Rachel Wiley - Paper Babies
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- Опубліковано 11 бер 2017
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Rachel Wiley, performing at Camp Bar in Saint Paul, MN.
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Rachel Wiley has such a way of just taking your full attention and keeping it until the last syllable
Oh hey Charlotte haha! :)
reminder: you are not required to have kids just because your body has that capability !!
Agreed, some people shouldn't reproduce. 😬
No words have ever so accurately expressed my feelings of guilt for NOT feeling guilty or regretting my choice to not have children. I don't have any moral or social reason for the decision. I too like children. I just don't want to raise them. Thank you for writing these words that make me feel not so alone and not so inhuman
You know it's good if it's Rachel Wiley
Lol
I can relate to this on a spiritual level. I thought I was the only one that didn't want kids.
Don't Read Me Like This i like your username
I see new Rachel Wiley poem, I click. I hang on to every word, I reflect, and eventually, I click like.
GGcomment Agreed
I want to send this to everyone who has ever said "Have you not got kids yet? Why not?" So powerful! Love it
I'm not gonna lie and say this was easy to listen to, as I am someone who no matter how much I want kids can't have them, but damn this was a beautiful piece❤️
I don't know your situation so this may not be relevant, but I want to tell you how many women I've known who were told they could not have children. I even know a woman who had her tubes 'tied' and *still* wound up with a surprise third child. At 21, I was told I would likely never have children when I had the malignant areas of my cervix removed. Even with the other issues I was ecstatic--I've never wanted to bear children and have been trying to get a doctor to perform the surgery for me since I was 18, at my very first gynecologist's appointment, knowing I had no chance. I was likely pregnant within two weeks of being told I wouldn't be able to be (and not because I threw out my birth control, I was taking the pill at the time and did not stop), and discovered the pregnancy after one round of chemotherapy. I was also a very heavy IV drug user (addicted to heroin and crystal meth) and on much needed psych drugs that are highly contraindicated during pregnancy. Because of the abnormal periods associated with most of these factors, I didn't find out that I was pregnant until I was well into my third month. I was not in a committed relationship with the father, in fact we were only just barely friends and were mostly just drinking/drug buddies with a mutual physical attraction but who wavered between friendship and intense animosity. I went through with the abortion on my own, without even asking for his help, and still he punished me for telling him as if I were trying to trap him, as if I had asked anything of him.
I do not even attempt to have serious relationships with someone who wants children. I am not that woman. I am, however, a woman who would love to be a foster parent one day and give my love to children who truly need it. I am a woman who has created a safe home for herself from the metaphorical ashes of my past life, and I hope one day to gift the safety of my home to children who may have never known it. Make "my" into "ours", even if it is a transient "ours".
What strikes me about this poem is my own list od names. I know what I would name my children. I know their lives as warm feelings behind my eyes, but they are accompanied by the same suspension of disbelief that I give to fantasy novels. To things that could never happen. When I was pregnant, I did not feel any maternal warmth. I felt like I had a parasite that was killing me. "Morning" sickness so severe that I lost weight even faster than with chemo and meth left me emaciated and wretchedly miserable. I ate watermelon and pickles because they taste the same going down or coming up, and I stopped buying drugs and saved my money because not having that child was far more important than getting high. I have never regretted it. I was not ready to provide safety, or love, or a home at all. I was not ready for the probable damage done by my alcoholism, drug use, medical issues and prescriptions. I was mentally unstable and in the coming months would be in rehab, a psych ward, and then arrested and jailed. I was not ready to give up my addictions or to treat my mental health with the seriousness it merits. I may have changed if I had been forced to go full term with the child, or to become a mother, but I doubt it.
That is just the story I know most intimately. A neighbor had a large part of her cervix removed then went on to have four boys after being told she could never become pregnant. A friend's girlfriend had one ovary and half her uterus removed, I don't know why, and she was told that even if she ever did conceive she would never be able to carry it full term. They have a gorgeous son. Another friend told her womb was uninhabitable has three children, and is now taking care of her granddaughter for the summer--another child whose conception was "impossible". Again, I don't know your situation. But I do know that the woman who had requested a tubal ligation (she told me thet had been cut and cauterized, not simply pinched off or tied) and became pregnant despite it now has eight year old twins. I know half a uterus created a beautiful, whole boy. I know my godson was "impossible" and so his mother was convinced she had intestinal worms and never suspected a pregnancy until she was nearly six months into it. I know my mother carried two children before me the full nine months each, and they both died within 24 hours from profound birth defects. She was too afraid to try again even though she and my father wanted children, and can you blame her? So my sister and I were both unplanned but rejoiced all the same, and born into intense love. I know many women whose children were conceived despite physical unlikelihoods AND birth control methods. And I know that it is possible none of this is applicable to you at all, that there are things that can stand in the way of motherhood inviolably. I hope that you are capable despite your diagnostic predictions. I hope you can give your love to someone who may never otherwise know love, if that is something you could do. I hope you are eligible for adoption if is an option you want to explore. I hope your dreams of motherhood can be fulfilled in some way, it is too great a gift to put away in the attic of your heart.
Evie M Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
Evie M I just read this and I want to say what you’ve wrote is the most moving thing I’ve read in a while. I wish I could hug you because you are an incredibly strong, resilient and loving person- one who has brought me to tears with just words. I wish you a life time of happiness and that one day you’ll get to look at a face that brings you more joy than anything and know what it took to bring you there. You are incredible.
Oh my god. I've always felt this way, always felt guilty for not wanting children, always taken so much shit from all my siblings because "youre so good with kids" and "you'll regret not having one" and "I want another nephew". I'm the youngest of 6. I'm the only one not married, with no children or plan for either. I feel this poem in every part of me
this is why I am subscribed to Button Poetry
I'm an extremely maternal person and really want children one day but I'm gonna adopt because I don't really see the purpose in carrying on the human race or creating a child when there are so many to be adopted. I'm not great with kids but I always wanna take care of things like when I was little I'd pick out a baby doll and treat it like my baby. Even when I was two I would take care of my cousin who was 9 months younger than me cause I could walk and he couldn't yet. But despite all that, I would never shame anyone for what they wanna do with their body. If they don't want children, they may change their mind later but they may not and that's not for me to decide. I'm 100% pro-choice.
Ella Biddy aaahh I feel 100% the same way!
Ella Biddy i agree with you about adopting im a sophmore now and since the begining of 8th grade ive known i wanna adopt and people tell me i will change my mind i can just feel i wont
You're my next half! Such a pity some person cant understand that we a see a greater need to care for kids already in this world. I cannot create another being know that someone already born is lacking a mother in their life
@Sen484 Great example of how people can sometimes change their minds ^-^ other people won't, however, most likely like me. And either way is perfectly acceptable and good
This is what spoken word should be and why I admire her. A story about an experience that everybody has and nobody wants to talk about with all the emotions that go with it and the hook at the end. Love it!
They dont make hallmark cards for your first pregnancy scare
Imagine the solipsistic woman brain it would take to think that line up
This poem fully encompasses what I have felt ever since I was a child. I honestly want to tie my tubes
I have been having such a difficult time that I've been feeling numb. This poem made me feel for the first time in months. Thank you, Rachel.
I've felt the loss and ache that she's talking about. It can eat away at you.
What an amazing piece. Heartbreaking, beautiful, and relateable. Thank you.
I was lucky and found a doctor that tied my tubes when I was in my 20s. I love every day that I am sterile.
Yasss! Having mine done in just under 2 months! :D
Maria Morveli you are so lucky. I'm 32, I can't have another IUD because I still have a broken off piece of the first one embedded in my uterus, and I can't find a doctor who will listen to me and approve the surgery. Even though: I've had one abortion, would have another in a heartbeat; have never changed my mind about not wanting kids--never, not even as a little girl playing house--and never will; am on medications I *must* take, upon which I should absolutely not become pregnant for numerous reasons; would gladly be a foster parent should I ever feel able to care for something alive with more needs than a cat; am hardly capable of keeping myself alive and housed. I'll still keep trying though.
Wow. Just... WOW!
This hit me hard, still in my mind weeks after first listening....
Slightly different situation but "there is ache here". I was never the motherly kind but when you realise that it won't be an option for you, it's a different kind of grief that she so eloquently explained. Confirming that she an absolute genius.
Rachel is my favourite poet
I love this. I grew up hearing how I just had to have kids, best thing, ect. Now I have 2 amazing girls and I tell them:
LIVE before you have kids because IF you have kids you'll have to put them before yourself NOT because society says you have to but because children take over your soul and you will love them more than you love yourself.
So live and learn and love you first.
holy wow. i have a few different health problems that could possibly make it deadly for me to have a child, but there is still so much fear and guilt and indecision. this is perfect ❤️
Wow I'm speechless. This speaks volumes. I'm always discouraged when other people for not wanting to have children.
As long as it isn't wanting children that you already have, and you act responsibly to stop it from happening, you are actually doing the environment a huge service. People contribute and create value in so many ways, and breeding isn't always actually one of them. You do you :)
Why would someone else's choice to not have kids discourage you? Honestly when my friends started having them I felt bad for them as I knew their lives would never be the same. But I also hate children. The "your own will be different" is absolutely annoying. Yeah they'll be different, they'll be the reason for mental break down and likely end with me in prison for murder. I do not want kids because I know I will not be able to handle them mentally, physically, or emotionally.
I have a mild tolerance for other people's kids. My friends kids are fine. My family's kids are fine. Stranger's kids I wish they'd put them on a leash. But most importantly they're not mine and at the end of the day I can return home to a quiet house and relax.
Thank you. For saying everything I feel.
THIS. Love this.
::chills:: thank you.
Your words make me feel when so many other things can't. Thank you for all you share and all you are.
she's great!
I feel almost relieved about this... I'm not the only one!! Of all the categories I don't fit into ... especially through my 20's... this was the ONE thing people couldn't fathom the most!! I was constantly arguing that I wouldn't change my mind. Oddly enough that was mostly with male friends which was suprising to me. As if they did not trust a woman that said they didn't want kids... like it was a trick or something haha. I used to dislike children very much... funny that because now I see they understand me more than most adults :oP That also solidifies my decision to myself... the "free spiritiness" I feel we have in common and that they see that "grown ups" forget they used to have... makes me feel I made the right decision for myself :o) It seems to be a pretty unfavourable social view point to have... but I think it should actually be MUCH more encouraged!! I'm responsible enough to know I'm not ... nor do I want to be... THAT responsible!! and I have never regretted that :o)
THANKYOU
this reminds me of how I would protest to my mother how I would never have children of my own because of the way they rip you inside out. Still looking at baby pictures I dream of idealistic babies with my boyfriend and so many names to go with faces so far unseen.
Danielle Barks Is it just the pregnancy/birth that's an issue for you? Because if you do want kids then you could consider adoption, surrogates, etc.
Not just that, I understand along with being responsible for a small human, you need to shape that little life into one that can survive on it's own. I know sacrifices must be made, I guess I'm not ready to take on that responsibility, I like being the little kid, the baby of the group and still learning.
This is amazing
Thank you for letting me name that ache. Melinda. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in feeling it. Andrew. Thank you. Maria. Thank you. Bryan. Thank you.
Incredible
she's my favorite
Ommmgggg 😩😩 I feel this so much!!!
i love this woman
Yes.
Excellent 100%
I want to have a child of my own when I'm older, but I would also love to adopt.
This is pure, and painful beauty
I like the voice oh, she really got into character for the name of the poem.
As someone who is absolutely terrified and disgusted of the idea of pregnancy and childbirth, as well as dedicating my life to children when I want so much more than that, this poem was powerful. My mother frequently teases me about how she can't wait be a grandmother, I always say I don't want kids. They get the way more ways than one. She keeps saying that'll change. I don't want it to change, I don't want to limit myself so concretely when my life has no room for children. I grew up as the eldest of 4 and a karate teacher to a group of 4-10 year olds. I've had enough of kids to last a lifetime. Sorry for the rant, but seriously. I don't want kids. Ever.
Whislt I love this, it doesn't resonate with me as only other people have made me feel guilty for not wanting children and that has spurned me on even more.
It is nonetheless a beautiful poem and she speaks it with such passion and fluidity, so bravo!
oh my gosh
I lost a baby at 19 and although unplanned and alone and young, I wanted him/her more than anything. I'm 25 now and unsuccessfully trying to conceive. The world is mysterious and unfair
ahhhh my heart skipped a beat as she said my name, Ada! that's one of the first times I've heard my name on a video of someone I don't know, since my name isn't common
Never clicked so fast damn
it is nice knowing I'm not alone, I always thought I wanted kids but always felt it wouldn't happen for me I still hoped sometimes.. but I excepted it, figured Id be an aunt or something, then I lost both my siblings to drugs. I'm a female an just turned 30 this year an haven't even had a serious boyfriend an its not for lack of trying, so its most likely there wont be kids in my future an most days I'm ok with that I like to travel, sleep in on the weekends ect "wind drift feather "from that line on I cry every time I hear this. I had baby names picked out once, when I let my mind wander
If I ever decide to get pregnant again, and have a daughter, I will name her Marble, purely because of this poem.
I bought the book on my Kindle and this one wasn't in it! It was a great read still!
She said my name that feels so weird cause my name isn't (at least in my life) that common.
Ella Biddy if your name is Ella I actually know a lot of ellas. Could just be where I live, though.
same!
I have that dress. 😁😁😁😁
shit this made me cry
Does anyone know if this is in any of her books? I can't find a copy of it written out anywhere.
Lily would have been my baby girl. The daughter my spouse misses that I never got to carry to term. We do have a wonderful son Samuel but he still wishes for his baby girl that I can't give him.
okay, so I want kids, like I want to raise them but I have no interest in giving birth. Their anatomy and genetics don't matter to me. I don't really want to give birth, or breastfeed or anything. But I want kids. I want to adopt or I want my partner to give birth if they want to do so. But I have no interest in the process. I'd love my child no matter what, plus I am carrying genes of mental disorders and likeliness of cancer and I don't wanna pass it on. But I don't crave pregnancy.
I'm glad UA-cam recommended this me. I couldn't stop laughing.
How can I get my poetry to button poetry
If i do have to say something, I really liked those baby names both her and boyfriend came up with...
What book is she reading from
I have this book but I can’t find this poem. Can anyone help? 😭
Did you find which book it was in? I can't track it down either.
MY OLDER SISTER IS NAMED IRIS AND MY BIRTH NAME WAS ADA AHH H H H H
I don’t like owning breakable things, but I’m afraid I break things nonetheless.
I feel like I want to have my own kids,but I don't want to pass on my mental disorders, I don't want to see them or the future generations of them (kids, grandkids,ect) suffer like I do
Her own.
I don't want kids and know I'm a let down to my parents and grandparents, and my long-term boyfriend who has a child with his ex wife. But if I could I would have had my tubes tied yesterday.
I feel like I might want a kid but at the same time I never want kids
ok i think it's fine to not want kids, but if one person wants kids and another one doesn't, doesn't that mean that they are on different paths and want to live different lives. This poem is beautifully constructed and lovely art, but that part i couldn't really understand.
LLA
Damn, she sweating just standing there. 😩
To be honest it's actually a wonder she hasn't died or at least become severely disabled yet. I saw a video of hers from around 2018/19 and it was hard to tell if she'd gained more weight, but Jesus had she aged badly. She's roughly the same as age as me I guess (early 30s) but looks like a woman in her late 40s due to the sheer hammering her organs have taken. Ironic that she should choose to write a poem about choosing not to have children, because most women of her size are infertile. Peace ☮️