Anatomy of Sex History-The Wife's Husband (Harold Lief and David Reed, 1973)
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- Опубліковано 20 чер 2019
- The purpose of this presentation is to demonstrate a conjoint sex counseling interview. This objective is achieved with the aid of two clinical subjects, the therapist and Dr. Lief, the Director of the Center for Study of Sex Education in Medicine, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. The program notes that this film which is a sequel to the film "The Frigid Wife" illustrates the conjoint method and stresses the importance of seeing both partners. In this presentation Dr. Reed, the therapist, interviews the husband, Bob. This is to give Bob the feeling that he is getting the same amount of time as his wife and avoids placing the "blame" for the problem on one partner. Only the beginning and the end of the interview are shown, during which Dr. Reed discusses his observations from Linda's initial interview and then explores Bob's early sex education, and Bob's appraisal of the problem within the marriage. Linda then joins them for the conjoint session and they explore the problems they are having with their relationship to each other. Several observations and suggestions are made by Dr. Reed to reestablish communication between them. The viewer is then asked to compare his observations with those of the authors and observe certain aspects of the interview techniques and the interactional dynamics during the instant replay of the interview.
Learn more about this film and search its transcript at NLM Digital Collections: resource.nlm.nih.gov/7600864A.
Learn more about the National Library of Medicine's historical audiovisuals program at: www.nlm.nih.gov/hmd/collectio...
#impotance #counselling #sexualdysfunction @penn - Наука та технологія
The husband is cold, unemotional (apart from irritability and anger), and obsessed with his career. He’s the “frigid” one in that relationship.
Agreed! Did you catch that when it is revealed that the wife has NEVER had an orgasm with her husband?!! Bang, bang, bang, and the wife is supposed to be happy with that? The Catholic school upbringing explains a lot.
They looked like zombies
I think it's that: their brains and mindset approach stresses differently. He struck me as more anxious of the two. Under a great deal of stress. The brain, anxiety, and sexual response are intertwined. He fell into a habit dealing with his stresses one way; his wife, Linda, another, and it resulted with the two backing up into the proverbial opposite corners and pre-supposing what was (mis)driving the other partner and things imploded because they got deep into their own mindsets, they forgot to communicate across to the other
@@sagapoetic8990 yes ,and once they get into that corner, emotional responses tend to be like water flowing fast down the drain. Nothing seems to stop the flow and blind anxiety prevents logical communication. Take for example the dinner. She is entirely into her own world and existence and when he comes in as he normally does she gets irritated that he hasn't responded the way she had intended. He also is entirely absorbed into his work which as a lawyer occupies probably 98% of his brain so much so that he also is not seeing anything special that she has done to try to bring him into her world. She is also not able to get into his world . And this they get into the fight just like that ever flowing draining water which is the erosion of their relationship. There is also another element that doesn't get touched upon. And that is love and desire. Once desire dies love just becomes stagnant and turns into tolerance. He doesn't love her anymore he just tolerates the marriage for the sake of staying together. She knows this and tries in vain to re light the fire .but I'm afraid there is nothing to burn anymore as the past flames have already burned through everything that was
I agree Mr. Frigid.
They were INCREDIBLY brave to allow this to be recorded. This was a time you didn’t speak of this.
Were they actors?
@@wadebrown70 seems like they would be. It could be there was a recording of the real clients and is reenacted by actors. I don't know if the 'therapist' is real or not, though.
@@wadebrown70 Could well be. I personally know a few people (actors) who do work kind of like this at our local University College of Medicine
They are actors.
@@sueg2286how do you know? I'm so disappointed, I was invested in their story dammit 😂
I laughed out loud when Bob was asked to describe what he felt while holding his wife's hands and his answers were "I feel her skin, and uh, her bones...knuckles." Oh boy!
I could have this broad squirtin across the room in 15 minutes....guaranteed.
😂😂
And I'm pretty sure she wouldn't date a broke guy, even if he came with a better answer.
@@NebulaSon Right. Because the trope of the neglected, wealthy housewife running off with the gardener or the pool cleaner is completely baseless and without any pertinence to real life. /s
Linda is a gem of a woman. And the psychiatrist is really good. Calm and measured, non judgemental.
He’s also really good at addressing the needs of both parties without making either side feel as if they are being ganged up on, or taking sides. I love when he told the husband, “I need you to help me to help her”. I thought that was really profound.
I’m so impressed with this therapist. Even in 2023 I can relate to this in my own issues feeling “frigid”. Sexuality was very open & casual for my partner & I was brought up with almost zero real knowledge of sex at all. I have some shame & guilt attached to sex due to trauma. I am glad to have watched this.
Yes, same.
'Frigid' needs to be banished as a term. Upbringing and trauma are real matters we have to cope with and it is harder these days with the level of sexual experience so many have in contrast. Couples have to be made to realise, yeah, there are different experiences and be made to understand the importance to discover ways to bridge these different levels of sexual experience. It's unfortunately easier to accept these days people having a high level of sexual experience than it is someone who does not. It's important -- we don't give up! Not easy to say but true re keep trying
@@sagapoetic8990No, ban terms is no good
So many women feel exactly this way. ❤
Bob is very confused. He put the coins in the sex thingamabob, but no sex came out! What's he supposed to do?
😂
After watching the first part of this interview with only Linda and then this one, i can confirm...yes it's Bob, he is DEF the problem.
I agree!
Yep. 100%.
Yes, you’re right. Moreover, he doesn’t love her (didn’t love, of course). It’s so pity bc she’s is pretty woman, so lovely girl. During this interview I wanted to hug her and to say - you’re the most beautiful woman on Earth!)
Of course, all women wouldn't dare place any blame on themselves, I guess you all should be allowed to bleed us men dry of all money much like my sorry ass ex did, then skip town and leave me hanging trying to survive and pay the bills solo. Yep, women are never the problem, it's always us men. This is the reason domestic violence exists. And even with that, women can beat the hell out of men with no punishment incurred whatsoever. What a crock of shit.
He's like a sitcom character! I had a hard time believing he was a real person from the very beginning lol!
He's taking an adversarial approach to his wife as if she was a courtroom opponent.
Yes, he even rolled his eyes at her romantic evening set up.
I doubt that this marriage lasted much longer. The wife is crying out for affection and attention, and the husband does nothing but dismiss everything she says.
I ain’t gotta read any farther in the comments lol my thoughts exactly!
@@sheskindameansometimes7541 a double negative is never encouraging .
perhaps you might care to watch beyond the opening few minutes, take into account the fact that the husband quite soon accepted that this was in fact his problem too and etc. Don't bring your own baggage into everything. Not everyone got divorced at the drop of a hat back then. I'm sure they worked it out and the fact that they were there doing just that points that way.
@@ZoomStranger I'm their son. Mum divorced dad two years after this.
@@MrResearcher122 Which means they did work it out in the sack.. because they'd only had two daughters at the time of filming. 😉
What a cold, angry man! Very condescending too. If he was my husband I'd be "frigid" too.
They’re both messed up, defensive, insecure, and sadly mismatched.
Considering the culture of the 70s, the video remains of an excellent level. The interview is conducted well and brings the problem within the couple and not just a person. Congratulations to the doctor
OMG! What rock did you crawl out from under?
@@thereseshaffer9925 You kick off with "OMG!", follow up with an asinine taunt as old as Shakeapeare and present nil by way of enlightenment as to why Mr Vanni's suggestion is unworthy - what are you doing for credibility?
Considering it was scripted.
They are actors in a studio, they are not a real couple. He is much older and there is zero chemistry.
This was actually pretty dated and uptight for the 70s.
Bob is unintentionally hilarious.
This couple is such a total cliche from the 70's. I was 11/12 in 1973 and this couple could have been my parents. Men believed their responsibility was to go to work, earn a good living to provide for their family, that's it, end of story. Maybe mow the lawn, maintain the car, shovel snow and take out the garbage. Women were just there to serve them and look after the house and the kids' needs. Men felt that women should be responsible to uphold their "wifely duties" no matter what, just as they knew they were going to be expected to go to work each day and pay the bills and uphold what they felt was their end of the bargain whether they felt like it or not.
But things haven't actually changed that much in 50 years. Most men have never been able to understand why women need so much constant maintenance and reassurance and require so much talking and communication because we don't need or even want all that. Like many women, Linda thinks Bob should just be able to read her mind and sense her moods and know what's wrong without her having to say anything. Men don't have these same kinds of shifting "moods" so we naturally assume everything between us should be exactly the same as it was yesterday and the day before and the day before that...unless we hear differently. We tell our wives we love them when we propose, and then say "I do" on our wedding day and we think that should be enough to cover us for the next 50 years.
Most men agree to get married primarily so they can dispense with all this tiresome wooing & courtship nonsense and just have someone there waiting to accomodate their needs (food, seggs, peace) when they get home from work. If men knew the seggs would dry up after just a few years most of them wouldn't have been interested in getting married in the first place. And if women knew most men found their emotional needs tedious and annoying and a "chore" and that we're mostly just playing along to get seggs they probably wouldn't have married us in the first place either. Neither party truly understands or cares what the other wants or how they feel. It's really a wonder that any marriages survive past the first few years.
@@whitenoise61 thats why they dont anymore, not in my country at least, meaning the young couples... my generation guys here are mostly scared of getting married cause they are afraid they are gonna get dumped and have to pay child support while not even being able to see the child, which is happening all around us, in my country again.. nobody wants to pretend like they used to in 70s... all my guy friends that have girlfriends are constantly either on edge of or fighting over little things, like my friend had a shout fest with his gf about where the computer table should be, they didnt last long as i predicted after i saw that, but if you saw their social media everything was perfect, vacation smiley photos and if you drop by them you can cut the tension in the room by a knife... other friend got married and after his wife got him to work 2 jobs she signed up for divorce and her family and a few big dudes came by, took all the furniture out of their shared apartment and she called the child services on him how he should lose all privilege to see the child and made up bunch of stuff about him, now he is paying alimony and we helped him buy some furniture before the child support inspectors came so he can atleast see his baby on the weekend.. and his alimony is huge since he signed 2 jobs so he is barely surviving, thats my country for you :) luckily im asexual mostly so im not interested in those things... as a neutral im not blaming either party but here marriages dont exist and when they do they are short and messy
THIS! ^^^
@@whitenoise61 this was a devastatingly honest read. ❤
Yes, these two have problems and it’s not all her. Bobs still a lawyer at home. There’s two questions he did not ask. Do you love your husband, Do you love your wife.
I would've asked it first thing before the therapist went into the homework for Bob and Linda.
@@adrianlee3497 The video said, they ONLY showed the end, not the in between counseling...we don't know what was asked or done.
@@littleme3597 true
There's a basic principle all lawyers supposedly live by: Never ask a question in court unless you already know the answer. I suppose implicitly therapists have a similar rule: never ask a question in therapy if you know (or are reasonably sure) the answer and it is totally adverse to you clients having any chance of a decent relationship. Or as Tina Turner would say, "What's Love Got to Do With It?"
His folded arms and stiff posture is very telling.
Also his eye rolling.
He has his hands folded in his lap. She flipped out just because he asked for the kids. Wow.
He talks like an actor. Hard to believe this is real.
@@peekaboots01 No he failed to read the room didn't realize she wanted a romantic evening even though she basically spelt it out for him.
@@LetoAtreides82 Closet gay. Narcissism.
This video might be approaching 50 years of age but what the therapist said is as relevant today as it was back in 1973. I’ve counseled enough troubled marriages to know there’s blame on both sides and what this therapist was trying to do in getting these two basically to get to know each other is right on. If you don’t marry your best friend your doomed from the start.
This subject is identical now as then.
OMG, please stay away from women.
Yea, it’s surreal how timeless this issue is…
??
I'm a therapist and I don't agree with the assumptions that it's always both sides who are the problem. It's actually a dangerous assumption when e.g. one of the partners exhibits toxic or even narcissistic behavior.
I have a friend who is a lawyer....he always has to "Lawyer" everything with logical arguments, condescendingly insulting everyone who doesn't follow Robert's rules of order in every day situations....he reminds me of this guy.
Hopefully, this guy grew in his profession, drawing on some vital lessons and that his clients benefited. Crossing fingers
There's a reason why lawyers in general aren't well regarded. Law is such a specialized, clandestine field. Like judges, policemen, they capitalize on the layperson's ignorance of the law.
There should be some sort of mandatory class on practical (everyday) state and federal law, beyond basic constitutional rights which are just skimmed over in civics.
Hard to imagine him finding her magic button.
I think he did once or twice if I heard Linda correctly.
😂
@@adrianlee3497 That was just the newness of the relationship. Then the real BOB came out. I say closet gay.
I’m sure he doesn’t care about her magic button. That’s the feel I get from him.
He is very dismissive of her. He has no clue about how to please his wife in bed or out.
Bob was "irritated" that he had to come in. Oh, he couldn't be a problem 😳 it would be interesting to see if their marriage lasted. How many think Bob may have ended up with a younger trophy wife?
I do even though the other one looks pretty good
Wealthy men back then threw money at the issue. He was pissed he had to come in bc he was paying the therapist to "fix" her, and didn't think he had to do anything but pay.
Bob: "logical," "being emotional gets nowhere"... such a Vulcan response🤔
This guy is a stiff SOB she's trying to communicate..do you know what THAT is??? Good sex comes from the ability to open up
With your partner on every level.
He is superficial at best.
@@dawnuelhenry9892 He reminds me of Spock now that you mention it
He is cheating on her....
Yup. He probably has a wild mistress that keeps him happy.
What they forget sometimes is that the mistress only focuses in keeping herself pretty for him. The wife has to maintain herself and the home and the kids and the husband.
The hand touching experiment is telling. She touches his hand and immediately notices a new cut, and straight away shows her empathy and asks him how it happened. He touches her hand and experiences only skin, bones and knuckles. It wouldn't matter to him if he was touching a living or dead hand, it would be the same except for temperature. This tells me the husband is entirely unaware of the subjective experience his partner may be having.
This is consistent with the unfortunate condition of narcissism. Everything is mechanical. People are cardboard cutouts to manipulate as you wish, and there is no emotional level in other people. Only your own feelings are real. It's a tough place to be in, but he lacks any empathy that he can demonstrate.
Yep she's just a body to him, bones and skin.
I don't feel the therapist explained this experiment properly and what may have been expected of them. The husband is used to dealing with matters in a logical, factual way and described what he was touching.
I detected a deeper issue when she mentioned the cut on his hand. He said it was from gardening and she said: "When? in a doubtful tone, implying that he didn't do the garden. There may have been issues between the split of work and household responsibilities, she seeing him as constantly distracted, still in work mode etc.
The therapist should have ran the experiment twice, accepting their initial expressions, but then directing them to feelings and emotion. e.g. how does it feel to hold her hand?
That would have been interesting and perhaps a chance for him to express a side of himself which is more closed. I'm optimistic for the couple.
@@pds002 I definitely noticed that too I think she was wondering if a lady scratched him.
You need to watch this again. She isn’t some angel. .
See her passive aggressive comment that “he doesn’t like my. New hair” already insulting him. Then says another comment later on
Women isn’t some savior… open your eyes.
Is it not two people in a relationship? That makes both parties responsible. Even if your with a narcissist that means you’re a codependent which is just as problematic.. how do you think you’d even connect with one. Hint. You’re on the same level of dysfunction then….. do crack heads get with billion dollar businesses men? No. Because the incompatibility…..
Think man. Think and watch before you speak.
@ssing7113 Assigning the blame to the victim is a typically narcissistic thing to do. You should think before you speak. Now everyone knows that you are a part of the story.
I really do not like this man. He is arrogant and has no idea how to talk to his wife.He is putting it all on her.
He is pretty typical of his ear.
Bob is a narcissist. I hope she realized she was being used and got up the courage to leave him. His attitude toward her in this therapy session was hard to watch. What an insufferable prick. And I bet he is cheating on her.
Exactly. And she called it.
This is what I thought about as well. I sure hope he didn't unleash on her after the session. It appears he's already building up a schematic of anger ready to catch her alone and unload anger on her.
@@christ3187 Yes, he seems scary to me. I hope she was able to leave with her kids.
I like Bob. I think he's hot
I agree. As Narcissist, he may have a male lover. They go both ways. For sure cheating.
"We don't have the same kind of "skin hunger" that the Linda's of the world have." had me dying!
RIP
Oh I know. I've been craving skin all my life, but they made it illegal for me to ingest any of it! IM SO HUNGRY 😫
It's a real thing. It's an attachment thing and part of why when babies aren't held they can die. The need for human touch doesn't go away when we become adults.
@@yootoob1001001 they can die!? OMG, I knew humans needed to be touched, but I didn't think babies could die from that.
@@sage6269 It's called failure to thrive when there is no environmental stimulation.
This therapist was GOOD. He ensnared another man and broke him down, got him to answer direct questions, so ez going and chill.
Yeah, this was the 70’s, he definitely has a girlfriend.
I say boyfriend.
A lot of criticisms of Bob in the comments however I admire him for expressing himself honestly and avoiding denial or defensiveness. Where he defended an idea, the important thing was that he was sincere, so this allowed the psychologist to understand the situation and come up with the solutions.
I agree, I would take a hundred Bobs then the men today, who feel no "duty" to be a provider, husband, father.
He definitely would be a nice fella if he follows up with the therapists’ advice. There’s no telling if he will make Linda feel bad at home for having made him miss his important work. We need a Part 3 follow up.
Bob warmed up in the session, but it seemed he prefers to create a distance with his wife, to avoid intimacy because it’s ‘emotional’ and he’s ‘logical’.
Don't you just love that flute opening😂
Wow. He was SO uncomfortable touching his wife's hand... No wonder they have a "problem"!! He was almost to the point of being repulsed!
He never left her hand! She did and even scrutinized it. It seems that he liked it, was actually into it but was probably embarrassed to show it.
Chris; . First words...rough skin.....what guy says that? I say, he is closet gay.
Some men are just uncomfortable, with hand holding, hugs ect, because of the way they were brought up.
Bob's a dork. He rolls his eyes at the little woman and belittles her.
For this time in history, it was amazing they were able to talk this freely.
Why do you say that? Did you live in this time?
@@edwardmcneil1573 Yes, I grew up in the wild 70's generation... Adults were very stiff and prudish back then.
It’s because they are actors, it’s scripted and clearly in a studio.
This was in the middle of the “sexual revolution.” It was not the 1950s!
the fuck? This was the 70's.....the sex revolution happened the decade before and it was perfectly normal to discuss this. Do you think it was the dark ages before the 1990s or something?
My relationship got SO much better once I started studying men and women. I think a lot of relationship problems stem from not understanding that your spouse loves you just as much as you love them, just in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT way. Women usually show their love by their emotions, and men usually show their love by actions. So, if your man takes out the garbage, or mows the lawn, or goes to work, he's showing you how much he loves you. If your woman is listening to you, or making the house look nice so you can be comfy after work, or empathizing with you, she's showing how much she loves you. Never take these things for granted because both people bring things to the table that are equally important, just different.
Absolutely..respect the difference
Well said
Omg you legit sound like one of those people who read that men are from mars smut from the 90s! 😂😂😂
@@Teenywing 😄 actually I've never read that book, but I remember the craze. I learned a lot from Jordan Peterson, and I LOVE studying psychology and human behavior. I also learned about MGTOW, feminism, mens rights, etc.(all the red pill/blue pill/incel reddit crap), and took 5 years of DBT/dual diagnosis. It's just really interesting to look at both men and women's perspectives from both extremes, to the grey areas of our minds.
Making the house nice. No way do i see that as my job. Im a wife not a maid, though putting on the french maids outfit, would be more my thing lol
As soon as she walked in, her lack of confidence showed. He is rigid as all heck.
In the midst of trying to repair sexual dysfunction in their marriage, Linda cuts her hair short. Interesting since she herself says her husband likes long hair.
An assertion of independence after the doctor confirmed she was not “frigid” perhaps
@@juneelle370 ...And the best time to assert your independence by making yourself less attractive is bang in the middle of marriage counselling, Yeah?
Linda's on the way out of the marriage.
@@juneelle370 Yes. Nothing she does to please him, will change anything. He didn't notice. Therapist DID. He doesn't care. Narcissist.
Everyone is so articulate compared to today
everyone is retarded now
Very true. As a professor at a major university since 1977, I have noticed a marked decrease in both verbal and written expression over the years. Students even turn in papers in the same format as their text messages or social media entries.
@@infectdiseaseepidemiology2599 Very sad, it's a sign of our late stage decadent society, we itterally believe in nothing outside of ourselves and no longer feel an obligation to raise our children with any sort of objective moral framework. The ziegiest of the current era is oblivous consumerism and banal hedonism.
Great video. The dr is very good considering this is early 70's. And I must say she's beautiful inside and out!
My personal take is that he honestly just doesn’t care about her ; not just sexually, but emotionally. She deserves better. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see his lack of caring towards his wife. I think she’d make a caring and wonderful wife to a man that really loved her. As for him, I don’t think he’s going to change. He’s going to probably remain arrogant, and have the last word with whom ever he’s with. He’s probably better staying single rather than ruining another woman’s life.
And that’s the exact thinking why divorce rates are this high
This is how men were that long ago. Do you not see he’s at work all day providing for her? Does he make her get him in the mood to go to work all day ( as in she’s suggesting he doesn’t do his share coming to romance ) another huge flaw with women expecting men to provide everything and then have to be emotional support as well. Can she not just on him and initiate? Never ever in my life have I ever heard a guy pass when a woman jumps him for sex…. Funny how she can’t go after what she wants and then blames him he doesn’t deliver. Have you ever wanted new clothes and expected your partner to go to the mall and magically get them for you without you doing anything?
Did u notice notice her passive aggression. Already saying he doesn’t like her hair… saying he’s looking at other women…. She has issues too man. She’s resentful and making things worse. She certainly isn’t helping anymore then him.
If you act like one person is the problem. You need therapy along with 90% of commenters on here
Even if you are with a narcissist. That would make someone a codependent which comes with being very controlling. Spiteful. Resentment. Usually jealous. Rude comments feeling you do everything even if you do….
Relationship are two people… it’s a known fact abusive relationships ( not saying this is.. ) is shown both partners are most all the times are both abusive… it’s just one ends up calling the cops
You really need a reframe and I’d suggest you watch this a couple times to see she isn’t some angel as well. .
People get therapy and help for your issues. Don’t always say walking is the solution. If you somehow were even attracted and got married good chances are you have communication and connection issues. That’s usually what it is 95% of the time
Walking doesn’t solve the issue. It’s called sorting your issue. Most the time you should only walk if someone is constantly abusive and that’s after setting healthy Boundaries and getting help for your side of the issues first. It’s not that you picked wrong. You’re going to attract another abusive person then next round anyways
pony; Correct. I say he is on the down low. Narcissist's go both ways.
Found the problem on the first few minutes. Poor Linda. Very much the relationship of the time. Wonder when he told her about the new paralegal he was "mentoring".
Bob is about to learn that with all the caressing and sweet talk in the world, his chances are still near zero.
this doctor is so smart.
He examines it very well.
He keeps saying her problem as I see it he is the cause of "her problem" he is as sensitive as a rock and he is as much desirable as a real as a self centered jerk! She needs to leave this guy his ego will never alow him to do the things a healthy loving husband wants to do for his wife
Simp much? LOL
You've missed the point of the counseling. Divorce is not the goal. The goal is the repair of their relationship. People change over time. He has changed a lot from what we've seen. He must have been a lot more sensitive early in the relationship, noticing special efforts on the part of his wife. His career has assumed more importance and he's allowed it to crowd his wife out of the picture.
She is attempting to recapture that that earlier time and the relationship itself.It appears that she has no career except to be a good wife. It appears she has been successful but she's lost the romance needed in a spousal relationship. She tries her best but he doesn't see her efforts.
They've both reduced the problem to the sexual relationship which is not the problem but a symptom. I'm seeing him as more guilty because he's really reduced the relationship as a sexual one. He has worked hard and his reward for his efforts is sex. I doubt He outs any effort into it. His wife does not respond to the mechanical process. Like most men it really is that. For the woman she needs romance. Neither person is giving what the other person needs.
I think most marriages go through this at some point. Mine did. We didn't go to outside counseling but talked through it and worked to bring back what we'd lost.We just had our 49th anniversary. Relationships can be salvaged if both parties want it.
The hand caressing was priceless....😅
They both didn't not get the gist of the exercise!!😆
@@stephaniepina4963 Yeah, “I feel veins,bone, knuckles “ 😂😂😂😂😂 I was thinking no wonder they’re having issues with intimacy!
He didn’t hold her hand and barely rubbed a finger across it. Acted like it was going to burn him. He is an ass.
@@serenitynow288 I have to go back, first thing he said was rough skin.....can't say anything nice about her or to her.
the husband seems a lot older and they both seem angry. I love how he said " your problem" and that she is not complex.
I dont think Bob realized what a lovely wife he had.....he seems quite arrogant and doesn't except any blame.... he's obviously not capable of satisfying her sexually and emotionally so bats it all away as Linda's problem....I think all he cares about is himself.....a wham bam thank you mam kinda guy.
I hope Linda found happiness and the love and affection she craved.... would've been great to have a follow up video years later to see how they ended up...I wonder if either are still with us?
You noticed how he rolls his eyes when she speaks. He thinks she’s stupid and unintelligent. They say it gets worse with age. How would Linda cope…
I'm sure she wouldn't be "frigid" with another dude, dude.
Dude. 🤣
26:25 “The therapist must be very careful not to overplay his hand in this type of situation.” It would have been nice if the narrator had elaborated at this point.
I think they meant to not make a show of how easy it is for the therapist to give Linda the things she wants- he noticed her (saw she got a haircut), greeted her warmly, and gave a genuine compliment. Linda is desperate for that kind of behavior from her husband. But the husband doesn't do it. So it could almost be seen as showing off, when you're pleasing his wife (emotionally) where he doesn't or can't. Also, he has to make sure it doesn't come across as flirtatious.
That's how I interpreted it.
oh you know he is having a affair with his 22 yr old secretary!
She knows Bob likes long hair but she cut her hair anyway. Them when Bob touches her he says he feels bones and knuckles. It's obvious that she subconsciously realizes she made a mistake marrying him and doesn"t even want him touching her. In the previous video she said right after the honeymoon she said to herself "what have i done!" He's an a$$ and she knows it.
check out dr.monaco!! but i agree he's an asshole and she seems like such a sweet woman.
No one forced her to say " I do" when she made marriage vows. But it's fault that she is not happy now. It's like it's the guys job that the woman always stays happy. What about him being happy? Is he really happy with the choice he made? Maybe he feels trap as well.
This was a great interview and it basically shows that the things we deal with now are no different to what we're issues then. People just dealt with the choices they made. They were held accountable for crap.
Maybe he should be looking for a way out. I know a lot people will say she needs to leave him etc. Maybe he should leave her. She's not happy, right. If she's. Ot happy he's definitely not going to be happy. So he probably should say let's split.
Maybe this means people should really vet before getting into a romantic relationship. Take some time to really think and then come back together and make a decision, or dont.. I just get tired of the crap that it's the guys fault. He asked her to marry him she said yes. He assumed things and she assumed things. She made a mistake. The mistake was she chose someone she has second thoughts about, not even second thoughts. She's believes she made a mistake. Now people are saying her mistake is his fault basically. He's doing what he thinks he's supposed to do. He gets up and go to work, provides for his family to the best of his abilities. He makes sure they have the things they need and if possible le want. This is what he has been taught just like pretty much every guy. He has expectations too. But, nowadays men are not allowed to have standards or expectations.
He expects his wife to be his exclusively. The marriage vows says he is to forsake all others. Now she is like I'm not interested even though she understands this is part of the transaction. They signed a contract.
I mean why even get married? Women today would want to explore and find themselves. Marriage is over. They would start dating around for that guy that makes them feel desired etc. The funny thing is the guys they jump into bed with only want them for sex most the time while the guy who was willing to committed she has no respect for. What's ironic is the men the women want dont want them in the way the man she was with did but they give hom all the respect hoping he will somehow see that she's the one for him.
This man did not do anything abusive. Did he cheat? Nothing about that came up. She just not feeling it now. 4 years and 2 kids later. He has to be thinking what the f..k. She's already unhappy and it's been 4 or so years. He went all in and now she unsure.
Marriage now is even worse. Now he, there is child support and alimony/spousal support, splitting of everything which usually favors the now ex wife, etc. You have no fault divorces so a woman can just say she's not happy and the guy takes a blow to everything he's been working for, and can't even see kids..lol.
I'm now sure if no fault divorce has become a thing yet at the time of the interview but if it hasn't he needs to bail now.
Men, if reading this, don't get married, not in this period in time. You will be blamed for everything depending her feelings etc. You take a chance of losing so much as well. It's not worth it.
This interview brings in great perspective. I do like the fact the guy was not demonized. There was a real effort to bring light to their issues and for them to work through them to actually have a real relationship. It tales two though. It takes both of them, not just her. It takes him. The issue is she has already established how they relate. They would need to redo how they communicate and relate to one another. It will take work from both sides.
@@peach_tea6198 don't discourage marriage, ill marry the first woman that buys me a new truck! but the guy comes off as a major asshole that's for sure. i wonder whatever happened to them.
Some people are so ignorant of humanity that they still haven't figured out that sexual ACCESS is a grant in marriage. If you don't intend to put up.... DON'T.GET.MARRIED. No sin in that.
The hair thing was very interesting to me. I was not allowed to cut my hair as a child. As a young adult I went from hair to my down to my behind to a pixie instantly. I was rebelling against my father's ruling over me and a lack of autonomy. Fast forward to my second husband, I had shorter hair when we met. A cut I loved and still love, hair stylist here. However, in getting to know my husband, during dating, I came to know that he likes long hair. He doesn't demand I not cut my hair, he loves me as is but I know that's his preference. I want him to find me attractive and it matters to me. I have hair down to my waist again. Occasionally, I miss my favorite cut. I get hot and aggravated with all this hair some times. It takes ages to dry and get ready to go somewhere. But that's absolutely nothing the moment we are in the bed, every night, he touches my hair. There's some sort of comfort thing for him in the fiddling with my hair and it makes me happy to know that I can bring him any comfort at the end of a long day. I don't even have to actually do anything, except have hair lol. But then there's the more exciting moments and it never fails, I'm glad the hair is there and available for whatever 😂
Then there's Linda, who has every right to cut her hair. It was cute too. But she knows he prefers long hair, cuts it short and then fears he's not attracted to her, may be fooling around, and she isn't getting what she needs.... How odd.
You get more flies with honey. It takes very little effort for me to have long hair. When my hair was short, nothing was lacking. The long hair, which I know he likes, leads to extra positive experiences. He enjoys it and I enjoy his reaction to it. Seems like an obvious choice to keep the hair.
Come ON, man! If she cooked, dressed up, sent the kids off for the evening, lit candles...read the room! I love these corny, old videos. Still good information. 😀
Is ur turn on button that easy? Must be nice. I like touch, talk, tenderness, and to heck with cooking...take me out! : )
This interviews took place when I was a newlywed. I myself think they are corny. Truth is, I remember, I was a newlywed when this was filmed and as I watch this, I get a sense of the 70's zeitgeist. Every on wore short skirts. American Pie. Put the Lime in the Coconut. Wake up Maggie by Rod Stewart. Gas 35 cents a gallon. It's when the hippies went straight, made money and started families. This couple looks older and probably listened to the Kingston Trio. The counter culture: beatniks. Hmm. This was acted right?
I completely agree with you. Excellent observation
@@JerseyLynne I think you got a sense of the 70's by smoking a joint then writing your treatise on disassociated cultural grabs.
“Read the room”.. 😆👍🏆
I really enjoyed watching the first interview and this one. I remember an old week-end radio talk-show host (in his 60s) four decades ago talking about how his wife had opened his eyes about sex. At one point, they weren't communicating well. Nevertheless, he kept expecting sex, and she kept brushing him off. She eventually told him straightforwardly that foreplay for her started when they got up in the morning. He needed to be involved with her even if they had separate activities planned. Had they made some mutually agreeable plans for the week-end? Had he been affectionate with a kiss or two before departing to golf with his buddies? Did he ask about her activities during the day when he got home? He saw her point of view, and a very strong, loving marriage ensued.
This isn’t just Linda’s problem. Wow. Real nice guy!
"There is an involvement on my part with YOUR problem" 🙄
😂❤
It's so clear what the problems are the Dr is amazing at bringing it all outward
Damn, the husband is so annoying
these videos are priceless
Husband is arrogant does not really care about the wife only his own needs. Knows nothing about women or romance
Needs a sex class education
... was getting it and accepting he needed to review and act.
Mike Rowe's dad
He needs a wake-up call!!!
His problem is that he brings his work at home. He can’t leave work at the office. She has problems expressing her feelings. There’s more than the mechanics of the marriage that has problems.
Well, somebody's got to pay the bills
Bob is bringing home the bacon 😊❤
@@daniellakarenina8634 and the men. lol All that housekeeping gets done..all by itself. lol. The kids are watched with no one in charge? Right. It all gets done by MAGIC.
@@daniellakarenina8634 Well rejoice that women's work is considered useless in male dominated society, you have accept that proudly.
Omg I wonder how soon they got divorced.
She's a treasure. Sweet, kind, very pretty and wants a quality connection. I hope he figured out what he has and made her happier.
No way that's gonna happen. He is completely checked out of the relationship.
NOPE. Nothing will change. He is narcissist.
@@littleme3597💯
If he were, he wouldn't have attended the therapy session@@SkysMomma
Man, what a jerk that guy is. Very smug and narcissistic, you can tell he thinks nothing of her.
Around 8:00 she describes the problem and he confirms her worry : that she feels like she has to be "logical" when talking to him. the problem is he cant stop being a lawyer . He's very full of himself and thinks everything has to be "rational" and "let's not have any emotional nonsense ". His constant invalidation of her is certain to be causing the "frigidity". How can anyone feel sexy with this rock of a man ? He's totally frigid himself - totally devoid of emotions . She needs to get rid of him or it's never going to get any better. BTW, I'm a man, but it's simple to see the problem here .
He keeps calling her emotional but his emotional intensity is much higher than hers. He just doesn't see it because he probably doesn't consider anger an emotion.
I'm not trying to be biased or anything of the sort but my heart bleeds for all women and the complex nature of their problems and needs,how much we all yearn to be understood and not judged,to be cared for,loved, respected,treated with dignity and equality, to be listened to and appreciated,valued and honoured.l guess that's what we all want as human beings but don't get that often ,if we did get it from people in our lives,there will be a lot less depressed individuals in the world.. There seems to be such a wide chasm between the way men and women are wired,l wish we could meet each other half way everytime.
As a guy it seems rather impossible especially now a days girls of my generation only seem to want to take everything from me expect everything are rarely thankful, do nothing traditional while I'm expected to do everything of a traditional male role, and at the end of the day as a man you learn women do not care about your feelings or how you feel. Only how useful you are to them and sadly as I have seen with most of my male friends and aquatences if you are not useful as a man you will be abandoned and you don't deserve love and that is just how it is. And women don't even stop to even try to empathize, even if they do it doesn't change the facts of how our lives differ. I understand women have it hard in ways but very few women stop to think how it is hard for men and their lives to, what it would be like. I try to empathize but it's hard to when it seems like a one way street.
@@LegoSwordViedos it seems to me you haven't met a good woman,there are women out there who genuinely care about their partners or husbands even when he's washed out so you may be looking in the wrong places.
@@chizobauchay2024 no, he really does have a point. a radical shift has occured from the times these videos were made up until today. i could tell you my expereince, Viridian shared his experience, he has friends, I have friends, the experiences are more or less the same. if you fail to provide her with everything you talked about, and more (and by more, I'm talking primarily about the financial part of things), she's gone. by contrast, she does not owe you anything. i've heard this said blatantly, i do not own you anything. after all the things i've done for her, and i've done everything i possibly could. there is tendency today for women to consider themselves to be "the prize", and we're fighting over them, spilling our guts out, getting our souls crushed, in a desperate attempt to win "the prize".
Beautifully said..so true
@@LegoSwordViedos my wife has stuck w me through thick and thin since '96. i married her bc shes a sweetheart w traditional values as the woman in this vid impresses me.
17.47 Q ' Look at those cuts' (on his hand) A 'Oh yeah, they're from gardening' , No it's his little blonde secretary getting rough after office hours.
She was so loving and gentle when she took his hand; immediately noticed cuts and showed concern. When he took her hand, he felt "skin and bones and knuckles". 🤣
It’s obvious he doesn’t even care about her and it’s all him and doesn’t want to hear 👂 anything other than what he thinks
Bob is definitely smashing some tail from the office.
😂
I would love to know whatever happen to this couple & if they are still alive. And what they have to say about this video today.
She would be in her upper 70's and he would be in his 80's. Likely she's still alive, small chance he isn't. Men typically don't live as long as women.
I would take this Linda as my beloved wife at the spot. Sex is not the all in this word. It is the love, what counts.
How old were you when you realized what a massive Simp you are?
Being an authentic partner in the relationship counts a lot, but Linda still needs a man who knows how to give her the attention she needs.
@@adrianlee3497 ...and she's not satisfying her husband in bed either.
Interesting. Would love to see part 3.
if there is no 3 then i guess it wasnt a happy ending.
@@CBCycles 😂😂
Its a horror porn movie. Pretty cool.
"We must not lay blame"
One minute later: "the wife's sexual problem"
cheap shot and incorrect.
@@ZoomStranger argument for being incorrect?
@@MegaTinni u suk ballzz
You are correct that the presenter should have said "their sexual problem" instead of "the wife's sexual problem. They both don't know how to pleasure their spouse. Like the therapist said the husband just wants to stick his thing inside her and get it over with and she'd like for him to pleasure her but she incorrectly assumed that he could read her mind.
I hope she left him and found a real man. Damn he’s cold!
Thank you. Nothing can be fixed.
An action man? Or a G I Joe? Or a Ken? I bet you are thinking Ken.
So very interesting, is there a follow up from this video? The Therapist was incredibly amazing and effective. I hope Linda went on to have a happier life after this video.
Damn I don't like that husband, he seems to rather be the problem, he doesn't love her or at least not capable of showing her love.
I was waiting for the therapist to ask Bob if he could have a go at Linda. Lol, kidding.
This was pretty interesting.
She probably would've jumped at the chance.
"Do you like my haircut?"
I completely agree with every comment!!. What a self important arrogant man, totally oblivious to it being his fault in the first place. I think the shrink knew this but chose his words carefully. Poor woman could do so much better for herself, than this cold fish!😊
Observation: They do not seem well suited.
In this 70’s era, it was extremely common for a wife to be told that all she had to do was keep herself and her house well put together and her husband would respond positively.
And now women are expected to do all you mentioned, be majorly responsible for the kids and hold down a full time job too.
and now days everyone is divorced. What progress.
In some videos people talk a little slow and you have to speed them up to 1.25 or 1.5, but good lord, this guy sounds normal to a little slow at x2!
You can DO that??? HOW? 😳
@@noobie7719 You ever figure it out ? 3 dots then playback speed
er... he's teaching them mew concepts. That takes time for the listener to process. This wasn't reading off football scores me old matie
I'm impressed with the therapists style. There's no notebook! He has a mind he relies on to make his report afterward, therefore, focusing on the patients- unlike therapists these days
Everyone and all insurance companies need notes and documents, now.
Well, it is being recorded. Notes will be written up afterwards.
I wanna see the prequel!! "A frigid wife" hahaha
Dumb ass
I wanna see the sequel. Lol.
@@marieschmidt3469 me too! :)))
@@tilly28569 me too! :))) prequel AND sequel.
Actually, 'A Frigid Wife' is one of the PSA films like this one. I have watched it. For the times, it was quite interesting.
And Bob was definitely hooking up with one of the office paralegals.
I love these videos from a past era, when there were still many women who didn't work outside the home, whose self-worth was horribly so connected to guys like Bob.
Bob needs some strange
@@joelb138 Attorney Bob Martin was undoubtedly getting some strange on the regular. The marriage counselor's advice to start "rubbing the genital area and breast area" and things would be "alright", didn't work out. Meanwhile, Linda Martin, frustrated at her husband's increasing distance, consoled herself in pills and alcohol, with a twice-a-week twitch in her nether regions as the pool man cleaned the pool at their suburban Scarsdale home. She slapped together PB&Js for little Bobbie Martin's lunchbox and sent him each morning, away on the yellow school bus. The rest of her day was a spiral of cleaning, shopping, cooking, and self-medicating. Given the time and how she was raised, she couldn't even masturbate to find some release. The tensions kept compressing her day after day, month after month, year after year, like a boa constrictor, until, one day, while out getting groceries at the A&P (overcooked pork chops planned for dinner), she bought a .38 and ammo in the sporting equipment section of the local department store. She went home and later that evening shot Bob six times, killing him instantly with the first shot through his forehead.
25:25 - 25: 50 she knows her husband is only being nice about her hair because they're being observed. He let it go here but I bet he doesn't let anything go in private.
He didn't even notice and could NEVER MAKE A NICE COMMENT ABOUT HER. Abuser and narcissist.
Shooooo….. I’d be “frigid” too if he were my husband! “It’s HER problem” “I don’t know why I need to be here.” - You’ve gotta be kidding me!!!!! This guy’s whole attitude screams abusive. I’m sure he talks down to her constantly. it’s apparent. Honestly, I think she should leave him for the therapist! Lol😂 Or hell, just be alone. She’d be much better alone without someone constantly cutting her down.
Pretty simple that guy was a prick. Hopefully she got her self freed up from him.
She became a lesbien dominatrix.
Love the "irritation" and the defensive crossed arms at the beginning.
Just wondering. Could these have been actors ? They were basically reading the script of a real case in order to keep anonymity of the actual patients ?
Am I the only one here wondering if Will Ferrel got his inspiration for his anchorman character?
I imagine so.
I feel her skin and bones, knuckles 😂
I am going back. I am sure he said ROUGH SKIN....then went on with his bones, knuckles. No one is mentioning that first comment by him. Nothing was complimentary and a put down about ROUGH skin. Who says that to their wife? He is a closet gay & narcissist.
Kudos to Bob and Linda for sharing with us! How did things work out for them? I’m hoping they lived happily ever after.
They are in a nursing home on separate ends of the building. She had enough of his foreplay and viagra.
They are actors, its not real.
@@stephenmorris3696 I am glad you spoke up and settled it for all of us.
@@stephenmorris3696 adjust your meditation.
@@stephenmorris3696 can you point out where is says that they are actors please, I have not seen that stated in either video but maybe I missed that.
Bob's a busy man. He doesn't have time in his schedule to show any humanity.
Hmmm, if she knows “Bob” likes long hair, why did she get it cut? I’m surprised the poor women didn’t get a buzz!! 🤦🏻♀️
Surprised you can’t figure out why she did it.
Right, everything is screaming that he's cheating and she knows but doesn't KNOW for sure.
@@nailslacquer Then why does he want to have sex with her so often?
She is saying, Try a little tenderness, Bob. To get her in the mood.
He'd rather watch television. (－‸ლ) His whole attitude says, "I'm paying for the pussy; just hand it over." That doesn't work unless the lady's a pro. What they probably ought to do is have sex right after the kids go to bed. THEN he can go watch televisions, and leave her alone to take care of her own business.😁 It's not optimal, but it's the best she's going to get out of that boring schlub. Doubt they stayed together very long, though.
@@nancymcmonarch There's one show before this when it is just her and she tells the counselor he's not showing affection, it's just wham bam now. But you are probably right, though he did it for her early on. She also said she thought he had some side action and that is why it had gone cold and her intuition might be spot on there. She wants some romance as part of it that makes her feel loved and attractive and says as much. I totally feel her. It happens to both men and women, either or both can go cold.
Also, she cut her hair and he liked her long hair. Many women do this including my ex-wife, I understand for convenience, but it can be difficult for a man. Brian Wilson wrote the song, Caroline, No about it.
@@mondoenterprises6710 The haircut is, I think, the least of the narrator's concerns in "Caroline, No."
We've gone from thinking we have a national problem of women partners being "frigid," to realizing that we have a widespread problem of men who aren't giving women what they need and want in relationships, and who have been socialized to be unaware that their partner's needs even matter.
This is progress.
If they are married, then I am married to the interviewer!
The guy should never be married. He has an adolescent personality.
I was going to say he was just a clueless, heartless, ass hat. But yeah, adolescent is another good description.
I don’t think so, he seems a hard working guy, providing for his family, that shows maturity. The problem is he just doesn’t know how to be a good husband, or how to appreciate her and her needs, he never learned, and before this may have never thought about it. But he is learning now, assuming he will take the advice and instruction. He can become a good husband.
I want to see the follow-up
“All we have to do is learn” - well said.
Great therapist!!!!
7:43 'It looks fine!' 😂😂
He's so cold. There's no way this marriage survived....
His words:
Her problem; I can’t deal with someone that gets emotional at that level.
She feels ignored and neglected. He neglects her. So sad
Take me back to this time please!