There's six 'premise formulas' I didn't get a chance to mention in the video. You might find these useful: 1. Inciting Incident + Character + Goal The Martian: After a storm leaves him stranded on Mars, astronaut Mark Watney must survive alone while finding a way to signal Earth for rescue. 2. Character + Goal + Setting Ninth House: A woman who can see the dead seeks justice for an unsolved murder by unravelling the twisted secrets of Yale’s secret magical societies. 3. Character + Goal The Hobbit: A comfort-loving hobbit reluctantly agrees to help a wizard and a group of dwarves steal treasure from a dragon. 4. Character + Goal + Stakes Six of Crows: Six criminal outcasts try to break into a military stronghold to free a hostage who could change the shape of magic forever. 5. Character + Inciting Incident Mort: An awkward teenager becomes Death’s apprentice. 6. Character + Inciting incident + Conflict + Stakes A Game of Thrones: After an honourable nobleman becomes the Hand to the King, he is plunged into a world of cutthroat politics, where he must choose between his family’s safety or the integrity of his oaths. *** If you'd like my help to develop your premise (and outline the rest of your fantasy novel), you might want to apply for my Fantasy Outlining Bootcamp. Here's the link: jedherne.com/outline
Creating a premise is excellent writing practice. Making your premise fit on a sticky note is a challenge we should readily accept. Long live sticky notes!
I lost motivation to continue writing my book but after a watched this I immediately put my story in one sentence onto my sticky note and got back to writing!
@@alexiosblake9804 I guess it's a bit of both. I've been working on my world for over 15 years, so of course there will be a lot of info. My biggest problem has been to organize all of my notes. Since cohort 2, it's been a lot easier tho, and I don't feel as lost anymore.
My writing teacher had a similar line of advice where he told us to put a sticky note with our theme on it over our screen. Everything in the world and story should, in some way, strengthen that theme.
Two days ago i finished my fantasy novel/book (44300 words). I managed to do it in 32 days, i really enyojed writing it. Can't wait to sit behind the computer again and correct mistakes or change something to better. Some of your videos really helped me and kept me motivated the whole time :)
I'd like to suggest that part of the premise should include the 'fun' factor. For Jade city I would say the fun part is "jade grants superhuman abilities". For Joanne's book the fact that magic is real. For Dune it is that you can "move to another planet". Without the fun, you have a story that could be very good, but they aren't fantasy or fantastical even if they have a fantasy setting.
True, it immediately stuck out to me that Jade wasn't highlighted and I felt it really should in some way, as it contributes so much to what would make it fun to read.
A premise of a story I'm working on.: A young orphan dragon believed to be cursed by the Theocratic state he is getting raised in gets adopted by a broken and mostly human family pained by a common threat that plagues all who grow up with humans and dragons side by side, when cracks in the family show he is forced on a journey with a troubled teenage boy to take back the family and uncover the mysteries of the past that plague them both.
I recently went through the process of writing a two sentence blurb for my novel. Paring things down just a little more from there was an interesting thought exercise... And yes, it all fits nicely on a sticky note! "A small group of people from opposing sides in a galactic war must overcome their differences to escape a dangerous alien planet and save it from the world-devouring magic that it's grown to depend on."
If I may-! Not sure how much feedback you're looking for, but if I were asked to pare this down further, maybe simplify it to "Opposing sides in a galactic war must overcome their differences to escape a planet doomed by the world-devouring magic it's become dependent on." You can leave out 'alien' since 'galactic war' implies that it's sci-fi of some kind, and the other stuff just cuts out some of the wordier elements. OR, if you'd like to front-load the most specific and fascinating part of your premise, it could be re-written to "In order to escape a planet doomed by world-devouring magic, two opposing sides in a galactic war must put aside their differences." But that doesn't flow as nicely. Best of luck with your stories! :D
You could reduce this down to sound more organic: "People from opposing sides of a galactic war must unite to escape a dangerous planet and its world-devouring magic." "A small group of people" isn't a necessary description, when just "People" would be more concise and fluent. "Overcome their differences" is a little cliche. "Unite" sounds more organic, and is more concise. It is also less redundant as "opposing sides in a galactic war" already told us they have differences. "Escape a dangerous alien planet." "Galactic war" has already established the setting as scifi, so we should expect aliens already. This word is unnecessary as it is assumed. Plus, "alien" to a galactic civilization would have a different context than it would for the reader, since (unless the entire galactic population is humans), "aliens" would be nothing strange to them. "And save it from the world-devouring magic". This sounds like you mean the people are trying to save the dangerous planet, which if accurate, would be a B-plot (escaping being the A-plot). Mentioning the "world-devouring magic" does set high steaks, however, so that part is good to include. "That it's grown to depend on." This phrase feels weird, unless it has some kind of very specific feature which is highly important for the reader to know early on. Otherwise, it might be an interesting plot point when the characters learn that this "world-devouring magic" is crucial to the world's momentary survival, which can ask a moral question: "Do we save the world now by allowing it to keep this magic, knowing it will destroy itself later? Or do we destroy the magic now dooming the planet before it gets out of hand?" If it must be in the premise, perhaps just "it depends on" would be better.
I've been doing this since I started my novel and I works great. I do a lot of discovery writing so contradictions and retcons are tough, but by keeping a simple idea in mind of what the story is you can just go to town writing and slowly steer it back into focus. Works great with characters too. I give to each character 2 or 3 adjectives or nouns and that helps me write without guide at first, knowing that it'll be easier to steer everytjing back in the right direction.
My premise: "At the close of the thirteenth century, when a young king is compelled to defend the throne of his ancestors against a reactionary nobility, civil war and courtly intrigues plunge the realm into chaos. This tumultuous novel draws a vivid historical tableau of the birth of the Modern World amid the wistful end of the Middle Ages." (My book is not fantasy, but a semi-historical novel)
Sounds good overall. I might swap "This tumultuous romance" to "The tumultuous romance between Romeo and Juliet paints" Without knowing who your story is about, it might be a good move to make that clear to potential readers in the premise itself.
Here's my premise: Young boy Leithan dreams of becoming a griffin knight/rider and fighting against the pirates of the west, but during his journey he sees the true side of the crown and his lifelong beliefs are thrown through the window.
Character: Leithan Setting: West? Plot: Fight pirates, are we the baddies? Stakes: Not listed (at least not that I see. Don’t think I’d count getting rid of long-held beliefs would count given the seemingly worldly scope of the story as opposed to a small scale internal struggle kind of story) Sounds neat, just would recommend solidifying the setting and stakes
@@Joshops31 I couldn't quite fit the setting and the stakes. The setting would be a kingdom (called Gwendhir) where knights ride griffins, and their main threat are pirates. The stakes I'm not so sure how to define them. It certainly is about him having to go against everything he believed in. There are kind of two plots at once though, and maybe I should've included it. The other plot is about some kind of magic, and stopping a man whose hear is filled with darkness from using it for evil purposes (he is not part of the crown though). Seemed too complex for a premise haha
@@electra6821 thanks for you input! In the actual story his life is certainly at risk! And so are the lives of many, if he fails both to stop the crown from their naughty business, and the dark guy from his purpose (I don't wanna reveal too much haha)! I should find a way to incorporate that into the premise!
When the island of Ayre is threatened by the Empire of Steel and Stone, the four young O'Riain brothers are given the strength and abilities of battle angels to save their homeland, but they quickly learn that with great power comes great enemies, and even greater temptations.
Lajos Egri! The Art of Dramatic Writing. This book is all about premise and very helpful and enlightening. One example of premise: Ruthless ambition leads to its own destruction: Macbeth
Gah! It is really hard to summarize! The best I could narrow it down to was: When a boy named Ruin has his life changed forever into a varatable hell he is haunted by his past, blaming himself for catastrophy even as he is wrapped up in a plot to start the bigest war in history, and anchient magics long lost threaten to return.
I think it’s important to establish that this is a magical world at the start of the sentence, at first I thought it might be a contemporary piece. Also “life changed forever” is way too vague the reader needs a jumping off point like student/ baker/ prisoner as a grounding hook.
I know this is 3 months late, but does this help? "Young boy Ruin must learn to survive physical and mental conflict to save the world from ancient magic"
This sounds like many plots loaded together like a shotgun: 1.) Ruin has his life changed forever, 2.) His life is hell, 3.) he is haunted by his past, 4.) he blames himself for a catastrophe, 5.) he is part of the start to the biggest war in history, 6.) an ancient magic threatens to return. I had to dissect this really closely to realize plots 1-5 were actually all linked, and could therefore be presented as one thing: "Ruin is haunted by his past from starting the biggest war in history when an ancient magic threatens to return." This is easier to read and tells just as much information. If I was looking at a book considering buying/reading, I wouldn't have thought the longer sentence worth breaking down what it's saying.
Try to grab attention with the first line and change the order of information so there's a natural flow. I reworded it like this : "Ancient magics threaten to return when a boy named Ruin must confront his haunting past while entangled in a plot to start the biggest war in history."
I just finished the first draft of my novel, and have recently begun the editing process. Suddenly, I'm terrified, and worry my story, particularly my opening chapter, is not strong enough. I'm in a bit of a panic, but your videos always seem to help. Thanks, I appreciate you!
@@jhon.k.3227Thank you. I've always lived by "Write the story you want to read" and considered anyone else reading it a bonus. Thank you for reminding me of that. Good luck in your endeavors!
I know the feeling. Editing is hard and scary. And even if your first chapter isn't strong enough yet, it will be (that's what editing is for ;] ). And don't forget to find good beta readers when you're ready. Good beta readers will want you to succeed and will give you the truth in ways that you need to hear it, which will make your story even stronger. Just be prepared for more editing after that. ;] You've got this!
OMG. I've heard you make this essential point in several of your videos, but my notes overwhelmed demand-avoidant self has always asked "but WHY". Thank you so much for giving me a why to actually do the thing and potentially make my story better! :D
This is excellent advice, and timely too! I'm a worldbuilder who's written a number of very short stories into my setting but i'm trying to write something a little longer and i'm still struggling to choose a conflict and stakes given the relatively peaceful setting, at least one that I have the requisite knowledge to write about!
I'll attempt my premise. I really struggled to condense it due to having 3 major POV's. The two bickering tribes on the island of St Kuma have been hit by a string of murders at night. Two teens try to catch the killer, while a rider from the south brings news that will shake up their lives forever.
My premise is imature compared with the Story Scale, but maybe simple it is the better it turns. - Descendants: The Astral Triplice - Premisse: When the Astral gods decided to parasitize Earth's natural phenomena and spread their descendants among mortals, they never imagined that an ancient banished evil coveted the same. Crawling through time, his mysterious ideals and repugnant acts reached unknown descendants and distorted their lives forever. Among them, Johdriel Zaine, a teenager drowning in grief for his family, felt such Astral Evil getting closer and closer. (I'm not a native english writer, if it feels strange, just some language casuality).
This kind of blurb is almost always written in the present tense, so most your verbs should be in simple present, and any references to earlier events should be in simple past. Also, ditch all the "woulds." Hope this helps.
@@electra6821 Thanks! I think it's now fixed, but above everything, thanks God that I write it on another language 😂, I'm so bad when it comes to English Grammar.
My furthest project, which is now in 3rd draft, started off as a short story series. I loved the story told, I decided I wanted to expand on it, and the characters. Now this short story has enough content for 4 books. All the while, I have 3 other main projects going too that I switch between.
I have a few A young god finds himself at conflict with another, his people are being torn apart and tortured in a time before death he must find a way to release his people, he begins to use the power of chaos to achieve his goal. A child is born into a gang with superpowers and finds himself in a cycle of hatred until he and his friend stumble upon two kids fighting a cryptid, this pushes them into finding out about where there powers come from, while balancing gangs, school, and a hunter lifestyle. An alien finds herself in Mexico controled by gangs, she uses her powers make it safer but finds out its filled with the worst of humanity. A witch has her magic supressed by a foundation from birth because of her connection to a demon, she is then placed in a school for the supernatural where she must unravel the mystery of her family, while her adoptive mother is forced on her own deadly journey.
I'll throw myself into the ring as well: When two teenagers with magical powers are thrown into each others' bodies, they must learn to grow as people to not only get their own lives back, but also save their loved ones from approaching calamity. It's a character + inciting incident + goal + stakes formula (or at least that's what I'm going for), that hopefully says enough about the plot while also showing that it's a character-focused story (with the setting admittedly being omitted other than "fantasy world").
Late to the party but I appreciate the thoughtful suggestions as always. I'm nearing the finish line on my first novel and I most solemnly admit that organization is my greatest weakness. Hrm. Let's give this a try. Sensitive and studious, Ruqayya LoVrenn can scarcely comprehend the impossibilities of true magic in the Riselands until circumstances beyond her control force her to embrace natural talents alongside other gifted individuals as she learns that anyone has the power to change the world. Probably too vague on the conflict …
Vagueness might be an issue, but a larger one is that this premise needs to be broken up into multiple sentences instead of one long run-on sentence. But you clearly have a good idea of what you want to write You got this
Good idea, and thank you for giving examples from well-known books. Being able to crystallize the premise is a skill that's useful for cutting excess verbiage from the manuscript as well, and can serve as the blurb for a published book. By the way, as a proofreader, I noticed the misspelling of Harkonnen's (possessive), which should be Harkonnens (plural) @ 4:50. For some reason, it's become a common error in the past 10 years.
I've noticed the whole 'apostrophe for plural words' thing as well! It's really prominent among Gen Z'ers for some reason. Do you have any idea why that's happening?
Middle Grade, Low Stakes, Fantasy Adventure Nine year-old Rumi is all set to give her grandpa the best birthday present ever, when a thieving not-squirrel swipes her gift and dives headfirst through a golden portal into the fantastical kingdom of [Slumberland]. It’s a race against time to track down the culprit and get back in time for her grandpa’s party, all while avoiding the authorities.
That's a solid premise. Does a great job of establishing the tone & genre (portal fantasy). It is a little long. See if you can trim it and cut non-essential details.
@@Jed_Herne Rumi was all set to surprise her grandpa with his birthday present, when a thieving not-squirrel stole it and leapt through a golden portal into the kingdom of [Slumberland]. Now it’s a race against time to track down the culprit and get back to her grandpa’s party.
@@ourabouras I’m personally a huge fan for portal fantasy and dream-like realities. (Which is what I gathered from “Slumberland”.) It sounds a bit to me like “Alice in Wonderland”, where Alice followed a rabbit through a portal into the dream-like reality of “Wonderland”. Even still, I’m very interested to see where this goes. Keep it up. 👍
@@Iso20227 Excellent. The plot definitely pulls from portal world stories like Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, and Adventures of Little Nemo in Slumberland. I’m going for a low stakes fantasy where a happy-go-lucky kid gets to go on an adventure swashbuckling with sky-pirates, jousting in the Queen’s tourney, and stealing a dragon egg, but that was all a bit too much detail for the premise.
@@ourabouras sounds like my kind of story. I’m always prefer high stakes, where there are huge dangers and obstacles to overcome, lives are in jeopardy, and the perils that the characters face often seem insurmountable. However, that doesn’t mean that low stakes is bad at all. You can consider me very interested now.
I’ve never really seriously creatively written before so perhaps a full length fantasy novel is a bit ambitious. But my idea in a sentence would be something like: A cutpurse, a sold whore, a mage hunter, and a prince set out on an unlikely journey to kill a king, but when a foreign prince invades Aukdera, the stakes are turned on their heads and impossible decisions will have to be made
I'm trying to write my first novel which is a fantasy. You're videos have given some really good advice that I feel like will help me continue writing it. Thanks for all the tips 👍
Late to this vid but here’s my premise! I’m very open to feedback “Khavonian princess by day, vigilante by night, Hanora, is willing to attain-by any and all means-what’s best for the people of her Kingdom, but when she’s met with the costs of true reformation, she’s set off on a mission that could have her questioning even her own morality.”
I like it. It can work as is, but I think that maybe it shouldn't. What I mean is, the premise gives me no idea about what's going on other than who the main character is. I think it could benefit from a small expansion of what 'true reformation' means in this context. But again, I think you can get away with no changes.
@@Harbringer12 thank you I appreciate it, but I don’t expand on what I mean by true reformation because, if I were to expand on that, I would be giving you my whole plot twist. I want my readers to be able to hypothesize and theorize. One of my pet peeves one the story is just handed to you and you don’t have to think anything through.
@@Harbringer12 however, I do completely agree with your point that I didn’t give much info about what the actual problem is, the main conflict at the start, now that I’m rereading it back. So I agree there
This was very helpful. I kept trying to come up with a summary, but after chopping out all of the story specific stuff, I actually got an amazing premise. "After a young genius is thrust into deadly trials to collect divine artifacts, he must keep them out of the wrong hands by making powerful allies and finding a greater purpose for himself."
heres my premise / logline (cause it is for an animated short) An insecure girl studies magic from a godly mentor to confront her nightmare monster in the hopes of returning to her human world.
If the animation has no dialogue, I think this is perfectly fine. If there's dialogue, then I think you need to tweak this premise by adding a couple of the animation specific story details. Good job.
This was your most helpful video to date. Thank you! -- My wife and I are collaborating on a fantasy novel, which has the potential to become a series. With your help in this video, we have honed our premise. ... "This is the origin story of the Diplomat and his Priestess, which began at a quiet border village, where a struggle between twin brothers shatters a centuries-old status quo of no contact between ancient adversaries." ... Sticky Note Challenge accepted and completed, just the way you showed us how to do it.
A bit late to the comment-section party but... This was some awesome advice. I will take a plunge and post what I am brewing currently: "In a war-torn realm of Harrendale, shadow-witch Eleyna wants to become a leader of mercenaries, guided by a prophetic vision, while wrestling with the powers consuming her and attempting to come to terms with the loss of her child."
Does Eleyna want to become the leader of all mercenaries, or just one particular mercenary group? I would change it to; "In war-torn Harrendale, the shadow-witch Eleyna strives/fights to become the leader of the Mercenaries/ Mercenary Group. Guided by a prophetic vision; she wrestles both with the powers that aid her, and the loss of her child." By saying she struggles with her powers, it inherently implies that these powers aren't just a free deal.
I would say it can definitely help. The point of this system is that you're having trouble staying in line. You write without following a strick path and the sticky note is short and vague, but concise enough to push you back on track. If you detect that you get angry too fast, too often, maybe a sticky not that says "anger" is enough to remind you that you do this often and it could help you get you emotions in check before it's too late. Imho relationships end not because of the fight, but because of the lack of desire to fix what was broken during the fight.
They can if used properly! Use sticky notes to remind yourself why you care for your partner, and use them to leave little notes for them to find. I hope for the best for you. Good luck!
You’re gonna have a really hard time selling a story if you can’t boiled it down into a simple elevator pitch, even epics like GoT and LotR can be boiled down into palatable blurbs.
Frist book ever writing. Premise A Boy (Zeek) who hates dragons, and a young Dragon (Asani) who hates two legged growing up on an island. Each thrusted into a missions that bring head on into one another. Both of them must find the power to overcome their differences and forgive the sins of the past. They must work together to save them selves, and the island form a powerful being that one of them is all too familiar with (Deava). Any feed back welcome.
You have a decent start here, but it needs some work. First, this is a run-on sentence, break it up to be more manageable. A couple of questions to help flesh out the premise: 1. Did both Zeek and Asani grow up on this same island? 2. Why does human society and dragon society have conflict in this setting? 3. You say that there are events in the past to forgive, are Zeek and Asani adversaries from before the story begins? 4. What is the danger to the island that Deava imposes?
@Harbringer12 First question, yes, but they did not know one another. 2ed. Deava caused the issues, advice her plains makeing all two-leggs nothing more than cattle to dragons. 3. You can say that although it started before, they were bron 4. The threat to the island is before this story even starts as when Deava comes to the island, she starts to kill all good dragons, throwing blance of magic off. So a little more dragons is where all magic comes from, and the two-legged (human, elfs, drwafs, ect..) and all other life to use it. It is important that theres good dragon around and not just evil dragons as when a wilder cast a spell. that spell is weeken by 70% if the wilder and dragon are at odds with what the spells to do. It take two to use magic. Note dragon are able to cast spells, but if they don't have a 2-legged, it take them not just a few hours but days of being very helpless and open to attacks. Asani is one of three abused childen of Deava. Asani lost her father when she was very young as he was killed by her mother. although Asani does not know that as her mom made it look like the two legged did it. Zeek lost both mom and dad when he was 8 years old. They were killed by Deava. Thanks for feed back.
About the premise: if you can define it in the length of a tweet (number of characters used) then you have a good starting point for a story. I'm NOT the author of the above advice. It's something someone suggested in an article I read about plotting stories. I thought it was important enough I wrote it down. Now I work on the premise until the initial concept is short enough to "be tweeted out" (also saves you later with advertising copywriting when you keep each version), and from this I'd create another set of "tweet sized premise" for the beginning, middle and end of the story. Repeat this as a beginning, middle and end for the beginning, then repeat for the middle and the end. You now have a nine-part "premise" (each tweet length) to keep your whole story on track. This is how I've done stuff for the past five years (which is when the "tweet method" was read about).
After this Video I came up with my own premise, of my current project "Sunstorm-Chronicles" Premise: The thief Marisa, the fighter Tohbi and the noble son Vincent have to navigate the power struggle between the Order of the sun and the rest of the patriachy to protect thier city from distruction. Maybe you guys can tell me, what you think of it?
"A thief, a warrior, and an heir must put aside their differences to navigate a power struggle between the (adjective?) Order of the Sun and the rest of the (adjective?) Kingdom/Empire/Nation to protect their cherished city of from destruction." I know, I know; I took out the character names. But look at how well it flows! But in all seriousness, I didn't get the sense that any one named character was more important than the others so temporarily reducing them to their professions/roles highlights their differences. I added 'must overcome their differences ' because there should be an internal party conflict that keeps them from just immediately clicking and working together (I could be wrong, but only you can say for certain). I put "(adjective?)" in front of both the Order of the Sun and the 'Major Local Government' because I got the implication that neither faction was to be the favored or preferred choice for the MCs and that their city was a focal point of conflict between the two. Avoid the word patriarchy, especially if you're in the US, it's too politically charged at the moment. Is "destruction" the word you want to go for? It implies that the city itself could be wrecked by an army or a dragon or some other physical power; but the implications were of cultural and political destruction. I'd consider finding a different word if that's the case. Overall, a great premise that will lure and hook readers.
My system novel premise might suck: Kazuki gets transmigrated as a snake in a dungeon where a big hawk is terrorizing it. Although he had the Snake Evolution Line System with him, he gets himself killed by the hawk. Driven by not wanting to die or vengeance, he unlocks the Domination System that allows the user to dominate anything........ It's a lot since it will be like a light novel series.
Title: Pirates of the Seven Squeaks. Rodger -- a mouse with a vivid imagination -- runs away from a cosy home with his owner Charlie to seek Adventure, and finds in the vast wilds surrounding the great lake as much danger as he had hoped for: but once mixed up with a band of sea-robbers, he finds all those he holds dear threatened. Character: Rodger Setting: Cosy home, and then the wilds by the lake Plot: Runs away to find adventure, but gets way more then he bargained for Stakes: All his friends are threatened I feel like I am over complicating a book that I am trying to aim at 7-12 year-olds! It is to be a tweens-sorta chapter book. I can already tell that I am going to really enjoy crafting this story: it is very different from all the others I have written so far :)
Steps for a premise: 1. Identify the core of the story 2. Add stakes 3. Include the setting (if relevant), and apply the principle of "Killing Your Darlings" aka "Don't try to shove all the cool details into your premise" 4. Keep it concise (4 key things: Setting, Character, Plot, Stakes. One Harry Potter book combined Plot + Stakes) 5. A commenter below named @xoso599 mentioned about how your story should have a "fun factor". Quote: "I'd like to suggest that part of the premise should include the 'fun' factor. For Jade city I would say the fun part is "jade grants superhuman abilities". For Joanne's book the fact that magic is real. For Dune it is that you can "move to another planet". Without the fun, you have a story that could be very good, but they aren't fantasy or fantastical even if they have a fantasy setting." 10:00 The premise is but a tool for yourself as a writer 10:19 Stories with multiple POV 13:34 Hourglass Method of Outlining 15:36 A premise can raise questions (very useful)
My premise: “Jesse goes missing after discovering an alien sarcophagus, in the caves of the Euphrates river. After Aiden receives a mysterious text message from Jesse, a picture of an ancient tablet and video, he finds himself thrusted in the middle of an ensuing ancient war.”
"After Aiden receives a strange video depicting an alien sarcophagus from his missing friend Jesse, an inevitable sequence of events thrusts Aiden right into the center of a secret ancient alien war" Interesting concept. By putting Jesse before Aiden, it implies that he is the primary main character (which may be the case, only you know that), but I got the feeling that Aiden would have more of the central focus of the story given that Jesse is likely sitting out Act 1 while Aiden looks for him. I'd like to include your location of the Euphrates river, but it almost seems unnecessary. Overall you seem like you have a lot of interesting things in mind.
Thanks again for your work Jed. I always learn a lot thanks to you. :D This is the premise of my story : "In a world where magic is believed to be real, a young harpy scientist named Naura restores the lost knowledge of a fallen and forgotten civilization in the quest for a cure across the celestial islands to save his dearest friend." The stakes are not necessarily visible but I think we can guess them by asking questions. - First of all, is bringing back this lost knowledge really a good thing? After all, it belonged to an extinct civilization. A question about the balance between technology and nature which I find relevant. - We can also see the contrast between a world described as magical and the science that Naura brings. What is the truth of this world? - And lastly we can find the notion of friendship. How far are we ready to help our loved ones. Could this determination not be flawed? I would be curious to know your opinions on these interpretations.
Okay, I'm confused. A harpy is, by definition, a magical, mythical being. So why does the harpy reject belief in magic and then embrace science? Is that an inner conflict for Naura? That could be really interesting, but it isn't made clear, here.
@@electra6821 Haha, yes, it does seem peculiar at first glance. Here, harpies are simply species endowed with intelligence similar to humans, their existence arising solely from the evolutionary process. In a world where celestial islands are the only lands, evolution favored the preservation of a species capable of flight. Yet, you're not entirely off the mark by mentioning a potential internal conflict. You raise excellent questions. To answer, the story will never explicitly reveal whether the universe is truly magical or governed by physical laws. That's why Naura remains in doubt. The first-person narrative through his eyes allows the reader to choose their final interpretation. And if Naura rejected belief in magic in favor of science, it's the result of his keen observation of the world, preferring logical explanations and tangible evidence based on scientific methodology. ^^ If it's still not clear enough, a rewrite of the premise might be necessary. : ) It seems well-condensed, but perhaps the formulation could be improved. You brought up another good point! :p Thank you for your response and the questions you raised.
"In a world of magic; Naura, a young harpy scientist, uses lost (forbidden ?) knowledge from a forgotten civilization in her quest to cure from the Celestial Islands and her dear friend ." I like the premise overall but believe these edits both help tighten up the premise and give clarity to the reader. I'm intrigued.
The first of a 3.5 book series I'm working on is: Donna, a perfectly normal teenage girl, hides her urges to raise the dead from her paladin brother while seeking to unlock the memories a storybook witch stole from her. The squeak-uels are: After being tricked by a witch into another world, necromancer Donna is trapped in the soul of all-American girl Sarah, who comes of age during the 80s and couldn't be more different from her. Learning that her best friend, Sarah, has become the target of a storybook witch, Donna pushes herself to undo the curse that has locked her memories away of a sinister power that could save the people she loves at the risk of driving them away. Earth girl Sarah is settling into her new life in a world of common, everyday magic when reminders of her old life start appearing, leading her to make a disturbing discovery about her role in this world.
My premise - Ryuka, a canyon guide, is hired to join a party of ragtag adventurers on an adventure, though he’s paid to to this he is unsure how far he’s willing to go for them. Be as honest as you want with judging
I'm intrigued by the premise, but think it needs adjustment. "Ryuka, a (ex: young?) canyon guide is hired to join a dubious adventuring group. Though they pay well, the further Ryuka gets from home, the more he questions continuing his services." I got the impression that the adventuring group Ryuka joins is not his usual type of client and less than reputable, and ask him to do more and more questionable things as time goes on. Maybe include something about why his services to guide people through this canyon is necessary, but I think you can get away with not adding anything else Otherwise a great start.
My book is a one shot with potential lead ins for continuation but just set as a stand alone as is. I managed that by having the story roll quickly from character intro to inciting incident which then quickly revealed stakes, those stakes are such that they get neutralized by stories end but leave those responsible in a bigger picture perspective free to do more inciting incidents, if publishers show interest in more. I'm not reaching for over the top worldbuilding in an epic saga fueling novel. More working to keep it modest in simply trying to express a perspective on traditionalists and progressives as well as expiring lessons from lived experiences through a fantasy novel medium...
Here goes nothing then; On the unforgiving Twin Continents where magic is tied to worship of the gods, two siblings uncover a threat that looms over their people, forcing them to undergo a journey marked with sacrifices, uneasy alliances, and the cost of morality in the face of hatred and one's inner darkness.
A strong start here. Some quick questions to help flesh out the premise: Are the 2 siblings twins? It would make for an interesting parallel with your setting. Do your siblings worship the same or different gods? If different, do these siblings/gods have conflicting beliefs or ideals? What is this threat and why does it challenge their moralities? Who's inner darkness? Is it the general 'one' that could be anyone, or a specific one of your 2 siblings?
This is my premise! “Lee Arryn, a thieving pirate, is revived after death as a prophetic knight to defend the realm from a seclusive vampire society… and their seemingly infinite web of influence“
"Dead 1000 (or however long) years, the Lee "" (ex: Black-Beard, The-Kid, Calamity Cannon) Arryn breathes their next breath. Resurrected by to be their prophesied Knight against a growing tide of vampires. Lee must defend them from both monster and minion as the dark beast's web of influence tightens around him/her." Interesting concept. I changed the tone of the premise because I felt that a main character who awakens to a new possibly unrecognizable world under threat by dark forces needed a darker tone. If your MC is a famous pirate, they need a cool title, I didn't make the rule but it's one we all must follow. I tried to keep your original 'web of influence' in the edit while also highlighting that it would be more than just vampires that Lee would have to face down. Also, make it clear if your main character Lee is a boy or girl. Overall, an interesting concept and a good first premise.
I went into that rabbit whole of world building, like to the point I had family trees of external royal families(five total) that barely make an appearance outside of the main one. Had to stop myself before it got too detailed cause I knew I would get attached to the info and want to include all the info even if its not relevant to the story and just info dumping.
When I was working fr so many other writers, I ALWAYS told them to define the premise of your story. Just a sentence. Yet they never listened, and so many other projects were cancelled because of that...
Still very early in the writing stages, but here it goes. Once a sickly shy youth, silent Solomon aims to live long enough to be his tribe’s healer and raise a family, however a life debt makes him a champion of the Guardian Trees as they protect the world known as Titania from the power of the fallen Titans.
"Once a shy sickly youth, silent Solomon only aimed to live long enough to become his tribe's healer and raise a family. However, a life death makes him a Champion in service to the Guardian Trees as they protect the world from the fallen titans that used to rule Titania." Overall I love the premise, made a few tweaks that I think help.
@@Harbringer12Thanks for the input, the slight changes at the beginning do make it flow better. Though sometimes it’s just the residual power of the Titans he has to protect the world from & those that would abuse that power.
Bronwen just wants to retire, but the Church forces him to take one final contract. He’s legendary among the Liturgy for his convictions and code, but what will he do if this final contract clashes with his strong morals?
A good start, you need a few more details to flesh out this premise. What is the job that the church wants Bronwen to take? Why would said job clash with his morals/convictions? Why Bronwen when he's so close to retirement? Answering those questions will help you strengthen your premise. You got this.
@@Harbringer12 those questions are what will make the reader want to pick up the book or read on. They will be answered rather quickly and some more will be raised. The job is a secret to both reader and protagonist, but it’s going to be a meet hate for the start of his relationship with my main protagonists mother in the sequel. This is a standalone prequel to my real fantasy epic that will probably take 3 books to tell. I wanted to challenge myself to complete SOMETHING and so I started on this to learn the ropes.
Recently had to split a novel in two because I relaxed it was too complex and convoluted… after I was alway through the story😅 I just finished the now first single book and am in my post-book-break getting ready to finish the second one that’s now half done and quite disorganized after being copped from another story🤪 would have appreciated past me more if I had followed this advice six months ago!!
The Queen Who Spun Straw Into Gold: After performing a miracle that saves her kingdom, Daisy must figure out a way to escape the King who has designs on her but will the Man in Black’s price in exchange for her freedom be too high?
A great start! "After performing a dark bargain and a miracle that saved her kingdom; Daisy now not only has to escape the attentions (intentions?) of King who desires her, but also her deal with the Man in Black" The important change I made was to tie Daisy's need to escape the King to her potential need to escape her deal with the Man in Black. I made a couple of guesses of how your plot would go and made tone changes based on that. I got the impression that this King wants to marry her (and that at least in the beginning, she doesn't want to). I also got the impression that her deal with the Man in Black did not give her desirable terms for what she must do in return for her gold spinning miracle. It was a little unclear if her exchange with the Man in Black happened before she performed her miracle or after the king expressed interest (I mean, you could actually have Daisy make 2 deals with the Man in Black, one to spin straw into gold, and another to get away from the king. Go wild, I say.) so I went with just the one deal to make gold. Otherwise I tried to keep the important words you originally used (performing, miracle, escape). Great job though. You got this!
So this is the premise I have: Arden Emerson Valdemar has been given a second chance at life in a world defined by magic and monsters, but will he become the savior or destroyer of his new world.
A good start. What kind of second chance at life? The, 'I almost died and I need to change my behavior' kind? Or the, 'I was just brought back to life by a god or a powerful sorcerer' kind? Because those are two wildly different thematic stories. And what's the conflict in the story? There's not enough information here to understand how Arden might be either savior or destroyer. You got this!
"The land of Tanor is rife with dragon hunters, and a young man must face his greatest fears to protect those he loves and save the dragons from extinction."
I would like to add one I created inspired by this video: "Asior, Prince of Luinoria and great conqueror, is always hungry for power, but when he's declared heir of the kingdom, he finds that kingship brings unpleasant challenges. Facing the consequences of his conquests, he will need to learn what power truly means before being consumed by destruction."
Guess I'll give it a shot: The true immortal Orion must do his best to halt the ever-growing Expanse. It's million year long growth threatens to infinitely consume all around it and he alone remains to stop it, the last failsafe.
If "infinity consume all around it" is the same as "consume everything/end all life/destroy reality", I would just say that. If it's different, then barely say how or allude that it's different. Otherwise, the implications that there are false immortals and that Orion himself is part of a greater being's design are interesting. A good starting premise.
When a nobody accidently passes a test created by a magician to recruit a champion, she will have to face her old prejudices to find out what defines a chosen one and what the world really needs. What do you think of that?
@@mEmory______ "She" is the magician, Morgana of Avalon, and she has spent more than a millennia trying to put an end to all the injustice she sees in the world. I didn't talk about the setting because it doesn't happen in some magical world but here and now, in Cornwall. The problem is that she thinks she knows everything about the human race while she has spent the last hundred years in Avalon and never travelled beyond Germany and Spain.
@@mEmory______ "She" is the magician and she's trying to restore justice in the world. The problem is, she's very old, with high expectations, particular beliefs and extreme methods most people wouldn't approve. And for the setting, it's a small town in Cornwall at present days.
I've been working on my premise/blurb. What do you think? The Doom Knight - A religious group of paladins and templars known as the Obsidian Order strives to maintain peace within the city of Nor'easter, while also protecting the source of their God's blessings from the demons determined to claim it for themselves. When a mission into Hell goes awry, one paladin is betrayed and becomes trapped within, and struggles to survive the worst environment imaginable in a quest for vengeance. What do you guys think?
Great starting premise! I assume the Doom Knight is the title. "A religious group of paladins and templars known as The Obsidian Order strives to maintain peace within the city of Nor'Easter while protecting their god's Blessings from the demons determined to steal them. When a mission to Hell goes awry, one betrayed paladin, , is left behind. Trapped in the fires (I assume fires) of Hell, he/she struggles to return home and exact vengeance on his/her doomed former (brother/sister?)." Minor changes made because the starting premise was great. Just tried remove some superfluous words, dial up the drama, and allude that the MC isn't the only one who is doomed. Awesome
@@Harbringer12 Thanks for the suggestions! Yes, The Doom Knight is the title, and I have since changed the name of the order to the Adamah Order. I used "one paladin" instead of a specific name because I wanted to leave it a surprise who, keeping the readers on their toes as to who gets betrayed and by whom (though as they read, I'm sure they will deduce who they will be). Yes, one character does become the title character, but the main character is less a single person and more the Adamah Order itself.
Man, making a premise is NOT easy when you have a three-book series. And I know the youtube comment section isn't exactly the best place to get feedback, but maybe I can get one or two bits of valuable feedback on some of the premises I'm working on! "Having a monstrous spirit is punishable by death in the regressive, magical city of Gadale. Vee, a meek but well-meaning elf, must embark on a journey of self-discovery to prove that he is not a monster." "When Vee's monstrous spirit is discovered, the governor of Gadale forces him on a journey of self-discovery to prove he has the right to exist. If he doesn't, he'll lose everything that gives his life meaning." Those are possibilities for the series as a whole- but then the first book has a slightly narrower plot to focus on, as it's just act 1 of 3. "The "Winged Titan" has attacked the magical city of Gadale. When its citizens are tasked with hunting this monster down for a reward, Vee must do everything in his power to keep his identity secret." or the slightly more personal, and possibly stronger premise of: "Vee's friends have teamed up to collect the reward for the capture of the "Winged Titan," a giant monster that attacked the city. They don't know he's been under their noses all along, or that execution awaits his capture." Looking for serious responses only, since I assume there's quite a few writers watching Jed's videos!
@@fraolekassahun6597 Ahh but you see, there's a mystery surrounding how he became the Winged Titan, and I can't give that away in the premise ;3 [Also if you had this premise on a trio of books, you'd already have the metaknowledge that this seemingly simple premise spans 3 books]
I like the first premise as is, but I have a suggestion for the second. However, I think that there is a big difference in tone between the 2 premises. The 'governor forcing Vee' to go on a journey sounds a lot different than 'Vee embarking on the journey himself'. Obviously take it with a grain of salt as I have no idea what the actual story is, but possibly something to look into. Change 'the governor of Gadale forces him on a journey' to "when vee's monstrous spirit is discovered by the governor of Gadale, Vee is forced into a journey " It gives your character more agency.
@@Harbringer12 Oh man so much has changed in four months LMAO My log line has reduced down so much: *Hunted by his own friends for a reward, a man must prove to an entire city that he's not a monster, or face the death penalty.* And the individual book summaries have changed a bit too: > Book 1: After an unprovoked 'attack' by the Winged Titan, the citizens of the magical city of Gadale are tasked with hunting the monster down for a reward. When his friends enthusiastically join the hunt, Vee must keep his identity as the Winged Titan a secret, or risk losing everything he loves. > Book 2: Now labeled as a monster, Vee is sentenced to death unless he can prove he's not a danger to the city in one month. He sets off on a journey to find the origins of his powers. Along the way, he discovers he's not the only one with secrets. > Book 3: Faced with the truth of his powers, and the hidden purpose of his journey, Vee must decide which he fears more: death, or accepting his past.
@@VT-Scribbles I like the bolded premise much better. Have an idea for the B1 premise. "When his friends enthusiastically join the hunt, Vee is reluctantly (unwittingly ?) dragged along knowing that the titan they hunt is him"
If you haven't seen it yet, Dune part 2 was good. I enjoyed it anyway. I have never read the books though, but my husband is a huge fan of the books and that's why I went to see it. Lol. 😅
My narratives maybe considered fractured to some containing different elements yet those things are simply objects in their war for survival. (Premise: War & survival) Centuries of conflict. Hatred passed down from the bloodlines into the next generations. Some sins can't be forgiven. Defeated & banished creatures casted away. Whilst the top races hold back the urge to slit each others throats on sight. Views of the victors perceptions of the survivalist. See the world through the eyes of both. Wanting & wishing the best lives for their people. To do more than just survive. In any world so vast leaders will have different means of completing their tasks. To all those that have experienced war whom wish to triumph wanted to thrive not just survive. What is useful to one could be useless to another.
In a constant state of survival. Traumatic experiencesare bound to happen allowing the writer into infuse their own trauma into the pages. Hence turning trauma to art would be the true premise. The face behind the mask so to speak.Therapy for both the reader & the writer. For those who have experienced similar things you realize how relieving it is to find someone who has also survived or is currently surviving the same... (War & Survival - Allows a person to transform & bring to life - Trauma to art)
If im writing a fantasy, thriller where the story starts off in our world. The setting is a post-apocalyptic scene, where humanity is living in different Kingdoms. The main character wants to eliminate all of these things => he needs to find a gate somewhere on earth and go into the actual fantasy world where these monsters that rushed earth and few other creatures live. My question is about how much of the story should happen on Earth and in that otherworld to actually be a fantasy and more enjoyable (except for the confrontation with the main antagonist and a final "powerup" for the mc and his friendgroup i dont plan doing much in that world. But i feel like the worldbuilding could be a bit exegerrated there)
I guess it depends on what the tone and atmosphere is, and what you're going for. I personally prefer a more realistic, grounded - (in this case, it would be your post apocalyptic Earth) - setting, with some magical elements spicing it up. And if i delve into the harder magical elements such as a different realm/world where the fantastical is much more pronounced, i tend to keep it limited. (the spirit realm in Avatar TLA is a great example of this) But it's of course entirely up to you how you balance out your world, and it's obviously going to be very different from how i would do it. You seem to enjoy the more fantastical/magical settings, which is why i guess you created this "monster world" to begin with - so i suggest you try to evaluate how contrasting it would be to the normal world, and how much time is needed to be spent there, and how important it is for the plot to even be/get there. This isn't supposed to be great advice, if you can even call it advice, just my initial thoughts.
A premise for my story: In the cave-world of Emerga, aspiring celestial ecologist Felika Shain must work with her sworn enemies, confront her deepest-held beliefs, and piece together lost history, lest human society violently destroy itself.
@@ourabouras Basically the “celestial ecosystem” is an ecosystem in which humans are like livestock (unbeknownst to them) being farmed for their wrath, which can be used to produce magic, which runs the system. When humans unleash great wrath, a “star”(its not really the same thing in this world) forms from the power, engulfing them. I agree that my premise should be more specific.
Working with her sworn enemies implies that she already knows that these are her enemies. Which may be the case, but only you know that. In your second comment you say humans are unaware of their part to play in this resource of Wrath. I would tweak the premise to show why Wrath generation is bad (something something constant war?) and include she discovers a world-view shattering secret.
Premise versus logline? I realize the logline is written for the potential audience, so the purpose is different. But they end up the same thing, don't they?
In my creative writing classes in college, I was taught that longlines are more so a specific film and TV thing that sells the premise of a film or TV series that you use to pitch your idea to producers and a production company i.e an elevator pitch
I don't know if anyone will see this, but I would really appreciate any help. My premise is: "After her homeland was invaded by the Caarthland empire, Lucia Prima Herminius Octavenus takes the last chance she has to take revenge and reclaim the Northern Remulan Empire before they could harness the power that lies beneath her homeland." The theme of my story is: "Time moves forward and it will not wait for you who lives in the past."
I like your novel concept and theme! Your premise is good but I would suggest to just say Lucia or pick Lucia ____ without listing her full name because it is a lot. Maybe "After Lucia Octavenus' homeland was invaded by the Caarthland empire, she seeks to restore and avenge the Remulan Empire before their power is stolen forever." Try rewording it or tweaking it a little,but overall very good and interesting!!
@@abigailsantiago5181 The Prima in her name indicates that she's the eldest daughter and Herminius means "a hero who saved Rome". It's also derived from the god Hermes, which indicates her divine powers that her parents saw when she was just a child. It was a name given to her by the Northern Remulan Empire's guardian deity Artenos, which has only happened 7 times in the 900+ years of the Northern Remulan empire's existence. And Octavenus is the name of her Duchy, as she is a Duke's daughter. But yeah, it's probably not necessary since these contexts aren't given yet. I'll try rewording it, thanks! Honestly, I'm kinda stuck here. Because I really don't know how to write a believable personality. Once I don't know where to go to develop a character's personality, I escalate the situation to make it easier for myself. But even I'm getting sick and tired of doing that over and over. I can't write just a peaceful, serene scene where the actual, deeper personality of the character shines, that's also not just boring and surface level. I mostly just go "I need to do this, I can't do that" and some more cryptic dialogues but they're all surface level. This is my biggest problem atm. I know I only have to talk with another person to do it, but I only know how to talk about surface level stuff like "how're you doing?" "Is this thing good" "I like this thing, I don't like that other thing". I don't know how to talk to another human T^T
@Rex_Nichts I think the personality of each character shines through dialogue, decision making, action sequences, interaction with the world/other characters and overall the narration of the story about said character. For a quick example, in Sanderson's Mistborn book, in the prologue, you get a sense of who kelsair is right away. He narrates him as a character who is smiling a lot, a joking demeanor in his dialogue with quick witty banter, a sense of good moral integrity through the course of action he takes very quickly, and also allows other characters to describe him as a 'troublemaker'... I think if you do have these components in your story, it gives the reader a sense of your character's personality. If you want to deepen the connection of your protagonist with the reader then perhaps add some inner turmoil that she has with herself, something everyone can relate to, and give her a chance to reflect on situations and herself as well. As far as dialogue that goes beyond surface level conversations, it just takes some practice to get it right, ask yourself what is this dialogue scene trying to convey? Are the characters arguing about something important to them? Are they agreeing? I also recommend that each character has a unique way of speaking as that also helps with making their personalities. If they all speak perfect English without any nuances, then each character starts to sound the same and not really stand out differently from everyone else. Hope this helps! :)
A young man sets out to fulfil the promise with the man who saved his life many years ago. But what awaits him in this world where the saying, "Be careful not to fall to chaos." is known even to little children.
here's MY premise!: "In a world where like people are terrorised everyday by Phantasmic beings of ectoplasmic origin, some rare and exceptional people are born with special psychic powers.. these exceptional few take a special exam to apply to a most special profession. They are called.. Ectomen! They who hunt ghosts!"
Maybe it's just me, but this feels a little too fuzzy. So how are people terrorized? Are they eaten, driven mad, just inconvenienced? What do the Ectomen do with the ghosts? Reform them? Rekill them? Also, the reference to taking a certain test is not crucial information. It just distracts. Otherwise, this is an interesting premise.
@@electra6821 hmm I see, thank you! that's helpful. I'll try to reform the premise description based on your feedback, dude! also, thanks!! I appreciate it :)
You have a good start here, but I think you need a couple more story specific details to make this premise shine. What are these Phantasmic beings called? Are they some form of ghost? Like Electra asked; how are these creatures dangerous? If Ecomen are people with psychic abilities that passed an examination process, are there people with abilities that don't? How common are these abilities? And more importantly, who is your main character?
@@Harbringer12 I'll answer these here for all party's convinience! 1. Phantasms; yes, they're the ghosts of this universe! 2. murders, possessions, luring of children into the forest, never to be seen again. 3. that's right! the Ecto Exam is held once a year in a secret location by the Ecto Association; it puts to the test your psychologically stability, skill, efficiency, physical dexterity, and your psychic power itself and how well you use it! if you can't keep up in any of these categories, you'd be rejected based on low scores! those such individuals are turned away. there also exists users of these psychic barriers who work in the criminal underground, using their powers to their individual advantage! 4. a very small percentage of people have them! though, since they're a psychological power, technically, anyone could unlock them with the right mindset! however, scientists have yet to figure out the exact form of this mindset! 5. his name is Dianthus, a normal boy who gets possessed by a Phantasm! however, with his strong willpower, he reverses the possession, gaining the Phantasm's powers with his heart of a human! now able to use the Phantasm's psychic powers as if they were his own, he strives to help people with these powers he's newly gained, soon crossing paths with Ectomen when saving people from Phantasms and evil psychics, deciding he wants to be one in the process! all in the meanwhile, the Phantasm he reversed the possession of plans to take control of his body, and break his will! hopefully laying it out like this gives me thoughts on how to lay out the premise..!! any advice would be appreciated!
My book begins with a prologue, a flashforward specifically, that features a torture sequence, with the protagonist mutilating the antagonist's three underlings/minions, all during a dark solar eclipse Does that sound like a gripping, emotional opening or not? The goal for the protagonist is to find out where her uncle, the tyrant king who usurped the throne, is hiding. Only we find that she already knows where he is, and is doing it for pleasure and enjoyment, since they tried to kill her as a child
I would say is it gripping or not would depend on your reader and what their level for being shocked sits at. Without knowing your protagonist their actions are not being done in any context other than general human experience. What I mean is if I told you an African Warlord was torturing people to learn something, you would say well that's a day of the week that ends in the letter y. If I tell you a soccer mom in Utah has chained a human trafficer to her mini van and a tree and is slowly pulling his limbs off to learn what he did to her daughter, that's wildly different and the only context I've added is occupation and location. The problem with the flashforward I think is that it sets the understanding of the character that the readers have to the flash point so everything leading up to those events is always going to be weighed against the knowledge that we know what happens. It works for movies because we have actors to watch and humans acting trigger all our evolutionary clues to believe them. Breaking Bad did this a few times showing us the outcome but then pulled us along through the story to show how we got to the point and why that's messed up. You may get more use out of the flash forward if you leave the actions taken and their outcome out of the opening. That way as the events of the story build up to that moment you can show the readers what the cost of that action will be, why they are as shocking, gripping and emotional to the character. Then when your story gets to that point the readers get the pay off of the event you showed in the beginning happening, all the build up to the action that gives it context. Plus the details you provided in the start having their full meaning explained. Is a dark solar eclipse special with extra mean or mystical power in this setting? Also my own personal shock factor is extremely high so things that make other people uncomfortable or upset don't for me.
@@xoso599 The setting takes place in a world of eternal night and darkness, where Elvens worship the moon, referring it as a deity known as the All-Mother Goddess. I even came up with my version of a creation myth, about two dragons who fell madly in love with each other, but ultimately ended their own lives together, birthing the All-Mother Goddess i.e death gives way to life, resulting in the world we see in the novel The book is a retelling of The Lion King, and by extension a retelling of Shakespeare's Hamlet or Macbeth to a small degree, but it's set in a gothic horror-esque dark fantasy setting with Elvens as the main characters. The moon deity and dragon creation story is my version of The Circle of Life from that film
@@unicorntomboy9736 Just one minor warning, you said that your protag was torturing the underlings to find information, but in a twist they already had that information. Make sure not to lie to the reader about that point. At the part of the story where the MC finds out the location of the uncle, the readers will now be holding seemingly conflicting facts; We know (think we know) that the MC will torture 3 people for this information. We actually know that the MC already has this information. The pay off of the twist is only satisfying to the readers if everything shown was true and accurate. For example the second time you watch The 6th Sense you realize that everything shown is accurate to the twist when you are watching with an eye to those details. If a reader flips back to the prologue make sure nothing is stated by the narrative that isn't true, just misleading because we the reader assumed things.
Xso made some truly insightful points. I hope I'm not just repeating what they said, but here's my take on your original question. I would say that the torture of minions for info as the beginning of your story needs to be done for a narrative reason. What kind of MC is you MC? A fallen hero, a secret villain, or just a morally grey character throughout the story? Are you trying to show a juxtaposition between your MC at the end of the story to how they start out as? Is your character lying to those around them and this flash forward an attempt to show the audience all will not be as it at first seems? Regardless, if you're dead set on having a gruesome opening, you need to keep the promise that makes with your readers.
There are exceptions, no? I feel like there are stories, where it's virtually impossible to write it down on one sticky note. What are your thoughts about that?
Especially with a series like Malazan or ASOIAF. Good for a new author though, although I suppose it depends on how much is going on and how ambitious the book/series is.
To me that sounds like a bit of an issue with recognising what a premise or theme is. Say you had to summarize the entire main movie timeline of star wars - right, a lot of stuff happens in a lot of places, and a lot of things make less sense the more you try to think about them. But at their core, isn't each story basically about 'someone down on their luck trying to survive in the push and pull of good and evil, in space, and there is magic in the universe'
@@jasminv8653 I like your summary; it tracks with one I found online: "Luke Skywalker joins forces with a Jedi Knight, a cocky pilot, a Wookiee and two droids to save the galaxy from the Empire's world-destroying battle station, while also attempting to rescue Princess Leia from the mysterious Darth Vader."
My premise: In a world dominated by magical technology, a grisly triple murder re-opens a four-year-old cold case, forcing a detective and his associates to unravel a conspiracy, confront an ancient threat, and question the true nature of justice. Thoughts? (Interestingly, there are four POV characters, and the detective is *not* one of them)
If the detective isn't any of your 4 main characters, I highly suggest reworking the premise. As is, it implies that the detective is your main character. If the detective is your antagonist, trying phrasing it as 'the closer the detective gets to the truth, the more danger your characters are in'. I'd also find a way to express how this magical technology world is different/unique. As is, I'm picturing a fantasy Noir, but have no imagery of how it's any different from a standard black and white Noir film with fantasy races filling in supporting role characters. (Not that there would be anything wrong with that). Hope this helps.
Great Vid Jed, do you find that you use that sticky note to help make your elevator pitches too? It was great to meet you the other day btw, I’ll be having a write tomorrow morning if you’re keen to join?
my first attempt for my premise: "When a sheltered young Witchling, raised in the secluded land of Mageoro, finds both her and her Mother abducted, she is forced into the unforgiving mortal realm. Only then, through her perilous journey, she discovers the key to the Evil King’s plan to conquer the Northern Continent-and possibly the entire world." I'm open to suggestion, opinions, commentary, and especially encouraging words
There's six 'premise formulas' I didn't get a chance to mention in the video. You might find these useful:
1. Inciting Incident + Character + Goal
The Martian: After a storm leaves him stranded on Mars, astronaut Mark Watney must survive alone while finding a way to signal Earth for rescue.
2. Character + Goal + Setting
Ninth House: A woman who can see the dead seeks justice for an unsolved murder by unravelling the twisted secrets of Yale’s secret magical societies.
3. Character + Goal
The Hobbit: A comfort-loving hobbit reluctantly agrees to help a wizard and a group of dwarves steal treasure from a dragon.
4. Character + Goal + Stakes
Six of Crows: Six criminal outcasts try to break into a military stronghold to free a hostage who could change the shape of magic forever.
5. Character + Inciting Incident
Mort: An awkward teenager becomes Death’s apprentice.
6. Character + Inciting incident + Conflict + Stakes
A Game of Thrones: After an honourable nobleman becomes the Hand to the King, he is plunged into a world of cutthroat politics, where he must choose between his family’s safety or the integrity of his oaths.
***
If you'd like my help to develop your premise (and outline the rest of your fantasy novel), you might want to apply for my Fantasy Outlining Bootcamp. Here's the link: jedherne.com/outline
Thank you so much for these!
Confused my sticky notes, now the chosen one is picking up eggs and bread
That might be how David Benioff wrote City of Thieves.
Come to think of it, that might be how Walter Miller wrote A Canticle for Leibowitz.
Instructions unclear: A lovable rogue and his band of misfits are on a quest for my wifi password.
Is a snowstorm coming in? Lol
Oh good good, she'll need this
Creating a premise is excellent writing practice. Making your premise fit on a sticky note is a challenge we should readily accept. Long live sticky notes!
Bro my sticky note doesn't stick
I lost motivation to continue writing my book but after a watched this I immediately put my story in one sentence onto my sticky note and got back to writing!
Happens to me every time as well
Two months later, how is it going?!
Amazing
600,000 words of worldbuilding is insane. Whoever that is I wish you luck in your endeavor 😭
Thanks, I'll need it 🤣
@@sinsiewnga53 To me, it sounds like a fount of creativity and inspiration,. Best of luck following your dream.
@@AquaMaryn. Or a serious case of world building sickness.
@@sinsiewnga53 you could have multiple series with that much worldbuilding 🤔not to mention a few stand alone novels
@@alexiosblake9804 I guess it's a bit of both. I've been working on my world for over 15 years, so of course there will be a lot of info. My biggest problem has been to organize all of my notes.
Since cohort 2, it's been a lot easier tho, and I don't feel as lost anymore.
My writing teacher had a similar line of advice where he told us to put a sticky note with our theme on it over our screen. Everything in the world and story should, in some way, strengthen that theme.
Great advice. That's why I have both my premise and my theme on my 1-page guiding document.
Two days ago i finished my fantasy novel/book (44300 words). I managed to do it in 32 days, i really enyojed writing it. Can't wait to sit behind the computer again and correct mistakes or change something to better. Some of your videos really helped me and kept me motivated the whole time :)
Great stuff! Good luck with the editing.
I'd like to suggest that part of the premise should include the 'fun' factor. For Jade city I would say the fun part is "jade grants superhuman abilities". For Joanne's book the fact that magic is real. For Dune it is that you can "move to another planet".
Without the fun, you have a story that could be very good, but they aren't fantasy or fantastical even if they have a fantasy setting.
Yep. Also known as the 'Wow" factor.
That's a great note!
True, it immediately stuck out to me that Jade wasn't highlighted and I felt it really should in some way, as it contributes so much to what would make it fun to read.
A premise of a story I'm working on.: A young orphan dragon believed to be cursed by the Theocratic state he is getting raised in gets adopted by a broken and mostly human family pained by a common threat that plagues all who grow up with humans and dragons side by side, when cracks in the family show he is forced on a journey with a troubled teenage boy to take back the family and uncover the mysteries of the past that plague them both.
I recently went through the process of writing a two sentence blurb for my novel. Paring things down just a little more from there was an interesting thought exercise... And yes, it all fits nicely on a sticky note! "A small group of people from opposing sides in a galactic war must overcome their differences to escape a dangerous alien planet and save it from the world-devouring magic that it's grown to depend on."
Sounds good to me.
I’d love to hear more about this world devouring magic that they depend on.
Sounds like a really cool concept.
The planet is addicted to magic? That's a cool concept.
If I may-! Not sure how much feedback you're looking for, but if I were asked to pare this down further, maybe simplify it to "Opposing sides in a galactic war must overcome their differences to escape a planet doomed by the world-devouring magic it's become dependent on." You can leave out 'alien' since 'galactic war' implies that it's sci-fi of some kind, and the other stuff just cuts out some of the wordier elements. OR, if you'd like to front-load the most specific and fascinating part of your premise, it could be re-written to "In order to escape a planet doomed by world-devouring magic, two opposing sides in a galactic war must put aside their differences." But that doesn't flow as nicely. Best of luck with your stories! :D
You could reduce this down to sound more organic:
"People from opposing sides of a galactic war must unite to escape a dangerous planet and its world-devouring magic."
"A small group of people" isn't a necessary description, when just "People" would be more concise and fluent.
"Overcome their differences" is a little cliche. "Unite" sounds more organic, and is more concise. It is also less redundant as "opposing sides in a galactic war" already told us they have differences.
"Escape a dangerous alien planet." "Galactic war" has already established the setting as scifi, so we should expect aliens already. This word is unnecessary as it is assumed. Plus, "alien" to a galactic civilization would have a different context than it would for the reader, since (unless the entire galactic population is humans), "aliens" would be nothing strange to them.
"And save it from the world-devouring magic". This sounds like you mean the people are trying to save the dangerous planet, which if accurate, would be a B-plot (escaping being the A-plot). Mentioning the "world-devouring magic" does set high steaks, however, so that part is good to include.
"That it's grown to depend on." This phrase feels weird, unless it has some kind of very specific feature which is highly important for the reader to know early on. Otherwise, it might be an interesting plot point when the characters learn that this "world-devouring magic" is crucial to the world's momentary survival, which can ask a moral question: "Do we save the world now by allowing it to keep this magic, knowing it will destroy itself later? Or do we destroy the magic now dooming the planet before it gets out of hand?" If it must be in the premise, perhaps just "it depends on" would be better.
I've been doing this since I started my novel and I works great. I do a lot of discovery writing so contradictions and retcons are tough, but by keeping a simple idea in mind of what the story is you can just go to town writing and slowly steer it back into focus.
Works great with characters too. I give to each character 2 or 3 adjectives or nouns and that helps me write without guide at first, knowing that it'll be easier to steer everytjing back in the right direction.
My premise: "At the close of the thirteenth century, when a young king is compelled to defend the throne of his ancestors against a reactionary nobility, civil war and courtly intrigues plunge the realm into chaos. This tumultuous novel draws a vivid historical tableau of the birth of the Modern World amid the wistful end of the Middle Ages."
(My book is not fantasy, but a semi-historical novel)
Sounds good overall.
I might swap "This tumultuous romance" to "The tumultuous romance between Romeo and Juliet paints"
Without knowing who your story is about, it might be a good move to make that clear to potential readers in the premise itself.
Here's my premise:
Young boy Leithan dreams of becoming a griffin knight/rider and fighting against the pirates of the west, but during his journey he sees the true side of the crown and his lifelong beliefs are thrown through the window.
Character: Leithan
Setting: West?
Plot: Fight pirates, are we the baddies?
Stakes: Not listed (at least not that I see. Don’t think I’d count getting rid of long-held beliefs would count given the seemingly worldly scope of the story as opposed to a small scale internal struggle kind of story)
Sounds neat, just would recommend solidifying the setting and stakes
@@Joshops31 I couldn't quite fit the setting and the stakes.
The setting would be a kingdom (called Gwendhir) where knights ride griffins, and their main threat are pirates.
The stakes I'm not so sure how to define them. It certainly is about him having to go against everything he believed in. There are kind of two plots at once though, and maybe I should've included it.
The other plot is about some kind of magic, and stopping a man whose hear is filled with darkness from using it for evil purposes (he is not part of the crown though). Seemed too complex for a premise haha
* whose heart is filled with darkness 🖤
Nice. But maybe you could beef up the stakes a little. Disillusionment is compelling. Mayhem and death are more so.
@@electra6821 thanks for you input! In the actual story his life is certainly at risk! And so are the lives of many, if he fails both to stop the crown from their naughty business, and the dark guy from his purpose (I don't wanna reveal too much haha)! I should find a way to incorporate that into the premise!
When the island of Ayre is threatened by the Empire of Steel and Stone, the four young O'Riain brothers are given the strength and abilities of battle angels to save their homeland, but they quickly learn that with great power comes great enemies, and even greater temptations.
Good premise
Niiicce.
Great syntax!
Intriguing, I like how contained the battle to save their homeland is (if that makes sense). Plus the evil empire is giving David vs Goliath vibes
Sounds epic!
Lajos Egri! The Art of Dramatic Writing. This book is all about premise and very helpful and enlightening. One example of premise: Ruthless ambition leads to its own destruction: Macbeth
I did not expect to see someone recommending the work of a writer from my homeland, but it's a pleasent surprise for sure.
Gah! It is really hard to summarize! The best I could narrow it down to was: When a boy named Ruin has his life changed forever into a varatable hell he is haunted by his past, blaming himself for catastrophy even as he is wrapped up in a plot to start the bigest war in history, and anchient magics long lost threaten to return.
I think it’s important to establish that this is a magical world at the start of the sentence, at first I thought it might be a contemporary piece. Also “life changed forever” is way too vague the reader needs a jumping off point like student/ baker/ prisoner as a grounding hook.
I know this is 3 months late, but does this help?
"Young boy Ruin must learn to survive physical and mental conflict to save the world from ancient magic"
This sounds like many plots loaded together like a shotgun: 1.) Ruin has his life changed forever, 2.) His life is hell, 3.) he is haunted by his past, 4.) he blames himself for a catastrophe, 5.) he is part of the start to the biggest war in history, 6.) an ancient magic threatens to return.
I had to dissect this really closely to realize plots 1-5 were actually all linked, and could therefore be presented as one thing:
"Ruin is haunted by his past from starting the biggest war in history when an ancient magic threatens to return."
This is easier to read and tells just as much information. If I was looking at a book considering buying/reading, I wouldn't have thought the longer sentence worth breaking down what it's saying.
Try to grab attention with the first line and change the order of information so there's a natural flow. I reworded it like this :
"Ancient magics threaten to return when a boy named Ruin must confront his haunting past while entangled in a plot to start the biggest war in history."
Pretty sure this video just saved my novel. Going into the second draft now so I can make it look like I knew what I was doing the whole time.
I just finished the first draft of my novel, and have recently begun the editing process. Suddenly, I'm terrified, and worry my story, particularly my opening chapter, is not strong enough. I'm in a bit of a panic, but your videos always seem to help. Thanks, I appreciate you!
Keep Up Friend! If even one person reads my first novel, then my world is already worth.
@@jhon.k.3227Thank you. I've always lived by "Write the story you want to read" and considered anyone else reading it a bonus. Thank you for reminding me of that. Good luck in your endeavors!
@@TheDoomKnightBy the way, do you have the premise?
I revised mine almost ten times after reading Donald Mass, and that video of Herne.
@@jhon.k.3227 I believe so. I just posted it in the main comment thread.
I know the feeling. Editing is hard and scary. And even if your first chapter isn't strong enough yet, it will be (that's what editing is for ;] ). And don't forget to find good beta readers when you're ready. Good beta readers will want you to succeed and will give you the truth in ways that you need to hear it, which will make your story even stronger. Just be prepared for more editing after that. ;] You've got this!
OMG. I've heard you make this essential point in several of your videos, but my notes overwhelmed demand-avoidant self has always asked "but WHY". Thank you so much for giving me a why to actually do the thing and potentially make my story better! :D
Could you please expand on this idea in a later video and help us distinguish between a premise and a logline?
This is excellent advice, and timely too! I'm a worldbuilder who's written a number of very short stories into my setting but i'm trying to write something a little longer and i'm still struggling to choose a conflict and stakes given the relatively peaceful setting, at least one that I have the requisite knowledge to write about!
Coming up with a Low Stakes Adventure is always an option, look at Legends and Lattes.
@@ourabouras That looks neat, thanks for the recommendation!
I'll attempt my premise. I really struggled to condense it due to having 3 major POV's.
The two bickering tribes on the island of St Kuma have been hit by a string of murders at night. Two teens try to catch the killer, while a rider from the south brings news that will shake up their lives forever.
I think you nailed it. Good premise!
@@abigailsantiago5181 Thanks!
My premise is imature compared with the Story Scale, but maybe simple it is the better it turns.
- Descendants: The Astral Triplice -
Premisse:
When the Astral gods decided to parasitize Earth's natural phenomena and spread their descendants among mortals, they never imagined that an ancient banished evil coveted the same. Crawling through time, his mysterious ideals and repugnant acts reached unknown descendants and distorted their lives forever. Among them, Johdriel Zaine, a teenager drowning in grief for his family, felt such Astral Evil getting closer and closer.
(I'm not a native english writer, if it feels strange, just some language casuality).
This kind of blurb is almost always written in the present tense, so most your verbs should be in simple present, and any references to earlier events should be in simple past. Also, ditch all the "woulds." Hope this helps.
@@electra6821 Thanks! I think it's now fixed, but above everything, thanks God that I write it on another language 😂, I'm so bad when it comes to English Grammar.
My furthest project, which is now in 3rd draft, started off as a short story series. I loved the story told, I decided I wanted to expand on it, and the characters. Now this short story has enough content for 4 books. All the while, I have 3 other main projects going too that I switch between.
I have a few
A young god finds himself at conflict with another, his people are being torn apart and tortured in a time before death he must find a way to release his people, he begins to use the power of chaos to achieve his goal.
A child is born into a gang with superpowers and finds himself in a cycle of hatred until he and his friend stumble upon two kids fighting a cryptid, this pushes them into finding out about where there powers come from, while balancing gangs, school, and a hunter lifestyle.
An alien finds herself in Mexico controled by gangs, she uses her powers make it safer but finds out its filled with the worst of humanity.
A witch has her magic supressed by a foundation from birth because of her connection to a demon, she is then placed in a school for the supernatural where she must unravel the mystery of her family, while her adoptive mother is forced on her own deadly journey.
These are good concepts at their core, but need some work on the sentence structure.
You need to check out grammerly. You have a lot of run on sentences to say the least.
I'll throw myself into the ring as well:
When two teenagers with magical powers are thrown into each others' bodies, they must learn to grow as people to not only get their own lives back, but also save their loved ones from approaching calamity.
It's a character + inciting incident + goal + stakes formula (or at least that's what I'm going for), that hopefully says enough about the plot while also showing that it's a character-focused story (with the setting admittedly being omitted other than "fantasy world").
What specifically threw them into each other’s bodies, and why can’t they use their magics to reverse the process?
Body swap ! I like that trope
"Thrown into" sounds weird (doesn't mean it's wrong though), but how is it different than the easier to imagine 'body swap'.
Might cause confusion.
Late to the party but I appreciate the thoughtful suggestions as always. I'm nearing the finish line on my first novel and I most solemnly admit that organization is my greatest weakness.
Hrm. Let's give this a try.
Sensitive and studious, Ruqayya LoVrenn can scarcely comprehend the impossibilities of true magic in the Riselands until circumstances beyond her control force her to embrace natural talents alongside other gifted individuals as she learns that anyone has the power to change the world.
Probably too vague on the conflict …
Vagueness might be an issue, but a larger one is that this premise needs to be broken up into multiple sentences instead of one long run-on sentence.
But you clearly have a good idea of what you want to write
You got this
Good idea, and thank you for giving examples from well-known books. Being able to crystallize the premise is a skill that's useful for cutting excess verbiage from the manuscript as well, and can serve as the blurb for a published book.
By the way, as a proofreader, I noticed the misspelling of Harkonnen's (possessive), which should be Harkonnens (plural) @ 4:50. For some reason, it's become a common error in the past 10 years.
I've noticed the whole 'apostrophe for plural words' thing as well! It's really prominent among Gen Z'ers for some reason. Do you have any idea why that's happening?
Thanks for the pick up!
Middle Grade, Low Stakes, Fantasy Adventure
Nine year-old Rumi is all set to give her grandpa the best birthday present ever, when a thieving not-squirrel swipes her gift and dives headfirst through a golden portal into the fantastical kingdom of [Slumberland]. It’s a race against time to track down the culprit and get back in time for her grandpa’s party, all while avoiding the authorities.
That's a solid premise. Does a great job of establishing the tone & genre (portal fantasy). It is a little long. See if you can trim it and cut non-essential details.
@@Jed_Herne Rumi was all set to surprise her grandpa with his birthday present, when a thieving not-squirrel stole it and leapt through a golden portal into the kingdom of [Slumberland]. Now it’s a race against time to track down the culprit and get back to her grandpa’s party.
@@ourabouras I’m personally a huge fan for portal fantasy and dream-like realities. (Which is what I gathered from “Slumberland”.)
It sounds a bit to me like “Alice in Wonderland”, where Alice followed a rabbit through a portal into the dream-like reality of “Wonderland”.
Even still, I’m very interested to see where this goes.
Keep it up. 👍
@@Iso20227 Excellent. The plot definitely pulls from portal world stories like Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, and Adventures of Little Nemo in Slumberland. I’m going for a low stakes fantasy where a happy-go-lucky kid gets to go on an adventure swashbuckling with sky-pirates, jousting in the Queen’s tourney, and stealing a dragon egg, but that was all a bit too much detail for the premise.
@@ourabouras sounds like my kind of story.
I’m always prefer high stakes, where there are huge dangers and obstacles to overcome, lives are in jeopardy, and the perils that the characters face often seem insurmountable.
However, that doesn’t mean that low stakes is bad at all.
You can consider me very interested now.
I’ve never really seriously creatively written before so perhaps a full length fantasy novel is a bit ambitious. But my idea in a sentence would be something like:
A cutpurse, a sold whore, a mage hunter, and a prince set out on an unlikely journey to kill a king, but when a foreign prince invades Aukdera, the stakes are turned on their heads and impossible decisions will have to be made
I'm trying to write my first novel which is a fantasy. You're videos have given some really good advice that I feel like will help me continue writing it. Thanks for all the tips 👍
As someone who has sticky notes for my sticky notes, this video was a revelation. Thanks, Jed!
Late to this vid but here’s my premise! I’m very open to feedback
“Khavonian princess by day, vigilante by night, Hanora, is willing to attain-by any and all means-what’s best for the people of her Kingdom, but when she’s met with the costs of true reformation, she’s set off on a mission that could have her questioning even her own morality.”
I like it.
It can work as is, but I think that maybe it shouldn't.
What I mean is, the premise gives me no idea about what's going on other than who the main character is.
I think it could benefit from a small expansion of what 'true reformation' means in this context.
But again, I think you can get away with no changes.
@@Harbringer12 thank you I appreciate it, but I don’t expand on what I mean by true reformation because, if I were to expand on that, I would be giving you my whole plot twist. I want my readers to be able to hypothesize and theorize. One of my pet peeves one the story is just handed to you and you don’t have to think anything through.
@@Harbringer12 however, I do completely agree with your point that I didn’t give much info about what the actual problem is, the main conflict at the start, now that I’m rereading it back. So I agree there
I have literally just started doing this and it is SO HELPFUL
This was very helpful. I kept trying to come up with a summary, but after chopping out all of the story specific stuff, I actually got an amazing premise.
"After a young genius is thrust into deadly trials to collect divine artifacts, he must keep them out of the wrong hands by making powerful allies and finding a greater purpose for himself."
heres my premise / logline (cause it is for an animated short)
An insecure girl studies magic from a godly mentor to confront her nightmare monster in the hopes of returning to her human world.
If the animation has no dialogue, I think this is perfectly fine.
If there's dialogue, then I think you need to tweak this premise by adding a couple of the animation specific story details.
Good job.
Awesome stuff, I usually do something similar as an ‘elevator pitch’, but this is much clearer and gives more direction. Keep it up
Perfect timing! Thanks for the video, Jed :)
This was your most helpful video to date. Thank you! -- My wife and I are collaborating on a fantasy novel, which has the potential to become a series. With your help in this video, we have honed our premise. ... "This is the origin story of the Diplomat and his Priestess, which began at a quiet border village, where a struggle between twin brothers shatters a centuries-old status quo of no contact between ancient adversaries." ... Sticky Note Challenge accepted and completed, just the way you showed us how to do it.
You're welcome! Glad to help.
Thanks for another great video Jed! Just wanted to say your visual shots and designs were also very engaging and helpful.
Great tip, Jed! I love the hour glass model for outlines.
A bit late to the comment-section party but... This was some awesome advice. I will take a plunge and post what I am brewing currently:
"In a war-torn realm of Harrendale, shadow-witch Eleyna wants to become a leader of mercenaries, guided by a prophetic vision, while wrestling with the powers consuming her and attempting to come to terms with the loss of her child."
Does Eleyna want to become the leader of all mercenaries, or just one particular mercenary group?
I would change it to;
"In war-torn Harrendale, the shadow-witch Eleyna strives/fights to become the leader of the Mercenaries/ Mercenary Group.
Guided by a prophetic vision; she wrestles both with the powers that aid her, and the loss of her child."
By saying she struggles with her powers, it inherently implies that these powers aren't just a free deal.
Can it save my relationship too?
The power of sticky notes has limits I'm afraid😢
I would say it can definitely help. The point of this system is that you're having trouble staying in line. You write without following a strick path and the sticky note is short and vague, but concise enough to push you back on track.
If you detect that you get angry too fast, too often, maybe a sticky not that says "anger" is enough to remind you that you do this often and it could help you get you emotions in check before it's too late. Imho relationships end not because of the fight, but because of the lack of desire to fix what was broken during the fight.
They can if used properly! Use sticky notes to remind yourself why you care for your partner, and use them to leave little notes for them to find. I hope for the best for you. Good luck!
Thank you for the upload.
This is fine, for a single character POV story or for a story that doesn;t have disconnected arcs that will later come together.
Maybe focus on one character at a time. Different premices for each POV.
You’re gonna have a really hard time selling a story if you can’t boiled it down into a simple elevator pitch, even epics like GoT and LotR can be boiled down into palatable blurbs.
Frist book ever writing.
Premise
A Boy (Zeek) who hates dragons, and a young Dragon (Asani) who hates two legged growing up on an island. Each thrusted into a missions that bring head on into one another. Both of them must find the power to overcome their differences and forgive the sins of the past. They must work together to save them selves, and the island form a powerful being that one of them is all too familiar with (Deava).
Any feed back welcome.
You have a decent start here, but it needs some work.
First, this is a run-on sentence, break it up to be more manageable.
A couple of questions to help flesh out the premise:
1. Did both Zeek and Asani grow up on this same island?
2. Why does human society and dragon society have conflict in this setting?
3. You say that there are events in the past to forgive, are Zeek and Asani adversaries from before the story begins?
4. What is the danger to the island that Deava imposes?
@Harbringer12 First question, yes, but they did not know one another.
2ed. Deava caused the issues, advice her plains makeing all two-leggs nothing more than cattle to dragons.
3. You can say that although it started before, they were bron
4. The threat to the island is before this story even starts as when Deava comes to the island, she starts to kill all good dragons, throwing blance of magic off.
So a little more dragons is where all magic comes from, and the two-legged (human, elfs, drwafs, ect..) and all other life to use it. It is important that theres good dragon around and not just evil dragons as when a wilder cast a spell. that spell is weeken by 70% if the wilder and dragon are at odds with what the spells to do. It take two to use magic.
Note dragon are able to cast spells, but if they don't have a 2-legged, it take them not just a few hours but days of being very helpless and open to attacks.
Asani is one of three abused childen of Deava.
Asani lost her father when she was very young as he was killed by her mother. although Asani does not know that as her mom made it look like the two legged did it.
Zeek lost both mom and dad when he was 8 years old. They were killed by Deava.
Thanks for feed back.
Thank you for all your tipps so far!
About the premise: if you can define it in the length of a tweet (number of characters used) then you have a good starting point for a story.
I'm NOT the author of the above advice. It's something someone suggested in an article I read about plotting stories. I thought it was important enough I wrote it down. Now I work on the premise until the initial concept is short enough to "be tweeted out" (also saves you later with advertising copywriting when you keep each version), and from this I'd create another set of "tweet sized premise" for the beginning, middle and end of the story. Repeat this as a beginning, middle and end for the beginning, then repeat for the middle and the end. You now have a nine-part "premise" (each tweet length) to keep your whole story on track. This is how I've done stuff for the past five years (which is when the "tweet method" was read about).
In Google Docs, your “sticky note” can be the summary section to the left center of your screen on a laptop.
Omg tysm!!! This comment should be pinned. I can't be trusted with knowing where my outline sketchbook is, let alone a tiny little sticky note
Another great video! Keep up the hard work Jed, these really help! Blessings!
I’d love to see you make a Skool community Jed, it would be great to connect with other writers 👍🏼
A blank guiding principles entry in that document would be nice.
After this Video I came up with my own premise, of my current project "Sunstorm-Chronicles"
Premise:
The thief Marisa, the fighter Tohbi and the noble son Vincent have to navigate the power struggle between the Order of the sun and the rest of the patriachy to protect thier city from distruction.
Maybe you guys can tell me, what you think of it?
This is one of my favourite premises so far. Sounds like a great story!
"A thief, a warrior, and an heir must put aside their differences to navigate a power struggle between the (adjective?) Order of the Sun and the rest of the (adjective?) Kingdom/Empire/Nation to protect their cherished city of from destruction."
I know, I know; I took out the character names. But look at how well it flows!
But in all seriousness, I didn't get the sense that any one named character was more important than the others so temporarily reducing them to their professions/roles highlights their differences.
I added 'must overcome their differences ' because there should be an internal party conflict that keeps them from just immediately clicking and working together (I could be wrong, but only you can say for certain).
I put "(adjective?)" in front of both the Order of the Sun and the 'Major Local Government' because I got the implication that neither faction was to be the favored or preferred choice for the MCs and that their city was a focal point of conflict between the two.
Avoid the word patriarchy, especially if you're in the US, it's too politically charged at the moment.
Is "destruction" the word you want to go for? It implies that the city itself could be wrecked by an army or a dragon or some other physical power; but the implications were of cultural and political destruction. I'd consider finding a different word if that's the case.
Overall, a great premise that will lure and hook readers.
@@Harbringer12 Oh, wow. Thank you for the detailed evaluation. Helps a lot.
@@jurikase1683
My pleasure.
You got this!
My system novel premise might suck:
Kazuki gets transmigrated as a snake in a dungeon where a big hawk is terrorizing it. Although he had the Snake Evolution Line System with him, he gets himself killed by the hawk. Driven by not wanting to die or vengeance, he unlocks the Domination System that allows the user to dominate anything........ It's a lot since it will be like a light novel series.
Could be an interesting light novel
What does transmigrated mean in this instance?
@@Harbringer12 It means a person's soul trapped or moved to another body. Like reincarnation.
@@Harbringer12 It means a person's soul trapped or moved to another body. Like reincarnation.
Thanks so much for your content Jed!
Title: Pirates of the Seven Squeaks.
Rodger -- a mouse with a vivid imagination -- runs away from a cosy home with his owner Charlie to seek Adventure, and finds in the vast wilds surrounding the great lake as much danger as he had hoped for: but once mixed up with a band of sea-robbers, he finds all those he holds dear threatened.
Character: Rodger
Setting: Cosy home, and then the wilds by the lake
Plot: Runs away to find adventure, but gets way more then he bargained for
Stakes: All his friends are threatened
I feel like I am over complicating a book that I am trying to aim at 7-12 year-olds! It is to be a tweens-sorta chapter book.
I can already tell that I am going to really enjoy crafting this story: it is very different from all the others I have written so far :)
Steps for a premise:
1. Identify the core of the story
2. Add stakes
3. Include the setting (if relevant), and apply the principle of "Killing Your Darlings" aka "Don't try to shove all the cool details into your premise"
4. Keep it concise (4 key things: Setting, Character, Plot, Stakes. One Harry Potter book combined Plot + Stakes)
5. A commenter below named @xoso599 mentioned about how your story should have a "fun factor".
Quote:
"I'd like to suggest that part of the premise should include the 'fun' factor. For Jade city I would say the fun part is "jade grants superhuman abilities". For Joanne's book the fact that magic is real. For Dune it is that you can "move to another planet".
Without the fun, you have a story that could be very good, but they aren't fantasy or fantastical even if they have a fantasy setting."
10:00 The premise is but a tool for yourself as a writer
10:19 Stories with multiple POV
13:34 Hourglass Method of Outlining
15:36 A premise can raise questions (very useful)
My premise: “Jesse goes missing after discovering an alien sarcophagus, in the caves of the Euphrates river. After Aiden receives a mysterious text message from Jesse, a picture of an ancient tablet and video, he finds himself thrusted in the middle of an ensuing ancient war.”
"After Aiden receives a strange video depicting an alien sarcophagus from his missing friend Jesse, an inevitable sequence of events thrusts Aiden right into the center of a secret ancient alien war"
Interesting concept.
By putting Jesse before Aiden, it implies that he is the primary main character (which may be the case, only you know that), but I got the feeling that Aiden would have more of the central focus of the story given that Jesse is likely sitting out Act 1 while Aiden looks for him.
I'd like to include your location of the Euphrates river, but it almost seems unnecessary.
Overall you seem like you have a lot of interesting things in mind.
Thanks again for your work Jed. I always learn a lot thanks to you. :D
This is the premise of my story :
"In a world where magic is believed to be real, a young harpy scientist named Naura restores the lost knowledge of a fallen and forgotten civilization in the quest for a cure across the celestial islands to save his dearest friend."
The stakes are not necessarily visible but I think we can guess them by asking questions.
- First of all, is bringing back this lost knowledge really a good thing? After all, it belonged to an extinct civilization. A question about the balance between technology and nature which I find relevant.
- We can also see the contrast between a world described as magical and the science that Naura brings. What is the truth of this world?
- And lastly we can find the notion of friendship. How far are we ready to help our loved ones. Could this determination not be flawed?
I would be curious to know your opinions on these interpretations.
Okay, I'm confused. A harpy is, by definition, a magical, mythical being. So why does the harpy reject belief in magic and then embrace science? Is that an inner conflict for Naura? That could be really interesting, but it isn't made clear, here.
@@electra6821 Haha, yes, it does seem peculiar at first glance. Here, harpies are simply species endowed with intelligence similar to humans, their existence arising solely from the evolutionary process. In a world where celestial islands are the only lands, evolution favored the preservation of a species capable of flight.
Yet, you're not entirely off the mark by mentioning a potential internal conflict. You raise excellent questions. To answer, the story will never explicitly reveal whether the universe is truly magical or governed by physical laws. That's why Naura remains in doubt. The first-person narrative through his eyes allows the reader to choose their final interpretation. And if Naura rejected belief in magic in favor of science, it's the result of his keen observation of the world, preferring logical explanations and tangible evidence based on scientific methodology. ^^
If it's still not clear enough, a rewrite of the premise might be necessary. : )
It seems well-condensed, but perhaps the formulation could be improved. You brought up another good point! :p
Thank you for your response and the questions you raised.
"In a world of magic; Naura, a young harpy scientist, uses lost (forbidden ?) knowledge from a forgotten civilization in her quest to cure from the Celestial Islands and her dear friend ."
I like the premise overall but believe these edits both help tighten up the premise and give clarity to the reader.
I'm intrigued.
The first of a 3.5 book series I'm working on is:
Donna, a perfectly normal teenage girl, hides her urges to raise the dead from her paladin brother while seeking to unlock the memories a storybook witch stole from her.
The squeak-uels are:
After being tricked by a witch into another world, necromancer Donna is trapped in the soul of all-American girl Sarah, who comes of age during the 80s and couldn't be more different from her.
Learning that her best friend, Sarah, has become the target of a storybook witch, Donna pushes herself to undo the curse that has locked her memories away of a sinister power that could save the people she loves at the risk of driving them away.
Earth girl Sarah is settling into her new life in a world of common, everyday magic when reminders of her old life start appearing, leading her to make a disturbing discovery about her role in this world.
Premise is like what drive you to create the story and select which scenes are important or not.
My premise -
Ryuka, a canyon guide, is hired to join a party of ragtag adventurers on an adventure, though he’s paid to to this he is unsure how far he’s willing to go for them.
Be as honest as you want with judging
I'm intrigued by the premise, but think it needs adjustment.
"Ryuka, a (ex: young?) canyon guide is hired to join a dubious adventuring group. Though they pay well, the further Ryuka gets from home, the more he questions continuing his services."
I got the impression that the adventuring group Ryuka joins is not his usual type of client and less than reputable, and ask him to do more and more questionable things as time goes on.
Maybe include something about why his services to guide people through this canyon is necessary, but I think you can get away with not adding anything else
Otherwise a great start.
My book is a one shot with potential lead ins for continuation but just set as a stand alone as is. I managed that by having the story roll quickly from character intro to inciting incident which then quickly revealed stakes, those stakes are such that they get neutralized by stories end but leave those responsible in a bigger picture perspective free to do more inciting incidents, if publishers show interest in more. I'm not reaching for over the top worldbuilding in an epic saga fueling novel. More working to keep it modest in simply trying to express a perspective on traditionalists and progressives as well as expiring lessons from lived experiences through a fantasy novel medium...
Here goes nothing then;
On the unforgiving Twin Continents where magic is tied to worship of the gods, two siblings uncover a threat that looms over their people, forcing them to undergo a journey marked with sacrifices, uneasy alliances, and the cost of morality in the face of hatred and one's inner darkness.
A strong start here.
Some quick questions to help flesh out the premise:
Are the 2 siblings twins? It would make for an interesting parallel with your setting.
Do your siblings worship the same or different gods?
If different, do these siblings/gods have conflicting beliefs or ideals?
What is this threat and why does it challenge their moralities?
Who's inner darkness? Is it the general 'one' that could be anyone, or a specific one of your 2 siblings?
This is my premise!
“Lee Arryn, a thieving pirate, is revived after death as a prophetic knight to defend the realm from a seclusive vampire society… and their seemingly infinite web of influence“
"Dead 1000 (or however long) years, the Lee "" (ex: Black-Beard, The-Kid, Calamity Cannon) Arryn breathes their next breath. Resurrected by to be their prophesied Knight against a growing tide of vampires. Lee must defend them from both monster and minion as the dark beast's web of influence tightens around him/her."
Interesting concept.
I changed the tone of the premise because I felt that a main character who awakens to a new possibly unrecognizable world under threat by dark forces needed a darker tone.
If your MC is a famous pirate, they need a cool title, I didn't make the rule but it's one we all must follow.
I tried to keep your original 'web of influence' in the edit while also highlighting that it would be more than just vampires that Lee would have to face down.
Also, make it clear if your main character Lee is a boy or girl.
Overall, an interesting concept and a good first premise.
I went into that rabbit whole of world building, like to the point I had family trees of external royal families(five total) that barely make an appearance outside of the main one. Had to stop myself before it got too detailed cause I knew I would get attached to the info and want to include all the info even if its not relevant to the story and just info dumping.
Why is such good advice so heftily priced? Your long O sounds are chipping away at my mental health, Jed.
When I was working fr so many other writers, I ALWAYS told them to define the premise of your story. Just a sentence. Yet they never listened, and so many other projects were cancelled because of that...
Still very early in the writing stages, but here it goes.
Once a sickly shy youth, silent Solomon aims to live long enough to be his tribe’s healer and raise a family, however a life debt makes him a champion of the Guardian Trees as they protect the world known as Titania from the power of the fallen Titans.
"Once a shy sickly youth, silent Solomon only aimed to live long enough to become his tribe's healer and raise a family. However, a life death makes him a Champion in service to the Guardian Trees as they protect the world from the fallen titans that used to rule Titania."
Overall I love the premise, made a few tweaks that I think help.
@@Harbringer12Thanks for the input, the slight changes at the beginning do make it flow better.
Though sometimes it’s just the residual power of the Titans he has to protect the world from & those that would abuse that power.
Bronwen just wants to retire, but the Church forces him to take one final contract. He’s legendary among the Liturgy for his convictions and code, but what will he do if this final contract clashes with his strong morals?
A good start, you need a few more details to flesh out this premise.
What is the job that the church wants Bronwen to take?
Why would said job clash with his morals/convictions?
Why Bronwen when he's so close to retirement?
Answering those questions will help you strengthen your premise.
You got this.
@@Harbringer12 those questions are what will make the reader want to pick up the book or read on. They will be answered rather quickly and some more will be raised. The job is a secret to both reader and protagonist, but it’s going to be a meet hate for the start of his relationship with my main protagonists mother in the sequel. This is a standalone prequel to my real fantasy epic that will probably take 3 books to tell. I wanted to challenge myself to complete SOMETHING and so I started on this to learn the ropes.
Recently had to split a novel in two because I relaxed it was too complex and convoluted… after I was alway through the story😅 I just finished the now first single book and am in my post-book-break getting ready to finish the second one that’s now half done and quite disorganized after being copped from another story🤪 would have appreciated past me more if I had followed this advice six months ago!!
The Queen Who Spun Straw Into Gold:
After performing a miracle that saves her kingdom, Daisy must figure out a way to escape the King who has designs on her but will the Man in Black’s price in exchange for her freedom be too high?
A great start!
"After performing a dark bargain and a miracle that saved her kingdom; Daisy now not only has to escape the attentions (intentions?) of King who desires her, but also her deal with the Man in Black"
The important change I made was to tie Daisy's need to escape the King to her potential need to escape her deal with the Man in Black.
I made a couple of guesses of how your plot would go and made tone changes based on that.
I got the impression that this King wants to marry her (and that at least in the beginning, she doesn't want to). I also got the impression that her deal with the Man in Black did not give her desirable terms for what she must do in return for her gold spinning miracle.
It was a little unclear if her exchange with the Man in Black happened before she performed her miracle or after the king expressed interest (I mean, you could actually have Daisy make 2 deals with the Man in Black, one to spin straw into gold, and another to get away from the king. Go wild, I say.) so I went with just the one deal to make gold.
Otherwise I tried to keep the important words you originally used (performing, miracle, escape).
Great job though.
You got this!
Thanks for this tip!
So this is the premise I have:
Arden Emerson Valdemar has been given a second chance at life in a world defined by magic and monsters, but will he become the savior or destroyer of his new world.
A good start.
What kind of second chance at life?
The, 'I almost died and I need to change my behavior' kind?
Or the, 'I was just brought back to life by a god or a powerful sorcerer' kind?
Because those are two wildly different thematic stories.
And what's the conflict in the story?
There's not enough information here to understand how Arden might be either savior or destroyer.
You got this!
"The land of Tanor is rife with dragon hunters, and a young man must face his greatest fears to protect those he loves and save the dragons from extinction."
I would like to add one I created inspired by this video:
"Asior, Prince of Luinoria and great conqueror, is always hungry for power, but when he's declared heir of the kingdom, he finds that kingship brings unpleasant challenges. Facing the consequences of his conquests, he will need to learn what power truly means before being consumed by destruction."
Guess I'll give it a shot:
The true immortal Orion must do his best to halt the ever-growing Expanse. It's million year long growth threatens to infinitely consume all around it and he alone remains to stop it, the last failsafe.
If "infinity consume all around it" is the same as "consume everything/end all life/destroy reality", I would just say that. If it's different, then barely say how or allude that it's different.
Otherwise, the implications that there are false immortals and that Orion himself is part of a greater being's design are interesting.
A good starting premise.
When a nobody accidently passes a test created by a magician to recruit a champion, she will have to face her old prejudices to find out what defines a chosen one and what the world really needs.
What do you think of that?
Who is 'she', and what are the reasons for a champion to be selected? What are the stakes?
I have to agree with mEmory. There's little sense of conflict or stakes, here. We also get nothing about the setting.
Needs a setting so the reader can understand whether magic is considered secret or mundane, also specify what her prejudices are.
@@mEmory______ "She" is the magician, Morgana of Avalon, and she has spent more than a millennia trying to put an end to all the injustice she sees in the world. I didn't talk about the setting because it doesn't happen in some magical world but here and now, in Cornwall. The problem is that she thinks she knows everything about the human race while she has spent the last hundred years in Avalon and never travelled beyond Germany and Spain.
@@mEmory______ "She" is the magician and she's trying to restore justice in the world. The problem is, she's very old, with high expectations, particular beliefs and extreme methods most people wouldn't approve. And for the setting, it's a small town in Cornwall at present days.
I've been working on my premise/blurb. What do you think?
The Doom Knight - A religious group of paladins and templars known as the Obsidian Order strives to maintain peace within the city of Nor'easter, while also protecting the source of their God's blessings from the demons determined to claim it for themselves. When a mission into Hell goes awry, one paladin is betrayed and becomes trapped within, and struggles to survive the worst environment imaginable in a quest for vengeance.
What do you guys think?
Quite cool that you present both the General Plot and the Personal Plot of the knight.
@@jhon.k.3227 Thanks! Hopefully the actually story lives up to it!
Great starting premise!
I assume the Doom Knight is the title.
"A religious group of paladins and templars known as The Obsidian Order strives to maintain peace within the city of Nor'Easter while protecting their god's Blessings from the demons determined to steal them.
When a mission to Hell goes awry, one betrayed paladin, , is left behind. Trapped in the fires (I assume fires) of Hell, he/she struggles to return home and exact vengeance on his/her doomed former (brother/sister?)."
Minor changes made because the starting premise was great. Just tried remove some superfluous words, dial up the drama, and allude that the MC isn't the only one who is doomed.
Awesome
@@Harbringer12 Thanks for the suggestions! Yes, The Doom Knight is the title, and I have since changed the name of the order to the Adamah Order. I used "one paladin" instead of a specific name because I wanted to leave it a surprise who, keeping the readers on their toes as to who gets betrayed and by whom (though as they read, I'm sure they will deduce who they will be). Yes, one character does become the title character, but the main character is less a single person and more the Adamah Order itself.
@@TheDoomKnight
Awesome
That sounds quite interesting.
I hope writing it goes smoothly.
Bro outed me in the first minute of the video
Man, making a premise is NOT easy when you have a three-book series. And I know the youtube comment section isn't exactly the best place to get feedback, but maybe I can get one or two bits of valuable feedback on some of the premises I'm working on!
"Having a monstrous spirit is punishable by death in the regressive, magical city of Gadale. Vee, a meek but well-meaning elf, must embark on a journey of self-discovery to prove that he is not a monster."
"When Vee's monstrous spirit is discovered, the governor of Gadale forces him on a journey of self-discovery to prove he has the right to exist. If he doesn't, he'll lose everything that gives his life meaning."
Those are possibilities for the series as a whole- but then the first book has a slightly narrower plot to focus on, as it's just act 1 of 3.
"The "Winged Titan" has attacked the magical city of Gadale. When its citizens are tasked with hunting this monster down for a reward, Vee must do everything in his power to keep his identity secret."
or the slightly more personal, and possibly stronger premise of: "Vee's friends have teamed up to collect the reward for the capture of the "Winged Titan," a giant monster that attacked the city. They don't know he's been under their noses all along, or that execution awaits his capture."
Looking for serious responses only, since I assume there's quite a few writers watching Jed's videos!
ITS NICE BUT IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE A SHORT STORY THAN A FANTASY NOVEL YOU COULD MAKE IT THAT HE GOT CURSED INTO VEING THE WINGED TITTAN
@@fraolekassahun6597 Ahh but you see, there's a mystery surrounding how he became the Winged Titan, and I can't give that away in the premise ;3 [Also if you had this premise on a trio of books, you'd already have the metaknowledge that this seemingly simple premise spans 3 books]
I like the first premise as is, but I have a suggestion for the second. However, I think that there is a big difference in tone between the 2 premises. The 'governor forcing Vee' to go on a journey sounds a lot different than 'Vee embarking on the journey himself'.
Obviously take it with a grain of salt as I have no idea what the actual story is, but possibly something to look into.
Change 'the governor of Gadale forces him on a journey' to
"when vee's monstrous spirit is discovered by the governor of Gadale, Vee is forced into a journey "
It gives your character more agency.
@@Harbringer12 Oh man so much has changed in four months LMAO
My log line has reduced down so much:
*Hunted by his own friends for a reward, a man must prove to an entire city that he's not a monster, or face the death penalty.*
And the individual book summaries have changed a bit too:
> Book 1: After an unprovoked 'attack' by the Winged Titan, the citizens of the magical city of Gadale are tasked with hunting the monster down for a reward. When his friends enthusiastically join the hunt, Vee must keep his identity as the Winged Titan a secret, or risk losing everything he loves.
> Book 2: Now labeled as a monster, Vee is sentenced to death unless he can prove he's not a danger to the city in one month. He sets off on a journey to find the origins of his powers. Along the way, he discovers he's not the only one with secrets.
> Book 3: Faced with the truth of his powers, and the hidden purpose of his journey, Vee must decide which he fears more: death, or accepting his past.
@@VT-Scribbles
I like the bolded premise much better.
Have an idea for the B1 premise.
"When his friends enthusiastically join the hunt, Vee is reluctantly (unwittingly ?) dragged along knowing that the titan they hunt is him"
If you haven't seen it yet, Dune part 2 was good. I enjoyed it anyway. I have never read the books though, but my husband is a huge fan of the books and that's why I went to see it. Lol. 😅
My current struggle is that I sat down to write a relatively short story, but have over 50 characters to keep track of so far.
My narratives maybe considered fractured to some containing different elements yet those things are simply objects in their war for survival. (Premise: War & survival) Centuries of conflict. Hatred passed down from the bloodlines into the next generations. Some sins can't be forgiven. Defeated & banished creatures casted away. Whilst the top races hold back the urge to slit each others throats on sight. Views of the victors perceptions of the survivalist. See the world through the eyes of both. Wanting & wishing the best lives for their people. To do more than just survive. In any world so vast leaders will have different means of completing their tasks. To all those that have experienced war whom wish to triumph wanted to thrive not just survive. What is useful to one could be useless to another.
In a constant state of survival. Traumatic experiencesare bound to happen allowing the writer into infuse their own trauma into the pages. Hence turning trauma to art would be the true premise. The face behind the mask so to speak.Therapy for both the reader & the writer. For those who have experienced similar things you realize how relieving it is to find someone who has also survived or is currently surviving the same... (War & Survival - Allows a person to transform & bring to life - Trauma to art)
If im writing a fantasy, thriller where the story starts off in our world. The setting is a post-apocalyptic scene, where humanity is living in different Kingdoms. The main character wants to eliminate all of these things => he needs to find a gate somewhere on earth and go into the actual fantasy world where these monsters that rushed earth and few other creatures live. My question is about how much of the story should happen on Earth and in that otherworld to actually be a fantasy and more enjoyable (except for the confrontation with the main antagonist and a final "powerup" for the mc and his friendgroup i dont plan doing much in that world. But i feel like the worldbuilding could be a bit exegerrated there)
Sorry for my english mistakes, i was quite rushed when writing it and my primary language isnt english either.
I guess it depends on what the tone and atmosphere is, and what you're going for.
I personally prefer a more realistic, grounded - (in this case, it would be your post apocalyptic Earth) - setting, with some magical elements spicing it up.
And if i delve into the harder magical elements such as a different realm/world where the fantastical is much more pronounced, i tend to keep it limited. (the spirit realm in Avatar TLA is a great example of this)
But it's of course entirely up to you how you balance out your world, and it's obviously going to be very different from how i would do it.
You seem to enjoy the more fantastical/magical settings, which is why i guess you created this "monster world" to begin with - so i suggest you try to evaluate how contrasting it would be to the normal world, and how much time is needed to be spent there, and how important it is for the plot to even be/get there.
This isn't supposed to be great advice, if you can even call it advice, just my initial thoughts.
A premise for my story: In the cave-world of Emerga, aspiring celestial ecologist Felika Shain must work with her sworn enemies, confront her deepest-held beliefs, and piece together lost history, lest human society violently destroy itself.
Society destroying itself feels too nebulous, what is it specifically about being a celestial ecologist that can protect humanity?
@@ourabouras Basically the “celestial ecosystem” is an ecosystem in which humans are like livestock (unbeknownst to them) being farmed for their wrath, which can be used to produce magic, which runs the system. When humans unleash great wrath, a “star”(its not really the same thing in this world) forms from the power, engulfing them. I agree that my premise should be more specific.
Working with her sworn enemies implies that she already knows that these are her enemies. Which may be the case, but only you know that.
In your second comment you say humans are unaware of their part to play in this resource of Wrath.
I would tweak the premise to show why Wrath generation is bad (something something constant war?) and include she discovers a world-view shattering secret.
Premise versus logline? I realize the logline is written for the potential audience, so the purpose is different. But they end up the same thing, don't they?
In my creative writing classes in college, I was taught that longlines are more so a specific film and TV thing that sells the premise of a film or TV series that you use to pitch your idea to producers and a production company i.e an elevator pitch
I don't know if anyone will see this, but I would really appreciate any help.
My premise is:
"After her homeland was invaded by the Caarthland empire, Lucia Prima Herminius Octavenus takes the last chance she has to take revenge and reclaim the Northern Remulan Empire before they could harness the power that lies beneath her homeland."
The theme of my story is:
"Time moves forward and it will not wait for you who lives in the past."
I like your novel concept and theme! Your premise is good but I would suggest to just say Lucia or pick Lucia ____ without listing her full name because it is a lot. Maybe "After Lucia Octavenus' homeland was invaded by the Caarthland empire, she seeks to restore and avenge the Remulan Empire before their power is stolen forever." Try rewording it or tweaking it a little,but overall very good and interesting!!
@@abigailsantiago5181 The Prima in her name indicates that she's the eldest daughter and Herminius means "a hero who saved Rome". It's also derived from the god Hermes, which indicates her divine powers that her parents saw when she was just a child. It was a name given to her by the Northern Remulan Empire's guardian deity Artenos, which has only happened 7 times in the 900+ years of the Northern Remulan empire's existence. And Octavenus is the name of her Duchy, as she is a Duke's daughter.
But yeah, it's probably not necessary since these contexts aren't given yet. I'll try rewording it, thanks!
Honestly, I'm kinda stuck here. Because I really don't know how to write a believable personality. Once I don't know where to go to develop a character's personality, I escalate the situation to make it easier for myself.
But even I'm getting sick and tired of doing that over and over. I can't write just a peaceful, serene scene where the actual, deeper personality of the character shines, that's also not just boring and surface level. I mostly just go "I need to do this, I can't do that" and some more cryptic dialogues but they're all surface level.
This is my biggest problem atm. I know I only have to talk with another person to do it, but I only know how to talk about surface level stuff like "how're you doing?" "Is this thing good" "I like this thing, I don't like that other thing". I don't know how to talk to another human T^T
@Rex_Nichts I think the personality of each character shines through dialogue, decision making, action sequences, interaction with the world/other characters and overall the narration of the story about said character. For a quick example, in Sanderson's Mistborn book, in the prologue, you get a sense of who kelsair is right away. He narrates him as a character who is smiling a lot, a joking demeanor in his dialogue with quick witty banter, a sense of good moral integrity through the course of action he takes very quickly, and also allows other characters to describe him as a 'troublemaker'...
I think if you do have these components in your story, it gives the reader a sense of your character's personality. If you want to deepen the connection of your protagonist with the reader then perhaps add some inner turmoil that she has with herself, something everyone can relate to, and give her a chance to reflect on situations and herself as well.
As far as dialogue that goes beyond surface level conversations, it just takes some practice to get it right, ask yourself what is this dialogue scene trying to convey? Are the characters arguing about something important to them? Are they agreeing? I also recommend that each character has a unique way of speaking as that also helps with making their personalities. If they all speak perfect English without any nuances, then each character starts to sound the same and not really stand out differently from everyone else.
Hope this helps! :)
I feel called out in that beginning 😅
A young man sets out to fulfil the promise with the man who saved his life many years ago. But what awaits him in this world where the saying, "Be careful not to fall to chaos." is known even to little children.
here's MY premise!:
"In a world where like people are terrorised everyday by Phantasmic beings of ectoplasmic origin, some rare and exceptional people are born with special psychic powers.. these exceptional few take a special exam to apply to a most special profession. They are called..
Ectomen!
They who hunt ghosts!"
Maybe it's just me, but this feels a little too fuzzy. So how are people terrorized? Are they eaten, driven mad, just inconvenienced? What do the Ectomen do with the ghosts? Reform them? Rekill them? Also, the reference to taking a certain test is not crucial information. It just distracts. Otherwise, this is an interesting premise.
@@electra6821 hmm I see, thank you! that's helpful. I'll try to reform the premise description based on your feedback, dude! also, thanks!! I appreciate it :)
You have a good start here, but I think you need a couple more story specific details to make this premise shine.
What are these Phantasmic beings called?
Are they some form of ghost?
Like Electra asked; how are these creatures dangerous?
If Ecomen are people with psychic abilities that passed an examination process, are there people with abilities that don't?
How common are these abilities?
And more importantly, who is your main character?
@@Harbringer12 I'll answer these here for all party's convinience!
1. Phantasms; yes, they're the ghosts of this universe!
2. murders, possessions, luring of children into the forest, never to be seen again.
3. that's right! the Ecto Exam is held once a year in a secret location by the Ecto Association; it puts to the test your psychologically stability, skill, efficiency, physical dexterity, and your psychic power itself and how well you use it! if you can't keep up in any of these categories, you'd be rejected based on low scores! those such individuals are turned away. there also exists users of these psychic barriers who work in the criminal underground, using their powers to their individual advantage!
4. a very small percentage of people have them! though, since they're a psychological power, technically, anyone could unlock them with the right mindset! however, scientists have yet to figure out the exact form of this mindset!
5. his name is Dianthus, a normal boy who gets possessed by a Phantasm! however, with his strong willpower, he reverses the possession, gaining the Phantasm's powers with his heart of a human! now able to use the Phantasm's psychic powers as if they were his own, he strives to help people with these powers he's newly gained, soon crossing paths with Ectomen when saving people from Phantasms and evil psychics, deciding he wants to be one in the process! all in the meanwhile, the Phantasm he reversed the possession of plans to take control of his body, and break his will!
hopefully laying it out like this gives me thoughts on how to lay out the premise..!! any advice would be appreciated!
My book begins with a prologue, a flashforward specifically, that features a torture sequence, with the protagonist mutilating the antagonist's three underlings/minions, all during a dark solar eclipse
Does that sound like a gripping, emotional opening or not?
The goal for the protagonist is to find out where her uncle, the tyrant king who usurped the throne, is hiding. Only we find that she already knows where he is, and is doing it for pleasure and enjoyment, since they tried to kill her as a child
I would say is it gripping or not would depend on your reader and what their level for being shocked sits at. Without knowing your protagonist their actions are not being done in any context other than general human experience. What I mean is if I told you an African Warlord was torturing people to learn something, you would say well that's a day of the week that ends in the letter y. If I tell you a soccer mom in Utah has chained a human trafficer to her mini van and a tree and is slowly pulling his limbs off to learn what he did to her daughter, that's wildly different and the only context I've added is occupation and location.
The problem with the flashforward I think is that it sets the understanding of the character that the readers have to the flash point so everything leading up to those events is always going to be weighed against the knowledge that we know what happens. It works for movies because we have actors to watch and humans acting trigger all our evolutionary clues to believe them. Breaking Bad did this a few times showing us the outcome but then pulled us along through the story to show how we got to the point and why that's messed up.
You may get more use out of the flash forward if you leave the actions taken and their outcome out of the opening. That way as the events of the story build up to that moment you can show the readers what the cost of that action will be, why they are as shocking, gripping and emotional to the character. Then when your story gets to that point the readers get the pay off of the event you showed in the beginning happening, all the build up to the action that gives it context. Plus the details you provided in the start having their full meaning explained. Is a dark solar eclipse special with extra mean or mystical power in this setting?
Also my own personal shock factor is extremely high so things that make other people uncomfortable or upset don't for me.
@@xoso599 The setting takes place in a world of eternal night and darkness, where Elvens worship the moon, referring it as a deity known as the All-Mother Goddess. I even came up with my version of a creation myth, about two dragons who fell madly in love with each other, but ultimately ended their own lives together, birthing the All-Mother Goddess i.e death gives way to life, resulting in the world we see in the novel
The book is a retelling of The Lion King, and by extension a retelling of Shakespeare's Hamlet or Macbeth to a small degree, but it's set in a gothic horror-esque dark fantasy setting with Elvens as the main characters. The moon deity and dragon creation story is my version of The Circle of Life from that film
@@unicorntomboy9736 Just one minor warning, you said that your protag was torturing the underlings to find information, but in a twist they already had that information. Make sure not to lie to the reader about that point. At the part of the story where the MC finds out the location of the uncle, the readers will now be holding seemingly conflicting facts; We know (think we know) that the MC will torture 3 people for this information. We actually know that the MC already has this information. The pay off of the twist is only satisfying to the readers if everything shown was true and accurate. For example the second time you watch The 6th Sense you realize that everything shown is accurate to the twist when you are watching with an eye to those details. If a reader flips back to the prologue make sure nothing is stated by the narrative that isn't true, just misleading because we the reader assumed things.
@@xoso599 The prologue is just a truncated version of the final chapter of the book, so it will return later on
Xso made some truly insightful points.
I hope I'm not just repeating what they said, but here's my take on your original question.
I would say that the torture of minions for info as the beginning of your story needs to be done for a narrative reason.
What kind of MC is you MC? A fallen hero, a secret villain, or just a morally grey character throughout the story?
Are you trying to show a juxtaposition between your MC at the end of the story to how they start out as?
Is your character lying to those around them and this flash forward an attempt to show the audience all will not be as it at first seems?
Regardless, if you're dead set on having a gruesome opening, you need to keep the promise that makes with your readers.
thunder heist has the best cover
My premise:
"In a world of chaos and disarray, brother and sister save the day."
There are exceptions, no? I feel like there are stories, where it's virtually impossible to write it down on one sticky note. What are your thoughts about that?
So true, but I feel like the sticky note can be a great guideline for new writers
Especially with a series like Malazan or ASOIAF. Good for a new author though, although I suppose it depends on how much is going on and how ambitious the book/series is.
To me that sounds like a bit of an issue with recognising what a premise or theme is. Say you had to summarize the entire main movie timeline of star wars - right, a lot of stuff happens in a lot of places, and a lot of things make less sense the more you try to think about them. But at their core, isn't each story basically about 'someone down on their luck trying to survive in the push and pull of good and evil, in space, and there is magic in the universe'
@@jasminv8653 I like your summary; it tracks with one I found online: "Luke Skywalker joins forces with a Jedi Knight, a cocky pilot, a Wookiee and two droids to save the galaxy from the Empire's world-destroying battle station, while also attempting to rescue Princess Leia from the mysterious Darth Vader."
I’m brazilian, Is it possible to me to participate in this bootcamp?
The premise could be described as the story's seed.
My premise:
In a world dominated by magical technology, a grisly triple murder re-opens a four-year-old cold case, forcing a detective and his associates to unravel a conspiracy, confront an ancient threat, and question the true nature of justice.
Thoughts?
(Interestingly, there are four POV characters, and the detective is *not* one of them)
Great. I really like that you worked in a theme--the true nature of justice.
I like it. If this detective has some specific or important trait that is relevant to the story, you could also consider weaving it in.
If the detective isn't any of your 4 main characters, I highly suggest reworking the premise.
As is, it implies that the detective is your main character.
If the detective is your antagonist, trying phrasing it as 'the closer the detective gets to the truth, the more danger your characters are in'.
I'd also find a way to express how this magical technology world is different/unique. As is, I'm picturing a fantasy Noir, but have no imagery of how it's any different from a standard black and white Noir film with fantasy races filling in supporting role characters. (Not that there would be anything wrong with that).
Hope this helps.
Great Vid Jed, do you find that you use that sticky note to help make your elevator pitches too? It was great to meet you the other day btw, I’ll be having a write tomorrow morning if you’re keen to join?
my first attempt for my premise:
"When a sheltered young Witchling, raised in the secluded land of Mageoro, finds both her and her Mother abducted, she is forced into the unforgiving mortal realm. Only then, through her perilous journey, she discovers the key to the Evil King’s plan to conquer the Northern Continent-and possibly the entire world."
I'm open to suggestion, opinions, commentary, and especially encouraging words