Adult Children of Immature Parents
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
- Not everyone has a picture-perfect childhood. In fact, some of us grow up in homes where our parents need parenting or we have to parent ourselves. Dr. Lindsay Gibson’s book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” helps you overcome the crushing role of catering to parents who were (for whatever reasons) not up to the job of parenting.
Dr. Lindsay Gibson is clinical psychologist, author, and assistant professor with a passion for human conflict and helping others develop long-lasting, meaningful relationships.
Dr. Gibson’s book helps you to understand how "immature parents" function; learn to resolve guilt or shame when you stop over-helping them; and start to listen to your own needs so you avoid being emotionally drained in the future.
Listen our conversation with Dr. Lindsay Gibson as we explore the effects of emotionally immature parents and how you can recover from the devastating impact of growing up in a neglectful and/or toxic home environment.
Dr. Gibson explains the effect these relationships can have on your emotional autonomy in future relationships including: your ability to identify and express your thoughts and feelings; struggles with setting limits and boundaries with others; as well as the ability to establish rewarding relationships as an adult.
She also explains ways to combat these effects so you can develop enhanced connections and relationships with others.
If you are interested in more information about emotionally immature parents, combating the effects of their toxicity, and how to grow meaningful relationships, this show is for you.
For information about the book visit: www.drlindsaygi...
Links & Resources: To purchase a book visit: www.amazon.ca/... For more about Dr. Gibson: www.drlindsaygi... Freeing Yourself (Dr. Lindsay Gibson’s Online Blog): www.drlindsaygi... Materials to Reference: 4 signs that a parent is emotionally immature: www.psychology... More of Dr. Gibson’s books: www.drlindsaygi... Gibson answers your questions: www.drlindsaygi... Accessing Emotional Immaturity (questionnaires and resources): curioushealing....
In the podcast Unfollowing Mum she had two psychologists who deal with parents who are narcissistic. "Emotionally Immature Parents" is just a gentle way of saying narcissistic, selfish, self-centered, and many times abusive parents.
EIPs abuse their kids due to not having their own inept development. Many trauma therapists make note that neglect is more painful than being beaten. The whole “narcosphere” on social media is a hard rabbit whole to climb out of. I am finding that EIP helps me soften my entrenched victim mentality. I am working on anger and resentment in trauma therapy. It’s gutwrenching work. Grief, victimhood, inner critic, anger all mixed together deep inside me. Your comment is true though I am moving away from needing validation. I am beginning to go into a level of acceptance. Peace to all survivors of this tragic dilemma.
My emotionally immature parents raised me to believe that I am simply not enough and unloveable. As a result, I've put off dating and never put myself out there...I am 34 and been single all my life. I don't really know where to start, how to start dating. I am not an unattractive woman. I would love to get married and have children someday.
Catherine Woodward Thomas's book Calling in the One, is the answer to this question, imho.
Understand what your needs are for a relationship. It takes time to get to know someone. Dont force anything to happen. Its okay to say no and cut off a relationship. You dont owe anyone anything. Take it easy and have fun. 😊
How did it benefit one or both of your parents for you to remain single? Did that mean your mom always had someone to do things with? So your dad didn’t have to? If you found out you were loveable. Would that mean your parents were losing control over you? That might be pretty threatening for someone who is used to being in control…
This might come off as simplistic, but it might help to start by just joining a group activity. A hiking group, or some other hobby. Those can be great, low pressure practice for "putting yourself out there" AND it can lead to meeting someone that is romantically interesting to you.
I am reading this book currently and it has been a life changing moment for me.
Maybe next time, let the guest talk a little bit more. I would have enjoyed the host doing a book review and talking about it, but when you have the author right there, it might be better to let her speak.
I agree! I was disappointed that Dr. Lindsay Gibson was consistently getting talked over.
Yes, indeed. Dr. Lindsay was repeatedly interupted in the middle of her sentence.
💯
It was very frustrating
Sorry Dr B but I wish you didn’t interrupt so much and allowed when Dr. Gibson was speaking.
The internalizer is the one who is most in danger of blaming themself, developing confusion, in taking, taking, taking until they explode. At that point, they present like the 4 year old. They become internailzers because their needs were ignored, they did not matter to anyone. It is a nice theory, but it doesn't hold water. Some kids raised by toxic parents internalize; others externalize. Both are immature, not able to cope. It just isn't as obvious with the internalizer.
Thank you. The story of my life. Therapy has only re-traumatise me. Not many therapists understand this.
Psychotherapy = community mental health clinic that accepts Medicaid HMO insurance.
Psychotherapist = clinical social worker who just graduated with an MSW putting in a certain number of clinic hours to meet the certification requirements, before leaving the clinic for greener pastures. Usually one or two years, tops.
Person with developmental psychopathology = subjected to a constant, consecutive stream of ruptures in treatment. This adds up to a lifetime of re-traumatizaion and reinjury, swelling the initial attachment/abandonment wounds to unimaginable, irreversible level of harm.
Aren't immature parents simply traumatized adult children??? Immature parents can't sit with their hurting child because they haven't dealt and processed their own childhood hurts. I'm only guessing here, but being the adult child of immature and narcissistic parents, I always felt, even as a child, that was the case with my parents. I just instinctively knew something quite terrible happened to them as children.
This is an important topic to bring light to. But I have to agree with the other commenters here - having the author cut off and interrupted repeatedly felt rude. It's ironic that Dr B does this because an internalizer would totally let someone talk over them. An internalizer would blame themselves. An internalizer would also downplay the lack of respect they're getting. It's so triggering - I may have to just order the book.
Thank you for writing this book and for this video. I had NEVER considered this before and it is a huge relief to FINALLY have this spelled out for me! I can start to try to heal and move forward little by little now that I have a clear idea of "what was wrong"
I don't enjoy listening to you interrupting your guest.
I needed this
In this destructive, shallow society, the markers for achieving "adulthood"( by automatic implication) are "jobs", marriage, buying a house, car, raising a family, paying bills, and access to every kind of consumption--all shallow and utilitarian.
It’s a relief 39:58
Thank you so much for these insights.
it seems that until any people get a moral code and live by it, they will always be confused by their broken life. life is hard, people are often evil, parents are just more of the broken people. some parents admitted their brokenness, some refused to admit it. become a good person in the face of horror and meanness and tragedy .be good, do good regardless of them.
My parents were in all four categories 🤷♀️
Who is the host?? Geez.. speaking of egocentrism.
Why fall into simplified steriotypes as an inherent perspective on clientele?
Wow that announcer voice is very annoying XD
❤
*I broke my own heart into a million shreds...
By so DEEPLY desperately totally loving: a fantasy,
instead of the real man (with a trillion red flags).*
please, please, please, God, help me.
I cannot bear the darkness any longer.
please. please, angel of mercy, help!
please, I'm dying inside.
I'm terrified and alone.
UNBEARABLE PAIN.
DROWNING IN TERROR AND GRIEF.
I WANT TO DIE.
HOW WILL I EVER HEAL?
I AM DYING OF PAIN.
I AM DESPERATELY TERRIFIED
AND ALONE AND PANICKED.
my soul is raped.
I'm in so much pain.
I'm in hell with no escape.
I'm a tortured prisoner to the darkness.
darkness envelopes me and surrounds me...
I live in frantic panicked terror.
I am paralyzed with trauma.
I have hyperventilating panic attacks. ALL. THE. TIME!
I die of the pain.
I am tormented.
TORTURED.
ALONE.
alone and dying.
desperate and in despair.
I want to die.
I can't bear the pain and the grief and the panic.
I can't bear it.
I suffocate with panic attacks.
I am paralyzed with trauma.
I DIE die die OF PANIC!!
the suffering and grief are unbearable.
I am tortured and haunted and suicidal.
I am tormented and terrified and all alone.
so so so very alone!!!
I want to die.
I can't bear this pain.
CANNOT BEAR IT.
CANNOT BREATHE.
DO NOT BREATHE.
nightmares all night.
panic attacks all day.
he replaced me.
disposed of me.
I WAS GARBAGE TO HIM.
I've been viciously maliciously brutally violently raped,
at the level of my soul,
by my best friend,
who abandoned, and betrayed me,
and disposed of me like garbage...
the suffering is unbearable.
the trauma and the panic truly suffocate me.
I am horrified and haunted.
I am terrified and alone.
but there are some things I've learned
to appreciate about myself (through all this), like:
- my kind eyes
- my gentle ways
- my depth
- my poetry
- my insights
- my writing
- my magic
- my sweet smile
- my intelligence
- my wisdom
- my incredible ability to truly listen and to really hear
- my softness
- the bitch in me
- the poet in me
- when I love, I give EVERYTHING
- my innocence
- my sweet gentleness
- my willingness
- my openness
- my discernment
- my unfolding
- my empathy
- my talents
- my heart
- my beautiful magical self-healing wise miraculous gorgeous body...
please, God, help me remember these following things:
- not to try to attract people,
but rather, to trust the universe...
to trust life...
that the right people
will enter my life
in the right moment...
- to set boundaries...
Philippians 4:6 -
"Do not be anxious about anything,
but in every situation, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving, present your requests to God..."
Also, In the name of Jesus,
I bind any and all evil spirits:
of PTSD/terror/aloneness/loneliness/pain/panic/shame/grief/distress...
And command you and demand you, in all authority given to me, by God...
To leave me now! Go to the abyss and never return!
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, Yeshua, my salvation!
I DECLARE YOU Leave me: NOW!!!
I 100% completely totally entirely renounce PTSD
and I come into agreement, with any spirits associated with my pain,
to leave me right now and forevermore!
This is a spiritual war.
I have been an injured warrior.
NOW I RECLAIM MY POWER!
HALLELUJAH!!
ALSO:
I KNOW GOD IS THE BEST MATCHMAKER
AND HIS DIVINE TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT!
I PRAY! I TRUST! I RECIEVE! TO GOD BE THE GLORY! 💙
🙏💜🌍💜🙏
Aren't immature parents simply traumatized adult children??? Immature parents can't sit with their hurting child because they haven't dealt and processed their own childhood hurts. I'm only guessing here, but being the adult child of immature and narcissistic parents, I always felt, even as a child, that was the case with my parents. I just instinctively knew something quite terrible happened to them as children.
Also my thought. It's probably generational trauma, an endless cycle unless you find a way to be the adult in this and break free.