How to Turn Your Pain Into Power with Dr. Shefali
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- Опубліковано 1 лип 2024
- Power, purpose, and satisfaction never come from being “good” or chasing society’s definition of success. If you want a life you love, Dr. Shefali says that your self-sabotage must stop first.
In this enlightening MarieTV, Dr. Shefali gets honest about hitting rock bottom, why divorce should be called “completion,” and how to turn your most painful experience into your greatest strength.
Dr. Shefali is a renowned clinical psychologist and bestselling author of A Radical Awakening, The Conscious Parent, and The Awakened Family. She’s spoken on conscious parenting and mindful living around the world, including Oprah’s SuperSoul stage. Dr. Shefali blends clinical psychology with eastern mindfulness in her books, workshops, and private practice.
If you - or someone you know - are facing a low point, watch this now.
#MarieTV #MarieTVInterviews #DrShefali
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Jump to these highlights with Dr. Shefali:
4:56 - The lies our culture tells women to keep them small.
7:15 - How Shefali’s radical awakening changed everything.
8:47 - The power of hitting rock bottom - and where to go next.
12:40 - Hit a low point? You have 3 choices.
17:34 - The #1 thing we get wrong about personal growth.
22:00 - How to give up impossible expectations - even when society tells you not to.
23:30 - Why women should stop trying to be “good.”
Up next? Strengthen your mind & soul with this playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLF09676920DB8DB33.html
Dr. Shefali keeps saying “our culture” or “society” but I’m 60 and don’t feel those issues at all nor does my Gen Z daughter.
@@Gwen13061 hi Gwen
I am your age (58) . I find that I do connect with the teachings and writings of Dr
S. .
I also know I do not sense some of the beliefs as powerfully . Generation x
That’s telling . Anyway, that’s all I’ve got .💫😁💙
Just another anti-heteronormative masculine radical feminist
“Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you might think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted. Get ready to bloom.”🌱
Wow thats beautiful 😍 thanks buddy
What a beautiful comment, thank you endlessoul🙏🌅❤️
Nicely said
Love that! What a great way to look at dark times!
Awww
“Fake ways of getting it will eventually wear thin.” Wow how true. Love and worth.
My mother was one of the first back in the 1970s, to pierce the glass ceiling in business. She went toe-to-toe with many men and they loved to call her b****. So she I would say that b**** is the acronym for boys, I'm taking control here. Because that's what they would call you every time you you would try and take control of your own destiny. My mother could care less what people called her. She used to tell me that when you piss people off you know you're on the right path. Meaning your own path. She would say that nothing makes people more Angry than seeing someone who is authentic and on their own path. She said it was the one thing that would absolutely unhinge people. She was so focused that literally she could care less what other people thought about her. She used to say, free yourself from the good opinion of others. She was on a mission and nothing was going to stop her, and nothing did. She was the biggest b**** in the world oh, but when she died she had no regrets. She had lived every day in complete authenticity. She was an amazing woman.
"That's not an act of cowardice, that's an act of discernment". I needed to hear that.
Dr. Shefali so effortlessly articulates deep and profound concepts. It's truly extraordinary to receive and to witness the unfoldment.
“Growth is a subtractive process.” Thank you for the reinforcement. I recently “completed” a 17 year marriage that was regarded by many as a fairy tale from the outside. I couldn’t “palate the now” anymore, but have continued to struggle daily with the guilt and shame of “failing” and “letting everyone down.” I can’t wait to dig into this book! It’s healing to drop the question of “who am I without..” and replace it with “who am I going to emerge as?”
Proud to say that I often manage to turn my pain into power and creativity! My pain often pushes my forward and makes me even more determined to succeed in life!
It certainly makes you realise how strong and resilient we truly are x
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take your power back!! I remember one time that a man called me a cow, he wanted to say something worse (you could hear it in his hesitation) but he held back and that just made the moment hilarious to me because I was like wow this guy can't even own his words.
Growing up as the oldest of 4 children, I was often expected to be the 2nd mom to my siblings. I was expected to be the perfect example for the rest of the kids, and up until the last couple of years I carried that burden no matter what. I no longer feel like I have to take care of anyone else but myself. I matter, I'm enough, and I just couldn't continue caring so much to the point that it was making me internally ill. #nolongeroppressed
Wow, this is the same as what I went through. I have three siblings and I was the second mom too which I believe is why I didn’t have kids. And even now at 52, I’m expected to be there 24/7 for my family and it’s making me exhausted and depressed. I’m just realizing that I have to break away and take care of myself.
@@sharlar517 yes you have to be there for you now. 🤗
@@1960genius Thank you! I am working on it. 😊
I feel you… me being the eldest of 4, too! Denying myself of so many things because I need to attend to their needs first. But it was all worth it, and now is my time to take care of myself and my own family as well… I am worthy, I am deserving, I am capable…
Totally can relate. I am a work in progress.. i am the oldest of 7 and we just lost our mom. I am ready to release these expectations etc.
Being "good" is a form of supression from culture.
Beautiful conversstion. Thank you 💖
"Growth is a subtractive process". True story! It's a beautiful place, sitting with "who am I going to emerge as". We're infinite, not a definition.
I was the opposite. I lived my truth until I was 30 years old. Then... I married a man that I was NOT in love with to afford myself the ability to have a family. I was hoping the love would develop but... it never did. So, after 20 years, I insisted on a divorce. Now, at age 54, I’m learning who I am and recreating my authentic self.
Perfect timing. I've been bumping up against my "own internalized oppression" today and was feeling frustrated and angry with myself and trying to figure out what my next step is in my own evolution. I came on to UA-cam to find some relaxing background music to help me calm down but found myself doing the endless scroll down the homepage, adding many much randomness to my watch later list that's like 300 videos long. Right as I caught myself and was like, "dear me, you need to STAHP!" I saw this video and was like, I ain't adding this to watch later. I need this. I need to watch this right now. Thank you Universe for your guidance! Totally pre-ordering the book!
I’m so glad I came to read this book. I was raised in a toxic household whereby my Father was physically and emotionally abusive. My Mother never set boundaries. I grew up thinking I would never let a man treat me in the same way. I took on the role of the victim mentality . I didn’t even know until quite recently what it meant to take responsibility for myself or even how to set boundaries and what that entailed. I feared showing vulnerability thinking it would give my power away and would suppress my emotions until I couldn’t anymore and they would come out in toxic unhealthy masculinity. I didn’t even realise anything about discernment until reading your book. I realise all along I was just giving my power away . I grew up with self doubt and low worth after constantly been told that I was a bad person, especially by my Father who was very co trolling and critical. Your book has been a blessing and has opened my eyes to how my ego was acting out, that I do t have to be that way anymore and stand in my true authentic self using discernment , trusting myself and own decisions and learning how to use heathy masculine energy instead knowing g it’s much more empowering. I thank you so much for your work and reaching out to people such as myself xx
“ the crowd is devouring your spirit”. Wow!!! Thank you Dr Shefali ❤️
"You are grander than that. Something of essence, something of substance."
This can definitely help those who are going dark night of soul or identity crisis 🙏
The Dr. Is 100% correct that there is a matrix in the worlds culture. It is actually easier to live within the matrix. The hard work is disconnecting and finding out what u truly want. This is especially hard for women. But when has one ever grown during easy times. Growth happens thru difficulty, oppression and adversity. I will be buying this book!
I could literally listen to Dr. Shefali all day❤Love her🙌
the pingmoments for me were
~ strip yourself naked
~ get away from the need to be good and
~ to allow others to call me anything, but i will stay authentic.
i am at that rock bottom place right now and this was so good ! food for my soul.
thank you !
*We're the greatest oppressors of ourselves!!* This is huge!
When you deliver a great workshop and then you look back at the recording and all you can see is your shiny forehead. We have to stop doing this to ourselves!! Absolutely loved this conversation 💜
Yes, sister! Right back at you
That was so true !
This extraordinary woman is far from ordinary. I’m in disbelief she felt she was ordinary before 🙏
Next time somebody calls you "bit#h", tell them: "I'm not a bit#t, I am a BADA$$! Go Bada$$ women!! I am who I am, not what society expect me to be. Go out there, and do all the good your heart really tells you to do. But be always yourself. Thank you for this BADA$$ interview, Marie! Auguri!
Thank you, ladies. I loved every point but I disagree on one thing - no matter how much I would love to help everyone to feel their pain and transform for their better, I think that not all of us are lucky to have the strength, intelligence, and other predispositions which are necessary for radical awakening, therefore we should exclude the sentence "If I can do it, you can too". It's just not the truth and I think that it puts pressure on people when they do not manage to experience the transformation. The self-growth industry is full of these statements and we should question them seriously because we can make more damage than good with them.
Does it add pressure or give extra inner strength ??
@@udaisrai Probably depends on a person. What is your opinion?
I agree with your statement and I like how you pointed that out - and that is something that is true with all self-help materials. It’s interesting how Dr Shefali gives an example of a woman who knows that she has young children and and may not have the financial support to break free. In this case, she called that discernment. Discernment is what everyone needs when reading any of the self-help literature out there. We have to hear it, and note it for perhaps when it could be useful, but not everyone’s awakening looks the same. Nor should Dr Shefali’s awakening and awareness of all the roles and expectations culture places on us push us to break free and let loose totally; there has to be a support system of sorts for this. She’s her own therapist - I’m sure her therapist helped as well. I think in the end, she certainly brings up many points about how culture makes us question ourselves. (Granted, I’ve not read the book yet, but have listened to Dr Shefali’s interviews on UA-cam. ) funny thought: What came to mind too is, so if everyone goes around and says what they think, couldn’t that become a license for aggression too? 😊
Fair point. Some pain can be from lifelong complexes from early trauma that we're identified with but totally unconscious of. Not a simple thing, and I don't think it's easy to find good help with such things. Struggling to 'transform' and getting stuck would probably reinforce the complex, it's defensiveness, and the negative self image that likely arises from it.
Right. It’s ignores disability and context.
I love Dr. Shefali!!! She's been an AMAZING teacher for me, during my awakening/midlife crisis months ago I couldn't hold in my anger cuz I cope with a chemical imbalance, a house thats falling apart, a budding career , and I DO NOT WANT TEENS behaving like insane people because they are listening in.... Im dealing better and better with the Press' Backlash, but it's UBER ANNOYING n toxic that Men can behave however(especially in business relationships) and we have this innate "Be a Good Girl" voice echoing from centuries of oppression. It's a daunting process 🤔 to really shed the veil n 🐝 honest with one's self, especially when breaking the codes of acceptable behaviors... Definitely not for the faint of heart. Im just glad my neighbors didn't call the cops!!! Haha "Rock Star" ing ain't easy, but it sure is FUN!!! God bless 🙏 Dear Moms and Non-Moms ..... we're both tested in ways our society takes for granted. Thank you Dear Dr. Shefali and Marie, Love you guys.... Francesca the Loud
ooompphh! POWERFUL! love you Marie and Dr. Shefali !
Incredible truths! Very well articulated. Gift to womenkind. It just might save us all.
I've come across the concept of giving away your power and that attachment is what causes pain before, but sometimes a reminder is as good as hearing it for the first time. I'll definitely put her book on my to read list.
Who I am wothout the future? What a liberating question!!!! Thank You Dr Shefali! 🤗♥️🌹
Thank you. Great questions by Marie and great answers by Dr. Shefali.
Wow! I am so greatful to have 2 of the most powerful and beautiful women in every ways representing a newborn conscious women! I love and inspire by both of your work.
Thank you for doing this🥰😇💞
Wow 😭 just wow. Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for paving the way, ladies.
I'm sitting with the pain right now but at least this podcast comes handy in making me feel so much better and yes I am at rock bottom my ego or false self is dead my authentic self is still in search mode its a chaos inside out but I'm hanging in there hoping for a better life
Hang in there. You can and are doing this. xo - Heather
My aha moment was, the ego faces we fake and decide to take to give us love and worthiness. OMG! My brain is boom boom :) Thank you x
I have always felt very uncomfortable with old fashioned discipline for my kids. Dr. Shefali helped me so much! Her way of conscious parenting aligns with my soul!
“Love & Worth”....wow, everything I’ve done has been to get that from outside myself! Until now!
Shefali is very clear and very real!
That helped me so much today. I have been thinking I need to get a divorce. I need to fix things with the relationship now or never. I don't think I should have ever got married. I don't know myself. I have no kids, I don't have a career, I have slipped into alcoholism. I don't deserve to not be excited about things. I deserve to have what I want, not just my husband. I resent him, he resents me. I feel like I want to figure myself out. I am such a cliche...44 and I am just stuck in mid life unhappy as hell.
It’s never too late. All you need is within you! Happiness is a inside job. Seek her out, get support and move into your authentic self!
Blessings to you!
Sending you so much compassion today. We appreciate your sharing your honest words here with us. - Heather
You can do it, dont be afraid. Choose yourself for yourself.
I empathize so greatly with your pain. I'm 45. No marriage, no kids. A career hit by covid. They say our 40's are when we start to really untether everything that trashed our self-worth. This has definitely been the decade I've finally been unraveling programs and beliefs that have altered every decision in my life. You're here, too. You're not stuck or a cliche. Or alone. Whether you want to or not, you're being invited by life to evolve. So is your husband. And you don't have a choice not participate. Resisting healing yourself will only create deeper pain, it won't resolve it. Focus on changing you, not looking for changes in others. It's the only way out of pain. And you have to take baby steps. You can't be speedy on this journey. There are so many great resources on UA-cam that will help you work through old programs and pain. Please use them. Start by just listening to a video as you do other things. Or an audiobook. This growth is inevitable and your particular experience is your portal into greater self-worth later on. And you can either be kind to yourself and sit in the drivers seat, or sit in the passenger seat with whiplash. I wish the process didn't have to be painful. I'm truly sorry you are in deep pain. But you're going to pull yourself out of this. And you are going to find happiness. It just never comes down the road we expect it to. Sincerely wishing you all the best.
I had a therapist once tell me, if you decide to move on to another relationship (outside of my marriage) you will just repeat the same patterns. I think she says that in this video too. That stopped me in my tracks, and I’ve been working on this for so long. I try to remember to just bring love and compassion to my relationship, sometimes easier than other times. And its great when I have found that doing this creates a more significant communication and sentiment between us. We are all in our own heads so much. Um, 44 isn’t so old - get free of the ‘cliche’. I tell myself that too. But so what. That’s just what happens, right? Being aware of our stuff happens at any age. I’ve seen this by looking at my family. People enter different stages of life with baggage from the previous one. It’s like Ever ending cycles! Hope you can find your way without alcohol, but can find a way to love and honor who you are, as you are.
I 1st came up with the summarised wording "I lost all my identities", two years ago, when introducing myself at an art&wellbeing 8 weeks course. I remember the relief of falling, myriad feelings of shame I'd been to myself keeping, saying those words produced. But I was also there, and until nowish, kind of seeking a way out of that "failing" to sustain those indentities.
Listening to this talk, I was interested by many of what was said, of course. But in particular, by the fact that when Dr Shefali mentioned loss of identities as "rock bottom", my inner voice said "I feel this was/is the too of my mountain!" Precisely because I'd stopped trying to shape shift in order to be loved, liked, or to please. I'd stopped accommodating for, and trying to somehow normalise what did not resonate, and often actually violated my inner core, my values, and thus confuses purpose.
My discomfort all came from the deep "not caring" anymore, - for my care had never worked...
This emerging self has had a few differing tiers of worrying about what/who I've/am becoming.... And that maybe this is somehow an "out of balance" degree of "anger".
This interview has changed those feelings.
Am thankful to you both, for your exponentially invaluable contributions 🙇♀️. Am looking forward to the time when this kind of metamorphosis ceases to be "niche", or hush, and that it becomes but an evolutionary necessity that's a thing of human's/womxn's past.
Please let's now begin to explore not so much the deconstructively informative, but actually more enabling, encouraging techniques to reinvent ourselves, post consciously dispossessed , culturally imposed identities. 💕💐
Dr. Shefali found herself. Energy changed. Reality changed. She is living 5D in 3D.
People who are insecure keep telling you your flaws and where you need to improve. We are perfect as we are. If people around you start telling you are not enough change people instead of changing you 😃
That’s good - you’re own inner critic will see flaws everywhere! It shows that person’s lens on the world. Yeah, 👋🏼 I never do that.
Growth is a substract of things, how powerful
Wow!!! I love the talk. Very eye opening for me, for others I love ❤️
Sharing the knowledge-
The universe brings us where we need to be. “All is as it should be”
I had to hear it again!!
And again ...
Thank you -
Marie I swear you’re getting more beautiful with time! I loved this interview with the amazing Dr. Shefali with so much truth and wisdom to behold💖
I've loved that video!!!! So many valuable information ❤️❤️❤️
Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs.
You gotta break free from the crowd.... love ❤️ it.
Pain is a purpose to change but, also to deal with and grow by. We cannot say or believe we are ever going to be free from pain even with the very good informative advice in the video. Pain is often a choice to learn from or to grow by. Many women may believe that by liberating themselves from their spouses or their lives as moms may bring the happiness they deserve.. This is not so. Joy is what's necessary as this is lasting. The happiness one feels is always only ever temporary. I like what she says but, it's not often a practical way to approach our circumstances. We all have a purpose but, whoever believes that comes without pain does not believe in character building and growth.
Amazing!!! The choice of words she is using is just so powerful. Thank you!!!
Thank you! God bless and kisses from Portugal...
And Marie you are also a huge inspiration to me and my growing business!
When we do the tough things in life, life becomes easier....because we become stronger. If we don't learn through our pain right now, the patterns are going to keep showing up in our life...seems obvious but so very insightful! Loved this discussion 🤟🏼
@@---rm7pl Hi, I'm from India.
@@---rm7pl I am sure after everything's back to normal, you'll enjoy your visit... there's lots to explore 👍🏼
YES! Totally love this, so eloquently said. Everything I am realising, knowing and coming to understand, said in such a beautiful way. Thank you, you beautiful souls.
I just watched it. Awesome. Now I need to digest. It's soooo inspiring to take the unconfortable actions that need to be taken. Thank you!
OMG, this was so good, so spoke to my soul. I loved this interview. I seriously have to keep working on my self-worth. Thank you, Marie and Dr. Shefali!
Thank you for your dialogue.
I needed to hear it today.
It was a great reminder! 😊🙏✨
Just on time! I’m not my husband. I’m not my kids! I’m not my career. I’m not my family!
They are just roles in my life and through them I express my true self
We're so glad that this found it's way to you at the exact time you needed it. xo- Heather
I love connecting with the feeling that I am something of essence AND something of substance. Both/and 🙂💕🙏🏼
I really enjoyed this interview with Dr. Shefali. Her points are powerful and totally resonated. Thank you for this great episode! 🙏💞
Wonderful, I simply love this interview! Thanks!
Omg you hit me to the core Dr.Shefali ..
wow, My aha and all other moments were in your discussion. I really needed this hear to myself right now. Growing up with cultural values and people who believe those around is a really hard thing to do. Even today I keep hearing these. This helped me tons. Thanks a billion, Marie. Keep doing what you do. You are a role model for me. Love from Sri Lanka
Thank you so much for sharing the ultimate truth🙏💞💐🙏
So amazing to hear you two collaborate. Couldnt leave my phone screen till the end, thought I would watch it for only 5 mins and come back later to my playlist.
Fantastic interview, I resonated with what Dr. Shefali was saying. xx
That was amazing ! Love from oz . We are our own judges , so many things to marinate in . Cheers 🌸🙏🏽😊 perfect timing
Great fullness and gratitude
Oh god! I think this is one of the best interviews I've ever seen here in the MarieTv!! It resonated with me on soo many levels, I cried and had goosebumps listening to it. What an incredible woman, Marie, you made me discover. Thank you so much 🙏🏼I'm going to send this interview to all my female friends and students. 100% 🌺✨
Agreeee! Goosebumps all along. Hope u are well
@@Hellegesine Yeah! Powerful stuff, isn't it? I can't wait to have her book in my hands cause, you know, super book nerd here 🤓 I've see your video about introverts & lessons learnt from "our queen" Susan Cain 🤩 and absolutely loved it! It is so true what you said, the problem is not the introversion per se, it's the fact that we sometime feel like we need to change ourself to fit in. But the reality is that when we allow others to get to know the real “us”, it’s a game changer for..everybody really! 🧡😉 All of this to say, nice to meet ya, girl 😍 Love your content!
We appreciate your kind words and support. THANK YOU! - Heather
@@SoulPaceYoga omg that’s so cool! 😍 I also ordered the Book hehe - we need a bookclub!
These are some of the most true and inspiring words I've heard in a long time. Makes so much sense! Thx Marie for your awesome work, you are changing my mindest with every video I watch. Lots of love from Germany 🌸
Siggi, we're honored to have you and your heart in our community. Thank YOU for being here with us. xo- Heather
This guest seems like a real thinker!
Thank you ladies so much
Oh I needed to hear this so much right now.
i am in love with both of these women, thank you so much.
FANTASTIC book--just bought it--amazing, her best Great interview thanks you
A powerful conversation . Thank you so much 💖💖
So powerful. Thank you.
So amazing!! You two extraordinary women spoke to my heart!! Thank you!! 💖😁🎉
Loved every idea!
So brilliant!
Dr Shefalie is so brilliant ❤⚡
This is so great and so important. A healthy sense of agency is key to women's wellbeing
Thanks marie & Dr.shefali 🙏
That was fabulous!
wonderful stuff and can agree with most of this even though I pulled away from negative people I have learned in my quite moments how negative my self talk is ...takes time to observe and change old patterns .
29:13 This is SO true. I am an architect and in one office where I worked as a young woman, a colleague, a man, said to me: "You are not good looking enough so that you could tell your opinion!" And I live in Scandinavia, where men and women are "equal" (only that men earn more than women from the same job that we do.)
Several times, when I just have stood for myself, I have let to know that there is something wrong with me. Many times I've been thinking that maybe I must colour my hair black, maybe I look "sweet" when I am blond. Things that are normal to other people are not allowed to me - like protecting my rights or say my opinions aloud. But seemingly, women who have brown or black hair have the same problems.
It is not nice at all to be a woman. It is terrible. I do not want to be a man either. I just bear my womanhood.
Wow! So many great things to digest for sure. Pain being the portal to greatness...Dr. Shefali always refers to this. To sit with the pain and to deconstruct the feeling. I practice this discipline myself and have helped many people deconstruct pain utilizing Dr. Shefali's methods. Totally revolutionary! Amazing conversation ladies!!!
Kindly,
Kirsy
Yes when I was called an ' Old Maid ' it affected me badly. I cowered.
But honestly why should I.
If I weren't a so called 'old maid, I'd be stuck in an abusive marriage and not know myself at all.
Yes I did want children but TG I didn't have any in my "shituation''. At least I know my limits where that is concerned.
As I face those conformist women now I will say hi, it's me again, the Old Maid with pride and self assurance !!!!
Beautiful!! Both people
This is so good!
Thank you both! There are many ideas I resonated with. The ones that come to mind now it is the deep knowing that we are worthy and the fact that we can be authentic in spite of the circumstances of our lives and in my view thanks to them :). Blessings.
We are essence not a substance!!! Loooooooovvveee this
An incredible conversation, one which I will send to all of my women friends and it is a reminder to me as a man that we must take back our personal power from the intimidation of culture telling us how we should be. My book,. Being. Human in A. World of. Illusion also addresses this same issue.
Love it!
The hole thing stood out. Thankyou
This is 👀 opener to me.🙏🙏
Thank you 🙏
This really resonates with me, sit in the pain
This is magic 😭 💕🥰
Thank you🔥💐🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️