My Husband Spent $80,000 on Porn
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- On this episode, we hear about:
- A woman struggling to move forward after a divorce
- A man trying to navigate a disagreement with his fiancée
- A woman questioning if she should marry her fiancé
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The point nobody is talking about. This guy spent 80k on porn and went to rehab, yet somehow got 50/50 custody. A lot of normal dads fight hard and don't get that. Wild.
This is why I have full custody. Ain't no way he doesn't expose his son to this crap even by accident
My dad won full custody. It's rare. He fought for it
@@jee91129% of men are awarded full custody in a divorce. It's not rare by any means.
Also porn is free so wtf?
@@jee911if you look at the actual stats you'll see that it's not at all rare
80k in porn.. ghosts her while in rehab.. but he gets the house, 50/50 with the kid AND she had to pay 15k in his credit card debt? She had a crap lawyer!!
Maybe just maybe... The house was his before he married her. That would make sense for him to get the house especially at 50 50 custody. 😅
@@randybobandy9828don't matter in community property state!
@@randybobandy9828 they have no idea how the law works. its sad really. its all emotion
@randybobandy9828 So if you are a young woman that would like to start a family, don’t marry a guy with a house but just focus on career and buy your house and then be too old to have children? Great.
Yes, I know women that are as young as 19 and own their own house. Most people waste their money on entertainment, fast fashion, and depreciating assets. The average person in the US spends north of $300 monthly on impulse purchases. That’s $3,600 per year. The average tax return is about $3,100. Thats a combined $6,700 per year. The average down payment is $34,000. So it would take about 5 years for the average person to save up enough money to buy a house, even less if you have roommates.
Sleeping in separate beds didn't affect my marriage. I was dealing with my wife snoring for years before I had enough and discussed separate beds with her. I stayed in the king-sized in the master bedroom because I'm a lot taller, and we bought her a full size and put it in an extra room. Only bad thing is I found out our two dogs must love her more because they both sleep in her room every night smh
She probably needed a cpap machine
Feed them more than she does,,,,,
A carnivore diet cures snoring. Give it a try for 30 days, and you'll get a new life.
I hear you completely! I’m getting tired of the reminding him over the cpap machine. He will also take it off in middle of the night. We have a fantastic marriage, but not sleeping is exhausting. Plus! I could have the dog with me! ❤
Get a kitty!
What I love about Dr. John Delony is that he treats each caller with respect, consideration and mercy. I could learn a lot from him.
Especially when Dr phony balony laughs at people suffering and pain
What
To keep it entertaining he's very fast paced, sometimes it looks like he gets the tone a bit wrong for some callers (like has the story, but not yet their feelings on it) , but it happens surprisingly rarely.
you are watching the equivalent of a christian dr phil. this is entertainment and nothing more.
Same
Honestly this sleep convo is insane. If one partner isn’t sleeping well that will ruin a relationship way more than someone butthurt because they’re in separate rooms. You want a cranky, sleep deprived partner that’s forced to sleep next to you?
Thank you omg
Yeah I think John did kinda bad on that one. I think he should have offered practically examples of how to make it a health practice for both partners. For example 3 nights a week they could have like a 45min cuddle time before one leaves the room and once or twice a week they could sleep in the same bed with no pressure to stay if there having trouble getting to sleep that night. I know for me one of my favourite things in live is waking up next to my partner and having a moment of emotional or sexual intimacy but I don’t need that every day even just once or twice a week would work to keep me happy if my partner could sleep well with me. Also one could crawl in bed with the other for like a 20min cuddle chat before work some days. There’s plenty of organic yet intentionally compromise that will make both happy if it really is simply about sleep to her which I assume so cause I know I’ve had the same issue before.
I don't have a relationship but it would seem to me that sleeping together is an expression of desire, even if that's not exactly true for all couples, and it's worth asking a question about, especially because it's come up at the moment of engagement.
True. I can't sleep with a partner either.
I'm so sick of hearing about porn. It's the big destroyer of families, marriages, and ultimately the biggest destroyer of hearts, as I've never heard of anyone who isn't heartbroken by this problem. Our world is sinking in this perverted sickness and I wish we took more urgent care of this issue.
I feel this so much. You know it’s bad when people literally equate porn to sex.
@12-stringchords porn is dirty. Sex is not. Porn is a perversion of sex.
Are you serious? My marriage 16 years ago and present relationship ended because they were porn addicts. They had little respect for women & incapable of being in a relationship.
You're not alone in thinking that, there's subreddits where people talk about feeling the exact same way.
@12-stringchordssex and porn are not the same 😂 in case you haven’t noticed
Separate beds is a great idea and more couples need to try it. Just because there are separate beds doesn't mean the relationship is over, it just means happier people who get better sleep.
Yup 👌 Me and my hubby sleep in separate beds because it gets too hot and I can't sleep with him in there. I now get much better sleep and I am a much happier. Mommy 😊 I think it's all in the reason for separate beds. If you start sleeping in separate beds because of relationship issues, that may be a problem.
We also sleep separately :)
Omg factttttt
Once my partner and I tried separate sleeping it raised our intimacy because we were finally well rested...😊
💯
The loud sleeper usually wants the quiet sleeper in their bed… They’re not the ones losing sleep… If someone loves you they should want you to get your sleep, period!
Just such a tough problem, seems like there’s a winner and a loser in this situation :/
This is why I don't date dudes who are into this stuff. There is a growing number of people who understand that this is an addiction, a tool used by the elites to break up the family, and make male/female relations about lust and objectification. Discipline, self respect, and honoring your partner are goals.
Use of those kinds of materials is a dealbreaker for me. I have been firm and I am not dating anyone because every man in my age bracket is a user.
Every dude is in it. Don’t kid yourself.
@miketheyunggod2534 They are out there. I feel like some men like to say all men do it to feel better about themselves. My husband is very against porn. My dad blew up our family when I was a kid due to porn addiction and associated financial debts and eventually cheating. No porn in our marriage.
Feminists have been telling women that it's ok to do sex work. Ok, your body your choice. But then we turn around and call men dogs when they want to watch it or interact with girls who are selling sexual fantasies to them.
We have lower our standards to get male attention. Men need to work for our love not giving it up for free.
The problem is they hide it pretty good in the beginning then once your in a committed relationship it becomes more noticeable it keeps revealing itself more and more until your so broken and feel so unattractive and unwanted until one day you find out the problem is he has a porn addiction. So heartbreaking for the whole family my breaks for our families these days. I lived it unfortunately we never married so I got out before it totally destroyed my self-worth completely. Not dating now because I am so scared of this happening again 😢
Girl it’s only been 5 months. It will be awhile before you “move on.” Be patient with you
Yeah, it was useful advice but what has her holding on? I think the answer is, duh.
And, she got the house. So maybe she needs to be the dog with a bone for a while.
The first caller resonates with me so heavily. Ive also dated a sex addict, but instead of cam girls, he cheated with multiple strippers. After putting me in a position that i ended up in a womens shelter because he drained our resources, it was the worst time of my life. After this was over, i was super angry for years at him.. thinking that he would somehow feel remorse for his actions. Not only did he not care, he married the next person he was with after me (another affair), and cheated on her too. I spent 6 years being single, and it was the best and most healing thing ive ever done. Now, im independent , happy, and in a relationship with a man that treats me like a queen with appreciation. It takes time to heal. Also, its only been 5 months being divorced. After she's able to let it go, she will be the best version of herself. ❤
Wo hope you got tested for STDs
@vannisworld I am so happy for you that you have moved on, and have found a partner that appreciates you so much more. How were you able to find someone else? How did you two meet each other?
What do you mean "our resources?" You said dated, not married.
@@randybobandy9828 we were commonlaw partners
I've known so many who divorced and found someone much better, and their lives were much more than they thought possible. As soon as they let go of the anger, and focused on themselves getting better.
How the hell did her lawyer fumble this one…. It was on a T
Likely a no fault divorce state, which gives both parties 50/50 everything even in paying off debt.
Yep...the lawyer matters more than anything in these types of cases. I swear the "Better Call Saul" types know how to get this type of stuff done.
Amen to that! Signed, A Lawyer
Most divorces aren't like on TV.
Two different sports
( 80 k porn ) she wants the ex husband to validate her anger and he won’t , he never will. Girl remember who you were before you had a ex husband or became a mother and become her again when your son is with his father and become happy again you deserve that.
I had to realize this myself. Solid advice.
WELL SAID!
I'd like to have the luxury to spend 80,000 on jacking off
It takes years to find that person again. Average is 7 years post divorce after a bad deal like that.
Why would he?😂
She was victimized. Having to see your perpetrator with your children every other week while you're without them feels like continued abuse... and then to have responsibility, financially, for his immorality is a slap over and over again. He's a big pervert. I'd get a different lawyer and get the kids under supervised visitation.
@jasonyork9966 there's definitely ways around paying child support! My son is 15, soon to be 16. I took a child support order out at age 5 because when I broke up with his bio when he was a year old, he didn't bother asking about or seeing my child let alone even TRY to support him (he knew my parents address, my dad's business address and my address at the time was in the phone book so he could have wrote or tried to visit on plenty occasions). Idk how this dude has not been put in jail yet. He pays a little here and there, then gets a doc to sign off saying he's so depressed and needs 30 days off etc. Then he all out stops complying with applying for jobs or going back to his job. So then I'll get papers from domestics saying he's not complying and there needs to be a court date and it just keeps going from there. 😂😂😂😂 it's fckn wild. I did offer to have him sign his rights over in the past and he refused.
@@jasonyork9966- most women don't leave 'for no reason'. You just don't care about the actual reasons.
Nonsense... It's his kids too
@@jasonyork9966Imagine trying to justify a man like this getting 50/50 custody. You have some issues you need to work through. It’s not normal to jump to something like that from THIS video. Stereotypes don’t help anyone.
@@djlivvy46THANK YOU for speaking truth
My ex husband bought an entire house without my knowledge during our marriage. I found out when the lawyers sent over documents to sign for closing, by law they have to notify the wife….it was wild.
lol so he didn’t buy it without you knowing.
@abcdefghijklmnop514 He pretty much did. He certainly didn't ask her opinion or inform her that he did. Stop splitting hairs.
And then what happened?
@abcdefghijklmnop514 With everything that has to happen before closing to buy a house, yeah he pretty much did.
My BFF's husband did this too. It also turned out he had huge gambling debts & was secret bisexual. Someone later told my friend that her husbands "whole family swung every which way" so they werent surprised he was bi too.
No man with a porn addiction should have custody of children, EVER.
Almost all men have a porn addiction. It doesn't have anything to do with your ability as a father. lol
He probably only got a pass cause he went to rehab.
Agreed.
Im one of the original women who divorced an internet sex addict when there was literally no help in this department at the time. Therapists didnt know what it was. Church leaders were completely LOST. Friends thought I was over exaggerating. I was only 23 and totally alone in it all. Just sitting with myself here and giving myself a moment.
Therapists and church leaders, like most people are just realizing the harmful effects of porn.
Right with you. IN 2002 when I was divorcing - they had no clue. Male lawyers didn't see it as a problem. He also had hidden recorders, cameras and hacked my work laptop. They want to see and hear stuff they shouldn't be able to - so much easier than being a real person, I guess.
❤ Hugs
It ended my 23, years of marriage. So sad.
How brave of you
John, you gotta drop the BetterHelp sponsorship, they suck so hard...
They do suck you are correct
What sucks more is not having sponsorships
Agreed 😑😑😑
I have thought the same thing. It looks bad on him for recommending them
@@trianglesandsquares420Worse would be not having listeners
For women every hug or touch does not mean that we need sex. Sometimes we just need to be cuddled without it leading to sex
A lot of men are rarely ever touched affectionately outside of sex. It is so tied into our self-worth and sense of purpose. I’m not necessarily speaking for myself, just trying to add a perspective. This is difficult for men and women.
@@kevinglazier8950- because being touched is automatically taken as a signal for sex. It would be good if you could learn to touch and be touched without that expectation.
@@kevinglazier8950you really cant speak for anyone BUT yourself bud
Thank you. So sick of men "comforting" you then trying to have sex. Its so violating. Like wow this whole time you were just waiting to try that.
This is so true.@@djlivvy46
Wow --- what is wrong with being married and sleeping in separate beds? My parents have been doing that since I left home over 30 years ago and they get along just fine. They both have said they each rest better.
My dad has terrible sleep apnea and the noise of the CPAP kept mom awake. so they compromised and they each sleep and rest so much better.
They are marking on 55 years of marriage and are doing just fine.
Worrying about what people think of your life and home is nothing more than a total waste of time. -- They are NOT living your life or paying your bills. You do what is best for you and nobody else.
Well ya... CPAP makes sense to sleep in separate rooms, im assuming your dad has just put up with a sexless marriage...not a good idea for a brand new marriage
@@randybobandy9828 If there aren't any kids in the house, sex can happen at other times of the day. Especially if they are retired. Just saying.
@@randybobandy9828you don’t have to actually sleep in the same bed to have a sex life.
Thank you. The dude was SO MISGUIDED and John started feeding it. Like bro get therapy. You are smothering this lady
The first caller... Please dont think that holding on to that anger and resentment wont spill over to ever other relationship. It will 100% show up and those other people will feel it in some kind of way. Find healing and let it go.
I was just thinking this. She's in another relationship, but she's still crying over the heartache of everything. Maybe she needs to take time single to heal.. but we all grieve different. Hope she's able to let this go one day
Not just for her but for him even if he is physically abstinent aka he thinks is sober. I spent 29 years in that mess. I love ya girl, find me if you need a sister thru it.
She's mad as hell and should get her vengeance
Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. She just needs to find peace.
The name of my ex on my phone was "Let it go". It really helped me
Ive changed names sorta like that in my phone too
You kept the number? Bad idea.
Mine says “THE BASTARD WHO PUT YOU OUT” hahahahaha!
Damn, they all dodged a bullet.
@@Shane542 Why do you still have your ex's number? That's fucked.
$80k could have paid for their son's college education some day. I would be furious. I think porn is being accepted as ok. I know several marriages that have been destroyed by porn. Usually, the men blame the women for not being cool enough to accept it. So demeaning to women. The divorce laws are disgusting too. All a divorce is about is dividing assets. There is no accountability for what people do to their spouse. I can't believe he gets 50 percent custody.
Why wouldn't he get 50 50 custody? He didn't do anything to his kids that we know of. You're just bitter and would use your kids as a weapon against your husband if this happened to you.
@@randybobandy9828i kinda agree, how does that affect him being a good parent?
Ghosting his wife, and presumably by extension his child, while in rehab, seems like a major, relevant flag.
If you don't care about your kids future keep him from his dad, 🎉
Bro my friend was 23 and female. She was so addicted to porn I could totally see how it ruins peoples lives especially with a guy hiding it and lying
I'm frustrated that this woman is already in another relationship while she's still harboring resentment for the other one. That cannot be good for her new partner. How come nobody can take time alone to heal?
Yeah
I agree. 9 years together, 5 years married, 5 months divorced and already in a new relationship. She hasn’t healed from the last one.
And yet nobody bashes on men for having new screw buddies the very next week!!! People need to quit shaming women for their choices. It’s none of your business what she decides to do.
@@photographyenthusiast9941Personally, don’t care the gender of the person, when you launch into a new relationship so quickly after a long and obviously dysfunctional one is not a smart decision. I don’t care who has “new screw buddies” whether it is the man or the woman, that doesn’t bother me. But, starting a whole new relationship so quickly? Doesn’t bode well for resolving the issues that remain from the previous relationship…that’s just my opinion.
Yessss
Okay I don't think he understands how betrayal like this haunts you. She doesn't want to be angry, she can't help it and she's asking how to stop. Make the thoughts stop. She can't help but have these feelings.
My husband and I have separate rooms, and it saved us. I don't agree that you have to share a room at all. We've been together 20 years. 😊 To each their own.
I will always have my own room, horrid insomnia
Yea 11 years!! ❤
It used to be normal years ago to have separate bedrooms
It's ok to be single.
Can I just say to that first caller I am so freaking proud of you! I don’t know you but I’m proud of you!!
Me too!
The mom (porn widow) must of had the worst lawyer on the planet or completely folded in mediation that this guy got 50/50 custody and the house while she paid off the credit cards. W. T. F. You need to get a better lawyer and fight for your kids, they aren't safe with this addict! Fight already! And be cautious in your rebound relationship.
Exactly. I am SO ANGRY for that woman.
There must be more to the story!!! How did she go so long without any hint?
@@jayhutch5186 Exactly. If she didn't know then the credit cards must be in his name right? So why did she pay them off??
Or... She's lying.
@@randybobandy9828you’ve commented on every comment disparaging things about women. You must be the ex husband
That woman had the worst lawyer on earth- I am proud of her that she has a her own home-and another love interest- God bless her!
Let her know she got off easy: There's the Grant Amato case in my area and this man spent over $200,000 of his parents money on a WebCam girl and then shot and killed his family when they tried to stop him. She will probably end up with full custody at some point. Pray girl.
My husband is a resident that has to be up at 4 and be in bed by 8pm. He has a separate room where he can rest on time and not hear our absolutely wild toddlers. Separate beds don't ruin marriage, they give you more sleep:)
Some have 80k to spend on porn, and then there is me, trying to save and pay off my mortage 😂
Thank you! 😅
Dude I've been trying to figure out why we are living paycheck to paycheck and my husband was paying about 500$ monthly for porn ... I didn't do the math yet but this happens in the middle class
I wouldn't be surprised if he ran up credit cards for porn and he's still paying it off.
And then there's me who worked in a porn company for 80k a year. Circle of porn?
she sad he had to pay $15k on his credit card debt
Their child is in danger with his father, rehab or not.
100% agree. He's a PERV.
You can't make such a claim at all. So every parent who watches porn is endangering their child? Ya ok...
@@randybobandy9828 lol I love your username, love TPB. In regards to your comment, of course not, but just like all over vices it’s a spectrum and spending that much time and money on porn is definitely a problem. Studies have shown the dangers of pornography and the slippery slope of desensitization.
@@randybobandy9828"Just watching porn" downplays the fact he willfully wasted $80k on it. He could've blown $80K on yu-gi-oh cards for all I care. It still shows his judgment and priorities are suspect at best.
@@blackosprey2219 you don't get to decide that he doesn't get to see his kids over that. It's bullshit
5 months divorced, in a new relationship and still frustrated over her ex? She's not healed yet! I wonder if she was hoping her new relationship would facilitate her healing. I pray she isn't emotionally bleeding on this new man due to emotional wounds still open. If she is, she needs to be single and get healed prior to being with a new man
We need to destigmatize sleeping in separate beds! I get the best sleep of my life whenever I sleep in bed alone.
It’s so normal and healthy ❤ I agree
What kind of lawyer did this woman get about her husband in the porn addiction. He’s the one that faltered and spent the money. He’s not responsible for the house or for him to be able to have his child 50% of the time. People like this don’t stop watching porn, they don’t stop paying for it. And then it gets worse and it gets weird and then your child could be involved. I agree visit that. With a good lawyer.
Judges are honestly probably numb to the porn argument. They'd have to take children away from almost every man in a divorce because it comes in up a very high percentage of divorces now as a primary reason.
He went to a rehab and unless you actually know him personally you're just talking out of your @ss. 🙄
@@Cynnas ditto to you
As someone that has had a porn addiction in the past and has paid for porn, there IS hope for some guys that are in real deep but unfortunately the caller’s ex husband just isn’t one of them.
Maybe there’s hope for him in the future.
Why do you think him watching porn is somehow an acceptable reason to keep his kids from him. It's amazing how women think the kids are 100% theirs and they get to decide IF the father gets to see the kids.
John, you nailed it when you told this girl not to allow this guy to hitch a ride on her soul by allowing herself to be angry! He’s not worth the stress it will cause! Stress is horrible on our bodies!!
I actually disagree with Dr. John on this. Her ex husband needs to be publicly shamed until the end of time for what he's done. Men should not be able to get away with stuff like this with impunity.
Other men would have to do that and hold them to that higher standard. Because men usually don't listen to the women they've hurt. Unfortunately many men today make excuses for p@rn and cheating.
Shame doesn't actually change behavior, it buries it. Pointless to shame.
Men? Nobody should be able to spend that much lmao
My ex spent 80k on absolutely nothing. She would buy shoes and clothes and not wear it. And sell them 2 or 3 months later for nothing on Craigslist. Was strange and took a while to put the peices together. Over maybe 4 years. Would buy $200 shoes purses and sell the for like $20 just to buy stuff and have it. We were together for 15 years. Was just weird. We made decent money and wondered why she always was out of money but I just made enough that it didn't hit me until we had a kid and needed to watch our money and she just didn't want to even try to budget which we had always done together. She just turned into a different person and she's still doing it just with her parents living at their house
@@brandonbrodbeck6688
Not all good Wives do that. 😊
Anger helped keep me going and safe. My husband of 30 yrs dissipated $1M similar to caller. He was living a double life. The anger is part of the cognitive dissonance we experience when we recognize Mr. Hyde.
I went through something similar but honestly living well is the best revenge. Make yourself smile even if you don't feel like it. Do something you have always wanted to do. You are going to be OK. The anger and hate will become dull with time. Good luck.
💯 "living well is the best revenge, make yourself smile even though you don't feel like it" this. 😭❤️❤️❤️
I carried a cement block around a labyrinth and could let go of a major grief, was so therapeutic. Putting feelings into art/physical actions really moves through the "in the head" resistance
Literally carried cement through a labyrinth? Interesting concept
This sounds awesome. It reminds me of going through a hard time and I got into lifting weights. In my mind. I pictured myself lifting my problems off of me. So I understand the concept, I'm glad this worked well for you
I agree for the last caller on taking a break, my ex fiancé and I did 3 months before our already paid for wedding for 3 weeks. When I came home he physically abused me for the 1st time out of anger that I was the one to leave..and as PAINFUL as it was going through that/ cancelling the wedding/ moving, God gave me some great discernment during that time to protect me from a potential lifetime of abuse. Take the break. See how you both act/ feel at the end of it. Stay with someone that cares about you and understand no one will judge you for doing that.
To the guy that doesn't want separate beds I suggest a divided King bed. It is like two XL twins pushed together. You have separate covers, if you get adjustable beds one can sleep elevated and one flat. My husband and I love it.
That's exactly what I was thinking too.
He’s smothering this
Lady
Girl, I wasted so much time while my son was gone visiting his fathervyears ago, all that time I could’ve been out having fun, making new memories for myself and smiling, being upset got me nothing, nothing, nothing. Go have something something and smile… make the best use of your time so you can and you will be so proud of yourself!!!
I am a MSW student. I am learning more from just listening to you than a lot of classes over had. Thank you for what you do. And I know it’s more the Dr. Delony who makes this happen. Thank you to everyone.
john is so genuine.. his empathy for ppl.. he is amazing God bless him we need more like him in this world
So I'm assuming you haven't figured out yet the show is 100% staged and fake?
Those women deserve better.
Doubtful
You can’t really presume to know what anyone you don’t know deserves lol. Generally most of us deserve nothing. People don’t deserve anything. The entitlement is why the world the way it is today.
Chase that tail of perpetual happiness women! It's a lie the pursuit of happiness is all we have in life and the road to moments of happiness is the joy of life. No one is happy all the time that's a lie being told to women these days 🎉
@@randybobandy9828neck incel
Thank you Dr John. Currently in the sewage and needed that kick.
Been watching a while and I love the growth and have gained soooo much listening!! Thank you so much!!! Also, I love the energy in your opening! I love the shouting, hollering, yelling.. whatever your team calls it! Don’t change! It makes us feel like you are excited for us to be here! 👏👏👏💯💯💯💯
I'd like to invite you to premier if you haven't already: MWF, 9:00 AM EST. Cheers 🎉Friendly fan!
The first caller's ex spent 80K on porn and he STILL received 50/50 custody? She needed a much better lawyer. There's no way she should have accepted that arrangement.
You're funny.
I understand the first caller.
It is so hard to put down anger when you feel someone never got their comeuppance even though intellectually I know the people I'm angry with don't give me a first or second thought.
See, while not perfect, I'm still the good one, the one that can be counted on, the responsible one, the one who stays out of trouble, etc. It is part of my character, but I also have concerns regarding negative consequences should I cross the line. I'm also the oldest of all my siblings if you believe in birth order character traits.
Unfortunately, many in my life have crossed lines with one bad behavior after another, AND it seems they never get their comeuppance. It makes me angry, and it can be hard to put down. But I continue moving forward!
The Lord says we reap what we sow. The Lord won't let evil doers get away with it.
This reminds me a little of my own struggle after my divorce to not continue to replay and relive my anger. At first the anger helped propel me to do what I needed to do to get out of the marriage even though I worried that breaking up the family would hurt my kids. I was worried about all the conflict that would persist as we co-parented our kids and I was so depleted emotionally and psychologically (and financially) from all the conflict. After the divorce was finalized I was mad at myself for still being angry. I had gone through everything horrible about a high conflict divorce including several calls to the police and a need to obtain a restraining order, and my soul was still contaminated with rage.
Now, 16 years later, my adult son has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it's really clear to me he gets it from his dad. In my own case I think the rage came because there was an undiagnosed mental health issue that was chipping away at the marriage until there was nothing salvageable.
With help I did figure out how to shut off the rage though. When the thoughts would come on, I'd recognize they were there and they were doing nothing to promote me. I'd get up and do something that offered a sensory experience I could focus on. For example, a friend at work had given me some really awesome moisturizing hand soap with an amazing smell. So one thing I'd do is get up from whatever I was doing and wash my hands with the soap. The sound and feel of the warm water along with the texture and smell of the soap gave me something I could focus on that was distinct and powerful enough to distract me. I'd remind myself that I'm not the same thing as the bad things that happened to me and that my thoughts were not the boss of me. I needed to become the best version of myself. My kids needed that from me too, in fact, the whole universe probably needed that from me. Another thing I'd do is sit in a chair position against a wall and focus on the burning sensation in my legs. Eventually I got tired of burning legs and getting up to wash my hands all the time and figured out how to quiet my thoughts without taking those measures.
Super tough
Much respect to you!!
the problem is it is hard to forget the past when you have to pay back all the bills - especially his bills and no one helps to make him pay.
Sometimes people just need to feel heard and have their feelings validated. Dr John does a great job of this.
I have been happily married for 22 years, we sleep separated for about 10 years nothing changed in our marriage but we always make sure we have night dates, anyway you have to be awake to date 😂
I’m going to share your channel with all my network. I love everything you say. Thank you ❤
I did not even spend $80k on my house and bachelor's degree combined!
You must live in the middle of nowhere.
@Eric_Bassett I live in the second biggest city in my state Which is a top 5 population state
Okay but reality check, thats not most peoples situation. You got lucky and had some priviage to get here.
80,000 ridiculous amount, your comparison worthless because the going rate for a house is not 80k but over it and you know it. Come on man, not the vibe.
@meg894 this video is about $80k on freaking p*** which is the definition of frivolous. I was smart enough to get a 90% ride to college and graduate with $11k in debt, both a fixer upper for $60k all within the last 6 years. These things are possible, most people don't look for opportunities or pursue them.
I needed this so so badly 20 years have ripped by since my divorce and I can’t let a lot of stuff go, and then there were some failed relationships in there with narcissistic and angry men… thank you so much
Our society has become so desensitized and normalizes the very things that are destructive to the mind, body and soul. Not to mention relationships and marriages. Porn has become something that we should think is “no big deal.” That’s a lie. Porn is like a chemical addiction. Like an alcoholic, it may start with beer or wine, but when their effects start to dull, harder liquor is the replacement.
I've been carrying this for 14 years with a narc ex. Boundaries, more boundaries, increased boundaries. I keep writing letters it's so hard.
My parents slept in separate rooms because they had incompatible sleep. Dad snored, mom like the room freezing cold. They were both light sleepers. They made a way around it for intimacy when I was asleep. But dad had a business and mom did all the work at home except repairs, so they needed bedtime to be for sleep.
Dr.John
I just found your Channel 3 days ago, and I love it❤
Thank you, for being here for everyone ❤
God bless 🙏
It makes my heart so happy to see so many new people joining. As someone who is apart of the OG 17 and has been with Dr. John since day ONE he truly deserves all the success in the world. He’s the best! Such an amazing human being. He’s kind, loving, empathetic, and direct. So as Delony would say welcome to the crazy gang! ❤😊
You have a lot of catching up to do 😂time to binge watch
Happy Monday Morning Everyone ☀️😊
Oh man i could never sleep in the same room with a partner who snores LMAO
Every man ever: "My love language is physical touch...." 🙄
Ya and?.... That and acts of service. Welcome to reality you bitter old lady.
Yes! 👏🏻
It’s awful
But that’s mine I love being touched in an affectionate way 😅
@@sofiabravo1994absolutely. Women don't realize how bad touch starvation is because women naturally get touched more. I think everyone would start going a little batty if they went through a time where they were not being kindly touched in any way by anyone ever.
Woah!!! 80 K?
And I really love this PODCAST. It's not that far from predator catches, but it's a little different! Gotta catch up on them!
80k on porn? I just don’t get it. 80k on cocaine or something I can actually understand.
I personally dont have anything against Pron. i would like a partner to try new things with.
But if they spend money on it, or cheat, that is a definite problem and things definitely need re-evaluated, or ended.
I think its important for people to find someone they are on s*xual wave length with, which can be incredibly hard, you can get along in almost every regard, but s*x or finances seems to be the dealbreaker for most relationships.
I think it would be nice if we could actually cut through the superficial stuff, and people would be more honest.
I could tell you exactly the kind of person I am within a day, so I dont understand dating for months/years really.
I’m a bit more agnostic, I’m frugal and like to save/invest, plan to retire early, I’d like 1-2 kids, I’m Pro choice, I’m Pro 2A, I’m pretty kinky as an individual. XD
I like Anime/Cartoons/games.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwistthis sounds like a poor character description on a dating app. good luck 👍
@@elettramia6380
Mind explaining what is untruthful about what I said though? I dont think my way of thinking is exactly wrong? You dont think its important to find someone you are compatible with?
Thank you so, so much for the advice on the discussion about emotional cheating. I went through a similar situation a while back. Your conversion showed me how to change my thinking process from focusing on the cheating aspect and appreciate that what he did “peaking over the ledge” brought him back to reality. Ever since he did what he did, his actions have shown his intentions. He’s sincerely apologized and we have worked on building my trust back. He’s being patient and understanding. He’s never looked back and has put me/ us as his number one priority. Unfortunately , from time to time, I still struggle to put it completely behind me with the fears creeping up in my mind of what if he does it again? Thinking that this situation boosted us into a closer connection and the start of something better is how I need to view it. He’s a great man and our relationship is worth fighting for. Thanks again for the different perspective of viewing that mistake has led us to where we are now. Next time the worry creeps in, I can tell myself we are in a great place in our relationship and totally devoted to each other and the life we are building together.
i found the advise about the first story about letting go of resentment very helpful.
In my opinion there is nothing sadder than someone who has everything... then gives it all up for pointless selfish wants.
He made a great point in asking her how she missed this giant red flag. How in the world???
Liars are great at lying until they arent
i CaN fIx HiM
@@blueseptember2174People are good at lying to themselves. There are always red flags getting ignored.
@elisaprado4501 Sex addicts tend to be incredibly narcissistic, and until you have experienced the mindfunk that is a relationship with one, you can't understand. But, those of us who have been there, know how completely possible it is. The manipulation is next level.
Addicts are very beguiling and are experts at hiding the ugliness
Amazing tips for releasing. I will be using them myself. Thank you! Good luck to the caller!
COULDA GOT THE REAL THING FOR THAT PRICE MY MAN
I’m dying to see a full picture because there no way he did all of that and got primary custody and the house and she had to pay off that debt. There’s got to be another element to the story
I love how Dr. John always says “you’re vacuuming the house, wherever you are” … like who can vacuum the house and hear a podcast at the same time? I laugh every time; he says it a lot. I have to pause my earbuds when I vacuum, no way I could hear haha. I’m usually doing the dishes or folding laundry when I listen, so I relate to the housework reference but the vacuuming makes me laugh.
Headphones 😄
Noise cancelling head phones.
I one hundred percent listen while vacuuming. Headphones!
@@BagznBirdzbingo!
Another vacuumer here 😅.
I think the first 18 mins hit closer to home.. thank you for putting this on air today.
Caller should get supervised visits for the kids when they are around the Father considering everything.
Wrong. They are his kids too.
I want to say that Dr. John is right when he discusses with Rebecca about 'holding on' to her anger and the situation. She is trying to retain a sense of control and have some effect on the outcome.
My husband and I are 6 months past D-day when I discovered his *30+ YEAR addiction to PMO*. At the time we had been married 38 years. My world was completely blown apart.
Recently I've come to realize that I've been terrified to stop focusing on our situation, stop watching every move he makes; if I take my eye off of ANYTHING, he will hurt me again, betray me again with more lies and secrecy. It is completely exhausting and not solving a damn thing.
We are in therapy. We are trying to heal. If we had been married only a few years, who knows? I would probably left. I've known and loved him for 42 years, we had children together. It's not too late for Rebecca. It's too late for me.
I'm not trying to be a jerk but what does PMO stand for?
@@Silvermoonscorpion PMO is the acronym for Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm. IE, a secret solitary sex life.
Writing letters or texts that you never send is really beneficial. For me it takes the weight off my shoulders. I can say all the crappy things I want and play the argument in my head and "win". Then I just don't send it. It fulfills my stupid ego. Somehow it works every time.
Same for me with comments on facebook. Long time ago, i had to comment on everything. Now, i only comment and leave the page without posting. It does so good and it helps with the social media addiction..
Porn should be illegal. It is in Dubai. MAKE PORN ILLEGAL!!!
Good Morning Everyone ☀️
Good morning 😊
Stay safe
Checking in, have a good day
@@jee911 Wishing you a good day too ✨
@@anaa03899 Hope you do as well ✨
Way to not have any compassion for the first caller. Trying to blame her? That first lady needs a better lawyer. She needs to sue him for pain and suffering and damages. Also, get custody of your child. Get your child away from that man.
Andrew Tate took his money 😅💸
My ex also ghosted me over problems related to his porn/sex addiction, after 7 years together. $200k wasted on other impulse spending that was supposed to be for a down payment on a house. The anger I have is debilitating. I've also lost my ability to trust and I'm now too suspicious of men to date any. Luckily no kids involved. Best of luck to this caller.
I love my husband but I sleep better separately. He doesn’t like this and wants me to move back into our room. How do I convey that I still love him but I love having my own room and space too. HELP 😢
Just keep reiterating that it has nothing to do with how you feel about him, you just need to sleep as sleep is necessary for life. Make sure you spend plenty of time cuddling and don't stop being intimate with him. He'll be ok with it eventually.
Just found the show and I’m obsessed with it
80k on OF + 80k for a divorce attorney = 50% of all his stuff not getting taken away. 160k to have your cake and eat it too.
This woman got screwed and it sucks but she needs to be grateful that she's rid of this creep and start enjoying her life again.
I know a couple who put two twin beds side-by-side in their room because the husband moved around in his sleep and the wife was a light sleeper. It helped them be in the same room but have their own space to sleep.
The blessing is Rebecca only had one child by that man. She still high-value enough and blessed enough that the right man will come and love her and her child the right way. Thank God she didn't have three or four of his kids and now is divorce. She was able to buy her own home herself and provide for herself. Having one child is way easier to manage when you're by yourself. Trust me I've been there and done that. My baby boy is 17 years old and I'm remarried.
Porn is so TOXIC and men justify anything . This is absolutely disgusting , and I feel so bad for her and her son!! They don’t care who they damage ! This poor son will become just like his disordered and toxic perverted dad! This is why women say stop watching porn! Stop jeopardizing and self sabotage your family!!
John make your new book about Driving your Desire: passion roadmap, destination fun
(anxiety is a backseat driver)
The consequences of sexual sin are like no other. Be careful out there. Pawn addiction affects every one and everything. Its spiritual, and i truly believe that the only way to be free is with Jesus. No matter how much therapy you have or rehab, that will not truly set you free.💔🙏
I agree. My 2 marriages and other relationships all failed because my partner was a sex addict. They weren't willing to seek God for help and deliverance. Jesus saves.
Jesus isn’t real but nice try
The last caller does not sound like someone who is ready to get married. If you have doubts they will only be magnified once you marry. A 30 day break is good advice.
It's a waste of time to be angry. He could care less of you're mad or sad or hateful. Tell yourself the crap isn't happening to you anymore and I'm living a good life!!!
I am living this right now, my ex got caught with an underage girl. I didn't see it coming at all, my life and my childrens lives were blown up, the future that I thought we would have is gone. It feels like I have been punished more for his actions than he has. It is the most terrible feeling ever. I dont think I will ever trust another man or be in another relationship.
Ah, man. I'm so sorry 😢. God almighty keep you and bless you with a true and loving man. It's so easy to say but so hard to endure. Don't rob yourself off more happiness just because he did.
Part of the original 17 🎉
Pinky: OG17 = mad respect yo'!
This first caller’s situations recommendations from John is perfect to apply to my situation, coz I have unresolved anger and bitterness issues about my situation, the guy that hurt me and is continuing to hurt me, I spent months in counselling and never did my councillor advise me to do that. She was just trying to get me to forget about it and focus on something else, and the other day I had my last session and she just practically invalidated my whole experience about what happened. I’m so glad I found Dr John Delony show videos 🙏🙏🙏
I slept separately from my butthurt ex due to being unable to sleep next to his snoring.
And he used porn excessively. It destroyed our sex life.
He also did the bare minimum in our relationship emotionally and in the home.
I also suspect infidelity on some level but I have no proof.
Oh and it was all my fault. 🤷♀️
I don't miss this person AT ALL. I am physically and mentally healthier than I have ever been.