was) but more important to be kind, smart, and natural and she believed me. She went to school being herself, completely. She was rejected, ostracized, and marginalized. I tried to help her deal with it honestly and she tried to stand up to it but it undermined her terribly.
So sorry to hear this. Sounds like you did a good job. Kids are so cruel. People are cruel. We all have to just forge ahead the best we can. It's good she has you as a mom.
This should be shown to every young person who is struggling. It is a sickness and can kill...
i cried a lot because her every words hit me and i finally realize that spending a lot of time thinking about my body appearance is not an important thing in my life, reaching out my favorite loving things with my arms and walking around the world by foot believing my strength of my thighs are so valuable in my life.
Wren Linnet right, we are never losing our beauty
@Wren Linnet what she stated is biological truth. Our fertility gradually declines post 30. And aging starts. Every woman will have to confront that at some point.
@@honokakondo4253 not inner beauty. But physical beauty will slowly decline with age.
I know right ? Why did we come across this so late
Funniest thing is I'm sitting at home under quarantine only going out for quick walks on desserted sidewalks yet I'm still starving myself and obsessing over what I wear when I do go out for these walks just in case someone ends up being there to judge my appearance.
Eat some food! You are beautiful and I love you!
YOU ARE DIVINE - love, The Universe
yup, that's how powerfully ingrained this is
@@evabailey3860 working on it
@@magma9138 😂😂thnx Ig
As a overweight girl I can admit without disparaging myself that some women indeed DO look like the woman pictured in the water. Are they rare? Absolutely, but I wouldn't call crying "Anorexic! Eat a sandwich!" At the image "knowing better" or having a particularly mature understanding of what bodies look like.
+Lin Gin agree, i don't even think girls like that are rare at all... all the comments she used sounds like haters' attitude.
I'm not hating, I'm thin like that girl...but statistically it is well established that it's rare. You can do a whole health organisation "global measure" test that tells you where you are by global standard with weight and I have a BMI of 20..puts me on par with the average Ethiopian. You see a disproportionate number of images of this body type so you think it's indicative of the norm...any statistic or study would show the opposite is true
Well, I've always been thin. On thin women, the ribs will always show, that has nothing to do with eating disorders. I grew up in Spain, there, the sizes 34-36, (0-1), are quite normal for young women. In my class all girls where thin, just 2, where a bit bigger. Today, more girls are actually overweight, than in the 80s and 90s, before fast food became a thing in Spain. Just an example. But I agree, beauty sickness is real.
I think you've missed the point entirely. It's not about what the standard of beauty is, or whether it's common/attainable. It's about how our obsession of that standard of beauty prevents us from achieving our fullest potential.
@@janahcoaching I agree with you. In most countries in Europe, people are just way thinner than in USA. If a European comes back from USA, one of the first things they mention, are the enormous portionsizes in restaurants. What we call big, is small in USA, what USA calls XXL, we call that a hottub and what we call small....does not exist in USA....
this was a great talk, kind of makes me want to cry though, watching this in 2022.. when things have gotten so much worse..
You can not objectify yourself and be part of the world. Being in a perpetual state of recovery from anorexia, I can so get this. The number 1 thing about having an eating disorder is that it isolates you from the world, from those that will tell you other things than what that ed voice is saying. When we begin to recover, we hear all these negative things from our ed and it worsens for a brief time after finding recovery, until we learn to lessen and manage it. It's learning to filter out what the ed voice is saying and trusting what outside voices from supportive friends say about how we look. This is wonderful. Thank you
Since you were anorexic, do you want a free camel hug? I can understand what your pain must feel like... FREE SELF ESTEEM HUGS FOR ALL!
She perfectly sums up an issue that has so worked itself into the fabric of life that it often feels impossible to quantify or explain. In 15 minutes, she presents the issue, how it harms us, the choice we have to change, practice tips for how to make changes, and a potential outcome that is too enticing to ignore. I applaud her for her research, her insight, her compassion, and her courage, and I am grateful to be able to view and share this video with others who need to remember that we have a CHOICE about the quality of life we live. There may be biology driving us, there may be culture coming at us, but the beauty of living our very personal life is we can choose (albeit it is often not an easy choice that requires much practice and mental redirection!!) our focus and our impact....and ultimately, our legacy.
I wish more women would focus on doing whatever it takes to have fun rather than what they look like. A woman can be drop dead gorgeous but if she cares more about the way she looks than how much fun she's having things go south at every turn. Besides, a women having fun and experiencing/expressing joy is a woman at her most beautiful.
I’m 14 and i’ve spent so much of my own pocket money on beauty products and clothes and it’s something that i just can’t get by anymore and i realised it’s because ever since i was 6 people were always telling me that i was pretty or that i should be a model. So for as a 6 year old that was the message i got: not that my 100% grade on spelling was good but that i was pretty. And every day when i go to school, or to see my parents friends people are always telling me i’m pretty as if it outweighs the fact that i’m the best student in my year
How would people outside of your family know about your grades? Did you share them? Otherwise they will not tell you that you are a good student.
I think the people who are really beautiful are those whose good heart shines through. And it doesn’t matter what they wear, what their appearance is, etc. The positive energy they emit makes them radiant with beauty.
Feeling that I had to be thin and the perfectionism robbed me of much of my young life.
I watched this speech back in 2017. It empowered me as a college student. This speech made me remember that I have so much power. I am more than the physical flesh, what really matters is my capabilities as an individual.
Awesome points and awesome presentation. Unfortunately, 7 years later in 2020, beauty is still an obsession for everyone. Yes, the beauty standards have become more diverse and less Eurocentric, but we are still under pressure to look beautiful. It's almost a competition for status: who's the closest to the ideal in their respective category: skinny and tall, or perfect hourglass, an elite bodybuilder physique. We really need to remind ourselves that however much beauty standards diversify, only the statistically rarest in a category is considered to be ideal. So in a way, the quest for beauty is like trying to be special and different.
Great talk with many good points. I do, however, find it interesting that almost all of the TED Talks dealing with women and beauty are presented by women who fit the traditional ideals of beauty. Tall, slender, long hair, etc. It is very easy to say "stop worrying so much about being beautiful when you ARE beautiful!
Isn't that ironic?
These women were able to reach a platform to be able to give out their thoughts because in some way or the other, they were accepted more than the others
@@apoorvayadav8536 Tall wasn't traditionally considered beautiful for women. In the 60s, people gave estrogen therapy to their daughters, so that they do not grow tallish. The tall, skinny ideal was introduced by feminists, who didn't want femininity to be the standard of beauty.
Yeah, I noticed that too. She's like "I don't care". Yeah, of course you don't care because you've never had trouble getting laid or getting money through men.
I scrolled down here (5 years later) to find your comment. I was thinking the EXACT same thing!
Every woman should see that. Good Job great teacher.
Her rebuttal to “beauty” as power at 11:37 made me tear up :’) True beauty comes from the eternal, from wisdom and life experience. The sooner you learn this, the greater your own capacity to view beauty in and outside yourself grows. ☮️
Ik nobody will probably see this 6 years later… but i just saw this video and.. im 15 years old and so insecure about my body. I look at the other girls in school and am constantly comparing myself to them because they are so skinny but my thighs are really thick. I look in the mirror and hate what i see and even wished i could die. I still feel terrible, like im not good enough and i need to be skinny; this video helped me realize there is more to life then what your body looks like. Now im not saying im completely healed, because im not, but the message of this video is amazing, thank you ted talks ❤️
I like this video because she really goes in depth with her analysis...especially when she points out that true power isn't inversely correlated to age/wisdom...that was bars.
I wish I could show this to every girl in my school. maybe it'd wake them up a bit and make them realise exactly what they've all become, but I doubt it. pisses me off how I seem to be the only girl my age who'd rather have fun than obsess over makeup and eyebrows all the time. it's so unhealthy and actually makes me really sad.
all the time I could have been having fun with my friends the last few years I've spent having to listen to them talking about how much they think they look like kylie Jenner or whoever. and to be honest the funny thing is, none of them do.
Aw I totally relate to you, that's almost everyone in my school. I feel like it's very unhealthy and I wish that people wouldn't care so much. It's bad for them and annoying for everyone else.
i don't want to make a channel but its saying i have to I get it it’s awful seeing this happen to people you care about but don’t worry they will figure it out
i don't want to make a channel but its saying i have to I know this was three years ago-this is for other people that’ve seen your comment- there’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking makeup. Don’t shame other girls for being feminine, it doesn’t make you special or quirky
Yeah, me wearing men’s tees 2-3 sizes larger than what would be ‘appropriate’ for women’s fashion. Then my parents gets pissed that I look ‘grungy’ or ‘homeless’
@@sierra7007 Don't shame girls for being exactly what society likes and shame girls that are born different ! YAS ! You go girl ! Be pretty, don't think, do not be a "notlikeothergirls" girl ! Let's shame girls that don't fit in the box and are the minority so we can pretend it's feminists and progressive. As again, if you don't wear make-up and don't care about what you look like you aren't a real woman and you have internalized mysoginy teehee 🤗
im 7 minutes into this talk bbut so far its nice i just wish she would focus on the eurocentric beauty standards as well as thin centric
Sure, weight isn't the only factor, she said it in the beginning. It's still a good illustration though, and the same reasoning apply to any kind of body image issues imho. You can't cover everything in 15min unfortunately, so she had to pick the most prevalent issue in the context of her study. But replace weight by any other factor (like skin color for instance, skin bleaching is a horrifying pandemic in some places) and it still works.
Yes I was wondering this as well
@@nysaea trrue
I stopped buying beauty magazines when I realized that they were making me feel seriously depressed.
i stopped following people on instagram for that same reason
Brought tears to my eyes. Very well said.
I totally agree with her! we have to learn at young ages how to be happy with who we are, how to explore life and enjoy it!
I’d rather be respected for my mind than beautiful
YES
Same. Everytime a guy compliments my looks it just throws me off i hate being reduced to just my appearance
@@jufinmay1 I feel that. Like it's nice to look good for our own sakes but intelligence is for the good of society and life haha
Then you are one brave woman in a million...
@@asterisque9252 Haha thank you, I suppose not every woman thinks that way
Wow I really want to thank her in person for giving the truth of our value as women when all our life, we've been lied to and manipulated about our beauty
Brilliant talk. I’m 50, my 17 year old self so needed this. I had bulimia for years......this would have changed much about my life. Great content!
I was once at a tattoo parlor, getting a small butterfly placed on my hip, while a friend of mine got a HUGE one covering her entire upper leg. Hers only took about half an hour longer than mine. Out of nowhere, the tattoo artist said "I don't mean to disrespect, but... her body is smaller than yours." It's been 10 years and I still hear these words in my head, every day.
I don't get it. What was his point?
@ADV You're not alone. This really helped me.
Everytime those words come into head, reply by saying to yourself "big, small, or obese. I could be any of those things, and still remain gorgeous. Because I'm not a bully like that tattoo artist".
Psychology says people who're crital of others, are crital of themselves.
So that tattoo artist, was projecting his own insecurities onto you. The problem wasn't with you to begin with. 💁🏻♀️
Nonetheless, I'll be praying that we heal from our bad experiences.
@@misbahailia3345
The problem wasn’t a bullying artist. The problem is that it’s more difficult to do tattoos on thicker people
@@misbahailia3345 This was such a kind comment! I hope you can heal from your wounds too. When I was a teenager, my mother told me I was a "cow" and that "no man will ever want you." Those comments scarred me for life. I work every day to overcome what damaged me, especially from my mother who died in 1987.
Problem is you might not know a little girl's qualities but you can see the little girl, so it's easier. Might be better not to make any statement about her specifically , but to just say you are glad to meet her.
I hate when people say “people don’t look like that” because I do. I’m skinny and you can see my hips pop out a little bit. I am a size 00. And I’m not unhealthy. I’m not saying this “to brag” or anything. Please don’t compare yourself to me. Yes I’m not a professional model and they have things that are edited and photoshopped and they don’t even look like themselves, but there are people that are that size in real life, just a small number of people. I agree with literally everything she says but just saying people of those sizes don’t exist is wrong. (I know it was just more of a generalization but she could’ve just said the vast majority of people don’t look like that.)
I am the same. And guess which size is always out of stock first when I go shopping?? :-)
There are many forms of beauty, no amount of makeup can make up for inner grace, health and health knoweldge and love of self, love of life, competence in craft.
My quests for beauty as a youngster was extreme....all that wasted energy, for all those decades. And yet...even though the media told me that as a short, rather plain and definitely not thin person, I would never be good enough, nor find someone to love me...It was all a lie. Wish I'd known it back then.
I know right. All these years of obsession with beauty feels like a waste
She says really important things about our views and values. I hope that step by step all of us will understand them. Thanks to Renee Engeln and TEDx!!!
After this I realized that my mom made a really bad influence to me. She cares a LOT about beauty. My mom always tells me "You should lose some weight or then you're gonna be older you won't find a man". It pisses me of. I know that I weight too much for my height but the words she's telling to me doesn't work.
Plus the media these days makes it even worse.
My dad does the same and I’m pretty sure my mom agrees cause of how she reacts when he says stuff about it. Also that’s so heteronormative 😜
hey hope you're doing okay
May Bastet bless you for this presentation, Renee. I really needed to see this. I'm finally starting to understand this sickness on a deeper level and stop blaming myself for being who I am. I'm just fine, freckles and all.
I just realized that my parents brought me up really well! I didn't worry about being beautiful until I found people being obsessed with it in books which was at 12 I think. And now, I try to be more healthy than beautiful ^^
Dead Pool well said! I know when I'm healthy I also feel beautiful. But I'm still way to body conscious.
I somehow am coming upon this talk that is 10 years old. How did I miss it? It's one of the best, clearest presentations I've seen on this topic. Thank you Renee for your fine messages about beauty sickness. Your talk is as appropriate today (January 2024) as it was when you presented it. I wish students started watching this, as part of the school curriculum, in grade 4, then 5, then through Jr High and maybe beyond. This message is so needed.
As someone whose in their mid 20's, thank you for posting this. I still have a hard time remembering that celebs post-photo shoots don't like this on a typical basis and that there's tons of make up on them. When I was a teen and on social media more often, I suffered from anorexia, not just because of my environment, but because of what I saw online. Beauty standards almost killed me as a teenager. I was often praised on beauty (or criticized on lack thereof) and honestly, like it's said here, that needs to change.
This was so so intetesting and true
BRILLIANT talk! This topic is something that I care very deeply about and this presentation summed up my thoughts perfectly. Thank you
"what kind of power is inversely correlated with the attainment of wisdom and life experience?".....damn straight bars
I love that woman, her book has been a tremendous eye-opener for me
Stunning presentation, thank you very much for this. It is a real pleasure to hear well researched comment on an alarming trend. Sad as it may sound, it is not only the younger girls that carry these (admitedly shallow) habits with them. The "mirror" metaphor is now firmly set in my mind - so good, and so helpful for the future, I hope!
I'm very happy I found this. Love!
Wow. So astute. THANK YOU for asking questions no one wanted answered & giving NO FU**S about if anyone cared! You. Are. Amazing.
This talk is much much needed !!!
I appreciate her for her research and bringing up this issue.
this is awesome! I think I will start watching this once a month just to remind me that beauty isn't my most important task. Thank you!
Dear Renee we could live in a world completely free from importance of phisical beauty of women and men, we just need to accept the fact that we are not our body and start living in a upper level of consciousness, where real things matter.
I'm glad I found this video when I needed it the most. Thanks for speaking the truth.
This almost brought me to tears - dealing with today's society, it's 2017 now .. Really glad I came across this video - so raw and accurate.
2020 now, nothing changed yet
Great video! It really shows how beauty standards can keep an individual from achieving anything truly substantial in life.
Umm I don't think that's what she was saying. Just that they can achieve so much more, and that time they usually use to worry about their appearance, can be spent on something substantial and meaningful and fulfilling. Not that beauty standards will completely keep some from achieving anything of substance...
Great talk.
I came from the Ologies podcast. I'm recovering from anorexia and I'd honestly rather be a strong woman than the frail, waifish shell of a girl I used to be. I think that avoiding makeup really helped build my self esteem as well. I finally love myself again. I wish you all the same.
Dear Dr Renee, please continue your work on this. Please.
Honestly, I thought "How big is the truck" when I heard that statistic too. And I'm a bit ashamed of that. I can try to rationalize it with "Well, obesity will have more long-term health consequences then some temporary bruising and broken bones from a car wreck," but that's not really it.
Don't feel bad its a ridiculous way to try to make a point. He may as well said would you rather be hit by lightening or have a job you don't like for two years. Most would choose the lightening. Its comparing one questionably momentary catalyst vs one long-term absolute result. Reverse: Would you prefer one day as a billionaire or one year off work paid relaxing on a beach you choose?
+Egghead Einstein Not to diss on your sympathy, but I would MUCH rather have a job I don't like for 2 years then get struck by lightning. Lightning strikes are more likely to cause death and, barring that, can lead to organ and muscle trouble.
+Katelyn P I'd rather be fat cause than i can at least diet and work out to change my situation verses being laid up in bed with a long recuperation if I'm lucky and even if its a small truck girls maybe permanent paralysis !!
+celestialcircledance right, that's what I thought as well
That was a very well written last sentence right there!
Personally, I don't care about how others perceive me. I have too many issues to deal with in my brain to worry about my appearance. I barely brush my hair. I wear what i want and not what other people tell me I should wear. I either ignore or fight against anyone who comments about what i wear and how i look. True, I don't think i am "beautiful" or "pretty", whatever those words really mean, but I don't want to change my appearance to have others accept me. If I have to change so you will accept me, count me out. I am amazing the way I am and if you can't deal with that, get out of my life. This is my personal opinion.
One of the best ted talks. And a much needed perspective.
She has such a natural radiant beauty that comes from within. You can see the passion in her face as she speaks.
From reading the comments and randomly skipping through the video this seemed like a great talk yet filled with non-revolutionary ideas. This is stuff that has already been said and continues to come up in conversation.
Yet nothing has changed. Isn't that a problem and a reason to continue such a discourse?
epidemic huh. youtube has a funny sense of humor putting this in my recommended during covid
2022 and this is still applicable ! i love it
Thank you. Needed this talk so badly today. I was once lost, now I found me. The me that matters. ❤️💯
thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am happy now!! seriously!!!
Love this Talk. I would love to hear her opinion about the development along the last years with all the young girls wanting to be instagram models.
She is so great, i could hear her talk about anything
Very impressive!
Thank you for such beautiful way of putting this sensitive matter.
My parents never told me I was pretty and it was very damaging. I tell my daughters they are beautiful all the time, this is not conditional on what size they are or if they have makeup on. I think you suggesting not to tell girls or women they are beautiful is damaging and not healthy. I let my girls know I think they are smart and beautiful every day. Other positive attributes about them I also compliment. I think not telling a girl she is pretty is not empowering. You should rethink that and quit telling people to damage young women by not telling them they're beautiful
Would you say the same for boys? That they need to be told they are good looking?
@@reenujose4361 boys are told that they are good looking and handsome. Especially if they are mamas boys
Crazy irony (or intentional because of keywords?): the ad shown before I watched this video was for some sort of Spanx like body shaper. (face palm) The talk itself is awesome, especially the part about NOT telling little girls how cute or pretty they are, or how much you love their pink dress or whatever. It's amazing how almost reflexive that inclination is, but I have now replaced it with either not saying anything or commenting on how smart or strong or fast they are or whatever. Wish I'd heard those messages when I was growing up. Now, in my 50s, I don't care what anyone thinks about my looks or how I dress! (But I don't argue with my husband when he tells me how smart and beautiful I am.) :-)
Then she will complain why her mother is not complimenting her looks.
What a great presentation Renee! Thank you for your insights. It is a kind of conversation that must go on and on because it is really important to change the mindset of young girls especially for this issue of persuing beauty at all costs. It is destroying their self-esteem, because as you said, the image of these skinny models, perfect-look models are impossible to achieve, and for these young girls, if they cannot achieve that, it means that they are a failure, they will never be desired enough, pretty enough, acceptable enough, worth enough, and this is wrong, this is not realistic. Thank you! You speak in a so eloquent way.
Beauty is in your heart not your face & body .
One of the best youtube videos out there
Superb!! Worth watching again..
Limit the mirror time!
I really love this
The very reason why I have finished watching this video is because of her gorgeous smile. Of course her speech is equally intelligent. But I have to admit that her beauty is one of the major factors for me to have watched this video from start to end.
"What kind of power is inversely correlated with the attainment of wisdom and life experience?" REALLY hit home. I spent ages 10-17 trying to look perfect all the time until I finally realised that I had a brain, and shouldn't I use that? I haven't worn makeup since then and have honestly never felt better about my appearance-- because I hardly think of it at all.
Excellent presentation that I'll absolutely reference in the future.
If anybody is looking for further reading on this subject, please consider reading The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf
Awesome! Thanks :)
Great speech. I´ve been suffering a little since my two children were born and my body has changed so much. This video made me feel more confortable and changed my point of view. Thank you!
It made me think about how raising my children, 2 girls. I don´t like when they watch Barbie on TV because it passes a futile message about beauty and new clothes and women disputing against other women... we may be alert about our little girls!
She spoke so well! I want to make this change.