My "Kitten Days" - Juggling Chronic Illness & Creative Anxiety
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- Опубліковано 8 лип 2024
- Despite my best efforts a fever knocked me out for one of our two remaining days at home before we're off traveling again - but an idea hit me while watching one of my favorite kitten live-cams: what if instead of being angry at myself for not being able to get my work done, I thought a bit deeper about how I feel "weak as a kitten"?
Also check out LittleMissCrista and her awesome video about living with chronic pain! Seeing her video really helped me feel a lot better today! • • Video
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• Seri is a biologist-in-training with an intense passion for plants and filling her house to the brim with finches, potted plants, and biology "specimens" that look oddly like snail shells, mossy, and twigs covering every available surface.
She is also big into spreading her love of the natural world through the entertaining medium of story-telling through video games! Jump on in and see what our amazing, animal-loving, plant-studying community is all about! And remember, stay curious! •
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I do hope you'll feel better. I have terrible social anxiety and on top of that I have sensory overload and depression, so all though I want to go outside and draw and just enjoy myself , I can't get myself to get out of my house even though I want to. I'm a digital artist so when I have days where my mental illnesses overtake my creativity, I just feel awful cause I hate being lazy. I find that since I'm an animal person , just taking care of my pets or studying animals makes my feel better. Let yourself have a break , although it may feel like your letting people down , you have to do what's best for yourself. Have a cup of tea, read a book, go outside and enjoy nature, do what makes you happiest, but doesn't stress you out.
Thank you so much Kat!!
I hope you feel better soon! My joy today (as it every day) is seeing what my son will learn today. He's 3 and super smart. He learns and thinks up new things every day. My other joy is the fact I get to go to my friends' wedding tomorrow. My gift is hand made coasters with pictures of them on them. My third joy today is silly but I'm really happy that yesterday the third dlc for Fallout 4 came out. It makes me happy to play that game.
That is so awesome!! Thank you so much for sharing with me Kris - it really makes me so, so happy to read everyone's joy moments!! Especially about children learning - there is something so addictive about seeing the world from their eyes.
I like that..."Kitten Days"...it really is a good way to think of days when your chronic health issues are rearing their ugly head. I SO had to share it with my mom, and she likes it too :) Hoping that you have no kitten days on the Ann Arbor trip!Three joyfull things for today...I woke up shortly after midnight to my cat giving half my face some kisses; on the way to work, I got to compliment a lady who lives in a house I pass everyday about the gorgeous flowers in her yard; and I found some super cute clipart for a sign I created for a book cart at work that is going hold a bunch of books for a summer storytime group, including clipart of Paddington Bear reading a book, which is SO perfect for the group, since we love to read those books :)Thanks for sharing the kitten cam!
Oh thank you Sharon!!
Seri's Greenhouse It really is nice to have a job that allows you more flexibility in your schedule and family that is supportive!!! Being able to really listen to your body and figuring out what things help or trigger changes is your energy level is really important!
I feel very blessed that my job is more of a "in the background" job instead of one that has constant interaction with the public, and a supportive supervisor. As long as I have sick time/vacation hours, if my mom needs me home, I can usually leave at the drop of a hat! And we've become quite good at being flexible with our plans and recognizing daily low energy/"kitten" times.
I LOVE being able to hear other people's joy moments!!! It is especially uplifting when I'm having a down-in-the-dumps kind of day. It's kind of like rays of sunshine breaking through stormclouds :)
I understand about the discouragement about dialing things back. I have been dealing with foot & back pain and hypothyroidism issues for about 1 & a 1/2 years. It frustrates me at times that I can't do what I use to do. I worked very very hard to lose weight about four years ago and over the past 18 months I have gained most of it back. Some due to thyroid, some due to meds used to treat my back, a lot due to inactivity because I just did not have the energy! I am determined to get healthy & fit, but first have to work on healing my foot & strengthening my back. Realizing that I needed to step backwards with my exercise routine was discouraging. Going from walking 3 to 5 miles a day down to 1 mile every other day was hard! I have to take things in baby steps. If I overdo one day, it can set me back for days!! I am thankful for the wonderful loving family I have, for a precious sweet old kitty and for a patio full of happy hummingbirds feeding at my feeders! Lol
Ah thank you so much for sharing Kate!! It feels SO GOOD to know there are other people out there with the same emotions too. I guess I was raised in a very "work hard, play hard!" kind of bubble with a lot of "bootstraps" and "work until you drop busy bee!" mentality mixed in, so it almost feels like a moral failing on my part to take quiet days - but when I rephrase them as "kitten days" it has already helped me so much. I wouldn't demand so much of a kitten, who I can understand needs patience as it grows and becomes stronger. Plus we don't really think of babies as broken or permanently weak - we understand their weakness now is just a matter of patience as they grow into stronger creatures. When I can think of myself like that - needing rest to heal and grow, like a kitten growing up - it takes away the worst of the sharp edges of frustration for me.
Poor Chips - he watches with horror as I boldly declare that I want to "walk 10 miles a day!" one day then blink up at him in confusion when just 2 miles exhausts me for a week after pushing it on a kitten day. Slowly but surely he is helping me accept that I need to take things slower and that "slow but steady" can get me just as far as the break-neck pace I want to tackle life with.
I wanted to say that it means so much to me that some of my videos could help you and I'm feeling blessed to be able to hear you talk about it! I relate so much to many of the things you mentioned and I think it's so powerful to be a little vulnerable and let people in on what you're going through. It just ups everyone's self-compassion a little bit and makes us feel less alone. So much love and many blessings to you ♥
Youre so hardworking, a break sometimes is okay. I used to wonder how you could take care of all of your plants and animals and youtube and life but i realize you are super hardworking and i admire that
Oh gosh thank you so much!! I really do love being productive and keeping a very wide, full, busy life!
Seri I just wanted to say when I read your replies to comments I love how you always use exclamation points! it makes everything fun and exciting and actually kinda gets me in a better mood!!
I wonder if you could do something like... Seri's Silent Sick Days? Where you record yourself doing something relaxing, and upload without any talking. Some quiet little game, or maybe coloring in one of those adult coloring books. :)
@-@ THAT SOUNDS SO RELAXING!! I wonder if it'd be a good kind of semi-ASMR sort of random thing to do? I know a lot of people just want company through the day, so maybe I could take some of the more personal Q&A questions and do some coloring while I answer them and just tell stories in general. I know it may sound a bit wonky but having been on UA-cam for so long I'm learning that there is a group of people like myself who use it for company during the day - a familiar voice that can be doing something calm instead of "HEY GUYS GUESS WHERE WE ARE NOW WOOO" kind of vlogs is very nice too! I will have to think more about that, thank you Palitato!
HA! Not to mention it'd be kind of fun to do coloring pages people could send into me too!
Seri's Greenhouse Ahaha, talking during it defeats the purpose! :P But if you felt up to it that would be a good one to do too! Not like I have a zillion coloring books or anything that I could send your way.... >.>
+Seri's Greenhouse I would totally watch videos where you tell stories and color.
I'm so truly sorry that someone as amazing as you has to suffer with this, Seri. No one deserves an illness, especially one so crippling. I hate to admit it, but every time the topic of it comes up I always get a bit emotional, as it really hits home with what a dearly loved family member of mine is suffering terribly with.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive, haha. It's really hard to deal with, especially when every passing day I'm witnessing his memories and his strength slowly fade away and I know there's nothing I can do for him...but your positive attitude towards it all, especially when you're suffering from a chronic illness yourself, helps more than you could ever know. I'm honestly not sure where I'd be if I didn't have your wonderful influences to rely on these days, so thank you! =)
Oh Jaquelin, thank you!! You aren't being too sensitive - you are you and knowing that hearing about this effects you that way actually brings tears to my eyes too. I don't share to ask for pity or evoke sad emotions in anyone - in fact, the opposite! For me, being so open with this is to share an inside look to what life can be like this way and help people understand the literal faces of invisible illnesses a bit better - not to mention to maybe speak out quietly to the people like me who feel a bit alone with it sometimes. Feeling so isolated in "But I'm young! I should be healthy! But I have all this creative energy and my body won't obey me in helping it come out!" can be suffocating, so being able to open my heart like this heals me on these "kitten days" more than I can really say.
But don't ever let it get you down - the other thing I try to show is that I'm taking a different path than frustrated sadness about it. I'm trying, even now on my worst days, to see the silver lining and to share joy with people. I watched my Mom lose her spark for life because she chose a different path and wasn't able to keep the joy in her heart alive, so I'm determined to face everything with a smile and the courage to tell people how beautiful life can be, even when it can be hard. To be honest I guess I hope that one day I will find the "magic" of being able to share the secret with her, too, and she can find happiness as well. But that rambles into the very deep side, eep!
But please don't ever feel you have to justify or validate your emotions - they are yours and they are a beautiful part of the song of life! I'm probably too tired to make sense, but when I learned I could "listen" to my emotions but not be controlled by them - more, listen and observe and enjoy the sensations, even if they weren't always good ones, and think about why they were there and where they were coming from - then life became such a beautiful experience for me. Now even when my heart is breaking I don't feel overwhelmed - I feel grateful for hearing this part of the song and can appreciate that the pain, just like all the other songs, will eventually wind down and a new tune will start up in time. I want to live and experience a full life and accepting that means accepting the full range of the joy and sorrow I'll experience too.
+Seri's Greenhouse I feel like I've said this so many times already, but thank you so much Seri. It really is all because of you that I'm trying so hard to change the way I view illnesses - whereas years ago I would've wallowed in the sadness and helplessness without even trying to pick myself up and out of that deep black hole of self despair. I still do, on occasions, find that I'll berate myself over situations that I know I have no control over, and will often think "Life is cruel, there's nothing I can do to help those people who need it most and it's not fair" but more and more often I've been able to halt those thoughts and direct my attention to all the "good" in life and what it has to offer, and it's because my eyes have been opened to other ways of seeing the world and everything in it.
When I first stumbled across your main channel and thought "Oh, this person seems fun!" I never would've thought in a million years that I'd find someone who could literally change my entire outlook on life in a mere matter of months!! So when I say thank you (even if to a point of being excessive) I 100%, wholeheartedly mean it! I'm in a much better place - mentally - than I was at the start of this year and it really IS all because of you.
Its so beautiful
I'm graduating college tomorrow. (BA in English woot woot!) I'm not really sure what i'm going to do with that degree yet. But it means i've graduated three times now (High school in 2010 and I also got a two year general studies degree from my local community college in...2013.) By birthday is next month (i'll be 24) and one of my friends reminded me that that means i've made it a whole nother year so that's really good :D. And lastly you inspired me to go out and get a whole bunch of bird photos yesterday :D. I sat out in my yard yesterday evening for like two hours and took a bunch of photos. It was really cool to see how close the birds got to me when I was trying to be super quiet and not move too quickly.
That is SO COOL!!! :D :D Congrats on graduating!!! It is a huge achievement and represents so many days of hard work, study, and showing up! ~(^O^)~ Also happy early birthday and YAY for bird pictures!!!!
+Seri's Greenhouse Thank you! :D once I get a chance to go through the photos I think I might send you copies of the nicer ones via e-mail or something. (Was considering sending you something for awhile now. Almost attempted Warriors fan art but I'm not really confident enough in my drawing skills for that. Ah maybe I'll see if I can pull off some fan fiction at some point.)
I would LOVE seeing that!! :D :D
Oh, I do have a joyful thing to share (It's sort of sad too because it means my life has to change SO MUCH OH MY GOSH).
So, backstory-
For a long long long time (like since I was 13 or 14) I have believed that I had some sort of Lactose Intolerance, and maybe more recently IBS.
I've been to doctors to try and figure it out, and they would give me different diets to do, and no matter what, I always ended up with the same problems...
Randomly, no matter what kind of food I was eating- I would have horrible, terrible stomach issues.
It was like playing Russian Roulette with my food.
I avoided Dairy (though couldn't keep away from chocolate I COULDN'T STOP MYSELF. IT'S MY INNER CHIPS.), I would never order anything new at Restaurants, and in fact I would rarely feel like eating out anywhere or in fact eating at all.
I started to cringe any time I got hungry because I knew I'd have to spin that wheel of chance with my food and see if it would make me sick or not.
I could eat a sandwich one day and be fine, and two days later have the same thing and be horribly sick for an hour afterward.
Then, I actually got sick. Not bad, just a bit of a sinus cold... but I wanted to get better- FAST. So I cut out everything but water to drink, and stuck to nothing but chicken soup and crackers for about three days...
I got better. I started eating other food again... and the moment I had a soda- I got -sick again!-
So I experimented... and I read labels... and I googled... and I think I have finally, finally, FINALLY figured out what all those doctors couldn't come up with.
I HAVE FRUCTOSE MALABSORBTION, SERI.
I'm not lactose intolerant AT ALL.
The past week I have had cream cheese and milk in cereal and hot chocolate, and chocolate milk (and I know you're Vegan, I'm sorry but OH MY GOSH I CAN HAVE MILK AGAIN).
It means I have to cut soda out of my life almost completely- and avoid lots of different fruits and be SUPER CAREFUL about what kind of foods I eat... BUT I FIGURED IT OUT!
It's been a full week now and I haven't been sick ONCE after eating!! It's almost strange not to feel apprehensive about food! And thankfully, with a bit of extra glucose in my diet- I should be perfectly good to go!
I'm so happy for you! I'm lactose intolerant and lactose is clearly what gives me most of my serious stomach aches (but I can't stay away from chocolate ^o^) but I also have some 'mystery ones'. Nowhere near as severe as yours but I'll probably experiment like you did to nail down what, besides lactose, is bloating me so horribly.
Oh Katie, I'm so SO SO happy to hear that!!! Oh my gosh, reading through what it has been like for you was surreal - it was like before I realized I needed to avoid wheat. That sense of "am I going to feel WORSE after eating than I do going hungry?" was a daily presence in my life and until I cut out cereal and toast from my morning routine (cheap and easy food for a big family on a small budget) when I was in my 20s I had NO IDEA you could start the day with energy and not feeling bloated, foggy-headed, and with a headache!
I'm almost in tears I'm so happy for you - I KNOW that sense of relief when you finally realize it wasn't all just in your head, there really WAS something that was making you feel awful and it was in the food all along. I still feel that sense of relief from being able to eat and NOT hurt when I make my oatmeal or eat gluten-free muffins - that surreal sense of, "Yay, I don't hurt and food is actually helping me!" just stays for such a long time. I'm so so happy for you!!! Especially fructose malabsorbtion!! That is a VERY tricky one - I remember studying it in nursing school and not many people think about it in an era where pointing fingers at dairy or wheat is more common.
My best friend is Gluten free, so I've seen how much of a struggle it is for her to find food! Thankfully I seem to have a fairly mild form of the Fructose Malabsorbtion- it should be easy enough to balance with a glucose suppliment. :D FOOD IS SO YUMMY AGAIN. xD
I watched the latest episode of steven universe and it was amazing!
Ooh that reminds me I wanted to do a little "react" series to that - maybe I'll do a review about the things I love about the series before the next Steven Bomb hits! :D
I know how you feel Seri, Im young and I cant run for long periods of tome without coughing and taking a rest. Dont overdew it seri, It doesn't do good for any of us.
Time*
Oh thank you so much!!