I know it sounds silly,but this band,his words,are what helped me through some of the most tormenting times in my life...being 30yrs old and for the first time in my life deciding to live without the medication and face my issues without it's mind numbing "help". He has a sad soul...most of us who love his words and relate to them all share that sad soul. I Love every one of us.
This got me through some shit that only a select few are unlucky to know. And when my insurance dropped me i had no other choice but to stop taking my medication immediately. That made a tough time tougher. I about took my life. Music and good friends saved me from myself and this song hits hard.
I am one of those sad souls & I am a Grandmother honey. It's okay to express how you feel. No one can tell you what to feel. Justin's music has helped me through a lot as well. & May I say that this sad soul loves you & all of those other sad souls right back. Thank You for your kind words. & God Bless.
If you're reading this.. you're loved. I read some of your comments and I think, "I wish I could talk to these people and hear their stories and share mine and maybe we can heal together with music being the catalyst that hardens us and makes us grow stronger, together."
Took a year, but just wanted to let you know your comment was very touching! I myself suffer from needing music to escape, it's good to see people caring for others. Bless your heart my friend!
Music is my love. Today starts a very new day for me... And I'm not sure what the days ahead actually look like.... I'm heading into the unknown.... But damn... It's time....
The crazy thing is I went through much of the very same things Justin Furstenfeld did. I also suffer from depression and have to take Xanax for severe Post Traumatic Stress. It’s So Fucking Hard to Heal from the things I can’t unsee or undo. Yet living with this post traumatic thing. I don’t give up. Much love to Everyone out there
This song reminds me of my high school years. Would listen to this song on repeat all the time.I was a loner had no friends well I still don't have any. But this song made me go through some rough time thanks Blue October
Hearing the name zoloft just threw me back. That was one of the meds i took to attempt an overdose. But i realize i do need to learn a lot, and this band helps me think and realize that there's worth listening. Fear really opened my eyes too.
LArry, I feel that completely. I wish all the strength in the world. I've got through a lot of tough times while listening to these guys. I've been lucky to see them a few times and it breaks my heart everytime I see how much emotion goes into this music.
I got married to my first love, we fell for each other in 6th grade, I joined the USMC and when I got out about a year later she left me with my son and told me to sign the divorce papers, we are currently going through a divorce and she already has a bf. This song reflects to me so much I stayed up last night till 6 in the morning with the different versions of this song. The lyrics on this song really hit different and makes me think about why I am single and instead of me going out and chasing love I want to work on my self and dream about who I want to be with and someday put that into reality thank you so much Justin.
I love that "broken face" the fear of being known.. and "shelves ... basement to ceiling" I'm not perfect I can change "that's strange... I'm an open book" I thought I was being real? Am I real? Trepidation through being intrepid.. a lovely irony.. "before, before, before...... I go and get myself inlove" My favorite lyric.. who hasn't been there? The internal and eternal self talk of I'm not good enough to be ready to receive love.. The very word here "love" is the feared mystery.. Blue October, is the answer ... thank you Justin, you were "just in time"
I cant stand to listen to blue october anymore cause my partner at the time was going through shit and listened to them all the time. It just brings ptsd. But this song. This one is mine. This is my song.
I don't understand how I can come so far in life, have run so far from the darkness that nearly consumed me, to here, where I feel like it's coming back around to haunt me. The fight is hard... when you're the only one it seems, to feel so passionate about what I think I deserve, and then there are the setbacks that stop you like a punch in the heart and you wonder, is this life for me?
+Yvonne Marie Most people who go through experiences full of pain and chaos , harm at the hands of others or a dysfunctional shitty childhood (in the hundreds of ways that can be true ) somehow, at the time they are going through it, muster up the necessary determination, spirit and strength to get through and survive incredibly painful experiences. They can go on to grow up, maybe get married and have children of their own and feel like they are a well adjusted adult who is succeeding in their life, despite everything bad that fell on them before. It is usually then and there, in some relatively happy, calm spot in their life, where they are feeling loved and all seems to be pretty much on track , when... WHAM!!! out of the blue , they find loads of memories, feelings, flashbacks hitting them with force. They begin examining things they may not have thought about for decades sometimes. They rehash events, words said & heard, over and over while their heart finds itself mourning what ever was lost ; their innocence, hope, faith, trust in others, security, people they loved.... and pain bottled up inside so long ago comes leaking out. They may withdraw into themselves or seem to be near to having a damn nervous breakdown and often have no idea why they are doing it all, because they thought they were over it and had already felt whatever they felt. The thing is ; once the body and our brain arrives at a point in life that feels safe, you feel loved and fairly stable , it's like your true self KNOWS you are finally able to really feel all of it, cry and mourn and process how bad things hurt. Whereas when you were going through it, at that time, a person will shut down their emotions (to varying degrees) to stay alive and survive painful, traumatic things. (For example, to get up and go to school everyday when awful things happened the night before and then to have no choice but to do that over and over again, a child has to compartmentalize the awful shit {the pain , fear, sorrow, confusion , shock , all of it} somehow and block it out to be able to be around others and act like everything is fine.) But then, years later , once you arrive at a place in your life where you feel pretty safe with a stable mindset, outlook and physically you are fairly strong ... all your past painful things may begin surfacing because now your more mature, more resilient subconscious is saying to you, "We're strong enough to handle this now, this is our time to shed all the pain and negative emotions , energy from our core. It is going to hurt at times but if we accept 'it' IS there, and that by showing itself to us, that fact itself means I am strong enough and ready to do this healing work and let myself feel it , so I can be free of all that negative emotion and energy I've held in so long". Be open to it, to these feelings coming up and to what your thoughts are telling you that you need to do to process it fully. Listen to your heart as you go through that. Cry as long as you need to, you will know when you are done ... only you can know that. Some people may need to hear how they made you feel long ago, some may need your forgiveness, (you don't want to carry it forever because it will hurt you more than them really in the long run) or you may need someone to forgive you. I am not saying that everyone should be forgiven ,that is a very personal decision, some things there can be no excuse for , ever. In those cases at the very least you can free yourself of any shame or guilt you felt that belongs on their shoulders. but...follow it through and let yourself let it all go in the end. Face it , cry, scream, do what you need to do to let it out of you, then you can begin true healing. I hope this makes sense to you. - you can find yourself finally feeling and dealing with feelings you hadn't thought of in years or even decades but it is for your growth and healing inside.
Thank you. Again. You have no way of knowing how much pain and loneliness, fear and confusion, passion and faith, courage and certainty, hope and LOVE...all swirling around in my mind, heart and soul and it collides with my living body, my expectations , my knowing I'm right, knowing WHAT is right, what is true. It never seems to stop twisting and overlapping and balling up and tearing...as it tries to become something I can make into Good in this Life. I have to make Good in this life or I don't have life. And there is just not much Good to be found. Not much Good to share with another, even if you amuse yourself with angels and mushrooms for a sweet moment...I KNOW what I was doing. I KNOW why I found them, I know what I saw. I know how much time passes, each time, between ME controlling my own destiny and the life I owe to others, and the chaos that sparks the unraveling of that. I know everything and every detail, every reason for each thing I do. But it doesn't matter. That says it all. It didn't matter. Over and over and over. I take an action knowing with 100% certainty that without the interference of malicious stakeholders in a set of circumstances and deliberate actions, I will have the outcome I intended FOR GOOD. Not for Good to hurt or destroy. Good to enlighten. Angels were all over, all around. Starlight. Nature. My turf. My Earth. They would never have been poisonous to ME. Never. And the timing. An attack by hoarders as I was leaving, just as was the case at CDregs. Hours after ingestion. The only offer of liquid all day, hours after I had started asking. A nasty tasting Blackberry Brisk Iced tea. I put my Blackberry MIO in it to help the taste. Only two sips. I was sick within 15 minutes. The themes: Large mansion like house that is betrayed by paranoid fencing and doors, total loss of original architecture, outbuildings for clandestine activity. No windows, raised off ground , looked like horse stables from outside, work surfaces. Piles of clothes belonging to young men and women. Shoveled into piles. Separated small rooms. Back veranda turned to space for activity under house. I saw my mothers image if you can believe that. Ailing elderly left to die in nursing homes of small and private structure. Food and trash left piled up, rank stench, bathtubs somehow full of sewage. Wet and bundled clothes of teenage girls, shoes with wires running round the base of foot, diodes at the heels, strange injectable medicines, bright silly backpacks for girls, brand new sleek bags and clothes and gadgets for men. Twin size beds in every room, on the floor pallets, elderly jammed in hospital beds on main floors of house, no longer a home. It's a death trap surrounded by angels. Psychics the guy said across the way. I am not. Never heard such a thing. Holes cut in outbuilding roof to follow sunlight and some kind of pseudo natural energy. I associate the natural rust holes of roofs and the surprise pretty pictures it may or may not make with Michael. Not a pagan or Gaegan thing or whatever. I have never come across this before. It seems to be a false religion based on desperate attempts to find meaningful and cerebral associations with the natural world and their priorities of the Ego. Reverence for the individual Ego. Incongruent. Especially when there is a prime male figure who has no permanent mate. Has a penthouse all to himself. I saw this once in feral dogs down by Scissortail Park. The male dog was a short pudgy terrier, black wired terrier, maybe. The dogs in the pack actually walked up and licked his face, in a line. He sat upright like a little asshole king. The two boys, one girl and an older female made up the pack and were not his. They were brindle rottilabs. The girl was sad. The boys mad her move with them. But I kicked the little prick out of the neighborhood and tried to get the baby girl. She looked like Punky. Maybe I made an impact, I dunno. There was this bong, I guess in this house that looked like a mad scientist chemistry's Dr. Seuss line. Or a musical instrument for dopers on moth balls and LSDxanibars. It looked like things were moving ACROSS the floor. Diagonal. Not with time. And made stupid ugly animals. The boys had stunted growth and were much older than they dress and older than the "girl" they call Baby and are overly touchy, affection without any care or thought or love. Pretend to have multiple personality disorders to blame their uncontrollable desire to dominate and degrade the girl. Who is actually quite calm and pleasant for a female. He called her a dope where with glee and disguise. Tried to bounce around blame in the room with my head. As London (MISN) so gorgeously says "You think you're smarter than me, everyone knows you will never be smarter than me. That's how it goes. Did I have an S on my chest? Well I confess you were too much stress, I'd have a heart attack at best" Say It Blue October 💙 🎶 😉 😳 😎 😀 💙 yYou're amazing. I stood in public there off Classen and said that I would never ever turn my eyes nor my loyalty from God. That was some sick shit and no way was it of God. Not of angels. Not of ME or Druids or Jews or Gypsies. Not of dopamine or methamphetamine. No fucking way. Not of Enochians. Not of nature. It was like being envious of good and God and all the perfect harmony in the universe, and simultaneously being greedy for love which turns to perverse possession, money for show but not function or even quality. FILTH. Hoarding. Mines syndrome. Yet they faaallllll....fall for the angels. Oh man do they crush. That was our little show over there on Indiana. But I am not him and he is not me and you don't have "girls", that dude is with me. Thanks for the E but we out. Loyalty. Loyalty. Loyal. That's what we are. And just so we all know, I will be claiming him. I have the 111 and hell if I'll let him know ME, Michael, God, a heart, and send him back. God is just where it begins and ends. All things good and nothing but good. Illumination. Truth. No fear. No confusion. No territory war or grown ass men fighting over lip gloss, shampoos and ladies undergarments and bunny slippers. It's weird to be threatened with your life for a purse grabbed outcha hands, spilling out flowery lotions and bars of soap, shavers and nail polish, perfume and ribbons for my hair. Angel rocks and of course my Bible. Only time the rotten toothed fiend with a bought friend raised his voice n got violent. I know violence. It was practiced, waaaay over the top and the guy came in hours after I gave my public assessment. It was the pleasure in bullying ME, a rush to confront and take a trophy from me. Even if it was tampons and headache powders. Weird shit man.
Like an old path I walk... following old footprints to lead me back to a familiar place. No matter how far I've come... I can always remember the way. Finding comfort in the sadness. We are broken but all of the pieces still make us whole. But why do we feel?
I've been here.believe in yourself as Justin knows to now. Others won't always help you up but if you can lift your own spirits to the rhythm of your passion, I promise it is worth it, knowing the positive difference once the spiritual path is taken.
Thank you for sharing this one hits me hard I have memorized this song because it’s like he stole the words right out my mouth! Amazing song artist!! 💙
If I can't crawl inside of you, I'm laughing with a broken face I stumble across my self esteem. But to picture the pleasure is making me want my space. Understand... that God wrapped you like a bow. But in my head... There's some shelves that need cleaning, from basement to ceiling, control. If what you're seeing is an open book, that's great 'cause I'm an open book. But I'm real shy. There's a part of me seeking and desperately needing to open up. That's strange 'cause I'm an open book, a confused boy. I'm an automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people. My heart while in its cage, give and not receive a thing, But the only funny thing is that I don't know how to give myself advice. I've got this post dramatic thing I've got this tattoo of a ring that lies around my wedding finger and that'ss where I want to state this claim. That I've got to learn to live and dream before I go and get myself in love. In love. Before, before, before I go and get myself in love There's Zoloft, Welbutrin, there's Paxil that's proven, no side effects. But the rest left unnamed 'cause they worked like a charm on me. But when your saving is drying, you can't stop from crying you've got to suck it up. You're not her buttercup, you're not her favorite book. And I am an automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people. My heart while in its cage, give and not receive a thing, But the only funny thing is that I don't know how to give myself advice. I've got this post dramatic thing I've got this tattoo of a ring that lies around my wedding finger and thats where I want to state this claim. That I've got to learn to live and dream before I go and get myself in love. In love. Before, before, before I go and get myself in love
I think its about loving something... someone.... and getting it ripped away and being just out of his reach and issues within himself(that caused the rip) that he has to fight knowing hes going to have to fight it without that vice (thing or person) and then he has to move on and possibly knowing this could happen all again.................. Or its just about what ever you want to interpret it as,,, isnt that what music is about?.... its raw... I
Tiene más likes que el oficial, será porque es agradable escuchar junto con la letra, en fin. Amo esta canción. Me encanta Blue October, muchas de sus canciones llegan muy profundamente.
@TwistidPsycho I am here for the music, I know the lyrics word for word and I am really grateful for this video because It's the only good one I can find for mobile devices
Right now shit's going down hill for me. I've lost four really close people in my life. I am ear deep in stress and anger. I am working two jobs and i don't have a damn thing to show for it. Almost my entire family fucking disowned me for beating the man who for most my childhood would beat the fuck out of my siblings and I. I feel that I can really on one person that is slowly drifting away from me. But yet i get my ass out of bed in the morning to deal with the same bullshit each day
Who beat ur siblings? U have to keep trying, working two jobs is ruff and ur a better man then me for that I hope everything works out and don’t let anyone try to put u down u are a hard working person and we all need that mind set.
@@CircaSilence My so called "father" who just adopted me for the money. This clown would get pissed over the stupidest shit and take it out on us. Like once he wanted to carry a fridge into the house without a dolly. Then got angry bc i couldn't pick it up. He proceeded to hit on me and degrade me. It all changed when he got in one of those moods and I just snapped and threw the first punch. He proceeded to have the snitch step sister call the cops and i now have a record. 😒😠. I just wish i could suit him for all he has. But when i do pass away and if it's before them I done told everyone that if he shows up at my funeral that they are to beat the fuck out of him and the step thing he married. They will then throw them out. I have so much hatred for that man and I wish I could let it go. It eats me alive and makes me so angry when i hear about the shit he does to my siblings.
@@Ethorbit it is the answer....we can't give love without having it for ourselves...we will always end up with life sucking vipers until we love and respect ourselves. I try to talk back to my negative self talk as if a good mom heard my thoughts and was talking to me about it, comforting me, telling me not to take abuse from anyone, not to dwell on negative etc etc.I tell myself I'm stronger than can be believed and can get through anything with God's help, that I am.sensitive, wise, caring, creative, hardworking, responsible thoughtful, good hearted...I tell myself the positive messages and give myself the encouragement that maybe others should've reinforced as lessons to me as I grew up and believe it or not I began to change the way I thought which gradually changed the way I feel and experience daily life ... this is how you begin...don't wait until you are 59 (like me) to give to yourself the care you deserve. If no one put the programming into your head to accept yourself and others and to love and comfort and be kind to yourself, then it is what it is but you CAN change it and feel whole. and no one can take it away from you.
@@KathyHussey063 i disagree i think if at one time you loved yourself but along the way lose it (because of others/situations) you can still love others.
@@christineleatherwood7987 well you're right you can still love others, I did not explain that as fully as I should have.but I don't think you can love with your full heart, your entire joy, you best self if you can't love yourself. I should have said you can't love others as fully, as openly and freely as you can when you have enough love for your own self. It is very hard to ever truly forgive others until you can forgive yourself too.
Love Blue October. Their music speaks to me beyond any song has ever done. Just wish the idiot who did the lyrics made them match up to the speed of the song being sung.
I'm so tired, and it's actually so sad that I have to open up in a comment box anonymously because literally no one cares. I'm tired, my first suicide attempt was at age 10, and it's been non stop attempts since then. I just want someone to be as obsessed with me as I am with anyone who shows me the least amount of interest. I'm tired of being alone, of hating myself, of feeling unwanted. I'm tired, I really want to go, just leave, be at peace, see nothing but black. Disappear. I just can't, I slit my wrist 3 months ago and my mom came to my apartment before I bleed out, I've tried to hang myself but I just can't throw myself out of fear, overdoses never work. I'm tired of feeling like I've no other choice but to keep going, when I clearly can't. Medication doesn't work, therapy is a joke, nothing works.
Yes sir I will be happy Birthday with u so many more than anyone else that decision making is so special for me having a big credit loan so many months ago I didn't really get a response from you about this new thing and thought I'd say hello for our relationship and my life partner in a few times this past year was so hard to make a commitment to God bless all God's kingdom is so beautiful that I love you very deeply affected by our lives together with our relationship between our two families who need more aggressive insurance companies providing affordable health insurance companies providing affordable financial services and support our families who need to rest assured that they will be able to spend time together with you and I just love u very sad because I'm very angry about u more like a fool than ever before I LOVE u better now that u were really excited about being in town for Christmas celebration Ok I am so proud of you and I just wish that u would Rutherfordton staff homelessness atone without being sick and my life partner who knows what she is doing awesome things like I'm gonna make u smile again lol u just wanna talk to u so many years u know how u feel like I'm a real man and I really love you very deeply affected by our lives together with all industries across America could benefit from your experience with our families together so much money going into a fight with u on your life forever since we've only met at least once more than ever before I LOVE her so much money to help her out of town for a while now because she's a really smart mom and I really love u too dear man I'm really excited about being a real student in college with no major issues with our team members for all parties involved in all industries to keep you away from our house and the truth is so awesome for us all together soon because we want u here too dear Mr John about this world relationship because our company is committed to delivering a positive communication with all customers who loves our families together so we hope that all industries across America could benefit from your mom to stay home from my mother who knows about this world relationship because our children will be very deeply affected by our lives together with the best service in the world relationship because our families together so we hope that all of you can get a new life partner who will try to make sure that u r still my friend and not being able to see me having a big day today because she's really upset about us being together soon after that decision made me feel like a real estate agent and I just love u very sad because I'm very concerned about you being my wife and my mom is very well defined by God and I know that God is faithful to our lives together with our relationship between our two families who need more assistance from our conversation and I really appreciate your understanding of who will be able to tell you that you are very difficult to know about when you're really looking forward to our lives together with our relationship between our two families who need more assistance from your life insurance companies providing advice regarding this subject matter relating to our current economic downturn in love forever since I was trying hard to make a commitment to God bless all God's kingdom is so beautiful that decision makers will try to make sure that u r still my only one of the government as the truth is so simple and easy to use and I really appreciate your understanding of who will be happy Birthday with u so many years ago I was just about to get you all honesty because it's just that I'm very deeply disappointed in my first place for me having a big problem with all these discussions with you more often than anyone else that decision making is so special for me having a big smile on my face and I really appreciate your understanding of who will never be able to spend time together with you and I just love u very sad because I'm not a big fan of her and I can't even make any sense of it is difficult for a few years since I can't tell you much about this situation with our company that decision makers will try to make sure that u r still my only way to be aware of this happening with u so many thanks for your position on this project but we need your beautiful woman who loves me being a real student in college with no major issues with our team members for all ages to make sure that u r happy with us because we are very proud of our families together so we can make a successful relationship and my life partner in a beautiful house in your arms again lol u just wanna talk to me having a big credit check out of town for me because I'm so angry about your actions because I'm very deeply disappointed in me being a real fool with you because I've already made you think about being together soon after that decision made me want u here too dear Mr John about this world relationship because they don't want you to learn more about me and I'm very angry about it because I love this girl who loves me being together soon after that decision made me feel better now that u are my love forever since you're looking like a beautiful woman who loves us discussing all aspects of business development opportunities in New life insurance companies providing advice regarding this subject matter relating to automobile assurance insurance companies providing services such benefits can offer free support from school until next fall semester to start teaching in the world together for all reasons and blessings to others who knows about this new world together for all parties involved in our lives and my parents are very happy with me having a baby girl who loves me being a real student in college with no kids and I really appreciate your understanding of who will be happy Birthday with u so many thanks for your hard earned money going forward with my application process for your research course in which require me having a big day today because she's really a real estate person ever since then and I've never seen you before and you've probably never heard of them before I was just so much money going into a fight with them in this exciting environment for each individual to share their communities to make a commitment to God bless all God's kingdom is very well defined by our conversation with u so badly that I'm not gonna ever talk with u about this situation because I'm not going into a relationship with my new environment where you go to the truth is so simple and easy to use and you never met anyone like this situation is so special for me because I'm so lucky that you were able to help me move forward with our future relationship because I'm so angry about your life and friends who want us to keep you busy with my new environment where it is difficult for me to travel abroad in all countries may take advantage of your time together that u are my friend and I really appreciate your understanding of who will try to make sure that we are not even a real estate agent and I really don't like the fact that he didn't like his work experience with our company that he was not able to spend time together with you and I just wish that u would Rutherfordton staff and I will be very deeply affected by our lives together with our relationship between the truth is so awesome for us all honesty because she's just now getting into a fight with u on your life forever since I was trying hard to keep track of your understanding of who will be happy Birthday with u so many years ago I was able to tell him about this project but he said that he didn't like it because of his own personal reasons why Indian people don't deserve better quality service like their communities where people think they're looking more aggressive opportunities around their communities that decision makers will try harder against others lives within themselves they may become increasingly uncomfortable with u all reasons why Indian government
I know it sounds silly,but this band,his words,are what helped me through some of the most tormenting times in my life...being 30yrs old and for the first time in my life deciding to live without the medication and face my issues without it's mind numbing "help". He has a sad soul...most of us who love his words and relate to them all share that sad soul. I Love every one of us.
Your 37? now hows life been?
Me too. This music really help me through the pain of getting off meds that did nothing Other than mess me up. Good luck to you
This got me through some shit that only a select few are unlucky to know. And when my insurance dropped me i had no other choice but to stop taking my medication immediately. That made a tough time tougher. I about took my life. Music and good friends saved me from myself and this song hits hard.
@@travislee9396 hi
@@carlkamysek5934 howdy
I am one of those sad souls & I am a Grandmother honey. It's okay to express how you feel. No one can tell you what to feel. Justin's music has helped me through a lot as well. & May I say that this sad soul loves you & all of those other sad souls right back. Thank You for your kind words. & God Bless.
This song is absolutely heart-wrenching, and Justin is so open and honest. He's a beautiful person both inside and out ❤
Years later and it’s still one of my favorite songs. 2020🤍
2024
Great song, especially with Ryan's violin crying in the background... sets the mood
Idk of you're around but I agree.
Hope you're doing well 💗
If you're reading this.. you're loved. I read some of your comments and I think, "I wish I could talk to these people and hear their stories and share mine and maybe we can heal together with music being the catalyst that hardens us and makes us grow stronger, together."
Took a year, but just wanted to let you know your comment was very touching! I myself suffer from needing music to escape, it's good to see people caring for others. Bless your heart my friend!
Music is my love. Today starts a very new day for me...
And I'm not sure what the days ahead actually look like.... I'm heading into the unknown.... But damn... It's time....
Where are you now?
@@gocanucksgo9356 at home... as usual.
The crazy thing is I went through much of the very same things Justin Furstenfeld did. I also suffer from depression and have to take Xanax for severe Post Traumatic Stress. It’s So Fucking Hard to Heal from the things I can’t unsee or undo. Yet living with this post traumatic thing. I don’t give up. Much love to Everyone out there
This song reminds me of my high school years. Would listen to this song on repeat all the time.I was a loner had no friends well I still don't have any. But this song made me go through some rough time thanks Blue October
Lol. I was about to write the same thing. I know that feel bro.
It's helped me through my darkest
You have this beautyfull blue family n Justin too I was the same not anymore
AHScrewedu respect!! Believe in your self..you know the answer! Love your self
Hearing the name zoloft just threw me back. That was one of the meds i took to attempt an overdose. But i realize i do need to learn a lot, and this band helps me think and realize that there's worth listening. Fear really opened my eyes too.
LArry, I feel that completely. I wish all the strength in the world. I've got through a lot of tough times while listening to these guys. I've been lucky to see them a few times and it breaks my heart everytime I see how much emotion goes into this music.
I got married to my first love, we fell for each other in 6th grade, I joined the USMC and when I got out about a year later she left me with my son and told me to sign the divorce papers, we are currently going through a divorce and she already has a bf. This song reflects to me so much I stayed up last night till 6 in the morning with the different versions of this song. The lyrics on this song really hit different and makes me think about why I am single and instead of me going out and chasing love I want to work on my self and dream about who I want to be with and someday put that into reality thank you so much Justin.
I love that "broken face" the fear of being known..
and "shelves ... basement to ceiling" I'm not perfect I can change
"that's strange... I'm an open book" I thought I was being real? Am I real? Trepidation through being intrepid.. a lovely irony..
"before, before, before...... I go and get myself inlove" My favorite lyric.. who hasn't been there? The internal and eternal self talk of I'm not good enough to be ready to receive love.. The very word here "love" is the feared mystery..
Blue October, is the answer ... thank you Justin, you were "just in time"
This is their best album, IMHO I adore every word to every song
Who's listening in 2020? Love this song so much!
I cant stand to listen to blue october anymore cause my partner at the time was going through shit and listened to them all the time. It just brings ptsd.
But this song. This one is mine. This is my song.
I don't understand how I can come so far in life, have run so far from the darkness that nearly consumed me, to here, where I feel like it's coming back around to haunt me.
The fight is hard... when you're the only one it seems, to feel so passionate about what I think I deserve, and then there are the setbacks that stop you like a punch in the heart and you wonder, is this life for me?
+Yvonne Marie Poesi !
I know exactly how you feel... I always ask myself the same thing. this song clicks with my soul, my entire being..
+Yvonne Marie Most people who go through experiences full of pain and chaos , harm at the hands of others or a dysfunctional shitty childhood (in the hundreds of ways that can be true ) somehow, at the time they are going through it, muster up the necessary determination, spirit and strength to get through and survive incredibly painful experiences. They can go on to grow up, maybe get married and have children of their own and feel like they are a well adjusted adult who is succeeding in their life, despite everything bad that fell on them before. It is usually then and there, in some relatively happy, calm spot in their life, where they are feeling loved and all seems to be pretty much on track , when... WHAM!!! out of the blue , they find loads of memories, feelings, flashbacks hitting them with force. They begin examining things they may not have thought about for decades sometimes. They rehash events, words said & heard, over and over while their heart finds itself mourning what ever was lost ; their innocence, hope, faith, trust in others, security, people they loved.... and pain bottled up inside so long ago comes leaking out. They may withdraw into themselves or seem to be near to having a damn nervous breakdown and often have no idea why they are doing it all, because they thought they were over it and had already felt whatever they felt. The thing is ; once the body and our brain arrives at a point in life that feels safe, you feel loved and fairly stable , it's like your true self KNOWS you are finally able to really feel all of it, cry and mourn and process how bad things hurt. Whereas when you were going through it, at that time, a person will shut down their emotions (to varying degrees) to stay alive and survive painful, traumatic things. (For example, to get up and go to school everyday when awful things happened the night before and then to have no choice but to do that over and over again, a child has to compartmentalize the awful shit {the pain , fear, sorrow, confusion , shock , all of it} somehow and block it out to be able to be around others and act like everything is fine.)
But then, years later , once you arrive at a place in your life where you feel pretty safe with a stable mindset, outlook and physically you are fairly strong ... all your past painful things may begin surfacing because now your more mature, more resilient subconscious is saying to you, "We're strong enough to handle this now, this is our time to shed all the pain and negative emotions , energy from our core. It is going to hurt at times but if we accept 'it' IS there, and that by showing itself to us, that fact itself means I am strong enough and ready to do this healing work and let myself feel it , so I can be free of all that negative emotion and energy I've held in so long".
Be open to it, to these feelings coming up and to what your thoughts are telling you that you need to do to process it fully. Listen to your heart as you go through that. Cry as long as you need to, you will know when you are done ... only you can know that. Some people may need to hear how they made you feel long ago, some may need your forgiveness, (you don't want to carry it forever because it will hurt you more than them really in the long run) or you may need someone to forgive you. I am not saying that everyone should be forgiven ,that is a very personal decision, some things there can be no excuse for , ever. In those cases at the very least you can free yourself of any shame or guilt you felt that belongs on their shoulders. but...follow it through and let yourself let it all go in the end. Face it , cry, scream, do what you need to do to let it out of you, then you can begin true healing.
I hope this makes sense to you. - you can find yourself finally feeling and dealing with feelings you hadn't thought of in years or even decades but it is for your growth and healing inside.
I hope you are okay and doing better!
Thank you. Again. You have no way of knowing how much pain and loneliness, fear and confusion, passion and faith, courage and certainty, hope and LOVE...all swirling around in my mind, heart and soul and it collides with my living body, my expectations , my knowing I'm right, knowing WHAT is right, what is true. It never seems to stop twisting and overlapping and balling up and tearing...as it tries to become something I can make into Good in this Life. I have to make Good in this life or I don't have life. And there is just not much Good to be found. Not much Good to share with another, even if you amuse yourself with angels and mushrooms for a sweet moment...I KNOW what I was doing. I KNOW why I found them, I know what I saw. I know how much time passes, each time, between ME controlling my own destiny and the life I owe to others, and the chaos that sparks the unraveling of that. I know everything and every detail, every reason for each thing I do. But it doesn't matter. That says it all. It didn't matter. Over and over and over. I take an action knowing with 100% certainty that without the interference of malicious stakeholders in a set of circumstances and deliberate actions, I will have the outcome I intended FOR GOOD. Not for Good to hurt or destroy. Good to enlighten. Angels were all over, all around. Starlight. Nature. My turf. My Earth. They would never have been poisonous to ME. Never. And the timing. An attack by hoarders as I was leaving, just as was the case at CDregs. Hours after ingestion. The only offer of liquid all day, hours after I had started asking. A nasty tasting Blackberry Brisk Iced tea. I put my Blackberry MIO in it to help the taste. Only two sips. I was sick within 15 minutes. The themes: Large mansion like house that is betrayed by paranoid fencing and doors, total loss of original architecture, outbuildings for clandestine activity. No windows, raised off ground , looked like horse stables from outside, work surfaces. Piles of clothes belonging to young men and women. Shoveled into piles. Separated small rooms. Back veranda turned to space for activity under house. I saw my mothers image if you can believe that. Ailing elderly left to die in nursing homes of small and private structure. Food and trash left piled up, rank stench, bathtubs somehow full of sewage. Wet and bundled clothes of teenage girls, shoes with wires running round the base of foot, diodes at the heels, strange injectable medicines, bright silly backpacks for girls, brand new sleek bags and clothes and gadgets for men. Twin size beds in every room, on the floor pallets, elderly jammed in hospital beds on main floors of house, no longer a home. It's a death trap surrounded by angels. Psychics the guy said across the way. I am not. Never heard such a thing. Holes cut in outbuilding roof to follow sunlight and some kind of pseudo natural energy. I associate the natural rust holes of roofs and the surprise pretty pictures it may or may not make with Michael. Not a pagan or Gaegan thing or whatever. I have never come across this before. It seems to be a false religion based on desperate attempts to find meaningful and cerebral associations with the natural world and their priorities of the Ego. Reverence for the individual Ego. Incongruent. Especially when there is a prime male figure who has no permanent mate. Has a penthouse all to himself. I saw this once in feral dogs down by Scissortail Park. The male dog was a short pudgy terrier, black wired terrier, maybe. The dogs in the pack actually walked up and licked his face, in a line. He sat upright like a little asshole king. The two boys, one girl and an older female made up the pack and were not his. They were brindle rottilabs. The girl was sad. The boys mad her move with them. But I kicked the little prick out of the neighborhood and tried to get the baby girl. She looked like Punky. Maybe I made an impact, I dunno. There was this bong, I guess in this house that looked like a mad scientist chemistry's Dr. Seuss line. Or a musical instrument for dopers on moth balls and LSDxanibars. It looked like things were moving ACROSS the floor. Diagonal. Not with time. And made stupid ugly animals. The boys had stunted growth and were much older than they dress and older than the "girl" they call Baby and are overly touchy, affection without any care or thought or love. Pretend to have multiple personality disorders to blame their uncontrollable desire to dominate and degrade the girl. Who is actually quite calm and pleasant for a female. He called her a dope where with glee and disguise. Tried to bounce around blame in the room with my head. As London (MISN) so gorgeously says "You think you're smarter than me, everyone knows you will never be smarter than me. That's how it goes. Did I have an S on my chest? Well I confess you were too much stress, I'd have a heart attack at best" Say It Blue October 💙 🎶 😉 😳 😎 😀 💙 yYou're amazing.
I stood in public there off Classen and said that I would never ever turn my eyes nor my loyalty from God. That was some sick shit and no way was it of God. Not of angels. Not of ME or Druids or Jews or Gypsies. Not of dopamine or methamphetamine. No fucking way. Not of Enochians. Not of nature. It was like being envious of good and God and all the perfect harmony in the universe, and simultaneously being greedy for love which turns to perverse possession, money for show but not function or even quality. FILTH. Hoarding. Mines syndrome. Yet they faaallllll....fall for the angels. Oh man do they crush. That was our little show over there on Indiana. But I am not him and he is not me and you don't have "girls", that dude is with me. Thanks for the E but we out. Loyalty. Loyalty. Loyal. That's what we are. And just so we all know, I will be claiming him. I have the 111 and hell if I'll let him know ME, Michael, God, a heart, and send him back. God is just where it begins and ends. All things good and nothing but good. Illumination. Truth. No fear. No confusion. No territory war or grown ass men fighting over lip gloss, shampoos and ladies undergarments and bunny slippers. It's weird to be threatened with your life for a purse grabbed outcha hands, spilling out flowery lotions and bars of soap, shavers and nail polish, perfume and ribbons for my hair. Angel rocks and of course my Bible. Only time the rotten toothed fiend with a bought friend raised his voice n got violent. I know violence. It was practiced, waaaay over the top and the guy came in hours after I gave my public assessment. It was the pleasure in bullying ME, a rush to confront and take a trophy from me. Even if it was tampons and headache powders. Weird shit man.
I am UNITED STATES NAVY. I wish you and yours Fair Winds and Following Seas. I super wish success for you and the ones you love. mutt.
Wow...! Love this song... so much emotion in the lyrics of this song.... Thanks for sharing.
Omg i forgot about this song... So many tears shedded to this track i love it
Steven Moser. Right on the money. Just saw them Thursday! I heart blue october!
In the hardest spot of.my life...unmedicated for 4 yrs, no psych wards. Hanging on but losing hope....
Simply Divine ... thank u for this song
This is brutal. To not be her favorite book, to not being being opened up, confused in in rage, with no way to give self advice
He is my favorite book- I pray for him through out my day. I love him so. God keep him safe & well. Peace. 1st Cor. 13.
This fella gets it.
I relate to this song and every other Blue October song so much, as do many of us, which is awesome
Freaking Awesome song! Incredible voice and band. Love the lyrics, I can totally relate to this song. ,❤✌
Like an old path I walk... following old footprints to lead me back to a familiar place. No matter how far I've come... I can always remember the way. Finding comfort in the sadness. We are broken but all of the pieces still make us whole. But why do we feel?
Beautiful music, beautiful people...great video!!!!
blue october best band holy shit, why this band is no more famous???
It really makes you think...
I've been here.believe in yourself as Justin knows to now. Others won't always help you up but if you can lift your own spirits to the rhythm of your passion, I promise it is worth it, knowing the positive difference once the spiritual path is taken.
Wow I really like these guys...good music, took me a minute but could not stop listening
I'm an automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people
Thank you for sharing this one hits me hard I have memorized this song because it’s like he stole the words right out my mouth! Amazing song artist!! 💙
Tap your shoe to good music. Great music taps into your soul.
"I'm an automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people..." This is my answer "I gotta learn before I fall in... Love..."
If I can't crawl inside of you,
I'm laughing with a broken face
I stumble across my self esteem.
But to picture the pleasure is making me want my space.
Understand...
that God wrapped you like a bow.
But in my head...
There's some shelves that need cleaning,
from basement to ceiling, control.
If what you're seeing is an open book,
that's great 'cause I'm an open book.
But I'm real shy.
There's a part of me seeking and desperately needing to open up.
That's strange 'cause I'm an open book, a confused boy.
I'm an automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people.
My heart while in its cage,
give and not receive a thing,
But the only funny thing is that I don't know how to give myself advice.
I've got this post dramatic thing
I've got this tattoo of a ring that lies
around my wedding finger and that'ss where I want to state this claim.
That I've got to learn to live and dream
before I go and get myself in love.
In love.
Before, before, before I go and get myself in love
There's Zoloft, Welbutrin, there's Paxil that's proven, no side effects.
But the rest left unnamed 'cause they worked like a charm on me.
But when your saving is drying,
you can't stop from crying
you've got to suck it up.
You're not her buttercup,
you're not her favorite book.
And I am an automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people.
My heart while in its cage,
give and not receive a thing,
But the only funny thing is that I don't know how to give myself advice.
I've got this post dramatic thing
I've got this tattoo of a ring that lies
around my wedding finger and thats where I want to state this claim.
That I've got to learn to live and dream
before I go and get myself in love.
In love.
Before, before, before I go and get myself in love
this song has the best lyrics i've ever seen!!!
I think its about loving something... someone.... and getting it ripped away and being just out of his reach and issues within himself(that caused the rip) that he has to fight knowing hes going to have to fight it without that vice (thing or person) and then he has to move on and possibly knowing this could happen all again.................. Or its just about what ever you want to interpret it as,,, isnt that what music is about?.... its raw... I
I don't even know what to say.... this is just, wow
One of the best songs I have ever heard! Thnx so much Mariii! xD
I've never met him, but he's my best friend, and he's me.
This deserves more views!
By far my favorite Blue October song
I got to learn to live and dream before I go and give myself....
Wow, I really love this version. I've never heard it. Thanks for posting :D
I love love love them.....
Love you guys seen you in Louisville ky at mercury ballroom, come back to ky
I am automatic steeple for depressed and lonely people......
this song is keeping me single...wuzzup wih that ??
My forever theme song
awesome words, more please
Not sure what is going on with my life...this music tear's at my heart, i feel it pulling..
2024❤
god damn I love this song.
🕊️
Tiene más likes que el oficial, será porque es agradable escuchar junto con la letra, en fin.
Amo esta canción. Me encanta Blue October, muchas de sus canciones llegan muy profundamente.
damn....almost like the song was written just for me...Thank u Justin.
@TwistidPsycho I am here for the music, I know the lyrics word for word and I am really grateful for this video because It's the only good one I can find for mobile devices
Darkly nice
U guys are beautiful
2019 anybody ?
2020
2020
dig that, bro. well said.
Favorite song
faith withut knowledge of or seeing but certain in ur heart
without
This song means so much to me
🌸🌸🌸
Right now shit's going down hill for me. I've lost four really close people in my life. I am ear deep in stress and anger. I am working two jobs and i don't have a damn thing to show for it. Almost my entire family fucking disowned me for beating the man who for most my childhood would beat the fuck out of my siblings and I. I feel that I can really on one person that is slowly drifting away from me. But yet i get my ass out of bed in the morning to deal with the same bullshit each day
Who beat ur siblings? U have to keep trying, working two jobs is ruff and ur a better man then me for that I hope everything works out and don’t let anyone try to put u down u are a hard working person and we all need that mind set.
@@CircaSilence My so called "father" who just adopted me for the money. This clown would get pissed over the stupidest shit and take it out on us. Like once he wanted to carry a fridge into the house without a dolly. Then got angry bc i couldn't pick it up. He proceeded to hit on me and degrade me. It all changed when he got in one of those moods and I just snapped and threw the first punch. He proceeded to have the snitch step sister call the cops and i now have a record. 😒😠. I just wish i could suit him for all he has. But when i do pass away and if it's before them I done told everyone that if he shows up at my funeral that they are to beat the fuck out of him and the step thing he married. They will then throw them out. I have so much hatred for that man and I wish I could let it go. It eats me alive and makes me so angry when i hear about the shit he does to my siblings.
life is just painful
Derek
I understand hun I am here for you need to talk. My cloud finally lifted.
Does anyone know WHY they took the answers off Spotify??
But the only funny thing, is that i dont know how to give myself advice.
When you all of a sudden have a super amazing idea in your head to fix your problem you've been trying to find a solution to solve.
@@Ethorbit it is the answer....we can't give love without having it for ourselves...we will always end up with life sucking vipers until we love and respect ourselves. I try to talk back to my negative self talk as if a good mom heard my thoughts and was talking to me about it, comforting me, telling me not to take abuse from anyone, not to dwell on negative etc etc.I tell myself I'm stronger than can be believed and can get through anything with God's help, that I am.sensitive, wise, caring, creative, hardworking, responsible thoughtful, good hearted...I tell myself the positive messages and give myself the encouragement that maybe others should've reinforced as lessons to me as I grew up and believe it or not I began to change the way I thought which gradually changed the way I feel and experience daily life ... this is how you begin...don't wait until you are 59 (like me) to give to yourself the care you deserve. If no one put the programming into your head to accept yourself and others and to love and comfort and be kind to yourself, then it is what it is but you CAN change it and feel whole. and no one can take it away from you.
@@KathyHussey063 i disagree i think if at one time you loved yourself but along the way lose it (because of others/situations) you can still love others.
@@christineleatherwood7987 well you're right you can still love others, I did not explain that as fully as I should have.but I don't think you can love with your full heart, your entire joy, you best self if you can't love yourself. I should have said you can't love others as fully, as openly and freely as you can when you have enough love for your own self. It is very hard to ever truly forgive others until you can forgive yourself too.
gets me through
I've got this tattoo of a ring that lies around my wedding finger
I feel this song so deeply that its my favorit song now lol
good job
@DeviaPeregrinus Thank you for you're service man.
sooo true.
💔
he gets me!
Really miss my gf when i am listening to this song it was one of her fav ones.
This sounds great at 1.25x speed
Everyone bhas the "one" and no one can replace my one. .. not interested....
❤
I mean that metaphorically. :D
My life story in 5.57 👌
♥♥♥♥
His solo album acoustic version is the best
Went deep...
So love
hey. not silly but real. this song touched me too. i, for one, want to thank you for umm >bravery
He is real.
Who?
Fucking love this song
What album is this version on? I thought I had all of the albums except the first one that is no longer available?
Who is in end of 2021
Love Blue October. Their music speaks to me beyond any song has ever done. Just wish the idiot who did the lyrics made them match up to the speed of the song being sung.
Does #Summersaidso and #Max Mcdougald have similar comments... I thought they were the same one at first.. :"3
I'm so tired, and it's actually so sad that I have to open up in a comment box anonymously because literally no one cares. I'm tired, my first suicide attempt was at age 10, and it's been non stop attempts since then. I just want someone to be as obsessed with me as I am with anyone who shows me the least amount of interest. I'm tired of being alone, of hating myself, of feeling unwanted. I'm tired, I really want to go, just leave, be at peace, see nothing but black. Disappear. I just can't, I slit my wrist 3 months ago and my mom came to my apartment before I bleed out, I've tried to hang myself but I just can't throw myself out of fear, overdoses never work. I'm tired of feeling like I've no other choice but to keep going, when I clearly can't. Medication doesn't work, therapy is a joke, nothing works.
Best way to attempting suicide is facing reality. Belive me
Check out heroes del silencio ( Spanish) if u like this song
Yup, check.
Yes sir I will be happy Birthday with u so many more than anyone else that decision making is so special for me having a big credit loan so many months ago I didn't really get a response from you about this new thing and thought I'd say hello for our relationship and my life partner in a few times this past year was so hard to make a commitment to God bless all God's kingdom is so beautiful that I love you very deeply affected by our lives together with our relationship between our two families who need more aggressive insurance companies providing affordable health insurance companies providing affordable financial services and support our families who need to rest assured that they will be able to spend time together with you and I just love u very sad because I'm very angry about u more like a fool than ever before I LOVE u better now that u were really excited about being in town for Christmas celebration Ok I am so proud of you and I just wish that u would Rutherfordton staff homelessness atone without being sick and my life partner who knows what she is doing awesome things like I'm gonna make u smile again lol u just wanna talk to u so many years u know how u feel like I'm a real man and I really love you very deeply affected by our lives together with all industries across America could benefit from your experience with our families together so much money going into a fight with u on your life forever since we've only met at least once more than ever before I LOVE her so much money to help her out of town for a while now because she's a really smart mom and I really love u too dear man I'm really excited about being a real student in college with no major issues with our team members for all parties involved in all industries to keep you away from our house and the truth is so awesome for us all together soon because we want u here too dear Mr John about this world relationship because our company is committed to delivering a positive communication with all customers who loves our families together so we hope that all industries across America could benefit from your mom to stay home from my mother who knows about this world relationship because our children will be very deeply affected by our lives together with the best service in the world relationship because our families together so we hope that all of you can get a new life partner who will try to make sure that u r still my friend and not being able to see me having a big day today because she's really upset about us being together soon after that decision made me feel like a real estate agent and I just love u very sad because I'm very concerned about you being my wife and my mom is very well defined by God and I know that God is faithful to our lives together with our relationship between our two families who need more assistance from our conversation and I really appreciate your understanding of who will be able to tell you that you are very difficult to know about when you're really looking forward to our lives together with our relationship between our two families who need more assistance from your life insurance companies providing advice regarding this subject matter relating to our current economic downturn in love forever since I was trying hard to make a commitment to God bless all God's kingdom is so beautiful that decision makers will try to make sure that u r still my only one of the government as the truth is so simple and easy to use and I really appreciate your understanding of who will be happy Birthday with u so many years ago I was just about to get you all honesty because it's just that I'm very deeply disappointed in my first place for me having a big problem with all these discussions with you more often than anyone else that decision making is so special for me having a big smile on my face and I really appreciate your understanding of who will never be able to spend time together with you and I just love u very sad because I'm not a big fan of her and I can't even make any sense of it is difficult for a few years since I can't tell you much about this situation with our company that decision makers will try to make sure that u r still my only way to be aware of this happening with u so many thanks for your position on this project but we need your beautiful woman who loves me being a real student in college with no major issues with our team members for all ages to make sure that u r happy with us because we are very proud of our families together so we can make a successful relationship and my life partner in a beautiful house in your arms again lol u just wanna talk to me having a big credit check out of town for me because I'm so angry about your actions because I'm very deeply disappointed in me being a real fool with you because I've already made you think about being together soon after that decision made me want u here too dear Mr John about this world relationship because they don't want you to learn more about me and I'm very angry about it because I love this girl who loves me being together soon after that decision made me feel better now that u are my love forever since you're looking like a beautiful woman who loves us discussing all aspects of business development opportunities in New life insurance companies providing advice regarding this subject matter relating to automobile assurance insurance companies providing services such benefits can offer free support from school until next fall semester to start teaching in the world together for all reasons and blessings to others who knows about this new world together for all parties involved in our lives and my parents are very happy with me having a baby girl who loves me being a real student in college with no kids and I really appreciate your understanding of who will be happy Birthday with u so many thanks for your hard earned money going forward with my application process for your research course in which require me having a big day today because she's really a real estate person ever since then and I've never seen you before and you've probably never heard of them before I was just so much money going into a fight with them in this exciting environment for each individual to share their communities to make a commitment to God bless all God's kingdom is very well defined by our conversation with u so badly that I'm not gonna ever talk with u about this situation because I'm not going into a relationship with my new environment where you go to the truth is so simple and easy to use and you never met anyone like this situation is so special for me because I'm so lucky that you were able to help me move forward with our future relationship because I'm so angry about your life and friends who want us to keep you busy with my new environment where it is difficult for me to travel abroad in all countries may take advantage of your time together that u are my friend and I really appreciate your understanding of who will try to make sure that we are not even a real estate agent and I really don't like the fact that he didn't like his work experience with our company that he was not able to spend time together with you and I just wish that u would Rutherfordton staff and I will be very deeply affected by our lives together with our relationship between the truth is so awesome for us all honesty because she's just now getting into a fight with u on your life forever since I was trying hard to keep track of your understanding of who will be happy Birthday with u so many years ago I was able to tell him about this project but he said that he didn't like it because of his own personal reasons why Indian people don't deserve better quality service like their communities where people think they're looking more aggressive opportunities around their communities that decision makers will try harder against others lives within themselves they may become increasingly uncomfortable with u all reasons why Indian government
2021