I hid my eating disorder (nobody knew)
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- A lot of people in the world suffer from EDs, most suffer in silence, some are addicted to disordered eating due to control issues / punishment / looking small so that people are nicer to you since you look like a child / food trauma / body dysmorphia / being sick was the only time people paid attention to you
theres a lot of reasons why people fall into an eating disorder, it doesn't matter how big or small they are, how much or how little they eat, what their gender is, how rich or poor they are, a lot of people suffer and are hiding it!
hi guys! this took so long to upload because it is very personal and I got anxious while editing etc! but i know these types of videos helps a lot of people.
If you are not mentally well to watch a video like this, please do not watch!! I won't be offended! I was afraid to post because I dont want to trigger any body :c
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TAGS: #TW #mentalhealth #streamofconsciousness
HIII I MISS U ALL!! 🌻 Plz read description so u have an idea of what this video entails!! DO NOT WATCH if you are struggling! Or if u are afraid to be triggered! it is a triggering video! but I don't get emotional so it's not too bad :D
throwing up throws of keeping track of nutrients..
and will throw off everything..
its better to just use dolcolax..
wtf is seconds..
seconds is just time in my life..
and throwing up alcohol is like..
there goes the drunk..
or sleep thru the drunk..
so drinking caffeine actually increases tolerance to alcohol..
keep that in mind..
as caffeine wears off faster than alcohol..
then end up throwing up..
🥃☕️
im in search of some more thinspo.. 🌊🐆🐅
the skins pipline to ed, sh, addictions, etc for depresed and unsupervised children is so REAL and even tho i love the series it really did fuck up my brain as an 8 year old, ty for sharing your story luv your content
fr!!
Also this is a great title and idea for video! ‘The skins pipeline to ED SH etc’
Girl tumblr literally killed me!!! I never heard of eating disorders until tumblr and it destroyed me for years ... I used to get strangers to fat shame me and they would! So I would get skinnier! How toxic?! It was only when I got pregnant that I had to stop and reflect because I needed my baby to be healthy
fr!!
I remember watching your videos religiously when I was struggling around 5 years ago, and I found comfort in how raw and relatable your videos are. I still rewatch them now when I need to feel like someone gets it. I wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences and making me feel less alone. You will always have a special place in my heart 🤍
Bb, I’d love if you talked more on your self love journey when it comes to finding new healthy habits, that being food, mindset, hobbies, activities!
I’m so proud of you though! I’ve been watching your videos since 2015. I feel like I’ve grown with you 💖💖
thank you!! :D
The kitty will be very therapeutic. Do not underestimate the value of a dog or cat on your psychological health.
10000%
You've grown so much I'm so glad your talking about this
tysm!!
Ana I’m so so proud of you opening up about this topic! I’ve been a subscriber of yours for years and used to have the same ED mindset as you, watching you grow and be so vulnerable to such young impressionable people and trying to install how healthy eating makes you feel, breaking out of toxic mindsets and the rest of it, so beautifully said well done 🥹
thank you for being so open and talking about almost everything ive been watching your channel for many years i came across it when i was in a very very dark place and i would watch your videos and it helped make me feel not alone with the things i was going through so thank you so much for that
I was so nervous to post but comments like this keep me going!!
YOUR TESTIMONY QUEEN WILL HELP OTHERS🙌❤️WORLDWIDE. THANK YOU
🥺💕
One thing that people with an ED (or formerly with an ED) need to be careful about is replacing their ED with just another ED, whether it was intentional or not.
For example, your current obsession with "good food" is a sign that you are suffering from Orthorexia, which is just another ED. 😟
exactly what I thought, its very dangerous (especially for those struggling with an ED already) to put stamples like ''good food'' and ''bad food'' on stuff. food is food and every food is better then no food!
Wow thank you so much for opening up! I've been watching your videos since Taiwan, and all the way through 2016-2018 etc. I had no idea back then you were struggling with this, I'm so sorry to hear! But even more proud of you that you were able to open up now. Wishing you all the best in recovery !!! ❤️❤️
i have been watching your videos since you first started posting and i was a kid, i'm 20 now and i just remembered your channel and wanted to check up on you and you changed so much!! but in a good way, i hope you're happy and healthy
WHEN YOU MENTIONED CASSIE MOVING STUFF ON THE PLATE!!! Omg I literally vividly remember learning that behavior from Skins & forgot about it until now!! Ty for sharing your struggle/journey with us. I always love your honesty & rawness in videos.
Such a bad influence 😭😭
Same for me!! I remember that scene SO well, wow, it had an immense impact on me.
i love you so much. im so glad even after years of struggling your not triggering people youre helping and its so painfully relatable. thank i so much
I appreciate ur comment!!
been watching your videos since i was 12ish and i turn 20 this year i’m happy you’re still here
ily!!!
You're such an amazing person, thank you for being you and putting yourself out on the internet ❤️
you got me through SOOOO much when you were younger. i got into la dispute bc if you. thank you for sharing not only this story of yours but EVERY story of yours that you’ve told. you’re absolutely beautiful inside and out. thank you
Hi Lovely 🥰 I have suffered from severe Anorexia with binge / purge subtype for the past 35 years old tomorrow as I'm so grateful to reach 50 years old on the 17th April 2024 ! Xx
your old videos helped me get through SO much, i haven’t seen you in my feed in years 😭
this video is so relatable, especially in regards to this habits i would pick up from shows such as skins at such a young age.
sending so much love x
i'm always happy when u post on here. thanks for being so open about these kinds of topics it really helps a lot, i struggled with disordered eating behaviour as well even though it was never my main problem but only a way of harming myself that wasn't so obvious and as a way of being in control. i also liked that it gave my days some meaning because i always had something to work towards which sounds really stupid but that's how it was. i'm currently the biggest i've ever been and sometimes it still bothers me but most of the time i'm okay with it because my mental health has improved so much and i don't engage in these toxic thinking patterns as much anymore. at least that's how it was i'm kind of struggling right now and feeling very bad about my appearance overall but i'm trying to remember that there will be times when it will be better again. Sending everyone struggling with this so much love and support
thank you for this video! i struggle with an ed, weed and other drugs too and i'm not really ready to recover but that video really means a lot to me! thank you for your honesty ;--;
I missed you! I’m sorry about everything that you’ve been through. I would watch you all the time when I was in middle school! It’s crazy to think now I’m ab to graduate highschool!
Congrats on graduating!! we're still here!! :D
@@BabvBlues you just made my whole week
I’m 14 years old and as soon as i heard you mention skins I was hooked ( this isn’t the same topic but I would love to share ) As soon as I saw effy I knew what I wanted to be. She was so skinny and I got into the mindset of being like “okay effy is 14 I want to be as skinny as her when I’m 14” ( i had just turned 13) so I stopped eating, I went on so many sleepovers so my parents couldn’t tell I wasn’t eating, I would make myself throw up and I was crazy abkut tye number that showed up on my scales the times I was eating in front of my parents I used cassies method. I would say I’m doing better but there are times where I’m in he same mindset. Your videos 1000% play a part in my recoverys. I love you. So many shows have triggerd me into bad habits it’s crazy what a single character can do to your life. I wish the best for you ana, thank you for sharing your story ❤❤❤❤
when i was 15 i had bulimia so i got referred to some mental health service who refused to help me, they made me weigh myself and they did nothing, I wasn't skinny enough for the help apparently, I 5 years later my issues with food are raging
You make me want to take care of myself honestly im so proud of you i hope to one day to be as proud of myself
Don't hate yourself UniversalHobo. You will allways be beautiful.
tysm!!
I am sorry you have been struggling, life can hit us out of nowhere and it's easy to fall into unhealthy patterns. I hope you can start to heal and treat yourself with all the care and love you deserve. You are such a kind person and I hope you know how comforting your channel is for so many people, myself included. ♥♥♥🥰🥰🥰🥰
Also, your new kitten is so cute!!
Thank you for posting this 💕❤️ this year im gonna kick my ED in the butt 💪 had my first horse assisted therapy session today and it was intense but really did something for me already
Hi! I wanted to say that I almost immediately related to this video. I felt immediately understood the second you started talking about the mindset that comes with vomiting and how that allows for more food. I know this is an unhealthy mindset and am also currently working on challenging these thoughts. I'm very proud of you and your recovery. I'm also glad that you got a kitty! I've had a dog for the past 3 years, and she's been a tremendous help with my mental health. I'm sure you feel the same about your fur baby. It's good to see another video of yours. I started watching when I was 12 or 13, and I'm now 19. Rooting for you, always. Much love
omg someone who understands me c:
I love, love love when you post, it's so much nostalgia for me.
Thank you for sharing your story, I’ve struggled with depression, SH, etc. And your videos helped me through it a bit=) also your Australian accent is coming back (I think you said you were from AU?) much love for you
thank u!!
Hey ❤ I love you thank you for being open
OMG U R SO QUICK
I'm in the same boat, supposed to be starting with a new therapist and dietitian, and don't know how to tell my family :/ I'm glad you're doing better though! PS kitty is very cute
starting a new therapist soon too!! good luck!!
I am so glad you are so much better now you are such a strong woman i know you never lie you are a very honest woman love you so much i admire yo and your honesty you are beautiful inside and out you are a good person
ily!!!
Glad you came clean about the drug use too, always a good sign to speak openly about it.
Thank you for this video and ur openness on the topic
Thank you for this video! I also want to remind you and everyone that in a healthy relationship with food it is okay to eat desserts etc. and there are no "good" and "bad" foods. Obviously some foods have more vitamins and nutrients than others but the most important thing is that you eat. Controlling eating by being too concerned over what is healthy and what is not is also disordered behaviour. Weight doesn't tell much about health and skinny doesn't equal beautiful.
so proud of you 🥰 your vids have helped me a lot during the years!
I am happy you are in a better place Anna!!! And tnx for sharing this. 10:33 i realate so bad. I was on a mental health assessment/ evaluation, and this lady told my the same, that i was not skinny enough to have a ed. So even people in mental helth care do this and thats a differend kind off fuqt😭
You have help me so much over the years and I just wanna say thankyou all your videos have always been educational and stuff and just the way you are being real with what happens help me cause then I'm like well I'm not alone I hope you had a wonderful day 💜🦋
you're amazing!!
I don’t know about the Philippines, but I have a lot of Indian coworkers and they are NOT afraid to tell me if I’ve gained weight 😰 i was so shook, I didn’t know that kind of talk was acceptable in other cultures
Hey girlie long time no see ♥️♥️♥️
HIII! i got a lil anxious :3
@@BabvBlues u not the only one girl I'm in hiding♥️ spring comming up tho we are ready for the glow up ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Ana I’ve been on and off watching you since the beginning of 2015 and it’s just crazy to see how much you have grown. I feel like you’re not a stranger even though I’ve always just been another random person behind a screen. I think i was 14 when i started watching your videos and i felt like i could relate to you each time i watched them. I thought you were so cool and pretty too. I even followed that makeup tutorial you made back in 2016? With the thick cat eyeliner and inner highlighter. I literally copied your routine as much as i could lol. There was even a time when i followed you on instagram and you followed me back. I felt so giddy because you (a person i looked up to) followed me back. We never talked and i felt like you were much older but i guess it just hit me that you are only 4 years older than me. I turn 21 next week and i guess the whole point i am trying to make is that i am so happy for you. I genuinely wish you everything great in life because I’ve seen you struggle before. I’ve seen you cry on camera and read your poem of the day and it just felt like you were my older sister. There were times where i could see you gaining happiness just to lose it again and it broke my heart. I just hope you are more stable now and life isn’t so hard on you any more. You deserve happiness.
thank u, friend
@@BabvBlues you love
And oh my god one if my friends girlfriend said I couldn't have an eating disorder because I wasn't 'skinny' ....
I'm sorry :( its a horrible horrible feeling, dealing with people that ignorant
I've had anorexia and bulimia for 12 years and for the first 7 years I suffered in silence :(
love u so much
i had a similar problem watching euphoria
I hope you're doing better
Hi gurlieee...
Uhm so xd I was pretty lucky bc I never developed a severe ED over the span of my life so far (Im 27). I was always normal size, medium, not skinny, not thic or overweight. But man. I remember the old tumblr days. I DAILY went to look up pro ana posts. Daily.. I admired those bodies and (un)fortunately (tbh I dont know. Its both and neither) I dont have the bodytype to be that skinny. Even if I would starve myself, my legs are always on the thicker side. I dont know why I never developed a sever ED because I CAN RELATE. Sometimes, I have exactly those thoughts you were mentioning. I wanted to be a skinny girl my whole youth. I still admire skinny bodies sometimes, EVEN WHEN I KNOW THEY CANT BE HEALTHY AMYMORE! Its crazy. I hope, for me it stays like this. Because there is no particular reason why I dont have a ED by now. Its just the way it is 🤔 Wish I could help somehow. But I truly dont know
Thanks for sharing and being so honest!
I follow you since your first (I believe) video about suicide. And you still give me so much strengh
thank u so much for the love
Sending love my darling heart
I think I have an eating disorder, I never really knew if it was one because they way I starved myself was by taking adderall, I noticed that it made me not have an appetite so I would take more than I was supposed to so that I wouldn’t eat and I lost a bunch of weight and I remember one time my cousin told me I looked anorexic and I literally took it as a compliment. But the reason I’m not sure if it’s fully an eating disorder is because I can’t starve myself when I don’t take adderall I will binge eat until I puke if I stop taking it but whenever I eat I feel disgusted with myself and it feels like I can feel the weight packing on my body every time I eat. It really sucks:/
As a filipino the commenting on weight is soo true 🥺❤️
Thought I may potentially be triggered, but this actually makes me want to heal and recover and be fit instead of eating disordered.
oh my god Skins was soooo bad. And Tumblr. I relate so much to the feelings you describe in this video.. But y'know I'm still in denial because I was never super thin and I haven't been diagnosed with anything so I don't feel valid
Always remember the people that react to you are projecting their own narrow often ignorant world view onto you. This is true and will help you. I am a powerlifter and was told that if I stopped or lost weight or both that I would be in wheelchair and get multiple health problems from losing weight by sports doctors, So those who comment to me know absolutely nothing about what they are saying. People are vain, shallow, project their own insecurities which are also ignorant on others, Your body is about, you forget them!
thank you jason!!
this must be so therapeutic for you to just talk out. i’m sitting here going “oh my god i thought i was the only one”
you made me realize my mom was what first introduced me to bad eating habits cause she was always on diets and talking about how fat she was and worried about carbs, calories, ect.
also Skins UK made me WANT to be seen as anorexic🤢🤮🤕
Hey Ana I’m Harry I’m a big fan of yours it’s nice to meet you I love your videos I hope you are doing ok today it’s Harry Ana I hope you have a good day today Ana
have a good day too!!
me watching this while binging & crying. the irony lol
how was the show skins even allowed
❤
You are a light. 🙏🏼🤍✨ Thank you for spreading such an important message.
Id rather have something else like a eating disorder hold me back then fear
Fear doing what you want, fear that nothing changes. Just have a general fear about anything that hold me back from progressing in life. Id rather have something else then fear
Nobody knew? GIRL I KNEW :c
Omg skins. Cassie was so relatable but sooo toxic. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna 100% rid of my toxic Ed thoughts. My Ed comes from trauma and the two are so tied into one another and I feel like until I feel okay on the inside, as fucked up as this sounds I don’t want to 100% let go of the control. I’ve been managing it for years though ❤️🩹. And I’m on the path of trying to heal from my trauma. So maybe the rest will come together.
wish youd talk to me