There's a point when Kya is talking about their name and you can literally hear Kyle's old voice come through. They really are the epitome of Nin and Kyle blended together.
I love when Kya says “because we needed to cry to get through it” it’s a small statement in the intro, however I like it. It’s a good statement. Crying is normal
Hope everyone is doing well, I know it doesn't mean much coming from someone that you don't know but I'm proud that you feel comfortable enough to share this. Thank you
Very proud of what you are articulating and bringing up to consciousness. Your maturation as a system really shows, you know that? You will get there fully, I am positive. And yes, you ARE ok!!!
You do not owe us as viewers any specifics. Please, only share if you are ready to. If Chloe and Nin taught us anything is that boundaries are important. Stay safe out there.
Reporters are actually expected to report, so these parts don't know they get an option actually. It's sad and unfair, but it's how the abusers can watch closely while not being in the person's life. Notice the pink eyeshadow. Those are reporters. Notice that "pink" parts are always the ones who are sharing the most. That's their job, they have to learn to choose it to be not public. But it's very scary to break abusers rules
Hope that in the end Nin & Kyle didn't feel like they were losing each other, but to the contrary literally developing the closest bond that two people can possibly share, for the rest of their life.
I wonder if (since Kya mentioned it’s kind of like Gem Fusion) it’s like how Ruby & Sapphire formed Garnet out of their love (though the real life fusion is of course much more heartbreaking, there’s still that deep love there). So Kyle & Nin will always be a part of each other now, but since they’ve formed one person, they don’t get to be together in other ways.
god, hearing that "if he'd had his own body" part really just... that must have been so rough - on everyone. it's always so, so difficult when something that needs to be done for your safety and happiness as a singlet hurts someone in a different body, but.. navigating that.. im proud of both nin and kyle, im proud of you as you are kya, that's so deeply impossible to find a perfect solution to and it making you tear up even now is so understandable. especially with the added anxiety about your responsibilities before fusing. having seen your tiktok about your experience filming this... and seeing that last section.... good lord, i cannot imagine the amount of work you must have done to be able to get those words out. commenting on "strength" always feels so patronising, and maybe even presumptuous, but with everything you've gone through these past few years it doesn't matter what you attribute that to - you SHOULD be deeply proud, everyone in the system should be proud, of being here today. getting through this video without a flashback is absolutely incredible too. i remember you saying elsewhere that speaking out these experiences on your own time has been helpful so whilst hearing about these things is heartbreaking, knowing that this was a deliberated choice is such a sign of how far youve come.
@@DissociaDID No, thank you. You are doing so much for everyone who has trauma based disorders, by bringing the reality of your life into the public eye. You are forcing discussions that society has actively avoided for generations, and promoting long overdue steps toward care and healing. It's not an easy choice to make, stepping forward like this, and it's not an easy journey to keep moving forward on. You may not feel like a hero, but you definitely are that to many of us. 🤠👍💕
I was sad Kyle was gone.. then kya said for fuck sakes just like Kyle and I know he's still you. Thank you so much for sharing so we may have a chance to understand. Sending you all the spiritual healing I can 💕
My partner was recently diagnosed with DID and I was prepared to help them and support because I had learned from your channel starting back in the Chloe days. When my partner talks about moments of the intense abuse they suffered throughout their childhood with me, they are either completely disassociated or it looks a lot like this video. Thank you for making these videos. Thank you for helping other systems not feel so alone. Thank you for helping the loved ones of people's with DID be better prepared and able to support them in the best ways possible. It is incredible to me that someone can take such incredible pain and turn it into something to help others with♥
This! Over the last two years so many of my friends have realised that they are systems and this channel has helped me better understand them, as I was watching this channel before I even knew those people. I’m so close with so many alters in those systems and it’s also really nice to see them becoming very close to each other
@@SwedishTourist Not quite uncommon as you would believe. Friends growing up like... in the same neighborhood where traumatic events occurred could be going through similar experiences.
@@SwedishTourist its as common as people with ginger hair, its more common than schizophrenia so its pretty common. considering there are a lot of children being abused in this world, not many realized they are a system. if you see their video with anthony padilla, they said DID is not supposed to be acknowledged by the body because the whole point is to block out all the bad things
I couldn't imagine going through a breakup with ones fiancé while said relationship was being talked about all over the Internet AND dealing with S.C. and his lawsuit, etc., AND the pandemic. You are so ridiculously strong. Hugs to all of you.
I feel so naive becase I knew you'd been through shit (and that's putting it mildly) but this makes me realize I had no hecking clue how hard or bad it must have been. You guys are so amazingly strong for making it thought all that, and being able to say it out loud like this is very impressive. I could see the struggle getting the words out. I've been following you guys since before Nina and Chloe integrated. I have no trouma myself, I'm just nourodiverent (autisum & adhd) so I can't relate, but learning more about how the brain works for different people in different situatouns and learning to understand other people is very important to me. And you've taught me so much. and that's while you're still struggling and healing yourself, which makes me abmire every single one of you so much
We could almost be the same person minus the no trauma part 😂. Not being able to do well with real life friends, I tend to connect better with people online and Ive been following them since the olden days so hearing these stories again really put into perspective how much they went through and how it affected them. They are so strong because I was in tears just listening
I'm in the same situation as you in many ways. I've also been around since before Nina and Chloe integrated. I have Autism and Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome - which is generally considered related to Autism. While there are a few things from when I was young that I find very upsetting hard to move on from, even now, and occasionally keep me up at night, and might be considered trauma, I have nothing serious or diagnosed. I consider my most defining personality trait to be curiosity, and I've always been especially interested in biology, so when I found this channel I was fascinated by how the human brain could possibly do this. I mean, it's amazing! And it shows how much we still have to understand. I mean, something I find most amazing is how people can write whole diaries in the inner world - something I've never even seen people talk about - and that's what seems like one of the most amazing things to me. I mean, who could remember a whole book word for word? How exactly does the brain retain what they've written? Anyway, this channel has helped me to have empathy for people; no matter how - frankly strange - they may be. Just because someone's different doesn't make them any less worthy of - well anything. I mean, I was always good at being very understanding of the different ways people are and things they struggle with. After all, I grew up in a special school full of 'strange' kids. And we were always taught to have sympathy and understanding for people, even if their difficulties meant that they hurt people sometimes. Not that that was ever treated as ok - but that we should forgive them. After all, I myself struggled with violence as a kid, although I'm completely over that now. Obviously, that's not applicable here, I just got on a bit of a tangent. I guess the point was that I was always taught understanding, and this put it to the test and ultimately strengthened it.
Everyone has trauma. It’s part of being human. You may not have any big T, Trauma, but you may have repeated little t, trauma. Or a small mix of both. It’s just a matter of how individuals deal with it and if we’re healed from it.
Thank you for finding such nice words for it. Agree with every single piece. It’s so … that some people inflict trauma on others in ways like these and other, is heartbreaking and nothing I will ever be able to understand. I love to see how many people are so empathetic to learn about parts of lifes of other people online and feel a tiny piece of their pain, enought to reach out with words because they just want to offer a possibility for a fraction of calming peace… I feel like everything I could write sounds wrong from one perspective or the other… It is important to understand how cruel humans can be but it’s important as well to feed into some seeds of hope. At least I can’t take action if I don’t have hope. Sometimes that hope is anger, sometimes fear, but if I can imagine a positive change, and be it so tiny … it’s worth it. And understanding the bain does bring some change. The biggest and most (if not all) changes I went through were all caused and driven by gaining understanding.
@@destructionaesthetics Calm down, I'm sure they just meant the reveal was something you'd say in a movie, not necessarily kya or the system as a whole is like a movie. It's like telling someone they sound like a podcast or narrator. The comment was based on word choice is all.
I think we should take a minute to appreciate Sally, she's doing an amazing job in protecting and comforting alters, she knew exactly when to come in and take care of Kya falling apart. I hope the communication with new alters you mentioned goes well, it might take time to get to know them but knowing how strong the bonds are between other alters, I bet it's possible!
Your bravery to even mention some of these things does not go unnoticed. You are so strong and we are happy to watch whatever you are willing to share. Sending lots of love to the system
I can’t imagine how painful that was for Kyle, knowing that he couldn’t be with his partner but ultimately putting the good of his system first. He seemed like a really amazing protector and I see so many positive qualities of him and of Nin in Kya. I hope your able to continue to find healing 💜
And then ppl online treating you as if you were nearly as bad as the monsters who traumatized you in the first place.. I am so sorry your system had to go through all of this, all of everything. And I think it is so meaningful and important that you're coming forward with what you've been through. I see a lot of talk about the monsters that create such vile footage, but not nearly enough about the survivors themselves..
No child should have to experience what you and many others have. You've truly seen the worst part of humanity, and then been confronted with it before you were ready. Despite all that, you're still here, and just surviving shows the immense strength you have. I hope you keep on healing ❤️
I've been watching since Chloe- Since even talking about trauma's was out of the question. I remember knowing that you wouldn't share what had happened to you, and being okay with it because you need to do what you can do to keep you safe. It wasn't time to talk about it. But I also remember thinking, "One day, you'll be able to, not because you have to but because you're healing." I know it's a long road. You didn't deserve ANY of what happened to you, and it's hard to process things that we are so desperate to run away from. As someone who has PTSD, and knows how excruciating it is just to say things out loud, you're growing SO much. I know what the twitching lips feels like. I know what the unfocused eyes feels like. I know that panic physically hurts. I don't know what it's like for you, but I see you, and I see myself in you. When it started getting hard to talk, I just started thinking, you can do it. You can do this. I whole-heartedly believe in you Kya, in the whole systems ability to heal. With every time you push through the verbal barrier, you fight for yourself, and you fight for your healing. I know you can do this. I'm so proud of you. Just because you were forced to look at things, doesn't take away from your strength to do so. You can do it. And I know that it doesn't translate well from a stranger, but I love you. I believe in you, and I'm so proud of you for sharing your story.
As you were crying I found myself muttering “it’s okay, you’re okay,” which is something I often do to self soothe. Even though you can’t hear the words through the screen I hope you get all the comfort and support I am sending you.
Coming to know Kyle as he was - which I’m sure is barely a scratch on the surface - the pain that split my heart in two when they said ‘If he’d had his own body’ absolutely wrecked me.
I feel the need to let you know that your system was my first true introduction to DID, and I'm now halfway through my degree with a goal of specializing in dissociative disorders. Thank you for all the education, and please know that it's truly changing the world
I subscribed to you after you did the Anthony Padilla video. I had never heard about DID and was so impressed with the work you've put in to educate people about DID, even when at times, it's been at the cost of yourselves. I know I'm just some internet stranger, but I'm so proud of you. I know this video was harder than any of us will ever know. Please take care of yourselves. You owe us nothing but have given us so much. I am sending you love from North Dakota.
Same here! I was blown away by the information presented there (like, I had only heard of DID from Split and other movies that paint it in a negative light), and I am so grateful for this system that has chosen to spread awareness about DID. Much love to them!!! 💕
oh my gosh, when Sally started fronting and comforting Kya I started bawling. I'm so sorry you had to live through that, I know it doesn't mean much coming from a stranger, but I'm so proud of you for being here. and just know you don't have to share anything you don't want to
*Trigger warning: terms* As someone who is also a CSA survivor, I fully understand the bravery and the heartache and effort it took to simply say those words. And I am so very proud of the system. ❤ I can't imagine learning something so life-altering in such a traumatizing way and my heart hurts for your system right now. But I have faith in you all that you'll conquering this, reclaim your agency, and adjust to the new normal in a way that lead to greater happiness in the long run. ❤ I'm rooting for you all. ❤
@@claudiamayordominguez7322 Yes, it stands for Childhood Sexual Assault/Abuse. Oftentimes, it's used as a catch-all term for sexual trauma sustained in childhood, but context clues are definitely important when understanding which version of the term the speaker is using.
@@tashflogoginstien5554 It stands for Childhood Sexual Abuse/Assault. Like I stated in a previous comment, context is important when determining which version of the acronym is being used.
It feels like, in a way, Sally has stepped up as the primary protector. She is so soft spoken and gentle, I hope she is handling things okay. I hope you all are.
12:30 you are a warrior and if you need to cry then cry we don’t care if your makeup is a little messed up it’s you were worried about and it’s you we come to watch not the makeup! Love ya and hope you and everyone in your system is doing good! Hugs and kisses from Alabama. Let me know if you would ever like anything crochet for the system I would do it in a heartbeat! ❤❤
Crying is a deeply personal and therapeutic thing for her and I imagine with the way she is trying not to it is uncomfortable for her to do so on camera. For someone who has internalized a lot of life altering trauma and disassociated from it/may still have some amnesia crying can be a very scary and personal thing.
The fusion between Kyle and Nin is so out of this world to me, the idea that 2 members of the system fused into one, Kya. This was a great explanation, and I'm glad that it was shared. I can't imagine how it must have affected you all, since I'm just a viewer and so confused by it! Wishing y'all the best.
It’s incredibly inspiring to see them share their healing journey with the world. It’s an incredible demonstration of strength, resilience, and compassion for both themselves and for their community online. I will cherish this gift that they are giving us, and use it to inspire others on their own recovery journeys. Thank you!
It's incredible that I can see Chloe, Nin and Kyle perfectly depending on the subject. You all are amazing and I'm so glad you're coming back. And I have a little gift to ask. I miss Sally so much. Maybe we can see her again soon?
@@DissociaDID Is Jade still your gatekeeper? I am so impressed with her ability to keep your system safe, yet she scares the hell out of me 😀I miss her!
when just the tags came up on the screen i had to pause and get up and look out the window for a bit. i’ve followed you since chloe was the host, and i felt so hurt for y’all during the trisha thing, and the breakup, and the legal battle, and you continue to share and be brave and i don’t understand it. im not a system i’m just a 22 year old girl from texas, and I don’t understand how your still here after just the things you’ve been through online alone, but it is astonishing. i don’t understand how you guys have been so strong I don’t get. i can’t comprehend it. i wish there was something i could do, some piece of my heart to loan you. thank you for being here. thank all of you for sharing. love to you all
I’m sorry if I may have said anything offensive in my statement, though i bring no ill intentions to my comment. Kya’s existence being the fusion between Nin and Kyle to me, seems like a huge step forward to your whole system. The host and the primary protector integrating in a way means that you’re now able to handle any problems along the way in your life “alone”, but also “together”. I for someone who doesn’t have DID, have been facing through life issues by myself and it could get pretty tiring, but somehow there’s beauty in how you notice yourself getting tired and having the power to confront yourself. I’m sure you’ll have a lot more new things to discover about Kya and the other alters in the system. Wish you all love moving forward
I would like to add that i rarely see Nin and Kyle being emotional on camera, correct me please do if I’m wrong but whenever Nin is starting to get emotional, i find kyle always steps in to the front. Now that they’ve fused into Kya, it’s amazing to see how well Kya regulates these emotions. In a way, it’s like saying “I’m strong, and i’ve always been wether I’m crying, happy, mad and so on.” Biggest respect on being very transparent while talking about heavy topics. Happy that you all could come to this point together
You are so so strong for posting this, me and my alter Aimee started crying when you began to describe what has happened to you all because we went through ALL the same things like CSA, COCSA, CSEM etc it was hard to watch and listen to but people need to understand and be educated and you are so brave to be posting this. We love you, we've loved you all as far back as when Chloe was the main host.
I have PTSD and experienced childhood domestic violence against me and my siblings by our mother, experienced COCSA during a sleepover at age ten and these videos make me feel like if I ever develop DID or similar trauma-based disorders I would be able to handle it better, since I am already learning so much from you. Thank you to Kaya and everyone else who was brave enough to appear on camera in future videos
Honestly you've got my utmost respect, to put yourself through all this to destigmatize a disorder that shouldn't have a stigma at all, and to share this all, i know this will help others that are sadly hurt. It's increadibly brave.
It's nice to see that Sally is still around and doing her job. It feels like so many of the alters that we were introduced to way back when aren't around anymore. So much has changed. It's nice to see one of the originals as it were, after all this time.
I'm crying right now, I feel your pain. I hate that all of this stuff happened to you, Kya, and the others. I hope you're able to heal from all the trauma
when I talk about my trauma to people, I’m either completely emotionally removed or crying like you are in this video, which always made me feel silly. thank you for normalising reactions like that for everyone, it really made me realise that strength isn’t an emotionless statue, and you can still cry when you’re tired of fighting every day.💖
As a mom of a little girl (and soon a little boy) I want nothing more than to reach through and hug you. Breaks my heart that a little girl went through SO MUCH to have you become the many that you are now. You all do an amazing job helping each other and moving forward. I am so proud of the entire system for getting over the hurtles of the last few years. Kya, you are doing a FANTASTIC job holding down the fort. You should be proud. Every one of you in the system should be proud. If you ever need to vent or just word vomit, you have a 35 yr old mom here for you. I am so sorry for your past but SO proud of the future you are making for yourselves. 🫂 Edit: I hope that was worded appropriately and if not I truly do apologize.
My whole heart just breaks into a million pieces. I just can't fucking fathom how someone can do this to a CHILD. I'm so proud of you and your system Kya for saying it outloud to the internet. Your system has nothing to be ashamed of and your bravery is inspiring.
I just recently discovered a handful of littles and teens who had been hiding away for similar reasons and I feel that it’s so… I guess validating to know that we’re not alone in this journey ❤️ thank you Kya and all the rest ❤️
To hear about how much Kyle and Nin loved and depended on each other is so tragic. i hope they still find comfort in eachother in Kya. And Sally is such a sweetheart. absoultely adore her.
TW: TERMS I only recently broke an amnesia barrier where I suffered from COCSA and CSS. It was very traumatic and shocking, since it just randomly happened, but you have been a light for me and thank you so much. Sharing your story and validating others is so gracious of you and I send much love♥️
thank you for talking about the phrases, i didnt know there was one for what i experienced so thank you for that. im a survivor of COCSA and that seems to make it easier for me to say :) thank you again.
I was really worried a few years ago when the relationship ended, and I’m so proud that you guys survived the whole thing. Kya you are so beautiful and strong. Sending love and support💜
Kya here just shows testament to the relationship of Kyle and Nin: it's sad to see them 'gone' but also a joy to see the strength gained from the fusion. What huge step in posting this video after everything the system has gone through, very proud of you all. Lot's of love to everyone
I appreciate your dedication to show every part of your experience, even the hard parts and still put on emphasis oh how everyone has it different. Thank you for your work
I don't have DID, but have been through a lot of trauma (specifically SA/CSA) and having you keep the raw, un-edited portion of you even just stating your trauma and crying through it made me feel a lot less alone with all those emotions I have around my traumas. Sending love and support your way 🖤
the words “if we can get through this, you can too.” hit hard. there’s been few times someone said something genuinely comforting and not ridiculing with my ptsd, especially since i’m 14 so not many people take me seriously, but hearing that felt like a little bit of the weight i’ve been carrying was lifted off my chest. thank you kya and the rest of the dissociaDID system, for being so open with your mental health and making me feel seen, even with the difference in specific mental health issues.
As the host of a system that also was forced to change due to trauma around the same period of time, I just wanted to say that you are absolutley not alone, that despite changes you and your system are still loved exactly as you were before the changes. Its also nice to hear that Kyle and Nin found comfort with each other where it was difficult to find comfort in the outside world. Sending hugs to you Kya and the rest of your system, we love you all -Aries
Thank you for sharing these really hard moments with us. I'm 16 and I was told I have a dissociative disorder. It now became an unofficial "DID" diagnosis and it's causing my family to fall apart. My parents fight with each other. My mom is scared of the alters. My father mocks them. Sometimes I wish I could just be normal, but then I realise I have no idea what normal is. And it scares me so much. I'm so thankful to you guys for sharing all your hard work and the difficulties you encounter every day.
Hey, you are normal. You are human, you are normal. Our body does so much to protect us from everything, I hope that you can hang in there and get to a happier place soon.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Sometimes we just come to the world around people unable to love us or understand us the way it should be. Maybe they'll understand how deep and complex your situation is, maybe not, but I'm pretty sure you'll find in life people capable to make you feel home. That will be your family, don't give up. It's ok to be scared too, but...you'll figure it out
"father mocks them" - this caused me almost physical pain. I can picture it, the "now he/she is being weird again, pull yourself together, etc" of someone who 100% doesn't realize this is a real thing. I'm so sorry, I wish you that he understands one day.
@@Strawb_Goblin but Chloe started the channel and introduced them and me to DID. Thank you Kya for continuing everyones work. Chloes and Nins and Kyles and everyones.
TW: Talk of the "mental health "hospitals"" and t*rt*re? Just becareful, because there is so much corruption, potentially and in the diagnosis(es) alone, and/or what specifically is pathologized under these precarious labels, which have very dubious colonial history and the labels also trigger us and confuse us, too, and the so-called mental health "hospitals" are very much the source of our suffering, too, and with also t*rt*re(s)?
I’ve been here since Chloe. I’ve watched it all - every integration, every fusion. But Kya, my love, you did absolutely wonderfully in this video - NEVER ever forget how wonderful you are
It was so sad to hear what happened as someone who watched both systems. I saw the love that Kyle and Nin had for each other, it was so incredibly strong and at the end of the day you guys did what was best to keep you safe. I hope the other system is safe too. You will still always have both Nin and Kyle as a part of you, their bond and care for each other can never be broken. I'm excited to get to know more about you now as Kya. You guys are so strong and I'm glad that you came back to UA-cam. 💙
Dear Kya and the DissociaDID thank you for being so open, honest, and vulnerable with us it’s incredibly inspiring to learn and understand how you deal with all of this and teaching us more about you and your life Once again thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share this with us Have an amazing rest if your day
I just want to say: Thank you. Thank you for trusting us and sharing so many painful experience. Thank you for always teaching us something new about DID and even sharing tips for people who just discovered that they have it. I hope that you are doing great, and if not, that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay. We will always support you from here. Take care ❤️
Our system has a fear of being filmed and having our photo taken because of our similar experience. Extreme RESPECT for you all right now. And we've been following you all since the beginning of your channel. You guys are soooo FREAKING STRONG!!! We love you guys so much. Keep going. Thank you for everything.💚💜❤⭐✨💫🌈
I was also a victim of COCSA and I never knew there was anyone who went through it as well, let alone it had a name. I‘m so sorry for what you guys had to face and I‘m thankful for your bravery and showing me that I was never alone. Hugs from Chile
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I know someone with trauma from COCSA obviously I won't say anything more about it (to respect him and avoid triggering anyone including you and DissociaDID) and I have seen how it affects him. I hope you are healing as best as you can
Yeah putting (the right) words on things can be extremely powerful in reclaiming your story, finding people who've gone through the same thing and sharing experiences. I wish you healing, you are not alone, I hear you all trauma survivors
I didn't know it had a name either ... Wow, it gives me so much validation to know that I am not the only one that went through something like this. To the DissociaDID system, please know that you help so many people by sharing even something "small" like this abbreviation.
When you were having a hard time getting through the words at the end, I kept saying, "Come on, you got this. You're so strong." And I meant it. It takes a lot of strength to be able to face what you've all been through and to be able to deal with it for the sake of healing. I'm so, so proud of you all
glad i’m not the only one haha, it was kinda funny because i said “you’re okay” out loud and then sally came along and said it! i was like “hell yeah my tele-communication worked!” haha
The way you described being really emotionally detached from trauma and feeling like watching back a movie was so unbelievably relatable thanks for sharing it helps so much ❤❤❤
TW: TERMS You are so incredibly strong to admit those abbreviations as I can't say them myself. and I totally understand how hard it can be. Recently I started to remember things from my past that I heavily suppressed. Knowing that I can put a term on that experience is really eye opening but also really scary. This is the first time I have heard of COCSA and although it may have not been easy for you to admit it, it makes me feel so understood and less alone and now I can begin to understand myself and my past more. You sacrificed a lot to help end the stigma more than you realise and have helped people more than you realise and I just wanted to say thank you ❤️
The way you talk about your traumas sounds and looks exactly the same as how I do. I felt so deeply connected with you through this. I am sorry you had to go through any of those things, no one should have to face these things and I am so proud of you for talking about it. Thank you for sharing
Gods, Kya. As soon as I saw the TW for the CP/CSEM my heart absolutely broke for you. We, our system, also went through that. Our host had to come to terms with that knowledge during around May/June of 2022, this year. It has been so, so hard. Many of us inside have been aware of it for years and kept it hidden from Jules for their safety. They are co-con now, they needed me to come help them write this comment because they felt such a connection but didn’t know how to say it. The pain you went through, while it cannot be compared in any way to anyone else’s experience, is something we are similarly going through. In the same way, whenever those memories begin creeping around the corner, Jules is running. I don’t blame them. I don’t blame you. The reality of it is so, so difficult to face. I am a part that went through such trauma, but I am also heavily emotionally dissociated from it for reasons I don’t openly discuss. You should know, though, that it will get easier to accept. Jules is in heavy denial for it. So sure that the people who did it (that they loved) would never do such things. It can be so hard to come to terms with that. Especially when you have young parts that suddenly show up out of the blue. (Jules has jokingly said “Ah, hello 15+ children I’ve never met.”) But you and your system got through it once-you shouldn’t have had to, but you did-and you survived. You are here. You are Alive. That means everything. We support you. All of us. And you have a beautiful community that does too. Healing is a marathon, not a sprint. But I’m sure you know that now. ☺️ You are not alone in your suffering. There are a lot of people like us. Like you. Who understand the pain and betrayal you feel. Best of luck, and as always, much love to you and your system, Kya & Co. -Valentine, Many but One system
Kya, ofcourse I can’t speak for everyone, but this community has SOOO much love for you and your system. I have so much universal love for you and your system. Human to human, I hope you have everything you need in order to live a happy fulfilling life. ✨
This video had me in tears. Not only because of how much pain I can see you’ve carried for so long but also because of how insanely proud I am of the tenacity, courage and bravery you continue to show! Kya you’re incredible. Trauma is so intense and therapy is just as much so but you are all doing so well and I’m so glad you’re able to continue working on it ❤️❤️❤️ so much love always xxx
Please PLEASE know that your openness is helping me and my Troops; as well as countless other systems. The awareness you can raise is crucial. My Troops are saluting you and yours darling. We’ve GOT this! Sending you so much love!
I just recently found thus channel through the interview with Anthony Padilla. Nin & Kyle had such defined personalities on their own so to hear that they have fused, which I'm also just now finding out thats a thing that can happen, is so surreal.
It literally broke sth in me… I can’t even imagine how hard it was for all of you… no one should be forced to be dumped into trauma they weren’t ready to know… so devastating… I hope that some day all of you will feel safe enough in this messy world to live happy life. Thank you for sharing this, and, which is the least important thing in this video, I really like your make ups, make your eyes even bigger. Stay safe everyone, you are amazing people (even thou I don’t know any of you) and you still matter.
You deserve a peaceful evening just looking at the stars, an afternoon full of the smell of backed cookies and cake, the smell of clean laundry while snuggling into the quilt. I hope you can experience many and many more beautiful moments in this world 🤗
You are all so, so brave and strong. I've been watching since the Chloe days, and you've all taught me everything I know about DID. I literally knew nothing before stumbling upon your channel beyond the typical stereotypes of "multiple personality disorder". I know several friends who also have watched & learned through you. Your channel has been such a force for good and for education. I hope you are all able to thrive and find joy, because my goodness, every single one of you deserves it.
It took me a day to prepare myself to watch this, I haven’t been here forever but I’ve been here long enough to know how the burden you all carry is heavier than many can even imagine. I wish you all well, stay safe, and thank you 🤍
3:49 i am forever in awe of your intelligence and ability to be so eloquent and informative about DID... i watched religiously "pre 2021" lol.. and after.. sadly i diverted and only checked in every few months... this time has been the longest I've went, without checking in on the system.. no excuse, other than i have a habbit of binging only certain content, then coming back to previous loved and enjoyed creators, that gave me my ultimate safe space... and it gives me an even "deeper and more intriguing" escape... if that even makes sense lol.. but what I'm getting at, is i am SO FCKING PROUD OF YOU and your entire system... i feel such admiration for all of you and how you persevere.. each of you are so damn beautiful... beautiful, unique and important! i appreciate how you educate, while remaining so raw, compassionate, understanding and fierce, all at the same time... Nothing but love from me.. which is but a little droplet, in the pool of people who feel the same as i do. You already know your never alone inside..but please know, you all are NEVER alone on the outside as well.... ❤
Kya, I’ve been around since Chloe was host and the system had just started your personal education videos. And I cannot tell you how proud I am of your system over the past four years. I adore y’all. I do not have DID, but I do live with major depression disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD with night terrors, and prolonged complex bereavement disorder. I acquired the trauma disorders at 17-19 years old, through a very bad relationship that I was lucky to survive. Seeing your system come back, with courage, beauty, strength, well spoken, and so much more. Thank you for your candid nature, and letting us in a little. You give my 38 year old, old lady, heart and mind some hope. I wish you all the best on your healing journey. I can’t wait to see where you all go. All my love to y’all.
Man, I'm not someone who usually cries but you made me emotional. You have no idea how strong you and this video are. I hope everyone is kind to you in the comments section after sharing something so personal with us. I hope getting this out has somehow helped feel like a burden has been lifted in someway? for your system Sending you all the good vibes and strength. Much love❤
There are no words to explain the emotions going through me. You all have been through way too much. It's breaks me how people can hurt someone with no remorse. All of you are strong, beautiful and unique. My step dad is also rooting for you. I tell him all about you and the channel and update him on things. He wishes you all the absolute best and that everything will be peaceful soon enough. Sending much love from Canada!
I’m not really sure what the purpose of my comment is but I hope that I’m not being rude or anything. I saw Nin on an interview with Anthony Padilla and they were who made me discover this channel. I later discovered Kyle and quickly realized how close him and Nin were. Not they they have fused to form Kya I cannot help but miss their content and platonic love for one another, I’m just happy that they found a sort of comfort in each other and fused as they walked their paths together.
I'm CSA traffic survivor, It Is hard to process and believe that this has happened because all my life i was thinking that i imagine all of It, your videos taugh me so much and now i'm learning to communicate and heal. Thank you❤️ we are not alone. Sorry for my english 💞
Been here since Chloe was in the system! I cant imagine the amount of strength and courage it took to make this video. Watching your system change over the years and grow is amazing. I wish you and your system the best and I hope this allows for some healing💞
When you talked about running away from acknowledging certain traumas, I felt that. As the host of a DID system who was/is not supposed to know about our trauma, it feels like there are memories lurking in the back of my mind that will consume me if I go back too far. There are things that I can't bring myself to put words to or talk about. There are things that I can't bring myself to even think about. But seeing you be able to put words to some of the traumas you experienced makes me feel like one day, I'll be able to talk about what I've been through. Thank you so much for sharing this. ❤
I will never be able to understand how people could cause so much trauma for one person. The system has gone through so much and never deserved a bit of it. Hurts to see such a wonderful system of people be hurt emotionally, physically, and mentally. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
This will help so many ppl. I've always wondered how the children of such crimes dealth with the trauma and now I have an example. Thank you for educating everyone on the subject. This is very difficult to talk about and I can feel the pain 😞 god bless you
Wow. Wasn't expecting most of what you have discussed and that's pretty deep to face bc it is so traumatic. Not alot of people would just come out and say they've been thru that. Please keep going and don't let these monsters win!
Thank you for trying to destigmatize this disorder. We appreciate everything you do and we wish you guys the best in coping with this trauma and just existing in general. Thank you! ~another fellow system
Havent watched since pre 2020-2021 with all the drama and yall have been through SO MUCH im so sorry you can tell how hard it is for you still But you have really grown so much and are so strong its so nice to meet you kya Your vulnerability is inspiring
Hearing Sally comforting you brought tears to my eyes because my system does this as for me well and I’ve never seen someone else. Also mentioning the trauma you had demystified the idea in my head that other systems have it so different, but then I realized that you and I are so similar. It made me cry a sit for a bit. And it can be really hard to cry about that stuff for me when I’m so emotionally disconnected from it. But thank you Kya
Hey babes 🖤 we are so proud of you all for putting this up. We have been through so much trauma lately and it's inspiring to have someone be so vulnerable with us ❤️ it's so hard to open up to these things, but you're giving some hope to other systems and survivors that you can speak up about your past 🖤 loads of love 💟 Lilly 💖 - I'm new - but the system loves you so much I thought I'd check it out myself. I was made last week 😬
I'm so sorry you've been through so much recently, i'm glad our vulnerability and transparency helps and I really hope things get better for you soon. Sending lots of love
@@DissociaDID really thank you babes. I'm new to this, it's hard cos I'm a trauma holder and I have some tics 😭 so I have to use our new GK/Protector as a helper hide us. 😬 As we don't have people to support us. I literally am two days old. Not age wise. I am new but I got pushed out for the video. I'm watching and nervous. Thanks for the nice words 🤗 but this is new and hopefully i don't cry 😬 what happened to me was the worst thing anyone in our system as adult has been through, and it's hard I don't know much without Maddie ⚔️ but, I need to learn. I don't Wana hide. But, I'm a new trauma holder when our system has been absent? Idk. Also Maddie says she is a integrated alter and she doesn't know why. So this is playing while we speak. Me, lily and Maddie are watching. I'm not making any sense ahhh. Having a lot of tics and dissociated but thanks you for kids words babes ❤️ we will probably watch this a few times so I can understand 😘❤️ love lily / Maddie watching with me xxx
@@DissociaDID omg we are crying 😭😭 we are so sorry. Maddie says she misses Kyle and nin and knows they are still there but she has heart break for your heart break. And i Lily am just crying 😭 cos in my own way I know about big changes and terrible trauma. our system got doubled and fkd up a year ago. And everyone went quiet. 😭😭😭😭 Omg I'm crying sorry 😭😭😭😭 this is why Im here 😭😭 we got almost KN and we did get SA in the city last weekend and I'm here to hide it... I'm sorry.... I don't like remembering 😭😭😭 fuck. Sorry lovely 🌹 your honesty and crying is brought it back. Fuck. I'm right here with you babes. Omg my heart broken for you and me 💔😭😭😭😭😭 omg whats the point. But If you can be here guess I can - lily 😭💔
@@DissociaDID I apologise for the spam. Lily is new and she isn't okay. You were very kind. Thank you for that. She needs love. She is so new she doesn't know what to do. Think she just wants ppl to understand her. Take care darl. Thank you for sharing we have always been there.. you all are very strong 💪🏼 as she said vulnerable, kind, caring, brave and empowering to all. Our system is just coming back to life. Thanks for respecting lily. I stepped out for a bit thinking she was good but I had no idea she would go breakdown mode. My mistake. Love to you form Maddie xox
@@teoeoiy3220 sending strength to all of you darlings and many hugs 💜 I'd just want to tell Lily that it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to feel So don't be ashamed of it! You are all very strong too, including all systems. I cried too haha out of empathy 🌟
Instantly starting crying the moment they did 😭😭😭 we love you guys so much and honestly I just wanna give you all the hugs and snuggles and stuffies!! 😭😭 you guys are so strong and so brave and the growth you guys have had even through all the trauma and forced revisitation is so powerful! Thank you for being open and sharing even the raw unedited things!! We love you DissociaDID!
Near the end I felt I couldn’t handle seeing that deep, deep pain in you any longer. And that made me think of something my mother keeps asking me: ‚why do you keep looking at things that make you upset or hurt you on such a deep level that you can’t function for days or weeks? That’s so self destructing‘ and here I am, feeling the answer to her question inside of me. I’m insanely emotional and empathetic and the only way I am and always have been able to heal from trauma was when it was acknowledged by people. I don’t know why, but to me it’s extremely important to have that acknowledgment by at least one person, I need to feel seen and heard very much in order to be able to process trauma and maybe move on from that one day. So this is why I keep hearing and reading and watching every tiny bit of other people’s stories and journeys so I’m one more person acknowledging what happened to them. But this… damn, I don’t know if I’ll ever overcome the urge to just hold you guys til the end of time, telling you that it’s gonna be okay. You never deserved any of what happened to you and I’m so so so very glad you’re aware of that. Y’all are amazing, truly amazing human beings 🖤
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
There's a point when Kya is talking about their name and you can literally hear Kyle's old voice come through. They really are the epitome of Nin and Kyle blended together.
I hear it at 10:25 just before that part, when they are talking about how to still be a host and a projector after the fusion.
I noticed that too. I've always loved his accent
My exact thoughts
So are Kyle and Nin one (Kya)? Or are they both still there separately??
@@batman-958 they are one. kya is kyle and nin fused together permanently
I love when Kya says “because we needed to cry to get through it” it’s a small statement in the intro, however I like it. It’s a good statement. Crying is normal
I read it as it was said
not only normal, but unbelievably important as well
Mara seems like a protective big sister 😊✌️😎👍🧚🆒
Hope everyone is doing well, I know it doesn't mean much coming from someone that you don't know but I'm proud that you feel comfortable enough to share this. Thank you
I’m also proud!
Very proud of what you are articulating and bringing up to consciousness. Your maturation as a system really shows, you know that? You will get there fully, I am positive. And yes, you ARE ok!!!
Us as well
You do not owe us as viewers any specifics. Please, only share if you are ready to. If Chloe and Nin taught us anything is that boundaries are important. Stay safe out there.
Very well said.
Reporters are actually expected to report, so these parts don't know they get an option actually. It's sad and unfair, but it's how the abusers can watch closely while not being in the person's life. Notice the pink eyeshadow. Those are reporters. Notice that "pink" parts are always the ones who are sharing the most. That's their job, they have to learn to choose it to be not public. But it's very scary to break abusers rules
I wish i could tell them through the screen that they don't have you tell us this.
God I had never even considered the fact that not all relationships between two systems would organically end at the same time. That’s devastating.
Hope that in the end Nin & Kyle didn't feel like they were losing each other, but to the contrary literally developing the closest bond that two people can possibly share, for the rest of their life.
I wonder if (since Kya mentioned it’s kind of like Gem Fusion) it’s like how Ruby & Sapphire formed Garnet out of their love (though the real life fusion is of course much more heartbreaking, there’s still that deep love there). So Kyle & Nin will always be a part of each other now, but since they’ve formed one person, they don’t get to be together in other ways.
Yes, to become One 😊
They arent 2 people. They are one person who has been fragmented if shes even telling us the truth, that is
@@steph678they are their own consciousness. ergo, their own person.
god, hearing that "if he'd had his own body" part really just... that must have been so rough - on everyone. it's always so, so difficult when something that needs to be done for your safety and happiness as a singlet hurts someone in a different body, but.. navigating that.. im proud of both nin and kyle, im proud of you as you are kya, that's so deeply impossible to find a perfect solution to and it making you tear up even now is so understandable. especially with the added anxiety about your responsibilities before fusing.
having seen your tiktok about your experience filming this... and seeing that last section.... good lord, i cannot imagine the amount of work you must have done to be able to get those words out. commenting on "strength" always feels so patronising, and maybe even presumptuous, but with everything you've gone through these past few years it doesn't matter what you attribute that to - you SHOULD be deeply proud, everyone in the system should be proud, of being here today. getting through this video without a flashback is absolutely incredible too.
i remember you saying elsewhere that speaking out these experiences on your own time has been helpful so whilst hearing about these things is heartbreaking, knowing that this was a deliberated choice is such a sign of how far youve come.
Thank you so much ❤️
@@DissociaDID No, thank you. You are doing so much for everyone who has trauma based disorders, by bringing the reality of your life into the public eye. You are forcing discussions that society has actively avoided for generations, and promoting long overdue steps toward care and healing. It's not an easy choice to make, stepping forward like this, and it's not an easy journey to keep moving forward on. You may not feel like a hero, but you definitely are that to many of us. 🤠👍💕
I was sad Kyle was gone.. then kya said for fuck sakes just like Kyle and I know he's still you. Thank you so much for sharing so we may have a chance to understand.
Sending you all the spiritual healing I can 💕
My partner was recently diagnosed with DID and I was prepared to help them and support because I had learned from your channel starting back in the Chloe days. When my partner talks about moments of the intense abuse they suffered throughout their childhood with me, they are either completely disassociated or it looks a lot like this video. Thank you for making these videos. Thank you for helping other systems not feel so alone. Thank you for helping the loved ones of people's with DID be better prepared and able to support them in the best ways possible. It is incredible to me that someone can take such incredible pain and turn it into something to help others with♥
This! Over the last two years so many of my friends have realised that they are systems and this channel has helped me better understand them, as I was watching this channel before I even knew those people. I’m so close with so many alters in those systems and it’s also really nice to see them becoming very close to each other
@@navyblue8166 Considering the fact that did is quite uncommon it sounds a little weird that many of your friends were diagnosed?
@@SwedishTourist I agree
@@SwedishTourist Not quite uncommon as you would believe. Friends growing up like... in the same neighborhood where traumatic events occurred could be going through similar experiences.
@@SwedishTourist its as common as people with ginger hair, its more common than schizophrenia so its pretty common. considering there are a lot of children being abused in this world, not many realized they are a system. if you see their video with anthony padilla, they said DID is not supposed to be acknowledged by the body because the whole point is to block out all the bad things
I couldn't imagine going through a breakup with ones fiancé while said relationship was being talked about all over the Internet AND dealing with S.C. and his lawsuit, etc., AND the pandemic. You are so ridiculously strong. Hugs to all of you.
Ngl I fully forgot that sc and pandemic were at the same time 😭 They each felt so isolated from each other. What strength they have
This. You are an amazing rock!
What is S.C?
@@cristinamejia1922 It’s the initials of the man from the intellectual property and harassment cases
@@Thaiehvdkak Duh! Thank you I don't know why I didn't get that.
I feel so naive becase I knew you'd been through shit (and that's putting it mildly) but this makes me realize I had no hecking clue how hard or bad it must have been. You guys are so amazingly strong for making it thought all that, and being able to say it out loud like this is very impressive. I could see the struggle getting the words out. I've been following you guys since before Nina and Chloe integrated. I have no trouma myself, I'm just nourodiverent (autisum & adhd) so I can't relate, but learning more about how the brain works for different people in different situatouns and learning to understand other people is very important to me. And you've taught me so much. and that's while you're still struggling and healing yourself, which makes me abmire every single one of you so much
We could almost be the same person minus the no trauma part 😂. Not being able to do well with real life friends, I tend to connect better with people online and Ive been following them since the olden days so hearing these stories again really put into perspective how much they went through and how it affected them. They are so strong because I was in tears just listening
Agree for 100%. Dear DID-System: you are amazing. Never forget that.
I'm in the same situation as you in many ways. I've also been around since before Nina and Chloe integrated. I have Autism and Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome - which is generally considered related to Autism. While there are a few things from when I was young that I find very upsetting hard to move on from, even now, and occasionally keep me up at night, and might be considered trauma, I have nothing serious or diagnosed.
I consider my most defining personality trait to be curiosity, and I've always been especially interested in biology, so when I found this channel I was fascinated by how the human brain could possibly do this. I mean, it's amazing! And it shows how much we still have to understand. I mean, something I find most amazing is how people can write whole diaries in the inner world - something I've never even seen people talk about - and that's what seems like one of the most amazing things to me. I mean, who could remember a whole book word for word? How exactly does the brain retain what they've written?
Anyway, this channel has helped me to have empathy for people; no matter how - frankly strange - they may be. Just because someone's different doesn't make them any less worthy of - well anything. I mean, I was always good at being very understanding of the different ways people are and things they struggle with. After all, I grew up in a special school full of 'strange' kids. And we were always taught to have sympathy and understanding for people, even if their difficulties meant that they hurt people sometimes. Not that that was ever treated as ok - but that we should forgive them. After all, I myself struggled with violence as a kid, although I'm completely over that now. Obviously, that's not applicable here, I just got on a bit of a tangent. I guess the point was that I was always taught understanding, and this put it to the test and ultimately strengthened it.
Everyone has trauma. It’s part of being human. You may not have any big T, Trauma, but you may have repeated little t, trauma. Or a small mix of both. It’s just a matter of how individuals deal with it and if we’re healed from it.
Thank you for finding such nice words for it. Agree with every single piece. It’s so … that some people inflict trauma on others in ways like these and other, is heartbreaking and nothing I will ever be able to understand. I love to see how many people are so empathetic to learn about parts of lifes of other people online and feel a tiny piece of their pain, enought to reach out with words because they just want to offer a possibility for a fraction of calming peace…
I feel like everything I could write sounds wrong from one perspective or the other… It is important to understand how cruel humans can be but it’s important as well to feed into some seeds of hope. At least I can’t take action if I don’t have hope. Sometimes that hope is anger, sometimes fear, but if I can imagine a positive change, and be it so tiny … it’s worth it. And understanding the bain does bring some change. The biggest and most (if not all) changes I went through were all caused and driven by gaining understanding.
“If you wonder where Nin and Kyle are, hi. Its me.”
That is almost a movie grade reveal, absolutely love you all! I wish you all the best
Yeah i thoght the same! For me, it was like the "Hello, I'm The Doctor...basically, run" scene from the Doctor Who series. :)
@@alterhektor4634 Ah! Yes!
This isn't a movie.
@@destructionaesthetics no, of course not…?
@@destructionaesthetics Calm down, I'm sure they just meant the reveal was something you'd say in a movie, not necessarily kya or the system as a whole is like a movie. It's like telling someone they sound like a podcast or narrator. The comment was based on word choice is all.
I think we should take a minute to appreciate Sally, she's doing an amazing job in protecting and comforting alters, she knew exactly when to come in and take care of Kya falling apart.
I hope the communication with new alters you mentioned goes well, it might take time to get to know them but knowing how strong the bonds are between other alters, I bet it's possible!
Oh wow, I didn’t realize how attached I was to Nin and Kyle and immediately got emotional. But I’m so happy they found healing in each other.
Your bravery to even mention some of these things does not go unnoticed. You are so strong and we are happy to watch whatever you are willing to share. Sending lots of love to the system
Thank you, i'm really proud of us for being able to do this and your support means a lot
Yes! This is 100% what I wanted to say!
I can’t imagine how painful that was for Kyle, knowing that he couldn’t be with his partner but ultimately putting the good of his system first. He seemed like a really amazing protector and I see so many positive qualities of him and of Nin in Kya. I hope your able to continue to find healing 💜
And then ppl online treating you as if you were nearly as bad as the monsters who traumatized you in the first place.. I am so sorry your system had to go through all of this, all of everything. And I think it is so meaningful and important that you're coming forward with what you've been through. I see a lot of talk about the monsters that create such vile footage, but not nearly enough about the survivors themselves..
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
No child should have to experience what you and many others have. You've truly seen the worst part of humanity, and then been confronted with it before you were ready. Despite all that, you're still here, and just surviving shows the immense strength you have. I hope you keep on healing ❤️
I've been watching since Chloe- Since even talking about trauma's was out of the question. I remember knowing that you wouldn't share what had happened to you, and being okay with it because you need to do what you can do to keep you safe. It wasn't time to talk about it. But I also remember thinking, "One day, you'll be able to, not because you have to but because you're healing." I know it's a long road. You didn't deserve ANY of what happened to you, and it's hard to process things that we are so desperate to run away from. As someone who has PTSD, and knows how excruciating it is just to say things out loud, you're growing SO much. I know what the twitching lips feels like. I know what the unfocused eyes feels like. I know that panic physically hurts. I don't know what it's like for you, but I see you, and I see myself in you. When it started getting hard to talk, I just started thinking, you can do it. You can do this. I whole-heartedly believe in you Kya, in the whole systems ability to heal. With every time you push through the verbal barrier, you fight for yourself, and you fight for your healing. I know you can do this. I'm so proud of you. Just because you were forced to look at things, doesn't take away from your strength to do so. You can do it. And I know that it doesn't translate well from a stranger, but I love you. I believe in you, and I'm so proud of you for sharing your story.
Exactly
As you were crying I found myself muttering “it’s okay, you’re okay,” which is something I often do to self soothe. Even though you can’t hear the words through the screen I hope you get all the comfort and support I am sending you.
Same here. Saying "you can do it. We're with you"
I felt compelled to hug them. I was glad Sally arrived when she did.
@@brittanytaylor4323 exactly :)
Coming to know Kyle as he was - which I’m sure is barely a scratch on the surface - the pain that split my heart in two when they said ‘If he’d had his own body’ absolutely wrecked me.
I feel the need to let you know that your system was my first true introduction to DID, and I'm now halfway through my degree with a goal of specializing in dissociative disorders. Thank you for all the education, and please know that it's truly changing the world
I subscribed to you after you did the Anthony Padilla video. I had never heard about DID and was so impressed with the work you've put in to educate people about DID, even when at times, it's been at the cost of yourselves. I know I'm just some internet stranger, but I'm so proud of you. I know this video was harder than any of us will ever know. Please take care of yourselves. You owe us nothing but have given us so much. I am sending you love from North Dakota.
Same here! I was blown away by the information presented there (like, I had only heard of DID from Split and other movies that paint it in a negative light), and I am so grateful for this system that has chosen to spread awareness about DID. Much love to them!!! 💕
Fellow ND fan here! 🎉
oh my gosh, when Sally started fronting and comforting Kya I started bawling. I'm so sorry you had to live through that, I know it doesn't mean much coming from a stranger, but I'm so proud of you for being here. and just know you don't have to share anything you don't want to
*Trigger warning: terms* As someone who is also a CSA survivor, I fully understand the bravery and the heartache and effort it took to simply say those words. And I am so very proud of the system. ❤ I can't imagine learning something so life-altering in such a traumatizing way and my heart hurts for your system right now. But I have faith in you all that you'll conquering this, reclaim your agency, and adjust to the new normal in a way that lead to greater happiness in the long run. ❤ I'm rooting for you all. ❤
What is csa
Excuse my ignorance, but what is CSA?
@@tashflogoginstien5554 I asked the same question. I'm thinking maybe childhood sexual abuse?
@@claudiamayordominguez7322 Yes, it stands for Childhood Sexual Assault/Abuse. Oftentimes, it's used as a catch-all term for sexual trauma sustained in childhood, but context clues are definitely important when understanding which version of the term the speaker is using.
@@tashflogoginstien5554 It stands for Childhood Sexual Abuse/Assault. Like I stated in a previous comment, context is important when determining which version of the acronym is being used.
It feels wrong to like this because it hurts to see you so hurt. Sending so much love to you all. ❤️
You can like the fact that they do such a good job of shining a light on mental health
It feels like, in a way, Sally has stepped up as the primary protector. She is so soft spoken and gentle, I hope she is handling things okay. I hope you all are.
its so hard to talk about trauma to people, let alone publicly, let alone publicly to a million subs. You all are so very brave
I guess it helps when you get to monetise it
12:30 you are a warrior and if you need to cry then cry we don’t care if your makeup is a little messed up it’s you were worried about and it’s you we come to watch not the makeup! Love ya and hope you and everyone in your system is doing good!
Hugs and kisses from Alabama. Let me know if you would ever like anything crochet for the system I would do it in a heartbeat! ❤❤
Crying is a deeply personal and therapeutic thing for her and I imagine with the way she is trying not to it is uncomfortable for her to do so on camera. For someone who has internalized a lot of life altering trauma and disassociated from it/may still have some amnesia crying can be a very scary and personal thing.
The fusion between Kyle and Nin is so out of this world to me, the idea that 2 members of the system fused into one, Kya. This was a great explanation, and I'm glad that it was shared. I can't imagine how it must have affected you all, since I'm just a viewer and so confused by it! Wishing y'all the best.
You’re so strong for making and posting this. I hope it helps you find healing ❤️
Thank you lovely
It’s incredibly inspiring to see them share their healing journey with the world. It’s an incredible demonstration of strength, resilience, and compassion for both themselves and for their community online. I will cherish this gift that they are giving us, and use it to inspire others on their own recovery journeys. Thank you!
@@DissociaDID ❤️❤️❤️
Thought the exact same thing! Super brave
It's incredible that I can see Chloe, Nin and Kyle perfectly depending on the subject. You all are amazing and I'm so glad you're coming back.
And I have a little gift to ask. I miss Sally so much. Maybe we can see her again soon?
I'm sure she wouldn't mind filming for you when she's next out!
@@DissociaDID that would be so amazing! 😍
@@DissociaDID Is Jade still your gatekeeper? I am so impressed with her ability to keep your system safe, yet she scares the hell out of me 😀I miss her!
when just the tags came up on the screen i had to pause and get up and look out the window for a bit. i’ve followed you since chloe was the host, and i felt so hurt for y’all during the trisha thing, and the breakup, and the legal battle, and you continue to share and be brave and i don’t understand it. im not a system i’m just a 22 year old girl from texas, and I don’t understand how your still here after just the things you’ve been through online alone, but it is astonishing. i don’t understand how you guys have been so strong I don’t get. i can’t comprehend it. i wish there was something i could do, some piece of my heart to loan you. thank you for being here. thank all of you for sharing. love to you all
Thank you so much ❤️
I’m sorry if I may have said anything offensive in my statement, though i bring no ill intentions to my comment. Kya’s existence being the fusion between Nin and Kyle to me, seems like a huge step forward to your whole system. The host and the primary protector integrating in a way means that you’re now able to handle any problems along the way in your life “alone”, but also “together”. I for someone who doesn’t have DID, have been facing through life issues by myself and it could get pretty tiring, but somehow there’s beauty in how you notice yourself getting tired and having the power to confront yourself. I’m sure you’ll have a lot more new things to discover about Kya and the other alters in the system. Wish you all love moving forward
I would like to add that i rarely see Nin and Kyle being emotional on camera, correct me please do if I’m wrong but whenever Nin is starting to get emotional, i find kyle always steps in to the front. Now that they’ve fused into Kya, it’s amazing to see how well Kya regulates these emotions. In a way, it’s like saying “I’m strong, and i’ve always been wether I’m crying, happy, mad and so on.” Biggest respect on being very transparent while talking about heavy topics. Happy that you all could come to this point together
You are so so strong for posting this, me and my alter Aimee started crying when you began to describe what has happened to you all because we went through ALL the same things like CSA, COCSA, CSEM etc it was hard to watch and listen to but people need to understand and be educated and you are so brave to be posting this. We love you, we've loved you all as far back as when Chloe was the main host.
I'm so sorry you've been through that too, sending our love to you. Thank you for being with us for so long
I have PTSD and experienced childhood domestic violence against me and my siblings by our mother, experienced COCSA during a sleepover at age ten and these videos make me feel like if I ever develop DID or similar trauma-based disorders I would be able to handle it better, since I am already learning so much from you.
Thank you to Kaya and everyone else who was brave enough to appear on camera in future videos
Honestly you've got my utmost respect, to put yourself through all this to destigmatize a disorder that shouldn't have a stigma at all, and to share this all, i know this will help others that are sadly hurt. It's increadibly brave.
It's nice to see that Sally is still around and doing her job. It feels like so many of the alters that we were introduced to way back when aren't around anymore. So much has changed. It's nice to see one of the originals as it were, after all this time.
I'm crying right now, I feel your pain. I hate that all of this stuff happened to you, Kya, and the others. I hope you're able to heal from all the trauma
when I talk about my trauma to people, I’m either completely emotionally removed or crying like you are in this video, which always made me feel silly. thank you for normalising reactions like that for everyone, it really made me realise that strength isn’t an emotionless statue, and you can still cry when you’re tired of fighting every day.💖
As a mom of a little girl (and soon a little boy) I want nothing more than to reach through and hug you. Breaks my heart that a little girl went through SO MUCH to have you become the many that you are now. You all do an amazing job helping each other and moving forward. I am so proud of the entire system for getting over the hurtles of the last few years. Kya, you are doing a FANTASTIC job holding down the fort. You should be proud. Every one of you in the system should be proud. If you ever need to vent or just word vomit, you have a 35 yr old mom here for you. I am so sorry for your past but SO proud of the future you are making for yourselves. 🫂
Edit: I hope that was worded appropriately and if not I truly do apologize.
As someone who might have a similar disorder, this is a really kind comment. I can tell you're a wonderful mother. 💚
You seem like a wonderful human
My whole heart just breaks into a million pieces. I just can't fucking fathom how someone can do this to a CHILD.
I'm so proud of you and your system Kya for saying it outloud to the internet. Your system has nothing to be ashamed of and your bravery is inspiring.
I just recently discovered a handful of littles and teens who had been hiding away for similar reasons and I feel that it’s so… I guess validating to know that we’re not alone in this journey ❤️ thank you Kya and all the rest ❤️
To hear about how much Kyle and Nin loved and depended on each other is so tragic. i hope they still find comfort in eachother in Kya. And Sally is such a sweetheart. absoultely adore her.
TW: TERMS
I only recently broke an amnesia barrier where I suffered from COCSA and CSS. It was very traumatic and shocking, since it just randomly happened, but you have been a light for me and thank you so much. Sharing your story and validating others is so gracious of you and I send much love♥️
Sending you lots of love and strength, bud♥ proud of ya
thank you for talking about the phrases, i didnt know there was one for what i experienced so thank you for that.
im a survivor of COCSA and that seems to make it easier for me to say :)
thank you again.
I was really worried a few years ago when the relationship ended, and I’m so proud that you guys survived the whole thing. Kya you are so beautiful and strong. Sending love and support💜
Kya here just shows testament to the relationship of Kyle and Nin: it's sad to see them 'gone' but also a joy to see the strength gained from the fusion. What huge step in posting this video after everything the system has gone through, very proud of you all. Lot's of love to everyone
There's nothing sad about them being gone. It's a wonderful thing that they fused. Integration is the goal.
I appreciate your dedication to show every part of your experience, even the hard parts and still put on emphasis oh how everyone has it different. Thank you for your work
Of course, if it helps we will share it
@@DissociaDID 💜
@@DissociaDID ❤❤❤
I don't have DID, but have been through a lot of trauma (specifically SA/CSA) and having you keep the raw, un-edited portion of you even just stating your trauma and crying through it made me feel a lot less alone with all those emotions I have around my traumas. Sending love and support your way 🖤
the words “if we can get through this, you can too.” hit hard. there’s been few times someone said something genuinely comforting and not ridiculing with my ptsd, especially since i’m 14 so not many people take me seriously, but hearing that felt like a little bit of the weight i’ve been carrying was lifted off my chest. thank you kya and the rest of the dissociaDID system, for being so open with your mental health and making me feel seen, even with the difference in specific mental health issues.
As the host of a system that also was forced to change due to trauma around the same period of time, I just wanted to say that you are absolutley not alone, that despite changes you and your system are still loved exactly as you were before the changes. Its also nice to hear that Kyle and Nin found comfort with each other where it was difficult to find comfort in the outside world. Sending hugs to you Kya and the rest of your system, we love you all
-Aries
Thank you for sharing these really hard moments with us. I'm 16 and I was told I have a dissociative disorder. It now became an unofficial "DID" diagnosis and it's causing my family to fall apart. My parents fight with each other. My mom is scared of the alters. My father mocks them. Sometimes I wish I could just be normal, but then I realise I have no idea what normal is. And it scares me so much. I'm so thankful to you guys for sharing all your hard work and the difficulties you encounter every day.
Hey, you are normal. You are human, you are normal. Our body does so much to protect us from everything, I hope that you can hang in there and get to a happier place soon.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Sometimes we just come to the world around people unable to love us or understand us the way it should be. Maybe they'll understand how deep and complex your situation is, maybe not, but I'm pretty sure you'll find in life people capable to make you feel home. That will be your family, don't give up. It's ok to be scared too, but...you'll figure it out
@@kal1577 Thank you, really
@@gattaccia3533 Thank you to you too, It makes me happy seeing that someone, although someone that I don't know, cares enough to reply to me
"father mocks them" - this caused me almost physical pain. I can picture it, the "now he/she is being weird again, pull yourself together, etc" of someone who 100% doesn't realize this is a real thing. I'm so sorry, I wish you that he understands one day.
i’ve decided to become a psychologist and plan on researching on DID, which was presented to me thanks to chloe. thank you for your work
It's Kya now not Chloe
@@Strawb_Goblin but Chloe started the channel and introduced them and me to DID.
Thank you Kya for continuing everyones work. Chloes and Nins and Kyles and everyones.
same here :)
TW: Talk of the "mental health "hospitals"" and t*rt*re?
Just becareful, because there is so much corruption, potentially and in the diagnosis(es) alone, and/or what specifically is pathologized under these precarious labels, which have very dubious colonial history and the labels also trigger us and confuse us, too, and the so-called mental health "hospitals" are very much the source of our suffering, too, and with also t*rt*re(s)?
In Zulu, "khaya" means home 💕 it seems to me that it suites you very well😊
I’ve been here since Chloe. I’ve watched it all - every integration, every fusion. But Kya, my love, you did absolutely wonderfully in this video - NEVER ever forget how wonderful you are
It was so sad to hear what happened as someone who watched both systems. I saw the love that Kyle and Nin had for each other, it was so incredibly strong and at the end of the day you guys did what was best to keep you safe. I hope the other system is safe too. You will still always have both Nin and Kyle as a part of you, their bond and care for each other can never be broken. I'm excited to get to know more about you now as Kya. You guys are so strong and I'm glad that you came back to UA-cam. 💙
Dear Kya and the DissociaDID thank you for being so open, honest, and vulnerable with us it’s incredibly inspiring to learn and understand how you deal with all of this and teaching us more about you and your life
Once again thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share this with us
Have an amazing rest if your day
I just want to say: Thank you. Thank you for trusting us and sharing so many painful experience. Thank you for always teaching us something new about DID and even sharing tips for people who just discovered that they have it. I hope that you are doing great, and if not, that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay. We will always support you from here. Take care ❤️
Im a csa survivor, you are so strong and a warrior. I hope you are all doing ok and that you have a very happy holidays ❤️
Our system has a fear of being filmed and having our photo taken because of our similar experience. Extreme RESPECT for you all right now. And we've been following you all since the beginning of your channel. You guys are soooo FREAKING STRONG!!! We love you guys so much. Keep going. Thank you for everything.💚💜❤⭐✨💫🌈
I was also a victim of COCSA and I never knew there was anyone who went through it as well, let alone it had a name. I‘m so sorry for what you guys had to face and I‘m thankful for your bravery and showing me that I was never alone. Hugs from Chile
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I know someone with trauma from COCSA obviously I won't say anything more about it (to respect him and avoid triggering anyone including you and DissociaDID) and I have seen how it affects him. I hope you are healing as best as you can
I didn't know there was a term/abbreviation either, wow.
Yeah putting (the right) words on things can be extremely powerful in reclaiming your story, finding people who've gone through the same thing and sharing experiences. I wish you healing, you are not alone, I hear you all trauma survivors
I didn't know it had a name either ... Wow, it gives me so much validation to know that I am not the only one that went through something like this. To the DissociaDID system, please know that you help so many people by sharing even something "small" like this abbreviation.
Been watching since Chloe, sending all the love and light to you guys 💕
When you were having a hard time getting through the words at the end, I kept saying, "Come on, you got this. You're so strong." And I meant it. It takes a lot of strength to be able to face what you've all been through and to be able to deal with it for the sake of healing. I'm so, so proud of you all
glad i’m not the only one haha, it was kinda funny because i said “you’re okay” out loud and then sally came along and said it! i was like “hell yeah my tele-communication worked!” haha
I'm sad to see Nin and Kyle 'go' but I can still see both of them in Kya
The way you described being really emotionally detached from trauma and feeling like watching back a movie was so unbelievably relatable thanks for sharing it helps so much ❤❤❤
TW: TERMS
You are so incredibly strong to admit those abbreviations as I can't say them myself. and I totally understand how hard it can be. Recently I started to remember things from my past that I heavily suppressed. Knowing that I can put a term on that experience is really eye opening but also really scary. This is the first time I have heard of COCSA and although it may have not been easy for you to admit it, it makes me feel so understood and less alone and now I can begin to understand myself and my past more. You sacrificed a lot to help end the stigma more than you realise and have helped people more than you realise and I just wanted to say thank you ❤️
Thank you for that TW, too, much appreciated.
The way you talk about your traumas sounds and looks exactly the same as how I do. I felt so deeply connected with you through this. I am sorry you had to go through any of those things, no one should have to face these things and I am so proud of you for talking about it. Thank you for sharing
Gods, Kya. As soon as I saw the TW for the CP/CSEM my heart absolutely broke for you. We, our system, also went through that. Our host had to come to terms with that knowledge during around May/June of 2022, this year. It has been so, so hard. Many of us inside have been aware of it for years and kept it hidden from Jules for their safety. They are co-con now, they needed me to come help them write this comment because they felt such a connection but didn’t know how to say it. The pain you went through, while it cannot be compared in any way to anyone else’s experience, is something we are similarly going through. In the same way, whenever those memories begin creeping around the corner, Jules is running. I don’t blame them. I don’t blame you. The reality of it is so, so difficult to face. I am a part that went through such trauma, but I am also heavily emotionally dissociated from it for reasons I don’t openly discuss.
You should know, though, that it will get easier to accept. Jules is in heavy denial for it. So sure that the people who did it (that they loved) would never do such things. It can be so hard to come to terms with that. Especially when you have young parts that suddenly show up out of the blue. (Jules has jokingly said “Ah, hello 15+ children I’ve never met.”) But you and your system got through it once-you shouldn’t have had to, but you did-and you survived. You are here. You are Alive. That means everything.
We support you. All of us. And you have a beautiful community that does too. Healing is a marathon, not a sprint. But I’m sure you know that now. ☺️ You are not alone in your suffering. There are a lot of people like us. Like you. Who understand the pain and betrayal you feel.
Best of luck, and as always, much love to you and your system, Kya & Co. -Valentine, Many but One system
Kya, ofcourse I can’t speak for everyone, but this community has SOOO much love for you and your system. I have so much universal love for you and your system. Human to human, I hope you have everything you need in order to live a happy fulfilling life. ✨
Oh poor you!😭 I just want to protect every altar and just wants hug them so much!😭😭😭😭💖❤️❤️
Sending all the love to your system ❤️
This video had me in tears. Not only because of how much pain I can see you’ve carried for so long but also because of how insanely proud I am of the tenacity, courage and bravery you continue to show! Kya you’re incredible. Trauma is so intense and therapy is just as much so but you are all doing so well and I’m so glad you’re able to continue working on it ❤️❤️❤️ so much love always xxx
Please PLEASE know that your openness is helping me and my Troops; as well as countless other systems. The awareness you can raise is crucial.
My Troops are saluting you and yours darling. We’ve GOT this! Sending you so much love!
Is it strange that I miss Kyle and how he would call us cute names?
You're still my babes 💖
@@DissociaDID 😭💜💜💜
kyle's dope.
@@DissociaDID 🥺💙💙💙💙💙
@@DissociaDID eee love you Kyleee :o
I just recently found thus channel through the interview with Anthony Padilla. Nin & Kyle had such defined personalities on their own so to hear that they have fused, which I'm also just now finding out thats a thing that can happen, is so surreal.
Ya, that's how I found this channel too, it's really interesting and educational. Also really sad sometimes. 😔😖🩷
It literally broke sth in me… I can’t even imagine how hard it was for all of you… no one should be forced to be dumped into trauma they weren’t ready to know… so devastating… I hope that some day all of you will feel safe enough in this messy world to live happy life. Thank you for sharing this, and, which is the least important thing in this video, I really like your make ups, make your eyes even bigger. Stay safe everyone, you are amazing people (even thou I don’t know any of you) and you still matter.
You deserve a peaceful evening just looking at the stars, an afternoon full of the smell of backed cookies and cake, the smell of clean laundry while snuggling into the quilt. I hope you can experience many and many more beautiful moments in this world 🤗
You are all so, so brave and strong. I've been watching since the Chloe days, and you've all taught me everything I know about DID. I literally knew nothing before stumbling upon your channel beyond the typical stereotypes of "multiple personality disorder". I know several friends who also have watched & learned through you. Your channel has been such a force for good and for education. I hope you are all able to thrive and find joy, because my goodness, every single one of you deserves it.
It took me a day to prepare myself to watch this, I haven’t been here forever but I’ve been here long enough to know how the burden you all carry is heavier than many can even imagine. I wish you all well, stay safe, and thank you 🤍
3:49 i am forever in awe of your intelligence and ability to be so eloquent and informative about DID... i watched religiously "pre 2021" lol.. and after.. sadly i diverted and only checked in every few months... this time has been the longest I've went, without checking in on the system.. no excuse, other than i have a habbit of binging only certain content, then coming back to previous loved and enjoyed creators, that gave me my ultimate safe space... and it gives me an even "deeper and more intriguing" escape... if that even makes sense lol.. but what I'm getting at, is i am SO FCKING PROUD OF YOU and your entire system... i feel such admiration for all of you and how you persevere.. each of you are so damn beautiful... beautiful, unique and important! i appreciate how you educate, while remaining so raw, compassionate, understanding and fierce, all at the same time... Nothing but love from me.. which is but a little droplet, in the pool of people who feel the same as i do. You already know your never alone inside..but please know, you all are NEVER alone on the outside as well.... ❤
Kya, I’ve been around since Chloe was host and the system had just started your personal education videos. And I cannot tell you how proud I am of your system over the past four years. I adore y’all.
I do not have DID, but I do live with major depression disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD with night terrors, and prolonged complex bereavement disorder. I acquired the trauma disorders at 17-19 years old, through a very bad relationship that I was lucky to survive.
Seeing your system come back, with courage, beauty, strength, well spoken, and so much more. Thank you for your candid nature, and letting us in a little. You give my 38 year old, old lady, heart and mind some hope.
I wish you all the best on your healing journey. I can’t wait to see where you all go. All my love to y’all.
Man, I'm not someone who usually cries but you made me emotional. You have no idea how strong you and this video are.
I hope everyone is kind to you in the comments section after sharing something so personal with us. I hope getting this out has somehow helped feel like a burden has been lifted in someway? for your system
Sending you all the good vibes and strength. Much love❤
There are no words to explain the emotions going through me. You all have been through way too much. It's breaks me how people can hurt someone with no remorse. All of you are strong, beautiful and unique. My step dad is also rooting for you. I tell him all about you and the channel and update him on things. He wishes you all the absolute best and that everything will be peaceful soon enough. Sending much love from Canada!
I’m not really sure what the purpose of my comment is but I hope that I’m not being rude or anything. I saw Nin on an interview with Anthony Padilla and they were who made me discover this channel. I later discovered Kyle and quickly realized how close him and Nin were. Not they they have fused to form Kya I cannot help but miss their content and platonic love for one another, I’m just happy that they found a sort of comfort in each other and fused as they walked their paths together.
I'm CSA traffic survivor, It Is hard to process and believe that this has happened because all my life i was thinking that i imagine all of It, your videos taugh me so much and now i'm learning to communicate and heal. Thank you❤️ we are not alone. Sorry for my english 💞
Been here since Chloe was in the system!
I cant imagine the amount of strength and courage it took to make this video. Watching your system change over the years and grow is amazing. I wish you and your system the best and I hope this allows for some healing💞
When you talked about running away from acknowledging certain traumas, I felt that. As the host of a DID system who was/is not supposed to know about our trauma, it feels like there are memories lurking in the back of my mind that will consume me if I go back too far. There are things that I can't bring myself to put words to or talk about. There are things that I can't bring myself to even think about. But seeing you be able to put words to some of the traumas you experienced makes me feel like one day, I'll be able to talk about what I've been through.
Thank you so much for sharing this. ❤
I will never be able to understand how people could cause so much trauma for one person. The system has gone through so much and never deserved a bit of it. Hurts to see such a wonderful system of people be hurt emotionally, physically, and mentally. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
This will help so many ppl. I've always wondered how the children of such crimes dealth with the trauma and now I have an example. Thank you for educating everyone on the subject. This is very difficult to talk about and I can feel the pain 😞 god bless you
cocsa survivor here and I don't really have an eloquent comment but I just wanna say thank you for existing. I'm glad you're here. All of you.
Wow. Wasn't expecting most of what you have discussed and that's pretty deep to face bc it is so traumatic. Not alot of people would just come out and say they've been thru that. Please keep going and don't let these monsters win!
No child should ever have to endure something like what you had to go through. Ever. I hope speaking out loud helps healing a bit❤️
Thank you for trying to destigmatize this disorder. We appreciate everything you do and we wish you guys the best in coping with this trauma and just existing in general. Thank you! ~another fellow system
whelp I just now learned of COCSA because of you and now I finally have a word for what has happened to me, thank you Kya, ur so brave and amazing
Havent watched since pre 2020-2021 with all the drama and yall have been through SO MUCH im so sorry you can tell how hard it is for you still But you have really grown so much and are so strong its so nice to meet you kya
Your vulnerability is inspiring
Hearing Sally comforting you brought tears to my eyes because my system does this as for me well and I’ve never seen someone else. Also mentioning the trauma you had demystified the idea in my head that other systems have it so different, but then I realized that you and I are so similar. It made me cry a sit for a bit. And it can be really hard to cry about that stuff for me when I’m so emotionally disconnected from it. But thank you Kya
Hey babes 🖤 we are so proud of you all for putting this up. We have been through so much trauma lately and it's inspiring to have someone be so vulnerable with us ❤️ it's so hard to open up to these things, but you're giving some hope to other systems and survivors that you can speak up about your past 🖤 loads of love 💟 Lilly 💖 - I'm new - but the system loves you so much I thought I'd check it out myself. I was made last week 😬
I'm so sorry you've been through so much recently, i'm glad our vulnerability and transparency helps and I really hope things get better for you soon. Sending lots of love
@@DissociaDID really thank you babes. I'm new to this, it's hard cos I'm a trauma holder and I have some tics 😭 so I have to use our new GK/Protector as a helper hide us. 😬 As we don't have people to support us. I literally am two days old. Not age wise. I am new but I got pushed out for the video. I'm watching and nervous. Thanks for the nice words 🤗 but this is new and hopefully i don't cry 😬 what happened to me was the worst thing anyone in our system as adult has been through, and it's hard I don't know much without Maddie ⚔️ but, I need to learn. I don't Wana hide. But, I'm a new trauma holder when our system has been absent? Idk. Also Maddie says she is a integrated alter and she doesn't know why. So this is playing while we speak. Me, lily and Maddie are watching. I'm not making any sense ahhh. Having a lot of tics and dissociated but thanks you for kids words babes ❤️ we will probably watch this a few times so I can understand 😘❤️ love lily / Maddie watching with me xxx
@@DissociaDID omg we are crying 😭😭 we are so sorry. Maddie says she misses Kyle and nin and knows they are still there but she has heart break for your heart break. And i Lily am just crying 😭 cos in my own way I know about big changes and terrible trauma. our system got doubled and fkd up a year ago. And everyone went quiet.
😭😭😭😭 Omg I'm crying sorry 😭😭😭😭 this is why Im here 😭😭 we got almost KN and we did get SA in the city last weekend and I'm here to hide it... I'm sorry.... I don't like remembering 😭😭😭 fuck. Sorry lovely 🌹 your honesty and crying is brought it back. Fuck. I'm right here with you babes. Omg my heart broken for you and me 💔😭😭😭😭😭 omg whats the point. But If you can be here guess I can - lily 😭💔
@@DissociaDID I apologise for the spam. Lily is new and she isn't okay. You were very kind. Thank you for that. She needs love. She is so new she doesn't know what to do. Think she just wants ppl to understand her. Take care darl. Thank you for sharing we have always been there.. you all are very strong 💪🏼 as she said vulnerable, kind, caring, brave and empowering to all. Our system is just coming back to life. Thanks for respecting lily. I stepped out for a bit thinking she was good but I had no idea she would go breakdown mode. My mistake. Love to you form Maddie xox
@@teoeoiy3220 sending strength to all of you darlings and many hugs 💜
I'd just want to tell Lily that it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to feel
So don't be ashamed of it! You are all very strong too, including all systems. I cried too haha out of empathy 🌟
Instantly starting crying the moment they did 😭😭😭 we love you guys so much and honestly I just wanna give you all the hugs and snuggles and stuffies!! 😭😭 you guys are so strong and so brave and the growth you guys have had even through all the trauma and forced revisitation is so powerful! Thank you for being open and sharing even the raw unedited things!! We love you DissociaDID!
You’re really brave! Proud of you for being so vulnerable. You’re lifting up other victims of CSA by being so open.
Near the end I felt I couldn’t handle seeing that deep, deep pain in you any longer.
And that made me think of something my mother keeps asking me: ‚why do you keep looking at things that make you upset or hurt you on such a deep level that you can’t function for days or weeks? That’s so self destructing‘ and here I am, feeling the answer to her question inside of me.
I’m insanely emotional and empathetic and the only way I am and always have been able to heal from trauma was when it was acknowledged by people. I don’t know why, but to me it’s extremely important to have that acknowledgment by at least one person, I need to feel seen and heard very much in order to be able to process trauma and maybe move on from that one day.
So this is why I keep hearing and reading and watching every tiny bit of other people’s stories and journeys so I’m one more person acknowledging what happened to them.
But this… damn, I don’t know if I’ll ever overcome the urge to just hold you guys til the end of time, telling you that it’s gonna be okay.
You never deserved any of what happened to you and I’m so so so very glad you’re aware of that.
Y’all are amazing, truly amazing human beings 🖤