Watch the Video Explaining My Divorce: ua-cam.com/video/lLYatmYVcSY/v-deo.html Please consider subscribing!! Let's get to 60,000 Subscribers!! Connect with me: instagram.com/wesleezy/ Listen to my music: shorturl.at/nw2c6 Contact me: weslythomasmusic@gmail.com IG: @Wesleezy Set up a 1 on 1 consultation with me: whereswes.setmore.com Please consider donating to support the channel! Venmo: @Wesleezy Paypal: paypal.me/wesleezy Patreon: patreon.com/wesleezy If you want access to my unfiltered deleted videos, consider subscribing to my Patreon! You'll get access to a lot of my older deleted videos plus be able to contact me and ask me questions.
It's not about choosing the right partner. It's the laws and environment. Modern women are broken and there is no fixing them. Until their rights are taken away, things will only get worse.
@@HomeSchool4You"Modern women are broken"...as if they are objects? Darn those pesky human rights that allow a woman to provide for herself, recieve and education, and not bear children the moment they hit puberty. So many of you yearn for a golden-age where woman had to be quiet for fear of being divorced and placed in a home for the invalid and divorced...thank goodness my marriage is based upon love and mutual respect...
I'm 24 and currently have a flat with my foreign wife in a different country. It can be done. I live with my mom and am almost done paying it off. At this point, the American dream is about jumping ship, if you want a simple life.
Agree 100% I almost got married at 24 to someone who was the absolute nightmare and i was at my lowest at that time, unemployed, toxic parents, daddy issues, internal pressure to find a man, low self esteem you name it. It was God’s miracle that he opened my eyes to see life as it is and embrace the unknown with all its trials. Now at 26 I laugh at how dumb i was. Life is still in the process but more wisdom, peace and joy.
To me the email means: End of the story. This book(your life in Colombia) can be put back on his shelf. Now you can fully and only focus on the book you are currently reading(your life in Poland). I wish this book will have a happy ending. Good Luck.
I am in my 20s and got divorced. I had a prenup, so the divorce went smoothly. The marriage was nice. Sometimes things out of your control happen that cause you to take different life paths. A prenup is a good idea to make sure both people know what is supposed to happen ahead of time if things don't go to plan. It's really easy to come up with a fair plan when you still want to get married, though some creativity to consider all possible futures.
@@HomeSchool4YouGet a prenup done by a very reputable matrimony attorney. Someone who has excellent track records and many successes with previous clients. It costs a lot more but it'll save your @ss one day.
man you rock. thanks for being honest on social media about loneliness while living abroad, admitting mistakes etc while most of the vloggers are mainly showing only the bright side of life. wishing you meet the right person who shares the same values with you regardless of the language and origin. btw i've also moved to krakow years ago having no plan to stay here for long.
Something to consider for the 50% divorce rate (which is actually falling and probably a bit below 40% since people are more contientious about marriage), the stat doesn't tell the story of serial divorcers. Most divorcees realize they made a mistake young, mature through divorce, and get it right happily ever after. But there's people who never learn and keep getting divorced. This adds to the total number of marriages (the denominator), but the numerator doesn't differentiate. Marriage tend be a much more stable institution than doomers would have you believe. Especially now that people are more cognizant about what they expect before entering one.
All great points. I try to remember the HALT acronym which stands for hungry, angry, lonely or tired, and that you should never important decisions when you're any of these.
Thank you for sharing in tip #5 that there were issues in your birth family and how important stability is. I appreciate it. Many people, especially ones that have been rased in a dysfunctional family system have a hard time recognizing that they are being manipulated ( deceived, love bombed or gaslighted).
I am sorry to hear about your divorce. The reason why I followed is because of your living and marriage (ex) in Colombia. I am thinking of relocating to Colombia for a while.
Wes, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! Always insightful. I really like Katowice and did have many thoughts about living there half the time. Best of luck moving to Warsaw & hopefully a new good journey for you! And off course, find a compatible Polish gf too!
I really agree with your views and esp Prenup but clearly the divorce rate in Poland is uncommon and my ex even ask if Chinese is common (!) so it becomes a very sensitive subject if to have a prenup (feels like, so you think you will get divorce before a marraige)
@@nicholasnickif the partners are actually compatible, they won't mind a prenup. It protects both parties. I'm married now, 24, and we have a clause where I paid for the apartment, but within 1 year it will be 50/50 because my wife will be taking care of me this entire time for the 1 year in the foreign country. We agreed on this and it is much more fair. She also paid for the entire renovation.
I think you'd make a great relationship coach, Wes!! You're very wise for a 30 year old...lots of people never get to that kind of emotional maturity in their life. I love hearing you're remaining faithful for future relationships. I truly believe we long for love in order to learn about ourselves. And as the saying goes: "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime" ...any which way, we always continue learning, and that's what we're here for as humanity. So nothing's a failure - it's simply growing. Stay blessed, Wes...you're on the right path!! ❤
As a Polish gay man I never would have expected that my marriage ceremony with my boyfriend after 11 years of the best time of my life would have any meaning in our life. We did it (abroad ofc) to show our families and friends that we actually mean it. Saying "I do", was something I never would have to be able to do. It's silly, we invited only our parents and the closest friends to be our witness, and it changed so much in our lives. My father started to accept me and my husband. You are 100% sure, don't rush, find acceptance, be sure
Yes, social media absolutely blows dating and relationship issues way out of proportion. What I like about your channel is that you are very down to earth and honest about relationships. I feel all these Red Pill content creators (and some of their listeners) are operating in a different reality to most normal people like you and me. Not to mention, the Red Pill works so well that some of those creators have to go overseas 🙄. There are good and bad men and women everywhere.
I think you are healing but you are still cautious. That is why you came from "I will never marry again" to "I want to marry but don't think it need to be for life". Still I think that marrying till the end of life makes me try more even if I don"t want or I have no strenght. I just need to try so I do it. Why would I try if I knew that in lets say 5 years everything would finish? I would just wait till the end and tell "hey, that is how we said it will be, so goodbye".
@WheresWes most? Here it is like 1/3 so it is not most. Everybody should think before such a big decision. But many people do not really know what they want.
I really like how you think about things, appreciating the "traditional" style of life and human interaction, but trying to see both sides of every problem. To solve a problem you need to explore different options, and to resolve a conflict you should try to understand both parties no matter how different their opinion might be.
Insightful & honest testimonial Wes, I have enjoyed seeing your evolution from a youthful spirit to maturing adult reaching another stage in life. Best wishes from Texas!
First tip was inspirationally insightful… it will help me moving forward to be more conscientious… thank you for sharing in the manner that you do, and for your authenticity thought out the years…your journey has been an inspiration. Trust me when I say, your impact has been exceptional.
This is an excellent upload. I agree on all your points; BTDT 😂 No one should rush into marriage unless you feel it is 100% slam-dunk, everything /every bone in your body tells you is “right”.
Hey Wes. I just want to say I admire you and your channel. I am a colombian guy and I appreciate your insights and life experiences and I look up to your experiences and knowledge along the way as practical wisdom per say. I am 26 and I am still trying to get my life together and pretty much suck with girls. I could've made the same the mistake when I was in my early 20s when I almost married my college gf eve though my life was even more of a wreck by then than it is now. A lot of men can relate to your life and I am trying to organize my life so by the time I reach my 30s, I am in a much better place to look for a romantic partner.
Thank you for this share. 🙏🏻I completely agree with financial, emotional, mental, spiritual stability. 💯 I am working for that stability, safety, security I so crave. I believe only then I can make a healthy decision for myself. Thank you again. ☀️🙏🏻 I wish you all the best brother. I hope you will have the stability and the life partner that suits you the best. ☀️🌻🌻
it is interesting to see your point on marriage / relationship, I see Asian culture influence (marriage is not just between two people) all this is good but still I think life in many cases is fate. Most people pretend on the beginning off relationship and I think this is biggest problem. Unfortunately that is the world we live in and there is no golden rule. As well as you value your family opinion your partner will also have influence of opinion people around her. I wish you all the best. I heard once that we change (and I think our perception of the life) every decade. there is some truth behind that 🙂, I ma 47 now and see my life in some kind of perspective. I moved to Norway to live in. Good luck !! I like to see Poland through other people eyes 😊
24 and married. I have money set aside in case she wants out. Secondly, open relationships in France aren't as common as you think. One of my closest friend groups is comprised of French people and most of them won't accept that.
@@amonzart2379 Infidelity among the French is actually highly frowned upon. I lived there, learned the language and the culture, had a French girlfriend also. People talk in France, and you'll have your reputation ruined if you cheat. People are watching Emily in Paris too much lol
Zacznę od złożenia życzeń: Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin! 🥳🎉🎂🥂 Jesteś Koziorożcem. Bardzo porządny znak. Najbardziej pracowity ze wszystkich znaków zodiaku! Jeśli dobrze sprawdziłam to w chińskim horoskopie: Drewniany Pies. Trochę Cię prześwietliłam 😉😁, ale daty urodzenia niezmiennie kojarzą mi się z horoskopami - automatycznie mi się to włącza. Swoją drogą nie wiem czy zacząłeś też obchodzić imieniny (bo w USA chyba nie ma takiego zwyczaju). Datę imienin ustala się najczęściej jako najbliższą dacie urodzin, więc w Twoim przypadku to chyba byłby 28 styczeń. Ze wszystkich punktów, które poruszyłeś największe wrażenie zrobiło na mnie to, że w kwestii wyboru swojej partnerki liczysz się że zdaniem swojej rodziny (może tym bardziej przez to, że sama jestem w niepełnej rodzinie). To było ładne. Bardzo mądre i dojrzałe podejście! Uważam podobnie jak Ty, że dzisiaj mężczyźni myślą, że kobieta są tymi najgorszymi. A kobiety tak samo uważają o mężczyznach. 😅🤣😳🥴 A media najczęściej to podchwytują i jeszcze zaogniają konflikt. Nawet przedwczoraj natknęłam się na dyskusje Polaków na temat mieszanych związków polsko-niemieckich. Kobiety przyrównywane były właściwie do mentalnych prostytutek, zainteresowanych głównie wyższym statusem materialnym Niemców. Tylko, gdy kobieta wiązała się z biedniejszym od siebie uznawano to za... wyjątek od reguły, że kobiety to materialistki 😏 (a statystycznie w ogóle mężczyźni zwykle zarabiają więcej od kobiet, od zawsze😂). Jeszcze były uwagi, że mężczyźni (zarówno Niemcy jak i Polacy) wolą wybierać kobiety ładniejsze i łatwiejsze czyli Polki (bo Niemki są bardziej wymagające 😅). W dzisiejszych czasach mamy pewien kryzys relacji - wręcz na poziomie międzyludzkim. Więc bycie w parze bywa trudniejsze. Dlatego zawsze staram się kibicować relacjom. I podziwiam długoletnie związki. Sama mam za sobą trudne rozstanie. W krótkim odstępie czasu straciłam pracę i chłopaka, który był zarazem moim przyjacielem (jedynym mężczyzną, którego nazywałam przyjacielem). Do tego nie miałam wtedy stałego kontaktu z moją mamą, która była najbliższą mi osobą w rodzinie. Miałam wrażenie, że nie ma wokół mnie najbliższych mi osób. To mnie załamało (za duża kumulacja ciężkich rzeczy naraz). Miałam odczucie, że doświadczam jakiegoś rodzaju śmierci (bo tym właśnie bywają rozstania!). Mnie najbardziej akurat dobiła utrata przyjaciela (czułam się jak krucha trzcina, którą ktoś dla mnie ważny z łatwością przełamał na pół). Przyjaźń była wtedy dla mnie najważniejsza! Bo miłość przychodzi i odchodzi kiedy chce, a przyjaźń to coś co sami wybieramy. Nigdy przez lata naszej znajomości o nic go właściwie nie prosiłam i to był jedyny raz kiedy czegoś od niego chciałam - potrzebowałam jego zwyczajnej obecności (był wtedy dla mnie najważniejszą osobą na świecie). On natomiast potrzebował wtedy czasu i przestrzeni. Kiedy on zatęsknił za jakimkolwiek zwykłym kontaktem ze mną ja już byłam w zupełnie innym punkcie - doszłam do wniosku, że nasz kontakt jest niewskazany. Nasze potrzeby kontaktu totalnie się rozmijały. Rozstanie było o tyle bardziej skomplikowane, że między nami wciąż nadal była miłość. On zerwał ze mną pierwszy (był jedynym mężczyzną, który że mną zerwał i akurat tym, którego najbardziej kochałam). Bardzo szybko chciał do mnie wrócić (po jakichś dwóch dniach 😄). Ale dla mnie coś się już skończyło (ciągłość naszej relacji). To była niewłaściwa kolejność: on najpierw że mną zerwał a później chciał coś naprawiać zamiast najpierw coś próbować naprawiać w związku a dopiero potem że mną zrywać). Uznałam, że powinniśmy sobie faktycznie przynajmniej zrobić koniecznie jakąś przerwę w naszej relacji, bo on ma dużo racji w tym, że zrywa nasz związek. Doceniłam, że wykonał ten trudny i wymagający pewnej odwagi (choć radykalny) krok - zerwania. Więc w przeciągu może trzech dni od najpierw zerwał ze mną a ostatecznie ja z nim. I oboje czuliśmy się z tego powodu źle. 😔 To była bardzo trudna lekcja od życia, że nawet pomimo, że kogoś kochasz powinieneś zakończyć związek. Mój były partner ułożył sobie nawet szybko życie uczuciowe na nowo ostatecznie (to dobrze o nim świadczy - że miał zdrowsze podejście i zawsze cieszę się szczęściem ludzi, którzy byli dla mnie bliscy). Ja bardzo długo (latami!🤦🙄) próbowałam się w nim bezskutecznie odkochać. Nie działały na mnie: upływ czasu, logiczne uzasadnienia, praca, nauka, filozofia, psychologia, żadne odciągacze czasu czy jakieś używki. Nowe relacje wydawały mi się jałowe i nie były nawet namiastką naszej relacji. Moje uczucie do niego po prostu się nie kończyło! Czy próbowałam o nim nie myśleć wogóle albo mieć jego przesyt. Myślałam o nim zaraz po przebudzeniu i jak kładłam się spać. W końcu uznałam, że nie ma dla mnie już ratunku. I że przepadłam wraz z tą miłością. I właśnie wtedy kiedy się ostatecznie poddałam zaczęłam się odkochiwać (ku mojemu totalnemu zaskoczeniu). Ta miłość po prostu nagle mi sama przeszła! Od tego czasu bardzo doceniam stan nie bycia zakochaną 😄😂. Miłość kojarzy mi się z tym, że się raczej głupieje 😂🤭. I przesuwają się jakieś twoje granice (czasem wytrzymałości hahaha). Nie znoszę być zakochana (pomimo tego, że jest to też równocześnie wspaniały stan bytu!🥰🤩). Uwielbiam za to przyjaźń - chociaż to przyjaciele ranili mnie w życiu najmocniej. Najwięcej moich potencjalnych przyjaźni zabierała mi miłość - nigdy w życiu nie udało mi się przez to zaprzyjaźnić z żadnym facetem. Ale dzięki temu moje związki miały szerszą podstawę, bo zaczynały się najczęściej od tego, że chciałam się z tymi facetami najpierw zaprzyjaźnić. I rozstania też bywały zawsze bez kłótni. To najcięższe rozstanie paradoksalnie zresztą jeszcze więcej mi dało. Bardzo szybko włączyło mi się myślenie, że ja się nie chcę nigdy więcej w życiu tak czuć. Pojawiło mi się takie klasyczne roztrząsanie, że muszę być niewystarczająca i bardzo wybrakowana. I że powinnam nad sobą popracować i się zmienić. Że tylko mi się zdawało, że tak dużo wiem o życiu. Ja się przede wszystkim skupiłam na sobie (zawsze to robię po rozstaniu), bo uznałam, że to jest coś na co mam największy wpływ. Mimo że to nie jest łatwe - chociażby przyglądać się sobie krytycznie. Zaczęłam się zastanawiać czego tak naprawdę chcę i co sama daję. Uświadomiłam sobie, że ja wręcz nie dostrzegałam wszystkich faktów na temat związku - bo byłam chociażby zbyt zakochana (a to nie była jednak łatwa relacja od samego początku). Ja tak naprawdę w tym związku byłam jeszcze mentalnie dzieckiem, więc włożyłam w niego dużo bezinteresowności. Moje emocje były czyste i bardzo prawdziwe - przed żadnym partnerem w życiu się tak nie otwarłam. Przez to było mi trudniej z tego wyjść. Wszystkie dotychczasowe związki właściwie zawsze ją kończyłam. Gdy moi partnerzy zaczynali wspominać o wspólnym domu, małżeństwie i dzieciach nigdy nie byłam na to gotowa. Z szacunku do nich, żeby nie zajmować im sobą czasu, zawsze się z nimi rozstawałam. To zawsze ją szybciej wychodziłam z relacji! (bez większych perturbacji). Do czasu aż rzuciła mnie największa miłość mojego życia - wtedy w jednej chwili zrozumiałam wszystkie smutne piosenki o nieszczęśliwej miłości 😂😏🤣. To dość uniwersalne doświadczenie: bolesne rozstanie. Najważniejsze to nie zafiksowywać się na tym martwym punkcie. Ty jesteś żywym przykładem, że można to zrobić - możesz być inspiracją dla innych. Masz ciekawe przemyślenia i podsumowania. Najważniejsze w budowaniu relacji to znaleźć odpowiednią partnerkę, która będzie rozumiała Twój odbiór świata i Twoje podejście. Jestem przekonana, że w Warszawie na pewno sobie kogoś znajdziesz. Życzę Ci jak najlepiej. Jesteś wspaniałą osobą! I zasługujesz na równie dobrą partnerkę. Właściwie wszystko co powiedziałeś w filmiku ma swoje logiczne wyjaśnienie; ma swój sens. Mnie jedynie zastanowiło to 5% - słyszałam, że po ślubie zainteresowanie seksem się zmienia, ale ta liczba i tak mnie zadziwiła :). Trochę mało... :) Ale pewnie się nie znam - mężatką nie byłam. Na pewno spojrzenie na związki po dekadzie jest inne, bo człowiek przez ten czas już właściwie staje się inną osobą. I właściwie to dobrze - bo to świadczy o tym, że człowiek się rozwinął. A życie zawsze znajdzie kiedyś jakiś sposób, żeby nas złamać. Najważniejsze to przetrwać ten nieuchronny kryzys. I trzeba się wykazać prawdziwą siłą, żeby się temu nie poddać bez walki - i jak człowiek próbuje to nie powinien robić sobie wyrzutów. Zwłaszcza gdy dotyczy to tak delikatnej materii jaką jest związek - bo to jest operowanie na najbardziej wrażliwych rejestrach (od podstawowej ludzkiej potrzeby akceptacji i przynależności po intymność; sferę seksualną). *Naprawdę długo się zastanawiałam czy powinnam wogóle omawiać swoje przeszłe związki, ale uznałam, że może jakkolwiek kiedykolwiek komukolwiek to pomoże (a dobrze wiem jak trudne potrafią być rozstania). Te doświadczenia są już za mną, bo ja nimi nie żyję. I moich ex nie postrzegam też jakoś negatywnie, bo to były bliskie i szczególne dla mnie osoby (i one zresztą to wiedzą).
Being aromantic, I've had no other choice but to ignore what is/was "expected" of me in society, and go my own way. As such I've often pitied those who wound up in unhappy marriages, and/or living unhappy lives, simply because they had the "go along to get along" mentality. I now work for a global network that provides a living wage for everyone in their network, and their standard, renewable, customizable, marriage "license" is a-typical, and pragmatic, and aligns with your own thoughts on providing a safe, clear way "out" of marriage - should it come to that. It's all part of "hoping for the best, but planning for the worst." I'm glad that your experience, while hard/painful, has given you wisdom beyond your years. Great video. Love & Light to you.
Your video was recommended and I haven’t been in a serious relationship. I seen videos of women dating a rich man only to divorce him for his money. I seen videos about that. We broke up back in Feb 2018 after just using me for financial gains. I try again last year only to walk out after she asked me how much do you make. If your partner remains loyal and doesn’t care about wealth she a keeper otherwise she leave you if your financial situation changed. Prenup is worth it as guys won’t get anything if you get divorced
While most of your tips seems reasonable, tip 5 seems off base. Lets start with the definition of insanity "doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result." Culture and society shifts are needed. Just because we've hit some bumps while trying to figure it out doesn't mean we should give up. You're looking back at the past through rose colored glasses. Men & women relationships has always been complicated, but in the past men held all the marbles. The solution isn't to look to the past for answers but to keep moving forward in a equitable way. I find mostly men that are looking back to the past due to the power dynamic. Adapt and learn to navigate in the present.
I'm in my mid 30s never married, no kids. Marriage never made sense to me , especially that I've seen most of the married people around me being miserable. I love women and love being with them, but I noticed that after 2 years max of any relationship I've been in , they start to change. They start giving less and want more. I think a big part of it is they take the relationship for granted. They think since they secured me , they don't have to work as hard. Just imagine what would happen if I gave them the leverage of marriage. Unfortunately, marriage gives the one with less finances leverage, since they have nothing to lose and everything to gain on a breakup. I will never ever do it. Instead , if they start not acting right , I cut bait and move on . No losses there.
You sound more and more mature and... normal. I totally agree that people are not bad of themselves, they answer to what you called an "incentive structure", more commonly known as "culture" 😄. That applies just as much to cheating and hookup culture, as it does to corruption or being hard-working. Or having kids at a young age. Same thing with micro-cultures, such as a workplace. As to marriage "until death do us part" - perhaps you should treat it as more of an ambition? The promise is supposed to make it difficult and embarrassing to part ways, if you honestly promised something in front of dozens of your family members and friends. So that you don't give up at the first view of trouble! Serious illness, meeting a new, very attractive potential partner, change of priorities in life... that shouldn't be enough of itself to part ways. It's just an effective strategy to have known each other for a few years, lived together for a while... that severely limits the number of later surprises, even if it's just that.
You have to be careful with prenups though, for the most part they are upheld if you DID it right.....the following are things to think about and what terms a prenup can be tossed out by a judge: make sure you follow YOUR State law and procedures when it comes to prenups, don t hide "other" assets, make sure the provisions in the prenup are air tight and there is no room for misinterpretation or vagueness, and lastly, if the terms in the prenup are considered unfair to one of the spouses....
No such thing as unfair to a spouse. If it's not their property, it's not theirs. I have a 50/50 clause with my wife even though I bought the apartment... But she's going to handle all expenses while I study her language in her country, for a year. She also paid for renovations for the entire apartment. This is fair. Giving it for nothing, is not
@@bldontmatter5319 It is a prenup term called "Unconscionable"...definition: "A prenup that gives almost everything to one spouse while leaving the other nearly penniless is likely to be challenged..." "If the prenup creates a situation where one spouse might need government support after divorce, the court would likely find it unconscionable." !State-Specific Variations: While the core idea of fairness applies, exact definitions of “unconscionable” differ slightly by state." In NY, for example, if the he person is left with nothing, and it "shocks their conscience", that is considered, in that State to be deemed "unconscionable... Ask your attorney..
Wes the only problem with you in Poland is that Poles have different mentality. When we say yes by the altar we do it with conviction that we will gow old together. If you are saying now lets get married and see in 20 years what we will do then why bother get married in first place? With that mentality you are set for failure on datig scene in Poland.
Good commentary on life. I agree on almost everything except the marriage itself. I don’t need paperwork to be with someone in a lasting relationship. I actually noticed that a lot of relationships that were near perfect for decades fell quickly apart as soon as they got married. Something in the back of the mind that brings the attitude of “now we’re married so I don’t have to try anymore because the other person is tied down”. I’m in my mid-40s now and what I’ve learned is:commitment yes-marriage no. Obviously I understand that with kids involved there are other legal issues but that can be solved as well nowadays.
I agree with much of what you mentioned, it carries a lot of wisdom, however I don't aggree that you should leave room to divorce in case you want it. Instead I believe marriage should be a lifetime commitment. But because it should be a lifelong commitment, make sure you do well to identify someone who you can sacrifice yourself for and who can sacrifice themselves for you. It is about duty , We spend over a decade in school to eventually set up our careers yet many with marry without educating themselves sufficiently about marriage. So because it should be a lifelong thing, make sure to thoroughly prep for it. 💫
If it's over for one, it's over for you both. People have the right to change and decide they want a different life. Lifelong commitment in sadness is a death sentence.
50% may stay married but 30% of that 50% are sexless. That may be fine for a woman but not for a man. At best, you have a 20% chance of a good, healthy, amazing relationship. You can play the odds but they are against you. Good luck!
I think the definition of a PP Bro got lost somewhere It rationally makes no sense to go overseas to find a "wife." It's hard enough in your home country to do it, what sense does it make to go find someone from a different culture, who speaks a different language, and has lived a different quality of life? Being a real PP Bro was doing it like Patrice O'Neal. Going to Brazil to get some foreign box, getting prince treatment, then coming home once you've had some fun. This new definition causes more harm than good. Guys who've made good money going overseas to find the "love of their life" is simply irrational.
Wes zukwanu ike. (Stay at a place...not literally) But i think you need to really find yourself before its too late. I feel like you are searching for something that can only be found in you. Humble opinion from Nigeria.
I wouldn't have married my 1st wife, if I had a backbone. Yes I dated her for years, saw her as a friend. But family, her and society try pushing you to please women or to next goal post. Did remarry 12 years later to a woman and love of my choice
I’m getting divorce. But I plan to move back to Thailand. Find a good Thai man to marry and make a stable family. The marriage needs to be an agreement for a life time. He can’t get divorce from me if we have kids together. I will not let my family fall apart.
I thought you were doing pretty good until you reached the 13 min mark and said marriage shouldn't be forever. And some how that mindset leads to abuse... huh? I guess God (The creator of marriage) got it wrong.... Till death do us part is the ordained mindset. You'll never experience real love... and no it's not a feeling, until you do marriage God's way. (Not your religious ex's way) Try reading the New Testament for yourself... only then will you be able to give credible advice on relationships and marriage. Fools learn from experience, wise men learn from instruction. I wonder if you're wise enough to here this instruction... I hope you do. Proverbs is a must read for young men as well. Richest Blessings
This is a very outdated way of thinking. Many people do not believe in your God and the Bible. I am simply sharing solutions to the problems I have noticed with human nature.
@ I understand, the fact that people in a fallen society don’t believe in God or the Bible doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist, nor does your/their disbelief mean what he said isn’t true. It simply means you’re deceived. Jesus was murdered by unbelievers. So your thought process is far from a new concept. You wouldn’t even know marriage existed if it weren’t for Adam and Eve. So now, since you reject his wisdom, all you can do is mislead people into a destructive counterfeit of what should be a glorious heavenly experience. God is not outdated… your thinking you’re smarter than him is. “Thinking themselves wise they became utter fools” 🤷🏽♂️
You must have had a very traumatizing experince as a married man if you think that your family must agree with who want to marry or even choose them for you.
You'll start to miss the states and your family eventually. Maybe not now but in your mid to late thirties. Living abroad is fun for a while but whenever you realize you're not going to be young forever your priorities change. Although people may be very welcoming in other countries you'll always be a bit if a stranger there and never fully integrate into the community.
@@WheresWesnobody does. I'm a German ethnicity American in Nebraska, they're all Germans. Even then, you still never belong in this country. It's a country for work, nothing more. That was accepted as far back as the Chinese migrations in the 1800s. Somehow we forgot what it means to have roots. Now I'm in Russia with my wife. Things are a LOT different, but I do fit in with her friends and family. People are supposed to belong!
Wes, how come there’s so much info/resources out there for man on how to behave towards women, win the wife back, etc etc. it’s so one sided. Why? I don’t see the equivalent from the other side.
Because we can't control how the other gender acts. And I believe through our leadership, women will follow suit. There are healthy women creators out there we just don't see them as often
I have proposed the idea to several women and they are open to it. It's not that you divorce when the kids turn 18. It's just being able to have the option in case things don't work out.
somebody divorced... 7 times, even in Poland! Really. O tempora, o mores. What about your home, family, things in California? There are fire, cataclism, crisis.
I am surprised you didn't go back to Colombia. I predicted you would be back. That being said I have watched your videos and it seemed like you matured. Do you prefer Poland over Colombia? Be careful in getting married again. It seems to me you are looking to get married. I am just saying be very careful of this choice and I am saying this as someone who is divorced. Your divorce was easy imagine how hard it is if you have kids.
Marriage is an institution promoted by those who benefit from it, and profit even more so, from its demise. It is all transactional, spoken or unspoken. I prefer it to be discussed on.. what do U and your partner picture the daily and weekly routine to be like? Iron it all out ahead of time. If as a man, do U still expect to go riding or fishing or shooting pool or golf like you are doing before getting married.. if U had to curb even half the activities, would U do it? All I see are male friends basically having to be the ones giving up what they love to do. And in today's first world countries, it basically behooves men not to get married, or even have children out of wedlock. Whoa, did U notice the word construct.. wed-LOCK. Who holds the KEY? The women do, as Family Law favors one side of the equation, and we MEN , as George Carlin said, are NOT in the CLUB.
You don't need to be married to your partner in order to be happy. I have been with my German girlfriend for almost 7 years and we have wonderful children.
Dude, you do NOT know lots of people who are in healthy and happy relationships. 99% of people in relationships are unhappy. They just put on a front. The number is more like 1%, not "lots"
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Divorce brings the worst out of people. This is why choosing the right partner is so important.
Your partner could completely change after 10 years
It's not about choosing the right partner. It's the laws and environment. Modern women are broken and there is no fixing them. Until their rights are taken away, things will only get worse.
@@minister5643 A woman literally is a different person EVERY DAY of her 28-day cycle.
@@HomeSchool4You"Modern women are broken"...as if they are objects? Darn those pesky human rights that allow a woman to provide for herself, recieve and education, and not bear children the moment they hit puberty. So many of you yearn for a golden-age where woman had to be quiet for fear of being divorced and placed in a home for the invalid and divorced...thank goodness my marriage is based upon love and mutual respect...
@@HomeSchool4Youplease take your nonsense red pill garbage elsewhere. You’re clearly projecting
Nowadays people in 30s arent secured yet.. we understand ourselves better but economically and socially we are still struggling..
I'm 24 and currently have a flat with my foreign wife in a different country. It can be done. I live with my mom and am almost done paying it off. At this point, the American dream is about jumping ship, if you want a simple life.
I like that you’re real and don’t sugarcoat anything . I’ve been in one relationship and you gave a lot of solid insight
That email sounded genuine. I’m glad you guys can be cordial with eachother
my guess is the girl was not really matured and let her circle dictate a lot of things for her also. tho would be nice to hear her side of the story
Agree 100% I almost got married at 24 to someone who was the absolute nightmare and i was at my lowest at that time, unemployed, toxic parents, daddy issues, internal pressure to find a man, low self esteem you name it. It was God’s miracle that he opened my eyes to see life as it is and embrace the unknown with all its trials. Now at 26 I laugh at how dumb i was. Life is still in the process but more wisdom, peace and joy.
Y'all are so very young. Do not be so terribly hard on yourselves!
@ yeah i know but the time window when we’re are most likely to achieve certain goals is too short however everything happens for a reason.
Good stuff wes. Im 33 myself and i find myself aligning more with your talking points every day
To me the email means: End of the story. This book(your life in Colombia) can be put back on his shelf. Now you can fully and only focus on the book you are currently reading(your life in Poland). I wish this book will have a happy ending. Good Luck.
I'm 47 and divorced. I agree with everything you said. Good luck bro
I am in my 20s and got divorced. I had a prenup, so the divorce went smoothly. The marriage was nice. Sometimes things out of your control happen that cause you to take different life paths. A prenup is a good idea to make sure both people know what is supposed to happen ahead of time if things don't go to plan. It's really easy to come up with a fair plan when you still want to get married, though some creativity to consider all possible futures.
Prenups usually get thrown out, so you got lucky.
@HomeSchool4You depends on the country
Don't get married in the UK.
What country / state did you get married in?
@@owendavies8227 All Western countries - USA, Canada, UK, Australia, New Zealand, etc.
@@HomeSchool4YouGet a prenup done by a very reputable matrimony attorney. Someone who has excellent track records and many successes with previous clients. It costs a lot more but it'll save your @ss one day.
man you rock. thanks for being honest on social media about loneliness while living abroad, admitting mistakes etc while most of the vloggers are mainly showing only the bright side of life. wishing you meet the right person who shares the same values with you regardless of the language and origin. btw i've also moved to krakow years ago having no plan to stay here for long.
Thanks!
Something to consider for the 50% divorce rate (which is actually falling and probably a bit below 40% since people are more contientious about marriage), the stat doesn't tell the story of serial divorcers. Most divorcees realize they made a mistake young, mature through divorce, and get it right happily ever after. But there's people who never learn and keep getting divorced. This adds to the total number of marriages (the denominator), but the numerator doesn't differentiate. Marriage tend be a much more stable institution than doomers would have you believe. Especially now that people are more cognizant about what they expect before entering one.
wes thank you for sharing your marriage and divorce. i appreciate you sharing your experience and journey keep up the good content dawg
Been following you for awhile. I'm glad you are learning family is a staple.
All great points. I try to remember the HALT acronym which stands for hungry, angry, lonely or tired, and that you should never important decisions when you're any of these.
Thank you for sharing in tip #5 that there were issues in your birth family and how important stability is. I appreciate it.
Many people, especially ones that have been rased in a dysfunctional family system have a hard time recognizing that they are being manipulated ( deceived, love bombed or gaslighted).
I am sorry to hear about your divorce. The reason why I followed is because of your living and marriage (ex) in Colombia. I am thinking of relocating to Colombia for a while.
Wes, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! Always insightful. I really like Katowice and did have many thoughts about living there half the time. Best of luck moving to Warsaw & hopefully a new good journey for you! And off course, find a compatible Polish gf too!
I really agree with your views and esp Prenup but clearly the divorce rate in Poland is uncommon and my ex even ask if Chinese is common (!) so it becomes a very sensitive subject if to have a prenup (feels like, so you think you will get divorce before a marraige)
@@nicholasnickif the partners are actually compatible, they won't mind a prenup. It protects both parties. I'm married now, 24, and we have a clause where I paid for the apartment, but within 1 year it will be 50/50 because my wife will be taking care of me this entire time for the 1 year in the foreign country. We agreed on this and it is much more fair. She also paid for the entire renovation.
I think you'd make a great relationship coach, Wes!! You're very wise for a 30 year old...lots of people never get to that kind of emotional maturity in their life. I love hearing you're remaining faithful for future relationships. I truly believe we long for love in order to learn about ourselves. And as the saying goes: "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime" ...any which way, we always continue learning, and that's what we're here for as humanity. So nothing's a failure - it's simply growing.
Stay blessed, Wes...you're on the right path!! ❤
Thanks for sharing Your thoughts on all those things. That was a very deep episode. Thank You ;D
exactly! the grass is greener where you are watering it!
As a Polish gay man I never would have expected that my marriage ceremony with my boyfriend after 11 years of the best time of my life would have any meaning in our life. We did it (abroad ofc) to show our families and friends that we actually mean it. Saying "I do", was something I never would have to be able to do. It's silly, we invited only our parents and the closest friends to be our witness, and it changed so much in our lives. My father started to accept me and my husband. You are 100% sure, don't rush, find acceptance, be sure
Lol
You were monogamous right?
Congrats on finding happiness
Yes, social media absolutely blows dating and relationship issues way out of proportion. What I like about your channel is that you are very down to earth and honest about relationships. I feel all these Red Pill content creators (and some of their listeners) are operating in a different reality to most normal people like you and me. Not to mention, the Red Pill works so well that some of those creators have to go overseas 🙄. There are good and bad men and women everywhere.
SHE TAKES ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR HER ACTION IN THAT EMAIL. SHE SOUNDS LIKE A TYPICAL SOCIOPATHS EMAIL AFETR BURNING DOWN A BARN,
I think you are healing but you are still cautious. That is why you came from "I will never marry again" to "I want to marry but don't think it need to be for life". Still I think that marrying till the end of life makes me try more even if I don"t want or I have no strenght. I just need to try so I do it. Why would I try if I knew that in lets say 5 years everything would finish? I would just wait till the end and tell "hey, that is how we said it will be, so goodbye".
Of course I am cautious. Everybody should be. Most marriages end in divorce, so it's a legitimate concern.
@WheresWes most? Here it is like 1/3 so it is not most.
Everybody should think before such a big decision. But many people do not really know what they want.
I really like how you think about things, appreciating the "traditional" style of life and human interaction, but trying to see both sides of every problem. To solve a problem you need to explore different options, and to resolve a conflict you should try to understand both parties no matter how different their opinion might be.
Insightful & honest testimonial Wes, I have enjoyed seeing your evolution from a youthful spirit to maturing adult reaching another stage in life. Best wishes from Texas!
First tip was inspirationally insightful… it will help me moving forward to be more conscientious… thank you for sharing in the manner that you do, and for your authenticity thought out the years…your journey has been an inspiration. Trust me when I say, your impact has been exceptional.
This is an excellent upload. I agree on all your points; BTDT 😂
No one should rush into marriage unless you feel it is 100% slam-dunk, everything /every bone in your body tells you is “right”.
Hey Wes. I just want to say I admire you and your channel. I am a colombian guy and I appreciate your insights and life experiences and I look up to your experiences and knowledge along the way as practical wisdom per say. I am 26 and I am still trying to get my life together and pretty much suck with girls. I could've made the same the mistake when I was in my early 20s when I almost married my college gf eve though my life was even more of a wreck by then than it is now. A lot of men can relate to your life and I am trying to organize my life so by the time I reach my 30s, I am in a much better place to look for a romantic partner.
Wow, hard lessons and beautifully spoken. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this share. 🙏🏻I completely agree with financial, emotional, mental, spiritual stability. 💯 I am working for that stability, safety, security I so crave. I believe only then I can make a healthy decision for myself. Thank you again. ☀️🙏🏻 I wish you all the best brother. I hope you will have the stability and the life partner that suits you the best. ☀️🌻🌻
Great Advice Thanks!
it is interesting to see your point on marriage / relationship, I see Asian culture influence (marriage is not just between two people) all this is good but still I think life in many cases is fate. Most people pretend on the beginning off relationship and I think this is biggest problem. Unfortunately that is the world we live in and there is no golden rule. As well as you value your family opinion your partner will also have influence of opinion people around her. I wish you all the best. I heard once that we change (and I think our perception of the life) every decade. there is some truth behind that 🙂, I ma 47 now and see my life in some kind of perspective. I moved to Norway to live in. Good luck !! I like to see Poland through other people eyes 😊
this is real, new sub. thanks for your widsom
24 and married. I have money set aside in case she wants out.
Secondly, open relationships in France aren't as common as you think. One of my closest friend groups is comprised of French people and most of them won't accept that.
A lot of people in France are in open relationships just they dont know it yet lol
@@amonzart2379 Infidelity among the French is actually highly frowned upon. I lived there, learned the language and the culture, had a French girlfriend also. People talk in France, and you'll have your reputation ruined if you cheat. People are watching Emily in Paris too much lol
Study the laws in your country very very well. Prenups don't mean s*** in some countries depending on what is in it.
The USA is a nightmare for marriage, not sure why people do it. It can swing around and destroy you even if both parties have an amicable divorce
Zacznę od złożenia życzeń: Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin! 🥳🎉🎂🥂
Jesteś Koziorożcem. Bardzo porządny znak. Najbardziej pracowity ze wszystkich znaków zodiaku!
Jeśli dobrze sprawdziłam to w chińskim horoskopie: Drewniany Pies.
Trochę Cię prześwietliłam 😉😁, ale daty urodzenia niezmiennie kojarzą mi się z horoskopami - automatycznie mi się to włącza.
Swoją drogą nie wiem czy zacząłeś też obchodzić imieniny (bo w USA chyba nie ma takiego zwyczaju). Datę imienin ustala się najczęściej jako najbliższą dacie urodzin, więc w Twoim przypadku to chyba byłby 28 styczeń.
Ze wszystkich punktów, które poruszyłeś największe wrażenie zrobiło na mnie to, że w kwestii wyboru swojej partnerki liczysz się że zdaniem swojej rodziny (może tym bardziej przez to, że sama jestem w niepełnej rodzinie). To było ładne. Bardzo mądre i dojrzałe podejście!
Uważam podobnie jak Ty, że dzisiaj mężczyźni myślą, że kobieta są tymi najgorszymi. A kobiety tak samo uważają o mężczyznach. 😅🤣😳🥴 A media najczęściej to podchwytują i jeszcze zaogniają konflikt.
Nawet przedwczoraj natknęłam się na dyskusje Polaków na temat mieszanych związków polsko-niemieckich. Kobiety przyrównywane były właściwie do mentalnych prostytutek, zainteresowanych głównie wyższym statusem materialnym Niemców. Tylko, gdy kobieta wiązała się z biedniejszym od siebie uznawano to za... wyjątek od reguły, że kobiety to materialistki 😏 (a statystycznie w ogóle mężczyźni zwykle zarabiają więcej od kobiet, od zawsze😂). Jeszcze były uwagi, że mężczyźni (zarówno Niemcy jak i Polacy) wolą wybierać kobiety ładniejsze i łatwiejsze czyli Polki (bo Niemki są bardziej wymagające 😅).
W dzisiejszych czasach mamy pewien kryzys relacji - wręcz na poziomie międzyludzkim. Więc bycie w parze bywa trudniejsze. Dlatego zawsze staram się kibicować relacjom. I podziwiam długoletnie związki.
Sama mam za sobą trudne rozstanie. W krótkim odstępie czasu straciłam pracę i chłopaka, który był zarazem moim przyjacielem (jedynym mężczyzną, którego nazywałam przyjacielem). Do tego nie miałam wtedy stałego kontaktu z moją mamą, która była najbliższą mi osobą w rodzinie. Miałam wrażenie, że nie ma wokół mnie najbliższych mi osób. To mnie załamało (za duża kumulacja ciężkich rzeczy naraz). Miałam odczucie, że doświadczam jakiegoś rodzaju śmierci (bo tym właśnie bywają rozstania!). Mnie najbardziej akurat dobiła utrata przyjaciela (czułam się jak krucha trzcina, którą ktoś dla mnie ważny z łatwością przełamał na pół). Przyjaźń była wtedy dla mnie najważniejsza! Bo miłość przychodzi i odchodzi kiedy chce, a przyjaźń to coś co sami wybieramy. Nigdy przez lata naszej znajomości o nic go właściwie nie prosiłam i to był jedyny raz kiedy czegoś od niego chciałam - potrzebowałam jego zwyczajnej obecności (był wtedy dla mnie najważniejszą osobą na świecie). On natomiast potrzebował wtedy czasu i przestrzeni. Kiedy on zatęsknił za jakimkolwiek zwykłym kontaktem ze mną ja już byłam w zupełnie innym punkcie - doszłam do wniosku, że nasz kontakt jest niewskazany. Nasze potrzeby kontaktu totalnie się rozmijały. Rozstanie było o tyle bardziej skomplikowane, że między nami wciąż nadal była miłość. On zerwał ze mną pierwszy (był jedynym mężczyzną, który że mną zerwał i akurat tym, którego najbardziej kochałam). Bardzo szybko chciał do mnie wrócić (po jakichś dwóch dniach 😄). Ale dla mnie coś się już skończyło (ciągłość naszej relacji). To była niewłaściwa kolejność: on najpierw że mną zerwał a później chciał coś naprawiać zamiast najpierw coś próbować naprawiać w związku a dopiero potem że mną zrywać). Uznałam, że powinniśmy sobie faktycznie przynajmniej zrobić koniecznie jakąś przerwę w naszej relacji, bo on ma dużo racji w tym, że zrywa nasz związek. Doceniłam, że wykonał ten trudny i wymagający pewnej odwagi (choć radykalny) krok - zerwania. Więc w przeciągu może trzech dni od najpierw zerwał ze mną a ostatecznie ja z nim. I oboje czuliśmy się z tego powodu źle. 😔 To była bardzo trudna lekcja od życia, że nawet pomimo, że kogoś kochasz powinieneś zakończyć związek. Mój były partner ułożył sobie nawet szybko życie uczuciowe na nowo ostatecznie (to dobrze o nim świadczy - że miał zdrowsze podejście i zawsze cieszę się szczęściem ludzi, którzy byli dla mnie bliscy). Ja bardzo długo (latami!🤦🙄) próbowałam się w nim bezskutecznie odkochać. Nie działały na mnie: upływ czasu, logiczne uzasadnienia, praca, nauka, filozofia, psychologia, żadne odciągacze czasu czy jakieś używki. Nowe relacje wydawały mi się jałowe i nie były nawet namiastką naszej relacji. Moje uczucie do niego po prostu się nie kończyło! Czy próbowałam o nim nie myśleć wogóle albo mieć jego przesyt. Myślałam o nim zaraz po przebudzeniu i jak kładłam się spać. W końcu uznałam, że nie ma dla mnie już ratunku. I że przepadłam wraz z tą miłością. I właśnie wtedy kiedy się ostatecznie poddałam zaczęłam się odkochiwać (ku mojemu totalnemu zaskoczeniu). Ta miłość po prostu nagle mi sama przeszła! Od tego czasu bardzo doceniam stan nie bycia zakochaną 😄😂. Miłość kojarzy mi się z tym, że się raczej głupieje 😂🤭. I przesuwają się jakieś twoje granice (czasem wytrzymałości hahaha). Nie znoszę być zakochana (pomimo tego, że jest to też równocześnie wspaniały stan bytu!🥰🤩). Uwielbiam za to przyjaźń - chociaż to przyjaciele ranili mnie w życiu najmocniej. Najwięcej moich potencjalnych przyjaźni zabierała mi miłość - nigdy w życiu nie udało mi się przez to zaprzyjaźnić z żadnym facetem. Ale dzięki temu moje związki miały szerszą podstawę, bo zaczynały się najczęściej od tego, że chciałam się z tymi facetami najpierw zaprzyjaźnić. I rozstania też bywały zawsze bez kłótni.
To najcięższe rozstanie paradoksalnie zresztą jeszcze więcej mi dało. Bardzo szybko włączyło mi się myślenie, że ja się nie chcę nigdy więcej w życiu tak czuć. Pojawiło mi się takie klasyczne roztrząsanie, że muszę być niewystarczająca i bardzo wybrakowana. I że powinnam nad sobą popracować i się zmienić. Że tylko mi się zdawało, że tak dużo wiem o życiu. Ja się przede wszystkim skupiłam na sobie (zawsze to robię po rozstaniu), bo uznałam, że to jest coś na co mam największy wpływ. Mimo że to nie jest łatwe - chociażby przyglądać się sobie krytycznie. Zaczęłam się zastanawiać czego tak naprawdę chcę i co sama daję.
Uświadomiłam sobie, że ja wręcz nie dostrzegałam wszystkich faktów na temat związku - bo byłam chociażby zbyt zakochana (a to nie była jednak łatwa relacja od samego początku). Ja tak naprawdę w tym związku byłam jeszcze mentalnie dzieckiem, więc włożyłam w niego dużo bezinteresowności. Moje emocje były czyste i bardzo prawdziwe - przed żadnym partnerem w życiu się tak nie otwarłam. Przez to było mi trudniej z tego wyjść.
Wszystkie dotychczasowe związki właściwie zawsze ją kończyłam. Gdy moi partnerzy zaczynali wspominać o wspólnym domu, małżeństwie i dzieciach nigdy nie byłam na to gotowa. Z szacunku do nich, żeby nie zajmować im sobą czasu, zawsze się z nimi rozstawałam. To zawsze ją szybciej wychodziłam z relacji! (bez większych perturbacji). Do czasu aż rzuciła mnie największa miłość mojego życia - wtedy w jednej chwili zrozumiałam wszystkie smutne piosenki o nieszczęśliwej miłości 😂😏🤣.
To dość uniwersalne doświadczenie: bolesne rozstanie. Najważniejsze to nie zafiksowywać się na tym martwym punkcie. Ty jesteś żywym przykładem, że można to zrobić - możesz być inspiracją dla innych.
Masz ciekawe przemyślenia i podsumowania. Najważniejsze w budowaniu relacji to znaleźć odpowiednią partnerkę, która będzie rozumiała Twój odbiór świata i Twoje podejście. Jestem przekonana, że w Warszawie na pewno sobie kogoś znajdziesz. Życzę Ci jak najlepiej. Jesteś wspaniałą osobą! I zasługujesz na równie dobrą partnerkę.
Właściwie wszystko co powiedziałeś w filmiku ma swoje logiczne wyjaśnienie; ma swój sens. Mnie jedynie zastanowiło to 5% - słyszałam, że po ślubie zainteresowanie seksem się zmienia, ale ta liczba i tak mnie zadziwiła :). Trochę mało... :) Ale pewnie się nie znam - mężatką nie byłam.
Na pewno spojrzenie na związki po dekadzie jest inne, bo człowiek przez ten czas już właściwie staje się inną osobą. I właściwie to dobrze - bo to świadczy o tym, że człowiek się rozwinął.
A życie zawsze znajdzie kiedyś jakiś sposób, żeby nas złamać. Najważniejsze to przetrwać ten nieuchronny kryzys. I trzeba się wykazać prawdziwą siłą, żeby się temu nie poddać bez walki - i jak człowiek próbuje to nie powinien robić sobie wyrzutów. Zwłaszcza gdy dotyczy to tak delikatnej materii jaką jest związek - bo to jest operowanie na najbardziej wrażliwych rejestrach (od podstawowej ludzkiej potrzeby akceptacji i przynależności po intymność; sferę seksualną).
*Naprawdę długo się zastanawiałam czy powinnam wogóle omawiać swoje przeszłe związki, ale uznałam, że może jakkolwiek kiedykolwiek komukolwiek to pomoże (a dobrze wiem jak trudne potrafią być rozstania). Te doświadczenia są już za mną, bo ja nimi nie żyję. I moich ex nie postrzegam też jakoś negatywnie, bo to były bliskie i szczególne dla mnie osoby (i one zresztą to wiedzą).
good video, thanks
Dude, you effed up.....if you need to travel to find a wife, you've already set yourself up for failure
Thank you for sharing your experience. There are lots of ways to approach life.
Well said.
Just came across your channel - pozdrowienia od nowego polskiego widza!! Poland 🎉
Again good content, keep it up
…..the basic thinks for successful marriage is…..love and respect, respect and love…..
Thanks for the golden Advice brother
Waw great advices thank you sir.
I'm really surprised you chose Poland. I couldn't because I hate cold weather, bro 😅
Temperature rarely goes below zero C now even in coldest months. Climate change bro
@@Pako9713 So, it doesn't snow anymore 🤔
Being aromantic, I've had no other choice but to ignore what is/was "expected" of me in society, and go my own way. As such I've often pitied those who wound up in unhappy marriages, and/or living unhappy lives, simply because they had the "go along to get along" mentality. I now work for a global network that provides a living wage for everyone in their network, and their standard, renewable, customizable, marriage "license" is a-typical, and pragmatic, and aligns with your own thoughts on providing a safe, clear way "out" of marriage - should it come to that. It's all part of "hoping for the best, but planning for the worst." I'm glad that your experience, while hard/painful, has given you wisdom beyond your years. Great video. Love & Light to you.
Your video was recommended and I haven’t been in a serious relationship. I seen videos of women dating a rich man only to divorce him for his money. I seen videos about that. We broke up back in Feb 2018 after just using me for financial gains. I try again last year only to walk out after she asked me how much do you make. If your partner remains loyal and doesn’t care about wealth she a keeper otherwise she leave you if your financial situation changed. Prenup is worth it as guys won’t get anything if you get divorced
While most of your tips seems reasonable, tip 5 seems off base. Lets start with the definition of insanity "doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result." Culture and society shifts are needed. Just because we've hit some bumps while trying to figure it out doesn't mean we should give up. You're looking back at the past through rose colored glasses. Men & women relationships has always been complicated, but in the past men held all the marbles. The solution isn't to look to the past for answers but to keep moving forward in a equitable way. I find mostly men that are looking back to the past due to the power dynamic. Adapt and learn to navigate in the present.
I'm in my mid 30s never married, no kids. Marriage never made sense to me , especially that I've seen most of the married people around me being miserable. I love women and love being with them, but I noticed that after 2 years max of any relationship I've been in , they start to change. They start giving less and want more. I think a big part of it is they take the relationship for granted. They think since they secured me , they don't have to work as hard. Just imagine what would happen if I gave them the leverage of marriage. Unfortunately, marriage gives the one with less finances leverage, since they have nothing to lose and everything to gain on a breakup. I will never ever do it. Instead , if they start not acting right , I cut bait and move on . No losses there.
100+% agree Wes.
you're wise beyond your years
Go to Poznan I loved it there. It feels like a small creative academic city. It's amazing.
You sound more and more mature and... normal. I totally agree that people are not bad of themselves, they answer to what you called an "incentive structure", more commonly known as "culture" 😄. That applies just as much to cheating and hookup culture, as it does to corruption or being hard-working. Or having kids at a young age. Same thing with micro-cultures, such as a workplace.
As to marriage "until death do us part" - perhaps you should treat it as more of an ambition? The promise is supposed to make it difficult and embarrassing to part ways, if you honestly promised something in front of dozens of your family members and friends. So that you don't give up at the first view of trouble! Serious illness, meeting a new, very attractive potential partner, change of priorities in life... that shouldn't be enough of itself to part ways. It's just an effective strategy to have known each other for a few years, lived together for a while... that severely limits the number of later surprises, even if it's just that.
You have to be careful with prenups though, for the most part they are upheld if you DID it right.....the following are things to think about and what terms a prenup can be tossed out by a judge: make sure you follow YOUR State law and procedures when it comes to prenups, don t hide "other" assets, make sure the provisions in the prenup are air tight and there is no room for misinterpretation or vagueness, and lastly, if the terms in the prenup are considered unfair to one of the spouses....
No such thing as unfair to a spouse. If it's not their property, it's not theirs. I have a 50/50 clause with my wife even though I bought the apartment... But she's going to handle all expenses while I study her language in her country, for a year. She also paid for renovations for the entire apartment. This is fair. Giving it for nothing, is not
@@bldontmatter5319 It is a prenup term called "Unconscionable"...definition:
"A prenup that gives almost everything to one spouse while leaving the other nearly penniless is likely to be challenged..."
"If the prenup creates a situation where one spouse might need government support after divorce, the court would likely find it unconscionable."
!State-Specific Variations: While the core idea of fairness applies, exact definitions of “unconscionable” differ slightly by state."
In NY, for example, if the he person is left with nothing, and it "shocks their conscience", that is considered, in that State to be deemed "unconscionable...
Ask your attorney..
I’m proud of you
Wes the only problem with you in Poland is that Poles have different mentality. When we say yes by the altar we do it with conviction that we will gow old together. If you are saying now lets get married and see in 20 years what we will do then why bother get married in first place?
With that mentality you are set for failure on datig scene in Poland.
You might be right but lots of young people don't want to get married to begin with either
@@WheresWes I`m from poland ,i`ll never be married just like 60-70 % men from my town.
@@toddjohnsen7996 Did she say yes by the altar? No? Then maybe she decided that you two were not matched. Thats all.
Good commentary on life. I agree on almost everything except the marriage itself. I don’t need paperwork to be with someone in a lasting relationship. I actually noticed that a lot of relationships that were near perfect for decades fell quickly apart as soon as they got married. Something in the back of the mind that brings the attitude of “now we’re married so I don’t have to try anymore because the other person is tied down”. I’m in my mid-40s now and what I’ve learned is:commitment yes-marriage no. Obviously I understand that with kids involved there are other legal issues but that can be solved as well nowadays.
I agree with much of what you mentioned, it carries a lot of wisdom, however I don't aggree that you should leave room to divorce in case you want it. Instead I believe marriage should be a lifetime commitment. But because it should be a lifelong commitment, make sure you do well to identify someone who you can sacrifice yourself for and who can sacrifice themselves for you. It is about duty , We spend over a decade in school to eventually set up our careers yet many with marry without educating themselves sufficiently about marriage. So because it should be a lifelong thing, make sure to thoroughly prep for it.
💫
If it's over for one, it's over for you both. People have the right to change and decide they want a different life. Lifelong commitment in sadness is a death sentence.
How many years were you married before you divorced??
I Think I saw at the airport in Cracow today
yeah that was me
no way
Remember, there are 2 sides to a coin. Everyone is a product of their upbringing.
Damn, what were the chances this will pop up randomly for me when this year I will be 30 and divorced. Got married for the wrong reasons.
50% may stay married but 30% of that 50% are sexless. That may be fine for a woman but not for a man. At best, you have a 20% chance of a good, healthy, amazing relationship. You can play the odds but they are against you. Good luck!
Made up stats.
I’m 30 and never been in a relationship
Some good advice but also not so good advice.
I think the definition of a PP Bro got lost somewhere
It rationally makes no sense to go overseas to find a "wife." It's hard enough in your home country to do it, what sense does it make to go find someone from a different culture, who speaks a different language, and has lived a different quality of life?
Being a real PP Bro was doing it like Patrice O'Neal. Going to Brazil to get some foreign box, getting prince treatment, then coming home once you've had some fun.
This new definition causes more harm than good. Guys who've made good money going overseas to find the "love of their life" is simply irrational.
Wes zukwanu ike. (Stay at a place...not literally) But i think you need to really find yourself before its too late. I feel like you are searching for something that can only be found in you.
Humble opinion from Nigeria.
I wouldn't have married my 1st wife, if I had a backbone. Yes I dated her for years, saw her as a friend. But family, her and society try pushing you to please women or to next goal post. Did remarry 12 years later to a woman and love of my choice
Basically: be normal
Western society is really struggling to do that, but there are some regions like nebraska (where i grew up) that can do this.
No wonder why.
I’m getting divorce. But I plan to move back to Thailand. Find a good Thai man to marry and make a stable family. The marriage needs to be an agreement for a life time. He can’t get divorce from me if we have kids together. I will not let my family fall apart.
You will cringe at this when you're 40, trust me
Explain your gay self
I know you are going back to Colombia and settle there again
I think her therapist asked her to write this to you
It's possible. It was a nice email regardless
@WheresWes yeah, it's a beautiful message
I thought you were doing pretty good until you reached the 13 min mark and said marriage shouldn't be forever. And some how that mindset leads to abuse... huh? I guess God (The creator of marriage) got it wrong.... Till death do us part is the ordained mindset. You'll never experience real love... and no it's not a feeling, until you do marriage God's way. (Not your religious ex's way) Try reading the New Testament for yourself... only then will you be able to give credible advice on relationships and marriage. Fools learn from experience, wise men learn from instruction. I wonder if you're wise enough to here this instruction... I hope you do. Proverbs is a must read for young men as well. Richest Blessings
This is a very outdated way of thinking. Many people do not believe in your God and the Bible. I am simply sharing solutions to the problems I have noticed with human nature.
@
I understand, the fact that people in a fallen society don’t believe in God or the Bible doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist, nor does your/their disbelief mean what he said isn’t true.
It simply means you’re deceived.
Jesus was murdered by unbelievers. So your thought process is far from a new concept.
You wouldn’t even know marriage existed if it weren’t for Adam and Eve. So now, since you reject his wisdom, all you can do is mislead people into a destructive counterfeit of what should be a glorious heavenly experience.
God is not outdated… your thinking you’re smarter than him is. “Thinking themselves wise they became utter fools” 🤷🏽♂️
You must have had a very traumatizing experince as a married man if you think that your family must agree with who want to marry or even choose them for you.
that's not what I said at all. But you should definitely consult your family when it comes to who you choose to partner with.
You'll start to miss the states and your family eventually. Maybe not now but in your mid to late thirties. Living abroad is fun for a while but whenever you realize you're not going to be young forever your priorities change. Although people may be very welcoming in other countries you'll always be a bit if a stranger there and never fully integrate into the community.
Maybe, maybe not. I never felt like I belonged in the US either
I suspect millions of immigrants are currently proving you wrong
@@WheresWesnobody does. I'm a German ethnicity American in Nebraska, they're all Germans. Even then, you still never belong in this country. It's a country for work, nothing more. That was accepted as far back as the Chinese migrations in the 1800s. Somehow we forgot what it means to have roots.
Now I'm in Russia with my wife. Things are a LOT different, but I do fit in with her friends and family. People are supposed to belong!
Wes, how come there’s so much info/resources out there for man on how to behave towards women, win the wife back, etc etc. it’s so one sided. Why? I don’t see the equivalent from the other side.
Because we can't control how the other gender acts. And I believe through our leadership, women will follow suit.
There are healthy women creators out there we just don't see them as often
Also, probably because of your algorithm
tip 2 is bit crap. Mariagge for whole life is best.
Hi Wes,
Do you know any girl you can PROPOSE , day 1, TO DIVORCE WHEN THE KIDS REACH 18???
I have proposed the idea to several women and they are open to it. It's not that you divorce when the kids turn 18. It's just being able to have the option in case things don't work out.
somebody divorced... 7 times, even in Poland!
Really.
O tempora, o mores.
What about your home, family, things in California? There are fire, cataclism, crisis.
I am surprised you didn't go back to Colombia. I predicted you would be back. That being said I have watched your videos and it seemed like you matured. Do you prefer Poland over Colombia? Be careful in getting married again. It seems to me you are looking to get married. I am just saying be very careful of this choice and I am saying this as someone who is divorced. Your divorce was easy imagine how hard it is if you have kids.
Very interesting video, my second on the email I asked you some questions. Are you planning to answer them?
You seem older but I wish you had a good decision
Why did you pick Poland? Where did you get the idea from? BTW I’m polish 😉
He wants your women bruh
Best video on UA-cam, this was undeniably based!
Respect ro
Step 1. Put Jesus first
My friend, how do you get so many views with 54k subs? I'm curious
Cuz my videos are 🔥
Sir it’s over 50 percent and mostly initiated by WOMEN…
Marriage is an institution promoted by those who benefit from it, and profit even more so, from its demise. It is all transactional, spoken or unspoken. I prefer it to be discussed on.. what do U and your partner picture the daily and weekly routine to be like? Iron it all out ahead of time. If as a man, do U still expect to go riding or fishing or shooting pool or golf like you are doing before getting married.. if U had to curb even half the activities, would U do it? All I see are male friends basically having to be the ones giving up what they love to do. And in today's first world countries, it basically behooves men not to get married, or even have children out of wedlock. Whoa, did U notice the word construct.. wed-LOCK. Who holds the KEY? The women do, as Family Law favors one side of the equation, and we MEN , as George Carlin said, are NOT in the CLUB.
You don't need to be married to your partner in order to be happy. I have been with my German girlfriend for almost 7 years and we have wonderful children.
Vulnerable position fer her to be in. Silly if her.
@@ohthechitchat SOmeone wins, someone loses. All you can do is make sure it's not you.
I guess someone didn't have the nutz to propose. C'mon now.
@MalesAreDemons cry more 😂❤ give me more salty tears
@@bldontmatter5319 I guess someone has fertility issues and is a bit jealous 😂 c'mon now bro... don't get salty
👏👏👏
❤
Damn bro… You look high as hell in this video…
Lol high on life. Haven't smoked for a month
Dude, you do NOT know lots of people who are in healthy and happy relationships. 99% of people in relationships are unhappy. They just put on a front. The number is more like 1%, not "lots"
You sound miserable. Who hurt you dear?