1. It's a one side friendship. 2. They dont respect your boundaries. 3. There are not supportive. 4. They generally treat people poorly. 5. They dont fight for you or with you. 6. They want you to make them a priority. 7. They will not go deep with you. 8. They're abusive. 9. Their character just sucks.
I remembered in Windsor where I was in a situation where I almost got hit by a vehicle crossing the street on Tecumseh and a side street after leaving the Family Video store. I had the right of way and this driver wasn't paying attention and I ran and yelled hey, another lady rolled her window down and yelled hey even though I ran and missed the car. She was my hero that night. This was sometime around late 2012 or early 2013. This was the day, I said, I am going to fight for others and made me realize that sometimes strangers are nicer than friends.
Watching this to help navigate toxic dynamics with a friend. While she has some traits, I have others and recognize I haven't set good boundaries. Take this moment for self- reflection.
When you have to ask yourself whether a friend is toxic, trust me, that friend is toxic. Guess what, you are toxic with them. Cut them. Your life will be a reflection of theirs. Do you like what you see?
I don't think simply asking if your friend is toxic means that it's true. I think everyone should ask this of every relationship they're in. That does not automatically make every relationship toxic, it just means you're willing to examine the all relationships you're in.
I agree!!! I've been friends with this female since college. I always knew she had her flaws of being uppity and condescending at times but she had my sense of humor (which is hard to come by) and liked to party just like me. So it didn't bother me too much back then. However, now that those days are long gone, I noticed how much her ways really bother me and I get angry at myself for the times that I didn't put her in her place, especially while in college. This is especially true since the pandemic because I've had nothing but time to really reflect and be in tune with my true feelings........and my feelings towards her are that I'm happier when I go long periods of not talking to her. I actually have been cringing when her number comes up on my phone for the past decade. I don't know how to completely end it though because she was there for me for 2 very major things that happened in my life. For one of those things, if it weren't for her my entire life would have gone down a really dark parh. So she has some good qualities but the bad ones seem to always replay in my mind. Also, as we've gotten older, she's not as bad as back; probably because she has been humbled by falling on hard times financially and being dumped and disrespected by so many men over the years. Maybe her hard times are her karma. Plus, I'm the only person she confides in about these bad things, so maybe that's God's way of letting me see her get payback.
I broke off my 14years friendship..."they said I just harrassed myself by talking to them, they were never bothered about me" If there is no selfworth we should always move on. U deserve much better than u give. Future beholds greater opportunities and happiness. Don't give up❤❤.
Thats because they weren’t your friends they were your coworkers. Whenever something big happens like job loss that’s when you find out who your real friends are.
Should have saw the signs, I been caught like but once I started noticing she was funny when I asked for some things I knew it was time to give her the boot
I experienced the same thing But, when people come into your life, i think that we have to make an assessment asap and understand that we have "friends", but most people are probably "associates". Therefore, we can safely treat and respect each category of relationships for what they are. This way we can avoid getting hurt by the "associate" who really isn't your "friend". And, by making your assessment, you can avoid the narcissists as well. We have to realize that people have the right to be an "associate", one who doesn't want to go any deeper, regardless of how much you do for them. And, we have to accept their right to make that choice concerning you. Ugh. That hurts but that's TRUTH. For some, your I. Q. is what they cannot handle. Instead of embracing your talents and giftings, they envy and resent them in you. The Bible speaks of covetousness. Some people want to have your talents but not do the work that gains the respect that you have earned. Essentially, some might want or wish that they are YOU! Sounds crazy and it is crazy but also TRUE. And, you are constantly frustrated with their behavior. Sometimes, you can't see it or if you do, you do NOT want to believe it! The problem is that there are MANY people like that who are "low level thinkers". They will NEVER accept you even if your I. Q. isn't that far from theirs. So, this is my suggestion: Don't boot EVERYONE out of your LIFE. Instead, right down the individual's name (in code). Using the list provided here and any other info you have, make an assessment and determine if this is a friend or not. Do this with everyone in your life presently and as you develop relationships in the future. Now, treat everyone according to their individual categories. That's it. YOU have to do this fo YOU. This way you won't get into arguments, or experience disappointments, for example, with an "associate" that you assumed was a friend. Society is more and more selfish today. That's why TRUE friends are hard to come by. But, when you already KNOW somebody is really an associate, then YOU set YOUR boundaries to protect yourself. You may be around that person frequently. Just remember it's really a cordial relationship that's superficial and not deeply personal because they may OR may NOT be there for you. This is why cutting people out of your LIFE totally isn't necessarily a good thing. They just might come through at a time when no one else can. So, see it for what it is. Set YOUR boundaries to protect yourself. And, enjoy the associates in your life. When a true friend does surface, don't cut the associates off. This is LIFE. It's not perfect because people aren't perfect- none of us are. Now, the narcissist is a different story because in certain relationships with them, it can be hurtful and even dangerous. So, keep a mile long distance with that person. I hope this helps. GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY!🕊🛐🕊
It's sometimes so hard to see if you're in an unhealthy relationship, just think of how you feel around them, but if you still don't know, ask yourself, "Are they or I contributing towards projecting disrespect or negativity in any way?"
I agree!!! I've had a lot of time to relect on my friendships since this pandemic and it's refreshing; yet a bummer to realize what I've known all along...........that I should've cut them off or at least, check them on many things that I let slide. Also, since I always had a small circle, I realized that without them, maybe I never really had REAL friends. IDK. One of my friends is this female that I've known since college. I always knew she had her flaws of being uppity and condescending at times but she had my sense of humor (which is hard to come by) and liked to party just like me. So it didn't bother me too much back then. However, now that those days are long gone, I noticed how much her ways really do bother me and I get angry at myself for the times that I didn't put her in her place, especially while in college. This is especially true since the pandemic because I've had nothing but time to really reflect and be in tune with my true feelings........and my feelings towards her are that I'm happier when I go long periods of not talking to her. I actually have been cringing when her number comes up on my phone for the past decade. I don't know how to completely end it though because she was there for me for 2 very major things that happened in my life. For one of those things, if it weren't for her my entire life would have gone down a really dark parh. So she has some good qualities but the bad ones seem to always replay in my mind. Also, as we've gotten older, she's not as bad as back; probably because she has been humbled by falling on hard times financially and being dumped and disrespected by so many men over the years. Maybe her hard times are her karma. Plus, I'm the only person she confides in about these bad things, so maybe that's God's way of letting me see her get payback.
@@moonsyoungestsun6550 Yeah, none of this is easy. What I realized is, regardless of whom is in our lives, you can always have healthy boundaries, and it's never to late. By doing so, you put everyone around you in a predicament, to decide if they want to be in your life or not; in the end, the healthy ones stick around and the ones or are unhealthy either adapt or leave. We can base what people do or have done for us in our lives, but this should not determine how important they are to us which foreshadows or enables an unhealthy relationship. ; just because people may have tremendously helped us or even turned our life around, doesn't mean we should do anything to give back and nevertheless allow anything that is unhealthy. It's never too late to tell someone how you feel, and this is all it is. People can't handle this, and all we're doing is trying to be honest. But realize by doing so you are giving yourself permission to be your best version, what is true to you, and you do so responsibly.... which they may not realize....nor you.... that this is the healthiest and best way to contribute towards what is right. None of this is to have to do anything, we all find our comfort zone, but it is to realize that if we focus on our heart, how we feel, how can this ever be wrong? Healthy relationships are born out of discomfort. Not to say you must put yourself in uncomfortable situations, but it helps to know that it's ok to "let-go" once you realize this just isn't your cup of tea if the tea continues to be bitter and resentful, negative and unpleasant, there's only so much sugar or honey that can be added, and at the end of the day we know what kind of cup of tea we have. Allow discomfort with those who will be wiling to work with you, and you can do the same with those who aren't, but you will see the difference. It is truly an unhealthy relationship when we enable what feels wrong, make it seem normal, and make it seem like it is ok; healthy people work through this not against it, nor enable it.
i feel like i always have to reach out to my friends and no one does that to me... and if it happens, like once in never, i am soo happy and would leave everything immediately just to meet them now .... well idk how to handle that so lets see what you have to say girl
really needed to see this and hear your words. i needed to know that it was okay to talk about something that was upsetting me in my friendship so that we can both move forward in our friendship. i’ve been stuck feeling the same way for a long time and it was the right thing to do.
I feel so much better now that I have sent all of their phone calls directly to voicemail so when they're asking for a favor and that's the only time they call I can just pretend like my phone was off and I didn't get the message. I don't have social media anymore so they can't keep tabs on what I'm doing and I am moving 3 hours away from where we all live and I have already made the arrangements and it's been planned for months and they have no idea and I'm not telling them at all I'm just moving and I guess they'll figure it out when they go to call and my phone's been disconnected because I no longer live in that area. At least I'm comfortable enough to sit at home on a Saturday night by myself and I'm completely okay with my own company unlike them who are in their 40s and have to go to a bar every weekend because they cannot stand being alone with their own company . So many things left a bad taste in my mouth showing me everybody's Christmas gifts in the friend group and I was the only person that did not receive a gift from any of them and yet they tell me how much they can't stand each other and they talk mad s*** about each other so yeah I'm assuming they talk about me too that's why they don't know anything about me anymore. And it drives them crazy. They ain't got any dirt on me.
I definitely felt like I was in a toxic bad one way friendship with this girl for 21 years and just recently I stopped talking to her blocked her on all social media because I just couldn't do it anymore! I was walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting her and by upsetting her I mean telling her how I feel about something that hurt my feelings and instead of apologizing she turned it around on me like I wasn't supposed to tell her how I felt like my feelings don't matter. I don't want to be friends with someone who plays the victim in a situation where they're wrong and can't admit It and can't take responsibility and accountability for their actions and only apologizes for themself towards the way you feel! It's very narcissistic and toxic!
Thank you for this - friendship sadly ended today, then stumbled upon this whilst getting those self doubts you get when you care about someone, and realised it’s for the best as they have many of these traits. A useful video and great toolkit!
Most people I’m around complain about their weight yet do nothing about it, spend a lot of time drinking and going out and are always too busy when I want to hang out or other stuff comes up. Some of us have kids and life happens but I feel like I’ve been slowly rejected over time. I’m a shy person with social anxiety but no one really wants to talk about that stuff with me. I feel lonely despite having decent friendships but I feel the moment I drop my worries and insecurities with them to get vulnerable they’ll see me as too high maintenance. And can’t forget that one did get violent with me and has yet to apologize because my husband and I have differing views on homosexuality than the rest of them and we aren’t respected anymore for those opinions. I’m not sure if I need to reach out to make amends but yet again they didn’t reach out to me to see how I was feeling after they kicked us out of a birthday party after fighting with us and getting physical. I’m not sure where I stand and being lonely sucks but I don’t want to lose what I feel I might still have. 😢
I have a similar problem. People love me until I want to have a deep discussion about life and how confusing certain things are to me. It's amazing how fast people run when they are asked to be supportive.
How does one heal after ending a friendship. One year later and at moments I find it tough and like I’m back at square one. I know it’s a continuous process of forgiving and letting go
I feel as though we are either (a) narcissist (b) toxic or (c) selfish! We are D E E P L Y flawed! So fed up of believing in people only to see a - b or c show up😫
@Susie I love your positive take on it!!! I just started getting into being my own best friend after I realized how much my so called friends disappoint me or just get on my nerves. We're in different states and when I'd talk to them I'd feel exhausted and need several weeks or months to go by before talking to them again. So I can imagine if we were close by and doing things in person, how exhausted I'd be. So I figured that since I seem to be happier by myself than when I talk to them, I should go with that feeling and do more things with "me". Sometimes having a circle of friends is not what it's cracked up to be.
It has become extremely common for people to label other people as toxic. Jeez. We all are human beings trying to do what we think would work for us and reduce our pain or suffering. Not everyone is toxic. Most of the time there is a gap in communication from both sides. You gotta learn how to communicate. If you see your friends not being interested in talking to you then communicate what makes them act this way. If it doesn't become better with that then it's time to end the friendship but it isn't anyone's fault. Stop labelling people as toxic.
I think many people have no clue how they "come across" to others. Relationships are "equitable", give and take. If people do not realize the basic aspects of friendship or relationships, this is on them. Some friends are ALWAYS right, no matter what. Many do not accept any responsibility for mistakes or oversights made. Sometimes, you find yourself the only one calling them, and they never call you - unless they want something. Maybe it's different for guys ? But I might think this is true for most people.
@@loriolson1143 I understand where you are coming from. I have met a lot of people and few of them became my friends but when I look back at the people who I thought were toxic were mostly using their defense mechanisms. That is not to say that I would want a friendship with them but I wouldn't call them toxic. Out of all the people I have met, only a small percentage could be labelled as toxic. I don't know, maybe I just got lucky with having great people in my life. I have seen the best and the worst of people. Most of us lie somewhere in the middle. In my comment I never asked people to put up with abuse. I asked them to take initiative and communicate and if it doesn't work then to end the friendship since it is useless.
@@doctorartphd6463 Well, that is exactly what I said. If you communicate properly and even then there is no change then it's time to end the friendship. There is a difference between ending a relationship and labelling a person toxic. It is a very big word. We need to be very selective about who we call toxic because we are not perfect and that can lead to false judgment. I have seen people label a simple behavior of being assertive and I mean truly assertive as toxic just because they would rather be a pushover . Toxicity is a very subjective word that is why we need to use it wisely.
I see a lot of people here ending their friendships because of these talking points. I highly recommend you don't do this before at least trying to repair/clarify things. I have been on both sides of this before. Sometimes you don't really know how someone feels about you. I had a work friend who one day told me how I don't really seem interested in being his friend when I was under the impression we were just friends at work. I was able to see what he wanted and reciprocate. Now a great 5 year friendship could have ended just from a failure to understand each other.
You ever had a friend who lived through you I got engaged the next week my friend got engaged and they rushed to get married I wear red hair the next week she has red hair i open up and say I’m opening a business the next week she beats me to the punch I mean this is just some of the issues I just want to know if I’m tripping or overthinking
Slowly cut off communication until everything becomes silent. Or if you’re brave enough and wants her to know that you CLEARLY want nothing to do with her anymore, just tell her directly and never look back or respond again.
Question, I have a friend who I used to spend a lot of time with him and his family and I not only helped them with all sorts of things from car repairs to building toys for their children. But when I moved away to the next little community a few miles away it’s like we stopped communicating. I’m disabled now and don’t work and they still do and I understand that. But the times we spent together was often “after” work in the late afternoons. Most of the time they would ask me for help with something and I would help them. And now it seems like I only hear from them now is when they need help with something again. I go, I help them and that’s it till they need help again. The last and only time I ever really asked them for help was when I got evicted and invited them over to take whatever they wanted to help relieve me from being overwhelmed by all that I had. Not that I don’t think I need them, but I don’t. Because most of what I may need help with they don’t know how to do it themselves and I’m the one they turned to for help. The difficult part is when I left the religion we grew up in. It seems now like my being around is like an unseen virus that they need to be careful around for fear I might infect them with some kind of disease? They say it doesn’t matter that I left the religion and they still care, but I can sense a difference in their actions and attitudes towards me now. Thanks and Aloha 🌺
Hi I often say To know me is to love me. I too am great at having and keeping aqutansis. Now that I love , approve of myself am good . The friends I do have has taken the time to love me enough to stick around and as a result I have forged 3 deep lasting friendship one of them so happens to be my daughter, yes , you can develop close bond friendship with your parents , child , children , siblings in all. Friends are not limited to strangers or non blood relative. Perhaps you do have more friends than you count. Those who loves you enough are ENOUGHT to count as FRIENDS
anyone want to explain to me what she means by deep ? I think I know but just want affirmation. does it mean more personal questions where most people avoid just to not hurt feelings? like telling a friend he need to step it up and his life is going nowhere? that kind of deep?
Going deep to me means: exploring traumas of the past and goals for the future, talking about not just the good things that are happening in life but also the struggles, engaging in conversations about "taboo" topics like politics and religion, disclosing bad habits or pet peeves, holding each other accountable. Basically opening up your heart and sharing insight into who you are as a person, instead of staying surface level and sticking to small talk topics like TV shows and the weather.
😞 I know I'm not a God, because one would know better than to expect a differnece from a norm standard of perceived populace being nothing less than a proficient and successful at people influencing to overcare for them if I stupidly feed egos something i worked sooo hard and wanted soo bad to have mirrored back, but was never granted because.... well I suppose the notion of "competition" was something i didnt expect from the worldview of friendship to hijack and undoubtedly be seen as some flawed 2nd tier everyday ununique, i cant compete when honesty is not valued by an audience that overvalues all the wrong tenaments that make an open person, perhaps not entertaining but i didnt try to insist beyond my welcome. And i learn from that mistake. Always, all mistakes.
Her voice is so distorted, with an echo, that this video is practically pointless. This video is pretty much a waste of bandwidth, server/hd space and electricity, purely because she can barely be understood. The audio is horrid.
1. It's a one side friendship.
2. They dont respect your boundaries.
3. There are not supportive.
4. They generally treat people poorly.
5. They dont fight for you or with you.
6. They want you to make them a priority.
7. They will not go deep with you.
8. They're abusive.
9. Their character just sucks.
I remembered in Windsor where I was in a situation where I almost got hit by a vehicle crossing the street on Tecumseh and a side street after leaving the Family Video store. I had the right of way and this driver wasn't paying attention and I ran and yelled hey, another lady rolled her window down and yelled hey even though I ran and missed the car. She was my hero that night. This was sometime around late 2012 or early 2013. This was the day, I said, I am going to fight for others and made me realize that sometimes strangers are nicer than friends.
Watching this to help navigate toxic dynamics with a friend. While she has some traits, I have others and recognize I haven't set good boundaries. Take this moment for self- reflection.
When you have to ask yourself whether a friend is toxic, trust me, that friend is toxic. Guess what, you are toxic with them. Cut them. Your life will be a reflection of theirs. Do you like what you see?
So that friend is bad no matter what?
I don't think simply asking if your friend is toxic means that it's true. I think everyone should ask this of every relationship they're in. That does not automatically make every relationship toxic, it just means you're willing to examine the all relationships you're in.
I agree!!! I've been friends with this female since college. I always knew she had her flaws of being uppity and condescending at times but she had my sense of humor (which is hard to come by) and liked to party just like me. So it didn't bother me too much back then. However, now that those days are long gone, I noticed how much her ways really bother me and I get angry at myself for the times that I didn't put her in her place, especially while in college. This is especially true since the pandemic because I've had nothing but time to really reflect and be in tune with my true feelings........and my feelings towards her are that I'm happier when I go long periods of not talking to her. I actually have been cringing when her number comes up on my phone for the past decade. I don't know how to completely end it though because she was there for me for 2 very major things that happened in my life. For one of those things, if it weren't for her my entire life would have gone down a really dark parh. So she has some good qualities but the bad ones seem to always replay in my mind. Also, as we've gotten older, she's not as bad as back; probably because she has been humbled by falling on hard times financially and being dumped and disrespected by so many men over the years. Maybe her hard times are her karma. Plus, I'm the only person she confides in about these bad things, so maybe that's God's way of letting me see her get payback.
Yes! I feel toxic when I'm with that friend, if the person makes me feel like this isn't a good sign
Needed to read this... thank you 🙏
Her list starts at 4:03
❤️🧡
Thanks!
Thnx
I gave up just before she got there evidently.
@@withgoddess1119 It’s good info! Give it another try when you can. :)
oof friends that don't respect boundaries are so frustrating.
I just broke off a friendship with someone who has all of these traits. Glad I'm free.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Happy for you ❤️
Happy for you
I broke off my 14years friendship..."they said I just harrassed myself by talking to them, they were never bothered about me" If there is no selfworth we should always move on. U deserve much better than u give. Future beholds greater opportunities and happiness. Don't give up❤❤.
Iam also
I literally have no friends. Once I lost my job, they all disappeared. Harsh realities.
They only need your cash to spend!
Thats because they weren’t your friends they were your coworkers. Whenever something big happens like job loss that’s when you find out who your real friends are.
❤️🧡 You got this! It hurts, but it truly makes us stronger, and helps us choose better in the future.
Should have saw the signs, I been caught like but once I started noticing she was funny when I asked for some things I knew it was time to give her the boot
I experienced the same thing
But, when people come into your life, i think that we have to make an assessment asap and understand that we have "friends", but most people are probably "associates".
Therefore, we can safely treat and respect each category of relationships for what they are. This way we can avoid getting hurt by the "associate" who really isn't your "friend". And, by making your assessment, you can avoid the narcissists as well.
We have to realize that people have the right to be an "associate", one who doesn't want to go any deeper, regardless of how much you do for them. And, we have to accept their right to make that choice concerning you. Ugh. That hurts but that's TRUTH.
For some, your I. Q. is what they cannot handle. Instead of embracing your talents and giftings, they envy and resent them in you.
The Bible speaks of covetousness. Some people want to have your talents but not do the work that gains the respect that you have earned. Essentially, some might want or wish that they are YOU!
Sounds crazy and it is crazy but also TRUE. And, you are constantly frustrated with their behavior.
Sometimes, you can't see it or if you do, you do NOT want to believe it!
The problem is that there are MANY people like that who are "low level thinkers". They will NEVER accept you even if your I. Q. isn't that far from theirs.
So, this is my suggestion:
Don't boot EVERYONE out of your LIFE.
Instead, right down the individual's name (in code).
Using the list provided here and any other info you have, make an assessment and determine if this is a friend or not.
Do this with everyone in your life presently and as you develop relationships in the future.
Now, treat everyone according to their individual categories. That's it.
YOU have to do this fo YOU.
This way you won't get into arguments, or experience disappointments, for example, with an "associate" that you assumed was a friend.
Society is more and more selfish today. That's why TRUE friends are hard to come by.
But, when you already KNOW somebody is really an associate, then YOU set YOUR boundaries to protect yourself. You may be around that person frequently. Just remember it's really a cordial relationship that's superficial and not deeply personal because they may OR may NOT be there for you. This is why cutting people out of your LIFE totally isn't necessarily a good thing. They just might come through at a time when no one else can.
So, see it for what it is.
Set YOUR boundaries to protect yourself.
And, enjoy the associates in your life. When a true friend does surface, don't cut the associates off. This is LIFE. It's not perfect because people aren't perfect- none of us are.
Now, the narcissist is a different story because in certain relationships with them, it can be hurtful and even dangerous. So, keep a mile long distance with that person.
I hope this helps.
GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY!🕊🛐🕊
It's sometimes so hard to see if you're in an unhealthy relationship, just think of how you feel around them, but if you still don't know, ask yourself, "Are they or I contributing towards projecting disrespect or negativity in any way?"
I agree!!! I've had a lot of time to relect on my friendships since this pandemic and it's refreshing; yet a bummer to realize what I've known all along...........that I should've cut them off or at least, check them on many things that I let slide. Also, since I always had a small circle, I realized that without them, maybe I never really had REAL friends. IDK. One of my friends is this female that I've known since college. I always knew she had her flaws of being uppity and condescending at times but she had my sense of humor (which is hard to come by) and liked to party just like me. So it didn't bother me too much back then. However, now that those days are long gone, I noticed how much her ways really do bother me and I get angry at myself for the times that I didn't put her in her place, especially while in college. This is especially true since the pandemic because I've had nothing but time to really reflect and be in tune with my true feelings........and my feelings towards her are that I'm happier when I go long periods of not talking to her. I actually have been cringing when her number comes up on my phone for the past decade. I don't know how to completely end it though because she was there for me for 2 very major things that happened in my life. For one of those things, if it weren't for her my entire life would have gone down a really dark parh. So she has some good qualities but the bad ones seem to always replay in my mind. Also, as we've gotten older, she's not as bad as back; probably because she has been humbled by falling on hard times financially and being dumped and disrespected by so many men over the years. Maybe her hard times are her karma. Plus, I'm the only person she confides in about these bad things, so maybe that's God's way of letting me see her get payback.
@@moonsyoungestsun6550 Yeah, none of this is easy. What I realized is, regardless of whom is in our lives, you can always have healthy boundaries, and it's never to late. By doing so, you put everyone around you in a predicament, to decide if they want to be in your life or not; in the end, the healthy ones stick around and the ones or are unhealthy either adapt or leave. We can base what people do or have done for us in our lives, but this should not determine how important they are to us which foreshadows or enables an unhealthy relationship. ; just because people may have tremendously helped us or even turned our life around, doesn't mean we should do anything to give back and nevertheless allow anything that is unhealthy.
It's never too late to tell someone how you feel, and this is all it is. People can't handle this, and all we're doing is trying to be honest. But realize by doing so you are giving yourself permission to be your best version, what is true to you, and you do so responsibly.... which they may not realize....nor you.... that this is the healthiest and best way to contribute towards what is right.
None of this is to have to do anything, we all find our comfort zone, but it is to realize that if we focus on our heart, how we feel, how can this ever be wrong? Healthy relationships are born out of discomfort. Not to say you must put yourself in uncomfortable situations, but it helps to know that it's ok to "let-go" once you realize this just isn't your cup of tea if the tea continues to be bitter and resentful, negative and unpleasant, there's only so much sugar or honey that can be added, and at the end of the day we know what kind of cup of tea we have.
Allow discomfort with those who will be wiling to work with you, and you can do the same with those who aren't, but you will see the difference. It is truly an unhealthy relationship when we enable what feels wrong, make it seem normal, and make it seem like it is ok; healthy people work through this not against it, nor enable it.
i feel like i always have to reach out to my friends and no one does that to me... and if it happens, like once in never, i am soo happy and would leave everything immediately just to meet them now ....
well idk how to handle that so lets see what you have to say girl
really needed to see this and hear your words. i needed to know that it was okay to talk about something that was upsetting me in my friendship so that we can both move forward in our friendship. i’ve been stuck feeling the same way for a long time and it was the right thing to do.
Yeay!!! Be happy and enjoy the lightness!!!
I feel so much better now that I have sent all of their phone calls directly to voicemail so when they're asking for a favor and that's the only time they call I can just pretend like my phone was off and I didn't get the message. I don't have social media anymore so they can't keep tabs on what I'm doing and I am moving 3 hours away from where we all live and I have already made the arrangements and it's been planned for months and they have no idea and I'm not telling them at all I'm just moving and I guess they'll figure it out when they go to call and my phone's been disconnected because I no longer live in that area. At least I'm comfortable enough to sit at home on a Saturday night by myself and I'm completely okay with my own company unlike them who are in their 40s and have to go to a bar every weekend because they cannot stand being alone with their own company . So many things left a bad taste in my mouth showing me everybody's Christmas gifts in the friend group and I was the only person that did not receive a gift from any of them and yet they tell me how much they can't stand each other and they talk mad s*** about each other so yeah I'm assuming they talk about me too that's why they don't know anything about me anymore. And it drives them crazy. They ain't got any dirt on me.
After I dropped toxic people or so call friends I can smell them a mile away now when i see one.
I definitely felt like I was in a toxic bad one way friendship with this girl for 21 years and just recently I stopped talking to her blocked her on all social media because I just couldn't do it anymore! I was walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting her and by upsetting her I mean telling her how I feel about something that hurt my feelings and instead of apologizing she turned it around on me like I wasn't supposed to tell her how I felt like my feelings don't matter. I don't want to be friends with someone who plays the victim in a situation where they're wrong and can't admit It and can't take responsibility and accountability for their actions and only apologizes for themself towards the way you feel! It's very narcissistic
and toxic!
Thank you for this - friendship sadly ended today, then stumbled upon this whilst getting those self doubts you get when you care about someone, and realised it’s for the best as they have many of these traits. A useful video and great toolkit!
Great job!!! Wonderful message! Keep up the good work! HEART Convos are so important!! Making friends is hard, but it is so worth it!!
i mean they ignore me when they know im at my hardest times and go play with something else
What a great speech! I wish she had used a better mic, though. Listening to this through earphones is pretty painful.😬
Love your talk, thank you for sharing❤️❤️❤️
This was soooo enlightening!!!
Most people I’m around complain about their weight yet do nothing about it, spend a lot of time drinking and going out and are always too busy when I want to hang out or other stuff comes up. Some of us have kids and life happens but I feel like I’ve been slowly rejected over time. I’m a shy person with social anxiety but no one really wants to talk about that stuff with me. I feel lonely despite having decent friendships but I feel the moment I drop my worries and insecurities with them to get vulnerable they’ll see me as too high maintenance. And can’t forget that one did get violent with me and has yet to apologize because my husband and I have differing views on homosexuality than the rest of them and we aren’t respected anymore for those opinions. I’m not sure if I need to reach out to make amends but yet again they didn’t reach out to me to see how I was feeling after they kicked us out of a birthday party after fighting with us and getting physical. I’m not sure where I stand and being lonely sucks but I don’t want to lose what I feel I might still have. 😢
I have a similar problem. People love me until I want to have a deep discussion about life and how confusing certain things are to me. It's amazing how fast people run when they are asked to be supportive.
i hope you are doing good beautiful sending love and happiness from a stranger❤️
I wish you could hear her better. This was really great! And useful
Gods around us...thank you!!!!!
Excellent! Thank you.
How does one heal after ending a friendship. One year later and at moments I find it tough and like I’m back at square one. I know it’s a continuous process of forgiving and letting go
I feel as though we are either
(a) narcissist
(b) toxic
or
(c) selfish!
We are D E E P L Y flawed! So fed up of believing in people only to see a - b or c show up😫
I’m all alone
@Susie I love your positive take on it!!! I just started getting into being my own best friend after I realized how much my so called friends disappoint me or just get on my nerves. We're in different states and when I'd talk to them I'd feel exhausted and need several weeks or months to go by before talking to them again. So I can imagine if we were close by and doing things in person, how exhausted I'd be. So I figured that since I seem to be happier by myself than when I talk to them, I should go with that feeling and do more things with "me". Sometimes having a circle of friends is not what it's cracked up to be.
Thank you for this!! I needed to hear it!
Tip number one sent me texting my friend haha. I’M SORRY YOU ALWAYS INITIATE I LOVE YOU
It has become extremely common for people to label other people as toxic. Jeez. We all are human beings trying to do what we think would work for us and reduce our pain or suffering. Not everyone is toxic. Most of the time there is a gap in communication from both sides. You gotta learn how to communicate. If you see your friends not being interested in talking to you then communicate what makes them act this way. If it doesn't become better with that then it's time to end the friendship but it isn't anyone's fault. Stop labelling people as toxic.
I think many people have no clue how they "come across" to others. Relationships are "equitable", give and take. If people do not realize the basic aspects of friendship or relationships, this is on them. Some friends are ALWAYS right, no matter what. Many do not accept any responsibility for mistakes or oversights made. Sometimes, you find yourself the only one calling them, and they never call you - unless they want something. Maybe it's different for guys ? But I might think this is true for most people.
Your attitude is exactly why I spent most of my life putting up with abuse. Of course there are toxic people. Lots of them
@@loriolson1143 I understand where you are coming from. I have met a lot of people and few of them became my friends but when I look back at the people who I thought were toxic were mostly using their defense mechanisms. That is not to say that I would want a friendship with them but I wouldn't call them toxic. Out of all the people I have met, only a small percentage could be labelled as toxic. I don't know, maybe I just got lucky with having great people in my life. I have seen the best and the worst of people. Most of us lie somewhere in the middle. In my comment I never asked people to put up with abuse. I asked them to take initiative and communicate and if it doesn't work then to end the friendship since it is useless.
@@doctorartphd6463 Well, that is exactly what I said. If you communicate properly and even then there is no change then it's time to end the friendship. There is a difference between ending a relationship and labelling a person toxic. It is a very big word. We need to be very selective about who we call toxic because we are not perfect and that can lead to false judgment. I have seen people label a simple behavior of being assertive and I mean truly assertive as toxic just because they would rather be a pushover . Toxicity is a very subjective word that is why we need to use it wisely.
Why doesn't this have more views?
I see a lot of people here ending their friendships because of these talking points. I highly recommend you don't do this before at least trying to repair/clarify things. I have been on both sides of this before. Sometimes you don't really know how someone feels about you. I had a work friend who one day told me how I don't really seem interested in being his friend when I was under the impression we were just friends at work. I was able to see what he wanted and reciprocate. Now a great 5 year friendship could have ended just from a failure to understand each other.
I'm afraid to end things with a friend because she's going to talk so badly about me far and wide. But she treats me and so many others poorly.
Great talk!
Truth !
You ever had a friend who lived through you I got engaged the next week my friend got engaged and they rushed to get married I wear red hair the next week she has red hair i open up and say I’m opening a business the next week she beats me to the punch I mean this is just some of the issues I just want to know if I’m tripping or overthinking
I enjoyed very much my respect an regards from Australia
How can I break of the friendship because she shows all of these traits
Slowly cut off communication until everything becomes silent. Or if you’re brave enough and wants her to know that you CLEARLY want nothing to do with her anymore, just tell her directly and never look back or respond again.
Oh my god. Number 7 🤝
Yes KB! 💕
Everything in this
I had a friend that was living a double life (1,6 & 9) and when I confronted her she gaslighted me then deleted me! 🤷🏾♀️
Killed it!!
Question,
I have a friend who I used to spend a lot of time with him and his family and I not only helped them with all sorts of things from car repairs to building toys for their children. But when I moved away to the next little community a few miles away it’s like we stopped communicating. I’m disabled now and don’t work and they still do and I understand that. But the times we spent together was often “after” work in the late afternoons.
Most of the time they would ask me for help with something and I would help them. And now it seems like I only hear from them now is when they need help with something again. I go, I help them and that’s it till they need help again.
The last and only time I ever really asked them for help was when I got evicted and invited them over to take whatever they wanted to help relieve me from being overwhelmed by all that I had.
Not that I don’t think I need them, but I don’t. Because most of what I may need help with they don’t know how to do it themselves and I’m the one they turned to for help.
The difficult part is when I left the religion we grew up in. It seems now like my being around is like an unseen virus that they need to be careful around for fear I might infect them with some kind of disease? They say it doesn’t matter that I left the religion and they still care, but I can sense a difference in their actions and attitudes towards me now.
Thanks and Aloha 🌺
@@sirmadam8183 thank you. Aloha 🌺
An excellent talk!
I can make acquaintances like nobodies business but the second they actually get to know me they run for the hills.
Hi
I often say
To know me is to love me.
I too am great at having and keeping aqutansis.
Now that I love , approve of myself am good .
The friends I do have has taken the time to love me enough to stick around and as a result I have forged 3 deep lasting friendship one of them so happens to be my daughter, yes , you can develop close bond friendship with your parents , child , children , siblings in all.
Friends are not limited to strangers or non blood relative.
Perhaps you do have more friends than you count.
Those who loves you enough are ENOUGHT to count as FRIENDS
in the end, you have to face it all alone. don't show your deepest self. no one cares and thats alright.
This talk is great, but the audio is terrible!
I recently moved to a new city and this list describes everyone I’ve met here 🤷🏽♂️. Obviously this place isn’t for me lol.
My ex friends sucked they left me for a drug addict and he is a bully too it really hurt me and sort of still does today.
anyone want to explain to me what she means by deep ? I think I know but just want affirmation. does it mean more personal questions where most people avoid just to not hurt feelings? like telling a friend he need to step it up and his life is going nowhere? that kind of deep?
Going deep to me means: exploring traumas of the past and goals for the future, talking about not just the good things that are happening in life but also the struggles, engaging in conversations about "taboo" topics like politics and religion, disclosing bad habits or pet peeves, holding each other accountable. Basically opening up your heart and sharing insight into who you are as a person, instead of staying surface level and sticking to small talk topics like TV shows and the weather.
😞 I know I'm not a God, because one would know better than to expect a differnece from a norm standard of perceived populace being nothing less than a proficient and successful at people influencing to overcare for them if I stupidly feed egos something i worked sooo hard and wanted soo bad to have mirrored back, but was never granted because.... well I suppose the notion of "competition" was something i didnt expect from the worldview of friendship to hijack and undoubtedly be seen as some flawed 2nd tier everyday ununique, i cant compete when honesty is not valued by an audience that overvalues all the wrong tenaments that make an open person, perhaps not entertaining but i didnt try to insist beyond my welcome. And i learn from that mistake. Always, all mistakes.
How did she make it onto a ted talk?
Yep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont know about my friends but this content sure is.
starts to get a wee bit intersting at 4:00 before that is just baloney
8
Sound is awful, can't watch it.
Her voice is so distorted, with an echo, that this video is practically pointless. This video is pretty much a waste of bandwidth, server/hd space and electricity, purely because she can barely be understood. The audio is horrid.
You can turn on subtitles
I can understand, and disagree with your opinion. Maybe your brain is malfunctioning.
Her head looks like a baseball. But I dig it, its unique. Great job on the speech though.
What???????
🤨
That's mean