Thought processes being bisexual: "What if I'm actually straight and just lying to myself?" *a few minutes later* "What if I'm lesbian and just lying to myself?"
same! I imagined being “free” after our for some reason mandatory husbands had died and living together with my best friend and some cats as two widowed best friends for the rest of my life 😂😂
Me too! I had this specific fantasy in middle school where a girl would move into the empty house next door, and we would become best friends. Throughout middle school and high school we would slowly fall in love and be invincible. Additionally, my family was never religious, but I would occasionally pray to God and ask them to send me a girl neighbor my age. 😂😂😂😂
Something someone said to me was: "Do you actually like men and are attracted to them or do you just seek male validation?" I thought that was interesting.
i just thought kissing men and kissing women were two completely different experiences, that's how i knew. kissing men was not enjoyable at all, and kind of anxiety inducing, and kissing women was the exact opposite, genuinely had that moment you see in movies where the heavens open up and angels start singing, that's what it felt like.
I feel like that everyday I am like I am lesbian but then I think what if I'm just faking for a attention so yea life's fun, 6/19/23 turns out update I'm trans and bi
I felt like this too trying to figure it all out as if I would fake being confused and emotional about figuring out my sexuality for absolutely no one to see but myself 😕
Absolutely, pretty much if you have to ask yourself these questions to decide then you're bicurious or bi whether your primary attraction is to male or female and whether you are or not.
@@siliaschanz5364 Yes. I could see myself in a relationship with them if they treat me well and love me. I could see myself loving someone no matter their gender identity.
Something also about porn: when I was growing up in Catholic school and violently fighting my lesbianism, I found myself watching man on man. The women I saw in porn often made me uncomfortable. I, of course, thought this meant I was straight because it's two men. I then found out that many lesbians watch man on man because it's actually made for queer audiences. Straight and lesbian porn are normally made for straight male enjoyment and the male gaze, whereas man on man is actually...gay. That threw me in a tailspin for a while, but looking back is really funny to think about.
It is because I remember being really into male/male ships but hating the smut. When it comes to porn it has always been girl on girl because I thought guys’ penises looked like churros and I couldn’t take it seriously lmao. I guess lesbians being into gay porn or gay romances might have to do with some sort of projection? Like our lesbophobia is so internalized that we just can’t stand watching two women together so it’s easier to imagine them as both men. I’ve noticed that all the things I wanted to see in mlm storylines were basically wlw storylines repackaged as mlm. I think it’s another way our brain supresses shit we don’t like about ourselves, by covering it up with something less threatening.
Yeah.... I'm at the point where I can't even watch stuff if there is a man in it ... anymore really bc it looks so cringy to me. I can watch he**ai with guys but that is different in my opinion.
I mean if when I think about kissing a man I feel sick and I feel repulsed, and when I think about kissing a woman I feel happy and jealous of peeps with a girlfriend... I think it’s safe to assume I’m gay
it’s really frustrating because sometimes i’ll doubt my bisexuality by telling myself it’s just a phase. i’ve never dated a girl before so it’s easy for me to doubt myself
Same... I have no idea what sexuality I have, I dated a girl and I really loved her and still I doubt it, idk, because maybe it's just a phase. I hope you now feel a little clearer about this topic, I mean, it's been a year since you commented :)
for me, I've dated a girl so I know for a fact that im def attracted to girls, so then i wanted to figure out how i felt about men. now i know that i've definitely been physically attracted to guys before, but ig im leaning more towards women cause i find them more physically attractive, but it's not like I don't like men?? idk why i was so hesitant to wear a bi label before, cause it's not like i was raised into think bisexuality was wrong, but ig i felt like i had to like one or the other and it was abnormal to like both for some reason. but ig that's cause society has normalized being straight, and now that being gay or lesbian is more accepted, it feels more normal to only like one gender, so much so that the bisexual label would come to someone's mind last
@@yazzyxxI think bisexuality and sexual fluidity is more common. People are understanding the many layers of attraction and it’s much more complex than once realized. Most people I have are choosing queer. Labels can be restrictive and there are a lot of gatekeepers.
something i struggle with HUGELY is wanting to please men - be pretty for men, be smart for men, show that I'm valuable for men - when I'm literally pretty sure I'm a lesbian. i think it's because society has taught me that my worth is what a man deems it to be - and lots of that worth is how I look. i have a desire to be wanted by men, I think, but I don't think I want them back.
I think what I've noticed w myself is that if a guy shows any interest in me, I'd either be nervous or since I never liked them in the first place-I'd start "liking" them back and would just want to be w them bc, I think I just liked their attention or smth, maybe I'm reaching. Idk if anyone's ever felt like this before
And once you figure out sexual orientation, you then realize that romantic orientation is a thing too. It’s a never-ending process of understanding yourself, and that’s a great thing.
I don't think you can separate romantic and sexual.As a straight guy i can only be sexual and romantically involved with women,not sexual with women and romantic with other men.
@@robb5828 What I’m saying, is that people’s sexuality and romantic orientation are often not the same. For example: bisexual homoromantic, asexual biromantic, bisexual heteroromantic, etc. Maybe you’re sexual orientation and romantic orientation are the same, but a lot of people are different.
@@Reed5016 I got you, but it is safe to assume that happens only with Bi , in straight sex, sexual desire and romance is towards only the opposite sex, both of them
@@robb5828 Yeah. I’m not saying everyone has different sexual and romantic attractions. Though there are heterosexual people who are aromantic, and heteroromantic people that are asexual. But then again, most of those people don’t identify as straight. Sorry if there was any confusion.
@@neptune2266 as someone who struggles with sticking to unlabelled as well, i absolutely understand the struggle, but as i've gotten closer to accepting myself, i've felt a lot better and less stressed. it's a difficult feat, but please do your best to release yourself from the pressure to know exactly who you are. you're going to get there on your own time. not having an exact label makes you no less valid. we're in this together
I can not imagine growing old with a man, buying a house, having a child etc but I can with a woman. But I do like men. sometimes. But I immediately lose interest if they even do the slightest little annoying thing lol so idk if I like men? Idk help
wtf this is so interesting - same here. i find sex repulsive but am only 'physically' attracted to females if that makes sense and romantically attracted to guys, but can only imagine living with a female and not with a guy. i have much more intense crushes on male fictional characters, (all live action) but irl crushes have mostly been on girls. what does that mean..
YESSS at this point I dont even know if i like any gender because liking looks is shallow.... but again i am aromantic and feel like i dont deserve anybody because i never loved someone
I don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I form a deep connection w someone - I’m demisexual and figuring out how I find ppl attractive after that deep connection is so confusing and it’s sometimes frustrating in terms of exploring my queerness
@@thehourglassfan3515 I'm late but since I'm in a situation like that, I guess I'll share some of my experiences: Ever since I found out that LGBTQ+ people do exist, I became open to the idea of not being straight, but I only began realizing I was attracted to women at like 13 years old. I spent months questioning my sexuality before I settled on bisexual with a strong preference for women. I knew I noticed a beautiful woman more than I notice a handsome guy (you actually hardly ever catch me saying a guy is handsome/attractive, but I say it about girls pretty often). I thought I was more likely to end up liking a woman but I could still see myself with a guy. Or so I thought. Recently, I've realized I have never been genuinely attracted to any guy, ever. But I freak out over girls being hot all the time. The more I think about it, the less I see myself ever getting with a guy at all. So I'm back to questioning. I'm still reluctant to drop the bisexual label for two reasons: one is that at least if I was bisexual, it'd be closer to being straight, and maybe my family would be more okay with it since a lot of them are kinda conservative and religious. However, I also don't want people to think the period in which I confidently identified as bisexual was invalid, aka "just a phase". So yeah, that's my situation. I'm not 100% sure I'm a lesbian yet, but day by day I feel further from connecting with bisexuality like I once did.
But bisexuality includes men and women, unless you’re poly you won’t be with two people at once, whoever your with doesn’t define your sexuality it’s just who your with at that time. if you’re bisexual, and get into a relationship with a woman / get into a lesbian relationship, that doesn’t necessarily mean you were gay all along.
When I was young, I see myself in a relationship with woman (I'm a girl). But now that I'm old (27) , I see myself being alone. EDIT as of this moment (January 30, 2023) I'm 29 and still single but alive HAHAHAAHAHAHA happy new year!
I used to go by bisexual, but I noticed that I spent so much time worrying about how much my preference fluctuated by the day that I just go by queer/gay as umbrella terms now. Takes a lot of stress off my back!
Nah don’t be ashamed of your bisexuality or repress it to get more gay gal pals! Bisexuals are great man there’s so much variety in that community. You can be 90% into women and 10% into men and You’d still be just as bisexual as the rest of em
You are genuinely my Melanie Murphy, for years I tried pushing away the idea of me possibly being a "sinner" (my family is relegious). But the last months I became more accepting of my sexual preferences (women and men). And today is finally the day I truly identify myself with it, I won't tell anyone tho (my friends are judgemental or relegious). But knowing that I finally know myself is really nice. I'm really grateful you're helping me see that I'm bisexual and proud!
I'm 100% bi, but sometimes I still think about 'maybe' being a lesbian. And then I think "I don't want to have less options" lol Not that it matters anyways, I'm almost 22 and I've never been in a relationship, I guess the "bi yourself" meme is indeed true
God this is a whole fucking mood, I've been in a relationship but I haven't found anything that lasts. The thing about "not having less options" is so spot on and is what makes me feel like yeah I'm bi. I don't want to have to give up being attracted to men. I want both!
This is why more and more people are bi/gay these days. You’re literally not born with any different gay genetics. It’s a decision of convenience (or necessity) based on our self perception. zero bad vibes here: we live in an free country where it’s all cool…but I do believe (and many studies suggest this) sexual behavior & orientation can change over time if it makes sense for it to, and your brain is “plastic” and constantly reprogramming throughout our entire lives. so if you’re confused….literally it’s a decision, not in you DNA. Which path is more rewarding? Go for that
this video was helpful-thank you for your thoughts shared here. i am a bisexual woman, and have known this for many years, however i am still struggling with internalized biphobia that i picked up as a child. so much of what you shared resonated with me. it makes me feel good to see another bisexual woman completely comfortable with her own sexuality and just radiating positivity. thank you 💞🌺🦋🌿💛 ~ Nasim
When I was 14 I had a friend, I felt so amazed by her, all I wanted is to around her and spent good moments together, but I thought that it was just friendship, like, you wanna be around people who make you happy and comfortable, but then someone told she liked me, I was paralyzed just thinking that I needed to get away from her because I didn't understand my feelings. I made her feel upset and that made me feel awful. Then I realized that I loved her for real, more than a friend, but all we had was just a fling and we don't talk anymore, for some reason, she doesn't want to be my friend and I'm ok with that, we're 21 now and we're on different ways. I'm grateful that now I know myself as well and understand my feelings.
I am an 11 year old girl, and I tried to figure out my sexuality. In this video I found out I was a lesbian. I was never into guys, in movies, school etc. Thank you so much, for helping me out.
When you spoke about why you don't dress "femme" anymore and are more comfortable in looser/different clothing, it made me feel NORMAL!!!! I was like, thank God I saw this video. since then I allowed myself to dress however I felt more comfortable and me, even if that wasn't the "femme" look that everyone expected of me. So, thanks girl 🙌
Romantically I only see myself with men but not sexually. Idk if it’s comphet or whatever but I can’t even force myself to imagine the alternative and it doesn’t appeal to me.
Thank you for this ❤️. I am honestly going through a bit of a time at the moment. For the past two years I’ve identified as bisexual, but recently I’ve realised that I’ve always felt a bit more of a pull towards women than men. Thank you for clearing this up.
I think I’m at a point where I am romantically attracted to both but only sexually attracted to women. The issue is I have been raised religious, my family is religious, so basically I am going to have to suppress this for my whole life 🥲✌️
Yeah I’m still questioning mine I know for a fact I like women so I’m definitely not straight I think I’m panromantic But I’m not sure about my physical attraction I could be bi with a preference for women Or maybe I’m a panromantic lesbian idk
the thing im scared of is coming out as lesbian to everyone and then later on, finding attraction toward men as well. I just dont want to be like "oh im lesbian" and make everyone think it was a phase or I was faking it. (And if im attracted toward fictional men does that mean im bi or lesbian bc im not attracted toward real men but im attracted toward fictional ones.) edit: literally i haven’t checked this account in a year ik how stupid this sounds LMFAO anyways i’m unlabeled now idek why tf i cared
Sexuality can be fluid, so if you feel like the current label doesn't fit anymore you can change it. Ooooor you can decide to not use a specific label and just say you're queer or part of the community or something. :) Hope this helps a little ~
That’s me but the other way around. I came out as bi and I’m now realizing that I don’t actually like men in that way. I think it was bc I was forcing myself to like men bc if my family
I will say, you can 1000% like fictional men (and even celebrities and men you fantasize about in your head) while still being completely a lesbian. these aren’t real men that we meet and interact with, they’re just projections of what we want so it’s natural to form crushes on them. what matters most is who you actively like right now in your real life, because those are actual people and not just based on our desires. that being said, i’m still definitely questioning myself haha so there’s no pressure to give yourself a label rn regardless! if you’re still wondering about this tho i recommend googling the “am i a lesbian” masterdoc or checking out @patronsaintoflesbians on tiktok, both helped me a ton!
Haven't quite finished the video yet, so idk if you're gonna go into that. But I think one thing that's important to mention is that your preferences and labels may also change. I identify as bisexual but am currently in a phase where I'm mainly interested in women. I still would not call myself a lesbian tho, because I know that in other times and phases I may be leaning more towards men. Just a thing I think is worth emphasising; no label that you choose now has to stay the same for the rest of your life!
i think this is a great point!💜 i've been confused about this, personally, because i thought when i went through phases of being more into women than men, i thought my label had to change, but it didn't! but at the same time, i ended up changing my label to "queer" because it felt more like me!
There have been studies (namely longitudinal research of Lisa Diamond on a group of non-straight women) which showed that this is quite typica for those with, as she called it, "non-exclusive attractions". For many women who were sexually attracted to any degree to men and women, their preferences fluctuated through years (like at one interval, they had 70/30 preference for men, two years later it was 80/20 for women etc.). It's quite different from being exclusively attracted to women, since those were as Diamond called them "extremely solid group".
@@KearaGraves I recall that you called yourself biromantic homosexual in one of your previous videos. Do you still feel that it's accurate? If so, I always wanted to ask you what do you consider to be romantic feelings if there's lack of sexual attraction. Where's the line between having romantic but non-sexual feelings for a man and being true friends with a man? I hope you won't find this question rude, I'm just quite confused about this.
@@anngan5045 Hey, I know it's been 7 months, but I'll answer this, as someone who has experienced non-sexual romantic attraction before. Well, non-sexual romantic attraction is essentially catching feelings for someone, with all the symptoms of a crush or of falling in love. So, you'll start thinking about that person more, being dreamy, feeling warm inside when you're thinking of that person, experiencing butterflies, having this desire to be closer to that person than a friend normally would be. You'll start feeling like just being a regular friend of that person might not be enough and you'll feel, deep inside, that you're in love with them and always thinking of them. You'll want them to also think of you in the same way. So basically, all the symptoms of being romantically interested in someone that would exist in any romantic situation. However, since it's a non-sexual romantic attraction, all your fantasies regarding this person will only be about stuff like kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, and you will not be able to imagine yourself in a sexual situation with them. A lot of the time, it's more about loving that person's soul or mind, if that makes sense, and you might feel warm inside when you think about kissing them, but if you try to imagine something sexual, that's not arousing for you and it makes you feel uncomfortable. So, I would say, there's a huge difference between friendship and non-sexual romantic attraction, because you don't tend to day-dream about your friends, get butterflies when you're thinking of them or think about them all day long. At least that's what it's like for me.
You helped me so much, i have had such a hard time lately and you really helped me realize not only what i probably am but also that its okay not to know
If your family isn’t supportive of u being gay, it may be very difficult to deal with but keep in mind that you’re not gonna live with them forever and they don’t control ur life. Live however you want to without worrying too much about other people😌🏳️🌈
@@yukkiyukkiii2493 yeah it was at first but I’m thinking the same thing now, but then again, I wish I wasn’t raised with their beliefs for lgbt+ ppl, cause I had to deal with internalized homophobia for so long and I think MANY people do, thank you so much tho🌈🙌🏽✌🏻
I’m bisexual, but I have a strong lean for women. I question myself all the time on this and I think that others would perceive and have a hard time understanding it. I’m not that picky when it comes to women, but men i’m very picky with. I’m attracted to both, it’s just very difficult to really get to the point of actually being with someone.
Ik it feels weird to be faling things, but you shouldn't be scared of it, bc: 1) It's not important if you're "faking" it or you're confused, u don't need an exact label to be yourself. 2) labels can change with the time, so even if you had the wrong label, you can change it whenever you want. 3) Sexuality can also be fluid.
I keep back and forthing between straight, bi, and lesbian, like help me God. Bisexual feels alright but oh what if I'm faking attraction to women for attention? Most of my memorable crushes when I was young were on boys too. I've never even held hands with a girl so how would I know? But I've never done that with anybody period. And then it's like, were they crushes though? Do you really like men? What if you're just experiencing compulsive heterosexuality? Maybe all those anime boys you simp for actually have nothing to do with- what about anime girls then? Don't even get me started on sexual attraction, I ain't even trying to unpack that. Y'all I be struggling big time 😩
After years of questioning my sexuality on whether I'm bi or lesbian I decided for myself to stop labeling myself. Only label I'd still use is 'queer'. I think back in school it would have given me a lot of comfort to know exactly what my sexuality is but nowadays (I'm 19) I am so tired of that search for the perfect fitting label. I sure know my preferences but it lifted so much weight off my shoulders to just say f*** it, stop going over and over with this self labeling process and just see where life is leading me. Hope y'all doing well, have a nice week :)
@@odabuu sure, 'bisexual' can be used as an umbrella term but it just doesn't fully resonate with me. As soon as I put a label on myself I eventually find myself doubting that same label. I'm just tired of the need for a fitting label for me, the constant doubt and the identify crisis that's been going on for years... I'm just me. Trying to find the right label was not only impossible for me but also dragging me down over the years. I got frustrated bc the topic was super present in my life but I didn't get any answers to my questions. I found peace by simply not labeling myself. I'm not straight, that's it. I for myself don't need any more categorization - if anyone else does (to put me in a box) it's not my problem. And to only use a label in order for others to categorize me more easily seems to be the wrong motive for me. But as I said, I get it if others like to label themselves
@@gudeffm if you are also attracted to men isn't it a simple answer of you being bisexual? Honest question if you fit the description why not just go with that description if that's what you do it's what you do when the description is supposed to describe that
As a bisexual, genderfluid she/her?,I find I am mainly sexually attracted to women, and mostly romantically attracted to soft men. I’m with a genderqueer / feminine bi guy and I feel so fulfilled and can see myself doing everything with this person.♥︎
i don’t know your situation or where you live, but i found that for me, it got easier when i accepted myself. you are gay no matter if you hide it or not, and not being honest about it is just an added extra weight. when you know yourself and you love yourself, all of you, all of those difficulties get easier to withstand. and things don’t feel as heavy.
Wtih accepting yourself comes reaaal happiness, I promise you. I don't know your situation but I hope you are in a safe place with people who will accept you and love you for who you are
I feel the exact same way. It's like no I have nothing against gay women but I just want to be straight or bi but I'm for sure I'm a lesbian it's just really hard to accept myself. Like I just can't.
Me too. I feel horrible because when I meet other gay people, it honestly barely registers and I know logically homophobia is wrong; but when it's me I just hate myself.
Here's how I knew. My "girl crushes" turned out to be regular crushes and my "crushes" on boys were entirely platonic. I didn't find this out until several months ago.
I'm a bi woman with a preference for women. What really confused me was the representation of bisexuals i was seeing on tiktok bc i was only seeing women with a preference for women who said that they would never date a man. Dont get me wrong, having a 99% preference for women is totally valid but it made me question if i really had a crush on a guy bc i thought i was supposed to not like him. Turns out i did like him even tho i have a preference for women and now we are together and in love💗
@Alexandra Maier whatever makes them happy, i mean i could have a gf and I chose to be with my boyfriend which means he is pretty cool to say the least 😅
Bisexuality is absolutely valid and I hate when people say stvpid shit like “sure you are that’s just trendy” or “oh that’s just to impress men” or “you’ll be fully gay one day” like it’s so rude? Imagine saying that to straight people they’d flip out
I use to identify as bisexual for the longest time and then maybe almost a year ago I realised i didnt like men and it was pretty much just comphet but i didnt like the term lesbian (and still dont bc of some internalised homophobia I have) so I proudly identify as Sapphic or I use the term Gay (simple haha)
Wow...I think imma copy you with the sapphic label. Sappho/Sapphic is just such a beautiful term. I also like using wlw, as in saying I'm just a woman who like women.
Yeah I know I am a lesbian now but I’ve just been raised to believe it’s a dirty word so I feel uncomfortable saying I am such... I hate how society treats us so much
I thought I would share my story of how I concluded I was bi. When I was 12 my dad would always call me a lesbian and say I was gay and things like that, which actually made me question my sexuality. I thought very deeply if I liked girls in that way. And I decided I did, for a week I thought that I was gay. Then I thought I was straight again because I still looked at boys the same way everyone else did, but I also looked at girls that way too. Being young and ignorant I didn't even know that bi was a thing. Lol One of my friends friends had a tik tok saying that she was bi and about how she came out last year. Again me not knowing what bi was I looked it up. And I was like wow! I'm bi like 100%. There were still times I questioned it, but now I'm sure. Just remember you're going to go through phases where you like one gender more than the other, and where you like them the same. It doesn't have to be 50/50 100% of the time! Hope this helps loves!
honestly i grew up trying to great this fantasy life with a man cause that's what i was trained to think that its a man and a woman and it took me a couple tries to actually be happy in that dream life to feel satisfied and when i started finding myself and liking woman that same night before i went to sleep i tried and envision a life with another woman and i instantly felt happy like the joy it gave me to envision a life like that was irreplaceable but then i remembered about my catholic parents and how they would probably never accept me having a life like that, they never really came out and said "i hate gay people or their sinners" but they did make some rude comments cause my mom found out about my bff is a part of the community. it made me feel super uncomfortable cause she's my best friend and at the time i thought i was a devoted ally until i found out i was part of the community. i hate the thought that im going to have to settle for a life with a man that i may not be happy with just to satisfy my parents even though i find men attractive its hard for me to see myself with a man emotionally and for me and emotional connection is 100x more important then a physically connection. Thank you for reading my rant really had to let it out :)
it's usually different when it's their kid, because often they love us more than they love themselves. might take them awhile to process, though. i hope you don't settle for less than because of them
I think a big realization for me was that when I thought I was straight when I was younger I was always like "well I wanna date a man who makes a lot of money" not really caring about the actual relationship. Even if I thought I had a crush on someone they would usually have feminine qualities. And I was also like I don't really want a high school relationship I'll just find a guy when I have to. But then when I was starting to question myself I always skipped over the thought of being bisexual cause I knew I really didn't want to date men but was still confused but then when I started thinking about it when I thought of me with a girl I was excited about it and didn't care what job they had and I don't know it just felt right and that was kind of the thing that made me decide how to label myself as lesbian anyways I don't know if this helped anyone but I hope you found it somewhat helpful
@@thelocalchaoticgood6146 i think biromantic only means that youre romantically attracted to two or more genders and biromantic homosexual or heterosexual would mean that youre apart from that sexually attracted to one gender
@@thelocalchaoticgood6146 well if your heterosexual biromantic or homosexual biromantic your attracted s3xually to one gender but romantically attracted to 2 genders. you could also be asexual biromantic meaning you don't feel sexual attraction at all but you are romantically attracted to 2 genders ^^
I'm 31 and questioning my identity as pansexual and my supposed attraction to men at all, and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video. Over the years I've thought many times that I might just be a lesbian but then felt disappointed upon realizing there is a chance, no matter how small, that I may fall in love with a man at some point and thought I may as well just say I'm pan. But every single question you posed just kinda hit the nail on the head and made me realize I generally don't have an attraction to men. Honestly every time I even SEE a man my immediate thought is "please don't think I'm interested in you" lol.
For me, I can imagine myself in a relationship with a man and marrying one. But In practice, it lacks the spark I imagined. I grew up thinking being with a man is the only way to be happy, but even though today I still don't know my sexuality, everyday I understand my sexuality more and more, and it's very exciting.
You were 100% my melanie murphy, keara! I've been watching your videos since maybe 2017 when I became comfortable identifying as bisexual. In 2021, I've now read the "Am I A Lesbian?" masterdoc and realized that compulsory heterosexuality was keeping from from realizing I just am gay. All that to say, thank you for sharing your journey!!
learning about comphet was DEFINITELY a game changer for me too... it's still hard to differentiate sometimes how i feel because i don't know if it's due to comphet for not...!
@@KearaGraves I feel that too. I think what matters most is just owning the labels that feel right to you, and not letting the moment shift your mood :)
Thank youu for mentioning romantic attraction as well! As someone on the Ace spectrum, romantic/sensual/aesthetic attraction is what I experience, and even though it isn't sexual, I still feel very queer in my attraction to other women.
Me: "yeah, I'd like to be in a relationship with *someone.* Either man or woman." Also me: "I'm not going to marry a man, also I don't like to think to myself doing... *that* stuff with man..." So basically my test results are uh ehm...
I honestly think a huge part of why I've thought I was straight for 20 years is just because I'm so intimidated by women. I'm realizing now that I may just be scared of exploring & actually may be even more interested in women than I am in men.
Fun fact: when I was about 11yrs old I was super confused because of my attraction to gay men. I looked further into my feelings back then and became aware of women fetishising gay relationships, so I quickly attempted to ignore my feelings and look further into the community I assumed I was hurting. After many years of self discovery and vigorous learning, I now know I am a Bisexual male and am happy with that label. I haven’t seen others with similar experiences to me, but I hope my story helps someone else with their journey :)
I have been thinking about this a ton, I really can’t tell if I’m attracted to men or not. at the same time, I feel like I’m faking liking women sometimes, so I’m in a tough spot
I feel the same way, it can be so difficult some times. I keep swinging between “i’m def bi”, to “i’m just faking liking women because i want attention or smth” and “am i reallyattracted to men or is this compheterosexuality?” I don’t necessarily want a label or something but just knowing would be nice haha. Just know that you are not alone!! :))
I always knew I was attracted to men, and I'm currently in a relationship with one and I love him a lot. I'm still so confused if I'm just "straight and faking it" or if I'm actally bisexual. I'm pretty sure I like women too, but I feel like maybe I'm suppressing that part of me because of how I often don't feel pretty or good enough for other women, and that I feel like no women would ever find me attractive. I want to be with my boyfriend forever, so idk if I'll ever actually find out if I'm truly bi or not, since I'll never get to experiment with women.
I have always questioned myself because my romantic and sexual attractions are not perfectly aligned. Recently I looked through my old Yahoo Answers questions from when I was in high school (like 16 years old) and I was asking sexuality related questions. When I read them I realized my attraction had not changed in the past 12 years, this is who I am and it is VALID :)
This actually helped me! I've been through so many sexualities. "Am I Bisexual? Am I Omnisexual? Oh, I'm totally Neptunic! I have an attraction to a non-binary fictional character!" I've watched this, and I'm like, "Okay, I'm totally lesbian!" The first thing you said, I think some men are attractive, but I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with them, and that totally helped! So thank you for helping me!
Thank you for this!! Sometimes I see so many queer people talking about comp het , or formerly bi people who now identify as totally gay, that i started questioning my own bisexuality... but now after answering these questions I’m reassured that I am bi! Thanks so much for solving my internal crisis haha
My brain is always questioning: Am I actually lesbian? But then I realize I don’t have the same feelings for males as I do for females.. I can’t see myself in a relationship with a male, and I find females attractive as to where I don’t have attraction to males. I also question if I’m actually lesbian, because I’ve never actually been in a serious relationship with a female. I come to realize that I am lesbian when I kind of went over some of these questions I made for myself (as well as questions in the video) this really helped me, even if I already had an idea of WHO I was. Thank you for this :)
This is me i don’t like guys, or having the idea of marring them / dating like I can but im scared of coming out and never found a gf bc I can’t talk to women btw i only like 1 ficcional men but this “men” is gender fluid so basically is also a girl so I decide go by sapphic / queer
Ok weirdly enough sexually I am wayy more attracted to woman, but when I imagine a relationship I can see mylself with both equally, but again when it comes to flirting I feel extremely anxious/uncomfortable around men...but I feel like that could also have different reasons
you and Georgia were my Melanie Murphie‘s even when I was SO in denial and so far in the closet- now I’m fully out & have a girlfriend :) what you’re doing helps people!!
Oh my god, I can't tell how many times I watched Melanie Murphy's coming out video when I was questioning my sexuality XD I thought I was bisexual first, but felt more comfortable identifying as a lesbian or queer later (like just a month later lol). But the exposure of hearing the coming out stories of other queer people and learning about different parts of the LGBTQ+ community really helped me understand and find my own place within it
This is so interesting to me because I asked myself all of these questions when I began really questioning my secuality a few years ago. I realized after all my awnsers where queer/wlw related that I'm definitely a lesbian lol.
Okay, here's my problem & maybe someone can relate or help me out. 😣 When I think of dating someone in the future or marrying someone in the future, I ONLY think about women. The thought of dating a guy or marrying a guy feels like the most FOREIGN thing ever. However, when I see guys I can appreciate their aesthetic beauty, and sometimes I will think they're sexually attractive. The thing is, though, this sexual attraction is VERY fleeting, never lasts for long, and is almost always after I find out the guy likes me first. I think partially I only desire guys if I know they like me because I like feeling wanted. Another part of me thinks maybe I'm just trying to erase bisexuality/pansexuality and trying to make it simpler than it is. I'm just not sure. This honestly stresses me out a lot. At the end of the day the only thing that I'm sure of is that I want to date and spend the rest of my life with a woman. Am I just trying to fit into society's idea of what attraction is? Am I subconsciously forcing myself to think men are sexually attractive because I know that that is what is "normal" in society's eyes? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
sounds pretty lesbian to me, but. instead of focusing on what you don’t know, maybe focus on what you do know, maybe that’s less confusing. the reason i identified as queer for so long was because i didn’t want to rule anyone out, but i’ve been out for so long now i’m pretty confident in what i genuinely like and what’s just superficial. and if i do end up falling for someone that isn’t a woman at some point, i’ll worry about that then, it’s not like i’m bound to a label forever.
@@sgtmian Thanks so much! That makes a lot of sense!! Also, if I choose a label now that doesn't fit me in the future, there's no shame in finding another label. I never really thought of it that way 😁😁😊😊 Thanks for being so kind
You ate literally my Meline Murphy. Before this point I thought I was pansexual because the only other female cousin turned out to be a lesbian and I thought since she did that, that my family would be disapointed in me if I cam out as a lesbian because they wouldn't get a straight wedding or anything like that. But now the fear is pushed aside and I know my true sexuality as a lesbian. Tysm for making this video!❤️🩹
keara you were my melanie murphy, I watched ur collab with georgia years ago and it was only at the end that I realised I spent the whole video staring at you
you were definitely my melanie murphy!!! i remember watching ur "how i knew i was bisexual" video and going "oh, that's actually me", it helped me so much in opening up the doors to exploring my sexuality! I even bought a bi flag for my room the week after haha
so...I just came out as bi last year .....I think im a lesbian ....I never thought about it until your questions. edit: you're my melony Murphy legit...im sitting here like wtf
I remember when I was introduced a few years ago to the term "pansexual" . When I looked up the definition , it felt so nice to feel like I'm understood . I would always tell people , I'm in love with souls , not genders or genitalia . And the BOOM , learned to was a world already invented for that and I felt good knowing I'm not the only one like this . Either way though, when I meet someone and they ask me my sexual orientation, I just say 'i have none , I'm me' Simply because I do not like labels .. Like I remember someone asked me if I eat meat and I said , sure eggs and fish, they said no it's you're a vegetarian. They said ok you're pescetarian .. I said no. Then he said " what are you then?" Lol like why does it matter . Why must people put a label on you based on what you eat or who you like ? Can't you just eat what you like and love who you love ? What's the big deal with these labels lol
Very well explained. Important to differentiate: Bisexuality: romantic and/or romantic attraction to your own and other genders with a certain preference to one ot the other gender. Pansexuality: romantic and/or romantic attraction to all genders without any preference to any gender. I'm pansexual.
I have never been romantically attracted to a guy. I have only ever dated and been romantically attracted to women. I do, however, often fantasize sexually about guys. This has led to much confusion, lol.
Hmm well if you fantasize more often about men then maybe you're bi? But honestly I'm fully lesbian...I can't really fathom doing anything sexual in real life with a guy & when I tried it made me feel sick but I don't mind watching straight porn. Or any porn really that's hot, I dig it. So you could very well still be lesbian haha
@@Sapphire1982 yeah i don’t know if i think porn has to have anything to do with your sexuality, because i don’t mind gay porn at all, and i’m definitely a lesbian. i just don’t want to be doing any of those things myself. i don’t know about sexual fantasies about men, though, never had those. i think if i did i’d try to see if it was something i actually liked or if it was just something i liked the idea of.
I found "homoflexible" or "lesbian" to be more suiting for me. Men's organ down there is usually in my rough sexual fantasy, however unless I somehow form a very deep connection w someone I don't attract to the idea of kissing and hugging a man, romatically and sexually. My male friends I see them like bros. But with women, that's a whole different story, I almost don't have a "standard" because it's easy for me to see beauty in a woman. As a kid I didn't understand why other girls are swooning over male korean idols and I fangirl strong lady characters without realizing I'm gay af. So yeah I guess that's my conclusion
So you admit you are attracted to men or there's a possibly of being with men by saying you like the idea of kissing a man, even if you say it's only with deep connections. You admit you think about the male body parts. That's not what a lesbian is and the word homoflexible is kind of insulting to lesbians because it fuels this idea that homosexuality is something flexible that can change or you can choose to start or stop being homosexual. Like homosexuality is fluid when it's not. Bisexuality is fluid which is why that would make more sense to use.
For me I have always been attracted to both men and women. I came out to my first boyfriend and got a positive response and although that relationship didn’t last I finally felt more comfortable with who I was and recently came out to my immediate family. I am now talking to a wonderful women who has really taught me a lot about myself and I find that for me as a bisexual women being with a man is no different then being with a women. You might disagree and that’s totally okay but I don’t mean physically different I mean emotionally, and connection wise. It’s no different for me.
Okay, so straight up, I’m Christian. In my family my mom always told me that technically yeah being queer is a sin but if your heart is in the right place then you won’t be damned to hell. She did tell me that bisexuality was worse than being lesbian or gay. Tbh I’ve always been very “EW GAYS” my whole life while secretly having dirty thoughts about women (I know hypocritical of me) and my bsf is Muslim. She’s always talking about how the LGBTQ+ is gross and if I was hypothetically lesbian or something then her mom wouldn’t let her talk to me and she wouldn’t be able to talk to me herself. Knowing this I’ve been very scared of what my sexuality is because I’m worried it’ll ruin our friendship (and no I don’t feel sexually attracted to her) my younger sister knows I’m conflicted but she’s the ONLY ONE who knows out of my entire family (I come from 8 kids) so out of 7 only 1 siblings knows and that’s because she use to identify as bi until recently (she realized she’s straight) so I felt safe to confide in her. It’s so scary not knowing what you are while being surrounded by threats. Idk what to do and I feel so guilty for even considering a woman. Recently I’ve had guys crush on me and ask me out and I’m sure I like them and then feel uncomfortable by it. But I’ve been fantasizing about being with a woman. Masc or fem idc tbh. This is hard for me. And I’ve been crushing on the feminine male kpop idols and some female idols (People always teased me saying that I MUST be lesbian or bi if I’m crushing on feminine males😭)
My first time hearing the word bisexual (keep in mind this was years ago and I was very young) was in a dating show where they would pick someone and they would be faced with 3 secrets the other person had and only one was true, so they had to pick one to be a dealbreaker. This guy picked a girl and one of her secrets was her being bisexual, but he said if it were true that secret would be the deal breaker because “I wouldn’t have to watch out for her looking at other guys I’d have to watch out for her looking at girls too” and it just made me so sad because she got so sad, and it just didn’t seem fair. It is a very vivid memory (at least for my memories. They’re usually foggy), but I think it really hindered me being able to accept myself as biromantic (asexual). I recently came to terms with my sexuality, and I’m trying to figure out where to go from here lol
I looked back at my school work from a few years ago and I literally wrote in french ‘I prefer girls over guys because....’ like um how did that not click in my head back then
Thought processes being bisexual:
"What if I'm actually straight and just lying to myself?"
*a few minutes later*
"What if I'm lesbian and just lying to myself?"
sammmeeeee
girl i have had this internal battle every day for the last 7 years 😭
this is me all the time
the way im going through this right now and its so frustrating
me rn 😭😭
As a child I always fantasised about growing old with my same gender best friend. I think that was a sign...
same! I imagined being “free” after our for some reason mandatory husbands had died and living together with my best friend and some cats as two widowed best friends for the rest of my life 😂😂
Same!!
omg same!!
@@helantopia lmao that is amazing ngl
Me too! I had this specific fantasy in middle school where a girl would move into the empty house next door, and we would become best friends. Throughout middle school and high school we would slowly fall in love and be invincible. Additionally, my family was never religious, but I would occasionally pray to God and ask them to send me a girl neighbor my age. 😂😂😂😂
Something someone said to me was: "Do you actually like men and are attracted to them or do you just seek male validation?" I thought that was interesting.
100%. This helped me so much. I realized I just wanted male attention.
Yeah I always look for men to "fix" m y daddy issues even tho I have zero feelings for them what so ever
you are just confusing me even more 😭
@@illusion743 omg saaaame 😯
Oh
i just thought kissing men and kissing women were two completely different experiences, that's how i knew. kissing men was not enjoyable at all, and kind of anxiety inducing, and kissing women was the exact opposite, genuinely had that moment you see in movies where the heavens open up and angels start singing, that's what it felt like.
this helped me so much, thanks
honestly!!!
IKR! This is gonna sound kinda corny, but it’s like in that moment when your kissing, your the only two people in the world!
Everything is clear now thank you
Wow I've felt both ways with both men and women
me: yeah no definitely a lesbian
my comphet brain: but what If I’m faking it tho?!????
OMG YES
THIS
YUPP
I feel like that everyday I am like I am lesbian but then I think what if I'm just faking for a attention so yea life's fun, 6/19/23 turns out update I'm trans and bi
I felt like this too trying to figure it all out as if I would fake being confused and emotional about figuring out my sexuality for absolutely no one to see but myself 😕
Just remember you can be bisexual and have a preference. Whether its men or women :D
Absolutely, pretty much if you have to ask yourself these questions to decide then you're bicurious or bi whether your primary attraction is to male or female and whether you are or not.
me: is obviously a lesbian
also me: "yeah but what if I'm not tho-"
Same
Most of the time women don't like men , women look for women in men. So dont worry u r a lesbian
this.
this oh my god!!
@@guknhguhcrujbcd3962 THIS IS SO TRUE
i feel like when your bi it’s frustrating because you feel like you need to pick a side which is not the case as all
It dose and it stinks, but like you said you don’t have to
Right now I'm frustrated because I don't know if I'm bi or pans. I can see myself with a guy, a girl, and a transgender person. What am I?!
Well, can you see yourself with a nonbinary person?
@@siliaschanz5364
Yes. I could see myself in a relationship with them if they treat me well and love me. I could see myself loving someone no matter their gender identity.
@@siliaschanz5364
(And thank you for the reply, I really need help figuring this out. If you were talking to me.)
As a 31 year old REPRESSED millennial bisexual... stoked for this quiz 😂
In conclusion I think I’m still bisexual, I can see myself being in a relationship with men and women but I can only see myself marrying a woman
Me too!
SAME! So glad I’m not alone in that I thought it was just me
I think I'm bisexual too, but I only see myself marrying a man rather than a woman.
This!!
Same!!
you know you confused when you can’t even answer those questions
Omg so true🤣🤣
Hell yes
yes:(
hell mood
amen
Something also about porn: when I was growing up in Catholic school and violently fighting my lesbianism, I found myself watching man on man. The women I saw in porn often made me uncomfortable. I, of course, thought this meant I was straight because it's two men. I then found out that many lesbians watch man on man because it's actually made for queer audiences. Straight and lesbian porn are normally made for straight male enjoyment and the male gaze, whereas man on man is actually...gay. That threw me in a tailspin for a while, but looking back is really funny to think about.
It is because I remember being really into male/male ships but hating the smut. When it comes to porn it has always been girl on girl because I thought guys’ penises looked like churros and I couldn’t take it seriously lmao.
I guess lesbians being into gay porn or gay romances might have to do with some sort of projection? Like our lesbophobia is so internalized that we just can’t stand watching two women together so it’s easier to imagine them as both men.
I’ve noticed that all the things I wanted to see in mlm storylines were basically wlw storylines repackaged as mlm. I think it’s another way our brain supresses shit we don’t like about ourselves, by covering it up with something less threatening.
No hate to the brain here but we do be like that sometimes
Yeah.... I'm at the point where I can't even watch stuff if there is a man in it ... anymore really bc it looks so cringy to me. I can watch he**ai with guys but that is different in my opinion.
How were you violently fighting your lesbianism
@@richsing4165 with a sword ofc
I mean if when I think about kissing a man I feel sick and I feel repulsed, and when I think about kissing a woman I feel happy and jealous of peeps with a girlfriend... I think it’s safe to assume I’m gay
Same
Indeed that sounds very gay🏳️🌈
Same (my username is Jim brown cause I didn't know what to put)
Im s0 guy😅
Same hahaha 😭 gay af 😂
How did Keara know I literally have been thinking about this ALL THE TIME recently
i just know some things... 👀
I've been thinking about this since I came out to my best friend... that is for the past 2 years! lol
same
Ikr same
Samee
it’s really frustrating because sometimes i’ll doubt my bisexuality by telling myself it’s just a phase. i’ve never dated a girl before so it’s easy for me to doubt myself
Same... I have no idea what sexuality I have, I dated a girl and I really loved her and still I doubt it, idk, because maybe it's just a phase. I hope you now feel a little clearer about this topic, I mean, it's been a year since you commented :)
for me, I've dated a girl so I know for a fact that im def attracted to girls, so then i wanted to figure out how i felt about men. now i know that i've definitely been physically attracted to guys before, but ig im leaning more towards women cause i find them more physically attractive, but it's not like I don't like men?? idk why i was so hesitant to wear a bi label before, cause it's not like i was raised into think bisexuality was wrong, but ig i felt like i had to like one or the other and it was abnormal to like both for some reason. but ig that's cause society has normalized being straight, and now that being gay or lesbian is more accepted, it feels more normal to only like one gender, so much so that the bisexual label would come to someone's mind last
@@yazzyxxI think bisexuality and sexual fluidity is more common. People are understanding the many layers of attraction and it’s much more complex than once realized.
Most people I have are choosing queer. Labels can be restrictive and there are a lot of gatekeepers.
no cuz same,i have never dated a girl before but i have caught myself staring at my ex bsf in a sinful way (shes a girl) IDK IM DYING BRUH
something i struggle with HUGELY is wanting to please men - be pretty for men, be smart for men, show that I'm valuable for men - when I'm literally pretty sure I'm a lesbian. i think it's because society has taught me that my worth is what a man deems it to be - and lots of that worth is how I look. i have a desire to be wanted by men, I think, but I don't think I want them back.
I feel this.
Big thing though women and society as a whole also treats you differently on how men see you…so this is also a factor.
OMG sameee🥺
THIS
I think what I've noticed w myself is that if a guy shows any interest in me, I'd either be nervous or since I never liked them in the first place-I'd start "liking" them back and would just want to be w them bc, I think I just liked their attention or smth, maybe I'm reaching. Idk if anyone's ever felt like this before
And once you figure out sexual orientation, you then realize that romantic orientation is a thing too. It’s a never-ending process of understanding yourself, and that’s a great thing.
I don't think you can separate romantic and sexual.As a straight guy i can only be sexual and romantically involved with women,not sexual with women and romantic with other men.
@@robb5828 What I’m saying, is that people’s sexuality and romantic orientation are often not the same. For example: bisexual homoromantic, asexual biromantic, bisexual heteroromantic, etc. Maybe you’re sexual orientation and romantic orientation are the same, but a lot of people are different.
@@Reed5016 I got you, but it is safe to assume that happens only with Bi , in straight sex, sexual desire and romance is towards only the opposite sex, both of them
@@robb5828 Yeah. I’m not saying everyone has different sexual and romantic attractions. Though there are heterosexual people who are aromantic, and heteroromantic people that are asexual. But then again, most of those people don’t identify as straight. Sorry if there was any confusion.
@@Reed5016 no worries 👍
ok but like... why is she so beautiful tho-
I am lesbian , I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend is been a while am alone
@@martigladi2696 wanna be friends ?
@@lanlan436 yes , are you single?
@@martigladi2696 yes
@@martigladi2696 do you have whatsapp or Instagram ?
I just tried to be content with not knowing which label fits me but deep down I was always looking for answers
me too!! but now I think I'm pansexual 🌈 Hope you find contentment in your sexuality soon 💖
Off topic but I love your pfp :)
same. i swore i’d stick to calling myself queer/unlabelled but i can’t live with not having a set label >_
@@neptune2266 as someone who struggles with sticking to unlabelled as well, i absolutely understand the struggle, but as i've gotten closer to accepting myself, i've felt a lot better and less stressed. it's a difficult feat, but please do your best to release yourself from the pressure to know exactly who you are. you're going to get there on your own time.
not having an exact label makes you no less valid. we're in this together
i was fine with being generally unlabeled until i started questioning again 🙃 who and what am i ;-;
I can not imagine growing old with a man, buying a house, having a child etc but I can with a woman. But I do like men. sometimes. But I immediately lose interest if they even do the slightest little annoying thing lol so idk if I like men? Idk help
Really sounds like comphet! Might help to look into the comphet master doc 💜
You don't like men
This is so me. You might some occasional sexual attraction to men but not romantic, you might reserve emotional attraction for women only etc
wtf this is so interesting - same here. i find sex repulsive but am only 'physically' attracted to females if that makes sense and romantically attracted to guys, but can only imagine living with a female and not with a guy. i have much more intense crushes on male fictional characters, (all live action) but irl crushes have mostly been on girls. what does that mean..
THIS IS SO ME HELP, COULDN'T SAY IT BETTER MYSELF 😭
First question: "When you see an attractive guy"
Me: "See that's where it's starts! What is attractive even?!"
yes! i've been questioning for a while and that's been one of the thoughts that popped out of my head.. i still dont get it haha
YESSS at this point I dont even know if i like any gender because liking looks is shallow.... but again i am aromantic and feel like i dont deserve anybody because i never loved someone
Omg seriously same....I mean I too don't get this 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
You see I lowkey relate idk why it’s like a spell or something
yes thank you!
I don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I form a deep connection w someone - I’m demisexual and figuring out how I find ppl attractive after that deep connection is so confusing and it’s sometimes frustrating in terms of exploring my queerness
Eek kind of a mood
i feel you. I have recently realised that I am demisexual too.
I identify!
Feel you so much!!
BIG mood! I find people aesthetically attractive all the time, but I only find them sexually attractive once I have a connection with them
bisexuality isn’t *only* a stepping stone but definitely can still be a stepping stone..js! as in my case and many others!
What is your situation exactly?
@@thehourglassfan3515 I'm late but since I'm in a situation like that, I guess I'll share some of my experiences:
Ever since I found out that LGBTQ+ people do exist, I became open to the idea of not being straight, but I only began realizing I was attracted to women at like 13 years old. I spent months questioning my sexuality before I settled on bisexual with a strong preference for women. I knew I noticed a beautiful woman more than I notice a handsome guy (you actually hardly ever catch me saying a guy is handsome/attractive, but I say it about girls pretty often). I thought I was more likely to end up liking a woman but I could still see myself with a guy. Or so I thought.
Recently, I've realized I have never been genuinely attracted to any guy, ever. But I freak out over girls being hot all the time. The more I think about it, the less I see myself ever getting with a guy at all. So I'm back to questioning. I'm still reluctant to drop the bisexual label for two reasons: one is that at least if I was bisexual, it'd be closer to being straight, and maybe my family would be more okay with it since a lot of them are kinda conservative and religious. However, I also don't want people to think the period in which I confidently identified as bisexual was invalid, aka "just a phase".
So yeah, that's my situation. I'm not 100% sure I'm a lesbian yet, but day by day I feel further from connecting with bisexuality like I once did.
@@humanangel8007 Ok, I see. Well, I think you know yourself better than anyone so if you think that way, it has to be the case if that’s how you feel.
But bisexuality includes men and women, unless you’re poly you won’t be with two people at once, whoever your with doesn’t define your sexuality it’s just who your with at that time. if you’re bisexual, and get into a relationship with a woman / get into a lesbian relationship, that doesn’t necessarily mean you were gay all along.
When I was young, I see myself in a relationship with woman (I'm a girl). But now that I'm old (27) , I see myself being alone.
EDIT as of this moment (January 30, 2023) I'm 29 and still single but alive HAHAHAAHAHAHA happy new year!
:(
@@debbyryan4670 🤗
@Alexandra Maier no one and am okay if you're talking about me 😉 hope you okay as well!
Me too!! You are not alone.
@@jesshannon1033 hi fiiiive ❤️👋
I used to go by bisexual, but I noticed that I spent so much time worrying about how much my preference fluctuated by the day that I just go by queer/gay as umbrella terms now. Takes a lot of stress off my back!
Yesss good choice! Do what works for you and what you're comfortable with.😊
Same I just go by queer/gay because it means I'm attracted to women. It says nothing about men so I COULD date A guy but most likely date A girl
Same. I could never imagine myself getting intimate with a man. I find it gross
Nah don’t be ashamed of your bisexuality or repress it to get more gay gal pals! Bisexuals are great man there’s so much variety in that community. You can be 90% into women and 10% into men and You’d still be just as bisexual as the rest of em
@@Intokyky6969 is it a sign of being gay? Cause if yes, than I have something to consider XD
You are genuinely my Melanie Murphy, for years I tried pushing away the idea of me possibly being a "sinner" (my family is relegious). But the last months I became more accepting of my sexual preferences (women and men). And today is finally the day I truly identify myself with it, I won't tell anyone tho (my friends are judgemental or relegious). But knowing that I finally know myself is really nice. I'm really grateful you're helping me see that I'm bisexual and proud!
Me: Yes, I think I'm a lesbian, I don't like boys at all!
Also me: But what if I just don't like boys now, but in the future I might like one?
Me😭
Me lol
S a m e
P a i n
oof yeah
Yeah
I'm 100% bi, but sometimes I still think about 'maybe' being a lesbian. And then I think "I don't want to have less options" lol
Not that it matters anyways, I'm almost 22 and I've never been in a relationship, I guess the "bi yourself" meme is indeed true
Omg same
God this is a whole fucking mood, I've been in a relationship but I haven't found anything that lasts. The thing about "not having less options" is so spot on and is what makes me feel like yeah I'm bi. I don't want to have to give up being attracted to men. I want both!
This is why more and more people are bi/gay these days. You’re literally not born with any different gay genetics. It’s a decision of convenience (or necessity) based on our self perception.
zero bad vibes here: we live in an free country where it’s all cool…but I do believe (and many studies suggest this) sexual behavior & orientation can change over time if it makes sense for it to, and your brain is “plastic” and constantly reprogramming throughout our entire lives.
so if you’re confused….literally it’s a decision, not in you DNA.
Which path is more rewarding? Go for that
this video was helpful-thank you for your thoughts shared here. i am a bisexual woman, and have known this for many years, however i am still struggling with internalized biphobia that i picked up as a child. so much of what you shared resonated with me. it makes me feel good to see another bisexual woman completely comfortable with her own sexuality and just radiating positivity. thank you 💞🌺🦋🌿💛
~ Nasim
When I was 14 I had a friend, I felt so amazed by her, all I wanted is to around her and spent good moments together, but I thought that it was just friendship, like, you wanna be around people who make you happy and comfortable, but then someone told she liked me, I was paralyzed just thinking that I needed to get away from her because I didn't understand my feelings. I made her feel upset and that made me feel awful. Then I realized that I loved her for real, more than a friend, but all we had was just a fling and we don't talk anymore, for some reason, she doesn't want to be my friend and I'm ok with that, we're 21 now and we're on different ways. I'm grateful that now I know myself as well and understand my feelings.
✊🏼👍🏼
Your life story reminds me of a bl named 'I told sunset about you'
I understand
i also had a crush on one of my best friends and realized just too late. I hope you're okay, I know how hard this can be
@@gabrielageolcilda I appreciate your kindness, I hope you're ok too, sweetheart ♥️
me: has known for like 5 years that i for sure am bisexual
also me: still watches the video as if i’m trying to figure it out
Legit me. I also wanna understand how some people can be sexual fluid
same here but lesbian
i am THE same
@@TheVallex me too! Ofc I respect them but my brain just doesn’t understand what they’re feeling or empathize with them😭
SAME
I am an 11 year old girl, and I tried to figure out my sexuality. In this video I found out I was a lesbian. I was never into guys, in movies, school etc. Thank you so much, for helping me out.
When you spoke about why you don't dress "femme" anymore and are more comfortable in looser/different clothing, it made me feel NORMAL!!!! I was like, thank God I saw this video. since then I allowed myself to dress however I felt more comfortable and me, even if that wasn't the "femme" look that everyone expected of me. So, thanks girl 🙌
i’m so confused, romantically wise, i can see myself with both
sexually wise, i can only see myself with women
same..
You could potentially be homosexual and biromantic!! Romantic attraction and sexual attraction can be separate :))
This 👏👏👏
Romantically I only see myself with men but not sexually. Idk if it’s comphet or whatever but I can’t even force myself to imagine the alternative and it doesn’t appeal to me.
Thank you for this ❤️.
I am honestly going through a bit of a time at the moment.
For the past two years I’ve identified as bisexual, but recently I’ve realised that I’ve always felt a bit more of a pull towards women than men. Thank you for clearing this up.
I think I’m at a point where I am romantically attracted to both but only sexually attracted to women. The issue is I have been raised religious, my family is religious, so basically I am going to have to suppress this for my whole life 🥲✌️
Same
Yeah I’m still questioning mine
I know for a fact I like women so I’m definitely not straight
I think I’m panromantic
But I’m not sure about my physical attraction
I could be bi with a preference for women
Or maybe I’m a panromantic lesbian idk
me
Nah you’re almost definitely not gnna be with your family for your whole life lol.😌no worries just be who u are
same!! but then again, i'm not sure if I'm romantically attracted to men or if I just like the attention. it b like that. i know I love women thugh
the thing im scared of is coming out as lesbian to everyone and then later on, finding attraction toward men as well. I just dont want to be like "oh im lesbian" and make everyone think it was a phase or I was faking it. (And if im attracted toward fictional men does that mean im bi or lesbian bc im not attracted toward real men but im attracted toward fictional ones.)
edit: literally i haven’t checked this account in a year ik how stupid this sounds LMFAO anyways i’m unlabeled now idek why tf i cared
Sexuality can be fluid, so if you feel like the current label doesn't fit anymore you can change it. Ooooor you can decide to not use a specific label and just say you're queer or part of the community or something. :)
Hope this helps a little ~
What if you just say you like girls? You don't need to pick a label now or ever really.
That’s me but the other way around. I came out as bi and I’m now realizing that I don’t actually like men in that way. I think it was bc I was forcing myself to like men bc if my family
I will say, you can 1000% like fictional men (and even celebrities and men you fantasize about in your head) while still being completely a lesbian. these aren’t real men that we meet and interact with, they’re just projections of what we want so it’s natural to form crushes on them. what matters most is who you actively like right now in your real life, because those are actual people and not just based on our desires.
that being said, i’m still definitely questioning myself haha so there’s no pressure to give yourself a label rn regardless! if you’re still wondering about this tho i recommend googling the “am i a lesbian” masterdoc or checking out @patronsaintoflesbians on tiktok, both helped me a ton!
@@molly16474 Thank you that was really helpful!
Haven't quite finished the video yet, so idk if you're gonna go into that. But I think one thing that's important to mention is that your preferences and labels may also change. I identify as bisexual but am currently in a phase where I'm mainly interested in women. I still would not call myself a lesbian tho, because I know that in other times and phases I may be leaning more towards men. Just a thing I think is worth emphasising; no label that you choose now has to stay the same for the rest of your life!
i think this is a great point!💜 i've been confused about this, personally, because i thought when i went through phases of being more into women than men, i thought my label had to change, but it didn't! but at the same time, i ended up changing my label to "queer" because it felt more like me!
There have been studies (namely longitudinal research of Lisa Diamond on a group of non-straight women) which showed that this is quite typica for those with, as she called it, "non-exclusive attractions". For many women who were sexually attracted to any degree to men and women, their preferences fluctuated through years (like at one interval, they had 70/30 preference for men, two years later it was 80/20 for women etc.). It's quite different from being exclusively attracted to women, since those were as Diamond called them "extremely solid group".
@@KearaGraves I recall that you called yourself biromantic homosexual in one of your previous videos. Do you still feel that it's accurate? If so, I always wanted to ask you what do you consider to be romantic feelings if there's lack of sexual attraction. Where's the line between having romantic but non-sexual feelings for a man and being true friends with a man? I hope you won't find this question rude, I'm just quite confused about this.
Oh yeah, I have those too. Sometimes I'm not sure where I'm at tho
@@anngan5045 Hey, I know it's been 7 months, but I'll answer this, as someone who has experienced non-sexual romantic attraction before. Well, non-sexual romantic attraction is essentially catching feelings for someone, with all the symptoms of a crush or of falling in love. So, you'll start thinking about that person more, being dreamy, feeling warm inside when you're thinking of that person, experiencing butterflies, having this desire to be closer to that person than a friend normally would be. You'll start feeling like just being a regular friend of that person might not be enough and you'll feel, deep inside, that you're in love with them and always thinking of them. You'll want them to also think of you in the same way. So basically, all the symptoms of being romantically interested in someone that would exist in any romantic situation. However, since it's a non-sexual romantic attraction, all your fantasies regarding this person will only be about stuff like kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, and you will not be able to imagine yourself in a sexual situation with them. A lot of the time, it's more about loving that person's soul or mind, if that makes sense, and you might feel warm inside when you think about kissing them, but if you try to imagine something sexual, that's not arousing for you and it makes you feel uncomfortable.
So, I would say, there's a huge difference between friendship and non-sexual romantic attraction, because you don't tend to day-dream about your friends, get butterflies when you're thinking of them or think about them all day long.
At least that's what it's like for me.
You helped me so much, i have had such a hard time lately and you really helped me realize not only what i probably am but also that its okay not to know
When keara said “and try not to think what society/ family would want from you” I really felt thaat💔 *and maybe after that I’m definitely gay*
If your family isn’t supportive of u being gay, it may be very difficult to deal with but keep in mind that you’re not gonna live with them forever and they don’t control ur life. Live however you want to without worrying too much about other people😌🏳️🌈
@@yukkiyukkiii2493 yeah it was at first but I’m thinking the same thing now, but then again, I wish I wasn’t raised with their beliefs for lgbt+ ppl, cause I had to deal with internalized homophobia for so long and I think MANY people do, thank you so much tho🌈🙌🏽✌🏻
I’m bisexual, but I have a strong lean for women. I question myself all the time on this and I think that others would perceive and have a hard time understanding it. I’m not that picky when it comes to women, but men i’m very picky with. I’m attracted to both, it’s just very difficult to really get to the point of actually being with someone.
Heyyy since it’s been a year, have you felt any differently? Do you still identify as bi?
@@nephtalie149 i'm curious too 🥲
This is exactly how I feel, you describe it perfectly
Im going through the same experience lmao
For me, bisexuality WAS a stepping stone
a week after i came out as lesbian after being bi for 4 years
congratulations! I'm so proud of you!!! :)
Go you! ✊🏼
yeah currently i‘m just identifying as a sapphic bc i‘m scared of faking it ya know😭
Jake peralta aka andy :)
same 😭
NO BC LITERALLY ME TOO
Ik it feels weird to be faling things, but you shouldn't be scared of it, bc:
1) It's not important if you're "faking" it or you're confused, u don't need an exact label to be yourself.
2) labels can change with the time, so even if you had the wrong label, you can change it whenever you want.
3) Sexuality can also be fluid.
I keep back and forthing between straight, bi, and lesbian, like help me God. Bisexual feels alright but oh what if I'm faking attraction to women for attention? Most of my memorable crushes when I was young were on boys too. I've never even held hands with a girl so how would I know? But I've never done that with anybody period. And then it's like, were they crushes though? Do you really like men? What if you're just experiencing compulsive heterosexuality? Maybe all those anime boys you simp for actually have nothing to do with- what about anime girls then? Don't even get me started on sexual attraction, I ain't even trying to unpack that. Y'all I be struggling big time 😩
history deleted
Phone yeeted.
Support needed.
🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
: 0
After years of questioning my sexuality on whether I'm bi or lesbian I decided for myself to stop labeling myself. Only label I'd still use is 'queer'.
I think back in school it would have given me a lot of comfort to know exactly what my sexuality is but nowadays (I'm 19) I am so tired of that search for the perfect fitting label. I sure know my preferences but it lifted so much weight off my shoulders to just say f*** it, stop going over and over with this self labeling process and just see where life is leading me.
Hope y'all doing well, have a nice week :)
Awesome!
Thanks
Why wouldn't bisexual simply work?
@@odabuu sure, 'bisexual' can be used as an umbrella term but it just doesn't fully resonate with me. As soon as I put a label on myself I eventually find myself doubting that same label. I'm just tired of the need for a fitting label for me, the constant doubt and the identify crisis that's been going on for years... I'm just me. Trying to find the right label was not only impossible for me but also dragging me down over the years. I got frustrated bc the topic was super present in my life but I didn't get any answers to my questions.
I found peace by simply not labeling myself. I'm not straight, that's it. I for myself don't need any more categorization - if anyone else does (to put me in a box) it's not my problem. And to only use a label in order for others to categorize me more easily seems to be the wrong motive for me. But as I said, I get it if others like to label themselves
@@gudeffm if you are also attracted to men isn't it a simple answer of you being bisexual? Honest question if you fit the description why not just go with that description if that's what you do it's what you do when the description is supposed to describe that
I need this channel so much you have no FREAKING idea
As a bisexual, genderfluid she/her?,I find I am mainly sexually attracted to women, and mostly romantically attracted to soft men.
I’m with a genderqueer / feminine bi guy and I feel so fulfilled and can see myself doing everything with this person.♥︎
Are You From Ohio
so real 😭😭😭
This scares me so much because I’m definitely gay but I just don’t want to be... I know it will make my life so much more difficult 😩
i don’t know your situation or where you live, but i found that for me, it got easier when i accepted myself. you are gay no matter if you hide it or not, and not being honest about it is just an added extra weight. when you know yourself and you love yourself, all of you, all of those difficulties get easier to withstand. and things don’t feel as heavy.
Wtih accepting yourself comes reaaal happiness, I promise you. I don't know your situation but I hope you are in a safe place with people who will accept you and love you for who you are
I feel the exact same way. It's like no I have nothing against gay women but I just want to be straight or bi but I'm for sure I'm a lesbian it's just really hard to accept myself. Like I just can't.
Me too. I feel horrible because when I meet other gay people, it honestly barely registers and I know logically homophobia is wrong; but when it's me I just hate myself.
You and Melanie Murphy were both the UA-camrs I watched most when figuring out my sexuality!! your videos help so many people! 🥰💚
I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone
@@martigladi2696 🤞🏻
Here's how I knew. My "girl crushes" turned out to be regular crushes and my "crushes" on boys were entirely platonic. I didn't find this out until several months ago.
I'm a bi woman with a preference for women. What really confused me was the representation of bisexuals i was seeing on tiktok bc i was only seeing women with a preference for women who said that they would never date a man. Dont get me wrong, having a 99% preference for women is totally valid but it made me question if i really had a crush on a guy bc i thought i was supposed to not like him. Turns out i did like him even tho i have a preference for women and now we are together and in love💗
@Alexandra Maier whatever makes them happy, i mean i could have a gf and I chose to be with my boyfriend which means he is pretty cool to say the least 😅
Me while watching straight romance: 🤷🏻♀️
Me while watching lesbian romance: 🥺💕💗😭❤️💗✨
Also me: what if I just haven’t found the right guy yet? :(
BRUH
Mood
Me lol
I start crying when I see lesbian romance because I get so jealous….
@@mellowyellow5865 why you get jealous ?
@@Sara-yj9vp because I don’t have a girlfriend
Bisexuality is absolutely valid and I hate when people say stvpid shit like “sure you are that’s just trendy” or “oh that’s just to impress men” or “you’ll be fully gay one day” like it’s so rude? Imagine saying that to straight people they’d flip out
I use to identify as bisexual for the longest time and then maybe almost a year ago I realised i didnt like men and it was pretty much just comphet but i didnt like the term lesbian (and still dont bc of some internalised homophobia I have) so I proudly identify as Sapphic or I use the term Gay (simple haha)
@Lana Joy that sucks you're so so so valid and I'm sending positive vibes to you! :)
@Lana Joy same!! aaaahhhhh
Wow...I think imma copy you with the sapphic label. Sappho/Sapphic is just such a beautiful term. I also like using wlw, as in saying I'm just a woman who like women.
Yeah I know I am a lesbian now but I’ve just been raised to believe it’s a dirty word so I feel uncomfortable saying I am such... I hate how society treats us so much
@@BoxGirl9 me too:/ i have the same issue
You and Georgia were my Melanie Murphy ☺️
SAME
Exactly
Same Keara and Georgia Bridgers 💖
yes!!!
same!
I thought I would share my story of how I concluded I was bi. When I was 12 my dad would always call me a lesbian and say I was gay and things like that, which actually made me question my sexuality. I thought very deeply if I liked girls in that way. And I decided I did, for a week I thought that I was gay. Then I thought I was straight again because I still looked at boys the same way everyone else did, but I also looked at girls that way too. Being young and ignorant I didn't even know that bi was a thing. Lol One of my friends friends had a tik tok saying that she was bi and about how she came out last year. Again me not knowing what bi was I looked it up. And I was like wow! I'm bi like 100%. There were still times I questioned it, but now I'm sure. Just remember you're going to go through phases where you like one gender more than the other, and where you like them the same. It doesn't have to be 50/50 100% of the time! Hope this helps loves!
Out of context but YOU ARE SO PRETTY, also I love your hair 💞
She is! She's so gorgeous and cute, gorgeously cute lol
I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone
honestly i grew up trying to great this fantasy life with a man cause that's what i was trained to think that its a man and a woman and it took me a couple tries to actually be happy in that dream life to feel satisfied and when i started finding myself and liking woman that same night before i went to sleep i tried and envision a life with another woman and i instantly felt happy like the joy it gave me to envision a life like that was irreplaceable but then i remembered about my catholic parents and how they would probably never accept me having a life like that, they never really came out and said "i hate gay people or their sinners" but they did make some rude comments cause my mom found out about my bff is a part of the community. it made me feel super uncomfortable cause she's my best friend and at the time i thought i was a devoted ally until i found out i was part of the community. i hate the thought that im going to have to settle for a life with a man that i may not be happy with just to satisfy my parents even though i find men attractive its hard for me to see myself with a man emotionally and for me and emotional connection is 100x more important then a physically connection. Thank you for reading my rant really had to let it out :)
it's usually different when it's their kid, because often they love us more than they love themselves. might take them awhile to process, though. i hope you don't settle for less than because of them
I think a big realization for me was that when I thought I was straight when I was younger I was always like "well I wanna date a man who makes a lot of money" not really caring about the actual relationship. Even if I thought I had a crush on someone they would usually have feminine qualities. And I was also like I don't really want a high school relationship I'll just find a guy when I have to. But then when I was starting to question myself I always skipped over the thought of being bisexual cause I knew I really didn't want to date men but was still confused but then when I started thinking about it when I thought of me with a girl I was excited about it and didn't care what job they had and I don't know it just felt right and that was kind of the thing that made me decide how to label myself as lesbian anyways I don't know if this helped anyone but I hope you found it somewhat helpful
oh thank god i needed this 💖 we love questioning if ur biromantic, bisexual or lesbian 💀💀
what is biromantic?
@@gabrielapayan1330 biromantic is when you feel romantic attraction to two or more genders but you only feel sexual attraction to one gender
ME OMG I NEEDED THIS TOO 🥺
@@thelocalchaoticgood6146 i think biromantic only means that youre romantically attracted to two or more genders and biromantic homosexual or heterosexual would mean that youre apart from that sexually attracted to one gender
@@thelocalchaoticgood6146 well if your heterosexual biromantic or homosexual biromantic your attracted s3xually to one gender but romantically attracted to 2 genders. you could also be asexual biromantic meaning you don't feel sexual attraction at all but you are romantically attracted to 2 genders ^^
I'm 31 and questioning my identity as pansexual and my supposed attraction to men at all, and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video. Over the years I've thought many times that I might just be a lesbian but then felt disappointed upon realizing there is a chance, no matter how small, that I may fall in love with a man at some point and thought I may as well just say I'm pan. But every single question you posed just kinda hit the nail on the head and made me realize I generally don't have an attraction to men. Honestly every time I even SEE a man my immediate thought is "please don't think I'm interested in you" lol.
This is me. I'm 32 and identified as pan since kindergarten...and yet I answered women to all the questions too.
For me, I can imagine myself in a relationship with a man and marrying one. But In practice, it lacks the spark I imagined. I grew up thinking being with a man is the only way to be happy, but even though today I still don't know my sexuality, everyday I understand my sexuality more and more, and it's very exciting.
You were 100% my melanie murphy, keara! I've been watching your videos since maybe 2017 when I became comfortable identifying as bisexual. In 2021, I've now read the "Am I A Lesbian?" masterdoc and realized that compulsory heterosexuality was keeping from from realizing I just am gay. All that to say, thank you for sharing your journey!!
learning about comphet was DEFINITELY a game changer for me too... it's still hard to differentiate sometimes how i feel because i don't know if it's due to comphet for not...!
@@KearaGraves I feel that too. I think what matters most is just owning the labels that feel right to you, and not letting the moment shift your mood :)
My Melanie Murphys Keara, Georgia, and Jessie. Like that collab video came right when I started questioning my sexuality
I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone
I feel so much better thank you for this 😭 I realized I was bi just a few days ago and I’m freaking out so this was so helpful thank you 🤍
OOMG same!!
Thank youu for mentioning romantic attraction as well! As someone on the Ace spectrum, romantic/sensual/aesthetic attraction is what I experience, and even though it isn't sexual, I still feel very queer in my attraction to other women.
Me: "yeah, I'd like to be in a relationship with *someone.* Either man or woman."
Also me: "I'm not going to marry a man, also I don't like to think to myself doing... *that* stuff with man..."
So basically my test results are uh ehm...
I honestly think a huge part of why I've thought I was straight for 20 years is just because I'm so intimidated by women. I'm realizing now that I may just be scared of exploring & actually may be even more interested in women than I am in men.
Fun fact: when I was about 11yrs old I was super confused because of my attraction to gay men. I looked further into my feelings back then and became aware of women fetishising gay relationships, so I quickly attempted to ignore my feelings and look further into the community I assumed I was hurting. After many years of self discovery and vigorous learning, I now know I am a Bisexual male and am happy with that label. I haven’t seen others with similar experiences to me, but I hope my story helps someone else with their journey :)
I have been thinking about this a ton, I really can’t tell if I’m attracted to men or not. at the same time, I feel like I’m faking liking women sometimes, so I’m in a tough spot
same
I feel the same way, it can be so difficult some times. I keep swinging between “i’m def bi”, to “i’m just faking liking women because i want attention or smth” and “am i reallyattracted to men or is this compheterosexuality?” I don’t necessarily want a label or something but just knowing would be nice haha. Just know that you are not alone!! :))
@@danique8582 girlllll me too its so fkn complicated
Why do every single one of us think we are faking it at the beginning 😭
I always knew I was attracted to men, and I'm currently in a relationship with one and I love him a lot. I'm still so confused if I'm just "straight and faking it" or if I'm actally bisexual. I'm pretty sure I like women too, but I feel like maybe I'm suppressing that part of me because of how I often don't feel pretty or good enough for other women, and that I feel like no women would ever find me attractive. I want to be with my boyfriend forever, so idk if I'll ever actually find out if I'm truly bi or not, since I'll never get to experiment with women.
same ... I kinda feel bad , because atm I am not sure if I want to be with him or rather a woman.. I am confused
@@le30276 break up with him, it'll be for the better
I feel like I’m not pretty or attractive enough for men so :(
Figure yourself out before you get married because it can be a real mess if you don't
Legitimately thought this was just going to be her sitting silently in front of the camera
LMFAO
HAHAHAHAH
I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone
@@natashaaaa7726 I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone
I have always questioned myself because my romantic and sexual attractions are not perfectly aligned. Recently I looked through my old Yahoo Answers questions from when I was in high school (like 16 years old) and I was asking sexuality related questions. When I read them I realized my attraction had not changed in the past 12 years, this is who I am and it is VALID :)
This actually helped me! I've been through so many sexualities. "Am I Bisexual? Am I Omnisexual? Oh, I'm totally Neptunic! I have an attraction to a non-binary fictional character!" I've watched this, and I'm like, "Okay, I'm totally lesbian!" The first thing you said, I think some men are attractive, but I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with them, and that totally helped! So thank you for helping me!
Thank you for this!! Sometimes I see so many queer people talking about comp het , or formerly bi people who now identify as totally gay, that i started questioning my own bisexuality... but now after answering these questions I’m reassured that I am bi! Thanks so much for solving my internal crisis haha
My brain is always questioning: Am I actually lesbian?
But then I realize I don’t have the same feelings for males as I do for females.. I can’t see myself in a relationship with a male, and I find females attractive as to where I don’t have attraction to males. I also question if I’m actually lesbian, because I’ve never actually been in a serious relationship with a female. I come to realize that I am lesbian when I kind of went over some of these questions I made for myself (as well as questions in the video) this really helped me, even if I already had an idea of WHO I was. Thank you for this :)
This is me i don’t like guys, or having the idea of marring them / dating like I can but im scared of coming out and never found a gf bc I can’t talk to women btw i only like 1 ficcional men but this “men” is gender fluid so basically is also a girl so I decide go by sapphic / queer
Ok weirdly enough sexually I am wayy more attracted to woman, but when I imagine a relationship I can see mylself with both equally, but again when it comes to flirting I feel extremely anxious/uncomfortable around men...but I feel like that could also have different reasons
this is ixactly the same with me
exactly
.
my thoughts: im a lesbian
my brain: but fictional boys are still men
OMG HAHAHAHHA THIS IS MY MOOD
HAHAHAHH SAME
Fictional men and male celebrities are unattainable and liking them doesn't make you any less of a lesbian
Yeah exactly 🫣
SAME 💀
you and Georgia were my Melanie Murphie‘s even when I was SO in denial and so far in the closet- now I’m fully out & have a girlfriend :) what you’re doing helps people!!
awww i'm so happy we were able to help you become more comfortable with your beautiful self!💖 xxx
Oh my god, I can't tell how many times I watched Melanie Murphy's coming out video when I was questioning my sexuality XD I thought I was bisexual first, but felt more comfortable identifying as a lesbian or queer later (like just a month later lol). But the exposure of hearing the coming out stories of other queer people and learning about different parts of the LGBTQ+ community really helped me understand and find my own place within it
This is so interesting to me because I asked myself all of these questions when I began really questioning my secuality a few years ago. I realized after all my awnsers where queer/wlw related that I'm definitely a lesbian lol.
Okay, here's my problem & maybe someone can relate or help me out. 😣 When I think of dating someone in the future or marrying someone in the future, I ONLY think about women. The thought of dating a guy or marrying a guy feels like the most FOREIGN thing ever. However, when I see guys I can appreciate their aesthetic beauty, and sometimes I will think they're sexually attractive. The thing is, though, this sexual attraction is VERY fleeting, never lasts for long, and is almost always after I find out the guy likes me first. I think partially I only desire guys if I know they like me because I like feeling wanted. Another part of me thinks maybe I'm just trying to erase bisexuality/pansexuality and trying to make it simpler than it is. I'm just not sure. This honestly stresses me out a lot. At the end of the day the only thing that I'm sure of is that I want to date and spend the rest of my life with a woman. Am I just trying to fit into society's idea of what attraction is? Am I subconsciously forcing myself to think men are sexually attractive because I know that that is what is "normal" in society's eyes? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
sounds pretty lesbian to me, but. instead of focusing on what you don’t know, maybe focus on what you do know, maybe that’s less confusing. the reason i identified as queer for so long was because i didn’t want to rule anyone out, but i’ve been out for so long now i’m pretty confident in what i genuinely like and what’s just superficial. and if i do end up falling for someone that isn’t a woman at some point, i’ll worry about that then, it’s not like i’m bound to a label forever.
@@sgtmian Thanks so much! That makes a lot of sense!! Also, if I choose a label now that doesn't fit me in the future, there's no shame in finding another label. I never really thought of it that way 😁😁😊😊 Thanks for being so kind
@@cecel6643 exactly! no shame in changing your mind, that's part of life. glad i could help
You ate literally my Meline Murphy. Before this point I thought I was pansexual because the only other female cousin turned out to be a lesbian and I thought since she did that, that my family would be disapointed in me if I cam out as a lesbian because they wouldn't get a straight wedding or anything like that. But now the fear is pushed aside and I know my true sexuality as a lesbian. Tysm for making this video!❤️🩹
keara you were my melanie murphy, I watched ur collab with georgia years ago and it was only at the end that I realised I spent the whole video staring at you
you were definitely my melanie murphy!!! i remember watching ur "how i knew i was bisexual" video and going "oh, that's actually me", it helped me so much in opening up the doors to exploring my sexuality! I even bought a bi flag for my room the week after haha
I just realised I’ve never actually thought about men in a romantic/ sexual way… thanks for this video you really helped me!
so...I just came out as bi last year .....I think im a lesbian ....I never thought about it until your questions.
edit: you're my melony Murphy legit...im sitting here like wtf
I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone
I remember when I was introduced a few years ago to the term "pansexual" . When I looked up the definition , it felt so nice to feel like I'm understood . I would always tell people , I'm in love with souls , not genders or genitalia . And the BOOM , learned to was a world already invented for that and I felt good knowing I'm not the only one like this .
Either way though, when I meet someone and they ask me my sexual orientation, I just say 'i have none , I'm me'
Simply because I do not like labels ..
Like I remember someone asked me if I eat meat and I said , sure eggs and fish, they said no it's you're a vegetarian. They said ok you're pescetarian .. I said no. Then he said " what are you then?" Lol like why does it matter .
Why must people put a label on you based on what you eat or who you like ?
Can't you just eat what you like and love who you love ? What's the big deal with these labels lol
Totally late but you were definitely the person who helped me come to terms with my sexuality
Very well explained.
Important to differentiate:
Bisexuality: romantic and/or romantic attraction to your own and other genders with a certain preference to one ot the other gender.
Pansexuality: romantic and/or romantic attraction to all genders without any preference to any gender.
I'm pansexual.
I have never been romantically attracted to a guy. I have only ever dated and been romantically attracted to women. I do, however, often fantasize sexually about guys. This has led to much confusion, lol.
Hmm well if you fantasize more often about men then maybe you're bi? But honestly I'm fully lesbian...I can't really fathom doing anything sexual in real life with a guy & when I tried it made me feel sick but I don't mind watching straight porn. Or any porn really that's hot, I dig it. So you could very well still be lesbian haha
@@Sapphire1982 yeah i don’t know if i think porn has to have anything to do with your sexuality, because i don’t mind gay porn at all, and i’m definitely a lesbian. i just don’t want to be doing any of those things myself. i don’t know about sexual fantasies about men, though, never had those. i think if i did i’d try to see if it was something i actually liked or if it was just something i liked the idea of.
Homoromantic heterosexual perhaps? Which might put you in a tough spot relationship-wise, but I'm pretty sure it's a thing.
I found "homoflexible" or "lesbian" to be more suiting for me.
Men's organ down there is usually in my rough sexual fantasy, however unless I somehow form a very deep connection w someone I don't attract to the idea of kissing and hugging a man, romatically and sexually. My male friends I see them like bros.
But with women, that's a whole different story, I almost don't have a "standard" because it's easy for me to see beauty in a woman. As a kid I didn't understand why other girls are swooning over male korean idols and I fangirl strong lady characters without realizing I'm gay af. So yeah I guess that's my conclusion
So you admit you are attracted to men or there's a possibly of being with men by saying you like the idea of kissing a man, even if you say it's only with deep connections. You admit you think about the male body parts. That's not what a lesbian is and the word homoflexible is kind of insulting to lesbians because it fuels this idea that homosexuality is something flexible that can change or you can choose to start or stop being homosexual. Like homosexuality is fluid when it's not. Bisexuality is fluid which is why that would make more sense to use.
Me: "I'm bisexual. Periodt."
My bestie: "For the anime guys and girls."
Me: "Stfu."
My brain: "Am I really-?"
Same AHAHA. It always gives me an existential crisis when I think about it cause I don't feel like I like Irl boys as much as those 🙃
@@lunajz-1584 yeah. it's confusing but i am bi
For me I have always been attracted to both men and women. I came out to my first boyfriend and got a positive response and although that relationship didn’t last I finally felt more comfortable with who I was and recently came out to my immediate family. I am now talking to a wonderful women who has really taught me a lot about myself and I find that for me as a bisexual women being with a man is no different then being with a women. You might disagree and that’s totally okay but I don’t mean physically different I mean emotionally, and connection wise. It’s no different for me.
Okay, so straight up, I’m Christian. In my family my mom always told me that technically yeah being queer is a sin but if your heart is in the right place then you won’t be damned to hell. She did tell me that bisexuality was worse than being lesbian or gay. Tbh I’ve always been very “EW GAYS” my whole life while secretly having dirty thoughts about women (I know hypocritical of me) and my bsf is Muslim. She’s always talking about how the LGBTQ+ is gross and if I was hypothetically lesbian or something then her mom wouldn’t let her talk to me and she wouldn’t be able to talk to me herself. Knowing this I’ve been very scared of what my sexuality is because I’m worried it’ll ruin our friendship (and no I don’t feel sexually attracted to her) my younger sister knows I’m conflicted but she’s the ONLY ONE who knows out of my entire family (I come from 8 kids) so out of 7 only 1 siblings knows and that’s because she use to identify as bi until recently (she realized she’s straight) so I felt safe to confide in her. It’s so scary not knowing what you are while being surrounded by threats. Idk what to do and I feel so guilty for even considering a woman. Recently I’ve had guys crush on me and ask me out and I’m sure I like them and then feel uncomfortable by it. But I’ve been fantasizing about being with a woman. Masc or fem idc tbh. This is hard for me. And I’ve been crushing on the feminine male kpop idols and some female idols (People always teased me saying that I MUST be lesbian or bi if I’m crushing on feminine males😭)
My first time hearing the word bisexual (keep in mind this was years ago and I was very young) was in a dating show where they would pick someone and they would be faced with 3 secrets the other person had and only one was true, so they had to pick one to be a dealbreaker. This guy picked a girl and one of her secrets was her being bisexual, but he said if it were true that secret would be the deal breaker because “I wouldn’t have to watch out for her looking at other guys I’d have to watch out for her looking at girls too” and it just made me so sad because she got so sad, and it just didn’t seem fair. It is a very vivid memory (at least for my memories. They’re usually foggy), but I think it really hindered me being able to accept myself as biromantic (asexual). I recently came to terms with my sexuality, and I’m trying to figure out where to go from here lol
I looked back at my school work from a few years ago and I literally wrote in french ‘I prefer girls over guys because....’ like um how did that not click in my head back then
LMAO
I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone
“Sapphic” is also a good label if you don’t know what you want to identify with but you also don’t have to use any labels.
The fact that this was in my reccomendstions says alot