As someone who's been married for 25 years, everything you said still applies. Communication is key. No one is a mind reader. Needs change as you go through different seasons in your marriage. Don't make your spouse try and figure out what you're thinking or needing.
I watched a video a while ago from another Christian couple and they made a comment about how the enemy wants you to have sex before marriage to continue to cause temptation and while married, he doesn’t want you to engage in sex as a way to separate you. I thought that was very powerful!
Ive been married 23 years and we have faced all these issues. It's still in some ways a work on progress. My sex drive is higher than my wife's and I was doing all the initiating of sex. She never turned me down but I was feeling unloved and unwanted because it never seemed to be a priority to her. I finally stopped asking and she eventually noticed that I wasn't asking for sex anymore. She assumed because she was participating when I asked that she was doing her part and was shocked that resentment was building on my part because of the issue when she finally asked me about it. She will initiate on occasion now when she notices that I haven't in a while or that Im becoming distant but thats why I say its still a work in progress
My husband and I have been married for almost two years and your marriage related videos have really helped me grow in my role as a wife. I honestly felt like something was seriously wrong with me because I didn’t become the “perfect wife” from the beginning lol I’m so grateful for you guys and I pray God continues to use your marriage to speak life into mine. God Bless ❤️
I agree that not being in the word doesn’t disqualify us from being saved. However, there still are consequences to not reading the word. For example, God‘s Word is meant to give us wisdom and guidance. It helps us with our emotional stresses in our daily life, The word helps us to make daily decisions. So the consequence is that when we’re not in the word, we find ourselves in situations that may not have happened had we been in the Word . Also, another thing is that the enemy keeps us from reading the word. Satan may put up situation and circumstances in our lives, that may prevent us from getting to the word. I will pay attention to those as well, because I believe that reading the word, as a Christian is actually the bare minimum. So a believer, I always caution myself to stay in the Word as much as I can. Because I don’t want to live a life less than what God had intended good for me.
@@saram3156 If you’re referring to the faith scripture, I think it clarifies that we hear BY the Word. In other words, God speaks to us through His word (the Bible)…. No? Also, what word are believers to then use for doctrine, reproof, instruction 2 Timothy 3: 16-17? I would have to strongly disagree with you on this one, respectfully.
@@saram3156 Oh, ok. I understand. But I think that we may both agree though that anyone who can actually read should read the Word. The written Word of God is a believer’s guide in how to live your life. It’s also through the written word that we fight battles, overcome sin, have authority to speak certain things over our children, circumstances ect. The written Word of God is indeed alive and POWERFUL. I also get passionate about this kind of stuff because I saw how much my life changed as a believer when I got up off my laurels, and just got into the Word consistently.
@kerryanntalbert7812 Amen sis that's the bare minimum. Prayer, scripture, fasting and worship are like kissing, cuddling, sex and words of affirmation. Without one it's gonna cause problems. Without scripture intake you're likely gonna go back to a lukewarm lifestyle which leads to hell
Hi, you two! Sorry for the essay of a question 😂 but thanks so much for taking the time to answer it! 😊 I appreciate your willingness to have open and honest conversations. It truly is needed. Thanks for being that pair of friends you talked about to many of us, single and married, folk. ❤
This might sound weird but one way that might help motivate consistent Bible reading is comparing it to your need for regular sexual intimacy. Jesus is constantly pursuing us as His Bride and desires the fellowship and intimacy of communion. And while He absolutely does commune with us in other ways and those ebb and flow in different seasons, there is so much richness found in reading and meditating on His Word. Even just reading and then meditating aloud on one or two verses, chewing on it and unpacking it with each other as you wake up or go to bed can be a great way to stay in the Word. Just don’t make it legalistic, whatever you do. Jesus is so amazing and that stretches so far beyond “Bible reading time” but every aspect of our life with Him should be informed by Scripture. Thank you both so much for your vulnerability and honesty. You have encouraged me so much as I think through marriage and pray for my future spouse!
You can make it a habit by using CUES. The book “atomic habits” by James Clare gave an example of using something you already do EFFORTLESSLY as a cue to form a new habit. Eg 1. I brush my teeth everyday and I forget to floss so seeing the floss next to the toothbrush is a cue to floss before brushing. 2. keeping your slippers slightly under your bed so when you wake up you bend/kneel and say a prayer. So getting your slippers is a cue to pray because walking barefoot is uncomfortable 3. After I walk the dog I’ll take out the trash. The cue is probably unleashing the dog when you get in. For you maybe any time Kian wears his cap facing backwards lol, AAfter putting the dishes in the dishwasher, every time you change your bed sheets (if you change them ones a week). I can’t think of things that get done 3 times a week but you know your life best and with the examples I hope you can APPLY them and also it’s a good book to pick up.
Thank you for making this video! This topic needs to be talked about more. I have been married for 3 years and my husband and I went through similar struggles. I know this video would have helped us if we watched it before we were married. Thank you for being open and honest.
I’ve never been so consistent with a content creater as much as I am with you! I enjoy how honest you & Kyle are about your struggles and just your life! I love you kian 🥹 I pray you never cease in your faith with the Lord❤️
This is such a great convo! Thanks for being so open about this, especially as you’re relationship progresses and sharing the different struggles you’ve been through! I’m engaged to be married to my fiancé at the end of this year and will definitely be consulting the book you recommended on our honeymoon and hope to be intentional about talking about this openly once we are married. Love that advice!
how do you get back to being close to the lord when you feel like you don't have as much passion as before? im totally in that non reading phase myself atm
I actually get really frustrated by the fact my sex drive went way down during the first year of marriage. Getting pregnant actually boosted my sex drive a lot and my husband is definitely happy that I am initiating more.
Well, the struggle to initiate sex I think also comes from the messaging that women are supposed to let the men do the pursuing and not to be a temptress.
No, this is not biblical. In the songs of solomon, the man evokes her beauty, she evokes his, and she invites him to have sex with her, and he proceeds to do so. That's literally a book showing Godly sex so if the wife isn't inviting, she's the one in the wrong and not the man. This is assuming the guy is already doing his part by showering his wife with words of affirmation.
As a mom of almost 5 it’s hard to find time to pick up the bible other than reading the daily verses , I play a lot of the bible app where it reads to me the bible while I’m doing daily tasks of cleaning dishes etc! Try it!
This has been a huge struggle for me and my husband. I am really struggling with finding my husband physically/sexually attractive. It feels like that can’t be fixed.
The Word of God is everything, it is our instruction and everything we do must be filtered through it; otherwise it is very easy to be led astray or confuse emotion with the Holy Spirit. We all make mistakes but we should never grow comfortable not reading it and just count on God convicting us, we have to know God and we know God and how He has called us to live by knowing God's Word. Again, things happen, but as you grow and mature in Christ you should be in your Word daily, especially in the culture and the world that we live in, Christians need to be in prayer and God's Word as much as possible.
Hello, I thought I would respond because I read your comment and was really touched by your message as I have been in your position before. I'm so sorry and I know it can very painful. I think it is really important to remember that in a Christian marriage sex is a key part of your relationship and that your relationship (and therefore sex) is both of your responsibility. And it is not okay for one party to say they just aren't interested and that be the end of the conversation. I would recommend finding some help, maybe a Christian counsellor? Might be really helpful to talk about it with a third party and work on this together to get to a place where sex is frequent enough for the both of you, enjoyable and uniting!
You can make it a habit by using CUES. The book “atomic habits” gave an example of using something you already do EFFORTLESSLY as a cue to form a new habit. Eg 1. I brush my teeth everyday and I forget to floss so seeing the floss next to the toothbrush is a cue to floss before brushing. 2. keeping your slippers slightly under your bed so when you wake up you bend/kneel and say a prayer. So getting your slippers is a cue to pray because walking barefoot is uncomfortable 3. After I walk the dog I’ll take out the trash. The cue is probably unleashing the dog when you get in. You know your life best I hope you can be inspired to APPLY studying the word from the examples given and also it’s a good book to pick up
As someone who's been married for 25 years, everything you said still applies. Communication is key. No one is a mind reader. Needs change as you go through different seasons in your marriage. Don't make your spouse try and figure out what you're thinking or needing.
I watched a video a while ago from another Christian couple and they made a comment about how the enemy wants you to have sex before marriage to continue to cause temptation and while married, he doesn’t want you to engage in sex as a way to separate you. I thought that was very powerful!
Spot on
Ive been married 23 years and we have faced all these issues. It's still in some ways a work on progress. My sex drive is higher than my wife's and I was doing all the initiating of sex. She never turned me down but I was feeling unloved and unwanted because it never seemed to be a priority to her. I finally stopped asking and she eventually noticed that I wasn't asking for sex anymore. She assumed because she was participating when I asked that she was doing her part and was shocked that resentment was building on my part because of the issue when she finally asked me about it. She will initiate on occasion now when she notices that I haven't in a while or that Im becoming distant but thats why I say its still a work in progress
My husband and I have been married for almost two years and your marriage related videos have really helped me grow in my role as a wife. I honestly felt like something was seriously wrong with me because I didn’t become the “perfect wife” from the beginning lol
I’m so grateful for you guys and I pray God continues to use your marriage to speak life into mine. God Bless ❤️
Now that we are a family podcast it's also very good for marriages♥️♥️♥️
I agree that not being in the word doesn’t disqualify us from being saved. However, there still are consequences to not reading the word.
For example, God‘s Word is meant to give us wisdom and guidance. It helps us with our emotional stresses in our daily life, The word helps us to make daily decisions.
So the consequence is that when we’re not in the word, we find ourselves in situations that may not have happened had we been in the Word .
Also, another thing is that the enemy keeps us from reading the word. Satan may put up situation and circumstances in our lives, that may prevent us from getting to the word. I will pay attention to those as well, because I believe that reading the word, as a Christian is actually the bare minimum.
So a believer, I always caution myself to stay in the Word as much as I can. Because I don’t want to live a life less than what God had intended good for me.
@@saram3156 If you’re referring to the faith scripture, I think it clarifies that we hear BY the Word. In other words, God speaks to us through His word (the Bible)…. No?
Also, what word are believers to then use for doctrine, reproof, instruction 2 Timothy 3: 16-17? I would have to strongly disagree with you on this one, respectfully.
@@saram3156 Oh, ok. I understand. But I think that we may both agree though that anyone who can actually read should read the Word. The written Word of God is a believer’s guide in how to live your life. It’s also through the written word that we fight battles, overcome sin, have authority to speak certain things over our children, circumstances ect. The written Word of God is indeed alive and POWERFUL.
I also get passionate about this kind of stuff because I saw how much my life changed as a believer when I got up off my laurels, and just got into the Word consistently.
@kerryanntalbert7812 Amen sis that's the bare minimum. Prayer, scripture, fasting and worship are like kissing, cuddling, sex and words of affirmation. Without one it's gonna cause problems. Without scripture intake you're likely gonna go back to a lukewarm lifestyle which leads to hell
Hi, you two! Sorry for the essay of a question 😂 but thanks so much for taking the time to answer it! 😊 I appreciate your willingness to have open and honest conversations. It truly is needed. Thanks for being that pair of friends you talked about to many of us, single and married, folk. ❤
This might sound weird but one way that might help motivate consistent Bible reading is comparing it to your need for regular sexual intimacy. Jesus is constantly pursuing us as His Bride and desires the fellowship and intimacy of communion. And while He absolutely does commune with us in other ways and those ebb and flow in different seasons, there is so much richness found in reading and meditating on His Word. Even just reading and then meditating aloud on one or two verses, chewing on it and unpacking it with each other as you wake up or go to bed can be a great way to stay in the Word. Just don’t make it legalistic, whatever you do. Jesus is so amazing and that stretches so far beyond “Bible reading time” but every aspect of our life with Him should be informed by Scripture.
Thank you both so much for your vulnerability and honesty. You have encouraged me so much as I think through marriage and pray for my future spouse!
You can make it a habit by using CUES.
The book “atomic habits” by James Clare gave an example of using something you already do EFFORTLESSLY as a cue to form a new habit.
Eg 1. I brush my teeth everyday and I forget to floss so seeing the floss next to the toothbrush is a cue to floss before brushing.
2. keeping your slippers slightly under your bed so when you wake up you bend/kneel and say a prayer. So getting your slippers is a cue to pray because walking barefoot is uncomfortable
3. After I walk the dog I’ll take out the trash. The cue is probably unleashing the dog when you get in.
For you maybe any time Kian wears his cap facing backwards lol, AAfter putting the dishes in the dishwasher, every time you change your bed sheets (if you change them ones a week). I can’t think of things that get done 3 times a week but you know your life best and with the examples I hope you can APPLY them and also it’s a good book to pick up.
Thank you for making this video! This topic needs to be talked about more. I have been married for 3 years and my husband and I went through similar struggles. I know this video would have helped us if we watched it before we were married. Thank you for being open and honest.
Love love love the vulnerability and authenticity in this video! This is why y’all are so encouraging to watch ❤
I’ve never been so consistent with a content creater as much as I am with you! I enjoy how honest you & Kyle are about your struggles and just your life! I love you kian 🥹 I pray you never cease in your faith with the Lord❤️
Watching/listening while getting ready for bible study tonight! Love these chatty husband and wife videos ❤️
Definitely will do more in the future. Enjoy your bible study tonight ☺️
This is such a great convo! Thanks for being so open about this, especially as you’re relationship progresses and sharing the different struggles you’ve been through! I’m engaged to be married to my fiancé at the end of this year and will definitely be consulting the book you recommended on our honeymoon and hope to be intentional about talking about this openly once we are married. Love that advice!
No it’s the way I immediately went to watch this video when I saw your insta post. Love y’all vulnerability!!!!
Aw thank you Emily! So glad you enjoy these chats!
I really like your openess and honesty, it is very educative :)
Thank you so much! Grateful it blessed you!
how do you get back to being close to the lord when you feel like you don't have as much passion as before? im totally in that non reading phase myself atm
Thank you for speaking wisdom into this topic. It’s encouraging and exciting as I will be getting married very soon!
I actually get really frustrated by the fact my sex drive went way down during the first year of marriage. Getting pregnant actually boosted my sex drive a lot and my husband is definitely happy that I am initiating more.
Great video! Poor Kian your sides hurt! I hope it gets better! Love y’all!
I know, I can't stop rubbing it 😅 pray for my ribs
@@KianandKyle I will definitely pray for your ribs Sis!
"the Lord convicts us so you don't have to"...
Great discussion, you guys are truly a blessing sharing your wisdom from each others experiences and in marriage. This is such a blessing, thank you.
Wanted to get here before everyone else haha! I love watching you guys your my inspiration 😊
God bless 😇
Thank you Kayla! We appreciate you!
Well, the struggle to initiate sex I think also comes from the messaging that women are supposed to let the men do the pursuing and not to be a temptress.
No, this is not biblical. In the songs of solomon, the man evokes her beauty, she evokes his, and she invites him to have sex with her, and he proceeds to do so. That's literally a book showing Godly sex so if the wife isn't inviting, she's the one in the wrong and not the man. This is assuming the guy is already doing his part by showering his wife with words of affirmation.
Good points i needed to hear this❤
As a mom of almost 5 it’s hard to find time to pick up the bible other than reading the daily verses , I play a lot of the bible app where it reads to me the bible while I’m doing daily tasks of cleaning dishes etc! Try it!
Wow so powerful so enlightening will help save marriages❤
This has been a huge struggle for me and my husband. I am really struggling with finding my husband physically/sexually attractive. It feels like that can’t be fixed.
I'll pray for it.
In all this don't blame yourself. Jesus understands you very well. I trust God to fix it. You will be alright. God bless you
Did you marry him while not being attracted to him or the attraction went away over time?
Juno, I was certainly more attracted when we were dating and engaged. Over time he has gained weight and let himself go.
Thank you, Lu!
Thank you, Shea!
The Word of God is everything, it is our instruction and everything we do must be filtered through it; otherwise it is very easy to be led astray or confuse emotion with the Holy Spirit. We all make mistakes but we should never grow comfortable not reading it and just count on God convicting us, we have to know God and we know God and how He has called us to live by knowing God's Word. Again, things happen, but as you grow and mature in Christ you should be in your Word daily, especially in the culture and the world that we live in, Christians need to be in prayer and God's Word as much as possible.
Kyle is so handsome and sweet.
Kian you are sweet and pretty. You both are darling!
Thank you! We appreciate it ☺️
I love Kyle’s sweet nature with you, Kian.
I really ❤love the fact that you both love Jesus without Christ we are nothing god is so good and he’s faithful ❤
The name of the book plz?
Can u link ur dress please, so cute!
I’m curious if you all have friends who aren’t Christian and is that something that bothers you?
What if your spouse loves you and wants you but is not physically attracted enough to have that drive at all?
Hello, I thought I would respond because I read your comment and was really touched by your message as I have been in your position before. I'm so sorry and I know it can very painful.
I think it is really important to remember that in a Christian marriage sex is a key part of your relationship and that your relationship (and therefore sex) is both of your responsibility. And it is not okay for one party to say they just aren't interested and that be the end of the conversation.
I would recommend finding some help, maybe a Christian counsellor? Might be really helpful to talk about it with a third party and work on this together to get to a place where sex is frequent enough for the both of you, enjoyable and uniting!
So funny you guys say that about reading the Bible. Me and my husband have been saying the sameee thing and still haven't done it!
You can make it a habit by using CUES.
The book “atomic habits” gave an example of using something you already do EFFORTLESSLY as a cue to form a new habit.
Eg 1. I brush my teeth everyday and I forget to floss so seeing the floss next to the toothbrush is a cue to floss before brushing.
2. keeping your slippers slightly under your bed so when you wake up you bend/kneel and say a prayer. So getting your slippers is a cue to pray because walking barefoot is uncomfortable
3. After I walk the dog I’ll take out the trash. The cue is probably unleashing the dog when you get in.
You know your life best I hope you can be inspired to APPLY studying the word from the examples given and also it’s a good book to pick up
I Corinthians 7(1-16) The woman is over the mans body and the man over the womans
Wow so powerful so enlightening will help save marriages❤
Good points i needed to hear this❤