My fantasy self is into reading philosophy, watching cool artsy films, wearing avant-garde fashion and traveling to big cities to attend underground parties and stay out all night. My actual self likes to go hiking, meal-prep, sleep early, wear leggings and watch youtube.
Ziggi Willpower ahh me too! My fantasy self is, i think, very edgy and cool and outgoing and adventerous, but my real self enjoys sleeping cozy in my bed and limited social interaction.
My thought exactly! Like someone just came along and untangled a subconscious puzzle for me, or something I couldn't quite put words to pr put my finger on. ❤
What is impressive about this topic is that not only materialism is related to it. Mostly of our life is based on our parents fantasy self of us and how we feel when we can't meet the expectations (=frustration, depression, low self esteem). For example, I thought that get into Law school was the fantasy self of me (that my parents co/created), and I would be happy with my suits and meetings with a Starbucks. But it hit me hard when I figure it out that I have never felt any desire to work with this, just the idea of it. I left and boy, how I do not regret it. For buying things, for sure, it happens every time. Even with minimalism, ironic how we want to convince ourselves that only with a Pinterest like room, MacBook and white everything will confirm your identity that you don't care about stuff, as long as you have them.
PREACH. People do this with their relationships too, they have a fantasy version of who their partner is or who they could be but don't accept them as they are.
Society favors larger than life egos. So much so, we attach it to our own. We try to mirror them. It tells us who we should be, what we should be, how we should look. This works against us. It only shows you what you don't have. Our fantasy self is a mirror of someone else's ego. It leaves you feeling incomplete. Only when we stop and reflect, we can grow.
kristen wad Hi, I would say that they try to sell us what THEY think or what SOCIETY think is a better version of ourself. And then we get easily convinced that they are right. We end up thinking this image is actually a better version of ourself. But because this is not us well we ll never reach that goal but we keep trying and trying instead on focusing on the great things we can actually do for us and others.
My fantasy self has filled my closet with heels never actually worn, has adult coloring books never colored, going out/ nightlife clothes never worn, and a Pinterest page filled with dreams and desires never fulfilled. Lol The list goes on.
This is me. The coloring books. The pinterest board (to keep from shopping haha). The unworn dressy clothes. I'm adding from the other comments the herb garden, cookbooks and yoga mat that I never touch. Y'all have hit the nail on the head😭
same 😩 i have so many heels and sexy going out clothes for my fantasy self but im actually a stay home mom, full time student, and my husband doesnt even let me wear dresses or heels. i just play dress up and sweep in heels 😅
After reading many of the comments I want to clarify that there is a difference in your ideal/goal version of yourself and fantasy self. I still believe people should go for their dreams and do things they want to grow as an individual! Also fantasy me has inspired many of my interest and has become parts of my real/ideal self, I just can only take like 10% of her seriously though and I've learned it's best to probably not act on most of the short term obsessions she has.
Yes this is my problem, my fantasy self has lots of obsessions that may last a few months and then it's onto the next one. I recently moved and I found a load of expensive art supplies from when I decided to take up watercolour painting, I hated art classes at school! So that all went to charity. I’m gradually learning to tame that side of myself but it is especially hard for me to do as I’m bipolar which makes me prone to these obsessions and naturally more impulsive. So now before I buy something I wait a few weeks after I decide I want whatever it is. An example being I needed a new tv when I moved. I made myself wait and do research before buying something to make sure it was really what I wanted, did everything I needed and was affordable for my budget. I’m literally a beginner at doinf this, my previous self had so much stuff (I was in danger of becoming a proper hoarder) that I clung to as a kind of safety net. Only I started to realise the safety net was drowning me! I was buying too much of everything, food, toiletries, makeup, stationery, literally everything. Now I try to be more thoughtful. I got rid of a lot of things to charity and I’m trying to organise what is left so I don't buy more before I have used up what I've got. Your videos are so helpful, I found you randomly on my feed last week and watched a video amd subscribed right away. It is refreshing to watch a channel that isn't encouraging people to lust over new things and to want to buy lots of new items. I feel like you are a helpful guide to my new way of living.
Janell Kristina Wow! Quite insightful! Our fantasy selves do leave and imprint on the our day to day... i agree that we must not take this self so serious, but the adaptation is legitimate. Especially when we impact those around us. Balance is key and awareness is essential! Thank you for sharing your perspective
VERY helpful insights! I turned this video into a journaling activity. I asked myself: 1. How do I use my fantasy self to accumulate items? 2. How am I using these items to be an aspirational person I haven’t really decided/worked towards/goal set on being? 3. Am I currently buying/keeping/maintaining items that make me feel worse because I have not used them? 4. Finish those sentence “Owning X does not make me become Y” Here is my Example: I lgain weight quite easily and it is challenging for me to get off. Right before I had a few tragedies happen, I was able to fit jeans from the gap. I bought a few pairs because they were on sale. Now, I cannot fit them at all. I was even reluctant to buy clothes for my new larger size because buying them meant I’d be stuck at this higher weight forever. That’s just not true. Just like keeping jeans that are too small won’t make me become a fitness junkie and lose the weight. This video is super insightful and highlights our dangerous relationship with items outside of ourselves. That the only way to express who we are is buy what we own. A goth is only a goth if they wear lots of black. A diva is only a diva if they have a lot of money. You really articulated a very fresh way and reason for WHY we should par down. Not just par down for the sake of.
I just wanted to add that the comment section on this video is LITERALLY the most beautiful and real thing I might have ever seen on the internet, thank you all for sharing, I appreciate you for supporting my content and contributing here
I can’t tell the difference between my fantasy self and my actual self 😅 I have no idea what I’m actually like or what I enjoy versus what I want to be like or who I want to be. I also can’t tell the difference between doing things to improve myself, like reading more books or doing yoga, and doing things that I don’t enjoy just so I can feel like I’m Someone Who Reads A Lot Of Books And Does Yoga. It’s a very interesting concept and something I’ll definitely be thinking about.
Sounds interesting to me my fantasy self is just whatever I "want" to do but don't ever have time to get into actually doing. I might tell myself that I am going to read this many books, do so much yoga and exercise everyday, I will dress up really fancy and look so hip going out all the time and of course that is not who I am. For me it is also a bit confusing because I enjoy many things and have a hard time finding out what I actually LIKE to do vs what I do just to have fun or out of curiosity particularly temporary interests. I guess just try to think about what you actually do on a day to day basis I know that's what I am going to think about now.
My personal thoughts are, that the real you is the one you are and want to be when no-one is watching. When you aren’t going to report to anyone that you did a certain thing and there is no-one else to impress or gain praise from. When you get to that point, that’s when find the real you. Why bother to impress yourself with things you don’t like, that make you feel uncomfortable or serve no greater purpose.
Wow this hit home. I didn’t realize I was trying SO hard to be my fantasy self that I’m not sure who my real self is. Maybe now I can stop wasting what little valuable money and time I have on this fantasy self of mine and focus on where I am in my life more clearly. I think a lot of people needed this video :) thank you 💘
My fantasy self right now wakes up at 5am, runs and has smoothies - I can barely wake up at 8am, tried to run once and came back in 5 minutes later - also i brought sports leggings and they are super itchy and yeh ok I actually do the smoothie thing sometimes... they are not as tasty as they look.
Rose Åse I’m exactly the same 😂 I wanna be someone who gets up at 5 am, goes running, then drinks a smoothie even though I don’t even like smoothies Lmfao
I *never* thought of my compulsive purchasing in this way. My fantasy self controls so much of what I buy... Clothes, homeware, exercise equipment, books, etc. I think being so consumed in this fantasy self/life (very different from GOALS) prevents me/us from living in the moment and appreciating who we are now, like you said. My fantasy self... is a gym rat, wears quirky/trendy clothes, goes out dancing a lot, hustles in terms of my writing career and has tons of friends and is wealthy. My real self likes staying in on the weekends, cooking, living abroad, wearing simple outfits and spending time with a few close friends.
Honestly, I think there is nothing wrong with TRYING a bunch of new things and even BUYING something to get you started. That is how you find out the things you LOVE, but I do agree it starts to become TOXIC when all the material possessions build up and become dusty. That's why I use the 90/90 RULE if you haven't used it in 90 days or don't plan on using it in the next 90 days get RID of it.
Basically your video is introducing the concept of Cultural Capital which was brought up by Pierre Bourdieu in the 1970s. The wikipedia page describes it like this: "Cultural capital consists of the social assets of a person (education, intellect, style of speech and dress, etc.) that promote social mobility in a stratified society. It functions as a social-relation within an economy of practices (system of exchange), and comprises all of the material and symbolic goods, without distinction, that society considers rare and worth seeking. As a social relation within a system of exchange, cultural capital includes the accumulated cultural knowledge that confers social status and power." I find it really interesting and relevant to bring this up in our era of consumerism where people are compelled to fulfill a need or a desire with objects as opposed to actions. I wish your video went on for longer, this is a great topic and you did a great job at explaining it!
My fantasy self is a minimalist which is why I watch your videos 😂😂 My fantasy self is also a vegan (I’m a vegetarian right now). I think that these are actually very attainable, sustainable lifestyles that will probably be my real self one day. I would definitely need a stable job, more money, and more time in order to live the life I truly desire. Great video ❤️
Hi Breeah! I really liked your comment & wanted to offer some help. If you would like assistance with going vegan, check out challenge22.com - they'll provide you with recipes, tips, information, mentors to answer your questions & the help of clinical dietitians for free for three weeks to get you started! :) Hope this helps, you can do it! The thing about going vegan is it can be rocky at first, because you're changing so many of your habits & how you look at food, so just keep trying to eat vegan as often as possible & do your best to not buy anything not vegan when grocery shopping or you'll be tempted by it. Again, mistakes happen here too but you'll get good at label reading in no time, I mean more so like if you want to try to be vegan a full week, don't buy dairy or eggs that week. It helps, too, to have an understanding of the industries & how animals are treated so look up a few documentaries like Earthlings (graphic & heart-breaking but life changing) or websites like Free From Harm (much less graphic but still informative). Don't beat yourself up if you mess up & keep going! You can do it! :)
My fantasy self is pretty real. She has a wardrobe in my closet, there are books around for her to read, i even buy food she likes and so on. I call her my alter ego and over the years we become closer and more similar. It might be, that you cannot live your full potential at any point of your life, but allow your fantasy to survive.
Thank you!!! I needed this. This video made me feel so helpless! Like I just had to let go of who I wanna be, curl up in my bed with no guilt and do nothing. The "guilt" to be my fantasy self is what motivates me!
eye opening my fantasy self is intelligent but too humble to boast. a book reader and a scientist. a mathematician and health expert. a trendy makeup wearer and fashion dresser. an advanced violinist and broadway actress. a loving girlfriend, a successful daughter, a present family member, and a wise friend. a healthy eater, ambitious student, and outgoing peer. a plant whisperer with a green thumb that'll grow a forest. a writer whose words will flood the minds of many and make them think. but god i'm not.
My fantasy self always wears berets, long coats, and old Hollywood curls, plays harmonica/piano/banjo, and has an herb garden for her own cooking. (I hate cooking 😐)
My fantasy self is crafty AF. I bought a $300 sewing machine last fall that I never used and ended up selling last month. I’ve been researching how to de clutter and be minimal with my possessions. so I’m glad I stumbled upon you! My real self: I read too many teen fiction novels and love being outside too much.
My fantasy self is a total jack of all trades, can do art, play guitar, and knows two foreign languages. She's also a mysterious goth girl. IRL I haven't had enough focus to do any of those things...
This is similar to my fantasy self too. She’s goth plays all sorts of different instruments. When in reality I’m just not as into playing music as id like to be. I think I’ve mostly given up this fantasy self but I still have all the instruments around, unplayed.
I'm a minimalist and I found that it is very life changing. I've saved lots of money and found that I spend my time enjoying nature and outside things. Your channel and charisma is beautiful, love it.
My fantasy self is super patient, strong, is filled with only love, genius, reads books a lot, goes out of my comfort zone, knows a lot of languages, and does NOT procrastinate!!! I always think about this version and wanting to be this way. Knowing I'm not there makes me anxious and I think this is why I procrastinate from doing productive things all the time.
I just discovered your channel recently, and was excited to watch this video! My mom and I have had this discussion many times (we both love fashion/clothes, and have started to see a trend of what we buy for our "fantasy" self, versus what we actually wear). Love the points you made in this video--and it was very validating to hear from someone else that a lot of us have been in this place. My biggest struggle has been realizing that my fantasy self is 25, highly active, and has lots of time to indulge my love of vintage fashion and hand crafts. The reality is that I'm in my 30s now, have very little time to exercise like I used to, and I am preferring simpler styles of clothing and don't have as much time to do projects. :) It's been a bit of a tough pill to swallow, but this summer I've been focusing on clearing those negative energies in my life that contribute to my anxiety--one of which is the trappings of my "fantasy self". I've let go of so many possessions I once clung to because I felt like if I got rid of them, I would no longer be who I thought I was (or--and this one has been harder for me to deal with in many ways--what others expected me to be. I struggle with being a people-pleaser, and this has also contributed to my fantasy self.). But honestly, I don't miss anything I've donated and let go of. I'm far happier right now than I was even at 25, and feel unburdened by this idea of living up to societal expectations, as well as the image of myself I had constructed.
"Fantasy self" is the best way to describe it. What's wild about perception is that the way you see yourself can be a complete 180 from how others see you. You may be over critical of yourself when the people around you love you and are even inspired by you! And yet we have these ideas of ourselves that are "better" than our current reality. Steps towards self love and acceptance. Challenging, but necessary.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because the overwhelming thing that drives me into debt and keeps me there is buying stuff for my fantasy self to wear or use. This video has inspired me to go deeper within myself and build myself up from there - do what I actually love and want to do....
My fantasy self is a girl who wants to do calligraphy, but hasn’t touched the new pens and beginner calligraphy book in three months. She wants to be like other college girls and wear tight skirts and body suits when going out but actually prefers to be modest. Is aware that college boys don’t like modest and prefer more revealing looks. My fantasy self wants to read upon hours and get lost reading books but can’t seem to get myself to the library.
“Maybe your fantasy me is a minimalist but the real you likes clutter” yup. That’s it. Watching this helped me realize I aspire to minimalism because I equate minimalism with saving the planet and being organized and getting my shit together, but in reality when I look at pictures of what looks homey or things I really admire/enjoy like homesteading, there’s always a good amount of clutter between jars and cozy blankets 😂 maybe I can find a way to compromise
My fantasy self has long hair that I style regularly, can speak several languages, and is super good at yoga. Truth is I don't have the patience to do my hair or to learn a language without living in the country that speaks the language. Thanks for sharing! This was a very thought provoking topic.
My fantasy self is a minimalist but I own so many clothes that I haven't worn in ages which makes me really sad. I come from a family that isn't very financially stable so I find it very difficult to let go of things I own because I feel guilty about getting rid of something I spent money on. Its something that I'm working on and I've been trying to make myself wait a little while before deciding to buy something. It gives me some time to think about whether I really need it or if i'll just never use it (but im not perfect so sometimes I slip up and impulsively buy something). I'm so happy that I stumbled across your channel and saw this video because I feel like I really needed to hear this. Everything you said really just affirmed what I've been trying to do. Thank you.
I also love the KonMarie thanking items for their use when letting go of them. I hope that this will help with the guilt as its suggested it will. Also the 'Sunk Cost Fallacy' is really fascinating!
i found you through the last video, but that's not why i decided to stay (and i guess that's also not why other people did either.) you just have this really nice vibe that makes me feel like you're honest and you're talking from a place of trully want to improve yourself and live the best life you can ever live and i really relate to that. i've never thought about my fantasy self, but i might put a little more thought into it and try to identify what things i do out of my own volition and what i do to fulfill the expectations i create for a possible fantasy self. 🤔
If it helps - when you do start any route that can use a mat, that expensive mat will prob make a difference in your practice. I had about three different types of inexpensive mats and I hated them. I purchased a closed cell, top of the line ( by this brand) and it made a huge impression and improvement in my yoga practices. Ps. Right here on your tube is Yoga With Adriene - start with TRUE.
Fantasy me speaks 3 languages, is well traveled, well read, fit, fashionable, and soft spoken. Real me is moderately traveled, speaks 1.25 languages, reads sci-fi, chubby, t-shirt and leggings, and loud mouthed. You are right, the fantasy you can be toxic!
Brilliant video! I never had a name for it, but I knew straight away what the fantasy self is referring to. Thankfully, especially since I've had my baby, my fearless self has come out more and more often. I don't rely on the validation of others any more. I actually do the things I used to think about doing. And most importantly, I started to love myself! 💛
Idk if this links in but your video reminded me of it... Recently I've had a lot of thoughts about my fantasy self and my true self and how I can connect those two together in a way that's actually attainable and not crazy. In the sense that, I love to paint, but that doesn't meant that I have to be ""an artist"". As long as it's something I'm doing that makes me happy and relaxes me it doesn't actually need to be my persona, but rather a part of that. I'm also a medical student, which I think is the hardest bcs there's so many ideas about what you should be like to be there, but I no longer want to try so hard to be that person when I know that's not my true self. Like coming to the understanding that loving medicine is not all of me, but a part of me, and we can be made up of parts of our ideal selves integrated with our true selves, and have that be enough and be comfortable in that, as long as your staying motivated to improve in a healthy way.
I completely agree! I do a lot of things just because I enjoy the act of doing it, but I don't have to make that my identity or become an expert at it!
This is a beautiful post. I think we collect the fantasy before we can process and accept that it can be a part of our reality. I’m an introvert too, so days where I push and allow myself to engage and share I’m always drained to bits...but in a way I feel satisfied. I tried to become a version of myself. And there is fun in that! Lovely post! Thank you!
I need to say this: you look amaizing! And I really like how you talk and express your ideas. In particularly this one on this video, I generally try to analize and review my thought process a lot but I have never reached this view before. So I really thank you for that! 😁👏
Thank you for this really insightful video. I think the difference between the fantasy self and the ideal self can be hard to distinguish, but it's useful to try. I have one, huge, fantasy-self blunder that I've been trying to avoid thinking about. My fantasy self loves to travel. My real self doesn't like to change routines, has chronic health issues and gets sick easily from eating different foods, and finds travelling for vacations exhausting. I actually bought a truck and camper to travel around in, but the real me spent most of the time in town, with a few trips to the woods 20 min - 2 hours away (close enough I could have just hiked for the day or camped in a tent). If you add together the initial purchases plus a couple years of insurance, vehicle registration/tax/tags, miscellaneous items, etc. I've probably spent close to 10k (by far the most expensive thing I've ever bought except my education), and I'm guessing I'll only get 6-7k of that back from selling. I've been putting it off because I do like the truck and camper, and every time I go in it I wish I was the kind of person who would use it more - but also because of the sunk cost and anxiety around trying to sell it safely & without getting screwed over $$-wise. But the fact of the matter is that the me who loves to travel around in nature alone for a week at a time exploring is a fantasy version of me. The real me likes to go for short hikes in the woods 30 minutes away from my apartment, and lay on the ground looking at plants. The ideal me would do this more often, but the adventurous lonesome travelling is mostly for fantasy me, and the real me doesn't need 10k worth of shit for the one-two long trips a year I actually make. Its hard because getting rid of the stuff makes you feel like you're getting rid of the chance to be that person... but I'm never going to be that person either way (if I was, I would already be tent camping alone all the time). I need to just let go.
Came here from your minimalist video and I must say you're on my favorites list! You have a calm yet energetic aura around you that makes it easy and relaxing for me to listen. Also I never knew this thing I was feeling lately was a weird 'fantasy self' of me where I imagined myself being so cool in front of people, talkative, reacting to dumb topics, and had no problems socializing - but in reality, I prefer serious conversations and creating deeper relationships than shallow ones. You made me realize I was so close to making a fake ver. of myself. Thank you! Can't wait to see whats your next topic would be! ❤❤❤
My fantasy self wakes up and makes breakfast and does her makeup each day. She loves to DIY and read outside. (Although these are all true at some point maybe a few times a year)
Wow this was really eye opening. Sometimes I think doing is better than hoping. Cause if you don't like it, you tried it and can try another thing... but you can't if you don't try at all. Also we shouldn't be afraid if we don't like something we're all different. This really helps me embrace certain things about my current self. Thank you.
yes! i like this topic a lot and i think it goes hand in hand with the subject of minimalism. i also want to say that as i get older i dont indulge this fantasy self as much anymore, instead i have shifted the objects i own (and the thoughts i think tbh) to align with who i truly am.
I think a person's fearless self goes out and accomplishes your intermost desires that you have always had for yourself. Your fantasy self is kind of a person you think you want to be, but probably not for your own good reasons lol. Love your videos Janell.
I see why this is one of your favorite videos. A friend of mine asked me yesterday why it's so hard to let go of things, obligations, people, ideas. I told her it was familiar and being light was not familiar. But I think this video takes my answer as step further. I have been struggling with my fantasy selves; the ones that I create and sometimes the ones others try to convince me I should want. Right now, I am learning to embrace myself as I am and to make room for who I would be with less.
This video is great. I never thought about this concept, but now I see myself and my actions around materialism so much more clearer. Thank you so much! Love your videos :)
It's been two month since I first watched this video and I can't even tell you what a difference this has made in my life. HEARING somebody verbalize what I've always felt is so freeing and validating, and I feel like a huge burden to please this fantasy version of myself has been lifted. I've been so much happier.
These comments are a fun read. My fantasy self is working on her phd, is a lecturer, lives abroad and travels for research. She's in a longtime relationship, has lots of cool friends who she sees often. Fantasy me lives in an real house with a garden, designs and makes things around the house, and is always prepared to cook for guests. She runs ,rows and climbs. Fantasy me is hardly ever overwhelmed or anxious. My fantasy self has like nine days in a week. We have the same taste in fashion though, real me just has to wait for sale and second hand on Ebay. I realise I'm a light - at times mediocre - version of my fantasy self.
I recently went on a shopping spree before I started graduate school. This video made me realize that 90% of that shopping was for my fantasy self... Thank you for this self-realization video.
I love your perspective on this topic. You've articulated it in such a gentle and enlightening manner. You've ignited a more conscious way of living for me starting today! Thank you!
Same! I've finally stopped buying it. I only ever wear a tiny bit of foundation when my face breaks out really bad and I'm feeling anxious about it. I don't know how much I've spent on eyeliners and lipstick and fancy makeup brushes, imagining that I would start applying it daily and have a makeup "look" when I actually hate spending time in the morning with fussy things like that and I'm self conscious all day if I am wearing it (and likely to smear it everywhere too!)
This is such an interesting topic. Thank you so much for speaking about this. My fantasy self is a super suave, tomboy lesbian with a short and trendy haircut, and an amazing androgynous style. She has all the confidence in the world, is extroverted and works as a fearlessly cool, strong police officer fighting crime. She has sleeve tattoos, works out in the gym, visits hip indie cafés in the city, and drinks coffee while reading a book in the early hours of the day. She’s financially stable, owns a house and a pet cat, has a sleek car and a beautiful girlfriend who she plans to marry. My real self? She’s a 23 year old university student who still lives with her parents. She’s bisexual, and is attracted to men as much as she is to women. It has taken her a long time to accept this about herself. She still works the same job she’s had since she was 18, but she has saved a good amount money and she’s proud of that. After finishing uni, she’s not totally sure of what she wants to do. Her car is old, but it works fine and gets her where she needs to go. She’s not extroverted or suave. She’s quiet and introverted, but really likes people at the same time. She does love reading books and has a few tattoos. Her style is simple and comfortable and she loves rock music. Her hair is long, because deep down she doesn’t want to get a short, trendy chop. I am who I am.
This is something I needed to hear and is super relevant in my life right now. I'm struggling some with spending issues because of trying to meet the needs of pleasing my fantasy self. Thank you for this video it is helpful for me!
Best video ever. I will never be a minimalist (don’t have a lot of stuff though but not like a minimalist) but i hate that i have this fantasy self and waste money on it. Tomorrow i leave my country for like 4 months and i hope i’ll become a stronger person... i am really scared so wish me luck people 😂🙏💕
My fantasy self takes more pictures, watches anime, knows obscure movie quotes, and paints for fun on the weekends. The authetic me is a science-nerd, listens to podcasts all the time, and goes to concerts whenever she can. By the way, one of my "small steps" was learning to be content doing things alone when everyone else doesn't. I started out going to a coffee shop alone, then movie theater (one of my new favorites), and then finally concerts. All were so worth it. Nothing like spending some quality time with yourself.
Ah yesss! Ugh books and cookbooks are my vice that I’m reviewing at the moment. I needed a video on my fantasy self! This was perfect timing & necessary for me!
Hey! I'm new to your channel and I've just seen your video about your kitchen and studio. While showing the content of the cabinets, you mentioned that you were gonna finish the two nutella jars although they were not vegan, so here is a tip (in case you dont know about it already) - fresh dates, cocoa powder, hazelnuts and some vegan milk, just blend them all together and voila! You got yourself a muuuuch healthier version of your beloved nutella:D Thanks to your videos I figured that my whole life I've been pretty much striving towards minimalism, but not being financially independent hasn't given me an option to let my striving fully develop. So, thanks!:D I also need to mention that you look so genuine and calm and patient, so I feel like I'd love hanging out with you, cause you look so laid-back and chill:D Cheers!:D PS. Next time you have a cockroach or a cricket or whatever an insect in your home, instead of killing them, try taking the little guy out. I used to fear them, and then figured that it's absurd since they can't actually hurt me. Now I feel some kind of satisfaction whenever I let them go somewhere else, as if I've saved a life^^
My fantasy self is the crafty one you talked about. I have all the stuff for so many different crafts that I don't do/have time to do/want to spend my time doing. I think this is a very powerful video, and it may help me let go of all the years of collecting crafty things. Thank you for sharing!
I've only just found this but boy did it hit me hard. The "fantasy self" is something I spent so long catering to and buying so many things for that I later regretted and I could never work out why until I heard you talk about the "fantasy self". I love this so much and I'm so grateful that you made this video!
This is so deep and inspirational.There is so much to relate to. I read one of the comments , someone suggests you should have a ted talk , and i totally agree to that.
I discovered you channel today, and I am so happy I did!! Thank you for sharing this concept! I have sometimes felt this but never been able to put my finger on. For someone to finally explain this in a concrete way is revolutionary! Thank you
This video really helped me look into myself. Though they may sound similar, the fantasy self and the fearless self are actually very different, and I like how you explained them. I think once you look more into who you ARE rather than who you wish to be based on the comparisons of other people you will find your truest self. Only then you'll be happy with who you are.
I must say,coming across your channel has been the highlight of my day.I love how relatable you are and inspiring.I had plans on being a minimalist,lost track but as soon as I came across this,I got reminded why I wanted that type of a lifestyle.Big up,keep the minimalist theme videos coming.✌🏾
I am SOOOO thankful that I have come across your videos. You have me beyond inspired. And I can not wait to get started on decluttering and freeing up not just my room, house, but time. You have some incredible points here!!
this hit so close to home! thank you for making this video, it's made me think a lot about who I actually am and how to reflect that into my environment rather than buying things to showcase that. my fantasy self is me in cute European clothing who reads lots of literature, has lots of friends, travels all the time and has trendy home decor! of course the reality is I dont have a lot of the clothing I desire and am always looking for those pieces (probably because of my pinterest board which barely reflects the clothing I own)
I was originally watching this video after its release. Coming back to it now, it is still fascinating that you actually came up with a name for this. It has been a big problem for me but I was never truly aware of it. Let alone the idea to give it a name... when you're so self reflective that you can actually articulate the problem it is a big step in the right direction. What a great video!
very well said, I was recently writing about this on my blog! I refer to it as my ideal self instead of fantasy self because it is the person I would want to be if I could be anyone! I talk more about the mentality of the ideal/fantasy self rather than the what they do but it is nice to know someone else has spoke out about this. I love your UA-cam xxx
I just recently found your channel, and I am so happy. I am starting on my minimalism lifestyle journey. You are really helping me get rid of uneeded things, and live life as my true self. I look foward on supporting your channel and all your endeavors. Thank you.
Tavi Gevinson always taught that your fantasy self is equal to your realself, and collecting photos and songs and making shrines helps you build the world you want to live in and the person you want to be. And that always felt fake to me, appropriating other art rather than making your own
I'm so happy I watched this!!! YES, I'm constantly fighting my fantasy self, she always wants to impulse buy shit we don't need. I really relate to your words, wonderfully said, and I feel like something that is not said enough when so much worth is put into materialism and extravagant lifestyles.
Love this. And it's great to know we all do this. I do feel it's worth investigating some of my fantasy selves to find some real pieces to add to myself. Hopefully not buying a bunch of crap in the process. I do yoga and bellydance now because I felt they would be worth trying. My fantasy self is actually good at them and very graceful .. I am not, but oh well. My fantasy self is also very artistic. I have so much craft garbage ... And it stresses me out ... And I will never use any of it. But that fantasy is very strong.
New here! My fantasy self is definitely a minimalist! Ive been making steps for the past year towards reducing the clutter and choosing better alternatives. Glad I came across your channel. The 3 videos I’ve watched have a great insight, thank you!
My fantasy self is an incredible crafter, which tends to go against my minimalist instincts. The craft bin has been the last vestige of crap that I've held onto for over a year now. I think I'm finally ready to let the untouched crafting material go in favor of my camera, which gets used about 3 weekends each month. Thank you, Janell, for helping me bring some clarity to my intentions!
Subscribed after seeing your last video. Love your vibe! Its amazing how minimalism and life experience in general can completely alter who your "Fantasy self" is.
I really enjoy your videos. I test out other minimal cloggers and I keep returning to you because you come off as genuine, fallible and humble. I appreciate your wisdom at such a young age. Keep it up, you have my support and blessings.
Okay my fantasy selves: 1. the PERFECT zero waste person, makes her own shampoo and everything, never buys one use plastic items «= Actually I am working towards that so Idk if that is a fantasy self 2. A cool, outgoing party girl. Is skinny or curvy, wears tight skirts, crop tops, levis, heels and dances really good on parties 3. Really nerdy, intelligent person with books, vintage stuff, plants, flowers, really good at science 4. The same but punk 5. A andro. Person, who wears shirts with leather jackets and loose pants and has a buzzcut and is super cool .... I think it's good to have a 'Ideal' person in your head that you can see as a role model but you have to be YOU and I still need to find out who I am and what I wanna have and be from those 5 people bc I am too confused
Same! (Literally all the same fantasy selves). The worst phrase somebody could say to me right now is ''Be yourself'' because I have no idea who that is. But that's ok, because we are always growing and changing to seek the stuff we truly enjoy.
You made the video!!! This is cool. I’m glad you touched base on it from different angles, as in not only fashion related. Since I watched your video first bringing up fantasy self I did a 180. I can’t even tell you the positive changes I’ve made in just the last few days. I wasn’t kidding when I said that it hit home. In this video you used the term “draining”. Yes, nailed it. Also, super glad your channel is blowing up. Right on.
This video hit me hard and I just have to thank you for that, I didn't even realise I was doing half of these things. Cause looking at myself right now i can tell i'm miles away from my fantasy self, and i think i'll definitely try to take a step back and keep that fantasy self as a fantasy, and not something that i have to be in order to be happy.
Damn. This hit home, I had no idea how much I cater to my "fantasy self". I like to think I'm pretty upfront and honest with myself but this was a dope reality check and itll definitely inform a lot of my decision making from here on out! Thanks for your channel :)
This is so spot on. We use shopping to fill a void in who we want to be or for something we need in a job or relationship that we feel is missing. Shopping is a drug of choice for many.
i have so many fantasy selfs and its so tiring. sometimes i wish i could really just get to know myself as it is and stop wishing to be anything else. i love how you talked about “the fearless self” and i agree that they both are so different. loved your talk so mind opening. keep up the good videos 💞
I feel like I fixate so much on my fantasy self that I actually waste time not living and enjoying who I actually am
Damn, same my friend. I'm a lot better at this with time and being mindful of it but sometimes I forget and feel like this again
+Janell Kristina I think being aware of it is so important. So now that I've seen your video, I'm going to try and be more conscious about it
Yup, the same. I'm so obsessed with my fantasy i don't really now who am i
Morgan Kallman it’s like you read my mind
Exactly, Morgan.
my fantasy self is like a fashionista even though I hate wearing extravagant clothing that draws attention to myself
Same!
I just bought these really nice gladiators, I can't wear them coz I like sneakers. I wanted to be girly for once.
Same
Yes!! I’m most comfortable being “plain Jane” with my solid shirts and pants. 🤷🏻♀️
Kandace Barbee I'm complete opposite lol!! I feel awkward dressing too normal!! At least my hair or make-up have to be kinda weird/unique!
My fantasy self is into reading philosophy, watching cool artsy films, wearing avant-garde fashion and traveling to big cities to attend underground parties and stay out all night.
My actual self likes to go hiking, meal-prep, sleep early, wear leggings and watch youtube.
The real me is 1000% a leggings and youtube watcher too
Ziggi Willpower, wow except for sleeping early (it's actually 2 a.m. and I'm stuck watching Janelle's videos xD) I relate to this so much
Ziggi Willpower ahh me too! My fantasy self is, i think, very edgy and cool and outgoing and adventerous, but my real self enjoys sleeping cozy in my bed and limited social interaction.
I mean, this video is philosophy so you're part way there
Same... I just woke up too early today *sigh*
This is a video I didn’t even know I needed
My thought exactly! Like someone just came along and untangled a subconscious puzzle for me, or something I couldn't quite put words to pr put my finger on. ❤
You deserve your own ted talk
I think this is the greatest compliment I have ever received, excuse me I have to go cry happy tears now
I kinda of agree. Or a podcast! I'd listen to you all day.
Agreed
What is impressive about this topic is that not only materialism is related to it. Mostly of our life is based on our parents fantasy self of us and how we feel when we can't meet the expectations (=frustration, depression, low self esteem). For example, I thought that get into Law school was the fantasy self of me (that my parents co/created), and I would be happy with my suits and meetings with a Starbucks. But it hit me hard when I figure it out that I have never felt any desire to work with this, just the idea of it. I left and boy, how I do not regret it. For buying things, for sure, it happens every time. Even with minimalism, ironic how we want to convince ourselves that only with a Pinterest like room, MacBook and white everything will confirm your identity that you don't care about stuff, as long as you have them.
Ana Luiza wow this comment was so incredibly relatable!
@@hannahmckinny3226 thank you 💜
PREACH. People do this with their relationships too, they have a fantasy version of who their partner is or who they could be but don't accept them as they are.
Janell Kristina damn
Society favors larger than life egos. So much so, we attach it to our own. We try to mirror them. It tells us who we should be, what we should be, how we should look. This works against us. It only shows you what you don't have. Our fantasy self is a mirror of someone else's ego. It leaves you feeling incomplete. Only when we stop and reflect, we can grow.
Mr Vegas
Official video
Petra lee scott
This is so true!!!
Oh I like this!
Therock343 the truth shall set you free! You said it to the exact. Nothing else can be said lol. Much peace always.
I learned about this concept in marketing. Companies really do try to sell us a better version of ourselves!
They sure do smh its pure psychology they invest tons of $ into feeding into our fantasy selves
kristen wad I learnt about this concept too but in psychology!
K Dot what is this concept called? I want to research and read about it more psychology-wise.
kristen wad Hi, I would say that they try to sell us what THEY think or what SOCIETY think is a better version of ourself. And then we get easily convinced that they are right. We end up thinking this image is actually a better version of ourself. But because this is not us well we ll never reach that goal but we keep trying and trying instead on focusing on the great things we can actually do for us and others.
A better version of yourself would be....shut the f*ck up.
My fantasy self has filled my closet with heels never actually worn, has adult coloring books never colored, going out/ nightlife clothes never worn, and a Pinterest page filled with dreams and desires never fulfilled. Lol The list goes on.
omg the adult coloring books... hits home. same.
This is me. The coloring books. The pinterest board (to keep from shopping haha). The unworn dressy clothes. I'm adding from the other comments the herb garden, cookbooks and yoga mat that I never touch. Y'all have hit the nail on the head😭
same 😩 i have so many heels and sexy going out clothes for my fantasy self but im actually a stay home mom, full time student, and my husband doesnt even let me wear dresses or heels. i just play dress up and sweep in heels 😅
After reading many of the comments I want to clarify that there is a difference in your ideal/goal version of yourself and fantasy self. I still believe people should go for their dreams and do things they want to grow as an individual! Also fantasy me has inspired many of my interest and has become parts of my real/ideal self, I just can only take like 10% of her seriously though and I've learned it's best to probably not act on most of the short term obsessions she has.
Yes this is my problem, my fantasy self has lots of obsessions that may last a few months and then it's onto the next one. I recently moved and I found a load of expensive art supplies from when I decided to take up watercolour painting, I hated art classes at school! So that all went to charity. I’m gradually learning to tame that side of myself but it is especially hard for me to do as I’m bipolar which makes me prone to these obsessions and naturally more impulsive. So now before I buy something I wait a few weeks after I decide I want whatever it is. An example being I needed a new tv when I moved. I made myself wait and do research before buying something to make sure it was really what I wanted, did everything I needed and was affordable for my budget. I’m literally a beginner at doinf this, my previous self had so much stuff (I was in danger of becoming a proper hoarder) that I clung to as a kind of safety net. Only I started to realise the safety net was drowning me! I was buying too much of everything, food, toiletries, makeup, stationery, literally everything. Now I try to be more thoughtful. I got rid of a lot of things to charity and I’m trying to organise what is left so I don't buy more before I have used up what I've got. Your videos are so helpful, I found you randomly on my feed last week and watched a video amd subscribed right away. It is refreshing to watch a channel that isn't encouraging people to lust over new things and to want to buy lots of new items. I feel like you are a helpful guide to my new way of living.
Janell Kristina Wow! Quite insightful! Our fantasy selves do leave and imprint on the our day to day... i agree that we must not take this self so serious, but the adaptation is legitimate. Especially when we impact those around us. Balance is key and awareness is essential! Thank you for sharing your perspective
VERY helpful insights! I turned this video into a journaling activity. I asked myself: 1. How do I use my fantasy self to accumulate items? 2. How am I using these items to be an aspirational person I haven’t really decided/worked towards/goal set on being? 3. Am I currently buying/keeping/maintaining items that make me feel worse because I have not used them? 4. Finish those sentence “Owning X does not make me become Y”
Here is my Example: I lgain weight quite easily and it is challenging for me to get off. Right before I had a few tragedies happen, I was able to fit jeans from the gap. I bought a few pairs because they were on sale. Now, I cannot fit them at all. I was even reluctant to buy clothes for my new larger size because buying them meant I’d be stuck at this higher weight forever. That’s just not true. Just like keeping jeans that are too small won’t make me become a fitness junkie and lose the weight.
This video is super insightful and highlights our dangerous relationship with items outside of ourselves. That the only way to express who we are is buy what we own. A goth is only a goth if they wear lots of black. A diva is only a diva if they have a lot of money.
You really articulated a very fresh way and reason for WHY we should par down. Not just par down for the sake of.
I love this idea!
So doing this! Love the journal idea 💖
Love this!
Since my fantasy self likes to think I keep up with my journaling everyday I’m stealing this idea lol
I just wanted to add that the comment section on this video is LITERALLY the most beautiful and real thing I might have ever seen on the internet, thank you all for sharing, I appreciate you for supporting my content and contributing here
My fantasy self is this super cool minimalist who is a film photographer and owns 3 cats and only wears adidas clothing
I purchased an all adidas wardrobe for my fantasy self in two sizes down from my size. 😟😦
for a good ten seconds I thought this was a personal attack lol, same!
That Was an accident my apologies
I can’t tell the difference between my fantasy self and my actual self 😅 I have no idea what I’m actually like or what I enjoy versus what I want to be like or who I want to be. I also can’t tell the difference between doing things to improve myself, like reading more books or doing yoga, and doing things that I don’t enjoy just so I can feel like I’m Someone Who Reads A Lot Of Books And Does Yoga. It’s a very interesting concept and something I’ll definitely be thinking about.
Same here
Sounds interesting to me my fantasy self is just whatever I "want" to do but don't ever have time to get into actually doing. I might tell myself that I am going to read this many books, do so much yoga and exercise everyday, I will dress up really fancy and look so hip going out all the time and of course that is not who I am. For me it is also a bit confusing because I enjoy many things and have a hard time finding out what I actually LIKE to do vs what I do just to have fun or out of curiosity particularly temporary interests. I guess just try to think about what you actually do on a day to day basis I know that's what I am going to think about now.
Rhiannon May same
My personal thoughts are, that the real you is the one you are and want to be when no-one is watching. When you aren’t going to report to anyone that you did a certain thing and there is no-one else to impress or gain praise from.
When you get to that point, that’s when find the real you. Why bother to impress yourself with things you don’t like, that make you feel uncomfortable or serve no greater purpose.
Wow this hit home. I didn’t realize I was trying SO hard to be my fantasy self that I’m not sure who my real self is. Maybe now I can stop wasting what little valuable money and time I have on this fantasy self of mine and focus on where I am in my life more clearly. I think a lot of people needed this video :) thank you 💘
My fantasy self right now wakes up at 5am, runs and has smoothies - I can barely wake up at 8am, tried to run once and came back in 5 minutes later - also i brought sports leggings and they are super itchy and yeh ok I actually do the smoothie thing sometimes... they are not as tasty as they look.
I've been trying to wake up at 5am for 6 years 😂 I'll not give up :D
Ughhh +1
Rose Åse I’m exactly the same 😂 I wanna be someone who gets up at 5 am, goes running, then drinks a smoothie even though I don’t even like smoothies Lmfao
I *never* thought of my compulsive purchasing in this way. My fantasy self controls so much of what I buy... Clothes, homeware, exercise equipment, books, etc. I think being so consumed in this fantasy self/life (very different from GOALS) prevents me/us from living in the moment and appreciating who we are now, like you said.
My fantasy self... is a gym rat, wears quirky/trendy clothes, goes out dancing a lot, hustles in terms of my writing career and has tons of friends and is wealthy. My real self likes staying in on the weekends, cooking, living abroad, wearing simple outfits and spending time with a few close friends.
Most clothes I buy,i don't wear. Guess fantasy me is well dressed and in style. But real me loves black shirts and jeans!
Same
That was an accident my apologies
I thought u wrote my story lol. Cheers
I love black shirts too!
Honestly, I think there is nothing wrong with TRYING a bunch of new things and even BUYING something to get you started. That is how you find out the things you LOVE, but I do agree it starts to become TOXIC when all the material possessions build up and become dusty. That's why I use the 90/90 RULE if you haven't used it in 90 days or don't plan on using it in the next 90 days get RID of it.
Basically your video is introducing the concept of Cultural Capital which was brought up by Pierre Bourdieu in the 1970s. The wikipedia page describes it like this:
"Cultural capital consists of the social assets of a person (education, intellect, style of speech and dress, etc.) that promote social mobility in a stratified society. It functions as a social-relation within an economy of practices (system of exchange), and comprises all of the material and symbolic goods, without distinction, that society considers rare and worth seeking. As a social relation within a system of exchange, cultural capital includes the accumulated cultural knowledge that confers social status and power."
I find it really interesting and relevant to bring this up in our era of consumerism where people are compelled to fulfill a need or a desire with objects as opposed to actions. I wish your video went on for longer, this is a great topic and you did a great job at explaining it!
same I wish she made another video to continue explaining this it would really help as well. I also would like to understand it better.
What a great comment. Sums up what I’ve been thinking about but haven’t been able to put into words. Thanks.
My fantasy self is a minimalist which is why I watch your videos 😂😂 My fantasy self is also a vegan (I’m a vegetarian right now). I think that these are actually very attainable, sustainable lifestyles that will probably be my real self one day. I would definitely need a stable job, more money, and more time in order to live the life I truly desire. Great video ❤️
Do what you can with what you have! I'm slowly working on the diet changes too!
Hi Breeah! I really liked your comment & wanted to offer some help. If you would like assistance with going vegan, check out challenge22.com - they'll provide you with recipes, tips, information, mentors to answer your questions & the help of clinical dietitians for free for three weeks to get you started! :) Hope this helps, you can do it! The thing about going vegan is it can be rocky at first, because you're changing so many of your habits & how you look at food, so just keep trying to eat vegan as often as possible & do your best to not buy anything not vegan when grocery shopping or you'll be tempted by it. Again, mistakes happen here too but you'll get good at label reading in no time, I mean more so like if you want to try to be vegan a full week, don't buy dairy or eggs that week. It helps, too, to have an understanding of the industries & how animals are treated so look up a few documentaries like Earthlings (graphic & heart-breaking but life changing) or websites like Free From Harm (much less graphic but still informative). Don't beat yourself up if you mess up & keep going! You can do it! :)
This is the answer to our confused generation
My fantasy self is pretty real. She has a wardrobe in my closet, there are books around for her to read, i even buy food she likes and so on. I call her my alter ego and over the years we become closer and more similar. It might be, that you cannot live your full potential at any point of your life, but allow your fantasy to survive.
Thank you!!! I needed this. This video made me feel so helpless! Like I just had to let go of who I wanna be, curl up in my bed with no guilt and do nothing. The "guilt" to be my fantasy self is what motivates me!
I just wanted to tell you that was beautiful and very calmy motivating.
eye opening
my fantasy self is intelligent but too humble to boast. a book reader and a scientist. a mathematician and health expert. a trendy makeup wearer and fashion dresser. an advanced violinist and broadway actress. a loving girlfriend, a successful daughter, a present family member, and a wise friend. a healthy eater, ambitious student, and outgoing peer. a plant whisperer with a green thumb that'll grow a forest. a writer whose words will flood the minds of many and make them think.
but god i'm not.
That is such a long list. Does it burden you?
@Kayla chofey that is 90% accurate for my fantasy self
Well, for sure you got the last one part of your list. Looking at the likes, your words did make people think 😊
My fantasy self is much more self disciplined, motivated and patient.
Maybe it's a goal?
My fantasy self always wears berets, long coats, and old Hollywood curls, plays harmonica/piano/banjo, and has an herb garden for her own cooking. (I hate cooking 😐)
Can you do a video about the difference between realistic goals and “fantasy self” goals??? Because honestly this whole concept has me shook
Oh my god the herb garden just killed me haha
"...has an herb garden for her own cooking. (I hate cooking 😐)" I FEEL SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW. *dying*
Veronica Byers lollll it sounds romantic and nice in theory 😩😩
I LITERALLY have a half-dead never-used "herb garden" in my kitchen window AS WE SPEAK.
My fantasy self is crafty AF. I bought a $300 sewing machine last fall that I never used and ended up selling last month. I’ve been researching how to de clutter and be minimal with my possessions. so I’m glad I stumbled upon you!
My real self: I read too many teen fiction novels and love being outside too much.
My fantasy self is a total jack of all trades, can do art, play guitar, and knows two foreign languages. She's also a mysterious goth girl. IRL I haven't had enough focus to do any of those things...
I moved my TV out of my main living space for this reason and it's given me a lot of time to do things I actually want vs being distracted!
Janell Kristina I'm actually not all that big on tv so that's fairly easy to avoid, tbh social media is probably my biggest issue
This is similar to my fantasy self too. She’s goth plays all sorts of different instruments. When in reality I’m just not as into playing music as id like to be. I think I’ve mostly given up this fantasy self but I still have all the instruments around, unplayed.
I'm a minimalist and I found that it is very life changing. I've saved lots of money and found that I spend my time enjoying nature and outside things. Your channel and charisma is beautiful, love it.
My fantasy self is super patient, strong, is filled with only love, genius, reads books a lot, goes out of my comfort zone, knows a lot of languages, and does NOT procrastinate!!!
I always think about this version and wanting to be this way. Knowing I'm not there makes me anxious and I think this is why I procrastinate from doing productive things all the time.
I just discovered your channel recently, and was excited to watch this video! My mom and I have had this discussion many times (we both love fashion/clothes, and have started to see a trend of what we buy for our "fantasy" self, versus what we actually wear). Love the points you made in this video--and it was very validating to hear from someone else that a lot of us have been in this place. My biggest struggle has been realizing that my fantasy self is 25, highly active, and has lots of time to indulge my love of vintage fashion and hand crafts. The reality is that I'm in my 30s now, have very little time to exercise like I used to, and I am preferring simpler styles of clothing and don't have as much time to do projects. :) It's been a bit of a tough pill to swallow, but this summer I've been focusing on clearing those negative energies in my life that contribute to my anxiety--one of which is the trappings of my "fantasy self". I've let go of so many possessions I once clung to because I felt like if I got rid of them, I would no longer be who I thought I was (or--and this one has been harder for me to deal with in many ways--what others expected me to be. I struggle with being a people-pleaser, and this has also contributed to my fantasy self.). But honestly, I don't miss anything I've donated and let go of. I'm far happier right now than I was even at 25, and feel unburdened by this idea of living up to societal expectations, as well as the image of myself I had constructed.
"Fantasy self" is the best way to describe it. What's wild about perception is that the way you see yourself can be a complete 180 from how others see you. You may be over critical of yourself when the people around you love you and are even inspired by you! And yet we have these ideas of ourselves that are "better" than our current reality. Steps towards self love and acceptance. Challenging, but necessary.
Yes ^^
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because the overwhelming thing that drives me into debt and keeps me there is buying stuff for my fantasy self to wear or use. This video has inspired me to go deeper within myself and build myself up from there - do what I actually love and want to do....
My fantasy self is a girl who wants to do calligraphy, but hasn’t touched the new pens and beginner calligraphy book in three months. She wants to be like other college girls and wear tight skirts and body suits when going out but actually prefers to be modest. Is aware that college boys don’t like modest and prefer more revealing looks. My fantasy self wants to read upon hours and get lost reading books but can’t seem to get myself to the library.
“Maybe your fantasy me is a minimalist but the real you likes clutter” yup. That’s it. Watching this helped me realize I aspire to minimalism because I equate minimalism with saving the planet and being organized and getting my shit together, but in reality when I look at pictures of what looks homey or things I really admire/enjoy like homesteading, there’s always a good amount of clutter between jars and cozy blankets 😂 maybe I can find a way to compromise
I can't deny a little bit of clutter *can* be cozy, if it's not super wasteful or over materialistic!
My fantasy self has long hair that I style regularly, can speak several languages, and is super good at yoga. Truth is I don't have the patience to do my hair or to learn a language without living in the country that speaks the language. Thanks for sharing! This was a very thought provoking topic.
okay it’s official. I love you and your channel 💕 i’ve been binge watching in bed for a while and your energy is just amazing
I just subscribed and love your channel. It’s crazy how I’ve felt like this and didn’t even know it.
My fantasy self is a minimalist but I own so many clothes that I haven't worn in ages which makes me really sad. I come from a family that isn't very financially stable so I find it very difficult to let go of things I own because I feel guilty about getting rid of something I spent money on. Its something that I'm working on and I've been trying to make myself wait a little while before deciding to buy something. It gives me some time to think about whether I really need it or if i'll just never use it (but im not perfect so sometimes I slip up and impulsively buy something). I'm so happy that I stumbled across your channel and saw this video because I feel like I really needed to hear this. Everything you said really just affirmed what I've been trying to do. Thank you.
I also love the KonMarie thanking items for their use when letting go of them. I hope that this will help with the guilt as its suggested it will. Also the 'Sunk Cost Fallacy' is really fascinating!
i found you through the last video, but that's not why i decided to stay (and i guess that's also not why other people did either.)
you just have this really nice vibe that makes me feel like you're honest and you're talking from a place of trully want to improve yourself and live the best life you can ever live and i really relate to that.
i've never thought about my fantasy self, but i might put a little more thought into it and try to identify what things i do out of my own volition and what i do to fulfill the expectations i create for a possible fantasy self. 🤔
also i don't usually comment on videos, i really just wanted to say i subscribed because you seem cool
Authenticity is one of my favorite words I try to live by (not always the case, but I try). Thank you for noticing.
I agree! You seem passionate but in a soft, composed & logical way which I love 😊
I definitely bought an expensive yoga mat for my fantasy self. She hasn't used it yet 😂
Give it some time? Make it happen? I've been there and hate yoga when I first started
Lolol.
If it helps - when you do start any route that can use a mat, that expensive mat will prob make a difference in your practice. I had about three different types of inexpensive mats and I hated them. I purchased a closed cell, top of the line ( by this brand) and it made a huge impression and improvement in my yoga practices. Ps. Right here on your tube is Yoga With Adriene - start with TRUE.
Fantasy me speaks 3 languages, is well traveled, well read, fit, fashionable, and soft spoken.
Real me is moderately traveled, speaks 1.25 languages, reads sci-fi, chubby, t-shirt and leggings, and loud mouthed. You are right, the fantasy you can be toxic!
Brilliant video! I never had a name for it, but I knew straight away what the fantasy self is referring to. Thankfully, especially since I've had my baby, my fearless self has come out more and more often. I don't rely on the validation of others any more. I actually do the things I used to think about doing. And most importantly, I started to love myself! 💛
That's awesome!! And congrats on the little one
Idk if this links in but your video reminded me of it... Recently I've had a lot of thoughts about my fantasy self and my true self and how I can connect those two together in a way that's actually attainable and not crazy. In the sense that, I love to paint, but that doesn't meant that I have to be ""an artist"". As long as it's something I'm doing that makes me happy and relaxes me it doesn't actually need to be my persona, but rather a part of that. I'm also a medical student, which I think is the hardest bcs there's so many ideas about what you should be like to be there, but I no longer want to try so hard to be that person when I know that's not my true self. Like coming to the understanding that loving medicine is not all of me, but a part of me, and we can be made up of parts of our ideal selves integrated with our true selves, and have that be enough and be comfortable in that, as long as your staying motivated to improve in a healthy way.
I completely agree! I do a lot of things just because I enjoy the act of doing it, but I don't have to make that my identity or become an expert at it!
i just wanted to say i love your viewpoints and it’s easy to listen to you even when i don’t have a similar perspective. also you’re an angel?
This is a beautiful post. I think we collect the fantasy before we can process and accept that it can be a part of our reality. I’m an introvert too, so days where I push and allow myself to engage and share I’m always drained to bits...but in a way I feel satisfied. I tried to become a version of myself. And there is fun in that! Lovely post! Thank you!
Getting out is good for me too when I've been a hermit for too long!
My fantasy self is very fit traveler that has lots of friends. And my real self doesn't really like to exercise, go out and talk to people xD
XLadyFlameX this is so me 🤣
I need to say this: you look amaizing! And I really like how you talk and express your ideas. In particularly this one on this video, I generally try to analize and review my thought process a lot but I have never reached this view before. So I really thank you for that! 😁👏
Thank you for this really insightful video. I think the difference between the fantasy self and the ideal self can be hard to distinguish, but it's useful to try. I have one, huge, fantasy-self blunder that I've been trying to avoid thinking about.
My fantasy self loves to travel. My real self doesn't like to change routines, has chronic health issues and gets sick easily from eating different foods, and finds travelling for vacations exhausting. I actually bought a truck and camper to travel around in, but the real me spent most of the time in town, with a few trips to the woods 20 min - 2 hours away (close enough I could have just hiked for the day or camped in a tent).
If you add together the initial purchases plus a couple years of insurance, vehicle registration/tax/tags, miscellaneous items, etc. I've probably spent close to 10k (by far the most expensive thing I've ever bought except my education), and I'm guessing I'll only get 6-7k of that back from selling. I've been putting it off because I do like the truck and camper, and every time I go in it I wish I was the kind of person who would use it more - but also because of the sunk cost and anxiety around trying to sell it safely & without getting screwed over $$-wise.
But the fact of the matter is that the me who loves to travel around in nature alone for a week at a time exploring is a fantasy version of me. The real me likes to go for short hikes in the woods 30 minutes away from my apartment, and lay on the ground looking at plants. The ideal me would do this more often, but the adventurous lonesome travelling is mostly for fantasy me, and the real me doesn't need 10k worth of shit for the one-two long trips a year I actually make.
Its hard because getting rid of the stuff makes you feel like you're getting rid of the chance to be that person... but I'm never going to be that person either way (if I was, I would already be tent camping alone all the time). I need to just let go.
Came here from your minimalist video and I must say you're on my favorites list! You have a calm yet energetic aura around you that makes it easy and relaxing for me to listen. Also I never knew this thing I was feeling lately was a weird 'fantasy self' of me where I imagined myself being so cool in front of people, talkative, reacting to dumb topics, and had no problems socializing - but in reality, I prefer serious conversations and creating deeper relationships than shallow ones. You made me realize I was so close to making a fake ver. of myself. Thank you! Can't wait to see whats your next topic would be! ❤❤❤
My fantasy self wakes up and makes breakfast and does her makeup each day. She loves to DIY and read outside. (Although these are all true at some point maybe a few times a year)
Wow this was really eye opening. Sometimes I think doing is better than hoping. Cause if you don't like it, you tried it and can try another thing... but you can't if you don't try at all. Also we shouldn't be afraid if we don't like something we're all different. This really helps me embrace certain things about my current self. Thank you.
yes! i like this topic a lot and i think it goes hand in hand with the subject of minimalism. i also want to say that as i get older i dont indulge this fantasy self as much anymore, instead i have shifted the objects i own (and the thoughts i think tbh) to align with who i truly am.
My fantasy self is super feminine and comfortable being so...
My real self likes some feminine things, but NOT NEARLY as much as my fantasy self
Same! I use to let myself feel really bad about this because I didn't feel like I was "woman/girly" enough
Spice
Omg yes, this speaks to me.
I think a person's fearless self goes out and accomplishes your intermost desires that you have always had for yourself. Your fantasy self is kind of a person you think you want to be, but probably not for your own good reasons lol. Love your videos Janell.
I see why this is one of your favorite videos. A friend of mine asked me yesterday why it's so hard to let go of things, obligations, people, ideas. I told her it was familiar and being light was not familiar. But I think this video takes my answer as step further. I have been struggling with my fantasy selves; the ones that I create and sometimes the ones others try to convince me I should want. Right now, I am learning to embrace myself as I am and to make room for who I would be with less.
This video is great. I never thought about this concept, but now I see myself and my actions around materialism so much more clearer. Thank you so much! Love your videos :)
The saying "fake it till you make it" comes to mind.
My fearless self would rock a shaved head since i hate doing my hair so much. My fantasy self would find her true passion behind hauling videos. TFS 💜
It's been two month since I first watched this video and I can't even tell you what a difference this has made in my life. HEARING somebody verbalize what I've always felt is so freeing and validating, and I feel like a huge burden to please this fantasy version of myself has been lifted. I've been so much happier.
These comments are a fun read. My fantasy self is working on her phd, is a lecturer, lives abroad and travels for research. She's in a longtime relationship, has lots of cool friends who she sees often. Fantasy me lives in an real house with a garden, designs and makes things around the house, and is always prepared to cook for guests. She runs ,rows and climbs. Fantasy me is hardly ever overwhelmed or anxious. My fantasy self has like nine days in a week. We have the same taste in fashion though, real me just has to wait for sale and second hand on Ebay. I realise I'm a light - at times mediocre - version of my fantasy self.
I love your contents! Great job! Followed you on IG and I already subscribed 👍🏻
I recently went on a shopping spree before I started graduate school. This video made me realize that 90% of that shopping was for my fantasy self... Thank you for this self-realization video.
I love your perspective on this topic. You've articulated it in such a gentle and enlightening manner. You've ignited a more conscious way of living for me starting today! Thank you!
My fantasy self buys tons of make up and lip stick which the real me has to throw out 2 yrs later bc it turns bad after uselessly standing around :')
Same! I've finally stopped buying it. I only ever wear a tiny bit of foundation when my face breaks out really bad and I'm feeling anxious about it. I don't know how much I've spent on eyeliners and lipstick and fancy makeup brushes, imagining that I would start applying it daily and have a makeup "look" when I actually hate spending time in the morning with fussy things like that and I'm self conscious all day if I am wearing it (and likely to smear it everywhere too!)
This is such an interesting topic. Thank you so much for speaking about this. My fantasy self is a super suave, tomboy lesbian with a short and trendy haircut, and an amazing androgynous style. She has all the confidence in the world, is extroverted and works as a fearlessly cool, strong police officer fighting crime. She has sleeve tattoos, works out in the gym, visits hip indie cafés in the city, and drinks coffee while reading a book in the early hours of the day. She’s financially stable, owns a house and a pet cat, has a sleek car and a beautiful girlfriend who she plans to marry.
My real self? She’s a 23 year old university student who still lives with her parents. She’s bisexual, and is attracted to men as much as she is to women. It has taken her a long time to accept this about herself. She still works the same job she’s had since she was 18, but she has saved a good amount money and she’s proud of that. After finishing uni, she’s not totally sure of what she wants to do. Her car is old, but it works fine and gets her where she needs to go. She’s not extroverted or suave. She’s quiet and introverted, but really likes people at the same time. She does love reading books and has a few tattoos. Her style is simple and comfortable and she loves rock music. Her hair is long, because deep down she doesn’t want to get a short, trendy chop.
I am who I am.
This is something I needed to hear and is super relevant in my life right now. I'm struggling some with spending issues because of trying to meet the needs of pleasing my fantasy self. Thank you for this video it is helpful for me!
Best video ever. I will never be a minimalist (don’t have a lot of stuff though but not like a minimalist) but i hate that i have this fantasy self and waste money on it. Tomorrow i leave my country for like 4 months and i hope i’ll become a stronger person... i am really scared so wish me luck people 😂🙏💕
traveling is one of the best ways to get close to the real you and motivated to downside after, enjoy the trip!
Thanks :) !!
Ayy good luck and have fun on your trip
My fantasy self takes more pictures, watches anime, knows obscure movie quotes, and paints for fun on the weekends. The authetic me is a science-nerd, listens to podcasts all the time, and goes to concerts whenever she can. By the way, one of my "small steps" was learning to be content doing things alone when everyone else doesn't. I started out going to a coffee shop alone, then movie theater (one of my new favorites), and then finally concerts. All were so worth it. Nothing like spending some quality time with yourself.
hahaha your fantasy self sounds exactly like me, but one of my 'fantasy selves' acts like you! talk about not being satisfied with ourselves.. :P
Ah yesss! Ugh books and cookbooks are my vice that I’m reviewing at the moment. I needed a video on my fantasy self! This was perfect timing & necessary for me!
Hey! I'm new to your channel and I've just seen your video about your kitchen and studio. While showing the content of the cabinets, you mentioned that you were gonna finish the two nutella jars although they were not vegan, so here is a tip (in case you dont know about it already) - fresh dates, cocoa powder, hazelnuts and some vegan milk, just blend them all together and voila! You got yourself a muuuuch healthier version of your beloved nutella:D
Thanks to your videos I figured that my whole life I've been pretty much striving towards minimalism, but not being financially independent hasn't given me an option to let my striving fully develop. So, thanks!:D
I also need to mention that you look so genuine and calm and patient, so I feel like I'd love hanging out with you, cause you look so laid-back and chill:D
Cheers!:D
PS. Next time you have a cockroach or a cricket or whatever an insect in your home, instead of killing them, try taking the little guy out. I used to fear them, and then figured that it's absurd since they can't actually hurt me. Now I feel some kind of satisfaction whenever I let them go somewhere else, as if I've saved a life^^
I did not know the recipe thank you!
My fantasy self is the crafty one you talked about. I have all the stuff for so many different crafts that I don't do/have time to do/want to spend my time doing. I think this is a very powerful video, and it may help me let go of all the years of collecting crafty things. Thank you for sharing!
I've only just found this but boy did it hit me hard. The "fantasy self" is something I spent so long catering to and buying so many things for that I later regretted and I could never work out why until I heard you talk about the "fantasy self". I love this so much and I'm so grateful that you made this video!
your channel is helping me on such a deep level you have no idea. thank you so much.
This is so true. I buy clothes wanting to be a certain person with a certain style but I will never actually wear that stuff
This is so deep and inspirational.There is so much to relate to. I read one of the comments , someone suggests you should have a ted talk , and i totally agree to that.
I discovered you channel today, and I am so happy I did!! Thank you for sharing this concept! I have sometimes felt this but never been able to put my finger on. For someone to finally explain this in a concrete way is revolutionary! Thank you
This video really helped me look into myself. Though they may sound similar, the fantasy self and the fearless self are actually very different, and I like how you explained them. I think once you look more into who you ARE rather than who you wish to be based on the comparisons of other people you will find your truest self. Only then you'll be happy with who you are.
I must say,coming across your channel has been the highlight of my day.I love how relatable you are and inspiring.I had plans on being a minimalist,lost track but as soon as I came across this,I got reminded why I wanted that type of a lifestyle.Big up,keep the minimalist theme videos coming.✌🏾
I am SOOOO thankful that I have come across your videos. You have me beyond inspired. And I can not wait to get started on decluttering and freeing up not just my room, house, but time. You have some incredible points here!!
this hit so close to home! thank you for making this video, it's made me think a lot about who I actually am and how to reflect that into my environment rather than buying things to showcase that. my fantasy self is me in cute European clothing who reads lots of literature, has lots of friends, travels all the time and has trendy home decor! of course the reality is I dont have a lot of the clothing I desire and am always looking for those pieces (probably because of my pinterest board which barely reflects the clothing I own)
I was originally watching this video after its release. Coming back to it now, it is still fascinating that you actually came up with a name for this. It has been a big problem for me but I was never truly aware of it. Let alone the idea to give it a name... when you're so self reflective that you can actually articulate the problem it is a big step in the right direction. What a great video!
very well said, I was recently writing about this on my blog! I refer to it as my ideal self instead of fantasy self because it is the person I would want to be if I could be anyone! I talk more about the mentality of the ideal/fantasy self rather than the what they do but it is nice to know someone else has spoke out about this. I love your UA-cam xxx
I just recently found your channel, and I am so happy. I am starting on my minimalism lifestyle journey. You are really helping me get rid of uneeded things, and live life as my true self. I look foward on supporting your channel and all your endeavors. Thank you.
I might as well start crying now, thank you so much!!
I loved this video because it was an idea/ concept I never thought about before, but it plays a big role in my life about how I feel about myself.
Tavi Gevinson always taught that your fantasy self is equal to your realself, and collecting photos and songs and making shrines helps you build the world you want to live in and the person you want to be. And that always felt fake to me, appropriating other art rather than making your own
I'm so happy I watched this!!! YES, I'm constantly fighting my fantasy self, she always wants to impulse buy shit we don't need. I really relate to your words, wonderfully said, and I feel like something that is not said enough when so much worth is put into materialism and extravagant lifestyles.
Love this. And it's great to know we all do this. I do feel it's worth investigating some of my fantasy selves to find some real pieces to add to myself. Hopefully not buying a bunch of crap in the process. I do yoga and bellydance now because I felt they would be worth trying. My fantasy self is actually good at them and very graceful .. I am not, but oh well. My fantasy self is also very artistic. I have so much craft garbage ... And it stresses me out ... And I will never use any of it. But that fantasy is very strong.
Fantasy me wants to shave her head and have a boho apartment. Real me loves her hair and is to broke to redecorate lol
Gandhijis literally!! I want to redecorate so bad but I am temporarily overcoming a cash flow problem lol
New here! My fantasy self is definitely a minimalist! Ive been making steps for the past year towards reducing the clutter and choosing better alternatives. Glad I came across your channel. The 3 videos I’ve watched have a great insight, thank you!
My fantasy self is an incredible crafter, which tends to go against my minimalist instincts. The craft bin has been the last vestige of crap that I've held onto for over a year now. I think I'm finally ready to let the untouched crafting material go in favor of my camera, which gets used about 3 weekends each month. Thank you, Janell, for helping me bring some clarity to my intentions!
Subscribed after seeing your last video. Love your vibe!
Its amazing how minimalism and life experience in general can completely alter who your "Fantasy self" is.
I really enjoy your videos. I test out other minimal cloggers and I keep returning to you because you come off as genuine, fallible and humble. I appreciate your wisdom at such a young age. Keep it up, you have my support and blessings.
Congrats on all the views with your last video! So grateful I ran across your channel 💕
It's WILD and feels so weird haha, thank you!!
Okay my fantasy selves: 1. the PERFECT zero waste person, makes her own shampoo and everything, never buys one use plastic items «= Actually I am working towards that so Idk if that is a fantasy self 2. A cool, outgoing party girl. Is skinny or curvy, wears tight skirts, crop tops, levis, heels and dances really good on parties 3. Really nerdy, intelligent person with books, vintage stuff, plants, flowers, really good at science 4. The same but punk 5. A andro. Person, who wears shirts with leather jackets and loose pants and has a buzzcut and is super cool .... I think it's good to have a 'Ideal' person in your head that you can see as a role model but you have to be YOU and I still need to find out who I am and what I wanna have and be from those 5 people bc I am too confused
Same! (Literally all the same fantasy selves). The worst phrase somebody could say to me right now is ''Be yourself'' because I have no idea who that is. But that's ok, because we are always growing and changing to seek the stuff we truly enjoy.
It's all about finding the balance!
Jaluna Böhler relatable 😭
ooh this is me!! im so frustrated because at this point in my life i thought id kNOW who i am!! and yet.. here we are lol
So glad to know I'm not the only one with so many fantasy selves hanging around 😀
You made the video!!! This is cool. I’m glad you touched base on it from different angles, as in not only fashion related. Since I watched your video first bringing up fantasy self I did a 180. I can’t even tell you the positive changes I’ve made in just the last few days. I wasn’t kidding when I said that it hit home. In this video you used the term “draining”. Yes, nailed it. Also, super glad your channel is blowing up. Right on.
This video hit me hard and I just have to thank you for that, I didn't even realise I was doing half of these things. Cause looking at myself right now i can tell i'm miles away from my fantasy self, and i think i'll definitely try to take a step back and keep that fantasy self as a fantasy, and not something that i have to be in order to be happy.
Damn. This hit home, I had no idea how much I cater to my "fantasy self". I like to think I'm pretty upfront and honest with myself but this was a dope reality check and itll definitely inform a lot of my decision making from here on out! Thanks for your channel :)
This is so spot on. We use shopping to fill a void in who we want to be or for something we need in a job or relationship that we feel is missing. Shopping is a drug of choice for many.
i have so many fantasy selfs and its so tiring. sometimes i wish i could really just get to know myself as it is and stop wishing to be anything else. i love how you talked about “the fearless self” and i agree that they both are so different. loved your talk so mind opening. keep up the good videos 💞