After getting used to the No.... and setting your mind around it.. Hearing a Yes.... is seen as a lie and you will completely ignore it, coz it goes against your No mentality.
Rejection is painful, but it helps you to mature. Out of all rejections, we may experience in our life, romantic partner rejection would be the worst to experience.
@@psychacks I reflect on all my rejections in my life (jobs, universities, etc.) I found that romantic rejection (after a long-term relationship) is the most painful one. I also noticed that after experiencing such a very painful rejection, you start to care less about other rejections. This was my experience, it might differ from one person to another, but ultimately, rejection helps us to mature.
@@chevy2583 In my personal experience, ( I am now 2 months out of a long term relationship) I definately agree with you. It was the most painfull thing to experience. On the other hand. It somehow destroyed me self esteem to a point, that i cannot agree with your second statement. Every other rejection hurts even more, since i dont have my favorite person around to back me up.
@@Slid3rx Sorry to hear that my friend. We all had the pain of rejection, and we survived. You do take care of yourself bud, don't let someone defines you. The woman who rejected you will be rejected by someone else, and she will experience similar pain but in a different time. Remember bro, rejection makes us stronger. Stay strong.
I have somehow managed to understand myself over the past several months by incorporating meditation to my daily routine. It has helped me become more self-aware. Rejection doesn't phase me anymore. Thank you for this enlightening video Dr Teroban. I have understood that taking information from my surroundings helps better cope with my neurotic and intrusive thoughts. I just want to move on from negative and traumatic experiences which no longer need to have an effect on my mental wellbeing.
This doesn't really work if you're getting rejected by a coworker or an acquaintance whom you've known long enough for them to make more than a cursory judgment about you. Also, repeated rejections in and of itself do a number on your psyche. You can end up feeling completely defeated. Or you can end up settling and feeling resentful at your circumstances.
On the contrary, getting rejected by someone you know is in fact better. The feedback they give you is genuine and accurate. Notice I didn’t say less painful. Also, getting rejected repeatedly means you’re either in the wrong environment or you’re in the right environment and something about you needs to change. He never said this process was easy, but if you look at it as information gathering, it will be easier absorb and learn from.
Nobody said that it wouldn't similar how you CHOOSE to take it personal and be hurt by it, you can CHOOSE to use that information to get closer to the eventuality of a YES. Myron Gaines said it best, women are the only thing in life that the more you put into nets you negative returns. Tye more effort you put into a girl that never liked you is a fruitless endeavor. You can not negotiate genuine burning desire/attraction. You are either presented as attractive to women when you meet them or not. Women just are, men have to become that is why in female psyche it is so hard to get them attracted to you sexually if you are already not sexy to them. Why do you think women keep comparing themselves to other girls and have defeatist mentalities regarding beauty. Because they believe they have a set attraction they can not work on. Rhis is absolutely not true but is why the makeup industry will never go bankrupt. My suggestion is to use this piece of information from Psychhacks and use it on different girls. Stop trying to convince a classmate or coworker of your value. Demonstrate do not explicate. You do not have to convince anyone after you already demonstrate. Do you think women have to tell you they are pretty. No. They just show you with their looks. No more negotiating with women.
fuck, are you the strange one? I have to raise chickens for my boss in a pen there's always one or two that gets their feathers half plucked off, I see it as the odd one out since they all pick on it. IDKY they're doing it but it maybe that it is just different DOES not mean worse at all... in fact an angel among demons would be rejected and a demon among angels. it doesn't mean you or I are special... idk what we are. I face a lot of rejection. I am neurodivergent. I may see an early death since I am sick mentally and it's affecting my body. if it's survival of the fittest, it just sucks to be us. hope I die soon
@@holeefawkit seems to me you are not strange but definitely special. If you identify yourself with what you just wroted down wich again in my opinion was very wise, you may realise that you and others alike are just off the herd.....Accept its values please..and be strong if you can..regards
An excellent strategy. Rejection can feel so personal but reframing it in this way will save so much needless suffering. Adolescents need to be taught this to navigate those often painful teen years; great content as always!
This is super helpful to support a shift in mindset around rejection and see it through a clear, true lens rather than this big, bad, painful thing. I really appreciate this, thank you!
I rarely give thanks for online advice, but I needed help in dealing with being rejected by a woman a mere 5 mins ago at the grocery store. This vid helped. I'm an attractive, fit, intelligent middle age male, she less so, middle age female. I was just small talking with her, she was very receptive, asked if she'd like to exchange numbers...first time I've done this in 3 years now...and her response was "no, I'm good.". That stung because I have no idea why she'd say it like that. We continued to talk kindly for several mins, she did say something along the lines of "kudos for trying tho" that came across as genuine. I thanked her for at least being cordial. I've realized my biggest gripe about it is that she really wasn't my type, and I can do better. So the ego hit thing. But also makes me feel like "what's the point anymore" and "I really need to look into passport bros."
Sorry that you experienced this, however are you certain she was single? She could've just gotten out of a relationship and need time, she maybe intimated. Sometimes, people have their own issues going and aren't available to you. Don't let her keep you from pursuing and finding the incredible woman that will say yes. All the best❤
Being told no is part of life and I remember one of the young ladies telling me this when I was in college after I asked one of them out on a date. Deep down she was actually helping me and that I shouldn’t hold a grudge over it.
@@Welcometomyworld4754 Religion isn’t the greatest trick. Making people believe that God doesn’t exist is. That’s how I feel about it. Either way you are free to choose your own beliefs…. and I think that… People either fight the truth or they accept it. I find it interesting just how much resistance and opposition the Christian faith gets in comparison to the other religions. Like I said people either fight the truth or they accept it. How many other religions are mocked on global television? It’s something people just don’t do because common courtesy understands that it is disrespectful to the people of the faith and the faith itself. I still haven’t successfully seen anyone prove that God doesn’t exist. Like I said people either fight the truth or they accept it. The other religions are not mocked for their beliefs, but somehow Christians are the ones who are disrespected. It is one thing to choose not to believe… and it’s another to resist it. My question is… Where does the resistance come from? People who don’t believe have made a conscious choice not to believe, but where does this non belief stem from? Have non believers ever tried to question this non-belief? Have nonbelievers ever tried to seek God? It does take effort to seek the Truth.. have you ever made the effort?
I'm 48 years old, never in a relationship. Rejection does something with you over time. I don't look ugly, I have a well paid job, I'm funny and intelligent, and I still get rejected over and over again. I have self confidence, I have a positive attitude, but this total lack of success in this regard gets to me. When I have one of my very few dates, and it didn't work out, that's fine, I can deal with this. But when I get no response when writing to someone on a dating site, when I try to come up with something personal or funny or whatever, and I don't even get a "no thanks", and this happens almost always, that wears me down. And one thing it does is that I can't take compliments about my looks or personality anymore, unconsciously I don't believe the other person, this part of me is just scar tissue, and it is because of rejection. If someone just assumes I'm in a relationship, and e.g. asks if I have kids, that hurts more than it should, and it is because of rejection.
It's been ridiculuous for me as well. I'm extremely successful, good looking, masculine, dominant, flirtatious, fun, trained fighter, and still 1 for 50.
Reading these comments worries me a little. I am on this video obviously because I am struggling with the same thing. I am turning 27 in a few months, I’ve been a successful real estate agent for the past 2 years and closing on my first investment property next month. So I know I’m financially better than my peers. I still struggle with women. I’ve never been able to get the 10/10. I’ve DM’d maybe a thousand woman of all different types and 80% of them don’t even read the message. Rejection in business isn’t nearly as bad as in dating. I’m a romantic at heart and don’t want to play “the numbers” like I do in business. It’s taking a real toll on me and making me angry and resentful. I have been ignored by single mothers that weren’t that pretty! They should see me, a single, hard working, self employed young man with no children, a job, a car and no criminal history as a catch, yet they leave me hanging. Like wtf is going on. Unfortunately I don’t believe a lot of this message he shares. To me it seems like coping mechanisms to deal with a shitty reality. I have felt with so much rejection it has made me more insecure. Like you mentioned, I don’t even believe comments because of scars from all the failed attempts of the past.
@@HardWorkPays0ff Maybe I'm the worst one to give you advise, but this is the advise I'd give my younger self: I think the chances using online dating are really low, rather try to meet women on activities you like for yourself (I know, it's still difficult). Looks matter, attitude matters, over-confidence can be a problem as well. Nobody is entitled to find a relationship, don't act this way. Get you friends to assess you, there might be something off with you, something that makes people feel uneasy. I looked into attachment styles, and yes, there are massive problems that I ignored for decades. If you are overly self-reliant, if you are the type of friend that never initiates something and finds it really hard to keep contact, if you stay always cool in emergencies, if you don't know how to console someone other than with offering solutions, that might be signs of a dismissive avoidant like me. Don't wait, it doesn't get better, you lose half of your life by being a stranger to yourself. I hope this helps. Good luck!
I am completely unconvinced on the first two P's. If Bob asks out Alice, and Alice says no, who is she rejecting? She is rejecting Bob. The only way you could convincingly argue that it is not a personal rejection of Bob is if Alice would say no to anyone that asked. As for painful, the more you want the other person to say yes, the more painful it will be if they say no. Lack of pain indicates a lack of desire. You are correct that we will hear no a lot more than yes and we need to be prepared for it, but most people aren't stoic enough to ignore any rejection.
Correct. Rejection when she does not know your personality is rejection based upon your looks (how good looking you are). These are the most painful, because looks are the hardest thing to improve.
Rejection and relationships are healthy. Dating is a numbers game. Never take it personal. Spin plates and have fun dating. It is never personal. Spin plates and have an mindset there are lots of woman. Because there are ..
“Spinning plates” is only feasible for maybe the top 20% of men. Most men would be happy for one chipped, discolored plate that they will guard like a prized possession. The mindset is good but for most it is not practically possible.
Thanks Orion. I just discovered your channel and I’ve been listening to your videos religiously before I go to sleep. Could you make a video about how to recover from being an “over achiever”?
Thanks for the support, RiceBall. That's an interesting idea. I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, you might want to check out "The reason why you exist."
Hi there- I really like yer channel, format, content, etc. brief, direct, informative and valuable, relatable topics that are interesting and useful. It’s also inspired me to modify my approach to podcasting in a like capacity. Rejection can be a valuable teacher. My most significant growth and change have come on the heels of rejection. While painful, most rejection is a trigger for some deeper problem, unmet need, etc, hence I think It’s important to spend meaningful time and energy investigating the deeper underlying issues that cause or trigger the reaction in order to ‘heal’. That’s been my experience. IMHO - Trauma lives in the body, and doesn’t ever truly go away until we identify it, face it and work through it. Thank you for such worthwhile content. You are making a difference. Andrew
You should cover the phenomenal of rejection remorse with the person that originally rejected you and liking you down the road after multiple failed relationships. I think the term is called dumpers remorse.
I wanted to hear your thoughts on this subject. Can you please make more videos on this topic? I feel that your thoughts on this particular topic can be much better than the ones presented in this video. This is a really important cornerstone topic.
I've seen stacks of resumés and some were absolutely totally qualified and deserving, even the short list. It comes down to rolling dice. Were the others "rejected?" Not quite, even though they didn't get the job, there was only one space available. Life is like a lottery, sometimes just happenstance luck.
Relationship rejections are very personal. The person has taken the time to get to know you and doesn't like what they see. The key to maturity and good mental health is how you deal with that. Do you try to change what you are? Do you accept who you are and try to have relationships with people who do like you as your are? A little of both?
In my humble opinion it heavily depends what the person rejects. I admit its hard to figure out because people like to tell lies in order to not hurt someone but if you get a honest explanation its time to evaluate it. If its because you are always in a bad mood etc. of course work on yourself but if its because you arent funny, have different hobbies etc. then no
Some people are attractive and can replace the person that rejected them. I was rejected and never found anyone again. I am an old woman and the pain has never left. I dont think it is good to give hope. It is better to let them know that is life. Life is not a novela.
When a woman rejects you, just acknowledge you're not what she's looking for, for whatever reason. It's not personal. It's not that she doesn't like you. She just has a mental list of her "must haves" and your attributes are different. Not inferior, just different. No big deal. Move on. There will be someone else who will be much more open to being with you. Don't push on a string.
Thanks for all the valuable insights you provide Doctor. This topic is helpful for handling rejections where emotions are not involved.Iif possible, would be helpful to know how to handle rejections in personal relationship where emotions are involved.
Well, the idea is that the same principles apply when dealing with rejection, irrespective of whether your emotions are involved. Reframing rejection as the conveyance of information (as opposed to a judgment about your worth as a person) can be helpful to keep in mind, regardless of the relationship. Otherwise, it sounds like you're asking about healing a broken heart. If so, you may want to check out my playlist "Coping with loss and pain."
In this case, rejection is like wind blows over skin … in my case, i have not tried yet but thanks for your words which prepares one to persuade forward anyway. The egg is of million cracks.
As a 54-year-old single adult, rejection for a date has happened to me 100% of the time!!! By law of the government, an emotionally special needs idiot with low-income like myself IS NOT allowed to date!!! I have been a COMPLETE LOSER ever since I was born!!!! Another contributor to rejection is that I do not drive a car! I WILL definitely keep living ALONE for the rest of my life!!! 36 YEARS and almost 2 months of living ALONE!!! I'm a WORTHLESS IDIOT!!!!
Id add a 4th "P" to the illusion list, in that pain/rejection is preventable. Fell it sorta comes in from the other side of the spectrum opposed to 3rd "P"/"permanent". Our urge to try to prevent pain whether consciously or not can sometimes distort our perception of reality and behaviour patterns
As a single guy in my 30s with high functioning autism there has been nothing more of a gut punch to me than women I was romantically interested in throughout my life telling me "I only see you as a friend." :/
Understanding what is going on will lead to less rejection. A useful book. Sexual Choice A Woman's Decision: Why and How Women choose the Men They Do as Sexual Partners by Heather Remoff
Hm. That's a tough one, as the "clues" change from moment to moment, and person to person. Identifying these clues takes practice and repetition. However, you get a chance to practice every day! As long as you approach your interactions intentionally and pay attention...
I once heard feedback being compared to the different parts of a navigation system working. Part indicates off course and says right or left, the other just responded with right or left. They are then back on course. Doing it more sussinctly gets me back on course faster to where I want to be. Old messages keep me off track.
Of course rejection is painful, and there’s a reason for that. Scientists have confirmed that the same part of the human brain that processes rejection is the same part that processes physical pain.
What I learn from life find any positive or pleasant in any negative or unpleasantness. Rejection to some is negative but to optimistic person theres always lessons, learnings in every sides . I cannot express well what I want to tell. Love and Peace to All 🧡✌️
That's a good approach to life. I don't think it's possible in all circumstances to identify a positive component, and sometimes there is no lesson to be gleaned, but it's often the case that we can find something valuable in our experience, if we choose to look.
But what if it is a personal rejection?! This is the biggest problem. Who cares what people have to say I do not know a bit. The problem with rejection for many people is that they've been rejected by people they like etc. And handling this is way harder than a job interview.
Sometimes they don't say "no," they say some vague, open-ended, middle ground response like "Yeah okay let's go out, but I want to take it slow and be friends first" and then expect you to make a move on the first "non-date", after which they reject you for not doing so, even though you were under the assumption that she wanted to get to know each other first. Women are stupid lol. Either you're into me and you wanna do this, or you're not and you don't. I made my intentions clear by asking you out - your job is to agree or reject. Either way, I've learned that if it isn't a "YES!" then it's a no and to move on.
Could it be that it's not women being "stupid" but men being "autistic?" Relationships don't start out a binary. Yes, no. Some people need time to get to know each other. It's not an "yes, I am into you 'cause I saw you yesterday and you seem a'right, let's do this." She might not be fully attracted to you physically at first, but getting to know you might reveal interNAL aspects she cares a lot about. If it's a quick decision, it is doomed.
@roses6564 the point is as a man if I ask somebody out and they don't say yes, then I'm going to assume it's a no and walk I'm asking for a date here, not your hand in marriage and for you to pop out a litter of babies for me I'm seeing all kinds of videos of women complaining that men don't initiate and men don't approach them and ask them out anymore. It's because women play games nowadays
@@Malumbrus Everyone plays games, at least at first. Three tips for best practices: 1. Depart from the premise everyone is self-interested first. 2. Apply empathy. 3. Do not expect the other to place your interests first (why do they waste my time?) If it's a strategy to maximize success, they will. Better your time, than their life. Remember: they don't love you (yet). Contrary to popular belief, # 2 is not being fee-fee-driven and "mushy like a woman." It is a very lucid, rational process where you place yourself in the other person's shoes trying to realize why they do what they do, how they are likely to see things, what you can expect from them, and the difference between what they say they want vs what they actually need or are likely to get. It doesn't mean sympathy and emoting with them. It's understanding the principles that animate the other party while suspending your own ego and judgements. So if you're just talking about a mere date (which wasn't clear previously), then, sure, I can understand your irritation. Thing is she might be hedging her bets, trying to see what her options are. Because you might not be her ideal no 1 choice on face value, so she's checking other options too. Men do the same. You could argue that a woman who can't even commit to a first date is probably not a good idea, but check her motivations and other character traits. Give benefit of the doubt until you see continued hesitation, then move on. My point is women have the right to hesitate and I think they don't hesitate enough. With marriage, they must make the most monumental decision of their life under serious pressures: 1. Narrow window of fertility. 2 Relationship-derived fulfillment ("true love", romantic match) is more important to them than it is for men. 3. They ARE, naturally, more selective than men. Depending on your own SMV, you can only accept women who give you an unequivocal Yes bc they are mesmerized with you...all the way to being patient enough bc you might not be the first choice of many women. People settle ALL. THE . DARN. TIME. We all ideally want to be our adored's first choice but the reality is most people settle at some level because a potential adored is likely to be already taken. Everyone else settles, more or less. It's a game of musical chairs.
I got rejected by a friend, the wierd thing tho is I know she likes a friend of mine who likes another girl, and I like the girl that rejected me but theres a person that likes me but I don't, wierd that love most of the time isnt supposed to happen
I Like a lot of your content but,this is wrong. It’s always personal and therefore painful unless you are psychopathic. And mostly permanent as you can change only marginally.
*Nobody enjoys that... Yet like Puberty, it happens to us all. ( The Three P's are Helpful ) ... For Instance, The Manner of Using you as a Trophy To stick on a Wall like a Celebrity --- causes Rumination.
Rejection is multifactoral. People who choose others intuitively not logicaly, as I do, tend to think, that this happens to others too, so it is personal. Of course sometimes it is not permanent, so I don't give up easily. But sometimes we are just very simple and superficial, like how I chost to listen to your videos beside the titles of course, that raised my intrest. I thought: "Let me see what this man with such beautiful eyes can tell me". Sorry.
I suffer from rejection because my dad is living Thailand a house bulit Him and his friends said I can't get a girlfriend in the united kingdom easy because British people got money then there said I can get a girlfriend one day I been diagnosed with Autism and emotional unstable personality disorder It's ruined my life forever I'm having therapy I had a lot of trauma in my life
He had a been married to a Thailand woman. Because she taken his house in Thailand. He had a visa to bring his wife back home. She Said I'm in England I got money that why don't go much
he didn't listen to his family which is me and nan and my uncle I give up only because they want my money in Thailand to get a girlfriend My sister lives see him I hate culture in poor countries
@@mattbeynon3873 The Lone Wolf here is in the same boat with you. However, his deadbeat dad rejected him just like the 30 girls he tried to get to know years ago. That's why he always feels ugly, invisible and unworthy. His mom also suspected now that he may have autism like yourself. Point being, he gave up on love because girls never know what they want, they're shallow, greedy, spoiled, entitled, indecisive, delusional; he can keep going if he wants. The man was right: "love ain't shit anyway".
All because a Polyamorus Cumdumpster didn't feel the need to mention she was a permanent side slut. Wasted 6years of my life so I will not allow anyone else in my life. Plus learning not to help others is a great way to save 10's of 1000's of dollars regardless of how important a dream business is to Her. INFJ-T Indigo Sigma women can die alone now that I'm in my 40's and straight trash is all that's left to select from. And no I will not " Make it to easy " to get used abused betrayed and abandoned. Investment return is $0. That shit is not going to happen again so Brutally Rejected is all women are going to receive if they express any interest in me. I have nothing to offer anyone so I will now begin to prove exactly what happens when a good men gets fucked over way too many times because women's character values are shit. Enjoy your journey because I will choose solitude and celibate until my final moment alive.
Getting rejected sucks! It makes one feel insecure and even unattractive. I wanted so bad to hook up with this Israeli man who was due to return to Israel. I heard that he had BDE, talk about a Greek God he was gorgeous,but he turned me down. To be fair he's married, but I heard he gets around. Lol Before anyone hates on me let me be clear, I was not looking to break up his family home. Just enjoy him! 😉
That's deep, "no" is the default response of the universe. You will hear no more than you will hear yes, is very powerful.
After getting used to the No.... and setting your mind around it..
Hearing a Yes.... is seen as a lie and you will completely ignore it, coz it goes against your No mentality.
Rejection is God's protection.
The answer is always no unless you ask.
No , disrespect But don’t agree with you what you said. Rejection can very painful and emotional pain!!!!
@@damonbanks8639 There's studies showing that it feels like physical pain.
Rejection is painful, but it helps you to mature. Out of all rejections, we may experience in our life, romantic partner rejection would be the worst to experience.
Romantic rejection is certainly up there -- though I don't think it necessarily has to be that way.
@@psychacks I reflect on all my rejections in my life (jobs, universities, etc.) I found that romantic rejection (after a long-term relationship) is the most painful one. I also noticed that after experiencing such a very painful rejection, you start to care less about other rejections. This was my experience, it might differ from one person to another, but ultimately, rejection helps us to mature.
There was a great joke I heard about this.
Rejection is easy. The real pain and suffering starts after she says yes.
@@chevy2583 In my personal experience, ( I am now 2 months out of a long term relationship) I definately agree with you. It was the most painfull thing to experience. On the other hand. It somehow destroyed me self esteem to a point, that i cannot agree with your second statement. Every other rejection hurts even more, since i dont have my favorite person around to back me up.
@@Slid3rx Sorry to hear that my friend. We all had the pain of rejection, and we survived. You do take care of yourself bud, don't let someone defines you. The woman who rejected you will be rejected by someone else, and she will experience similar pain but in a different time. Remember bro, rejection makes us stronger. Stay strong.
save this man at all costs
I have somehow managed to understand myself over the past several months by incorporating meditation to my daily routine. It has helped me become more self-aware. Rejection doesn't phase me anymore. Thank you for this enlightening video Dr Teroban. I have understood that taking information from my surroundings helps better cope with my neurotic and intrusive thoughts. I just want to move on from negative and traumatic experiences which no longer need to have an effect on my mental wellbeing.
Right on, Allen. Keep moving forward.
This doesn't really work if you're getting rejected by a coworker or an acquaintance whom you've known long enough for them to make more than a cursory judgment about you. Also, repeated rejections in and of itself do a number on your psyche. You can end up feeling completely defeated. Or you can end up settling and feeling resentful at your circumstances.
Yes , thats why i dont even bother anymore...
Yes, multiple rejections take a toll on your self-esteem.
Shoot lower than your league.
On the contrary, getting rejected by someone you know is in fact better. The feedback they give you is genuine and accurate. Notice I didn’t say less painful. Also, getting rejected repeatedly means you’re either in the wrong environment or you’re in the right environment and something about you needs to change. He never said this process was easy, but if you look at it as information gathering, it will be easier absorb and learn from.
Nobody said that it wouldn't similar how you CHOOSE to take it personal and be hurt by it, you can CHOOSE to use that information to get closer to the eventuality of a YES. Myron Gaines said it best, women are the only thing in life that the more you put into nets you negative returns. Tye more effort you put into a girl that never liked you is a fruitless endeavor. You can not negotiate genuine burning desire/attraction. You are either presented as attractive to women when you meet them or not. Women just are, men have to become that is why in female psyche it is so hard to get them attracted to you sexually if you are already not sexy to them. Why do you think women keep comparing themselves to other girls and have defeatist mentalities regarding beauty. Because they believe they have a set attraction they can not work on. Rhis is absolutely not true but is why the makeup industry will never go bankrupt. My suggestion is to use this piece of information from Psychhacks and use it on different girls. Stop trying to convince a classmate or coworker of your value. Demonstrate do not explicate. You do not have to convince anyone after you already demonstrate. Do you think women have to tell you they are pretty. No. They just show you with their looks. No more negotiating with women.
I feel so much pain. I feel rejected by almost everybody.
I gave you a thumbs up ! You're accepted !
fuck, are you the strange one? I have to raise chickens for my boss in a pen there's always one or two that gets their feathers half plucked off, I see it as the odd one out since they all pick on it. IDKY they're doing it but it maybe that it is just different DOES not mean worse at all... in fact an angel among demons would be rejected and a demon among angels. it doesn't mean you or I are special... idk what we are. I face a lot of rejection. I am neurodivergent. I may see an early death since I am sick mentally and it's affecting my body. if it's survival of the fittest, it just sucks to be us. hope I die soon
@@holeefawkit seems to me you are not strange but definitely special. If you identify yourself with what you just wroted down wich again in my opinion was very wise, you may realise that you and others alike are just off the herd.....Accept its values please..and be strong if you can..regards
An excellent strategy. Rejection can feel so personal but reframing it in this way will save so much needless suffering. Adolescents need to be taught this to navigate those often painful teen years; great content as always!
This is super helpful to support a shift in mindset around rejection and see it through a clear, true lens rather than this big, bad, painful thing. I really appreciate this, thank you!
I rarely give thanks for online advice, but I needed help in dealing with being rejected by a woman a mere 5 mins ago at the grocery store. This vid helped. I'm an attractive, fit, intelligent middle age male, she less so, middle age female. I was just small talking with her, she was very receptive, asked if she'd like to exchange numbers...first time I've done this in 3 years now...and her response was "no, I'm good.". That stung because I have no idea why she'd say it like that. We continued to talk kindly for several mins, she did say something along the lines of "kudos for trying tho" that came across as genuine. I thanked her for at least being cordial.
I've realized my biggest gripe about it is that she really wasn't my type, and I can do better. So the ego hit thing.
But also makes me feel like "what's the point anymore" and "I really need to look into passport bros."
Sorry that you experienced this, however are you certain she was single? She could've just gotten out of a relationship and need time, she maybe intimated. Sometimes, people have their own issues going and aren't available to you. Don't let her keep you from pursuing and finding the incredible woman that will say yes. All the best❤
this is by far the most clearest and shortest explanation that I have come across
I think the imagined rejection tends to be more painful than the actual rejection.
Absolutely. Wise people in the past said that 'we often suffer more in our imagination than in reality'.
@@liborrajm2916 dude, that’s my biggest quote in life right now! I can’t believe I never thought of it in this situation, but it’s perfect
holy fuck, someone kiss my rejection away I don't feel well tonight.
Being told no is part of life and I remember one of the young ladies telling me this when I was in college after I asked one of them out on a date.
Deep down she was actually helping me and that I shouldn’t hold a grudge over it.
Rejection is the most insightful education you can get, be it in any situation.
Someone told me this a long time ago and it’s held true thus far… Rejection is Gods form of protection.
@@Welcometomyworld4754 Religion isn’t the greatest trick. Making people believe that God doesn’t exist is.
That’s how I feel about it. Either way you are free to choose your own beliefs…. and I think that…
People either fight the truth or they accept it. I find it interesting just how much resistance and opposition the Christian faith gets in comparison to the other religions. Like I said people either fight the truth or they accept it.
How many other religions are mocked on global television? It’s something people just don’t do because common courtesy understands that it is disrespectful to the people of the faith and the faith itself.
I still haven’t successfully seen anyone prove that God doesn’t exist. Like I said people either fight the truth or they accept it.
The other religions are not mocked for their beliefs, but somehow Christians are the ones who are disrespected. It is one thing to choose not to believe… and it’s another to resist it. My question is… Where does the resistance come from?
People who don’t believe have made a conscious choice not to believe, but where does this non belief stem from? Have non believers ever tried to question this non-belief? Have nonbelievers ever tried to seek God?
It does take effort to seek the Truth.. have you ever made the effort?
Yeah people always want to throw God into something to make themselves feel better it's all bulshit😂
That was the same for me, not just dating
And as much as it hurts, every single rejection in my life has led me to a better path
This is probably the best way someone explained how to handle rejection. I like that. I got to remember those the 3 illusions of rejection.
I'm 48 years old, never in a relationship. Rejection does something with you over time. I don't look ugly, I have a well paid job, I'm funny and intelligent, and I still get rejected over and over again. I have self confidence, I have a positive attitude, but this total lack of success in this regard gets to me. When I have one of my very few dates, and it didn't work out, that's fine, I can deal with this. But when I get no response when writing to someone on a dating site, when I try to come up with something personal or funny or whatever, and I don't even get a "no thanks", and this happens almost always, that wears me down. And one thing it does is that I can't take compliments about my looks or personality anymore, unconsciously I don't believe the other person, this part of me is just scar tissue, and it is because of rejection. If someone just assumes I'm in a relationship, and e.g. asks if I have kids, that hurts more than it should, and it is because of rejection.
It's been ridiculuous for me as well. I'm extremely successful, good looking, masculine, dominant, flirtatious, fun, trained fighter, and still 1 for 50.
@@I-Am-Wonderful .....your mirror is lying to you.
Reading these comments worries me a little. I am on this video obviously because I am struggling with the same thing. I am turning 27 in a few months, I’ve been a successful real estate agent for the past 2 years and closing on my first investment property next month. So I know I’m financially better than my peers.
I still struggle with women. I’ve never been able to get the 10/10. I’ve DM’d maybe a thousand woman of all different types and 80% of them don’t even read the message. Rejection in business isn’t nearly as bad as in dating. I’m a romantic at heart and don’t want to play “the numbers” like I do in business. It’s taking a real toll on me and making me angry and resentful. I have been ignored by single mothers that weren’t that pretty! They should see me, a single, hard working, self employed young man with no children, a job, a car and no criminal history as a catch, yet they leave me hanging. Like wtf is going on.
Unfortunately I don’t believe a lot of this message he shares. To me it seems like coping mechanisms to deal with a shitty reality. I have felt with so much rejection it has made me more insecure. Like you mentioned, I don’t even believe comments because of scars from all the failed attempts of the past.
@@HardWorkPays0ff Maybe I'm the worst one to give you advise, but this is the advise I'd give my younger self: I think the chances using online dating are really low, rather try to meet women on activities you like for yourself (I know, it's still difficult). Looks matter, attitude matters, over-confidence can be a problem as well. Nobody is entitled to find a relationship, don't act this way. Get you friends to assess you, there might be something off with you, something that makes people feel uneasy.
I looked into attachment styles, and yes, there are massive problems that I ignored for decades. If you are overly self-reliant, if you are the type of friend that never initiates something and finds it really hard to keep contact, if you stay always cool in emergencies, if you don't know how to console someone other than with offering solutions, that might be signs of a dismissive avoidant like me. Don't wait, it doesn't get better, you lose half of your life by being a stranger to yourself.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
Dr. Orion Taraban saved the day again for me. Great video.
The Edison quote is very mind changing once u deeply understand it and interiorize it
IKR
I am completely unconvinced on the first two P's. If Bob asks out Alice, and Alice says no, who is she rejecting? She is rejecting Bob. The only way you could convincingly argue that it is not a personal rejection of Bob is if Alice would say no to anyone that asked.
As for painful, the more you want the other person to say yes, the more painful it will be if they say no. Lack of pain indicates a lack of desire. You are correct that we will hear no a lot more than yes and we need to be prepared for it, but most people aren't stoic enough to ignore any rejection.
The name "Bob" isn't who Bob is, and maybe Alice _would_ have said no to anyone that asked. You only sabotage yourself by insisting it is personal.
Correct. Rejection when she does not know your personality is rejection based upon your looks (how good looking you are). These are the most painful, because looks are the hardest thing to improve.
Rejection and relationships are healthy. Dating is a numbers game. Never take it personal. Spin plates and have fun dating. It is never personal. Spin plates and have an mindset there are lots of woman. Because there are ..
“Spinning plates” is only feasible for maybe the top 20% of men.
Most men would be happy for one chipped, discolored plate that they will guard like a prized possession.
The mindset is good but for most it is not practically possible.
This would be the best information for any young person.
Holy smokes I needed to hear this real. bad. I was feeling like jumping off a cliff. Thank you so much and with perfect timing too.
Thanks Orion. I just discovered your channel and I’ve been listening to your videos religiously before I go to sleep. Could you make a video about how to recover from being an “over achiever”?
Thanks for the support, RiceBall. That's an interesting idea. I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, you might want to check out "The reason why you exist."
Just don't stand in the way of someone else who might say yes (that's all...). 😊
In fact, the best to say is ‘ saying nothing ‘ …. Time has its own pace to reveal truth.
Hi there-
I really like yer channel, format, content, etc. brief, direct, informative and valuable, relatable topics that are interesting and useful. It’s also inspired me to modify my approach to podcasting in a like capacity.
Rejection can be a valuable teacher. My most significant growth and change have come on the heels of rejection. While painful, most rejection is a trigger for some deeper problem, unmet need, etc, hence I think It’s important to spend meaningful time and energy investigating the deeper underlying issues that cause or trigger the reaction in order to ‘heal’. That’s been my experience. IMHO - Trauma lives in the body, and doesn’t ever truly go away until we identify it, face it and work through it.
Thank you for such worthwhile content. You are making a difference. Andrew
You should cover the phenomenal of rejection remorse with the person that originally rejected you and liking you down the road after multiple failed relationships. I think the term is called dumpers remorse.
I wanted to hear your thoughts on this subject. Can you please make more videos on this topic? I feel that your thoughts on this particular topic can be much better than the ones presented in this video. This is a really important cornerstone topic.
I've seen stacks of resumés and some were absolutely totally qualified and deserving, even the short list. It comes down to rolling dice. Were the others "rejected?" Not quite, even though they didn't get the job, there was only one space available. Life is like a lottery, sometimes just happenstance luck.
Relationship rejections are very personal. The person has taken the time to get to know you and doesn't like what they see. The key to maturity and good mental health is how you deal with that. Do you try to change what you are? Do you accept who you are and try to have relationships with people who do like you as your are? A little of both?
In my humble opinion it heavily depends what the person rejects. I admit its hard to figure out because people like to tell lies in order to not hurt someone but if you get a honest explanation its time to evaluate it.
If its because you are always in a bad mood etc. of course work on yourself but if its because you arent funny, have different hobbies etc. then no
Ever gotten so used to rejection that any sort of acceptance feels like you're being played with? 😂😂😂
thanks Doc , all my life has been rejection , it's hard to feel any hope after a number of these , but one can hope
Just brilliant, thank you. At the very least it's a great starting point to review and rethink our approach to the subject.
Some people are attractive and can replace the person that rejected them. I was rejected and never found anyone again. I am an old woman and the pain has never left. I dont think it is good to give hope. It is better to let them know that is life. Life is not a novela.
When a woman rejects you, just acknowledge you're not what she's looking for, for whatever reason. It's not personal. It's not that she doesn't like you. She just has a mental list of her "must haves" and your attributes are different. Not inferior, just different. No big deal. Move on. There will be someone else who will be much more open to being with you. Don't push on a string.
It is personal. She is rejecting your looks, which you cannot change much.
Cheer~~~~a rejection or refusal.😊
Seriously impressed, what an amazing content! I watched 2 videos from you, you speak truth!
Disabuse ourselves ! SUPER !
Me too.. watching you religiously..
I think bless the mouth that beautifully put rejection where it really belongs ❤️ thank you 🙏
Thank you, good Sir. This reduced at least my recent suffering.
I don't agree with many of OT's videos but this one is a great video and I agree with all that he is saying here.
Thanks for all the valuable insights you provide Doctor. This topic is helpful for handling rejections where emotions are not involved.Iif possible, would be helpful to know how to handle rejections in personal relationship where emotions are involved.
Well, the idea is that the same principles apply when dealing with rejection, irrespective of whether your emotions are involved. Reframing rejection as the conveyance of information (as opposed to a judgment about your worth as a person) can be helpful to keep in mind, regardless of the relationship. Otherwise, it sounds like you're asking about healing a broken heart. If so, you may want to check out my playlist "Coping with loss and pain."
@@psychacks Thanks for the reply Doctor..🙏 I'll check your vlog on "coping with loss and pain" ..
In this case, rejection is like wind blows over skin … in my case, i have not tried yet but thanks for your words which prepares one to persuade forward anyway. The egg is of million cracks.
As a 54-year-old single adult, rejection for a date has happened to me 100% of the time!!! By law of the government, an emotionally special needs idiot with low-income like myself IS NOT allowed to date!!! I have been a COMPLETE LOSER ever since I was born!!!! Another contributor to rejection is that I do not drive a car! I WILL definitely keep living ALONE for the rest of my life!!! 36 YEARS and almost 2 months of living ALONE!!! I'm a WORTHLESS IDIOT!!!!
Orion is the coolest name 👍 great vid
Thanks for the support, Winn. Keep coming back!
Id add a 4th "P" to the illusion list, in that pain/rejection is preventable. Fell it sorta comes in from the other side of the spectrum opposed to 3rd "P"/"permanent". Our urge to try to prevent pain whether consciously or not can sometimes distort our perception of reality and behaviour patterns
Thank you for your information , it appears right on time
Love your videos Dr. but can you do one about long term relationships ending. This one wasn’t about that. Thank you Sir. 🥰
Thanks for this very helpful 👍
As a single guy in my 30s with high functioning autism there has been nothing more of a gut punch to me than women I was romantically interested in throughout my life telling me "I only see you as a friend." :/
Understanding what is going on will lead to less rejection. A useful book.
Sexual Choice A Woman's Decision: Why and How Women choose the Men They Do as Sexual Partners
by Heather Remoff
Thank you so much!
Doc, but it hurts so badly.
Please make a video on the clues in the “no” that could get them to say yes.
Hm. That's a tough one, as the "clues" change from moment to moment, and person to person. Identifying these clues takes practice and repetition. However, you get a chance to practice every day! As long as you approach your interactions intentionally and pay attention...
I once heard feedback being compared to the different parts of a navigation system working. Part indicates off course and says right or left, the other just responded with right or left. They are then back on course.
Doing it more sussinctly gets me back on course faster to where I want to be. Old messages keep me off track.
*Thanks for mentioning Thomas A. Edison @3:50 mark... His wife insisted, he is on The Cusp / Verge of something...believed in the work.
They don't know anything different in there 💯
Of course rejection is painful, and there’s a reason for that. Scientists have confirmed that the same part of the human brain that processes rejection is the same part that processes physical pain.
What I learn from life find any positive or pleasant in any negative or unpleasantness. Rejection to some is negative but to optimistic person theres always lessons, learnings in every sides . I cannot express well what I want to tell.
Love and Peace to All 🧡✌️
That's a good approach to life. I don't think it's possible in all circumstances to identify a positive component, and sometimes there is no lesson to be gleaned, but it's often the case that we can find something valuable in our experience, if we choose to look.
@@psychacks 👍
Ok and what do you say when we are rejected by someone who knows who we are
Well said
But what if it is a personal rejection?! This is the biggest problem. Who cares what people have to say I do not know a bit. The problem with rejection for many people is that they've been rejected by people they like etc. And handling this is way harder than a job interview.
Thank you
Because I'm paranoid all the time I didn't get hurt too much but my focking is broken sooooo bad
Love it
All the reasons I was rejected for are things that are wrong with me. If I was better they would’ve stayed
Sometimes they don't say "no," they say some vague, open-ended, middle ground response like "Yeah okay let's go out, but I want to take it slow and be friends first" and then expect you to make a move on the first "non-date", after which they reject you for not doing so, even though you were under the assumption that she wanted to get to know each other first.
Women are stupid lol. Either you're into me and you wanna do this, or you're not and you don't. I made my intentions clear by asking you out - your job is to agree or reject.
Either way, I've learned that if it isn't a "YES!" then it's a no and to move on.
Could it be that it's not women being "stupid" but men being "autistic?"
Relationships don't start out a binary. Yes, no.
Some people need time to get to know each other. It's not an "yes, I am into you 'cause I saw you yesterday and you seem a'right, let's do this." She might not be fully attracted to you physically at first, but getting to know you might reveal interNAL aspects she cares a lot about.
If it's a quick decision, it is doomed.
@roses6564 the point is as a man if I ask somebody out and they don't say yes, then I'm going to assume it's a no and walk
I'm asking for a date here, not your hand in marriage and for you to pop out a litter of babies for me
I'm seeing all kinds of videos of women complaining that men don't initiate and men don't approach them and ask them out anymore. It's because women play games nowadays
@@Malumbrus Everyone plays games, at least at first.
Three tips for best practices:
1. Depart from the premise everyone is self-interested first.
2. Apply empathy.
3. Do not expect the other to place your interests first (why do they waste my time?)
If it's a strategy to maximize success, they will. Better your time, than their life. Remember: they don't love you (yet).
Contrary to popular belief, # 2 is not being fee-fee-driven and "mushy like a woman."
It is a very lucid, rational process where you place yourself in the other person's shoes trying to realize why they do what they do, how they are likely to see things, what you can expect from them, and the difference between what they say they want vs what they actually need or are likely to get.
It doesn't mean sympathy and emoting with them. It's understanding the principles that animate the other party while suspending your own ego and judgements.
So if you're just talking about a mere date (which wasn't clear previously), then, sure, I can understand your irritation.
Thing is she might be hedging her bets, trying to see what her options are.
Because you might not be her ideal no 1 choice on face value, so she's checking other options too.
Men do the same.
You could argue that a woman who can't even commit to a first date is probably not a good idea, but check her motivations and other character traits.
Give benefit of the doubt until you see continued hesitation, then move on.
My point is women have the right to hesitate and I think they don't hesitate enough. With marriage, they must make the most monumental decision of their life under serious pressures:
1. Narrow window of fertility.
2 Relationship-derived fulfillment ("true love", romantic match) is more important to them than it is for men.
3. They ARE, naturally, more selective than men.
Depending on your own SMV, you can only accept women who give you an unequivocal Yes bc they are mesmerized with you...all the way to being patient enough bc you might not be the first choice of many women.
People settle ALL. THE . DARN. TIME.
We all ideally want to be our adored's first choice but the reality is most people settle at some level because a potential adored is likely to be already taken.
Everyone else settles, more or less.
It's a game of musical chairs.
@@roses6564 anyway if it's not a yes I'm just going to go with no and walk away
@@Malumbrus sure.
I got rejected by a friend, the wierd thing tho is I know she likes a friend of mine who likes another girl, and I like the girl that rejected me but theres a person that likes me but I don't, wierd that love most of the time isnt supposed to happen
Rejection is not painful, personal, or permanent. It's only information.
I Like a lot of your content but,this is wrong. It’s always personal and therefore painful unless you are psychopathic. And mostly permanent as you can change only marginally.
How do you feel that rejection after 10 years? If you have experienced that , please tell me .
My wife left me after 35 years of marriage. All of your P's fail totally. My ex wife and I are now 71
*Nobody enjoys that... Yet like Puberty, it happens to us all. ( The Three P's are Helpful ) ... For Instance, The Manner of Using you as a Trophy To stick on a Wall like a Celebrity --- causes Rumination.
Rejection is multifactoral. People who choose others intuitively not logicaly, as I do, tend to think, that this happens to others too, so it is personal. Of course sometimes it is not permanent, so I don't give up easily.
But sometimes we are just very simple and superficial, like how I chost to listen to your videos beside the titles of course, that raised my intrest. I thought: "Let me see what this man with such beautiful eyes can tell me". Sorry.
awesome
Rejection is one thing. Mass abuse and smearing is a complete other ;)
Well ssmetimes its personal,what if they dont like you because you're ugly?now thats something personal.
I suffer from rejection because my dad is living Thailand a house bulit
Him and his friends said I can't get a girlfriend in the united kingdom easy because British people got money then there said I can get a girlfriend one day
I been diagnosed with Autism and emotional unstable personality disorder
It's ruined my life forever I'm having therapy I had a lot of trauma in my life
He had a been married to a Thailand woman. Because she taken his house in Thailand.
He had a visa to bring his wife back home. She Said I'm in England I got money that why don't go much
he didn't listen to his family
which is me and nan and my uncle
I give up only because they want my money in Thailand to get a girlfriend
My sister lives see him
I hate culture in poor countries
@@mattbeynon3873 The Lone Wolf here is in the same boat with you. However, his deadbeat dad rejected him just like the 30 girls he tried to get to know years ago. That's why he always feels ugly, invisible and unworthy. His mom also suspected now that he may have autism like yourself. Point being, he gave up on love because girls never know what they want, they're shallow, greedy, spoiled, entitled, indecisive, delusional; he can keep going if he wants. The man was right: "love ain't shit anyway".
😊 Ahhh yes critical thought
Better hope women listen well are take notes because my retaliation is going to be a bit brutal and severe
All because a Polyamorus Cumdumpster didn't feel the need to mention she was a permanent side slut. Wasted 6years of my life so I will not allow anyone else in my life. Plus learning not to help others is a great way to save 10's of 1000's of dollars regardless of how important a dream business is to Her. INFJ-T Indigo Sigma women can die alone now that I'm in my 40's and straight trash is all that's left to select from. And no I will not " Make it to easy " to get used abused betrayed and abandoned. Investment return is $0. That shit is not going to happen again so Brutally Rejected is all women are going to receive if they express any interest in me. I have nothing to offer anyone so I will now begin to prove exactly what happens when a good men gets fucked over way too many times because women's character values are shit. Enjoy your journey because I will choose solitude and celibate until my final moment alive.
OMG four degrees of some sort and then this....?
this makes me angry! how the fuck is rejection not personal!? its thee most personal thing there is!
Goblygok
Haven’t been there. Can you buy stuff duty free there?
Getting rejected sucks! It makes one feel insecure and even unattractive. I wanted so bad to hook up with this Israeli man who was due to return to Israel. I heard that he had BDE, talk about a Greek God he was gorgeous,but he turned me down. To be fair he's married, but I heard he gets around. Lol Before anyone hates on me let me be clear, I was not looking to break up his family home. Just enjoy him! 😉
But you will require an average man take you out on minimum two dates before anything physical ?
@@nfrancis43 This was a long time ago. I'm not dating at all. I'm handling my business to be successful in life.
@@PharmacyTechLabs You mean your having casual sex with high status men ?
Good for you
Getting dumped she bounced a guy same day
Clichee