Thank you for saying it! This is not Thomas like it says in the profile. This is the girlfriend. The girlfriend that packed on over 50 lb in 2 and 1/2 years. I'm going to tell you though that is really sad. A lot of my weight gain is due to my thyroid. He and I have not been to the gym in 4 months and he is completely lost his definition and now he has a gut and starting to get boobs. I don't care about that so why is it so important to men? I'm not going to stay heavy forever and I'll get it off because I do have that determination and he knows that. We worked out almost 2 years straight in our relationship. We do eat healthy and we try to do the best we can for being almost 50 years old but he hasn't really come near me in months other than a little flirtation playing around. Even though I think it's shallow and superficial what you're saying about how men think I still really appreciate the honesty and I wish he could be honest with me about it it would make me feel a lot better than what I've been feeling
Aaaah yeah because he probably is attracted to the person on the other end and not who is in front of him. Be cautious when they are too attached to their phones.
Yes, Please say it again! Because This man does not teach people about An Inner Beauty! What God say is adorning a meek and a quiet SPIRIT HAS GREAT WORTH IN SIGHT OF GOD! THESE PEOPLE HAVE MADE RELATIONSHIPS AFTER THE FLESH AND NOT AFTER THE SPIRIT! THANK YOU FOR THIS REMINDER ABOUT A VIRTUOUS WOMAN!
I think being attracted to someone is important to a degree. However, attraction alone isn’t going to cut it. I learned from a past relationship that some men who focus “heavily” on looks have the lowest self esteem. These men use women to make themselves feel good. They like the attention from their friends and others. What I mean by liking others attention “ when their friends are like wow she so fine”. This makes them feel good and important. So yes looks are somewhat important but there not the most important thing to me. I need to know that a man can pray for me and talk to God about me.
Yep I lost attraction to my ex after feeling de-prioritized. He wasn’t putting in effort and I started pulling away. He then said he lost attraction. It goes both ways.
I don't think you understand the stages through life fully when you are young and healthy attraction is a important thing. You are kidding yourself if you think attraction dosnt play a huge part in long term relationships. Same with sex you cannot maintain a sexless relationship when young and expect everything to be ok and everyone to be happy.
If he's no longer attracted to you, then that only means he's been busy looking around comparing you to other women. Ladies we need to take care of ourselves not to please a man but for ourselves. You're beautiful😘
We’re not talking about “a man” we’re talking about the love of your life. Your life partner. I fell out of and back into attraction to my wife but never even thought about cheating.
🙏🏾🙌🏽❤ I understand that men want women to maintain attraction but some men have unrealistic expectations about what it takes to maintain attraction. If she is a stay at home wife and mother she's going to need her husband to be willing to pay the cost of maintaining whatever level he finds attractive. Quality makeup, healthy food, gym memberships, hair stylists, quality clothing etc cost money. As long as he is willing to do his part to help her maintain attraction there is nothing wrong with his expectation and his view of attraction should be his personal view not influenced by what society says is attractive nor should it be limited to physical attraction.
@@RRthee1 most women don't need surgery after childbirth. If you already eat right and maintain a healthy weight before pregnancy cosmetic surgery isn't needed.
@lisajones-franklin3574 This is not true. My mother was a size 2 at 105 pounds her entire adult life. The first time she ever got stretch marks or cellulite was when she got pregnant with her children She went back down to 110 after pregnancy but the stretch marks, cellulite, and C section scar remained. Realistically, pregnancy changes the body for most women.
Sure but in life there are no guarantees. Your partner could get unwell, have cancer cut out of there face for instance ,have other illnesses and can't look the same. I know someone who had jaw cancer and now his face is deformed. But his beautiful wife stood by him and loves him the same. Looks fade. People who get to 80 or 90 can't look like they did at 20 .Even if they look after themselves. I love my husband more than when we first meet and we don't look like we did then. I feel it's a very narrow view
Not being able to satisfy your partner is definitely something that will also ruin a relationship. More people need to talk about that because it is so fucking real.
You are speaking facts! I am a woman who physical attraction matters equally as much to me. I for one take care of myself physically and I demand the same thing from a potential partner. What you said is so 🔑 … we have to talk and be honest. Very good and relevant message.
You’re not going to be attractive forever. I don’t care how much you workout you can’t workout skin. Then what. I’ll tell you it’s the back up like having a great personality & being kind, generous & having a good heart.
@@raquelhaddi69 that goes without saying! Of course the intangibles such as character, integrity, etc. are the most important parts of a relationship. He nor I negate the fact that those things are of primary importance but how a person takes care of themselves is important to me. I am not going to ever be fake and be unrealistic and say that just because a guy treats me well, and has good character can be completely unhealthy and let himself go and I still will be happy. That’s just not the truth for me. If a love a person I’m not going to be a burden for my partner by being unhealthy and not being my best.
But you're single... And Beyonce, Rihanna, and Halle Berry, some of the most attractive, accomplished, feminine, fit, friendly women in the world, have all been cheated on despite being physically attractive...
Stephan you are FUNNY " I won't call out your belly if you don't call out my belly....." HILARIOUS!! I needed that laugh! Thanks for your honesty and for telling us like it is.
I don’t think it’s a woman’s responsibility to keep a man attracted to them. If that is the reason they got together in the first place that tells you so much about that person’s heart . And to say this with such certainty, when you know damn, well, that the finest most beautiful, gorgeous woman and men get cheated on does not back your thoughts as facts. So, if attraction is meant to keep someone with you, why isn’t this formula the one to prevent cheating .I know you’re with a good percentage of men can’t help but like what they like, but you have to also acknowledge that a lot of it is socially instilled in so many peoples minds, especially with the industries that exploit women the way they do. We are not here for your entertainment, nor should we be treated as such. If beauty is skin deep then love is not going to get any deeper. To put that much pressure on women I mean go into any department store there are more clothes for women, more lotions, and potions for women and you guys think you’re not the Reason for this with your unrealistic expectations. I am not saying it’s wrong to get dolled up. Make sure you’re doing it for yourself. Love yourself And then you won’t be so dependent on anyone else’s ideas of you, because when the exterior is more important than the interior bigger issues.
Thank you. Your comment is spot on. There is all this pressure for women to be attractive. Have babies ,still look good etc. why do we have to look like trophies for men to be happy with us. We are supposed to accept how they look and how they change. In a long term relationship no matter what you do, you will both change. Can't look 20 forever. People gain weight, a lot of men lose there hair. My point is a relationship should not just be about looks. I really appreciated your comment. Women are knocking themselves out trying to please their men. They end up with low self-esteem and the pressure to remain beautiful forever to keep them happy is exhausting
Wonderful video and insight!! I totally agree with you. Not only can we lose physical attraction with each other, we can lose it to ourselves!! When that happens we tend to hold back and sabotage our mates expectations. Physical attraction is very important unless one becomes deathly sick or other extreme scenarios.
If you’re giving your all and it’s not enough, then you’re probably giving it to the wrong person. 💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Depends on the options that you have. Society told men to work hard build themselves to be able to support a future family. If you do it you will have options, but what women are afraid off is aging.
If a man is not attracted to me anymore i fall back. Wayy back. And work on myself when he does come back around…well too bad then. My attraction for him was gone and dead the moment he stopped being attracted to me. 🤷🏼♀️ reciprocity.
Ong! 💯 See, that's the thing; once she "levels up" she now has access to much better romantic partner options than just her man, so it's difficult to expect her to go back and be attracted to the exact same guy as before. 🤷🏽♀️
Years ago I decided that I wanted to work my hardest to try & get my weight down, take care of my skin, hair & nails, eat well, get sleep, wear makeup, etc. whether I’m in a relationship or not. It’s not about what a man wants me to do. It’s how I feel about myself. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve let myself go & I don’t ever wanna be at that place again no matter if I know a man loves me. Sometimes you have to do those things for yourself & it helps in other areas of your life too. Not saying I do it perfectly but overall it’s at least what I strive for. I don’t think it hurts either to try & keep the attraction up in your relationship.
I know attraction is a part of a relationship. But attraction is vain because outside appearance is vain. You don't stay the same forever. When your partner put on weight or gets old or starts aging. Then what. Clothing, makeup, hairdos these are things you can change about you to be more attractive. But some things you can't change like your appearance or body structure and anyone asking you to go beyond that relationship is not love.
@@beefaye18 exactly if they can't take you as God created you they got to go. I don't mind dressing attraction, styling my hair aint putting on no makeup or anything then k but beyond that I don't think it's love it's something else. And you ain't loving that person for them. Attraction can only go so far
@@beefaye18 🤣🤣🤣I would want a men like that gone too that's too stressful to maintain. Some of these men want you to play out there fantasies and ideas but reality is reality. My husband was telling me about dressing and looking more attraction and a whole conversation so I turned to him and said it's the same way I feel you can look more attractive. He became one sided. These men can dish out stuff but they can't handle when we tell them you want the same things from them they are requiring from you.
I talk to a lot of single and married men and I hear this a lot especially with married men. I push my friends to work out and and keep it together but they do not listen. I'm in my 50s and I still get a lot of male attention. I am athletic always have and men tell me they wish there partner or wife would workout and I always say it starts with them. These men need to motivate there women to get in shape and stay healthy
Physical beauty is only skin deep and when you remain in the shallow end of the pool for too long sometimes you miss out on experiencing all that awaits you when you take a dive into the deep end. Looks may change over time; but the true beauty that lies within each of us continues to mature and blossom as we age if it is treated with the love and respect it deserves. 💛
That’s such an archaic way of thinking. Beauty is obviously not skin deep. No one should apologize for liking something specific it isn’t a choice it’s what we like. The person you love and loves you can either say “hey I will do these things for you and try” or they can say “that’s not me I don’t want to do that.” Either way you have a decision to make and the answers to make it. We only have one life and living it not happy or feeling like you are settling due to societal pressures and not rocking the boat is no way to live
The level of attraction will not go away if I’m being treated with respect! I accept people from within! If the inside is good/respectful then that’s attractive to me!🔥❤️
Not condoning cheating but a lot of women want to make it about the man messing up and he did mess up big, but if he ever communicated what he liked and wanted and you dismissed it then he did what to he thought he needed to be happy.
As a guy, truth is I fell out of love with myself first. Then I didn’t maintain intimacy on my end with my beautiful wife. I honestly did not keep up on my health, eating and weight. It was a downward spiral and my wife still loved me through it unconditionally.
What people in this comment section don’t seem to understand is that people don’t consciously control what they are attracted to. Attraction by definition is uncontrolled urge(s) towards people and or things. In other words Women and Men like what they like when and how they like it; and are not consciously in control of these feelings. If my lady isn’t attracted to me it’s not her choosing not to be. She just isn’t for any number of reasons. This may or may not change at some point. But it’s no point calling her shallow or a fool for not seeing my “value” as a man like I am some kind of gift to women or something. If your man isn’t attracted to you he can’t help how he feels. Just keep it real with yourself and see if it is worth working out or not. I don’t see what’s so hard to understand about this.
"Attraction and love are two different things." What a word. I never understood why some people would want to give their partner the best of everything, but their physical appearance.
Because the trade-off for some women may not be beneficial. Giving your partner your "best physical appearance" gets you what? Okay/mid, repetitive sex? The opportunity to go 50/50 and pay half the bills in the house like a roommate? The privilege of just saying "my partner is attracted to me"? 🤔
What if you got sick with an autoimmune disorder and lost too much weight lost hair eyes became weird? And takes months if not years to get back to normal? As soon as I got sick he was out the door. That stuff is out of my control! He looked at me with disgust
@@jodythi1 Thank you 🙏🏼 your message is encouraging. He is extremely shallow and only cares about how people will perceive him and how his life looks on the outside. He wants this “prestige” image or something. Thank God he left me. I cried and begged at the time but now I see it as a blessing
This man is the truth!! It's unfortunate that we don't hear advice like this. I'm tired of some people suggesting to other people that we should focus on the person's personality and not their looks. Physical looks and personality are both important.
@@raquelhaddi69 I understand what you mean. I wish it wasn't hard but unfortunately it is. However, I want attraction and good personality. That's how I will want to stay in the relationship. I am praying that I will find him.
Exactly! What people fail to talk about is letting yourself go also adds stress in the relationship if that person develops medical conditions. I speak from experience and not what I read in a book. We must love and respect ourselves first and our partners to be the best version of ourselves always mentally, physically, spiritually and otherwise.
I agree but not in the looks area as in how u were born but in the looks area as how well kept u are if u smell good clothes nice when we go out hair cut fresh then that’s my attraction just keep yourself fresh clean and neat
True... attraction is very important....I'm not expecting a perfect body I'm not perfect either but yes I prefer a man who does not have a beer belly...
Society's definition of attractiveness and beauty is flawed. Everyone is gorgeous in their own way but, true beauty lies in the heart and soul of a person. Not skin deep. There are men who actually indicate that they are shallow. These are not the types you should engage with because you will stress yourself out continuously trying to nip and tuck your image to please. The reality is there will always be a woman who is more beautiful, qualified/educated (etc) than you. Ladies: If you do decide that you're going to "level up" then ensure that you're doing this to make yourself happy and by extension others could appreciate your look. Just my opinion and no one has to agree with it.
I agree. Beauty standards are always changing. Just look at how much even the standard for what is fashionable for eyebrows has changed over the past 10 years. 👀👁
Best opinion ever, I believe in attractiveness also, yes it is important, but I'm so sick of listening to this nonsense about women having to stress themselves into mental and emotional pain in other to mention and find relationships, I love sephan, but I really don't like that he continously make it seem like it's our cardinal duty to be beautiful for men, that's far from biblical and in my opinion catering to the world and society's standards, hv a bless day everyone and ladies just be the woman God created u to be, stay beautiful.
Romantic attraction is not just a physical thing. It’s like Stephen said.. couples need to have that conversation from the beginning to avoid disappointments. At the same time… I’ve seen what appears to be shallow men and women who put a lot of emphasis in physical looks get with someone who was not considered their type and also marry them and say they are happy. People change as they mature and what they value evolves with time and experience. We just gotta know where that person is in life.
That’s actually what happened to me I’m a black woman I married a why man he was my first and definitely not my type and I definitely was not attracted to him, in the beginning but now 10 years and 2 kids later we are still rocking, and happy.
Great Topic! Ok, for those working hard to lose weight at an older age... seek out a Hormone Doctor. Age 40 is when we should be getting a full panel Thyroid Test too. Once your hormones are balanced back out... it not only helps you lose weight but you feel emotionally and mentally better too with a better mood. Ladies, if you’re having lots of babies... or even after one, definitely get a hormone Doctor!!!! You’ll not only be happier but feel healthier sooner than later.
I agree that attraction is important, but it doesn't just stop at the physical. Our bodies are going to change and at some point. Are you referring to a particular age as it pertains to one's appearance? What I find unattractive is someone that's lazy, boring or stagnant when once before they were none of these things. They still maintain their body, still handsome but the things mentioned above make mess attractive or less interested in them. So, it's not always the physical, in my opinion.
@@Goldenheart2911 I agree, A lot of people think attraction refers only to looks, but what about personality, or somebody who's an attention seeker or high- maintenance? That all could affect your attraction for somebody as well.
@@jodizellmer994 I agree 💯 Jodi. Sometimes the most beautiful people speak the ugliest words. Physical attraction to a person is an important and necessary element in any relationship and by next discovering what lies below the surface will either enhance that attraction or detract from it.💛
Well i had 3 children and imin my mid40's i am in good shape iv not changed much just got older but i still dont look my age .its good genetics im one of 9 children none of whom loom their age either . We blessed really.anyway my patner is soo out of shape his belly is banging out he eats so unheathy everyday and had bad hygiene its gotten to the point where he just dont care that its making me lose attraction to him 😢😢😢 this was the man of my dreams i adored him for 13 years . Im gutted
This is something I’m going through now. This guy has had a huge crush on my for months and now I finally excepted my feeling for him. I’ve liked him for 2 months and I showed a little sign I like him and him and his friend laughed. This was last week. This week he didn’t come into the store but walked passed. 2 of his friends came in in the afternoon. As soon as I saw the first one he looked away quickly and was whispering on the phone I had no clue what that was about. The second one came in with a angry kinda look and we locked eyes and that made me laugh and I tried not to and it’s turned into a smile. Then today I saw that same friend who gave me the serious look. He normally comes in to get pastries but this time he didn’t and was texting someone. Then later on I saw the dude I like who likes me, go around the store from the back towards his work place and it made me think what’s that all about. I wasn’t sure if yesterday was a test to see if I was loyal or not before continuing to pursue me or something but I wasn’t checking them out. I look at everyone who comes in the store. And maybe his friend texted him to say oh she’s here don’t walk in front walk around. Like I don’t know if he likes me anymore or not and it’s stressful cuz it takes me a lot of courage to try and talk to someone especially if I like them and today was the day I was going to do that and now look. What do you think?, Please help me 🥺 we’ve never talked just looked at each other at times. He used to be near me all the time and stare like crazy.
I know he doesn’t love me and it angers me when he lies to my face. He’s a player. He’s been playing his parent’s, his son, me and the grandmother for over 3 years. They’ve told me this what he’s telling me and what he’s telling them are different things, but he wants to keep us around for his own gratification. Meaning when things don’t go the way that he wants he’ll jump to the next person. I told him that it’s over. He’s very good at a game that I don’t wanna play. His mother taught him very well and she can keep him. Sadly his family is toxic and tonight I’m choosing my heart and I know that sounds cliché but I can’t let them keep breaking it.
How about when you're in a relationship and you Communicate your wants and desires and he gets on the defense when it's not even necessary them ignores you? Is that just emotionally immature and call him out?
Sadly, I lost attraction to my late husband years before he passed away, not just based on his looks, but mainly the emotionally abusive, narcissistic, manipulative liar that he had become over the years. He treated me horribly. My attraction to him went completely out the window. I've been dating my boyfriend for the past almost 2 years and, yes, I am very physically attracted to him, but I'm even more attracted to his soul and the person he is far more than his looks.
How do you balance what he finds attractive vs. what makes you feel authentic and comfortable in your own body? For example, my soon to be ex prefers long hair. However, I began to feel unkempt since it was in a ponytail all the time. With his permission, I got a pixie cut. It's stylish, but it's not the long hair he prefers. I feel more authentic and it's something I can maintain. However, I constantly questioned if it affected his attraction for me. I grew my hair long again, dressed in ways that he preferred, etc. BUT, I ultimately fell into depression as a result of losing myself trying to maintain what he found attractive, rather than finding myself and being confident. I gave over control to allow him to determine what I should look like based on his standard of beauty. That didn't feel authentic and it ultimately led to other areas of the marriage being covertly controlled (I had a skewed view of submission). I felt like I was constantly chasing his ideals, at the expense of my own self. How do you balance those lines of personal authenticity/comfort and what the other individual finds attractive? Long hair vs short hair? For men, beard vs. shaved?
I think you already answered this question for yourself. You felt inauthentic with your hair longer than you prefer. It's not about hair it's about you putting someone else's desires (superficial)above you staying true to yourself. If he loves and likes you then you are his standard of beauty. If you love and like yourself that is the most attractive thing.
Whilst it is true physical attraction *will* fade for all or most as we age…. All we can do is make the best of it whilst staying true to ourselves maintaining, most importantly, self love/respect and staying within our own level of sexy. Why does it seem however, men tend to feel this way more than women? I feel as we grow old together staying healthy/ alive long enough to enjoy each other in life is all that should matter the most!! 😔🙏🏽❤️🔥. Ps: I LOVE your content and your advice is priceless!!
I often wondered why my husband doesn’t disire my any more but I also found out he had had many years of secret porn and strippers. How do I compete with that ? He says he never likes me to wear make up but in his browser history the women he watches is full of make up and tattoos I am so confused
Omg this is soooo true!! I can not stand my belly getting big and I can’t stand his belly getting big!! It’s a turn off on both ends! Idk why ppl get so worked up on that ❤
see i’ve tried talking to him about it before and tried making him feel safe to tell me the truth if he isn’t attracted anymore, and that it’s okay if he’s not i’d just want to know. But he still swears up and down he is still attracted. so now idk what to do
my boyfriend has told me before he was depressed and could t get aroused. a couple week later he admitted he's not attracted to me anymore. he now says he doesn't want to touch me since he feels as though I don't do enough.. I clean, a do laundry, I do dishes, I take care of the cat boxes, I make sure the counters are clean and thi gs are orderly... all he does is play games and say he's looking for a job...
When they first meet someone the live bombing the dreams promises .then after don't want to talk stays in phone in public walks Infront etc sad when affection dies the love making goes
I think it's funny that you say it's women who feel this about their men too, because all I hear is men complaining how their wives aren't having sex with them anymore but not one time do they think maybe they aren't attractive to their wife and it could be physical, but most likely it has to do with lack of empathy, support, respect, and equality in the home. If you are truly attracted to someone you don't notice their love handles and their wrinkles and all those things that happened to all of us all of us will age! All of us will have beauty that fades. Love is supposed to look beyond that and if someone doesn't find you attractive anymore then I question if they ever loved you in the first place . Which goes back to having a relationship with God, because if you don't love God you don't know how to love
You can be the incredibly handsome and/or beautiful and your mate is still very physically attracted to you, but your nasty attitude overshadows it so immensely that your looks become so irrelevant to the point that the person is no longer attracted to YOU; totally magnetized by your beautiful features, but completely repelled by YOU. Attraction goes beyond physical. There are some beautiful people that someone would say are physically attractive, but that's as far as it goes, because the rest of them is ugly and unattractive.
I don't care if you've been married for 30 yrs. BOTH people have to KEEP themselves attractive to a point. Don't wake up and not brush your teeth for days on end, don't forget to do your nails, don't allow yourself to frump out because you're comfortable with your partner. It's disrespectful to you and THEM. And that's when the cheating starts what do u expect? People are human. Sex stops, communicating stops....someone's gonna wander!
That's a very ignorant statement... What if someone has a terminal illness and chronic pain?? Maybe we can't sit that long in a nail salon or workout...Grow up!🙄
@@jillgarittagoatgirl-expose2759 do your nails as in "CUT AND FILE"....DID I SAY😅😃 SALON?? NO. I DIDNT. IT TAKES MINIMAL EFFORT TO LOOK DECENT FOR YOUR MAN, AND FOR YOURSELF CLEARLY YOUVE LET YOURSELF GO WITH YOUR" OFFENDED"REPLY . TRY HARDER.
Girl. You are brainwashed. Of course take care of yourself but you do not need to be dolled up 24/7 , trying to be the best instabaddie . No, people get sick. Will you look amazing when you’re sick? I bet not. People get tired. Again will you look the best? No. I agree with hygiene 100% but there are things that happen that can prevent one from taking care of themselves..a big one is depression because “we are all human” right? If someone cheats on you because you are not physically living up to their expectations then they are a shitty human. Thats not an excuse to cheat on someone. Simply just leave.
We had a problem, he knows it wasn't my fault but blames me anyway and he decides to leave me. I don't want the breakup . I want him. How do I get him to realize and come back to. me ?
They can honestly be stupid. They will search the world based on physical attraction and run themselves in the ground only to return to the one they left to take care of them. Nope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you start glowing after the breakup-He must have been the problem. Thats why we're told to be careful the person you chose to be with-he can either break you or make you&then run to others fresh(predators)
I lost attraction for my boyfriend because he didn't take care of himself. When I simply pointed out that his breath smelled one day, he got mad at me and has been acting childish for days. Damn... He doesn't take care of his teeth, his skin. Doesn't watch what he eats, doesn't exercise.. He likes to eat takeout mostly and to go out all the time with friends. He could be using some of this time to take care of his body.. He has many other qualities tho. But the physical attraction is gone for me.. And he obviously isn't open to accept this if he reacted this way to me saying "your breath smells a bit". 🤦
OMG! OMG! So point on I had to say it twice bro. That’s the exact situation I’m in. The weird thing is if I just come out and tell her it’s all the added weight she’s at now, then I’m a monster, but at the same time she very well knows that’s it. I just can’t be caught saying it. And do love her very much, but love is not the only thing required or even if it’s required at all to get my libido going. When we met and married, she was the complete opposite, not just skinny, but small framed too. Now she really resembles her mom big time. She always says to me, look at yourself, your not perfect or exactly the way you were, ( note: this is beside the point, but I’m actually pretty much am the same ) anyhoo, I was never the kind of guy who was attracted to any woman I couldn’t pick up and carry in my arms. We haven’t done anything in 5 years because of this, and most marriages I realize would be long over by now. But once again, I care so deeply for her, she’s my heart. This is so tough, and I have beaten myself up so much and for so long I really feel like I’m dying, especially me as a person. She loves me just as much but says she has to have it, or she’ll have to get it elsewhere. I can’t help but think, we need to move on separately as much as that will hurt. We make a great couple in every other way and share 3 beautiful grown independent offsprings now. But something gotta give now, it’s killing us. Anyway thanks bro, your are the first person I found keeping it real on this. You speak the nitty gritty gospel on this. 👍👍👍My life is a living example.😥
Prayerfully, your wife will find the husband and stepfather who will sexually, physically, emotionally, and financially fulfill her and her children's needs and wants. 🤎
I believe attraction plays a vital role in a relationship. However, attraction can come in many forms. If it is the physical that can always be worked out, but if it is the mind set, personality, or the character that needs work then that would be compromising.
I had a situation where my ex took me massively for granted it was insane the blessings I brought to his life but he didn’t care at all for me. I left. And then he realized he fucked up. These men will regret when a good woman leaves.
So what happens if the shoe isbon the other foot and shes not attracted to her husband? Live in a dead beadtoom, leave the marriage or is there a way to find desire when they were never attracted to you and matried for for safety and sexurity and to be a good father?
For me my husband keeps bugging me about how i view him physically. I really dont like to hurt peoples feelings but i tried to say it in the best way possible. I already compromised on the height but also being very overweight is not very attractive. I feel bad because its very hard for me to get in the mood and he gets very mad about this and says what changed from the beginning.
So, I am not my guys type AT ALL. He likes tall, redhead/blonde, super skinny with big boobs women. Do I need to loose more weight and dye my hair? Serious inquiry I already have big boobs thank god cuz I’m scared of surgery. But I’m 5’4”.
But I look the same... I dress well and smell good. I may even be 15 pounds lighter. It's not my weight because I know for a fact that he's attracted to 2 different women who are the same weight and age. The only difference I see is that they're light skin and I'm dark skinned. We haven't slept together in over 3 weeks. I would love to change my hair or clothes or perfume but he dropped this bomb with no details. I feel like trash.
It’s not what you say but how you say it…. Transparency in all areas equals a healthy, loving and thriving (not just surviving) Godly union🙏🏾🙏🏾🥰🥰. What makes My Boaz happy will make me happy💯
But some men are just stressfull and unhealthy.once you start dealing with them you...🤦♀️🤦♀️they suck everything out of you.suckers Out of amerry heart spings forth...it depends with whom you are dealing with.it is easy to look and judge what kind of men it is...just by looking at the woman beside.how can you want an angel while all you do is create hell.when we met i was attractive but after sometime with you..🙇♀️sucked the little i had-everybody noticed i changed and the man you dealing with is not good. Instead of adding to me
I am 168cm 63kg, compeltely heathly young lady. After 2 years he wants me to be skinnier causw he doesnt find the in me attration suddenly.. I go to gym, I eat heathly and I feel great. He doesnt feel that way about me. Who is the right on one this?
I will say from a person who has lost alot of weight this is very dangerous to tell a woman to try too hard for a man because they can smell the insecurities and will feed off of it you will not ever be the same and should walk the f away from that man you ell never feel pretty again
❤ Here’s your chance to get your personal questions answered by me for FREE go to 👉 www.askstephanspeaks.com
Thank you for saying it! This is not Thomas like it says in the profile. This is the girlfriend. The girlfriend that packed on over 50 lb in 2 and 1/2 years. I'm going to tell you though that is really sad. A lot of my weight gain is due to my thyroid. He and I have not been to the gym in 4 months and he is completely lost his definition and now he has a gut and starting to get boobs. I don't care about that so why is it so important to men? I'm not going to stay heavy forever and I'll get it off because I do have that determination and he knows that. We worked out almost 2 years straight in our relationship. We do eat healthy and we try to do the best we can for being almost 50 years old but he hasn't really come near me in months other than a little flirtation playing around. Even though I think it's shallow and superficial what you're saying about how men think I still really appreciate the honesty and I wish he could be honest with me about it it would make me feel a lot better than what I've been feeling
My 1st bd stopped being attracted 2 me the moment i got pregnant and it was the best thing he did 4 me bc i met a real king after tht😊
He couldn’t handle your new womanly body anyways 😂
This is what I'm dealing with
You'd be surprised at how many men do this as soon as you give birth to their children.
Where did you find royalty at?
@@objectiveintuition77133he couldn’t handle your womanly body? What kind of bs excuse is that to not take care of your body, pathetic
His phone is his attraction not usually me.
He is madly in love with his phone
Aaaah yeah because he probably is attracted to the person on the other end and not who is in front of him. Be cautious when they are too attached to their phones.
I feel you I'm sryy😢
Same
Same always in his
Facts and it sucks 😢
Proverbs 31:30
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
THIS...👆
Amen📖👑🙏🏾
Yes, Please say it again! Because This man does not teach people about An Inner Beauty! What God say is adorning a meek and a quiet SPIRIT HAS GREAT WORTH IN SIGHT OF GOD! THESE PEOPLE HAVE MADE RELATIONSHIPS AFTER THE FLESH AND NOT AFTER THE SPIRIT! THANK YOU FOR THIS REMINDER ABOUT A VIRTUOUS WOMAN!
That is what true attractiveness is A WOMAN THAT FEARS GOD!
wow
I think being attracted to someone is important to a degree. However, attraction alone isn’t going to cut it. I learned from a past relationship that some men who focus “heavily” on looks have the lowest self esteem. These men use women to make themselves feel good. They like the attention from their friends and others. What I mean by liking others attention “ when their friends are like wow she so fine”. This makes them feel good and important. So yes looks are somewhat important but there not the most important thing to me. I need to know that a man can pray for me and talk to God about me.
He's speaking from the male perspective and not the female perspective. Men are visual creatures and there is nothing wrong with that.
Exactly! There are far more important things I need to be attracted to than your body for me to fall for you.
Omfg WELL SAID
But that is important regardless@@outsidethebox8406
Too deep for regular people to understand. Wise words my friend !
Yep I lost attraction to my ex after feeling de-prioritized. He wasn’t putting in effort and I started pulling away. He then said he lost attraction. It goes both ways.
And you never reciprocated
How much effort did you put in
@@redfather5342 I should have put in as much effort as you did in this question 🤡
It’s just my opinion that if attraction were that important than no one would grow old together
Perfectly said!💛👏👏💯🎯
Attraction is something. What U do about this attraction is another one...🙄
I think people realize when it can no longer be helped though
Amen
I don't think you understand the stages through life fully when you are young and healthy attraction is a important thing. You are kidding yourself if you think attraction dosnt play a huge part in long term relationships. Same with sex you cannot maintain a sexless relationship when young and expect everything to be ok and everyone to be happy.
If he's no longer attracted to you, then that only means he's been busy looking around comparing you to other women. Ladies we need to take care of ourselves not to please a man but for ourselves.
You're beautiful😘
@Marie...well said
We’re not talking about “a man” we’re talking about the love of your life. Your life partner. I fell out of and back into attraction to my wife but never even thought about cheating.
@@timeallofgreatestthe why do you think you fell out of love with her and how did you fall back in love with her?
@@lyndapeoples8127 I never fell out of love, I fell out of attraction. I still was willing to do anything for her, I just was not turned on by her.
@@timeallofgreatestthewhyd you fall out of attraction then 😂
What some men and some women need is to grow up.
💛🙌👏👍
Absolutely......too vain, too superficial.
Exactly!
Have u grow up ?
Good you can lead the way
If someone loses attraction it’s best to leave them, level up by yourself for yourself.
How I don't even have another man 😢
I'm turned of by all this dating, relationship stuff. Been single for so long this turns me off even more...
Same
God gives mysterious blessings. Good for you
🙏🏾🙌🏽❤ I understand that men want women to maintain attraction but some men have unrealistic expectations about what it takes to maintain attraction. If she is a stay at home wife and mother she's going to need her husband to be willing to pay the cost of maintaining whatever level he finds attractive. Quality makeup, healthy food, gym memberships, hair stylists, quality clothing etc cost money. As long as he is willing to do his part to help her maintain attraction there is nothing wrong with his expectation and his view of attraction should be his personal view not influenced by what society says is attractive nor should it be limited to physical attraction.
I would say cosmetic surgery, too. He should be prepared to pay for a post-kids stomach repair/tummy tuck & breast work.
Omg! This is sooo true
@@RRthee1 most women don't need surgery after childbirth. If you already eat right and maintain a healthy weight before pregnancy cosmetic surgery isn't needed.
@@texasjelly4002same here
@lisajones-franklin3574 This is not true. My mother was a size 2 at 105 pounds her entire adult life. The first time she ever got stretch marks or cellulite was when she got pregnant with her children
She went back down to 110 after pregnancy but the stretch marks, cellulite, and C section scar remained.
Realistically, pregnancy changes the body for most women.
This hit home man, sometimes we are just too scared to call each other out
I had this conversation with my man and he told me that what you do to get him; is what you have to do to keep him. No matter what that is.
Same goes for the man
Sure but in life there are no guarantees. Your partner could get unwell, have cancer cut out of there face for instance ,have other illnesses and can't look the same. I know someone who had jaw cancer and now his face is deformed. But his beautiful wife stood by him and loves him the same. Looks fade. People who get to 80 or 90 can't look like they did at 20 .Even if they look after themselves. I love my husband more than when we first meet and we don't look like we did then. I feel it's a very narrow view
That is how my relationship is now 😓 we are now roommates
Not being able to satisfy your partner is definitely something that will also ruin a relationship. More people need to talk about that because it is so fucking real.
You are speaking facts! I am a woman who physical attraction matters equally as much to me. I for one take care of myself physically and I demand the same thing from a potential partner. What you said is so 🔑 … we have to talk and be honest. Very good and relevant message.
You’re not going to be attractive forever. I don’t care how much you workout you can’t workout skin. Then what. I’ll tell you it’s the back up like having a great personality & being kind, generous & having a good heart.
@@raquelhaddi69 that goes without saying! Of course the intangibles such as character, integrity, etc. are the most important parts of a relationship. He nor I negate the fact that those things are of primary importance but how a person takes care of themselves is important to me. I am not going to ever be fake and be unrealistic and say that just because a guy treats me well, and has good character can be completely unhealthy and let himself go and I still will be happy. That’s just not the truth for me. If a love a person I’m not going to be a burden for my partner by being unhealthy and not being my best.
But you're single...
And Beyonce, Rihanna, and Halle Berry, some of the most attractive, accomplished, feminine, fit, friendly women in the world, have all been cheated on despite being physically attractive...
Stephan you are FUNNY " I won't call out your belly if you don't call out my belly....." HILARIOUS!! I needed that laugh! Thanks for your honesty and for telling us like it is.
He said he want me to fix my body ....... everytime I'm around him,he always say something about my body
I don’t think it’s a woman’s responsibility to keep a man attracted to them. If that is the reason they got together in the first place
that tells you so much about that person’s heart . And to say this with such certainty, when you know damn, well, that the finest most beautiful, gorgeous woman and men get cheated on does not back your thoughts as facts. So, if attraction is meant to keep someone with you, why isn’t this formula the one to prevent cheating .I know you’re with a good percentage of men can’t help but like what they like, but you have to also acknowledge that a lot of it is socially instilled in so many peoples minds, especially with the industries that exploit women the way they do. We are not here for your entertainment, nor should we be treated as such. If beauty is skin deep then love is not going to get any deeper. To put that much pressure on women I mean go into any department store there are more clothes for women, more lotions, and potions for women and you guys think you’re not the Reason for this with your unrealistic expectations. I am not saying it’s wrong to get dolled up. Make sure you’re doing it for yourself. Love yourself And then you won’t be so dependent on anyone else’s ideas of you, because when the exterior is more important than the interior bigger issues.
Thank you. Your comment is spot on. There is all this pressure for women to be attractive. Have babies ,still look good etc. why do we have to look like trophies for men to be happy with us. We are supposed to accept how they look and how they change. In a long term relationship no matter what you do, you will both change. Can't look 20 forever. People gain weight, a lot of men lose there hair. My point is a relationship should not just be about looks. I really appreciated your comment. Women are knocking themselves out trying to please their men. They end up with low self-esteem and the pressure to remain beautiful forever to keep them happy is exhausting
Wonderful video and insight!! I totally agree with you. Not only can we lose physical attraction with each other, we can lose it to ourselves!! When that happens we tend to hold back and sabotage our mates expectations. Physical attraction is very important unless one becomes deathly sick or other extreme scenarios.
If you’re giving your all and it’s not enough, then you’re probably giving it to the wrong person.
💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
These modern times and the expectations is what drives people crazy.
Depends on the options that you have. Society told men to work hard build themselves to be able to support a future family. If you do it you will have options, but what women are afraid off is aging.
And our attraction changes towards a man too.
Absolutely.
I love the fact that you always give us "The bitter Truth", but with Love ☺️
If a man is not attracted to me anymore i fall back. Wayy back. And work on myself when he does come back around…well too bad then. My attraction for him was gone and dead the moment he stopped being attracted to me. 🤷🏼♀️ reciprocity.
Ong! 💯
See, that's the thing; once she "levels up" she now has access to much better romantic partner options than just her man, so it's difficult to expect her to go back and be attracted to the exact same guy as before. 🤷🏽♀️
Attraction isn’t a conscious decision. You know that right?
Why would he come if he doesn't like you
Years ago I decided that I wanted to work my hardest to try & get my weight down, take care of my skin, hair & nails, eat well, get sleep, wear makeup, etc. whether I’m in a relationship or not. It’s not about what a man wants me to do. It’s how I feel about myself. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve let myself go & I don’t ever wanna be at that place again no matter if I know a man loves me. Sometimes you have to do those things for yourself & it helps in other areas of your life too. Not saying I do it perfectly but overall it’s at least what I strive for. I don’t think it hurts either to try & keep the attraction up in your relationship.
Why some men always want women to make change? Accept me for who I am.
I know attraction is a part of a relationship. But attraction is vain because outside appearance is vain. You don't stay the same forever. When your partner put on weight or gets old or starts aging. Then what. Clothing, makeup, hairdos these are things you can change about you to be more attractive. But some things you can't change like your appearance or body structure and anyone asking you to go beyond that relationship is not love.
Yes ma am.....I ain't getting no BBL cuz you think social media is real....boy bye ✌
@@beefaye18 exactly if they can't take you as God created you they got to go. I don't mind dressing attraction, styling my hair aint putting on no makeup or anything then k but beyond that I don't think it's love it's something else. And you ain't loving that person for them. Attraction can only go so far
@@mrssamuel1332 IKR....my ex hubby thought I was a Barbie doll grl....smh....who want to b dolled up 24/7....glad he gone..... ✌
@@beefaye18 🤣🤣🤣I would want a men like that gone too that's too stressful to maintain. Some of these men want you to play out there fantasies and ideas but reality is reality. My husband was telling me about dressing and looking more attraction and a whole conversation so I turned to him and said it's the same way I feel you can look more attractive. He became one sided. These men can dish out stuff but they can't handle when we tell them you want the same things from them they are requiring from you.
@@mrssamuel1332 Yep....he wanted some arm candy....
I talk to a lot of single and married men and I hear this a lot especially with married men. I push my friends to work out and and keep it together but they do not listen. I'm in my 50s and I still get a lot of male attention. I am athletic always have and men tell me they wish there partner or wife would workout and I always say it starts with them. These men need to motivate there women to get in shape and stay healthy
S
Noone should have to twll the other person thier gaining weight and to lose it. They know already. The lazy ones are the ones who get mad.
You sound like a narc lol😂 no man simp
@ and you are probably someone with a overweight or out of shape partner that you cheat on. Don’t hate brah…
Physical beauty is only skin deep and when you remain in the shallow end of the pool for too long sometimes you miss out on experiencing all that awaits you when you take a dive into the deep end. Looks may change over time; but the true beauty that lies within each of us continues to mature and blossom as we age if it is treated with the love and respect it deserves. 💛
What if you could be the reason adding on to her unattractiveness..you can meet someone and change for the better or worse.
Man take yo azz to the gym all these excuses
That’s such an archaic way of thinking. Beauty is obviously not skin deep. No one should apologize for liking something specific it isn’t a choice it’s what we like. The person you love and loves you can either say “hey I will do these things for you and try” or they can say “that’s not me I don’t want to do that.” Either way you have a decision to make and the answers to make it. We only have one life and living it not happy or feeling like you are settling due to societal pressures and not rocking the boat is no way to live
The level of attraction will not go away if I’m being treated with respect! I accept people from within! If the inside is good/respectful then that’s attractive to me!🔥❤️
My ex said this. We are getting divorced. He was cheating the whole time and abusing me. It's for the best.
Not condoning cheating but a lot of women want to make it about the man messing up and he did mess up big, but if he ever communicated what he liked and wanted and you dismissed it then he did what to he thought he needed to be happy.
As a guy, truth is I fell out of love with myself first. Then I didn’t maintain intimacy on my end with my beautiful wife.
I honestly did not keep up on my health, eating and weight. It was a downward spiral and my wife still loved me through it unconditionally.
You're blessed. She is loyal. However, keep working on you.
What happened in your relationship? I feel like I'm going through this now with my husband.
What people in this comment section don’t seem to understand is that people don’t consciously control what they are attracted to. Attraction by definition is uncontrolled urge(s) towards people and or things. In other words Women and Men like what they like when and how they like it; and are not consciously in control of these feelings. If my lady isn’t attracted to me it’s not her choosing not to be. She just isn’t for any number of reasons. This may or may not change at some point. But it’s no point calling her shallow or a fool for not seeing my “value” as a man like I am some kind of gift to women or something. If your man isn’t attracted to you he can’t help how he feels. Just keep it real with yourself and see if it is worth working out or not. I don’t see what’s so hard to understand about this.
"Attraction and love are two different things." What a word. I never understood why some people would want to give their partner the best of everything, but their physical appearance.
Because the trade-off for some women may not be beneficial. Giving your partner your "best physical appearance" gets you what? Okay/mid, repetitive sex? The opportunity to go 50/50 and pay half the bills in the house like a roommate? The privilege of just saying "my partner is attracted to me"? 🤔
@TomikaKelly Then that just means they're not for you. Relationships are about pouring into each other, not just one person making the other happy.
Hey....go whr you are celebrated....not whr you are tolerated....some men don't even wash themselves 🛁 🚿....boy bye 😂
This comment is hilarious!..no lies detected.
Right! 👍
💯🎯
I’m married and I cackled and approve this message 😂🤣😂🤣🙌🏾
This
Yes I'm so glad someone said it. Love and attraction are two very different things.
Some of the most attractive women in the world, Halle Berry, Beyonce, Adam levines wife, etc. have been chested on.
What if you got sick with an autoimmune disorder and lost too much weight lost hair eyes became weird? And takes months if not years to get back to normal? As soon as I got sick he was out the door. That stuff is out of my control! He looked at me with disgust
Sorry to hear that that happened to you.
Wow that’s horrible that he didn’t stand by you through that. God protected you from him, you will be better without him.
@@jodythi1 Thank you 🙏🏼 your message is encouraging. He is extremely shallow and only cares about how people will perceive him and how his life looks on the outside. He wants this “prestige” image or something. Thank God he left me. I cried and begged at the time but now I see it as a blessing
As a woman, I approve of your message, thanks
This man is the truth!! It's unfortunate that we don't hear advice like this. I'm tired of some people suggesting to other people that we should focus on the person's personality and not their looks. Physical looks and personality are both important.
But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What’s beautiful to one person may not be for another. It’s not one size fits all
@@raquelhaddi69 I understand what you mean. I wish it wasn't hard but unfortunately it is. However, I want attraction and good personality. That's how I will want to stay in the relationship. I am praying that I will find him.
Exactly! What people fail to talk about is letting yourself go also adds stress in the relationship if that person develops medical conditions. I speak from experience and not what I read in a book. We must love and respect ourselves first and our partners to be the best version of ourselves always mentally, physically, spiritually and otherwise.
I agree but not in the looks area as in how u were born but in the looks area as how well kept u are if u smell good clothes nice when we go out hair cut fresh then that’s my attraction just keep yourself fresh clean and neat
True... attraction is very important....I'm not expecting a perfect body I'm not perfect either but yes I prefer a man who does not have a beer belly...
Beer belly’s equal more cushion for the pushin 😆
@@raquelhaddi69 😂never saw it like that
Society's definition of attractiveness and beauty is flawed. Everyone is gorgeous in their own way but, true beauty lies in the heart and soul of a person. Not skin deep. There are men who actually indicate that they are shallow. These are not the types you should engage with because you will stress yourself out continuously trying to nip and tuck your image to please. The reality is there will always be a woman who is more beautiful, qualified/educated (etc) than you. Ladies: If you do decide that you're going to "level up" then ensure that you're doing this to make yourself happy and by extension others could appreciate your look. Just my opinion and no one has to agree with it.
Preach
That's why I love this song ua-cam.com/video/owNv81KIvAQ/v-deo.html
I agree. Beauty standards are always changing. Just look at how much even the standard for what is fashionable for eyebrows has changed over the past 10 years. 👀👁
Best opinion ever, I believe in attractiveness also, yes it is important, but I'm so sick of listening to this nonsense about women having to stress themselves into mental and emotional pain in other to mention and find relationships, I love sephan, but I really don't like that he continously make it seem like it's our cardinal duty to be beautiful for men, that's far from biblical and in my opinion catering to the world and society's standards, hv a bless day everyone and ladies just be the woman God created u to be, stay beautiful.
@@valinatoussaint5485you’re being beautiful for yourself first and foremost, if you’re physically attractive you care about yourself
I'm cracking up at the beginning. 😂 I love the gentle approach though. 🥰
Romantic attraction is not just a physical thing. It’s like Stephen said.. couples need to have that conversation from the beginning to avoid disappointments. At the same time… I’ve seen what appears to be shallow men and women who put a lot of emphasis in physical looks get with someone who was not considered their type and also marry them and say they are happy. People change as they mature and what they value evolves with time and experience. We just gotta know where that person is in life.
That’s actually what happened to me I’m a black woman I married a why man he was my first and definitely not my type and I definitely was not attracted to him, in the beginning but now 10 years and 2 kids later we are still rocking, and happy.
Great Topic! Ok, for those working hard to lose weight at an older age... seek out a Hormone Doctor. Age 40 is when we should be getting a full panel Thyroid Test too. Once your hormones are balanced back out... it not only helps you lose weight but you feel emotionally and mentally better too with a better mood.
Ladies, if you’re having lots of babies... or even after one, definitely get a hormone Doctor!!!! You’ll not only be happier but feel healthier sooner than later.
I agree that attraction is important, but it doesn't just stop at the physical. Our bodies are going to change and at some point. Are you referring to a particular age as it pertains to one's appearance? What I find unattractive is someone that's lazy, boring or stagnant when once before they were none of these things. They still maintain their body, still handsome but the things mentioned above make mess attractive or less interested in them. So, it's not always the physical, in my opinion.
I agree 💯. Sometimes you can be initially physically attracted to the person and then they open their mouth and you can be completely turned off. 💛
I totally agree. Well said.🤗
@@Goldenheart2911 I agree, A lot of people think attraction refers only to looks, but what about personality, or somebody who's an attention seeker or high- maintenance? That all could affect your attraction for somebody as well.
@@jodizellmer994 I agree 💯 Jodi. Sometimes the most beautiful people speak the ugliest words. Physical attraction to a person is an important and necessary element in any relationship and by next discovering what lies below the surface will either enhance that attraction or detract from it.💛
Well i had 3 children and imin my mid40's i am in good shape iv not changed much just got older but i still dont look my age .its good genetics im one of 9 children none of whom loom their age either . We blessed really.anyway my patner is soo out of shape his belly is banging out he eats so unheathy everyday and had bad hygiene its gotten to the point where he just dont care that its making me lose attraction to him 😢😢😢 this was the man of my dreams i adored him for 13 years . Im gutted
How is it going? I just read your post. Hope all is well
This is something I’m going through now. This guy has had a huge crush on my for months and now I finally excepted my feeling for him. I’ve liked him for 2 months and I showed a little sign I like him and him and his friend laughed. This was last week. This week he didn’t come into the store but walked passed. 2 of his friends came in in the afternoon. As soon as I saw the first one he looked away quickly and was whispering on the phone I had no clue what that was about. The second one came in with a angry kinda look and we locked eyes and that made me laugh and I tried not to and it’s turned into a smile. Then today I saw that same friend who gave me the serious look. He normally comes in to get pastries but this time he didn’t and was texting someone. Then later on I saw the dude I like who likes me, go around the store from the back towards his work place and it made me think what’s that all about. I wasn’t sure if yesterday was a test to see if I was loyal or not before continuing to pursue me or something but I wasn’t checking them out. I look at everyone who comes in the store. And maybe his friend texted him to say oh she’s here don’t walk in front walk around. Like I don’t know if he likes me anymore or not and it’s stressful cuz it takes me a lot of courage to try and talk to someone especially if I like them and today was the day I was going to do that and now look. What do you think?, Please help me 🥺
we’ve never talked just looked at each other at times. He used to be near me all the time and stare like crazy.
This is hard to hear. I have a feeling my partner of 1.5 years is not physically attracted to me anymore. I've kind of let myself go in some ways.
I know he doesn’t love me and it angers me when he lies to my face. He’s a player. He’s been playing his parent’s, his son, me and the grandmother for over 3 years. They’ve told me this what he’s telling me and what he’s telling them are different things, but he wants to keep us around for his own gratification. Meaning when things don’t go the way that he wants he’ll jump to the next person. I told him that it’s over. He’s very good at a game that I don’t wanna play. His mother taught him very well and she can keep him. Sadly his family is toxic and tonight I’m choosing my heart and I know that sounds cliché but I can’t let them keep breaking it.
The finest women in the world get cheated on🤷🏽♀️
That part. 💯🫠
How about when you're in a relationship and you Communicate your wants and desires and he gets on the defense when it's not even necessary them ignores you? Is that just emotionally immature and call him out?
Then he should’ve said something instead of making me think I could fix this for years of my life. All I’ve done is waste my time and energy.
Sadly, I lost attraction to my late husband years before he passed away, not just based on his looks, but mainly the emotionally abusive, narcissistic, manipulative liar that he had become over the years. He treated me horribly. My attraction to him went completely out the window. I've been dating my boyfriend for the past almost 2 years and, yes, I am very physically attracted to him, but I'm even more attracted to his soul and the person he is far more than his looks.
This is hard for me. It makes me feel it’s shallow…. I’m in this relationship too. Why don’t I feel this way?
How do you balance what he finds attractive vs. what makes you feel authentic and comfortable in your own body?
For example, my soon to be ex prefers long hair. However, I began to feel unkempt since it was in a ponytail all the time. With his permission, I got a pixie cut. It's stylish, but it's not the long hair he prefers. I feel more authentic and it's something I can maintain. However, I constantly questioned if it affected his attraction for me.
I grew my hair long again, dressed in ways that he preferred, etc. BUT, I ultimately fell into depression as a result of losing myself trying to maintain what he found attractive, rather than finding myself and being confident. I gave over control to allow him to determine what I should look like based on his standard of beauty. That didn't feel authentic and it ultimately led to other areas of the marriage being covertly controlled (I had a skewed view of submission). I felt like I was constantly chasing his ideals, at the expense of my own self.
How do you balance those lines of personal authenticity/comfort and what the other individual finds attractive? Long hair vs short hair? For men, beard vs. shaved?
I think you already answered this question for yourself. You felt inauthentic with your hair longer than you prefer. It's not about hair it's about you putting someone else's desires (superficial)above you staying true to yourself. If he loves and likes you then you are his standard of beauty. If you love and like yourself that is the most attractive thing.
Your husband sounds controlling and possibly narcissistic.
Yes please leave him. You are not his build a b*tch . It’s affecting your mental health. He can go kick rocks!!
it’s not fair because i was literally dying!!!! pregnant with severe illness and complications and then postpartum during a darn pandemic. like 🤬
Wise words. Agree 100 percent.
Talking about make-up, I really just don't used make-up and I know the man I fall in love with didn't want me to
Whilst it is true physical attraction *will* fade for all or most as we age…. All we can do is make the best of it whilst staying true to ourselves maintaining, most importantly, self love/respect and staying within our own level of sexy. Why does it seem however, men tend to feel this way more than women? I feel as we grow old together staying healthy/ alive long enough to enjoy each other in life is all that should matter the most!! 😔🙏🏽❤️🔥. Ps: I LOVE your content and your advice is priceless!!
I often wondered why my husband doesn’t disire my any more but I also found out he had had many years of secret porn and strippers. How do I compete with that ? He says he never likes me to wear make up but in his browser history the women he watches is full of make up and tattoos I am so confused
Omg this is soooo true!! I can not stand my belly getting big and I can’t stand his belly getting big!! It’s a turn off on both ends! Idk why ppl get so worked up on that ❤
see i’ve tried talking to him about it before and tried making him feel safe to tell me the truth if he isn’t attracted anymore, and that it’s okay if he’s not i’d just want to know. But he still swears up and down he is still attracted. so now idk what to do
my boyfriend has told me before he was depressed and could t get aroused. a couple week later he admitted he's not attracted to me anymore. he now says he doesn't want to touch me since he feels as though I don't do enough.. I clean, a do laundry, I do dishes, I take care of the cat boxes, I make sure the counters are clean and thi gs are orderly... all he does is play games and say he's looking for a job...
That man is not your husband. LET HIM GO
When they first meet someone the live bombing the dreams promises .then after don't want to talk stays in phone in public walks Infront etc sad when affection dies the love making goes
Makin peace with the fact I will be single for the rest of my life....
🙏🙏🙏
🤣
Honestly it may be for the best. I wish I had remained single.
I think it's funny that you say it's women who feel this about their men too, because all I hear is men complaining how their wives aren't having sex with them anymore but not one time do they think maybe they aren't attractive to their wife and it could be physical, but most likely it has to do with lack of empathy, support, respect, and equality in the home. If you are truly attracted to someone you don't notice their love handles and their wrinkles and all those things that happened to all of us all of us will age! All of us will have beauty that fades. Love is supposed to look beyond that and if someone doesn't find you attractive anymore then I question if they ever loved you in the first place . Which goes back to having a relationship with God, because if you don't love God you don't know how to love
Tobit 8:7 KJVA
“And now, O Lord, I take not this my sister for lust but uprightly: therefore mercifully ordain that we may become aged together
I hit 40 and gained weight...menopause came and so did the weight....since than no sex for me for the past 20 years.
You can be the incredibly handsome and/or beautiful and your mate is still very physically attracted to you, but your nasty attitude overshadows it so immensely that your looks become so irrelevant to the point that the person is no longer attracted to YOU; totally magnetized by your beautiful features, but completely repelled by YOU. Attraction goes beyond physical. There are some beautiful people that someone would say are physically attractive, but that's as far as it goes, because the rest of them is ugly and unattractive.
Very well said!
Attraction is distraction
I don't care if you've been married for 30 yrs. BOTH people have to KEEP themselves attractive to a point. Don't wake up and not brush your teeth for days on end, don't forget to do your nails, don't allow yourself to frump out because you're comfortable with your partner. It's disrespectful to you and THEM.
And that's when the cheating starts what do u expect? People are human. Sex stops, communicating stops....someone's gonna wander!
That's a very ignorant statement... What if someone has a terminal illness and chronic pain?? Maybe we can't sit that long in a nail salon or workout...Grow up!🙄
@@jillgarittagoatgirl-expose2759 do your nails as in "CUT AND FILE"....DID I SAY😅😃 SALON?? NO. I DIDNT. IT TAKES MINIMAL EFFORT TO LOOK DECENT FOR YOUR MAN, AND FOR YOURSELF
CLEARLY YOUVE LET YOURSELF GO WITH YOUR" OFFENDED"REPLY . TRY HARDER.
Girl. You are brainwashed. Of course take care of yourself but you do not need to be dolled up 24/7 , trying to be the best instabaddie . No, people get sick. Will you look amazing when you’re sick? I bet not. People get tired. Again will you look the best? No. I agree with hygiene 100% but there are things that happen that can prevent one from taking care of themselves..a big one is depression because “we are all human” right? If someone cheats on you because you are not physically living up to their expectations then they are a shitty human. Thats not an excuse to cheat on someone. Simply just leave.
Beyonce and Halle Berry are two of the most well kept up women in the world yet they STILL got cheated on.
you must be a liberal @@jillgarittagoatgirl-expose2759
💯 works both ways. Cracking up at all the comments not getting the point.
First, let me say you look good in everything you wear!🔥💪🏽❤️
Thank you, Stephan for this information! GOD BLESS YOUR HEART!🙏🏽🌟👑💛
We had a problem, he knows it wasn't my fault but blames me
anyway and he decides to leave
me. I don't want the breakup
. I want him. How do I get him to realize and come back to. me ?
Some men are complicated. 🙄
They can honestly be stupid. They will search the world based on physical attraction and run themselves in the ground only to return to the one they left to take care of them. Nope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@reginayfavors , exactly no return.
Very 🫤
Some???? Most....Mars and Venus.
Yes
When you start glowing after the breakup-He must have been the problem.
Thats why we're told to be careful the person you chose to be with-he can either break you or make you&then run to others fresh(predators)
I lost attraction for my boyfriend because he didn't take care of himself.
When I simply pointed out that his breath smelled one day, he got mad at me and has been acting childish for days.
Damn...
He doesn't take care of his teeth, his skin. Doesn't watch what he eats, doesn't exercise..
He likes to eat takeout mostly and to go out all the time with friends.
He could be using some of this time to take care of his body..
He has many other qualities tho.
But the physical attraction is gone for me.. And he obviously isn't open to accept this if he reacted this way to me saying "your breath smells a bit". 🤦
OMG! OMG! So point on I had to say it twice bro. That’s the exact situation I’m in. The weird thing is if I just come out and tell her it’s all the added weight she’s at now, then I’m a monster, but at the same time she very well knows that’s it. I just can’t be caught saying it. And do love her very much, but love is not the only thing required or even if it’s required at all to get my libido going. When we met and married, she was the complete opposite, not just skinny, but small framed too. Now she really resembles her mom big time. She always says to me, look at yourself, your not perfect or exactly the way you were, ( note: this is beside the point, but I’m actually pretty much am the same ) anyhoo, I was never the kind of guy who was attracted to any woman I couldn’t pick up and carry in my arms. We haven’t done anything in 5 years because of this, and most marriages I realize would be long over by now. But once again, I care so deeply for her, she’s my heart. This is so tough, and I have beaten myself up so much and for so long I really feel like I’m dying, especially me as a person. She loves me just as much but says she has to have it, or she’ll have to get it elsewhere. I can’t help but think, we need to move on separately as much as that will hurt. We make a great couple in every other way and share 3 beautiful grown independent offsprings now. But something gotta give now, it’s killing us. Anyway thanks bro, your are the first person I found keeping it real on this. You speak the nitty gritty gospel on this. 👍👍👍My life is a living example.😥
Prayerfully, your wife will find the husband and stepfather who will sexually, physically, emotionally, and financially fulfill her and her children's needs and wants. 🤎
How do you know if it’s because he has ED or he’s not attracted or both 😮?
I believe attraction plays a vital role in a relationship. However, attraction can come in many forms. If it is the physical that can always be worked out, but if it is the mind set, personality, or the character that needs work then that would be compromising.
This is a hard pill to swallow but I need to hear it.
I had a situation where my ex took me massively for granted it was insane the blessings I brought to his life but he didn’t care at all for me. I left. And then he realized he fucked up. These men will regret when a good woman leaves.
Love itt 💓 And work on it together, team work,make the dream work💪🏾💯
FACTS! Witness on both sides of the fence.
I love that 💕 thank you for the tips 🙂
What does it mean when your told he can only love me with half his heart.
So what happens if the shoe isbon the other foot and shes not attracted to her husband? Live in a dead beadtoom, leave the marriage or is there a way to find desire when they were never attracted to you and matried for for safety and sexurity and to be a good father?
For me my husband keeps bugging me about how i view him physically. I really dont like to hurt peoples feelings but i tried to say it in the best way possible. I already compromised on the height but also being very overweight is not very attractive. I feel bad because its very hard for me to get in the mood and he gets very mad about this and says what changed from the beginning.
So, I am not my guys type AT ALL. He likes tall, redhead/blonde, super skinny with big boobs women. Do I need to loose more weight and dye my hair? Serious inquiry I already have big boobs thank god cuz I’m scared of surgery. But I’m 5’4”.
Tried to tell her. Claims I never loved her & not man enough. Moved to this woman’s home town just to be with her. Sad
But I look the same... I dress well and smell good. I may even be 15 pounds lighter. It's not my weight because I know for a fact that he's attracted to 2 different women who are the same weight and age. The only difference I see is that they're light skin and I'm dark skinned. We haven't slept together in over 3 weeks. I would love to change my hair or clothes or perfume but he dropped this bomb with no details. I feel like trash.
Don’t change yourself for anyone. You deserve someone that loves you for the person you are. Mind, body & soul. Don’t settle.
It’s not what you say but how you say it…. Transparency in all areas equals a healthy, loving and thriving (not just surviving) Godly union🙏🏾🙏🏾🥰🥰. What makes My Boaz happy will make me happy💯
This is great information! Thank you
But some men are just stressfull and unhealthy.once you start dealing with them you...🤦♀️🤦♀️they suck everything out of you.suckers
Out of amerry heart spings forth...it depends with whom you are dealing with.it is easy to look and judge what kind of men it is...just by looking at the woman beside.how can you want an angel while all you do is create hell.when we met i was attractive but after sometime with you..🙇♀️sucked the little i had-everybody noticed i changed and the man you dealing with is not good.
Instead of adding to me
I am 168cm 63kg, compeltely heathly young lady. After 2 years he wants me to be skinnier causw he doesnt find the in me attration suddenly.. I go to gym, I eat heathly and I feel great. He doesnt feel that way about me. Who is the right on one this?
Love you Stephan … love to learn more …. Hey im asking for that whatsup line again…. It’s not appearing, maybe include a country code or something..
I will say from a person who has lost alot of weight this is very dangerous to tell a woman to try too hard for a man because they can smell the insecurities and will feed off of it you will not ever be the same and should walk the f away from that man you ell never feel pretty again
He's upset I'm depressed but he made me depressed
I started losing weight and this man got an attitude 😫😫😫 it be so hard to win