In a fanfic for a completely unrelated fandom, I once saw it called "the pedophilia/bestiality/necrophilia clusterfuck" and that's always stuck with me.
i remember this one tumblr post like "edward probably sat outside and said 'you and i arent so different' when he saw a mosquito" and honestly, this book confirms it
I love how this book appears to confirm literally every acting choice and also every single bit of irl shitposting that Robert Pattinson did while playing Edward. We all thought he just didn't give a shit and was phoning it in for the pay check, but it turns out that he was also the only person who truly understood Edward. This man was playing 4D chess when we thought he was playing checkers. A true icon.
@@HotBlasterBot the actress came out as bi a while back and has been pictured with various girlfriends over the years but the media often presents them as 'just good friends' . full discloser i may be mistaking her for a different celeb so do take this with a gain of salt.
Where's the book from Charlie's perspective? He already knows about the vampires and "werewolves" and doesn't care. He's done with this shit but still has to put up with it for 700 pages. I want that book.
I know, that was the one thing I liked about Edward in the books. The books are such a shame because they actually had some really interesting ideas that I really enjoyed while reading.
Reminds me of a text post I saw a while ago "Severus Snape and The Boy Who Wants to _Fucking DIE_ " BOY WHO LIVED WHO??? HE'S GOT THE SURVIVAL INSTINCT OF A SQUIRREL ON CRACK
Since not even their hair grows, I would imagine that Edward's brain is stuck at 17-year-old development, meaning that he gets to be a moody teenager with questionable decision making skills for the rest of his unnatural life. So in that light, his extreme broodiness seems appropriate even if he's technically an old man.
As someone who used to be EXTREMELY into twilight, you're right. Basically it was explained that once you become a vampire you just, stop. Stop growing. Stop maturing. Just stop being a human, (duh) and you're frozen at the age you were turned. Which is explains why Edward's such a dramatic ass over every little thing ever
90% of the book is just edward sighing dramatically about how TRAGIC his existence is and how much humans suck. every now and then he mentions some interesting lore about himself and never expands on that.
Man, if this book was about Edward being a dumb emo and everyone around him being like "bro" i would love it. if half the book was edward struggling hilariously in social situations i would buy it.
Edward doesn't have social situations; he just observes silently from the shadows, and makes his decisions from there. Sometimes in your head, but mostly in Bella's bedroom.
What I find absolutely astonishing about all of Stephenie Meyer's writing is her ability to come up with these incredibly intriguing backstories and side plots that make you go "OH please, tell me MORE" and then refuses - REFUSES - to bother writing anything else about those interesting things in favor of gushing further over Edward and Bella acting creepy at each other. It's like if Lord of the Rings was just Arwen and Aragorn's courting and relationship, but in this version Aragorn sticks around Rivendale the entire time instead of joining the fellowship. And all of the actual plot of LotR was nothing but side information told secondhand or through short expositions with zero attempt to follow up on any further details.
This is honestly the most infuriating part of her writing, but I think it's because it's kinda easy to have interesting sounding ideas and much more difficult to spin them into full stories/novels that are interesting because you don't have any emotional connection to the material. Like Rosalie murdering her rapists, saving her ex for last and wearing her wedding dress is a beautiful image, so iconic, but I'm pretty sure S. Meyer has never even had an ex, let alone an experience more climactic than a ride at six flags in her life. It's easy to say "rape bad" but a whole lot harder to empathize with the loss of power and bodily autonomy a victim of it might feel and how that might affect them psychologically, potentially forever. Same with murder, she just casually makes Edward a murderer without any thought to how killing another human (whether they're good or bad) might impact you psychologically, especially since he's clearly against murdering people NOW. It's easy to handwave it as "well he's good so he decided not to be he's a little bad so he used to" rather than think about the actual development of his ideologies. This is also probably because Meyer seems to have very limited life experiences and experiences with forming her own ideologies. Ironically, she's super out of her depth in trying to write Twilight, and that's why the Cullens fall so flat: her perspective is too sheltered, naive, and small to convey the perspectives of people who have lived 100+ years in countries all over the world.
Exoxe Ocean Well, I mean, if you’re gonna read something as boring as Twilight, you might as well be doing *something* more interesting while you’re at it!
he repeatedly describes himself in terms such as "predator," "villain," and "monster." the text of the book is largely his internal monologue about his obsession with a girl a fraction of his age and his need to disguise his true nature, punctuated with dialogue which does not reflect his interiority. am i describing edward from midnight sun, or humbert humbert from lolita?
Nike of Samothrace i would rather say humbert humbert from lolita...'cuz he's a (from what i heard) well-written character (from what i heard) a well-written book
Honestly if that's how Edward reacts to *handholding,* I'm surprised he and Bella were able to make a Renesmee at all. This Edward seems more likely to combust and die in a conflagration of sheer dramatic intensity the moment Bella starts unbuttoning his shirt.
It's because he's a good christian vampire, handholding before marriage is forbidden 😇 So glad they waited until marriage to have sex! Bella would've died, sent to hell with SATAN if they even looked at eachother before marriage! I just listened to the girl defined book review
@@MT-lk7qt The title would be "Defiant yet Devine," and the plot would be two girls slowly brainwashed and turned into the slaves of a vampire at their local church. They then begin to pull more people towards the church, turning them into an endless supply of livestock and influence for their vampiric Lord. However, the twist is that one of them is in love with him and, to become the vampire's mistress, she must commit every sin.
The extreme skin covering is very girl defined, but the whole "holding hands leads to kissing leads to what next!!!?" Thing makes me think of Paul and Morgan more.
Stephenie Meyer could have written a book about a PTSD Edward Cullen going around punching anti-vaxxers, the worst stories always have the best potential
@@tamithomas3441 Edward contacted the Spanish flu and was forced to become a vampire to save his life. Therefore I doubt he would like people who dont get flu vaccines
Hot take: Edward was the one who really wanted to go to prom and have a big romantic moment with Bella, but he'll never admit it. Like, he's had the tux all picked out and regularly watches sixteen candles or whatever, but he's convinced himself that it's all for Bella because he's too busy with toxic masculinity or something.
I'm a lesbian and I did fangirl for twilight. I pretended to be team Jacob when secretly I was team Alice 😳 12 year old me already lusting for the goth gfs
@@slamacat9866 no no, ask her who her favourite twilight character is if she answers Alice, the other Cullen girl that killed her rapist or that one evil redheaded vampire girl then there is absolutely a chance that she is attracted to women
The "y" in "Teya" written in that copy of The Lightning Thief looks like an "x", and now I'm obsessed with the concept of literary analysis content made by renowned Lesbian Cowgirl UA-camr "Texa" aka Strange Yeehawns
Rosalie is a legitimately interesting character: not only was she raped, but she hunted down the rapists one by one in revenge, and when human Emmet was attacked she was the one that found him and literally picked him up and hauled his ass to Carlisle without giving in to the smell of his blood so that he could be saved. And yet she's reduced to being hot and shallow. It makes me so angry. She's such a great fucking character.
effie jade Yeah it's so weird how Smeyer both writes her as this amazing vengeful traumatized character, but then also obviously looks down on her so hard.
For real. The only interesting characters in those fuck awful books are rosalie and Jasper. Those two road tripping around America while dealing with their inevitable PTSD would be way more interesting.
I'm like halfway through and I read someone on Tumblr say "it's really exhausting to live in Edward's head, I'm 100% not coming back" and it's exactly that.
Especially when I've heard that as "she's done nothing to deserve my underwear" and thought he was too horny on main And then realized he was just pure edge
@@ImBlueDaBaDeeDaBaDaa looking back like 10 months later, it honestly reminds me of a line from an onision book, but I feel like that gives onion boy too much credit
Imagine how much better this book series would have been if Edward was only pretending to be a good vegan vampire, and was still murdering people in the background. But no, instead we got mr perfect with hardly any actual flaws.
So we're just not gonna talk about how edward sees highschoolers as children... as he dates one? Theres just something not right about that. I mean its not as bad as falling in love with an unborn baby but its still not good.
Sorry can't hear any other voice but Ilyana Kadushin's. I originally checked out the audio book from my library bc all the paper coppies were being used. I listened to the entire story on my clunky CD player. she voiced all of the characters so well.
There's a reason Bella loves Edward so easily - in Twilight it is explicitly said that Vampires have an aura or essence to them that draws Humans to them. Makes them attracted to Vampires so they are easy prey. THAT is why Bella cannot cope when Edward leaves in Book 2 - she lost her addictive Vampire essence fix. It's the same as cutting a drug addict off their drug addiction and they go into massive withdrawal. Bella is literally addicted to Edward in the same way he is addicted to her.
@@foolisnoteighteenyet It can be hard to tell when put into text. And some people really don't see the toxic co-dependency in the relationship. They see it as insanely romantic. Emphasis on the romantic.
gotta say i’m loving the whole “twilight is just bad fanfiction” thing. follows the formula, too: there’s a wildly successful first book, then some worse sequels, a genderbend of first book, the first book but from a different pov... we’re just missing the oneshot spinoffs of different characters
There is one. I think it is called "The short second life of Bree Tanner" it actually might be better then the main story. I liked it better than the original but that is not saying much considering...
@@annahamvas6466 Yea, I read that. It was actually not so bad, like the first Twilight book. But the entire rest of the series just got worse, and literally there is not a single un-problematic book.
I did a thesis report about how Twilight set up an entire world where it’s a great commentary on white settlers (vampires) enacting colonialism on the land of First Nations people and how vampirism would be an excellent allegory for how colonists sucked the life and resources out of the First Nation’s people and land. On top of that, the side characters are all really great allegories for people who suffer PTSD and are doomed to live with their scars for eternity. However, Meyer isn’t a good enough writer to see the implications of the world she created and instead was tunnel vision focused on objectively the least interesting part of the entire world which was the romance.
I’ve thought for a long time that the world of Twilight would have made a pretty good action/thriller series if written by a competent author. This would have been a great idea to explore.
@@truckcrash1980 *better because JK Rowling retroactively made gay anyone who isn't married by the time the books ended. I'd agree Percy Jackson has quality over quantity in what gay representation is concerned. Nico is a really good character
Edward being mentally stuck with moody broody 17 year old brain but knowing he's actually over 100 lifespan wise. He's very much a limitlessly intelligent and athletic teenager who is and isn't above his human peers simultaneously and I don't think he really knows where he stands
i think it does fit well with the lore of "vampires being mentally stuck at the age they were turned". life experiences can only influence your growth meaningfully if you're able to process and internalise them, which young vampires (as in, their human ages) probably aren't able to do properly. hell, even without vampires in our world we _do_ have extremely immature and childish adults in their 40s to 60s. the only difference being these adults almost always _refuse_ to actually process those experiences and change accordingly, whereas for vampires like edward, alice, etc they have the biological, immutable factor of their brains being stuck literally at the developmental stage. ^^;
"Why don't they go to university instead" ok but imagine how expensive it would be to keep putting that many hundred year old teenagers through university over and over and over and over again
The high school thing is cheaper, easier to find small town level in their preferred territory. Northern hemisphere, close to big forested areas with limited sunlight school days....? It's silly but honestly does make sense. I'm honestly surprised that Carlisle gets away with his doctor shtick. He's gotta have runs where he works as a vet. Or a tiny emergency clinic? Or a school nurse? Shit.....that's the book I want to read. And Esme gets a bomb hobby like teaching rock climbing....or working at the local store or something.....idk. My brain fizzled out.
They could just move to europe. I pay nada. My danish friend actually gets paid for studying. 🤷♀️ but lets be honest. American pop culture is extremely self absorbed. So. That wouldnt happen.
"Surely this is a warped, and unhealthy way for her to begin her romantic life..." *proceeds to begin her romantic life in this warped, and unhealthy way*
"Where is my romantic lead who is not conventionally attractive?" IMMEDIATELY my brain snapped to Jane Eyre. The romance in that book is so uncomfortable and weird but what a wild ride that book is! And it's pretty essential to the plot that both the male and female lead are not conventionally attractive. For whole tracts of that story, I forget what I'm reading and then ex wife attic ghost shows up to light the romantic lead on fire while he sleeps and I'm like...oh yeah, this book is completely insane. In like the best way possible. Does it even count as a romance novel? I dunno! It's the best example of this that I've ever read though. Bronte: still good, IMO.
@@marianac9663 OMG, I laughed out loud when I read that thinking about the time period and the utter audacity to just tell a master of a Victorian Age household to his face he's an uggo! What a hero.
I love how the teacher during the mitosis scene is like "Bella can identify the stages of mitosis? I got this lab from the senior course! She's so smart!" because I literally did that exact lab in 7th grade.
So you’re telling me, we could have had Carlisle and Edward hunting down and murdering some rapist dude, BUT WE DIDNT? man I would have forgiven so much if we’d have had a genuinely cool and impactful scene like that, also Carlisle is one of the best characters and finding out he hunts monsters in his spare time is only gaining him brownie points, where’s his book man😫 Omg but wait....Carlisle and Rosalie going hunting for disgusting people together... letting off steam and being iconic like the only good characters in the whole series they are, we were robbed
Roaming Roman. Honestly I found him to be such a forgettable character, but yeah tbf he’s alright Edit: INFACT, didn’t he turn Bella getting sexually assaulted by Jacob into a joke in the third book? And laughed it off as Jacob “taking his shot” I haven’t read them in a while but I’m almost positive that happened, even as I kid I was like “yikes” and I’ve heard people speak about it since
The writer actually had Robert Pattinson read the draft she had at the time of filming the first twilight film. So yea, ofc he acted very true to this book.
What most people find kinky: bondage, wax play, choking What Edward finds sexy: hand holding, kisses, cuddles, affection Edward is kinkier then most people ive been with
@@tahraethestoryteller6079 they did and her middle name was "Carly" which is a mix of "Carlisle" and "Charlie". She also wanted to name the kid after Jacob if it had been a boy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: the reason why Stephenie Meyer glosses over all the interesting backstories and stuff is because the Twilight Saga is published oc x canon fanfiction of a series that somehow doesn't exist in our universe! She has to mention some of the Interesting Backstory for the fans of the Original Series of vampires that we never got, but the focus of Twilight is her OC's love story with her favourite character, Edward!!!
Well Robert has finally once and for all drowned that Kitten in the river for good because he's Batman now! I fucking can't wait to see him play Batman! He's never been more hotter!
@USCAN14 Gotcha. That's a really good explanation actually. I don't even mind the "age gap" in their relationship as long as he's mentally the same age.
@@Evija3000 I honestly thought that too then I get into the book and was like damn this god overthinks just as much as I do. This is definitely just the first book.
@@starduststriker8792 The asking to hold hands for example. Like who does that. I once had something with a guy that literally asked everything. Kiss hug etc. But even he didn't ask to hold my hand.
I read Twilight when I was 14, didn't even like it, but lately I've found myself watching compilations of Twilight tik toks on UA-cam because they're GOLDEN. You absolutely need to watch the one with the girl who realises she looks like Aro, it had me HOWLING.
Idea: A book with short stories from the life of the Cullens, before becoming vampires but also after, through the ages There's probably fanfiction of that
not a twilight fan but that would be an infinitely better idea than "a story I've already written and the audience has already read but through the pov of someone else"
hey, something to take into account. Stephanie Meyer is a Utah Mormon. Utah Mormons get married at 18. it's not because it couldn't have happened any other way, its because that's the culture.
I think someone made a good point that she doesn't have the life experience to write those stories. A weird teen love story/fantasy, kinda, sure. Most people have experienced some of that. But flesh out stories about rape and mental asylums? As good as those backstory ideas are, I wouldn't trust her to write those stories well.
@@MahouShoujo-Studios I just really don’t get it why she felt the need to put his as a confederate soldier, an important one at that. His character is interesting but this just ruins it and the fact that there wasn’t a moment in the book were this was treated as a bad thing or/and he learned how shitty that was, it just glosses over. But it makes more sense when you find out that she has been racist on set (not letting poc be something other than villains)
"Her lips fell slightly apart" just made me think of that "outtake" in the credits of A Bug's Life, where the mechanical bird's beak goes sideways ahahahaha
the girl defined vibes Edward gives off make a lot more sense when you remember Stephanie Meyer is mormon. actually a lot of the book makes more sense if you remember that?? I can't even explain it is just the vibe. all the khaki, the modesty and chastity, holding hands being orgasmic, the Cullens being this weird cult where you have to be invited into immortality via marriage or adoption, the bastardization of native culture...listen its INCREDIBLY mormon I'm so sorry to all of you "never-mormons" because you can't ever fully understand these books and the absurdity of Stephanie Meyer's psyche. guess I finally found the silver lining to growing up in the lds church lmaooo
But then, hasn’t Stephenie been criticized by her church for creating a story with humans turning into immortals ? I mean, I get the parallel with heavenly immortality, but isn’t terrestrial immortality quite a sinful concept ?
Sunalee I never heard about that but I wouldn’t be surprised, mormons are crazy. But lemme indulge and put on my old cultist apologetics hat and say that actually mormons believe earth will eventually become heaven (I *think* it’ll just be the second level heaven not the top, where decent people who weren’t mormon go, but i could be wrong it’s been a minute) and they also believe there are a number of immortal beings wandering the earth - John the beloved and also three people from ancient america are supposedly immortal and just wandering the earth doing good and praising jesus or whatever this is actual doctrine, and there’s a folk doctrine that tons of them believe that big foot is Cain. so you could pretty easily square that circle tbh
To be fair, the "plot hole" was addressed. The reason they pretend to be high schoolers is because the younger they start out in an area the longer they can stay without drawing attention.
Yeah but it’s a lot more common to spend more than four years at a college, like between switching majors a few times and purposely scheduling your classes so that you need an extra semester than normal or two to get all your credits and then getting an advanced degree or two you could easily spend ten or more years at one college, long enough that you’d start to face the upper limit on how long you could stay in any one place: your lack of aging. Plus if they all look like a mature 18 (fully grown, well developed muscles, etc.) it’d be a pretty tough sell that they’re 14 year old high school freshmen. They could try to sell themselves as having been held back and thus a 16 year old freshman or purposely fail classes so that they need an extra year, but that’d draw a lot of attention and scrutiny and even then you could probably, at most, squeeze five years out of it. Perhaps most importantly though: high school SUUUUUUUUUUCKS.
some people also have birthdays extremely close to the beginning of the school year (I would know, I’m one of those people with an early school year birthday) They could say they’re at least 15 by the start of the year, so people won’t be too suspicious. And lots of people I know around that age looked older than they were. 13-14 looked more like 16 to me. Most of the time if I didn’t know, I’d have guessed 15-16 anyways. Also some people age incredibly slowly and others incredibly fast. It’s part of genetics. Them not seeming to age wouldn’t really be questioned as much as one would assume, I think. They’d be assumed to age really slowly physically, which might lead to people asking about their beauty routines… (Sorry-)
having never read or watched any twilight books/movies all the way through and only experiencing twilight through cultural osmosis, this video is an experience
@@girlgreul4332 Heyy, can you explain me how's Edward and Bella's relationship is abusive?? Cuz I don't read the book, I watched Twilight when I was in third grade (I guess, i forgot haha) and it's just blurry in my mind, i don't even know what's the plot ha ha ha. Please, enlighten me! Thanks, may you have a great day and life! 🧡
@@IniUnni watch the Cinema Therapy review on the movies, they break down the relationship masterfully and do an exellent job at explaining why their romance is actually horrifying and twisted. Also Alan and Jonathan are really funny too, they crack some really good jokes!
@@echomikoart …honestly them subjecting themselves to those films makes me feel vindicated for I SWEAR being the only teenage girl at the time having ZERO interest in those books/films and finding “oh Team Edward!/Team Jacob!” “Really? Why?” [both get described] “hahaha thats nice [nopes off stage left]”
@@MahouShoujo-Studios different variations of Edward watching Bella sleep, such as the ever eloquent "Edward watches Bella sleep two: Electeic Boogaloo"
@Emily Barclay she missrepresented Inuit people, used them for advantage for the films etc Also Twilight fans "visit" them regularly and they're not exactly respectful
ok ok I just want to jump in and point out that as a black woman, ethereal beauty constantly being linked with whiteness in the books combined with the only POC main characters being defined by their dangerous tempers and animalistic qualities made me hella uncomfortable. Let’s not even get into one of the main characters being a Confederate soldier and showing absolutely no remorse for that fact. This entire series is just so casually racist, it’s disgusting.
This book has a potential.She could've written about Edward's life, historical stuff, how they group met, how they're turned, how the group got to like each other.
Girl that’s Exactly what I was hoping… but I am on page 370 and I am slightly disappointed 😂 Imma keep reading tbh, I love twilight so much imma ignore all the red flags lol
![I Read The Girl Defined Book And My Life Is Worse Now [PART 1]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zPhNUvpPfpM/mqdefault.jpg)
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He describes her eyes for so damn long because that's how long they stared at each other in the movie
THE BLINKING THO
Omg i really wanna rewatch the movie but with edwards twisted mind voiceover in the staring parts lmaooooo
@@_sch_eme_ edward does the descriptive audio version...
Why is he comparing her eyes to different foodstuffs when those things should have no meaning to him?
@@seb24789 he was inspired by the carmilla Web series
My favorite summary of Twilight that I've ever read is a small town girl can't decide whether she's a necrophiliac or a furry
In a fanfic for a completely unrelated fandom, I once saw it called "the pedophilia/bestiality/necrophilia clusterfuck" and that's always stuck with me.
@@dahliablack1236 thank God I was alive to see this comment
Why not both?
my soul just left my body
@@isimp9231 Aye, Feitan, niiiice. I love finding like-minded weebs in the comments.
i remember this one tumblr post like "edward probably sat outside and said 'you and i arent so different' when he saw a mosquito" and honestly, this book confirms it
honey i’m rollingggg 😂
Wasn’t the post about a snail just minding its business and Edward saying some whacky shit?, like : “........Effervescent......”
@@australianmagpie2221 I THINK THAT WAS EXACTLY IT
@@australianmagpie2221 saw a snail today...effervescent...
This is hilarious.
AU where Bella never moved to Forks and Edward discovers he can't read Charlie's mind and falls madly in love with him.
now thats a book i would read
I don’t usually read fanfics, but where’s the link 👁👁
ohmygod wheres the link op
And he flirtatiously calls him daddy 🤣
LINK. GIVE US THE LINK 🙏
Edward: *refers to high schoolers as "children"*
Also Edward: *marries a high schooler*
I'm-
Omg you're so right
that øne persøn i-
What if highschooler consents? You need dude with Philosophy degree, stuck in quarantine only with nabokov books to explain? XD
Marek Wygnany 0 _o
I love how this book appears to confirm literally every acting choice and also every single bit of irl shitposting that Robert Pattinson did while playing Edward. We all thought he just didn't give a shit and was phoning it in for the pay check, but it turns out that he was also the only person who truly understood Edward. This man was playing 4D chess when we thought he was playing checkers. A true icon.
Amen
ameno
DORI ME, INTERIMO ADAPARE DORI ME
I recall him saying that he viewed Edward as a creep and wanted to put that across in his acting. He did a good job, all in all.
playing guitar for death grips
“I was a predator” -Edward Cullen
Sounds like a confession to me, officer🤷♀️
He was cancelled
Busy exploiting the victims of pedophiles.
coning people
Didnt Chris do a thing
@@helltubejackie1086 yeah.... yeah Chris did a thing.... 😅
"The sweetest blood I've smelt in nearly 80 years"
Uh... what happened 80 years ago?
Probably walked past Bella's grandmother.
@@bytoadynolastname6149 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Guy got stabbed to death at a sugar factory?
@@bytoadynolastname6149 🤣🤣
Someone with high sugar levels got his hand chopped and Eddie boy slurped that shit up
2020: Edward is Batman and Bella is gay. Nature is healing
And I actually think he might do well as a young Batman.
He can probably heal faster as a vampire.
Vampire Batman was a thing. So was Pirate Batman, which I still don't really understand and am mentioning in hope that someone can explain.
And Batman got corona virus
hold up; how is Bella gay now???
@@HotBlasterBot the actress came out as bi a while back and has been pictured with various girlfriends over the years but the media often presents them as 'just good friends' . full discloser i may be mistaking her for a different celeb so do take this with a gain of salt.
there's something so genius about stephanie meyer writing edward reacting to almost holding bella's hand like he's a touch-starved lesbian
omg 😂
i feel called out
WOW this comment feels like a personal attack
Didn’t have to go that hard, damn
i wanna reassure everyone that this was a personal attack against my own gay self too lmao
"I was a predator, she was my prey"
CAN I MAKE IT ANYMORE OBVIOUS
Edit: Wow apparently this resonated with y'all
He was a skater boy...
He was a punk
4:56 He thought that she stunk
(Vore)
Screams
Also tbh, I actually would read "mid-century vampire detective serial killer" for the plot. Like that sounds great.
So Dexter, but everyone is in top hats
Abraham Lincoln, vampire hunter?
Read warlock holmes
SAME
Not a vampire but this is what Madame Vastra kinda does in Doctor Who.
Bella's view: Obsessively in love
Edward's view: Literally she's a roast ham he's trying not to eat
Bella: literally thinks of him as God
Edward: chimkin nuggette
@@madigable2125 I cannot tell you how hard this made me laugh
@@madigable2125 😂😂😭😭😭
Hehe
@@madigable2125 I just choked on my chips lmaooo
Bella: hehe edgy sparkly boy Is talking to me also I’m not like other girls
Edward: I could easily just ....eat her
Is this Beastars?
Ally Li I wish
I burst out laughing
@@allyli1718 oof that reference is such high quality
#relationshipgoals
#dreamteam
“Emmett is big and strong and doesn’t use his brain very much” we stan a himbo king
The lesbian community loves himbos for some reason. Example A. Thor
@@alexandrarivera2332 everyone loves himbos
We stan himbo's in this household!!!
reading this book honestly made emmett my favourite character, king shit
@@DiplodocusesAreHawt YES literally
Where's the book from Charlie's perspective? He already knows about the vampires and "werewolves" and doesn't care. He's done with this shit but still has to put up with it for 700 pages. I want that book.
Charlie's the only remotely likeable Twilight character
I need a Charlie vampire hunter AU
SAME!
WE NEED *DARK SIDE OF THE MOON: THE CHARLIE CHONICLES!*
Or CHARLIE SWAN, VAMPIRE HUNTER!
As a wattpad citizen, I am incredibly tempted to write this at some point-
@@auroreis2308 if you do, drop the link
A vampire who rebels against his family by choosing to eat rapists and murderers sounds like a book I'd actually read.
I know, that was the one thing I liked about Edward in the books.
The books are such a shame because they actually had some really interesting ideas that I really enjoyed while reading.
@@cthonisprincess4011 I never thought about that, but it really would be a cool perspective.
I had no idea that was part of his story, I would be way more interested in hearing about a vampire Dexter
Didn’t he go “hiking” with his family?
@@reddeadofnight what book was this? I would really love to read it!
this book feels like if snape narrated harry potter
@Nathaniel Arndt couldn't be worse than this.
rosieee Ewwwww. Also funny. 😜
Reminds me of a text post I saw a while ago
"Severus Snape and The Boy Who Wants to _Fucking DIE_ "
BOY WHO LIVED WHO??? HE'S GOT THE SURVIVAL INSTINCT OF A SQUIRREL ON CRACK
ugh that would be terrible
Star Wars if we watched Padme passing laws in the senate instead of Anakin cutting robots in half
Since not even their hair grows, I would imagine that Edward's brain is stuck at 17-year-old development, meaning that he gets to be a moody teenager with questionable decision making skills for the rest of his unnatural life. So in that light, his extreme broodiness seems appropriate even if he's technically an old man.
I would be depressed if I had to be a teenager forever too 😂
Also ANY 17 year old would jump at the chance to bully his peers in his internal monologue for biologically being inferior to him
As someone who used to be EXTREMELY into twilight, you're right. Basically it was explained that once you become a vampire you just, stop. Stop growing. Stop maturing. Just stop being a human, (duh) and you're frozen at the age you were turned. Which is explains why Edward's such a dramatic ass over every little thing ever
Also, pretty sure the only reason he thinks she's so kind and smart and selfless is because he can't hear her thoughts.
As a 18 year old i feel offended by this
90% of the book is just edward sighing dramatically about how TRAGIC his existence is and how much humans suck. every now and then he mentions some interesting lore about himself and never expands on that.
In true 17 year old fashion
Onision: >.>
Sounds like a normal teenager then.
Aka it’s another Twilight book.
So she wrote fanfic of her own work? That's dedication to the bit.
I’d say this is less fan-ficy than the genderbent version of Twilight she released with the 10th anniversary edition of the book
i mean, her work was a fanfic to begin with...
@@nessyness5447 It was? I feel like you're talking about another book that was twilight fan fiction.
@@spaghetti.0s no, i mean twilight has the same structure as a self insert( or reader instert) fanfiction, only with orgininal characters.
@@nessyness5447 Oh, My b. I thought you meant it was actually fan fiction of another book-
We STAN consensual hand holding tho
We have no choice but to stan
No holding hands before marriage
Ya'll out here holding hand ... sinners
Consensual or not, holdong hands is a sin. Church is free.
@@doyoueverfeellikeaplasticb2703 leave room in between for the Holy Spirit
Man, if this book was about Edward being a dumb emo and everyone around him being like "bro" i would love it. if half the book was edward struggling hilariously in social situations i would buy it.
Edward doesn't have social situations; he just observes silently from the shadows, and makes his decisions from there. Sometimes in your head, but mostly in Bella's bedroom.
I would _so_ read that. Like, just imagine Spooky Vampire Man brooding in the line for McDonalds or something. 10/10, such a phenomenal story.
I would rather have a book about Edward's life before Bella than the one we got
What I find absolutely astonishing about all of Stephenie Meyer's writing is her ability to come up with these incredibly intriguing backstories and side plots that make you go "OH please, tell me MORE" and then refuses - REFUSES - to bother writing anything else about those interesting things in favor of gushing further over Edward and Bella acting creepy at each other. It's like if Lord of the Rings was just Arwen and Aragorn's courting and relationship, but in this version Aragorn sticks around Rivendale the entire time instead of joining the fellowship. And all of the actual plot of LotR was nothing but side information told secondhand or through short expositions with zero attempt to follow up on any further details.
That sounds great honestly
i LOVE reading the backstories and flashbacks!!
@@liviateixeira7099 same
This is honestly the most infuriating part of her writing, but I think it's because it's kinda easy to have interesting sounding ideas and much more difficult to spin them into full stories/novels that are interesting because you don't have any emotional connection to the material. Like Rosalie murdering her rapists, saving her ex for last and wearing her wedding dress is a beautiful image, so iconic, but I'm pretty sure S. Meyer has never even had an ex, let alone an experience more climactic than a ride at six flags in her life. It's easy to say "rape bad" but a whole lot harder to empathize with the loss of power and bodily autonomy a victim of it might feel and how that might affect them psychologically, potentially forever. Same with murder, she just casually makes Edward a murderer without any thought to how killing another human (whether they're good or bad) might impact you psychologically, especially since he's clearly against murdering people NOW. It's easy to handwave it as "well he's good so he decided not to be he's a little bad so he used to" rather than think about the actual development of his ideologies. This is also probably because Meyer seems to have very limited life experiences and experiences with forming her own ideologies. Ironically, she's super out of her depth in trying to write Twilight, and that's why the Cullens fall so flat: her perspective is too sheltered, naive, and small to convey the perspectives of people who have lived 100+ years in countries all over the world.
@@lightshadowed Midnight Sun does go into Edward's mindset and why he became a murderer and why he eventually went back to Carlisle
this chanel is slowly becoming a very gay part of booktube and i'm here for it
Always was.
Ev Ol u right
can you recommend some booktubers
@@slimeprivilege paperbackdreams and Noelle Gallagher are my favs 😊
@Slime Privilege my favorite is readwithcindy
when edward does the face after first seeing bella i could’ve sworn he just sharted
edward said “that btch STANK”
I wouldn’t put it past Robert Pattinson to have actually accidentally sharted
IM-
I SNORTED
i legit cackled at this one my nan had to come ask what happened
Could you imagine if this was set in 2020 and the Cullen's had to go to school with Gen Z
baba booey
they'd get outed as vampires INSTANTLY
@Dear LalondeBii I second this statement
Lmao they’d be like
“Hello fellow kids!”
.....,
“HEY GUYS IT SMELLS LIKE BOOMER RIGHT HERE”
Cullens are pretty sus
Bella: Sooo... do you like me or something?
Edward: Ma’am, you are literally Walmart brand rotisserie chicken to me.
Pfffffffftt
Lol🤣🤣😂
No no. She is like a Fancy-Brand chicken
Omg that’s comedy gold
The Costco rotisserie chicken is the best for sure
I made a long furby yesterday, his name is Anklet Rumor The Third and he’s a cottagecore princess who lives in the woods
Congrats, how are you feeling with your newborn son?
Where can I see him :0
insta or tumblee pics? :0
Beautiful, enjoy your new vessel
How does one come up with a name like anklet rumor that’s litterally the best thing in the mortal world
When our gay mother reads a book, we all know we’re in for a good time.
I like the eyebrows while she reads. They seem to be having a workout, like, why did anyone write this?
The algorithm giveth, the algorithm taketh
Exoxe Ocean Well, I mean, if you’re gonna read something as boring as Twilight, you might as well be doing *something* more interesting while you’re at it!
he repeatedly describes himself in terms such as "predator," "villain," and "monster." the text of the book is largely his internal monologue about his obsession with a girl a fraction of his age and his need to disguise his true nature, punctuated with dialogue which does not reflect his interiority. am i describing edward from midnight sun, or humbert humbert from lolita?
Nike of Samothrace i would rather say humbert humbert from lolita...'cuz he's a (from what i heard) well-written character (from what i heard) a well-written book
@@NepetasShippingWall1642 have read it, can corroborate it's well written
I haven't read Lolita... The main character is named Humbert Humbert???? What the fuck
Holy shit you right tho 😳
OOF
Honestly if that's how Edward reacts to *handholding,* I'm surprised he and Bella were able to make a Renesmee at all. This Edward seems more likely to combust and die in a conflagration of sheer dramatic intensity the moment Bella starts unbuttoning his shirt.
Honsetly though, this is such a good point 😭
It's because he's a good christian vampire, handholding before marriage is forbidden 😇
So glad they waited until marriage to have sex! Bella would've died, sent to hell with SATAN if they even looked at eachother before marriage!
I just listened to the girl defined book review
@@echomikoart omg someone needs to make the twilight version of girl defined
@@MT-lk7qt 👏👏YES
@@MT-lk7qt The title would be "Defiant yet Devine," and the plot would be two girls slowly brainwashed and turned into the slaves of a vampire at their local church. They then begin to pull more people towards the church, turning them into an endless supply of livestock and influence for their vampiric Lord. However, the twist is that one of them is in love with him and, to become the vampire's mistress, she must commit every sin.
A part of me imagines Edward as like a really hot guy controlled by an incel kind of like in ratatouille.
I'm sorry but not really.
Are you suggesting that the rat frok ratatouille is an incel what is this discourse shfhsjjge
Remmy isn't an incel. This is Remmy's long lost twin, Memmy.
Marcelle Toing (from Ratatoing) is the incel that controls Edward
i love how everyone didnt understand the comment and just collectively agreed that remmy is not an incel
the way y'all misunderstood the comment sends
The extreme skin covering is very girl defined, but the whole "holding hands leads to kissing leads to what next!!!?" Thing makes me think of Paul and Morgan more.
smeyers mormomism jumps out
Paul and Morgan are all "hugging is an affront to God"
r/FundieSnark in the wild. Love it.
Stephenie Meyer could have written a book about a PTSD Edward Cullen going around punching anti-vaxxers, the worst stories always have the best potential
Missed opportunity.
i did not expect the anti-vaxxers part lol omg
@@tamithomas3441 Edward contacted the Spanish flu and was forced to become a vampire to save his life. Therefore I doubt he would like people who dont get flu vaccines
i would read the shit out of that book
@@raydgreenwald7788 lol
Hot take: Edward was the one who really wanted to go to prom and have a big romantic moment with Bella, but he'll never admit it. Like, he's had the tux all picked out and regularly watches sixteen candles or whatever, but he's convinced himself that it's all for Bella because he's too busy with toxic masculinity or something.
I'm a lesbian and I did fangirl for twilight. I pretended to be team Jacob when secretly I was team Alice 😳 12 year old me already lusting for the goth gfs
Omg Alice hits different tho-
Omg closeted me was pretending to be team Jacob too. He's more conventionally attractive so I thought people would question me less.
Catch me asking a girl, "Hey uh,,, where u on team jacob?" to find out if she's gay
@@slamacat9866 no no, ask her who her favourite twilight character is if she answers Alice, the other Cullen girl that killed her rapist or that one evil redheaded vampire girl then there is absolutely a chance that she is attracted to women
backwards bandit Tbh, I was Team Jane from the Volturi in retrospect... smh, should’ve known I was gay back then
The "y" in "Teya" written in that copy of The Lightning Thief looks like an "x", and now I'm obsessed with the concept of literary analysis content made by renowned Lesbian Cowgirl UA-camr "Texa" aka Strange Yeehawns
You're onto something
Omg this is so beautiful
this is beautiful
I will use my miniscule drawing skills and draw Strange Yeehawns. Thanks.
@@mcplumpkin6191 Please link the image when done, I need to see
Can we PLLSSSSSS talk about how much Smeyer hates Rosalie because she’s “selfish” but she is an actual rape victim 🤬.
TEAM ROSALIE. I love her 🥺😭
Periodt
Rosalie is a legitimately interesting character: not only was she raped, but she hunted down the rapists one by one in revenge, and when human Emmet was attacked she was the one that found him and literally picked him up and hauled his ass to Carlisle without giving in to the smell of his blood so that he could be saved. And yet she's reduced to being hot and shallow. It makes me so angry. She's such a great fucking character.
effie jade Yeah it's so weird how Smeyer both writes her as this amazing vengeful traumatized character, but then also obviously looks down on her so hard.
For real. The only interesting characters in those fuck awful books are rosalie and Jasper. Those two road tripping around America while dealing with their inevitable PTSD would be way more interesting.
@@victoriashevlin8587 YES. I wish I could read that book. all the others are shallow and 2d characters or just asshole
I'm like halfway through and I read someone on Tumblr say "it's really exhausting to live in Edward's head, I'm 100% not coming back" and it's exactly that.
you have 69 likes
"She'd done nothing to deserve my underworld" Sounds STRAIGHT like it's from an edgy tumblr post back in yee days of olde.
Especially when I've heard that as "she's done nothing to deserve my underwear" and thought he was too horny on main
And then realized he was just pure edge
Sounds like something that would be said on MySpace lol
@@ImBlueDaBaDeeDaBaDaa looking back like 10 months later, it honestly reminds me of a line from an onision book, but I feel like that gives onion boy too much credit
Imagine how much better this book series would have been if Edward was only pretending to be a good vegan vampire, and was still murdering people in the background. But no, instead we got mr perfect with hardly any actual flaws.
If he murdered people he'd be a Mr. Struggle
JustAskMeTV101 you made me choke on my drink
@@JustAskMeTV101 gOD I WHEEZED
He's like a massive predator. I would generally call that a big ass flaw.
@@ArturGlass.C but its not treated as a flaw
So we're just not gonna talk about how edward sees highschoolers as children... as he dates one?
Theres just something not right about that. I mean its not as bad as falling in love with an unborn baby but its still not good.
are you talking about mothers loving their unborn child or is there some fucker that romantically loves a fetus..
@@Victoria-hp6sf Jacob imprints on Bella and Edwards infant daughter
@@alicerooney7696 dear god
bro she literally talked ab that 3 times.........
Ok but your icon is perfect for your comment
hearing teya pronounce "feral" like "fearal" made all of my bones fall out
Im not sure what emotion that conveys but i completely agree
Better make sure that those fallen bones are given to Thursday Plurbonym Boyporridge; I hear he likes spines the best
this reminds me of "YOUR BONES WERE NOT SHAKING, GREGORY" lmao
@@marilia4792 omg mood
@@marilia4792 LMAO
My mom, showing me the movies: So, are you team Edward or team Jacob?
Me: umm... I don't know.
My brain:✨ Alice ✨
Violet Gh0st i agree but hear me out rosalie and bella enemies to lovers
Sophia Procter I support this 100%
Honestly every memory I have of those films is an Alice scene 😅
why is your mom showing you these movies? lmao
@@sophiaprocter1628 this one
“This is like being a regular person in a Hot Topic during Halloween.” -Gex
Gex....the gecko???
the goddamn gex memes transcend all boundaries
Miki Kuhl Yeah, that one.
“Gex”?
Now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a looong time...
Hi!! I love and support you, friend! 💕 If you ever need to talk I'll be here, even though I'm a stranger!!
They should have Robert Pattinson read the audio book
Omg yeees plesaeeeee we need this
What did he do to you to deserve it?!
Sorry can't hear any other voice but Ilyana Kadushin's. I originally checked out the audio book from my library bc all the paper coppies were being used. I listened to the entire story on my clunky CD player. she voiced all of the characters so well.
His career is starting to recover from this mess. Unless he got paid 9 digits US dollars.
and he should be allowed to add comments and use any voice he saw fit
There's a reason Bella loves Edward so easily - in Twilight it is explicitly said that Vampires have an aura or essence to them that draws Humans to them. Makes them attracted to Vampires so they are easy prey. THAT is why Bella cannot cope when Edward leaves in Book 2 - she lost her addictive Vampire essence fix. It's the same as cutting a drug addict off their drug addiction and they go into massive withdrawal. Bella is literally addicted to Edward in the same way he is addicted to her.
idk about you but that sounds like a healthy relationship to me
@@foolisnoteighteenyet Sounds more like a toxic co-dependance to me, where you feel you'd rather be dead than apart.
@@PlanetZoidstar that was sarcasm my dude
@@foolisnoteighteenyet It can be hard to tell when put into text.
And some people really don't see the toxic co-dependency in the relationship. They see it as insanely romantic. Emphasis on the romantic.
So it's not love...she's just high out of her mind
This book would be 100% better if Edward fell in love with Bella’s dad. Prove me wrong.
Just give us more charlie content in general
I was like “yo that’s weird” at first but now I’m thinking about it..... quality
The dad was the best character ever. He deserves a daughter who actually cares about him.
Write. This. Story. Someone.
This could work, but only if it was written by someone who doesn't fetishize gay men. But yeah, it does sound better.
Edward can't read Bella and Charlie's minds bc they simply don't have any thoughts
🤣😂 being a shield just means being a himbo
@@thelightingavenger you understand me
LOL
If Charlie is her dad, that's not true. He thinks about guns and moustaches!
Fesquishety 😭 but the thoughts are so fleeting you’d never be able to catch them
Stephanie: "Edward sees high schoolers as children who goes after and later marries a high schooler."
Everyone: "MA'AM-"
The irony 😂
Bella's not like other girls, she's vampire food
You mean, she is not like other girls, she has high blood sugar levels
@@lisasowa1195 is she's diabetic? I have a headcanon now
gotta say i’m loving the whole “twilight is just bad fanfiction” thing. follows the formula, too: there’s a wildly successful first book, then some worse sequels, a genderbend of first book, the first book but from a different pov... we’re just missing the oneshot spinoffs of different characters
There is one. I think it is called "The short second life of Bree Tanner" it actually might be better then the main story. I liked it better than the original but that is not saying much considering...
@@annahamvas6466 Yea, I read that. It was actually not so bad, like the first Twilight book. But the entire rest of the series just got worse, and literally there is not a single un-problematic book.
and the smut stories too
@@lgrask1762 exactly- *flashbacks*
The spinoffs would be most interesting good back stories outside of the realm of romance
I did a thesis report about how Twilight set up an entire world where it’s a great commentary on white settlers (vampires) enacting colonialism on the land of First Nations people and how vampirism would be an excellent allegory for how colonists sucked the life and resources out of the First Nation’s people and land. On top of that, the side characters are all really great allegories for people who suffer PTSD and are doomed to live with their scars for eternity. However, Meyer isn’t a good enough writer to see the implications of the world she created and instead was tunnel vision focused on objectively the least interesting part of the entire world which was the romance.
Drop the link? 👀👀
I actually screamed not being figurative. oh my god
I’ve thought for a long time that the world of Twilight would have made a pretty good action/thriller series if written by a competent author. This would have been a great idea to explore.
That sounds cool as shit
I mean, romance doesn't have to be the least interesting part, she just didn't do a great job with it
Her reading Percy Jackson is proof that all gays have read it at some point.
Doesn't literally everyone have read Percy Jackson? Some people even call it "greek Harry Potter"
Sweats in only watched the movie
@@thehermit8618 it’s sort of like Harry Potter but with a better story and more LGBTQ+ representation
@@truckcrash1980 *better because JK Rowling retroactively made gay anyone who isn't married by the time the books ended. I'd agree Percy Jackson has quality over quantity in what gay representation is concerned. Nico is a really good character
Limey Blimey go read it there’s still time
Edward being mentally stuck with moody broody 17 year old brain but knowing he's actually over 100 lifespan wise. He's very much a limitlessly intelligent and athletic teenager who is and isn't above his human peers simultaneously and I don't think he really knows where he stands
If the book acknowledged that aspect of his character and worked to develop it, it could be interesting, but nooooooo
pretty true, hes stuck with a 17 year old brain but isnt 17 so it must be really difficult
illuminating. it would be quite the curse to find oneself stuck in their edgy phase.
i think it does fit well with the lore of "vampires being mentally stuck at the age they were turned". life experiences can only influence your growth meaningfully if you're able to process and internalise them, which young vampires (as in, their human ages) probably aren't able to do properly.
hell, even without vampires in our world we _do_ have extremely immature and childish adults in their 40s to 60s. the only difference being these adults almost always _refuse_ to actually process those experiences and change accordingly, whereas for vampires like edward, alice, etc they have the biological, immutable factor of their brains being stuck literally at the developmental stage. ^^;
I want to declare that I added the 666th like to your comment ✨
“‘Hello,’ I said in the quiet voice I used when I wanted to make humans more comfortable”
same
replace humans with small critters and it's me
An autistic mood
me when I have to order food
me whenever i have to interact with anyone who isn't my friend or immediate family.
Still not the most 2020 thing about 2020 but it’s up there
"Why don't they go to university instead" ok but imagine how expensive it would be to keep putting that many hundred year old teenagers through university over and over and over and over again
Carlisle literally has 31.5 billion dollars...being the 3rd of the richest fictional character ever
but they always had money 🤣
@@sadegaleta Yeah and in American universities and 4 kids that lasts you about 3 semesters :DDD
The high school thing is cheaper, easier to find small town level in their preferred territory. Northern hemisphere, close to big forested areas with limited sunlight school days....?
It's silly but honestly does make sense. I'm honestly surprised that Carlisle gets away with his doctor shtick. He's gotta have runs where he works as a vet. Or a tiny emergency clinic? Or a school nurse? Shit.....that's the book I want to read.
And Esme gets a bomb hobby like teaching rock climbing....or working at the local store or something.....idk. My brain fizzled out.
They could just move to europe. I pay nada. My danish friend actually gets paid for studying. 🤷♀️ but lets be honest. American pop culture is extremely self absorbed. So. That wouldnt happen.
“He’s worried jasper is going to just murder her to get her out of the way because he hongry” the way i’m SCREAMING about “hongry” omg💀💀
meee toooo 😂
"Surely this is a warped, and unhealthy way for her to begin her romantic life..." *proceeds to begin her romantic life in this warped, and unhealthy way*
the uhh,, pomegranet thing on the cover looks like one of those anti-smoking covers lmao
like some crusty arteries or popcorn lung
Or like a hint to Hades and Persephone.. who also have quite the creepy dynamic, given that Hades is much older than her in the original mythology..
Heather Penman it doesss
pomagranets be like that sometimes
@@thatsdisco tbh I think its a bit less weird there because they're both immortal. im more concerned with the whole kidnapping thing
Honestly when I first caught a glimpse of the cover I thought it was supposed to be an allusion to a vagina until I looked at it closer.
"Where is my romantic lead who is not conventionally attractive?" IMMEDIATELY my brain snapped to Jane Eyre. The romance in that book is so uncomfortable and weird but what a wild ride that book is! And it's pretty essential to the plot that both the male and female lead are not conventionally attractive. For whole tracts of that story, I forget what I'm reading and then ex wife attic ghost shows up to light the romantic lead on fire while he sleeps and I'm like...oh yeah, this book is completely insane. In like the best way possible. Does it even count as a romance novel? I dunno! It's the best example of this that I've ever read though. Bronte: still good, IMO.
omg spoilers
HELL YEAH, I especially love when Mr.Rochester asks Jane if she finds him handsome and she's like "nah, u ugly"
jane eyre is a great book no one can tell me differently
Bronte is god
@@marianac9663 OMG, I laughed out loud when I read that thinking about the time period and the utter audacity to just tell a master of a Victorian Age household to his face he's an uggo! What a hero.
I love how the teacher during the mitosis scene is like "Bella can identify the stages of mitosis? I got this lab from the senior course! She's so smart!" because I literally did that exact lab in 7th grade.
this video just reminds me that jacob had *so much* himbo potential
So you’re telling me, we could have had Carlisle and Edward hunting down and murdering some rapist dude, BUT WE DIDNT? man I would have forgiven so much if we’d have had a genuinely cool and impactful scene like that, also Carlisle is one of the best characters and finding out he hunts monsters in his spare time is only gaining him brownie points, where’s his book man😫
Omg but wait....Carlisle and Rosalie going hunting for disgusting people together... letting off steam and being iconic like the only good characters in the whole series they are, we were robbed
“Carlisle and Rosalie are the only good characters.”
Is Charlie a joke to you?
@@cleothehermetichermeticist8391 I mean he is a cop so that takes him down a few ranks in my book
Roaming Roman. Honestly I found him to be such a forgettable character, but yeah tbf he’s alright
Edit: INFACT, didn’t he turn Bella getting sexually assaulted by Jacob into a joke in the third book? And laughed it off as Jacob “taking his shot” I haven’t read them in a while but I’m almost positive that happened, even as I kid I was like “yikes” and I’ve heard people speak about it since
@@ethangames4889 shut. He's great.
cursed time Shut. He’s cop.
(Jk we can all of our own opinions and we don’t need to fight)
Edward is the epitome of the “nobody thinks what I think” meme
Bella: "I'm more of a lunatic about Edward than he is about me."
Edward: *"This is an outrage, this is unfair!"*
Even pre Vader Anakin is less whiny than Edward and Bella.
The writer actually had Robert Pattinson read the draft she had at the time of filming the first twilight film. So yea, ofc he acted very true to this book.
I'm so happy MCR denied making a song for the Twilight soundtrack, but made music for Yo Gaba Gaba instead.
Okay but “Every Snowflake’s Different...” SLAPS and you cannot tell me otherwise
still the twilight soundtrack is really good tho
@@markly5460 Their kind of a bop tbh...
I AGREE!! EVERY SNOW FLAKE'S DIFFERNT... IS ACTUALLY A BOP
Professionals have STANDARDS
"The Twilight soundtrack has no right to slap as hard as it does" OMG YES. I am upset at how good that soundtrack is.
What most people find kinky: bondage, wax play, choking
What Edward finds sexy: hand holding, kisses, cuddles, affection
Edward is kinkier then most people ive been with
Edward be acting like a closeted lesbian tbh
Edward is Catholic those are probably 4 of his deadly sins
do i want to know what wax play is?
@@gobglob2201 putting candle wax on eachother
"I went to my car and listened to a violent CD"
Is so teenage metal, I can'tttt
They named the kid Renesmée I’m sorry I just can’t go down this road again
😂😂10/10 comment
Didn’t Bella name her after mother and Edward’s mother? (Renee and Esme?) I thought it was kinda sweet
Nah she was called Renomenoni
@@tahraethestoryteller6079 cute idea, bad name, Resmé would be better but still not great
@@tahraethestoryteller6079 they did and her middle name was "Carly" which is a mix of "Carlisle" and "Charlie". She also wanted to name the kid after Jacob if it had been a boy.
"apparently the worst person they ever murdered was this psychopath" *shows Onision's wacko face*
i almost died laughing at that part lol
_onision's wacko face_ ahahahahahaha
@@tamithomas3441 same! 😂😂😂
I've said it before and I'll say it again: the reason why Stephenie Meyer glosses over all the interesting backstories and stuff is because the Twilight Saga is published oc x canon fanfiction of a series that somehow doesn't exist in our universe! She has to mention some of the Interesting Backstory for the fans of the Original Series of vampires that we never got, but the focus of Twilight is her OC's love story with her favourite character, Edward!!!
YES! Can you please till me Where i can get the ORIGINAL SERIES™️
Twilight bled through into the wrong timeline? Yeah that scans
What’s the series that doesn’t exist in our universe? You mean it’s in her own mind?
It means Stephanie accessed a parreal universe’s vampire fiction and wrote fanfic about it.
O.M.G. I love this take, this take is amazing!! It could explain so much! 😂😂
*Robert Pattinson hating twilight*
People still referring to him as Edward: 👁️💧👄💧👁️
I will never be able to unsee Pattinson as Ephraim Winslow in The Lighthouse.
That movie was fucking amazing
To me he’s Cedric diggory
Olivia Fiebelkorn same
Well Robert has finally once and for all drowned that Kitten in the river for good because he's Batman now! I fucking can't wait to see him play Batman! He's never been more hotter!
@@ThickBarbie-qu6ep that is a terrifying phrase...poor kitten
“These psychos are made for each other” Best summary of twilight
This book in a nutshell: shiny old man simps for literal child (bella is 17 my dudes)
USCAN14
Ugh don’t even get me started on that garbage-
So is he his brain is stuck at 17
@USCAN14 See, I believed that up until he described the class as children. Does he not include Bella as that?
@USCAN14 Gotcha. That's a really good explanation actually. I don't even mind the "age gap" in their relationship as long as he's mentally the same age.
sHe'S 18 iN nEw MoOn
Jesus Christ, why is that book so big. That terrifies me.
You'd expect that was his retelling of the whole four books.
My wife has been asking that very same question while the book. Lol
Remember when books were big?
@@Evija3000 I honestly thought that too then I get into the book and was like damn this god overthinks just as much as I do. This is definitely just the first book.
Stephen king: hold my cocaine
I feel like twilight makes a lot more sense when you know that Stephenie Meyer is mormon 😂
Grew up Mormon, can confirm that all this makes so much sense all of a sudden
@@entrancedsnow7076 context pls???????
@@starduststriker8792
The asking to hold hands for example. Like who does that. I once had something with a guy that literally asked everything. Kiss hug etc. But even he didn't ask to hold my hand.
@ThatOneOddLookingDog ThatBarksAtYou damn are you all ok
@@entrancedsnow7076 you don't have to be mormon for that.. like.. what.. normal people hold hands?!?
I read Twilight when I was 14, didn't even like it, but lately I've found myself watching compilations of Twilight tik toks on UA-cam because they're GOLDEN. You absolutely need to watch the one with the girl who realises she looks like Aro, it had me HOWLING.
Idea: A book with short stories from the life of the Cullens, before becoming vampires but also after, through the ages
There's probably fanfiction of that
YES PLEASE THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY TWILIGHT BOOK I WOULD READ
Yess, I liked all the Cullens except for Edward (though I could get on board with reading his vigilante days) and I would LOVE this
If someone knows of any fanfiction like this please tell me
not a twilight fan but that would be an infinitely better idea than "a story I've already written and the audience has already read but through the pov of someone else"
I think that stories from their past is the only thing that interested me about twilight.
hey, something to take into account. Stephanie Meyer is a Utah Mormon. Utah Mormons get married at 18. it's not because it couldn't have happened any other way, its because that's the culture.
Utahan here yeah that's a thing. I'm a atheist but yeah
Hm. Gross.
@@tychopanda mormons are gross in general. Nothing but a horrific cult.
I don't understand why she doesn't just made books about the backstories/lives of the Cullens they're so fascinating.
I think someone made a good point that she doesn't have the life experience to write those stories. A weird teen love story/fantasy, kinda, sure. Most people have experienced some of that. But flesh out stories about rape and mental asylums? As good as those backstory ideas are, I wouldn't trust her to write those stories well.
Didn’t some of them fight in WW1/2? Wouldn’t that have been a much more interesting novel?
@@drenchedinsyrupp6059 Jasper fought in the American civil war... as a confederate soldier
@@uhuul5910 RUH ROH
@@MahouShoujo-Studios I just really don’t get it why she felt the need to put his as a confederate soldier, an important one at that. His character is interesting but this just ruins it and the fact that there wasn’t a moment in the book were this was treated as a bad thing or/and he learned how shitty that was, it just glosses over. But it makes more sense when you find out that she has been racist on set (not letting poc be something other than villains)
Listening to edwards creepy stalker dialogue while a police siren blares in the background is so on the nose a publisher would reject it
twilight has so much potential to be a psychological horror though...
I literally read it as psychological horror, I know it’s not marketed as such, but it’s what I read it for.
I laughed so hard at "He really wants to torture them slowly, but he's not gonna do that because he's a good boy"
"Her lips fell slightly apart" just made me think of that "outtake" in the credits of A Bug's Life, where the mechanical bird's beak goes sideways ahahahaha
"She'd done nothing to deserve my underworld" - ummmmm, "underworld" definitely sounds like a euphemism...
the girl defined vibes Edward gives off make a lot more sense when you remember Stephanie Meyer is mormon. actually a lot of the book makes more sense if you remember that?? I can't even explain it is just the vibe. all the khaki, the modesty and chastity, holding hands being orgasmic, the Cullens being this weird cult where you have to be invited into immortality via marriage or adoption, the bastardization of native culture...listen its INCREDIBLY mormon I'm so sorry to all of you "never-mormons" because you can't ever fully understand these books and the absurdity of Stephanie Meyer's psyche. guess I finally found the silver lining to growing up in the lds church lmaooo
But then, hasn’t Stephenie been criticized by her church for creating a story with humans turning into immortals ? I mean, I get the parallel with heavenly immortality, but isn’t terrestrial immortality quite a sinful concept ?
TIME FOR THE MIND BUNKER
@@sunaleexo I mean, just because your mediocre creativity pissed off the cult doesn't mean you aren't still in the cult.
Sunalee a lot of the mormons in my hometown found the books (they were the first to read them) through their church.
Sunalee I never heard about that but I wouldn’t be surprised, mormons are crazy. But lemme indulge and put on my old cultist apologetics hat and say that actually mormons believe earth will eventually become heaven (I *think* it’ll just be the second level heaven not the top, where decent people who weren’t mormon go, but i could be wrong it’s been a minute) and they also believe there are a number of immortal beings wandering the earth - John the beloved and also three people from ancient america are supposedly immortal and just wandering the earth doing good and praising jesus or whatever this is actual doctrine, and there’s a folk doctrine that tons of them believe that big foot is Cain. so you could pretty easily square that circle tbh
Last time I was this early, Edward was still dying of the Spanish Influenza
Hi!! I love and support you, friend! 💕 If you ever need to talk I'll be here, even though I'm a stranger!!
lifelesswhisper - what
@@clownclot what
lifelesswhisper - what
@@clownclot wat
To be fair, the "plot hole" was addressed. The reason they pretend to be high schoolers is because the younger they start out in an area the longer they can stay without drawing attention.
But in college he could still be like 19/20 starting out.
Yeah but it’s a lot more common to spend more than four years at a college, like between switching majors a few times and purposely scheduling your classes so that you need an extra semester than normal or two to get all your credits and then getting an advanced degree or two you could easily spend ten or more years at one college, long enough that you’d start to face the upper limit on how long you could stay in any one place: your lack of aging. Plus if they all look like a mature 18 (fully grown, well developed muscles, etc.) it’d be a pretty tough sell that they’re 14 year old high school freshmen. They could try to sell themselves as having been held back and thus a 16 year old freshman or purposely fail classes so that they need an extra year, but that’d draw a lot of attention and scrutiny and even then you could probably, at most, squeeze five years out of it. Perhaps most importantly though: high school SUUUUUUUUUUCKS.
@@agentstache135 There's a lot of teenagers who look older for their age tho 😂
some people also have birthdays extremely close to the beginning of the school year (I would know, I’m one of those people with an early school year birthday)
They could say they’re at least 15 by the start of the year, so people won’t be too suspicious. And lots of people I know around that age looked older than they were. 13-14 looked more like 16 to me. Most of the time if I didn’t know, I’d have guessed 15-16 anyways.
Also some people age incredibly slowly and others incredibly fast. It’s part of genetics. Them not seeming to age wouldn’t really be questioned as much as one would assume, I think. They’d be assumed to age really slowly physically, which might lead to people asking about their beauty routines…
(Sorry-)
But in real world logic that's utter bullshit, tho.
having never read or watched any twilight books/movies all the way through and only experiencing twilight through cultural osmosis, this video is an experience
Likewise!
When The Winds of Winter didn’t come out and a new Twilight book did, that was pretty much the last straw for this year.
This is like a slow burn fanfic but without the romance, and it's just creepy
It reminds me FAAAAAAR too much of Onision's books. And those may as well be the new low point for stories such as these.
slow burn but with no fire 😭
Even with the romance it is creepy.
as someone who has never actually read twilight, this was.... a trip to say the least
@@girlgreul4332 Heyy, can you explain me how's Edward and Bella's relationship is abusive??
Cuz I don't read the book, I watched Twilight when I was in third grade (I guess, i forgot haha) and it's just blurry in my mind, i don't even know what's the plot ha ha ha.
Please, enlighten me! Thanks, may you have a great day and life! 🧡
@@girlgreul4332 woah it really sucks. It's okay, it helps! Thank you
@@IniUnni watch the Cinema Therapy review on the movies, they break down the relationship masterfully and do an exellent job at explaining why their romance is actually horrifying and twisted.
Also Alan and Jonathan are really funny too, they crack some really good jokes!
@@echomikoart
…honestly them subjecting themselves to those films makes me feel vindicated for I SWEAR being the only teenage girl at the time having ZERO interest in those books/films and finding “oh Team Edward!/Team Jacob!” “Really? Why?” [both get described] “hahaha thats nice [nopes off stage left]”
This book should really be called "Midnight Sun: Edward watches Bella sleep."
Is that the meaning of the title? He's watching her sleep at midnight-ish and she's like the sun to him? Explains the focus on his night stalking.
No, then what would we call the other 4 books?
@@MahouShoujo-Studios different variations of Edward watching Bella sleep, such as the ever eloquent "Edward watches Bella sleep two: Electeic Boogaloo"
@@ellicdote2015 I'm gonna make a fanfic how-to book in Edward's perspective called "how to glare at yo girl just right when she sleeping tight".
@@MahouShoujo-Studios send the link when you’re finished
Twilight fans: donate to the Quileute people bc SMeyer is the worst, but still enjoy the books
yes.
What's so bad about the author?
@Emily Barclay she missrepresented Inuit people, used them for advantage for the films etc
Also Twilight fans "visit" them regularly and they're not exactly respectful
@Emily Barclay i guess she read like two articles or one book and based her lore of it
ok ok I just want to jump in and point out that as a black woman, ethereal beauty constantly being linked with whiteness in the books combined with the only POC main characters being defined by their dangerous tempers and animalistic qualities made me hella uncomfortable. Let’s not even get into one of the main characters being a Confederate soldier and showing absolutely no remorse for that fact. This entire series is just so casually racist, it’s disgusting.
it...it took me a solid 5 minuets to realize that the green thing was Not a pillow, but in fact a giant worm on a string. Amzing
This book has a potential.She could've written about Edward's life, historical stuff, how they group met, how they're turned, how the group got to like each other.
we just gotta read fanfiction for this lol
Girl that’s Exactly what I was hoping… but I am on page 370 and I am slightly disappointed 😂 Imma keep reading tbh, I love twilight so much imma ignore all the red flags lol