people don't have friends anymore. why?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 1 лип 2024
- TLDR WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS
0:00 - intro (the friendship recession)
2:05 - work bad
4:00 - phone bad
5:37 - urban design bad
8:22 - the vibe is in shambles (man vs bear)
13:55 - how to make friends
19:40 - don't stop believin
this video is about friends, the friendship recession, and your mom
Ambitions as a child:
-Bestselling novelist
-Astronaut
-Archeologist
-Inventor
Ambitions as an adult:
-Survive sitting in one spot while staring at Google sheets for 8 hours every day
-Eat food
-??
-Play Mario Party and card games with my friends on Saturdays
Make a change. It’s never too late. Everything except for the Astronaut is still achievable!
ambitions as a child:
-become a dinosaur
ambitions as an adult:
-survive the horrors
-indulge in the majesty of existence
fr tho it really do be like that, we have a sense of wonder as children that progressively gets beat out of us so we can become integrated into the economic system as adults lol. it's all made up tho, like ricebender said, real life really is the biggest open world MMORPG, you can legit do anything with yo life. even become an astronaut lmfao, i was looking it up and apparently you just need a masters degree nowadays. anyway yeah!!! i get it dude. thanks for watching & i hope you have fun playing mario party & have a jovial rest of your day :)
"unfriendliness has penetrated the vibe"
just a crazy sequence of words
none of these words are in the bible
I watched this instead of meeting friends.
i made this video instead of meeting friends :)
Im so glad you brought up urban design. A factor that’s underrated in the conversation is transportation. In college, my friends and I were super busy, but we lived within a mile of each other, so we hung out almost every day. As adults, it’s rare to be able to get to someone’s place within 30 minutes if they’re not from the same town or neighborhood.
yeah there's a good article about in the atlantic how we should all live close to our friends and i couldn't agree more!!! if you live close to your friends, you can legit just drop in every now and then just to hang, but if you live a trip away then you gotta start making plans and stuff and plans take like WEEKS to come to fruition lol (it'd be one thing if we had good public transport in the US, but we don't lol). also random but i think it's not good that people spend their formative college years living/making friends who are most likely all going to move away from each other once they graduate. not ideal!!! anyway thanks for sharing your perspective & i hope u have a marvelous rest of ur day :)
Did urban design change drastically over the past few decades? Why wasn't any of this as much a problem for our parents or their parents? It's the internet stupid.
@@bk1507it’s gotten worse and worse over time as cities have become more and more built around cars. It was a problem in the 90’s but it’s even worse today.
All in all, it's a paradox. The Iphone was invented to connect, yet people feel lonlier than ever. Cities are full of people, yet the anonymity makes us feel lonely. The amount of people on earth is growing, but friendships are less and less a thing.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen this comment I’d be rich
It wasn't invented to connect. Apple products are supposed to be bicycles for your mind.
@@bk1507 i meant like, cellphones. They were invented with fast communication in mind. The Iphone is just a popular example.
I don't feel lonely in big citties, seeing people living their lives is enough companion for my brain for the most part. I felt way more lonely living in a small town as being a weirdo like me make people treat you poorly and never seeing those similar to you also create inadequation feelings.
They don’t even have family anymore. There’s so much competition, toxicity, and a lack of love amongst humans in general. Lack of community and people rely on constant distractions. it benefits large corporations that rely on your attention, sickness, and dedication for profit.
Yh corporations have devalued family to the point that everyone has been made into corporate cattle that they can easily replace and milk for money
I really felt this. I'm under 30 and the death of critical loved ones have absolutely blown up my already fragile family balance. Even before the toxicity was truly revealed, none of those people gave a real damn about quality time together.
My friends live in other states & my hobby groups allow me to have friendly interactions, but it's not the type of friendship that's described as the cure to loanliness in platonic friendships.
People don’t have friends 1. cause people constantly compare themselves to their childhood friendships. Therefore think their adulthood friendships aren’t valuable.
2. People suffer from The Goob effect from Meet the Robinsons. IE. negative self esteem.
3. They are boys who didn’t go to college, the military, or any other institution that forced social interactions.
4. Have something undiagnosed that would impact their ‘friend making abilities’
5. Spend too much time online
6. Moves away from their friends, and that distance mentally affects them more than they think.
Idk. These are things I typed BEFORE watching the video, so I’ll see how I do.
My friends in highschool just straight up didn't want to hang out. I would always try to plan hangouts, parties, whatever. I turned my mom's garage into an amazing hangout spot - basketball hoop, big screen TV, sofa, etc. I kept inviting them to all kinds of things and they would never come.
The instant there would be girls at some event though, all their excuses disappeared.
I cut those guys off, but now I have no friends. Years have passed now and I feel like I've lost social skills and the ability to make new friends. I'm in college and I never made a single friend yet. I graduate soon.
Just some additional tips and pointers
Think about making friends like a lootbox. Go out to events but don't have any expectations of actually making a friend. Focus on exploring and getting to know other people. If you go out regularly you're bound to meet people who vibe with you and who you vibe with.
For friends who are currently in your life, while it's easy to just meet up more sometimes the nature of the relationship itself isn't one where both parties want to do that. In that situation it's best to just understand that that isn't the type of relationship yall have and move on.
this j worked for me a couple months ago !! so happy rn
@@bb4251 happy for you!
ayo we gotta compile all our random tips we gain from living our lives lol. i 100% with not necessarily having any expectations of making friends - i think it helps reduce the pressure and allow you to focus on just having a good time, which is the whole point anyway lol. thanks for sharing your thoughts, hope u have a fantastic rest of your day
@@introvertedmadness thank you for replying! I hope you have a great day as well!
I live in the city and it’s crazy how on multiple occasions I’ve run into people who live in my building attending the same event I went to or people who I’ve encountered at an event that live in my building. Super small world!
I am one of the most cynical, jaded human-haters...but...I try my best to do what my dad does. He banters with strangers. It's funny because you'd think most people don't like it.
But 80% or more laugh at his jokes or respond to his inquiries, or add to the conversation. All of a sudden you feel like you know the people around you and trust them just a little bit.
And I think that helps people grow trust in each other. We're seriously all just...people. Trying our best.
The people who are out and about and who want to hurt you would be actively trying already. There are obviously exceptions but the people who break into your house or car or mug you on the street are frequently the ones you don't even know by sight because they live two zipcodes over.
We need to suspect our neighbors less. I think that's a huge problem and it's also a powerful weapon against "the system" which desperately wants us to be estranged from one another.
It's a trope because it's true: there is strength in numbers. Kindness fosters kindness. Even the little things.
My mom and dad do the same thing. I'm not sure if it's generational due to phones since myself and other ppl I grew up with were more aloof even b4 we got cell phones. Maybe for some it stems from being to told not to talk to strangers?
Yeah my mom talks to strangers a lot. I told her “but stranger danger” as a kid bc I thought she was weird for it and she was like “then how are you supposed to make friends?” Child me was 🤯
yo your dad is legit doing god's work he out here spreading positivity and dad jokes i salute him
i think it's on us to do stuff like this more - i feel like older generations are more comfortable with talking to strangers cuz they grew up in a time when you legit just found your friends on the street, cuz there was no internet, there was legit no other way lol. i don't know how to "bring back neighborliness" cuz i feel like growing up in nyc people are always just suspicious of each other...but it wasn't always this way right??? nyc used to be a tiny random dutch colony and im sure people were tighter then
im not saying we gotta be a dutch colony but stuff like this is more malleable than people think. somehow we gotta get people to suspect each other less, like you said. idk how but i guess we just go out there and try and see what works and what doesn't. 10000% agree with strength in numbers.
thanks for sharing your story, i really appreciate it. hope u have a delightful rest of ur day
Return of the king
The Twin Towers
@@RoflMaiWaffel no fellowship though cuz no friends :(
@@srinjoychatterjee2164 internet friends :)
ur very sweet
So you're saying everyone needs to get together and have an epic cavalry charge against the forces of Mordor?? Count me in!
I used to be more introverted, and then I became an RA in college while I lived in New York. I honestly haven’t thought of "making friends" this much since I was more of an introvert. To all introverts, it’s way easier and better for you than you think to become extroverted.
Here’s a step-by-step guideline to being more of an extrovert:
1. It’s ok if you’re awkward. Go out more and get embarrassed.
2. Once you get embarrassed, congratulations! It’ll never feel as embarrassing as the first time. If you’re a functioning human being, you WILL learn how to not be as embarrassed after more exposure of going out. This is what’s called, "developing social skills."
3. You should be less awkward now, especially if you’ve completed the first two steps multiple times. But it can still be a little nerve-wracking, especially if you tend to overthink. Think less. Do more. Embrace the awkwardness and just make Spider-Man-esque self-deprecating jokes. Everyone who's safe and cool will find you funny and like you because only insane or boring people don’t like Spider-Man.
4. You’ll probably have a falling out with some of your friends, but don’t let it demotivate you from keeping your other friends. Trust people who are trustworthy. And if you need to, start from step 1 again. A fresh start doesn’t happen just when you move somewhere new, it can happen as much as you want it to. Heck, I know it sounds corny, but it kinda happens every day you wake up.
5. You’re probably an extrovert at this point without realizing. Be a planner. Be kind, but assertive. Become the person who actually gives their friends the options. Invite friends over, go to a specific place (maybe to eat), and/or text/call/video chat. I know this sounds crazy, but do things that you and your friends would ALL want to do. 😱 Make a group chat. Joke. Don’t take things too seriously. Not every conversation has to be deeper than the last. Quality time is enough.
6. Now that you’ve become an extrovert, you’ll eventually realize that everyone is really just an ambivert and has different moods. Heck, you’ve probably been an extrovert before in your life and it only took you this long to realize it. Everyone has introverted and extroverted moments. Social batteries are always moving at different levels. Because being extroverted is actually really good for you. You’ll overthink less, you’ll see people more, people with think you’re cool, and you’ll have a better radar for who around you is a good person.
7. Be an optimist. There’s always a reason to say, "things are worse than ever." Newsflash, people who say that aren’t realists. If you’re living a life without hope, that’s not realism. That’s pessimism. Hope is a part of reality, so you should always have a little. And when you’re an optimist, you’ll be living your best life. If you take back and look at your life, you’ll probably realize that the times you’ve felt the most joy where when you had the most hope. And the times you were the saddest was probably after your hope took a massive blow. Hope. You’ll make your life, and all lives around you better. :)
TLDR
Be more like Spider-Man (except the overthinking part). Think less, do more. Hope.
ayo this is good!!! totally agree, you just gotta put yourself out there and keep doing - yes it's awkward at first but what isn't??? no one is perfect the first time they do anything, including socializing. sometimes i think too people identify too much with introverted/extroverted - like even if you think of yourself as an "introvert" like i do, that doesn't mean you can't talk to new people, invite your friends out, be there person that makes plans, etc. thanks for sharing your perspectives and thoughts, appreciate you for being here dude. hope you're doing well and have an incredible rest of ur day
@@introvertedmadness Wow, thank you! I didn’t think you’d reply! :D
Your New York video is hilarious, I love it so much. Hope you have a good day too!
True people think being an awkward dumbass is actually pretty funny and charming when you can own it with confidence. I also agree that people that consider themselves introverted need to be more extroverted, and some people that are way too extroverted need time to themselves to reflect deeply. Its all about moderation
@@yum8666 ^ This guy gets it
Damn this comment is SPOT ON, rrally living up to the man on your pfp I see😂. Saving for future reference but this is EXACTLY what I've been doing💯.
I used to OVERthink SOOO much when trying to talk/flirt until one day I just made up my mind to "JUST DO IT" and deal with the consequences after😂. I've grown A LOT in these last few years, albeit I met some people who gave me a couple permanent scars but I'm way more into my wholistic development than I thougut I'd EVER be
Funnily enough Introverts usually had more extroverted moments as kids, as it was easier for us to become comfortable as we don't pay attention to others opinions as much until the teen years. When the teens years hit and we become more conscious of others, that's when we develop this imaginary pressure to either fit in or not stand out or both
If I could add one thing onto what you said as it pertains to making friends and finding purpose:
Discover what you are really passionate about by doing some introspection and then follow this passion.
Allong the way you'll meet other people who are as passionate as you about whatever field you're in and you'll most likely have a few things in common. Network amongst these people and find who matches with you the most. Eventually you'll have your own clique and maybe even loved ones💯🙏
Also I'd say it makes more sense to be like Superman, remaining hopeful even in the worst times. Spider-Man at the moment isn't the best guy to take life advice😭. But his charming nature IS an asset though💯
Internet + polarization + people perceive things as more expensive + work
Perceive ? No everything IS expensive
I wish we only perceived things as expensive instead of them actually being expensive.
You could honestly just boil it down to those last two points. Everything is so expensive that you have to basically live at work to make ends meet. Meaning you have no free time (or money) to go out and meet people. It's the same reason why everyone's single.
“Perceive” bruh
i was thinking that things being more expensive could actually have a weird effect where people get closer together (for example, if rent is more expensive then people are FORCED to have roommates, which maybe isn't ideal if you hate roommates but does force some socialization). but i think that actually falls apart cuz when stuff like going to a concert or buying a drink is mad expensive, people are just less likely to get to the "activation energy" threshold to even meet people or hang out. this is why i feel like we gotta make friends for free lol!!!! but our general societal vibe is not ready for that or smthn yet
polarization is also big, i think that could actually be the thing that is "perceived" incorrectly - we all FEEL like polarized and us vs them mentality, but we actually have more in common than we think. human beings are chill (kinda? i hope? in the right situation?)
As an identical twin, I've found that it's incredibly easy for me to make friends whenever I'm with my sister. People's fascination becomes a conversation starter, and I end up exchanging numbers with people all the time. From this experience, I've learned that having some friendliness about you, learning new skills and about new cultures, and learning to break the ice is a key ingredient to making friends. When I'm not with my twin, I've found a way to break the ice with other conversation starters. If someone is dressed nice, I give a compliment and ask where they got the outfit. At the library, if I see someone pick up a book I like, I tell them (I still do go to libraries). I stand up for people who are being mistreated or stand in when someone needs help. One time, a girl with one leg was short on change, and I paid for her items. She was grateful. We became friends. If someone sounds like they are from a different country or they have an accent, I might ask where they are from, and since I'm interested in learning new languages and traveling I might let that lead to a new conversation. I'm very interested in Japanese, Chinese, and Korean, so if I meet anyone from that group and they speak the language, I usually break the ice by practicing some of my language skills. I also talk to people of many different races and backgrounds. I'm Black, so when I talk to other races of people freely and openly without judgment, people are often incredibly surprised because so many Black people are distrustful of outsiders. A always give a smile or not to people who are passing by, no matter if they're in their 20s or in their 90s. People in their 80s and 90s are especially willing to talk. I show interest in their stories and experiences too. Of course, going to community events, festivals, places of religion, clubs, and classes can improve chances of making lifelong friends, too.
this is some of the most helpful advice i've seen. thank you.
As someone who works a full time job and has a wife and a kid, I literally don't have time to make friends. I moved to a city last year and I haven't met anyone or made any new friends this entire year. My average day looks like this: Wake up, make breakfast and coffee, clean for 2 hours, shower, go to work for 8 hours, make dinner, clean for 2 more hours, and go to bed. On my days off I usually just clean and watch my daughter all day to give my wife a break. There is no time left for friendships.
You have energy to clean 4 hours a day? Damn, I need that. I end up pushing all my cleaning to the weekend so I end up indoors on both Saturday and Sunday.
bro what are you cleaning 4 hours every day lol
@@supa1009 He's probably a germophobe. Or He has OCD and dust messes with his psyche.
Why are you cleaning so much don’t you have a wife
help how do i balance my budget
phone bill - $70
food - $40
roblox - $10,320
electricity - $50
My current 3 years experience living in the US (California) is that most people just don’t want to make friends. They already have a group of friends I assume from college/high school/childhood neighbors and it is closed, period. No matter how good/cool you are you are not becoming their friend. It is what it is you just move on and talk to the next person. There are exceptions I have made 4 good friends here; 1 was my Uber driver once and we vibed, 2 of them we met at a bar where we sat next to each other and 1 was my hinge date and we stayed friends. So yes in my experience you have to be out to make friends and probably is going to be 1 out of 100 people that you talk to. PD: I have tried “make friends close to you apps” and they are hella lame and maybe is because there is a tabu of making new friends in this culture for some reason so the user base is not there yet.
I also think location plays a part in this as well because I know the west coast is notorious for being 'cliquey' when it comes to friendships.
yeah i feel like once people feel like they have their "group" they exit friend-making mode. it doesn't help that i think in the US we have a culture of not really being friendly to strangers/blowing them off because "eh it takes too much effort to turn this random person into a friend, i could just stay with my current group of friends which im comfortable with." i feel like this doesn't make sense, because talking and being social with people you "don't know" is rewarding in and of itself (like talking to an uber driver or random people at the bar) cuz you get new perspectives and get to meet interesting new people. and who knows, maybe they will end up being your friend!! but i feel like people are reluctant to give it a shot like you said. there's a study that says that every 7 years, half our friend group changes, so talking to new people also helps you find people who align more with your stage of life or whatever.
anywhooo thanks for sharing your perspective. i lived in california for a few years and also didn't have the easiest time making friends, but i believe :) hope you're chilling and enjoying ya california summer, have a delightful rest of ur day!!!
You've got to literally join a class or some activity to make friends, which can cost money and time.
It is the same in University. I moved to a different city, but most people are from this city. The already have a friend group and their families. And even if you befriend them you never will be a good friend as their old friends to them.
For me its my trauma and the fact that I've been done dirty by people. I've learned to appreciate my solitude and I love it.
ayo nothing wrong with that, glad to hear it :) some days i just wanna chill on my couch with my dog and play video games, honestly that is the life lmao. thanks for watching and bein here, i hope u have an astounding rest of ur day
Same❤
I used to run outside in my neighborhood in the morning. Then a lady pulled her car over and honked while I was running. She was complaining that I could have gotten hit by a car and I should be careful. She went on a short rant on young people. I was on the other side of the street walking in the damn grass. I can't even leave my own house without getting harassed by unfriendly people.
most chill interaction with a car driver
nah i get you, i'll go outside and have one bad interaction with someone mean and im like yeah screw this. car drivers especially, i feel in my bones what you're saying lol, car drivers act like you are being SUCH an inconvenience to them by trying to enjoy being outside and daring to making them actually stop at a stop sign. i feel like for me i had to realize that in a world of 7 billion people, there are bound to be some unfriendly people, but that doesn't mean friendly people don't exist. in fact friendly people are the majority!!! i started tuning out negative strangers, like ain't no way you about to ruin my day with your ridiculousness. anyway thanks for sharing your perspective dude, i hope you're doin well and get to run outside again soon peacefully
@@introvertedmadness thanks dude, I forget sometimes how often we remember bad things more than good things, negativity bias and all that
Living in a rural town the only spaces I can mingle to is the corn fields and dairy farms, I'm an adult but you have to be 21 in USA to enter bars. While small towns have deeper connections and everyone knows each other that makes it so isolating when you don't fit in. Being gay for example just instantly cuts most of the community from my life. Can't join the military because of past suicide attempts, I don't wanna go back to being a warehouse worker which couldn't afford rent even with OT. I tell myself I wanna become some mountain man and survive on my own away from the world, but in truth I just want a relaxed life with a community I'm proud of and friends to laugh with. Anyway, right now it's just me and the corn and a flicker of hope.
Damn. You and me both my friend. Hope things get better for you. Life can be very good and very wonderful, and I think life will have many good things in store for you. ❤️
@@Jmpwfdpdl Thanks bro, hope life treats ya well too.
thanks for sharing your perspective and experiences - yeah i definitely glossed over the cons of living in a more rural/small town area, i grew up in nyc so i've only heard about the hanging out in corn fields and parking lots experience, but i definitely see how that's not an ideal location to meet new people, and yeah, not having different types of people/perspectives in a small town im sure can lead to an "in group" which sucks too. im sorry to hear you've been having a rough go at it, i sincerely wish you the best and hope you're doin ok :) eff those people who judge you, you sound like a cool person in my book. im hopeful too dawg, i think that's all we have in this world lol. thanks again for being here and sharing your story, i hope you have a dazzling rest of ur day
went to new york for the first time at 22 years old (i’m from louisiana) and i would say “g’day!” and “hello!” to everyone i made eye contact with out of habit and not only did i get everything from crazy looks to literal slurs, but my boyfriend (who is from philly) pulled me aside and told me to stop bc it’s dangerous. not only do i make us look very muggable but apparently if you tell the wrong person to have a good day they might just try to jump you :/ also saying hello to everyone you make eye contact with in new york is exhausting like i def realize why it fell out of culture and is seen as weird as hell.
I am from Louisiana and I’m exactly the same way I felt this to my core.
I’m a gay man and I wish the south wasn’t so …. Hostile to people who are different because if you’re otherwise cis straight and dress really boring people will be so kind and loving to you.
Funny thing is, people in areas with less safety and resources, are MORE trusting and friendly to each other, NOT LESS. People in the developed world are much more scared of "stranger danger" than in the developing world.
i could see this, i feel like in countries like the US for example, we're all SO afraid of getting murdered when we walk home at night, when in reality, that's like being afraid lightning is gonna strike you. sure it happens but also not necessarily something that you really need to think about??? idk. maybe it has to do with people in the developing world being more aware of "realistic" dangers that they actually need to worry about that we in the developed world take for granted. anyway thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective!!! i hope u have a breathtaking rest of ur day :)
the man vs bear thing is about men's violence toward women being worse than a bear, it's not about general public mistrust, it's a gender specific issue in this case
He eventually addresses that, but yah, you’re right.
I lost nearly all my friends to... marriage, basically. In our teens we had a vibrant neighborhood and would meet to play sports as well as board games. Once they got married my friends considered that they should dedicate all their time to their wives and never make themselves available for activities... it appears to be an intractable male problem because the women do fairly well in maintaining their friendships, meeting regularly, etc.
you guys ever wonder what the point of all of this is
Depends on what this is. If you're talking about life? Yup. If you are talking about Java then this is a keyword used to self reference a class and it's properties. In other languages i.e Rust "this" is "self".
lowkey
Yeah bro
no idea. maybe try to enjoy yourself while you can
@asandax6 Actually the point of this is to reference the instance of a class for which the method was invoked... ofc silly 🤓
the part where you say bars and places like that advertise the fantasy of community is I think really insightful. My question is, are there any types of places today where community is not just an ad campaign outside of like, joining a literal cult? Genuinely what are the communities people are talking about, where are they
book clubs, public art studios, craft circles, sewing classes, volenteering groups, hiking groups, running groups, community centers have a lot of classes, some people do poker circles, your local punk scene, workout classes, game shops if your into magic or dnd, and dance studios are good places to start. Bars and coffee shops can also offer genuine community, good signs to look out for are miss-matched chairs, baristas or bartenders bantering with eachother and regulars, local artists on the walls, an open mic night, and cheap drinks.
Screenshotted this so I can stop giving excuses to not make friends
@@keymango even if you don't make acctual friends from this, talking to familiar people will bosst your mental health so don't be discouraged!
@@itss.mfkntori second on the craft circle and public art studios, where I'm at in the US the local art scene and local craft scene has quite a bit of overlap (at least within my general age cohort) and there's been a big push to meet new people, build community, and expand the circle and what has ended up happening is that once you stumble upon one part you can find the others.
Anywhere where people go to build/learn a skill has been the most helpful for me (I go roller skating every week on discount day) it's like a built in conversation starter where you go up to someone who's better than you and ask "hey how do you do that?". Most of the time people love to teach others about the hobby they are passionate about. It did take me months of going every week before I could get myself to finally talk to someone but once you get your foot in the door everything opens up for you.
this video got me to go check out what events are held at my public library. i may just be about to check out two or three different events(drawing, embroidery, gardening) now and talk to people with similar hobbies as me. suddenly feeling like all hope isnt lost!!!
LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i frickin love the library, they always planning events, great aesthetic, chill vibe, i mean what's there not to like. thanks for bein here, hope ur doin swell, and have a unforgettable rest of ur day :)
A bear WILL NOT make it quick. They’re omnivores, so they will maul you, they WILL NOT go for the kill.
bears are very important animals to the ecosystem.
introvertedmadness's humor is truly 1 of a kind xD
Bro so glad you’re back. can’t wait for the next vid. Keep it up
Great video, i think embracing the awkwardness of meeting a stranger is key to breaking the ice & what not. trials & tribulations, never let one bad experience cloud the future
This video hit me at the perfect time. I love your work dude! You got a life long viewer right here.
aye i really appreciate the support and kind words
Amazing, one of your best videos. The graphics and pacing is perfect, and the script is spoken clearly and is easy to follow. Super well written. just please make your thumbnail less busy lol. if you flick your eye over it is difficult to read the keyword 'friends'. But this video is gonna do really well regardless, especially since it is a topic that relates to everyone. Good job
i really appreciate the kind words and feedback!!!! means a lot, thanks bein here and caring enough to give suggestions, i hope u have a SUPERB rest of ur day
Great video per usual!
love your videos man adds some comic relief to this absurdity known as life
For me, solo traveling another countries and staying hostel helped me talk with strangers. It is like first day at college, everyone is trying to figure out the new location so people are super friendly!!
Idk. I’ve always tried to be friendly to people and have sometimes overextended my kindness to people, and it never resulted in anything. I know I shouldn’t expect anything (and I should just be nice because it’s the right thing to do), but sometimes I feel that people expect friends to be 1. Hot 2. Cool 3. Wealthy 4. Well connected. I fear that people don’t even want to be friends with average people. Surprisingly, ever since I learned to find comfort in own solitary life, I feel better and mostly happier. I’ve spent so much of my life being kind, smiling, helping people beyond my means, always being the shoulder to cry on, and like……it’s resulted in nothing. Life feels really transactional nowadays, I fear. But idk, maybe I just suck. 🤔
Here's are some things that are causing it:
- Car centrism making it hard for a huge chunk of the population to get around. Unless you're lucky enough to have a chaperone, you have to be able to operate and afford to buy and maintain an automobile.
- Hustle culture (as you mentioned)
- Not just regular hustle culture, also keeping up with the Joneses culture. Once you turn 18 "friendship" is mainly for social networking for status and access to the opposite sex. Ever notice in social meetups you are often asked these questions: "Where do you work?", "What are you/did you major in?", "Do you have any siblings? How old?" It's exactly like how "popular" kids in high school are favored yet far worse. Bowling For Soup didn't create the song "High School Never Ends" for no reason
- Growing financial costs of doing activities that get people together in person
- Lack of social groups for people around 18-59 years old
- "Metoo" movement and how the heightened the fear of being randomly accused especially among men
- Political polarization
- People moving everywhere
all excellent points!!! i really agree with your keeping up with the joneses point, even romantic relationships are a bit like that now, where people want a partner so they're seen as "not a loser i have a boyfriend/girlfriend." like i said in the video, i feel like people are missing the point, we have some sort of biological wiring to truly connect and understand each other as people, but we're losing the plot with our obsession over money and status. people moving everywhere is also mad underrated!!! i think an underrated aspect of everything getting college degrees over the last 30 years is that people make their core group of friends from 18-22 in a place that they are most likely all going to move away from once they graduate. not ideal for everyone's social lives when your friends live in 5 different states for their job (and it feels like everyone HAS to live somewhere for a JOB, because of the rising costs like you mentioned)
anyway thanks for sharing your thoughts, we gotta know what the problem is before we can fix it :) thanks 4 being here and i hope u have a magnificent rest of ur day!!!
@@introvertedmadness I blame the media and popular culture for conditioning us to see lack of romance as being a "loser", "useless", and "failure to launch" and not many people realize that this contributes to people being unhappy just for not having a relationship aside from the natural need to be loved.
The Me too movement allowed women to feel safer at workplaces. The only reason a man would be afraid of being "randomly" accused after the movement is if they participate in behavior that does not prioritize enthusiastic consent.
Great video! I thought it would be clickbait because the title is something that’s obvious to everyone with eyes and a brain, but you broke the problem and possible solutions down very informatively. I think “unfriendly-ness” is a perfect term for this issue.
bad urbanism in US cities is a huge reason for loneliness in cities, because in the US cities... you're limited to driving place to place to place how are you supposed to socialise living like that?
not to do what everyone does when it comes to urbanism, but please check out Not Just Bikes lol
Amazing content recently man! Loved this video a lot!!
I love your videos and the creativity and effort behind them, one of my favourite youtubers really !!
This video... Is a damn banger. Hell yeah brother, thank you for the work that you put into this video.
Hey man, I'm latino (from Panama). The one thing I realized is that not everything that comes out of the US is good, such as the way people here in the US socialize. I get it, most people want to sell something when they approach you but most of the time, it's all about smiling and saying hi to people and taking it from there.
Smile genuinely, say hi, and ask them their name. It's really easy to get to know people.
Good to see you back again, missed your content
This channel doesn’t miss. Seriously my favorite.
I just want to say. I watched this video yesterday, but I keep thinking today about how good it was. It’s p clear ur a super introspective and thought provoking person. Sometimes when I’m bored I just listen to your Minecraft therapy vids. It’s good shit. Make a podcast or something. I would be 10/10 down. Thx for being you :’)
You have to SEEK OUT friendships as an adult. It is hard, it is awkward, you will sometimes be rejected. You have to individually personally reach out to people and ask them to do activities with you. You should do this with neighbors, coworkers, people who share hobbies with you, etc etc etc. Offer to cook them a meal, ask if they want to go to the movies or bowling, ask to go on a walk with them. Do favors for people you don't know well. Strike up conversations in public. It's all so awkward and humiliating but THIS is how you make friends.
That's all we have in this world is each other :)
Wasn't expecting a tutorial, but... well! All the best brothers 💪
i haven't had any social connection outside of family for a couple of years. whenever i'm on campus, it feels so difficult to even talk to anybody because so many people are in groups already. even now i have just one acquaintance that i've been trying to make plans with but the communication is a bit dodgy (they have their notifs on mute so it takes a while to respond)
i really hope to have a nice friend group that i can just hang out with and have a nice time. hoping that many others can have the same thing too.
i love your videos dawg you inspire me
i used to only have one friend group (from high school) and when i started uni and got a job (and started putting myself out there to meet new people) i formed many strong friendships that i maintain nowadays. my high school friends didn’t like it tho because that meant my focus wasn’t 100% on them and it caused a falling out. i try reaching out to them constantly but i’m always kept at arms length. kinda sad honestly
I freaking love this guy, thank you guy
You cooked with this video king 😩 on a serious note, i have no idea what i would do without my friends. They've been there for me more than any of my ex partners have. Its hard making deep relationships nowadays though - i think people are less open to connections for a variety reasons like you said. A lot of people are just tired. But hey... Being tired isnt an excuse to miss out going with the boys on a friday night, is it? 😎
babe wake up introvertedmadness uploaded
Excellent video, well worth the wait.
I have a lot of friends who I stay in contact with thanks to moving schools a lot (both a blessing to have so many, and a curse to be separated). HOWEVER, I only actually see them a handful of times a year, if any, due to distance/all of us being cripplingly overworked. It’s sad, I have a lot of friends but don’t feel like it, and it’s no fault of theirs. Our society is just so disconnected and trying to optimize every second that there isn’t time to breathe and have normal human connections.
Edit: three minutes into the video he already addressed all my problems, were SCREWED 😭
Another edit: damn I WANT to be able to talk to my therapist in person but I swear on god post-pandemic my provider NEVER provides in-person appointments. They treat video appointments like a replacement and it’s fucked me up bad. Just isn’t the same, feels like a business meeting and not literally my own mental health treatment
Missed this guys content ❤
Modern day Socrates
I'm a simple man , I see Smiling Friend and Sopranos references, I like.
My waif dead? I like. Very Naice
I kind of usually don’t like these type of videos of how lonely people r but this one I enjoyed because it was kind of goofy with it so nice job.
I moved cities last year and used the Meetup app to meet a lot of people! Made 4-5 good friends in 6 months. I’d recommend it to everyone! It’s all about making that 1 friend and then you can become friends with all their friends.
This sounds like it only applies to NYC, SF or Seattle lol. People aren’t like this at all in the REAL America🤣
Btw I love your editing 🤣
People don’t know how to be with each other in good and bad.
Also they don’t know or are mindful of their place.
As some who lives rural I'm straight up blessed, I am looking forward to making friends at community collage "near" where I live.
Every video is so great , get that ad moneyy u deserve it
Russia has the loneliness problem figured out. Just walk into a liquor store, split a bottle of vodka 3 ways with strangers, BOOM, you just made friends. Alcoholism is the solution to not having friends.
As a kid going to college and moving from super small town to very big city, I'm terrified since all my friends have just kinda fallen in place over the years and I've never had to go out and make friends.
My best friend is a guy who got hit by a car while we were in high school. He’s actually totally fine but he goes to school in canada while I live in new york.
Living is tiring and making friends is tiring and going outside is tiring and so sometimes it’s easier to just watch introvertedmadness for an hour
hahaha I get this in college studying for an engineering degree. I got ousted from my friend group 2 years ago because someone really hated my guts, and life just has not been the same since. People just seem collectively weird and standoffish because they all have their groups already. That's to say I have no idea how to find a new group. Working an internship as well but it's in a very small town and the program has few young people. I see other people my age making friends, people not all too different from me... and I'm just like how? Did everyone just forget how to socialize? Even sadder, one of my better friends in that group said that he didn't know how he would find a girl outside of college without using an app. How did we get here because no one ASKED for this and it's making us miserable (I mean we did with out wallets but I don't wanna hear it man I'm just along for the macroeconomic and societal rollercoaster ride)
I think what is happening is that in the past people didnt feel pressured to constantly spend with friends even through text and calls and social media. People in the past worked a lot but still had friends.
bro this is why i hate cars, ngl. my sis MISSES SF because muni is dirt cheap, and you can go anywhere in 10 minutes or less (on a good day) on it. literally 90% of my friend groups's meetups are in SF. because most of us are in the tip of the bay area, so its only 40 minutes to get there. compared to going anywhere else, its chill. like, i wanna go to the local pc store, but its 10 minutes by car with NO other way to get there faster. i go to my local tea and coffee shops, but im also low on money. our library is CUT OFF from the other side of the city, and so is our mall. yea sure imma get my license this year, but its not by choice. its by necessity!
missed this guy
This video is so important
babe wake up introvertedmadness just posted
There's just nowhere to meet people. I'm not interested in any hobby clubs, so forever alone is all that's left for me.
I love your videos omg
I also find it difficult to hangout with people because for most of the people I know all that they enjoy doing together is sitting in front of a TV. It does almost nothing to make you feel less isolated and disconnected aside from the small aspect of being physically in a room with someone. What happened to doing things together? trying new things? Everyone’s attention span is so destroyed we can’t even stand more than an hour of conversation before resorting to more mind numbing content. It’s a poor excuse for genuine connection
Interesting topic! One curious discussion I read said the decline of third spaces may be due to how much better homes are now. Think about it, before the Internet, there was far less entertainment and thus more incentive to go outside. Nowadays I could just (and sometimes do) spend hours online.
I love you, man!
of course i get this after the 2 week long fight with my exfriends
This. I felt this comment. I had a very nasty falling-out with best friends at this time last year. It hurt more than any romantic rejection I’ve ever had. Being one year away from it now, I can assure you that time really does heal all wounds. But… there are still some days when I’ll just be doing something like showering and I’ll miss them. Or I’ll get super angry at them. Sometimes, it’s both at the same time. I don’t even know how to explain that emotion. But I do know that it’s usually when I’m overthinking.
Let me give you the NUMBER 1 best way to heal:
Forgive them.
Let go of that resentment. You aren’t friends with them anymore, but so what? It’s time to move forward. There are infinite possibilities you could do with all the good inside you. :) Once you realize that, it gets a lot easier to keep going without them.
Your friendship with them will always live inside you. When you think of an inside joke you used to have, it’s ok to laugh and mourn the friendship a bit. You don’t even need to dwell on it. Because the quick thought of them will never go unappreciated by YOU. So hold onto them as long as you want, but remember… make new memories! The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. As long as you live life with love, you’ll never fail.
@@dymoure holy moly this is so philosophical for a Sunday, I really needed this thank you
@@lxghtthunder9654 I know I needed it a year ago, so it’s my pleasure. :) Hope you have an awesome rest of your day. Eat something tasty!
@@dymoure thanks you too!
I don’t have any friends so rn im extremely happy im that early to the upload
Yo where are you from
8:01 I think about this ALL the Time!
Unfortunately I try to make plans to hang out with the current friends I have but they're all wrapped up in their own lives and are terrible at communication and never commit to any plans. (Trust me this is why I'm looking for new ones.)
I'd rather be a random transplant in a city (I've done it) than a random transplant in a rural area/small town (also done it). US cities in particular are not designed for social interactions, though, you're right! I agree with you mostly here!
Babe wake up introvertedmadness just uploaded
Its such a meaningful time ti be alive 🎉🎉🎉🎉 i cant wait fir the future 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Is bro watching me? I'm graduating this year and realizing that my "friends" aren't treating me with the same respect/consideration. So now I have no real friends. 😃
I am my own best friend. Sending love to y'all!
Who has time for any kind of relationship when you have to sell your energy and time to survive
start a group chat for your apartment building, print out the qr code for it and a little description for what it is, put it up around the building, like in the elevators and by main doors. Then start asking for advice and recommendations for casual things, like products, services and restaurants etc, also offer whatever kind of help you can if anyone needs it like dogsitting or grocery pickup etc. Soon enough you can start hosting potlucks and other events and bam you have community and friends :) worked for me
ayo you a real life social engineer, but the good kind, lets goooooooooooo :)
I like this style of video
Well said
Opening up to the Hum album cover
Love your videos
so true😢
THE SERIES REFERENCES!!!!😂
I feel like as a society weve all gone from nihilists to absurdists over the 2020s
Paying for friends sounds like the next step.
Group therapy lol
New idea: fraternities and sororities but for adults
all a matter of perspective really, but suburban urban design does play a huge part tbh
11:20 Anyone remember the children's book "Don't Talk to Strangers" from The Berenstain Bears series?
oh to be a berenstein bears reader in the berenstain bears universe
i didn't read the don't talk to strangers one but i DO remember very vividly the "don't smoke" one. they were really out here trying to have us be sober antisocial losers