“I thought I could people please my way into safety” equals the last five years of my life. I’m DONE and so grateful for you, your videos and your honesty.
Never worry about pleasing people. Some people are fake. Never even allow people to fake their way into a friendship or a healthy co working position in your life. More importantly I have also walked away from work places and even family. I wouldn't even care if the people I once worked around or went around want to call me toxic or negative. I'm glad I walk away I'm not going to be your joke your person you get off belittling or playing mind games with. I'm not that person who cares to be your friend or refriend you and face you as you play your sick ass games. I will not be walked on, trampled upon by you as you get off. People like this will never change yet people like that did change me. Not for the sake that it will benefit them but in a way it will help me to not give two fuck or care to be around them. I need me and I don't need them and I'm okay with being alone. Not lonely but left alone. You will one day and wake up and realized that the very people you once prayed for don't matter no more. The way they treated you didn't matter to them its a joke yet you are not joking when you really speak about the people you can walk away from and never care to be around them ever again. The End
This is right on time. I don’t think people understand how insensitive they sound when they want us to just get over something for their convenience. They’re not the ones having to do the healing 😢
Your videos are always right on time. I'm dealing with this today. I'm angry because people have caused me harm and I'm the one dealing with the aftermath. I'm the one on a journey to heal my trauma from people who can give a damn about what they did to me. I'm angry about that.
@tarajohnson990 I hear you. And I'm angry that you still have to carry that anger after what happened to you. I hope you can get to a place where you can big up yuself for surviving
You're singing my song, per usual. I struggle with this too, not wanting to be bitter or do unnecessary harm while still feeling like my anger deserves validation and an outlet. "Nobody is coming to save you" embedded itself into my head and heart around my 30th birthday and I'm realizing it's been kind of a cage because I learned to expect my pain to go unheard and uncared for. The effects are beginning to show themselves in my life. Thank you for always being a mouthpiece and lightning rod for my next steps towards wholeness 💛💛💛
We are more similar than I can ever admit. You sharing this Alecia is in turn making me feel seen for the first time in 31 years. I’m ready to start my healing journey
Y'all i just wanted to share this cause it's been helpful, but i set one day a week, and cry for like 30 minutes, like ugly cries, to a music while remembering what happened to me, in different phases of my life. And it has been really helpful to my mental health and emotional regulation. I hear there's a study too that says it helps prolong life
So many violations that went untold so many of the perpetrators were family friends. I damn sure wanted to and still want to be saved. Yes put up with so called friendships just not to be fully alone.
Me to. I wanted someone, anyone to adopt me and never let me leave. I've learned to big up myself by honring myself for surviving. So to you I say I hope you can big up yuself and learn to love yourself now.
This is a question I've wrestled with for years. I thought it was my fault somehow. It went from that to "what's wrong with me? What did I do wrong?" I see you and I'm sending you so much love.
@@AleciaRenece If your journey ever draws you to the DMV, I'd love to host you. Or if you have a passport, I travel back and forth from Virginia to Barbados. I do my healing there seaside. You're welcome to tag along. My grandmother is turning 99 in Nov. And we're celebrating LIFE & REAL LIVING!
@AleciaRenece My testimony is I survived the most treacherous heartbreak imaginable. I'm unapologetically human, and here I am, standing above the earth I formally desired with all my heart. I still have work to do. My work now is life, love, and fulfillment--still hard, just not impossible.
Thank you so much. This truly means a lot. Thank you for setting the people free. A lot of us have been told to swallow it all. And that's not healthy. 🫂💛🌻
literally same. I've been on therapy since March and my heart still feels so shattered. All the love I gave more or less brought me to this place and I can't seem to get on the other, brighter side of things. Thank you for sharing 😢
I resonate so much with what you said,I feel less lonely hearing this. In my case, the suffering comes from my mother (current situation forces me to live in the same house as her so it's thrice as hard) and I've had to stop expressing the effects of her actions towards me to my other family members because at the end of the day "there's literally nothing they can do"..like you said,there's nobody coming to save me. I want to be courageous,trust & belive in myself enough to take drastic steps into changing my life, be at a distance,stop waiting for a change in someone else after exhausting all my options trying to fix/attempts. It is tiring and draining at my expense. It hurts having such a relationship that is supposed to be the most safe...be one of the most unhealthy.
🖤🤎❤️ wins & victories to you. Ive returned home to moms but i took 5 years off to travel and heal from a lot of pain caused by her and her family. I can't imagine doing that without that needed break. 💛🧡💚💙💜
I’m not a black woman, but I am an Asian-American woman who is very close to her Asian mom, and boy, so much of what you said resonates. The feeling of being unprotected and being dismissed for finally saying something. Your work and your conversations are so important, thank you. ❤
*BIG HUGS* thank you so much for being here and sharing your precious heart. It's lovely. Your Vulnerability helps others feel seen as well. And yeeeeeeeeeees!!! Though I am happy this resonates, I'm so sorry that you have the same experiences. 😔 It should not be that way. Thank you so much for your love, kindness and generosity. It means a lot to me. I am HONORED by your kindness. Much love and joy to you! 💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻
I completely resonate with what you're saying, Alecia. Recently, I just came to the same realization myself and started with unloading the self-blame for the things I couldn't control by saying, "It's not my fault I was in a sea of assholes," lol. While simultaneously acknowledging what things I myself have done wrong to others to stay real with myself and be like "ok even if this was a karmic lesson or something that I had to go through. Some things just didn't need to happen nor were they my fault". And now I've started learning about C-PTSD (complex trauma) to get some more answers on how to move past everything. And I recommend it to anyone who wants to move through tough traumatic experiences. P.S. I've seen that Pete Walker's book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" is a great place to start. Anyway sending you peace and love!
@chillvibes44 let's start radically loving ourselves so much we scream because we are in pain. And we need to let it be know as part of your healing journey. I offer you to big up yuself in the process for surviving.
I definitely feel the same way and a lot of the time I think I’m over it but I’m not. I just want this pain to leave me and this burden. I am really having a hard time. Thank you for sharing. ❤
This resonates for sure. It’s as if those who dare voice issue about the transgressions made against them are perceived as problematic rather than the behavior of the transgressors. It’s specifically why I can empathize with those who choose to divest from communities where they’re made to endure excessive, unacknowledged suffering as a result of the lack of being prioritized and even more specifically, invisibilized.
Also! Sorry to repeat comment - this matches a lot with the overall issue of compassion being biased. When people think oppression, they often think of uneven hatred/dislike towards us. But not the unnatural/uneven amount of compassion towards our abusers. See any discussion of how white school shooter who is just misunderstood, or how slave owners just didnt realize what they were doing. Compassion is currently measures by giving them - the majority whether it white, white women, men in general, etc - the benefit of the doubt. But giving them the burden of the doubt leaves us with the detriment of denial, and no one thinks of the pain and consequences that causes us, because it doesnt matter in societies eyes
As someone whos been molested 3 times by 3 different people, raped and beaten i understand how you feel. Trust me sis, people that hurt you dont lead to live beautiful lives. Theyre broken and they look to break others. We are the by product of the b.s and its unfair. We were once whole and people came and took chunks of us. We will regenrate and live on. Unfortunately they wont. Tired of family and friends dehumanizing our trauma like it was a bad sandwich that can be replaced.
Going through homelessness rn due to family, I’m currently trying to process new anger on top of past anger. Ish hard af, I was the scapegoat in my family for a very long time. The fact that I really feel like an outsider and have felt this way since I was very small girl hurts me so badly. I’m currently trying to find my tribe of folks ❤
Omg. This is exactly what im going through right now. Im literally making a painting about this i need to tag you in it its so nice hearing someone else discuss this.
The world especially the black community has become so desensitized to the trauma we experience, leaving so many unhealed, and you are right it's not right, it's not fair and it is something that needs to be corrected and brought out into the light. You are awesome, you are strong and I admire your journey and all that makes you you : ) these are the kinds of conversations people need to be having.
🌻🌻🌻💛💛💛 I am grateful for you. Thank you so much for being so kind and generous to me and to others. It doesn't go unnoticed. Bless you and thank you. I agree. These are the conversations we should be having 💛💛💛
I have been going through alot for the past couple years. And I have no one, that I feel comfortable talking with. I married into a family where I thought the experience would be beautiful, boy, was I wrong. I thought I would be gaining meaningful relationships smh. But I got silence and expectancy to be at events and "holiday gatherings." But maybe it's a blessing in disguise All I know is that I'm tired of showing up for others when it's not reciprocated.
I am SO so sorry. I know that pain as well. 😢💔🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💛💛💛 You're not alone at all in your experience. You deserve love, kindness, warmth. All of it. I'm tired for you. It's exhausting when you keep pouring and expecting something that doesn't come. I'm sending you so much love. 💛💛💛💛💛🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
Oh my goodness. You just spoke my whole heart this mawnin’. The dismissiveness and the realization that they don’t care and the gaslighting, just too much. I accept responsibility for myself, though I no longer choose to be dismissive of my feelings or trauma. I choose to see myself. Sigh. Exhale. 🦋
I'm so in connection with the way you experience your suffering, even as a third world residing trans masc dude. There's not many answers I have to your questions, but I am sure about one thing I want you to remember everytime you go down this route: These people bring karma onto themselves in ways we will never see, simply because the way we hid from our pain inflicted by them for the way we were made to feel and think against ourselves, theyre doing that to themselves ten times more.
You spoke my life into existence 😞 I grew up people pleasing alot, because I want everybody to be kind to one another you know 😞 I also have learning disabilities which made it worst when trying to make friehds. And it feels like you're Always fighting alone. Or don't know how to defend yourself because you're afraid what people might say about you 😞 Especially growing up without guidance from the father and (unfortunately, and I Love love my mother dearly to my heart), but sometimes, I be so angry I feel they allow that to happen to their own kids. And it's terrible. And a passive father it makes you feel unprotected. Because they're always working, and They NEVER have time to talk or hangout. They're too busy worrying about themselves. And feeling like men don't want to protect you or being in life just to lust instead of love. And, it breaks my heart.. Or now you have trust issues, abandonment issues, or psychological issues and being gaurded to put walls and a shield to protect you from getting hurt 😞 So it took 10 years to heal from this pain.. But Your energy and videos helped ALot! Your Awesome and have a beautiful Spirit! And you have Soo Much to give! From God and the energy above! And the process to heal might be a long one. But a blessing ahead! Love your videos!!💕🙏🏽
👋🏽Alecia...Keep talking! Your words aren't falling on deaf ears. I have been that unprotected woman and it's no fun. I hear you, I see you. The amount of healing that will come from this will amaze you. God bless you, keep your head up and know that everything will be okay. 💛🌻🤗🙏🏽
17:00 is it? It's all part and parcel, isn't it? As always eloquently and accurately stated. We all receive the gift of healing as you share; Thank you for the constant blessing of your bold vulnerability
I literally omg just had a break down because of this exact thing!!! I told my bf why does no one have consideration for me? Why do I put people first yet I’m walked all over and when I get mad, I’m looked at like I’m crazy! No, I’m frustrated and I’m showing it. I’m trying to get myself back to myself and it’s so much work, but I’m trying.
*BIG HUGS* 🫂🫂🫂💛💛💛🌺🌺🌺 I completely hear you. And that feeling is HEARTBREAKING. It truly is. I'm so sorry. I see you. I honor you and your pain. I'm sending you so much love. You're allowed to be angry. You're not crazy. Your feelings are REAL. I do agree. It is a lot of work to get back to ourselves. It is. By you're also right in saying that it's worth it. That action shows that it's worth it. Bless you. 🌻🌻🌻
@@AleciaRenece thank you so much for sending this. You have no idea how your response and channel is so helpful and makes my day!! Have an amazing weekend.
This video just helped me because I thought I was alone feeling like this. It’s hard to heal when I have to deal with the world, but your expression and testimony gives me hope. Thank you for sharing with us, who actually care. ❤️
I HEAR you Alecia. I SEE you Alecia. I definitely FEEL you and deeply appreciate your transparency. Your honesty and the creativity in your art are balms to my soul. #kindredspirit❤️🩹
Alecia, I have been feeling the same exact way about experiences with people over the years who have harmed me. I mean the exact same way as an result of the harm I've been through. No one wants to hear me out and in some instances I have been put through more for speaking up about the problems. Blessings to you Alecia. Self-love is the key however, I have been angry myself too. But I do spend time in my happiness too. Peace to you. ---Tameko
This video is so important. You have articulated thoughts and feelings I've been yearning to communicate for years. Thank you for what you do, it means everything, keep going
Thank you, Alecia, for your beautiful voice, for your wise words, for your vulnerability and courage. We have the right to speak our Truths, not only the right but the duty to ourselves for our own healing in order to be seen, celebrated and loved for exactly who we are in full.
Hey Alicia Renee I just want to say thank you thank you thank you. For making these videos. So many black women out here feel just the way you do. When I look at your videos, I feel like it is my safe place. You're the bravest and the coolest. ❤️🌞🌈🌻 You are helping us.
I deeply connected with this. I'm getting married next month and neither of us will have our "fathers" present. I didn't think that fact would bother me as much as it has. It's truly frustrating. I wish I didn't care
*BIG HUGS* first of all, an early CONGRATULATIONS. That's beautiful. And I know that pain. My father stood me up at my wedding. It broke my entire heart. I wish I didn't care, but I do. I wanted him there. I wanted him to walk me, see me and dance with me. I didn't get that experience or that option. It still hurts to this day. And he's still alive and well. He just chose not to show up for me... It sucks. I'm sending you so much love. I truly am. Your pain and your feelings are valid and they're real. I'm so sorry. 🫂💛🌻🌺
Oh wow 🥹🫂🌻💛🌺 Thank you so much for SUCH generous words. That truly means a lot to me. I'm HONORED. HUMBLED. Thank you for being so kind. Much love and joy to you!
Lol!!! Thank you so much for the love and concern 💛💛💛 I do be looking over my shoulder while walking through 😅😂 but yes. I come here to pray, to process and heal, but you're right. I gotta be vigilant! 🫂💛🌺🌻
It's OK to be angry. It's OK to place responsibility of harm where it belongs. It's part of the journey to moving past it. The fairness piece for me was a distraction. I've decided that I am allowed to be who I am now. I am still wonderful. I'm not damaged or broken by my experiences. I am alive and seeking to thrive. I don't want to be that little girl before the harms happened anymore. I used to think that I did. I much rather be who I am and where I am now. Ppl who hurt others are unhealed hurt ppl. I don't hate them or pity them (still learning these things too). I've wasted so much of what I could give myself to those harmful ppl as far as my energy and time. I choose to focus my energy on me now. Thank you for sharing your experience and talking about these things. I'm sure others will benefit from hearing these ideas out loud.
And you know what Alecia? The biggest problem is the blind leading the blind. You have women giving harmful advice to those going through trauma not realizing they're damaged or suffering as well. And it creates a damaging cycles that people don't know how to release themselves from. Meeting women pushing stoicism from a perspective that pain makes you powerful is not always if ever the answer. Thank you for your vulnerability--- it's inspiring, empowering and uplifting. 🙌🏾✨️
Thank you so much. I have so much grace for folks because a lot of them are dealing with the pain in the only ways they know how to. It may not be the healthiest methods, but I do understand. When you don't want to be disempowered anymore, when you don't want o be in pain anymore you'll do anything for relief. Dealing with and confronting our issues is hard. It's a lot of work. It's painful and scary. They're just doing what they think is best. But yes, I wish someone told them that it's okay to be angry and that what happened to them wasn't their fault so they can start to heal. Thank you so much for your kindness, your support and your love. It means EVERYTHING.
Thank you for sharing❤. There’s a book by Danya Ruttenburg called On Repentance and Repair and it goes in depth on the exact subjects you brought up. I’m currently reading it and it’s really good
@@AleciaRenece thank you for your work and healing space. I especially love to come here knowing you’re a fellow sister in Christ. May God bless you and your ministry ❤️.
I'm so glad you're talking about this and I cannot wait for you to come on and let's dive into these issues together. Here's a hug until them. And BTW for the work you're doing for yourself, Big Up YuSelf
I'm grateful we (black women) are having this conversation with each other [not that we haven't always but social media is amplifying our voices and this perspective on our lives]. '...we are taught to respect fear more then ourselves.' Audre Lorde
Yeeeeeeeeeees!!!! I'm grateful as well. It is truly healing 💛💛💛🌺🌺🌺 I'm grateful to be in the company of Black women. The kindness and generosity is unmatched. 🌻🌻🌻
I've given up personally trying to have people empathize with my struggles. To be honest, you'd have better luck getting them to sympathize with a fictional character on a tv sitcom. We live in an age of cognitive dissonance where people choose to protect the system and all the bad people in it. You will therefore receive no compassion or support but will get gaslighted instead. Also you run the risk when you tell people about your struggles (Family or friends) them aligning themselves with the people who hurt you, I've had this happen to me many times over. Its best to have your sense of peace and rest with God and God only in order to heal. Meditate on his words.
IDK why black women get so much hate. We're literally amazing. We've accomplished so much and generally handle our business. Everyone copies our every move from our looks to our mannerisms yet... So weird
I’m not sure you watch anime, but highly suggest you watch Vinland saga. It focuses a lot about feeling unseen with anger, and it helped me understand my anger and helped me feel heard. I think you can take alot away from it! 😊
(I'm not a black woman . but I am non-binary and queer). I have different wounds but yes, I fully understand the anger. Discrimination brought me to the point where my nervous system is no longer functional and I don't know if it will ever heal....that makes me mad....that people have had that impact on me.
I am so sorry and I'm sending you so much love 🫂🫂🫂💛🌻🌺 I see you and honor you and your pain. That sadness is real. I've also had the same fears. I'm still in need of healing my nervous system, too. I believe that we can begin our journey to healing. After accepting where I am, I've accepted that my healing journey may be life long. It's heavy.
I totally understand the way I see it now is yea I would of been back to the “happy me” but I also would have been naive to the type of ppl who could hurt me. This doesn’t apply to all circumstances but most of the time we are still angry because we allowed ppl to overstay visit in our lives because we wanted to see better in ppl. I’ve been through it all trust and one thing I’ve learned is that no one is coming to save you, that’s up to you.
I'm sorry you're in pain. You have a right to be angry, and to receive affirmation that your feelings are valid. Unfortunately, we live in a system that expects those who are wronged to do all of the inner work and emotional labor, while those who actually do the wrong are expected to do none. The wronged are tasked with, as you rightly stated, living with the aftermath of the wrong done to them, and not only that, also processing the experience, gleaning wisdom from it, and growing as a result of it. Meanwhile, no one ever so much as glances in the direction of the person or people who caused the harm or did the wrong to impose similar expectations on them. On top of all of this, in addition to protecting the wrong doer(s) from shame and guilt (as if their emotional fragility is more important than yours), you're also expected to do the extraordinary emotional feat of forgiving them when they never even admitted to any wrong doing in the first place, much less apologized for it, or did anything whatsoever to deserve it. I feel your pain. P.S. The only silver lining in all of this unfair setup (which essentially leaves the wronged person to work as an emotional pack mule carrying emotional burdens and loads they didn't create), is that you end up with a much stronger character than the person/wrongdoer that no one expects to grow, change or learn. The latter's lack of growth oftentimes, though not always, comes back to bite them badly in the butt in the end. (You have to just wait for it.)
Or when father’s put children in adult mixes that they have nothing to do with. Yeah nobody wants to talk about and acknowledge the past traumas that follow you around for life.
And thats not completely true lol everything put out will come back to you it’s not going to happen when you want but when it hits them it so be when they least expect it. Focus on letting go completely. Some won’t get their karma until you do.
“I thought I could people please my way into safety” equals the last five years of my life. I’m DONE and so grateful for you, your videos and your honesty.
Never worry about pleasing people. Some people are fake. Never even allow people to fake their way into a friendship or a healthy co working position in your life. More importantly I have also walked away from work places and even family. I wouldn't even care if the people I once worked around or went around want to call me toxic or negative. I'm glad I walk away I'm not going to be your joke your person you get off belittling or playing mind games with. I'm not that person who cares to be your friend or refriend you and face you as you play your sick ass games. I will not be walked on, trampled upon by you as you get off. People like this will never change yet people like that did change me. Not for the sake that it will benefit them but in a way it will help me to not give two fuck or care to be around them. I need me and I don't need them and I'm okay with being alone. Not lonely but left alone. You will one day and wake up and realized that the very people you once prayed for don't matter no more. The way they treated you didn't matter to them its a joke yet you are not joking when you really speak about the people you can walk away from and never care to be around them ever again. The End
This is right on time. I don’t think people understand how insensitive they sound when they want us to just get over something for their convenience. They’re not the ones having to do the healing 😢
Thiiiiiiiiis!!! 💛💛💛
You don't owe the people who got off and did you wrong a damn thing either remember that.
THEY'RE 👏🏾 NOT👏🏾THE👏🏾ONES👏🏾HAVING 👏🏾TO👏🏾DO👏🏾THE👏🏾HEALING!!!
SAY THAT!
Self sabotage is direct product of unhealed pain.
Absolutely!!!
Your videos are always right on time. I'm dealing with this today. I'm angry because people have caused me harm and I'm the one dealing with the aftermath. I'm the one on a journey to heal my trauma from people who can give a damn about what they did to me. I'm angry about that.
@tarajohnson990 I hear you. And I'm angry that you still have to carry that anger after what happened to you. I hope you can get to a place where you can big up yuself for surviving
‼️‼️‼️
You're singing my song, per usual. I struggle with this too, not wanting to be bitter or do unnecessary harm while still feeling like my anger deserves validation and an outlet. "Nobody is coming to save you" embedded itself into my head and heart around my 30th birthday and I'm realizing it's been kind of a cage because I learned to expect my pain to go unheard and uncared for. The effects are beginning to show themselves in my life. Thank you for always being a mouthpiece and lightning rod for my next steps towards wholeness 💛💛💛
We are more similar than I can ever admit. You sharing this Alecia is in turn making me feel seen for the first time in 31 years. I’m ready to start my healing journey
Yes, it's not fair we have to clean up this mess by ourselves. But big up yuself for surviving ❤
Y'all i just wanted to share this cause it's been helpful, but i set one day a week, and cry for like 30 minutes, like ugly cries, to a music while remembering what happened to me, in different phases of my life. And it has been really helpful to my mental health and emotional regulation. I hear there's a study too that says it helps prolong life
This sounds so therapeutic. I good cry is necessary. I love this so much. Thank you for sharing and for being so brave. 💛💛💛
So many violations that went untold so many of the perpetrators were family friends. I damn sure wanted to and still want to be saved. Yes put up with so called friendships just not to be fully alone.
🫂🫂🫂💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻 THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!
Holding in the pain makes you sick physically mentally spiritually emotionally
Yeeeeeeeeeees!
Wheew, that spoke to me - "My whole life, I wanted someone to come and save me." 😢Thank you so, so much for sharing 🤎🤎🤎
Me to. I wanted someone, anyone to adopt me and never let me leave. I've learned to big up myself by honring myself for surviving. So to you I say I hope you can big up yuself and learn to love yourself now.
🫂🫂🫂💛💛💛 Thank you so much for hearing my heart and for sharing your heart. It means a lot to me.
My goodness. We are not alone. I am not alone. You put words to my feelings. My question for myself is why do I fall for these people ?
This is a question I've wrestled with for years. I thought it was my fault somehow. It went from that to "what's wrong with me? What did I do wrong?"
I see you and I'm sending you so much love.
@@AleciaRenece If your journey ever draws you to the DMV, I'd love to host you. Or if you have a passport, I travel back and forth from Virginia to Barbados. I do my healing there seaside. You're welcome to tag along. My grandmother is turning 99 in Nov. And we're celebrating LIFE & REAL LIVING!
@AleciaRenece My testimony is I survived the most treacherous heartbreak imaginable. I'm unapologetically human, and here I am, standing above the earth I formally desired with all my heart. I still have work to do. My work now is life, love, and fulfillment--still hard, just not impossible.
@@dancingoncloud9 {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
This resonates so deeply! I’m crying as I’m listening because you’re literally telling my life story!
💜💙💚🧡💛❤️🤎🖤 same. Let it out. It's hard for me to feel my emotions this channel is HELPING. Thank you all.
I hear you and I most definitely feel you
It’s important to purge this pain by feeling it and speaking it
Thank you so much. This truly means a lot. Thank you for setting the people free. A lot of us have been told to swallow it all. And that's not healthy. 🫂💛🌻
literally same. I've been on therapy since March and my heart still feels so shattered. All the love I gave more or less brought me to this place and I can't seem to get on the other, brighter side of things. Thank you for sharing 😢
I resonate so much with what you said,I feel less lonely hearing this. In my case, the suffering comes from my mother (current situation forces me to live in the same house as her so it's thrice as hard) and I've had to stop expressing the effects of her actions towards me to my other family members because at the end of the day "there's literally nothing they can do"..like you said,there's nobody coming to save me. I want to be courageous,trust & belive in myself enough to take drastic steps into changing my life, be at a distance,stop waiting for a change in someone else after exhausting all my options trying to fix/attempts. It is tiring and draining at my expense. It hurts having such a relationship that is supposed to be the most safe...be one of the most unhealthy.
🖤🤎❤️ wins & victories to you. Ive returned home to moms but i took 5 years off to travel and heal from a lot of pain caused by her and her family. I can't imagine doing that without that needed break. 💛🧡💚💙💜
I’m not a black woman, but I am an Asian-American woman who is very close to her Asian mom, and boy, so much of what you said resonates. The feeling of being unprotected and being dismissed for finally saying something. Your work and your conversations are so important, thank you. ❤
*BIG HUGS* thank you so much for being here and sharing your precious heart. It's lovely. Your Vulnerability helps others feel seen as well. And yeeeeeeeeeees!!! Though I am happy this resonates, I'm so sorry that you have the same experiences. 😔 It should not be that way.
Thank you so much for your love, kindness and generosity. It means a lot to me. I am HONORED by your kindness. Much love and joy to you! 💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻
I completely resonate with what you're saying, Alecia. Recently, I just came to the same realization myself and started with unloading the self-blame for the things I couldn't control by saying, "It's not my fault I was in a sea of assholes," lol. While simultaneously acknowledging what things I myself have done wrong to others to stay real with myself and be like "ok even if this was a karmic lesson or something that I had to go through. Some things just didn't need to happen nor were they my fault". And now I've started learning about C-PTSD (complex trauma) to get some more answers on how to move past everything. And I recommend it to anyone who wants to move through tough traumatic experiences.
P.S. I've seen that Pete Walker's book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" is a great place to start. Anyway sending you peace and love!
@chillvibes44 let's start radically loving ourselves so much we scream because we are in pain. And we need to let it be know as part of your healing journey. I offer you to big up yuself in the process for surviving.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. This is encouraging to me. I'll definitely be looking for that book. Bless you. Thank you. 💛💛💛🫂🫂🫂🌻🌻🌻
I definitely feel the same way and a lot of the time I think I’m over it but I’m not. I just want this pain to leave me and this burden. I am really having a hard time. Thank you for sharing. ❤
Same here! The "Crying Spells" just won't leave. 😢
🖤🤎❤️💛🧡💚💙💜 please be patient with yourself. Someone told me healing is an ongoing journey.
I’m also in the throes of this - thank you for sharing and capturing exactly how I’m feeling.
Chile, you are preaching to the city choir this morning. I’m in my feels too…🙏🏾🌹🌹
This resonates for sure. It’s as if those who dare voice issue about the transgressions made against them are perceived as problematic rather than the behavior of the transgressors. It’s specifically why I can empathize with those who choose to divest from communities where they’re made to endure excessive, unacknowledged suffering as a result of the lack of being prioritized and even more specifically, invisibilized.
@ DailyPositiveAffirmatives So very very true.
EXAAAAAACTLY. 🌻🫂💛
Thank you for this video. I cried whilst listening. I really needed to hear this in my soul too today. You are truly making a huge impact.
🫂💛🌻🌺🫂
Also! Sorry to repeat comment - this matches a lot with the overall issue of compassion being biased. When people think oppression, they often think of uneven hatred/dislike towards us. But not the unnatural/uneven amount of compassion towards our abusers. See any discussion of how white school shooter who is just misunderstood, or how slave owners just didnt realize what they were doing. Compassion is currently measures by giving them - the majority whether it white, white women, men in general, etc - the benefit of the doubt. But giving them the burden of the doubt leaves us with the detriment of denial, and no one thinks of the pain and consequences that causes us, because it doesnt matter in societies eyes
No apologies necessary. Seriously. 💛💛💛 Thank you so much for sharing with us! 🌺🌺🌺
As someone whos been molested 3 times by 3 different people, raped and beaten i understand how you feel. Trust me sis, people that hurt you dont lead to live beautiful lives. Theyre broken and they look to break others. We are the by product of the b.s and its unfair. We were once whole and people came and took chunks of us. We will regenrate and live on. Unfortunately they wont. Tired of family and friends dehumanizing our trauma like it was a bad sandwich that can be replaced.
Going through homelessness rn due to family, I’m currently trying to process new anger on top of past anger. Ish hard af, I was the scapegoat in my family for a very long time. The fact that I really feel like an outsider and have felt this way since I was very small girl hurts me so badly. I’m currently trying to find my tribe of folks ❤
The lack of accountability is real
One THOUSAND percent. It's awful. And it's often put on the victim to do the work. It's painful.
they don't want to be exposed. They know their ways are trash.
I don’t even know who I was I don’t have any true memories of being happy!
😢😢😢❤❤❤
😢🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
This video was helpful to me. I know I’ve hurt people. I am more aware
I needed to hear this, thank you.
🫂🫂🫂💛💛💛 It is my absolute pleasure.
You are a gift to BW! I hope you know that! Beautiful message!! ❤️
Omg. This is exactly what im going through right now. Im literally making a painting about this i need to tag you in it its so nice hearing someone else discuss this.
Oooooooooh! I cannot WAIT to see it! Please share it so I can share it with others ☺️🌻💛🌺
Deep.
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Thank you for sharing this. I feel similar anger about being unprotected and unseen in various "communities".
The world especially the black community has become so desensitized to the trauma we experience, leaving so many unhealed, and you are right it's not right, it's not fair and it is something that needs to be corrected and brought out into the light. You are awesome, you are strong and I admire your journey and all that makes you you : ) these are the kinds of conversations people need to be having.
🌻🌻🌻💛💛💛 I am grateful for you. Thank you so much for being so kind and generous to me and to others. It doesn't go unnoticed. Bless you and thank you. I agree. These are the conversations we should be having 💛💛💛
So effffing true 😢😢😢😢😢
So much of this resonates. 💕
I have been going through alot for the past couple years. And I have no one, that I feel comfortable talking with. I married into a family where I thought the experience would be beautiful, boy, was I wrong. I thought I would be gaining meaningful relationships smh. But I got silence and expectancy to be at events and "holiday gatherings." But maybe it's a blessing in disguise
All I know is that I'm tired of showing up for others when it's not reciprocated.
I am SO so sorry. I know that pain as well. 😢💔🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💛💛💛 You're not alone at all in your experience. You deserve love, kindness, warmth. All of it. I'm tired for you. It's exhausting when you keep pouring and expecting something that doesn't come. I'm sending you so much love. 💛💛💛💛💛🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
@@AleciaRenece thank you 🫂✨️
Oh my goodness. You just spoke my whole heart this mawnin’. The dismissiveness and the realization that they don’t care and the gaslighting, just too much. I accept responsibility for myself, though I no longer choose to be dismissive of my feelings or trauma. I choose to see myself. Sigh. Exhale. 🦋
I'm so in connection with the way you experience your suffering, even as a third world residing trans masc dude. There's not many answers I have to your questions, but I am sure about one thing I want you to remember everytime you go down this route: These people bring karma onto themselves in ways we will never see, simply because the way we hid from our pain inflicted by them for the way we were made to feel and think against ourselves, theyre doing that to themselves ten times more.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨ let this out. Your community is here to love on you. Support you. And energetically protect you.
🫂🫂🫂🌻💛🌺🥹
You spoke my life into existence 😞 I grew up people pleasing alot, because I want everybody to be kind to one another you know 😞 I also have learning disabilities which made it worst when trying to make friehds. And it feels like you're Always fighting alone. Or don't know how to defend yourself because you're afraid what people might say about you 😞 Especially growing up without guidance from the father and (unfortunately, and I Love love my mother dearly to my heart), but sometimes, I be so angry I feel they allow that to happen to their own kids. And it's terrible. And a passive father it makes you feel unprotected. Because they're always working, and They NEVER have time to talk or hangout. They're too busy worrying about themselves. And feeling like men don't want to protect you or being in life just to lust instead of love. And, it breaks my heart.. Or now you have trust issues, abandonment issues, or psychological issues and being gaurded to put walls and a shield to protect you from getting hurt 😞
So it took 10 years to heal from this pain.. But Your energy and videos helped ALot! Your Awesome and have a beautiful Spirit! And you have Soo Much to give! From God and the energy above! And the process to heal might be a long one. But a blessing ahead!
Love your videos!!💕🙏🏽
👋🏽Alecia...Keep talking! Your words aren't falling on deaf ears. I have been that unprotected woman and it's no fun. I hear you, I see you. The amount of healing that will come from this will amaze you. God bless you, keep your head up and know that everything will be okay. 💛🌻🤗🙏🏽
17:00 is it? It's all part and parcel, isn't it?
As always eloquently and accurately stated. We all receive the gift of healing as you share; Thank you for the constant blessing of your bold vulnerability
In life we are learning lessons and they can be painful. Now u know your boundaries and what you will accept
I literally omg just had a break down because of this exact thing!!! I told my bf why does no one have consideration for me?
Why do I put people first yet I’m walked all over and when I get mad, I’m looked at like I’m crazy! No, I’m frustrated and I’m showing it.
I’m trying to get myself back to myself and it’s so much work, but I’m trying.
*BIG HUGS* 🫂🫂🫂💛💛💛🌺🌺🌺 I completely hear you. And that feeling is HEARTBREAKING. It truly is. I'm so sorry. I see you. I honor you and your pain. I'm sending you so much love. You're allowed to be angry. You're not crazy. Your feelings are REAL. I do agree. It is a lot of work to get back to ourselves. It is. By you're also right in saying that it's worth it. That action shows that it's worth it. Bless you. 🌻🌻🌻
@@AleciaRenece thank you so much for sending this. You have no idea how your response and channel is so helpful and makes my day!! Have an amazing weekend.
This video just helped me because I thought I was alone feeling like this. It’s hard to heal when I have to deal with the world, but your expression and testimony gives me hope. Thank you for sharing with us, who actually care. ❤️
I needed this thank you 🙏 ❤❤❤❤❤
I HEAR you Alecia. I SEE you Alecia. I definitely FEEL you and deeply appreciate your transparency. Your honesty and the creativity in your art are balms to my soul. #kindredspirit❤️🩹
Thank you 🙏🏾
Alecia, I have been feeling the same exact way about experiences with people over the years who have harmed me. I mean the exact same way as an result of the harm I've been through. No one wants to hear me out and in some instances I have been put through more for speaking up about the problems. Blessings to you Alecia. Self-love is the key however, I have been angry myself too. But I do spend time in my happiness too. Peace to you. ---Tameko
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ i felt every word of your testimony! I SEE YOU. I FEEL YOU. Bless you for your courage and sharing your story
Alecia, I'm sending you lots of love ❤️🩹🦋💖I appreciate you: You are awesomeness✨️
Thank you!! Telling my whole life with your words. Healing ❤️🩹
This video is so important. You have articulated thoughts and feelings I've been yearning to communicate for years. Thank you for what you do, it means everything, keep going
Thank you, Alecia, for your beautiful voice, for your wise words, for your vulnerability and courage. We have the right to speak our Truths, not only the right but the duty to ourselves for our own healing in order to be seen, celebrated and loved for exactly who we are in full.
I love this. Thank you so much. 💛💛💛🌺🌺🌺
Hey Alicia Renee
I just want to say thank you thank you thank you. For making these videos. So many black women out here feel just the way you do. When I look at your videos, I feel like it is my safe place. You're the bravest and the coolest. ❤️🌞🌈🌻
You are helping us.
Wow. I am honestly honored. Thank you so much for your love and your kindness. It means EVERYTHING. 💛🥹🫂🌻🌺
I deeply connected with this. I'm getting married next month and neither of us will have our "fathers" present. I didn't think that fact would bother me as much as it has. It's truly frustrating. I wish I didn't care
*BIG HUGS* first of all, an early CONGRATULATIONS. That's beautiful. And I know that pain. My father stood me up at my wedding. It broke my entire heart. I wish I didn't care, but I do. I wanted him there. I wanted him to walk me, see me and dance with me. I didn't get that experience or that option. It still hurts to this day. And he's still alive and well. He just chose not to show up for me... It sucks.
I'm sending you so much love. I truly am. Your pain and your feelings are valid and they're real. I'm so sorry. 🫂💛🌻🌺
This is such important work you're doing for yourself. Thanks for sharing ❤
🥹 You are the purest soul and literally my dream bestie 🩷
I really hope I can meet you one day 💗
Oh wow 🥹🫂🌻💛🌺 Thank you so much for SUCH generous words. That truly means a lot to me. I'm HONORED. HUMBLED. Thank you for being so kind. Much love and joy to you!
@@AleciaRenece I 2nd that! 💖
Perfect reflection. Really healing for me. Thank you so much!
Girrrl, those 🌳🌳 look so secluded, I can barely watch the video. lol. Stay safe.😇
Lol!!! Thank you so much for the love and concern 💛💛💛 I do be looking over my shoulder while walking through 😅😂 but yes. I come here to pray, to process and heal, but you're right. I gotta be vigilant! 🫂💛🌺🌻
@@AleciaRenece Blessings!🌞😎🩵✨
It's OK to be angry. It's OK to place responsibility of harm where it belongs. It's part of the journey to moving past it.
The fairness piece for me was a distraction. I've decided that I am allowed to be who I am now. I am still wonderful. I'm not damaged or broken by my experiences. I am alive and seeking to thrive. I don't want to be that little girl before the harms happened anymore. I used to think that I did. I much rather be who I am and where I am now. Ppl who hurt others are unhealed hurt ppl. I don't hate them or pity them (still learning these things too).
I've wasted so much of what I could give myself to those harmful ppl as far as my energy and time.
I choose to focus my energy on me now.
Thank you for sharing your experience and talking about these things. I'm sure others will benefit from hearing these ideas out loud.
Thank you for this video. It helped me today and will continue to do so going forward 💜
And you know what Alecia? The biggest problem is the blind leading the blind. You have women giving harmful advice to those going through trauma not realizing they're damaged or suffering as well. And it creates a damaging cycles that people don't know how to release themselves from. Meeting women pushing stoicism from a perspective that pain makes you powerful is not always if ever the answer. Thank you for your vulnerability--- it's inspiring, empowering and uplifting. 🙌🏾✨️
Thank you so much. I have so much grace for folks because a lot of them are dealing with the pain in the only ways they know how to.
It may not be the healthiest methods, but I do understand. When you don't want to be disempowered anymore, when you don't want o be in pain anymore you'll do anything for relief.
Dealing with and confronting our issues is hard. It's a lot of work. It's painful and scary. They're just doing what they think is best.
But yes, I wish someone told them that it's okay to be angry and that what happened to them wasn't their fault so they can start to heal.
Thank you so much for your kindness, your support and your love. It means EVERYTHING.
@@AleciaRenece amen!
This video made me weep❤
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear it. ❤
Sis your helping so many ppl with this. 🙏🏾
🫂🫂🫂💛💛💛🌺🌺🌺 That honestly makes my heart so HAPPY. 🥹🫂🌻💛
@@AleciaReneceyour speaking the truth that some don’t have the words to formulate. This is currently my life and so many others. We are finally seen.
Thank you for sharing❤. There’s a book by Danya Ruttenburg called On Repentance and Repair and it goes in depth on the exact subjects you brought up. I’m currently reading it and it’s really good
Oooooooooh! Thank you so much for the recommendation! Lemme add this to my reading list. Bless you. Thank you. 💛💛💛
I was thinking about this very thing recently. I have to spend time healing because of what others did.
🫂 I understand that weight. It's not fair, but you're worth you. 💛💛💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻 I see you and honor you and your pain.
@@AleciaRenece thank you for your work and healing space. I especially love to come here knowing you’re a fellow sister in Christ. May God bless you and your ministry ❤️.
I was just having this thought and this video popped up. Wheeeew. I needed this.
I'm so glad you're talking about this and I cannot wait for you to come on and let's dive into these issues together. Here's a hug until them. And BTW for the work you're doing for yourself, Big Up YuSelf
Yeeeeeeeeeees!!!! Thank you so much! I SO look forward to our conversation. Thank you so much. 💛🌺🌻🫂
Right on time 😩😩😩
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I'm grateful we (black women) are having this conversation with each other [not that we haven't always but social media is amplifying our voices and this perspective on our lives]. '...we are taught to respect fear more then ourselves.' Audre Lorde
Yeeeeeeeeeees!!!! I'm grateful as well. It is truly healing 💛💛💛🌺🌺🌺 I'm grateful to be in the company of Black women. The kindness and generosity is unmatched. 🌻🌻🌻
I've given up personally trying to have people empathize with my struggles. To be honest, you'd have better luck getting them to sympathize with a fictional character on a tv sitcom. We live in an age of cognitive dissonance where people choose to protect the system and all the bad people in it. You will therefore receive no compassion or support but will get gaslighted instead. Also you run the risk when you tell people about your struggles (Family or friends) them aligning themselves with the people who hurt you, I've had this happen to me many times over. Its best to have your sense of peace and rest with God and God only in order to heal. Meditate on his words.
IDK why black women get so much hate. We're literally amazing. We've accomplished so much and generally handle our business. Everyone copies our every move from our looks to our mannerisms yet...
So weird
I’m not sure you watch anime, but highly suggest you watch Vinland saga. It focuses a lot about feeling unseen with anger, and it helped me understand my anger and helped me feel heard. I think you can take alot away from it! 😊
Oooooooooh! Thank you so much! I just screen shot this. Thank you so much for the recommendation. I can't wait to check it out. 💛💛💛
I love that anime ❤
Absolutely understand you, went through this.
🫂🌻💛🌺
Thankyou for your vulnerability ❤️
(I'm not a black woman . but I am non-binary and queer). I have different wounds but yes, I fully understand the anger. Discrimination brought me to the point where my nervous system is no longer functional and I don't know if it will ever heal....that makes me mad....that people have had that impact on me.
I am so sorry and I'm sending you so much love 🫂🫂🫂💛🌻🌺 I see you and honor you and your pain. That sadness is real. I've also had the same fears. I'm still in need of healing my nervous system, too. I believe that we can begin our journey to healing. After accepting where I am, I've accepted that my healing journey may be life long. It's heavy.
@@AleciaRenece thank you Alicia ! I know the feeling of healing may take the rest of my life. It's painful. I want to be done with it all now🌈
I totally understand the way I see it now is yea I would of been back to the “happy me” but I also would have been naive to the type of ppl who could hurt me. This doesn’t apply to all circumstances but most of the time we are still angry because we allowed ppl to overstay visit in our lives because we wanted to see better in ppl. I’ve been through it all trust and one thing I’ve learned is that no one is coming to save you, that’s up to you.
🫂💛🌺🌻 Thank you so much for sharing this with us 💐
I'm sorry you're in pain. You have a right to be angry, and to receive affirmation that your feelings are valid. Unfortunately, we live in a system that expects those who are wronged to do all of the inner work and emotional labor, while those who actually do the wrong are expected to do none. The wronged are tasked with, as you rightly stated, living with the aftermath of the wrong done to them, and not only that, also processing the experience, gleaning wisdom from it, and growing as a result of it. Meanwhile, no one ever so much as glances in the direction of the person or people who caused the harm or did the wrong to impose similar expectations on them. On top of all of this, in addition to protecting the wrong doer(s) from shame and guilt (as if their emotional fragility is more important than yours), you're also expected to do the extraordinary emotional feat of forgiving them when they never even admitted to any wrong doing in the first place, much less apologized for it, or did anything whatsoever to deserve it. I feel your pain.
P.S. The only silver lining in all of this unfair setup (which essentially leaves the wronged person to work as an emotional pack mule carrying emotional burdens and loads they didn't create), is that you end up with a much stronger character than the person/wrongdoer that no one expects to grow, change or learn. The latter's lack of growth oftentimes, though not always, comes back to bite them badly in the butt in the end. (You have to just wait for it.)
Thank you so much for thiiiiis. It's so kind, thoughtful and REAL! Bless you. Thank you so much. 🌞🌺🌻🫂💛
@@AleciaRenece You're welcome! 🌻🌹🏵🌻💛🌟
Your videos always make me feel seen bc same!!!
Or when father’s put children in adult mixes that they have nothing to do with. Yeah nobody wants to talk about and acknowledge the past traumas that follow you around for life.
THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
So hard to be in tune with your emotions when so many in this world seem to be fueled by cruelty.
Solange - Mad
🤍
And thats not completely true lol everything put out will come back to you it’s not going to happen when you want but when it hits them it so be when they least expect it. Focus on letting go completely. Some won’t get their karma until you do.
🧡🫂 Cmon message!!!
Ericaaaa 💛🌻🌺💛🫂