How I Parent My Transgender Autistic Child
Вставка
- Опубліковано 30 жов 2024
- How I parent my transgender autistic child. How we felt when she came out, how we responded to the news and the changes that we have made since. I hope you find it helpful.
If you want to support my work please consider becoming a Purple Person and joining my club / @purpleella
If you like my videos check out my blog 💻 at www.purpleella.com
If you'd like to book me to speak about autism at your workplace, school or conference find more information:
www.purpleella....
💜Follow me on Twitter -
/ purpleella
💜Join me on Facebook -
/ purpleella
💜 Follow me on Instagram - / purpleellaa. .
If you want to contact me email me 📱ella@purpleella.com
A little bit about me:
Hi I'm Purple Ella and my family is an autism family with three out of five of us on the autistic spectrum. I also have a connective tissue disorder (hypermobile Ehlers-danlos syndrome). So life can be a challenge but also a lot of fun.
Helpful links
The National Autistic Society - autism.org.uk
Hypermobility Syndromes Association - hypermobility.org
As a trans masculine adult this video made me tear up several times. So happy that SuperKid has supportive and loving parents with her best interests in mind. This is a great resource for me to point other parents to. Thank you for sharing.
I’m autistic and trans, and super excited for this video to come out!
Update for the haters: it’s been 3 years since writing this comment, 5 years since coming out, and I’m still trans. I wrote this when I was a trans teenager. Now, as a trans adult, I’m thankful every day that my parents supported me through my social transition and are supporting me right now as I begin to take steps towards medical transition. It’s a toll on my mental health to see politicians and public figures from my country outwardly call for the “elimination of transgenderism,” call trans kids “filth” that needs to be “(kept) out” of their states, attempt to ban people like me from existing in public, and endanger us by mandating forcible outing-but I would rather be punished for being who I am than live with the consequences of hiding it, and I’ve never regretted my decision once.
Same here :)
I was searching for ages on This topic lol
LOL!
@@MarsBlueDragon thanks for your comment. I’m still trans 3 years since I wrote this comment and 5 years since coming out, and I’ve never been happier 🥳 went from being a happy trans kid to an even happier trans adult, and I’ve never wanted to go back for even a second
@@lga7134 I hope you something shakes you so hard your entire world view is turned upside down then maybe you'll have some sense. I'm speechless. Get a life, literally
I watched the whole video smiling because I am so happy for Superkid that she has so wonderfully supportive parents ❤️
I have autism/aspergers/neuro-diversity I have noticed many autistic individuals are more open when it comes to gender identity, cross dressing, gender noncomformaty, gender roles, drag queens & kings & everything that relates to gender. So many are shamed by family &/Or friends. Suicide is so common as is violence in the transgender community. A family that is fully aware & supportive is something that is a wonderful foundation. I commend you for talking about openly about this as well as for being so respectful to your daughters feelings. This is a subject that needs more supportive information. Thank you to you & your family for talking about this openly as well as respectfully. 😀💜💓💜
I loved the way you talked about this - you're clearly a brilliant mum and she's really lucky to have you x
Yes
you prolly dont give a damn but does someone know of a tool to get back into an Instagram account..?
I somehow lost the password. I love any assistance you can offer me!
@Armani Jamal Instablaster :)
I hope every transgender child gets a mom like you ❤ you're awesome, and tackled subjects with such compassion. I'm cisgender, but I learned a lot here, and really appreciate your perspective!
as a trans women (in my late 20s) it's so good hearing how much it's gotten better to be a trans kid, I had to hide my transness till I graduated high school and it sucked and I still have some trauma from it, but hearing about how much progress has been made in how trans kids especially trans girls are treated at home and in life really warms my heart, you remind me of my mom (since she's came around), if more trans people had mom's like you the world would be such a better place for us
How tf you a woman and have facial hair like that bro?
Unfortunately I don't think a trans kid would have quite the same experience in a lot of other places in the UK. You might expect the kinda bullshit like from YeetusTheFeatus dude * eye roll *
I'm not sure, because I'm not and don't know any trans kids. Today's kids do seem less "bullying" though, hopefully our generation peaked and finally taught our kids to be kind. Let's hope.
As a trans man myself, I wish all trans kids had such a wonderful parent as you ❤️
Every kid needs a mum like you 😊 I have no doubt that your support and your loving, level headed approach to these often controversial/misunderstood issues, will make all the difference in ensuring your child feels safe, confident and cared for, now and in the future. You’re giving your child the support they need to grow up strong and stable; the true role of a mother, yet one not every mum can fulfill. We need more like you! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I'm not transgender but it seems to me that you've dealt with this whole situation really well. I think Superkid was probably relieved you asked her the question and that you were aware something was up and open to explore that with her. Good parenting there!
I would definitely want to see more about this topic although I am aware it's a constant evolution and exploration
I was originally assessed for autism BECAUSE I'm trans, and they wanted to find a different reason I was questioning my gender. I wasn't diagnosed then, they told me I was neurotypical, but a year or two later I was put in mental hospital and it was incredibly clear to them by the first time we met that I am in fact autistic. That doesn't mean I can't be trans!
I wish Super Kid all the best on her journey to adulthood. She has an amazing family.
As an autistic transgender person myself who struggles with a lack of acceptance from my mother, it brought me hope in some way to watch this video. Thank you very much for making it. 🧡
As a late-diagnosed Autistic trans adult it really warms my heart to see you embrace and support your child. The world will be better for it! 💖
😭 you're such an amazing mum (the rest of your family sound great too). The best thing you can do is support. My best friend and some other friends are trans and non binary. They never got the chance to come out while still young, one of my friends was kicked out of his home because of this. My besties mum is transphobic and outright refuses to accept them as they are, it's awful. It really affects people's mental health, I'm glad that your daughter has good people around her. 💜💖💜💖
I am not trans. But I am glad you support her.
I recently found I am bisexual. My family does not support me very well. It is very hard to be autistic and "mask" and then also try to hide being bi on top of that.
Thanks for sharing and supporting the Purples :)
Acceptance can get better over time. And you will gather more people into a "family of choice" - friends and loved ones who accept you. You'll be okay. You don't have to erase yourself for the rest of your life. Things get better.
I really appreciate that you are a family blogger, but that you treat your family with the utmost respect when discussing them. I find it refreshing and pleasant that you've only been including your children insofar as they would like to be included in your videos, and that even your discussions of them in videos are entirely with their consent, when the topic matter is sensitive.
I am trans and autistic too! I can’t wait for this video 💕
I know that what we see here on UA-cam is just a fraction of your life, but to me, you seem like an incredibly empathetic and supportive mother. I wish everyone had parents that accept their children’s identity the way you do!
Oh just a thought I had watching the past few minutes: being trans doesn't necessarily mean having dysphoria as it's usually perceived. It means feeling like a different gender than what you were assigned at birth. It can be very useful to talk about gender euphoria (like wearing the right clothes, being addressed correctly) so maybe that can be a less painful topic to talk about! Because I know talking about dysphoria often involves very personal things and deep insecurities, and euphoria might be a more comfortable approach to the topic. Run that idea by her maybe? Along the lines of "what things that we/you/others do make you feel awesome in your gender identity?" x
Yes! Good comment.
Euphoria can be a very grey area for the uneducated though. They can brush it off as something else. I had to ask myself if I wanted cross-sex hormones and their effects, and if I was comfortable living a mans' life or a womans' life, and what that means to me. After that the choice was obvious. Hating sports, taking cooking and sewing classes in school and having long girlish hair can all be brushed off in various ways. I know my parents would regard the idea of 'gender euphoria' as completely banal. They would think I was a confused gay, and the focus on sexuality around that disturbed me as an Ace. Presenting it as a need instead of a want is the only reason my parents still talk to me.
A lot of people argue between if you can be trans without dysphoria, and I’ve found that both sides have very similar ways of seeing it. I’m transmed, and even in the spaces where people say you have to have dysphoria they see euphoria as valid usually. They just define euphoria as a form of dysphoria because even if you don’t notice it in order to feel better there has to be something that feels worse. Even by the most minor amounts.
@@noahr.7144 yeah. Dysphoria should be redefined to include all the ways in which someone doesn't feel like their Agab, not just visible distress and suicidal thoughts.
I'm a non-binary autistic adult of 40+! What you told here warmed my heart. ❤
I never felt "like a girl", even as a child (my first memories of dysphoria date from when I was 7 years old), but being a boy never felt right either.
For a very long time I thought my feelings came from being attracted to all genders with a preference for women, but it still didn't feel quite right.
I discovered the concept of non-binary identities 15 years ago and it clicked immediately! That was who I was.
I was diagnosed autistic later in life, and the specialist who diagnosed me asked me if I also experience gender dysphoria during the first interview, which I appreciated a lot.
I present very androgynous, and I'm pretty open about both my gender and orientation. I want people to know that autistic people know what they are, even if it's confusing to some neurotypical people. Because we're not the ones who are confused.
💙💖💗💖💙
Really looking forward to joining you tomorrow. My sixteen year old niece, of whom I am immensely proud, is doing a sterling job of supporting her transgender friend, who is also sixteen. Any advice that you have on this difficult topic will be most welcome.
I am autistic and trans and I feel so excepted watching this I came out at the age of 13 I am now 19 and my name is still not legally changed and I’ve had to cut family off, I wish that my story was as smooth sailing as hers seemed but I’m happy to be where I am and I’m so happy for your daughter and your family. Thank you so much for making this video you went about it in the absolute best way possible thank you for running everything by her and being considerate with the language that you use there is not a single aspect of this video that I would correct
hi purple ella, I want to say thank you so much for making your videos. The woman I love shares many of the identities of your daughter, so seeing your content and care towards speaking to autism and supporting individuals who are transgender in our lives helps me so much understand my girlfriend better, and it makes me feel so happy seeing the love you pour into this work and these topics. You are making a wonderful difference and I am very grateful to you!
Hearing the reactions and the ability to move on, educate themselves and be real is fantastic, your fam is so lovely to hear about!
You are an AMAZING Mom/Parent. Both you and Mr. Purple. Where I live, it would be a very difficult situation to navigate. I am ADHD/ASD as is my 20yo son. I really see a lot of characteristics in him that make me wonder, but I don't want to bring it up unless he does. I would support him 100% in whatever his decisions are but I also live in Montana, USA where there are tons of Cowboys and lots of hunting and "boys will be boys". So, if it ever comes up, I hope that I can learn from your video's and support any of my 3 children if needed. You are an inspiration!! Hugs!!
So happy to see that she was involved in the making with this video, and that you help her be her authentic self. It is obvious that you are doing your best as a parent👋 I hope she can grow up to be comfortable in her own skin and that she can learn to be happy and do whatever she needs to become a happy adult.
I'm autistic and something along the lines of genderfluid myself.
This brought me to tears. Your approach is so loving and beautiful. More parents/family need to be this way. I have transgender family members and they've not always been as supportive.
Who else cried ? To Ella and Super Kid You are changing lifes... Saving lifes ! Thank you Thank you Thank you
Hi! I’m new to this channel but I think this video is really wonderful because it’s so great getting the word out and being inclusive! I am autistic and transgender female to male, and so it’s so nice seeing you talking about this topic. It means a lot to me and many others and I am very happy to have found a nice supportive channel. Thank you💜
I'm glad you brought up the things people say when you're autistic and trans. Support is SO important, their pronouns and particularly when the dysphoric don't know what dysphoria is and you notice dysphoria more at 12 or 15 than say 3 or 5 and don't have any words to explain it. Being a woman in a mans' body doesn't cut it. Commonly people think transgender people present at 3, that's really hard for a quiet transwoman. It's very difficult to come out with these feelings being a quirky ASD kid. It was always assumed I was some kind of closeted gay and before I really even knew what that meant I was 'steered straight' by my parents, who didn't even know I was ASD just 'off'. I literally had to do all the work myself. Given proper support I could have come out at 15, and if I did I would have been sent to a camp. Cis people have a very hard time understanding why you like being called a girl and why your voice gets all high-pitched and giggly when you're happy. My parents trained me to be miserable around them and speak in a brooding deep depressed tone. Thank you for supporting your trans daughter. It sounds like she has a great relationship with her parents.
I’m an autistic trans guy, I just turned 17. I came out about 5 months ago and luckily everyone has been accepting. I’m hoping to legally change my name soon, and me and my parents are looking at Gender GP to allow me to start testosterone so I don’t have to wait years and years for it on the NHS, to allow me to get on with my life and do things like getting a job, and have some confidence and help my dysphoria. You guys sound like you’ve handled it really well, she is really lucky to have you. I really related to super kid saying about the primary school changing rooms, it was a really hard thing for me to understand why I felt so much like I should be part of the boys. I have had 1 female friend in my entire life, I was always the only “girl” in the group at school, and it was difficult because I wanted to be part of the boys so badly. I found out about being trans due to a documentary on CBBC a few years ago, i related but at the time just thought, oh that can’t be me, but then as I got into teenagehood I got more distressed and finally realised that I was trans when I had just turned 14. Mermaids were a great resource for me, and are helping my parents understand now, it’s also how I met some of my closest friends and we now really support each other.
I’m also an autistic 17 year old trans guy who came out at pretty much the exact same age as you. Overall I’ve been accepted as my new name and pronouns, people still misgender me a lot though because I still appear as female (Part of it might be the fact that I have long hair). My parents aren’t gonna let me do any physical changes though until I’m an adult. For the last 7 years I’ve been an extreme tomboy, wearing only boys clothes, being obsessed with things like TMNT, Spider-Man etc, and feeling like I was a boy and trying to appear as masculine as I could without cutting my hair because I like long hair on guys, including myself.
Thank you for sharing Superkid's story. Every trans kid deserves as much support from their family as she gets ♥️
Thank you, Ella, for your thoughtful and open video. My adult son is also trans and just diagnosed with ASD/ADD (I was also recently diagnosed with ASD at 57). Our journey is similar to yours. It’s helpful to know others share our unique path. Yes, please, share more as your daughter permits. Sending our best wishes to the 💜 family ☺️
This could be the gold standard for parents to see when beginning this journey with their transgendered child. ❤
So much love, I wish all parents could embrace their children and their identities like you do. Thank you so much for sharing this, it makes me believe that the world is a better place than I thought before watching this video. x
I love your content and have more respect about you than before as I am an autistic Trans adult. You are the best resource a child with all of that going on could have. I love that you are supportive and so loving. Keep up being an awesome parent.
The way that you and her dad accepted her, educated yourselves, and asked questions in a respectful way ("how can we support you" etc) just makes me realize how crap my family is being about my transition. Also that feeling of awkwardness and not knowing which bathroom or changing room is how trans people are feeling in navigating the world every day.
It always really hurts me in a way whenever I see other transgender people my age range or younger who are confident about it when I have zero confidence about it
Thank you so much for this video. I discovered your channel because I have been researching the possibility that I am a female adult with autism because my daughter came out as gender non-binary on Halloween 2020. Since we had decided to hire a therapist for them, the intake questionnaire opened up the can of worms that may my spouse and both kids are also autistic. Your channel has really helped to regulate my emotions regarding all of these topics and keep putting one foot in front of the other during this journey. ❤️
Excellent presentation and articulation and demonstration of your mastery of complex boundary issues and respect. Your kids are very fortunate to have you and Mr.Purple as parents and you are fortunate to have them as you kids. Your discussions and thoughts are wonderful services and examples and models.
A really brave one. I've been wondering if you'd ever address this topic but of course I didn't like to ask. Good for you 👏👏
I’m transgender with aspergers!! It was so weird for me because I used to invalidate myself because I thought gender dysphoria was just part of my autism?? It’s really weird
Edit: I just noticed my channel name is what you call your viewers!! Haha wow
I've wondered if my perspective on gender was to do with my general feeling of alienation.... but that doesn't explain the gender euphoria!! I've definitely had moments of "oh wow this is really me" in certain clothing or one incidence where someone said "thankyou, sir or mam" haha
@@helenm1085 yes actually I read somewhere a couple days ago a lot of people on the spectrum have a complex with gender and sexuality where they feel disassociated with it or flat out not understand it and I feel like that could explain part of it? But yeah then there’s also the euphoria which like you said really can’t be explained by that! I guess in the end it doesn’t matter whether it’s related to autism or not as long as I’m happy (and you are to :D)
World needs more parents like you
I am autistic and I don't think about anybody's gender. I know I'm biologically female because I don't have a choice to be non-gender but socially I'm just a human. I don't any connection to be a woman or a man. I'm just a human with my own interests. I also consider myself as asexual because at age 21 now I have had none romantic crush or anything to do with sexual life. I think it is like having a crush when I get interested in a person, a dog or a hobby because then I want to know every think at once about the thing but it's still different from sexual crush. My family doesn't understand it but I don't care because I know it's pretty hard to understand yet I don't fully understand it either. I have physically hated my body since I was 10 even though my puberty came really late. Gladly I have a "boyish girl" body and medication that I don't get periods (also I get bad cramps) so I don't have to think my feminine body much.
i wish all trans kids had a families as supportive as yours! thank you for making this video
My mum is really transphobic and ableist so I started crying while watching this lmao
For comments like yours there really should be a sympathy button instead of a like button since it feels a bit strange to like someones struggles, so just imagine I pressed the sympathy instead of like.
@@subtleaggro thanks, I appreciate it
im ftm and autistic, 23 but i still live with my parents in college. definitely showing them this!
Good to hear that you support your kids as they go through a confusing period & puberty, I would allow a child to do anything which is 'reversible', but any medical interventions, surgery or blockers, would be strictly disallowed until 18 years old. Nature should run its course as was intended. That's going to be my approach if I ever have a trans kid...."play with your identity if you must, but no permanent changes allowed until you're an adult".
Blockers *are* reversible. They pause puberty, and when someone comes off them then either natal puberty, or puberty via HRT will take it's course. And denying blockers if they are available can have long term consequences, such as a drastic increase in the amount of future medical steps someone might want in order to pass.
In terms of trans masc folk, there's top surgery (double mastectomy), hair transplants for beards, and face masculinisation surgery. As for trans femme folk, there's breast implants, larynx shaving, hair transplants for the hairline, electrolysis, and face feminisation surgery All of those (and more that I can't remember right now) can be avoided if someone gets to go on puberty blockers. And that's not even touching on the physical changes that puberty can cause that cannot be undone by surgery, such as bone size, or the extreme mental torment that going through natal puberty can do to trans kids. There is a higher lifelong risk of mental health conditions and suicidality for trans folk who don't get puberty blockers vs those who do. It is far far better to give trans kids blockers.
Blocking puberty is not reversible
@@maja5390yes it is. People already use it for cis kids with precocious puberty.
I am autistic and I figured out I was nonbinary as an adult. I think if I grew up in an environment that was more open to exploring gender identity without feeling very vulnerable I would have been much happier and more comfortable and been able to find a gender expression that fits me with much earlier. You are amazing for having an environment for your children where they can explore and decide on their gender identity
As an autistic trans adult, the thing I sometimes worry about children who transition is that children sometimes feel like they are the opposite gender because of clothing, the way they express themselves, and who they fit in with. I see gender dysphoria as being uncomfortable with the physical body, not with prescribed gender roles and gender expression. I think parents need to be careful when making any decision. It's not easy to understand gender dysphoria.
I think you're highlighting an important piece of information here that most transphobes choose to ignore. In fact, vast majority of people do not understand dysphoria even if they support trans community. Gender dysphoria is far from only type of dysphoria, but it's probably the most common. The brain has a mapping of the body. For most people this mapping corresponds well enough to their physical body and all seems well. When the mapping is off, it creates an intense sense of discomfort. This is dysphoria. The bigger the mismatch the bigger the discomfort.
@@NotAyFox A lot of the problem is trans in media. The 'knew since 5' trope is very common as is the Caitlyn Jenner type. I find a lot of trans people (esp. with ASD) figure themselves out around puberty, and it being a body mapping discrepancy is nearly unheard of. I myself thought for years I was a pervert because in my sexual fantasies I was a woman, and had felt some desire to crossdress, but because I didn't want to wear heels or heavy makeup I couldn't possibly be trans right? I have a hard time with drag for this reason, because a lot of drag queens are just gay, but I wasn't gay in that flamboyant way. The idea that transwomen are either just super-gays or incel perverts is common among cis people. Also regarding clothing, that that's always the first step, presenting as female before being on hrt for awhile. IME trans don't present in public until they at least look androgynous. The 'your trans, here's your girl clothes now' can be hard for cis people to understand, so is the idea of wanting to be on hrt but not want to go full girl yet. People expect when you come out as trans that you go super fem like a drag queen, because that's mainly what media tells them. otherwise they believe you're just 'confused'.
I really think this discussion is really relevant, so I'd just like to add that maybe they just didn't feel comfortable talking about this in the video as supergirl is very young, maybe it wouldn't be appropriate or just too intimate of a topic to be discussing about in the video.
Also, I do understand where your coming from, but some transgender people (like myself) don't experience dysphoria in regards to their body, or at least like the reproductive/sexual parts of the body. And it doesn't invalidate our experience as transgender people. To me it is indeed way more about how I present myself and the gender roles and expectations that were assigned to me than about my body. I thought that I had to have dysphoria about my body in order to call myself trans, but it's not a requirement.
@@cassandrajoiner9933 you may find research on Autogynophilia a helpful line of thought. It doesn’t change much of clinical treatment, but may help differentiate early childhood onset vs. pubescent onset.
@@geekyogurtcup Autogynephilia is a lie and Blanchard is a hack. AGP is a tool for invalidation.
I'm transgender (FTM) and also autistic, I came out as 16, started medically transitioning at 17. I think when it comes to pre-pubescent children you have to be very careful, because they're not really at the mental capability to considering the effects of transitioning or recognize what gender dysphoria is (it's a medical condition that needs to be treated with transitioning, not just a "feeling"). Once they start puberty things are a little different as they are able to judge how they're reacting to their changing body and whether that gives them dysphoria, and their brains are maturing as well. I don't know what the earliest age to medically transition would be, but I think it should definitely be at least until after puberty starts. Also I think you have to be especially careful when the child is autistic, because many autistic people don't conform to gender roles and I know of at least a few autistic detransitioners who were convinced by others they must be trans simply because they didn't conform to gender roles, but on the flip side there are plenty of legitimate autistic trans people (Ella Grant is a good example).
I remember not feeling like a guy when I was in high school. That was transitory for me, unlike for superkid.
Such a good parent mate, so kind and helpful and accepting :)
Thank you for this video. You are a great mum and your family is amazing. I am autistic, genderfluid and asexual. More videos on this topic would be great. I'm so happy for super kid. It took me many years to figure out myself. I'm glad she's who she wants to be now and feeling more comfortable.
The only shocking thing about superkid is that she's 13 and DOESN'T WANT TO BE A UA-camR 🙌😂
This video was incredible thank you please make more videos like this this is a new subject for me as my child only came out to me this morning anything that can help me support my daughter 😍 would be amazing thank you
This made me really emotional as a trans neurodivergent kid (self diagnosed autistic and adhd since I can’t convince my parents to get me diagnosed) it always felt weird to be put in the girls group. I always assumed it was because I was weird and socially awkward, not because being “a girl” felt uncomfortable. And I grew up in an unaccepting household so I never knew it was okay to not be a girl. I wish I had a family that would be happy to use different pronouns for me and let me get a binder and “boyish” clothes. I wish I wasn’t forced to think about gender around my family’s more conservative views when to me the thought of it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. To see a young trans girl get so much support warms my heart so much because I can garuntee that it means the world to her that she can be safe as herself when so many people would hate her for it. Heck, coming out to my friends, many of whom were also trans and otherwise queer, felt completely terrifying, I can’t imagine feeling safe enough to tell most of my family. Even my sibling who I did tell told me they thought I was just a cis girl, and it always feels like a punch in the gut to think about. I’m glad that great people like you get to be the family of trans kids, too, instead of just people like my family.
Beautiful story. Very honest and supportive.
Just lovely, the way the family dealt with it is amazing, 👍🏻💕
I’m autistic and gender fluid trans and also asexual. I feel like I constantly have to explain or justify my exitance to everyone and it is tiring. Now I have a chronic pain problem that has perplexed Doctors and specialist and it is hard to talk to people about what is happening. Sometimes I feel like I need to hide my situations it to avoid people. It is just constant misunderstanding or justifications and I’m tired.
I'm sorry Cattie, it's not fair. You are welcome as you are, no explanations needed here.
Purple Ella
Thank you. That is very nice to read.
I'm the same cattie. Autistic, genderfluid and asexual as well as chronic pain. My doctors are still trying to figure it out after almost 20 years. I tested positive for one of the markers for rheumatoid arthritis. Have to see a specialist at the end of the month. I'm sorry they haven't figured it out for you soon. Best of luck. I'm always here if you need to talk.
Cherie Potter
Yeah. It seems to be some sort of nerve malfunction or miscalibration. It is just excessive pain with all tests negotiate... it feels like a cruel joke from the universe that is taking all the activities I like away because everything causes pain.
Tell her I said congrats 🎉🎈🍾🎊 on having the courage on coming out
Autism diagnosis for me was at age 37, gender troubles started at age 4 when I realized, there are bodily differences in children, too. I believed long enough, as a child, what gender you will be is not fixed as it was not fixed if one is left or right handed (i am also left handed, retrained to use pens with my right hand). Saw a documentary about female to male transition when I was 17, from then on, I tried to find medical support, but it was impossible in the small town and with that traditional thinking GP, who told me, I was having puberty doubts, that would go away, when I fell in love with the right boyfriend and be a mom. Being together with boys felt wrong, they did not treat me the way, it felt right and the only boy I clicked with turned out to be gay, and due to my presentation, he did not want to be romantically involved. I tried to find peace with not feeling rightly connected, with anyone, and live my life seeing the wrong person in the mirror, daydreaming of being able to change it with the flick of a wand. Finally at the age of 46, I found a doctor supporting medical transition. Life finally feels right, people finally see who I really am. And all the troubles we go through in Germany to legally change gender marker and papers was worth it. And I also worried, if my Autism diagnosis will prevent the "Diagnosis" of gender dysphoria needed for medical treatments, hormones and surgeries, we are having mandatory psychologist sessions, and the psychologist needs to write up an indication for the start of medical treatments. It also was necessary to have two independent psychiatric evaluations before being able to legally change papers.
Hi Ella, hi Superkid!
Thank you both so much for sharing this. I watched it yesterday & found it inspirational, heartwarming & hilarious (picturing you in the department store like, "ISN'T THIS SO NORMAL?" - that could be part of a very wholesome stand-up routine!)
The more I listen, the more I realize that the bigots have simply failed to listen.
Please thank Superkid for sharing her story!
you're a wonderful mom, Ella!! 💞💞
Beautiful story! 💖 (Pink heart for Superkid!) Thanks so much for sharing this, and for your daughter's permission in doing so. 🙏
I am so impressed. So many parents could learn from you.
I am so so proud of her and your entire family and so so so happy for her!!
I'm also autistic (found out last year) and I knew I'm a girl when I was 4. Took decades to transition, but I'm so happy I did.
You are a wonderful family! Wishing you all the best from Southern California!! 💛
Not much makes me cry but this video did, give superkid a hug from me! To quote Brooklyn 99 - “every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better and more interesting place”
KEEP THAT UNICORN TOP FOR SUPERKID!!!! THAT'S A MAGNIFICENT CHILDHOOD CHARM ✨💖🍀💖👏✨
Please talk more about it in whatever topics are most comfortable for u. I would love to be educated
I love this video because you are so accepting i was always made fun of because kids my age thought I was gay and being autistic i put a mask on and never accepted myself for being gay. Im proud of supergirl! You keep shining like a diamond you have an amazing mum and family
I’m transgender and I’m transitioning now in my 40’s. I resonate with some of what Superkid felt, particularly the split between feeling and logic - feeling like a boy but thinking logically ‘but I know I’m a girl’, also at a similar age as you recounted your daughter experiencing that sort of split between logic and feelings. I wonder if that feeling vs logic thing is experienced by other autistic trans kids and, if so, if it’s because we may have a different relationship with logic and feelings than a lot of other kids of the same age.
I guess it was a different era when I grew up and I never really came across trans men as an actual thing (only drag and I knew that didn’t fit me because, like for Superkid, I knew I wouldn’t want to take off the ‘boy stuff’ and go back to being a girl the next day), and my family definitely wasn’t open to that sort of thing and were incredibly hurtful when I first came out to them. Several years later, my mum tries to get my name right to my face at least. My sister still won’t use my name or pronouns at all and I feel like I have lost my whole relationship with her because she can’t accept that I am still the sibling she has always known even though I’m not her sister.
Luckily I have a wonderful supportive partner and kids of our own who do support and accept me, but I want you to know how much difference you have made to your daughter by accepting and supporting her as you have. I would really like more videos about this subject.
Great video Ella. Thanks for sharing! A very difficult subject to talk about. But it's important for us to do so. I think we all need to rethink what gender means and be less dogmatic in how we think people should express themselves.
So brave and so eloquent xx
Thank you for such a lovely video
I’m homeschooling my granddaughter (identifies as he) he is 17 yo. Just recently was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Ella and SuperKid for sharing your story!
You're a great parent , and your kids are awesome !
I’m glad Superkid has so much support. And I love your lion king shirt.
I am of the opinion that autistic children are simply more open about their gender identity than "neurotypical" children, since they are often not very interested in the opinions and views of their fellow human beings or society and are therefore less easily influenced by so-called norms. It's easy to judge autism for being transgender, but autism should be taken seriously and acknowledged because they often know very well what's going on and, as mentioned earlier, often don't follow what their peers are asking for. I admire you for supporting your daughter. I'm transgender MtF myself and probably autistic, but I didn't come out until I was 18 because of my parents' house. The fear in my childhood was sometimes unbearable. However, I don't believe in the (almost exclusively left-wing) politicization of LGBT people and I don't see myself as part of a minority, but as an individual.
Thank you & super kid so much for this video! I am a psychotherapist & this will be very educational for the parents of my transgender clients who are autistic.
I showed my client & right away she asked if she could show her dad who does not support her being transgender. Thanks again!
You and Mr Purple did good 💜
Thankyou for sharing your daughter's story she sounds amazing xx
Thank you so much Ella can we please have more transgender context especially from an autistic point of view and how we can support our son
For sure Beth 😊
Great video
Yo Samdy Sam Superkid so brave.
Now thats great parenting 👌 well done super kid !!!! Proud of you
Thank you for tackling a subject that can be difficult to discuss, particularly if it hits close to home. I have two gay sons, and have known many trans people through PFLAG. The youngest child I’ve ever met who I’m positive was transgender was three years old when I was teaching preschool, and was biologically male. But every self portrait, every time someone said, “him/he” brought an insistence that “I’m a girl!” That was back in the late ‘90s, and I’ve often wondered how she is doing now. Your daughter has strong supportive parents and family, and that can make all the difference. Good for you for being her champion!
FFS! A three-year-old cannot be trans! Stop projecting adult concepts of gender onto kids.
KatherineJoanna do some research. You are wrong.
KatherineJoanna here are some articles to get you started: The Atlantic, Jan. 15, 2019-Young Trans Kids Know Who They Are; Vox, Nov. 14, 2018-Myth #7: Children Aren’t Old Enough to Know Their Gender Identity.
You are such amazing parents!! ❤💙💜🎀🌸
Watching this video after you came out as nonbinary! 💜💜 Thank you for what you do
Hello Ella. Thank you so much for making a video on this topic. I would love to see a video explaining how your daughter transitioned in school. Of course only if it is ok with her! Again thank you and stay safe.
Thank you for this video! I also have a transgender daughter with Autism (and ADHD). :)
Thank you
Hello, I look vidéos of an autistic transgender and with chronic pain. His name is Alistair, on H. Paradoxae. It's in French. He talks about asperger syndrom, about gender, and disability. He is around 20 I think. I just look your video about pip, and he is working on a project to help people to find their way through the maze of administration, in France but it is just the same and also in Belgium (for example how to prove you need a wheelchair when that day you can walk). He had made some videos with friends also transgender and autistic. He is full of energy and cool. I recommend to take a look for those who don't know him, and I guess Google could translate.
I love your family! Many blessings!
You’re a great mother
Im autistic obvs or i wouldnt be commenting but i really dont get this. Was it a boy trying to be a girl. Just dont go through with any hormone stuff its its just a curiosity faze youve fucked your kids life up. Are you sure he dosnt just feel more comftable round girls? Ive often thort life would be easyer on me if i was gay or trans but id still be autistic. I think its a fitting in coping strat not actuall feelings
This is such a beautiful video, thank you for sharing! 💖🌹
Awwwwh! ❤ So don't quote me on this but I heard that maybe 50% of trans people, and similar numbers for the wider LGBT community, would be neurodivergent. Like you of course mentioned, but there definitely seems to be some connection with neurodivergence and being queer. For me personally I always wondered how come I get along so well with queer people (majority of my friends all being somehow LGBT) and now later it turns out that a majority of my friends are neurodivergent as well 😂 And this came up now right as I started to suspect myself of having ADHD so seems like that might be why we all get along so well.
Anyway super happy for your kid for having such a supportive family and community, that's so important and I love that for her 🙏🏿🤗❤
@Lucy Hinds Signing Channel Awww congrats on finding yourself! And I wish you all the best in your transition 🙏🏿
You can make more videos like this if you want. I guess being out in public and transitioning at school would be great topics.
“my body is a material reality, inevitable lived through social constructions and power relations”