“And it was so hard, but it was a lot easier than what I had been doing” literally paused the video and said YUP out loud. Thanks for putting words to it ❤️
With my first, with zero support, I also experienced these struggles. I received a hand pump from the hospital that I went home with, and I ultimately exclusively hand pumped for the first several weeks of my daughters life. It was the hardest thing I've ever done... Exhausted, waking up before baby to pump enough before she was awake and crying for it... My husband didn't know how to help and we were pretty poor... Totally unable to buy an electric pump. That feeling of failure still haunts me 12 years later. I was able to successfully breastfeed my next two children and I'll always feel bad that I didn't experience the same connection and feeling of being able to provide for my first daughter. Being a mom can be so hard.
Thank you for this video! I no longer feel so alone. My preemie (29 weeks)came home breastfeeding but also struggled when my milk regulated. I got two weeks of breastfeeding her and now am exclusively pumping. It's hard to not feel like a failure for not being able to breastfeed directly. I've only told my sisters and mom so it can be really hard when everyone who's trying to encourage me (about the health of my preemie) says "oh breastfeeding is this magical thing that will strengthen your baby - she'll catch up in no time". I become filled with shame. My baby is 4 months old now and doing well - she has outgrown her newborn clothes!
I resonated with so much of this video! I am five weeks postpartum with my first child and his severe jaundice early on, a shallow latch, and continued sleepiness thereafter has made it difficult for us to BF. We’ve been EPing for about 2-3 weeks. You hit the nail on the head by describing how cathartic it is to talk about it (especially with other mamas!) and explaining the innate desire to feed our babies the way our bodies are designed to. You put into words the pain that I am feeling with not being able to BF and even the huge struggle I am having to pump. The stress and anger I have with all of this is holding back my ability to pump and get a letdown-like at all! Ugh. This is So much harder and more disappointing than I thought it would be.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I cried so much watching it because all I ever wanted was to have a natural birth and breastfeed. I am a first time mum with an 11 day old who I have to exclusively pump for, and the emotional side has been the hardest--especially when people just tell you to nurse and you have to explain your story without sobbing. I had been induced for being overdue and then ended up having an emergency c-section (the one thing I never wanted) and it was so traumatic. I live in my husband's home country and don't speak the language (Portuguese) that well yet, and having to be alone during the surgery due to the pandemic with people you can barely understand, and then waking up while they were stitching me up has been so hard and I think it's why didn't have any milk for 5 days. Then even when my milk came in, I have flat nipples and my baby can't latch. So I bought three different types of silicon nipples and tried to nurse but my nipples just bleed and he is never satisfied (he is huge being born at 10 pounds). Pumping and then feeding him is the only way he gets enough to eat, but even then the nurses at the clinic criticize me for not fighting through the pain and making him nurse. Your story made me feel so much better because you are an expert and went through such hardship, which gave me hope that it wasn't my fault that I couldn't breastfeed
I cried along with you. I'm literally going through this with my baby currently. Exclusively pumping has been exhausting but I am still thankful that I am able to feed my baby.
I’m going through the same thing and I thought I was the only one I felt like a failure as a mother that I couldn’t take the pain to feed my baby but it is emotionally and physically exhausting when he doesn’t get full from my breast so I’ve been EP as well and that has been hard for me but I’m glad he’s getting my milk even if it is through a bottle I wish I could have that bond with him while feeding him my breast but I look into his eyes when I bottle feed and imagine he still feels some what of a bond with mommy
I am a nurse as well. I have been going through the same thing. I have a 2 week old with a tongue tie that was just released. He is unable to latch any longer...I cry every time I pump. I'm able to give him 90% breast milk and supplement 2oz formula a day. I so badly wanted to exclusively breast feed. I didnt need to pump with my last child so I know how beautiful that bond feels however my baby is suffering less since I stopped breastfeeding exclusively. I appreciate this video so much...it can feel lonely and it helps to know that I'm not alone in this....a healthy child is the goal. Fed is best. Thank you.
I cannot thank you enough for making this video. My daughter was born a month early but seemed healthy and I was so excited to breastfeed her and she latched right away! I nursed her for two days in the hospital, but by the 3rd day she had lost 12% of her birth weight and the doctors told me it was because she was burning too many calories when I nursed her. I began pumping but also trying to latch her for the first two months. Every time she would either pop off and scream or just fall asleep before eating enough. Just as you described, I got obsessive about her weight and couldn’t sleep, but was exhausted from nursing, pumping, feeding the bottle and nursing again. Eventually I made the decision to exclusively pump, for my sanity and her health. She’s now four months old and growing slowly but well! It turns out she has an extremely weak sucking reflex and we will be getting speech therapy soon! Sorry this was so long but I just felt so seen when watching this video and cried with you. We have to do what’s best for our babies, even when it’s so hard.
I had to cry when watching and reading comments, because I had struggled the first month and a half. My daughter was so sleepy, that we could not wake her up to feed and she started losing weight at home. I could get just about 1 oz pumping for 40 mins after trying to breastfeed. It became so stressful that I was absolutely horrified before every feeding session. It became my nightmare. Anyway, we started supplementing with formula as I had no success pumping. Somehow managed to keep mainly breastfeeding now at 4 months, but give her a bottle occasionally if I need to be out. Just feeling sad that I didn't enjoy being with my baby in the beginning when she was so tiny and fragile. Thank you so much for letting me see how many women feel the same.
My sister sent me this video and I am so glad she did. I too exclusively pump. After trying to have a home birth, my son's heart rate kept dropping and concerning my midwife so we transferred me to the hospital. My body, after 12 hours of labor with minute long contractions coming every 2-3 minutes since labor started, would not dilate fast enough as I was only at 3cm by that time. Since his heart rate dropped below 100 bpm, it was quickly decided I needed a c-section. Being transferred to the hospital was the first blow, and not having a chance to process needing a c-section was the second blow. I had had meconium in my uterus and his oxygen was low, so he was taken to NICU. I did not get to meet or see my son until 4 hours after delivery. And that was the next blow. So here I am with everything I did not want to happen, happening. When I finally met him and tried to breastfeed, he had a hard time latching so the nurse got frustrated with both my son and I and gave me a nipple shield. He had a hard time with that as well but he was trying. The nurse had no patience with us and that really hurt our learning to breastfeed. The night nurse took it upon herself to feed my son formula without asking me. The lactation specialist saw me once, not while breastfeeding mind you, said she would be back and never came again. The next day, a new nurse had zero patience and pushed formula so hard on us that that is what he ate that day. That night, the nurse was nice enough to show me how to pump and use the colostrum to feed him. It was downhill from the start. We were threatened with having to be readmitted into the hospital if we couldn't get him to gain weight. I tried at home so hard to get him to feed, but like you, he would sleep and get so frustrated with my milk flow that he would scream his head off until he exhausted himself to sleep. I had so many break downs until I finally couldn't take seeing my sweet angel so upset and not getting what he needed that I would just pump. It is so absolutely devastating and I want to thank you for making this video. For being a first time mom, I have really struggled with my birth and postpartum experience. But I have a happy, healthy, beautiful baby boy that my husband and I both love and cherish. And he is stil able to get my breast milk which is all I can ask for. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
This breaks my heart to see you breakdown, but totally understandable! But oh my gosh you sound like the BEST mom your babies could have that you care so deeply!! And you donate milk as well??! Amazing. Seriously be so proud. Happy for you that it all worked out
Keep going mommas!!! I'm a 1st time mom & I'm on my 5th month of exclusively pumping for baby 💕 Baby never latched, the lactation consultant was in trainings, & the nurses were so under staffed they didn't have time to teach me 😔. I supplemented with formula for 1 month & since then it's been all pumping👶 Thank you UA-cam for being my teacher ❤
This is almost exactly what I’m going through right now with my boy Leo...he’s almost 3 months. I’m having all these feelings. It’s so overwhelming. I’m glad I’m not alone. And thank you for being an inspiring & strong woman & mother.
You are so beautifully human. I watch all of your new uploads and so many of your old videos too, and I just feel you are one of the few real mamas on this platform. 💕
Im a first time mom with a 1 week old and breastfeeding her has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. She lost a lot of weight so we are constantly coming in for weigh ins and the stress of feedings has overwhelmed me so much I feel like I can’t enjoy being her mom in these early weeks because I’m so fixated on breastfeeding and trying to pump a supply for when I go back to work and also trying to give her pumped milk through a dropper. I sleep 3 hours a night and cry constantly. Thank you for this video. I’m learning that being a mother means making hard choices so you can be present for your baby.
I know you wrote this comment a month ago, but I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. You have been working so hard to provide you baby with breastmilk. The stress of feedings when things don’t go as planned can be overwhelming. You are doing an amazing job for you sweet girl! 💗
I didn’t even make it a week breastfeeding. Too stressful, too much anxiety, it drove me crazy and made me super depressed. Exclusively pumping was freeing, and it worked. I felt immediately better.
It’s weird to me that people make it look like it’s not the same, I never saw a difference between breastfeeding and pumping until it was brought up in a discussion where a mom was saying your not breastfeeding when you pump and I was like excuse me? Oh my goodness how ridiculous some of these mom groups can be and how judgmental the breastfeeding community can be at times. To me it’s the same your feeding your baby from the milk that comes from your breast. To each their own I guess but how obsessed some people are with the topic is weird, if your baby is getting your breast milk to me that’s a win and should be celebrated as such 👏🏼🙌🏼
I went through a similar experience but i wasn't able to pump much milk either so I had to give formula. This was a very hard decision but I realized I was driving myself crazy instead of enjoying being a mom.
My mum was unable to breastfeed me because of my latch, it was extremely painful for her, years went on and i had to go to speech therapy when i was around 7 because I was unable to pronounce some sounds and I got bullied really bad. The therapy didn't help and i continued to have bad speech and be bullied untill i was around 13 and I realised I couldn't stick my tongue out very much, I done research and realised I had a tongue tie, told my mum went to the doctors and the doctor immediately referred me to get the procedure done. Both me and my mum were so angry that it went unnoticed throught my life especially after visiting numerous doctors that had all said there was nothing physically wrong with my mouth and being labelled a "lazy speaker". It was definitely painful to recover from but I ended up having to get the procedure done again a couple months later and then I went to speech therapy again. So to all you mums feeling guilty about putting your baby through pain from the procedure just know that you saved them from years of frustration, bullying and having to remember that pain. Your baby is thanking you 💕
I exclusively pumped for my preemie twins for 4 months. How much I wished I could just put them to breast every night, but their latch was too shallow and they would get tired and fall asleep without transferring enough milk. Then we struggled with acid reflux. I tried cutting out dairy and soy, but when you already exclusively pump with twins and work a full time job, feeding yourself is already a struggle - and a special diet was just a bridge too far. We went to a hypoallergenic formula, and it made me feel guilty for a time, but our stress as a family was lifted by the change. No more stressing over pumping enough for two babies and our dwindling freezer stash. Washing pump parts, finding time between feedings to pump, etc. It was the best decision for us. I wish there was more awareness for those of us who couldn't breastfeed because the judgement around the phrase "Breast is Best" isn't helpful to those of us who can't. It leads the the guilt and the judgement we're all feeling.
You are amazing! I feel you ! From an exclusive pumper all the way from Israel..As a first time mom giving birth in crazy covid time, and BF didn't work at all, I was so innocent I didn't even know EP exists I actually thought I am one of the few..I am still on my crazy pumping journey,7.5 months of EP and I can I truly understand how you feel. You are amazing!
I'm so thankful to you for making this video and sharing your feelings! They resonate so much with mine. Me and my son went through pretty much the same situation. The difference was that he was angry and crying all the time instead of being sleepy (but he was never a good sleeper in the beginning). We couldn't figure out what the problem was. I kept putting him to breast and he was just sitting it out, so I thought he was just full. He would nurse a bit, then would cry and spit it out. It took us a couple of days to figure out he was just hungry. We realized it when he ate a bottle full of formula and slept soundly probably the first time in days. Remembering those first 2 months of his life I shudder...I was depressed from lack of sleep, lack of personal time, frustration with breastfeeding. At that point I made a decision to exclusively pump and I've been going strong for 6 months now, I'm so very proud of this victory... It did take a long time to bring my supply up after he wasn't nursing properly. It was very hard at the beginning with 8 sessions a day, but so much easier now with just 4. Sometimes life doesn't meet our expectations, but as hard as it is, we can adjust to make the best out of the situation. Our children are still getting the best nutrition, and that's what matters. It is a hard path, but we're tough too! I feel your pain, Elizabeth, thank you for sharing and much love to you and your family!
Thank you for this video. I had supply issues with my first and we used an SNS for the first 6 weeks with him before going fully to formula. It caused post partum depression and was the one thing I wanted to do differently with our second. Fast forward 6 years, after a trying high risk pregnancy and early delivery due to my type 1 diabetes messing with my placenta we welcomed our second child at 36 weeks 0 days to the world on the 13th of January. I started with lactation and pumping in the hospital. My supply started to get better and he was latching successfully. I was so hopeful this time my milk would come in. The night before we went home his blood sugar crashed and he had to supplement with formula. Had it not gotten better by the third test that night he would have been transferred to the NICU. Thankfully it went back up but we began having trouble staying latched. He was losing weight and was expending so many calories not getting what he needed. After we came home he continued to lose weight and we were supplementing with formula. Every 2 hours we nursed for 20 minutes, then gave him a bottle, followed by pumping with our hospital pump. 30 minutes later we did it all again. We’ve had 2 lactation appointments and can’t even get a weighted feed because he won’t latch for long, is super sleepy and lethargic. Our lactation appointment confirmed what I thought that my supply was probably not going to come in. I’m getting 5 ml per side when pumping. We were told to look at exclusive pumping instead of nursing and it’s so depressing and frustrating. It was the one thing I really wanted to be different and was so hopeful, now just crushed. It’s good to know we’re not alone.
I'm a year late watching this, but thank you for talking about PPD and normalizing the use of medication. There is still so much stigma and it's so important to open conversations about this.
Thank you for posting this video. My almost 5 month old struggled in these exact same ways and while our breastfeeding journey turned out a little bit different the struggles you described are so relatable. I didn't realize that the stress and anxiety that I had been feeling over his weight gain and breastfeeding in general could have been PPD related until your video so thank you for sharing your story. I have been EXTREMELY anxious about going through all of it again for another baby but hearing your story and all of the women that have commented on this video already has reassured me in a way I cannot describe. I absolutely love your videos and your channel and all the information (and inspiration) you provide!
My newborn son also has a tongue tie and couldn’t latch. Granted I noticed on bottles he requires an extremely long nipple to successfully latch and my body is just not built that way. I’ve been pumping milk for him every day and still not getting a lot yet but as you said, it’s hard but it’s the best decision for my baby and my mental health. I remember the first week he was born sobbing while pumping because I felt my body had failed me again, as he was conceived with Letrozole (thank you PCOS). I hope you can take pride in the fact that you did what is right for you and Holden. It bothered me when people would ask if I was breastfeeding but now, I can confidently tell them I’m pumping to increase supply and for the time being supplementing with formula when needed. Thank you for sharing your story! ❤️
I watched this with tears in my eyes because you are so genuine and so so so incredible. I understand how hard this is because I went through it, and even gave up EPing at only 3 months with my second because of PPD and other issues that come with it. But it was the best thing I could have done for my mental health. Even though it was the best thing for us, I still carry it with me and he’s a thriving almost 3 year old now. You’re a wonderful mother Elizabeth. Give yourself some of the kindness that you give to other mamas. Fed is best, and you are doing amazing. Thank you for all of your videos, especially this one 💗
My daughter is 9 months, and I'm just now learning that exclusive pumping is a thing. It has been hell for us both, and very emotionally taxing. Thank you so much for sharing, and being raw with us.
You are truly an inspiration Elizabeth. I'm so sorry you went through this hardship but I'm glad it gave you the strength to share your story with all the other mamas with a similar story. I followed your channel before I was anywhere close to pregnancy and cannot wait to rewatch all your videos now that I am pregnant. And I love most of all that your baby is a little chunker.
Thank you for this video. My first baby is due in January and I am praying breastfeeding goes well. I have said in conversations with my mom a few times that I am trying to keep my mindset on just doing what's best and what works well, because I know it can be so difficult for some women, and every time she says "oh you won't have any problems breastfeeding, it's not hard." While I know she is just trying to be encouraging, that mindset is so frustrating because it makes me feel like if I do have to do something different, I will have done something wrong. This video is so encouraging to every mom out there!
I went through everything- literally everything you went through in 8 weeks. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We finally met with IBCLC and OT and started nursing, pumping, and bottle feeding. It’s been 8 months and we still pump and have been surviving. I’m so proud of you!!! It’s not easy at all!!! You’re sticking to your guns and making breastfeeding happen. Even though there’s a pump and bottles involved, you’re still giving baby that milk. You should be so proud!!
Thank you for being open and sharing this. I had a lot of trials and difficulties in establishing a nursing relationship with my baby (I’m a FTM). I won’t go into all of that, but I ended up exclusively pumping, and weeks later came to the conclusion to be content to EP and not try nursing anymore. I decided I had suffered enough and that the emotional cost to me to get him to nurse wouldn’t be worth it. He is well fed, happy, and pumping has become part of my routine. We’re at almost 4 months now. 💕
My daughter and I had to triple feed for a few weeks. I can’t imagine how difficult it is when you have another baby. So sorry you couldn’t have the journey you hoped for with your son, I imagine it’s heartbreaking, but I’m also so glad you were able to feed him still from your own body!
Thank you for sharing! I’m currently breastfeeding my second and never understood why someone would choose to exclusively pump and didn’t realize everything that can go into the decision. People being vulnerable and sharing things like this can help us mamas to understand our differences and root for each other as we walk on different paths. So glad you are here educating us all!
My son was born at 26 weeks, I have been exclusively pumping for 6 months tomorrow. He got a trach and gtube almost 3 weeks ago. He always takes feeds really well, hr loves his binki and I am still really hopeful that when we start working on oral feeding that it will go really really well and we will be able to nurse, but if not I am still so happy that I can provide for him and my pump is one of my favorite items because of how it helps me take care of him.
I’m crying with you. Because my first baby this is almost exactly what I went through. The terror of the dry diaper was so relatable. I went on to exclusively pump almost a year before I got pregnant with twins who both nursed so easily for 14 months. I also had severe post partum depression even becoming suicidal- struggling and crying every day wanting to not fail my baby. I ended up having to go to the hospital with my mental health and the nurses who helped me were so wonderful. I finally decided to exclusively pump; I never had to supplement with formula but it’s insane what mamas go through with breastfeeding because every baby is so different. It’s so emotional and people who don’t go through it doesn’t understand. After I breastfed the twins I realized that with my first it wasn’t my fault just the circumstances. And man that felt so validating. I really needed this v idea as a first time mom. Now I’m giving birth in a few weeks to baby number 4 knowing that if it works or if I pump I will ve doing my very best and that’s all that matters. I feel your pain and understand it very well and want to give u a hug just watching this. Thanks for sharing ❤️
Wow, my story is so similar. It’s easy for me to say this to you although I deal with the same thoughts and emotions, you did amazing! Your son doesn’t mourn the lack of bf relationship, he just knows his mommy loves him so much! I totally get it. I feel for you. You are such a loving mommy, awesome job! How amazing we live in a time with the resources we have to pump as an option!
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been crying nonstop trying to decide if i should go with EP and let go of breastfeeding but it feels excruciating in a way.. my baby also had a posterior tongue tie and lip tie and everything has taken a toll on me and him. It was comforting to know I’m not the only one..
Thanks for sharing your story. My baby also was a super sleepy breast feeder and wasn't gaining weight. The health nurse was visiting us every second day which really ruined our parental leave time as we couldn't visit my parents or my husband's parents who live far away. We were breast feeding, pumping, then bottle feeding what I pumped. It was a 24 hour a day operation and I was exhausted both physically and mentally. We finally added formula. Now our little girl, at almost three months, is alert and chubby!
So glad you found a feeding solution that worked well for you and babe. It can be so exhausting and overwhelming in the early days when things don’t go as planned. 💗
You gave me so much clarity in this video of what happened with my firstborn. Thank you for sharing your story❤️ You’re a real Momma Bear! You did the right thing❤️
Thank you for this. I'm breastfeeding my third and never understood why someone would EP. I didn't realize how emotional that decision is. It's a feat of extreme tenacity and I applaud you. P.S. your makeup is gorgeous.
Thank you for watching and for your kind words. I honestly never understood how someone could do it either until it was me. Hoping that sharing my story can be helpful for those going through it and for others to help them understand what it’s like for us EPers.
When I went back to work after my baby - at 3months ... my coworker asked me why I wasn’t breast feeding... I snapped at her out of hurt and anger. I was like - because I want to! But really... inside - I was greatly hurting at not being able to... and not knowing how i could possibly explain that on the spot to someone... especially with how greatly personal and emotional it is. I made it my mission to never ask. I don’t care to know unless someone tells me. Truly, a baby who is fed is the happiest.
@@marissalorraine8700 It annoys me that moms even question other moms. 1. It's non of your business. They have a reason and whatever it is, is their right. 2. You don't know what they've been or are going through.
Thank you so much for sharing. I have been watching your videos when I was pregnant and now that my baby girl is 2 months old, while pumping! For different reasons I had to switch to EPing. It was a really hard decision at the time and I relate so much with your story, especially when everybody advise you to go with formula. I wish there was more information and support on EPing, that's why I think your past 2 videos are so important! Additionally, Mothers should know they can donate their milk oversupply to premature babies. This has helped me make peace with EPing, knowing that other babies will also benefit from my milk at such a vulnerable age.
My daughter and I went through something similar, after 6 months of pumping we finally got her back to breast. Its such an emotional thing, I’ve been in the same shoes and I’m so proud of the mommas that have to pump especially if it wasn’t their first choice. Pumping is so hard but so rewarding when you know they’re getting all they need.
My 2-week old has tongue-tie and we have to wait for insurance to go through before we can even schedule... Eyeroll. He's successfully latched only 6 times and he usually falls asleep within a couple of minutes. So... I have been pumping around the clock to keep him bottlefed. We try au naturale once or twice a day, but it's so disheartening...if I don't time it perfectly he gets so frustrated. Annnd, I haven't been able to get my supply past his demand yet, so most bottles are 25% formula. It's not how I thought things would go, but my baby is fed and I just have to keep reminding myself that feeding him is what is most important.
Thanks for sharing! I know this is hard to talk about, but I'm sure that a bunch of women watching this are going through the exact same struggle. And you did amazing! Don't get me wrong, breastfeeding is fantastic and also hard af for a lot of people. But the happiness healthiest babies have moms who are also healthy (mentally and physically!) and if that means pumping or formula, so be it! That's perfectly ok! The kids are just fine. I'm glad you have the love and support you need, and wishing the same to everyone in 2020 ❤
I am currently in a very similar situation to you, and am feeding my baby on the breast and pumping and feeding him the pumped milk too. It is exhausting. You’ve inspired me to contact my local pediatric dentist to see if my baby has a tongue or lip tie. We’ve had three visits to the lactation specialist in the 12 days he’s been alive and it’s a lot.
Honestly I wish I could just give you the biggest hug ever. You are so strong for pumping that much it can really work on your mental and emotional health. You are such a good mommy
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! That mommy guilt is no joke. When I had my baby I just couldn't produce enough milk. I tried everything, lactation consultants, pumping, teas and cookies that are supposed to help with milk supply. Nothing I did worked and I would just cry and I truly believed that I had to be the worst mom in the world because I couldn't even do something that was supposed to come naturally to my body. My husband would just hold me and remind me that formula babies are still healthy babies and as long as our little guy was fed he would feel how much we loved him. After a while I just had to accept that it wasn't going to happen and turn my focus on being the best mom I can be and isn't that all we can do? No mom is a perfect mom, we just have to do that best with what we have and make sure they are loved above all else.
I can't thank you enough for making this video! This is so similar to my story. I had my son in July, and when he was 2 weeks old he wasn't feeding well and kept losing weight, down to 5% on the curve. Every feed was a nightmare trying to get him to wake up, and he would get frustrated, and I basically spent my first month with my son being a weepy mess. Turns out he did have a tongue and lip tie that we had released pretty soon, but even after that he wasn't feeding very well. I think due to this my supply never fully regulated, and still to this day my supply isn't enough for him. When he was 4 weeks old I started exclusively pumping, and even though it truly was the best decision for myself and my son, I still feel so much guilt about not being able to feed him at the breast, and not having enough of a supply to feed him. I wonder if I had kept at it then maybe it would have worked out, but am trying to let these feelings go. When I knew I was switching to EP and fed him at the breast one last time, I cried so hard. Today we are still EP'ing and supplementing with formula, and I will continue to go as long as I can, and my son is thriving and happy (and fat lol!). Thank you so much for sharing your story and letting others share our stories as well, it definitely makes me feel less alone!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is so similar to ours so I was crying watching this. My baby is 4 weeks old and I’ve lost count of how many appointments we’ve been to for craniosacral, lactation, pediatric PT, etc. I cry every day about not being able to breastfeed my baby... But I find this video (and your others!) very inspiring.
Wow... you are... SUCH a good mom. Seriously. This whole video screams that. Both of your kids are so lucky to have you as a mom. To have someone who cares so much for them that she would agonize over these things, see so many specialists for so long, worry so much, put her mental health at risk... that’s some serious selfless love. Your pain in this video is palpable, but even more so is your love for your kids. Be proud of that please.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I do love my kiddos something fierce, and I know all mamas work hard to do what they think is best for their babies. 💗💗
This is literally me. Except my little one was in the NICU for so long that he can’t control during the feed and choked every time he nurses. I also did the nurse a little, pump, feed just to feel like I wasn’t a bad mom for not putting him to the breast. This destroyed me and now that I exclusively pump I feel so much better. I’ve yet to figure out a schedule where I’m not pumping while feeding, but it’s still better than the 3 steps I was doing before. I appreciate your transparency in this video and how raw it is!
Thank you so much for sharing this, and I'm sorry it was such a harrowing time. I really appreciate your story; I have a six week old who just won't latch on and stay on. We had been bottle feeding him breast milk alongside trying to feed because that's what they taught us in the special care nursery. After much physical pain and frantic frustration, my husband suggested exclusive pumping. He didn't know that's what it was called, and he had a detachment from the emotions of it that honestly I found helpful. It was only logical to him--feeding wasn't working, so why not do this other way of getting him breast milk? The upside is that my boy gets bottle time with both his parents. My husband absolutely loves feeding our son and really values that time together. Our boy gets plenty of cuddles; and after some frustration I've gotten my supply up. I try to make pumping time as fun as I can by watching videos, such as yours. I value your opinion and so I was so thankful to watch your last video and see that you support exclusive pumping. I am sending you my love and support.
I know this video is a year old, but I just had my son 3 days ago and he's already struggling with latching properly. I felt like a complete failure until I watched this. Thank you for being vulnerable 😭 and sharing your personal story. It gives mom's like me; hope. Thank you mama.
Thank you for sharing Elizabeth. I can empathize. My little guy is my first and I'm exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula to meet his needs. He also has a shallow latch and wasn't transferring well. He has tongue and lips tie but we have yet to get the release done. I'm looking forward to your video on tongue and lips ties. I am so grateful to you for sharing your knowledge and experiences. Stay strong Momma!
I needed this. I have been EPing my six week old after we came home from the hospital with a very shallow latch. I still have hope that I might be able to relatch her, but all of these emotions you brought up mimic mine exactly. I mourn for that breastfeeding relationship I wanted. But, I am thankful to a be able to give her milk now, even if it's a little different than I expected. Thank you, momma. Love to you!
I just watched this, I have 3 boys that I successfully breast fed and I just had my daughter in November, she seemed to be eating great but then we have realized she wasn't gaining weight and it has torn me apart emotionally as you have clearly been through, I really really appreciate your video and honestly I was crying most the video, it just proves we mommas are not alone. Just thank you and thank you and thank you so much!! 💗
You are so brave for sharing your story. Thank you. You will help so many mums with the same strugles. I know its really hard but you done whats best for your baby and you. You are a warrior mum, dont forget it. Have a nice day.
Oh sweet sweet woman. Thank you for your story. Makes me feel not so crazy when I'm going crazy worrying about my kids and trying to do it all correctly. We get upset about these things because we are so driven to do the very best we can for our babies. That looks different from mother to mother but often we want to nurse them 😊 I can only imagine how much work all that pumping and nursing must have been-with a 2 yr old! I also hate comparing my son to my daughter but it's hard not to. It's like the first born lays suck a foundation for us because they changed us so dramatically that we can't help but notice differences. My current struggle is the 4 month sleep regression. My daughter sucked her thumb and settled herself rather easily... This dude wants to nurse at night every 2 hrs
Thank you for this video and your courage. But thank you most for donating your milk. People like You are helping so many adopted children have breast milk and that’s beautiful.
I am pregnant for the third time now. My other children are 9 and 6. It’s so strange being pregnant again after almost 7 years. I am terrified of how breastfeeding will go this time around. With my first I was only 20 years old and knew next to nothing about breastfeeding. My son did not latch well and because of that I gave up. I hated it so much but I also came to terms with it because I would get so frustrated that he didn’t latch and I’d be in tears trying to get him to. Moving forward to my next child, the beginning was rough.. she did latch but I don’t think it was a great latch for the first few weeks because my nipples were SO sore. But I powered through it and she breastfed for 2 years. So I’m really hoping this time goes well because I know what an emotional struggle it is to want it so bad and just not be able to do it. I thank you for sharing your story and shedding light on how emotional this process can be. I’ve been watching your videos for the past couple of hours because you showed up in my recommended, and I’m glad you did! :)
I am starting the baby journey again after 14 years… it was a catastrophe the last time and I had a lot of trauma trying to breastfeed him with no support and a lot of nurses telling me to give up because of my flat nipples… so, this time around I already have the whole setup to feed my baby, even if I have to exclusively pump! I got a manual and an electric pump, a latch assist, a ton of bottles and a bottle warmer. Yes this baby will have my milk, even if I exclusively pump
I am going on 3 months of exclusively pumping and i totally understand how you feel. My son struggled with my let down. He would scream and cry his head off when i would try and latch him. I have donated hundreds of ounces so far to moms that need it. This was easiest for my son even tho its not what i wanted. I am hoping to save up enough that i can stop pumping by 7 months because I hate pumping so much. You definitely aren't alone momma!
Thank you for making this. For being so raw and open with everyone. You've likely helped so many mommas struggling with this same or similar situation. 💓
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My son is now 16 weeks old. After every conceivable ob/gyn emergency i can think of (emergency c-section, endomyometritis, mastitis) he is thriving. He never latched even though he tried so so hard. After we fixed a retrograd tongue tie it was better, but at that point (about 13 weeks) we had our rhythm with exclusive pumping and it became a major stressing point trying to get him to nurse. He is my first, so i don't know another way. But we need to stop feeling guilty for perceived "failures". We are doing the best we can. And you are the best mom Holden can have. Looking after our mental health IS looking out for our babies, too. They need us healthy more than they need to get our milk from the breast rather than a bottle
Thank you for sharing this. I have had difficulty breast feeding all three of my children with very little support from my family in how to fix it. I am expecting my fourth now and am hopeful but not expectant that breast feeding will work this time. I tried to pump with all three and never got a big enough supply. Every time I expected it to work and was told it is so easy but no. It is very hard work to feed your baby and the emotions after birth are so high that it is so easy to feel isolated and alone. Thank you for sharing this so that all of us who haven't had easy breast feeding experiences can have comfort in one another. I finished breast feeding my third baby over a year ago and I still miss the time we spent together and the closeness. I am not sure if I will ever be okay with it but every time I try again and every time I do a little bit better.
You’re so strong! The only thing that matters is health of our children. And you as mama made the right decision. EP is additionalhard work that you do on daily basis, you’re a hero of mine. Me and my son (who is the first child) had issues with weight gaining too. A pediatrist said to give a formula. And it happened in the hospital where I gave birth. It was a nightmare. A nurse was so rude and tried to feed him with formula from bottle by force after breastfeeding. And all that formula was coming out from his mouth, even nose. His latching was great, I had a lot of milk, but his weight gaining was “bad” first 5 days. Now two months later pediatrist says that he is gaining too much 🤦🏻♀️
So much of this resonated with me. I went through something similar over a year ago and I still cry when I think about it. I think it will take me many more years to process the emotional intensity of the experience. Thank you for sharing. It’s so helpful to know I’m not alone.
Thank you for sharing. I Exclusively pumped for my daughter because I had a relapse of an eating disorder during my pregnancy and had so much anxiety around food and feeding. It saved breastfeeding for me and really helped my mental health.
I relate to this SO MUCH and started crying with you through most of it because I feel so many of the same emotions!! I nursed my first 2 past a year, then my 3rd had issues transferring enough and was hospitalized for failure to thrive. I couldn’t figure out why, I have always been a huge breastfeeding advocate and pushing through issues, but this was something I didn’t know how to get past. I was told she had a tongue tie and we got it released when she was a month and tried again, but she was never able to nurse and transfer enough. I pumped for 9 months for her. Then I had baby #4 at 37 weeks. I was already worried about if she would get enough nursing and planned on extra weight checks with the ped to help. However, by 24 hours old she was losing too much weight and I was told to start pumping and feeding her after nursing. I did weight checks before and after nursing and she wasn’t getting much, if anything. I was told she was just small and needed strength. We did SNS for about a month in the hopes she would nurse... but she never was able to. I ended up pumping for her for just over 6 months. I also got PPD with both of these, and I believe everything I went through was a big reason why. Now I’m pregnant with #5 and hopeful but also realistic about expectations. I appreciate you sharing your story with the world so we don’t feel alone! ❤️
I bawled my eyes out. This is EXACTLY my story. Verbatim. She was even born at the beginning of Nov. My daughter is 7 weeks and she is only just now starting to gain enough weight. She was just going straight across the growth chart. I was so stressed and I couldn't sleep and I was weighing her before and after every feed (I rented a medical baby scale). I could never get more than 3oz per pumping session because my storage capacity is so low. I would feed her, pump, wash parts, and then I would have to start all over again. She slept through every feed and there was literally no way to wake her sometimes. I feel you
Believe it or not, you are doing well! My baby is 6 wks... similar issue. He is latching ok today...but refuses to nurse outrightly for days sometimes. The 3 oz you get is actually congruent with your baby's age n tummy volume. You are making just what is needed.
I had a similar experience with my son but it wasn't his latch. It was me. I have flat nipples so between his tongue and lip ties (even though he did have them snipped) and me it just didnt work. It was way too stressful and the routine took way way too long and I was so emotional about the whole thing because I wanted to breastfeed so badly. I didn't respond to the pump well so I ended up losing me supply completely when I tried to exclusively pump. So I had to formula feed my son. I am so thankful for formula so I could feed my child despite it not being my first..or second choice.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm almost 2 weeks postpartum and my son refuses to feed at the breast. I worked with lactation specialist at the hospital and the dr. did fix a tongue tie issue as well but he still refused to feed at the breast. My son gets really fussy and upset with the lack of milk. I'm pretty sure I have a small milk capacity. So I've been pumping and suppling formula when needed. It's been hard and I felt bad for not feeding him at the breast more so since the lactation specialist didn't support this, but it's a better alternative then continuing to try and pushmy son to the breast when he's hungry. He's an impatient eater.
I’m so proud of you! I truly believe you did what you felt was best for your son, and as a fellow mother, I support you! We’re all just trying our best.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It really hit home. I am going through something very similar with my first baby who is now 2 months old. It was so painful to nurse her even after a month that I would dread feeding her and then immediately start crying when she latched on. I wasn’t able to enjoy my sweet baby because of how stressful feeding her was even after seeing a lactation consultant and releasing her lip tie. My supply drastically dropped too so we are now supplementing with formula and I just pump what I can. She is healthy and happy and I am much happier now too.
I've had 4 babies and was never able to breastfeed past 8-10 weeks. I exclusively pumped for my 1st for 9 months, then 6 months for my 2nd. By my 3rd I was very disappointed and discouraged and when I couldn't BF I chose formula for my mental health. When I had our last I was determined that she would get breastmilk exclusively. I was able to EP till her 1st birthday. I love that I was able to give her nature's best. I'm so glad you are making videos about EP. It was a struggle for me to find outside support and ideas when it appeared that EP wasn't very popular. Good for you for making the best decision for your family!
Aweeee I love this so much! Thank you so much for sharing. I had my son at 37 weeks due to preeclampsia, he was 4lbs and 10oz. He was in NICU for 2 weeks and didn’t latch very well. He is also a very sleepy nurser. I still try to nurse him, and some times it works out, others it doesn’t so I pump 99% of the time. I’m so glad I stumbled on this video, I feel so much better about my pumping journey, going on 3 months!
Rock on mama, you are doing an amazing job for your son! I’d still keep trying to latch him. I definitely wish I had done that with my son. Even if they are getting the majority of their milk through pumping, they actually get a good amount of good gut bacteria from mom’s skin and practice good oral movements through nursing too.
Omg, I cried through this vid with you. You are a great mom ... sometimes the hard choice is the best one you can make for your fam. 😢 Stay strong. Your kids are adorable 😍
Thank you soooo much for sharing this....I literally have struggled to put my emotions, the grief, the decision making into words . My baby and I had a beautiful 3 months of breastfeeding and learning how to latch but she still isn't transferring enough milk. I tried even breastfeeding and offering a bottle after but she wasn't interested in the bottle. So I'm coming to terms with EP and bottle feeding since she is able to transfer the milk she needs when it is just the bottle. I needed to see this today. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this! I’m EPing right now and my baby is 4 months old. This is my first and we also had so many feeding issues. I finally gave up trying to nurse at 2 months old. I also struggled deeply with postpartum depression and anxiety. It really helped that our pediatrician also went through this with her first baby as well. I’ve learned a lot and im hoping to breast feed my next child but if it doesn’t happen i’ll know that this way can work. All of my other mom friends don’t think this is a thing and don’t understand why I wont just switch to formula but to me this is important and i have made this work. It’s not what I originally wanted or imagined but It is possible. ❤️
I understand you completely 😭 I’m crying with you. Your strong and you have ever right to cry it’s super hard!!! My daughter was born early she was underweight from the beginning. She had jaundice and she was loosing weight she couldn’t gain any and at the hospital she would fall asleep instead of eat. I gave up breast feeding pumped what I could and even gave her formula and I felt like a mess and once we got home and my milk came in I threw formula out and just exclusively pump and it’s been the beat decision for my family. You have to do what you have to do and don’t care what anybody says. If your providing for your child it doesn’t matter how they get the milk as long as they are healthy and eating.
I have loved all of your videos during my pregnancy. My babe was born 11/19 and your story is echoing our journey. Thank you for sharing as this is something I’m really struggling with.
Hugs and love to you. I also have a really sleepy baby and he would not gain. I felt myself starting to feel the way you described while we were still in the hospital. I’m so glad they made us stay an extra day and told me to try to just pump for the day. We decided I’d exclusively pump because it was working for baby and both of our anxieties.
I’ve been watching your videos since I was pregnant last year and it has been so helpful! I am now a momma to a 3 month old baby boy. I’ve had problems with breastfeeding at the start but have gotten used to the routine of pumping and feeding. Thank you so much for your videos Nurse Zabe ❤️
Wow this is exactly what I just went through with my 4month old. I stopped pumping 2 weeks ago, just couldn't keep going it was effecting my sleep. My bub also had significant weight loss and slow to gain. Tongue tie picked up only at 12 weeks but she had already been refusing to BF. It was such a relief for me to stop trying to BF 🙏 I've never cried so much in my life. I felt the same, exclusively pumping was easier than tormenting myself. I never thought I would ever feel that way about BFing, I had no strong feelings about formula feeding. It suprised me how attached I was to it. It's so heartwarming to hear about all the other women that went through the same experience, I wish I knew that when I was pumping alone in the middle of the night. It's nice to know someone else understands the emotional rollercoaster 🙏❤️
So glad you made this video there’s little content about this on UA-cam! I exclusively pump for my daughter, and have been for 9 months now. My daughter has a cleft lip/palate so there was no way to ever breastfeed. I’m glad I’m not the only one that goes through things like this
As a whole, there is not enough info out there for mamas who have to exclusively pump, whether by choice or necessity. Trying to make our little corner of the internet more inclusive. 💗
Thank you so much for sharing Elizabeth! I was crying with you watching this. I tried so hard to be able to breastfeed our son, I basically tortured myself for 12 months trying to be able to do it, but I just never ever got enough milk. I would spend hours and hours pumping and feeding and had to rely mostly on formula despite it all. (He got very sick as a newborn and we had a long stint in hospital which I think had a detrimental affect on my supply). It still makes me so emotional even though he’s now a toddler. I was not prepared for how hard breastfeeding would be, both in the physical and emotional sense. I pray that when we have our next baby it will be a possibility. Sending love from Sydney Australia xxx
It sounds like you did amazing work to provide for your son! It’s heartbreaking when breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned. Hoping baby #2 gives you an easier go of it! (And sending love and prayers to you guys down in Australia!)
Nurse Zabe it sure is heartbreaking, I never would have guessed how upsetting it was to not be able to do something I assumed would just come naturally! Thanks for your well wishes too, thankfully we are safe. 😘
Omg....l feel you!!! This is so similar to my story!!!! I have a 6 wk old presently. My baby arrived at 38wks on November 17th. I successfully fed 3 daughters before him...only quitting because l was pregnant with the next child. But this baby...my dear dearrrrr boy...a NICU stay, pnuemothorax, pnuemonia, sepsis...and then tongue tie/lip tie revision...he has, in this space of time, done 2 week long NURSING strikes, refusing to breastfeed... falling asleep at the breast ( it is a natural response for some frustrated babies to do that, l have learned)... Ohhhh the tears l have cried. I effortlessly nursed my 3 daughters. I am in the thick of it now. Pumping...feeding him by bottle, celebrating every latch... hoping HOPING his weak suck, improves and that we will have a happily ever after.
My son was very weak when he was born, the midwife on the unit told me that newborns only need a small amount of milk and what I was pumping was enough. Once home he slept and slept, when the community nurse came she tried to feed him water whilst my husband made up a bottle of formula because he was so dehydrated. We were both in tears absolutely gutted. I did try pump but it took me a few days to get a pump so my flow never really established. Plus I felt instantly depressed when I put Aiden or pump to my breast. So glad your healing those emotions, donating milk must be so rewarding.
What a scary experience. So thankful you had a community nurse come to your house to check in on baby. We don’t have anything like that in the United States.
Hey Elizabeth, just wanted to let you know that your videos were very supportive to me as I prepared to give birth for the first time in October. Now that I’m nursing and can relate to this post, I wanted to send you some encouragement; you’re amazing for sharing this experience with us!
Thank you so much for your kind feedback. I love hearing back from mamas who have found something in my videos helpful or encouraging during their labor, postpartum or motherhood journey. 💗
Hugs. I know the feeling. With both my boys neither one of them would latch at all, they just screamed bloody murder every time i tried to feed them. It tore at my heart. My first born the doctors gave up after 3 days and just gave him a bottle and told me i had to give him formula instead (2003, yeah they never said anything about pumping). My second born (2017) they said oh you have flat nips and baby has a tongue and lip tie and that's why he cant latch. However, when they sent me to a specialist she said he didn't have that and that i just need to try harder or pump. At this point was already 2 weeks after birth. The pump from insurance didn't come in for another 4 weeks after that, which i was obviously dried up by then, try as i might. I was devastated that i couldn't feed my children the way nature intended. I thought i was a lesser person or a failure. It was so hard. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with a daughter and she will be my last. The thought of this time not working either breaks my heart so i felt every tear and break in your voice as you spoke, so i understand. Im still going to try what i can, and if i cant, attempt to pump as much as i can (nearly impossible at my job) so baby still gets the good stuff. It just sucks to never have that feeling or early connection with any of your kids. Ya know? But yeah. Hugs to anyone who struggles with this. You're not alone.
“And it was so hard, but it was a lot easier than what I had been doing” literally paused the video and said YUP out loud. Thanks for putting words to it ❤️
❤️❤️
With my first, with zero support, I also experienced these struggles. I received a hand pump from the hospital that I went home with, and I ultimately exclusively hand pumped for the first several weeks of my daughters life. It was the hardest thing I've ever done... Exhausted, waking up before baby to pump enough before she was awake and crying for it... My husband didn't know how to help and we were pretty poor... Totally unable to buy an electric pump. That feeling of failure still haunts me 12 years later. I was able to successfully breastfeed my next two children and I'll always feel bad that I didn't experience the same connection and feeling of being able to provide for my first daughter. Being a mom can be so hard.
Thank you for this video! I no longer feel so alone. My preemie (29 weeks)came home breastfeeding but also struggled when my milk regulated. I got two weeks of breastfeeding her and now am exclusively pumping. It's hard to not feel like a failure for not being able to breastfeed directly. I've only told my sisters and mom so it can be really hard when everyone who's trying to encourage me (about the health of my preemie) says "oh breastfeeding is this magical thing that will strengthen your baby - she'll catch up in no time". I become filled with shame. My baby is 4 months old now and doing well - she has outgrown her newborn clothes!
I resonated with so much of this video! I am five weeks postpartum with my first child and his severe jaundice early on, a shallow latch, and continued sleepiness thereafter has made it difficult for us to BF. We’ve been EPing for about 2-3 weeks.
You hit the nail on the head by describing how cathartic it is to talk about it (especially with other mamas!) and explaining the innate desire to feed our babies the way our bodies are designed to. You put into words the pain that I am feeling with not being able to BF and even the huge struggle I am having to pump. The stress and anger I have with all of this is holding back my ability to pump and get a letdown-like at all! Ugh. This is So much harder and more disappointing than I thought it would be.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I cried so much watching it because all I ever wanted was to have a natural birth and breastfeed. I am a first time mum with an 11 day old who I have to exclusively pump for, and the emotional side has been the hardest--especially when people just tell you to nurse and you have to explain your story without sobbing. I had been induced for being overdue and then ended up having an emergency c-section (the one thing I never wanted) and it was so traumatic. I live in my husband's home country and don't speak the language (Portuguese) that well yet, and having to be alone during the surgery due to the pandemic with people you can barely understand, and then waking up while they were stitching me up has been so hard and I think it's why didn't have any milk for 5 days. Then even when my milk came in, I have flat nipples and my baby can't latch. So I bought three different types of silicon nipples and tried to nurse but my nipples just bleed and he is never satisfied (he is huge being born at 10 pounds). Pumping and then feeding him is the only way he gets enough to eat, but even then the nurses at the clinic criticize me for not fighting through the pain and making him nurse. Your story made me feel so much better because you are an expert and went through such hardship, which gave me hope that it wasn't my fault that I couldn't breastfeed
I cried along with you. I'm literally going through this with my baby currently. Exclusively pumping has been exhausting but I am still thankful that I am able to feed my baby.
Girl. I cried while editing this. So many emotions for sure. 💗
I’m going through the same thing and I thought I was the only one I felt like a failure as a mother that I couldn’t take the pain to feed my baby but it is emotionally and physically exhausting when he doesn’t get full from my breast so I’ve been EP as well and that has been hard for me but I’m glad he’s getting my milk even if it is through a bottle I wish I could have that bond with him while feeding him my breast but I look into his eyes when I bottle feed and imagine he still feels some what of a bond with mommy
I am a nurse as well. I have been going through the same thing. I have a 2 week old with a tongue tie that was just released. He is unable to latch any longer...I cry every time I pump. I'm able to give him 90% breast milk and supplement 2oz formula a day. I so badly wanted to exclusively breast feed. I didnt need to pump with my last child so I know how beautiful that bond feels however my baby is suffering less since I stopped breastfeeding exclusively. I appreciate this video so much...it can feel lonely and it helps to know that I'm not alone in this....a healthy child is the goal. Fed is best. Thank you.
I cannot thank you enough for making this video. My daughter was born a month early but seemed healthy and I was so excited to breastfeed her and she latched right away! I nursed her for two days in the hospital, but by the 3rd day she had lost 12% of her birth weight and the doctors told me it was because she was burning too many calories when I nursed her. I began pumping but also trying to latch her for the first two months. Every time she would either pop off and scream or just fall asleep before eating enough. Just as you described, I got obsessive about her weight and couldn’t sleep, but was exhausted from nursing, pumping, feeding the bottle and nursing again. Eventually I made the decision to exclusively pump, for my sanity and her health. She’s now four months old and growing slowly but well! It turns out she has an extremely weak sucking reflex and we will be getting speech therapy soon! Sorry this was so long but I just felt so seen when watching this video and cried with you. We have to do what’s best for our babies, even when it’s so hard.
I had to cry when watching and reading comments, because I had struggled the first month and a half. My daughter was so sleepy, that we could not wake her up to feed and she started losing weight at home. I could get just about 1 oz pumping for 40 mins after trying to breastfeed. It became so stressful that I was absolutely horrified before every feeding session. It became my nightmare. Anyway, we started supplementing with formula as I had no success pumping. Somehow managed to keep mainly breastfeeding now at 4 months, but give her a bottle occasionally if I need to be out. Just feeling sad that I didn't enjoy being with my baby in the beginning when she was so tiny and fragile.
Thank you so much for letting me see how many women feel the same.
My sister sent me this video and I am so glad she did. I too exclusively pump. After trying to have a home birth, my son's heart rate kept dropping and concerning my midwife so we transferred me to the hospital. My body, after 12 hours of labor with minute long contractions coming every 2-3 minutes since labor started, would not dilate fast enough as I was only at 3cm by that time. Since his heart rate dropped below 100 bpm, it was quickly decided I needed a c-section. Being transferred to the hospital was the first blow, and not having a chance to process needing a c-section was the second blow. I had had meconium in my uterus and his oxygen was low, so he was taken to NICU. I did not get to meet or see my son until 4 hours after delivery. And that was the next blow. So here I am with everything I did not want to happen, happening. When I finally met him and tried to breastfeed, he had a hard time latching so the nurse got frustrated with both my son and I and gave me a nipple shield. He had a hard time with that as well but he was trying. The nurse had no patience with us and that really hurt our learning to breastfeed. The night nurse took it upon herself to feed my son formula without asking me. The lactation specialist saw me once, not while breastfeeding mind you, said she would be back and never came again. The next day, a new nurse had zero patience and pushed formula so hard on us that that is what he ate that day. That night, the nurse was nice enough to show me how to pump and use the colostrum to feed him. It was downhill from the start. We were threatened with having to be readmitted into the hospital if we couldn't get him to gain weight. I tried at home so hard to get him to feed, but like you, he would sleep and get so frustrated with my milk flow that he would scream his head off until he exhausted himself to sleep. I had so many break downs until I finally couldn't take seeing my sweet angel so upset and not getting what he needed that I would just pump. It is so absolutely devastating and I want to thank you for making this video. For being a first time mom, I have really struggled with my birth and postpartum experience. But I have a happy, healthy, beautiful baby boy that my husband and I both love and cherish. And he is stil able to get my breast milk which is all I can ask for. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
This breaks my heart to see you breakdown, but totally understandable! But oh my gosh you sound like the BEST mom your babies could have that you care so deeply!! And you donate milk as well??! Amazing. Seriously be so proud. Happy for you that it all worked out
Keep going mommas!!! I'm a 1st time mom & I'm on my 5th month of exclusively pumping for baby 💕 Baby never latched, the lactation consultant was in trainings, & the nurses were so under staffed they didn't have time to teach me 😔. I supplemented with formula for 1 month & since then it's been all pumping👶 Thank you UA-cam for being my teacher ❤
This is almost exactly what I’m going through right now with my boy Leo...he’s almost 3 months.
I’m having all these feelings. It’s so overwhelming. I’m glad I’m not alone.
And thank you for being an inspiring & strong woman & mother.
Britney well done you!
You are definitely not alone ❤️ great work, Momma! Do what’s best for your baby!
You are so beautifully human. I watch all of your new uploads and so many of your old videos too, and I just feel you are one of the few real mamas on this platform. 💕
I love you for sharing this, thank you, So many momma's need to hear this story.
Im a first time mom with a 1 week old and breastfeeding her has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. She lost a lot of weight so we are constantly coming in for weigh ins and the stress of feedings has overwhelmed me so much I feel like I can’t enjoy being her mom in these early weeks because I’m so fixated on breastfeeding and trying to pump a supply for when I go back to work and also trying to give her pumped milk through a dropper. I sleep 3 hours a night and cry constantly. Thank you for this video. I’m learning that being a mother means making hard choices so you can be present for your baby.
I know you wrote this comment a month ago, but I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. You have been working so hard to provide you baby with breastmilk. The stress of feedings when things don’t go as planned can be overwhelming. You are doing an amazing job for you sweet girl! 💗
I didn’t even make it a week breastfeeding. Too stressful, too much anxiety, it drove me crazy and made me super depressed. Exclusively pumping was freeing, and it worked. I felt immediately better.
It’s weird to me that people make it look like it’s not the same, I never saw a difference between breastfeeding and pumping until it was brought up in a discussion where a mom was saying your not breastfeeding when you pump and I was like excuse me? Oh my goodness how ridiculous some of these mom groups can be and how judgmental the breastfeeding community can be at times. To me it’s the same your feeding your baby from the milk that comes from your breast. To each their own I guess but how obsessed some people are with the topic is weird, if your baby is getting your breast milk to me that’s a win and should be celebrated as such 👏🏼🙌🏼
I went through a similar experience but i wasn't able to pump much milk either so I had to give formula. This was a very hard decision but I realized I was driving myself crazy instead of enjoying being a mom.
My mum was unable to breastfeed me because of my latch, it was extremely painful for her, years went on and i had to go to speech therapy when i was around 7 because I was unable to pronounce some sounds and I got bullied really bad. The therapy didn't help and i continued to have bad speech and be bullied untill i was around 13 and I realised I couldn't stick my tongue out very much, I done research and realised I had a tongue tie, told my mum went to the doctors and the doctor immediately referred me to get the procedure done. Both me and my mum were so angry that it went unnoticed throught my life especially after visiting numerous doctors that had all said there was nothing physically wrong with my mouth and being labelled a "lazy speaker". It was definitely painful to recover from but I ended up having to get the procedure done again a couple months later and then I went to speech therapy again. So to all you mums feeling guilty about putting your baby through pain from the procedure just know that you saved them from years of frustration, bullying and having to remember that pain. Your baby is thanking you 💕
I exclusively pumped for my preemie twins for 4 months. How much I wished I could just put them to breast every night, but their latch was too shallow and they would get tired and fall asleep without transferring enough milk. Then we struggled with acid reflux. I tried cutting out dairy and soy, but when you already exclusively pump with twins and work a full time job, feeding yourself is already a struggle - and a special diet was just a bridge too far. We went to a hypoallergenic formula, and it made me feel guilty for a time, but our stress as a family was lifted by the change. No more stressing over pumping enough for two babies and our dwindling freezer stash. Washing pump parts, finding time between feedings to pump, etc. It was the best decision for us. I wish there was more awareness for those of us who couldn't breastfeed because the judgement around the phrase "Breast is Best" isn't helpful to those of us who can't. It leads the the guilt and the judgement we're all feeling.
4 months is amazing! I can’t imagine finding time to pump and care for twins. Your kiddos are lucky to have you!
You are amazing! I feel you ! From an exclusive pumper all the way from Israel..As a first time mom giving birth in crazy covid time, and BF didn't work at all, I was so innocent I didn't even know EP exists I actually thought I am one of the few..I am still on my crazy pumping journey,7.5 months of EP and I can I truly understand how you feel. You are amazing!
I'm so thankful to you for making this video and sharing your feelings!
They resonate so much with mine. Me and my son went through pretty much the same situation. The difference was that he was angry and crying all the time instead of being sleepy (but he was never a good sleeper in the beginning). We couldn't figure out what the problem was. I kept putting him to breast and he was just sitting it out, so I thought he was just full. He would nurse a bit, then would cry and spit it out. It took us a couple of days to figure out he was just hungry. We realized it when he ate a bottle full of formula and slept soundly probably the first time in days.
Remembering those first 2 months of his life I shudder...I was depressed from lack of sleep, lack of personal time, frustration with breastfeeding.
At that point I made a decision to exclusively pump and I've been going strong for 6 months now, I'm so very proud of this victory... It did take a long time to bring my supply up after he wasn't nursing properly. It was very hard at the beginning with 8 sessions a day, but so much easier now with just 4.
Sometimes life doesn't meet our expectations, but as hard as it is, we can adjust to make the best out of the situation.
Our children are still getting the best nutrition, and that's what matters.
It is a hard path, but we're tough too!
I feel your pain, Elizabeth, thank you for sharing and much love to you and your family!
When you cry in this, I cry. As a fellow momma that just wants the deepest bond with her baby, I empathize with you. You wonderful mommy 🥺💖💜💕
Thank you for this video. I had supply issues with my first and we used an SNS for the first 6 weeks with him before going fully to formula. It caused post partum depression and was the one thing I wanted to do differently with our second. Fast forward 6 years, after a trying high risk pregnancy and early delivery due to my type 1 diabetes messing with my placenta we welcomed our second child at 36 weeks 0 days to the world on the 13th of January. I started with lactation and pumping in the hospital. My supply started to get better and he was latching successfully. I was so hopeful this time my milk would come in. The night before we went home his blood sugar crashed and he had to supplement with formula. Had it not gotten better by the third test that night he would have been transferred to the NICU. Thankfully it went back up but we began having trouble staying latched. He was losing weight and was expending so many calories not getting what he needed. After we came home he continued to lose weight and we were supplementing with formula. Every 2 hours we nursed for 20 minutes, then gave him a bottle, followed by pumping with our hospital pump. 30 minutes later we did it all again. We’ve had 2 lactation appointments and can’t even get a weighted feed because he won’t latch for long, is super sleepy and lethargic. Our lactation appointment confirmed what I thought that my supply was probably not going to come in. I’m getting 5 ml per side when pumping. We were told to look at exclusive pumping instead of nursing and it’s so depressing and frustrating. It was the one thing I really wanted to be different and was so hopeful, now just crushed. It’s good to know we’re not alone.
I'm a year late watching this, but thank you for talking about PPD and normalizing the use of medication. There is still so much stigma and it's so important to open conversations about this.
Thank you for posting this video. My almost 5 month old struggled in these exact same ways and while our breastfeeding journey turned out a little bit different the struggles you described are so relatable. I didn't realize that the stress and anxiety that I had been feeling over his weight gain and breastfeeding in general could have been PPD related until your video so thank you for sharing your story. I have been EXTREMELY anxious about going through all of it again for another baby but hearing your story and all of the women that have commented on this video already has reassured me in a way I cannot describe. I absolutely love your videos and your channel and all the information (and inspiration) you provide!
My newborn son also has a tongue tie and couldn’t latch. Granted I noticed on bottles he requires an extremely long nipple to successfully latch and my body is just not built that way. I’ve been pumping milk for him every day and still not getting a lot yet but as you said, it’s hard but it’s the best decision for my baby and my mental health. I remember the first week he was born sobbing while pumping because I felt my body had failed me again, as he was conceived with Letrozole (thank you PCOS). I hope you can take pride in the fact that you did what is right for you and Holden. It bothered me when people would ask if I was breastfeeding but now, I can confidently tell them I’m pumping to increase supply and for the time being supplementing with formula when needed. Thank you for sharing your story! ❤️
I watched this with tears in my eyes because you are so genuine and so so so incredible. I understand how hard this is because I went through it, and even gave up EPing at only 3 months with my second because of PPD and other issues that come with it. But it was the best thing I could have done for my mental health. Even though it was the best thing for us, I still carry it with me and he’s a thriving almost 3 year old now. You’re a wonderful mother Elizabeth. Give yourself some of the kindness that you give to other mamas. Fed is best, and you are doing amazing. Thank you for all of your videos, especially this one 💗
My daughter is 9 months, and I'm just now learning that exclusive pumping is a thing. It has been hell for us both, and very emotionally taxing. Thank you so much for sharing, and being raw with us.
You are truly an inspiration Elizabeth. I'm so sorry you went through this hardship but I'm glad it gave you the strength to share your story with all the other mamas with a similar story. I followed your channel before I was anywhere close to pregnancy and cannot wait to rewatch all your videos now that I am pregnant. And I love most of all that your baby is a little chunker.
He is so chunky! Thank you for watching and for you kind words. Wishing you are healthy and safe pregnancy and delivery! 💗
Thank you for this video. My first baby is due in January and I am praying breastfeeding goes well. I have said in conversations with my mom a few times that I am trying to keep my mindset on just doing what's best and what works well, because I know it can be so difficult for some women, and every time she says "oh you won't have any problems breastfeeding, it's not hard." While I know she is just trying to be encouraging, that mindset is so frustrating because it makes me feel like if I do have to do something different, I will have done something wrong. This video is so encouraging to every mom out there!
I went through everything- literally everything you went through in 8 weeks. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We finally met with IBCLC and OT and started nursing, pumping, and bottle feeding. It’s been 8 months and we still pump and have been surviving. I’m so proud of you!!! It’s not easy at all!!! You’re sticking to your guns and making breastfeeding happen. Even though there’s a pump and bottles involved, you’re still giving baby that milk. You should be so proud!!
I’m sorry you went through a similar experience. 8 months is amazing too! Thanks for your kind words. 😊💗
Thank you for being open and sharing this. I had a lot of trials and difficulties in establishing a nursing relationship with my baby (I’m a FTM). I won’t go into all of that, but I ended up exclusively pumping, and weeks later came to the conclusion to be content to EP and not try nursing anymore. I decided I had suffered enough and that the emotional cost to me to get him to nurse wouldn’t be worth it. He is well fed, happy, and pumping has become part of my routine. We’re at almost 4 months now. 💕
My daughter and I had to triple feed for a few weeks. I can’t imagine how difficult it is when you have another baby. So sorry you couldn’t have the journey you hoped for with your son, I imagine it’s heartbreaking, but I’m also so glad you were able to feed him still from your own body!
Thank you for sharing! I’m currently breastfeeding my second and never understood why someone would choose to exclusively pump and didn’t realize everything that can go into the decision. People being vulnerable and sharing things like this can help us mamas to understand our differences and root for each other as we walk on different paths. So glad you are here educating us all!
It’s never a choice I would make voluntarily, though some women do. Thank you for listening and being open minded.
My son was born at 26 weeks, I have been exclusively pumping for 6 months tomorrow. He got a trach and gtube almost 3 weeks ago. He always takes feeds really well, hr loves his binki and I am still really hopeful that when we start working on oral feeding that it will go really really well and we will be able to nurse, but if not I am still so happy that I can provide for him and my pump is one of my favorite items because of how it helps me take care of him.
28 weeker, don't ever give up on them. Had my g-tube for 12 years, and I'm going to college soon and finally figured out all my GI stuff
I’m crying with you. Because my first baby this is almost exactly what I went through. The terror of the dry diaper was so relatable. I went on to exclusively pump almost a year before I got pregnant with twins who both nursed so easily for 14 months. I also had severe post partum depression even becoming suicidal- struggling and crying every day wanting to not fail my baby. I ended up having to go to the hospital with my mental health and the nurses who helped me were so wonderful. I finally decided to exclusively pump; I never had to supplement with formula but it’s insane what mamas go through with breastfeeding because every baby is so different. It’s so emotional and people who don’t go through it doesn’t understand. After I breastfed the twins I realized that with my first it wasn’t my fault just the circumstances. And man that felt so validating. I really needed this v idea as a first time mom. Now I’m giving birth in a few weeks to baby number 4 knowing that if it works or if I pump I will ve doing my very best and that’s all that matters. I feel your pain and understand it very well and want to give u a hug just watching this. Thanks for sharing ❤️
Wow, my story is so similar. It’s easy for me to say this to you although I deal with the same thoughts and emotions, you did amazing! Your son doesn’t mourn the lack of bf relationship, he just knows his mommy loves him so much! I totally get it. I feel for you. You are such a loving mommy, awesome job! How amazing we live in a time with the resources we have to pump as an option!
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been crying nonstop trying to decide if i should go with EP and let go of breastfeeding but it feels excruciating in a way.. my baby also had a posterior tongue tie and lip tie and everything has taken a toll on me and him. It was comforting to know I’m not the only one..
Thanks for sharing your story. My baby also was a super sleepy breast feeder and wasn't gaining weight. The health nurse was visiting us every second day which really ruined our parental leave time as we couldn't visit my parents or my husband's parents who live far away. We were breast feeding, pumping, then bottle feeding what I pumped. It was a 24 hour a day operation and I was exhausted both physically and mentally. We finally added formula. Now our little girl, at almost three months, is alert and chubby!
So glad you found a feeding solution that worked well for you and babe. It can be so exhausting and overwhelming in the early days when things don’t go as planned. 💗
You gave me so much clarity in this video of what happened with my firstborn. Thank you for sharing your story❤️ You’re a real Momma Bear! You did the right thing❤️
Thank you for this. I'm breastfeeding my third and never understood why someone would EP. I didn't realize how emotional that decision is. It's a feat of extreme tenacity and I applaud you.
P.S. your makeup is gorgeous.
Thank you for watching and for your kind words. I honestly never understood how someone could do it either until it was me. Hoping that sharing my story can be helpful for those going through it and for others to help them understand what it’s like for us EPers.
When I went back to work after my baby - at 3months ... my coworker asked me why I wasn’t breast feeding... I snapped at her out of hurt and anger. I was like - because I want to! But really... inside - I was greatly hurting at not being able to... and not knowing how i could possibly explain that on the spot to someone... especially with how greatly personal and emotional it is. I made it my mission to never ask. I don’t care to know unless someone tells me. Truly, a baby who is fed is the happiest.
@@marissalorraine8700 It annoys me that moms even question other moms. 1. It's non of your business. They have a reason and whatever it is, is their right. 2. You don't know what they've been or are going through.
Well a lot of women do have to work also .
Thank you so much for sharing. I have been watching your videos when I was pregnant and now that my baby girl is 2 months old, while pumping! For different reasons I had to switch to EPing. It was a really hard decision at the time and I relate so much with your story, especially when everybody advise you to go with formula.
I wish there was more information and support on EPing, that's why I think your past 2 videos are so important!
Additionally, Mothers should know they can donate their milk oversupply to premature babies. This has helped me make peace with EPing, knowing that other babies will also benefit from my milk at such a vulnerable age.
My daughter and I went through something similar, after 6 months of pumping we finally got her back to breast. Its such an emotional thing, I’ve been in the same shoes and I’m so proud of the mommas that have to pump especially if it wasn’t their first choice. Pumping is so hard but so rewarding when you know they’re getting all they need.
I’m so happy you guys were able to transition back to the breast. That’s a success story you don’t hear too often! 💗
Can u pls tell on how you got back your baby back on breast because mine is now 5 months n cries when brought to breast ....
My 2-week old has tongue-tie and we have to wait for insurance to go through before we can even schedule... Eyeroll. He's successfully latched only 6 times and he usually falls asleep within a couple of minutes. So... I have been pumping around the clock to keep him bottlefed. We try au naturale once or twice a day, but it's so disheartening...if I don't time it perfectly he gets so frustrated.
Annnd, I haven't been able to get my supply past his demand yet, so most bottles are 25% formula.
It's not how I thought things would go, but my baby is fed and I just have to keep reminding myself that feeding him is what is most important.
Thanks for sharing! I know this is hard to talk about, but I'm sure that a bunch of women watching this are going through the exact same struggle. And you did amazing! Don't get me wrong, breastfeeding is fantastic and also hard af for a lot of people. But the happiness healthiest babies have moms who are also healthy (mentally and physically!) and if that means pumping or formula, so be it! That's perfectly ok! The kids are just fine. I'm glad you have the love and support you need, and wishing the same to everyone in 2020 ❤
I am currently in a very similar situation to you, and am feeding my baby on the breast and pumping and feeding him the pumped milk too. It is exhausting. You’ve inspired me to contact my local pediatric dentist to see if my baby has a tongue or lip tie. We’ve had three visits to the lactation specialist in the 12 days he’s been alive and it’s a lot.
Honestly I wish I could just give you the biggest hug ever. You are so strong for pumping that much it can really work on your mental and emotional health. You are such a good mommy
Thank you for sharing this. I am having to exclusively pump, and it helps to hear the stories of others who have done the same. You are wonderful.
You are wonderful too!
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! That mommy guilt is no joke. When I had my baby I just couldn't produce enough milk. I tried everything, lactation consultants, pumping, teas and cookies that are supposed to help with milk supply. Nothing I did worked and I would just cry and I truly believed that I had to be the worst mom in the world because I couldn't even do something that was supposed to come naturally to my body. My husband would just hold me and remind me that formula babies are still healthy babies and as long as our little guy was fed he would feel how much we loved him. After a while I just had to accept that it wasn't going to happen and turn my focus on being the best mom I can be and isn't that all we can do? No mom is a perfect mom, we just have to do that best with what we have and make sure they are loved above all else.
I can't thank you enough for making this video! This is so similar to my story. I had my son in July, and when he was 2 weeks old he wasn't feeding well and kept losing weight, down to 5% on the curve. Every feed was a nightmare trying to get him to wake up, and he would get frustrated, and I basically spent my first month with my son being a weepy mess. Turns out he did have a tongue and lip tie that we had released pretty soon, but even after that he wasn't feeding very well. I think due to this my supply never fully regulated, and still to this day my supply isn't enough for him. When he was 4 weeks old I started exclusively pumping, and even though it truly was the best decision for myself and my son, I still feel so much guilt about not being able to feed him at the breast, and not having enough of a supply to feed him. I wonder if I had kept at it then maybe it would have worked out, but am trying to let these feelings go. When I knew I was switching to EP and fed him at the breast one last time, I cried so hard. Today we are still EP'ing and supplementing with formula, and I will continue to go as long as I can, and my son is thriving and happy (and fat lol!). Thank you so much for sharing your story and letting others share our stories as well, it definitely makes me feel less alone!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is so similar to ours so I was crying watching this. My baby is 4 weeks old and I’ve lost count of how many appointments we’ve been to for craniosacral, lactation, pediatric PT, etc. I cry every day about not being able to breastfeed my baby... But I find this video (and your others!) very inspiring.
Thank you for being so honest. It really is so important to focus on what is BEST for you and your family
Wow... you are... SUCH a good mom. Seriously. This whole video screams that. Both of your kids are so lucky to have you as a mom. To have someone who cares so much for them that she would agonize over these things, see so many specialists for so long, worry so much, put her mental health at risk... that’s some serious selfless love. Your pain in this video is palpable, but even more so is your love for your kids. Be proud of that please.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I do love my kiddos something fierce, and I know all mamas work hard to do what they think is best for their babies. 💗💗
This is literally me. Except my little one was in the NICU for so long that he can’t control during the feed and choked every time he nurses. I also did the nurse a little, pump, feed just to feel like I wasn’t a bad mom for not putting him to the breast. This destroyed me and now that I exclusively pump I feel so much better. I’ve yet to figure out a schedule where I’m not pumping while feeding, but it’s still better than the 3 steps I was doing before. I appreciate your transparency in this video and how raw it is!
You are an AMAZING mama for working so hard to feed your little guy. Momming is so hard, especially when you’ve got a little NICU baby. 💗
Thank you so much for sharing this, and I'm sorry it was such a harrowing time. I really appreciate your story; I have a six week old who just won't latch on and stay on. We had been bottle feeding him breast milk alongside trying to feed because that's what they taught us in the special care nursery. After much physical pain and frantic frustration, my husband suggested exclusive pumping.
He didn't know that's what it was called, and he had a detachment from the emotions of it that honestly I found helpful. It was only logical to him--feeding wasn't working, so why not do this other way of getting him breast milk? The upside is that my boy gets bottle time with both his parents. My husband absolutely loves feeding our son and really values that time together. Our boy gets plenty of cuddles; and after some frustration I've gotten my supply up. I try to make pumping time as fun as I can by watching videos, such as yours.
I value your opinion and so I was so thankful to watch your last video and see that you support exclusive pumping. I am sending you my love and support.
I know this video is a year old, but I just had my son 3 days ago and he's already struggling with latching properly. I felt like a complete failure until I watched this. Thank you for being vulnerable 😭 and sharing your personal story. It gives mom's like me; hope. Thank you mama.
Thank you for sharing Elizabeth. I can empathize. My little guy is my first and I'm exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula to meet his needs. He also has a shallow latch and wasn't transferring well. He has tongue and lips tie but we have yet to get the release done. I'm looking forward to your video on tongue and lips ties. I am so grateful to you for sharing your knowledge and experiences. Stay strong Momma!
Grainne Dempsey well done you!
I needed this. I have been EPing my six week old after we came home from the hospital with a very shallow latch. I still have hope that I might be able to relatch her, but all of these emotions you brought up mimic mine exactly. I mourn for that breastfeeding relationship I wanted. But, I am thankful to a be able to give her milk now, even if it's a little different than I expected. Thank you, momma. Love to you!
I just watched this, I have 3 boys that I successfully breast fed and I just had my daughter in November, she seemed to be eating great but then we have realized she wasn't gaining weight and it has torn me apart emotionally as you have clearly been through, I really really appreciate your video and honestly I was crying most the video, it just proves we mommas are not alone. Just thank you and thank you and thank you so much!! 💗
You are so brave for sharing your story. Thank you. You will help so many mums with the same strugles. I know its really hard but you done whats best for your baby and you. You are a warrior mum, dont forget it. Have a nice day.
Oh sweet sweet woman. Thank you for your story. Makes me feel not so crazy when I'm going crazy worrying about my kids and trying to do it all correctly. We get upset about these things because we are so driven to do the very best we can for our babies. That looks different from mother to mother but often we want to nurse them 😊 I can only imagine how much work all that pumping and nursing must have been-with a 2 yr old!
I also hate comparing my son to my daughter but it's hard not to. It's like the first born lays suck a foundation for us because they changed us so dramatically that we can't help but notice differences.
My current struggle is the 4 month sleep regression. My daughter sucked her thumb and settled herself rather easily... This dude wants to nurse at night every 2 hrs
Thank you for this video and your courage. But thank you most for donating your milk. People like You are helping so many adopted children have breast milk and that’s beautiful.
I am pregnant for the third time now. My other children are 9 and 6. It’s so strange being pregnant again after almost 7 years. I am terrified of how breastfeeding will go this time around. With my first I was only 20 years old and knew next to nothing about breastfeeding. My son did not latch well and because of that I gave up. I hated it so much but I also came to terms with it because I would get so frustrated that he didn’t latch and I’d be in tears trying to get him to. Moving forward to my next child, the beginning was rough.. she did latch but I don’t think it was a great latch for the first few weeks because my nipples were SO sore. But I powered through it and she breastfed for 2 years. So I’m really hoping this time goes well because I know what an emotional struggle it is to want it so bad and just not be able to do it. I thank you for sharing your story and shedding light on how emotional this process can be. I’ve been watching your videos for the past couple of hours because you showed up in my recommended, and I’m glad you did! :)
I am starting the baby journey again after 14 years… it was a catastrophe the last time and I had a lot of trauma trying to breastfeed him with no support and a lot of nurses telling me to give up because of my flat nipples… so, this time around I already have the whole setup to feed my baby, even if I have to exclusively pump! I got a manual and an electric pump, a latch assist, a ton of bottles and a bottle warmer. Yes this baby will have my milk, even if I exclusively pump
I am going on 3 months of exclusively pumping and i totally understand how you feel. My son struggled with my let down. He would scream and cry his head off when i would try and latch him. I have donated hundreds of ounces so far to moms that need it. This was easiest for my son even tho its not what i wanted. I am hoping to save up enough that i can stop pumping by 7 months because I hate pumping so much. You definitely aren't alone momma!
brianna dolliver well done you!
I appreciate this video, and you, so very much. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us.
thank you so much for sharing Elizabeth
Thank you for making this. For being so raw and open with everyone. You've likely helped so many mommas struggling with this same or similar situation. 💓
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My son is now 16 weeks old. After every conceivable ob/gyn emergency i can think of (emergency c-section, endomyometritis, mastitis) he is thriving. He never latched even though he tried so so hard. After we fixed a retrograd tongue tie it was better, but at that point (about 13 weeks) we had our rhythm with exclusive pumping and it became a major stressing point trying to get him to nurse. He is my first, so i don't know another way. But we need to stop feeling guilty for perceived "failures". We are doing the best we can.
And you are the best mom Holden can have. Looking after our mental health IS looking out for our babies, too. They need us healthy more than they need to get our milk from the breast rather than a bottle
Yes to all this! You are the perfect mama for your son too! ❤️❤️
💕
Thank you for sharing this. I have had difficulty breast feeding all three of my children with very little support from my family in how to fix it. I am expecting my fourth now and am hopeful but not expectant that breast feeding will work this time. I tried to pump with all three and never got a big enough supply. Every time I expected it to work and was told it is so easy but no. It is very hard work to feed your baby and the emotions after birth are so high that it is so easy to feel isolated and alone. Thank you for sharing this so that all of us who haven't had easy breast feeding experiences can have comfort in one another. I finished breast feeding my third baby over a year ago and I still miss the time we spent together and the closeness. I am not sure if I will ever be okay with it but every time I try again and every time I do a little bit better.
Thank you for sharing! I'm watching this while pumping for my 8 week old, who refuses to nurse.
Susan A well done you!
You’re so strong! The only thing that matters is health of our children. And you as mama made the right decision. EP is additionalhard work that you do on daily basis, you’re a hero of mine. Me and my son (who is the first child) had issues with weight gaining too. A pediatrist said to give a formula. And it happened in the hospital where I gave birth. It was a nightmare. A nurse was so rude and tried to feed him with formula from bottle by force after breastfeeding. And all that formula was coming out from his mouth, even nose. His latching was great, I had a lot of milk, but his weight gaining was “bad” first 5 days. Now two months later pediatrist says that he is gaining too much 🤦🏻♀️
So much of this resonated with me. I went through something similar over a year ago and I still cry when I think about it. I think it will take me many more years to process the emotional intensity of the experience. Thank you for sharing. It’s so helpful to know I’m not alone.
Thank you for sharing. I Exclusively pumped for my daughter because I had a relapse of an eating disorder during my pregnancy and had so much anxiety around food and feeding. It saved breastfeeding for me and really helped my mental health.
I relate to this SO MUCH and started crying with you through most of it because I feel so many of the same emotions!!
I nursed my first 2 past a year, then my 3rd had issues transferring enough and was hospitalized for failure to thrive. I couldn’t figure out why, I have always been a huge breastfeeding advocate and pushing through issues, but this was something I didn’t know how to get past. I was told she had a tongue tie and we got it released when she was a month and tried again, but she was never able to nurse and transfer enough. I pumped for 9 months for her.
Then I had baby #4 at 37 weeks. I was already worried about if she would get enough nursing and planned on extra weight checks with the ped to help. However, by 24 hours old she was losing too much weight and I was told to start pumping and feeding her after nursing. I did weight checks before and after nursing and she wasn’t getting much, if anything. I was told she was just small and needed strength. We did SNS for about a month in the hopes she would nurse... but she never was able to. I ended up pumping for her for just over 6 months.
I also got PPD with both of these, and I believe everything I went through was a big reason why. Now I’m pregnant with #5 and hopeful but also realistic about expectations.
I appreciate you sharing your story with the world so we don’t feel alone! ❤️
I bawled my eyes out. This is EXACTLY my story. Verbatim. She was even born at the beginning of Nov. My daughter is 7 weeks and she is only just now starting to gain enough weight. She was just going straight across the growth chart. I was so stressed and I couldn't sleep and I was weighing her before and after every feed (I rented a medical baby scale). I could never get more than 3oz per pumping session because my storage capacity is so low. I would feed her, pump, wash parts, and then I would have to start all over again. She slept through every feed and there was literally no way to wake her sometimes. I feel you
Believe it or not, you are doing well! My baby is 6 wks... similar issue. He is latching ok today...but refuses to nurse outrightly for days sometimes. The 3 oz you get is actually congruent with your baby's age n tummy volume. You are making just what is needed.
I had a similar experience with my son but it wasn't his latch. It was me. I have flat nipples so between his tongue and lip ties (even though he did have them snipped) and me it just didnt work. It was way too stressful and the routine took way way too long and I was so emotional about the whole thing because I wanted to breastfeed so badly. I didn't respond to the pump well so I ended up losing me supply completely when I tried to exclusively pump. So I had to formula feed my son. I am so thankful for formula so I could feed my child despite it not being my first..or second choice.
@@chubbyjetski mine vomits every time you try to feed her formula. Wont take it at all so I am stuck in the exhausting routine
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm almost 2 weeks postpartum and my son refuses to feed at the breast. I worked with lactation specialist at the hospital and the dr. did fix a tongue tie issue as well but he still refused to feed at the breast. My son gets really fussy and upset with the lack of milk. I'm pretty sure I have a small milk capacity. So I've been pumping and suppling formula when needed. It's been hard and I felt bad for not feeding him at the breast more so since the lactation specialist didn't support this, but it's a better alternative then continuing to try and pushmy son to the breast when he's hungry. He's an impatient eater.
I’m so proud of you! I truly believe you did what you felt was best for your son, and as a fellow mother, I support you! We’re all just trying our best.
Thank you! I love mamas supporting other mamas!
Thank you for sharing your experience. It really hit home. I am going through something very similar with my first baby who is now 2 months old. It was so painful to nurse her even after a month that I would dread feeding her and then immediately start crying when she latched on. I wasn’t able to enjoy my sweet baby because of how stressful feeding her was even after seeing a lactation consultant and releasing her lip tie. My supply drastically dropped too so we are now supplementing with formula and I just pump what I can. She is healthy and happy and I am much happier now too.
Happy and healthy mom and baby is the goal! Glad you have found a plan that works best for your family. 💗
I've had 4 babies and was never able to breastfeed past 8-10 weeks. I exclusively pumped for my 1st for 9 months, then 6 months for my 2nd. By my 3rd I was very disappointed and discouraged and when I couldn't BF I chose formula for my mental health. When I had our last I was determined that she would get breastmilk exclusively. I was able to EP till her 1st birthday. I love that I was able to give her nature's best. I'm so glad you are making videos about EP. It was a struggle for me to find outside support and ideas when it appeared that EP wasn't very popular.
Good for you for making the best decision for your family!
Way to go pumping for all your babies! 💪🏼💗
Aweeee I love this so much! Thank you so much for sharing. I had my son at 37 weeks due to preeclampsia, he was 4lbs and 10oz. He was in NICU for 2 weeks and didn’t latch very well. He is also a very sleepy nurser. I still try to nurse him, and some times it works out, others it doesn’t so I pump 99% of the time. I’m so glad I stumbled on this video, I feel so much better about my pumping journey, going on 3 months!
Rock on mama, you are doing an amazing job for your son! I’d still keep trying to latch him. I definitely wish I had done that with my son. Even if they are getting the majority of their milk through pumping, they actually get a good amount of good gut bacteria from mom’s skin and practice good oral movements through nursing too.
Nurse Zabe wow i had no idea! Thank you so much for the tips! Love watching your videos 💕
Omg, I cried through this vid with you. You are a great mom ... sometimes the hard choice is the best one you can make for your fam. 😢 Stay strong. Your kids are adorable 😍
Thank you soooo much for sharing this....I literally have struggled to put my emotions, the grief, the decision making into words . My baby and I had a beautiful 3 months of breastfeeding and learning how to latch but she still isn't transferring enough milk. I tried even breastfeeding and offering a bottle after but she wasn't interested in the bottle. So I'm coming to terms with EP and bottle feeding since she is able to transfer the milk she needs when it is just the bottle. I needed to see this today. Thank you!
same !!! i have become so anxious about her weight that i prefer EP to BF just to stop feeling anxious and guilty about her not gaining enough weight
Thank you for sharing this! I’m EPing right now and my baby is 4 months old. This is my first and we also had so many feeding issues. I finally gave up trying to nurse at 2 months old. I also struggled deeply with postpartum depression and anxiety. It really helped that our pediatrician also went through this with her first baby as well. I’ve learned a lot and im hoping to breast feed my next child but if it doesn’t happen i’ll know that this way can work. All of my other mom friends don’t think this is a thing and don’t understand why I wont just switch to formula but to me this is important and i have made this work. It’s not what I originally wanted or imagined but It is possible. ❤️
This is so raw. You did the best thing for you all. I just want to give you a hug. I hope that this helped you talk through your emotions. Xoxo
You're the best mom for your kids. I struggled with breastfeeding a lot and second time around I'm sure my baby needs a happy mom
I understand you completely 😭 I’m crying with you. Your strong and you have ever right to cry it’s super hard!!! My daughter was born early she was underweight from the beginning. She had jaundice and she was loosing weight she couldn’t gain any and at the hospital she would fall asleep instead of eat. I gave up breast feeding pumped what I could and even gave her formula and I felt like a mess and once we got home and my milk came in I threw formula out and just exclusively pump and it’s been the beat decision for my family. You have to do what you have to do and don’t care what anybody says. If your providing for your child it doesn’t matter how they get the milk as long as they are healthy and eating.
I have loved all of your videos during my pregnancy. My babe was born 11/19 and your story is echoing our journey. Thank you for sharing as this is something I’m really struggling with.
I’m so sorry you’re struggling, mama. I know your doing a great job for your baby! I promise it gets better/easier. 💗
Hugs and love to you. I also have a really sleepy baby and he would not gain. I felt myself starting to feel the way you described while we were still in the hospital. I’m so glad they made us stay an extra day and told me to try to just pump for the day. We decided I’d exclusively pump because it was working for baby and both of our anxieties.
I’ve been watching your videos since I was pregnant last year and it has been so helpful! I am now a momma to a 3 month old baby boy. I’ve had problems with breastfeeding at the start but have gotten used to the routine of pumping and feeding. Thank you so much for your videos Nurse Zabe ❤️
So glad to hear you have found my videos helpful! Congrats on your sweet baby boy! ❤️
Wow this is exactly what I just went through with my 4month old. I stopped pumping 2 weeks ago, just couldn't keep going it was effecting my sleep. My bub also had significant weight loss and slow to gain. Tongue tie picked up only at 12 weeks but she had already been refusing to BF.
It was such a relief for me to stop trying to BF 🙏 I've never cried so much in my life. I felt the same, exclusively pumping was easier than tormenting myself. I never thought I would ever feel that way about BFing, I had no strong feelings about formula feeding. It suprised me how attached I was to it.
It's so heartwarming to hear about all the other women that went through the same experience, I wish I knew that when I was pumping alone in the middle of the night. It's nice to know someone else understands the emotional rollercoaster 🙏❤️
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful mom. 💜
Thank you. 💗
So glad you made this video there’s little content about this on UA-cam! I exclusively pump for my daughter, and have been for 9 months now. My daughter has a cleft lip/palate so there was no way to ever breastfeed. I’m glad I’m not the only one that goes through things like this
As a whole, there is not enough info out there for mamas who have to exclusively pump, whether by choice or necessity. Trying to make our little corner of the internet more inclusive. 💗
Thank you so much for sharing Elizabeth! I was crying with you watching this.
I tried so hard to be able to breastfeed our son, I basically tortured myself for 12 months trying to be able to do it, but I just never ever got enough milk. I would spend hours and hours pumping and feeding and had to rely mostly on formula despite it all. (He got very sick as a newborn and we had a long stint in hospital which I think had a detrimental affect on my supply). It still makes me so emotional even though he’s now a toddler. I was not prepared for how hard breastfeeding would be, both in the physical and emotional sense. I pray that when we have our next baby it will be a possibility.
Sending love from Sydney Australia xxx
It sounds like you did amazing work to provide for your son! It’s heartbreaking when breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned. Hoping baby #2 gives you an easier go of it! (And sending love and prayers to you guys down in Australia!)
Nurse Zabe it sure is heartbreaking, I never would have guessed how upsetting it was to not be able to do something I assumed would just come naturally!
Thanks for your well wishes too, thankfully we are safe. 😘
My son had pyloric stenosis at 6 weeks and slept through the night because of it. I feel your pain, mama.
Omg....l feel you!!! This is so similar to my story!!!! I have a 6 wk old presently. My baby arrived at 38wks on November 17th. I successfully fed 3 daughters before him...only quitting because l was pregnant with the next child. But this baby...my dear dearrrrr boy...a NICU stay, pnuemothorax, pnuemonia, sepsis...and then tongue tie/lip tie revision...he has, in this space of time, done 2 week long NURSING strikes, refusing to breastfeed... falling asleep at the breast ( it is a natural response for some frustrated babies to do that, l have learned)...
Ohhhh the tears l have cried. I effortlessly nursed my 3 daughters. I am in the thick of it now. Pumping...feeding him by bottle, celebrating every latch... hoping HOPING his weak suck, improves and that we will have a happily ever after.
My son was very weak when he was born, the midwife on the unit told me that newborns only need a small amount of milk and what I was pumping was enough. Once home he slept and slept, when the community nurse came she tried to feed him water whilst my husband made up a bottle of formula because he was so dehydrated. We were both in tears absolutely gutted.
I did try pump but it took me a few days to get a pump so my flow never really established. Plus I felt instantly depressed when I put Aiden or pump to my breast.
So glad your healing those emotions, donating milk must be so rewarding.
What a scary experience. So thankful you had a community nurse come to your house to check in on baby. We don’t have anything like that in the United States.
@@Nurse_zabe yes we're very lucky in UK to have community midwives who check in on us, goodness knows where it could have lead if she hadn't shown up.
Hey Elizabeth, just wanted to let you know that your videos were very supportive to me as I prepared to give birth for the first time in October. Now that I’m nursing and can relate to this post, I wanted to send you some encouragement; you’re amazing for sharing this experience with us!
Thank you so much for your kind feedback. I love hearing back from mamas who have found something in my videos helpful or encouraging during their labor, postpartum or motherhood journey. 💗
Hugs. I know the feeling. With both my boys neither one of them would latch at all, they just screamed bloody murder every time i tried to feed them. It tore at my heart. My first born the doctors gave up after 3 days and just gave him a bottle and told me i had to give him formula instead (2003, yeah they never said anything about pumping). My second born (2017) they said oh you have flat nips and baby has a tongue and lip tie and that's why he cant latch. However, when they sent me to a specialist she said he didn't have that and that i just need to try harder or pump. At this point was already 2 weeks after birth. The pump from insurance didn't come in for another 4 weeks after that, which i was obviously dried up by then, try as i might. I was devastated that i couldn't feed my children the way nature intended. I thought i was a lesser person or a failure. It was so hard. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with a daughter and she will be my last. The thought of this time not working either breaks my heart so i felt every tear and break in your voice as you spoke, so i understand. Im still going to try what i can, and if i cant, attempt to pump as much as i can (nearly impossible at my job) so baby still gets the good stuff. It just sucks to never have that feeling or early connection with any of your kids. Ya know? But yeah. Hugs to anyone who struggles with this. You're not alone.