My Spouse is Transgender - Q&A 1
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- Опубліковано 27 бер 2019
- Lot's of couples struggle when a partner discloses they are transgender and decide they want to transition. For many couples, we've heard this was a deal breaker. In our case, the decision was made as a couple and it was the BEST decision we've ever made in our relationship.
We've had many questions like, "Well does that mean your transitioning husband is going to run off looking for a man?" or "Is your wife not going to be attracted to you because she's not a lesbian?"
Here's a list of questions I posed to my heterosexual wife about me transitioning MtF and her candid responses. Nothing rehearsed. Nothing discussed before hand. In the raw:
1. Have you always seen feminine traits in Kelly or is this something that completely caught you off guard?
2. When you both realized you were dealing with knowing Kelly was Transgender, why did you say "yes" to her transitioning?
3. What were some of your fears about her transitioning?
4. With Kelly transitioning to a female body, this essentially makes you both a lesbian couple. How do you feel about this?
5. How has this transition affected your relationship? Talk about intimacy, feelings, family life, business, community.
6. What are some of the challenges you had to overcome?
7. What are some of the best parts of your spouse transitioning?
It’s so very wonderful to hear a similar history as that of my wife and I after 55 years of loving marriage. She recently decided that if I don’t transition, even at 77, that I will be unhappy ‘til the day I die. She felt the same way. About a month ago, she encouraged me to transition, since she now believes that we can both be more happy that way for the few years we have left together before we both die. I have been on HRT at low dosages for a dozen years under a physician and psychologist care. It has helped me deal with my mtf anxiety and to put off what I have wanted since I was 3. But 3 months ago I switched from 2.5mg Ogen to 6.0mg Estadiol plus continuing my 100mg of Spiro. The changes have been spectacular. My boobs have grown from B+ to D- and my longish, white hair is filling in even in front. My wife loves the changes in my softer appearance and more sensitive behaviours. I cry over sad TV programs and get stuffed up about emotion-ladened family situations. And I love it, too. I’m not yet as passable as you, but with minimal FFS, that will improve. Thank you for leading the way. We love you both. Stay strong and feminine.
Thank you Laura. I'm glad you and your wife are taking the plunge together. For me, it was a scary endeavor with A LOT of unknowns, but both Audrey and I have no regrets. It's been wonderful for us both :)
Great video! You are both awesome!
As a 62j non-binary, just comming out I love to hear your story!
My opinion may be of no value to you, but I think you are two of the most lovely and beautiful human beings that I have encountered on youtube. You are true soulmates. You have found love's pinnacle!
Live long and prosper, my friends. With love and respect, M xXx
Thank you so much for the lovely words of encouragement Matilda :) We've been through a lot, and being together is the one constant that makes it all possible.
For anyone looking for support as a couple with a spouse transitioning, perhaps this might help - something my wife and I have come to realize is that the reason she fell in love with me was my feminine, tenderhearted side. For years before realizing I was trans, she kept telling me that she's never met another man like me. When we realized I was Transgender, a lot more things made sense in our relationship. The choice to transition was mutual - and yes - we were both scared as hell of what friends and family would think, do, or say.
After a year of transitioning - together, I've realized that the qualities she admired, drew strength from, and fell in love with blossomed. I just became a truer version of myself. Yes, we lost some family and a few friends along the way, but we're not afraid of the big bad world. After 2 kids and 16 years of marriage, both of us are different than when we first met. It's our willingness to accept the other person that keeps us in love after all these years. I can honestly say marriage is work. Transitioning is work. Life is work. We treat each other well - as best friends and that has made many things possible in our relationship.
I hope my 2 cents might help a few of you out there. Wishing you all the very best. Much Love, - K
Hi. You can call me Bob. I am two years late in viewing this entry and others you have posted. Kelly, you are terrific and together and very relateable.. But Audrey is totally awesome. You are very fortunate, and I know you cherish her. I also relate in that I am a widower as well these past 27 years who has not remarried. I have a daughter and a son, both 40ish. I am now 71 and even though a highly repressed child of the 50s and very catholic, I am now facing the issue of my own gender identity. I follow Jackie Rabbit and have just subscribed to your channel. I thank you so much for your openness and insight.
Thank you Bob. I check out some of Jackie Rabbit's videos as well. I think we all just prove that Gender Dysphoria doesn't just go away. We all come to terms with it eventually. For me, the older I got, the more depressed and miserable I got. If it wasn't for Audrey's beautiful heart to love me through it, I don't think I could have done it. Now that we have - both of us have zero regrets. Wishing you well :)
You both are awesome! Thank you for sharing your great love story!!
Thank you Ann :)
@@changinggender5293 Stay safe and well!
Hello kelly and Audrey, this was a great session and I love how candid you were with the queations. Wishing you all the best and will be sending questions for future episodes. Xxxxxx
Thank you Brittany. We're up for it :)
I admire your compassion and commitment for each other. I’m TG with wife who has boundaries and I live as male at great sacrifice.
@@Milesaphar We're so sorry to hear that Milesa. We just came back from Easter visiting 3 days with my Mom and Dad - I felt like an embarrassment to them. Was called "he" the entire time. I honestly felt like I wasn't validated as a human being by my own parents. Have also had people say to me, "Yeah, I don't believe Transgender exists" There are so many struggles that we go through and so much denial, pain, and hurt by the ones who are closest to us. Sending much love and support - Kelly n Audrey
I love this and want to watch it again with my wife. Thank you for posting your private stuff to help others.
Loved this
Beautiful couple u guys are. Wish we have more people like u guys in the world
I've only watched your first video so far, and currently watching this over. So I don't know if things have changed. But in this one, the love between the two of you is SO apparent.
I'm a bit jealous of your relationship. My wife recently divorced me, with my dysphoria being a major contributor. I will write more in a PM (we have a few things in common), but I wanted to say thank you for your videos.
Thank you so much ♥️ I'm 3 years transitioned now and yes, my wife and I are still very much together. Turns out, my transition helped her realize she was lesbian. LOL. With me being a closeted with dysphoria and her being closeted sexually, I'm not quite sure how we lasted all those years prior. I'm so sorry about your marriage. It seems like my wife and I are exceptions. I've heard so many stories of relationships breaking up when a spouse comes out. And yes, feel free to pm me anytime. If you are on Twitter I'm (a)mskellerina you can also find us on FB and IG on our business acct of Riverstone Studios
Hi Kelly and Audrey, this was such a beautiful video, at times I wanted to cry and at other times I just smiled deeply from the inside in a way that I don't normally because I can relate so much. Kelly, like you I've only recently worked out that I'm Transgender in May last year, I'm turning 46 this year and I've always been very emotional and sensitive as a person. At times I have said to girls that I'm not like most guys you would meet, in fact I'm the opposite, in my heart I'm more like a woman. I've always just wanted people to see me as I was on the inside and never realized that I didn't find my own body attractive. I would watch movies and be drawn to more songs with women in them and always felt like I know what allot of my girlfriends were feeling allot of the time. It's taken me this long to realize that I wish I had long beautiful hair and softer features and breasts and I often felt overpowered by the T in my body. I just wanted to tell you that after a year of watching many Transgender stories online I have finally found someone I really relate to, thank you so much for posting your videos, they have made such a difference in my life as I've been putting off HRT and was struggling with my family but I can see now that if I approach myself and others with love and compassion everything will work out, I just need to be true to myself and follow my heart, thank you so much!!!
Hey Terry, Thanks for the like and so glad you found our vids helpful. When I first transitioned we felt utterly alone with no support. We live on an acreage an hour away from the closest city so getting to LGBTQ events isn't the easiest and even when we looked at those communities - there was no one my age or in my situation. Same on UA-cam. So many younger people (teens and 20's) transitioning, but every decade has different challenges and it's hard for someone with 2 teen kids, a wife, a business, and 40+ years to relate to someone having issues with their high school and vice versa.
That's why I started putting vids out there. I think as a result, it's encouraged others our age to start posting vids and I've noticed more showing up over this last year. We've had a lot of health challenges here so I haven't made time to put up any more vids. Hoping to do so before spring.
I hope you can find it in yourself to transition. We risked everything we worked decades to build when I did, but Audrey realized before I did that the pain of staying the same was outweighing the fear of rejection in society. It hasn't been all sugar plums, but we certainly found much more support than we thought ever possible. Some friends left - most stayed around. Stepping into other people's shoes and being able to have open and heartfelt conversations with people has certainly helped in our situation. It's a hard pill to swallow to realize that MY transition affects others. The first thing I wanted to tell people is, "Why should I be miserable so you can be comfortable with me as a man?" But then realizing that a lot of family and friends actually felt a little lied to their entire life about who I was so there is always two sides.
I wish you all the best. Weigh the pros and cons. And when that doesn't work (LOL) - Follow your heart! With transitioning, I discovered I no longer had to look for happiness - the peace and contentment of my body found me and it was no longer something I had to chase. - K
@@changinggender5293 Hi Kelly, thank you so much for your reply. Apart from seeing a Transgender counselor last year this is the first time I've reached out to someone else in the community and I'm really glad I did. I know the peace you are talking about because I'm starting to feel it now as I've stopped trying to convince myself that I am my male body. The other thing I realized is that our bodies are beautiful and can change to reflect who we are on the inside and we are lucky to be living in a world were things like HRT are possible. Wishing you lots of healing for the health issues you are going through and wishing you and Audrey lots of love.
@@changinggender5293 Hi Kelly, I hope you and Audrey are doing well? I just wanted to let you know that I followed my heart and thank you so much for the inspiration, your journey gave me the courage to follow my truth!! I've just started my fourth week on HRT and have never felt better, there is a sense of peace and happiness and for the first time since I was very young I feel like I'm being more and more myself as each day goes by. I've also been able to open up to family and friends more and while they were really concerned at first I think they are starting to see that I'm happier and I'm following my heart so we are taking it one day at a time. Wishing you both lots of love!!
Thank you so much for the update Terry. It's beautiful when you find what fills that hole in your life. We wish you a beautiful transition. Lots of grace - lots of support. Honestly, anyone that has doubts, that peace you talk of is what changes their doubt into love and support. All the best my friend ♥️
@@changinggender5293 Really great to hear from you Kelly, thanks so much for your reply too, I'm so grateful that I made it this far, as you know it's really hard at the start but then there is a moment where you just know in your heart and even if you have doubts you know the truth on a deeper level. It means allot being able to share this experience with you as we are both on the same journey. Wishing you lots of love, peace and joy as you continue to transition as well. :)
It takes time for others to accept you for who you are and using your correct pronouns. My fiancee and I have been together for fifteen months and engaged for 14 months. .My fiancee is also a Transgender Woman as well.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! It is september 12 2020 and 3:43 am for me. I am drinking heavily as i came out to my common law wife of 10 years 3 days ago. It has been hard on her( and myself) but harder on her. We were just intimate for the first time since i told her....(it was good) but very emotional afterwords. She is scared that i am not going to love her after i transition......she thinks my mind will be different, can you help?! Ps. You two are absolutely beautiful❤
I love u guys…u guys are so cute together
We marry the person on the inside. Like a good book, it is not the jacket, but the side of the book that is important. You married the person for the person inside, that which makes us all unique.
You did not marry another person’s genitalia.
Would I be able to message you two to ask questions? My fiance is mtf and she is the love of my life, we have known eachother for 10 years and I have recently been panicking about her transition but I'm unsure of why that is.
Sorry we're a little late getting back to you Goth2be453. We were away with some family and just got back. Yes. Feel free to ask questions. You can either ask them publicly by replying here or you can PM us on facebook @kellyaudrey.taylorfaye. You can also contact us through our webpage at riverstonestudios.ca
Panicking is A-OK. We both did as well. We had family members worried I (Kelly) would run off with a man or Audrey would want to be with a "man". Personally, HRT had no guarantees and there were A LOT of what ifs and unknowns. What if I did end up liking men? What if Audrey did want to be with a man? What if my personality changed dramatically?
After 16 years of being together openly and honestly, we discovered that all of those fears were real and scary. Being afraid of the future and the unknown - You're not alone.
Fast forward a year after HRT and yes, having zero testosterone and a higher than average estrogen, I have very strong appreciation for the male body - but I still would rather be with a woman - Specifically my wife. Audrey doesn't mind being considered Lesbian or Bi and because of both the physical and emotional changes in me - she is actually MORE attracted to me now than before. She absolutely loves snuggling into my chest when we're watching movies. I'm much more laid back and I handle stress better for the both of us. Because of the Estrogen, I actually open up and talk more...and I've learned that what I thought was listening as a man was anything but. Transitioning basically took me down 10 notches for anger and stress and embellished the feminine traits that we've always seen. All around - it's been a really good for us - but I won't lie - we were both scared that I might have become someone different or that we wouldn't be attracted to each other. It was a real fear. Please, feel free to send any questions our way. If you want to speak just with Audrey - just let us know, and I'll bow out :) See my 1st reply on how to reach us privately. - K
I'm desperately searching for couples who stay together through all of this. Any recommendations for support?
Hi Savannah, sorry, UA-cam has been my best place to find support - at least for people my age of life. My wife and I see councilly monthly through the whole transition. We never thought we would need. It (and we'd probably do just fine on our own) but its awesome having a cheerleader on our side (plus it's required here in Saskatchewan).
We always talked openly in our marriage - open books with no hidden feelings so discovering I was Trans didn't scare my wife or me...but both of us had to struggle with the enormity of how it would change our marriage and how peiple on the outside would view us. Not to mention open conversations with our kids. A good councillor who is an open advocate goes a long way.
My spouse and I have been together for forty six years and counting. Ive had to deal with gender dysphoria my whole life and only party transitioned. There are many many reasons for this. One is I have a intersex sexual development body type that has caused many health issues. Including many surgeries and even a form of testicular / ovarian cancer.
I was in the process of transitioning, at last, ten years ago when I needed heart surgery and four bypass. Then our son developed major health issues that required our attention. So much for transitioning.
There was a real fear female hormones would cause cancer issues as my cancer took the form of ovarian cancer. In all I’ve had over twenty surgeries. Some related to intersex issues. I often tell friends that I’m have gender surgeries on the installment plan. One painful surgery at a time.
( isn’t it ironic that a transsexual cannot take estrogen because it could cause major health issues. It’s like I’m being punished ) oh well I just live with it
My wife does love me and supports me as well as she can but that support took a long time to develop.
I’ve always known that I was different but I had no idea of what transgender or intersex was, despite having surgeries starting at age ten. Not one doctor explained any of this to me. I really believe they were ignorant of such conditions and simply treated those things that they could see without regards to the bigger picture.
As of today we have been married forty six years. Not bad considering I was given two months to live twenty years ago.
@@hannahmich7342 What an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing. Audrey and I wish you and your spouse much love for many more years to come.
Changing Gender Thank you very much. The truth is our life stories may vary but there is a unlaying common thread we share. My spouse and I have grown together in love and understanding over these many years . This isn’t a situation where I could simply say I wish I knew in my youth what I know now. Some things in life take time to develop and understand. Your transition needed to happen when you matured physiologically personally and as a couple in order to fully embrace this new path.
I wish you two much happiness.
@@hannahmich7342 So true Hannah. I've said to my wife so many times that if I would have transitioned early in life, I wouldn't have her or our two wonderful kids. Everything in its proper time!
I was wondering if I could ask you to elaborate on what you mean by having your local community accept you?
By "accept" do you mean not judge you, not change their relationship with you, not reject you, and continue to treat you with dignity and respect? Or by "accept" do you mean share your belief that a male who identifies as a woman is a woman?
It made me really sad when you had to consider moving just for being who you are, hope you two are doing well
Thank you Tyler. We had to put everything on the table and say, "What if..." and knowing we'd be willing to lose it all for me to be authentic was good. As it turned out, I've been very well received in the community - in fact better than wirh some family.
Any updates ?
Thanks for the nudge Brittany :) ua-cam.com/video/SFttdgPq17E/v-deo.html
Have you tried to put some of these life events down on paper. Many people share parts of your life experiences and this could make for some in lighting information.
I have been writing snippets of events in our lives that will in time be strung together as a short story.
Yes. My wife and I wrote a book a couple of years back (before I knew I was Transgender) called Beautyfull Chaos
riverstonenaturals.com/shop/en/everything-else/37-beautyfull-chaos-paperback-220-pages.html
I also wrote a blog, skirtsareformen.wordpress.com/
We realized a few years back that we don't do ANYTHING the same as the people around us and started writing because of so many questions from people.
Hope there aren't any long-term repercussions with your kids....✌🙏